[man] We have a conspiracy on our hands here in Salem.
Salem was once a jewel of the western coast,
shining example of America.
We were a community of people
who taught our children good morals
and leadership values.
But someone in Salem
has decided to live by his own rules,
rules written by Satan himself.
Our mayor has found time to sex up interns,
but for three years, no one has fixed the pothole
in front of my house on 63 Nancy Street.
But this is obviously only a symptom of the real problem.
The real problem is immortality itself.
- Immortality? - Sir, do you mean immorality?
I'd like to request a time extension
due to being interrupted by Miss Martino here.
Denied, and that's not my last name.
What exactly is your complaint, sir?
With our mayor having used his office as Gomorrah
and with parents still reeling
from the filthy, nude forest dancing
in last year's production of The Crucible,
I'm disgusted to learn that this school plans
to perform Once Upon a Mattress this year.
Now, not only does that sound like a porno,
upon further investigation,
this mattress show also glorifies an unwed mother.
- So... - [Marie chuckles]
No, go ahead and laugh, 'cause that's very funny.
Unsafe sex is very funny, right?
Shame on you, Ms. Martino.
- Sir, stick to your topic. - No one here is named Martino.
I'll stick to my right to free speech. How 'bout that?
Or did you already menstruate
on that part of the Constitution?
I think you mean the Bill of Rights.
Sir, watch it.
We have our little league team in the audience.
Good! This is for them! They need to hear it...
Okay, that's it. Bobby, do me a favor. Get him out of here.
Brothers, stay the F away from me!
Watch your language.
Don't provoke him, Joan.
You threatening me, new woman?
Yes, I'm threatening you.
What are you gonna do about it?
This is what I'm gonna do about it.
I'm gonna use my free speech
to make sure the kids of this town
don't end up degenerated like the mayor.
You people talk and talk and do nothing!
I speak for the parents of this town
when I say stamp out the sin and the porn plays,
or you're gonna turn to salt,
and this town's gonna end up being just another...
- [Bobby] Let's go. - Devil-worshiping, homosexual,
pill-popping paradise for all of America!
[Bobby] Come on.
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
[message sent tone playing continuously]
[principal Bellingham] Despite the outburst,
it looks like we already have
pre-approval from the department,
so with that decision, we'll conclude tonight's meeting.
Thank you all for coming, and...
Hey. Your mom's new to the school board, right?
So's mine. I'm Diwata.
- Di-what-a? - Diwata.
Uh...
Howie.
Children of the board unite, right, Howie?
My private blog. It's getting a lot of hits lately.
You should check it out.
[parent] I don't recognize your authority.
I don't recognize it.
- [indistinct chatter] - [door slams open]
You afraid of, brother?
You afraid of shining a light on some truth?
[phone sliding on floor] [message received tone playing]
[parent] Don't take my arm so tight.
It's not necessary.
Come on.
[indistinct chattering]
[Diwata] You caved to a crazy man?
[Marie] I didn't cave. I was outvoted, sweetie.
[Diwata] Once Upon a Mattress
is the musical version of Princess and the Pea.
Censoring it is like putting pants on Elmo
so no one sees the nothing between his legs.
Elmo doesn't wear pants?
I'm kidding.
Oh, God.
[message received tone playing continuously]
[message sent tone playing continuously]
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
[Joan] Yeah, I'm threatening you.
What are you gonna do about it?
[man] This is what I'm gonna do about it.
I'm gonna use my free...
[Susan] Solomon!
Shut that off, and do your homework!
Degenerated like the mayor.
You people talk and talk and do nothing!
[James] Come on. Leave him alone.
I voted for the changes. Isn't that enough?
That guy and his argument were both crazy.
[Susan] I thought you were against sex before marriage.
[James] No, I... I am,
but I'm also against not having sex after marriage.
[Susan] Give me a break.
[piano music playing]
♪ Sitting at My Casio keyboard ♪
♪ Thank God it's built To prerecord ♪
♪ Otherwise, I couldn't play And sing at the same time ♪
♪ I-I-I'm... ♪
[electronic music playing]
Son of a bitch.
I want to thank all of my fans who posted comments
on the new video of my current acting reel
and have been sending me good-luck vibes
for the big audition tomorrow.
Sadly, under pressure from local psychos,
my drama teacher,
a man I'll call gay guy with a neck beard,
in order to protect
Mr. Walter M. Healy's anonymity,
has caved and agreed to "purify" the plot
of Once Upon a Mattress.
As a result of this lunacy,
the character of Lady Larken
will no longer be pregnant out of wedlock.
We have a state-mandated
teen-mothers program at our school,
but the board thinks an unwed storybook mom
is too scandalous?
Lady Larken and I aren't both perfectly pretty,
and I don't have her perfect soprano voice.
[sighs] But the truth is...
the Lady and I have a lot more in common
than you'd ever guess.
So, Mr. Healy...
this hot flow is for you.
♪ Mr. Healy You're a crap sandwich ♪
♪ I'm pure and You're a crap sandwich ♪
♪ Get some bread Your balding head ♪
♪ And some more bread ♪
♪ You have your head Between bread ♪
♪ Crap sandwich, yeah ♪
[upload video tone playing]
[upload complete tone playing]
♪ Sitting at My Casio keyboard... ♪
[notification tone playing]
♪ Otherwise I couldn't play ♪
♪ And sing at the same time ♪
♪ I-I-I'm... ♪
["Tonight" playing]
♪ Nobody wants to be alone ♪
♪ But tonight ♪
♪ We're all believers ♪
♪ And I feel all right The song in my heart... ♪
[Joan] Howie!
Mom.
I'm getting ready to go out.
[Joan] Out? Out with who?
Uh... a friend.
I can have friends here, right?
[Joan] Are you gonna bring him back to the house?
- No. - [Joan] All right.
Have fun, bug. I love you.
♪ Nobody wants to be alone ♪
[James and Susan arguing]
I can't run this story, Solomon.
It's against every rule here,
and your dad is on the board.
My stepdad, and that doesn't mean I agree.
- I'm my own person. - Okay, school officials are off limits.
Oh, but what...
Okay, fine.
- I'll write about the mayor. - The mayor.
- What's the topic?
How he's been having sex with teenagers.
Another intern's come forward.
It's in today's paper.
Choose another topic.
Religion. See?
We can't write about anything actually affecting us.
Last week, you vetoed my story
about the stranger danger sessions
the school keeps holding.
Because it's a direct criticism
of the administration's policies.
They hired experts to remind us
not to let strangers touch us in our bathing suit areas.
That's what they said, "our bathing suit areas."
- Some kids my age are already having sex, and, I'm not... - Okay,
you're just trying to cause a stir,
and that's not what real journalism is.
You taught me that real journalism
involves writing about the truth.
Look at my last article.
I can't submit clips like these
to a top-tier journalism school.
Solomon, this isn't a debate, and you can't be in here.
I'm sorry, but it's hypocritical...
Hey, Ms. Nish.
If you won't print my stories,
then maybe I'll write a new one
about freedom of speech in high schools.
The Oregonian might be interested.
[electronic beeping]
Are you recording me?
Just so I don't misquote you.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Then on the record, I say,
"Why don't you ask your stepfather about our school's policies?"
Because he's on the school board that actually makes them.
I'm sorry, but I can't help you.
I can help you.
Not easy being new.
Takes time to make friends.
Have you thought about a sport?
Lacrosse?
No. I want to start...
We don't have a Gay-Straight Alliance here,
and when I was in Portland...
You ever played lacrosse?
But do you know why North Salem doesn't already have a GSA?
If you want to start a new club,
you have to petition through the school board.
I can't help with that.
♪ For I know that I'll never ♪
♪ Live happily ever after ♪
♪ 'Til after I'm a bride ♪
Too forte at the end?
"Forte" means loud, in musical terms.
I'll teach you all the terms. Don't worry.
Just wish me luck.
Luck.
Did you have fun last night?
♪ ...Happily ever after ♪
♪ 'Til after I'm a bride ♪
♪ Then I'll be happily happy ♪
♪ Yes, happily happy... ♪
Hey, Arnett.
How well did you sweep the stage?
I'm dancing barefoot.
It's clean.
FYI, Mr. Healy,
I'll be performing all songs as written.
That means that this Lady Larken
will still be pregnant,
as per the author's original intent.
Diwata, honey, I have to manage complaints from parents.
This is a high school.
We don't want to make it seem like we're glorifying a pregnant woman
who isn't in a stable relationship.
It's just a little trashy.
Sorry, Candace.
Marty, if I start to riff, you gotta hang with me, bud.
Don't get thrown like last year, okay?
No, Diwata, last year, we talked about bringing
your own material in to my auditions.
Chill, Mr. Healy. It's a medley.
A med... How is that different?
[exhales deeply]
Oh, here we go.
[piano music playing]
♪ The actress hasn't Learned the lines ♪
♪ You'd like to hear ♪
♪ She won't join your clubs ♪
♪ She won't dance In your halls ♪
♪ She won't help The hungry once a month ♪
♪ At your tombolas ♪
♪ She'll simply take control As you disappear ♪
♪ And I am not Throwin' away my shot ♪
♪ I am not Throwin' away my shot ♪
♪ Yo, I'm just like my country
♪ I'm young, scrappy And hungry ♪
♪ No, I'm not Throwin' away my shot ♪
♪ We're gonna rise up Time to take a shot ♪
♪ We're gonna rise up Rise up ♪
♪ Rise up, rise up ♪
♪ How would you like it If you were a man ♪
♪ Playing the part of a toad? ♪
♪ Crawling around on your Elbows and knees ♪
♪ Eating the dust in the road ♪
♪ Toads, toads ♪
♪ All of your people Are toads ♪
♪ Then I'll be happily happy ♪
♪ Yes, happily happy ♪
♪ And thoroughly satisfied ♪
♪ Satisfied ♪
♪ Whoa, yeah ♪
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
[school bell rings]
[student 1] Just pick one, Solomon.
[student 2] Yeah, man. Hurry up.
I can't choose any of these topics.
Then follow the rules, or you can leave.
I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this every week.
Great choice.
Hey. I was wondering if I could interview you
for an article I'm writing about the auditions...
for the school paper.
I'm Solomon.
We're friends on Facebook.
I've liked a lot of your Instagram posts.
Hey.
[phone vibrating]
Seriously, Mark?
You know, I was once upon your mattress.
Okay, everyone, just remember, in the words of Stanislavski,
"there are no small parts, only small actors."
- I got it. - I knew it.
Yay!
I knew you would.
[girls] Yeah.
[Solomon] Hey.
I was wondering if I could interview you
about these auditions.
For the school paper?
[Howie] It's time for North Salem to have a GSA.
My old school had one,
and most schools in Oregon do, so don't think I'm asking
for some kind of fringe thing or whatever.
Well, look, I-I'm proud of you...
uh, that you have spoken your mind.
Good for you. Your mom has raised a fine young man.
But we've considered a GSA in the past,
and the board's unanimous decision
has always been that it's more of a social hour
and not a formal club... that the district should fund.
Well, then, we need to vote again. I was never part of that.
I was with Howie when he did the research
on how many schools actually have it,
- and the overwhelming majority do. - Mom, Mom, just...
It's very true. Let's at least have a discussion about it.
No, we'll just put it to a vote.
Well, it's yes from me.
Uh... Nope for me.
Of course, yes.
No.
Uh...
James.
Where are you on the... On this issue?
I'm a no on the GSA for me.
I agree it's more of a social hour.
Jesus Christ, James, really?
Okay, noes have it.
Look, Howard, there are existing clubs
that are lacking in student interest.
There's... Portuguese Club,
which is hungry for members,
and Recycling Club.
- It's not called "Recycling." - He means the Environmental Action Committee.
Speech and Debate.
But for the record,
the district fully supports gays,
lesbians, and...
Latinos?
Okay. Thank you.
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
When I was in high school,
I felt like I had so much to say,
but nobody was listening.
A lot of movie stars and politicians
got their start in Speech and Debate,
because on the debate side of things,
you have all kinds of competitions
where you have to make your point of view
clear and convincing,
and on the speech side of things,
you have acting competitions.
Through dramatic interpretation,
you get the opportunity to play all the roles
in a scene yourself,
so that means you're playing Romeo and Juliet.
So just grab a couple friends.
It only takes, like, three people minimum
to start a team,
and join Speech and Debate.
It's the only club designed for you to find
and strengthen your voice.
I want to open myself.
I want the light of God.
I want the sweet love of Jesus.
I danced for the Devil. I saw him.
I went back to Jesus, and I kissed his hand.
I saw Sarah Good with the Devil.
I saw Goody Osborne with the Devil.
I saw Bridget Bishop with the Devil.
♪ No more time for "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" ♪
♪ From now on, "It's my country 'tis of me" ♪
I don't need friends.
I don't need to be in the school musical
that the school board has frauded.
I have music in my body.
I am music.
Mr. Healy thinks an unwed mother
is too racy for us.
Are we in Salem, Oregon, or Salem, Massachusetts,
circa 16... whenever the heck those witches were being hunted?
1692.
♪ Can't burn me This witch is fireproof ♪
♪ So try and hang me And see how strong my neck is ♪
[Marie] Diwata, what is going on in there?
No, Mom...
But I'm an actress.
Speech and Debate sounds like homework that nerds want to do
because regular homework isn't, I don't know, enough?
Just read the part that says "D.I." on the home page.
They call it competitive acting.
You'll see why I called you.
[rock music playing]
[Diwata] Welcome to North Salem's revived Speech and Debate team.
My name's Diwata, and as team captain...
Self-appointed team captain.
I'm not acknowledging that remark.
And I'm Solomon, and please know
that you can come to me with any questions.
Or you could come to me,
so Solomon doesn't get bugged too often.
We're gonna go over different debate categories.
Hey, can we play icebreakers?
No. I'm running the meeting, please.
Should have played icebreakers.
Um, who's our faculty Advisor?
Who's gonna sign my transcript?
Uh...
We don't have an official faculty Advisor yet,
but it shouldn't be a problem, given the decent turnout today.
Uh...
Solomon, tell them about the tournament in the city.
- We travel, people. - Okay. Okay.
The Portland Invitational
- is two weeks away... - But first, travel is... Yes?
I don't get this. Who are you?
And who are you?
This is so weird.
I'm Diwata, and this is Solomon.
My background is in legitimate theater and blogging.
Solomon's more into the debate events, like Lincoln-Mercury.
It's Lincoln-Douglas,
after the President and Stephen Douglas.
- Right... - It's one-on-one debating.
Call that category LD, that's the lingo for that event.
I'll teach you all the terms. Don't worry.
I'm not worried.
Okay, if we could all get into a circle...
This year's debate topic is...
Resolved.
When in conflict, an individual's freedom of speech
should be valued over a community's moral standards.
In a year with our mayor...
He's in trouble, and...
With the school censoring our newspaper articles,
this is pretty relevant, yeah?
Solomon, you're freaking people out.
It can be fun, too.
The best category is called Dramatic Interpretation,
where you perform all the parts of a play yourself.
Witness.
Welcome to a tale of witchcraft,
where Puritan Mary Warren stands before the court
unsure of whether or not telling the truth
will set her free or set her on fire.
So get ready.
And if you feel flames, don't pull the fire alarm.
Things are just really heating up in...
The Crucible, by Arthur Miller.
[motorized wheelchair engine revving]
I'm saying that we aren't even official
until we have at least three members.
Three members. How hard can that be?
[Casey singing] ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
You guys shouldn't be hanging out in the hallways.
Casey shouldn't be allowed to sing those notes, and you shouldn't be allowed
- to direct traffic. - Oh, my gosh. Diwata.
We're leaving. We're leaving.
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
Every guy in school has a boner for her.
Oh, you, too?
Great ass, right?
Here's the thing. After one baby, it'll sink to the floor,
but she won't stop singing,
and you'll be stuck listening to that off-key screeching
everywhere.
The car, the shower.
- Is that really what you want? - No.
I don't want Casey.
I'm kind of seeing someone else.
Is she from Canada or youth group?
Shut up. We met online.
Online.
Only losers meet people online.
Only losers.
I know how to get our third member.
- No. No. - Yes. Yes.
No, there's no way you could get me to do this.
Can you please not shout?
Look, I saw your boardroom performance.
- You are a terrible public speaker. - It wasn't a performance.
This is the perfect way for you to get your...
whatever you call it, your lesbians-in-love club.
You really cannot be back here.
Listen, I watched your podcasts,
and they're entertaining,
but I'm not about to join the geek club.
You watched them? You think I'm entertaining?
Thank you. I think you're...
too young to meet teachers in public parks at night.
You don't know me at all.
What I do know is if you join the team,
and debate issues you care about,
while wearing the skinny jeans you're rocking right now,
all the boys will be begging for your number,
after you beat them down with your passionate words.
What do you even need a GSA for?
Homophobia is so 1985.
- No. No, no, no. Please. - Yes.
You have less to worry about than other minorities,
less than women.
I'm a double minority.
I'm female and Filipino.
[laughs]
You don't look Filipino.
You don't look gay.
Yes, you do.
It's the hair, isn't it?
Is it the hair?
Yes, Blondeboi.
And PS, what shade of blonde are you, ebony?
You just don't really... [sighs]
I'm an alien in this town.
When I was in Portland,
at least there were other guys that were like me.
Portland, you say,
home of the first competition of the year,
just two weeks away.
Think of it as a free trip back to your roots.
So you want to know about Speech and Debate?
I wish...
I whiff.
Someone's been wishing for fun, friends,
and new adventures.
Well, I have the epitome of success
for all promising high schoolers.
Speech and Debate?
But I'm interested in talking
about things affecting our country right now.
Well, Gideon, your wish is granted.
Since you are such a skilled writer,
why not try Persuasive Speaking?
You get ten minutes to give a speech
on whatever your heart desires.
Or if you're feeling argumentative...
[politician speaking] we're faced each time with a crisis.
Hey, wait! What's in this for me?
Lucy, with your flair, you'll shine
in the "Interp" categories, like...
Dramatic Interpretation...
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
Group Interpretation...
I have something worse than stomach cancer,
and you gave it to me!
The only thing I gave you was love.
Love and stomach cancer.
I can't think of a single thing
about that video that wasn't awful.
The genie wasn't so bad.
You're a creepshow.
We need to pick what events we'll do.
I don't want to get laughed out of Portland.
If we're gonna do this, we need to rehearse.
Sorry. Please continue, Professor.
I'll take Persuasive Speaking.
[chalk breaking]
Resolved. When in conflict,
an individual's freedom of speech
should be valued over a community's moral standards.
Wait. If it's resolved, why do we have to debate it?
The school board has been shielding students
from important discussions about abortion...
- I don't care what you're saying, - religion,
- because all I see is robot. - Politics.
But who are they protecting?
Be a real boy.
Or the adults who would rather ignore our issues
rather than engage them?
Eye contact. Solomon.
I saw Goody Osborn with the Devil.
I saw Bridget Bishop with the Devil.
I saw Goody Hawkins with the Devil.
Looks like you're having an orgasm while getting murdered.
[Solomon] Community's morals don't include homosexuality,
- shouldn't be forced to start a GSA. - [Howie] See, that's because
in the Constitution, it clearly states all men
are created equal, not all straight men.
And no one's forcing it on the community.
Why shouldn't communities have a right to censor plays
or change newspaper articles if they incite harmful activity?
That's nice. All right, well, I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Come at me! - Oh, whoa. Hey.
The school board needs to
- stop shielding students - Eyes.
- From meaningful discussions - Hands.
Where are your hands?
About abortion, religion, sex...
- Your spirit animal is wounded. - Politics...
You hit him with your car.
- Indeed, the very debate about - Don't let him die.
Whether a GSA should be...
- Radiate likability. - Officially...
be, should be,
Stop thinking about genies.
But who are they protecting?
Where are your hands?
[Solomon] So why should a community stand by a school play
if its characters behave in a manner
that encourages lewd behavior?
Well, do we take The Da Vinci Code off the shelves
to keep kids from stealing the Mona Lisa?
Who's my bitch now?
Giles is dead.
They press him, John.
Press?
Great stones, they lay upon his chest
until he pled aye or nay.
They say he give them but two words.
"More weight," he says and died.
"More weight."
Ah, crap. I forget the rest.
Um... Okay. That's a wrap, boys.
I'm meeting with Bellingham tomorrow
to get him to sign off on Portland.
I thought you already had approval.
I do. Relax.
I babysit his kid Jean, who's completely obsessed with me.
Kids love me, just FYI,
so there won't be any problems.
This is a big problem.
I can't let you guys travel,
not under the school's name,
not without an approved budget,
a schedule, and a faculty Advisor.
- Are there conditions? - What did he say?
I need to get a faculty Advisor to sign off,
and I know someone who will do it, Mrs. Poluski.
- But what about money, though? - Who's she?
Because I'm working two shifts and I definitely can't afford...
Relax, ladies. Relax.
We get reimbursed as long as we collect all the receipts.
That's how the system works.
I'll just use my mom's emergency credit card until...
Wait. Who is Mrs. Poluski?
Mrs. Poluski, these are the other star competitors,
Howie and Solomon.
Guys, this is Mrs. Poluski.
Poluski is name of Serbian rapist husband.
I am Oksana.
Oh, my God. Did you just pay her?
- Let's talk about our uniforms. - Uniform.
You have to wear a suit.
I don't own a suit.
Well, borrow one from Solomon.
Have you seen his wardrobe?
- Hey, Casey. - Exactly.
[Diwata] He dresses like he's already in this club,
so let's go with that.
[Howie] I'm not even his size.
[Diwata] We'll make it work.
Are you cheating on your Internet girlfriend already?
["Rollercoaster" playing]
♪ So come a little closer ♪
♪ There is something I can tell ya ♪
♪ You are such A roller coaster ♪
♪ And a killer queen you are ♪
♪ We took the bones out From the road ♪
♪ Those endless nights That we traveled we stole... ♪
[knocking on door]
Come in.
♪ And lit a fire While I waited for more ♪
♪ And now I'm running And I won't stop ♪
♪ I don't wanna go ♪
♪ I think about it Every day and night ♪
♪ I can't let go ♪
♪ Hey, I'm never the same ♪
♪ It's a hundred miles an hour On a dirt road running away ♪
♪ So come a little closer ♪
♪ There is something... ♪
[switching through radio stations]
Finally, no more small-town radio.
♪ And you don't belong To me, yeah, yeah ♪
Whoa. Dude, that was aggressive.
Sorry. It's... that song.
What?
Fine.
So, [sighs] when I was nine,
I was a Boy Scout...
[Diwata heartily laughing]
What's funny about that?
Everything. Literally everything.
Thank you. So, for talent show that year,
all the other kids were doing, like, wrestling moves
and tying knots,
and, um, I decided I was going
to make up my own dance to that song.
And the dance had all these really special moves,
and I was gonna teach all the other kids, but...
Don't feel bad.
Mary Warren got in trouble
for dancing naked in the forest with Tituba.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Guys, Mary Warren is the star
of the new musical I'm writing.
It's time the leader of naked forest dancing gets her due.
It's called "Crucible,"
based on Arthur Miller's play...
So what happened with the dance?
Oh, um...
No, we... I actually never ended up doing it.
I did archery, or they ran out of time or something. I forget.
Wow. Really good story, Howie.
♪ Yeah, yeah Freedom ♪
♪ Oh! Freedom ♪
♪ Freedom ♪
Oh, guys, this competition is gonna be so chill.
- [group leader] Holy... - [competitors] Ghost!
- Holy... - Ghost!
[indistinct chatter]
[girl 1] There was blood in my eyes...
[girl 2] And mama said, "Don't forget your little brother,"
so I wrapped him up tight, and off we went.
- Holy whoa. - Excuse me.
[Solomon] This is...
This is cool.
My first event is upstairs.
And mine's in the library, so I need...
I'm right here. So...
Okay, come on. Circle up. Bring it in.
Can we get in a circle, please?
This is a triangle.
- Holy... - Ghost!
Okay, I just want to say
don't be intimidated by these guys, okay?
You guys have done such amazing work
these last few weeks, and you have something they don't, okay?
So just remember that.
We have the Holy Spirit on our side. Who's on yours?
A gay guy and an overachiever.
That's like our whole school.
[bell ringing]
[judge] Welcome to the first round of the Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Competitors, you have six minutes to make your case.
[bell dings]
[speaking very quickly] Resolved: When in conflict,
an individual's freedom of speech should be valued over
a community's moral standard. The response is that moral standards have no standard...
This concept... page 170. Contention one,
oppression crushes human dignity.
By its very definition, oppression is cruel and unjust.
The question becomes, how much weight should we give to this pain?
Justice also maintains credibility as a central value,
because the concept which regulates the terms of all social contracts
as well as being an unlimited good...
[bell ringing]
People talk down to us because they're looking down at us.
Being short in America today
means that we're facing a variety of prejudices,
and I am here to convince you
that those challenges and prejudices
that height-challenged Americans face today
are not only real, but pervasive,
and they should be dealt with.
No matter what your size,
you can soar to new heights.
Thank you.
[audience applauds]
[bell ringing]
Join me on one woman's extraordinary quest,
for though we all have to make tough decisions in life,
a few of us will ever make a decision as difficult
as Sophie's Choice, by Alan Pakula.
[firm voice] You may keep one of your children.
[nervous voice] I-I have to choose?
I cannot choose.
[firm voice] Be quiet, or I will send them both over there.
[judge] Up next is contestant 89,
speaking for the opposition.
But we're supposed to deliver
our prepared topics, aren't we?
Right. You can speak in agreement in round two.
For now, you need to argue the opposition.
Um...
Okay.
My opposition would be...
that short people...
are in fact...
less intelligent than their taller counterparts.
The speaker's weak thesis
was supported by citing countless
well-known, successful short people,
but where is the science?
If we're not using facts,
then I could similarly surmise
that being short does in fact make you stupid,
because you can't see as much
as taller people,
and you don't have as big a brain cavity.
Using the speaker's logic,
I'd argue that being short has a lot to do
with how doomed you are in life.
Contestant 89,
you were supposed to argue the opposition
to your own prepared topic.
Welcome to a tale of witchcraft,
where Puritan Mary Warren stands before the courtroom
unsure of whether or not telling the truth
will set her free, or set her on fire.
So get ready.
And if you feel flames,
don't pull the fire alarm.
Things are just really heating up in...
[audience murmuring]
The Crucible, by Arthur Miller.
Why are you concealing?
Have you sold yourself to Lucifer?
[nervously] I'm a good girl. I...
Tituba made me do it!
She makes me drink blood!
Blood? My baby's blood?
No. No, chicken blood.
I give she chicken blood.
[audience gasping and murmuring]
[speaking very quickly] Clearly society can have too much justice...
is human dignity. People as diverse as Martin Luther King, Jr...
Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony were willing to risk themselves for this concept,
And that's why freedom of speech isn't free at all.
Contestant 43, you have three minutes
for your rebuttal.
- Congratulations. - [announcer] A job well done,
all those competitors who have advanced.
Please proceed to your next round.
For those who did not advance,
the cafeteria is available for a short time
and accepts all major credit cards.
Finally, congratulations to the Holy Ghost Academy...
Hey, is that you, man?
I heard what you did on your PS-Opp.
Can we get a picture?
[announcer] Thanks to everyone participating
in the 55th annual Portland...
Thanks, man.
What was that?
It's nothing.
I made a mistake. Can we go now?
[girl] That is the kid...
I can't believe I cared about this.
This is so stupid.
- Holy... - Ghost!
Well... we can't just go home now, can we?
- Holy... - Ghost!
Come on.
[Solomon] My parents are going to kill me if I'm not home in time.
Chill out. It's happy hour, and you don't look happy.
Get your fakes out.
My fake what?
No. We have to go home now.
Let's just vote on it.
[dance music playing]
I love how hot I am in gay bars.
[Howie chuckles]
Give him a second.
- You going? Okay. - Yeah. You good?
Yeah.
Your friend looks pretty miserable over there.
It's been a long day.
Any suggestions?
They tell me not to write about the mayor, I don't.
I don't write about you and Healy, either.
I give in to everyone, and where does it get me?
Who told you about me and Healy?
I should still write an article on it.
I might.
It's news, real news.
He shouldn't be allowed to teach at our school,
and you...
You don't know anything about what happened.
I can guess, but I know it's pretty gross,
and illegal.
First of all, I'm 18, which means I'm an adult,
so I can talk to whoever I want, okay?
You look like you could use a drink.
You look like you could use a shower.
You know, it must be really sad being you,
obsessed with everyone else's life,
but not having one of your own.
I don't want to be like this.
Then don't.
What?
What was that all about?
The bartender gave me a Molly, so I gave it to Solomon.
What?
He needs a little pick-me-up.
You're crazy.
[Howie laughing] I know.
Didn't even get cast as Tituba.
Healy says it was a race thing, which, in my opinion,
is a totally amateur point of view, but...
Baby girl, you're not even black.
How you gonna be Tituba?
Uh, well, hold up, Waleed. Back it up.
Historically, Tituba was South American Arawak,
some shit like that, so... Hey, Howie.
Settle this debate for us.
You've read The Crucible, right?
[vomiting]
Oh, my God.
- Really? Really, wonder boy? - Hey.
Get somebody to clean this up.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm gonna go get the car.
[drunkenly] Ladies, man.
Oh, it's so awesome.
Guess what. I'm a lady's man.
[sighs]
I try to get with girls, but it's like...
- what's wrong with me? - Okay, okay, okay, just...
Just calm down, buddy, okay?
I'm not handsome.
No. No, you're handsome. It's just...
all of your shirts have alligators on 'em.
It's like you're always in a costume.
It's like you have no personality.
All right? Maybe that's why you have no friends.
Crap! They towed my car!
I was only maybe three feet into the no parking zone.
Howie, what time is the last bus home?
[announcer over PA] Last call for bus 49,
local service to Eugene,
first stop Salem.
- Bus leaving in three minutes. - [Diwata] It's so slow.
Okay.
[announcer over PA] All passengers should be aboard
for bus 49, local service to Eugene,
- first stop Salem. - Thank you.
Bus leaves in three minutes.
Yes. Yes, it's all right.
Okay?
Okay.
Ma'am, hi. So sorry.
This is the last bus to Salem, right?
- [bus operator] It sure is. - Oh, thank God.
[sighs in relief] Okay, we would love three tickets.
- [panting] - Mmhmm.
Uh... Oh!
Wait. Where's Solomon?
[Howie] Is that him right...
- [Diwata] Oh, my God. - [Howie] Solomon! Solomon!
[Howie] Solomon, what are you doing?
- I hate my clothes. - [Diwata] Solomon!
What the hell are you doing? We're gonna miss the bus!
Why do you hate me?
We could talk about this when we're on the bus, okay?
- Can we... - Get him out! Oh, God.
[Solomon grunting]
Solomon, just, just give me your hand, okay?
- Stop it! - Oh!
Guys, come on. You guys...
Where's my phone? Oh, no.
Sorry.
I thought you'd be more fun on drugs.
Guys, I promise, once we get on that bus,
we're gonna have a good laugh about all this.
Drugs?
You gave me drugs?
I thought this is what being drunk was like.
Hi. We'd like your finest suite near the Jacuzzi, please.
Okay, come on.
Go right... right there.
There you go.
[sighs] Oh, my gosh.
Why does my head feel so heavy?
Can you feel my head, please?
Feel it.
[Diwata and Howie giggling]
[groaning]
Let me get you some water.
You're gonna be okay. Let me just...
I can't believe you gave me drugs.
What kind of drug is this?
When is it gonna be over?
Okay, Solomon, I just texted your mom so she won't worry.
[phone beeps]
This is not our son.
Call Marie.
I can't believe all this stuff is included with the room.
Howie, free hot cocoa mix.
It's free.
Here you go. Drink that.
- Is my head the same size as yours? - [phone vibrating]
Crap.
Hi, Mom.
Find out what to believe.
His parents are already here at work.
Well, you stay put, okay?
Okay. Goodbye.
They're in a hotel in Portland. They're safe.
I just don't see why we need to rush there right now.
They're gonna be home first thing in the morning.
Okay, it's all right. I can go pick them up.
I'll see if I can take off from work.
I have to drive Diwata's car home anyway.
I knew it.
I warned you this would happen if we put him in a public school,
didn't I?
I'll see you in the morning.
What you thinking about, Howie?
I'm thinking about all the hot guys
you promised I was gonna meet at the competition.
What are you thinking about, Solomon?
Abraham Lincoln.
When I was a kid,
I got second place in the national
"Write and illustrate your own book" contest.
I wrote my book on him.
On Abraham Lincoln?
[sighs] As a teenager.
I have such a deep respect for Abraham Lincoln.
Okay, when I was in fifth grade I entered that competition,
and it wasn't national.
It was just three school districts.
Okay, that's enough. We're going to the Jacuzzi.
- It's a pool. - It's water.
Howie, I've got a plan.
For our next tournament,
we need to do Group Interpretation.
No, I'm done with Speech and Debate.
Group Interpretation is what we should have done.
Next time, we'll compete together with our own material.
We're weaker on our own, but together...
I'm quitting, too.
Guys, don't get a bad attitude
because we lost once. Watch.
Want some?
Oh, no, not if there's alcohol in it.
Well, it's not non-alcoholic wine, Diwata.
I shouldn't then. I...
Until I'm into a good BFA program,
I need to protect my singing voice, you know?
Yeah, alcohol dries out the chords.
You know...
someone who looks a lot like you,
was checking out the family planning center,
across from the pizza shop I work at last week.
And...
I was just too scared to go in.
'Cause I'm not sure I'm...
I did one of those, like, home tests,
and it was, like, kind of a line, maybe not.
I can't go to my family doctor,
so I've gotta go back there to get official results.
Do you have someone to go with you?
Most of my friends are older,
from theater camp, so...
You know, as long as we figure out the time-difference issue,
I think there's totally a way
to integrate teenage Abraham Lincoln
into The Crucible, my Mary Warren musical.
I told you about it, right?
So you have to tell me the story when you're sober.
Do not let me forget, okay?
- [door unlocking] - Uh... Hello. I put the sign on the door.
Mom.
Don't say another word.
You are on very thin ice.
I smell vomit.
[school bell ringing]
Is this a joke?
Nine hundred and thirty seven dollars.
Hotels, food, expenses.
The entrance fees were, like, 100 each.
Pool, furniture repair.
Your club was never even approved.
You don't even have a faculty Advisor.
I supervise team.
Who the hell are... Who the hell is she?
I work in cafeteria for seven years.
Sir, we never intended...
You all have parents on the school board.
What is wrong with you?
You're lucky that I don't suspend you all
for fraudulently representing our school.
You all have two weeks of detention, and no more clubs.
What about the school newspaper?
You're joking, right?
Journalism relies on morals, ethics, and honesty.
There is no way that this school
is gonna pay a dime towards these bills.
I have some money saved up.
Yeah, not enough to cover this.
My mother's broke, Diwata.
It's gonna take me all summer to even put a dent in this.
If I was running things, we would have at least followed the rules.
If you were running things, we never would have made it to Portland.
[crickets chirping]
[Solomon on video] Then I could similarly surmise that short people...
are stupider than taller people,
because you can't see as much
as taller people,
and they have smaller brain...
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
[student 1] Hey, you ain't that tall either, Solomon.
- [phone vibrates] -[student 2] My brother's tall, and he hates you.
[James and Susan arguing]
[Solomon on video] speaker's logic,
I'd argue that being short has a lot to do
with how doomed you are in life.
[James] Don't burden this on me again.
[judge at debate] You were supposed to argue the opposition.
- [James] I don't know what you want from me! - [Susan] What are you talking...
[message sent tone playing]
[baby crying]
[clears throat]
Relax. You look way too gay to be the father.
Plus I used a fake name.
Diwata Obama?
Is it weird we're celebrating my false alarm
by giving me a food baby?
- What, too soon? - Yeah, too soon. Too soon.
You know you're really lucky, right?
I know.
Especially since that guy, Mark...
day after we did it, I...
called just to say hey or whatever, and he was like,
"I never would have slept with you if I wasn't so wasted,"
so...
So you guys are... getting married?
[chuckles]
[sarcastically] Yep. It's a spring wedding.
I have a surprise for you.
[laughs]
How did you get that?
All the entries are archived at the library.
Yep, he won second place.
Prepare thyself.
"Abraham was just 13 years old,
but he already loved to read and learn.
One day, he decided to journey into town to the library
and see what adventures he could find.
He read a book about the frontier,
and he built a log cabin.
He read a book about the law,
and he became President."
You didn't think I'd find out?
How did you? They told you?
Of course they told me.
It's my credit card, Diwata.
And I am not busting my ass nights at the hospital
for you to take my money and throw it in the street.
Yeah. Well... sorry.
That's not good enough.
You forged a signature on the entry form.
Oksana works in the building.
No theater camp,
and you're going back to Olive Garden until this debt is paid off.
I already called them.
He didn't come to school today.
He'll survive.
Remember that show on MTV
where the bully pulls the nerd's pants down,
but the nerd's, you know, well endowed,
so he becomes really popular?
Yeah.
- So? - So this is the opposite of that.
Solomon needs us.
I mean, I always knew you guys had a big house, but...
whoa.
You could play baseball out here.
Or do Shakespeare in the yard.
"Deny thy father, and refuse thy name."
Have fun playing the nurse.
The lights are pretty.
Did your mom put 'em up?
Where is Mom?
She out banning some books?
Burning them?
I think my parents are breaking up.
I don't even want to finish school.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
Why should I go back?
You even said I have no personality.
I have no friends.
And now...
I lost my virginity with my sweatshirt on.
What?
I feel bad. He looks like he's gonna kill himself, so I'm just saying...
No one knows that.
I was home on my mom's bed.
[chuckles] Oh, my God.
My pants were around my ankles,
wearing this lame sweatshirt. I... [scoffs]
It was a hand-me-down from my cousin, and...
I had to throw it away. I...
couldn't look at it after it was over.
Could have at least had a nice one on.
I have a Champion sweatshirt I like.
Your turn.
Oh, my God. I...
Say something.
I'm in love with Diwata.
Um...
Okay.
Okay, um...
[takes a deep breath]
Before, in the car,
I lied.
The dance in Scouts to "Freedom",
I did teach the kids.
And I got up, and I did it,
complete with all of these crazy, like...
flaming moves.
And while I was dancing, the Scout leaders,
they were trying to hide that they were laughing,
like really laughing.
And they were, like,
shifting their weight and coughing,
but it was obvious.
And the guy that my mom was dating at the time...
he actually stood up...
stopped the music,
and made me walk back to my seat.
I dropped out of Scouts
because the kids started calling me...
Miss Gay BSA.
BSA?
Bathing suit areas...
- No, idiot... - From stranger danger?
Boy Scouts of America.
Solomon, you know you're grounded. Get inside.
Guys, I have to go.
[The Crucible playing] None of you confessed?
There been many confessed.
- Who are they? - There be a hundred or more, they say.
And Giles?
Giles is dead.
They press him, John.
Press?
Great stones, they lay upon his chest
until he plead aye or nay.
They say he give 'em but two words.
"More weight," he says and died.
More weight.
Add another stone. Make him speak.
More weight.
Give us a name!
[Marie] Diwata, you want dinner? I'm leaving now.
[sighs] Mother, please die so you will be dead.
I hate eating where I work. It's embarrassing.
[Marie] Well, you get a discount here. I'm not loaded, you know.
I know, I know, but everyone here knows me.
Like, everyone's gonna want to stop and talk to me.
Diwata.
[plate crashes on table]
Did you hear?
Our local nut case is a star on YouTube now.
He screamed at us at board meetings,
and suddenly he's a star with a fan base.
Seriously? A lot of people.
Yeah. It's, like, 50,000 hits.
Oh, there's James. Is he by himself?
Should we invite him to join us?
- What? No. - Should we?
- We should. - Mom, no. Please don't.
- We should. James. - No.
Come here.
James, how's Solomon doing?
He'll come around. He's just going through a rough spot right now.
So you don't know.
- Diwata. - No, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay. It's fine.
Being an adult doesn't mean
that you suddenly have the answers to everything.
What do you think I should tell him?
Uh... That you love him. Start there.
I'm gonna be such a better parent than you guys, just FYI.
Could you excuse us for a second?
Diwata.
What?
Do you think my life is easy?
That I enjoy eating
at the restaurant where my daughter works?
- Mom... - No, no, no, no, no.
You're an adult.
We're on a first-name basis. You call me Marie.
No, I don't want to.
Then let me be your mother.
Please, please, you have to respect me,
and you need to stop floating through your life
like none of this is real,
because everything I did, at your age,
is what my life is now.
- Okay? - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too. Come here.
[toilet flushing]
Oh! Oh, no.
[Marie laughing]
♪ When the world Turns against you ♪
♪ And you cannot go on ♪
♪ When your pants Get pulled down ♪
♪ And you'd rather Have them on ♪
♪ When you got zero friends ♪
♪ And you can't get a date ♪
♪ Tell your pant-pullers Bring it on ♪
More weight.
♪ When your town is Close-minded ♪
♪ And the elders Get their way ♪
♪ So you dye your hair blonde ♪
♪ And you dance like a lady ♪
♪ When you wanted the lead ♪
♪ But 'cause of crap You must wait ♪
♪ Tell those crap-heapers Heap it on ♪
More weight.
♪ Lay it on ♪
More weight.
♪ Until I'm gone ♪
More weight.
Bitch, sit on my chest
with heavy piles of hate.
More weight.
[notification tone playing]
[man] What do you want?
Uh, I want... I want your advice.
[man] Go away!
I just want to talk to you.
[man] You're on my property. You've been formerly warned.
Go away.
I'll fix your pothole.
[man] Come in.
What do you want?
Um...
Well...
you're a really big star on YouTube.
Ah, that's my sister's doing.
I don't use electricity anymore.
They can track it backwards now.
So what do you want?
I screwed up a lot of stuff, and now...
I don't know what to do. No one'll listen to me.
How do you get people to listen to you?
And now, I mean, they love you.
Well, you know, getting people to listen to you
is kind of the opposite of getting people to like you.
You know, they tell me, "Stick to your two minutes."
I remind them that I'm gonna speak until I'm done speaking.
They can arrest me.
I'm using their stage for my needs, not theirs, my terms.
Life is a stage.
What are you doing here?
I mean, somebody send you to spy on me?
Oh, no.
- No? - But... UH...
- Thank you very much for your time. - Come here.
[crashing]
Are you insane?
Oh, God!
I'm grounded. You can't be here.
Howie's here, too.
Life is a stage.
- What? - We're in detention forever.
We can't be in clubs or the play
or newspapers, but school board meetings
all have an open mike portion.
Diwata's right. We're letting them shut us up.
We kind of came up with this thing.
Okay, so at the meetings, they have to let us say whatever we want.
Why don't we do it in a way that they won't forget?
Honestly, what do you have to lose?
What on earth?
What are all these newscasters doing here?
Nice turnout.
Told you I got my peeps.
Custodial staffs love me, just FYI.
[principal Bellingham] We are very proud to have Salem County's Crimson Tides
lead us today in the Pledge of Allegiance.
[all] I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the republic, for which it stands,
one nation, under God,
indivisible, with liberty and justice...
- for all. - For Paul.
Ha, how 'bout those Tides?
Well, welcome... all of you.
I'm not sure we...
why we have such a full house tonight,
but... Nor am I clear on who contacted the ACLU.
- [light clapping and cheering] - [Principal Bellingham chuckles]
I just want to assure everyone
that nothing is decided without hearing
any of the community's concerns.
Tonight's meeting uh...
is going to be an open and fair one
in which everyone will have the chance to speak.
However, as per longstanding town bylaws,
the press will not be able
to report or film inside.
There are exits on both sides of the back of the room.
What's the point of humiliating ourselves
if nobody's gonna even see it?
We still have one incognito camera. All we need is one.
You banned my brother,
but you can't stop the flood, Bellingham.
Guess what. The city called.
They want their first amendment rights back!
Who's with me? ACLU?
Yeah. Well, I'm a small independent nation
with a great big army. No, no, no, no!
I appreciate diversity,
- but hoodlum antics will not be tolerated. - Say hi to YouTube, bitches!
Guys, this isn't the first time we've done this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
That's what you said about the Portland trip, and that was amazing.
Portland was a hellish experience.
Well, yeah, Portland was the worst day of our lives, but just stay calm.
Everyone must stick to their three-minute open mike.
This is for your own benefit,
so everyone gets the chance to speak.
Okay? And with that said,
um...
the first at the open mike is...
Diwata Jones.
Hi. I'm Diwata Jones.
Though some of you might know me as Sister Berthe
from sophomore year's production of The Sound of Music.
[light clapping]
Before me is the set for Once Upon a Mattress.
Sadly, I will not be participating
in this year's show due to miscasting.
As disturbing as this news has been
to a lot of people in the community,
I'm grateful it's led me
to an amazing new group of people here at North Salem.
I recently became part of the newly-formed Speech and Debate team,
the first team in the school's history
to almost make it to octo-finals
at the highly prestigious Portland Invitational.
[light clapping]
And now, with my remaining two minutes,
I'd like to show you our team's work
to prove that the school should support,
metaphorically and financially,
our worthwhile endeavor.
Arnie, lights.
- [bell ringing] - [audience chattering]
Where am I?
I must have fallen through a wormhole
and traveled back in time.
But to when?
And to where?
♪ Boy, what you doin'? ♪
♪ Boy, what you thinkin'? ♪
♪ Boy, what's your name? ♪
♪ It's Abraham Lincoln ♪
♪ I've landed in a land That's strange and foreign ♪
♪ Tell me your name ♪
♪ It's Mary Warren ♪
♪ Boy, this is Salem ♪
♪ I just had my trial ♪
♪ They think I'm a witch They think I'm vile ♪
♪ They said Girl, you'll hang ♪
♪ You must confess ♪
♪ So I lied and said Yes, I am possessed ♪
♪ You held it in ♪
♪ I held it in ♪
♪ But, Mary, you lied ♪
♪ I held it in ♪
♪ Don't you feel awful? ♪
♪ Yes, but I'm alive ♪
This girl is headstrong.
♪ Abe, I lied in court But what the heck ♪
♪ I lost my honor ♪
♪ Not my neck ♪
Today is a tough day for me.
I was just on my way to have a talk with my parents.
What kind of talk, Abraham?
Oh, you know. I just wanted to share with them
that I'm a little different, that I love them,
but I also love the way army men look,
in and out of their uniforms.
Wow. Too bad there's no place
for you to share your feelings.
Why don't you join the Recycling Club?
You don't have to talk about what's on your mind when you can recycle.
Do you want my advice, Abraham?
Yes, Mary Warren.
♪ Hold it in ♪
♪ I want to share my feelings ♪
♪ No, don't be obscene ♪
♪ Just hold it in ♪
♪ But my voice matters ♪
♪ Not if you're a teen Swallow your feelings ♪
♪ Don't you want to run The country someday? ♪
♪ Yes, you think I can do it? ♪
♪ Not if you're gay ♪
♪ But, Mary, speaking My mind is not a sin ♪
♪ Trust me, I'm a Puritan ♪
♪ Hold it in ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Keep your feelings inside ♪
♪ Just hold it in ♪
♪ Girl, I can't lie ♪
♪ Just swallow your pride ♪
Please don't riff.
♪ If I hold it in ♪
♪ I'll lose my bravery ♪
♪ If you hold it in You will end slavery ♪
♪ You win ♪
♪ I win ♪
[together] -♪ If you hold ♪ -♪ If I hold ♪
♪ It in ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Two teenagers, lost,
separated by different times,
yet united in their quest to speak their minds.
Far-fetched? Perhaps.
But far from true? Far from it.
Teenagers today are holding lots of things inside...
like feelings, fears, and fetuses.
But by keeping these things hidden inside,
who are kids really helping?
Themselves?
Or the adults who would rather ignore these subjects
than have to engage them?
After all, do we live in Salem, Oregon,
or Salem, Massachusetts, circa 1692?
Puritanism seems to be alive and well in Salem,
so I ask, would Mary Warren's naked forest dancing
be any more welcome today?
Let's find out.
Arnie!
["Freedom '90" playing]
♪ I was every little Hungry schoolgirl's ♪
♪ Pride and joy ♪
♪ And I guess It was enough for me ♪
♪ I think there's something You should know ♪
♪ I think it's time I told you so ♪
♪ There's something Deep inside of me... ♪
Featured ensemble, my ass.
♪ Take back your picture In a frame ♪
♪ Take back your singing In the rain ♪
♪ I just hope you understand ♪
♪ Sometimes the clothes Do not make the man ♪
♪ All we have to do now... ♪
♪ Is take these lies And make them true ♪
♪ Somehow ♪
♪ All we have to see ♪
♪ Is that I don't belong To you ♪
♪ And you don't belong To me, yeah yeah ♪
♪ Freedom Freedom ♪
♪ Freedom ♪
♪ You've gotta give For what you take ♪
♪ Freedom ♪
♪ You've gotta give For what you take ♪
♪ Heaven knows we sure Had some fun boy ♪
♪ What a kick Just a buddy and me ♪
We aren't leaving until we have a GSA!
We won't rest until Mary Rodgers' real lines
are put back into the school play!
We won't stop until the newspaper can write
about issues that actually concern the student body.
We won't stop...
until people are held accountable for their actions.
Try and stop us!
You can't possibly stop us from...
[man in audience] What's going on?
Saw your video online.
You were awesome.
Thanks.
[shushes]
Oksana recorded it on her Razr, so the quality's shit,
but 84 views.
We might go viral, people.
Can I see, please?
If those 84 people tell their friends,
who tell their friends...
I say we monetize my YouTube account
- instantly. I'm serious. - [reporter] Hey.
Guys, look.
Hey.
Are you guys students here?
Yeah.
We've been hearing there have been some issues with teachers.
Censorship.
And a play was rewritten
without the author's permission.
Do you guys know anything about that?
Yeah. This is your guy.
He'll tell you everything you need to know.
Okay.
Hey. I'm Solomon.
I used to work for the school paper.
Rachel. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So do you like working at the school paper?
[chuckles] Uh...
It was something else. Uh...
- [message received tone plays] -[Solomon] Well, I started when I was a sophomore.
That was last year.
At the beginning,
it seemed like a better choice than yearbook...
What?
- What? - No, this has got to be a joke.
What?
- [Solomon] Anyway... - What? Accept it!
No!
You didn't realize he was into you?
No.
You... What about gaydar?
It was turned off. I was too nervous.
This is crazy.
[message received tone playing]
No.
What?
He says he wants to go out on a date.
Oh, my God.
That is amazing.
[Solomon] have a point of view on my own school.
I had to report on topics that were already decided on,
and that's the opposite of reporting.
But the newspaper, the arts, our clubs,
Look. That's him. That's him.
What's important to our lives.
But all of these things,
they were just a symptom of the larger problem.
No one was listening to us.
Well, Solomon, we're on air,
and you're talking to five million people.
I promise someone's listening now.
[Solomon] Well, it all started with a pothole.
[Kristin Chenoweth] So this next song is written by one of my superfans.
Her name is Diwata Jones.
I thought I'd sing it and send some love back her way...
since she loves everything I post on Twitter.
Here we go.
♪ Boys don't seem to like me For who I am ♪
♪ I'm not good at romancin' ♪
♪ Others pleasing men by Acting like they're witches ♪
♪ Doing naked forest dancin' ♪
♪ I know a girl Who's good at singing ♪
♪ Like a dying squirrel ♪
♪ And another who still Wants to choose her ♪
♪ But even when we feel Like we are losing out ♪
♪ That doesn't make us losers ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm flying free when I am me ♪
♪ When you are you When we are we ♪
♪ We're flying free If we are three ♪
♪ So you be you And I'll be me ♪
♪ Together, together ♪
♪ Good times are Just beginning ♪
♪ When you try your best Then you are the best ♪
♪ You're a loser Who is winning ♪
♪ Sometimes others think That different is bad ♪
♪ They're scared Unwilling to wager ♪
♪ Sometimes judgey people Just don't understand ♪
♪ That who you are Is how God made you ♪
♪ Even when the bad guys Pull ahead ♪
♪ We're fighting for Our survival ♪
♪ The race is long We won't give up ♪
♪ Even when We don't make finals ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm flying free When I am me ♪
♪ When you are you When we are we ♪
♪ We're flying free If we are three ♪
♪ So you be you And I'll be me ♪
♪ Together, together ♪
♪ Some girls will Always be thinner ♪
♪ If we try our best Then we are the best ♪
♪ This loser is a winner ♪
♪ Just be yourself And you'll come in first ♪
♪ Even if the world Thinks you are the worst ♪
♪ The worst ♪
♪ I'm flying free When I am me ♪
♪ When you are you When we are we ♪
♪ We're flying free If we are three ♪
♪ So you be you And I'll be me ♪
♪ Together, together ♪
♪ Our good times Are just beginning ♪
♪ If we try our best Then we are the best ♪
♪ Just be yourself And forget the past ♪
♪ Love your weirdo self Through thick and thin ♪
♪ If you love yourself Then you always win ♪
♪ You win ♪
♪ Oh, together, Whoa, together ♪
♪ Good times are Just beginning ♪
♪ If we try our best Then we are the best ♪
♪ We're losers Who are winning ♪
♪ We're winning ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ We're winning ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
[instrumental music playing]
♪ How do you solve A problem like Maria? ♪
♪ How do you catch a cloud And pin it down? ♪
♪ How do you find the words That mean Maria? ♪
♪ A flibbertigibbet A will-o'-the wisp ♪
♪ A clown ♪
Where am I?
I must have fallen through a wormhole
and traveled back in time.
♪ If I hold it in I'll lose my bravery ♪
♪ If you hold it in You will end slavery ♪
♪ You win ♪
♪ I win ♪
[together] -♪ If you hold ♪ -♪ If I hold ♪
♪ It in ♪
♪ Yeah ♪