Mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
Dude, this is good chili.
What's in this?
Can't tell you.
Mom's secret recipe.
Oh yeah?
Yo man, how many of these seeds you think we've
thrown over here over the past couple of years?
Huh?
What, a quadrillion?
Is that a real number?
I don't know if it's a real number and a fake
word, or a fake word and a real number.
It's like, how come the weed won't grow?
Man, we found the only spot in the northwest
where weed won't grow.
It's not good.
Come on dude, let's go.
We're gonna be late picking up Debbie.
-Let's do this. -Let's do it!
Come on.
Come on man!
Hey!
Hold up! Wait up, wait up. I forgot my bike, hold on.
Hi, Mr. Sanchez.
I'm Harris, Debbie's boyfriend.
We're here to take Debbie to the raising hell concert.
Is she ready?
What up dude?
I mean sir dude.
You've got to be kidding me.
I know, women right?
Never ready on time.
No, we'll wait.
Hey, by any chance you got any munchy snacks?
I know you got 'em.
Don't you hold out on me!
Mm!
Mmm!
So Debbie tells me you're not planning on
going to college.
No sir.
We don't need college.
Reeves and I are going to start our own business and
live off the grid.
That's right.
Off the what?
Oh, well, you know.
Not get caught up in the whole corporate rat race.
Corporations kill the working man.
- I got this. - -Yeah, I.
It's a really cool idea.
-Are you ready? -Mhm.
Reeves and I drive around the country selling coffee
on street corners.
Wow!
-Right? -Right?
Yo, dude, okay.
And then sometimes we'll just set up right in the
middle of the street if
-there ain't no corners! -Yeah!
-You know what I mean? -Absolutely.
Where the corner at?
You want a whip it?
Mm.
Whip it?
I was wrong about you boys.
I want to apologize.
Oh, no need.
And this idea of yours is one surefire plan for
success.
-Yes, baby, yes! -Mhmm!
This should be enough to intoxicate my daughter,
don't you think?
Sir, we're, we're not going to need that.
Oh yeah, sir, no, we're fine.
We already have vodka in our Van.
Oh.
-So you have a Van. -Yeah!
I assume you must have a mattress in the back
of the Van as well.
-No, no! -Ha ha, not yet, not yet!
There's nothing like fornicating in the back of
a Van, huh?
Am I right?
Well sir we're not into the whole fucking animals
thing.
Hey, how are you guys on condoms?
You know, on second thought, it'll probably be
a lot more fun to violate my daughter
without protection.
And you can join in too, gordito!
You're not going to let her go, are you?
-Why not? -Because I don't like you boys.
Okay?
You're stoners, this concert is way too far
away, and Debbie is a minor.
Alright, so that's one reason.
And let me add something else, okay?
In all my years, I have never heard of such a
stupid idea for a business.
Selling cups of coffee?
That's as dumb as trying to sell bottles of water!
Alright, alright.
Alright.
I see what's going on.
So, sir.
What if I promise not to fuck her?
-Wh-relax! We're negotiating. -Sir.
Shh!
Can I just talk to Debbie, please?
No.
Okay.
So uh, can I go upstairs and talk to Debbie?
What part of "no" is confusing to you boys?
I don't know about him, but to me, between the "k"
and the "w" being silent, i-it's just never made any
sense to me.
You don't need this because I'm sure you have
plenty of weed in your Van.
Pssh, no!
I wish we had...
Yo, first off, I wish we had plenty of weed in the
back of our Van, okay?
We're actually about to go pick up some weed from one
of my homies that we know on the way there because
we running a little low, so you don't really know
everything silent-k silent-w about everything
that me and him have going on.
So y-yeah.
I want you boys out of my house.
Vamanos! Sal afuera!
Out!
Man, I think Debbie ratted us out.
How did he know we were stoners?
What the!
Debbie!
Oh.
I guess Tommy gave us the wrong address.
Um...
Do you know where Joe lives?
I'm Joe.
You're here for herb?
You're the dealer?
I mean, you look like you could be selling avon.
I sell that too.
Lip gloss or weed?
Make up your mind.
Weed.
Wow, she really does sell avon.
Northwest division salesperson of the year.
What are the odds...
-Oh my god! -Oh my, what the...
I think you guys are cops.
What?
Yo, look w-we just changed our minds, right?
Didn't we change our mind?
We came her for some lip gloss.
Lip gloss. You got some...
What's Tommy's middle name?
W-we don't know!
I swear, I swear!
Uh!
I don't either.
I'm just fucking with you.
-Ha ha... -That's...
That's funny.
Take off your clothes.
--What?
Take off your clothes...
Take off your clothes.
Do you want the weed or not?
Yeah, but why would we need to take off our clothes?
Do I need to get my strap-on so we can do a
few dance numbers first?
No, no!
No strap-on at all.
But, this, but you're funny though.
Strip, ladies.
Strip, bitches.
Um, well, you know, probably just to like make sure
we're not wired or something?
No, man! No! No! No!
I saw this!
I saw this in my mind!
I saw this happening!
Really? You saw this coming?
The dealer was going to turn out to be an avon
lady who would put a gun to our head and threaten
to fuck us with a strap-on phallus.
Yeah? Yeah? That was your vision?
Yes!
I saw that, alright!
I knew that was going to happen, but I didn't know
what the word "phallus" meant until like...
Right now.
See?
We're not wired.
I wasn't worried about that.
I just wanted to see you naked.
That reminds me, i need to buy cashews.
Hey...
Price is 200.
Dollars?
No, pesos.
This shit was grown in area 51 where they keep
the aliens.
You ever heard of g-13?
No way.
No way!
Are you telling me that's that, that's that
super-secret CIA weed?
This is g-14.
Oh, what?
Most of the CIA can't even get their hands on this
shit yet.
Well how'd you get it?
Fucked a guy who knows a guy.
That's all I'm gonna say.
Yo, those are the kind of stories you can't make up
even if you try.
I really think she fucked a guy who knows a guy.
Yeah, I know.
When people say shit like that,
they're telling the truth.
I think she fucked a dude that maybe just know a dude.
You don't have $200!
Um...
But.. $200.
T-that's a lot.
Tell you what.
You go down on me, I'll take off 10 percent.
Ha!
That's, uh, that's funny.
That's really good.
You make me squirt, I'll take off 20.
Squirt what?
Dude, I can't believe we actually.
Mm. Mm.
I thought we agreed we weren't even going to talk
about it.
Dude, are you sure this is a shortcut?
I mean, I have not seen any lights for a while now.
I think we should turn around.
Here?
No, after another 30 minutes of darkness.
You said here!
-Fuck! -Agh!
-This is shit! -Aw, dude...
We're stuck in a hole, man.
Well I'm not licking this one.
Twice in one day?
Euh.
Yeah, looks like we might have to spend the night
here tonight.
Fuck!
We're gonna miss the concert!
Oh my goodness!
Pledge.
Dude, do you, do you, like, hear that?
What?
Dude, I could, like, hear my ears
listening to things.
What?
Huh.
You mean to tell me that you can hear your
your ears operating?
Yeah bro.
Yo, this CIA shit is crazy strong, man, yo!
Like, I feel like I gotta piss but
I don't even know.
Yo, fuck, I'm high.
Dude.
Dude, my hand...
My hand looks like a tarantula.
I don't even feel my hands anymore.
I'm hungry, bro.
I wish I had some of your chili right now with a, a
bowl of cheese a-and a slice of ice cream.
-Mm. -Switch
you know what i wish right now?
Hm?
I wish these fingers were just little kit-Kat bars.
Then...
I could just...
Break one off.
Break you off a piece, and
mm!
They're so good!
You alright bro?
Oh my god!
Feels like my whole face is in my mouth!
Oh!
Why are my balls vibrating?
I can't feel my cock.
Oh my god.
What?
My cock is gone!
Fuck!
She stole your cock.
-Someone stole your cock! -Someone stole my cock!
Cock thief! Cock thief!
Stole it right underneath me!
Gimme your cock!
Yo, I slept like a baby.
Ugh, me too.
That weed knocked me the fuck out.
Mm.
You look older than a motherfucker.
Holy shit, you look old as fuck!
Hee!
This must have some hallucinogenic shit in it.
That's fuckin' cool.
We must be halla-ducinatin' now.
Oh yeah.
Man, I feel like we've been walking for days.
Ahh, I'm fuckin' hot.
This is the worst hallucination ever.
The fuck...
A fuckin' space ship.
We're not hallucinating.
We're still dreaming.
How do you know this is your dream and not mine?
Because I always dream of spaceships.
Let's keep walking.
Welcome.
What the fuck was that?
It's a talking door?
What's happening?
Hello, door.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Why's everybody on their calculator?
We walked all this way for a fuckin' math convention!
I hate math.
And I gotta take a shit.
2016?
What the fuck?
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is that?
I'm at the gas station.
Oh sweetheart, I miss you so
much, I can't wait to see you my little boo.
I'll be here for a couple hours.
Who the fuck is that?
The fuck?
Welcome.
Yo!
Check this out.
Government approves...
No, not that. Look at the date.
June 12, 2016.
It's one of those fake news papers.
Uh-uh. This shit is real.
I went outside and saw a dude with his car plugged in.
The price of gas is $5 a gallon, and I seen a girl
with a thing in her hand that she was talking to a
dude, and he was there, like a video call.
But did you see this?
That's fucked up.
Check this out though.
That's proof that this is a fake.
If you go by this newspaper here, this guy
is black, right?
And his name is o-bam-a?
Barack Obama, and he's the President of the
United States.
Exactly.
Excuse me sir.
What's the date?
June the 12th, man.
What year?
2016!
Hey, get off me man, get off me!
Right, right, right right, I'm gonna let, yeah right.
Who's the president?
Barack Obama.
What he look like?
He's black!
That weed we smoked knocked us out for
30 years!
We need to get a tow truck, get your Van out
the ditch, and get the fuck on home.
Let's go.
This damn CIA.
First Vietnam, then Reagan gets shot.
Ever heard of a turn signal?
It's nobody's fuckin' business where we're going.
Well, your parents definitely don't live here anymore.
They really mean it when they say you can't go home again.
So...
Our old school is a home depot now.
-Mm. -Your old house is a vacant lot.
And mine's a fucking soul mart?
There's nothing left from our fucking life!
And what the fuck is "glutton free?"
I dunno but the gluttons eat free.
We should act like some gluttons and go eat.
I'm starving, man.
Nah, let's go by Debbie's parents' house.
Maybe they still live there.
And they'll feed us.
Hello?
Uh, hi Mrs. Sanchez?
Yes?
This is Harris.
Harris weber.
Who?
Uh, Debbie's boyfriend?
Her...
Old boyfriend, I guess?
Harris has been dead for 30 years.
This isn't funny.
They really gonna think this is funny.
Go away!
Leave!
I...
I know this probably sounds crazy but...
Hi, Mrs. Sanchez.
It's uh...
I know this is probably really weird for you right
now but...
Probably didn't expect to see us after all
these years.
Yeah.
This can't be...
Debbie?
Where the hell have you been!
Ow.
Agh...
You guys want me to believe that you bought
some super pot from a woman named Joe who was
screwing a CIA guy who was growing pot in area 51
"where they keep the aliens," on your way to a
concert that you never got to because your Van fell
into a ditch where you slept for 30 years, and
all of the sudden you woke up one day and here you are.
Crazy shit, right?
Were you in prison?
You were in prison, weren't you.
-Like in Bolivia or something. -If only.
Hey, up here.
What happened to you guys?
What really happened to you guys?
That is what really happened.
Mhmm.
Do you have any idea how serious your disappearance was?
There were news reports, there were missing persons reports.
Your parents hired private detectives.
We had no idea where you disappeared to.
Eventually, we just thought you were dead.
Your parents held funerals for you.
For closure.
-We had funerals? -Yeah.
You're buried at the cemetery on Madison street.
Was it a nice service?
Nice funeral.
Did people show up?
A few.
Was it sad?
Guys, is this supposed to be funny?
Because it's not.
Look, we don't understand what happened either, but we're
telling you what happened.
That doesn't mean it's believable.
It just means that's what the fuck happened.
I can't believe you still live with your parents.
-It's my house now. -No shit?
-That's right. -Wow.
Hey, do you know where my parents moved to?
Because I can't find them.
Wow.
You don't know, do you?
Your parents died like ten years ago.
What the fuck?
That's a bummer bro.
What about my parents?
Yours moved away.
Um, we have no idea where they moved.
We never saw them again.
They, they moved to the mountains.
My eyes are here, Reeves.
My father loved mountains.
I see what you're saying.
There's some good peaks out there.
This is crazy.
I don't know what to say, I'm...
I'm a little freaked out.
I'm just...
Look, I know this is a little crazy, us just
showing up after all these years.
Yeah.
Why don't we meet up again tomorrow, to the mall or
something, maybe go to the arcade.
Yeah, the arcade!
Okay.
So, what time you want to hang out?
Oh, I don't hang out. I go to work.
-So after work? -Ditch!
Ditch!
After work?
Uh, sure.
Okay, so like two?
No, hon. This is not school, it's work.
I'm like, seven, eight.
Okay, well we've got to, at least, eight at the
latest, 'cause the food court will close at nine.
Oh, Deb.
Hey wooly!
Oh my...
You guys slept in here?
Good morning.
Wow.
I can't believe you still have this thing.
Look at you, all businesswoman-like.
Like a professional.
You look great.
Thanks.
Um, the house is locked, but if you want to clean
up, you can use the rinse-off shower on the side.
Good, thank you. We need that.
Debbie, I was in your back yard last night, and I was
wondering, where'd you get this really cool stormtrooper boot?
Man what the hell is that?
It's a stormtrooper boot.
Who stuck wheels in an ice skate?
W-when were you in my back yard?
I had to take a shit last night and I didn't want
your neighbors all in my business.
That's very considerate of you.
That is a Rollerblade and it belongs to my son.
We have a son?
No, no we, you, we don't have a son.
No.
Wait...
How old is he?
He's fifteen.
He was at his dad's last night.
Wait, you fucked somebody else?
Yeah, I did.
Debbie's fuckin'!
I-i did.
And when am i gonna meet him?
Uh, let's hold off on that for now.
Why, is he ugly? We're not going to laugh.
Oh my god, is he a retard?
Okay, it's because of comments like that that we
are gonna hold off.
And it's because of all of this!
I mean, you know, I don't want people in his life
that are not going to be a good role model.
Good role model?
We're not good role models?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
-Hmm. -Oh, hmm.
-Hmm! -Well, maybe I did.
It's just...
You show up after all these years.
Y-you're looking homeless, you smell like I can't
even describe, and you're sleeping in a Van.
Oh, but we got our phat gold chains.
Shell toes.
We good.
Brad's at a very impressionable age right now.
You named him Brad?
Anything that I'm saying is just sounding terrible
and rude and I'm sorry.
I'm going to go to work right now.
I'm going to go, okay?
I'm going to go.
Might be time for you guys to start seeing other people.
Apparently she's been seeing other people.
Guess what I'm seeing.
I thought you finished all the weed.
I did.
But I found this on Debbie's back porch.
Okay, now that we look less homeless, what do we do?
Well, we're gonna stop telling people what really happened.
Truck stop guy, tow truck dude, Debbie...
They all said we sounded crazy.
Shit, I was there and i don't believe it.
Here's what we do.
We drop the story, we accept our situation, and
we go back to what we were going to do.
You mean start our business?
Sell coffee out of my Van?
Yeah.
Think about it, with inflation, we could be
like making two bucks a cup.
For coffee?
You sound crazy as shit right now.
We'll call it two buck a cuppa coffee.
You guys here to fix the satellite?
The fuck's a satellite?
What are we, fuckin' astronauts?
What do you mean "satellite?"
Who the fuck are you?
My name's Brad.
I fuckin' live here.
We're friends of Debbie's.
Uh, Debbie? You mean my mother?
Oh shit!
That's Debbie's kid.
Debbie's been fuckin'!
That's her receipt!
Uh, yeah, listen, my mom's friends don't smoke, so...
You don't know your mom's friends.
That's my fuckin' bag of joints, man!
What the fuck?
Fuck man you smoking my weed man?
Jesus, guys you smoked half my stash.
Oh relax, we'll buy you more.
Call your dealer.
My dealer?
When's the last time you bought weed?
Where do you get it from?
You just buy it.
You just walk into 7-11 and go buy weed?
Yeah, can me get some chips, some soda, oh, and
some weed please?
Wait, you guys know weed's legal now, right?
Wait, what?
I don't know why we need this doctor to get pot
from a store.
Well, if you have a prescription, they give
a discount, so...
Ahh.
That's a good deal.
Part of the discount.
It is my birthday.
Happy birthday.
See, yeah. I told you I'd hook you up.
Hello nurse!
I am not the nurse.
I am Dr. gales.
Well with a body like that, you ought to be a nurse.
Um, you don't have to take your shirt off...
Well, I've taken my shirt off for uglier girls,
so it's not a problem.
Um, I assume that you're having trouble sleeping at night?
No, I sleep all through the night.
You look like you're in a lot of chronic pain.
No, but I do have an itch
you can scr-
-atch.
Mr. Cornell.
Reeves.
I can't write you a prescription for medical
marijuana unless there's an actual need, do you
understand?
Right.
Mm.
Do you like Italian?
You're under a lot of pressure aren't you?
Right.
And you need something to help calm you down.
Right!
Back hurts?
-Right! -Can't sleep at night?
-Yeah! -Constant migraines?
Yes, listen.
You take your shirt off, I'm going to take my shirt
off, and we gonna start fuckin'.
I am not a prostitute.
I didn't call you a prostitute.
Okay.
Let's just say you gave me a little medical
rubba-dub-dub.
You know like a medical rub in a medical way?
Non-prostitute, but just medically induced rub.
-Just a, you know... -In a non-prostitute way?
In a non-prostitute way. Just a...
-Oh? Oh? -Yes.
Okay.
-Why didn't you say so? -I was trying to...
Stand up.
Ooh.
Somebody's gonna be...
-Alright... -Turn around.
Turn around!
Oh, no, and then stop.
-Oh. -Like right there.
Right there.
-And uh... -Like this?
Why don't you, uh, drop your pants, huh?
Oh, the old reach around.
-Dropping the... -Pants...
Can you back that up?
Mhmm, just gotta help you out there.
Bend over.
Kind of rough there, aren't you?
Welcome to home de-pot.
How can I help medicate you.
We'll take it all.
You can't have it all.
What type of cannabis are you looking for?
Cannabis?
Fuck that, we want weed!
At a discount...
Oh baby.
Roll-a-bowls.
They are indestructible, they are foldable, they
are portable.
Dishwasher safe.
Yeah?
-Just, we'll put that in there. -Mhmm.
Got dick's elixirs over there.
All different flavors.
Do these all have weed in them?
Duh.
I think we're gonna need a bigger basket.
It's about time you guys showed up.
What are you drinking?
Oh, it's a mocha vanilla latte.
-What? -What's that?
It's coffee.
That's a coffee?
Where'd you get it?
From Starbucks. Hello?
Those Starbuck places i see on every corner?
They just sell coffee?
Yeah.
Debbie's dad stole our idea!
What the fuck are you guys talking about?
God damn coffee thief!
I never trusted her father.
I mean, I only known him for two minutes, but them
two minutes, i never trusted him.
I can't believe he stole our business plan!
Took us fucking years to come up with that shit!
"Like a son?"
What the fuck you mean "like a son?"
I was your son!
This is so strange.
I know.
I never thought I'd live to see the day!
Hey!
It's bad to smoke cigarettes.
You scared the shit out of us.
It's not a cigarette.
It's a joint.
Marijuana.
Ganja, you know mon.
It's still smoking!
Well, it's our business, and those are our
tombstones.
What are you, the cemetery police?
Okay, get the fuck out of here.
We're grown.
And we're grieving.
What are you guys, ghosts?
Look here, I don't know if you're some kind of
ghost whisperer.
I don't know why you here, but...
We're here smoking weed, minding our business.
If you're ghosts, how 'come I can't see through you?
Well, there's a simple explanation for that.
Um, basically it's because I'm black!
Now bounce, bitch!
Yo, I could really go for a bowl of your chili right now.
Oh, yeah that would be nice.
Yo, I got an idea!
What?
What's the one thing people want when we're high.
I dunno, but I'm hungry as a motherfucker.
Exactly!
We'll open up a restaurant that sells your chili with
weed in it!
That's actually brilliant!
Then when they get the munchies, they're already there.
And then they eat more, and then they have more
munchies, and they keep eating.
They don't have to go nowhere.
And even if they don't eat that much, what do people
do when they're high?
They're messy, they spill shit.
They'll spill the chili and they'll have to buy
some more.
We'll be millionaires.
You just came up with that?
Yeah.
No shit?
I mean you're some kind of idea entrepreneur if
there's a word.
I'm an idealist.
Where are we gonna get the money to open up a
restaurant, man?
The bank!
We'll go get a loan from the bank!
No.
Why not?
There are no other chili restaurants in town.
Are there?
It's the marijuana aspect.
Sir, weed is legal.
Yes, marijuana is legal mister...
Weber, but that doesn't mean a bank endorses it.
This bank is a conservative organization.
Well I'm pretty sure there are plenty of banks that will.
Nope.
-Weed? -No.
Leave.
-I got an idea. -Mhmm?
Let's leave out the weed this time.
That's lying.
That's business.
I don't know.
You know they're eventually going to find out.
Yeah, by the time they find out we'll be paying
back the loan, and that's all they really want.
I guess.
Look, you know those restaurants that sell
paintings?
You think they got a loan for an art gallery and a
restaurant?
No, they added that later.
That's true.
-But still... -Yeah, that is true!
But still nothing! This is the last bank.
Do you want this loan or not?
Alright.
Let me fix you up.
Ba-bip-bam.
Passed you a wave, fool.
-Badow! -Oh shit, let's go.
The restaurant will serve chili?
That's it?
That's it.
Just chili.
Such a simple idea.
It could actually work.
Uh, looks like you guys have really good credit, too.
Not one negative thing pops up.
Why do you seem annoyed by this?
Approving a loan means i have a lot of paperwork in
front of me.
So, we got the loan?
Well, it's not a slam dunk yet.
The application process takes a few days and
you'll have to give a short presentation to the
loan board.
But it looks good?
Unfortunately.
Guess I'll have to start looking for my pen.
I gotcha!
Badass, right?
What the fuck is that?
Edm, man!
Electronic dance music!
Like skrillex, d- are you kidding me?
Steve aoki? David guetta?
Dude, get up, get up, get up, here.
I'll pull some of this up on YouTube, c'mon.
Watch that.
-Yeah, what is he doing? -He's killing it!
Doing what?
Slaying it!
Is he leading an aerobics class?
Yeah, he's loving it up there, he's like, woo!
But who's playing the music?
What do you mean? He's djing.
He's uh, playing the records.
The song just changed.
Uh huh.
And his arms are in the air. Is he djing with his dick?
Because that, to me, would be impressive.
Yeah, that would be impressive.
He's a dick jockey.
Can I show you how to dj please?
Yeah, show him how to do it.
You keeping it in your pants?
Yeah, I'm definitely keeping it in my pants.
What am I, a priest?
Okay.
Uh, where's your turntables?
Go for it.
What the fuck is that?
The, yeah, like turntables.
Like you scratch them and shit.
No, where do you put your records?
You, they're in the computer.
You put all your records in the computer?
No, well, I mean the music is, yeah.
And then, I'm confused.
You just, yeah.
There, like, that's the music.
It's all there. It's...
-And then, this.. -Yeah, you search it, you find
-whatever you want. -Mhmm.
There it is, and play.
-Play it here. -Yeah.
And then...
Oop!
Alright, alright!
Here, put this shit on.
This is awesome!
This is djing!
Hey!
-H-hey! -Hey, what's going on here?
Hi.
I see you guys, uh, you guys met each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You never told me you had such cool friends, mom.
Yeah. They're cool.
They're really cool.
Just teaching him how to dj.
Uh huh, yeah.
He's good, he's really good.
That's great, that's... that's great.
I didn't think that you'd meet them so soon.
I thought they'd be gone by now.
Are you taking off?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, I don't know.
Hey honey, I want to talk to them real quick, okay?
Can you go to your room?
It's old people talk.
It's, it's really boring.
Yeah, yeah! Of course.
Nice kid.
These guys are really cool, mom.
They're super cool, yeah. Yeah.
Hi!
Ta-daa!
Hey!
What was the one thing I told you guys?
You said a lot of fucking shit. I mean...
I said I didn't want you to meet my son.
Get it? Remember that?
You guys are pissing me off here.
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
You're pissed?
Your dad stole our idea!
What?
Starbucks!
That's his company, isn't it?
What?
My dad has nothing to do with Starbucks.
Listen, you're not the guilty party in this.
You don't have to protect him.
Yeah, he has nothing to do with s...
I beg to differ.
I'd like to say something to that.
No, no, no, that's okay.
Well, I'm just going to leave.
Um, you know that ham sandwich in the refrigerator?
Is that anybody's in particular?
Never mind.
So, Reeves and I are going to open a restaurant.
Really?
Hey, good luck with that.
But, however, uh, due to bad planning, uh, with the
money, uh, as you can see we bought new clothes,
hence why I look like Charlie brown, we have no
money for a motel and we can't keep sleeping in the Van.
And Brad happened to tell us about this great guest
house you have out back.
Yeah, no. No, no.
You're not going to sleep in my guest house.
No, no,l-just listen, listen. Listen.
Let me finish.
In exchange for letting us stay, we'll make dinner
for you and Brad every night.
No.
It's only going to be for like a week or two and I
understand the whole thing about role models, but
look, we no longer look homeless.
That's a good start, right?
We'll be very respectful, promise not to stay out
late, we won't curse.
Hold on. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
I just had to get that out.
No drugs.
I won't stay out late.
Did I mention that?
I may have mentioned it twice but that's because
I'm not going to do it.
Did I tell you how pretty your hair looks with the
gray in it?
And I'm not just saying that to make you feel good
about yourself.
It's very becoming.
Come on, help out an old friend.
An old boyfriend?
A recent orphan?
That's right.
I'm sorry.
We have history.
I've been inside your...
Yeah, I'll be right here if you need me.
Yeah, okay, no... boundaries!
I...
Okay, look at me.
My son is the most important thing in my
life, and I'm going to hold you to your promises.
I promise.
Pinky promise?
Please pinky promise with me.
Is that your pinky?
I want a promise.
Please somebody help me.
You can stay.
Thank you.
Do you remember when we used to hold pinkies?
What?
-No, we never did this. -W-we did this.
No, that's your other girlfriend.
W-we did some other stuff, but uh.
That didn't invoke...
I'll see ya later.
So why you tell her we don't do drugs anymore.
'Cause we don't do drugs.
We smoke weed.
Weed's not a drug.
Weed grows from the earth.
This is the earth we're smoking.
We're giving back to mother nature.
Hello mom, welcome to my mouth.
Besides, we can still smoke.
We just can't do it indoors.
Gotta crack a window or some shit.
Can't let Debbie find out.
Oh, and I told her we'd be cooking for her and the
kid every night.
Fuck you did.
Tonight's your night.
I'll cook tomorrow.
Where you going?
She gonna show me the old neighborhood.
Why can't I go?
'Cause you're cooking.
Wait a minute, you're fuckin' her so you should cook.
Well, if I was fuckin' her that'd be a great deal,
but I don't think she likes me like that anymore.
What ch...
So so you say you're the cook and I'll go fuck her.
You know what?
That sounds like a great plan.
I'll see you when we get back.
Bye, fucker.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, that's my shit.
Lisa Lisa.
I can't believe how many times you made me listen
to can you feel the beat!
Can you feel, can you feel,
ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca.
-Oh yeah. -Oh man.
I'm gonna make you feel that beat.
Oh dear.
Thank god Brad missed this time in history.
Y'know speaking of history, what happened to
Brad's, um, father?
Oh wow, that was smooth.
Didn't work out, short story.
Obviously it didn't work out.
What's the story story?
How'd you meet him?
What's his name?
Who is this guy?
His name's David, I met him 14 years after you
vanished from my life...
I mean, I'm 16 years old, the love of my life drives
away, I never see him again.
You know, talk about abandonment issues.
You really screwed me up, you know?
If I knew you were dead or that you were kidnapped it
would make sense, but there's always that
possibility that you...
You hated everything in your life and you just
wanted to run away.
You run away from me.
And every boyfriend after that unconsciously
I thought would abandon me too.
At least that's what my therapist said when he
broke up with me.
I'm sorry.
I don't know, it's not like I intended for any of
this to happen either, you know?
It's not easy for me.
I'm still trying to comprehend what's going on.
And I didn't mean to meet Brad, it was an accident.
He just came home early.
Er-did he skip school?
No, don't trip.
Not early like that.
Like, I mean, earlier than i thought he'd be home.
I-hey, it is hard raising a kid on your own, okay?
And I worry. That's what moms do.
I worry that he's going to break a bone or that he's
going to fall into the wrong crowd.
He's not going to fall into the wrong crowd.
Well, you, you don't know him.
I know you, and you're his mom.
And with a mom like you i think he's going to be
just fine.
Thanks.
Oh shit, you hear that?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, you ready?
Yeah, no. Don't do it. Don't!
I'm gonna pass you a wave.
Don't do it!
Here it comes! Catch it!
If you don't release that wave it's gonna come out
in traffic!
Don't, please don't do it!
You're gonna be making a left turn and whoa!
And then a u-turn.
You can't just have waves floating around.
Alright okay, okay. Here's my, here's my move. Go, go, go...
Hey, that's my move.
I call that the "twist and dash."
Yo, are you ready?
No, I'm searching for my parents on the computer.
It's called Facebook. People list a bunch of
useless information.
Like this guy right here.
He's about to brush his teeth.
Now he's done.
Oh, I got a friend request.
Oh shit.
From Nigeria?
Maybe you have long lost relatives in Nigeria.
Well, he doesn't look like anybody in my family
alright, let's go.
Alright.
Oh!
Do I have the wrong number?
What is this?
Do I, do I know you guys?
Hey, that look like fucking Sanchez, doesn't it?
But older and uglier!
- Yeah!
I can hear you!
They created a game where you can put your family in!
I'm not a game.
That's crazy, that's better than pac man or
asteroids!
You see that?
I'm not a game, I'm on the Skype!
He's on planet Skype!
Where is this planet?
Oh!
We're on earth!
What are your coordinates?
Where the fuck is my daughter?
He's on planet Skype and his daughter's missing!
Oh shit!
Oh my god, it's you two idiots.
We're businessmen now.
Yep.
We're opening businesses.
I thought you guys were dead.
Anyway, good talking to you, dirty.
Do not disconnect me.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey! -Bye, buddy.
Cabrones!
And it's gonna be called the chili pot, and we're
just gonna serve chili.
Yes.
Just chili.
That's gonna pay the rent?
20 bucks a bowl.
For chili?
Well, it has a special ingredient.
It has cannabis in it.
No you're not.
Oh yes we are. It's our recipe.
You are not selling pot in my property.
Oh, no, no, sir, it's okay.
Marijuana is legal now.
So are titty bars, but you're not going to open
up one of them in my building either.
Who would think thirty years later there'd be
still be racism in America?
That had nothing to do with race.
Are you kidding me?
The guy was white and he was a landlord.
Man, those confederate types just don't like us.
I don't think it had anything to do with us.
It was the weed he didn't like.
Look, I say this time we try it again, just like
the bank, but leave out the weed.
Okay.
-Alright? -Alright.
Boom!
Dudes!
I don't think we're gonna have to hide
that part about the weed.
Mm.
Hey, so, everything's included in the kitchen,
in the rent?
'Cause it looks perfect to make chili with weed in it.
Yeah, it's all included.
Chili with weed in it.
Wow.
Right on, you know, I once replaced my bong water
with soup.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was wild.
You know, we'll take it.
I don't know if I have that bong anymore, man.
-That was like, years ago. -No, no, no...
The whole place. Rent...
Oh right, cool, yeah, right.
That'll be a $5000 deposit.
Hey, can you just, hold it for us?
We're just waiting on the bank to give us the money.
No, no can do.
And just so you two know, i got some other dudes
coming in here tomorrow afternoon to check out the
place, so you know...
Peace out.
Mm, but peace though, really.
No, I mean it. Peace out.
I gotta get out of here.
That place was great.
You think the bank will give us a loan while we're
waiting on a loan?
It's worth it.
We could give it a shot.
Yo, I just realized my grandparents used to put
away money for me every year, and I wasn't allowed
to touch it until I was 21.
Oh shit!
You look like you could pass for 21 now.
I think so.
It's gotta be like over $4000 in that account.
$4000?
Bro, with the combining interest loans
buried in the dividends...
That's thirty years?
That's gotta be like $400,000.
Yeah.
You just saved the day.
Mmm!
Guys, this is delicious.
It's my mom's secret recipe.
What we used to do is make it all from scratch, then
we'd go to the store and get some store-bought
chili, put it in there to add a little flavor to it.
Wait, that's the secret recipe?
Yeah, was, up until now.
Did you know that Clark gable ate chili the night
before he died?
Where the hell'd you hear that?
On goggle.
On.. What?
On the computer, if you look up, like, you can
stuff words in like "chili, goggle," and then
-oh, no no, no. -Uh, goggle...
Google.
Listen, I was, i goggled last night.
Yeah, goggle sounds like a word.
It's Google. Yeah, g-o-o-g-l-e. Google.
Well people spell tomato different ways too.
What the fuck is a Google?
W-Google.
It's like a search engine.
You search stuff in it.
I didn't look for a mechanic, okay?
I was looking for chili.
Yeah, you wear goggles, you don't wear googles.
Or you gotta wear protective goggles, not
protective googles.
Y-but it, it's not spelled "goggles."
You don't get drunk and have beer googles you have
beer goggles.
They're not googgles. They're not for your eyes.
It's Google, like g-o-o-g-l-e.
Then what is it for?
-For searching for stuff! -And what do you search with?
Your eyes.
Checkmate, mother fucker.
Agh!
What's the matter? What happened?
Ah, I messed up my arm at the bmx track.
-Bmx track? -Yeah, agh.
Oh, who went?
All of us. It was fun.
All of you?
What did I say about that?
Well you said you weren't going to take me!
These guys said they would, so I said okay.
I wasn't going to take you because it's dangerous.
It's not dangerous, it's bmx.
It's fine.
He got hurt!
He's old!
Old people get hurt doing anything.
Okay, I'll be alright.
You're not helping.
Look, no it's fine, mom. We were fine.
We went, we had fun, we relaxed, we were, we were
wearing our pads and helmets.
-We were fine, right? -Mhmm.
If it's so safe, why do you have to wear pads
and helmets?
My house, my rules.
You never let me do anything fun!
You got, you like, keep me cooped up in the house
like I can't do anything, like a fun-killer for
crying out loud.
Hey!
What's with all the helmets and pads nowadays anyway?
Well that's what you do now with dangerous things.
Everyone wears helmets and pads.
Back in the day, the only people that wore helmets
and pads were retards and women on their periods.
Oh god, i-I'm raising three children here.
I think she's on her helmet right now.
Weber, correct.
Harris.
Can you just tell me what my account is?
Alright, thank you.
Yo, I had $4,000 in that account.
I had a quarter percent interest over thirty years.
I've got $4,400.
The landlord guy needs $5,000.
We're fucked.
You're gonna need to sell the Van.
I can't sell the Van, man. That's my only Van!
It was your only Van.
Once we get the loan, we'll buy back the Van.
But in the meantime, we need the money.
But in the meantime,
we need the money.
Who the fuck is that?
Why are you mocking me?
It's Brad's iPad, this thing, it's....
It's Brad's iPad...
It repeats everything you say.
I just said that.
Do you want to smoke?
Well clearly I do.
Look, blow some weed into it, blow weed into it.
-Now, now what? -Do you feel high?
Are you a high-pad?
How much you get?
Seven hundred bucks.
The fuck?
That's what I said.
Apparently the guy from the list of Craig said
that's all he truck is worth, because, you know,
vintage, and, you know, cheetos everywhere.
I kind of trust him, too, because Craig wouldn't put
a list together of people he didn't trust.
Who the fuck is Craig?
Some guy, he has a list of everybody's shit, and they
just go to him to sell it.
Where do you find this guy, does he have a store?
I dunno, Craig, he's on the um...
The Webber.
The world wide web.
That computer shit we were lookin' at?
Yeah, it was like something about twitting?
Apparently the people who twit go to face...
I haven't figured it out but Craig knows everybody.
You can get everything from skis to a blow job.
Ooh, we should've gotten blow jobs.
I gotta shit.
Try to use the toilet this time.
Right.
-Hi. -Hey.
Hi. Does it look like I'm flying?
It does, superman.
I want to talk to you about the other morning.
Oh.
You were fine.
No, I was wrong.
You guys have gone out of your way to include Brad.
And I appreciate it.
And now you're letting him help with the restaurant
stuff, and, it's very cool.
Interesting concept, by the way.
Concept?
Mhmm.
What did he say?
Well, you're only going to serve chili, right?
That's all he said?
What else should he say?
Nothing.
Nope, nothing.
Dinner tonight?
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
You don't have to cook dinner tonight.
I'm going out with the girls.
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
No problem.
You guys should take me bungee jumping
this weekend.
What the fuck is bungee jumping?
I dunno.
Is that in your underwear?
What the fuck is bungee jumping?
You know, like when you jump off a bridge with,
like, a bungee.
Why do you say that like we should know this shit?
Why would you do.. Why would the fuck you
-jump off a bridge? -'Cause it's fun.
You know that we're not white, right?
-Yes, exactly. -That's not shit we would do.
Why the fuck would you jump off a bridge?
I got to check with your mom.
I mean, you don't have to tell her.
Uh-uh, I promised i wouldn't let you do any
fuckin' dumb shit.
The fuck?
It's bros before hoes.
Thank you.
Hello?
Hey, it's the best bud guy.
Hey bud.
Bud.
How old is he?
What, are you hitting' on me, pervert?
I can't conduct business if anyone around is underage.
You're conducting business with us, boy.
Watch your god damn tone.
He's 21.
Listen here rockford files, you take your case
somewhere else.
His parents are midgets.
The keebler family.
That's keebler sutherland.
Keeble it to yourself.
If you have a good girl, she's a keebler.
Selling chili with weed in it?
That's brilliant.
You guys are going to need about ten flavors to start.
I got the super skunk, og kush, white widow,
blueberry kush...
- Which one's the best?
All of this stuff is chronic.
Then we'll take all of it.
And those free little pens that come with it.
My friend, this is a vaporizer.
Whoa-whoa, watch that vaporizer.
Whoa, hey, I don't want to lose my friend.
Your laser...
The force is not with you!
It's not a star trek thing, guys.
Just push down on the button, inhale and try it out.
Oh, in my mouth.
These new designs, they let you regulate the vapor
density so you get more hits per cartridge.
Mm.
Oh, that's good stuff, hold on.
Smooth.
Oh, hey, easy guys.
You barely have to hit it.
That's what she said.
I'm hitting it from the front.
Great thing about these new models, vaporization
only happens when you inhale.
-So, rule of thumb... -Mmm!
Use about maybe half the weed that you would
smoking in a joint.
Half?
And the high is stronger.
Mhmm.
Better high, less money, and completely healthy.
I tell you what, I feel so fucking healthy right now.
Fantastically healthy.
I think I'm doing mine wrong.
How could you be 47 and do that without falling?
Age ain't nothin' but a number!
Okay, okay.
Are you ready?
Well, I haven't done this in...
I haven't done this in years, so.
Okay...
-Woo! -Whoa!
Don't trip.
Why you trippin', fool?
You've got it.
Pontiac or Toyota, who was that?
Hey guys.
Hi.
This place looks, uh...
Fun.
What's this the donations jar?
Oh that's for my friend on Facebook.
Oh, the one from Nigeria.
Yes!
Yes! How'd you know? Nasim!
Yeah, it's a scam.
That is exactly what nasim said you would say.
It is a scam.
Yeah.
'Cause he knows it's a scam.
No, he needs a foot transplant.
Anyway, this is bullshit.
Let's get somebody to help us paint, man.
We don't have any money left.
But we have weed.
Weed is currency.
Yo, next time we give these guys the weed
after they paint.
Next time we pay 'em in cash.
We don't have any more cash, remember?
And we don't have any more weed.
What?
How the fuck are we gonna make chili with weed in it
if we don't have any weed to put in the chili?
I know.
That's why I called the best bud guy.
So, problem solved.
Problem not solved.
We don't have any more money.
What?
You just now telling me this?
I just now told you just now.
Hello!
-Oh shit! -Shit!
I have bad news.
Well, just tell me the good news first.
Oh, there is no good news.
What do you mean there's no good news?
Well, oh, actually there's good news for me.
I can't give you gentlemen the loan.
But you said we had good credit.
I said it looks like you have really good credit.
Turns out you don't have any credit at all.
Yeah, but...
Can't they look at it like, we haven't missed a
payment in like three decades?
They could, but they won't, because that's not
how it works.
Banks don't give loans to people without credit.
So you brought your big Wally-happy ass down here,
granola-eatin', folgers-coffee drinkin',
to tell us this shit?
Well, it wasn't a problem.
I had the afternoon free since I didn't have to do
your paperwork.
Well, I'm gonna go get some frogurt.
Bye guys!
What a frogin' asshole.
See, I told you.
Racism is still alive.
Still alive!
We're fucked.
He can't give us a loan because we ain't got no credit.
Gentlemen!
All I need is a signature and a payment and we're all set.
Right, um, about the payment thing.
A funny thing happened with the, you know how
business is, you know.
Got the signature, but the payment...
Can I be straight?
There's been a.. Accounting error.
Yeah, so we're gonna have to get this on...
Credit?
Okay, let me explain to you something about
credit, alright?
I gave you credit in the first delivery.
Still haven't gotten payment for that.
So, when I get payment for that, you get some more weed.
Look, man. Look around, okay?
We're just about to open this place, right?
We're gonna be busy, busy, making money, chili,
money, chili, weed, everything.
We're gonna be successful, we're gonna be your number
one people.
We're gonna be your...
Thing!
Economics.
Hold on, hold on, let me handle this.
Look, you're a businessman.
I'm a businessman.
Business is how business is.
That's how this country was built.
Capiche?
Pilgrims helped the Indians.
The Indians helped the pilgrims.
We're just asking for the same deal the Indians got.
And not my Indians.
The other ones.
Okay, let me explain to you guys a little
something about the deal the Indians got.
Pilgrims took their land, gave 'em blankets covered
in smallpox.
Allegedly.
Smallpox?
That's free.
Weed? Costs money.
No cash, no grass.
What are you, a fuckin' poet now?
I don't need smallpox!
These people, these are not good businesspeople.
Did you know that Bruce Lee was actually born in
San Francisco?
I did know this.
I can't believe i messed up on counting.
I can, you were wasted.
We're always wasted.
Maybe that's our problem.
You're gonna have to ask Debbie for the money.
Are you fucking crazy?
Yeah, picture that.
"Oh hey Deb, can I borrow a few thousand bucks so I
can buy some weed?"
Yeah. She'll lose her shit and kick us out of her place.
We'll end up homeless.
Tell her it's for something else!
I can't lie to her.
You been lying this whole time!
Yeah, well i don't like it.
Listen, she's against weed.
You don't have a future, okay?
She's our last hope.
Roll the dice, man.
Hey guys.
Debbie!
-Hey! -Hey, hello.
Speaking of nice shirts.
-Hi! -Hey!
So, uh, what are you doing here?
I took off work early.
Brad told me you'd be here.
Cool, Brad told her.
Look at that.
Well, I told Brad that i would take him skydiving.
Alright.
Off to the gym.
You guys have fun.
Okay, well...
Look at you, skipping work, huh?
Sit down.
It's a beautiful day.
Let's go for a walk.
Alright.
So, you just...
Took the day off work today? Just like that?
Just like that.
I mean, a few weeks ago i would've never considered
that, but if my boss gets annoyed...
So what, right?
I guess.
What changed?
I dunno, I just feel like i haven't been living my life.
Forgot how to have fun along the way, know what I mean?
I do.
I do know what you mean.
You have a lot do with that.
I do?
I'm the reason you played hooky today?
Yes! I mean look at you, you don't worry about anything.
So you think I don't have any worries?
What do you have to worry about?
Oh, okay. Your secrets again.
We didn't have enough money to finish the restaurant.
Can't you get a loan?
Well...
Pelican point bank was going to give us a loan,
but then, we don't have any credit, so no.
Well, you know what?
There are other banks.
Well, where're you going?
Woop, woop!
Wait, now you want to dance?
I want to talk!
You're afraid that she's not going to accept you
because you're a pothead,
and in my book, that's chicken.
Okay, number one, I'm not a chicken...
Guys. I got you the loan!
-Haaa! -What?
My friend Julie works at the pelican point bank.
She spoke with the original loan officer, and
he still likes your idea.
No, they already said no and we don't have any
credit anyways.
I'm gonna co-sign!
Oh! God, no.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah! -No, no, no.
Your credit is no longer an issue.
All you have to do is go in, give your
little presentation and you're all set.
I am so excited for you!
Me too!
Pow!
I love it when Debbie gets excited.
Well that went well.
No the fuck it didn't!
She thinks we're opening up a normal restaurant.
We are!
I gotta get her to cancel.
No! Whoa!
I can't have her sign this shit under false pretenses.
Deb?
Debbie, I...
Hoo, I...
Oh my...
G-good god.
Um, d... Deb.
Debbie Deb Deb, dooby dub da...
God damn, you look fantastic.
I uh...
I.. I just gotta...
I just want to talk to you about something real quick.
I t-tits, talk, toody, tit-tot-tot-too-dot tits, talk.
Jesus Christ, I wanted to tell you your tits have
dropped perfectly over the years.
I, um...
I haven't seen, s...
These, or anything this...
Shade.
I was with Reeves for a long time, and uh, this is
far better than I...
We really need to work on your compliments.
Debbie?
Deb?
Debbie?
Oh for fuck's sakes.
Yo, where's Debbie?
You didn't tell her, did you?
I tried to, but she wanted to fuck,
and I didn't want to be rude.
She showed up naked and i showed up with a boner.
Well, she left you a little message.
Sorry I can't be at the bank with you.
Good luck today.
Fuck.
I gotta call her, dude.
And tell her what?
The truth.
The truth?
Look, you gonna sabotage us.
I'm not trying to sabotage, I mean, she put
up too much fucking money.
Trust me.
Let me call her real quick.
Fucking voicemail!
Good.
We gotta cancel this meeting.
Listen, this is all I have.
I sold my Van. I have nothing!
I don't want to fuck her over, and I don't want to
fuck you over, you're my best friend.
But we gotta tell somebody the truth somewhere.
We gotta figure something out.
Wait a minute.
I might have something.
There's this thing on here called powerpoint.
With a few adjustments, and some editing
cut-pastes...
Can I ask you something?
Hm?
How the fuck'd you get so good on the computer?
Mrs. hunt's typing class.
Damn, I should've paid attention.
I kept staring at Mrs. hunt's...
Legs.
I got it.
I really wish Debbie would've called me back
this morning.
It's actually better like this.
Once she sees we've turned around these stiff types,
she'll be ready to jump on board.
Shall we begin the presentation?
Oh, we're not ready just yet.
God, this chili is god damn...
It's good!
You spiked it!
I put a little product in it.
How much?
Enough to get the loan.
Yummy!
Can I have some more?
Oh, ye...
You, here, certainly can.
Oh, heh, thank you.
I-i see you gentlemen have a loan guarantor,
Ms. Sanchez?
Uh, she can't be here today, but she's ready to
sign the papers upon the bank's approval?
Do we have any bigger spoons?
Okay, time for the presentation.
This is our projected income.
Yep.
-These are beans... -Uh, hold on. Go back a slide.
Hm?
Do you have any actual numbers for your projected profit?
No.
But it will look like this, the money.
-We'll stack it better. -Yeah.
These are some of the ingredients.
Mainly beans, tomatoes, this is Greg, he's a cow,
-um, corn. -Corn.
-Onions... -Uh, whoa whoa whoa.
Uh, stop the clock, uh, go back a slide or two.
-Hm? Hm? The, the corn? -No,just one more, one more.
Greg.
Forward.
Go forward one slide.
-Hm? Th-this one? -Back.
Back, back back back!
Uh, hm...
I'm sorry, is that...
Is that marijuana?
It's...
Legal cannabis?
Alright, can we get the lights back on?
-No, no, no! -Sir, sir!
Let me understand something here.
You're gonna sell chili that has marijuana in it?
Yes!
That's why it's called the chili pot.
Chili.
Pot.
Chili pot.
Alright, I think we can stop here.
A pot restaurant is not the sort of establishment
that our bank can support.
It would be bad for our image.
Actually, I was going to address that.
Can we continue?
I really don't see the point.
Please.
There's more chili.
Huh?
Please, there's lots of it.
Okay, alright.
Alright, go for it, go for it.
Just... that's very full, alright.
Weed has been a part
of our history and our fabric.
When Washington was crossing the Delaware, do
you think he was sober?
I mean, who stands up in a boat?
A high man.
George Washington, weed smoker.
Ben Franklin.
Do you think that "hey, let's go fly a kite in the
middle of a storm" was a sober idea?
That's where the term "high as a kite" comes from.
Ah!
Ben Franklin, bong owner.
There's his supplier.
Cancer!
The big c.
Many people in this town have it.
And are going to die from it soon.
Shouldn't they have access to something that's going
to make the time pass slower?
Weed does that.
Picture thousands of tombstones that read:
"My death was not quick, thanks to pelican point bank."
Marijuana: Gateway drug, right?
Wrong!
Marijuana is a gateway to pancakes.
Cinnabon.
Anything ending in -ito.
Fritos, doritos, cheetos, burritos.
Hundreds of foods that may not be palatable to the
normal tastebud.
But to somebody on marijuana, delicious.
And they go out hunting for it night after night.
Pelican point bank: Economy stimulator.
Marijuana is not only embraced by the outcast now.
It is mainstream.
Some former potheads and current are doing very
well for themselves right now.
Woody Harrelson.
Sean penn.
Snoop dogg.
I thought you couldn't make it.
- My meeting got out early -cheech & Chong.
Merle haggard.
Bill Clinton.
You didn't tell me it was a marijuana restaurant.
What?
Barack Obama, the commander in chief.
God bless this conference room,
and god bless America.
Debbie!
I was gonna tell you.
When?
When were you gonna tell me?
After I co-signed the loan?
I, um...
I know this looks bad.
Oh my god.
You've been lying to me this whole time.
I trusted you around my son.
I don't know what to say.
How about "I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't realize how my actions would
affect people."
How about this one?
"I'm sorry you found weed in Brad's backpack this morning."
Yeah, I did.
-Listen... -No, I'm done listening to you.
You're a fucking irresponsible man-child.
You suck me in, you make me think I can live this
carefree day-to-day life, but you forgot to tell me
the secret.
It only works if you don't grow up.
But you wouldn't realize that.
You didn't think that through, because that
takes reflection.
You know what really hurts?
I started to believe in us again.
Hey!
-Hey. -Did you get the loan?
No.
I left a note for your mom inside.
W-wait, you're leaving?
Your mom found out about the restaurant.
She's pissed.
Says we're bad role models.
She said that?
She's right.
We're fuckin' idiots.
And do yourself a favor and stop hiding your weed
in your backpack.
She went through my stuff?
Are you kidding me?
God.
That's what the note's about.
I told her the weed was mine, that I put
it in there, you didn't know anything about it.
So you're good.
No, no, no, no.
You can't say that, because, you gotta go get that note.
Because if you say that, she's not gonna let you
guys come back.
It's too late, buddy.
No, this is bullshit, man!
I was smoking weed long before you guys ever
showed up, alright?
This is my fault.
I'll take the rap, I'll tell her the honest truth.
It'll be fine.
She'll let you guys stay, okay?
Listen, when you get older you'll understand.
Right now, just, things aren't as clear-cut as
they seem.
Besides, what's really important is your mom
believes in your innocence rather than mine.
Here's the key.
Yo, this shit was way easier to do 30 years ago.
Woof.
Still mad at me?
Dude, I can't believe you left me, man.
It would've worked if you just waited a couple of seconds.
Look, man.
I had to do something.
There'll be other banks, but there's only one Debbie.
I had to take a shot.
If it makes you feel any better, I lost her too.
Does make me feel a little better.
I didn't want to lose my best friend as well.
Just love me, man.
-Stop. -Won't you hug me?
We slept together for 30 years, you won't hug me now?
Stop! You're making a pbs moment, man!
I'm not inside you!
-Damn it. -Holy shit!
-What? -Look at that!
What?
Right there, where the light is!
You mean all that weed by the tree?
Oh shit!
Weed never used to grow there before.
Maybe the bird droppings have been dropping on the
tree acting as fertilizer.
No, there used to be trees there.
Now the sun can get through, and it's
reflecting off the rock and...
Growing takes reflection!
Three times three is eight!
Debbie said it to me.
I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.
I don't know what the fuck you talking about.
Because there's no trees there, the sunlight can
get through, it reflects off the rock, and it feeds the weed.
If we clear all these trees away on the side of
this hill...
With all that light...
We won't need a loan!
Exactly.
More weed! Oh shit!
We'll be weed farmers!
-Ahhh! -Ahhh!
We gonna be rich!
Ahh!
Alright, just put that on your table sir.
We need a chili thai kush and a Maui wow-y
pineapple.
We're out of all that, can you pass it through.
Oh, okay, well...
I'll let him know.
Oh.
-Hey. -Hi.
Yep, this is it.
Yes, this is it.
This is it.
Mm.
It's... you have artwork, too.
Yeah, it was Reeves' idea.
Uh huh, it's uh, it's interesting.
This is the, uh, the angel covered in, angel of flies.
Lord of the flies.
Uh huh.
'Cause he's like, brown, just a, piece of shit, but
he's covered in flies.
Okay, so, um, can we sit down for a minute?
Need any avon?
How's my favorite client.
W-what are you doing here?
Remember how I knew a guy who knew a guy?
Turns out he knows a guy.
G-15.
It's primo shit.
What's your price?
Surprised to see you here.
I know how much you don't like chili.
Ha! Just kidding.
It's weed.
I know that you're against weed.
Well, you know, I just want to keep it away from
Brad as long as possible.
I want to keep him innocent.
That's what mom's do.
Um, tomorrow night there is an old school concert.
You want to go with me?
You mean you and, you and me?
-Yeah. -Together?
Yeah.
Uh, yeah. Please.
Does that mean, uh, you forgive me?
Well...
Baby steps.
You know why?
Why?
'Cause of what you did for Brad.
I know you covered up for him about that weed in his
backpack, and I know that you've been helping him
with his schoolwork for the past few months, and
he's been doing great.
Thank you.
I think you can thank yourself a little bit too.
It was a selfless act.
Oh.
-I did a selfless act? -Yes.
Yeah, I know, i-i did that on purpose.
I'm really good at being selfless.
Here's another selfless act I'd like to do.
No, that was selfish.
No, it was definitely not shellfish.
That was mint.
Um...
That was not selfish. You know how I know?
'Cause it made you smile.
Come here.
Want to get out of here?
Uh, yes, please.
Yes I do.
Just let me go tell Reeves that I'm leaving, okay?
Okay.
Reeves?
No, more, more!
Uh, yeah, right there! Right there!
Joe?
Reeves?
Don't you stop, don't you stop!
Oh yeah.