1 00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:08,220 2 00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,352 Our story begins in the land 3 00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,155 of broken dreams, not so long ago. 4 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,192 A time of great division and technological sorcery. 5 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,995 But not all hope was lost... 6 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:32,032 For some times, the most beautiful flowers 7 00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,602 grow in the biggest piles of shit. 8 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,160 We're so lucky to have found each other. 9 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,296 Luck had nothing to do with it. 10 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,502 - To the great horned god. - And our dear mother goddess. 11 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,448 My name's Thorn and I'm a witch. 12 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,282 A real witch. 13 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,285 I'm not evil, I don't sacrifice children, 14 00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,220 and the only time I ever participated 15 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,690 in group sex was in college. Which, made me 16 00:02:02,724 --> 00:02:04,692 so uncomfortable I couldn't even get a boner. 17 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,294 This is my life partner Willow. 18 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:08,830 She's a registered nurse 19 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,765 living out her dream to help others. 20 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,635 She supports my dreams to, which is what gave me 21 00:02:13,668 --> 00:02:15,537 the courage to toss my hat into the ring of 22 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,572 the highly competitive bird bath industry. 23 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,174 And this was the calm before the storm. 24 00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:24,412 Before my past finally caught up with me. 25 00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:43,263 We should burn some sage. 26 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,762 Have you given any more thought? 27 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,197 It's not me, right? 28 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,635 Am I the reason you don't want to have a family? 29 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,905 Sweetheart, we already have a family. 30 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,742 Stay here. 31 00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,290 What's going on? For a second, I thought 32 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,292 you were one of those kids from the catholic boys' school 33 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:47,160 lighting another bag of shit on fire. 34 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,832 We're all fucked up over relationship issues. 35 00:03:50,865 --> 00:03:52,800 We need guidance and healing before 36 00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:54,636 the Beltane celebration tomorrow. 37 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,605 We didn't know who else to go to. 38 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,775 This is my coven. 39 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:04,277 We recently decided to simplify our lives 40 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,848 by color coordinating and mostly wear black. 41 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,851 Not to look scary, but because it flatters every skin tone. 42 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,855 Desmond's a tow-truck driver. 43 00:04:13,888 --> 00:04:16,891 He's got a heart of gold, and a passion for European cinema. 44 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,427 Especially the work of Juliette Binoche. 45 00:04:20,895 --> 00:04:24,432 Neptune's a US postal worker who loves potato vodka, 46 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,934 sports betting, cold cut sandwiches, 47 00:04:26,968 --> 00:04:30,438 and has a spoiler on his car that's so big he can't drive. 48 00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:34,709 Desmond and Neptune met four years ago at an impound lot. 49 00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:37,578 What started as a heated altercation evolved 50 00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,346 into a spirited love affair. 51 00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:45,420 Alright, boys. How can we help? 52 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,522 Well, we were at Saints & Sinners the other night, 53 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,390 and he... I caught him looking at a girl's ass. 54 00:04:50,425 --> 00:04:52,694 - I -okay... - It wasn't the first time. 55 00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,395 I was looking at the flared lace pants 56 00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:56,898 - she was wearing. - Uh huh. 57 00:04:56,931 --> 00:04:58,566 Okay, I wasn't checking her physical form. 58 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,568 Just be honest. Okay? With me. 59 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,537 Be honest. Are you even gay? 60 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,472 You've been fucking me in the ass for the past year. 61 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,708 Does that sound like something a straight person 62 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,643 - would let someone else do? - I don't know if you're 63 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,277 just thinking of a blonde with big tits? 64 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,946 While I'm being fucked in the ass? 65 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,815 Boys, calm down. Human sexuality's a complex thing. 66 00:05:13,848 --> 00:05:15,917 And there is definitely a spectrum. 67 00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:18,519 I've known Desmond for years, however. 68 00:05:18,553 --> 00:05:21,923 We even shared an apartment together after college, 69 00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:25,693 and I feel confident in saying that he is incredibly gay. 70 00:05:25,727 --> 00:05:27,662 Yeah. I'm probably even gayer than you. 71 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,798 - I doubt it. - This isn't a pissing contest. 72 00:05:30,832 --> 00:05:32,533 It's not so important 73 00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:34,702 where either of you fall on the spectrum. 74 00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:38,473 What's important is that you're both in love. 75 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,274 Are you both in love? 76 00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,878 I love him with all my heart and soul. 77 00:05:44,979 --> 00:05:46,948 I think that he's uneasy about the fact 78 00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:49,617 that his last boyfriend left him for a woman. 79 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,020 Draw your ex-boyfriend. 80 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,690 It's time to rid yourself of 81 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,324 all that jealousy and resentment. 82 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,971 Repeat after me: "I release you." 83 00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:14,341 - I release you. - Okay. 84 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,411 - I release you. - I release you. 85 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:20,748 - I release you. - Keep saying it. 86 00:06:20,782 --> 00:06:23,050 - I release you. - Let it out. 87 00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:25,686 I release you! 88 00:06:29,891 --> 00:06:32,359 I haven't been fair to you. 89 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,997 And I'll try harder. 90 00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:38,666 You know, it actually means a lot to me 91 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:42,403 to find out that I'm more to you than just a hole. 92 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,638 You're so much more than a hole. 93 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,542 You're my whole world. 94 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,048 Percival works at a camping goods store. 95 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,485 He's an amateur welder, expert in the art of tying knots, 96 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,021 and has an unhealthy distrust of government institutions 97 00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:02,023 ever since catching his middle school class 98 00:07:02,056 --> 00:07:04,525 treasurer misappropriating funds. 99 00:07:04,559 --> 00:07:07,728 Rowena's a popular witch on social media 100 00:07:07,762 --> 00:07:11,364 known for her herbal medicine workshops and potion sprays. 101 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,901 When she's not preparing remedies, she's doting over 102 00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:16,737 her two rescue kittens, Mortar and Pestle. 103 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,908 Percival met Rowena by sliding into her DMs 104 00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:23,144 to inquire about a salve for a butt fungus 105 00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:25,378 he contracted at the Edwardian ball. 106 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,415 They've been inseparable ever since. 107 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,552 I'm do self-conscience about the way I look. 108 00:07:31,586 --> 00:07:33,521 I can't bear to have sex with someone 109 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,388 as beautiful as my wife. 110 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:39,160 Past few months, hideous has been my key word 111 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:40,828 search on PornHub. 112 00:07:41,429 --> 00:07:44,532 Don't get me wrong, I still love my crystal dildos. 113 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,833 Still working with the rose quartz? 114 00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:48,102 - I switched to amethyst. - Hm. 115 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:53,040 But, I miss having that connection with my partner. 116 00:07:53,074 --> 00:07:55,076 He's lost in his own head. 117 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:58,446 Can't you just gain like 20 pounds? 118 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,615 If you can't accept me the way that I am, 119 00:08:01,449 --> 00:08:03,084 what are we even doing in a relationship? 120 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,686 Percival, you just need to learn to love 121 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,855 yourself as much as Rowena loves you. 122 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:11,859 I know that you are hurting, but it is selfish to 123 00:08:11,893 --> 00:08:14,061 take your insecurities out on your partner. 124 00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,632 I'm sorry, baby. 125 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,433 I'll be better for you. 126 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:24,639 What a beautiful verbal expression of love. 127 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:29,810 Go home, and express that same kind of love with your penis. 128 00:08:35,116 --> 00:08:36,884 Angus owns a brewery chain that 129 00:08:36,918 --> 00:08:39,153 caters to the local collegiate crowd. 130 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,188 Last year, he was arrested for directing 131 00:08:41,222 --> 00:08:43,658 traffic with two baguettes he found in a dumpster. 132 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,895 Echo's a freelance writer with a social justice slant. 133 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,165 She's not afraid to share her opinions, which rubs some 134 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,868 people the wrong way, but she's usually right. 135 00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:58,606 Angus and Echo met at a diner where she warned him 136 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,608 about ordering fish on Mondays 137 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,910 and he replied, "Mind your business." 138 00:09:02,944 --> 00:09:06,714 45 minutes later, she kindly drove him to emergency care. 139 00:09:07,148 --> 00:09:10,184 Last month, Angus brought a dog home. 140 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,487 He knows I'm a cat person. 141 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:18,225 But what really gets under my skin is 142 00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:22,530 he named the dog Women's Rights. 143 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,099 Forgive me for naming our dog after something 144 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,934 that I am very passionate about. 145 00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:28,936 I just don't know why you have to put a negative 146 00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:31,038 - spin on everything. - Says the guy walking 147 00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,940 Women's Rights around on a leash. 148 00:09:32,974 --> 00:09:35,176 My intentions were pure. 149 00:09:35,209 --> 00:09:39,080 Your intentions might be pure, but they're entirely misguided. 150 00:09:39,113 --> 00:09:40,848 Thank you. 151 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,783 Since the dog belongs to both of you, 152 00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:44,952 it is only right that you both should agree on the name. 153 00:09:44,986 --> 00:09:46,921 But think about that poor animal, 154 00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:51,125 and all this conflict is probably making him anxious. 155 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:55,096 The way that I see it, neither of you is truly suffering. 156 00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,634 The real victim here is Women's Rights. 157 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,839 I'm sorry. 158 00:10:05,239 --> 00:10:07,274 I should have put more thought into this. 159 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,278 I just wanted you to see how progressive 160 00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:15,082 I've become so you would be more attracted to me. 161 00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:16,784 Well, let's pick a name 162 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,586 that makes sense for both of us. 163 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,087 Maybe something a little less 164 00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:26,260 politically charged like Merlin. 165 00:10:28,329 --> 00:10:31,932 Babe, that is my favorite fucking wizard. 166 00:10:31,966 --> 00:10:33,701 I know he is, babe. 167 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:38,739 I love it. And I love you. 168 00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:40,708 See how easy that was? 169 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,011 It's all about communication. 170 00:10:44,045 --> 00:10:45,880 You two are miracle workers. 171 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,348 I don't know how to thank you enough. 172 00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,617 We did nothing other than provide you two 173 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,986 with a platform to express yourselves. 174 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,896 He totally stole that from me, by the way. 175 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,697 What? 176 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,066 Merlin's my favorite fucking wizard. 177 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:17,144 It's so cute how much the coven seems to admire you. 178 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:21,148 We're a team, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 179 00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:24,251 Not too shabby for a couple of outcasts 180 00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:26,020 living life on the fringe. 181 00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,757 Just think, someday... 182 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:34,228 we'll have a little pariah of our own. 183 00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:42,837 I'm sorry, darling, I just... you're killing 184 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:46,774 the mood, and I hate to waste a perfectly full moon. 185 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,376 It's always about sex magic with you. 186 00:11:50,845 --> 00:11:52,613 Not always. 187 00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:58,919 Sometimes it's about pleasure. 188 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,233 Good morning. 189 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:53,107 - Any new purchase orders? - No, not yet. 190 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,843 Don't worry. Big bird batch may be out to crush the little guy. 191 00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:58,212 This season they got another thing coming. 192 00:13:00,181 --> 00:13:02,316 Happy Beltane, baby. 193 00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,957 Covens celebrate the holiday 194 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,859 in unique and special ways. 195 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,094 These are our traditions. 196 00:13:55,803 --> 00:13:57,204 You're sure I can't convince you 197 00:13:57,238 --> 00:13:59,073 to let me let a bonfire tonight? 198 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,242 Every time you do this, someone has a few too many 199 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,911 glasses of fruit wine and fancies himself a fire jumper. 200 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,813 Angus assured you it won't happen again. 201 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,348 He's learned his lesson. 202 00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:10,117 Out of the question, but I love you. 203 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,186 It just doesn't feel like Beltane without a big bonfire. 204 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,888 You want to fire? Light a candle. 205 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,125 Happy Beltane, motherfuckers. 206 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,761 We're not having a big fire this year. 207 00:14:22,363 --> 00:14:24,798 - Why? - Do you even have to ask? 208 00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:28,570 I'm not trying to be a buzz kill, 209 00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:30,804 I just want to have one Beltane celebration 210 00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:33,207 that doesn't involve a trip to the hospital. 211 00:14:47,288 --> 00:14:49,056 What on Earth are they doing? 212 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,992 I think they're making a statement. 213 00:14:52,026 --> 00:14:54,228 I told the boys, no bonfire this year. 214 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,030 God's love 'em. 215 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,165 If only their brains were as big as their hearts. 216 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,270 Hey, guys. 217 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,306 Hey! 218 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,210 For your kindness last night. 219 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,881 It's fully functional and battle ready, 220 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,249 Percival sharpened it this morning. 221 00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:18,285 Thorn's been in the market for a new sword. 222 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,854 Your generosity knows no bounds. 223 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,992 We have some mead and fruit wine in the kitchen. 224 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,494 None for me, thanks. 225 00:15:26,528 --> 00:15:29,163 I'll drink for us both. Percival, wine me. 226 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,034 Happy Beltane. 227 00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:38,105 God of Sun, fire in the sky. 228 00:15:38,906 --> 00:15:41,409 Light this earth and warm the nights. 229 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:47,214 Warm our spirits, hearts and hands. 230 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,252 Shed some light upon this land. 231 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,157 In the spirit of fertility, 232 00:16:30,592 --> 00:16:32,926 I have an announcement I'd like to make. 233 00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:35,963 I am with child. 234 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,533 Percival and I are going to be parents. 235 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,637 How did you get pregnant without having sex? 236 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,640 Oh, we scraped all the cum off the laptop keyboard 237 00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:47,509 right after and mix it with some geranium oil 238 00:16:47,542 --> 00:16:50,244 and fennel seed, and what do you know? It took. 239 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,279 Congratulations. 240 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,417 Tonight, we drink to Rowena. 241 00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:57,652 Gift of new life. 242 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,655 Did you bring your beer bong? 243 00:17:02,424 --> 00:17:04,258 Does a bear shit in the woods? 244 00:17:33,187 --> 00:17:36,290 Oh! I always said you had child birthing hips. 245 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,192 - Look at them. - And I said it's made me 246 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,761 very uncomfortable every time you said it. 247 00:17:39,794 --> 00:17:42,497 What are you doing admiring her hips? 248 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:44,532 I'm admiring her hips. That's it. 249 00:17:44,566 --> 00:17:47,267 - Just admiring them. - This is great. 250 00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:49,303 Oh, are you going to eat the placenta? 251 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,371 - Obvi. - What are you doing? 252 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,275 - He does this every night. - Mhmm. 253 00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:56,778 Have you talked about it? 254 00:17:56,811 --> 00:17:59,246 You can't talk to someone who's on the floor. 255 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,782 You can't. 256 00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:12,594 Hi! 257 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:15,329 We love you guys together, you know that, right? 258 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,364 You guys are going to be amazing parents. 259 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,767 Yeah. Oh, so kind of you to say. 260 00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:22,637 But seriously, if your child wants to be a snake miller, 261 00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,072 you have to encourage that dream. 262 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,140 - You promise? - Yes, of course. 263 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,043 Because if I had supportive parents, I would be in a 264 00:18:30,077 --> 00:18:32,614 fucking serpentarium milking a snake as we speak. 265 00:18:32,647 --> 00:18:34,381 Okay. Okay. 266 00:18:34,415 --> 00:18:37,184 He gets like this every single time he drinks. 267 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,653 I love 'em. 268 00:18:50,532 --> 00:18:52,399 We're so delighted for you both. 269 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,736 And what better occasion 270 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:56,538 to make an announcement than Beltane? 271 00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,338 Such a blessing. 272 00:18:58,372 --> 00:19:00,475 Hopefully, this time next year, 273 00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:03,143 we will be adding to the coven ourselves. 274 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,179 Let's go circle dance. 275 00:19:11,853 --> 00:19:13,621 Thorn doesn't dance. 276 00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:16,189 Not even at our hand fasting ceremony. 277 00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,810 Come on, Thorn! 278 00:19:39,814 --> 00:19:42,282 It's just dancing. 279 00:20:19,454 --> 00:20:22,222 This was the Beltane to end all Beltanes, babe. 280 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,725 You've really outdone yourself. 281 00:20:24,826 --> 00:20:26,761 What's the matter? 282 00:20:26,794 --> 00:20:30,364 You need to stop pressuring me to conceive a child. 283 00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:33,635 I know it comes from a place of love, 284 00:20:33,668 --> 00:20:35,268 but I'm just not ready yet. 285 00:20:35,870 --> 00:20:37,872 I understand. Really, I do, I don't... 286 00:20:38,673 --> 00:20:40,642 I don't know what's gotten into me lately. 287 00:20:40,675 --> 00:20:42,710 Have you been taking those male enhancement pills, 288 00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:44,579 the ones from the gas station? 289 00:20:44,612 --> 00:20:46,481 What the hell does that have to do with anything? 290 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,827 You come here acting like we're the freaks for loving nature, 291 00:20:59,861 --> 00:21:01,863 promoting inclusivity and honoring women. 292 00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:03,798 How many more reformation is it going to take 293 00:21:03,831 --> 00:21:05,533 for you to leave us in peace? 294 00:21:05,566 --> 00:21:07,568 We got a problem here? 295 00:21:07,602 --> 00:21:10,638 You've got five seconds to get off my lawn before I cut you up 296 00:21:10,672 --> 00:21:13,641 into communion wafers, get the fuck out of here. 297 00:21:14,642 --> 00:21:16,176 See that? 298 00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,213 That's what you get when you take the feminine 299 00:21:20,247 --> 00:21:22,417 out of the divine. 300 00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:33,795 People seem to hate us so much, sometimes. 301 00:21:33,828 --> 00:21:35,797 I forget not to hate them in return. 302 00:21:36,764 --> 00:21:39,767 I've been dealing with bullies all my life, 303 00:21:39,801 --> 00:21:41,569 sometimes throwing their shit back 304 00:21:41,602 --> 00:21:43,471 at them makes for a teachable moment. 305 00:21:43,838 --> 00:21:46,941 And other times it creates more of a monster. 306 00:21:48,009 --> 00:21:49,744 I leave it up to the fates. 307 00:21:51,579 --> 00:21:53,313 Well, you certainly got creative threats 308 00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:54,649 down to a fine art. 309 00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:56,584 Thanks, honey. 310 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:01,288 I really admire the way you kind of just stood there. 311 00:22:15,737 --> 00:22:19,440 Mr. Thornton Adams. 312 00:23:06,621 --> 00:23:07,889 What are you doing on the couch? 313 00:23:08,923 --> 00:23:10,925 Did we get into a fight I don't remember. 314 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,496 Who are you? 315 00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,599 I have no idea what you're talking about. 316 00:23:21,502 --> 00:23:24,705 Most likely to succeed. 317 00:23:25,573 --> 00:23:27,041 Prom king. 318 00:23:28,709 --> 00:23:31,078 Class president. 319 00:23:32,146 --> 00:23:35,382 My very own life partner, 320 00:23:35,416 --> 00:23:37,885 a member of the unholiest of trinities. 321 00:23:41,055 --> 00:23:42,757 It's crazy. 322 00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:44,692 How did you find out? 323 00:23:44,725 --> 00:23:47,562 Forget how I found out. That's not what's important. 324 00:23:48,462 --> 00:23:51,098 What's important is that you have been lying 325 00:23:51,132 --> 00:23:53,100 to me for the past several years. 326 00:23:53,801 --> 00:23:57,104 My little nonconformist, a member of what? 327 00:23:57,138 --> 00:23:58,606 Student government. 328 00:23:59,140 --> 00:24:00,174 And now. 329 00:24:01,075 --> 00:24:04,445 For the rest of my life, I have to reconcile the fact 330 00:24:04,478 --> 00:24:07,481 that the prom king put his penis inside me. 331 00:24:08,015 --> 00:24:10,651 It makes me sick to my stomach. 332 00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:12,119 Maybe you're pregnant. 333 00:24:12,153 --> 00:24:13,788 I am not pregnant, Thornton. 334 00:24:14,589 --> 00:24:17,158 I mean, Thorn. Such a badass name. 335 00:24:17,191 --> 00:24:18,626 But, Thornton. 336 00:24:18,659 --> 00:24:20,428 You might as well be a Jack. 337 00:24:22,864 --> 00:24:24,665 Just tell me this, 338 00:24:24,699 --> 00:24:26,601 and be completely fucking honest, 339 00:24:27,535 --> 00:24:32,640 did you play sports? 340 00:24:36,177 --> 00:24:37,712 Oh god. 341 00:24:37,745 --> 00:24:40,581 Tell me it was squash or jai alai. 342 00:24:44,518 --> 00:24:47,655 What was it? What sport did you play? 343 00:24:49,891 --> 00:24:55,630 - Lacrosse. - No! 344 00:24:58,199 --> 00:25:02,970 No! No! No! 345 00:25:03,004 --> 00:25:06,974 Oh my god! I fucking hate you! 346 00:25:29,830 --> 00:25:31,933 I think I might have overreacted. 347 00:25:32,934 --> 00:25:35,136 It was not right of me to keep this a secret from you. 348 00:25:36,570 --> 00:25:40,474 To betray everything I stand for and everything you deserve. 349 00:25:42,877 --> 00:25:44,612 I've invested too much time 350 00:25:44,645 --> 00:25:46,881 into this relationship just to throw it away 351 00:25:49,050 --> 00:25:54,989 because my partner is the living embodiment 352 00:25:55,022 --> 00:25:59,894 of everyone who made my youth a waking nightmare. 353 00:26:01,696 --> 00:26:04,899 Just come clean. I want to know everything. 354 00:26:07,868 --> 00:26:09,470 I was born in a pretty small town. 355 00:26:10,237 --> 00:26:12,006 I was raised by a single mother. 356 00:26:12,873 --> 00:26:14,642 I wanted to make her proud. 357 00:26:15,576 --> 00:26:17,945 Dressed like she wanted, worshipped like she wanted. 358 00:26:19,113 --> 00:26:22,717 Participate in extracurricular activities that look 359 00:26:22,750 --> 00:26:24,285 good on a college resume. 360 00:26:24,318 --> 00:26:26,220 Whatever it took to maintain the wholesome 361 00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:27,989 image that she wanted. 362 00:26:30,591 --> 00:26:32,660 Gross. 363 00:26:32,693 --> 00:26:35,229 But deep down, I was questioning everything. 364 00:26:36,831 --> 00:26:39,867 Sure, my Nautica shirts, and my 311 CDs says 365 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:43,004 all-American boy on the outside, but inside, 366 00:26:43,037 --> 00:26:44,572 I was yearning. 367 00:26:45,740 --> 00:26:48,642 For Victorian era frocks and Bauhaus records. 368 00:26:48,676 --> 00:26:51,612 I'm sorry, you were forced to wear Nautica T-shirts. 369 00:26:52,313 --> 00:26:54,148 It's unspeakable. 370 00:26:54,181 --> 00:26:58,652 The only person who understood me was my grandma. 371 00:26:59,153 --> 00:27:00,755 She had a stroke. 372 00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:03,190 Hasn't been the same since. 373 00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:05,559 There is a hole in my heart. 374 00:27:06,293 --> 00:27:08,029 And that is when I stumbled upon my god. 375 00:27:10,331 --> 00:27:13,534 I'd found my religion. I found my people. 376 00:27:15,836 --> 00:27:19,874 And when I found you on All Hallows Eve, 377 00:27:20,775 --> 00:27:24,612 casting the remains of a frozen turducken into a funeral pyre, 378 00:27:26,247 --> 00:27:28,816 that's when I knew I'd finally found my person. 379 00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:31,886 For a woman who prides herself on 380 00:27:31,919 --> 00:27:36,724 being non-judgmental, I'm ashamed. 381 00:27:37,892 --> 00:27:39,727 Don't be. 382 00:27:40,928 --> 00:27:42,763 We're both guilty of the same thing. 383 00:27:43,731 --> 00:27:46,067 We've been forced to feel like freaks 384 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,702 for so long that we've forgotten that the seemingly 385 00:27:48,736 --> 00:27:50,604 well-adjusted need our support to. 386 00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:55,910 Beneath cloaks of Ralph Lauren, 387 00:27:55,943 --> 00:27:57,645 blood flows through their veins. 388 00:27:58,079 --> 00:27:59,680 Just like the rest of. 389 00:28:12,693 --> 00:28:14,195 I have a confession to make. 390 00:28:17,432 --> 00:28:20,601 I RSVP'd to your high school reunion. 391 00:28:34,949 --> 00:28:36,350 Come on, Thorn. 392 00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,719 You've been in there for hours. 393 00:28:38,752 --> 00:28:40,821 This is a sacred space, forming a protective 394 00:28:40,855 --> 00:28:42,756 barrier from all who choose to hurt me. 395 00:28:43,824 --> 00:28:46,160 You can't just enter a cone of power once it's been sealed, 396 00:28:46,193 --> 00:28:48,262 there are strong energies at work here. 397 00:28:48,295 --> 00:28:50,998 Grant me entry or I'm willing to take my chances. 398 00:28:51,031 --> 00:28:52,766 You lost your goddamn mind. 399 00:28:56,471 --> 00:28:58,406 I can't let you do that yourself. 400 00:29:11,318 --> 00:29:15,923 Baby, I don't see what the big deal is. 401 00:29:15,956 --> 00:29:18,292 We RSVP and don't go to things all the time. 402 00:29:18,325 --> 00:29:20,060 That's not the issue. 403 00:29:20,094 --> 00:29:21,829 You forced me to face my past, 404 00:29:21,862 --> 00:29:23,864 and now I've got to deal with it. 405 00:29:23,898 --> 00:29:26,100 What kind of hypocrite would I be, encouraging that coven to 406 00:29:26,133 --> 00:29:28,169 confront their problems and not doing the same myself. 407 00:29:28,202 --> 00:29:30,938 Did you read any of your e-mails? 408 00:29:30,971 --> 00:29:32,806 - Hell no. - Well, as former 409 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,909 class president, you're required to perform 410 00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:36,444 a dance to inspire school spirit. 411 00:29:37,978 --> 00:29:39,914 You can barely spiral dance. 412 00:29:40,748 --> 00:29:42,816 And that involves spinning in a circle. 413 00:29:45,286 --> 00:29:48,189 Great horned god why have you forsaken me. 414 00:29:48,222 --> 00:29:50,057 You can make a decision. 415 00:29:50,891 --> 00:29:52,726 I just want you to have all the details. 416 00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,434 Forget it. We're not going. 417 00:30:01,202 --> 00:30:02,937 At least I won't have to see my mom. 418 00:30:05,773 --> 00:30:07,475 You told me your mother is dead. 419 00:30:08,309 --> 00:30:10,110 This is a conversation I would prefer to have 420 00:30:10,144 --> 00:30:11,979 outside the Come of Power. 421 00:30:14,549 --> 00:30:16,484 You don't have to go to your stupid reunion, 422 00:30:16,518 --> 00:30:18,319 but I want to meet your mother. 423 00:30:18,352 --> 00:30:20,821 I mean, for crying out loud, we're life partners. 424 00:30:23,023 --> 00:30:24,792 Okay, fine. 425 00:30:32,266 --> 00:30:35,903 Hello, son. Who's the broad? 426 00:30:35,936 --> 00:30:38,005 She's not a broad, she's my wife and she's a priestess. 427 00:30:38,038 --> 00:30:41,476 Well, thank you for taking time away 428 00:30:41,509 --> 00:30:44,446 from worshipping Satan to reach out. 429 00:30:44,479 --> 00:30:47,815 Thorne was thinking about coming back 430 00:30:47,848 --> 00:30:52,152 to his high school reunion, and you came up and I just 431 00:30:52,186 --> 00:30:57,291 wanted to tell you what a decent man you raised. 432 00:30:57,324 --> 00:30:59,360 Thornton. 433 00:30:59,393 --> 00:31:01,395 It's horrifying enough that I know what you've become. 434 00:31:01,429 --> 00:31:05,032 Spare your former classmates the same humiliation. 435 00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:07,901 People of this town were good to you. 436 00:31:07,935 --> 00:31:09,870 Let them preserve their memories. 437 00:31:09,903 --> 00:31:11,939 There's no reason they should know 438 00:31:11,972 --> 00:31:13,907 their prom king's become a court jester. 439 00:31:17,412 --> 00:31:19,113 What's it like to go through life so selfish 440 00:31:19,146 --> 00:31:20,482 and not even know it? 441 00:31:20,515 --> 00:31:22,983 Did you just call me selfish? 442 00:31:24,018 --> 00:31:27,154 I work from home so that I can be here 443 00:31:27,187 --> 00:31:28,490 to take care of your grandmother. 444 00:31:29,758 --> 00:31:32,460 Why do you work from home? Oh, yeah, I remember. 445 00:31:32,494 --> 00:31:35,262 It's because exposure to sunlight causes 446 00:31:35,296 --> 00:31:37,197 you people to burst into flames. 447 00:31:37,231 --> 00:31:39,867 - Sorry. - I'm sorry. 448 00:31:46,474 --> 00:31:48,809 Now you kind of got to go to this reunion. 449 00:32:10,432 --> 00:32:12,266 Thank you, Priestess. 450 00:32:12,299 --> 00:32:14,268 Shall I present my mojo bag? 451 00:32:18,005 --> 00:32:20,140 It's really brave of you to tell the group. 452 00:32:21,676 --> 00:32:24,512 But it never hurts to have luck on your side. 453 00:32:26,213 --> 00:32:28,382 I just need to take a few drops of blood. 454 00:32:28,416 --> 00:32:30,284 Can I get in an anti-septic wipe? 455 00:32:30,317 --> 00:32:32,554 - I think we're all out. - You know how important 456 00:32:32,587 --> 00:32:34,355 it is to me to practice safe blood magic. 457 00:32:35,189 --> 00:32:37,891 I think I saved last month's menstruation. 458 00:32:37,925 --> 00:32:40,928 I just need a minute to remember where I put it. 459 00:32:40,961 --> 00:32:42,996 I'm good with the herbs and crystals. 460 00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:48,335 Your funeral. 461 00:32:58,112 --> 00:32:59,647 I have a confession to make. 462 00:33:05,587 --> 00:33:07,187 The man you see before 463 00:33:07,555 --> 00:33:11,992 you once led a very different kind of life. 464 00:33:12,025 --> 00:33:13,394 Can I get something to eat, man? 465 00:33:13,428 --> 00:33:15,295 My blood sugar's just crashing. 466 00:33:15,329 --> 00:33:17,164 Please, I'm trying... I'm trying to do a thing here. 467 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,069 Years ago, I was a high school student. 468 00:33:22,670 --> 00:33:24,171 As many of you were. 469 00:33:28,075 --> 00:33:29,977 Um, fuck. 470 00:33:30,412 --> 00:33:32,146 Oh, god, um... 471 00:33:36,150 --> 00:33:39,953 Only I... I was popular. 472 00:33:41,288 --> 00:33:43,957 I love how you just assumed that we were 473 00:33:43,991 --> 00:33:45,460 all losers in high school. 474 00:33:45,493 --> 00:33:47,595 Yeah, back in the day, I was swimming in pussy. 475 00:33:47,629 --> 00:33:49,431 We have been over this. 476 00:33:50,164 --> 00:33:53,300 Don't use the P word, even as a cat alternative. 477 00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:57,004 There's more senior year I was... 478 00:33:57,772 --> 00:34:01,008 I was awarded the most likely 479 00:34:03,343 --> 00:34:05,112 to succeed superlative. 480 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,117 Crowned Prom King, and I... 481 00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:12,720 I participated in student government. 482 00:34:13,621 --> 00:34:15,690 Fuck you, man. 483 00:34:15,723 --> 00:34:17,559 I know that after preaching the virtues of 484 00:34:17,592 --> 00:34:21,563 honesty and openness, I seem like a hypocrite. 485 00:34:22,464 --> 00:34:27,735 I assure you that there's more to the story. 486 00:34:27,769 --> 00:34:30,572 Thorn, I'm going to have to ask you to give me my sword back. 487 00:34:33,575 --> 00:34:35,777 Fucking bureaucrats. 488 00:34:35,810 --> 00:34:39,614 You know, it's not your past that I'm hurt by. 489 00:34:39,647 --> 00:34:42,216 It's the way you seem to have reduced all Wiccans 490 00:34:42,249 --> 00:34:44,452 to a bunch of marginalized outcasts. 491 00:34:44,486 --> 00:34:48,556 I am a contributing writer for Popular Mechanics. 492 00:34:48,590 --> 00:34:51,726 My husband runs a successful brewery chain. 493 00:34:51,759 --> 00:34:54,127 You should have seen our former coven back 494 00:34:54,161 --> 00:34:56,363 in Montana, it was all doctors and lawyers. 495 00:34:56,396 --> 00:34:59,601 It's just this place is a shit show. 496 00:34:59,634 --> 00:35:03,571 We had some good times brother from making mulled 497 00:35:03,605 --> 00:35:07,040 cider to hand stitching our own faun pants out of mohair. 498 00:35:07,074 --> 00:35:09,744 Let me tell you, there's no one 499 00:35:09,777 --> 00:35:12,413 that I would rather attend to bacchanal with, 500 00:35:14,147 --> 00:35:17,685 but this coven is built on a foundation of lies. 501 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:23,691 Seriously, is this really happening right now? 502 00:35:24,659 --> 00:35:27,729 Desmond says the P word, Echo calls him out for it, 503 00:35:27,762 --> 00:35:30,765 and none of you limp dicks stand up for her. 504 00:35:30,798 --> 00:35:33,835 Is this the kind of world I'm supposed to bring a child into? 505 00:35:33,868 --> 00:35:36,704 Hey, Desmond can say the word pussy if he wants to. 506 00:35:36,738 --> 00:35:39,139 It's his First Amendment right. 507 00:35:39,172 --> 00:35:41,074 He just can't fuck it. 508 00:35:41,108 --> 00:35:43,511 Yeah, he can say it if he wants to sound like a pig. 509 00:35:43,545 --> 00:35:46,781 Please, don't take your anger out on each other. 510 00:35:49,851 --> 00:35:52,453 I understand why you've not wanted to have a child with me. 511 00:35:54,121 --> 00:35:56,491 I'm just not dad material. 512 00:35:57,659 --> 00:36:02,530 I'm leaving this place. I'm going on a walkabout. 513 00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:07,769 My fate as a member of this coven rests in 514 00:36:07,802 --> 00:36:11,371 your hands and I will accept whatever you decide. 515 00:36:11,406 --> 00:36:13,675 I've already made up my mind. 516 00:36:15,476 --> 00:36:18,580 Banish him. Banish him. 517 00:36:19,747 --> 00:36:21,783 Banish him. 518 00:36:21,816 --> 00:36:25,620 Banish him. Banish him. 519 00:36:25,653 --> 00:36:28,590 Banish him. Banish him. 520 00:36:29,356 --> 00:36:32,527 Banish him. Banish him. 521 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,395 Banish him. Banish him. 522 00:36:35,430 --> 00:36:38,566 Banish him. Banish him. 523 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,703 Banish him. Banish him. 524 00:36:41,736 --> 00:36:43,438 Banish him. Banish him. 525 00:36:43,471 --> 00:36:45,540 Banish him. Banish him. 526 00:36:45,573 --> 00:36:47,775 Banish him. Banish him. 527 00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:52,245 You're too old for a walkabout. 528 00:36:52,780 --> 00:36:55,883 - You have weak ankles. - I know. 529 00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:02,824 If they can't accept you, then we'll start out own coven. 530 00:37:03,625 --> 00:37:07,462 A rival coven. Or we can kill them. 531 00:37:07,495 --> 00:37:09,430 I like where your head's at. 532 00:37:09,464 --> 00:37:11,298 We're just not wealthy enough to get away with it. 533 00:37:13,468 --> 00:37:15,436 Let the coven reach their own conclusions. 534 00:37:16,370 --> 00:37:18,338 It's the coven way. 535 00:37:23,343 --> 00:37:26,313 A hag stone, for protection. 536 00:37:35,556 --> 00:37:37,759 I'm terrible with goodbyes. 537 00:37:38,660 --> 00:37:40,728 I think it's best you return to the coven. 538 00:37:42,864 --> 00:37:46,434 Remember, stay hydrated. 539 00:38:02,884 --> 00:38:04,819 Ugh. 540 00:38:04,852 --> 00:38:06,921 Great goddess of day and night. 541 00:38:07,989 --> 00:38:11,324 Protect my loved one with all your might. 542 00:38:24,472 --> 00:38:27,442 You guys make me sick. 543 00:38:27,475 --> 00:38:29,677 You bunch of fair-weathered fucks. 544 00:38:31,646 --> 00:38:37,384 Doth poo not flow through your colons? 545 00:38:40,421 --> 00:38:42,523 Where are you going, Angus? 546 00:38:43,991 --> 00:38:46,259 I think you scared him. 547 00:38:46,293 --> 00:38:49,262 Dear coven, you have every right to be angry. 548 00:38:49,831 --> 00:38:51,999 None of you got into witchcraft to be different. 549 00:38:52,033 --> 00:38:55,403 You got into it because it fills your souls. 550 00:38:55,436 --> 00:38:57,438 Please forgive me for deceiving you 551 00:38:57,472 --> 00:38:59,941 and misrepresenting myself based on false presumptions. 552 00:39:00,975 --> 00:39:02,810 Farewell, Thorn. 553 00:39:05,747 --> 00:39:08,983 P.S.: Remember to feed Lord Whiskers. 554 00:40:49,116 --> 00:40:52,854 Which one of you jerks drank all of my ayahuasca? 555 00:41:30,191 --> 00:41:34,929 You're stupid! You're a know-it-all! 556 00:41:34,962 --> 00:41:39,000 You're too liberal! You're not liberal enough! 557 00:41:39,033 --> 00:41:41,869 You're desperate for attention! 558 00:41:41,903 --> 00:41:46,040 You're a hypocrite! You are too effeminate! 559 00:41:46,073 --> 00:41:48,209 You're a closet-misogynist! 560 00:41:48,242 --> 00:41:52,213 You are a liar! 561 00:41:55,249 --> 00:41:58,452 You're scaring the campers! 562 00:41:58,486 --> 00:42:00,855 I'm a work in progress! 563 00:42:31,786 --> 00:42:33,721 Did you nab him yet? 564 00:42:33,754 --> 00:42:35,957 Negative. 565 00:42:35,990 --> 00:42:37,758 What's your 20? I'll send back-up. 566 00:42:37,792 --> 00:42:39,226 Sweetheart, I am the best goddamn ranger 567 00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:41,095 this park has ever seen. 568 00:42:41,128 --> 00:42:42,897 If you send back up, it'll slow me down. 569 00:42:42,930 --> 00:42:47,601 I will apprehend him in due time. 570 00:42:47,635 --> 00:42:50,638 I'm afraid, new friend. 571 00:42:50,671 --> 00:42:53,574 I'm afraid they're all going to make fun of me, 572 00:42:53,607 --> 00:42:55,609 which sounds so juvenile. 573 00:42:55,643 --> 00:42:57,578 I understand what you're going through. 574 00:42:57,611 --> 00:42:59,914 During a storm, I fell from a tree. 575 00:42:59,947 --> 00:43:02,516 Now here I am, a lowly pine cone 576 00:43:02,550 --> 00:43:05,252 surrounded by all these beautiful herbs. 577 00:43:05,286 --> 00:43:06,821 How do you deal? 578 00:43:06,854 --> 00:43:08,189 I just keep to myself. 579 00:43:08,222 --> 00:43:09,724 Fuck herbs. 580 00:43:09,757 --> 00:43:11,592 They're just garnish. 581 00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:14,662 Psst, hey! Never take advice from a pine cone. 582 00:43:14,695 --> 00:43:15,896 Oh fuck you. 583 00:43:15,930 --> 00:43:17,832 Listen to her, 584 00:43:17,865 --> 00:43:19,800 acting as if she's the only one who's been displaced. 585 00:43:19,834 --> 00:43:22,203 Ever heard of a little something called erosion? 586 00:43:22,236 --> 00:43:24,171 That's nothing but an old oak's tale honey. 587 00:43:24,205 --> 00:43:26,140 Conifers these days. 588 00:43:26,173 --> 00:43:28,542 You've got no respect for your elders. 589 00:43:28,576 --> 00:43:30,044 Hey, quit hitting the elements 590 00:43:30,077 --> 00:43:31,278 so hard, you fuck. 591 00:43:31,312 --> 00:43:33,047 Shut your goddamn scales. 592 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,316 If Pine Cone's so wrong, what's your advice? 593 00:43:35,349 --> 00:43:37,952 True happiness comes from opening your heart 594 00:43:37,985 --> 00:43:40,755 to the world. Not closing yourself off. 595 00:43:40,788 --> 00:43:44,825 Get your own house in order before you go spreading seeds. 596 00:43:44,859 --> 00:43:46,660 Yeah. 597 00:43:46,694 --> 00:43:51,065 Ah! Fuck you, man. 598 00:44:02,843 --> 00:44:05,913 Merlin? 599 00:44:05,946 --> 00:44:09,083 You're me and my friend Angus' favorite fucking wizard. 600 00:44:09,116 --> 00:44:12,620 I'm everyone's favorite fucking wizard. 601 00:44:12,653 --> 00:44:14,955 I love you, man. 602 00:44:14,989 --> 00:44:17,858 I love you, too, Thorn. 603 00:44:17,892 --> 00:44:22,630 That's why it's been so hard to see you struggle. 604 00:44:22,663 --> 00:44:24,698 There's a lot going on. 605 00:44:24,732 --> 00:44:27,835 I know. I am Merlin. 606 00:44:27,868 --> 00:44:30,738 I know everything. 607 00:44:30,771 --> 00:44:33,307 And I'm here to help. 608 00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:36,243 So, then you know that I have no idea how to dance. 609 00:44:36,277 --> 00:44:38,145 And I'm about to embarrass myself 610 00:44:38,179 --> 00:44:40,214 in front of all my former classmates. 611 00:44:40,247 --> 00:44:44,618 You're coming at these things all wrong, Thorn. 612 00:44:44,652 --> 00:44:48,389 Dance is self-expression. 613 00:44:48,423 --> 00:44:50,925 There's no wrong way to do it. 614 00:44:50,958 --> 00:44:55,629 I've seen you build those bird baths. 615 00:44:55,663 --> 00:44:59,366 You're an artist just like me. 616 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:04,738 And I've also read all the comment sections 617 00:45:04,772 --> 00:45:08,776 on your website. 618 00:45:08,809 --> 00:45:15,282 The trick is keep making your art your way 619 00:45:15,316 --> 00:45:18,652 without becoming bitter towards those 620 00:45:18,686 --> 00:45:20,754 who don't appreciate it. 621 00:45:20,788 --> 00:45:24,158 Remember. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. 622 00:45:24,191 --> 00:45:30,764 So, pick a song that speaks to you. 623 00:45:30,798 --> 00:45:35,002 Throw caution to the wind, 624 00:45:35,035 --> 00:45:41,242 and most importantly, have fun. 625 00:45:41,275 --> 00:45:46,714 Before you do the dance of fatherhood, 626 00:45:46,747 --> 00:45:51,352 you must do the dance of life. 627 00:45:51,385 --> 00:45:59,927 ♪ Every shoe's a dancing shoe if you wan it to be ♪ 628 00:46:07,134 --> 00:46:10,472 Yeah! Yeah! 629 00:46:15,743 --> 00:46:20,314 Merlin! Merlin! 630 00:46:20,347 --> 00:46:22,283 Hands where I can see 'em! 631 00:46:22,316 --> 00:46:25,052 You thought you could escape me that easily. 632 00:46:25,085 --> 00:46:26,987 Do you know who I am, boy? 633 00:46:27,021 --> 00:46:29,190 Kill the ego. Kill the ego. Kill the ego. 634 00:46:29,223 --> 00:46:32,059 I am the most decorated ranger in this park. 635 00:46:32,092 --> 00:46:34,496 I did not get to where I am by being loved. 636 00:46:34,529 --> 00:46:36,197 Kill the ego. Kill the ego. 637 00:46:36,230 --> 00:46:38,766 Fear, command, respect. 638 00:46:38,799 --> 00:46:40,334 Kill the ego. Kill the ego. 639 00:46:40,367 --> 00:46:42,236 Fear, command, respect. 640 00:46:42,269 --> 00:46:46,006 Look at you, son. Quaking in your boots. 641 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:49,910 By the power of three, so mote it be! 642 00:46:49,944 --> 00:46:52,213 Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. 643 00:46:52,246 --> 00:46:54,114 Please don't be dead. 644 00:46:54,148 --> 00:46:55,517 Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. 645 00:46:55,550 --> 00:46:57,351 Please don't be... 646 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:18,305 Ego's just an illusion. It was all in your head. 647 00:47:18,339 --> 00:47:20,741 You're my rock. 648 00:47:45,065 --> 00:47:47,334 As the stall door locks shut, 649 00:47:47,368 --> 00:47:51,038 Thorn took his rightful place upon the porcelain throne 650 00:47:51,071 --> 00:47:54,174 and rid himself of shame, insecurity, 651 00:47:54,208 --> 00:47:56,544 and a few oatmeal raisin cookies. 652 00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:02,417 He clenched his eyes, 653 00:48:02,450 --> 00:48:05,252 journeyed through his subconscious mind 654 00:48:05,286 --> 00:48:07,422 and harnessed the spiritual energy 655 00:48:07,455 --> 00:48:11,792 to conquer his own worst enemy: himself. 656 00:48:14,128 --> 00:48:17,131 And so began Thorn's personal renaissance, 657 00:48:17,164 --> 00:48:22,169 a time of rebirth, renewal and acceptance. 658 00:49:32,507 --> 00:49:34,476 Just so, you know, I didn't request a pool 659 00:49:34,509 --> 00:49:36,377 or shared or whatever this is. 660 00:49:36,411 --> 00:49:38,045 As if I did. 661 00:49:44,552 --> 00:49:47,522 Do you have a favorite food? 662 00:49:47,555 --> 00:49:50,592 Lasagna. 663 00:49:50,625 --> 00:49:55,396 Yeah, I like lasagna too. 664 00:49:55,430 --> 00:49:58,666 How old were you when you first tasted lasagna? 665 00:49:58,700 --> 00:50:00,702 I was a kid. 666 00:50:00,735 --> 00:50:03,471 I remember my first time, I was like 15, 667 00:50:03,505 --> 00:50:09,611 maybe 16. It was at my friend Rory's birthday party. 668 00:50:09,644 --> 00:50:12,647 His mom brought it out with a candle in it. 669 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,249 A candle in the lasagna? 670 00:50:15,282 --> 00:50:17,384 - Yeah. - Okay. 671 00:50:17,419 --> 00:50:20,020 Since there was a candle in it, I thought it would be sweet, 672 00:50:20,053 --> 00:50:22,690 and I tasted it, and it was savory. 673 00:50:22,724 --> 00:50:27,462 I looked at it kind of like as a metaphor, you know? 674 00:50:27,495 --> 00:50:29,296 How? 675 00:50:29,329 --> 00:50:33,033 Something can look one way, taste another way. 676 00:50:33,066 --> 00:50:35,603 You see a candle in a round circle, 677 00:50:35,637 --> 00:50:37,371 you think it's going to be sweet. 678 00:50:37,405 --> 00:50:40,140 Savory. 679 00:50:40,174 --> 00:50:44,479 Let's vote. How many of you are in favor 680 00:50:44,512 --> 00:50:46,280 of Thorn remaining in the coven? 681 00:50:46,313 --> 00:50:47,549 Raise your amulets. 682 00:50:52,787 --> 00:50:54,589 Thank you. 683 00:50:58,493 --> 00:51:03,163 All those in favor of banishing Thorn from the coven. 684 00:51:03,197 --> 00:51:06,333 How can you turn your back on Thorn so easily? 685 00:51:06,366 --> 00:51:10,003 You're behaving like teenagers on social media. 686 00:51:10,037 --> 00:51:13,475 This is a witch hunt disguised as democracy. 687 00:51:13,508 --> 00:51:15,577 Democracy? 688 00:51:15,610 --> 00:51:18,245 Democracy is a fucking illusion. 689 00:51:22,450 --> 00:51:25,118 A lot of you, you might not know this, 690 00:51:25,152 --> 00:51:27,120 but Thorn was the first friend I made 691 00:51:27,154 --> 00:51:28,623 after coming out of the closet. 692 00:51:28,656 --> 00:51:30,692 And he didn't get laid for a year 693 00:51:30,725 --> 00:51:33,026 because everyone thought he was gay by association. 694 00:51:33,060 --> 00:51:35,362 Now, that might not seem like a lot in the big city, 695 00:51:35,395 --> 00:51:37,264 but in the small town that we lived in, that... 696 00:51:37,297 --> 00:51:39,299 that meant an awful lot. 697 00:51:39,333 --> 00:51:44,639 So, Thorn is my brother, and I love him for who he is 698 00:51:44,672 --> 00:51:46,106 just the same way he loves me. 699 00:51:48,810 --> 00:51:51,613 So, I refuse to participate in this coven without them. 700 00:51:51,646 --> 00:51:52,747 Mm-hmm. 701 00:51:52,780 --> 00:51:54,281 Thank you. 702 00:51:54,314 --> 00:51:56,484 I don't deserve you. 703 00:51:56,518 --> 00:52:00,788 Come on. That's not true. Come on. 704 00:52:04,559 --> 00:52:08,596 I'm a liar, Desmond. 705 00:52:08,630 --> 00:52:12,165 And I've been struggling with a secret of my own. 706 00:52:16,336 --> 00:52:22,410 I think I'm... 707 00:52:22,443 --> 00:52:25,078 I'm straight. I think I'm straight, I'm... 708 00:52:25,112 --> 00:52:27,849 I think I'm straight, I'm straight. 709 00:52:27,882 --> 00:52:32,754 And um, all the accusations 710 00:52:32,787 --> 00:52:37,357 I've just been projecting my own insecurities onto you. 711 00:52:37,391 --> 00:52:39,359 That's usually how it works. 712 00:52:45,165 --> 00:52:49,336 I deserved that. And you deserve better. 713 00:52:49,369 --> 00:52:51,238 You deserve someone who loves you 714 00:52:51,271 --> 00:52:54,876 for your hole, and your soul. 715 00:53:22,235 --> 00:53:27,408 We're all great people doing our best. 716 00:53:27,442 --> 00:53:29,777 But we're full of shit. 717 00:53:29,811 --> 00:53:32,179 We all have poo in our butts. 718 00:53:32,212 --> 00:53:34,716 Every last one of us. 719 00:53:34,749 --> 00:53:37,452 I got some poo in my butt right now. 720 00:53:37,485 --> 00:53:41,556 Wait, even Juliette Binoche has poo in her butt? 721 00:53:41,589 --> 00:53:44,659 Even Juliette Binoche. 722 00:53:44,692 --> 00:53:46,561 I'm sorry, if you expect me to believe 723 00:53:46,594 --> 00:53:48,362 that Juliette Binoche has poo in her butt, 724 00:53:48,395 --> 00:53:49,831 you're all out of your goddamn minds. 725 00:53:49,864 --> 00:53:51,398 You know, now that I'm hearing it, 726 00:53:51,432 --> 00:53:52,834 it seems like a stretch. 727 00:53:52,867 --> 00:53:55,703 It does seem kind of wrong to presuppose 728 00:53:55,737 --> 00:53:57,705 that Juliette Binoche has poo in her butt. 729 00:53:57,739 --> 00:54:00,273 Being a Parisian national treasure doesn't 730 00:54:00,307 --> 00:54:02,410 exclude anyone from having poo in their butts. 731 00:54:02,443 --> 00:54:05,780 I think we just need to agree to disagree on this one. 732 00:54:15,790 --> 00:54:22,195 Don't worry about it. I'm constipated. 733 00:54:22,229 --> 00:54:23,965 Oh, you might have to let me out. 734 00:54:23,998 --> 00:54:27,468 We all have poo in our butts, 735 00:54:27,502 --> 00:54:29,771 and it's about time we started acting like it. 736 00:54:32,272 --> 00:54:35,843 My darling Thorn, cursed with two left feet, 737 00:54:35,877 --> 00:54:38,479 is about to come out of the broom closet 738 00:54:38,513 --> 00:54:40,648 to his entire graduating class, 739 00:54:40,682 --> 00:54:45,218 and I'll be damned if I let him do that without his family. 740 00:54:45,252 --> 00:54:46,721 Who's with me? 741 00:54:51,258 --> 00:54:55,430 Give me the keys. I'll drive. 742 00:55:23,958 --> 00:55:26,594 Becoming your best self doesn't just happen overnight. 743 00:55:26,627 --> 00:55:28,696 Hopefully, you can find it in your hearts 744 00:55:28,730 --> 00:55:30,798 to spare me this last indignity. 745 00:55:30,832 --> 00:55:32,967 Great horned god, 746 00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,836 forgive me for what I'm about to do. 747 00:56:00,027 --> 00:56:03,498 Oh! 748 00:56:28,723 --> 00:56:31,626 How are you doing, brother? 749 00:56:31,659 --> 00:56:33,761 Hold on. Hey, pal. 750 00:56:33,795 --> 00:56:36,564 Can you put your arms up and out for me like an airplane? 751 00:56:36,597 --> 00:56:39,534 I don't see you using a metal detector on anyone else. 752 00:56:39,567 --> 00:56:41,502 It's nothing personal, man, 753 00:56:41,536 --> 00:56:43,370 I just don't see anyone else dressed like Anton LaVey. 754 00:56:46,373 --> 00:56:47,942 All right, you're good. 755 00:56:47,975 --> 00:56:50,111 Thornton. But, I go by Thorn now. 756 00:56:50,144 --> 00:56:53,414 - Thornton Adams? - That's me. 757 00:56:53,447 --> 00:56:55,850 Dude, it's Nicholas Reed. You probably don't remember me. 758 00:56:55,883 --> 00:56:57,752 I was heavy into Slipknot back then. 759 00:56:57,785 --> 00:56:59,487 Of course I do. I just don't recognize you 760 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:01,388 without your signature green hair and JNCO's. 761 00:57:01,422 --> 00:57:02,790 I didn't recognize you without your Abercrombie shorts 762 00:57:02,824 --> 00:57:04,759 and a baseball cap. 763 00:57:04,792 --> 00:57:07,662 - Dude, the tables have turned. - How's life? You happy? 764 00:57:07,695 --> 00:57:09,564 Is anyone? 765 00:57:09,597 --> 00:57:11,098 Same old Nicholas Reed. 766 00:57:11,132 --> 00:57:13,501 Look, man, just because I appear presentable 767 00:57:13,534 --> 00:57:15,002 doesn't mean I've stopped hating myself 768 00:57:15,036 --> 00:57:16,838 or taking pleasure in watching the world burn. 769 00:57:16,871 --> 00:57:18,806 You know, I'm not a total sellout. 770 00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:21,142 So, you know, give some credit. How about yourself? 771 00:57:21,175 --> 00:57:24,412 I'm more of a witch than an anarchist, but I dabble. 772 00:57:24,445 --> 00:57:27,849 Well, good luck in there. 773 00:57:27,882 --> 00:57:30,151 Good seeing you. 774 00:57:30,184 --> 00:57:32,553 Good seeing you. 775 00:57:49,971 --> 00:57:52,440 Thornton Adams? 776 00:57:52,473 --> 00:57:54,575 Alexandra. 777 00:57:54,609 --> 00:57:57,545 What happened to you? 778 00:57:57,578 --> 00:57:59,847 I went searching for happiness and I found it. 779 00:57:59,881 --> 00:58:02,917 And then I lost it again. 780 00:58:02,950 --> 00:58:06,420 Well, sorry I asked. 781 00:58:06,454 --> 00:58:09,857 I too am sorry. That you asked. 782 00:58:12,860 --> 00:58:15,162 You know, as class president, 783 00:58:15,196 --> 00:58:17,598 you really should have spearheaded this thing. 784 00:58:17,632 --> 00:58:19,033 It took a lot of work 785 00:58:19,066 --> 00:58:21,002 and you completely ignored my e-mails. 786 00:58:21,035 --> 00:58:23,537 That was wrong of me and I'm sorry. 787 00:58:23,571 --> 00:58:25,973 I really appreciate you taking charge. 788 00:58:26,007 --> 00:58:28,209 Everyone does. 789 00:58:28,242 --> 00:58:32,480 Maybe since you put so much hard work into tonight, 790 00:58:32,513 --> 00:58:34,548 you'd like to perform the dance. 791 00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:38,986 Not having to perform the dance 792 00:58:39,020 --> 00:58:41,088 is the only perk of having lost to you 793 00:58:41,122 --> 00:58:43,624 in the class presidential election by a landslide. 794 00:58:43,658 --> 00:58:45,860 That was nothing more than a popularity contest. 795 00:58:45,893 --> 00:58:48,195 You've always been a far more capable leader. 796 00:58:48,229 --> 00:58:50,164 It's good to see you're still 797 00:58:50,197 --> 00:58:53,034 the same smart driven woman at that. 798 00:58:53,067 --> 00:58:55,836 That great eye for pantsuits that I remember. 799 00:58:55,870 --> 00:58:59,240 Thanks for acknowledging that. 800 00:58:59,273 --> 00:59:02,710 My pantsuits do mean a lot to me. 801 00:59:06,147 --> 00:59:11,452 Going to be a tough crowd, but I'll be rooting for you. 802 00:59:15,623 --> 00:59:17,091 Okay, everyone. 803 00:59:17,124 --> 00:59:18,960 It's time to give a big rattlesnake 804 00:59:18,993 --> 00:59:21,562 round of applause to our former class president, 805 00:59:21,595 --> 00:59:23,931 Thornton Adams. 806 00:59:36,577 --> 00:59:39,613 Many of you remember me as Thornton, 807 00:59:39,647 --> 00:59:42,049 but these days I go by Thorn. 808 00:59:42,083 --> 00:59:45,853 Because it's more evocative. And it sounds cooler. 809 00:59:45,886 --> 00:59:49,790 That's Thorn. Not to be confused with "Torn", 810 00:59:49,824 --> 00:59:51,859 the hit single from Natalie Imbruglia's 811 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:54,095 groundbreaking album "Left of the Middle". 812 00:59:54,128 --> 00:59:55,896 A song that's as fresh and relevant today 813 00:59:55,930 --> 00:59:58,232 as it was back in 1997. 814 00:59:58,265 --> 01:00:00,701 A song that it deals with universalities 815 01:00:00,735 --> 01:00:04,105 such as heartbreak, the loneliness of abandoned... 816 01:00:04,138 --> 01:00:05,906 No one cares, bro. 817 01:00:08,309 --> 01:00:10,578 Look at this fucking dingleberry. 818 01:00:10,611 --> 01:00:14,148 Forgive me for blathering on. 819 01:00:14,181 --> 01:00:19,653 I can't believe I'm so nervous. 820 01:00:19,687 --> 01:00:23,591 Maybe I'm taking this a little too seriously. 821 01:00:23,624 --> 01:00:25,059 I mean, it's just a dance, right? 822 01:00:25,092 --> 01:00:27,895 It's tradition. 823 01:00:44,745 --> 01:00:47,581 You all voted me most likely to succeed, 824 01:00:47,615 --> 01:00:51,152 whether or not I've lived up to that superlative depends 825 01:00:51,185 --> 01:00:53,287 entirely on how you measure success. 826 01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:57,158 If it's about money, then I'm an abysmal failure. 827 01:00:57,191 --> 01:00:59,260 I'm in the birdbath business, 828 01:00:59,293 --> 01:01:02,096 peddling my wares on the online marketplace. 829 01:01:02,129 --> 01:01:04,965 It's thankless work and the money's shit 830 01:01:04,999 --> 01:01:06,901 but, birds too, deserve the confidence 831 01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:08,235 and self-respect that comes from 832 01:01:08,269 --> 01:01:10,004 placing an emphasis on good hygiene. 833 01:01:10,037 --> 01:01:12,306 Jesus Christ, enough already. We get it. 834 01:01:12,339 --> 01:01:15,810 Yeah, I don't even remember you, you fucking narcissist. 835 01:02:05,826 --> 01:02:08,629 But if you define success as finding true love, 836 01:02:10,297 --> 01:02:12,867 creating your own slightly less dysfunctional family, 837 01:02:14,168 --> 01:02:17,671 and living life on your own terms, 838 01:02:17,705 --> 01:02:20,241 then I'm the most successful guy on the planet. 839 01:02:20,274 --> 01:02:21,976 I fucking love you, baby. 840 01:02:22,009 --> 01:02:23,244 I fucking love you, too. 841 01:02:23,277 --> 01:02:25,447 Hey! 842 01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,415 If you've come to kill me, 843 01:02:27,449 --> 01:02:29,917 I'd like to finish my speech first. 844 01:02:29,950 --> 01:02:34,088 I've come to apologize. 845 01:02:34,121 --> 01:02:36,023 It's yours. 846 01:02:40,895 --> 01:02:42,963 No take backs. 847 01:02:42,997 --> 01:02:45,433 No take backs. 848 01:02:47,067 --> 01:02:49,370 Fear not, good people of Desert Dunes High. 849 01:02:49,403 --> 01:02:51,805 The sword has been returned to its rightful owner. 850 01:02:51,839 --> 01:02:54,708 What say you, we fucking party. 851 01:03:08,490 --> 01:03:10,324 You did great. 852 01:03:10,357 --> 01:03:11,892 Thank you. 853 01:03:11,926 --> 01:03:13,428 I haven't been back for so long 854 01:03:13,461 --> 01:03:15,430 because I've been afraid of what people would do 855 01:03:15,463 --> 01:03:18,866 if they found out I was a witch. But I'm no longer afraid. 856 01:03:18,899 --> 01:03:22,303 For that, I would like to thank my partner, Willow, 857 01:03:22,336 --> 01:03:25,372 the wise old rock I met in Kenneth Hahn Park, 858 01:03:25,407 --> 01:03:27,875 and Merlin, my favorite wizard. 859 01:03:27,908 --> 01:03:32,012 Okay. Yeah, he's the one who drank my ayahuasca. 860 01:03:32,046 --> 01:03:34,748 All that I ask is that you do not judge me 861 01:03:34,782 --> 01:03:36,750 for my religious beliefs. 862 01:03:36,784 --> 01:03:39,386 I know it's hard. Believe me. 863 01:03:39,421 --> 01:03:41,456 I'm guilty of doing it myself. 864 01:03:41,489 --> 01:03:48,295 It's cool, man. We've all got poo in our butts. All of us. 865 01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:54,502 I'd like to wrap things up with a quote 866 01:03:54,536 --> 01:03:57,439 from the great Roman orator, Symmachus. 867 01:04:03,110 --> 01:04:06,847 "Does it matter what practical system we adopt 868 01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:08,483 "in our search for the truth? 869 01:04:08,516 --> 01:04:11,519 "The heart of so great a mystery, 870 01:04:11,553 --> 01:04:14,922 "can not be answered by following one road only." 871 01:04:14,955 --> 01:04:17,825 Safe to say we'll be skipping the 30 year reunion. 872 01:04:17,858 --> 01:04:21,362 Also, if anyone would like to purchase a bird bath, 873 01:04:21,395 --> 01:04:23,030 please reach out to the email, 874 01:04:23,063 --> 01:04:26,333 scrying or come up to me after the dance. 875 01:04:44,285 --> 01:04:46,521 Look, I'm sorry. 876 01:04:46,554 --> 01:04:50,891 My friend Percival can really suck sometimes. 877 01:04:50,924 --> 01:04:54,828 There we go. 878 01:04:54,862 --> 01:04:57,599 It's fine, what doesn't suck these days? 879 01:04:57,632 --> 01:05:02,002 Nothing. Nothing doesn't suck. 880 01:05:05,473 --> 01:05:08,876 Sometimes, I just want to watch the world burn, you know? 881 01:05:08,909 --> 01:05:10,244 Yeah. 882 01:05:10,277 --> 01:05:12,547 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 883 01:05:24,158 --> 01:05:26,528 I'm sure you've heard this before, 884 01:05:26,561 --> 01:05:30,064 but you would exude a very powerful female energy. 885 01:05:30,097 --> 01:05:34,268 Our coven could use a woman like you to restore balance. 886 01:05:36,403 --> 01:05:40,207 Let me think about it. 887 01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:44,211 Are you by any chance gay? 888 01:05:44,244 --> 01:05:47,615 Well, I wasn't until now. 889 01:05:57,324 --> 01:05:59,159 Yo, what the fuck, man? 890 01:05:59,193 --> 01:06:00,495 Hey! 891 01:06:00,528 --> 01:06:02,464 - Get out of here! - Hey, he's cool. 892 01:06:02,497 --> 01:06:05,165 He's with me. I'm sorry. My bad. 893 01:06:05,199 --> 01:06:06,934 You gotta teach me how to hog tie. 894 01:06:06,967 --> 01:06:09,169 My pleasure. 895 01:06:17,344 --> 01:06:19,279 Sorry. 896 01:06:19,313 --> 01:06:22,617 I forgive you. 897 01:06:25,453 --> 01:06:28,188 All right, everyone. 898 01:06:28,222 --> 01:06:30,391 The time has come for what you've all been waiting for. 899 01:06:30,425 --> 01:06:33,628 Can everyone please make some room for the dance? 900 01:06:48,075 --> 01:06:50,244 Take it away, Maestro. 901 01:06:59,554 --> 01:07:02,256 Forget everyone else, baby. 902 01:07:02,289 --> 01:07:05,359 This mean I don't have to dance? 903 01:07:05,392 --> 01:07:09,963 It means you can do whatever you want. 904 01:07:09,997 --> 01:07:12,332 I did put in an awful lot of work into getting here. 905 01:07:15,570 --> 01:07:20,542 Sometimes you've just got a dance for yourself. 906 01:09:21,429 --> 01:09:23,431 What's going on? 907 01:09:23,464 --> 01:09:27,401 That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. 908 01:10:46,414 --> 01:10:48,616 Time to take your pill, Mom. 909 01:10:58,593 --> 01:11:02,764 I love you. 910 01:11:02,797 --> 01:11:05,365 At the end of the day, we're all hypocrites. 911 01:11:05,399 --> 01:11:08,903 It's human nature. We all make mistakes. 912 01:11:08,936 --> 01:11:10,872 Even Trent Reznor flirted with ska music 913 01:11:10,905 --> 01:11:12,707 back in the early 80s. 914 01:11:12,740 --> 01:11:15,242 But it's never too late to make amends. 915 01:11:15,275 --> 01:11:18,211 Hey, Mom, it's Thorn. 916 01:11:18,245 --> 01:11:21,214 I feel bad about leaving a flaming bag of shit 917 01:11:21,248 --> 01:11:22,917 on your doorstep. 918 01:11:22,950 --> 01:11:25,687 Just wondering if maybe you and grandma 919 01:11:25,720 --> 01:11:28,489 would want to come over some time for some lasagna. 920 01:11:48,375 --> 01:11:50,310 Willow, and I think that it's time 921 01:11:50,343 --> 01:11:52,345 for a change around here. 922 01:11:52,379 --> 01:11:55,315 As you all know, ego is the enemy of good leadership, 923 01:11:55,348 --> 01:11:57,885 and while we have always had your best interests at heart, 924 01:11:57,919 --> 01:12:01,522 we are ashamed to admit that our egos played a big part 925 01:12:01,556 --> 01:12:03,691 in attracting us to positions of authority 926 01:12:03,725 --> 01:12:06,427 in the first place. 927 01:12:06,461 --> 01:12:09,931 We'd like to nominate a new high priestess 928 01:12:09,964 --> 01:12:14,267 to take over all leadership moving forward. She's smart. 929 01:12:14,301 --> 01:12:17,872 She's organized. She's got a fresh, new perspective. 930 01:12:17,905 --> 01:12:20,675 And she has got one hell of an eye for pantsuits. 931 01:12:23,544 --> 01:12:30,585 I'd be honored, but not unless the coven agrees. 932 01:12:30,618 --> 01:12:31,853 Fuck it. 933 01:12:33,688 --> 01:12:38,291 Yeah, fuck it, why not try something new? 934 01:12:38,325 --> 01:12:39,961 To Alexandra! 935 01:12:39,994 --> 01:12:42,063 To Alexandra! 936 01:12:42,096 --> 01:12:46,567 Excuse us. 937 01:12:58,546 --> 01:13:01,482 Look at those shoulders. 938 01:13:05,753 --> 01:13:07,922 What if he's an athlete? 939 01:13:07,955 --> 01:13:11,826 We'll love him just the same. 940 01:13:14,061 --> 01:13:20,568 Should we get a diaper? Maybe he's got poo in his butt. 941 01:13:24,939 --> 01:13:27,942 I don't smell anything. 942 01:13:33,581 --> 01:13:36,684 Gods of our home, gods of our hearth. 943 01:13:36,717 --> 01:13:41,956 Knight is a member of this family, and this is his home. 944 01:13:41,989 --> 01:13:44,759 We ask you to welcome him. 945 01:13:44,792 --> 01:13:48,029 We ask you to love him. 946 01:13:48,062 --> 01:13:50,832 We ask you to protect him. 947 01:13:50,865 --> 01:13:54,969 We ask you to bless him. 948 01:14:10,047 --> 01:14:14,814