﻿1
[somber tone]
My dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen.
He toasted the bread over the stovetop.
Mustard, mayonnaise, chicken, no lettuce.
He closed the sandwich and walked with it
into the living room.
He turned on the television and watched standing up,
eating his sandwich.
He ate every bite except the corner of one crust.
He set it, almost gently, down on the table
in front of the TV.
He dusted his hands,
freeing himself from crumbs,
and walked out the front door.
That was the last time I saw him.
I was three.
[airplane engines whirring]
Toothbrush, phone, three books.
Five pairs of underwear, two pairs of shoes,
one lipstick, one mascara.
The only three photos I have from my father.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
One sweater, one coat, two bras, sunglasses, no hat.
Wallet, sleeping pills.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've now dimmed the cabin light.
If you wish to read, please use the light
in the panel above you. Thank you.
♪ ♪
Last known address,
three pairs of socks, one skirt.
♪ ♪
I've been waiting to do this my whole life.
♪ ♪
[door closes]
[dog barking in the distance]
[water running]
[breathing sharply]
[distant TV chatter]
[distant children playing]
[breathing deeply]
[distant playful screaming]
[distant siren wailing]
[distant car horn honks]
[bed creaking]
[helicopter blades thrumming overhead]
[door squeaks]
[cell phone chimes]
[coins clanging]
[panting]
Mm.
[gasps]
- Hello? - Hi.
It's Lexi.
How you doing?
I've come to America.
You're in America?
I'm in Los Angeles.
- You're joking? - No, I'm not.
I'm here.
I fucked everything up.
Everything's gone.
I've moved out my house.
It's just so horrible with David.
It used to be really nice,
and now it's just so horrible.
It's completely over.
I don't really have enough money to be doing this,
so I've basically taken everything that I've got
and I've come here.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm chasing.
I mean, I've lived all of this time
without talking to my dad. I don't really know...
- [child babbling] - One sec, Lexi.
- [babbling continues] - Off you go.
Just go ask Daddy. Go speak to Daddy.
Close the door for me, baby. Go on. Off you go.
Give me a second. Mommy's on the phone, okay?
- [babbling continues] - Just go ask Daddy.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
[dog barking in the distance]
[doorbell rings]
[low jazzy music playing]
♪ ♪
I love the light.
And the table. [chuckles]
And the view.
Yeah.
You just don't get that in London.
[chuckles] I guess.
No, they're...
♪ ♪
Open. They...
It's so open.
It's so...
Yeah. It's lovely.
When I lived in Northern California,
I thought L.A. was the pits, you know?
And then I moved down here, and it was a revelation.
Anything you want to do,
you can do in L.A. somewhere.
What do you think I should do while I'm here?
Go to the beach.
[clock ticking]
It was 20 years ago.
He and the family had been here for dinner,
and then the next thing we knew, he was gone.
He had just deserted them.
We really didn't want to stay in touch with John
because we felt he was not a very good man.
I know that you don't know where John is...
But I've come here today because I'm hoping
that you'll be able to give me Ethel's address
so that I can get in touch with her.
♪ ♪
Maybe she knows.
[waves crashing]
[seagulls crying]
[flies buzzing]
[exhales deeply]
[gasping]
[seagulls crying]
[flies buzzing]
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[dog barking in the distance]
[game tune playing]
[vehicle approaching]
[engine stops]
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[footsteps]
[door closes]
You're gonna do laundry?
[keys clatter] Can you take out your earphones?
What?
You asked me about doing laundry.
I did do laundry.
Yeah, but you just left it in the basket without folding.
- It's clean... - Whatever, it's fine.
- It's fine. - I didn't finish.
I'll do it.
- I'll just have to do it myself. - Jesus Christ.
How's she doing?
Do you have to complain about everything that I do?
Ethel's fine.
She's fine, like she's sleeping?
She's fine, she's resting?
She's watching TV? What?
- What is she doing right now? - She's sleeping.
She's fine.
She's alive.
I talked to her.
I've seen her all day.
- What did you talk about? - We talked about...
Okay, I don't remember if we actually talked that much.
Whatever, I-I...
My mom has congestive heart failure.
She's not just laying around for the fun of it.
I just need you to fucking help me, Angie.
Like, fucking chill out.
I was chill until I walked into the house
- and I see shit everywhere... - Yeah, well,
I was fucking chill before you walked
into the house. I was relaxing...
Oh, I'm sure, because you're high and you're drunk.
I could get somebody else to do it.
Great. However much you're gonna pay that other person,
'cause nobody else is gonna take slave wages the way I do.
Well, why don't you get a real fucking job
rather than lying on the couch...
I have a real job.
All day smoking pot and getting drunk?
- Go and get a fucking job! - I have a job at night!
If you got a real job, then we could pool money together
to hire somebody who actually cleans up.
You're mom is dying. I can't save her life.
That's really fucking nice.
I can't... I can't do it on my own,
and I need your help.
I'm sorry.
- [smooches] - I love you.
I love you, too.
[distant chatter]
[distant music playing]
♪ ♪
[music grows louder]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[distant dance music]
♪ ♪
[knock at door]
Hey, it is her. Hey.
[chuckles] There she is.
- There she is. - Hey.
- Wow. - How's it going?
- This is Matt. - Yeah, how are you?
- Hi, Matt. - I brought...
- I brought a friend. - This is America.
We do things big.
- Everything's bigger. - Yeah.
Twice the size.
[both chuckling]
You like beer? We brought some beer.
Yeah. Thanks.
- What's your name again? - Matt.
Yeah. Yeah, we've known each other a while.
- Hope it was okay. - Yeah, yeah.
- [chuckling] - Right.
- Yeah, so... - Yeah.
- Whatever, man. - I said it'd be okay.
[both laughing, overlapping chatter]
Yeah, right?
It's okay if I'm here, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna hang out.
If it wasn't okay, I would've told you to leave.
- Oh, you would? - Yeah. She's straightforward.
- Right? Yeah. That's why... - She was.
- [chuckling] - It's, like, yeah.
- She's, like, no bullshit. - Yeah.
- She throws it back on you. - Yeah, I like that.
- Yeah. - You like that?
I do like that.
'Cause girls over here, sometimes you don't really know
what they're thinking, but with this one...
- Yeah. - She thinks it and she says it.
- Sit down. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. - Sit down, Matt.
Do you pay by the week?
You pay by the hour, or you... by the day?
What is it?
- Yeah, I pay by the day. - By the day?
- Come here. - Here?
- Yeah, right here. - Right there?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- Does it feel good? - Yeah, it's all right.
Yeah? Is this what you had in mind?
Yeah, I guess. [both chuckling]
- [breathes deeply] - Is that what you had in mind?
Yeah. I was worried when we knocked on the door.
- What about you? - Yeah, I didn't think
she was gonna be here. No, yeah, this is great.
- This is great. - You got too many...
You got too much clothes on, though.
I don't know why you're wearing these.
- These are... - What are those?
Are those uncomfortable?
- You want to take those off? - No, love.
- No? They feel good? - There all right.
- Yeah? - They're all right.
- Ah, her accent. - I know, right?
- Yeah. - It's great.
[chuckles] Right.
[chuckles]
[imitates British accent] Hello.
[chuckles]
[imitates British accent] Can I take this zipper down?
[bottle clangs on table]
[distant music playing]
Just slide that down.
I think... I think maybe we do this, right?
Just take that off.
- [chuckles] - Sit up.
- No. - Take it off?
- What I'm interested in... - Yeah?
- [whispering indistinctly] - Yeah?
- Do you want to see it? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - Right.
- Go ahead. - Okay. Right now?
Yeah, yeah, right now.
- Is that all right with you? - Yeah, that's fine with me.
- You ready for this? - I don't know.
- How can I possibly know that. - All right, here we go.
[chuckles]
That's...
that's the equipment.
- Lie down. - All right.
- Lie down. - Okay.
[grunts]
You know what?
- I think I need a drink. - Yeah.
We have plenty.
[breathing deeply]
- Open it. - Yeah.
[light ambient music]
♪ ♪
You look really fine.
♪ ♪
[all laughing]
♪ ♪
[laughing]
You have no idea what's coming.
- What... - She can't hear us right now.
- The fuck is going on? - I don't know.
Every time I touch her, she pushes me away.
♪ ♪
Now what?
♪ ♪
- Now what? - What do you want to do?
♪ ♪
What do you think I want to do?
♪ ♪
[breathing deeply]
♪ ♪
[grunts]
[panting]
[exhales deeply]
[ambient decrescendo]
[music stops]
[exhales deeply]
[somber tone]
David would pick the pub and text me the address.
I loved the moment when he saw me come in the door.
I wasn't me. I was a prostitute.
And he was some lonely drunk guy.
I'd had a few shitty tricks that day
and was looking for someone
who wouldn't just come on my face.
He'd seem nice, but also like he could shove his fingers
up my ass when he fucked me,
maybe pull my hair just a bit too hard.
I'd walk straight up to him at the bar
and slide my leg over his
so my cunt was pushing into his thigh
and tell him if he made me come,
I wouldn't charge him.
That was our favorite role-play...
100% success rate.
But I always thought...
What if I really did that?
Could I do that?
Would I still be me if I did that?
But as it turns out,
the strangeness is not what made it hot.
It was the familiarity.
I always learn these lessons too late.
[birds chirping]
[dog barking in the distance]
[gate squeaking]
[birds chirping]
[car horn honking]
Hello?
Hey. Hi.
I'm sorry, I just wanted to bring in these
for Tanya's mum, for Ethel.
I've just brought... brought her some groceries.
Okay. Come on back.
Set them right here.
Sure.
Who are you?
I'm just a friend of Tanya's.
Tanya ordered these from you?
Friend of Tanya's?
[scoffs]
I knew it.
You're fucking Tanya.
You are. You're fucking Tanya.
You're fucking...
Fucking bitch.
No.
- No. - No?
No, you're not fucking...
- you're not fucking Tanya? - No.
Don't fucking lie to me.
What you want me to say?
I just want you to say the truth.
I just want you to say the truth in your little British accent.
I'm her sister.
Fuck.
[chuckles softly]
You want?
Thanks.
Can I see Ethel?
Yeah.
She's just, uh, right through here.
Go on in.
[light rustling]
[exhaling sharply]
[distant motor rumbling]
Close the curtains.
Yeah.
They closed?
Yeah, but I-I couldn't find...
so...
You gonna sit down?
[groans] Yeah.
Don't sit there.
Sit there.
Oh. Okay.
[chuckles awkwardly]
- Okay? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
You remember Danny?
We were, uh... we're in the field today,
and... [chuckles]
That son of a bitch...
he gets out of the truck,
and comes over, and he's, like, "Hey!"
I don't want to hear about this.
- What's that? - I'm not interested.
Yeah. Okay.
Take off your jacket.
[exhales deeply]
Thank you. [chuckles]
[exhales deeply]
[key clatters]
So what are you doing here?
I, uh, just wanted to see you again.
- Yeah? You like me? - Yeah. Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I had a good time. Uh...
- Yeah, it was all right. - Yeah, it was.
[exhales deeply]
[grunts]
[breathing sharply]
Just tell me what to do.
- Unbutton your fly. - Yeah.
- Take off your shirt. - Yeah.
[whispering] Are you gonna do it and make a surprise?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Yeah.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[breathing sharply]
[grunts]
♪ ♪
Tell me what you like.
Is this what you like?
Yeah.
- That? - Yeah.
Just like that?
Tell me something I don't know.
You have a wife?
Uh, no. I don't have one.
You got a girlfriend?
No.
No. Don't have one.
You don't really... you can't have sex.
I fuck a lot.
I've got fucked by girls like you.
[laughs] No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do. - No, you really don't.
- I fuck girls just like you. - Oh, just like me?
- Yeah. - Yeah. And what...
what are they like?
They got cute hair just like you.
They've got cute what?
Yeah, cute hair just like you.
- Cute hair? - Yeah.
- Just like me? - Uh-huh.
You fuck girls with hair like me?
- Yeah. - That's what you like.
You know, I went to Cambridge. Do you know that? Yeah?
No, I didn't fucking know that.
Well, I went to Cambridge, and I read English literature,
and I fucking don't go all over the fucking world,
and now I'm here...
with you.
Do you...
do you like me at all?
No.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
♪ ♪
Go away now.
What?
I want you to leave.
♪ ♪
"Then after an interminable time
"as it seemed to us,
"crouching and appearing through the hedge,
"came a sound like the distant concussion of a gun.
"Concussion of a gun.
"Another nearer,
"and then another,
"and then the Martian beside us raised his tube on high
"and discharged it gun-wise with a heavy report
"that made the ground heave.
[footsteps approaching] The one towards Dais..."
Tanya doesn't have John's number,
but I know he worked for this company a while back.
I don't know any more than that, and just so you know,
I was not involved in this.
[transmission screeches]
I'm not really sure where he is.
He changed his phone number a lot.
[exhales deeply]
I'm not sure if I can help you out at all.
You know what? I did work with him
at these old people's house a few weeks ago.
I think I have the address if you want it.
You could ask them.
Yeah, I know he went back...
[continues indistinctly]
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[doorbell rings]
Hold on just a minute.
- Hello. - Can I help you?
Yes, I'm so sorry to bother you.
I'm looking for a man called John
who I think did some work at your house the other day,
and I was just wondering whether I might be able to find a way
- to get in touch with him? - [coughs]
- I know it sounds strange. - It does. Yes.
Um, I haven't been able to get in touch with him
through his family,
'cause nobody really knows where he is.
There was a man through the handiwork agency...
- Yeah? - That did do some work for me
several days ago.
Why don't you come in and I'll look for the...
I think I have the card in the other room.
And then he went upstairs and put them in all the bedrooms.
And I believe he put a new one in that hallway up there.
- That's good. - And for safety reasons, I...
because I get a little bit dizzy now
every once in a while from my allergies,
a separate banister on this side of the stairway
and then this side.
[device hisses]
[indistinct chatter on TV continues]
Is it out? Let it out slow.
Let me see... let me see how high you can...
[breathes deeply]
What are you doing?
You have to breathe...
Let it out slowly.
Okay, one more time.
No, can you... deep... deep breath.
That's not very good.
Here's that number.
Do you have something to write this down?
I have my phone. I'm all ready.
- Okay. - Thank you so much.
[panting]
[ambient tone]
Hi, this is John.
Please leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
Bye.
Hello, this is Lexi.
If I have the right number, that means I'm your daughter.
I'm calling because I'm in Los Angeles,
and I'd like to see you... to meet you,
so please call me back.
Okay.
That's all. Bye.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
All right, buddy.
I'm gonna set you down.
♪ ♪
Your ball. Get your ball.
♪ ♪
- All right. - Go!
Now I'm gonna get you out.
Come here.
Okay.
♪ ♪
Oh, what do you got there?
Can I see it?
♪ ♪
[children chattering]
♪ ♪
[humming]
[humming continues]
[dog barking in the distance]
[breathing deeply]
[gentle music]
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
♪ Don't say a word ♪
♪ Papa's gonna buy you ♪
♪ A mockingbird ♪
♪ And if that mockingbird won't sing ♪
♪ Papa's gonna buy you ♪
♪ A diamond ring ♪
♪ And if that diamond ring turns brass ♪
♪ Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass ♪
♪ And if that looking glass gets broke ♪
♪ Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat ♪
[groans]
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
♪ Don't say a word ♪
♪ Papa's gonna buy you ♪
♪ A mockingbird ♪
♪ ♪
[chuckles]
That's me.
That's my mum.
You can't see her much there.
This is right before he left.
My mum sort of fell apart after that.
I don't think she ever really took to motherhood.
And there he is.
Hi.
Are you Lexi?
Yeah.
- Tanya? - Yeah.
You've been spending a lot of time at my house.
It's a little weird to come home to somebody in my kitchen.
Yeah, I can see that.
It would have been nice if you had introduced yourself
to me.
- Of course. - Asked permission
if you could be spending every day in my house
- while I'm at work. - Yeah, I-I...
Rather than sneaking behind my back.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Did you get what you came for?
Well, I assume you came for something,
so what do you want?
You know what I want.
You said you wanted to meet me. Here I am.
I mean, you got what you came for.
I don't... I don't know what you want from me.
I don't even think that you should be here.
I think you should get your stuff,
and then you can be on your way.
Really?
I can be on my way?
[scoffs]
I can be on my way?
I'm your sister.
Did you know I existed?
Did you know you had a sister?
You knew that I existed.
You knew that I was over there.
You knew that I was there with my mum
looking after me without my dad.
You knew that, and you didn't get in touch with me.
You didn't write me a letter.
You left me to come over here to find you.
I was a fucking kid.
You were not a part of my childhood.
You were a part of my existence.
And I clearly have my fucking hands full!
Is that really all you've got to say to me?
I mean, what... how difficult can it be?
He said that he had no contact with you.
That your mom just took you and left
and that we didn't have any idea...
I didn't know anything about you or where you were.
Oh, come on. All I want to do
is fucking meet you and talk to you.
All I want to do is try to speak to you.
All I've been trying to do for the last fucking month
pretty much is look for you
and look for my father and look for my fucking family.
No, let's just brush her under the fucking carpet
like the same thing that's been happening for the last 40 years.
I'm the one who's traveled here.
I'm the one who's come all this way.
I'm the one that was over there
while your dad was just having fun over here with your mum
and taking you all out to the fucking shops.
Oh, yeah, we had so much fucking fun.
Or whatever you were doing.
You're being subversive and sneaking
into my house when I'm not here,
and then you come to tell me that my life
was so much better than yours,
and you just want to cry in front of me?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
And tell me that you had a shit life
and I had a good life? That's not how it was.
That's not how it worked out.
And that's a really fucked-up thing to do.
And I think you should leave.
I don't think that you should be here.
- Really? Is that it? - Yeah.
- Is that it? - Yeah, that's it.
I don't think that you should be here.
I'm not exactly proud of myself.
But I did try.
You can say that for me.
I know I fucked it up.
[sighs]
'Cause you just want to fucking get rid of me.
Let's be honest.
Yeah.
[inhales deeply]
Oh, God.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs] That went well.
Yeah.
That's why I don't open my mouth.
Oh, God.
Will you say good-bye to Ethel for me?
Because...
I don't want that to be the last thing she hears.
[chuckles]
[door creaks open]
[door closes]
[sobs quietly]
Ah, shit.
[sighs]
[somber tone]
[cell phone beeps]
This is John. Um...
Yes, we can meet. Certainly.
That would be great. I'm working in L.A.
I can text you the address if you like,
and, um, yeah, let's get together.
Okay. Look forward to it.
Cheers.
I see him before he sees me.
I panic a bit because he's smaller
than I thought he'd be.
I'm about to run when he lifts his head
and sees me.
And he can't stop the huge smile
that comes to his face.
Same with the tears that fill his eyes.
I walk slowly towards him, and we're speechless.
But it doesn't matter.
He pulls me into a hug, and I feel it.
This is my father. He loves me.
It doesn't matter all the years he didn't contact me.
He's loved me all along.
He says, "I want to take you somewhere special."
And we get in his car, and I know that I'm safe.
He'll take care of me.
He talks about making up for lost time...
all the things he wished he had seen me do.
I watch him closely. I see his face in mine.
Everything bad just floats out the window.
He's driving me home.
[distant traffic whirs]
[somber tone]
[hammer pounding]
[breathing deeply]
[metallic clank]
[metal drags]
[metallic clanking]
[man grunts]
[metallic clanking]
[clanking continues]
Hey. How you doing?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Good to see you. Thanks for coming.
Um, that's all right.
You all right?
- I'm all right. - You have a good trip?
Um, it was all right.
[saw buzzes]
You work here? This is your place?
Yeah, we're knocking this place down.
Just moving the steel. Folks coming to get it in a bit.
[hammer pounding]
- So... - Well, it was a surprise
to hear your call, that's for sure.
Got anything you want to say to me?
Nice to see you. You look like your mother.
Nice to see you.
Yeah, people say that I look like my mother.
- How is she? - Um, she's dead.
I'm sorry.
These things happen.
Yeah.
Talk to me. What's up?
I don't know. Um...
How long have you got?
How long have I got for what?
To talk.
Well, I got to get this shit moved.
I have a bloke coming for this steel
in about half an hour, so...
Half an hour?
You know, I had no idea you were coming.
Well, you did. I called you.
Yeah, but I've got to work.
What do you want? Just tell me what you want from me.
I wanted to meet you. I wanted to meet you.
- Well, now you've met me. - No, I haven't.
I thought maybe you might start something.
All right, so what do you do for a living?
Let's start there.
Um, I work in theatre.
- Doing what? - I work in theatre design.
What do you do for a living?
- What does it look like? - Yeah, right.
I'm a brain surgeon.
I'm doing a bit of construction on the side.
Well, I don't know, do I?
Well, it's pretty apparent, I think.
Well, it is now, but I didn't know.
Okay, okay.
Just show up in my life, and I'm, what, gonna drop it all?
I didn't just show up in your life.
- Yeah, you did. - You had a child.
That was a long time ago.
Look, I've come a long way.
I wanted to see you.
And I just thought that maybe
you might be able to explain to me
why you haven't been in touch
throughout my whole life.
I left. What can I tell you?
[sighs]
You could have asked about me.
You could have left me your phone number.
You could have at least found a way
to leave me a way to get in touch with you
without having to fucking go around
all your fucking second family.
I just wanted to talk to you.
Well, now you're talking to me.
Or should I say yelling?
I'm not yelling.
I'm just trying to have a conversation.
Yeah. Anything else?
Do you like yourself?
That's not a question you should ask me.
- I'm interested. - Yeah, I'm fine.
Nothing wrong with me.
Probably not in your eyes, but I'm fine.
Well, it's... I got this bloke coming like I said.
So I got to get this stuff out of here.
Sure. All right.
Anyway, I'm glad you came by.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I'm not so sure. - Anyway...
Give us a call. All right?
Yeah.
See ya.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[lights clattering]
[overlapping chatter]
[horns honking]
[harmonica playing]
[somber music continues]
♪ ♪
[overlapping chatter]
And what are you out in Hollywood doing?
Like, what movie?
I'm just having a walk.
[speaking indistinctly]
That we may roam wherever we may want to
and be ourselves.
Maybe.
For single-mindedness is all powerful indeed.
Yeah, for sure. For sure.
Yeah.
You know there's carbon 14 in everything?
When the computer tries to read it,
Everything has too many neutrons in it.
It makes you sick.
I got this song I wrote
called "This Is How You Make Me Feel."
It goes like this.
[rhythmically] This is how you make me feel.
When life gets tough, we keep it real.
Love is enough. The coast is clear.
I need your trust. My heart's so real.
♪ This is how you ♪
♪ Make me feel ♪
Oh, where's your lights?
Five, six, seven, and there's a break.
Goes now. Whoa, there we go.
One, two...
[insects chirping]
♪ ♪
[knock at door]
Do you want to come in?
Sorry, I can't really...
um, offer you much.
But I've got some water if you want or...
You... Okay.
Ethel died two days ago.
I'm so sorry.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
I walk slowly towards him,
and we're speechless.
He pulls me into a hug, and I feel it.
This is my father.
I see his face in mine.
And we get in his car,
and I know that I'm safe.
Everything bad just floats out the window.
Do you think we look at all alike?
I think here we do.
Yeah, it's a big square.
[both laugh]
[breathes sleepily]
[inhales deeply]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪