0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:10,000 1 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,195 Fuck Wolverine. 2 00:01:54,008 --> 00:01:56,962 First, he rides my coattails with the R-rating. 3 00:01:56,987 --> 00:02:01,164 Then, the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 4 00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:03,120 What a dick! 5 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,361 Well guess what, Wolvie? 6 00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:08,174 I'm dying in this one, too. 7 00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:15,768 To understand why I took a catnap on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 8 00:02:15,784 --> 00:02:19,541 I need to take you back to the doody slopes of six weeks ago. 9 00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:22,838 I've gone international. Taking on mass murderers, gangsters, 10 00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:24,721 unspeakable monsters. 11 00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:27,846 People nobody would touch. Except me. 12 00:02:27,854 --> 00:02:30,346 I'm gonna touch them all over. 13 00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:35,163 Hey. It's Gail calling. 14 00:02:35,171 --> 00:02:38,960 Love the shiny suit. Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes. 15 00:02:41,231 --> 00:02:44,575 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 16 00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:47,684 Well I'm not even gonna attempt that. 17 00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:50,332 But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so... 18 00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:52,340 Donde esta la biblioteca? 19 00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:54,621 Which literally translates to... 20 00:02:55,529 --> 00:02:58,396 "I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker." 21 00:03:22,681 --> 00:03:24,837 Uno, dos, tres, quatr... 22 00:03:36,902 --> 00:03:39,316 I'll take a glitter off your glitter fucking vodka. 23 00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:41,816 I know it's called sea breeze. Don't make me say it. 24 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,050 Hit it, Dolly. 25 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:04,262 Taking the hands off the guns of the criminals. 26 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,037 Do not go in there! 27 00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:26,305 Oh, God! Oh, God! Time out! Time out! 28 00:04:26,337 --> 00:04:29,876 Cut! Just like Cyclops, can't open my eyes. 29 00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,365 Fuck! 30 00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:37,326 Scoutmaster Kevin? 31 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:45,224 Too exotic? 32 00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:50,685 My world tour brought me home to this guy. 33 00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,060 Sergei 34 00:04:52,077 --> 00:04:53,811 We'll get to him in a moment. 35 00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:55,404 Because I know what you're thinking. 36 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,990 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 37 00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,561 But that's where you'd be wrong. 38 00:04:59,577 --> 00:05:02,506 That babysitter of yours, is high as fuck right now. 39 00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,080 And believe it or not... 40 00:05:04,092 --> 00:05:07,138 Deadpool 2, is a family film. 41 00:05:07,155 --> 00:05:08,060 True story. 42 00:05:08,069 --> 00:05:11,748 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 43 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,787 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII. 44 00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:18,404 Holy shit-pickles. That guy's on fire! 45 00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:21,905 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. Yeah. 46 00:05:22,179 --> 00:05:24,678 You know, you need to take out bad guys, right? 47 00:05:24,703 --> 00:05:28,039 But this guy... He was one of the worst of 'em. 48 00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:34,102 Open up with this fucking door, and let's kill this motherfu... 49 00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:42,450 Ugh... So gross. 50 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:45,075 A panic room? Really? 51 00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:47,535 Can you come out? 52 00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:51,264 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 53 00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,669 Open up what you feel inside. Just not having enough confidence. 54 00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:02,950 Listen, confidence is not something you have. It's something you create. 55 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,159 And you can create it any moment in time. 56 00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:08,550 A sense of confidence is nothing but a sense of power within yourself. 57 00:06:08,575 --> 00:06:11,136 A sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 58 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,536 And you can create that feeling within you, in a moment. 59 00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:15,942 Start the fucking car! 60 00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:23,965 - Woo! - I shit my pants. 61 00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:26,503 Actually, that may have been me. 62 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:27,698 Mission accomplished? 63 00:06:27,723 --> 00:06:29,706 Well, George W-sort of way. 64 00:06:29,707 --> 00:06:31,904 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 65 00:06:31,929 --> 00:06:35,210 - You are living the dreams, DP. - It has been quite the run, Dopinder. 66 00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:36,562 And who'd have thought? 67 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,063 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 68 00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:42,149 Passion of the Christ, then, me. At least, domestically. 69 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:45,189 We beat them overseas, where there's no such thing as religion. 70 00:06:45,213 --> 00:06:47,658 I do want to live the dreams, Poolboy. 71 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,166 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 72 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:53,142 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? What's your poison? 73 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,195 Little cookie cokey? 74 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,226 Can't maintain an erection without buying shoes online? 75 00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:00,640 Never experienced that last one. 76 00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,320 - Talk to me, - I was going to say, soul. 77 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:07,355 I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 78 00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,855 Dopinder? 79 00:07:09,478 --> 00:07:11,595 You never cease to surprise me. 80 00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:15,656 The depth of your heart is extraordinary. 81 00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:19,946 We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home. 82 00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:21,860 - a place... - I want to become a contract killer. 83 00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:23,627 I'm sorry. What did you say? 84 00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:27,275 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu, and tried to end him... 85 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,620 You kinda killed him. 86 00:07:28,636 --> 00:07:31,378 - Remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? - I don't want to. 87 00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:35,986 When Tom Cruise fed ten-year old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. 88 00:07:36,011 --> 00:07:39,511 Then she looked up at his smooth, handsome face, 89 00:07:39,519 --> 00:07:42,761 and said, "I want some more". 90 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:46,902 Oh, Pool, picture me! A ten-year old Kirsten Dunst. 91 00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:49,863 I'll never not picture that. 92 00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:53,949 But I can't wait to never speak of this. As soon as possible. 93 00:07:54,238 --> 00:07:55,457 We're here. 94 00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:01,581 - You're my Tom Cruise. - And you're my Kristen Dunst! 95 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,245 Kristen? Kirsten? 96 00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,646 Sorry I'm late. 97 00:08:09,748 --> 00:08:11,281 There was a bunch of... 98 00:08:11,302 --> 00:08:14,903 Handicappable children stuck in a tree. I had to... 99 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:15,853 You're right. 100 00:08:15,878 --> 00:08:17,877 I was fighting a caped badass. 101 00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:21,156 - Then I discovered his mom was named Martha, too. - No. 102 00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:22,836 Traffic? 103 00:08:23,828 --> 00:08:24,828 Hmm? 104 00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:28,609 - Kiss me like you miss me, Red. - Well, come here. 105 00:08:39,983 --> 00:08:42,193 I wanna shower and get out of this suit. 106 00:08:42,495 --> 00:08:45,526 - Don't you want your surprise? - Do I look like a patient burn victim? 107 00:08:48,651 --> 00:08:51,588 Happy anniversary, baby. 108 00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:55,299 The ski-ball token. 109 00:08:55,649 --> 00:08:57,471 - Our first date. - Yup. 110 00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:01,353 That's genuine high-grade lead. 111 00:09:04,158 --> 00:09:05,970 I'll keep it forever. 112 00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:08,745 Thank you, baby. 113 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,808 Open yours. 114 00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:14,839 Well that's... 115 00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,903 That's just the most beautiful thing I ever... 116 00:09:16,928 --> 00:09:18,411 I don't know what this is. 117 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,856 My IUD. 118 00:09:20,139 --> 00:09:21,207 A bomb? 119 00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:24,132 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 120 00:09:24,443 --> 00:09:25,514 You mean your.... 121 00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:28,794 - Baby factory is open for business. - Oh, my God! 122 00:09:29,498 --> 00:09:31,974 Oh, my God! I want a boy. 123 00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:34,825 Or a little girl. Just reallly one or the other. 124 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,255 I want our kids to have only one name. 125 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,917 Like Cher. 126 00:09:39,942 --> 00:09:41,075 Or Todd. 127 00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:44,857 - You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. - Yes, I do. 128 00:09:44,882 --> 00:09:48,099 - Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. - Let's do that. 129 00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,834 Does this song sound familiar to you? 130 00:10:01,514 --> 00:10:02,670 May. 131 00:10:03,998 --> 00:10:06,255 Connor? If it's a boy. 132 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,623 May if it's a girl. 133 00:10:10,538 --> 00:10:12,436 So weird. 134 00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:15,031 Family's a lot like an "F"-word to me. 135 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:20,076 Pile of shit father took off and bailed, and... 136 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:25,209 It's not like I have a lot of strong role models to draw off of for Todd. 137 00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:27,561 Hey. 138 00:10:28,030 --> 00:10:29,287 Look at me. 139 00:10:30,389 --> 00:10:32,420 You are not your father. 140 00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:35,317 Besides... 141 00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,888 I will never, ever... 142 00:10:38,124 --> 00:10:40,694 let our child be named "Todd". 143 00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:43,851 But here's the thing. Isn't that how it always works? 144 00:10:44,191 --> 00:10:45,659 Like in Star Wars... 145 00:10:45,707 --> 00:10:48,105 Men are destined to become their father? 146 00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:51,596 And then have consensual sex with their sister? 147 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,455 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 148 00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:59,048 - No, I'm pretty sure he nailed her. - Baby, that's Empire. 149 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,322 The point is, kids... 150 00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:06,596 They give us a chance to be better than we are. 151 00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:08,919 Better than we used to be. 152 00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:12,766 You're a lot smarter than you look. 153 00:11:13,274 --> 00:11:15,016 I'm gonna go make dessert. 154 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,500 You get the strap-on. Let's make a superbaby. 155 00:11:19,507 --> 00:11:22,327 I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way but we can try. 156 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:26,351 What about Krystal, with a K? 157 00:11:26,412 --> 00:11:28,139 That's too stripper-y. 158 00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:30,138 Kevin with a K? 159 00:11:30,163 --> 00:11:32,344 No. Too stripper-y too. 160 00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,183 Earl? 161 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,809 He's gonna go straight to jail if we name him Earl. 162 00:11:39,669 --> 00:11:41,965 What about Bruce? 163 00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:46,012 - Get down. - What? 164 00:12:14,595 --> 00:12:17,009 Baby? Baby? 165 00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:21,822 I'm okay. 166 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,759 Thank God, I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 167 00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:21,310 Papa, can you hear me? 168 00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:25,926 Is it just me or does "Do you want to Build A Snowman" from Frozen 169 00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:29,262 sounds suspiciously like "Papa, Can You Hear Me" from Yentl? 170 00:16:30,309 --> 00:16:32,309 Papa, can you hear me? 171 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,832 That nobody fucking realizes it. 172 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:40,000 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 173 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,958 You smell like somebody shit in a civil war wound after it had become gangrenous 174 00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:47,638 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it. It doesn't make any sense. 175 00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:49,428 I love Frozen. 176 00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:52,905 I loved her. I loved her like ocean loved water. 177 00:16:53,037 --> 00:16:55,450 - An ocean is water. - More importantly... 178 00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:56,982 I liked her. 179 00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,154 I really liked her, you know? 180 00:16:59,389 --> 00:17:04,404 George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck. He's dead too. 181 00:17:05,047 --> 00:17:08,211 - At least we still have Bowie. - Yeah. 182 00:17:08,516 --> 00:17:11,531 We still... have Bowie. 183 00:17:11,749 --> 00:17:13,084 I'm sorry. 184 00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:16,537 Shot after shot, it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 185 00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:20,630 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? You're making the face that you make when you're urinating. 186 00:17:20,802 --> 00:17:22,794 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it. 187 00:17:22,819 --> 00:17:24,308 There you go, Dopinder. 188 00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:28,505 You wanna be a contract killer, you're gonna handle a mop before you handle a gun. 189 00:17:28,521 --> 00:17:31,185 Although I don't quite understand how they are all similar. 190 00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:33,864 Well, they both have handles. Now leave me. 191 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,929 Go home, Wade. 192 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,695 I don't have a home. 193 00:17:39,578 --> 00:17:42,203 Whoa. Okay, I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine. 194 00:17:42,281 --> 00:17:44,445 You know what fine stands for, Wade? 195 00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:47,843 Fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional. 196 00:17:48,047 --> 00:17:50,523 According to the... 197 00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,304 Kubler-Ross. 198 00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:57,186 According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 199 00:17:57,211 --> 00:17:59,443 Jesus Christ, Buck. 200 00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,982 No more speaking lines for you. 201 00:18:37,403 --> 00:18:41,684 - I'm thinking it over. - Motherfucker! Fuck. 202 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:47,895 What the hell are you doing here? Don't you know how to knock? 203 00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:51,176 I thought you saw me. With your ears. 204 00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:55,175 - You're lucky I didn't shoot you in... - The wall? The refrigerator? 205 00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:57,784 I'm in so much pain. 206 00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:01,464 I heard the news, sweetie. 207 00:19:01,489 --> 00:19:03,574 I'm very sorry. I am. 208 00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:05,520 What am I gonna do, Al? 209 00:19:05,552 --> 00:19:08,129 Probably something terrible. 210 00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:12,036 - Knowing you. - It was my fault. 211 00:19:12,707 --> 00:19:14,832 I fucking did this. 212 00:19:15,457 --> 00:19:19,676 And all I wanna do is grab her, see her. Tell her that I'm sorry and I can't. 213 00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,239 She's gone. 214 00:19:23,321 --> 00:19:26,746 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 215 00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:29,886 It's a little hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth. 216 00:19:29,894 --> 00:19:31,097 Now look, sugar. 217 00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:33,972 - You need to just keep living. - Thank you... 218 00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:37,323 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 219 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,969 Listen to the pain. 220 00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:42,165 It's both history teacher and fortune-teller. 221 00:19:42,204 --> 00:19:45,493 Pain teaches us who we'd all be. 222 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:49,411 Sometimes it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 223 00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:53,591 But we can't really live 'till we die a little, can we? 224 00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,122 Wade? 225 00:19:58,552 --> 00:20:00,871 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 226 00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:05,387 Maybe that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 227 00:20:05,513 --> 00:20:07,965 You're absolutely right. 228 00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:13,583 I'm about to do something terrible. 229 00:20:17,302 --> 00:20:19,520 There. All caught up. 230 00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:22,505 You can't really live until you've died a little. 231 00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:24,911 Let's test that, shall we? 232 00:20:56,727 --> 00:20:59,072 I love you, Wade Wilson. 233 00:21:00,915 --> 00:21:02,352 Ness? 234 00:21:03,578 --> 00:21:04,860 Ness? 235 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,179 Ness? 236 00:21:07,358 --> 00:21:10,787 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 237 00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:14,340 Your heart's not in the right place. 238 00:21:14,496 --> 00:21:16,777 Wait. Hold on, what? 239 00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:18,869 Your heart's not in the right place. 240 00:21:18,894 --> 00:21:22,487 Wait, what's that, what do you mean my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 241 00:21:41,659 --> 00:21:45,799 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. You're broken. 242 00:21:45,901 --> 00:21:49,330 Oh, God. I know that voice. 243 00:21:52,947 --> 00:21:56,095 Heart's in the right place. Heart's not, what does that mean? 244 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,886 You've been sleep for three days. 245 00:21:57,911 --> 00:22:01,205 - - No shit. 246 00:22:01,245 --> 00:22:05,073 - Why can't I fucking die? - Take your mask off, Wade. 247 00:22:05,143 --> 00:22:08,393 We must talk. You need fresh start. 248 00:22:08,822 --> 00:22:11,447 With training, you can be X-Man. 249 00:22:11,472 --> 00:22:13,541 You're wasting your time, shiny Jesus. 250 00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:16,947 - I'm not X-Man material. - Understatement of the year. 251 00:22:17,025 --> 00:22:19,775 Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade. 252 00:22:19,830 --> 00:22:22,556 What, in the fuck-knuckles is this? 253 00:22:22,572 --> 00:22:24,361 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 254 00:22:24,369 --> 00:22:27,095 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox and Friends. 255 00:22:27,111 --> 00:22:31,532 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 256 00:22:31,681 --> 00:22:35,572 - I like this guy. - Give him a chance. 257 00:22:35,648 --> 00:22:39,313 - It's great seeing you like this. - Yeah... 258 00:22:39,352 --> 00:22:40,352 Bye, Wade! 259 00:22:40,438 --> 00:22:43,234 Now some ground rules while under our roof. 260 00:22:43,297 --> 00:22:47,953 Rule number one: No killing. Anyone. Ever. 261 00:22:47,978 --> 00:22:49,648 No matter how bad. 262 00:22:49,696 --> 00:22:53,852 Rule two: Label everything in refriger... Wade? 263 00:22:54,094 --> 00:22:55,398 Wade? 264 00:22:56,219 --> 00:23:00,672 Don't try to chase me. Not ready to be touched yet. 265 00:23:00,882 --> 00:23:03,321 All these elderly white men on the walls. 266 00:23:03,346 --> 00:23:05,610 Should've brought my rape whistle. 267 00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:08,907 Those were already damaged after they fell there. 268 00:23:09,031 --> 00:23:13,149 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway. Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 269 00:23:13,173 --> 00:23:16,171 And how would I do that, exactly, because... 270 00:23:16,219 --> 00:23:18,680 Where the fuck is everyone? 271 00:23:18,705 --> 00:23:20,953 It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage 272 00:23:20,962 --> 00:23:23,266 - Longest Name ever. - Enough! 273 00:23:23,274 --> 00:23:24,914 I said no touching. 274 00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:28,859 What the... fuck. 275 00:23:29,172 --> 00:23:31,656 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 276 00:23:31,681 --> 00:23:34,196 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 277 00:23:34,221 --> 00:23:37,455 How about that pots with the giant pigeon wings? What do those do in there? 278 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,040 Carry them three feet off the ground to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 279 00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:43,310 No, no, no, no, no. No. 280 00:23:43,326 --> 00:23:46,115 I am not X-man material, at all. 281 00:23:46,170 --> 00:23:47,685 First off... 282 00:23:48,748 --> 00:23:51,701 I'm not even a virgin. Sceond, and more... 283 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:56,122 I should've kept you in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 284 00:23:56,147 --> 00:23:59,005 But this is what friends do. They show up. 285 00:23:59,045 --> 00:24:00,873 Not when convenient or easy. 286 00:24:00,889 --> 00:24:02,021 When hard. 287 00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:05,170 And you always make it hard. 288 00:24:05,388 --> 00:24:07,862 You are unwell. 289 00:24:07,887 --> 00:24:10,841 I'm sticking my neck out for you. 290 00:24:10,848 --> 00:24:13,980 One of the assholes who killed Vanessa got away. 291 00:24:16,519 --> 00:24:19,300 - Jesus Christ. - Wade. 292 00:24:19,362 --> 00:24:23,791 Whoever they are, we track them down and bring them to justice. 293 00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:25,473 It was me. 294 00:24:28,415 --> 00:24:30,790 I'm the asshole who got away. 295 00:24:31,156 --> 00:24:33,898 I killed every last one of them. Except me. 296 00:24:34,070 --> 00:24:36,132 Couldn't kill me. 297 00:24:39,124 --> 00:24:41,288 We were gonna start a family. 298 00:24:42,968 --> 00:24:44,593 We were, uhh... 299 00:24:46,108 --> 00:24:48,139 We were gonna be a family. 300 00:24:48,619 --> 00:24:51,366 Wade, Vanessa is gone. 301 00:24:51,484 --> 00:24:53,530 She is not coming back. 302 00:24:53,935 --> 00:24:56,491 This may not be family you want. 303 00:24:56,505 --> 00:24:58,911 But, it's family you need. 304 00:24:58,994 --> 00:25:03,048 You have a good heart. It belongs here, where it can grow. 305 00:25:03,447 --> 00:25:05,103 What did you say? 306 00:25:06,727 --> 00:25:08,680 About my heart? 307 00:25:13,571 --> 00:25:16,055 I think I'm in the right place. 308 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:30,862 Wade. 309 00:26:31,809 --> 00:26:32,957 Wade! 310 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:37,504 Hey. I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here. Looking deep into the future. 311 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,101 - This thing... - That's not how Cerebro works. 312 00:26:41,126 --> 00:26:42,172 Yes. Yes. 313 00:26:42,603 --> 00:26:45,524 - We have mission. - We have mission. We do. 314 00:26:45,665 --> 00:26:47,728 You do. You guys stay safe out there. 315 00:26:47,759 --> 00:26:51,430 - No. I want you to join. - No. You want me to join. 316 00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:54,610 I'm sorry. What? 317 00:26:54,637 --> 00:26:56,893 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 318 00:26:56,918 --> 00:26:58,938 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 319 00:26:58,963 --> 00:27:02,165 It's on my head and smells like Patrick Stewart. 320 00:27:02,195 --> 00:27:04,298 Be at the X-jet in five. 321 00:27:06,957 --> 00:27:09,582 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 322 00:27:09,605 --> 00:27:14,333 Live here on a breaking news situation at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 323 00:27:14,372 --> 00:27:19,409 A mutant boy is appearing to have some sort of an incident with police here behind me. 324 00:27:19,434 --> 00:27:22,491 There are two police vehicles that are overturned... 325 00:27:23,092 --> 00:27:25,387 A scene of absolute chaos... 326 00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:29,053 I'll burn you! Just stay back. 327 00:27:29,092 --> 00:27:33,123 Get away from me! You wanna fucking die? 328 00:27:48,190 --> 00:27:54,432 It appears as if the X-Men are arriving with, what appears to be a trainee. 329 00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:57,754 Everyone calm down. The pros are here. 330 00:27:58,223 --> 00:27:59,574 We're the X-Men. 331 00:27:59,583 --> 00:28:02,277 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 332 00:28:02,303 --> 00:28:04,395 So, respect. 333 00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:06,150 At ease, officer. 334 00:28:07,283 --> 00:28:09,150 What are you doing? 335 00:28:09,291 --> 00:28:10,658 My job. 336 00:28:10,683 --> 00:28:13,611 You're the one who said I was ready and I frankly disagreed with you. 337 00:28:13,636 --> 00:28:17,651 But here we are. Trying to overcome our differences. Like Beyonce says: 338 00:28:17,676 --> 00:28:20,853 "Please. Please stop cheating on me." 339 00:28:20,877 --> 00:28:21,877 Hey! 340 00:28:21,962 --> 00:28:23,431 This is the fifth incident. 341 00:28:23,455 --> 00:28:25,673 This kid needs to be in the Icebox. Not here. 342 00:28:25,690 --> 00:28:28,631 Russell belongs in our care. Not in prison. 343 00:28:28,656 --> 00:28:31,093 I assure you, we have everything under control. 344 00:28:31,109 --> 00:28:34,898 Not getting a real "under control" vibe here, Marty. 345 00:28:34,906 --> 00:28:36,625 - It is Glenn, isn't it? - Daniel. 346 00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:39,406 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 347 00:28:39,429 --> 00:28:42,233 You stay here wth your weird... 348 00:28:42,258 --> 00:28:44,022 Secret sex lips. 349 00:28:45,893 --> 00:28:49,016 - You wanna die? - He's so adorable. Dunno why I packed a hollow point. 350 00:28:49,041 --> 00:28:53,353 - I'll burn your balls off. - First day. I'm so nervous. 351 00:28:53,762 --> 00:28:55,497 Did you just say hollow points? 352 00:28:55,522 --> 00:28:59,107 Yeah. Probably should've brought a super soaker. 353 00:28:59,458 --> 00:29:00,942 Hi, there. 354 00:29:01,943 --> 00:29:05,107 Stay back, or Justin Bieber dies. 355 00:29:05,349 --> 00:29:08,310 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 356 00:29:09,372 --> 00:29:12,379 Wait, wait. Okay, let's not do... 357 00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:14,318 Whatever that is. Okay? 358 00:29:14,343 --> 00:29:17,171 Let's just talk. It's Russell. Right? 359 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,421 - Firefist. - Firefist! 360 00:29:19,452 --> 00:29:21,094 That's a great name. 361 00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:23,954 Where does it burn? Just the fist or all the way up to the elbow? 362 00:29:28,803 --> 00:29:30,521 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 363 00:29:30,538 --> 00:29:33,623 Come quietly. Or there will be trouble. 364 00:29:33,756 --> 00:29:35,850 - You stole that from Robocop. - Robocop! 365 00:29:36,013 --> 00:29:39,325 Just stand down. You're embarassing me. Look! 366 00:29:39,395 --> 00:29:42,020 Firefi... Fire...! 367 00:29:42,724 --> 00:29:45,739 I can't say it. I'm so sorry! 368 00:29:49,997 --> 00:29:52,778 That fucking does it! 369 00:29:52,794 --> 00:29:55,966 Put your hands behind your knees and get down in your head, now! 370 00:29:55,991 --> 00:29:56,803 Wade! 371 00:29:56,828 --> 00:29:58,123 What was first rule? 372 00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,818 Label everything in the refrigerator! 373 00:29:59,843 --> 00:30:02,913 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 374 00:30:02,938 --> 00:30:06,311 That's the exact opposite of what they are meant for! 375 00:30:06,482 --> 00:30:08,201 Fuck! Fine. 376 00:30:08,553 --> 00:30:10,201 I'll start from the beginning. 377 00:30:10,217 --> 00:30:13,772 - My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. - Trainee! 378 00:30:14,404 --> 00:30:16,193 I get it. 379 00:30:16,592 --> 00:30:18,646 All right? You're scared. 380 00:30:18,794 --> 00:30:19,966 Alone. 381 00:30:20,123 --> 00:30:23,841 You got no family? I didn't have a family. You live in this dump? Well guess what? 382 00:30:23,866 --> 00:30:26,334 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 383 00:30:26,397 --> 00:30:27,748 But you know something? 384 00:30:27,773 --> 00:30:29,318 I think that is worse. 385 00:30:29,343 --> 00:30:32,084 It's a confusing time in your life right now. Your body... 386 00:30:32,147 --> 00:30:34,655 Is going through some fiery changes. 387 00:30:34,702 --> 00:30:37,256 Too far. I went too far. 388 00:30:43,647 --> 00:30:45,835 That was effervescent. 389 00:30:46,482 --> 00:30:50,052 Stay in school kid. Or don't. I didn't. 390 00:30:50,091 --> 00:30:53,091 - I'm an X-Man. - Trainee. 391 00:30:53,154 --> 00:30:56,598 Fuck it. Superhero landing coming up. 392 00:31:00,364 --> 00:31:03,793 Fuck, fuck, fuck. That's so impractical. 393 00:31:24,038 --> 00:31:27,264 - I could get used to this X-Men shit. - Trainee! 394 00:31:27,311 --> 00:31:28,452 Trainee! 395 00:31:28,483 --> 00:31:31,741 Get a collar and restrain him, now. 396 00:31:31,766 --> 00:31:34,687 It's over. We got ya. 397 00:31:35,516 --> 00:31:36,797 What's that do? 398 00:31:36,829 --> 00:31:38,586 Power dampening collar. 399 00:31:38,602 --> 00:31:41,539 Shuts down all mutant abilities. Can't get it off. 400 00:31:41,555 --> 00:31:43,742 Unless you've got a grenade. 401 00:31:43,767 --> 00:31:46,032 Could've used one of those in the first act. 402 00:31:46,095 --> 00:31:47,501 Thank you. 403 00:31:48,939 --> 00:31:51,306 That was absolutely thrilling. 404 00:31:51,330 --> 00:31:55,579 True heroism in action. We are in your debt. 405 00:31:55,727 --> 00:31:57,540 We can take it from here. 406 00:31:57,565 --> 00:32:01,127 Take me to the Icebox, please. Anywhere is better than here. 407 00:32:01,152 --> 00:32:03,979 Believe me son, you do not wanna go to the Icebox. 408 00:32:04,018 --> 00:32:05,764 Let's get you inside, young man. 409 00:32:05,789 --> 00:32:09,687 No, wait. Wait, you just, you guys stay there. 410 00:32:19,519 --> 00:32:21,387 Those guys hurt you? 411 00:32:22,536 --> 00:32:23,738 Who? 412 00:32:26,028 --> 00:32:29,160 Baldylocks? Jared Kushner? 413 00:32:36,106 --> 00:32:38,402 Fuck it. Four or five moments. 414 00:32:38,427 --> 00:32:40,879 - I'm sorry? - Four... 415 00:32:40,903 --> 00:32:43,262 Or five moments. 416 00:32:44,027 --> 00:32:47,495 That's all it takes to be a hero. 417 00:32:47,652 --> 00:32:49,987 People think you wake up a hero. 418 00:32:50,058 --> 00:32:52,253 Brush your teeth a hero. 419 00:32:52,277 --> 00:32:55,487 Ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 420 00:32:56,421 --> 00:32:59,069 But no. Being a hero 421 00:32:59,094 --> 00:33:01,647 takes only a few moments. 422 00:33:01,686 --> 00:33:06,232 Few moments doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 423 00:33:09,484 --> 00:33:10,640 No! 424 00:33:14,444 --> 00:33:16,881 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 425 00:33:16,906 --> 00:33:19,312 That kid was abused. You can tell, you can always tell. 426 00:33:19,337 --> 00:33:23,048 We have rules. You are not judge, jury or executioner. 427 00:33:23,064 --> 00:33:26,204 Fuck your rules. I fight for what's right. 428 00:33:26,212 --> 00:33:27,868 And sometimes, you gotta fight dirty. 429 00:33:27,906 --> 00:33:31,484 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 430 00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:03,521 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 431 00:34:05,279 --> 00:34:08,349 Is there like a sorting hat? 432 00:34:13,361 --> 00:34:15,978 Hard left, douchebag. 433 00:34:19,033 --> 00:34:20,955 Please. After you. 434 00:34:21,228 --> 00:34:24,696 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. God bless America. 435 00:34:24,735 --> 00:34:26,375 It's a good to talk a little. 436 00:34:29,625 --> 00:34:32,265 Nighty-night, you annoying prick. 437 00:35:04,507 --> 00:35:08,038 But I'm gonna tell you what the big lie is. 438 00:35:08,117 --> 00:35:09,390 Toilet paper. 439 00:35:09,445 --> 00:35:12,562 Toilet paper is appetizer. 440 00:35:12,632 --> 00:35:14,390 But then... 441 00:35:15,050 --> 00:35:17,409 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 442 00:35:17,464 --> 00:35:20,721 That's your main course. They're soft. They're moist. 443 00:35:20,745 --> 00:35:22,698 They're for babies. 444 00:35:22,777 --> 00:35:27,542 And finally. One more patch of toilet paper made me clear out that excess moisture. 445 00:35:27,561 --> 00:35:30,537 Maybe treat yourself to a glow and go if you can get you a hair dryer. 446 00:35:30,562 --> 00:35:33,318 Just about thirty seconds until you get... 447 00:35:36,216 --> 00:35:37,670 What the fuck. 448 00:35:38,788 --> 00:35:40,154 Year? 449 00:35:40,842 --> 00:35:42,162 What? 450 00:35:42,952 --> 00:35:44,608 What year is it? 451 00:35:44,780 --> 00:35:47,545 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask? 452 00:36:06,054 --> 00:36:09,530 - You're a long way from your superpowers. - Yeah. 453 00:36:09,596 --> 00:36:10,686 Okay. 454 00:36:14,262 --> 00:36:16,418 I wanted to be a superhero. 455 00:36:16,431 --> 00:36:19,001 Always wanted my own supersuit. 456 00:36:19,026 --> 00:36:23,026 - What happened? - When's the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 457 00:36:23,051 --> 00:36:26,963 Never. The industry discriminates. 458 00:36:27,081 --> 00:36:28,862 Fuck superheroes. 459 00:36:28,901 --> 00:36:30,559 Fuck everyone. 460 00:36:30,847 --> 00:36:33,621 The first thing I'm gonna do when I get out of here... 461 00:36:33,645 --> 00:36:39,012 Burn the Headmaster alive, and then take a selfie with the smoldering corpse. 462 00:36:39,199 --> 00:36:41,520 Who says () isn't informative? 463 00:36:41,543 --> 00:36:43,535 Fucker hates mutants. 464 00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:47,902 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 465 00:36:47,949 --> 00:36:50,020 Your abilities... 466 00:36:51,043 --> 00:36:54,089 I know how seductive they are. 467 00:36:55,345 --> 00:36:57,563 Please, no more crying. 468 00:37:03,797 --> 00:37:07,476 Tomorrow, I'll find the biggest guy in here. 469 00:37:08,422 --> 00:37:10,211 I'm gonna make him my b... 470 00:37:12,867 --> 00:37:16,913 - What was that? - That is the biggest guy in here. 471 00:37:17,180 --> 00:37:21,139 Fun fact about the Icebox: though no one's ever seen it, 472 00:37:21,164 --> 00:37:23,453 they keep a monster in the basement. 473 00:37:23,547 --> 00:37:27,576 Right next to a huge steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 474 00:37:27,601 --> 00:37:28,632 Look... 475 00:37:29,516 --> 00:37:31,781 I can't protect you. 476 00:37:31,825 --> 00:37:36,147 With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 477 00:37:36,161 --> 00:37:39,442 Give me a bow and arrow, and I'm basically Hawkeye. 478 00:37:39,535 --> 00:37:44,870 Now if you'll excuse me, I've got tumors to grow. The castle awaits. 479 00:37:44,933 --> 00:37:47,392 I'll start by making us a shank. 480 00:37:47,417 --> 00:37:51,018 - Good listening. - I saw that guard's pen and stashed it in the old, 481 00:37:51,050 --> 00:37:55,221 - prison wallet. If you know what I'm saying? - Prison wallet? 482 00:37:56,347 --> 00:37:59,018 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 483 00:38:00,823 --> 00:38:04,159 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 484 00:38:08,268 --> 00:38:11,160 Here to update you on the story reported earlier... 485 00:38:11,185 --> 00:38:15,617 After a lengthy stand-off outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation, 486 00:38:15,650 --> 00:38:18,673 two mutants were arrested and transported to the Icebox. 487 00:38:18,689 --> 00:38:21,173 Entering repair mode. 488 00:39:04,075 --> 00:39:05,918 Don't. Don't do that. 489 00:39:06,536 --> 00:39:09,356 What? Why are you winking at me? 490 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:16,010 - I've got your back. - Oh, my God. 491 00:39:16,035 --> 00:39:19,400 - I said I'm gonna protect you. - Just leave me alone, kid. 492 00:39:20,527 --> 00:39:22,081 Oh, great. 493 00:39:23,223 --> 00:39:26,042 Well. Look at our new friends. 494 00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:28,892 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 495 00:39:28,917 --> 00:39:33,815 That's some light catalogue, but really, modelling's just a stepping stone for acting. 496 00:39:33,886 --> 00:39:36,260 I was talking to him. 497 00:39:36,576 --> 00:39:39,818 Can't place your moustache. 498 00:39:40,021 --> 00:39:42,709 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 499 00:39:42,756 --> 00:39:45,990 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 500 00:39:46,030 --> 00:39:48,865 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 501 00:39:48,881 --> 00:39:51,427 You don't look like much to me. 502 00:39:51,452 --> 00:39:56,428 First rule of the yard, fuck-face. Find the biggest guy and make him your... 503 00:39:59,823 --> 00:40:04,807 Second biggest guy. The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 504 00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:08,033 It's slippery, too. This table needs a wipedown. 505 00:40:08,058 --> 00:40:10,558 Can we get a wipedown on the table? 506 00:40:11,347 --> 00:40:14,761 - Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. - No I didn't. 507 00:40:14,769 --> 00:40:18,722 - He's my friend. - Zip it. We're not friends. 508 00:40:19,807 --> 00:40:22,362 You're about to get dick-slapped... 509 00:40:33,396 --> 00:40:37,333 I had so much fun. You were like, and I was like... 510 00:40:37,381 --> 00:40:41,170 - Please, let me die in peace. - We make a great team. 511 00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:43,396 We're not a team. 512 00:40:44,412 --> 00:40:48,443 I just saved your back here. We're friends. Partners. 513 00:40:48,506 --> 00:40:51,333 We're not partners. Or friends. 514 00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:56,515 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. It ends with me dying of cancer. 515 00:40:56,536 --> 00:41:00,202 And you winning the Icebox award for Softest Mouth. 516 00:41:02,064 --> 00:41:05,829 There's only one person in this world that I care about, and she's gone. 517 00:41:06,974 --> 00:41:09,481 You wanna survive? 518 00:41:10,369 --> 00:41:15,478 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here. Make friends with them. 519 00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,431 Make friends with someone. 520 00:41:19,783 --> 00:41:22,197 Anyone but me. 521 00:41:22,475 --> 00:41:25,413 Maybe even Black Tim. 522 00:41:25,585 --> 00:41:29,897 Black Evan? I don't know. All I remember is he's African-American. 523 00:42:28,104 --> 00:42:29,752 Searching. 524 00:42:30,479 --> 00:42:33,197 Cell 0-4. Located. 525 00:42:33,852 --> 00:42:36,283 The door won't open. 526 00:43:14,790 --> 00:43:17,227 That was our cell. 527 00:43:18,602 --> 00:43:22,953 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm? 528 00:43:31,511 --> 00:43:33,971 Get away from me, kid. 529 00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:42,758 Listen to me, go! 530 00:43:47,664 --> 00:43:50,031 Hello, Russell. 531 00:45:12,453 --> 00:45:14,671 Hello, superpowers. 532 00:45:31,799 --> 00:45:33,572 Who are you? 533 00:45:33,611 --> 00:45:34,986 I'm Batman. 534 00:45:53,276 --> 00:45:55,948 That's got some zip! 535 00:46:03,109 --> 00:46:06,703 Don't do that. Even I can't kill me. 536 00:46:06,828 --> 00:46:08,070 Talk! 537 00:46:08,344 --> 00:46:12,249 What kind of spineless shitstick tries to kill a 14-year old boy? 538 00:46:12,930 --> 00:46:17,070 You might wanna start talking because I got a long history of firing at times like this. 539 00:46:18,055 --> 00:46:23,156 The name's Cable. I'm from the future. Just walk away. 540 00:46:24,925 --> 00:46:30,112 So you're from the future. All right, three questions, then. One... 541 00:46:30,155 --> 00:46:32,479 Is dubstep still a thing? 542 00:46:32,489 --> 00:46:36,723 Two. What shop ()? And three. 543 00:46:36,747 --> 00:46:40,967 At what point do I need to say, enough with the robotic arms? 544 00:47:22,818 --> 00:47:26,263 - Dubstep's for pussies. - You're so dark! 545 00:47:26,302 --> 00:47:29,028 Are you sure you're not from the DC Universe? 546 00:47:29,107 --> 00:47:31,622 They love dubstep! 547 00:47:57,018 --> 00:48:01,650 Is that a fanny pack? I used to have one of those in ninety-ninetynever. 548 00:48:02,096 --> 00:48:06,189 - Something to remember you by. - Give me that back. 549 00:48:06,213 --> 00:48:11,369 That goes with me everywhere. Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack. 550 00:48:20,122 --> 00:48:22,473 Why are you protecting the kid? 551 00:48:23,371 --> 00:48:26,144 I don't give a fuck about him. 552 00:48:26,199 --> 00:48:29,191 He's arguably had a mother complex. 553 00:48:30,643 --> 00:48:33,128 I hope this one do. 554 00:48:45,972 --> 00:48:50,034 In every film, is a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. 555 00:48:50,159 --> 00:48:53,659 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. 556 00:48:53,876 --> 00:48:58,540 In Human Centipede, it was when those people, signed on to be in that movie. 557 00:48:58,585 --> 00:49:02,691 But in this film, well, you're looking at it. 558 00:49:07,145 --> 00:49:08,527 Rock... 559 00:49:11,709 --> 00:49:14,099 Meet bottom. 560 00:49:25,195 --> 00:49:26,460 Ness? 561 00:49:27,375 --> 00:49:29,250 Hey, Ness! 562 00:49:29,696 --> 00:49:32,781 Ness! Can you let me in? Please! 563 00:49:32,922 --> 00:49:34,578 Please. 564 00:49:35,101 --> 00:49:37,061 Oh, Jesus. 565 00:49:39,655 --> 00:49:43,912 You're not giving a lot of direction here. I'm at the end of my rope. 566 00:49:45,860 --> 00:49:48,227 I joined the X-Men... 567 00:49:48,390 --> 00:49:50,773 Went to prison, with a... 568 00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:55,664 With a kid. 569 00:49:57,597 --> 00:50:01,636 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 570 00:50:01,753 --> 00:50:03,534 The kid! 571 00:50:16,718 --> 00:50:19,780 That's exactly what she meant. Your heart needs to be in the right place. 572 00:50:19,835 --> 00:50:23,795 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. He's never had anyone. Ever. 573 00:50:24,358 --> 00:50:27,420 - I need to be selfles. - Yeah. But was does that mean? 574 00:50:27,445 --> 00:50:31,148 It means, I'mma save Russell. 575 00:50:31,218 --> 00:50:35,233 Maybe I couldn't save Nessa, but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 576 00:50:35,258 --> 00:50:39,265 Yeah, what I mean is the word selfless. I really don't know what that means. 577 00:50:39,336 --> 00:50:41,218 - Jesus Christ. - Okay. 578 00:50:41,235 --> 00:50:43,289 Look, according to my guy, 579 00:50:43,313 --> 00:50:47,140 those muties are being transferred to a super-max 80 miles away. 580 00:50:47,172 --> 00:50:51,172 - Great. I'll pick them off along the way. - Hold your testicles there, buddy. Okay? 581 00:50:51,197 --> 00:50:55,914 We're talking about an armored convoy. And, a vicious super-soldier from the future 582 00:50:55,939 --> 00:50:59,632 - just looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. - You know what we need to do? 583 00:50:59,656 --> 00:51:02,687 We need to build a fucking team. We need them tough, 584 00:51:02,712 --> 00:51:06,546 morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. 585 00:51:06,578 --> 00:51:10,710 - My body is an instrument of death. - Not now, Dopinder. 586 00:51:10,780 --> 00:51:14,842 - I could be of great use. - What's your superpower? 587 00:51:16,362 --> 00:51:18,105 That's adorable. 588 00:51:18,145 --> 00:51:23,362 You had the courage to check and see if there're enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 589 00:51:23,387 --> 00:51:26,335 Sorry you had to see that. No, I'm glad you heard it. 590 00:51:27,064 --> 00:51:31,241 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. But we're not paying medical or dental. 591 00:51:31,288 --> 00:51:34,165 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 592 00:52:11,388 --> 00:52:14,591 Transport will begin at 0800 hours. 593 00:52:15,817 --> 00:52:19,098 - The fuck you want? - That's my fucking pudding. 594 00:52:19,182 --> 00:52:21,246 Fuck your pudding. 595 00:52:42,414 --> 00:52:43,953 Hello? 596 00:52:45,601 --> 00:52:47,703 I know you're in there. 597 00:53:03,606 --> 00:53:06,215 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 598 00:53:07,262 --> 00:53:08,887 Lonely at the top. 599 00:53:09,496 --> 00:53:12,114 They're moving us tomorrow. 600 00:53:14,008 --> 00:53:16,848 Maybe I can get you out of here. 601 00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:20,797 We can make the whole world our bitch. 602 00:53:22,054 --> 00:53:25,037 We need a secret code. 603 00:53:26,287 --> 00:53:29,427 No, that's stupid, Russell. You idiot. 604 00:53:36,888 --> 00:53:40,341 We're a team. We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 605 00:53:40,420 --> 00:53:43,724 I'm like 2Pac, and you're like Ice Cube. 606 00:53:47,116 --> 00:53:48,860 Terrific. These are all terrific. 607 00:53:48,885 --> 00:53:50,711 Meet Bedlam. 608 00:53:50,736 --> 00:53:52,955 Cool name. Superpowers? 609 00:53:53,007 --> 00:53:55,796 I can distort electrical fields. 610 00:53:55,820 --> 00:54:02,046 Including the one inside your brain. Causing anxiety, confusion, pain. 611 00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:06,345 So basically, you're Dave Matthews. We can use him. 612 00:54:07,517 --> 00:54:10,329 - I'm Zeitgeist. - Cool. 613 00:54:10,431 --> 00:54:13,759 I'd like to say you have the power to put your finger on the, 614 00:54:13,784 --> 00:54:18,727 - the pulse of society? - No. No, I spit acidic vomit. 615 00:54:19,623 --> 00:54:22,216 - You want me to demonstrate? - No, we'll take your word for it. 616 00:54:22,241 --> 00:54:24,929 Listen, we're all eating at Arby's. Okay? 617 00:54:24,954 --> 00:54:27,602 This is the Vanisher. 618 00:54:30,306 --> 00:54:31,500 But... 619 00:54:33,006 --> 00:54:35,045 Vanisher! 620 00:54:36,819 --> 00:54:39,154 - Nice! - Right? 621 00:54:39,772 --> 00:54:42,662 - He's not here, is he? - He may be running late. 622 00:54:44,177 --> 00:54:48,020 - My name's Rusty but I go by Shatterstar. - That's good. Yeah. 623 00:54:48,045 --> 00:54:50,341 Rusty is... terrible. 624 00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,291 - So, where are you from? - The planet Mojoworld. 625 00:54:53,315 --> 00:54:57,034 So you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us? 626 00:54:57,050 --> 00:54:59,987 I'm basically better than you at everything. 627 00:55:00,026 --> 00:55:05,416 For just once I wanna find a planet with people that are worse than me at everything. Whole bunch of functional idiots. 628 00:55:05,498 --> 00:55:08,691 - I'm gonna go there and be their Superman. - Isn't that Canada? 629 00:55:08,716 --> 00:55:11,606 You shut your goddamn trash mouth. 630 00:55:12,779 --> 00:55:14,295 - Meet... - Domino. 631 00:55:14,326 --> 00:55:16,435 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 632 00:55:16,482 --> 00:55:19,490 - If you're so lucky then what are you doing here with us? - I don't know yet. 633 00:55:19,521 --> 00:55:22,224 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means that I don't know yet. 634 00:55:22,279 --> 00:55:26,582 But there's a reason why I'm here. I don't know why I know. Everything usually works out for me. 635 00:55:26,607 --> 00:55:29,169 - Luck isn't a superpower. - Yes, it is. 636 00:55:29,193 --> 00:55:32,497 - No it's not. No-nay. Mario No-pez. - Yes it is. Hmm-mmm. 637 00:55:32,529 --> 00:55:33,529 - Yeah. - Not-cho cheese. 638 00:55:33,545 --> 00:55:35,513 - No, definitely... - There's no way... 639 00:55:35,537 --> 00:55:37,763 - I, sorry I was interrupting you. - No. I interrupted you. 640 00:55:37,771 --> 00:55:40,614 - No, no, no. You can go first. - I was just gonna say, no it's not. 641 00:55:40,636 --> 00:55:43,349 I was gonna just bring it back to that, yes, it is. 642 00:55:43,395 --> 00:55:47,059 - Let's meet in the middle and say no, it isn't. - But it is. 643 00:55:47,106 --> 00:55:48,106 Okay... 644 00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:51,316 - You're hired! - Oh, lucky me. 645 00:55:51,340 --> 00:55:52,793 She's great. 646 00:55:53,207 --> 00:55:56,012 - And last, but not least. - Peter. 647 00:55:57,471 --> 00:55:59,705 Are you cat-fished here? Or... 648 00:56:00,010 --> 00:56:03,252 Any powers you wanna tell us about? Any, uh... Nope? 649 00:56:03,541 --> 00:56:08,400 I don't have them. I just saw the ad and, thought it looked fun. 650 00:56:09,644 --> 00:56:10,720 - You're in. - Yeah. 651 00:56:10,745 --> 00:56:11,847 Fuck! 652 00:56:20,297 --> 00:56:22,031 Let's go! 653 00:56:35,453 --> 00:56:39,054 This is convoy 17. Departing the Icebox. We're inbound. 654 00:56:46,901 --> 00:56:49,674 Peacetime makes people soft. 655 00:56:50,689 --> 00:56:53,088 I was born into war. 656 00:56:54,135 --> 00:56:56,181 Bred into it. 657 00:56:56,502 --> 00:56:59,728 - Okay. - People think they understand pain. 658 00:57:00,282 --> 00:57:03,719 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 659 00:57:04,703 --> 00:57:07,383 - These strains are pretty... - I've done a list. 660 00:57:08,172 --> 00:57:12,742 We're gonna work down it. Together. 661 00:57:13,016 --> 00:57:15,992 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 662 00:57:16,117 --> 00:57:18,507 Something that was not meant to bend. 663 00:57:18,531 --> 00:57:20,827 Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there. Because I'm not gonna make it to two. 664 00:57:20,844 --> 00:57:23,913 I won't even make it to one. I don't do well with pain, you know? 665 00:57:23,929 --> 00:57:26,531 I'm done for the day. 666 00:57:26,547 --> 00:57:28,866 I cried when they cancelled Felicity. 667 00:57:28,883 --> 00:57:32,179 Right. I'm really scared, I get nervous erections. I got one right now. 668 00:57:32,195 --> 00:57:35,976 Don't look at it, only make it worse. I don't want you to hurt me and I'll tell you anything, 669 00:57:36,008 --> 00:57:40,116 anything you wanna know. Except for where they are. 670 00:57:40,203 --> 00:57:45,679 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Cherry Duggan parkway. The monster's with him. I wouldn't fuck with him. 671 00:57:45,719 --> 00:57:49,781 Intercept the convoy. Grab the boy. Not inappropriately. 672 00:57:49,806 --> 00:57:53,351 Know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. Because he's built a team. 673 00:57:53,376 --> 00:57:57,454 - He's unstoppable. - He has an ass-pen. He'll stab you with it. 674 00:57:57,471 --> 00:57:59,877 Watch out for this guy, Cable. 675 00:57:59,885 --> 00:58:03,346 He's very short. 5'11". Not like in the comics. 676 00:58:03,377 --> 00:58:05,955 And if we succeed, we'll all go home early. 677 00:58:05,980 --> 00:58:09,011 So you go after them Cable. I warn you. 678 00:58:09,535 --> 00:58:11,953 There's a wind advisory in effect. 679 00:58:22,291 --> 00:58:24,533 A little turbulent out there. 680 00:58:31,295 --> 00:58:33,881 I don't know much about this Cable fella, but I guarantee, 681 00:58:33,906 --> 00:58:36,584 he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has. 682 00:58:38,083 --> 00:58:41,171 - We're getting close. - As a former X-Man... 683 00:58:41,174 --> 00:58:42,872 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 684 00:58:42,896 --> 00:58:46,834 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism in the group's name. 685 00:58:46,858 --> 00:58:48,779 "X-Men?" Men? 686 00:58:48,818 --> 00:58:53,200 The point is our group will be forward-thinking. Gender neutral. 687 00:58:53,225 --> 00:58:56,521 From now on, we'll be known as... 688 00:58:57,817 --> 00:58:59,371 X-Force. 689 00:58:59,380 --> 00:59:03,817 - Isn't that a little derivative? - I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter. 690 00:59:04,597 --> 00:59:06,378 That wasn't me. 691 00:59:13,068 --> 00:59:17,257 Hang along, we are at 1,300 feet. Intercept the convoy and grab the boy. 692 00:59:17,282 --> 00:59:20,922 - Let's bring on the carnage, baby! - Get me on the ground, watch me go! 693 00:59:20,946 --> 00:59:22,766 - Yeah! - Woo! 694 00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:28,625 I just... I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 695 00:59:28,650 --> 00:59:31,689 You know, you guys, look amazing. 696 00:59:31,767 --> 00:59:34,563 Vanisher I have no doubt you look amazing, too. 697 00:59:34,588 --> 00:59:37,744 If this is the family that I've always dreamed of having, I had... 698 00:59:38,104 --> 00:59:40,877 Shit. I missed out. 699 00:59:40,908 --> 00:59:42,853 I have struggles with that sometimes. 700 00:59:42,878 --> 00:59:46,535 - I hate to interrupt but is anybody nervous about the hard winds? - Gary. 701 00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:49,287 - My name's Peter. - We all get you're new to this. Relax. 702 00:59:49,312 --> 00:59:52,366 - You've been chosen by a higher power. - Did he just call himself god? 703 00:59:52,398 --> 00:59:54,448 - I think he did. - I'd like to go home. 704 00:59:54,473 --> 00:59:57,393 And I'd like the McRib to be available year-round! 705 00:59:57,418 --> 00:59:58,769 But sometimes... 706 00:59:59,371 --> 01:00:02,707 You think we didn't jump out the plane to get a light breeze? 707 01:00:02,738 --> 01:00:05,058 Cure this shit now, moustache! 708 01:00:05,128 --> 01:00:09,440 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I'll never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 709 01:00:09,456 --> 01:00:12,776 Hit it! 710 01:00:20,269 --> 01:00:23,573 Go! Go! Go! 711 01:00:57,778 --> 01:00:59,372 Le's get some! 712 01:01:00,740 --> 01:01:02,083 Oh, yeah! 713 01:01:02,108 --> 01:01:05,498 Convoy, 12 o'clock. On my command. 714 01:01:05,686 --> 01:01:07,897 Deploy! 715 01:01:14,323 --> 01:01:16,526 A little off-course here. 716 01:01:17,784 --> 01:01:20,784 Holy mommy fucking shit! 717 01:01:21,893 --> 01:01:25,916 There they are. Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 718 01:01:26,783 --> 01:01:29,189 Oh, yeah. That's right, Bedlam. 719 01:01:34,828 --> 01:01:37,593 Motherfucking village! 720 01:01:38,087 --> 01:01:41,477 Shatterstar. Okay. You got this. 721 01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,297 Left. Left! 722 01:01:44,313 --> 01:01:47,063 Left, you idiot! 723 01:01:50,466 --> 01:01:54,153 Well, I guess we found something you're not good at. 724 01:01:54,990 --> 01:01:56,372 Vanisher. 725 01:01:56,482 --> 01:01:59,317 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 726 01:02:01,591 --> 01:02:05,200 Really? All right. We can do this with four. 727 01:02:05,630 --> 01:02:08,340 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy. 728 01:02:08,380 --> 01:02:11,661 That's the stuff. That's A for spirit. 729 01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:16,098 Never underestimate a man in a moustache. Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 730 01:02:16,372 --> 01:02:20,137 - You're a goddamn superhero, you! - X-Force! 731 01:02:20,162 --> 01:02:21,787 X-Force! 732 01:02:31,181 --> 01:02:34,298 - Peter. - I got you. You'll be fine. 733 01:02:34,377 --> 01:02:37,274 You got this big guy. There we go, Peter! 734 01:02:37,330 --> 01:02:41,274 - We're X-Force, right? - We're X-Force! 735 01:02:44,237 --> 01:02:46,572 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 736 01:02:46,604 --> 01:02:49,377 Fucking acidic vomit! 737 01:02:50,425 --> 01:02:53,682 Oh, God. 738 01:02:56,220 --> 01:03:00,868 Okay, I'm over the convoy. Where did the rest of the team land? 739 01:03:01,071 --> 01:03:02,852 Good news and bad news. 740 01:03:02,884 --> 01:03:06,063 The bad news is, the whole team is dead. 741 01:03:06,142 --> 01:03:09,438 The good news is, I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 742 01:03:09,463 --> 01:03:13,283 - He was a bit of a prick. But Paul! - Peter. 743 01:03:13,314 --> 01:03:15,386 Peter. We'll miss him most. 744 01:03:15,411 --> 01:03:18,442 But there is a slight chance Vanisher could make it. 745 01:03:18,716 --> 01:03:21,739 - Nope. No chance. He's dead. - The whole team? 746 01:03:21,764 --> 01:03:25,186 - Only the main ones, we're still good. - Fuck, you are dumb. 747 01:03:25,211 --> 01:03:29,984 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. Who knew these winds would be so strong? 748 01:03:30,009 --> 01:03:34,384 Everyone. Everyone on the helicopter. Everyone not on the helicopter. 749 01:03:42,318 --> 01:03:45,719 They're headed into the tunnel. 750 01:03:45,888 --> 01:03:49,919 I'm that kid's only hope. So sit tight and wait for my word. 751 01:03:50,239 --> 01:03:57,145 - Whatever. We're gonna lose them. I'm dropping in. - That's a negative, sole survivor. Luck isn't a superpower. 752 01:03:57,170 --> 01:04:01,209 - We are so fucked. - No. We are certainly not fucked. 753 01:04:04,076 --> 01:04:06,903 Seriously, I don't get it. 754 01:04:06,928 --> 01:04:09,763 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 755 01:04:11,392 --> 01:04:15,931 It's just hard to picture. It's certainly not very cinematic. 756 01:04:18,274 --> 01:04:20,931 I mean, luck? What coked out, 757 01:04:20,956 --> 01:04:23,330 - Fuck! - glass-pipe sucking, freakshow 758 01:04:23,355 --> 01:04:25,707 comic book artist came up with that little jester? 759 01:04:25,732 --> 01:04:29,011 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 760 01:04:39,060 --> 01:04:41,774 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 761 01:04:41,799 --> 01:04:44,290 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 762 01:04:44,315 --> 01:04:46,440 - I'm in. - I'm sorry. What did you say? 763 01:04:46,465 --> 01:04:49,769 - I'm in. - How in the fuck are you in already? 764 01:04:49,794 --> 01:04:54,645 - Oh, shit. Cable, 12 o'clock! - Shit! New plan. 765 01:04:54,670 --> 01:04:58,740 Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid. 766 01:04:58,765 --> 01:05:01,225 I'm coming up on your six. 767 01:05:09,694 --> 01:05:12,342 That is amazing! 768 01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:25,874 - Where is he? I can't see him. - He's on top of you! 769 01:05:27,451 --> 01:05:31,036 He's going in through the back! Oh, God, he's inside! 770 01:05:31,061 --> 01:05:33,983 - You hear yourself, right? - Accidental double entendres! 771 01:05:33,999 --> 01:05:38,741 - Russell. Russell Collins! - Hands off that kid, John Connor! 772 01:05:43,001 --> 01:05:45,094 No, no, no, no! 773 01:05:48,296 --> 01:05:49,789 Shit! 774 01:06:11,491 --> 01:06:14,016 Two can play that game. 775 01:06:15,454 --> 01:06:17,633 Got it! No, I don't. 776 01:06:17,658 --> 01:06:20,798 - Showtime, momma! - Lady luck, take the wheel. 777 01:06:58,684 --> 01:07:03,379 - I'd ask who you are but you'll be dead in seconds. - I'm Domino. And doubtful. 778 01:07:19,451 --> 01:07:24,103 Hang in there, Dom! This is really hard. 779 01:07:35,182 --> 01:07:37,986 You give me back my ski-ball token. 780 01:07:40,330 --> 01:07:42,994 - You're doing great. - X-Force! 781 01:07:44,109 --> 01:07:46,562 I guess dubstep never dies. 782 01:07:58,282 --> 01:08:02,141 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 783 01:08:03,915 --> 01:08:06,221 That's unfortunate. 784 01:08:08,204 --> 01:08:11,532 - We got no brakes. - Figure it out. 785 01:08:15,149 --> 01:08:17,516 There's nothing I can't kill. 786 01:08:20,437 --> 01:08:23,772 Somebody knows... karate. 787 01:08:26,104 --> 01:08:29,088 Give me your best shot, one-eyed Willy. 788 01:08:42,815 --> 01:08:44,190 Oww. 789 01:08:44,925 --> 01:08:46,784 Here we go. 790 01:08:46,809 --> 01:08:49,589 Domino, mind slowing us down? 791 01:09:22,353 --> 01:09:24,993 Knock, knock. 792 01:09:31,317 --> 01:09:33,887 That's my boy. 793 01:09:38,198 --> 01:09:41,065 Holy... ! 794 01:09:49,895 --> 01:09:54,309 I'll be first to admit. This did not go according to plan. 795 01:09:55,340 --> 01:09:58,777 I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written with a crayon. 796 01:09:58,802 --> 01:10:01,669 Looks like Russell found a new friend. 797 01:10:02,051 --> 01:10:06,550 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass. And maybe, possibly mldly lucky. 798 01:10:06,602 --> 01:10:10,047 But Cable? Yeesh. That guy's in the mood. 799 01:10:10,336 --> 01:10:13,914 A mood that is about to get significantly worse. 800 01:10:36,469 --> 01:10:39,267 There's something that's terribly, terribly wrong. 801 01:10:45,191 --> 01:10:47,097 Oh, God. That hurt. 802 01:10:56,012 --> 01:11:00,673 Russell? Russell, where are you? 803 01:11:03,207 --> 01:11:04,401 Russell. 804 01:11:04,426 --> 01:11:09,105 Russell, you're okay. Oh, thank Go--- oh, my God! 805 01:11:09,130 --> 01:11:10,856 Juggernaut! 806 01:11:11,836 --> 01:11:15,671 I thought that was you. I shoulda worn my white pants. 807 01:11:16,506 --> 01:11:20,240 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 808 01:11:20,475 --> 01:11:24,029 Uncanny X-Men, 103, 4411, 809 01:11:24,091 --> 01:11:26,554 X-Men Unlimited 12, you know it's always 810 01:11:26,579 --> 01:11:31,560 been a dream of mine to see my face reflected in your helmet as you charge at me with murderous intent. 811 01:11:31,585 --> 01:11:33,204 I don't mean right now. 812 01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:38,590 - I'm gonna rip you in half now. - That's such a Juggernaut thing to say. 813 01:11:41,413 --> 01:11:43,286 Oh, my God! 814 01:11:43,311 --> 01:11:46,053 Oh, God, I can't feel my legs. 815 01:11:47,904 --> 01:11:51,067 Oh, well. They're right here. Got them. 816 01:11:51,092 --> 01:11:51,873 Russell. 817 01:11:51,898 --> 01:11:54,083 I have a mission. 818 01:11:54,108 --> 01:11:56,045 To get my revenge. 819 01:11:56,070 --> 01:12:00,241 - I'm going to burn that Headmaster alive. - You're not the revenge type. 820 01:12:00,374 --> 01:12:03,506 - Take it from a friend. - Friend? 821 01:12:03,561 --> 01:12:07,834 You were sick and I protected you. You said it yourself. 822 01:12:07,873 --> 01:12:10,035 I'm not your friend. 823 01:12:10,060 --> 01:12:12,903 Find someone stronger, so I did. 824 01:12:13,770 --> 01:12:19,605 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then, but I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 825 01:12:19,980 --> 01:12:24,230 I care about you? 'Cause goddammit, I care about you, Russell. 826 01:12:24,484 --> 01:12:28,171 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? Don't you say "legs"! 827 01:12:28,312 --> 01:12:31,444 - I know you're gonna say "legs"! - Legs! 828 01:12:31,469 --> 01:12:33,656 Still hurts to hear out loud. 829 01:12:35,173 --> 01:12:38,446 What is that? What is tha--- That's not a real rope. 830 01:12:38,501 --> 01:12:40,883 You get back here, young man! 831 01:12:41,189 --> 01:12:42,727 Doms... 832 01:12:42,805 --> 01:12:45,186 Doms, get me out of here please. 833 01:12:45,211 --> 01:12:48,726 Use my arms as backpack straps. 834 01:12:50,496 --> 01:12:53,558 Think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here. 835 01:12:53,726 --> 01:12:57,265 - Pretty sure this isn't it. - X-Force. 836 01:13:10,216 --> 01:13:12,395 No child is hopeless. 837 01:13:12,420 --> 01:13:13,966 - Don't give up on the boy. - How could he just 838 01:13:13,991 --> 01:13:17,809 walk away? There was coldness in his eyes. 839 01:13:18,403 --> 01:13:20,526 You should have heard it. 840 01:13:22,192 --> 01:13:24,903 I guess family really is an F-word. 841 01:13:25,243 --> 01:13:27,563 Rub my legs, mama? 842 01:13:27,649 --> 01:13:29,109 Mama not rub your legs. 843 01:13:29,134 --> 01:13:32,641 Please. It hurt. I have growing pains. 844 01:13:35,004 --> 01:13:36,528 What in the? 845 01:13:36,715 --> 01:13:39,645 Why is your hand so tiny, and your... 846 01:13:39,670 --> 01:13:43,810 - That's not my hand. - Oh, Mary mother of Joseph! 847 01:13:43,888 --> 01:13:46,919 - That was nice for me. - Wade! 848 01:13:46,958 --> 01:13:49,786 Hey, I heard what happened with the convoy and... ! 849 01:13:52,616 --> 01:13:55,233 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 850 01:13:55,258 --> 01:13:57,641 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 851 01:13:57,666 --> 01:14:01,781 Not if you do it. Look at you, you're just straight-shirt cocking it? 852 01:14:01,812 --> 01:14:05,177 - Toddler-style? - Oh, yeah. Full Winnie The Pooh. 853 01:14:05,202 --> 01:14:08,662 - What the hell's happening? Describe it. - I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you. 854 01:14:08,671 --> 01:14:11,755 - Here we go. - It's like he was giving birth anally 855 01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:14,109 but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out 856 01:14:14,134 --> 01:14:16,127 - and they said, "you know what? I'm done." - Happy? 857 01:14:16,152 --> 01:14:18,938 It's like he's a muppet from the waist down but this time, 858 01:14:18,963 --> 01:14:22,103 you can see the muppet's dick. God, he's got a cock the size of... 859 01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:25,799 ... double-park. I got three written... What? 860 01:14:26,619 --> 01:14:29,275 No. No. No. DP, not again. 861 01:14:29,361 --> 01:14:31,525 This has happened before? 862 01:14:32,102 --> 01:14:34,697 Jesus! Either vomit or don't. The decision is killing me. 863 01:14:34,722 --> 01:14:37,165 Why couldn't God take my hearing. 864 01:14:39,698 --> 01:14:42,317 - Wow. - Cool your pants. They're growing back. 865 01:14:42,342 --> 01:14:44,254 I'm talking about your face. 866 01:14:44,279 --> 01:14:47,261 I've never seen you without your mask before. Jesus Christ! 867 01:14:47,286 --> 01:14:50,464 - Looks like an avocado. - Your legs, though. They're cute. 868 01:14:50,489 --> 01:14:52,770 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 869 01:14:53,931 --> 01:14:57,876 I'm glad everybody dropped by. You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 870 01:14:57,901 --> 01:15:01,736 I'll tell you why I'm here. The time-traveler's wife's 871 01:15:01,761 --> 01:15:04,831 husband beat me within an inch of my life. He was torturing me. 872 01:15:04,856 --> 01:15:07,811 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 873 01:15:07,836 --> 01:15:10,755 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 874 01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:13,146 - So we can go after him without me. - No. 875 01:15:13,171 --> 01:15:16,710 I'm doing this alone. The Juggernaut will kill you all. 876 01:15:16,757 --> 01:15:20,191 - I'll just need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. - What will you do? 877 01:15:20,199 --> 01:15:23,159 I don't care what the kid did to me. I won't let Cable get to him 878 01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:26,621 - even if I have to teabag him to death. - It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 879 01:15:26,646 --> 01:15:30,334 Zip it, Black-Black Widow. I'm flowing. The first order of business is to get me in front of Cable 880 01:15:30,341 --> 01:15:34,731 so I can put all the fucking blood out of his body and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 881 01:15:34,809 --> 01:15:36,691 Then, I'm gonna take his skin. 882 01:15:36,716 --> 01:15:40,121 And stretch it out over our homemade mating drum. 883 01:15:41,055 --> 01:15:43,610 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 884 01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:53,493 What in the ass. 885 01:15:53,518 --> 01:15:56,437 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 886 01:15:56,462 --> 01:15:59,899 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 887 01:16:00,165 --> 01:16:02,962 Is that really necessary? 888 01:16:04,429 --> 01:16:07,521 No. It's his Basic Instinct. 889 01:16:07,546 --> 01:16:09,364 What can we help you with? 890 01:16:09,389 --> 01:16:11,974 I'm here to proposition you. 891 01:16:13,545 --> 01:16:17,154 - He's really teeing it up, is he? - He gets to make the first joke. 892 01:16:17,179 --> 01:16:19,451 - I think we shot through him at the same time. - Good call. 893 01:16:19,476 --> 01:16:20,897 For $45 you get sucky-suck... 894 01:16:20,922 --> 01:16:23,394 - I only do over the pants. Mouths step... - Fuck! 895 01:16:23,419 --> 01:16:25,794 The Proposition has a wonderful Guy Pearce performance. 896 01:16:25,819 --> 01:16:27,646 Wait, wait, wait. I wanna do mine over. 897 01:16:27,671 --> 01:16:28,708 Give us the line again? 898 01:16:28,733 --> 01:16:30,185 I need your help! 899 01:16:30,344 --> 01:16:32,883 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are. 900 01:16:32,908 --> 01:16:35,814 But you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 901 01:16:35,870 --> 01:16:37,939 I can't bring him down alone. 902 01:16:38,018 --> 01:16:40,275 So here we are. 903 01:16:41,041 --> 01:16:44,562 Well we're no longer accepting applications for X-Force, unfortunately. 904 01:16:44,587 --> 01:16:46,032 Even if we were... 905 01:16:46,057 --> 01:16:47,641 There's a wind advisory in effect... 906 01:16:47,665 --> 01:16:50,844 We don't have a lot of time. Your friend's about to make his first kill. 907 01:16:50,869 --> 01:16:52,370 No offense, but if you know so much, 908 01:16:52,395 --> 01:16:54,970 why not travel back to when he was a baby and kill him then? 909 01:16:54,995 --> 01:16:59,541 - Or better yet, head back a little further. Kill baby Hitler. - I use a device to slide through time. 910 01:16:59,566 --> 01:17:02,080 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 911 01:17:02,105 --> 01:17:06,472 I got two charges. One to get me here, one to get me home. 912 01:17:06,878 --> 01:17:12,118 - That's just lazy writing. - Your boy's gonna kill the Headmaster in the orphanage tonight. 913 01:17:12,143 --> 01:17:17,158 - After that, he gets a real taste for it. - Like 10-year old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker. 914 01:17:17,228 --> 01:17:20,363 So he keeps killing. And killing. 915 01:17:20,926 --> 01:17:22,368 And killing. 916 01:17:22,393 --> 01:17:26,228 Until one day he kills the wrong fucking people. 917 01:17:27,855 --> 01:17:29,409 My people. 918 01:17:32,874 --> 01:17:34,443 Relax. 919 01:17:34,468 --> 01:17:37,186 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 920 01:17:37,211 --> 01:17:41,898 It's a goddamn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch. 921 01:17:41,923 --> 01:17:44,344 The difference is night and day. 922 01:17:45,739 --> 01:17:47,938 You remind me of my wife. 923 01:17:48,481 --> 01:17:50,833 - I'm sorry? - I said, you remind me of my... 924 01:17:50,858 --> 01:17:55,014 No, I'm sorry that you said that. While making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 925 01:17:55,022 --> 01:17:56,959 She always joked. 926 01:17:57,100 --> 01:17:58,823 And she was funny. 927 01:17:58,848 --> 01:18:01,816 She filtered her pain. Replaced it with humor. 928 01:18:01,934 --> 01:18:04,707 Something I could never master. 929 01:18:04,732 --> 01:18:07,560 It was my fault she died. 930 01:18:08,755 --> 01:18:12,218 It was my job to stop people like him. 931 01:18:12,544 --> 01:18:16,478 I came close, a few times. 932 01:18:18,531 --> 01:18:21,445 I wasn't too happy about that. 933 01:18:22,046 --> 01:18:26,069 But he was trying to hurt me and he knew exactly how to do it. 934 01:18:29,642 --> 01:18:33,524 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 935 01:18:35,934 --> 01:18:38,269 He came into my home... 936 01:18:38,294 --> 01:18:41,426 And took the only thing that made it a home. 937 01:18:45,396 --> 01:18:49,122 - Sound familiar? - I'm sorry. 938 01:18:49,717 --> 01:18:51,756 No. I'm really sorry. 939 01:18:53,234 --> 01:18:55,327 But that isn't Russell. 940 01:18:55,585 --> 01:18:57,663 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 941 01:18:57,688 --> 01:19:02,617 Yeah. He's got anger issues. Maybe a small learning disability. A splash of diabetes. 942 01:19:02,649 --> 01:19:05,703 - But nothing that can't be fixed... - If you can go back... 943 01:19:05,733 --> 01:19:08,418 And stop the people that took your girl, would you? 944 01:19:08,443 --> 01:19:10,612 Of course, I fucking would. 945 01:19:10,762 --> 01:19:14,057 - But I wouldn't kill a kid. - I'm not asking you to kill the kid. 946 01:19:14,082 --> 01:19:15,736 I'll kill the kid. 947 01:19:15,761 --> 01:19:19,243 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 948 01:19:19,268 --> 01:19:21,799 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 949 01:19:21,824 --> 01:19:26,628 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend would've wanted you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 950 01:19:26,968 --> 01:19:30,320 So what's it gonna be, handsome? 951 01:19:30,345 --> 01:19:32,634 - Give me a chance to save him. - What? 952 01:19:32,659 --> 01:19:35,330 You said it. Once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 953 01:19:35,355 --> 01:19:39,400 If we can get to him before that happens, promise you'll give me a chance, 954 01:19:39,425 --> 01:19:42,417 - to put him on a different path. - Define "chance". 955 01:19:42,442 --> 01:19:44,760 I don't know. How long does it take to save someone's soul? 956 01:19:44,785 --> 01:19:47,611 - I give you 30 seconds. - That--- what? No. 957 01:19:47,636 --> 01:19:49,937 Best I can do. Take it or leave it. 958 01:20:00,319 --> 01:20:02,865 He's doing it. Look at the little fella. 959 01:20:02,890 --> 01:20:05,374 He's doing it. Here it comes. 960 01:20:05,429 --> 01:20:06,936 Jesus Christ. 961 01:20:06,961 --> 01:20:09,491 Just shirt cockin'. 962 01:20:10,265 --> 01:20:14,324 Here you go, little fella. Go on, you're doing it. 963 01:20:14,349 --> 01:20:17,679 You beautiful, hairless, twizzler-legged baby boy. 964 01:20:19,678 --> 01:20:20,614 Christ. 965 01:20:20,639 --> 01:20:22,123 That's disturbing. 966 01:20:22,148 --> 01:20:24,405 Thirty seconds. 967 01:20:28,893 --> 01:20:31,494 - Deal. - Deal. 968 01:20:33,154 --> 01:20:37,560 - I have no idea what's happening. - Probably for the best. 969 01:20:38,959 --> 01:20:42,209 And that, is why you never eat a raw starfish. 970 01:20:42,234 --> 01:20:43,782 It's just common sense. 971 01:20:44,798 --> 01:20:46,360 Where the hell are we going? 972 01:20:46,385 --> 01:20:49,509 You said it yourself. Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. 973 01:20:49,534 --> 01:20:53,220 - We need backup. - I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 974 01:20:57,469 --> 01:20:59,809 Can you turn off the music? 975 01:21:00,100 --> 01:21:02,483 You will do no such thing. 976 01:21:02,617 --> 01:21:04,804 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 977 01:21:04,877 --> 01:21:07,907 - What the hell are you... - Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 978 01:21:07,932 --> 01:21:09,689 I'm so sorry. It gets better. 979 01:21:09,714 --> 01:21:11,605 I'm not a fucking racist, you moron. 980 01:21:11,630 --> 01:21:14,301 Tell it to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 981 01:21:14,372 --> 01:21:17,754 I'm with the old white guy on this one. Not such a waste. 982 01:21:17,864 --> 01:21:20,699 So what exactly do you do in this future anyway, huh? 983 01:21:20,724 --> 01:21:21,819 Some kind of soldier? 984 01:21:21,844 --> 01:21:23,712 Yeah. Something like that. 985 01:21:23,737 --> 01:21:25,908 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 986 01:21:25,933 --> 01:21:30,702 - I think 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. - 50 years from now, you're very dead. 987 01:21:30,727 --> 01:21:33,573 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 988 01:21:33,612 --> 01:21:34,569 Boom! 989 01:21:34,594 --> 01:21:35,827 Spoiler alert! 990 01:21:37,461 --> 01:21:38,858 Planets. 991 01:21:38,883 --> 01:21:40,476 Next time, Uber. 992 01:21:40,501 --> 01:21:42,444 Here's a spoiler alert: 993 01:21:42,469 --> 01:21:44,890 You're not a fucking hero. 994 01:21:44,970 --> 01:21:48,540 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 995 01:21:48,747 --> 01:21:51,442 Well I got news for you. My heart's in the right place. 996 01:21:51,467 --> 01:21:53,084 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 997 01:21:53,108 --> 01:21:55,584 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 998 01:21:55,617 --> 01:21:59,163 Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 999 01:21:59,187 --> 01:22:01,663 I'm a grower. Not a shower. 1000 01:22:01,688 --> 01:22:04,273 - I should've finished college. - Right here! 1001 01:22:21,962 --> 01:22:24,294 I've made mistakes. 1002 01:22:24,319 --> 01:22:27,601 I wanna take it back. You trusted me, 1003 01:22:27,626 --> 01:22:32,155 I took that trust and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. 1004 01:22:32,180 --> 01:22:33,863 The one in Minneapolis. 1005 01:22:33,888 --> 01:22:35,651 You know the one. 1006 01:22:35,676 --> 01:22:37,142 Colossus? 1007 01:22:37,167 --> 01:22:39,518 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death. 1008 01:22:39,543 --> 01:22:41,627 That kid needs our help. 1009 01:22:41,652 --> 01:22:45,097 I know you're listening. He's teamed up with the Juggernaut. 1010 01:22:45,122 --> 01:22:48,232 The Juggernaut! That's like my favorite Marvel character ever 1011 01:22:48,257 --> 01:22:52,225 but you should never meet your heroes. Because honestly, he's a bit of a dick. 1012 01:22:52,342 --> 01:22:54,795 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock 1013 01:22:54,820 --> 01:22:56,802 and causes nothing but problems! 1014 01:22:56,827 --> 01:22:58,695 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio. 1015 01:22:58,718 --> 01:23:01,107 You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. 1016 01:23:01,132 --> 01:23:04,083 Where was I? Oh, yeah. Colossus, look... 1017 01:23:04,108 --> 01:23:06,827 I don't deserve your friendship, or your help. 1018 01:23:06,852 --> 01:23:08,560 But this kid does. 1019 01:23:08,585 --> 01:23:11,553 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1020 01:23:13,132 --> 01:23:15,366 Oh, come on. 1021 01:23:19,362 --> 01:23:23,908 Any chance Pigeon-wings is available? That's just fine. 1022 01:23:23,932 --> 01:23:26,439 That's fine. No, you know what? 1023 01:23:26,464 --> 01:23:30,238 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and fucked up, 1024 01:23:30,263 --> 01:23:32,792 and not particularly convenient. 1025 01:23:32,857 --> 01:23:35,848 So stay here, in Chateau des Virgin, 1026 01:23:35,873 --> 01:23:38,849 while we go get our fuck on. 1027 01:23:41,303 --> 01:23:43,380 You're doing great. 1028 01:23:48,117 --> 01:23:51,468 So you wear that helmet because your brother tries to read your mind? 1029 01:23:51,493 --> 01:23:54,821 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even steven. 1030 01:23:54,852 --> 01:23:57,443 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1031 01:23:57,468 --> 01:23:59,678 And he's not alone. 1032 01:23:59,710 --> 01:24:02,171 Secure the children. 1033 01:24:05,469 --> 01:24:08,406 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1034 01:24:08,431 --> 01:24:10,054 "Let's fuck some shit up", 1035 01:24:10,079 --> 01:24:12,375 is my legal middle name. 1036 01:24:15,476 --> 01:24:18,413 Watch my back. I got the old man. 1037 01:24:18,476 --> 01:24:20,395 Amen, brother. 1038 01:24:26,007 --> 01:24:27,874 Time to get the chimichangas. 1039 01:24:27,929 --> 01:24:29,483 Thirty seconds. 1040 01:24:30,169 --> 01:24:32,700 I finally know why I'm here. 1041 01:24:32,841 --> 01:24:34,841 I was raised in this place. 1042 01:24:34,882 --> 01:24:37,145 But... not raised. I was tortured. 1043 01:24:37,178 --> 01:24:40,531 Wow. It's your cosmic reason for being here. Shall we? 1044 01:24:40,556 --> 01:24:42,592 This is gonna be fun! 1045 01:24:42,617 --> 01:24:45,249 Hey. Been meaning to ask you, what's with the, 1046 01:24:45,273 --> 01:24:47,780 creepy, dirty hobo-bear? 1047 01:24:47,851 --> 01:24:51,546 That's not dirt. That's the blood of my dead daughter. 1048 01:24:53,601 --> 01:24:55,538 I get gluten sensitivity. 1049 01:24:55,570 --> 01:24:59,335 One glass of wine would just.... Yeah. 1050 01:25:02,844 --> 01:25:05,868 Wish we could head back in time and take all that back. 1051 01:25:05,899 --> 01:25:07,859 We should just cue the music. 1052 01:25:32,401 --> 01:25:34,290 Welcome home, Russell. 1053 01:25:34,315 --> 01:25:36,182 We missed you. 1054 01:25:36,456 --> 01:25:38,831 Russell! You don't need to do this. 1055 01:25:38,898 --> 01:25:40,437 Let's talk. 1056 01:25:40,831 --> 01:25:43,401 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1057 01:25:46,315 --> 01:25:48,736 - That's why. - This little fucker's too far gone. 1058 01:25:48,762 --> 01:25:51,730 Zip it, Thanos. We have a deal. You... 1059 01:25:52,039 --> 01:25:53,028 Hey! 1060 01:25:53,053 --> 01:25:57,396 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1061 01:25:57,560 --> 01:25:59,935 My modelling hands are so soft. 1062 01:25:59,966 --> 01:26:02,755 - You should probably head back to the car. - I think I'll head back to the car. 1063 01:26:03,997 --> 01:26:07,122 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1064 01:26:09,754 --> 01:26:12,097 Your gun's amazing. 1065 01:26:12,309 --> 01:26:13,833 Say it! 1066 01:26:15,684 --> 01:26:19,160 You are an abomination! 1067 01:26:26,081 --> 01:26:29,338 Now I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1068 01:26:29,363 --> 01:26:32,020 I believe him. Every man for themselves! 1069 01:26:36,293 --> 01:26:37,925 Gotcha! 1070 01:26:42,035 --> 01:26:45,152 You okay, big guy? The sun's getting real low. 1071 01:26:45,176 --> 01:26:47,285 Ah, shit-fucker. 1072 01:27:00,436 --> 01:27:02,326 Come on, beautiful. 1073 01:27:03,958 --> 01:27:05,474 Say it! 1074 01:28:03,965 --> 01:28:05,621 You came for me. 1075 01:28:05,629 --> 01:28:09,309 I'm not giving up on you and you're not giving up on that boy. 1076 01:28:09,334 --> 01:28:11,326 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1077 01:28:11,350 --> 01:28:13,810 It's time to fight dirty. 1078 01:28:13,826 --> 01:28:16,076 - Time to see the light, Johnny. - Hey! 1079 01:28:16,100 --> 01:28:20,091 - Pick on someone your own size. - That's such a you thing to say. 1080 01:28:20,115 --> 01:28:22,146 Go get 'em, tiger! 1081 01:28:22,182 --> 01:28:25,127 Big CGI fight coming up. 1082 01:28:47,084 --> 01:28:49,732 - He's doing great. - Say it! 1083 01:28:53,690 --> 01:28:56,166 - Russell. - Bingo! 1084 01:29:10,820 --> 01:29:11,882 Great. 1085 01:29:11,907 --> 01:29:14,882 Bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1086 01:29:14,906 --> 01:29:18,038 - Can I have one of those guns? - No. 1087 01:29:18,078 --> 01:29:19,757 That's fine. 1088 01:29:20,499 --> 01:29:24,045 Just gonna use this brick. Maximum effort. 1089 01:29:29,710 --> 01:29:32,647 Who says you can't go home again? 1090 01:29:51,998 --> 01:29:53,623 Say it. 1091 01:29:53,647 --> 01:29:56,982 Say what you say everytime you torture me. 1092 01:29:57,060 --> 01:29:58,060 Say it! 1093 01:29:58,108 --> 01:30:02,052 Blessed are the wicked who are healed! By my hand! 1094 01:30:02,506 --> 01:30:08,052 Blessed are the wicked, who are healed by my hand. 1095 01:30:26,026 --> 01:30:28,401 Carny motherfucker! 1096 01:30:54,414 --> 01:30:57,148 Oh my God. Did you feel that, too? 1097 01:30:57,173 --> 01:31:00,351 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1098 01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:06,303 - You got 30 seconds, you butt-plug. - Now you're getting it! 1099 01:31:10,268 --> 01:31:13,143 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1100 01:31:18,088 --> 01:31:20,048 Orphans... 1101 01:31:20,080 --> 01:31:21,955 Oh, geez. 1102 01:31:22,955 --> 01:31:24,736 It's time... 1103 01:31:24,775 --> 01:31:28,939 - To burn for what you've done! - A child should not be burdened with such power. 1104 01:31:36,946 --> 01:31:39,024 Russell! Wait! 1105 01:31:52,584 --> 01:31:55,630 - Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet. - What more do you need to see? 1106 01:31:55,662 --> 01:31:58,019 Don't you fucking dare! He's just a kid. 1107 01:31:58,044 --> 01:32:00,403 Tick-tock. He is one. 1108 01:32:12,518 --> 01:32:15,931 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1109 01:32:35,849 --> 01:32:38,958 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on. 1110 01:32:38,989 --> 01:32:41,309 Listen to me. 1111 01:33:03,983 --> 01:33:07,109 That's how we do it in Mother Russia. 1112 01:33:08,370 --> 01:33:11,674 They say millenials are the hardest to reach. 1113 01:33:17,001 --> 01:33:19,985 Damn, it feels good to be a gangstah. 1114 01:33:20,165 --> 01:33:23,993 Go home, Wade. You're ruining everything. 1115 01:33:29,190 --> 01:33:32,174 - I'm getting good at this shit. - Go, go, go, go, go! 1116 01:33:35,178 --> 01:33:39,318 He dies tonight, Wade. You can't stop me. 1117 01:33:39,639 --> 01:33:41,698 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1118 01:33:41,723 --> 01:33:44,653 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1119 01:33:45,281 --> 01:33:47,609 I have one bullet left in that gun. 1120 01:33:47,634 --> 01:33:50,391 Wait, wait, wait. Please just give me a second. I got this. 1121 01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:53,172 Stay back! Go home, Wade. 1122 01:33:53,197 --> 01:33:55,530 Let's talk! There's nothing going his way. 1123 01:33:55,906 --> 01:33:57,554 That piece of shit... 1124 01:33:57,579 --> 01:34:00,218 He deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you. 1125 01:34:00,243 --> 01:34:01,149 Badly. 1126 01:34:01,174 --> 01:34:03,561 Makes you wanna hurt others. 1127 01:34:03,586 --> 01:34:05,398 But if you kill him, he wins. 1128 01:34:05,423 --> 01:34:07,542 You become everything he says you are, 1129 01:34:07,567 --> 01:34:09,081 but worse. 1130 01:34:09,238 --> 01:34:10,848 You're just a kid. 1131 01:34:11,051 --> 01:34:13,069 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1132 01:34:13,094 --> 01:34:16,566 - How do you know what I want? - Because I've been inside you. 1133 01:34:16,625 --> 01:34:20,421 That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes. 1134 01:34:20,459 --> 01:34:23,795 Which, is also off-putting. It's not a good analogy. 1135 01:34:23,819 --> 01:34:25,733 The point is... 1136 01:34:25,780 --> 01:34:27,537 There are people. 1137 01:34:27,561 --> 01:34:31,819 There are people in this fucking world besides him, 1138 01:34:31,844 --> 01:34:36,211 who will treat you right. It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1139 01:34:40,967 --> 01:34:43,615 I never should've left you there. 1140 01:34:45,616 --> 01:34:48,155 I never should have left you there. 1141 01:34:54,640 --> 01:34:57,030 I can't trust you. 1142 01:34:57,454 --> 01:35:00,383 I can't trust anybody! 1143 01:35:08,944 --> 01:35:12,562 - Wonderful, kid. - You can't stop me, Wade! 1144 01:35:14,319 --> 01:35:16,334 I got one more idea. 1145 01:35:16,913 --> 01:35:20,490 - It's just a really bad one, even for me. - Wade, what are you doing? 1146 01:35:20,514 --> 01:35:23,217 Alright, this is for all the marbles, kid. 1147 01:35:23,241 --> 01:35:25,592 You gonna trust someone tonight? 1148 01:35:25,631 --> 01:35:29,099 - Blessed are the wicked... - Then it's gotta be me. 1149 01:35:30,094 --> 01:35:32,857 Who are healed by my hand! 1150 01:36:38,214 --> 01:36:41,317 Tell me, they got that in slow-motion. 1151 01:36:45,828 --> 01:36:48,219 That's not good. 1152 01:36:49,109 --> 01:36:50,788 No, sir. 1153 01:36:58,121 --> 01:37:02,535 - You sacrificed yourself, for me? - Yeah. 1154 01:37:02,560 --> 01:37:05,060 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1155 01:37:06,833 --> 01:37:08,964 I told you I care about you. 1156 01:37:08,989 --> 01:37:11,692 You're a good kid, Russell. 1157 01:37:12,518 --> 01:37:13,712 Hey. 1158 01:37:14,813 --> 01:37:17,736 The bear. It worked. 1159 01:37:24,457 --> 01:37:26,142 Because of you. 1160 01:37:26,167 --> 01:37:29,167 No, Wade. Because of you. 1161 01:37:29,252 --> 01:37:32,480 Stop. Stop! Stop. Stop. 1162 01:37:32,505 --> 01:37:35,488 Just... Just let it happen. 1163 01:37:35,513 --> 01:37:37,583 Okay? I guess... 1164 01:37:37,608 --> 01:37:40,467 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1165 01:37:40,646 --> 01:37:43,185 That riddle is so fucked up. 1166 01:37:47,469 --> 01:37:49,101 I'm sorry. 1167 01:37:49,118 --> 01:37:50,961 - I'm so sorry. - Don't be. 1168 01:37:51,001 --> 01:37:53,563 Don't be. I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1169 01:37:53,587 --> 01:37:57,031 Yeah. Please, just, don't leave. I don't wanna die without an audience. 1170 01:37:57,048 --> 01:37:59,548 - We are not going anywhere. - Oh, God. 1171 01:37:59,572 --> 01:38:01,884 The Academy is watching. 1172 01:38:03,838 --> 01:38:05,470 Papa? 1173 01:38:07,455 --> 01:38:10,228 Papa can you hear me? 1174 01:38:11,580 --> 01:38:14,814 Papa can you find me? 1175 01:38:38,675 --> 01:38:41,292 Before I go, sorry... 1176 01:38:41,317 --> 01:38:44,074 I got a bit more in me. Domino... 1177 01:38:44,105 --> 01:38:48,682 I want you, to have my Adventure Time watch. 1178 01:38:50,918 --> 01:38:54,300 Sounds like that I'm the lucky one. 1179 01:38:54,939 --> 01:38:56,683 Thank you. 1180 01:38:57,207 --> 01:39:00,292 Hey, Sabrina the teenage witch... 1181 01:39:00,854 --> 01:39:03,541 It has been a pleasure. 1182 01:39:04,520 --> 01:39:07,128 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1183 01:39:07,153 --> 01:39:12,379 Yeah... And you! Chrome-bone. 1184 01:39:12,887 --> 01:39:18,097 I haven't always been the best friend to you, but you've always been that to me. 1185 01:39:18,316 --> 01:39:20,503 So thank you. 1186 01:39:21,616 --> 01:39:23,834 Say 'fuck' for me. 1187 01:39:24,288 --> 01:39:28,835 Just once. Come on. We'll do it together. It's no big deal. Here we go. 1, 2, 3... 1188 01:39:30,678 --> 01:39:33,653 - Fuck. - Wow. Enjoy hell. 1189 01:39:33,678 --> 01:39:37,912 Swamp-mouth. And you. Cable. 1190 01:39:39,349 --> 01:39:43,145 You get back to your family. You tell them Wade says 'hi'. 1191 01:39:43,419 --> 01:39:47,153 And promise me. Promise me one thing... 1192 01:39:47,472 --> 01:39:50,198 That you'll start judging people not by the color of their skin 1193 01:39:50,223 --> 01:39:52,629 but by the content of their character. 1194 01:39:52,940 --> 01:39:54,127 Jesus. 1195 01:39:56,752 --> 01:39:57,994 Hey. 1196 01:39:58,463 --> 01:40:01,330 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1197 01:40:01,463 --> 01:40:02,838 Look... 1198 01:40:02,893 --> 01:40:04,228 Family, 1199 01:40:04,276 --> 01:40:07,534 is not an F-word, all right? 1200 01:40:07,955 --> 01:40:10,142 Just keep looking, okay? 1201 01:40:12,949 --> 01:40:16,159 Guys? For a second there... 1202 01:40:16,577 --> 01:40:19,296 We would've made a pretty good team. 1203 01:40:33,767 --> 01:40:35,813 Oh, it's so hard to go! 1204 01:40:37,181 --> 01:40:40,235 I just love being with all you guys so much. 1205 01:40:40,798 --> 01:40:42,657 So, so much. 1206 01:40:44,089 --> 01:40:46,821 Oh, I can feel it now. Here it comes. Yeah. 1207 01:40:46,963 --> 01:40:50,815 Feel the soul, exiting the husk... 1208 01:40:53,766 --> 01:40:55,855 Can you see it? 1209 01:40:56,361 --> 01:40:58,672 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1210 01:40:59,578 --> 01:41:01,752 There it is. 1211 01:41:07,287 --> 01:41:10,193 No, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that. 1212 01:41:10,403 --> 01:41:12,543 I'd just like a few final words... 1213 01:41:14,130 --> 01:41:15,895 Woodpecker. 1214 01:41:16,106 --> 01:41:17,879 Gingivitis. 1215 01:41:19,554 --> 01:41:21,600 Codswallop. 1216 01:41:25,351 --> 01:41:28,155 Do you wanna build a snowman? 1217 01:42:57,144 --> 01:42:59,956 Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of... 1218 01:43:00,027 --> 01:43:03,191 Handicappable children stuck in a tree. No. 1219 01:43:04,109 --> 01:43:07,135 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1220 01:43:07,160 --> 01:43:09,261 - He's got a terrible name. - Just awful. 1221 01:43:09,286 --> 01:43:11,536 I tried to tell him. 1222 01:43:12,332 --> 01:43:14,246 Is this heaven? 1223 01:43:14,530 --> 01:43:16,457 It is now. 1224 01:43:19,319 --> 01:43:21,509 I'm so sorry. 1225 01:43:22,021 --> 01:43:23,724 It's okay. 1226 01:43:43,158 --> 01:43:45,892 I missed you so much. 1227 01:43:50,820 --> 01:43:52,905 What is it? What's wrong? 1228 01:43:53,805 --> 01:43:56,008 It's not time. 1229 01:43:56,233 --> 01:43:58,389 What do you mean, it's not time? 1230 01:43:58,444 --> 01:44:00,156 I'm here. I made it. 1231 01:44:00,181 --> 01:44:02,725 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. I'm staying. 1232 01:44:02,759 --> 01:44:04,773 I'm not going anywhere without you. 1233 01:44:04,798 --> 01:44:06,133 It's okay. 1234 01:44:06,158 --> 01:44:08,986 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1235 01:44:09,814 --> 01:44:12,689 - They need you. - Who? 1236 01:44:14,267 --> 01:44:16,071 Your F-word. 1237 01:44:16,984 --> 01:44:20,009 - Why? - You'll find out. 1238 01:44:21,147 --> 01:44:23,647 It's all right. I'll be here. 1239 01:44:23,981 --> 01:44:25,973 I love you. 1240 01:44:27,700 --> 01:44:29,489 I know. 1241 01:44:29,514 --> 01:44:32,904 I love you, too. Now, go. 1242 01:44:33,271 --> 01:44:35,904 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1243 01:44:36,873 --> 01:44:37,873 Go. 1244 01:44:40,523 --> 01:44:42,083 Hey. 1245 01:44:44,242 --> 01:44:47,094 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1246 01:44:47,226 --> 01:44:48,867 Well, come here. 1247 01:45:07,662 --> 01:45:09,240 Don't fuck Elvis. 1248 01:45:09,265 --> 01:45:10,832 Don't fuck Colossus. 1249 01:45:10,857 --> 01:45:12,116 What? 1250 01:45:20,576 --> 01:45:22,185 Time to make the chimichangas. 1251 01:45:22,201 --> 01:45:22,912 Thirty seconds. 1252 01:45:22,936 --> 01:45:25,170 Hey, been meaning to ask you. What's with the... 1253 01:45:25,195 --> 01:45:26,788 Creepy, dirty hobo-bear? 1254 01:45:26,813 --> 01:45:28,906 That's my daughter's Teddy bear. 1255 01:45:28,931 --> 01:45:32,462 - Her name's Hope. - Oh. 1256 01:45:32,580 --> 01:45:36,486 What are you doing? Somebody swiped right. 1257 01:45:48,709 --> 01:45:51,646 Tell me they got that in slow-motion. 1258 01:45:54,306 --> 01:45:57,891 - You sacrificed yourself for me? - Hey, what's here? I... 1259 01:46:00,215 --> 01:46:01,317 Huh. 1260 01:46:02,121 --> 01:46:04,488 Genine high-grade lead. 1261 01:46:06,730 --> 01:46:09,675 You time-sliding son of a bitch. 1262 01:46:09,700 --> 01:46:11,886 You did this for me? 1263 01:46:12,739 --> 01:46:14,153 Wait... 1264 01:46:14,246 --> 01:46:16,222 You can't go back. 1265 01:46:16,261 --> 01:46:19,032 You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and wife? 1266 01:46:19,057 --> 01:46:20,978 No, my family's safe. 1267 01:46:21,003 --> 01:46:23,760 And I didn't do it for you. 1268 01:46:24,057 --> 01:46:26,634 Now I'm gonna stick around for a while. 1269 01:46:26,659 --> 01:46:29,893 Make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1270 01:46:30,582 --> 01:46:35,160 - Aww. You did it for me. - No, I didn't. 1271 01:46:35,414 --> 01:46:36,821 - You did. - I didn't. 1272 01:46:36,846 --> 01:46:38,744 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1273 01:46:38,769 --> 01:46:40,760 Fine. Alright. Let's flip a coin, okay? 1274 01:46:40,785 --> 01:46:43,565 Heads, did it for me, tails, you did it for me. 1275 01:46:43,590 --> 01:46:46,410 I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me. 1276 01:46:46,494 --> 01:46:47,907 - Say it again. - You did it for me. 1277 01:46:47,939 --> 01:46:49,532 - Jesus. - We must get the collar off. 1278 01:46:49,557 --> 01:46:52,416 Forget it. It's no use. These collars don't just come off. 1279 01:46:52,441 --> 01:46:55,885 Wade... I have an idea. 1280 01:46:56,374 --> 01:46:58,514 Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's not do that, please. 1281 01:46:58,530 --> 01:47:01,570 I'd rather die of cancer. That's just... Oh, God. 1282 01:47:01,595 --> 01:47:04,321 They do say, the pen is grosser than the sword. 1283 01:47:05,165 --> 01:47:07,586 - We need the code. - Try, uhh... 1284 01:47:07,797 --> 01:47:10,078 - Seven? - Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1285 01:47:10,102 --> 01:47:13,312 It's not gonna be one number. God, that's lazy writing. 1286 01:47:13,601 --> 01:47:15,522 Still got it. 1287 01:47:17,970 --> 01:47:20,673 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1288 01:47:21,634 --> 01:47:25,485 I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you. 1289 01:47:25,607 --> 01:47:27,834 - No. - Yes. Here we go. 1290 01:47:27,880 --> 01:47:31,293 Bring it in. Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. 1291 01:47:31,395 --> 01:47:35,441 Let's go tip-to-tip. There we go. The kids call this "docking". 1292 01:47:36,779 --> 01:47:39,574 - Is there a knife in my dick? - There's a knife in your dick. Yeah. 1293 01:47:39,599 --> 01:47:42,567 Just get back up a little. Already did a full Yentl. 1294 01:47:42,592 --> 01:47:44,912 Pretend like that never happened. 1295 01:47:45,021 --> 01:47:47,091 Let's go home, Russell. 1296 01:47:50,556 --> 01:47:54,962 All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy. 1297 01:47:54,987 --> 01:47:58,002 Your souls are beyond redemption. 1298 01:47:58,027 --> 01:48:01,440 - Let's see your soul, perv! - No! No, no more. 1299 01:48:01,467 --> 01:48:03,589 We're better than that. We're better than him. 1300 01:48:03,614 --> 01:48:06,349 No more senseless violence, no more bloodshed. 1301 01:48:06,404 --> 01:48:09,290 - We'll let karma take care of him. - The day of reckoning, 1302 01:48:09,315 --> 01:48:11,130 is here! 1303 01:48:20,321 --> 01:48:22,758 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1304 01:48:22,867 --> 01:48:25,226 Woo! There it is, motherfuckers! 1305 01:48:25,251 --> 01:48:26,847 I think I'm a motherfucker. 1306 01:48:26,886 --> 01:48:30,392 I can hear you counting the last 30 seconds like a monkey, it was... ! 1307 01:48:30,417 --> 01:48:31,963 I want some more. 1308 01:48:31,988 --> 01:48:34,003 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1309 01:48:34,028 --> 01:48:37,088 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1310 01:48:37,113 --> 01:48:39,504 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1311 01:48:39,572 --> 01:48:41,970 No. We'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1312 01:48:42,009 --> 01:48:44,571 - Besides, we're X-Men. - No. 1313 01:48:44,650 --> 01:48:47,454 - You're X-People. - You're X-hausting. 1314 01:48:47,486 --> 01:48:50,134 I see what you did there. Puns. 1315 01:48:50,158 --> 01:48:52,431 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio. 1316 01:48:54,626 --> 01:48:57,079 What do you get when you take 8 feet of chrome, 1317 01:48:57,104 --> 01:48:59,924 one pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, 1318 01:48:59,949 --> 01:49:02,409 a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, 1319 01:49:02,433 --> 01:49:05,183 and a wheelbarrow full of stage-four cancer? 1320 01:49:05,207 --> 01:49:07,902 Answer: a family. 1321 01:49:07,980 --> 01:49:10,988 See? I didn't lie on what kind of film this was. 1322 01:49:11,105 --> 01:49:12,738 If there's anything you take away today, 1323 01:49:12,763 --> 01:49:15,566 other than the need to google, "what the fuck is dubstep", 1324 01:49:15,591 --> 01:49:18,966 it's that we all need to belong to someone.