0 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 1 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,560 Merry Christmas, sir. 2 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,680 - What can I do for you. 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,530 - The question is what we can do for you. 4 00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:21,090 - We're here to introduce you to the power of Jesus Christ. 5 00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:22,670 It's only going to take a few moments of your time. 6 00:00:22,670 --> 00:00:24,890 But the benefits shall last you all of eternity. 7 00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:28,750 - Well, I appreciate that, but I already know Jesus. 8 00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,650 Oh, that's great! 9 00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:33,230 - And Jesus and I have an understanding. 10 00:00:33,230 --> 00:00:36,540 I don't fuck with Jesus and Jesus doesn't fuck with me. 11 00:01:47,586 --> 00:01:48,440 - Hi, Sherry. 12 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,460 Oh good morning, you must be the new secretary. 13 00:01:51,460 --> 00:01:52,950 - Administrative assistant. 14 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:54,933 - Oh. 15 00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:57,440 - I identify as androgynous and gender fluid. 16 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,620 When you refer to me, I prefer you use the pronoun ze. 17 00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:03,960 - Grab me another latte, huh, sweetheart? 18 00:02:05,341 --> 00:02:08,280 Hey Carl. - Where's Teddy? 19 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,380 - In Bermuda, yachting with one of my clients. 20 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:13,800 - Why are you in his office? 21 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,750 - Oh shit, they didn't tell you? 22 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:18,750 - Tell me what? 23 00:02:21,972 --> 00:02:23,220 - Have a seat, Carl. 24 00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:33,440 When I was a boy, my father said to me, 25 00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:38,400 if you win something with bad sportsmanship, 26 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,950 you didn't win anything at all. 27 00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:44,140 That poor bastard died a broke cuckle. 28 00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:46,283 Now Carl, 29 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,220 you've been a valuable asset to the company 30 00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:51,410 and we really appreciate all the things you've done 31 00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:52,930 for us throughout the years. 32 00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:58,830 But the company's moving in a different direction. 33 00:02:58,830 --> 00:02:59,930 - What does that mean? 34 00:03:03,942 --> 00:03:06,140 - On behalf of Blumenthal, Sanchez, and Ryan, 35 00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:08,360 we're gonna have to let you go. 36 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,850 - You stole my clients, you stole everyone's clients. 37 00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:18,780 This breaks my heart, Carl. 38 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,420 You're such a nice guy. 39 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:30,180 You keep your mouth shut about my clients, okay? 40 00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:04,083 - Hello? 41 00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:05,120 Hey Carl, it's Ted Levine. 42 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,170 Just calling you about the interview yesterday. 43 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,580 - Oh yeah, hey. 44 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,540 Unfortunately, we've decided we're going to move 45 00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:15,140 in a different direction. 46 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:18,979 - No look, I've been out of work for two months. 47 00:04:18,979 --> 00:04:22,340 I could do anything, anything at all. 48 00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:25,220 I could be someone's secretary. 49 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,850 I mean, administrative assistant. 50 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,180 Sorry Carl, I wish you the best. 51 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,030 - Please-- - You're such a nice guy. 52 00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:45,720 - Who the hell is calling at this hour, Carl? 53 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:48,990 - It was just a telemarketer, honey. 54 00:05:22,315 --> 00:05:24,315 - Merry Christmas, Carl. 55 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,393 Carl. 56 00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:33,544 Carl. 57 00:05:37,883 --> 00:05:38,716 Carl. 58 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:41,983 Carl. 59 00:05:43,931 --> 00:05:44,764 Carl. 60 00:05:46,339 --> 00:05:47,172 Carl! 61 00:05:48,112 --> 00:05:49,279 Carl, wake up! 62 00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:53,690 Hello, wake up, Carl, earth to Carl! 63 00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:56,350 You need to get up right now and go to the office 64 00:05:56,350 --> 00:06:00,070 because the Christmas bonus is not delivering itself. 65 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,630 The final tiara goes to Bridget. 66 00:06:28,643 --> 00:06:31,258 - Hee-hee. - Goddammit. 67 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,050 - I like Bridget. 68 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:34,040 - If you could only see the dress she's wearing, 69 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,570 you could see she's got no class. 70 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:37,090 - She has a kind soul. 71 00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:41,610 - Only you, big bro, only you. 72 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:43,733 Oh, thanks babe. 73 00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,330 Just gotta run a quick errand. 74 00:06:51,138 --> 00:06:51,971 - Here you go. 75 00:06:51,971 --> 00:06:53,050 - Thanks Jen. 76 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:57,970 Pancakes. 77 00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:08,420 - Oh shit, I forgot my phone. 78 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,830 - Hey Carl, it's Brett, I'm in your neck of the woods, 79 00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,480 wanted to run something by you 80 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:33,880 before we went to Grandpa's house. 81 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:34,730 See you in a bit. 82 00:07:44,261 --> 00:07:46,024 - Hey, Ray, hey. - Hey. 83 00:07:46,024 --> 00:07:47,150 - Hey, Jerry. - Right. 84 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:50,520 - Jerry Ryan I work with-- - With Carl, yeah, yeah. 85 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:51,353 - Happy Hanukkah. 86 00:07:51,353 --> 00:07:52,970 - Yeah, no, happy holidays. 87 00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,120 - Right, I was actually just stopping by 88 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:55,980 to see the bastard now. 89 00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:56,900 Is he up there? 90 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:59,340 - Oh shit, he didn't tell you? 91 00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:02,490 They let him go a couple of months ago. 92 00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:04,700 Yeah, they got some prick from Harvard or Yale 93 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:07,050 doing his job at half the salary. 94 00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,296 - Really? 95 00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:09,129 - Yeah, I heard that poor bastard ain't even found 96 00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:10,740 a job, yet, man. 97 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,720 It's a tough market. 98 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,740 It's fucking dog-eat-dog. 99 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:14,920 Anyway, woof. 100 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,420 All right, happy holidays, pal, happy holidays. 101 00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:19,253 - Right. 102 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,030 - Hey honey. 103 00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,580 - I can't find my wedding ring. 104 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,220 - Oh no, geez. 105 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,850 Well, I noticed you haven't been wearing it lately. 106 00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,200 Have you seen it? 107 00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:54,100 - No, I, uh, no. 108 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,590 I mean, did you check in the jewelry box? 109 00:08:56,590 --> 00:08:58,190 - Of course I checked the jewelry box. 110 00:08:58,190 --> 00:08:59,850 You don't think I checked the jewelry box, 111 00:08:59,850 --> 00:09:01,771 the one place the ring belongs? 112 00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:02,840 In the jewelry box. 113 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,400 - Yeah, yeah, sorry. 114 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,610 Well, I'm sure it'll turn up. 115 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:09,540 Are you packed and ready to go to Grandpa's? 116 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,040 - Well, did you get the bonus? 117 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,520 - Honey, you're gonna be mad. 118 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,353 What? 119 00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:23,640 - I, well, they said, Jerry said there was supposed to be 120 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,070 a guy in the office from payroll today, 121 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,880 but he didn't show up. 122 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,600 - Okay, I wanna talk to your boss. 123 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,860 Because if you're not gonna be man enough to handle this, 124 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:32,693 then I will handle it. 125 00:09:32,693 --> 00:09:33,580 I wanna talk to Teddy. 126 00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:36,550 - He's not here, Leigh, it's Christmas Eve. 127 00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:37,460 No one's here. 128 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:40,280 - We are late on the mortgage, Carl. 129 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,860 You told me that they promised you 130 00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:44,150 the Christmas bonus today. 131 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:44,983 Seriously? 132 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,180 - Leigh! Leigh! 133 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,340 - You the guy from Craigslist? 134 00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:36,280 - Why are you wearing a mask? 135 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,160 - Why are you wearing a mask? 136 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,360 - Just trying to be discreet 137 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,980 on the off chance that we know each other. 138 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,350 - All right, small world. 139 00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:52,330 You got the ring? 140 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,420 Ah, yeah, look at that. 141 00:10:58,420 --> 00:11:00,790 My mamacita's gonna melt my butter 142 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,060 when she sees this sparkling baby. 143 00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,910 - You never said why you're wearing a mask. 144 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:07,060 - Yeah, because I'm here to fucking rob you. 145 00:11:07,060 --> 00:11:07,893 - No, no, no, no! - Give me the money. 146 00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,378 - Give me the money! - It's Christmas! 147 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,533 - No, no, no! - Merry Christmas. 148 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:13,683 - Oh my God, oh my God. 149 00:11:18,588 --> 00:11:19,505 Fuck. Fuck. 150 00:11:40,821 --> 00:11:43,043 ♪ On the fifth day of Christmas ♪ 151 00:11:43,043 --> 00:11:45,373 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 152 00:11:45,373 --> 00:11:49,335 ♪ Five gold rings ♪ 153 00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:52,098 ♪ Four calling birds, three French hens ♪ 154 00:11:52,098 --> 00:11:53,871 ♪ Two turtle doves ♪ 155 00:11:53,871 --> 00:11:58,538 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪ 156 00:11:58,538 --> 00:12:02,626 ♪ On the 11th day of Christmas ♪ 157 00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,491 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ - Okay, enough. 158 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,480 - Enough, thank you. 159 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,660 What's that smell? 160 00:12:14,925 --> 00:12:19,092 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree. ♪ 161 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,087 Doesn't look like Grandpa's home. 162 00:12:58,087 --> 00:12:58,950 Are you sure he's here? 163 00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:01,208 No, no, no, he said he had a doctor's appointment. 164 00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:03,664 She's gonna leave the door open. 165 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:25,190 - Look at these architectural details. 166 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,760 This woodwork is phenomenal. 167 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,500 - Well, there's water damage in both bathrooms. 168 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,860 It looks like he hasn't cleaned this place in 20 years. 169 00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:34,640 - It's a fixer-upper, I'll grant you that. 170 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,570 But you can't ignore the comfy, cozy quality 171 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:39,400 of this bucolic beauty. 172 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,620 I mean, just think of the dinner parties we'll have here. 173 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,630 All our friends coming up here to visit us 174 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:46,490 in this regal, A-frame chateau. 175 00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,790 Now would you please give me a little something-something 176 00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:51,490 under this yuletide mistletoe, hm? 177 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:58,620 - Hello! - Hey, Merry Christmas, Leigh. 178 00:13:58,910 --> 00:13:59,790 - Hello, Leigh. 179 00:14:01,026 --> 00:14:01,880 - Merry Christmas, Jen. 180 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,200 Aren't you festive in your little holiday sweater, 181 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,309 you Christmasy thing, you. 182 00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:08,350 - Not nearly as festive as you, Leigh. 183 00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:09,900 - Well, just trying to bring holiday cheer 184 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,630 to the royals in their future castle. 185 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,050 - It's more of a dungeon. 186 00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:15,900 - Hey, Merry Christmas, Carl. 187 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:16,900 - Merry Christmas. 188 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,510 - I'm glad you brought your horn. 189 00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:22,880 - Yeah, I figured I'd set the mood for romance 190 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,510 in front of the ladies later on. 191 00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:27,490 - Nice, you gonna break us out with some Kenny G? 192 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,750 I'm breaking your balls. 193 00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:29,840 You look good, pal. 194 00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:32,080 Hey, any word from Grandpa? 195 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:32,913 How's he doing? 196 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:35,450 - So the doctors just wanted to run some last-minute tests 197 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,970 on his arrhythmia, but turns out he's healthy as a lark, 198 00:14:37,970 --> 00:14:39,510 God bless his soul. 199 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,380 - It's healthy as a horse. 200 00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,040 - Whatever. 201 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,990 - Happy as a lark. 202 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,160 - What's a lark? 203 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,860 - It's a festive little woodland bird. 204 00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:52,040 They grace the forest with their graceful morning songs. 205 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,390 That's where the saying comes from. 206 00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:57,230 I guess they're pretty happy-go-lucky little creatures. 207 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,600 - You are just a plethora of useless information, 208 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,200 aren't you, Carl? 209 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,000 Now would you tote the bags, please? 210 00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:07,250 - Nothing wrong with having an appreciation for nature 211 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:08,790 that I'm aware of. 212 00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:09,623 - What? 213 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,280 So, anyway, uh, 214 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,100 I was thinking we should just have the business conversation 215 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,700 up front, so it's not looming over us all weekend long. 216 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:23,520 I know it's a little awkward that Grandpa's giving us 217 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,500 the 2.2 million and you guys are getting 218 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,470 this really cute house. 219 00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:29,490 But I was thinking, you know, 220 00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:32,190 maybe we should just respect his judgment and move on. 221 00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:35,110 - We've moved on, Leigh. 222 00:15:36,178 --> 00:15:38,830 - Oh great, we need to get a Christmas tree up 223 00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,078 in this house. 224 00:15:43,196 --> 00:15:45,370 So, what's it like taking care of Ray? 225 00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:49,180 - Ugh, he eats and shits like a gorilla. 226 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,620 It's like taking care of a zoo animal. 227 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:54,520 There, I said it, terrible. 228 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,830 - You're a saint, Jen. - Mm-mm. 229 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,110 - It drives me to drink. 230 00:15:58,110 --> 00:16:00,520 And don't even get me started on Brett. 231 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,250 - Why, what's wrong? 232 00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,420 - He goes off at night to write. 233 00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,210 God knows where he really goes. 234 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,070 - You don't think Brett's... 235 00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,574 No way, what, with who? 236 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,478 - I don't wanna to think about that, okay, Leigh? 237 00:16:16,478 --> 00:16:17,311 - Okay. 238 00:16:23,908 --> 00:16:25,460 If it makes you feel any better, 239 00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:29,000 I thought Carl was cheating on me a few years back. 240 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,470 - Carl would never cheat, you have him on a choke chain. 241 00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:33,340 - I'm telling you, I kept catching him 242 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:34,740 in all these little white lies. 243 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:38,370 So one day, I trailed the bastard on the way to work. 244 00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:42,270 I watch as he walks into this garden-level apartment. 245 00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,780 Lights turn on. 246 00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:47,380 He sits down, and some guy walks over 247 00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:50,190 and starts running his fingers through Carl's hair. 248 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,847 And then I look over and I see the sign. 249 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:57,530 Dr. Lipschitz, Cosmetic Surgeon. 250 00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:59,290 Yeah, I caught the bastard, all right. 251 00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:02,340 He was having hair implantation surgery. 252 00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:03,450 - Carl has plugs? 253 00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:06,700 - Yeah, don't you ever tell anyone. 254 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,680 - But he's got such great hair. 255 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,180 - Well, now you know why. 256 00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:18,430 - This place is really nice. 257 00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:20,360 You got lovely old school charm. 258 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,080 - Don't bullshit me, Carl, this place is a fucking dump. 259 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,600 Hey, did you get a haircut or something? 260 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,710 Looks different. 261 00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,770 - Oh, I started combing it different. 262 00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:30,230 Does it look okay, or? 263 00:17:31,573 --> 00:17:33,760 - Yeah, it's good, it's a good look for you. 264 00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:37,580 Let's get that fireplace cracking, Carl. 265 00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:42,450 - How did you get away with it? 266 00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,920 I mean, how did you tell Jen you got laid off? 267 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,550 - Laid off, Carl, I volunteered. 268 00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:49,286 I told my boss if it came down to mine 269 00:17:49,286 --> 00:17:51,290 or someone else in my department's head 270 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:54,350 going on that chopping block, let it be mine. 271 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,630 I obviously never told Jen that, 272 00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:58,560 but that's how it all went down. 273 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,130 That's on the DL, by the way. 274 00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:01,970 - Oh yeah, I'd never say anything. 275 00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:06,910 - Carl, I'm gonna say something right now that's, 276 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,630 it's a funny thing to say out loud. 277 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,140 And I'm only admitting to it because I know 278 00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,190 that you'd never say anything to the wifeys. 279 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:14,080 - Of course not. 280 00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:18,154 - I've been having all these crazy dreams lately 281 00:18:18,154 --> 00:18:21,233 about what it might be like to euthanize Grandpa. 282 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:24,210 What? 283 00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:26,070 - Don't bullshit me, Carl. 284 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:28,660 I know you've been having them, too. 285 00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:30,850 You got that 2.2 mill coming down the pipe. 286 00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:34,480 Let's think, that longevity on that side of the family. 287 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,413 Come on, new hip here, heart surgery there. 288 00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:41,690 Putting him in a fucking home? 289 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:42,880 Carl, that leaves your inheritance 290 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,800 like it's a blue plate special. 291 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,020 And you're telling me you haven't had any dreams? 292 00:18:50,376 --> 00:18:51,340 - What? 293 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,560 - Come on, Carl, we're fantasizing. 294 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,270 In my fantasy, 295 00:18:58,270 --> 00:18:59,870 I usually get him with a little rat poison 296 00:18:59,870 --> 00:19:00,930 in his prune juice. 297 00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,000 It's the least detectable. 298 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,910 I mean, not that they'd ever do an autopsy. 299 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:10,650 They rarely do on the elderly. 300 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,100 They just assume they go out on their own accord. 301 00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,110 So what about you? 302 00:19:17,057 --> 00:19:17,890 How have you been getting? 303 00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:23,720 - I, uh, I can't believe I'm telling you this. 304 00:19:26,052 --> 00:19:27,780 I pushed him down the stairs. 305 00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:29,010 - Nice. 306 00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:31,370 No fingerprints, smart. 307 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:33,633 What else? 308 00:19:34,726 --> 00:19:37,090 - I suffocate him with his pillow. 309 00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,580 - You animal. 310 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:41,150 - Oh, and I bludgeon him with an anvil. 311 00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:42,750 Is that cliche? 312 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:46,270 Carl, you're a scary guy, you're scaring me. 313 00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,490 - You're a crazy guy. 314 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,410 - It's fun talking about stuff like this, isn't it? 315 00:19:51,410 --> 00:19:53,650 It's fun to fantasize. 316 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,790 - It's sick is what it is. 317 00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:58,097 We're a couple of sick puppies. 318 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:07,320 - It just seems like you're always getting 319 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,130 the shit end of the stick, Carl. 320 00:20:09,130 --> 00:20:10,380 And it breaks my heart. 321 00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:13,570 I mean, you're my brother-in-law and I care about you, 322 00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:14,910 I really do. 323 00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:17,150 - I care about you, too. 324 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:17,983 So what are you saying? 325 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,810 - I'm saying I drove over here a few weeks ago 326 00:20:19,810 --> 00:20:21,220 to take care of things. 327 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,220 - Take care of what? 328 00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:24,760 - What have we been talking about, Carl? 329 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,530 I came here to stake our claim, to put him to sleep. 330 00:20:28,530 --> 00:20:30,480 - Geez, Brett. 331 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,710 - Don't bullshit me, Carl. 332 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:32,750 I know you've been thinking it, too. 333 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:34,400 We just established this. 334 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,720 - Thinking it, maybe, but what you're saying is, 335 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,390 I mean, there's a big difference between thinking-- 336 00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:42,360 - And doing, exactly. 337 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,990 The difference is ultimately what defines a man's character. 338 00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:48,580 So as I'm driving onto his street that night, 339 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,000 I start thinking about you. 340 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,690 How maybe this was the type of thing that you needed 341 00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:54,523 to be doing. 342 00:20:55,563 --> 00:20:57,540 And instantly, the following thoughts start permeating 343 00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:58,430 into my mind. 344 00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:01,130 And I'm only saying this because you're my brother-in-law. 345 00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:05,110 I start hearing, "He's a loser, he'll only fuck it up. 346 00:21:05,110 --> 00:21:08,900 "He's anxious guy, those people push him around all day." 347 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,290 And then I thought, no, no, no, no, that's not true. 348 00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:15,380 I thought my faithlessness in you is based completely 349 00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:17,460 on all the bullshit lies you've been telling yourself 350 00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:18,980 all these years. 351 00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:22,120 That you believe these lies so much about yourself 352 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,660 that you've got me believing in them, too. 353 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:28,420 And that's when I realized, he can do this. 354 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,720 In fact, he needs to do this. 355 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,690 And who am I to deprive him of that opportunity? 356 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,320 So I pulled into his neighbor's driveway, 357 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,250 turned around, and headed home. 358 00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:41,620 Because for me, this is nothing. 359 00:21:41,620 --> 00:21:42,770 I'm there already. 360 00:21:42,770 --> 00:21:46,520 I'm living the dream, Carl, and I don't give a fuck. 361 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,353 But for you, 362 00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:49,063 for you, 363 00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:51,670 this could be life-changing. 364 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:56,340 This could be the first step down the road less traveled. 365 00:21:58,377 --> 00:21:59,990 - I'm not murdering my wife's grandfather 366 00:21:59,990 --> 00:22:01,030 if that's what you're talking about. 367 00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:02,530 - Don't use that word, Carl. 368 00:22:03,849 --> 00:22:05,199 We're putting him to sleep. 369 00:22:06,555 --> 00:22:09,410 Be the hero, Carl. 370 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:12,980 Be the one who makes all of our holiday wishes come true. 371 00:22:14,570 --> 00:22:18,790 Freshen up his tea with a little bit of this. 372 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,820 We'll celebrate in the morning. 373 00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:30,020 I'll cook you some flapjacks. 374 00:22:35,916 --> 00:22:38,545 It's Beckham, sprinting away! 375 00:22:38,545 --> 00:22:41,589 - Go, go, go, go, go, yes! 376 00:22:41,589 --> 00:22:42,589 - Haha, woo! 377 00:22:43,570 --> 00:22:46,200 That is what I am talking about! 378 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,390 Cheers to the Giants bringing us home 379 00:22:48,390 --> 00:22:50,570 the shiny Lombardi trophy. 380 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,460 - Mm-mm, do you think they'll bring that 381 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:55,570 over to your house later 382 00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:57,790 or do you think they'll swing on over to my place 383 00:22:57,790 --> 00:22:58,740 for Brett to enjoy? 384 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,200 - Looks like you're having a little too much 385 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,360 holiday cheer, Jen. 386 00:23:04,340 --> 00:23:05,910 You're getting weird. 387 00:23:05,910 --> 00:23:07,580 - Yeah, let's start phasing out the egg nog 388 00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:09,180 and start introducing the water. 389 00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:12,360 - I think I'm entitled to a drink or two. 390 00:23:13,674 --> 00:23:16,390 I worked all week. 391 00:23:18,963 --> 00:23:20,850 - What the fuck is going on here? 392 00:23:21,742 --> 00:23:22,575 - Grandpa! 393 00:23:25,230 --> 00:23:27,940 - You walk around my living room with your shoes on? 394 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:30,270 We take our shoes off when we walk around here. 395 00:23:30,270 --> 00:23:32,160 - Is everything okay, Grandpa? 396 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,910 - Healthy as a 50-year-old, that's what he said. 397 00:23:34,910 --> 00:23:37,050 Of course, my first wife died at 50. 398 00:23:39,091 --> 00:23:40,867 I don't listen to any of those lying bastards anyway. 399 00:23:40,867 --> 00:23:42,307 - Well, you look wonderful, Kenny. 400 00:23:42,307 --> 00:23:43,140 You look like a 50-year-old. 401 00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:45,510 - Bullshit, pal, human beings don't look wonderful 402 00:23:45,510 --> 00:23:46,343 at my age. 403 00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:48,530 We look like overgrown prunes. 404 00:23:48,530 --> 00:23:49,670 And I'll tell you something, 405 00:23:49,670 --> 00:23:52,340 some day you'll look just like this, okay? 406 00:23:52,340 --> 00:23:54,600 So save all that bullshit for someone 407 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,250 you're trying to stick you're dick in. 408 00:23:57,370 --> 00:23:58,360 - Hi Grandpa. 409 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,010 - Oh, will you look at this? 410 00:24:03,010 --> 00:24:05,530 You're right, Leigh, she's becoming a lush. 411 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:07,112 - Here we go. 412 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:10,080 - What a shame to be given the wonderful gift of life, 413 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,660 just to drink it all away. 414 00:24:12,650 --> 00:24:15,380 - Do you remember Carl, Grandpa? 415 00:24:15,380 --> 00:24:17,740 - I can't say he made much of an impression. 416 00:24:19,663 --> 00:24:20,770 Does he talk? 417 00:24:20,770 --> 00:24:22,349 Do you talk, you say something? 418 00:24:23,256 --> 00:24:24,089 Well, what are you, a man or a mouse? 419 00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:26,630 - I'm a man. - Bullshit you are. 420 00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:28,110 - Women are the new men. 421 00:24:28,110 --> 00:24:30,440 Clits are the new cocks. 422 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,273 Cocks are clits. 423 00:24:31,273 --> 00:24:33,390 It's all topsy-turvy now. 424 00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:35,850 - Be nice, Grandpa. 425 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:38,150 - They're coming out of the woodwork. 426 00:24:38,150 --> 00:24:40,180 - Happy 80th, Mr. Larkin. 427 00:24:40,180 --> 00:24:43,010 - Ah see, the only one to say it. 428 00:24:43,010 --> 00:24:44,740 What the hell happened to you? 429 00:24:44,740 --> 00:24:48,960 - I was in an accident in Afghanistan. 430 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,784 - You're a soldier? 431 00:24:50,784 --> 00:24:51,617 - I was. 432 00:24:51,617 --> 00:24:52,970 Do you even know what we're fuck 433 00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:53,930 you were doing over there? 434 00:24:53,930 --> 00:24:56,090 - We're fighting terrorists, Grandpa. 435 00:24:56,090 --> 00:24:57,820 We're putting an end to terrorism. 436 00:24:57,820 --> 00:25:00,020 - And we're damn proud of you, Ray. 437 00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:02,010 - Terrorists, we're all terrorists. 438 00:25:04,890 --> 00:25:07,540 What, I can't open my mouth up anymore? 439 00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:09,850 - We love you, Grandpa. 440 00:25:11,392 --> 00:25:13,681 - Are you gonna give her a baby? 441 00:25:13,681 --> 00:25:16,100 Or is she gonna waste her life waiting for some drip 442 00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:17,690 to perform like man? 443 00:25:17,690 --> 00:25:19,620 You know, she's not getting any younger. 444 00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:21,070 Her oven is getting cold. 445 00:25:21,070 --> 00:25:22,300 - In due time, Kenny. 446 00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:25,170 Everything in due time. 447 00:25:25,170 --> 00:25:26,610 - You mean like menopause? 448 00:25:28,290 --> 00:25:29,900 Where are you going Grandpa? 449 00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:31,750 - I'm going to feed some raccoons. 450 00:25:32,870 --> 00:25:35,370 You know, you feed them lunch and then they come back 451 00:25:35,370 --> 00:25:38,070 and try to eat their way back into your fucking house. 452 00:25:46,004 --> 00:25:48,372 - Okay. 453 00:27:16,950 --> 00:27:17,783 - Oh hi, Kenny. 454 00:27:17,783 --> 00:27:18,740 - What are you doing up? 455 00:27:20,304 --> 00:27:22,180 - I was wondering, are there any extra blankets? 456 00:27:22,180 --> 00:27:24,767 - Ah, did that heater go out again? 457 00:27:24,767 --> 00:27:25,600 Geez. 458 00:27:27,763 --> 00:27:29,450 Listen, I didn't mean anything about what I said before, 459 00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:32,190 you know, it's just that these wars just piss me off. 460 00:27:32,190 --> 00:27:34,760 - That's okay, it didn't bother me. 461 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,860 - Have some tea, I've got some water boiling. 462 00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:39,410 I'll give you some Sleepytime. 463 00:27:39,410 --> 00:27:40,470 - Oh no, that's okay. 464 00:27:40,470 --> 00:27:42,420 - You like honey, I got honey, too, upstairs. 465 00:27:42,420 --> 00:27:43,270 All right, honey? 466 00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:45,173 - Okay. 467 00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:16,060 - Happy birthday. 468 00:28:16,060 --> 00:28:19,240 - Eh, it's no big deal, you know. 469 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,290 But one thing I have learned, 470 00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:24,260 and that is you have to celebrate every day you're here, 471 00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:26,440 because it's over before you even know 472 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,540 what the hell hit you. 473 00:28:28,621 --> 00:28:29,800 - You're happy, though. 474 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,300 I mean, you had a good life. 475 00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:33,310 - Hey, I'm not dead yet, all right. 476 00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:35,410 Don't go burying me, for God's sake. 477 00:28:35,410 --> 00:28:37,600 - No, no, no. - Thank you for throwing 478 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,520 dirt on me. - No, I meant to say so far. 479 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,145 - I'm teasing you, the old man's just teasing you. 480 00:28:43,145 --> 00:28:43,978 Don't get upset. 481 00:28:50,060 --> 00:28:51,030 - Do I smell weed? 482 00:28:54,371 --> 00:28:57,190 - Yeah, I've been smoking since the '60s. 483 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,600 Yeah, they were good times then, you know? 484 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,840 We almost made a difference, here. 485 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:05,673 - Oh. 486 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:08,993 - It's kind. 487 00:29:10,650 --> 00:29:12,320 - It's kind he says. 488 00:29:21,227 --> 00:29:22,060 - Yeah? 489 00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:22,893 Yeah, it is. 490 00:29:29,310 --> 00:29:30,143 - Hey. 491 00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:34,330 Hey Carl. 492 00:29:34,330 --> 00:29:36,690 - I can't sleep. 493 00:29:36,690 --> 00:29:38,320 - Something on your mind, pal? 494 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,190 - Oh no, nothing, nothing worth mentioning. 495 00:29:42,190 --> 00:29:45,130 - Wrestle with the demons, they come out at night. 496 00:29:46,070 --> 00:29:46,903 - Yeah. 497 00:29:48,150 --> 00:29:49,800 - Hey, come in here, have a seat. 498 00:29:50,940 --> 00:29:53,660 - Yeah, have a seat, Carl. 499 00:30:01,829 --> 00:30:04,830 Hey, you want a pull? 500 00:30:04,830 --> 00:30:07,210 - Oh, no, no, it doesn't agree with me. 501 00:30:07,210 --> 00:30:08,600 I get paranoid. 502 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,140 - Ah, not on this stuff you won't. 503 00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:11,390 You'll be asleep before you even know 504 00:30:11,390 --> 00:30:12,650 what the hell hit you. 505 00:30:12,650 --> 00:30:14,150 - She won't know. 506 00:30:15,153 --> 00:30:16,170 - Yeah, relax, huh. 507 00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:20,201 You know, you're on vacation here, pal. 508 00:30:21,859 --> 00:30:24,370 You've got a lot of tension in those shoulders, you know? 509 00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:34,850 - You have very strong hands. 510 00:30:34,850 --> 00:30:37,640 - Well, they have to be strong to work the soil. 511 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,050 We have to have more reverence for the soil, you know? 512 00:30:40,050 --> 00:30:42,860 They're destroying, they destroy everything that's good. 513 00:30:42,860 --> 00:30:44,890 Like they killed that young Kennedy boy. 514 00:30:44,890 --> 00:30:47,900 He wasn't afraid to stand up to them, so they killed him. 515 00:30:49,130 --> 00:30:51,290 That's how you know you're a good president, 516 00:30:51,290 --> 00:30:52,570 when they kill you. 517 00:30:52,570 --> 00:30:57,570 - Wow, when they kill you, you know you're good. 518 00:30:57,895 --> 00:30:59,330 That's right, sure. 519 00:30:59,330 --> 00:31:02,270 We kill our heroes and we praise our villains 520 00:31:02,270 --> 00:31:03,910 and give them all kinds of awards. 521 00:31:03,910 --> 00:31:06,760 It's a very topsy-turvy land. 522 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,520 - When we die, do you think we grow wings 523 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,500 and go to a better place? 524 00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:14,220 - Yeah, yeah, we become plants. 525 00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:16,020 And then we become angels. 526 00:31:16,020 --> 00:31:17,720 - Just like plants. 527 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,884 - Sure, we're all angels deep down inside. 528 00:31:25,790 --> 00:31:27,480 How about you, you have something to say? 529 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,840 You wanna speak up here? 530 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,440 - Well, my mouth is dry. 531 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,440 - You want some tea? 532 00:31:32,930 --> 00:31:33,850 - Sleepytime is good. 533 00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:36,849 - Uh yeah, I, yeah, I'll have, that sounds good. 534 00:31:36,849 --> 00:31:37,875 - All right, let me get you some. 535 00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:38,802 - No, I'll get it. 536 00:31:38,802 --> 00:31:41,220 - I'll get it, relax. - No, no, I'll get it. 537 00:31:41,220 --> 00:31:45,760 - Sorry, Kenny, do you want some more hot water? 538 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,560 - Yeah, yeah, I just need a little more water, thanks. 539 00:32:25,825 --> 00:32:29,890 I don't 540 00:32:29,890 --> 00:32:31,060 - Well, you know, nice to have a little service 541 00:32:31,060 --> 00:32:34,060 every now and then, you know, right? 542 00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:39,980 You're sweaty and you're a little pale. 543 00:32:39,980 --> 00:32:41,820 Yeah, what's on your mind, pal? 544 00:32:42,690 --> 00:32:45,130 - It's, uh, nothing. 545 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:47,800 - Well, remember this, whatever it is, 546 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,330 listen to what's deep down inside. 547 00:32:49,330 --> 00:32:50,810 Don't listen to what they want you to do. 548 00:32:50,810 --> 00:32:52,757 You have a choice. 549 00:32:52,757 --> 00:32:53,970 You always have a choice. 550 00:32:53,970 --> 00:32:56,140 Unless they put you in one of those prisons. 551 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:56,973 - I don't wanna be, 552 00:32:56,973 --> 00:32:59,860 I'm tired of being locked up. 553 00:32:59,860 --> 00:33:01,618 Then get out. 554 00:33:01,618 --> 00:33:06,488 - He's a very smart man, you should listen to him, Carl. 555 00:33:06,488 --> 00:33:09,629 You should get out, let yourself go. 556 00:33:09,629 --> 00:33:12,310 - Yes, it's no good carrying around this tension. 557 00:33:12,310 --> 00:33:15,050 You'll give yourself a heart attack. 558 00:33:15,050 --> 00:33:16,970 You probably clogged up all your arteries 559 00:33:16,970 --> 00:33:18,620 with all that worry. 560 00:33:19,693 --> 00:33:23,877 - Do you know, do you know what's going on? 561 00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:28,460 - Hey, if you smoke the right plants, you know everything. 562 00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:34,640 - What's so funny guys, is something funny? 563 00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:50,459 - Who wants breakfast? 564 00:34:02,352 --> 00:34:03,457 ♪ Over the river and through the woods ♪ 565 00:34:03,457 --> 00:34:05,824 ♪ To Grandmother's house we go ♪ 566 00:34:05,824 --> 00:34:07,776 ♪ Da da da da da da da da ♪ 567 00:34:07,776 --> 00:34:09,791 ♪ And through the shining snow ♪ 568 00:34:09,791 --> 00:34:11,705 ♪ Over the river and through the winds ♪ 569 00:34:11,705 --> 00:34:13,940 ♪ Some flapjacks for you Leigh ♪ 570 00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:15,870 - Thank you Brett, those look amazing. 571 00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:17,710 - Hopefully they taste amazing. 572 00:34:17,710 --> 00:34:18,800 Hey babe, good morning. 573 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:19,710 - Good morning. 574 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,590 You're chipper this morning. 575 00:34:22,590 --> 00:34:24,700 - Yeah, there's a lot to be chipper about, babe. 576 00:34:24,700 --> 00:34:26,330 All of us gathering as a family 577 00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:28,750 makes me feel kind of warm and tingly inside. 578 00:34:28,750 --> 00:34:29,583 Feels good. 579 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:31,900 Feels good to be alive. 580 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:34,890 Well, well, well, 581 00:34:36,140 --> 00:34:39,500 look who's finally decided to grace us with his presence. 582 00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,070 Good morning, sunshine. 583 00:34:41,070 --> 00:34:42,719 - Good morning. 584 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:43,780 - Looks like someone got a little visit 585 00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:46,020 from the hair fairy, huh, honey? 586 00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:46,900 Sorry. 587 00:34:47,970 --> 00:34:49,700 - What are you sorry about? 588 00:34:50,775 --> 00:34:51,880 - I don't know. 589 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,790 You all right, pal? 590 00:34:53,790 --> 00:34:55,160 - I'm fine. 591 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,650 - He's always like this in the morning. 592 00:34:56,650 --> 00:34:59,050 He's a total zombie until he has his coffee. 593 00:34:59,050 --> 00:35:00,200 Isn't that right, Carl? 594 00:35:01,420 --> 00:35:02,850 - Yeah. 595 00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:05,350 - Well, let's get you set up, then, pal. 596 00:35:05,350 --> 00:35:06,210 How do you take it? 597 00:35:06,210 --> 00:35:07,940 - Huh? - He really is a zombie. 598 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:09,140 - How do you take your coffee, bro? 599 00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:11,400 - Earth to Fog, come in Fog. 600 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,100 - Oh, regular, I take it regular. 601 00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:17,050 - Snap out of it Carl, you're embarrassing yourself. 602 00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:18,850 - Hey, shouldn't Grandpa be up by now? 603 00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:20,250 I thought he always rose with the roosters. 604 00:35:20,250 --> 00:35:22,420 - You know what, he went to bed pretty early last night. 605 00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:23,850 Maybe someone should check on him. 606 00:35:23,850 --> 00:35:25,150 - I'd like to finish my drink 607 00:35:25,150 --> 00:35:27,910 before having to deal with him, thank you very much. 608 00:35:27,910 --> 00:35:29,710 - Yeah, well, I'll check on him 609 00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:31,320 because I'm starting to get worried. 610 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,153 - Oh don't. 611 00:35:33,390 --> 00:35:34,520 - What? 612 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,560 - Let him sleep, he probably needs it. 613 00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,590 They need their sleep at that age. 614 00:35:38,590 --> 00:35:41,320 - It's 10:00 a.m. Carl, I'm checking on him. 615 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,490 - Don't, don't go in there, Leigh. 616 00:35:43,490 --> 00:35:46,010 Why shouldn't she go in there, Carl? 617 00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:47,540 - Because he's... 618 00:35:48,740 --> 00:35:50,310 He's what? 619 00:35:50,310 --> 00:35:52,570 He's what, Carl? 620 00:35:52,570 --> 00:35:54,990 - He's, he's dead. 621 00:35:56,708 --> 00:35:58,100 What? 622 00:35:58,100 --> 00:36:01,680 - He passed away, he must've gone in his sleep or something. 623 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:02,700 I'm sorry. 624 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:03,810 How do you know? 625 00:36:04,814 --> 00:36:06,100 What happened? 626 00:36:06,100 --> 00:36:07,500 - I went in there early this morning 627 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:08,780 looking for some matches. 628 00:36:08,780 --> 00:36:11,240 And I asked him if he had some 629 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:12,750 and he wasn't saying anything. 630 00:36:12,750 --> 00:36:16,475 So I went over to him, and I shook him, 631 00:36:16,475 --> 00:36:19,270 and he wouldn't wake up. 632 00:36:19,270 --> 00:36:21,040 I put my fingers under his nose 633 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,570 and he wasn't breathing, so I, 634 00:36:23,570 --> 00:36:25,370 I didn't know what to do, so I just, 635 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,260 I just kept checking and there was nothing. 636 00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:31,150 He was gone. 637 00:36:31,150 --> 00:36:31,983 He's gone. 638 00:36:35,204 --> 00:36:36,690 - Well, what are we gonna do? 639 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,740 I mean, what are we gonna do with him? 640 00:36:41,222 --> 00:36:43,037 - Well, I guess we call 911. 641 00:36:43,037 --> 00:36:45,560 None of us should go up there and look at him. 642 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,200 He's probably all blue or whatever color they turn. 643 00:36:52,230 --> 00:36:53,910 - Why didn't you do something 644 00:36:53,910 --> 00:36:56,450 or tell us something last night? 645 00:36:56,450 --> 00:36:57,283 - Well, what was I gonna do? 646 00:36:57,283 --> 00:36:59,420 He wasn't breathing, he was dead. 647 00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:00,460 - If someone's not breathing, 648 00:37:00,460 --> 00:37:02,130 it doesn't necessarily mean they're dead. 649 00:37:02,130 --> 00:37:03,550 - He wasn't breathing for a long time. 650 00:37:03,550 --> 00:37:05,100 I checked several times. 651 00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:06,220 I kept checking. 652 00:37:06,220 --> 00:37:07,450 - Well, for how long? 653 00:37:07,450 --> 00:37:09,090 How long wasn't he breathing? 654 00:37:09,090 --> 00:37:10,880 Two or three minutes, I don't know. 655 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:12,250 - And you didn't try to revive him? 656 00:37:12,250 --> 00:37:14,320 - Yeah, why didn't you try to revive him, Carl? 657 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,390 - I don't know, okay, I don't know, geez. 658 00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:18,670 - You said you went in there for matches. 659 00:37:18,670 --> 00:37:19,950 Why did you need matches? 660 00:37:19,950 --> 00:37:22,660 - To light a fire, I wanted to light a fire. 661 00:37:22,660 --> 00:37:23,970 It was freezing in that room. 662 00:37:23,970 --> 00:37:27,130 I feel like I'm on the freaking stand right now, okay, geez. 663 00:37:27,130 --> 00:37:28,860 - It wasn't even cold last night. 664 00:37:28,860 --> 00:37:31,160 - 'Cause you stole all the covers, you always do. 665 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,190 It was freezing. 666 00:37:32,190 --> 00:37:34,030 - There's no fireplace in that room. 667 00:37:35,488 --> 00:37:36,473 Where were you going to light it? 668 00:37:36,473 --> 00:37:37,306 - In the den. 669 00:37:37,306 --> 00:37:39,016 I was gonna sleep on the couch in the den. 670 00:37:39,016 --> 00:37:40,830 This is ridiculous. 671 00:37:40,830 --> 00:37:42,888 - You're a real idiot Carl, you know that? 672 00:37:42,888 --> 00:37:45,140 You're a real idiot, Carl. 673 00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:46,820 - I didn't kill him, okay, honey? 674 00:37:48,530 --> 00:37:50,220 - Who said anything about killing him? 675 00:37:50,220 --> 00:37:51,830 - Yeah, it sounds like you're saying it. 676 00:37:51,830 --> 00:37:52,790 - Why would you say that? 677 00:37:52,790 --> 00:37:54,960 Why would you say that, Carl? 678 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,150 - Because I was... 679 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,510 - What, you were what? 680 00:38:01,620 --> 00:38:04,150 - You were what, Carl? 681 00:38:04,150 --> 00:38:06,730 Say something Carl, think Carl! 682 00:38:16,392 --> 00:38:18,270 - Well, what happened? 683 00:38:18,270 --> 00:38:19,840 - Sleep apnea. 684 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:20,673 - Huh? 685 00:38:20,673 --> 00:38:23,595 - He has sleep apnea, Leigh just told me. 686 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:25,590 You can stop breathing for several minutes in your sleep. 687 00:38:25,590 --> 00:38:28,103 - But you gave him the tea, right? 688 00:38:28,103 --> 00:38:29,803 He drank it, you saw him drink it? 689 00:38:31,950 --> 00:38:32,783 What? 690 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,340 - I didn't do it. 691 00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:36,300 - What? 692 00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:38,550 - I didn't put any rat poison in his tea. 693 00:38:38,550 --> 00:38:39,720 I couldn't do it. 694 00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:40,590 Why not? 695 00:38:40,590 --> 00:38:42,230 - Because he was saying all this crazy stuff 696 00:38:42,230 --> 00:38:44,370 that was freaking me out. 697 00:38:44,370 --> 00:38:47,130 I finally went back in there this morning to 698 00:38:47,130 --> 00:38:48,330 smother him with his pillow, 699 00:38:48,330 --> 00:38:50,670 and I was standing there for a long time 700 00:38:50,670 --> 00:38:54,340 just looking at him, and I noticed that he wasn't breathing. 701 00:38:54,340 --> 00:38:57,430 So I put my fingers under his nose and he wasn't. 702 00:38:57,430 --> 00:38:59,650 So I thought my job was done for me, you know, 703 00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:02,490 by God or whatever. 704 00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:08,032 - Okay, okay, so we'll try again tonight. 705 00:39:08,032 --> 00:39:10,210 No problem. 706 00:39:10,210 --> 00:39:11,450 You can do it tonight. 707 00:39:11,450 --> 00:39:12,480 - Uh uh, no way. 708 00:39:13,550 --> 00:39:14,740 - Why not? 709 00:39:14,740 --> 00:39:15,630 - I can't. 710 00:39:15,630 --> 00:39:16,770 - What do you mean you can't? 711 00:39:16,770 --> 00:39:18,810 - It'll freak me out way too much, Brett. 712 00:39:18,810 --> 00:39:20,340 You saw the girls. 713 00:39:20,340 --> 00:39:22,340 Did you notice how upset Leigh was? 714 00:39:22,340 --> 00:39:24,040 - Leigh is gonna be fine. 715 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,185 With all your financial burdens put to rest, 716 00:39:26,185 --> 00:39:28,670 she'll get over this very quickly, trust me. 717 00:39:28,670 --> 00:39:31,280 - But Kenny, he's, he's a human being, Brett. 718 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,110 - Bullshit, he's a fucking dinosaur 719 00:39:33,110 --> 00:39:35,500 who should've been extinct a long time ago. 720 00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:37,870 Do you have any idea what it's like getting Ray in 721 00:39:37,870 --> 00:39:39,010 on his appointments nowadays 722 00:39:39,010 --> 00:39:41,820 with all these prehistoric animals roaming the earth 723 00:39:41,820 --> 00:39:43,880 and sucking up all the doctors' time? 724 00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:44,713 He'd die waiting. 725 00:39:44,713 --> 00:39:47,330 And resources, to have them around 726 00:39:47,330 --> 00:39:49,380 for all these unnecessary years. 727 00:39:49,380 --> 00:39:51,130 The carbon footprint, Carl. 728 00:39:51,130 --> 00:39:52,880 We're overpopulated. 729 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,460 And you call yourself a nature enthusiast? 730 00:39:55,460 --> 00:39:57,140 Not exactly eco-friendly. 731 00:39:58,605 --> 00:39:59,438 I've digressed. 732 00:40:00,542 --> 00:40:04,153 Look, to make an omelette, you have to break an egg. 733 00:40:04,153 --> 00:40:06,880 - I'm not breaking any eggs, I'm sorry. 734 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:07,730 There's just, 735 00:40:09,030 --> 00:40:11,640 there's just something inside of me telling me no. 736 00:40:12,730 --> 00:40:14,230 - So you're a pussy, Carl. 737 00:40:14,230 --> 00:40:15,280 - I'm sorry, Brett. 738 00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:19,383 - Okay. 739 00:40:20,630 --> 00:40:21,463 Okay. 740 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,600 I want you to see that inheritance now, Carl. 741 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:26,550 Really see it. 742 00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:31,270 2.2 million dollars. 743 00:40:31,270 --> 00:40:34,930 And now, I want you to see how you're deliberately 744 00:40:34,930 --> 00:40:37,940 flushing it deep down into the shit-covered waters 745 00:40:37,940 --> 00:40:39,570 of shit's fucking creek, 746 00:40:39,570 --> 00:40:42,540 where it's devoured by all of the little shit-eaters. 747 00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:44,490 Really see yourself now, Carl, 748 00:40:44,490 --> 00:40:46,130 just waving goodbye to it, 749 00:40:46,130 --> 00:40:48,280 with that sorry little look on your face, 750 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,560 and a paddle stuck up your ass that was jammed in there 751 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,950 by an unfair world that you weren't man enough 752 00:40:53,950 --> 00:40:55,190 to stake your claim in. 753 00:40:57,410 --> 00:40:58,540 Nothing. 754 00:40:58,540 --> 00:41:00,070 Nothing to say, Carl? 755 00:41:00,070 --> 00:41:01,513 - We were drinking yesterday 756 00:41:01,513 --> 00:41:03,840 and we were caught up in too much holiday cheer 757 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,190 and goofing around when we-- 758 00:41:05,190 --> 00:41:07,160 - Oh, I see, so you think the one holding 759 00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,810 the shit end of the stick should be the one 760 00:41:08,810 --> 00:41:10,140 that carries this out, huh? 761 00:41:10,140 --> 00:41:11,390 Is that what you think, Carl? 762 00:41:11,390 --> 00:41:13,720 You think I should be the one that has to do this? 763 00:41:15,642 --> 00:41:18,240 - I've stated my position, and, 764 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,190 I'm not gonna waver. 765 00:41:22,290 --> 00:41:23,440 I'm standing my ground. 766 00:41:30,010 --> 00:41:31,160 - I think you'll do it. 767 00:41:32,830 --> 00:41:33,663 - Huh? 768 00:41:34,586 --> 00:41:36,410 - I think you'd rather kill Grampy 769 00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:38,330 than deal with the ramifications of your wife 770 00:41:38,330 --> 00:41:40,010 finding out the truth. 771 00:41:40,010 --> 00:41:41,570 - About what? 772 00:41:41,570 --> 00:41:43,700 - I ran into Jerry Ryan yesterday. 773 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:45,633 Yeah. 774 00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:49,300 Does Leigh know that you're unemployed, Carl? 775 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,510 Don't make me be the bad guy here. 776 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:54,060 - You'd never-- 777 00:41:54,060 --> 00:41:55,570 I wouldn't? 778 00:41:55,570 --> 00:41:57,620 - Brett, you're my friend. 779 00:41:57,620 --> 00:42:00,780 - And I'm trying to help you salvage your life, Carl. 780 00:42:02,117 --> 00:42:04,567 I think some gratitude might be more appropriate. 781 00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:07,300 - Sociopath. 782 00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:09,180 That's a compliment these days, Carl. 783 00:42:09,180 --> 00:42:10,430 And for that I thank you. 784 00:42:12,417 --> 00:42:13,990 - Don't do this, please, please don't make me do this. 785 00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:15,940 - You almost did it on your own accord. 786 00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:20,200 I'm just giving you a little push. 787 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:21,420 You can do it, Carl. 788 00:42:22,700 --> 00:42:24,050 Never quit on a dream. 789 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,660 You know, I used to play the sax, too. 790 00:42:31,430 --> 00:42:33,680 You gotta have a lot of soul to play the sax. 791 00:42:55,370 --> 00:42:56,203 Hey buddy. 792 00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:00,380 - Something really crazy's going on around here. 793 00:43:00,380 --> 00:43:03,720 This is gonna blow your frigging mind. 794 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:05,610 - What are you talking about? 795 00:43:05,610 --> 00:43:08,740 - I was in Kenny's room last night. 796 00:43:08,740 --> 00:43:09,660 - Kenny? 797 00:43:09,660 --> 00:43:12,240 - Yeah, Grandpa Kenny. 798 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,010 It was in the wee hours. 799 00:43:14,010 --> 00:43:16,020 He asked me to come in. 800 00:43:16,020 --> 00:43:18,852 - Ray, you weren't supposed to be in there last night. 801 00:43:18,852 --> 00:43:22,325 - Why wasn't I supposed to be in there? 802 00:43:22,325 --> 00:43:25,060 - So let's get you dressed, we're going for a walk. 803 00:43:29,850 --> 00:43:32,480 You were drinking yesterday, smoking weed. 804 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,210 Not to mention you just got back from the war 805 00:43:34,210 --> 00:43:36,340 where they put that damn steel plate in your head. 806 00:43:36,340 --> 00:43:38,450 - Okay, are you done? 807 00:43:38,450 --> 00:43:40,040 - I'm just saying, sometimes the mind 808 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,050 can play tricks on us and make us perceive things 809 00:43:42,050 --> 00:43:43,320 in funny ways. 810 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,210 - Will you listen to me? 811 00:43:45,210 --> 00:43:47,430 My perception is fine. 812 00:43:47,430 --> 00:43:50,340 And what happened in that room last night 813 00:43:50,340 --> 00:43:52,920 was as real as anything I've experienced 814 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,220 in my entire life. 815 00:43:55,220 --> 00:43:58,310 You are not gonna believe this one, Brett. 816 00:43:59,799 --> 00:44:02,170 - All right, what, what happened already? 817 00:44:02,170 --> 00:44:05,610 - We made love like animals last night. 818 00:44:06,620 --> 00:44:08,440 - What, who? 819 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,270 - Me and Kenny. 820 00:44:12,093 --> 00:44:13,330 - Huh? 821 00:44:13,330 --> 00:44:15,180 - It was raw. 822 00:44:15,180 --> 00:44:17,100 It was wild. 823 00:44:17,100 --> 00:44:18,840 It was animalistic. 824 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,223 It was everything. 825 00:44:21,223 --> 00:44:25,000 This is the best Christmas ever. 826 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,540 - You banged Jen's grandfather last night? 827 00:44:28,540 --> 00:44:29,540 You hit that? 828 00:44:29,540 --> 00:44:31,590 - Oh, it wasn't like that. 829 00:44:31,590 --> 00:44:34,640 If anything, he was the one in control. 830 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:36,620 - He's gay or bi? 831 00:44:36,620 --> 00:44:40,220 - He doesn't feel the need to put labels on things. 832 00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:45,160 Oh man he did things to me 833 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,300 no man's ever done before. 834 00:44:48,300 --> 00:44:50,720 It was a religious experience. 835 00:44:55,580 --> 00:44:56,413 - I like it. 836 00:44:58,520 --> 00:44:59,720 I like this. 837 00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:04,290 You're back. - I'm back. 838 00:45:04,290 --> 00:45:06,440 - You are back. - I'm back. 839 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:09,757 - This shit is back. - I'm back, I'm back! 840 00:45:09,757 --> 00:45:11,240 - This just in, the kid is back. 841 00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:15,340 - I'm back, I'm gay, I'm getting sick. 842 00:45:15,340 --> 00:45:17,640 - You are a sick puppy is what you are. 843 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,350 Ray, this is legendary. 844 00:45:19,350 --> 00:45:21,970 You are an instant hero with the story. 845 00:45:21,970 --> 00:45:25,900 Now this is the greatest story ever told, oh man. 846 00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:27,350 I can't wait to tell Dino and Jimmy, 847 00:45:27,350 --> 00:45:28,470 they're gonna shit their pants. 848 00:45:28,470 --> 00:45:30,658 - No, don't tell anyone, Brett. 849 00:45:30,658 --> 00:45:33,670 - Whoa, whoa, easy. 850 00:45:34,850 --> 00:45:37,640 Ray, this nothing to be ashamed of, okay? 851 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,570 So you've been hit by a pitch. 852 00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:41,700 Dust yourself off, get back in the game. 853 00:45:41,700 --> 00:45:44,750 - I didn't get hit by a pitch. 854 00:45:44,750 --> 00:45:45,920 - It's a metaphor, Ray. 855 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,820 - I understand the metaphor. 856 00:45:47,820 --> 00:45:50,500 And it doesn't apply here. 857 00:45:50,500 --> 00:45:53,600 He's an amazing man. 858 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,650 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 859 00:45:55,650 --> 00:45:57,240 You're getting ahead of yourself here, Ray. 860 00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:00,100 - We were communicating without speaking. 861 00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:01,810 - You were fucking high. 862 00:46:01,810 --> 00:46:03,390 - I understand that. 863 00:46:03,390 --> 00:46:05,570 And I've thought about it all morning, 864 00:46:05,570 --> 00:46:07,938 and it doesn't change. 865 00:46:07,938 --> 00:46:09,400 - Settle, Ray, okay, settle. 866 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,302 - That's exactly what I'm doing. 867 00:46:12,302 --> 00:46:14,820 I'm settling with him. 868 00:46:14,820 --> 00:46:16,700 We're getting married. 869 00:46:16,700 --> 00:46:18,170 - You're what? 870 00:46:18,170 --> 00:46:20,120 - I love him, Brett. 871 00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,300 Get that through your head. 872 00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:24,180 He loves me. 873 00:46:24,180 --> 00:46:27,660 And we want to explore these feelings further. 874 00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:28,970 Now, we're going to have 875 00:46:28,970 --> 00:46:31,860 a celebration wedding here tomorrow. 876 00:46:31,860 --> 00:46:35,030 Then Tuesday morning, we're going down 877 00:46:35,030 --> 00:46:37,910 to the Town Hall to make it official. 878 00:46:38,825 --> 00:46:42,730 I want you to be my best man. 879 00:46:45,790 --> 00:46:48,360 - No. - What do you mean no? 880 00:46:49,220 --> 00:46:52,560 - I mean, snap the fuck out of it, Ray. 881 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,870 You're not marrying him. 882 00:46:54,870 --> 00:46:59,450 Look, you've been deprived of sex for a long time, okay? 883 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:01,540 A man does crazy things when deprived of sex. 884 00:47:01,540 --> 00:47:02,780 Just ask a priest. 885 00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,250 Look, you'll get past this, okay? 886 00:47:06,250 --> 00:47:08,370 In a few months, when you find yourself 887 00:47:08,370 --> 00:47:09,910 a normal piece of ass, 888 00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:14,137 whose birth date was sometime after fucking Prohibition. 889 00:47:14,137 --> 00:47:16,687 - You're not listening to a single word I'm saying. 890 00:47:17,710 --> 00:47:18,543 I love him. 891 00:47:18,543 --> 00:47:21,050 - No, no, you lust him. 892 00:47:21,050 --> 00:47:23,280 I can't believe I'm saying this with a straight face. 893 00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:24,800 You lust Grandpa. 894 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,330 You could do better than this, Ray, much better. 895 00:47:27,330 --> 00:47:29,600 Give it some time, Jesus. 896 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,320 - I don't want you at my wedding. 897 00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,040 I'll ask Carl to be my best man. 898 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:36,940 - Empathize with me, Ray. 899 00:47:36,940 --> 00:47:39,500 42-year-old men do not normally fall in love 900 00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:40,450 with the elderly. 901 00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:44,080 - Real love knows no boundaries, Brett. 902 00:47:45,175 --> 00:47:47,040 Now do you support me on this or not? 903 00:47:48,470 --> 00:47:49,980 Yes or no. 904 00:47:50,940 --> 00:47:51,820 Do you? 905 00:47:54,627 --> 00:47:57,810 You are as shallow as a puddle of piss. 906 00:47:58,968 --> 00:48:00,177 Get out of my way, Brett. 907 00:48:00,177 --> 00:48:01,094 - Ray. Ray. 908 00:48:05,860 --> 00:48:10,860 Ray! 909 00:48:23,504 --> 00:48:24,587 - Carl. Carl. 910 00:48:30,724 --> 00:48:31,557 Carl. 911 00:48:33,232 --> 00:48:36,020 He's a loser, he'll only fuck it up. 912 00:48:36,020 --> 00:48:39,010 He's an anxious guy who's been pushed around all day. 913 00:48:39,010 --> 00:48:41,950 He's a loser, loser, loser, loser, loser. 914 00:48:41,950 --> 00:48:45,250 - Christmas bonus is not delivering itself. 915 00:48:47,030 --> 00:48:48,430 Be the hero, Carl. 916 00:48:49,450 --> 00:48:52,940 Be the one who makes all of her holiday wishes come true. 917 00:48:52,940 --> 00:48:53,773 The hero. 918 00:49:12,500 --> 00:49:16,450 - Hey, sounds like the little morning birdies are chirping, 919 00:49:16,450 --> 00:49:18,990 huh, the larks? 920 00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:20,710 Yeah, hey. 921 00:49:20,710 --> 00:49:21,910 - You look like hell. 922 00:49:21,910 --> 00:49:23,830 - Yeah, my head feels like a demolition site. 923 00:49:23,830 --> 00:49:24,770 I feel like hell. 924 00:49:26,890 --> 00:49:30,600 - Well, maybe I can cheer you up. 925 00:49:31,532 --> 00:49:33,020 - Not now, Leigh. 926 00:49:34,340 --> 00:49:35,870 Stop. 927 00:49:35,870 --> 00:49:38,440 I said stop geez, do you wanna get caught? 928 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:39,770 - You got bad breath. 929 00:49:39,770 --> 00:49:40,690 - Yeah, so do you. 930 00:49:41,635 --> 00:49:42,530 - What is your problem? 931 00:49:42,530 --> 00:49:44,570 - I think we need to put the brakes on this, okay? 932 00:49:44,570 --> 00:49:45,870 - On what, us? 933 00:49:45,870 --> 00:49:48,660 - No, not us, I'm talking about this project, 934 00:49:48,660 --> 00:49:50,436 Project Grampy. - Why? 935 00:49:50,436 --> 00:49:52,860 - Because I spoke with Ray just now 936 00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:56,070 and he just told me some very bizarre and perverse things. 937 00:49:56,070 --> 00:49:57,230 - Yeah, I know all about it. 938 00:49:57,230 --> 00:49:59,710 I just had a conversation with his soulmate. 939 00:49:59,710 --> 00:50:01,480 He professed the whole disgusting thing. 940 00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:02,550 - Yeah, it's grotesque. 941 00:50:02,550 --> 00:50:04,750 - Yeah, it is, and potentially a very big hindrance 942 00:50:04,750 --> 00:50:08,580 as he's not trying to get his paws into my piece of the pie. 943 00:50:08,580 --> 00:50:11,520 So I'm confused why exactly is there a problem? 944 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,160 - Because he loves him, Leigh. 945 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:16,380 - Jesus Christ, he wants his fucking money. 946 00:50:16,380 --> 00:50:18,120 - No, I've never seen him so sure of anything 947 00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:19,440 in his life, he's telling the truth. 948 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:20,550 - Well, then he's a filthy creeper 949 00:50:20,550 --> 00:50:22,590 with a fetish for geriatrics is what he is. 950 00:50:22,590 --> 00:50:24,730 - Hey, did he make a mistake, yes. 951 00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:25,940 But he's my brother, okay? 952 00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,550 Respect that. 953 00:50:27,550 --> 00:50:29,330 - No, I don't respect that. 954 00:50:29,330 --> 00:50:32,550 I have zero respect for perverts. 955 00:50:32,550 --> 00:50:34,120 So is this thing on or not, 956 00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,300 because my muscles are getting fucking cold. 957 00:50:41,420 --> 00:50:44,180 What, you're gonna call it off? 958 00:50:45,940 --> 00:50:47,310 We had a deal. 959 00:50:49,780 --> 00:50:53,620 "Let's kill Grandpa this Christmas," you said. 960 00:50:54,620 --> 00:50:57,290 "I will convince your drip husband to snuff him out 961 00:50:57,290 --> 00:51:00,110 "so that we don't have to do it ourselves," you said. 962 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:02,000 Remember? 963 00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:04,950 Hello, remember? 964 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:12,140 I see how it is. 965 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,720 I see. 966 00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:16,530 You care more about that perverted gimp boy 967 00:51:16,530 --> 00:51:17,880 that you do about us, fine. 968 00:51:19,130 --> 00:51:21,630 Just know that you'll never get your hands on this 969 00:51:24,070 --> 00:51:24,903 again. 970 00:51:26,970 --> 00:51:29,830 'Cause here's now it's gonna go down now. 971 00:51:29,830 --> 00:51:31,700 Here's the new plan. 972 00:51:31,700 --> 00:51:33,700 If by tomorrow morning that old hag 973 00:51:33,700 --> 00:51:35,870 hasn't drifted down to the fiery halls of hell 974 00:51:35,870 --> 00:51:38,180 where he belongs, we're through. 975 00:51:39,050 --> 00:51:42,220 And not only are we through, but your marriage is through. 976 00:51:43,324 --> 00:51:44,157 - You'd never. 977 00:51:44,157 --> 00:51:45,180 - Oh, I will. 978 00:51:46,410 --> 00:51:50,260 I will tell my sister all about her filthy husband 979 00:51:50,260 --> 00:51:52,910 and now he forced himself on me. 980 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:55,780 And I will even turn on the tears. 981 00:51:57,290 --> 00:52:00,130 She will kick you out like the unemployed vagabond 982 00:52:00,130 --> 00:52:01,680 that you are. 983 00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,020 - You psychopath. 984 00:52:05,140 --> 00:52:08,090 - That's the highest compliment a person can receive, Brett. 985 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:09,833 And for that, 986 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,250 I thank you. 987 00:52:25,255 --> 00:52:27,189 - How are you doing? 988 00:52:27,189 --> 00:52:29,772 I'm so glad you came, you know? 989 00:52:33,507 --> 00:52:34,507 - Thank you. 990 00:52:36,830 --> 00:52:39,220 - What are you doing over there, Carl? 991 00:52:39,220 --> 00:52:41,260 - Oh nothing, just, uh... 992 00:52:43,150 --> 00:52:44,140 - What, Carl? 993 00:52:47,270 --> 00:52:51,100 - Leigh, I, uh... 994 00:52:55,711 --> 00:52:56,628 - Oh, Carl. 995 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,350 - Do you remember how we were when we first met, just 996 00:53:06,020 --> 00:53:09,190 two broke college kids without a care in the world, 997 00:53:09,190 --> 00:53:13,090 just laughing, making love, smoking grass. 998 00:53:13,090 --> 00:53:15,640 - Yeah, of course I remember, honey. 999 00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:19,570 - We didn't have a nickel to spare, but, 1000 00:53:19,570 --> 00:53:22,370 somehow we were king and queen of the entire world, hon. 1001 00:53:23,860 --> 00:53:27,050 - Is there something else you wanna tell me, Carl? 1002 00:53:27,050 --> 00:53:28,200 - No, its just, 1003 00:53:30,150 --> 00:53:33,620 if we were, if we were to lose everything, 1004 00:53:34,894 --> 00:53:36,320 and we had to start all over again, 1005 00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:37,730 could you still love me? 1006 00:53:39,890 --> 00:53:42,220 - Why are you asking me that, Carl? 1007 00:53:42,220 --> 00:53:43,053 - I just, 1008 00:53:44,020 --> 00:53:47,020 I just wanted to make sure our foundation is still solid. 1009 00:53:48,340 --> 00:53:51,030 - Well, we're not kids anymore. 1010 00:53:51,030 --> 00:53:53,870 We're adults in the real world. 1011 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,830 And in the real world, 1012 00:53:56,830 --> 00:53:59,730 there are winners and there are losers. 1013 00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:04,010 I have no intention of being a loser. 1014 00:54:05,020 --> 00:54:07,580 So if you were to lose everything, 1015 00:54:07,580 --> 00:54:10,620 I would probably have to file for divorce. 1016 00:54:14,610 --> 00:54:15,443 Okay. 1017 00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:19,050 Let's get ready for Grandpa's party. 1018 00:54:20,300 --> 00:54:22,830 I got your outfit all picked out and ready to go. 1019 00:55:07,900 --> 00:55:10,050 - I don't have an appetite for some reason. 1020 00:55:12,010 --> 00:55:15,010 - It's rude to leave the table when people are still eating. 1021 00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,000 - Everyone's done. 1022 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:18,833 - I'm not done. 1023 00:55:18,833 --> 00:55:19,840 - Honey, I think that's enough 1024 00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:21,320 with the drinking this weekend. 1025 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:22,153 - That's enough. 1026 00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:25,404 Now I've got something to tell yous 1027 00:55:25,404 --> 00:55:26,740 and I might as well do it now. 1028 00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:29,310 I'm changing the will. 1029 00:55:30,860 --> 00:55:32,970 Ray and I are going off to Europe 1030 00:55:32,970 --> 00:55:34,300 and we're not coming back. 1031 00:55:35,220 --> 00:55:36,960 I might even buy a castle. 1032 00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:39,690 - That's a wonderful idea, Grandpa. 1033 00:55:39,690 --> 00:55:42,240 Isn't it wonderful, Leigh? 1034 00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:43,410 - It's amazing. 1035 00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:46,870 - And whatever's left of the 2.2 million, 1036 00:55:46,870 --> 00:55:49,190 after I'm gone, that's what you get, Leigh. 1037 00:55:49,190 --> 00:55:51,600 - Well, I don't care about that, Grandpa. 1038 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,220 I just want you to be happy. 1039 00:55:53,220 --> 00:55:56,110 - Good, I'm going to see the lawyer tomorrow morning, 1040 00:55:56,110 --> 00:55:59,205 first thing, to make it official. 1041 00:55:59,205 --> 00:56:02,660 - I think there's one more gift under the tree. 1042 00:56:02,660 --> 00:56:03,760 - Get the gift, Carl. 1043 00:56:06,450 --> 00:56:08,010 Wake up, Carl. 1044 00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,660 Will you wipe the dopey look off your face 1045 00:56:11,660 --> 00:56:12,910 and get the gift? 1046 00:56:27,810 --> 00:56:29,410 That's my gift to Jen. 1047 00:56:55,860 --> 00:56:59,100 - Wow, what is that? 1048 00:56:59,100 --> 00:57:02,030 - That is a Native American fertility phallus. 1049 00:57:02,030 --> 00:57:03,850 I made that in ceramics. 1050 00:57:03,850 --> 00:57:05,680 It's to bring you good luck and strength 1051 00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:07,010 to your sexual organs. 1052 00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,740 - Think it'll do the trick for you, Brett? 1053 00:57:11,860 --> 00:57:13,490 - I hope it does, Carl. 1054 00:57:16,070 --> 00:57:18,770 - There's one more gift in the kitchen, Carl. 1055 00:57:18,770 --> 00:57:20,020 Get it. 1056 00:57:24,492 --> 00:57:26,330 - Well, you better pray with all your might, 1057 00:57:26,330 --> 00:57:28,310 because saying no to her as a woman 1058 00:57:28,310 --> 00:57:31,170 is like saying no to Mother Nature herself. 1059 00:57:31,170 --> 00:57:34,398 Taking all the fruit and not fertilizing the land. 1060 00:57:34,398 --> 00:57:39,398 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1061 00:57:39,562 --> 00:57:44,562 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1062 00:57:44,613 --> 00:57:49,613 ♪ Happy birthday dear Grandpa ♪ 1063 00:57:50,546 --> 00:57:53,879 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1064 00:57:57,650 --> 00:57:59,839 ♪ And many more ♪ 1065 00:58:03,170 --> 00:58:07,370 - Happy birthday to my Christmas angel. 1066 00:58:07,370 --> 00:58:08,900 Make a wish, Grandpa. 1067 00:58:08,900 --> 00:58:10,730 - I already had my wish. 1068 00:58:10,730 --> 00:58:14,220 - Well, that was yesterday, make a new wish. 1069 00:58:14,220 --> 00:58:17,220 - Uh, well, it'd be nice if this fucking hair 1070 00:58:17,220 --> 00:58:18,920 would stop falling out of my head. 1071 00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:23,910 - Well, Carl has plugs. 1072 00:58:23,910 --> 00:58:26,585 Maybe he can point you in the right direction. 1073 00:58:26,585 --> 00:58:29,580 - Whoa, she is bombed. 1074 00:58:29,580 --> 00:58:31,150 She is gonna be okay. 1075 00:58:32,260 --> 00:58:34,300 Oh, got your wish, Jen. 1076 00:58:34,300 --> 00:58:37,150 You're drunk, it's time to go to bed. 1077 00:58:37,150 --> 00:58:38,960 - Get your fucking hands off me 1078 00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,880 unless you wanna lose an arm. 1079 00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,510 Of course I'm drunk. 1080 00:58:42,510 --> 00:58:44,960 Any sane person would have to annihilated 1081 00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:46,440 to hang out with this family. 1082 00:58:47,570 --> 00:58:50,720 - Wow, your father would be so disappointed, 1083 00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:52,340 God rest his soul. 1084 00:58:52,340 --> 00:58:54,350 - Blah, blah, blah. 1085 00:58:54,350 --> 00:58:56,070 - I wish you could see yourself 1086 00:58:56,070 --> 00:58:57,900 and what your life has turned into 1087 00:58:57,900 --> 00:59:00,120 when you don't think things through. 1088 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,880 - You're just a perfect example of human capability, 1089 00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:03,880 aren't you Grandpa? 1090 00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:06,480 - All right, party's over, Jen. 1091 00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:07,980 - Shut up, Leigh. 1092 00:59:07,980 --> 00:59:11,480 All you know how to do is criticize. 1093 00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:14,920 Just criticizing everything and everyone around you 1094 00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,160 all day every fucking day. 1095 00:59:19,093 --> 00:59:20,640 Well, I'm sick of it! 1096 00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:23,121 'Cause all I need from a grandfather is someone 1097 00:59:23,121 --> 00:59:27,790 to be nice and who leaves me the fuck alone. 1098 00:59:29,660 --> 00:59:33,400 But look what I got, I got a washed-up old critic 1099 00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:35,030 with no one around in his life 1100 00:59:35,030 --> 00:59:37,690 but people waiting for him to croak already 1101 00:59:37,690 --> 00:59:40,040 so they can get all his stuff. 1102 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,460 Well, I don't give a shit about your stuff. 1103 00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:46,490 And living in this dump would only be a reminder 1104 00:59:46,490 --> 00:59:49,130 of all the shit I've had to endure from you 1105 00:59:49,130 --> 00:59:50,970 throughout the years. 1106 00:59:50,970 --> 00:59:54,350 Your miserable ghost haunting me, 1107 00:59:54,350 --> 00:59:58,210 following me around from the great beyond. 1108 00:59:58,210 --> 01:00:02,140 So I'm asking you, take me off of your will. 1109 01:00:02,140 --> 01:00:04,180 I'm begging you to do it. 1110 01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:06,930 This way I never have to see your diabolical, 1111 01:00:06,930 --> 01:00:11,040 heartless, wrinkly face ever the fuck again! 1112 01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:14,900 - That's it! 1113 01:00:14,900 --> 01:00:16,430 That's your voice! 1114 01:00:16,430 --> 01:00:18,590 I've been waiting 20 years to hear that come 1115 01:00:18,590 --> 01:00:20,170 out of your mouth. 1116 01:00:20,170 --> 01:00:22,040 Finally, an expression of the truth. 1117 01:00:24,220 --> 01:00:26,530 If you could only do that without the liquor. 1118 01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,170 - Well, don't be rude, Carl. 1119 01:00:38,170 --> 01:00:40,200 Pull your sister-in-law out of the cake. 1120 01:00:56,810 --> 01:00:59,280 - I don't know why she brought up my hair. 1121 01:01:00,261 --> 01:01:01,960 - It's bedtime, Carl, time to go to bed. 1122 01:01:05,460 --> 01:01:09,050 - Well, she showed her true colors, that sister of mine. 1123 01:01:09,050 --> 01:01:11,980 She has nothing but hate in her heart for this family. 1124 01:01:13,430 --> 01:01:14,980 Sorry you had to see that, Ray. 1125 01:01:16,100 --> 01:01:17,310 - That's okay. 1126 01:01:18,260 --> 01:01:20,510 And I'm gonna hit the hay now. 1127 01:01:22,068 --> 01:01:24,985 I've got a really big day tomorrow. 1128 01:01:26,046 --> 01:01:27,213 - You sure do. 1129 01:02:36,460 --> 01:02:37,293 - Carl? 1130 01:02:39,429 --> 01:02:41,510 - You scared me, asshole, what? 1131 01:02:41,510 --> 01:02:42,343 - Are you going up there now? 1132 01:02:42,343 --> 01:02:44,630 - Where do you think I'm going, huh? 1133 01:02:44,630 --> 01:02:46,270 Outside to make a snowman? 1134 01:02:46,270 --> 01:02:47,620 - Carl, this is bad. 1135 01:02:48,660 --> 01:02:50,320 This is really bad. 1136 01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,200 - Oh, you think so? 1137 01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:56,710 - I just wanted to be a writer. 1138 01:02:57,550 --> 01:02:59,150 Living out here would have been, 1139 01:03:00,610 --> 01:03:02,860 but Ray, Ray. 1140 01:03:06,568 --> 01:03:08,690 I just wanted him to be happy. 1141 01:03:10,470 --> 01:03:12,190 That's all I ever wanted. 1142 01:03:15,827 --> 01:03:20,827 It's all I ever wanted. 1143 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:34,930 - We should end it now. 1144 01:03:36,230 --> 01:03:38,130 Pretend like none of this ever happened. 1145 01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:40,770 Get the Christmas spirit back. 1146 01:03:48,569 --> 01:03:52,990 - Carl, Carl, Carl. 1147 01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:57,324 This breaks my heart, Carl, 1148 01:03:57,324 --> 01:03:58,788 you're such a nice guy. 1149 01:03:58,788 --> 01:04:03,590 It breaks my heart, Carl, you're such a nice guy. 1150 01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:06,833 - Okay. 1151 01:04:08,772 --> 01:04:09,605 - Carl? 1152 01:04:16,336 --> 01:04:18,003 Where are you going? 1153 01:04:19,062 --> 01:04:21,110 - I'm going in there. 1154 01:04:21,110 --> 01:04:22,630 What? 1155 01:04:22,630 --> 01:04:24,420 - What, are you fucking deaf? 1156 01:04:24,420 --> 01:04:27,720 I said I'm going in there. 1157 01:04:38,685 --> 01:04:41,910 I'm going in there, get this fucking shit over with already. 1158 01:05:07,140 --> 01:05:10,120 - Morning, Ray. - Good morning, Leigh. 1159 01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:11,920 - You look great. 1160 01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:13,850 Have you seen your groom yet this morning? 1161 01:05:13,850 --> 01:05:15,650 - Of course not. 1162 01:05:15,650 --> 01:05:18,688 It's bad luck to see the groom before the ceremony. 1163 01:05:18,688 --> 01:05:22,100 Everybody knows that. 1164 01:05:23,138 --> 01:05:24,138 - Of course. 1165 01:05:24,990 --> 01:05:27,090 Have you seen him yet this morning, Brett? 1166 01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:32,100 You know, he really should be up by now. 1167 01:05:32,100 --> 01:05:33,450 Grandpa? 1168 01:05:33,450 --> 01:05:35,280 - Oh, I'm sure he's up. 1169 01:05:36,660 --> 01:05:39,900 I bet your groom looks amazing, Ray. 1170 01:05:41,010 --> 01:05:43,740 - Look who's suddenly on Team Grandpa. 1171 01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:45,840 Isn't that interesting? 1172 01:05:47,060 --> 01:05:50,480 Grandpa, you're gonna be late for your own wedding! 1173 01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:52,310 - He's up, I'm sure. 1174 01:05:52,310 --> 01:05:55,020 He's probably just playing with his hair or something. 1175 01:05:55,020 --> 01:05:57,590 - You're sure in a better mood today 1176 01:05:57,590 --> 01:05:59,140 than yesterday, Jen. 1177 01:05:59,140 --> 01:06:02,210 - Today, I see with new eyes, Ray. 1178 01:06:02,210 --> 01:06:04,090 Bloodshot, but new. 1179 01:06:04,090 --> 01:06:04,923 - Grandpa? 1180 01:06:05,770 --> 01:06:07,780 - You know, after all you've been through, 1181 01:06:07,780 --> 01:06:10,060 nobody deserves to be blessed with a soulmate 1182 01:06:10,060 --> 01:06:11,110 any more than you do. 1183 01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:14,820 - I just wish we could've gotten Grandpa a new tux. 1184 01:06:14,820 --> 01:06:16,760 - You know, I think we've all had it 1185 01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:19,490 with the loving granddaughter routine, Leigh. 1186 01:06:19,490 --> 01:06:22,520 It's getting to be a bit nauseating now, don't you think? 1187 01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:26,746 - You know, you may have managed to ruin Christmas, 1188 01:06:26,746 --> 01:06:29,350 but I'm not going to stand here 1189 01:06:29,350 --> 01:06:32,130 and let you destroy Grandpa's wedding. 1190 01:06:32,130 --> 01:06:34,240 - I bumped into Carl last night 1191 01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:36,520 on my way to pouring myself a drink. 1192 01:06:36,520 --> 01:06:39,620 Had to sting out of the nightmare called my life. 1193 01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:42,320 When I noticed Carl over there clutching 1194 01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:44,500 onto a big white fluffy pillow, 1195 01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:47,000 quivering like a frightened little puppy. 1196 01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:49,530 "What you doing over there, Carl," I asked. 1197 01:06:49,530 --> 01:06:51,810 Poor thing, he was too scared to speak. 1198 01:06:51,810 --> 01:06:54,310 So I thought, Carl looks like he can use himself 1199 01:06:54,310 --> 01:06:55,560 a drink, too. 1200 01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:57,490 So I went and I poured us a couple of brandies 1201 01:06:57,490 --> 01:06:58,590 and we got to talking. 1202 01:06:59,441 --> 01:07:01,510 And do you know what he told me, Leigh? 1203 01:07:01,510 --> 01:07:04,627 He told me he'd just gotten through storming 1204 01:07:04,627 --> 01:07:09,627 into Grandpa's room with that big white fluffy pillow. 1205 01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:53,991 - You son of a bitch, you son of a bitch. 1206 01:07:53,991 --> 01:07:56,408 You live, you son of a bitch. 1207 01:08:08,314 --> 01:08:09,147 - Carl! 1208 01:08:12,154 --> 01:08:14,070 Get your ass out here now! 1209 01:08:21,830 --> 01:08:26,630 How dare you attempt to do such a wicked thing. 1210 01:08:26,630 --> 01:08:29,360 - That's exactly what I asked, Leigh. 1211 01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:31,400 And do you know what he told me? 1212 01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:35,635 He told me, "Brett made me do it." 1213 01:08:35,635 --> 01:08:36,880 - Is that true, Brett? 1214 01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,250 - Of course not, Ray. 1215 01:08:39,440 --> 01:08:40,500 That's ridiculous, honey. 1216 01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:41,550 - Shut up, Brett. 1217 01:08:42,490 --> 01:08:45,640 Why would Brett make Carl do such a wicked thing? 1218 01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:47,640 I wanted to know. 1219 01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:50,310 And that's when Carl mentioned the hair plug comment 1220 01:08:50,310 --> 01:08:52,240 I'd made earlier in the evening. 1221 01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:55,190 A comment which he said was completely untrue. 1222 01:08:56,141 --> 01:08:58,030 Funny, I thought. 1223 01:08:58,030 --> 01:09:01,510 Why would my sister make up such a crazy story 1224 01:09:01,510 --> 01:09:03,470 about her husband's hair, 1225 01:09:03,470 --> 01:09:07,850 while I was lamenting to her about my husband's infidelity? 1226 01:09:07,850 --> 01:09:10,970 - Get your fingers out of my husband's hair. 1227 01:09:23,770 --> 01:09:27,450 - Tell me something, Thomas, 1228 01:09:27,450 --> 01:09:29,420 when you're screwing my husband, 1229 01:09:29,420 --> 01:09:32,740 and his teeny-weeny little peeny pops out, 1230 01:09:32,740 --> 01:09:36,180 as it tends to, can you even feel it? 1231 01:09:37,370 --> 01:09:40,410 Oh hey, Grandpa, still alive, huh? 1232 01:09:40,410 --> 01:09:42,870 - Yeah, thanks to Carl I am. 1233 01:09:42,870 --> 01:09:46,480 - Hi Grandpa, what are you doing with the gun? 1234 01:09:46,480 --> 01:09:47,750 - Oh, I like to carry it. 1235 01:09:47,750 --> 01:09:49,960 You know, they said I can still carry it. 1236 01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:51,800 Not that I listen to their rules. 1237 01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:52,900 I have my own rules. 1238 01:09:52,900 --> 01:09:55,790 - Uh, I think you should put that down for now. 1239 01:09:55,790 --> 01:09:58,380 It's starting to frighten us a little bit. 1240 01:09:58,380 --> 01:10:00,040 - But I really like holding it. 1241 01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:01,880 You know, it's sort of like a comfort blanket. 1242 01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:03,590 You remember those little comfort blankets 1243 01:10:03,590 --> 01:10:06,090 you girls had when you were young? 1244 01:10:06,090 --> 01:10:08,710 Yeah, made you feel nice and safe? 1245 01:10:08,710 --> 01:10:10,440 - Yeah, I remember. 1246 01:10:10,440 --> 01:10:12,480 - What did yours look like, Leigh? 1247 01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:16,130 - Well, it was blue, with little pink bunnies on it. 1248 01:10:16,130 --> 01:10:18,620 - Right, see I like to think of this 1249 01:10:18,620 --> 01:10:20,660 as my little blue blanket 1250 01:10:20,660 --> 01:10:22,790 with little pink bunnies on it, 1251 01:10:22,790 --> 01:10:26,890 just in case the big bad wolf comes knocking on that door 1252 01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:28,589 in the middle of the night. 1253 01:10:32,660 --> 01:10:33,830 - Grandpa. 1254 01:10:33,830 --> 01:10:36,510 - I want you two to move over to that wall over there. 1255 01:10:36,510 --> 01:10:37,830 Come on, move it! 1256 01:10:38,972 --> 01:10:39,805 Move! 1257 01:10:40,890 --> 01:10:43,411 Now get down on your knees, get down on your knees. 1258 01:10:43,411 --> 01:10:44,244 Do it! 1259 01:10:46,370 --> 01:10:47,630 - Well, what about Carl? 1260 01:10:50,823 --> 01:10:53,650 - Are you sorry, sonny, for trying to kill me? 1261 01:10:53,650 --> 01:10:56,280 - Words could never express it Kenny. 1262 01:10:56,280 --> 01:10:57,190 I was weak. 1263 01:11:00,110 --> 01:11:02,970 - Uh, relax, everybody makes a mistake. 1264 01:11:02,970 --> 01:11:05,540 But at the end, you were strong. 1265 01:11:05,540 --> 01:11:07,162 - Thank you. 1266 01:11:07,162 --> 01:11:09,260 Thank you, Kenny. 1267 01:11:09,260 --> 01:11:10,840 - I'm calling the police. 1268 01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:12,880 No, no, no, that's not gonna do us any good. 1269 01:11:12,880 --> 01:11:15,930 You can't get any justice here, just ask OJ. 1270 01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:18,710 What do you think, Leigh, 1271 01:11:18,710 --> 01:11:20,050 should I put you out of your misery 1272 01:11:20,050 --> 01:11:22,250 like you were thinking about putting me out of mine? 1273 01:11:22,250 --> 01:11:23,770 - It was his idea. 1274 01:11:23,770 --> 01:11:26,610 The whole thing, it was all his idea. 1275 01:11:26,610 --> 01:11:28,567 - Is that true, Brett? 1276 01:11:28,567 --> 01:11:30,567 Were you thinking of putting me down like an old horse 1277 01:11:30,567 --> 01:11:32,030 so you could get my house? 1278 01:11:32,030 --> 01:11:33,930 - Come on, you've known her long enough 1279 01:11:33,930 --> 01:11:34,763 to know how she is. 1280 01:11:34,763 --> 01:11:36,976 She lies, she's a liar. 1281 01:11:36,976 --> 01:11:38,870 She's a pathological liar. 1282 01:11:38,870 --> 01:11:39,820 - And what are you? 1283 01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:43,700 - Aw honey, come on, I can make it up to you, please. 1284 01:11:43,700 --> 01:11:45,260 - Oh honey, honey. 1285 01:11:45,260 --> 01:11:47,230 You better hope he kills you, 1286 01:11:47,230 --> 01:11:48,960 because you no longer have a sponsor. 1287 01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:50,380 - Or a brother. 1288 01:11:50,380 --> 01:11:53,730 - Ray, come on, she made me do it, Ray. 1289 01:11:53,730 --> 01:11:56,464 - I feel sorry for you, Brett. 1290 01:11:56,464 --> 01:11:58,460 I really do. 1291 01:11:58,460 --> 01:12:00,554 - You have any last words, either of you? 1292 01:12:00,554 --> 01:12:03,203 - Please, please, please, please, please, please, 1293 01:12:03,203 --> 01:12:04,600 please, please. - Have you been doing that 1294 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:05,890 all of your life? 1295 01:12:05,890 --> 01:12:08,540 Please, please, please, don't hurt me, please. 1296 01:12:08,540 --> 01:12:10,140 Say it. 1297 01:12:10,140 --> 01:12:12,150 All right, let's get on with this. 1298 01:12:12,150 --> 01:12:12,983 Who's with me. 1299 01:12:16,570 --> 01:12:19,860 Don't you move an inch or I'll blast that stupid look 1300 01:12:19,860 --> 01:12:20,880 off your face. 1301 01:12:23,803 --> 01:12:24,636 Do you have the vows, honey? 1302 01:12:24,636 --> 01:12:27,220 - Yeah, I hope they're not too long. 1303 01:12:27,220 --> 01:12:29,110 I don't like drawing out ceremonies. 1304 01:12:29,110 --> 01:12:32,290 - No honey, they're just like you, short and sweet. 1305 01:12:34,419 --> 01:12:36,830 - Here Carl, you're the priest. 1306 01:12:36,830 --> 01:12:37,663 - Okay. 1307 01:12:39,710 --> 01:12:41,560 - Any objections, Leigh? 1308 01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:43,960 Huh, anything you wanna say? 1309 01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:46,170 Any objections to us getting married? 1310 01:12:46,170 --> 01:12:47,520 - Congratulations! 1311 01:12:47,520 --> 01:12:50,400 - Thank you, Brett, that means a lot to me. 1312 01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:52,490 And I'm gonna keep that in mind 1313 01:12:52,490 --> 01:12:54,390 when I decide where to fucking bury you. 1314 01:12:54,390 --> 01:12:56,810 - What are you gonna do? - What? 1315 01:12:56,810 --> 01:13:00,016 - Whatever you're gonna do, just do it. 1316 01:13:00,016 --> 01:13:03,320 - Now isn't that just like you, always about to you. 1317 01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:05,020 You wanna talk about you all the time. 1318 01:13:05,020 --> 01:13:07,220 I'm trying to get married here. 1319 01:13:07,220 --> 01:13:09,040 And you want to talk about you. 1320 01:13:09,040 --> 01:13:11,340 Okay, okay, let's make it about you, huh? 1321 01:13:12,304 --> 01:13:14,704 Tell them how the story's gonna end. 1322 01:13:45,898 --> 01:13:46,898 - How grave. 1323 01:13:48,893 --> 01:13:51,082 What about you, Leigh, what are you gonna do? 1324 01:13:51,082 --> 01:13:53,670 - Just shoot me. 1325 01:13:53,670 --> 01:13:55,720 Just shoot me and get it over with. 1326 01:13:57,120 --> 01:13:59,870 - Aw, get the fuck out of here before I change my mind. 1327 01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:07,250 - Carl? - What? 1328 01:14:07,250 --> 01:14:08,510 - I need the keys. 1329 01:14:15,540 --> 01:14:16,480 - Walk. 1330 01:14:36,610 --> 01:14:38,781 All right, let's get on with this. 1331 01:14:38,781 --> 01:14:39,614 Go ahead, Carl. 1332 01:14:39,614 --> 01:14:41,142 Okay, just read it? 1333 01:14:41,142 --> 01:14:42,130 - You can read, right? 1334 01:14:42,130 --> 01:14:43,470 - Yeah, I can read. 1335 01:14:56,970 --> 01:14:59,190 Do you Ray take this ancient relic 1336 01:14:59,190 --> 01:15:01,490 till the day he croaks to be your husband? 1337 01:15:02,470 --> 01:15:07,180 To enjoy him deeply and not take things too seriously? 1338 01:15:07,180 --> 01:15:11,100 To live your truth despite what he or the government 1339 01:15:11,100 --> 01:15:15,000 or the Illuminati or the aliens are doing? 1340 01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:16,830 Do you promise to be happy for yourself 1341 01:15:16,830 --> 01:15:19,180 so you can inspire happiness in him 1342 01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,150 or anyone else who cares to be, 1343 01:15:21,150 --> 01:15:23,824 though not make it your responsibility? 1344 01:15:23,824 --> 01:15:27,070 I do. 1345 01:15:27,070 --> 01:15:31,050 - And do you, Kenny, take this paralyzed immobile lump 1346 01:15:31,050 --> 01:15:33,040 to be your husband? 1347 01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:36,470 To wheel him around and let him be just one more excuse 1348 01:15:36,470 --> 01:15:39,970 for your happiness on this perfectly fucked up planet, 1349 01:15:39,970 --> 01:15:42,410 till the forces within or without 1350 01:15:42,410 --> 01:15:45,180 pull the two of you irrevokably apart, 1351 01:15:45,180 --> 01:15:47,440 despite the fact that on a subatomic level, 1352 01:15:47,440 --> 01:15:50,100 you never were and never will be separate? 1353 01:15:50,100 --> 01:15:51,560 - I do. 1354 01:15:51,560 --> 01:15:53,010 - You may now kiss the groom. 1355 01:16:33,654 --> 01:16:36,658 ♪ Christmas ♪ 1356 01:16:36,658 --> 01:16:39,162 ♪ Christmas ♪ 1357 01:16:39,162 --> 01:16:42,177 ♪ Christmas ♪ 1358 01:16:42,177 --> 01:16:44,648 ♪ Christmas ♪ 1359 01:16:44,648 --> 01:16:48,353 ♪ There is Santa Claus I know ♪ 1360 01:16:48,353 --> 01:16:51,039 ♪ Coming through the snow ♪ 1361 01:16:51,039 --> 01:16:56,039 ♪ On his way to you and me ♪ 1362 01:16:56,186 --> 01:16:58,450 ♪ I know that I can see ♪ 1363 01:16:58,450 --> 01:17:01,179 ♪ The reindeer in the sky ♪ 1364 01:17:01,179 --> 01:17:05,899 ♪ Red-nosed reindeer so bright ♪ 1365 01:17:05,899 --> 01:17:10,899 ♪ Are you a criminal or a virgin ♪ 1366 01:17:11,160 --> 01:17:16,160 ♪ Getting silver or a lump of coal ♪ 1367 01:17:16,308 --> 01:17:21,108 ♪ We'll give you nothing if you knew the truth ♪ 1368 01:17:21,108 --> 01:17:23,544 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1369 01:17:23,544 --> 01:17:25,754 ♪ Happy New Year ♪ 1370 01:17:25,754 --> 01:17:30,754 ♪ I wanna kill you ♪ 1371 01:17:35,681 --> 01:17:38,888 ♪ And I've chosen a direction ♪ 1372 01:17:38,888 --> 01:17:41,864 ♪ Saying life is for me ♪ 1373 01:17:41,864 --> 01:17:44,705 ♪ I'll check myself ♪ 1374 01:17:44,705 --> 01:17:49,025 ♪ A little ♪ 1375 01:17:49,025 --> 01:17:52,616 ♪ No boring bombs ♪ 1376 01:17:52,616 --> 01:17:56,116 ♪ You get what you want ♪ 1377 01:17:56,116 --> 01:18:01,116 ♪ Have a you criminal or virgin ♪ 1378 01:18:01,119 --> 01:18:06,119 ♪ Getting silver or a lump of coal ♪ 1379 01:18:06,572 --> 01:18:11,333 ♪ You're giving nothing if you knew the truth ♪ 1380 01:18:11,333 --> 01:18:13,656 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1381 01:18:13,656 --> 01:18:15,826 ♪ Happy New Year ♪ 1382 01:18:15,826 --> 01:18:20,826 ♪ I wanna kill you ♪ 1383 01:18:23,256 --> 01:18:28,132 ♪ When I see you Santa, we'll have a drink ♪ 1384 01:18:28,132 --> 01:18:33,132 ♪ I always knew that you think ♪ 1385 01:18:33,202 --> 01:18:35,141 ♪ Maybe Jesus knows ♪ 1386 01:18:35,141 --> 01:18:38,232 ♪ What you've done ♪ 1387 01:18:38,232 --> 01:18:43,232 ♪ Hide your tracks 'cause it's ♪ 1388 01:18:43,392 --> 01:18:48,392 ♪ Christmas ♪ 1389 01:18:48,712 --> 01:18:52,223 ♪ There's a Santa Claus I know ♪ 1390 01:18:52,223 --> 01:18:55,451 ♪ Coming through the snow ♪ 1391 01:18:55,451 --> 01:18:58,677 ♪ Always waiting here ♪ 1392 01:18:58,677 --> 01:19:02,440 ♪ And me, I know what I can see ♪ 1393 01:19:02,440 --> 01:19:05,569 ♪ A reindeer in the sky ♪ 1394 01:19:05,569 --> 01:19:09,830 ♪ Red-nosed reindeer so bright ♪ 1395 01:19:09,830 --> 01:19:14,830 ♪ Are you a criminal or virgin ♪ 1396 01:19:15,189 --> 01:19:20,142 ♪ Getting silver or a lump of coal ♪ 1397 01:19:20,142 --> 01:19:24,846 ♪ You may get nothing if you knew the truth ♪ 1398 01:19:24,846 --> 01:19:27,362 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1399 01:19:27,362 --> 01:19:29,376 ♪ Happy New Year ♪ 1400 01:19:29,376 --> 01:19:34,376 ♪ I wanna kill you ♪ 1401 01:19:35,469 --> 01:19:38,003 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1402 01:19:38,003 --> 01:19:40,115 ♪ Happy New Year ♪ 1403 01:19:40,115 --> 01:19:45,115 ♪ I wanna kill you ♪ 1404 01:19:46,086 --> 01:19:54,003 ♪ I wanna kill you ♪