0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 INDOXXI Support dengan like & share :) 1 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,127 "One day the sun cast onto the world 2 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,483 to show its image in different light. 3 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,165 All the lines were in place 4 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,120 but in between no shape or shades, 5 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:05,729 just shadows of the past cast against an aging brain, 6 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:10,761 - fading with the sunset's dying rays... - [man coughs] 7 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,328 Wiping away all trace of yesterday. 8 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,483 [scattered applause] 9 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,200 [woman] Does anyone have any questions for the author? 10 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,002 [grunts] 11 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:27,171 ♪♪ [ethereal] 12 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,009 [phone ringing] 13 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,361 Hey, Dad. 14 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,409 Oh, hey. 15 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,244 Can you turn down the music? 16 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,042 What? 17 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,565 The music, can you turn it down? 18 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,289 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 19 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,810 - ♪♪ [stops] - Sorry. 20 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,091 So, your super told me 21 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,164 that they shut your power off. 22 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,243 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 23 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,484 Why didn't you pay the bill? 24 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,769 Oh, because I'm through with that. I don't need to do that anymore. 25 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,729 I'm going off the map. 26 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:27,846 What does that mean? 27 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,651 It means that I am through with the whole system. 28 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,091 What whole system? 29 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,810 The whole manmade system. 30 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,604 I quit my job. 31 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,125 I'm not paying bills. 32 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,441 You quit your job? 33 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,523 Yeah. Yeah, I escaped it. 34 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,608 How... How are you gonna eat? 35 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,802 No-no, I don't need to pay for food anymore. 36 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,724 I realized that. 37 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,882 I can get free milk at Starbucks. 38 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,361 - I can get free ketchup at McDonald's. - Ketchup? 39 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:59,805 Yeah, the body can survive on ketchup alone just for a long time. 40 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,769 At least until the apocalypse. 41 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,321 Hey Marco, I'm going to stop by tomorrow, 42 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,840 and I'm gonna bring you some food. 43 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,810 No-no, I don't need food. I'm fine with ketchup. 44 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,800 - Just be at your apartment... - Don't do that. 45 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,046 Listen to me! Listen to me! 46 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,043 - Be at your apartment at 6:00. - I won't be there. 47 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,646 I'll be there. I'll see you then. Bye. 48 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,727 - They call me Luna. - Luna! 49 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,850 Because my mind moves in tune with the lunar shifts. 50 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,490 They call me a lunatic... 51 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,682 because my biological clock's a time bomb 52 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,605 that ticks down to the minute the full moon's lit. 53 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,322 And I just got out of the loony bin, 54 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,249 and I haven't been taking my medication, 55 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,364 so I'm about as unstable as if nitro raped glycerin. 56 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,648 [cheering] 57 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,565 More insane than Batman's Riddler if Jim Carrey had played him 58 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,131 without taking his Ritalin. 59 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,681 I'll leave you riddles sicker than a crossword puzzle 60 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,001 written by Jack The Ripper. 61 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,083 Full of clues as to how I'm gonna kill you 62 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,607 which I will do right before you figure it out 63 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,206 so I can stick it on the ground next to your dead body 64 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,850 and let the detectives finish filling it out! 65 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,607 [crowd whooping] 66 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,408 [Carla] "The fire went out... 67 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,722 black, not even the smoke 68 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,804 to sniff up the memory of last night's wild sight 69 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,928 and resurrect its magic back, 70 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,647 sun-burnt on the tip of a matchstick with one flick of God's finger, 71 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,882 as all eternal blows out... Lost in shadows... 72 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,202 Surround my lips like vicious flint with thrilled flicks licked with silk... 73 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,407 It's going up in flames... 74 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,891 As my spirit spreads! 75 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,610 - Get away my brains like stretching... - [fire burning] 76 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,920 Chain... Can't have wings... 77 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,889 Wildfires rising high in my eyes... 78 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,041 So wild... 79 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,407 Fire irises. 80 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,965 [woman laughs] 81 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,766 I'm a flame. 82 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,201 - I'm a flame! - [laughter] 83 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:13,841 [voices whispering] 84 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,762 [doorbell rings] 85 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,206 - Hey. - Hi. 86 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,521 - You okay? - Yeah. 87 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,682 - Can I come in? - Yeah. Yeah, come in. 88 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,164 You know it's almost 1:00 in the morning? 89 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,010 Shouldn't you be sleeping? 90 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,049 - I'm sorry. - That's okay. 91 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,287 What's wrong? 92 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,845 I just wanted to talk. 93 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,447 Oh. Well, sure. 94 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,762 Can we look at some photo albums? 95 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,564 Now? [chuckles] 96 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,722 W-Why do you want to do that? 97 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,484 Just to talk about the past. 98 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,808 I just don't know where they are, honey. 99 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,008 - They're lost in a huge pile... - I know where they are. 100 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,730 - I don't think... - I'll find them. 101 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,370 Remember that? 102 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,688 That was right before I got sick. 103 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,605 Remember? 104 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,445 What was I like? 105 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,321 Baby, you don't remember? 106 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,047 No. 107 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,525 You were the same. 108 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,921 Mom, I need you to be honest with me. 109 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,004 You're the only one who knew me back then, 110 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,760 - and I need you... - No. That's not true. 111 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,643 There's a lot of people in your life who knew you then. 112 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,290 What was I doing... 113 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,488 when it happened? 114 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,926 What do you mean? 115 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,566 I mean, the doctors said that something has to trigger it. 116 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,085 - So, what was I doing? - No, no. 117 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:24,800 There was nothing that we could've done. 118 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,370 - It was gonna happen no matter what. - No, no. 119 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,410 N-N-No. I must've done something to trigger it 120 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,324 - because I am not the same person, Mom. - No, you didn't. 121 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,040 - I am not the same. - You are the same. 122 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,923 Would you just please, just stop lying to me! 123 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,209 Okay, Carla, you are acting really hyper right now, 124 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,249 and I-I... Are you sleeping okay? 125 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,209 What's going on? 126 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,284 I'm just trying to figure out who I am, you know, 127 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,767 because I don't feel like myself anymore. 128 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,526 Even when I go off the medication, I don't feel like myself. 129 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,330 Okay, you know what, honey? 130 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,642 I think we need to get Dad because he can really help. 131 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,880 - No-No-No! - No, we should. 132 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,207 No, Mom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I won't yell again. 133 00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,691 - Please don't get Dad. - Okay, you're right. 134 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,808 Sit down. And I have a really good plan. 135 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,325 Okay, this is my plan. 136 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,641 You're gonna spend the night tonight, 137 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,643 and then tomorrow morning, first thing, 138 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,480 we'll go to the hospital and get your file. 139 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,251 See, they have a file of everything about your illness. 140 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,000 And then you can learn anything you want. 141 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,530 You can ask anything. Okay? 142 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,365 We'll figure all this out. Okay? 143 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,648 I hate it when you look at me like that. 144 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,962 Like what? How am I looking at you? 145 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,209 Like I'm crazy. 146 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,641 I'm not looking at you like you're crazy, honey. 147 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,491 No, you're looking at me like you don't even recognize me. 148 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,644 - No. Honey, I love you. - No. 149 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,440 - You miss that person that I used to be. - No, please don't leave. 150 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,610 Donald! 151 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:53,602 Hey, what happened to your apartment? 152 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:54,761 What do you mean? 153 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,486 I mean, your books are all over the floor. 154 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:04,170 Yeah, I decided that I liked it better this way. 155 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,211 You know, you can see all the titles way more easily. 156 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:12,729 You know, and they're all placed in different, specific locations. 157 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,961 It actually works out really great 158 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,441 because you can just walk up to any one of them, you know? 159 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,331 You can walk up to any book you want at any time, just sit down. 160 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,451 And there's a good variety of reading environments. 161 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:28,322 I don't know. It just seems stupid, somehow, 162 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:32,087 to just want to put a bunch of books together in one place. 163 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,322 That just seems like in-the-box thinking to me. 164 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,130 - Do you know what I mean? - Hm. 165 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,806 - How you sleeping? - Good. 166 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,885 I just lie down and sleep. It's good. 167 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,769 That all works out. 168 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,284 Been taking your medication? 169 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,767 Um... mm... 170 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,247 I found that they really weren't working for me, you know, 171 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,446 kind of constricted my emotions, you know, like a dried-up ocean. 172 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,046 That wasn't the potion. [chuckles] 173 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,366 Don't give me the lotion. 174 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:10,161 I just, yeah, it just didn't work, so I stopped. 175 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,685 I stopped. 176 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,365 You know what I found works, though? 177 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,170 - What's that? - Marijuana, Mama. 178 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,120 - You're smoking marijuana? - Yeah, it actually really helps. 179 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,851 You know, it works way better than the medication. 180 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,161 Isn't that interesting? 181 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,291 I mean, I guess it has something to do with my particular brain chemistry, 182 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,602 something about that works. 183 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,091 Do you smoke a lot of marijuana? 184 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,245 Depends on how long I'm awake for. You know? 185 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,807 Lately I haven't needed as much sleep, so... 186 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,008 [laughs] I guess I have to up my dosage. 187 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,764 Tomorrow morning, let's go... let's go to Dr. Lyons, 188 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,201 and we'll ask him and just hear what he thinks about that. 189 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:51,365 - Who cares what he thinks? - He's an expert on your illness. 190 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,204 - He'll know... - I don't have an illness. 191 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,680 - Come on... - Why are you bringing Dr. Lyons into this? 192 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,006 - There's nothing wrong with... - Let's just... 193 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,242 Wait! That... what is... 194 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,880 - He's an expert on your medication. - No, he's not a fucking expert! 195 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,280 He's a goddamned Nazi! 196 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,487 He doesn't fucking know 197 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:06,920 - what he's talking about, okay? - Okay. 198 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,650 Listen. I don't have an illness. 199 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,964 Why don't you just, please, come home with me tonight. 200 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,884 Come home? 201 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,520 - Home? - Home. Yeah. 202 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,641 Right? 203 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,325 Is she there? 204 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,088 - Where is she? - Who? 205 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,407 Mom? 206 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:35,090 She left because she's ill. 207 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,526 She's ill. She... 208 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,330 Why do you keep saying that? 209 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,450 She couldn't stand that! And you know what happened? 210 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,204 - She fucking got away. - Okay. 211 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,931 You know why? Because she's a genius. 212 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,003 She's a fucking genius. 213 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,924 Why couldn't you see that? 214 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,771 Okay. 215 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,160 Count to ten. 216 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,002 Remember how she used to do that? Remember? 217 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,162 Do you remember this? 218 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,442 - Okay, count to ten. - Oh, come on. 219 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,648 - Just count to ten. Ready? - Yeah. 220 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,211 Okay. 221 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,805 - One. - One. 222 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,610 - Two. - Nine. 223 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,603 - Three. - Eight. 224 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,000 - Four. - Seven. 225 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,810 Five. 226 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,243 Six. Seven. 227 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,607 Eight. Nine. 228 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,404 You're it! 229 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,164 Oh, Marco, no-no! 230 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,969 - [door closes] - Fuck! 231 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,406 Hi. I was a patient here, and I need a copy of my file. 232 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,200 I know you're obligated to give it to me. 233 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,362 - Yes. What's your name? - Carla. Lucia. 234 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,966 L-U-C-I-A. It's right there. That one. 235 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,724 Can you wait just one moment? 236 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,528 [sighs] 237 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,767 Hi. I'm Dr. Strinsky. 238 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,367 - Hi. - Hi. 239 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,451 I wonder if I could ask what you want your records for? 240 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,488 I don't have to tell you. I know my rights. 241 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,369 Oh, you're right. You don't have to tell me. 242 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,521 It's just that I... 243 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,648 it seems like you're upset about something, 244 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,327 - and I just want to make sure that... - No, I just want a copy of my file. 245 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,323 Sure. You can come in my office, 246 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,280 and I'll sit and if you have any questions and I can clarify anything, 247 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,602 I'll answer your questions. 248 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,811 It seems it began in college. 249 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,087 No. 250 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,163 I was great in college. 251 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,084 I did my best writing in college. 252 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,766 I could write all night and then go party with my friends. 253 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,082 I mean, I had tons of friends. 254 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,962 I mean, I had these incredibly deep relationships with people. 255 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,010 That was probably your illness surfacing. 256 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,085 What? 257 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:56,844 Sleeping less, being more personable, more creative, wild. 258 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,241 Those are the beginnings of the illness. 259 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,165 You were just walking up to the edge. 260 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,284 Do you recognize this? 261 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,524 It's a poem you wrote. 262 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,251 "Please, God, let me feel what you feel. 263 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:19,769 I will stare up into the sky with wide open eyes 264 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,888 until you burn through my irises 265 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,691 and touch my mind with your fire. 266 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,847 - I went to the desert. - Yeah. 267 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:33,130 And you left this on your desk before you went. 268 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,166 And then you forced your eyes open and stared into the sun. 269 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,929 Is that what triggered it? 270 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,965 [chattering on police radio] 271 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,526 Uh-uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh. 272 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,765 Hello, 911? I'm being held here unlawfully at a police station... 273 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,163 That was your one call. 274 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,891 But I didn't call outside the station, so it doesn't count. 275 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:13,881 Hm. 276 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,486 I don't belong here. This is a hospital for sick people. 277 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,369 I'm not sick. 278 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,046 I can understand why you'd be here. You look very sick to me. 279 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,686 There's no life in your face. 280 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,400 You look like you're about to tip over. 281 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,967 And if you ask me, you know, you don't need electroshock therapy. 282 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,169 You need some jumper cables attached to a Mack truck 283 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,403 to latch to your face to light up those dull eyes of yours. 284 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,528 Do you think your mind is sane right now? 285 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,688 More than yours. 286 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:45,609 Spreading messages in graffiti about the end of the human race... 287 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,603 that doesn't seem sane to me. 288 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,128 Well, you're human, so you're biased. 289 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,048 Do a lot of people read these messages? 290 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,964 Everyone. 291 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,600 Well, how do you know? 292 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,967 Because of my online fan base. 293 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,922 Would you mind showing that to me? 294 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,121 Here. 295 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,410 There. You see that? 296 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,769 106 million people. 297 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:30,609 No, see, that number is the number of people in the entire network. 298 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:36,369 Actually, only 119 people have seen your page. 299 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:37,931 - What? - See? 300 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,089 Marco, there's a lot of things to figure out. 301 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,209 Why don't you let me help you? 302 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,727 [Carla] Carla Lucia to check out. 303 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,001 I'm sorry. 304 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,083 You can't be released until the doctors think you're okay. 305 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,241 - What? - You can have... 306 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,041 No. I signed myself in voluntarily last night. 307 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,565 - Yes, I know, but... - You can't keep me here. 308 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,330 - You're still not allowed to be released... - No, you can't keep... 309 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,200 - Call my mom. Call her. - She's on her way. 310 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,084 Listen. She's on her way with your clothes. 311 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,127 - Good morning, Paul. - It is a good morning. 312 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,123 You know what would make a really good morning, though? 313 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,361 What? 314 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,091 You slip some Adderall into my cup instead of Seroquel, 315 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,641 which is understandable because it is kind of the same color. 316 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,922 You know, especially with pre-coffee eyesight? 317 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,162 None of those cameras are gonna see anything. 318 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,200 And you don't have manic eyes, know what I mean? 319 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,483 Oh, yeah. I think the last thing you need is Adderall. 320 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,009 - Okay. Think about it. - And, down. 321 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,607 - Think about it for lunchtime. - No. Let me see. Let's see. 322 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,444 Thank you. 323 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,123 This is the idea of the apocalypse, is a new beginning. 324 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,960 - Gary. - Yes, but you don't understand... 325 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,002 - What? - I'm graduating you. 326 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,168 What? That's great. 327 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:11,481 How did... 328 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,564 - That's... Hey, thanks, man. - Hey. 329 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,200 I'm just trying to tell you what I see in the cards. 330 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,283 Are we the first people to tell you that you're gonna die? 331 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:20,805 - No, but the fact that... - I'm really sorry to be 332 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,803 - the bearer of bad news. - You're scaring him. Please stop. 333 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,485 You don't have to shoot the messenger here. 334 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,768 Let's play some strip poker! 335 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,161 [laughter] 336 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,051 [man] All right, guys. 337 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,250 We have two new people joining us today, Emily and Marco. 338 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:37,566 I go by Luna. 339 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,850 Okay. This your nickname? 340 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,047 It's my poet's name. 341 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,646 Okay. Great. 342 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,243 So, how's everyone feeling? 343 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,360 All right, Gary, why don't we start with you. 344 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,448 What's on your mind this morning? 345 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,209 The apocalypse. 346 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,361 Okay. 347 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:02,128 Do those sound like rational or irrational fears? 348 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,566 Anyone? 349 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,165 Irrational. 350 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,163 All right, Luna, 351 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,529 tell Gary why his fears are irrational. 352 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,720 Gary... 353 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,202 you don't need to be afraid of the apocalypse 354 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,811 because... 355 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,611 it's gonna happen, no matter what. 356 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,603 In fact, it's already happening. 357 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,047 - [man] Luna. - What? 358 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,526 The world's not going to end. 359 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,524 Maybe not the world, but the human race is. 360 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,604 Gary, don't worry. The human race isn't going to end. 361 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:37,886 Of course it is. 362 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,161 What, you think it's a coincidence 363 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,483 that Nostradamus and the Mayans both predicted that? 364 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,086 No. They saw where the planet was going. 365 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,481 They saw everyone around them cutting down more and more trees. 366 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,211 They saw humanity becoming a disease. 367 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:52,240 Do you know what the definition of a disease is? 368 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,125 It's when a single organism becomes so overgrown 369 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,611 that it's a menace to the whole. 370 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,366 And do you know what happens when a disease threatens 371 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,722 the overall holistic balance in Nature? 372 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,211 It develops antibodies. 373 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,050 Okay, we're descending into some place 374 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,880 that we don't really need to go right now. 375 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,440 [Marco] I didn't mean anything by it. 376 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,005 Well, you're upsetting Gary. 377 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,204 Well, maybe now, but don't you think that it's better in the long run 378 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,727 - for him to know the truth? - It's not the truth. 379 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,771 Why don't you just apologize to Gary for upsetting him? 380 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,047 Gary, I'm sorry that I upset you. 381 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,726 I didn't mean to scare you. 382 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,689 There's nothing to be upset about 383 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,243 because just think of it like ridding the earth of a disease. 384 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,640 Don't you want that? 385 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,804 Don't you think that's a little selfish? 386 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,325 - Luna. - What? 387 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,126 You were doing great. You were doing great. 388 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,765 Maybe you went a little far. 389 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,366 How did I go... That's why I'm apologizing. 390 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,010 Okay, we're just trying to keep it simple. 391 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,560 - That's why I'm apologizing. - Yeah, just a simple apology. 392 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,729 - You'll never graduate this way, Luna. - What are you talking about? 393 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,928 Yeah. 394 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,683 - What is that? - Those are the marks. 395 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,969 There's still some more to learn, I guess, isn't there? 396 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,167 His thoughts are fine. 397 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,129 Let's just imagine ourselves, for a minute... 398 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,281 I think it's okay to... 399 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,126 - Everybody here knows how to share. - Could you please just stop? 400 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:17,160 You have an opinion on what's being said here? 401 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,206 It's your first day here, 402 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,125 and you're alienating yourself from the entire group. 403 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,521 Are you saying that I should hide what I think 404 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,648 in order to become part of a group? 405 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,481 No. 406 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,881 Why are you looking at the group? 407 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,361 - I'm not! - Yeah, you are. 408 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,521 Why are you lying? 409 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,120 - I'm not lying! - Why are you lying? 410 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,366 - I'm not lying. - Why are you lying? 411 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,363 And it seems we've reached an impasse. 412 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,569 And we'll just take a couple of minutes to cool down, three minutes, 413 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,121 and we'll come back to the circle. Okay? 414 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,964 It's all right. No touching, please. 415 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:02,281 - Luna, why don't you color? - Because I'm uninspired. 416 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,721 Okay, why don't you take a look at the books on the shelf. 417 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,683 Maybe they'll give you some inspiration. 418 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,723 Here we go. 419 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,120 Van Gogh. 420 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,288 Top member of the Bipolar Club. 421 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:21,926 You see this? 422 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,610 - Yes, it's beautiful. - Yeah, that's right. 423 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,569 - You know why? - Why? 424 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,200 Because it's the painting of the sky he saw 425 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,204 from his sanitarium window while he was manic. 426 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,044 - Really? - Yeah. 427 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,804 You don't believe me? Go look it up. 428 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:35,961 I believe you. 429 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,724 Well, when you go out tonight, 430 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,247 and you look at the sky and you see how dull it is, 431 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,687 think about if you would've medicated Van Gogh. 432 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,401 Luna. 433 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,289 What kind of poetry do you do? 434 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:54,601 Rap. 435 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,091 - You rap? - Yeah. 436 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,170 When I first went manic, I just started rhyming compulsively, 437 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,085 but, you know, that's a textbook manic symptom. 438 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,720 - Really? - Yeah. 439 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,008 You don't believe me? Go look it up. 440 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,686 Can you show us some? 441 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:12,571 Give me a word. 442 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:14,606 [Carla] Anti-Christ. 443 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,329 I fancy the delight... 444 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,364 of what it might be like 445 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,847 to be thought of as the Anti-Christ. 446 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,170 Anti-body to humanity. 447 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,203 Because, God damn it, 448 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,562 if you handed me the planet, 449 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,121 I'd give it such an apocalyptic rinse 450 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,971 - that would rid it of these lice. - How about shameless? 451 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,008 I'm so shameless, 452 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,527 I have no chains of shame to restrain 453 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,921 what I do or say or think, 454 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,970 afraid that people might be ashamed of it. 455 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,326 Alone. 456 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,401 I may be alone, 457 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,370 but at least I don't feel alone 458 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,130 with the closest people I know 459 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,931 because I changed myself into something fake 460 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,730 to gain the group's praise 461 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,723 till I don't even know my own soul, 462 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:14,961 which, if you ask me, 463 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:17,441 is the loneliest state of being alone. 464 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,686 Is that it? 465 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,521 No more words? 466 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,763 I see, you'd rather read that? What is that, real poetry? 467 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,166 [laughs] 468 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:37,321 Let's see. 469 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,448 - Hey. Hey. - Luna. 470 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,251 "The sun shined as bright as its flame could blaze..." 471 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,481 - I'm getting the doctor! - Okay! Okay! 472 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:44,920 Oh! Oh-oh! 473 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,970 - "Trying so hard each day to reach down..." - Would you stop it! 474 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,122 - "And touch each face." - Stop it! 475 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:54,649 "But they all turned away, bitterly squinting, wincing, 476 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,610 so no matter how much it reached out to the human race, 477 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,526 it knew it would always be estranged." 478 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,644 We are all bipolar. Sometimes it's like a molar. 479 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,371 You wanna take it out, you want to be better. 480 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,045 So, don't sweat the weather. 481 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,526 Check out the solar power. 482 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:49,806 It's the rhyming hour. 483 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,770 The first card is the symbol cradle. 484 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,281 Don't worry, it's the symbol of life, nothing fatal. 485 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,649 I'm gonna strap you down and stick one of these nurses' syringes into you. 486 00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:59,921 That doesn't rhyme. 487 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,402 [Marco] Don't even stop to think about it. Just let it all go. You be the vessel. 488 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,130 Okay, that's where the best stuff just happens. 489 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,044 Just let it in and spit it out. 490 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,407 But good, though. 491 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,568 - You graduated, Luna. - What? 492 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,603 [laughter] 493 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,481 [cheering] 494 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,649 [male patient] You're one level higher. Yeah. 495 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,531 - Couldn't sleep? - No. 496 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,729 - Want something to help? - No, I'm just gonna go to the art room. 497 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,086 Can't sleep? 498 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:12,401 No. 499 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,204 So Emily, 500 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,045 can I ask you what your full fake name is? 501 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,002 Emily Lowell. 502 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,481 Is that Emily Dickinson and Robert Lowell? 503 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,088 Those are good poets. 504 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,200 Do you know they were both bipolar? 505 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,807 You think every great artist was bipolar. 506 00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:59,650 It's fine if it helps you. 507 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,482 "We of the craft are all crazy..." 508 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:09,722 "Some are affected by gaiety, others with melancholy. 509 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,403 But all are more or less touched." 510 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:16,886 You know who said that? 511 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,124 Lord Byron. 512 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,571 One of the greatest manic-depressive poets of all time. 513 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:34,324 It's in the opening to this book, Touched with Fire by Kay Jamison. 514 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,131 She's a psychologist, 515 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:42,161 and when she was first starting out, 516 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:47,850 she, out of nowhere, had this manic episode. 517 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,571 It scared her. 518 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,286 So she tried to keep it a secret. 519 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,727 But then... something changed. 520 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,205 She decided to write books about it. 521 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,762 She did all this research, and she found all these crazy connections 522 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,083 between bipolar and artistic genius 523 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,443 all through history, all over the world. 524 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,251 Instead of being ashamed of it... 525 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,684 she made it a gift. 526 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,531 You know, when people go to see The Nutcracker... 527 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,005 and they look over at their kids and they see their eyes light up 528 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,960 when the world turns to magic at night... 529 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,126 they'll know that the music that Tchaikovsky composed 530 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:44,808 was enriched by his bipolar, and not think of it as just a disease. 531 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,004 [woman] When I look at the river, I mean, 532 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,367 that's a symbol for two things coming together. 533 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,411 That could be the end of a journey, or two people. 534 00:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,607 Anything else? 535 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,286 Well, I mean, you can have more if you want more. 536 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,680 There's a house. [chuckles] 537 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,808 [muttering] 538 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,241 Yeah, Luna, I just told Emily's fortune. 539 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,243 Huh? 540 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,448 - Come on, I want to hear yours. - [man] Put 'em together. 541 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,045 - Take a seat. - What? 542 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,929 [Carla] She wants to read your cards. 543 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,202 [woman] She got a moon. [laughs] 544 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,010 You got a moon? 545 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,566 That's interesting. 546 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,722 [woman] She got two rivers meeting. 547 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,525 Why is it interesting? 548 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,967 You know that we're made up of mostly water? 549 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,083 And the moon pulls water. 550 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,562 Well, that's just the sun that does that. I just reflect it. 551 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,609 [Gary] But when the sun's down, we see the moon. 552 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:47,761 That's the light. 553 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,088 That's true, but that's just the light from the sun 554 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,244 hitting the moon, shining back. 555 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,880 Couldn't sleep again? 556 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,041 No. 557 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,201 Well, that's weird. 558 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,567 It's the same time as last night. 559 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,089 Must be something to do with the moon. 560 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,123 Why did you name yourself Luna? 561 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,530 Because the lunatic looks to the moon as if asking it 562 00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,330 how he got stuck down here. 563 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,328 [Carla] Where are you from? 564 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,371 Yeah, I know you're from the moon, but what about your parents? 565 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,881 [Marco] My father's from here. 566 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,281 My mother's from where I'm from. 567 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,323 She used to wake me in the middle of the night 568 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,608 and take me out to look at the stars. 569 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,367 Imagine jumping from star to star to star. 570 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:02,480 And your dad? 571 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,368 He falls with most dads. 572 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:11,765 They don't like to see their girls... struggle. 573 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,166 So... 574 00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:17,961 I don't see him much. 575 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,806 I guess... I guess I make him sad. 576 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,524 We're not from here, you and me. 577 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,491 Feels like that. 578 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:35,680 [Carla] How'd you get stuck here? 579 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,286 It's embarrassing. 580 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:45,323 - Tell you, if you tell me. - Okay, you tell me first. 581 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,047 Okay. 582 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,330 You forced your eyes opened, and stared into the sun. 583 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,050 Is that what triggered it? 584 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,646 You know what? 585 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,002 We're both really exhausted. 586 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,003 I know I am. 587 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,925 There's no way that we're going to get through all this tonight. 588 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:08,045 You should spend the night, and first thing in the morning, 589 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,487 we'll go over all of this in detail. 590 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,405 Sign this and check yourself in, 591 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,122 and we will do a thorough examination of your case 592 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,084 first thing in the morning. 593 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,640 You accidentally checked yourself into a mental institution? 594 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:23,886 - Just for one night. - No. 595 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,724 For one night. 596 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,645 [laughing] 597 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,123 - It's not that funny. - It's stupid. [laughing] 598 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,362 Okay. 599 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,010 Now it's your turn. 600 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,846 I climbed to the top of a building. 601 00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:52,210 I looked up to the moon... 602 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,248 asking it to take me home. 603 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,521 And all of a sudden... 604 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:10,202 I felt this light shining on my face. 605 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,564 And I thought, "My God. 606 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:17,645 It's working. 607 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,966 I get to go home." 608 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,204 And... 609 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,407 Know what? 610 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:52,931 You know, maybe... 611 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,923 Maybe you're right. 612 00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:08,164 I mean, maybe we are aliens. 613 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,685 You, too? 614 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:13,126 Maybe. 615 00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:25,131 Lunatic mind ticks in sync with lunar time. 616 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,802 The more the moon pulls the tides, the more it lifts our minds, 617 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,803 and the more the sunlight shines on the moon, 618 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,405 the more manic we become. 619 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,481 This is a normal brain, lit up just in a few places. 620 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:59,129 But this, this is a manic brain, fully lit. 621 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,964 That's what you call illumination. 622 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,325 - [Marco] It's the sages. - [Carla] I know. 623 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,246 It's the prophets through the ages who know about the gods. 624 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,722 The prophets, when they were manic, that was when 625 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,406 they were almost reaching full illumination. 626 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,289 And that was right before they died. 627 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,090 That's the 13th hour. That's what you're talking about. 628 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:20,924 - Right, that's what I'm saying. - That's illumination. 629 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,003 Look at these pyramids. 630 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,200 They all face the heavens. 631 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,608 This is intricate cosmic mapping, ways out. 632 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,643 These all have to do with escaping 633 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,286 to somehow getting out of the body, this flesh... 634 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,683 Well, they did find certain stones, metals, that absorb energy. 635 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,089 And the metals absorb the heavens 636 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,242 reaching up to the tip of the pyramid to the sun, 637 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:41,965 inviting its light in. 638 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,962 Yes, yeah, put it in. 639 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:57,441 Silverware, silverware. 640 00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,489 Yeah, we need a transmitter. 641 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,001 - These are for the antenna? - Yeah. 642 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:04,969 They'll get out, yeah. 643 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,965 That's not gonna work. What can we use? 644 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:19,530 Use this. 645 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,011 Stick it in there. 646 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,049 I don't know if these things are strong enough. 647 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:24,720 There are four sides to each pyramid. 648 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:26,600 This is a view from... of the third pyramid. 649 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,210 The three pyramids, four sides to each one. 650 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,129 There is 12. 651 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:31,845 - 12 months. - 2012. 652 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,162 - 12 hours. - 12 apostles. 653 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:42,490 Dr. Strinsky doesn't want you two coming out at night anymore. 654 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:44,964 So... 655 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,331 Could I have something to help me sleep? 656 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,442 No reaction. You know what? 657 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,206 The more down-to-earth they are, the deeper they sleep. 658 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,203 Okay. Don't wait, then. 659 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,487 [muttering] 660 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,803 - Okay, no. Yeah. - I'm going to stretch that over. 661 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,009 What if our souls get lost? 662 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:25,525 They won't. 663 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,727 We'll keep each other oriented. 664 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:35,730 What if we lose each other? 665 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,884 If we lose each other, then we come back to our bodies. 666 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,930 Okay, we come back to our bodies, and we remember this. 667 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,122 We remember this map. Okay? 668 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,203 And we remember it's in this book. 669 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,250 And it'll be on this page, all right? 670 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,322 And it'll be right here in the top right corner. 671 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,811 Okay? 672 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,566 Are you ready? 673 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:17,531 Yeah. 674 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,885 The nurses tell me you two have continued to stay up at night together 675 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,008 even after I instructed you not to. 676 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,446 First reports say you stayed up until 4:00 A. M. 677 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,723 And the more recent reports say you haven't slept at all. 678 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,929 So, we're going to move you, Marco, to a different ward. 679 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,082 - Why? - Because you have a bad influence... 680 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,605 - But, why? - No, we don't. 681 00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,922 Is it true that neither of you thinks you're from this planet? 682 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,401 Because we're not from this planet. 683 00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,881 Okay, sit. Where do you think you're from? 684 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,522 - Would someone from your planet do this? - Marco. Sit down. 685 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,047 - You know what? You can't separate... - Would someone from your planet do that? 686 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,804 That's not fair. 687 00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,048 - Would they? - [Carla] Fuck you! 688 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,520 - Don't you go near her. - N-N-No! 689 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:17,607 Marco! Marco! 690 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,450 - Fuck you! - No, Marco! No! 691 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,209 No! No! 692 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,125 - Get them off! - No, you motherfucker! 693 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,643 [screaming] 694 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:39,121 - [screaming] - Hold her... 695 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,285 [Carla groaning] 696 00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,085 [muffled] No! 697 00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:00,844 No! 698 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,767 Let us go home! 699 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,810 Please, let us go home! 700 00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:14,880 We just want to go home. 701 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,369 [George] Why is he so sedated? 702 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,240 [Dr. Strinsky] He was with a female patient, 703 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,561 and they made each other manic. 704 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:37,406 We separated them and they became even more manic. 705 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,009 How long is he going to be like that? 706 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,887 It's not just the medication. 707 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:50,046 Because the mania got so out of control and he went so high, 708 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,249 he's going to go just as low with the depression. 709 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,170 It's going to be severe. 710 00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,570 It'll be about six months. 711 00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:03,884 We would keep him here, but the hospital just can't afford it. 712 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,566 I suggest that he live with you for a while. 713 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,764 [exhales] 714 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:24,121 [sighs] 715 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:34,968 [light breathing] 716 00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,844 [George] Wake up. Made you dinner. 717 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,091 Taken a shower? 718 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,685 [scraping grows louder] 719 00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:33,001 [Sara] Just take a bath? 720 00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,327 [Carla] Yeah. 721 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:38,131 Didn't you take one, like, four hours ago? 722 00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:40,565 It's the same one. 723 00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:43,451 You've been in the tub for four hours? 724 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:46,931 It comforts me. 725 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:36,921 [George] Oh. 726 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:39,485 I didn't see you there. 727 00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:42,686 How you feelin'? 728 00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:44,766 Same. 729 00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,088 Meet me on the other side. 730 00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:33,931 [Carla] What if we lose each other? 731 00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,805 [Marco] If we lose each other, then we come back to our bodies. 732 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,930 Okay, we come back to our bodies, and we remember this. 733 00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,889 We remember this map, okay? 734 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:12,968 [chattering] 735 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,000 Yo, yo, I got another joke. I got another joke. 736 00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,805 [Marco] I was a patient here, back in the fall. 737 00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,122 There was this girl who was in my ward. 738 00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,169 I don't have her contact information. 739 00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,688 Yeah, we can't give out patient's information, 740 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,968 for confidentiality reasons. 741 00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,290 Is Dr. Strinsky here? 742 00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:40,885 [Dr. Strinsky] Hey, Carla. 743 00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:43,570 Hey. 744 00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,842 Listen, I know it's hospital policy 745 00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,122 not to give out patient's information, 746 00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,726 but if you hadn't torn us apart, 747 00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:57,809 we would've exchanged information. 748 00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:04,009 I'm sorry, but no matter what, it's out of my hands. 749 00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:13,607 Will you at least tell me if he came looking for me? 750 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,209 No, he didn't. 751 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:20,805 Marco. 752 00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,964 I already told you, I'm not giving you her information. 753 00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,327 Okay. Can you just give her this, if she comes in? 754 00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:27,925 Let me see. 755 00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,649 I'm sorry. I'm not going to give this to her. 756 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,604 But that's not personal information. 757 00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:47,689 That's not against hospital policy. 758 00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,127 It's not just policy, Marco. 759 00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:51,520 You two made each other manic 760 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:53,240 when you were together in the hospital. 761 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,727 It's my professional opinion 762 00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:57,689 that you're not healthy for one another. 763 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:01,811 Have a seat. I'll tell Dr. Strinsky that you're back. 764 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:04,726 What did you think... 765 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:06,649 seeing it up close? 766 00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,763 I thought it was... 767 00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,001 It was cool. 768 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:12,531 What did you think? 769 00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:16,006 I thought it was nice. 770 00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:22,689 You didn't like it, did you? 771 00:56:24,240 --> 00:56:26,208 I guess I just... 772 00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:28,690 It wasn't... 773 00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,964 Do you remember what this looked like when we were in the hospital? 774 00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:46,648 [Dr. Lyons] You've just come out of the depression. 775 00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:51,283 You haven't been in a physical relationship for quite a while. 776 00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,522 - It's understandable. - No, it's not just that. 777 00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:57,446 I don't feel the emotion that I should feel for her. 778 00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:01,207 Well, you won't have the passion you had when you were manic. 779 00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:04,364 You're going to have to learn to live within a normal range of emotions. 780 00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:06,568 This isn't a normal range. 781 00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:09,609 I don't feel anything. 782 00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:15,847 You've lived in emotional extremes for so long, 783 00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,401 you've no way of knowing what normal feels like. 784 00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,000 And it's going to take you some time to learn. 785 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:25,764 [Carla] Okay. Okay. 786 00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,369 I've been calling. Why didn't you pick up? 787 00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,010 I'm sorry... 788 00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,367 You know, I'm still not comfortable with you living on your own. 789 00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:37,760 So that might worry me a little bit. 790 00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:39,251 - Mom... - What, you're... 791 00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,402 Do you think maybe I could come and visit you tomorrow? 792 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:42,971 You're not going to let me come in? 793 00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:45,049 Well, I'm just... Well, I'm... 794 00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:46,531 - You know how... - Please, sweetie, I just... 795 00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,286 just let me in or I'm not going to sleep tonight. 796 00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:53,329 - Mom... - Oh. 797 00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:55,642 - Hello. - Hello. 798 00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,410 Who's that? 799 00:58:58,400 --> 00:58:59,731 Come on in. 800 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,446 Marco, this is my mom. 801 00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:05,801 - Hello. - Mom, this is Marco. 802 00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:07,291 Hello. 803 00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:09,562 - Wow. Very nice to meet you. - Hi. 804 00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:10,960 Nice to meet you. 805 00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:15,004 We were just reading Touched with Fire. 806 00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,288 - It's a great book. Do you know it? - No. 807 00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:18,965 Really? Carla never told you about it? 808 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,203 No. So how do you two know each other? 809 00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:23,964 - Oh... - He's a poet. 810 00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:29,251 Um... 811 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,650 I'm hungry. 812 00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,609 Do you guys want to go get some food? 813 00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:35,967 - I'd love that. - Great. 814 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:37,531 I'm not really hungry. 815 00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,170 Well, at least come along for the conversation. 816 00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:40,401 You don't have to eat. 817 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,131 If anything, your mouth will be more free to talk. 818 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:44,520 Do you like spicy food? 819 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,963 I don't know. Maybe. 820 00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,600 - I know this place that has a really... - You know, I'm tired. 821 00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:53,081 Oh, really? Why do you think you're tired? 822 00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,208 I kinda just want to stay in. 823 00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,165 Okay. Well, maybe we could pick up something 824 00:59:58,360 --> 00:59:59,521 for you and bring it back. 825 00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:02,365 No, I just... I'll come back another time if you're tired. 826 01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:04,284 Are you ashamed of me? 827 01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:06,010 - What? - Are you ashamed of me? 828 01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:08,089 No. What are you talking about? 829 01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:09,605 Why didn't you tell her? 830 01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:13,965 I don't know. 831 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,881 I guess I'm just afraid of... of them tearing us apart. 832 01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:24,883 They can't tear us apart. 833 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,524 We have to tell them. 834 01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:34,321 Okay. 835 01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:36,488 So, I just... 836 01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:40,122 I want to orient myself, if you don't mind. 837 01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:44,803 My wife, you know, Sara, had updated me a little 838 01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:46,803 on the background of the situation. 839 01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,760 You met Carla in the hospital? 840 01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:56,051 - That's right. - We met in, well, group therapy. 841 01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:59,363 They... We have to do group therapy every day. 842 01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:01,568 That's nice that you were able to connect in that environment. 843 01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,046 [Marco] Yeah, absolutely. 844 01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:05,965 And, but right... 845 01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:10,364 This was right before you both went manic. 846 01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,005 When you have this illness, you... 847 01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,369 actually go manic before you go into the hospital, Dad. 848 01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:21,522 Oh, of course. Well, that's true. 849 01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:24,286 I'm sorry. No, I meant the... but right after you met, 850 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:26,488 then what would we say, you went more manic. 851 01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:28,483 - More. - It did increase, is it... 852 01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:31,371 Well, we brought out each other's nature, if that's what you're driving at. 853 01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:33,600 - So you... - I guess that's one way of putting it... 854 01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:36,763 You admit that you bring out each other's illness, right? 855 01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:41,443 No, I'm saying that it's our nature to feel things more deeply 856 01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,204 than what's considered normal. 857 01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:44,805 And not... That's really not what... 858 01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:48,407 I understand it, that it's sort of not a norm. 859 01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:50,040 I understand that it's an illness... 860 01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,891 I don't think we should get caught up, if I may, 861 01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,725 just on whether it's a disease or nature or something. 862 01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,962 I think the point is, and the reason we're here, 863 01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,805 is, you both have it, 864 01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:04,043 and I guess we're just concerned 865 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,208 that you might be a bad influence on each other. 866 01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:07,407 That's it. 867 01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:10,211 Well, but because we both share it, 868 01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,330 we're the only ones that can relate to each other. 869 01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,289 It's beautiful. 870 01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:17,010 Well, I understand that. 871 01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:18,730 Excuse me, but you understand that? 872 01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:20,729 The doct... remember, the doctors told us? 873 01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:23,161 I mean, let's face it. 874 01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:25,846 You know, if they signed up for a dating website, 875 01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:27,445 you know, and they put down "mentally ill," 876 01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:30,001 it's not like they're going to attract a whole lot of people saying, 877 01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,481 "Oh, that's my soul mate." Right? 878 01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:37,242 Maybe this is a chance for them to have a real relationship. 879 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,603 You know, and if they stay on the medication, 880 01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:42,205 quite frankly, I got no problem with that. 881 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:43,760 But that's the whole issue, right? 882 01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:45,569 Mom, can you just listen to him? 883 01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,404 - We can't take the meds. - Mom, just... just listen... 884 01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,801 Okay, well, just as I thought. 885 01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:51,724 - What are you talking about? - You know what I'm talking about. 886 01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:55,168 Marco, listen. You know that it's going to take time 887 01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,721 till you find the right dosage, right? 888 01:02:57,880 --> 01:02:59,564 Even the doctor, the doctor has said 889 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:02,644 that eventually you are going to feel 890 01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:04,569 the wide range of normal emotions. 891 01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:06,609 And how does he know? He's not taking the meds. 892 01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:08,880 The doctor does not take the meds, and you know that. 893 01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,530 So, then I can't just trust him. 894 01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:13,610 I don't think it's such a bad thing 895 01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:17,082 to feel life with the deepest emotion. 896 01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,891 - I don't think that's a problem. - It's an illness. 897 01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:21,201 Well, maybe for you, 898 01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:23,280 because maybe you have a low emotional capacity, 899 01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:25,203 and so to you, it makes you feel sick. 900 01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:26,970 No, I don't have... Wait a minute. 901 01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,361 - I don't have a low emotional capacity. - Wait, it's not an attack. 902 01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:31,204 - I feel things just fine. - I'm sorry. I understand. 903 01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,522 - Mom, you don't have to get upset. - I don't... My only question... 904 01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:35,364 Well, how dare he say that. 905 01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,524 - Okay, as an example, if you... - He's just talking. 906 01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,842 ...like, how many hours do you spend a week with your husband? 907 01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:42,530 - Oh, my God. - This is really not gonna... 908 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:43,841 this is not about us, again. 909 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:47,049 - As many hours as any married... - I'd like to answer that. 910 01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:49,043 - Okay. - We spend many hours a week together. 911 01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,407 I would spend every waking moment 912 01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:52,561 - with your daughter. - Okay. I... 913 01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:56,048 So you mean, insanity is love, 914 01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,522 that you have to be crazy to be in love? Is that what you're saying? 915 01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:02,604 That's not what I'm saying. You don't understand, Dad. 916 01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,001 I understand more than you know. 917 01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:09,370 And if you think that there's any romance in being crazy, 918 01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:11,090 you're crazy. 919 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:14,807 No, if you understood, then Mom wouldn't have left. 920 01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:21,404 Your mother, she left because she was sick. 921 01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:24,769 She left because you thought she was sick, 922 01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:26,962 because she was wild. 923 01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:31,569 And you were tame, and you wanted to tame her, Dad. 924 01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:33,842 - So where is her love now? - Dad. 925 01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:35,047 No, really, where is it? 926 01:04:35,200 --> 01:04:37,680 When was the last time you heard from your mother? 927 01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:41,724 - Excuse me. - Oh, my God. 928 01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:46,684 [door closes] 929 01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:50,806 You can't listen to him. He's wrong. You know that. 930 01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:52,962 This is not a gift. It's an illness. 931 01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:54,884 It needs to be treated. 932 01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:56,371 I've gotten you through so much, honey. 933 01:04:56,520 --> 01:04:59,683 You have to trust me right now because sometimes your illness 934 01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,810 doesn't let you think completely clearly. But you've gotta believe me. 935 01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,520 - Carla, please don't... - [Donald] Don't be upset now, come on. 936 01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:52,802 [water bubbling] 937 01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:11,967 [Carla] "We awoke from our sleep and left our sanity beside our bed, 938 01:06:13,160 --> 01:06:16,607 peeled off those sedative sheets... 939 01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:19,491 released our eyelids' grip on their protective lens... 940 01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:24,366 and let the whole miracle in against all defense, 941 01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:26,841 past the shattering glass. 942 01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:37,288 God, grant us that view... 943 01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:40,962 and all its blindness due. " 944 01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:09,405 What is that? 945 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,089 [laughing] 946 01:08:33,440 --> 01:08:36,046 [both gasping] 947 01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:40,722 [groaning] 948 01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:36,923 [Carla] "A child to rise from our fiery seeds, 949 01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:41,051 that burned across our bloodlines for lifetimes, to finally meet. " 950 01:09:41,200 --> 01:09:42,929 [Marco] "And find a face for the first time 951 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:46,607 in the reflection between our locked eyes. 952 01:09:46,760 --> 01:09:50,242 "And in their vision, in a sudden flash of recognition 953 01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:52,880 of our place in the Grand Design, 954 01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:56,766 our child will be let into the gates of creation. " 955 01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:59,531 [Carla] "Touched with both our fires, 956 01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:02,365 to burn twice as high as you and I. " 957 01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:07,048 Hey, Marco, let's give our baby this book 958 01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:10,204 so that when he starts to know what he has, 959 01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:12,124 he's gonna know the beauty in it. 960 01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:15,444 [chop saw grinding] 961 01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:16,886 Hello! 962 01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:20,408 - Hey, how are you? - Joe! 963 01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:22,324 Okay, thanks. 964 01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:25,370 Is Marco here? I'm his father. 965 01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:27,841 Oh, no. I haven't seen him in weeks. 966 01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:29,729 - Weeks? - Yeah. 967 01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:30,961 Okay. 968 01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:36,405 [phone ringing] 969 01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:46,491 I'm going to see what she wants. 970 01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:52,050 Hey, Mom. 971 01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:56,164 Uh, actually, we're busy. 972 01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,163 Oh, really, because I wouldjust... 973 01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:00,607 I would love to just get together with you and Marco 974 01:11:00,760 --> 01:11:03,604 and hear about what you guys are doing. 975 01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:05,569 You know, just clear the air. 976 01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:12,007 - I don't know, Mom... - Honey, I really... 977 01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:13,804 I really want to work things out. I do. 978 01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:16,850 I just... I don't want to not see you because of this. 979 01:11:18,520 --> 01:11:20,807 You know, I don't want to lose you for stupid reasons. 980 01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:22,684 Neither do I. 981 01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:28,571 [doorbell rings] 982 01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:36,770 - Hi, Marco. - Hello. 983 01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:37,967 - How are you? - Hi, Marco. 984 01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:39,770 - Good, how are you? - Good. 985 01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:41,684 - Hi, Marco. - Hello. 986 01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:43,126 - How you doing? - Are you guys hungry? 987 01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:44,964 - We have some... - Oh, you've left the door open. 988 01:11:45,120 --> 01:11:46,770 I'll get that. I'll get that. It's not important. 989 01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:48,570 - Yeah. - Wait a minute. 990 01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:50,802 What are you... What's he doing here? 991 01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:53,566 - Oh, we invited him. - What are you doing here? 992 01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:55,609 - Why? You weren't... - We love you, 993 01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,603 - and we want what's best for you. - What's going on? 994 01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:58,920 - I brought some people. - No. 995 01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,001 - No! Stop! - It's fine. 996 01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:02,120 - No, he doesn't get to come in here. - Calm down. 997 01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:03,730 - It's okay. - N-N-No. Stop! 998 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:05,251 He doesn't get to come in here! 999 01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:06,845 Marco, just calm down, okay? 1000 01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:09,731 You're a danger to yourself and to others. 1001 01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:11,166 You guys need help, okay? 1002 01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:13,084 You're off your meds and you're manic. 1003 01:12:13,240 --> 01:12:16,084 - You need help. - No! Fucking, no! 1004 01:12:16,240 --> 01:12:17,924 Dad, you fucked me! 1005 01:12:18,080 --> 01:12:19,320 You can't fucking do it. 1006 01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:22,240 - Your family loves you... - Dad, I will never fucking forgive you. 1007 01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:23,406 I will never... 1008 01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:25,164 - You fucking sold me down the river. - I'm sorry. 1009 01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:28,443 ...very much. Take a breath, Marco. 1010 01:12:28,600 --> 01:12:30,682 Okay, no, you're right. 1011 01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:35,209 It's okay. All right? 1012 01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:37,886 - Hey. - We'll go, okay? 1013 01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:43,171 - Hey, sweetie. - It's really okay. 1014 01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:44,960 - It's going to be fine. - Don't touch me. 1015 01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:46,286 - No, no, Carla. - Okay, sweetie, I understand. 1016 01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,329 - No! No! - [Carla screams] 1017 01:12:48,480 --> 01:12:49,686 No, don't! 1018 01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:53,129 Fucker! 1019 01:13:18,480 --> 01:13:20,926 [Marco] We have to go away. 1020 01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:23,691 If they find us, they'll stop us from having our child. 1021 01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,524 They won't want us to bring a child like us into the world. 1022 01:13:31,560 --> 01:13:33,130 I understand. 1023 01:13:34,560 --> 01:13:37,245 Well, could you let me know if you hear anything at all? 1024 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,926 Thanks so much. I was really worried. 1025 01:13:46,160 --> 01:13:47,491 This way. 1026 01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,447 [Carla] We should go into the wild where they can't find us. 1027 01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:58,122 We can raise a child there. 1028 01:13:58,280 --> 01:14:00,806 He won't have to grow up going through what we went through. 1029 01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:04,481 He'll be free to live the way he was made to be. 1030 01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:38,442 This is the place. 1031 01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:40,841 This is the place we'll raise our child. 1032 01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:45,121 Everything around him just as wild. 1033 01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,081 [Carla giggling] 1034 01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:20,525 [laughing] 1035 01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:26,524 [yells] 1036 01:15:31,240 --> 01:15:32,924 - [siren blaring] - Oh, shit. 1037 01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:41,725 What are we gonna do? 1038 01:15:45,720 --> 01:15:47,927 - I'm gonna drive in the river. - What? 1039 01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:51,201 We'll have Nature's support. 1040 01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:53,641 [screams] 1041 01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:09,406 I got you. 1042 01:16:58,840 --> 01:17:01,571 First of all, I'd like to say that we were very fortunate 1043 01:17:01,760 --> 01:17:04,331 to catch things as early as we did. 1044 01:17:04,480 --> 01:17:07,927 That's especially true in light of today's news. 1045 01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:10,769 Carla's pregnant. 1046 01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:14,845 And I want everyone here to know that myself 1047 01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:17,446 and the staff here at the hospital are prepared to do 1048 01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:20,809 everything that we possibly can to help her and Marco 1049 01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:23,725 in their transition to the outside world. 1050 01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:26,722 Wow, I really want to be happy about this, 1051 01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:28,450 but I'm sorry, I can't. 1052 01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:29,647 I can't be. 1053 01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:34,124 We promise that we're both gonna take our medication. 1054 01:17:34,280 --> 01:17:37,443 We're both responsible in the situation. 1055 01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:40,126 You know, my daughter means everything to me. 1056 01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:42,487 And I would help you to get a job. 1057 01:17:42,640 --> 01:17:44,688 Thank you. 1058 01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:51,242 - You have your interview tomorrow, right? - Yeah. 1059 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:52,840 You know, I was thinking about that. 1060 01:17:52,880 --> 01:17:55,201 Do you know what I was thinking would be cool? 1061 01:17:56,720 --> 01:17:59,644 Maybe I could walk dogs. 1062 01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:01,689 I'd be out there, I'd be working, you know? 1063 01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:03,842 I'd be, the same time, taking everything in, 1064 01:18:04,000 --> 01:18:05,889 the sounds, the trees, 1065 01:18:06,040 --> 01:18:08,008 the buildings, the... just all of it, 1066 01:18:08,200 --> 01:18:10,282 sort of just absorbing all of that, and then like, 1067 01:18:10,440 --> 01:18:14,604 letting that sort of be infused into my poetry, you know? 1068 01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:16,330 We did tell our parents 1069 01:18:16,480 --> 01:18:18,323 that we were going to try to support ourselves with... 1070 01:18:18,480 --> 01:18:21,529 Exactly. And that's why I'm thinking of things to do. 1071 01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,889 I mean, I just don't know how much you would get paid. 1072 01:18:25,040 --> 01:18:28,965 With the baby we're going to have diapers and blankets 1073 01:18:29,120 --> 01:18:33,284 and food and supplies and school 1074 01:18:33,440 --> 01:18:37,161 and strollers and the rent and, you know, 1075 01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:39,846 - play dates with birthday parties... - Okay, okay. 1076 01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:41,729 - I mean, it's just gonna... - Okay. Okay. 1077 01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:43,450 - You know? - I know. 1078 01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:45,284 You're right. 1079 01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:50,364 [no audible dialogue] 1080 01:18:52,280 --> 01:18:56,842 [muffled chattering] 1081 01:19:02,600 --> 01:19:04,568 [muffled chattering] 1082 01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:07,127 She's like the cutest little roly-poly thing ever. 1083 01:19:07,280 --> 01:19:08,440 - Just want to eat her. - Wow. 1084 01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:10,164 She's like a... 1085 01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:29,171 [chuckles] 1086 01:19:29,320 --> 01:19:30,526 Hey, look. 1087 01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:33,321 That's cool. 1088 01:19:33,480 --> 01:19:35,801 Hey, what do you think if we, like, painted 1089 01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,604 like, a giant mural of Starry Night, 1090 01:19:37,760 --> 01:19:39,364 like, all over the walls? 1091 01:19:39,520 --> 01:19:42,330 I love it. That's a great idea. 1092 01:19:42,480 --> 01:19:43,720 Yeah. 1093 01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:46,161 And then we could, like, fill the ceiling 1094 01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:49,927 with all those glow-in-the-dark stars, you know? 1095 01:19:50,080 --> 01:19:51,320 - Yeah. - Like those stickers. 1096 01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:55,963 Yeah, and maybe we could hang some up here, you know, like a baby-mobile. 1097 01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:58,407 Yeah. And, you know what we could do? 1098 01:19:58,600 --> 01:20:01,729 - We could make, like, constellations. - Yeah. 1099 01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:04,008 And we could, like, invent our own constellations. 1100 01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:06,208 Like, we can, like, go back and forth with it. 1101 01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:09,609 And, like, imagine, like... imagine the three of us, like, all together, 1102 01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:11,569 publishing this, like, big book 1103 01:20:11,720 --> 01:20:15,202 with, like, all of the, like, illustrations of all the different constellations. 1104 01:20:15,360 --> 01:20:17,840 What's wrong? 1105 01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:19,087 Nothing. 1106 01:20:19,240 --> 01:20:21,971 Well, you don't seem that... you don't seem that excited. 1107 01:20:22,120 --> 01:20:23,485 No, I'm really excited. 1108 01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:26,720 You know what I was thinking? 1109 01:20:26,920 --> 01:20:32,370 I was thinking that we could put the bookshelf right there. 1110 01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:33,760 And then we could maybe have... 1111 01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:35,643 - Whoa, wait! That's perfect! - ...a rocking chair right here, right? 1112 01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:37,131 - No, that's perfect. - Isn't that perfect? 1113 01:20:37,280 --> 01:20:38,441 Hang on, I'm gonna get it. 1114 01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:52,920 [chuckles] 1115 01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:55,285 - I love it. - Oh, that reminds me. 1116 01:20:59,240 --> 01:21:01,481 Look. Look-look-look-look-look. 1117 01:21:04,600 --> 01:21:06,568 Remember? 1118 01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:08,324 - Yes. - And. 1119 01:21:12,160 --> 01:21:13,730 The Bible. 1120 01:21:20,200 --> 01:21:21,247 [Marco chuckles] 1121 01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:23,562 - Marco. Marco. - What? 1122 01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:28,649 Have you been taking your medication? 1123 01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:31,850 Uh... 1124 01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:35,366 No. 1125 01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:39,481 No. 1126 01:21:41,640 --> 01:21:43,130 I can't. 1127 01:21:45,840 --> 01:21:48,446 We decided that, you know, we weren't gonna... 1128 01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:50,728 - I know. We did. - ...gonna do anything, 1129 01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:52,922 you know, reckless because I'm pregnant. 1130 01:21:53,080 --> 01:21:55,367 That doesn't mean we have to take the medication. 1131 01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:59,209 I can get him to go back on the meds. 1132 01:21:59,360 --> 01:22:00,771 No, you can't. 1133 01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:02,410 Yes, I can. 1134 01:22:04,280 --> 01:22:05,520 We have to. 1135 01:22:05,680 --> 01:22:08,047 Carla, you can't. 1136 01:22:08,200 --> 01:22:09,486 If he didn't get the message 1137 01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:11,688 after he almost killed the two of you in the river, 1138 01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:13,330 he's not going to get it. 1139 01:22:13,480 --> 01:22:15,448 Then what are you suggesting? 1140 01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:18,251 I don't see how you can stay with him. 1141 01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:23,484 What are you saying? That I shouldn't have this child if... 1142 01:22:23,640 --> 01:22:26,325 I just want to be really clear. Okay? 1143 01:22:26,480 --> 01:22:31,008 You want to raise a child with a psychotic manic parent. 1144 01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:34,960 [paintbrush banging] 1145 01:23:07,840 --> 01:23:09,171 [Marco grunts] 1146 01:23:16,840 --> 01:23:17,921 - [Carla] Hi. - Hi. 1147 01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:19,411 - I'm Carla. - Hi. Kay Jamison. 1148 01:23:19,560 --> 01:23:21,240 - Nice to meet you. - How do you do? Marco. 1149 01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:23,440 - Nice to meet you. - It's such an honor to meet you. 1150 01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:24,971 Well, thank you. 1151 01:23:25,120 --> 01:23:26,640 This is incredible. I have to tell you, 1152 01:23:26,760 --> 01:23:30,731 you know, your books have just been so meaningful to us, 1153 01:23:30,880 --> 01:23:34,851 and they've really helped us through a lot, you know, both Carla and myself. 1154 01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,001 Well, I'm glad. Thank you. 1155 01:23:36,160 --> 01:23:37,764 - Thanks. - Yeah. 1156 01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:42,161 Yeah, so May 1 st, we're due, 1157 01:23:42,320 --> 01:23:45,847 and we know there's certain sacrifices that go along 1158 01:23:46,040 --> 01:23:49,010 with, you know... which... 1159 01:23:49,160 --> 01:23:52,084 Yeah, which you mentioned in terms of taking medication, 1160 01:23:52,240 --> 01:23:53,765 whether or not to take medication 1161 01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:55,962 or whether you are going to take medication. 1162 01:23:56,120 --> 01:23:58,885 My biggest concern is just having a child, 1163 01:23:59,040 --> 01:24:00,326 coming into this world, 1164 01:24:00,480 --> 01:24:03,165 you know, welcoming this new life... 1165 01:24:03,880 --> 01:24:07,680 and it sort of being 1166 01:24:08,360 --> 01:24:12,604 around two people who are duller than they are used to, or... 1167 01:24:12,760 --> 01:24:14,683 When I first was medicated, I was first medicated 1168 01:24:14,840 --> 01:24:15,966 a very long time ago. 1169 01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:18,122 Lithium had just come out on the market. 1170 01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:21,280 I was kept at a very high dose because that's what people did at that time, 1171 01:24:21,400 --> 01:24:24,006 and I did feel somewhat dead, and I resisted it. 1172 01:24:24,200 --> 01:24:25,964 But I'm still on lithium, 1173 01:24:26,160 --> 01:24:28,083 and I don't feel in any way inhibited. 1174 01:24:28,240 --> 01:24:30,083 I just don't know how I'm gonna make... 1175 01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:34,209 how my creativity is going to be affected. 1176 01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:37,648 You're concerned about losing your art and losing your passion. 1177 01:24:37,840 --> 01:24:39,569 Medication's not going to take your personality away. 1178 01:24:39,760 --> 01:24:41,569 It's not going to take your own gift. 1179 01:24:41,760 --> 01:24:43,444 It's a fire when it's out of control. 1180 01:24:43,640 --> 01:24:47,770 And what medication can do is to kind of tamp that down a bit 1181 01:24:47,920 --> 01:24:49,604 without losing that gift. 1182 01:24:49,760 --> 01:24:54,641 It took quite a while for my moods to kind of get in gear. 1183 01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:57,565 I have felt infinitely happier. 1184 01:24:57,720 --> 01:24:59,324 I'm more productive. 1185 01:24:59,480 --> 01:25:03,769 I'm more able to count on myself to produce and write. 1186 01:25:03,920 --> 01:25:07,447 In every aspect of my life it's been a godsend. 1187 01:25:07,600 --> 01:25:09,887 I thought she was really impressive. Was cool, right? 1188 01:25:10,080 --> 01:25:11,525 [Marco] She's weak. 1189 01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:15,410 She didn't have the strength, so she gave up. 1190 01:25:15,560 --> 01:25:17,289 - What? - You could see it in her. 1191 01:25:17,440 --> 01:25:19,966 She was like... 1192 01:25:20,120 --> 01:25:22,566 she wished that she could have 1193 01:25:22,760 --> 01:25:24,330 what those artists have that she writes about. 1194 01:25:24,480 --> 01:25:25,720 But she doesn't have the guts. 1195 01:25:25,880 --> 01:25:27,644 That's why she writes about them. 1196 01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:33,488 You know, do you think that Poe or Byron or Tchaikovsky, 1197 01:25:33,640 --> 01:25:35,768 Melville, Hemingway, would've backed down 1198 01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:37,763 and turned away from the storm the way she did? 1199 01:25:37,920 --> 01:25:39,410 No. They rode the tides. 1200 01:25:39,560 --> 01:25:41,085 They rode them, but she didn't. 1201 01:25:41,280 --> 01:25:42,645 That's why she writes about them, 1202 01:25:42,800 --> 01:25:46,009 because she wants to be like them in her fantasy, but she can't. 1203 01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:48,965 Well, I liked what she had to say about, you know, 1204 01:25:49,160 --> 01:25:51,367 how we can experience full emotion even more than... 1205 01:25:51,520 --> 01:25:53,648 I don't want the full emotion! 1206 01:25:53,800 --> 01:25:55,760 - Well, then what do you want? - I want the mania! 1207 01:25:58,040 --> 01:25:59,485 You want the mania? 1208 01:26:08,480 --> 01:26:10,960 - Well, it's fucking crazy. - Why? 1209 01:26:11,120 --> 01:26:12,610 Because of something that your doctor told you 1210 01:26:12,760 --> 01:26:14,364 - or something that your parents told you? - No. 1211 01:26:14,560 --> 01:26:17,404 Because you're not willing to make any sacrifices. 1212 01:26:17,560 --> 01:26:18,971 You say you want a family. 1213 01:26:19,120 --> 01:26:20,451 You say you want love. 1214 01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:22,560 But you're not willing to give anything up for it. 1215 01:26:22,640 --> 01:26:24,847 We're gonna elevate the baby with it. 1216 01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:26,445 It's a gift, Carla. 1217 01:26:26,600 --> 01:26:27,840 No, no, it's not a gift. 1218 01:26:28,000 --> 01:26:29,365 - And you... - Fuck! 1219 01:26:30,720 --> 01:26:32,370 What is this? 1220 01:26:33,080 --> 01:26:36,721 This, all this about the poetry, about the beauty of it? 1221 01:26:36,920 --> 01:26:38,251 Is this just bullshit? 1222 01:26:38,400 --> 01:26:40,323 Let's just fucking cut it out, Carla. 1223 01:26:40,480 --> 01:26:41,561 - Don't. Please, no. - Fucking cancer. 1224 01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:42,846 Yup. Tear it out. 1225 01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:46,163 - Stop. - Why do we wanna infect our baby with this? 1226 01:26:46,320 --> 01:26:48,049 - Here. You take it, Carla! - Don't! 1227 01:26:52,440 --> 01:26:54,044 Carla, I'm sorry. 1228 01:27:00,560 --> 01:27:02,369 Carla, I'm so sorry. 1229 01:27:18,320 --> 01:27:19,446 Carla? 1230 01:27:22,360 --> 01:27:23,566 Shit. 1231 01:27:24,680 --> 01:27:26,250 [Marco] Hello? 1232 01:27:33,680 --> 01:27:35,603 I tried calling you all day. 1233 01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:51,969 I didn't mean to push you like that. 1234 01:27:56,520 --> 01:27:58,727 I never want to hurt you. 1235 01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:04,285 I'm so sorry. 1236 01:28:07,280 --> 01:28:08,611 Please. 1237 01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:14,161 [sighs] 1238 01:28:25,480 --> 01:28:26,606 Have you been drinking? 1239 01:28:36,400 --> 01:28:37,640 Marco. 1240 01:28:50,320 --> 01:28:52,561 [sobs] 1241 01:29:17,440 --> 01:29:18,601 - Oh, hey. - Surprise. 1242 01:29:18,760 --> 01:29:20,489 - Hey, honey. - Hey. 1243 01:29:22,840 --> 01:29:23,966 What's going on? 1244 01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:26,646 - Hey, come here. Surprise. - What's going on? 1245 01:29:26,840 --> 01:29:28,560 I wanted to throw us a surprise baby shower. 1246 01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:29,720 I called all of our parents, 1247 01:29:29,880 --> 01:29:31,723 and I thought we could have a surprise baby shower. 1248 01:29:31,880 --> 01:29:33,450 Well, you actually said it was an urgent meeting, 1249 01:29:33,600 --> 01:29:35,011 - so that's why we rushed over. - I know. 1250 01:29:35,160 --> 01:29:36,924 I wanted it to be a surprise for all of us. 1251 01:29:37,080 --> 01:29:38,730 Oh, no, it's okay. So good to see you. 1252 01:29:38,880 --> 01:29:40,609 Hi, sweetheart. You okay? 1253 01:29:40,760 --> 01:29:41,840 Oh, yeah. Everything's good. 1254 01:29:41,920 --> 01:29:42,967 - All right. - It's good. 1255 01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:44,246 - Hi. - Hi. 1256 01:29:44,440 --> 01:29:45,487 Good to see you. 1257 01:29:45,640 --> 01:29:47,642 Hey, you know, before we... Hey, wait, hold on, hold on. 1258 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:49,086 - Here you go. Here. - No, thank you. 1259 01:29:49,240 --> 01:29:50,366 - Before we... Marco. - Here you go. 1260 01:29:50,520 --> 01:29:52,440 - Marco, can I talk to you, please? - Sure, sure. 1261 01:29:52,520 --> 01:29:54,761 - Do you guys mind if we just... - Oh, please, no, that's fine. 1262 01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:56,445 No, I mean, now. Can we talk? 1263 01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:57,965 Could we talk now? 1264 01:29:58,160 --> 01:30:00,561 Oh, yeah, just give me one second, okay? 1265 01:30:00,720 --> 01:30:02,404 Let me get this open. 1266 01:30:02,560 --> 01:30:03,641 Just going to open this up. 1267 01:30:03,800 --> 01:30:05,290 - Oh. - Be careful with that. 1268 01:30:05,440 --> 01:30:06,520 - [Marco] Huh? - [cork pops] 1269 01:30:06,640 --> 01:30:08,722 - [Sara] Aah. - [Marco chuckles] 1270 01:30:08,920 --> 01:30:11,969 Whoa. Okay. 1271 01:30:14,400 --> 01:30:16,050 - Sorry. - It's okay. It's all right. 1272 01:30:16,200 --> 01:30:17,281 - There you go. - Just a little. 1273 01:30:17,440 --> 01:30:19,283 - That's fine. - Okay? Sure? 1274 01:30:19,440 --> 01:30:20,646 - And a little bit. - Marco. 1275 01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:21,801 - What? - Just... What's going on? 1276 01:30:21,960 --> 01:30:22,961 - What? - You all right? 1277 01:30:23,120 --> 01:30:24,884 It's all good. 1278 01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:27,406 Here. 1279 01:30:27,560 --> 01:30:28,846 - You want some? - You know what? 1280 01:30:29,000 --> 01:30:31,651 Oh, you know what? You probably shouldn't because of the baby. 1281 01:30:31,800 --> 01:30:34,804 I guess a little sip would be okay. Right? 1282 01:30:34,960 --> 01:30:37,645 I'll just pour you some, and then when I finish making the toast... 1283 01:30:39,240 --> 01:30:40,924 you can decide. 1284 01:30:44,120 --> 01:30:45,610 Sorry. I forgot something. 1285 01:30:51,840 --> 01:30:54,810 Here we go. Got you a gift. 1286 01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:56,803 - Thank you. - Open it. 1287 01:30:57,840 --> 01:30:59,126 Open it, open it, open it. 1288 01:31:18,200 --> 01:31:20,487 Carla and I have been looking for children's books... 1289 01:31:21,600 --> 01:31:25,844 and I came across this one a few days ago, 1290 01:31:26,040 --> 01:31:28,441 and it just struck me as perfect, you know? 1291 01:31:28,600 --> 01:31:32,002 You know, when we were in the hospital together, 1292 01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:33,491 when we first met... 1293 01:31:35,640 --> 01:31:38,405 we imagined that we were from another planet 1294 01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,881 because we don't belong here on this earth. 1295 01:31:43,440 --> 01:31:47,161 And we liked to pretend that one day we'd get to go back... 1296 01:31:49,040 --> 01:31:51,247 to our real planet, our home. 1297 01:31:54,360 --> 01:31:55,964 And in this book... 1298 01:31:58,640 --> 01:32:00,369 the little prince is from another planet, 1299 01:32:00,520 --> 01:32:01,806 but he's visiting Earth. 1300 01:32:03,320 --> 01:32:07,166 And... eventually he wants to go back home, 1301 01:32:07,320 --> 01:32:10,244 but the only way that he can do that is to die here on Earth. 1302 01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:16,285 So, this is a toast... 1303 01:32:17,640 --> 01:32:23,124 to a baby that will feel like he belongs here, on Earth... 1304 01:32:25,640 --> 01:32:27,165 on this planet. 1305 01:32:30,760 --> 01:32:32,808 And won't have to die to go home. 1306 01:32:37,560 --> 01:32:39,005 Carla, I just made a toast. 1307 01:32:40,920 --> 01:32:42,922 - Carla. - It's okay. 1308 01:32:43,080 --> 01:32:44,889 It's a toast. Raise the glass. 1309 01:32:45,080 --> 01:32:46,127 I... 1310 01:32:46,280 --> 01:32:48,248 Why don't you have a drink, Carla? 1311 01:32:52,080 --> 01:32:55,971 Are you still gonna pretend, after all of this, that you still can't drink? 1312 01:33:01,560 --> 01:33:02,925 Because I know. 1313 01:33:04,560 --> 01:33:06,688 - Why don't you just say it? - All right. 1314 01:33:06,840 --> 01:33:10,561 Just say it. Just say it, say it. 1315 01:33:10,720 --> 01:33:14,247 Carla had an abortion. Surprise. 1316 01:33:19,880 --> 01:33:21,370 Right? 1317 01:33:24,240 --> 01:33:26,004 So, why don't you just say it, Carla? 1318 01:33:26,200 --> 01:33:28,567 - Please say it, please. - All right, I did. 1319 01:33:30,440 --> 01:33:32,647 [Sara] Oh, God. 1320 01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:34,404 How could you do that? 1321 01:33:34,560 --> 01:33:36,881 Did you forget everything? 1322 01:33:39,920 --> 01:33:41,365 No. 1323 01:33:44,000 --> 01:33:45,650 I didn't forget anything. 1324 01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:47,560 I thought you knew that that was our miracle, 1325 01:33:47,600 --> 01:33:49,329 that that was our gift from God. 1326 01:33:49,480 --> 01:33:51,244 I thought you knew that! 1327 01:33:51,400 --> 01:33:53,050 - I did. I did! - I thought you knew that 1328 01:33:53,200 --> 01:33:55,851 that was our gift from God! So what changed? 1329 01:33:56,000 --> 01:33:57,001 - Because! - What changed? 1330 01:33:57,160 --> 01:33:58,207 - Because! - Why? 1331 01:33:58,400 --> 01:34:00,480 Because I didn't want it to be raised by our illness! 1332 01:34:13,480 --> 01:34:15,050 So we're a mistake? 1333 01:34:21,120 --> 01:34:22,610 We're a mistake? 1334 01:34:24,600 --> 01:34:26,090 We're a mistake? 1335 01:34:28,680 --> 01:34:31,570 Are we a mistake, Carla? Are we a mistake? 1336 01:34:49,360 --> 01:34:50,566 So that's it. 1337 01:35:58,560 --> 01:36:01,769 [phone vibrating] 1338 01:36:04,880 --> 01:36:06,609 Hello? 1339 01:36:11,200 --> 01:36:12,531 What? 1340 01:36:51,880 --> 01:36:53,041 [clears throat] 1341 01:36:54,720 --> 01:36:56,927 "As the sun and moon aligned in the sky, 1342 01:36:57,120 --> 01:36:59,521 they illuminated each other's shine. 1343 01:36:59,680 --> 01:37:03,651 And the closer to each other they moved, the brighter they shined, 1344 01:37:03,800 --> 01:37:07,247 and the higher the fire inside of us grew. 1345 01:37:07,400 --> 01:37:10,085 As we raced through the days on that fling, 1346 01:37:10,240 --> 01:37:11,480 each footprint we laid 1347 01:37:11,640 --> 01:37:15,201 blazed away that piece of the earth's entire lifetime of beauty 1348 01:37:15,360 --> 01:37:17,647 in the brief second it touched our feet, 1349 01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:20,485 leaving nothing but ashes beneath us. 1350 01:37:20,640 --> 01:37:25,202 Until we had no ground left to stand on and nowhere left to flee. " 1351 01:37:25,400 --> 01:37:28,449 [Marco] "And now that we've turned away from our fire 1352 01:37:28,600 --> 01:37:31,968 to face the days that remained unburned by the flames, 1353 01:37:32,120 --> 01:37:33,690 and learn to gaze at them 1354 01:37:33,840 --> 01:37:36,491 through sane eyes one day at a time. 1355 01:37:36,640 --> 01:37:39,962 We can look back at our book with clear sight 1356 01:37:40,160 --> 01:37:43,562 and give it the ending that we never got the chance to write. 1357 01:37:43,720 --> 01:37:47,611 And while I know it's too late to pick up the ripped-up pages, 1358 01:37:47,760 --> 01:37:52,084 I will admit, I still think of our little prince. 1359 01:37:52,240 --> 01:37:55,881 And sometimes I go outside and look up at the sky 1360 01:37:56,040 --> 01:37:57,530 and think about what planet 1361 01:37:57,720 --> 01:37:59,882 he might've gone back to after he died. 1362 01:38:01,600 --> 01:38:03,841 Then I imagine the three of us 1363 01:38:04,000 --> 01:38:07,527 living up there as a family in another lifetime. 1364 01:38:13,160 --> 01:38:16,721 But for now, you have your own life, and I have mine. 1365 01:38:16,880 --> 01:38:19,611 And we have to live them the way we would have 1366 01:38:19,760 --> 01:38:23,128 if we could go back to the day we conceived our child 1367 01:38:23,280 --> 01:38:27,251 and were able to see what our manic eyes were blind to at the time. 1368 01:38:30,200 --> 01:38:33,249 When the sun and moon finally came as close as they could be 1369 01:38:33,400 --> 01:38:36,961 and the fire inside us rose to its highest peak, 1370 01:38:37,120 --> 01:38:40,010 it leaped past the fading ashes of our flesh 1371 01:38:40,160 --> 01:38:42,766 to burn our love into eternity, 1372 01:38:42,920 --> 01:38:44,763 through our baby. 1373 01:38:44,920 --> 01:38:46,490 That eternal flame 1374 01:38:46,640 --> 01:38:49,769 that could blaze brighter than our manic one ever could 1375 01:38:49,920 --> 01:38:52,491 on its brightest mania days, 1376 01:38:52,640 --> 01:38:54,847 but that would also sustain. " 1377 01:39:19,560 --> 01:39:24,043 [applause] 1378 01:39:25,160 --> 01:39:27,640 - I'm really, really proud of you. - Thanks. 1379 01:39:27,800 --> 01:39:29,290 Maybe you'll stop by later? 1380 01:39:37,960 --> 01:39:39,246 Hi. 1381 01:39:39,400 --> 01:39:40,640 Hey. 1382 01:39:42,120 --> 01:39:44,805 - I thought that went really well. - Yeah. 1383 01:39:44,960 --> 01:39:47,327 - Was a really good idea. - Yeah. 1384 01:39:47,480 --> 01:39:49,244 So how've you been? 1385 01:39:51,000 --> 01:39:54,083 Okay. How about you? 1386 01:39:56,520 --> 01:39:58,443 Good. 1387 01:39:58,600 --> 01:40:00,125 Yeah, really good. 1388 01:40:02,920 --> 01:40:04,365 Is that him? 1389 01:40:07,280 --> 01:40:08,520 Yeah. 1390 01:40:15,960 --> 01:40:17,849 He looks like a solid guy. 1391 01:40:18,840 --> 01:40:20,205 He is. 1392 01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:26,369 Well, I should go. 1393 01:40:29,960 --> 01:40:31,246 Hey, Marco. 1394 01:40:34,040 --> 01:40:35,929 It's so good to see you. 1395 01:40:38,600 --> 01:40:39,886 You, too. 1396 01:43:03,360 --> 01:43:05,408 [Man] There was a time long ago 1397 01:43:05,560 --> 01:43:07,801 when tides would rise and winds would blow 1398 01:43:07,960 --> 01:43:11,203 when the stars pulsed spirals of fire across the sky 1399 01:43:11,360 --> 01:43:14,045 and all the lunatics saw, and all the lunatics knew 1400 01:43:14,200 --> 01:43:16,646 that the two eyes of God had aligned in the sky 1401 01:43:16,800 --> 01:43:18,643 to give us a glimpse into the divine 1402 01:43:18,800 --> 01:43:20,564 And though the sane may deny 1403 01:43:20,720 --> 01:43:22,324 we gazed through God's eyes 1404 01:43:22,480 --> 01:43:24,801 and claim it was just some misfiring synapses 1405 01:43:24,960 --> 01:43:26,769 flashing through a crack in our minds 1406 01:43:26,920 --> 01:43:28,160 we all knew it was true 1407 01:43:28,320 --> 01:43:29,685 we all knew we shared a view 1408 01:43:29,840 --> 01:43:31,729 into something just too beautiful to prove 1409 01:43:31,880 --> 01:43:33,962 and they can't take that away from me and you 1410 01:43:38,560 --> 01:43:40,050 Even when the seasons change, 1411 01:43:40,200 --> 01:43:41,929 summer exceeds its stay, 1412 01:43:42,080 --> 01:43:43,764 the sun creeps away 1413 01:43:43,920 --> 01:43:46,605 and fall shadows grab hold of your brain 1414 01:43:46,760 --> 01:43:48,364 and you can feel your will 1415 01:43:48,520 --> 01:43:49,965 within each withering leaf 1416 01:43:50,160 --> 01:43:52,527 clinging to the trees of the entire forest 1417 01:43:52,680 --> 01:43:55,160 surrounding you slipping as they fall down on you 1418 01:43:55,320 --> 01:43:57,163 and then when Winter rolls around, 1419 01:43:57,320 --> 01:44:00,529 your soul retreats deep beneath the frozen ground 1420 01:44:00,680 --> 01:44:02,728 and it's calling your body down 1421 01:44:02,920 --> 01:44:05,571 and it feels like your ashes are fighting gravity 1422 01:44:05,760 --> 01:44:08,240 even then, Spring will come again 1423 01:44:08,400 --> 01:44:10,289 and invite you to rise too high 1424 01:44:10,440 --> 01:44:12,124 and it's up for you to decide 1425 01:44:12,280 --> 01:44:14,282 if you'll repeat those seasonal tides 1426 01:44:14,440 --> 01:44:16,329 that will lay waste to your lives 1427 01:44:16,520 --> 01:44:18,284 But if you choose to live 1428 01:44:18,480 --> 01:44:20,289 you may look out at the sky 1429 01:44:20,480 --> 01:44:22,687 and reminisce about those times 1430 01:44:22,840 --> 01:44:24,649 when the Sun and the Moon would align 1431 01:44:24,800 --> 01:44:26,689 and each would find its other eye 1432 01:44:26,840 --> 01:44:29,969 so that God could cry about what was lost and why 1433 01:44:30,120 --> 01:44:32,202 But I tell you not to miss those times 1434 01:44:32,360 --> 01:44:34,169 for the Sun still shines 1435 01:44:34,320 --> 01:44:35,924 and the Moon will still rise 1436 01:44:36,120 --> 01:44:38,851 and with just enough light from the far off shine 1437 01:44:39,040 --> 01:44:40,451 of the sun across the sky 1438 01:44:40,600 --> 01:44:44,400 it will keep that divine sight forever alive in your eyes