0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:39,359 2 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,079 Okay, stand by, everyone. 3 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,830 Five, four, three, two... 4 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,397 At 52 minutes past the hour on this Thursday morning, welcome back. 5 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,680 Joining me now is author Bill Bryson. 6 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,277 So, travel writing. 7 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,800 I'm sorry, is that a question? 8 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,279 Noel Coward once said, "Why do the wrong people travel," 9 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,158 "and the right people stay at home?" 10 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,391 Now, tell us about this Collector's Edition Box Set. 11 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,958 "An elegant reissue of old favorites." 12 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:18,870 Riveting stuff. 13 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,798 Now, in your books, you've written about Europe, Australia, the British Isles. 14 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,474 You actually lived there briefly. 15 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,320 Briefly. 10 years. 16 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:28,830 Mmm, but never America. 17 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,357 You've never written about your home country. 18 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,990 - No, that's not exactly right... - Why? Why nothing more personal? 19 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,795 I see. So you've moved back, or is that just temporary? 20 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:46,355 No. Yes. My family, we moved back. To New Hampshire. 21 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,430 Twenty years ago. And... And we're still here. 22 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,758 "Still"? Interesting choice of words. 23 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,110 Uh, what else are you working on? Are you writing something new? 24 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,270 No. 25 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,272 Not thinking of retiring on us, are you? 26 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,954 No, writers don't retire. 27 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,033 We either drink ourselves to death or blow our brains out. 28 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,955 And which will it be for you? 29 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,153 After this interview, maybe both. 30 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,872 - Bill Bryson, pleasure to have you with us. - Ah. Thank you. 31 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,274 Oh! 32 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,673 - Oh. Hello, stranger. - Hello, yourself. 33 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,435 How'd it go? 34 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:51,910 - You saw? - Mmm-hmm. 35 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,834 - That good, huh? - Hey, Gramps. 36 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,032 - Hi. - I saw, too. 37 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,272 - Oh, yeah? How'd I look? - Do you want my honest answer? 38 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,390 Never mind. 39 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:05,117 - Gramps, I made it to level six. - Level six? Way to go. 40 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,839 Did you get my message about Earl McGregor? 41 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,754 Services are on Saturday morning. 42 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:09,996 Can't we just send flowers? 43 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,996 We could. 44 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,680 You two, hands washed, dinner's nearly ready. Let's go. 45 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,715 Makes you think about slowing down, doesn't it? 46 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,796 I'm so, so sorry. My condolences. 47 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,275 Deborah, we're so sorry. 48 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,910 Thank you so much for being here. It really means a lot to me. 49 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,030 It's our pleasure. 50 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,231 Uh, I mean, not our... Pardon me. 51 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,677 Uh, I mean, it's, uh, not a pleasant time, 52 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,673 - and it's not a time... - No, we're just very sorry. 53 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,753 - We're very sorry. - We're very sorry. 54 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,470 - I'll get my jacket. - We just got here. 55 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,359 What? We've already paid our respects. I mean, what else are we supposed to do? 56 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,671 Talk to people. It's good for you. 57 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,718 I don't like talking to people. 58 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,670 Go on. 59 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,751 How are you? How good to see you. 60 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,040 I'm gonna go for a walk. 61 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:55,556 Okay. 62 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,515 What on earth? 63 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,558 - You want to hike it? - Yes. 64 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,470 Two thousand miles. 65 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,876 2118, actually. 66 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,517 No. You can't. 67 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,715 Why not? 68 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,510 Seriously, Bill. Even for you this is ridiculous. 69 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,912 Why? Because you think I'm too old? 70 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,834 No, it's not because I think you're too old, it's because you are too old. 71 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,632 Oh, God, is this because of the funeral? 72 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,440 - No. - What then? 73 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,476 Listen, I can't explain it. 74 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,230 Have a go. 75 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,317 It's just something I feel I have to do. 76 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,199 I want to explore nature. I want to get back to my roots. 77 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,313 - Roots? - Yeah. You know, push myself. 78 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,233 I mean, really, really hike. 79 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,515 Hike? You haven't hiked in 30 years. 80 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,196 - Exactly. - Can't you just do this in the Volvo? 81 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:26,510 Catherine. 82 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,280 What if I say you can't go? 83 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,752 Well, if you felt that way then we would discuss it. 84 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,794 You mean I'll yammer on and you'll nod away, 85 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,600 and then you'll go ahead and do whatever you were going to do anyway 86 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,353 without having heard a word I've said. 87 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,398 What? 88 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:45,914 Am I just supposed to stand here 89 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,959 and accept these obvious signs that you have gone mad? 90 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,230 It's my old pup tent. What do you think? 91 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,680 Well, I think it's the perfect place for you to spend the night. 92 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,512 You realize we all think this is a terrible idea, right? 93 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,114 It's certainly been brought to my attention. 94 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,271 - But you're still going to do it? - Yes. 95 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,229 It's just kinda insane, Dad. The whole thing, at your age? 96 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,195 Fit people in their 20's can't do it, Dad. 97 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,431 It takes five months and five millions steps. 98 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,790 - Of walking. - Yes. 99 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,360 I've been doing it for a while, you know. 100 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,479 Dad, hiking is not walking. 101 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,519 Two thousand people a year try to do this. Less than 10% make it. 102 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,158 You ought to see the statistics on how many people finish writing a book. 103 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,795 There's somebody I want you to meet. All right? 104 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,235 Hey, Dave. 105 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:36,996 How's it going? 106 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,156 This is Dave. 107 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,396 - Dave. - Hello. 108 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,199 He has hiked everywhere. 109 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,511 He can answer any question you have about anything. 110 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,114 Okay. Can he tell me why the caged bird sings? 111 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,753 Can you give us just a second? And can I? 112 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,635 Can we keep a lid on the jokes, please? 113 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,151 Pay attention while he's talking, 114 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,873 and don't say, "You've got to be shitting me" 115 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,110 when he tells you the price of something. 116 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,034 Sam, you act like I've never camped before. 117 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,475 A tent is a tent. 118 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,677 This also has a 70 denier, high-density, abrasion-resistant fly 119 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,319 with that same rip stop weave. 120 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,394 And just look at these seams. 121 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,518 All lap-felled. No bias taping on the whole tent. 122 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,794 And the poles. Color-coded, DAC aluminum. 123 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,432 It's the finest craftsmanship. 124 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,637 Yeah, I've carried this one on several sections of the trail myself. 125 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,271 For your purposes, cannot go wrong with this monster. 126 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,829 All right, how much is it? 127 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,355 This one here is 289. 128 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,272 You've got to be shitting... Oh, okay. 129 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,031 I see what you're thinking, but out on the trail, you're gonna thank me. 130 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,435 Are you coming? 131 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,953 You'll need a rain cover too, of course. 132 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,714 - A rain cover? Why? - To keep out the rain. 133 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,998 - The backpacks aren't waterproof? - Not 100%. 134 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,278 The rain cover weighs four point six ounces. 135 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,671 You know how much weight it would add to fully waterproof an 85-liter pack? 136 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,631 Well, I'll tell you. It's a lot. 137 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,353 Let's not forget... 138 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,518 Oh, let me guess, in case you want to do a little impromptu gardening? 139 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,270 No. You know the saying, "Take only memories, leave only footprints". 140 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,036 Poop. 141 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,671 - Oh, shit. - Exactly. 142 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,755 Thought you'd find these interesting. 143 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:51,277 A Virginia man's remains left undiscovered for 18 days 144 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,159 after he suffers a catastrophic medical condition 145 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,675 just one week into his solo trek. 146 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:02,634 Most commonly spread through infected rodent saliva, urine, and feces, 147 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,433 which become airborne particles... 148 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,595 Several law enforcement personnel have expressed concern 149 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:11,320 about the gruesome nature of these latest murders, 150 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,399 including dismemberment and ritualistic savagery. 151 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,550 You are not doing this alone. 152 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,916 This is Bryson. 153 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,151 How would you like to join me for a little stroll? 154 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:27,076 It's a chance to grab some fresh air, while there's still some left. 155 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,878 You know, studies show Americans need to walk more. 156 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,238 Our forefathers, they walked everywhere. 157 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,757 It'll give you something to do for the next six months. 158 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,638 Let me know if you're interested. 159 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,356 Rabies, crazed skunks, raccoons, and squirrels, 160 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,557 merciless fire ants, and ravening blackfly. 161 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,672 Poison ivy, poison sumac, poison oak, 162 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,399 poison salamanders, even a scattering of moose? 163 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,876 Not in this lifetime. 164 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,800 I wish I could, Bill, but I just switched to a new beta blocker. 165 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:56,870 I barely have enough energy 166 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:57,996 to get dressed in the... 167 00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,958 Next time, call me for something fun. 168 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,474 Like a colonoscopy. 169 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,997 Bill, I think you've been the victim of identity theft. 170 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,480 I got the most ridiculous message 171 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,789 from someone claiming... 172 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,952 Bill, you know you can see the whole trail online in less than four minutes? 173 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:14,679 You know, you can't count Dan Budge. Dying is not the same as saying no. 174 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,556 Did we know about that? About Dan's death? 175 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,434 Yeah, I think it was in Janice's Christmas card. 176 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,398 Well, that explains why she was so miffed about my invitation. 177 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,156 It's in the... 178 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,312 Hello? 179 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:44,796 Hello? 180 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,479 Hey, it's me. 181 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,830 I'm sorry? 182 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,472 Bryson, it's Katz. 183 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,152 - It's Katz? - Yeah. 184 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,238 - Stephen? - Yeah. 185 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,034 Whoa. 186 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,520 You're in the States? 187 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,953 Yeah, yeah. Where are you? 188 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,876 I'm in Des Moines. Where the hell else would I be? 189 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,672 Well, it's good to hear your voice. 190 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,273 Yeah. Hey, Doug told me about this Appalachian Trail deal of yours. 191 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:14,840 Are you serious about that? 192 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,158 Yes, I'm very serious. 193 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,710 You think maybe I could come with you? 194 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,280 You wanna come with me? 195 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,833 Yeah, if it's a problem, I understand. 196 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:33,836 - No, no, no, no. - I mean, I understand if you don't want me. 197 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,232 No, why... Why wouldn't I want you? 198 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,510 Because, you know, I still owe you 600 bucks from Europe. 199 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,390 Well, that was forty years ago, Stephen. 200 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,559 Yeah, but I still intend to pay you. 201 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,554 Well, I know you're good for it. 202 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,160 Ah, great, great. 203 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,398 So, what kind of shape you in? 204 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:56,230 Well, I'm in good shape. I walk everywhere these days. 205 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,470 Really? 206 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,155 Yeah, since the bastards took away my license. 207 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,669 Um... 208 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,953 So, how are you with bears? 209 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,871 Well, they haven't gotten me yet. 210 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:14,513 Well, you know there can't be a black bear within 1,500 miles of Des Moines, Katz. 211 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,833 That's what I'm saying, man. Those fuckers keep their distance. 212 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,033 You'll never guess who just gave me a call. 213 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,476 No, no, no. Not Stephen Katz. 214 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,515 Mmm-mmm. 215 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,512 You said I couldn't go alone. 216 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,912 Well, presuming you were going to get somebody responsible. 217 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,510 You don't even know him. 218 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,956 Well, I know the stories. Didn't he have a drinking problem? 219 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,116 We all had drinking problems. 220 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,032 Well, you two ended up on each other's nerves in Europe. 221 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,794 No, no, no, no. We started out on each other's nerves. 222 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,960 We ended up despising each other. 223 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,552 You know I hate this, right? 224 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,594 Sweetheart, I really don't think you have anything to worry about. 225 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,235 No. Just my husband wandering off into the woods, 226 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,516 surely to be maimed or killed 227 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,832 or contract some ghastly parasitic disease which, 228 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,317 if lucky, will leave him propped up in a chair, drooling into his own bib. 229 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,119 But there's nothing to worry about, because of course 230 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,352 I'll be the one expected to stand by your side, feeding you ice chips 231 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,639 until you capitulate to this unnamed malady, and then what? 232 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,395 I get to stand in front of some gaudy church saying, 233 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,876 "He was a loving husband and father," 234 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,075 "once considered to be a man of reasonable intelligence," 235 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,879 "since revealed to be nothing more" 236 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,637 "than a daft and utter fool." 237 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,552 Well, it's a shame I won't be there to hear it. 238 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,351 Look, I know what this seems like, okay? 239 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,472 Have you actually thought this through at all? 240 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,715 Of course not. 241 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,876 Lebanon Airport welcomes Cape Air Flight 106. 242 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,912 Travelers arriving from Springfield 243 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,834 can claim their baggage at Baggage Claim Carousel Four. 244 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,194 You are shitting me. 245 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,913 - Hey, Stephen. - Bryson. 246 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,720 How are you? 247 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,309 Hello, Steve-o. 248 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,550 This is my wife. 249 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,393 You're the British nurse I've heard so much about. 250 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,280 - I certainly hope so. - Yeah. 251 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,750 Good to meet you. 252 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,232 That's a little bit like a bear hug. 253 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:46,750 Are you limping? 254 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,919 Oh, that's a titanium knee, and this one's a trick knee, you know. 255 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,909 - Oh. - Let me see, I've got to get... 256 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,876 I gotta eat every hour or so, otherwise I get these, uh... 257 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,796 - What, episodes? - No, no, they're... 258 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,838 - Seizures? - Seizures, that's right. 259 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,270 - You get seizures? - Mmm-hmm. 260 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:21,038 Yeah. You know, I ate some contaminated phenethylamines about 10 years ago, 261 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,636 and it totally jacked up my system, you know. 262 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,840 - I thought you said you were in shape? - I am. 263 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,474 So the two of them take off on a motorbike 264 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,631 and we have no choice but to hitchhike all the way back to San Sebastian. 265 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:40,152 We go into the first pub, and boom, there they are. 266 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,120 So, six hours later we stumble out to the beach, 267 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,238 and Bryson insists on having the pretty girl, 268 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,470 - of course, the redhead. - Ooh. 269 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,277 And I get the horse-faced blonde, you know. 270 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,116 Uh, Bryson! 271 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,196 I can't believe... Come on, sit. 272 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,877 I can't believe you never told Cathy about Spain. 273 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,316 Oh, it must have slipped my mind. 274 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,313 Hmm, I wonder why? 275 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,194 Anyway, the next day we're on a train to Madrid. 276 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,155 Bryson goes to the head and I don't pay any attention to it, 277 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,993 and he's in there a long time. 278 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,591 Finally, I look up, and he's coming out toward the seat 279 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,478 and he's just scratching and scratching... 280 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,360 Got it. Got it. 281 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,595 I said to him, "Hey, Bryson, what's going on?" 282 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,673 And he says, "Next time you can have the red-head". 283 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,197 - Is there a picture of the red-head? - I think so. 284 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,112 I'd like to see the redhead. I'd love to see the red-head. 285 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,078 - That's a really great story. - She's not in here. 286 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,356 - Thank you for sharing that with my family. Where is she? 287 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,920 Well, I have more of them, Bryson. 288 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,270 No, no, that's great. 289 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,960 - No, no, I think we should have a few more. - All right. 290 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,955 We were in Nice, and Bryson goes to this 291 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,033 very famous hotel there called The Mayflower... 292 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,677 Mmm, the Cubbies. 293 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,557 Oh, decomposed. 294 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,400 Oh, my God. 295 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,116 You still playing that thing? 296 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,517 Oh, yeah. Not good, but I'm playing. 297 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,918 How about you, still playing the drums? 298 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,679 Oh, God, no. I gave that up years ago. 299 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,395 Oh. 300 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,155 Is that your daughter? 301 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,158 - Yeah. - Takes after her mother. Lucky break there. 302 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,639 - How many grandchildren in all? - Three, and another one on the way. 303 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,236 You really pulled it off, Bryson. 304 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:04,630 You know? 305 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,357 No, I mean that. I'm happy for you. 306 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,954 Well, how about you, Stephen? You... You been okay? 307 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,117 Me? Oh, hell, yeah. 308 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,640 I spent half my life getting drunk, chasing pussy. 309 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,360 The other half I wasted. 310 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,513 - Have you seen these things? - Yeah. 311 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,030 Fucked. 312 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,630 Hey, you know, 313 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,157 everyone thinks we're going to go onto that trail 314 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,755 and quit after a week, like most people do. 315 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,237 We're not most people, Bryson. 316 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,957 No. No, we're not. 317 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,232 - So, good night. - Good night. 318 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,356 All right then. 319 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,075 - Thank you, Mrs. Bryson. Bye. - You're welcome. Good luck. 320 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,031 I'll meet you inside. Right? 321 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,911 - I will miss you, you know. - I hope so. 322 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,754 I just want to go on the record one last time 323 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,559 and say, I do love you. 324 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,633 Try not to die, okay? 325 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,270 I'll do my best. 326 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,319 Go on. Bugger off. 327 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,199 I remember this one guy that I picked up. He came off the Trail. 328 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,198 He's not like you guys, a lot younger. 329 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,671 He got back there and just started crying. 330 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,596 I'm serious. Cried all the way back to Atlanta. 331 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,437 Sat back there whimpering like a child. 332 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,235 When you drop people off, 333 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,596 can you tell whether they're going to make it or not? 334 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,153 Oh. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Every time, pretty near. 335 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,549 How about us? 336 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,679 Oh, well, here we are. 337 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:45,995 Thank you. 338 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,510 - Here you go. - Okay. 339 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,435 - Breakfast at seven. - Seven. 340 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,040 - Yeah. Okay. - Okay. 341 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,631 I hope you don't mind my saying, 342 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,635 but these are about the best damn pancakes I ever had. 343 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,874 Is that right? Well, I like a man who appreciates his pancakes. 344 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,237 Well, I sure do appreciate these, honey. 345 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,078 - Would you like some coffee? - Yeah. 346 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,594 And I'll get you a menu. 347 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:48,560 No, no, I've already eaten. Thanks. 348 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,235 Not bad looking, huh? 349 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,595 That depends. 350 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,074 You know what I look for in a female these days? 351 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,112 A heartbeat and a full set of limbs. 352 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,037 Well, most people lower their standards as they age. 353 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,197 - Yeah? - You've actually raised yours. 354 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,519 You know, Bryson, I've been thinking. 355 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,479 Let's stay here another night. 356 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,916 - You kidding? - No. No. It is cold outside. 357 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,390 It's warm in here. 358 00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,555 - I am going. - Wait a minute. 359 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,557 We go. We go. 360 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,114 Hey, hang on. I'd like to say a few words if you don't mind. 361 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:40,790 All right. 362 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,634 - I don't want to reach for metaphors, but... - No, reach, Bryson, reach. 363 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,837 Well, they say the Appalachian Trail is like life. 364 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,036 Uh-huh. 365 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,555 You don't know what's ahead, you don't know what's going to happen next, 366 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,120 but you give it your best shot. 367 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,396 Your best... 368 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,600 So, on that note... 369 00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,959 - We go? - We go. 370 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:01,510 All right. 371 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:21,755 You keeping up? 372 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,319 Yeah. Keeping up. 373 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,553 Are we hiking or strolling? 374 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,434 What, is this a race? 375 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,993 We're trying to do 11 miles. 376 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,075 Slow and steady, pal. You wanna burn out your legs, go ahead. 377 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,199 - Just be nice to get there before midnight. - Yeah, well. 378 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,954 That would be nice. 379 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,232 Go ahead. Help yourselves. 380 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,029 Oh, jeez. 381 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,194 Okay, complete the following sentence. 382 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,873 What goes up must come 383 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:10,955 down. 384 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,757 What the hell happened to down? It can't be uphill all the way to Maine. 385 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,520 Coming through. 386 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,670 Oh, my God. All right. 387 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,399 - What's up? - Not much. 388 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,478 - Beautiful day. - Yeah, it sure is. 389 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,880 - Excuse me. - Okay. 390 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,155 Little fuckers. 391 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,315 It's just over the hill, guys. 392 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:49,676 - Boy. - You okay? 393 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,592 Yeah. I almost fell off the log. 394 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,078 How far do you figure we've gone? 395 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,233 Oh, about a quarter of a mile. 396 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,153 Motherfuck. 397 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,397 We're going already? 398 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,880 Just kill me now. 399 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,159 I don't care how you do it, but please, just kill me now. 400 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,310 What, that's it? No dinner? 401 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,150 Hiya. 402 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,874 - You remember the Randall Farm? - Of course. 403 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,239 Super-Walmart now. 404 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,670 Christ. 405 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,072 The old drive-in theater? 406 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,477 Don't tell me. 407 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,520 - Subaru dealership now. - No. 408 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,031 Yeah. I got my first blowjob there. 409 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,033 In the Subaru dealership? 410 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,197 Bit of a late bloomer, huh? 411 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,196 I bumped into Jimmy Duncan a few weeks back. 412 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:04,880 You remember him? 413 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,680 Yeah. His mom worked at the library? 414 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,992 'Course you remember his mom. 415 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,440 Yeah, she was nice. 416 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,033 And she didn't own a bra. 417 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,313 Well, if she did, she never wore it. 418 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,674 Man, I loved that library. 419 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,755 - Hey, Bryson? - Yeah? 420 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,350 Have you really kept in touch with Doug Glawinski all these years? 421 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,518 No, not at all. Why? 422 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,319 You invited him, so I was just curious. 423 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,677 Well, yeah. I invited everyone I could think of. 424 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,752 No, not everyone. 425 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,080 I heard about it from Doug. 426 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,398 I don't think I had your number. 427 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,154 You had Doug's number? 428 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,240 Well, if it makes you feel any better, I really don't like Doug. 429 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,910 Well, I don't blame you. 430 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,953 I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel better, though. 431 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,116 Yeah. 432 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,910 I guess I really didn't think that through. 433 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,270 Good night. 434 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:23,710 Good night. 435 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,600 You burying your shit? 436 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,076 Yes. 437 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,551 - In the woods? - Yeah. 438 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,634 Oh, Bryson, I've missed you. 439 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,356 Thank you. 440 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,516 Can't wait to read about this in the book. 441 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:11,990 I'm not writing a book. 442 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:32,795 Hi. 443 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:34,880 You guys camping here? 444 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:37,716 No, we live here. 445 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,080 What are you guys eating? 446 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,711 Noodles? Ugh, big mistake. 447 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,511 Noodles have got, like, no energy in them. I mean, like, zero. 448 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,238 I'm Mary Ellen. Is that your tent? 449 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:54,596 Yeah. 450 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,279 Oh, big mistake. 451 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,394 They must have seen you coming at the camping store. 452 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,915 - How much did you pay for it? - I don't remember. 453 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,959 Too much. That's how much. 454 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,596 Shoulda got a three-season tent, my friend. 455 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,554 It is a three-season tent. 456 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,550 Pardon me for saying so, but it is, like, seriously dumb 457 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,912 to come out here in March without a three-season tent. 458 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,073 It's April. And it is a three-season tent. 459 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,913 That's a three-season tent. 460 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,073 No, no. Those are both three-season tents. 461 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,356 No. I don't think so. 462 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,037 How many miles did you guys do today? 463 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,790 Around 10. 464 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,432 Ten? Oh, you must be really out of shape. 465 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,039 I did fourteen-two. Started at Gooch Gap. 466 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,319 Well, so did we. And it's eight point four. 467 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,115 - No. - It is. It's eight point four. 468 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,790 Excuse me. But I think I ought to know. I just walked it. 469 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,119 So did we. And it's eight point four. 470 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:02,715 Tomato, tomahto. 471 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,280 You know what your problem is? 472 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,356 You're too fat. 473 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:09,470 Excuse me? 474 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,400 You should have dropped some of that tonnage before you hit the trailhead. 475 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,951 I mean, you're liable to have some sort of serious heart thing out here. 476 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:22,873 And so I just walk alone, because everybody I know is boring. 477 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,357 I'm the only person I know who doesn't bore myself to death. 478 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,433 Also, if I walked with someone else, 479 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:32,230 I'd have to watch them make, you know, mistake after mistake after mistake, 480 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,792 and I'd go crazy, and then I'd not be sane on the trail, you know? 481 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,554 I was like, "Mary Ellen, who's the only person you know" 482 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,637 "who doesn't mess up?" and it's like, me. 483 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,671 I went through this person, it was, like, dumb. 484 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:48,197 That person, boring. This person, dumb. Dumb, dumb. Boring, boring. 485 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,591 I know what you're thinking. I'm not married. 486 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:51,910 I wonder why? 487 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:56,995 Well, I do have a boyfriend, but he's in Florida and he's in prison. 488 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,397 I wouldn't hike with him even if he wasn't 489 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,712 because you can't trust a convict, and he's dumb. 490 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,759 And boring, actually. 491 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,558 What's your star sign? I bet you're a Gemini, aren't you? 492 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,831 Ah, I'm really good at this. I have a gift. 493 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,350 - No, I'm not a Gemini. - I think you are. 494 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,520 Actually, I'm a Leo. 495 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,871 I don't think so. I'm really good at this. 496 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,280 I was born in August. 497 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,192 Mmm, check your birth certificate. 498 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,836 And you? You're a Libra. 499 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,714 Definitely a Libra. I could make a living doing this. 500 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,880 You're zero for two, honey. Zero for two. 501 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,554 Can you guys guess what I am? 502 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,717 - Couple of thoughts come to mind. - Yeah? 503 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,392 She's up all night to the sun. 504 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,551 I'm up all night to get some. 505 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,632 She's up all night for good fun. 506 00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,234 We're up all night to get lucky. 507 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,070 Fuck. 508 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,837 God damn it. Damn it! 509 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,474 I swear to God I'm gonna rip her larynx out. 510 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,839 I'm not sure that's going to do it. I got a better plan. 511 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,229 Go on, lay it on me. 512 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,552 Okay, according to the map, we get to Hiawassee tomorrow. 513 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,430 We get an early start and we hike hard, we can put some distance between us. 514 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,719 Yeah, that's probably better than my plan. 515 00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,076 What's your plan? 516 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,112 Kill her. Take her Pop-tarts. 517 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:29,712 - Hey, good morning. - Good morning. 518 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,590 You guys heading out? 519 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,278 Yeah. You want us to wait for you? 520 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:36,430 Yeah, we'll wait. 521 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,429 Nah, I'll catch up. I'm pretty regular. 522 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:45,876 We go. 523 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,674 We've still got a couple more miles. 524 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,030 How far back is she? 525 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,515 She's gaining. 526 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,239 - I don't think... - I don't... 527 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:39,230 We need a new plan. 528 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,637 - Yeah, we do. We need a new plan. - Yeah. 529 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,556 Shh. 530 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,154 I didn't say anything. 531 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,040 - Well, you sound like a DC-10. Keep it down. - Oh. 532 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,190 Here she comes. 533 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,520 Hold your breath. 534 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:16,836 Hold it, hold it. 535 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,879 We've come too far to give up who we are. 536 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:34,470 We go, we go! 537 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,439 - Hey, hey, hey! Hey! - Hey! 538 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:45,552 Wait, stop! 539 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,515 Who the hell's gonna stop for us? We look like shit. 540 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,238 Hey, stop! 541 00:38:58,680 --> 00:38:59,750 They stopped! 542 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,194 Hey, you boys want a ride? 543 00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:06,870 Sure do! 544 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,756 Y'all have to excuse us. We are celebrating. 545 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,032 Yeah? What are you celebrating? 546 00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,392 We are getting married tomorrow. 547 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,475 - Great, great. - Congratulations, you guys. 548 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:27,918 Yeah, Darren is making an honest woman out of me. 549 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,354 - Ain't that right, baby? - Yes, I am. 550 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,514 Uh, you wanna watch the... 551 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:44,750 Yeah. 552 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,314 Holy shit. I wish I was still 20. 553 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,719 I wish I was still 50. 554 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,799 See y'all later. Bye, y'all. 555 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,435 What can I get you boys to drink? 556 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,911 The tallest and the coldest beer you can offer. 557 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:13,070 Coke. 558 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,592 - Just Coke, nothing in it? - Just Coke. I'm reformed. 559 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,672 - Okay. - Uh, you know what? 560 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,512 Make mine a Coke also. 561 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,639 All right. Just a second. 562 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,632 Oh, wow. I'm... I'm impressed. 563 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,473 Well, you know, ever since I rolled my car on route six, 564 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,594 - I had to rethink some things. - Yeah, that'll do it. 565 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,511 A lady cop came up to the window and she knocked. 566 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,592 I was hanging upside down by the seatbelt and I said, "What's the problem, officer?" 567 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,190 She just stared at me and walked away. 568 00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:58,233 So I haven't had a drink since. 569 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,596 - Really? - Yeah. 570 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,195 Well, that's good. 571 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,674 - Good for you. - Yeah. Good for me. 572 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:10,356 Really. 573 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:15,636 Ah. 574 00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,590 You know, Bryson, 575 00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:24,715 I keep looking at the door over there and I keep seeing Mary Ellen coming through. 576 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,274 I hope you're not going to tell me you miss her? 577 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,479 Oh, no, no. Hell no, I'm not going to tell you that. 578 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,354 I mean, we did kind of ditch her though, didn't we? 579 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,035 No, we didn't just kind of ditch her, Stephen. We ditched her. 580 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,080 Yeah. We left her all alone in the woods by herself. 581 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:42,435 She came into the woods by herself. 582 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,200 It's not like we signed a contract to look after her. 583 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,000 No, but she's probably scared out of her wits. 584 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,199 What are you so interested in her for? 585 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,789 I'm not interested in her at all. 586 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,911 The damndest thing, Bryson, is I am a Libra. 587 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:00,955 She got it right. 588 00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:05,712 Maybe she has a gift. 589 00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,000 What are the chances? 590 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,359 One in 12, actually. 591 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:14,117 One in 12. That's pretty damn good. 592 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,632 Oh. Southbound, coming through. 593 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,995 Mary Ellen? Oh, yeah, she talked about you guys. 594 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:30,349 Yeah? What did she say? 595 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:32,440 - Well, her words, right? - Right. 596 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,791 She said you guys were a couple of overweight wimps 597 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,434 who didn't know the first thing about hiking. 598 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:38,755 And she was tired of carrying you. 599 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,153 Oh, Holy Christ Almighty. 600 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,556 Actually, I think she called you a couple of pussies. 601 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,194 - Pussies? - Pussies? 602 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:47,635 After all we did for her? 603 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,079 You guys know it's supposed to snow tonight, right? Six to eight inches. 604 00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:52,993 - Really? - More higher up. 605 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:56,119 That's what they're saying. You're going to be climbing right into it. 606 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:57,470 - Yeah? Oh. - Yeah. 607 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:03,237 - Well, I gotta keep moving, guys. Be safe. - Thanks. 608 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,115 Snow? That guy's out of his fucking mind. 609 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,396 You okay? 610 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,240 Never better. 611 00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:32,994 Goddamn things are useless. 612 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,440 What I'm thinking we could do is follow this logging road, 613 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,271 get to the other side of this ridge, and get out of the wind 614 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,920 where we can set up our camp. What do you think? 615 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,194 Me? I think I'd rather have a nice hot soak in a Jacuzzi. 616 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:51,555 But if you're dead-set on following that logging road, we can do that, too. 617 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:56,193 We can save the Jacuzzi for another time when things aren't going so well. 618 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,476 Yeah. 619 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,153 - I'll follow you. - Okay. 620 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,354 Katz, you still there? 621 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,870 Unfortunately. 622 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,353 Just like you said, Bryson. 623 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:35,359 The AT. You never know what lies ahead. 624 00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:37,915 So it appears. 625 00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,837 I promise you, if there was heat, it would be on, honey, all right? 626 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,157 Use the talcum powder, that helps. 627 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,399 Hi. We'd like a cabin. Preferably with a private bath. 628 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,710 The cabins went two days ago. But I do have two spaces in the bunkhouse. 629 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,316 I don't know if you're aware of this, Bryson, 630 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,474 but every time I hear the word "bunkhouse" 631 00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:28,199 my testicles shrink up inside my body. 632 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,150 Welcome to the Stalag. 633 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,590 There's a meeting of the Escape Committee at 1900 hours. 634 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:43,830 Oh, okay. 635 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,120 Hey, are you liking that XT-85? 636 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,395 Your pack. 637 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:02,676 Oh. 638 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,112 - I got a Gregory. - Oh, yeah? 639 00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,755 Yeah. I looked at the XT-85, solid pack. 640 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,030 But the quad access points, 641 00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,391 dual hydration ports in the Gregory, they sold me. 642 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,839 What made you buy an XT-85? 643 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,196 I thought it was easier than carrying everything in my arms. 644 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,317 - How come you're up top? - Well, heat rises, pal. 645 00:46:41,720 --> 00:46:43,040 Oh, yeah. 646 00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:50,040 Hey, you know... 647 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,634 Hey, Bryson, are you all right? 648 00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,400 Oh, never better. 649 00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,794 We can start, maybe, right there and... 650 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,920 Hello, there. 651 00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,878 You guys, uh, doing all right? 652 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:03,955 Yeah, we're fine. 653 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:05,760 Because, look, when we get over to the other side, 654 00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,957 we can just come back and grab your packs if you want? 655 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,470 You know, it's easy for us. 656 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:11,915 - Not a problem. - Happy to help. 657 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:15,916 We like hard, we don't like easy. But thanks a lot, you know. 658 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,392 - All right, then. - Okay. 659 00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,998 - Excuse us. All right. - Yep. 660 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:35,313 - Nice guys. - Yep. 661 00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:37,752 - I hate 'em. - Me, too. 662 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:40,430 Well... 663 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,680 - That went well. - It was refreshing. 664 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,356 Bryson, you've got everything a man could want. 665 00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:34,511 And here you are, tramping around in the woods with me. 666 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:36,875 Seriously, what gives? 667 00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:39,833 I don't know. 668 00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,600 As John Muir once said, "Sometimes a man just has to" 669 00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:49,350 "get a loaf of bread and throw it into a sack, and jump over the back fence." 670 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,552 Oh, I got you. 671 00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,400 Life's a little too perfect inside that fence, huh? 672 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,270 - No, no, no... - Oh, you made sense, Bryson. 673 00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:58,959 You're a caged animal. 674 00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:02,312 You wanna get back into that forest. Live a little. 675 00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,320 - That's not it. - No, that's got to be it. 676 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,834 So why'd you come? 677 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:13,076 I guess I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in jail. 678 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,877 - What? - It's nothing, really. 679 00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:21,198 Just a couple of outstanding warrants I didn't show up for and stuff like that. 680 00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,916 Jesus, Stephen, that's really not something you can run from. 681 00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,837 Actually, you kind of can. 682 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,877 Same old Stephen. Always running from something. 683 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,675 Oh, really? You're one to talk. 684 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,475 Not you. 685 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,872 Remind me again why we're out here? 686 00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:42,355 It's was not like you had something better to do. 687 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,955 As I recall, in fact, you begged me to come. 688 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,954 I begged? I begged to come? I asked. 689 00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,037 You know what cracks me up, Bryson? 690 00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:56,476 Is how predictable your whole life has become, right down to the Volvo. 691 00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,392 God forbid somebody should evolve 692 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:00,273 rather than squandering away their existence. 693 00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,757 I mean, look at you. All these years and you're still stuck at square one. 694 00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,232 Hey, Bryson. Are you happy? 695 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,993 What the hell kind of a question is that? 696 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,311 Pretty important question, I'd say. 697 00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,635 What, do you think you're happy? 698 00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:13,355 I think... 699 00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:27,360 Wow. 700 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:30,320 The Smokies. 701 00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,432 Now this is interesting. 702 00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,759 Oh, God, this is amazing. 703 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:43,196 From here you can see all three kinds of rock. 704 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,151 There, you see that layered section across that slant? 705 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,794 - Yeah. - That's sedimentary. 706 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,431 And the dark stuff here, pushing up from underneath, that's igneous. 707 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:55,670 Think volcanic. 708 00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,191 How do you know all this stuff? 709 00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,033 Well, there are these things called books. 710 00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,270 - Oh. No kidding, they're called books? - Yeah, they're like TV for smart people. 711 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,715 See, what we're talking about here, Katz, is time. 712 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:09,636 Geologic time. 713 00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:14,592 Hundreds of thousands of years of enormous, shifting tectonic plates. 714 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,913 It's like the world being reborn from below while it's being eroded from above. 715 00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:19,960 Yeah. Well, 716 00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,676 when we get back I'm gonna buy you a TV. 717 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:29,040 Because nobody gives a fuck about shifting tectonic plates. 718 00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:30,230 Well, I do. 719 00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,029 You know why? 720 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,075 Because I'm curious, and I love being curious. 721 00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,916 I like knowing things about the world that we're living in. 722 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,631 Well, I think it's all fucking rock. 723 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,360 Oh, yeah? 724 00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,676 I don't get bogged down in the minutiae. 725 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,429 - I'm above the details. - You are? 726 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,916 I'm big picture, Bryson. 727 00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,720 Oh. How's that working out for you? 728 00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,235 Ah, pretty, uh, fucking good. 729 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:26,956 Hello. 730 00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:28,635 We'd like a room, please. 731 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,400 Two rooms. 732 00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:35,432 Oh, the Cubbies lost a double header, and they're 11 games back. 733 00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:36,995 Don't act surprised. 734 00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,153 Tonight would be preferable. 735 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:43,640 Hello there? 736 00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,432 Where are the Red Sox? 737 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:49,954 Red Sox? Are you fucking kidding me? Whoa. 738 00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:51,356 Excuse me, ma'am. 739 00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,432 - Red Sox? - I live in New England. 740 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,150 Yeah, but Bryson, it's not about where you live, it's about who you are. 741 00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,279 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm the kind of guy that likes it when a team wins now and then. 742 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:01,840 Well, you don't... 743 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:06,071 You don't give up on a team just because they've had a few bad years. 744 00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,312 A few bad years? Jesus. 745 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,637 Baseball is about loyalty. 746 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,113 Like, she knows what I'm talking about. Don't you? 747 00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,074 Would you two like a minute? 748 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:21,992 Hi, I'm Jeannie. How can I help y'all? 749 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,432 Mother, let go of the man's hand. 750 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,474 - Hi. - Hi. 751 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,196 Um, we'd like a couple of rooms. Please. 752 00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,597 Oh, sure. Where are you all from? 753 00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:36,551 Uh, I live in New Hampshire, but I spent over 10 years in England. 754 00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,115 - Mostly in the north countryside... - He's from Iowa. 755 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:44,034 Well, the rooms are 40 a night and you can pay when you leave. 756 00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,193 Mother, I said, "Let go of the man's hand". 757 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:52,995 Thank you. 758 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,036 Helluva grip. 759 00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,795 The Cubs should sign her. She'd be the youngest in their bullpen. 760 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,234 - I guess this is me. - Yeah, okay. I'm right here. 761 00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:06,240 - Yeah. - Yeah. All right. I'll see you. 762 00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,355 Yeah. 763 00:55:35,240 --> 00:55:36,435 Ah! 764 00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,593 - Hi. - Hello, again. 765 00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,950 - How can I help you? - I just need some towels. 766 00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,277 - Oh. I'm sorry about that. - That's fine. 767 00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:20,914 - Here, come with me. - Okay. 768 00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:34,040 Yeah, it's family owned and operated. For three generations, if you can believe it. 769 00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:35,676 Oh, I can. 770 00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,718 It has a personal feel to it. That's pretty rare these days. 771 00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,034 Eighty-three years. 772 00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,150 Wow. 773 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:50,472 We, um... We added the restaurant 10 years ago. 774 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,791 - So you manage that, too? - Yeah. 775 00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:56,160 Somebody's gotta do it. 776 00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:01,877 It's not so bad. I get to meet interesting people. 777 00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:05,999 I'm not sure I qualify as interesting. 778 00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,680 Oh, I wasn't talking about you. 779 00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,637 Sorry. Could not resist. 780 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:21,153 - I'm glad I'm here to amuse you. - Yeah, yeah. Me, too. 781 00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:24,355 This is you. 782 00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:27,320 You must be exhausted. 783 00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:32,559 Holy shit. 784 00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,360 I... I gave you a couple extras. 785 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:39,270 Enjoy your shower. 786 00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:41,155 I will, thanks. 787 00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:44,600 Do you need anything else? 788 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:46,955 No. Not at the moment. 789 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:48,516 Okay. 790 00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,278 Well, you know where I am. All right. 791 00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:00,675 We're not here right now, 792 00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:03,878 but please leave a message and thank you for calling. Bye. 793 00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:09,320 Hi, sweetie. It's me. Uh, just calling to say I love you. 794 00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,630 Right, right. That's the one. 795 00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,475 Nice, isn't it? I like it. 796 00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,677 Everything good on the home front? 797 00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:33,594 She's impressed we haven't killed ourselves yet. 798 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,593 She's not the only one. 799 00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,237 Did you tell her about last night? 800 00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:40,956 What? 801 00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,440 You in a robe? 802 00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,472 The proprietress, I'm sure, was looking to hand over 803 00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:48,433 more than just towels. 804 00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:49,956 You're out of your mind. 805 00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:51,476 Am I? 806 00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:54,794 Sure will make a steamy chapter in the book. 807 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:56,514 Katz, I told you I'm not writing a book. 808 00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,557 Listen, I'm going to go over to, uh, K-Mart. 809 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:02,636 Get a couple of things. You okay? 810 00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,230 Oh, I'm in my happy place. 811 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,115 Good. 812 00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:30,037 Idiot! 813 00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,159 Oh, wait, wait. 814 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,869 Here, here. 815 00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:54,274 - Here you are, ma'am. Here you go. - Oh, thank you. 816 01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:35,400 - Pardon me. - Hmm? 817 01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:38,515 I'm so sorry. Do you think you could give me a hand here? 818 01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:42,238 Well, certainly. I'd be happy to. 819 01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,712 What seems to be the problem? 820 01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,753 I'm having a difficult time removing my panties. 821 01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,394 Well, luckily you're 822 01:00:57,480 --> 01:00:59,472 - in the presence of an expert. - Oh. 823 01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:03,234 May I? 824 01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:10,078 - Oh, they're silk, aren't they? - Mmm-hmm. 825 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,036 I'm a pantyologist. 826 01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,111 Really? I've never heard of that. 827 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:25,954 - Oh. - Oh. 828 01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:28,749 Well, 829 01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:32,436 these aren't gonna do you much good. 830 01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,752 Well, they might not do me much bad, either. 831 01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,074 No. 832 01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:53,758 - Jesus, Bryson. - Don't ask. 833 01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:55,799 You been screwing hogs again? 834 01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,275 You're just jealous. 835 01:01:57,760 --> 01:01:59,274 Actually, I'm not. 836 01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:04,237 In your absence, my romantic life has taken a turn for the better. 837 01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,475 Remember the laundromat? 838 01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:09,119 Her name is Beulah. 839 01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:10,710 Seriously? 840 01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,078 Yeah, seriously. And she's got a beautiful body. 841 01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,756 Buried under two hundred pounds of fat. 842 01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,393 But then, you know I kinda like a little meat on the bone. 843 01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:26,269 Sure, as long as you don't have to remove a wall to get her out of the house. 844 01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,029 How did this happen? 845 01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:31,352 She asked me if I would come take a look at her panties. 846 01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,677 - What? - They were caught in the agitator. 847 01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:37,276 And they were shredded. 848 01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:41,230 So I'm gonna meet her this afternoon in front of the fire station. 849 01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:43,353 Is that where she keeps her spare underwear? 850 01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:48,836 I'm telling you, man, I felt a stiffening of the old resolve. 851 01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:53,309 - Oh, yeah? - I got her these. 852 01:02:58,480 --> 01:02:59,994 Oh, she's a big woman. 853 01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:01,350 Where'd you get these? 854 01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,353 K-Mart. I took a cab. 855 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,720 Um, I thought I'd give 'em to her at dinner. 856 01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:08,315 As an ice-breaker. 857 01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:10,638 You're gonna give those to her in a restaurant? 858 01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:11,790 Yeah. 859 01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,872 Unless you think it's a bad idea. 860 01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:17,554 No. I think that's a great idea. 861 01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:20,475 Good. 862 01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,269 Hey. 863 01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:31,800 - You had the turkey, right? - Yes. 864 01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:35,234 - Enjoy. - All right. 865 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:50,880 We go. We go. 866 01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:53,475 - What are you talking about? - There's some guy looking for me! 867 01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:54,716 Some guy? 868 01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:55,916 Beulah's husband. 869 01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:57,799 - Beulah's got a husband? - Yeah. 870 01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:01,591 I mean, there's only two guys on the planet that would go to bed with her, 871 01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,156 and here we are in the same damned town! 872 01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:05,594 So what happened? 873 01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:09,354 I'm standing in front of the fire station like we planned. 874 01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:10,510 Yeah. 875 01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:14,913 And then around the corner comes this red pickup and it screeches to a halt. 876 01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:18,239 And this big guy, he's angry, he gets out, 877 01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,479 and he's walking up towards me, and he's going like this. 878 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:22,795 "I want to talk to you." 879 01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,353 - So what did you do? - I ran. 880 01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,036 You ran? 881 01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,794 Yeah. I can move like a jack-rabbit if I have to. 882 01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,715 - So he didn't catch you? - No, no. He's 600 pounds. 883 01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,036 He's not exactly a track star. 884 01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:39,670 He's cruising around now in his red pickup truck looking for me. 885 01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:44,152 I been running through back yards, clothes lines, all sorts of shit. 886 01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,190 - Well, you're safe now. - This guy is... 887 01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:51,115 Red pickup! 888 01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:54,320 And there's another one! 889 01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,352 Come on, Bryson, we need a plan! 890 01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,319 Why don't you go out and talk to the guy, huh? I'm sure he's reasonable. 891 01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:02,310 That's your plan? 892 01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:05,559 I don't need a plan. I'm not being chased. 893 01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:08,795 Now, come on, Bryson, we gotta get outta here. 894 01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:11,315 - Yeah. - Come on, don't mess around with me. 895 01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:12,995 Please? 896 01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,400 - Come on! - Yeah, yeah. 897 01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:27,960 Hey buddy, you in there? 898 01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:33,150 It's Bubba T. Flubba! Are you in there, boy? Come out, you chicken shit! 899 01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:35,471 Come on! Don't mess around! 900 01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:53,030 Open up! 901 01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,430 I know you're in there, you son of a bitch! 902 01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:56,756 Holy shit. 903 01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:58,196 He's here! 904 01:05:58,360 --> 01:05:59,874 I don't care where the hell you are, 905 01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:01,872 I'll knock every one of these damned doors down! 906 01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:05,199 Come on, I know you're in here somewhere, you son of a bitch! 907 01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:09,718 I don't care where you are, I'm gonna find you! 908 01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,152 I want to know who's been messing with my Beulah! 909 01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,670 - Bring your ass out here! - Come on, Bryson! 910 01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,872 Pull me through! He's at the door! 911 01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:23,114 Open the goddamned door! 912 01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:24,680 Come on, move it! Move it! 913 01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:42,399 But what about Basel? When we stole the boat? 914 01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:45,031 We didn't steal the boat, we borrowed the boat. 915 01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:49,990 Yes, well, the girl's uncle with the shotgun, he saw it differently. 916 01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:51,750 He sure did. 917 01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:33,516 You know, you missed out in Greece. 918 01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,199 I'd kind of had my fill by that point. 919 01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:39,957 When you said you were gonna go to England, I thought you'd last, 920 01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:41,714 one week. Tops. 921 01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:44,119 - Well, I met a gal. - Yeah. 922 01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:45,190 And that was that. 923 01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,120 Well... Yeah, thank you. 924 01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:55,111 Cathy seems great. But obviously you've been with other women. 925 01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:00,396 Never? 926 01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:02,674 In the last 40 years? 927 01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,036 Nope. 928 01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:12,551 Bullshit, you son of a bitch. 929 01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:17,472 I saw you undress that proprietress six ways to Sunday. 930 01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,360 - You can't tell me you didn't. - Well... 931 01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,318 One woman all these years? 932 01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:25,476 Yep. 933 01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:27,399 That can't be good for you. 934 01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:34,353 I mean, when was the last time that you even got a, uh... 935 01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:40,794 Well, never mind. I know how married women are. 936 01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:42,869 Really? Is that so? 937 01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:47,432 Yeah. Trust me. I've been with way more married women than you have. 938 01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,273 Hey, Katz, you awake? 939 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,198 No. 940 01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:21,390 What was that? 941 01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:24,198 How the hell should I know? 942 01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:27,754 It sounded big. 943 01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:31,078 Everything sounds big in the woods, Bryson. 944 01:09:31,680 --> 01:09:34,320 It's probably just a skunk. Go to bed. 945 01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:40,270 Did you pack a knife? 946 01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:42,630 No. 947 01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:43,910 Nothing sharp? 948 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:47,757 Nail clippers. 949 01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:49,240 Swell. 950 01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,913 Just leave it alone, Bryson. It will go away. 951 01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:56,233 Oh, yeah, well if it is a bear and it comes toward you, 952 01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:58,198 what are you going to do? Give it a pedicure? 953 01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:03,232 Jesus! Two fucking bears staring right at me. 954 01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,354 Oh, god dammit, Bryson, get some sleep. 955 01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:09,430 Holy shit. 956 01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:14,114 If they come for us, play dead. 957 01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:16,795 If they come for us, we are dead. 958 01:10:17,240 --> 01:10:18,640 No, wait, wait, wait. 959 01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:21,520 That's grizzlies. Wait a minute. 960 01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:24,395 Motherfuck. They're tearing everything apart. 961 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,272 Okay. "Stand up as tall as you can to intimidate the bear." 962 01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:32,032 Intimidate the bear? They're fucking bears! 963 01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:36,799 We've got to scare them off. 964 01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:38,280 Get! Scat! 965 01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:11,353 You gotta put this in the book. 966 01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:14,200 - There's not going to be a goddamned book. - Oh. 967 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,355 Jeez. Damn. 968 01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,233 Come on, we're having fun. 969 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,675 Holy shit. 970 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:05,718 - Look at this. - What? 971 01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:07,759 This is the trail. 972 01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:11,711 Here we are. We're not even halfway there. 973 01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:13,917 - This can't be right. - Son of a bitch. 974 01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:15,594 No way that's to scale. 975 01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:18,595 It says, "Map to Scale". 976 01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:21,877 That's it. New plan. 977 01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:24,674 God damn it. 978 01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:33,192 I'm telling you, Bryson, there's a lot of advantages. 979 01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:37,717 You want to drive the Appalachian Trail? 980 01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:41,714 No, no, just jump ahead. Pick up the trail a little further north. 981 01:12:42,440 --> 01:12:46,116 You know, we can rent a car over here. 982 01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,397 Then we're mobile, we'll see more. 983 01:12:49,440 --> 01:12:51,591 Check out local points of interest. 984 01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:55,712 Bigger field of vision. 985 01:12:59,440 --> 01:13:02,638 Bryson, as a friend, 986 01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:05,877 do this for me. 987 01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:32,431 Hey, you're not gonna believe the deal I got on this. 988 01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:34,790 Katz... 989 01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:38,112 This beauty represents not one, but two upgrades. 990 01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:43,275 Satellite radio, leather seats, sunroof. Same price as a Camry. 991 01:13:43,640 --> 01:13:44,676 If you can believe that. 992 01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:47,355 Here you go, Mr. Katz. Just three quick initials and you'll be on your way. 993 01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:48,715 We can't do this. 994 01:13:49,440 --> 01:13:50,999 Of course we can. 995 01:13:51,120 --> 01:13:52,679 I came out here to accomplish something. 996 01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:54,832 Not to just give up when things got a little tough. 997 01:13:55,800 --> 01:13:57,951 We're not giving up, Bryson. 998 01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:01,839 What does it matter if we skip the shitty parts? 999 01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,432 - No one's gonna know. - Well, I will. 1000 01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:06,838 I'm not a quitter. I know it served you well in your life, 1001 01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:09,316 - but I finish what I start. - Bryson. 1002 01:14:10,440 --> 01:14:13,353 - Did we not both see the same map? - Yeah. 1003 01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:17,197 You have no chance of finishing this trail. 1004 01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,115 None. Zero. Zilch. 1005 01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:21,680 Well, I'm sure as hell gonna try. 1006 01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:24,357 Hike until you die. 1007 01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:26,035 Where do I sign up? 1008 01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:31,159 We're two old men, Bryson. You gotta quit thinking otherwise. 1009 01:14:31,320 --> 01:14:32,390 Speak for yourself. 1010 01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:37,200 Just because you don't accept something, Bryson, doesn't mean it's not true. 1011 01:14:37,440 --> 01:14:40,319 - Well, that's interesting, coming from you. - Just three initials is all... 1012 01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:41,834 It's everything with you, Bryson. 1013 01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:45,550 Christ, if someone asks you where you're from, you can't even answer. 1014 01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:48,917 Oh, so I'm the one in denial, huh? 1015 01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:51,640 When you're the one hiding whiskey in your pack. 1016 01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:52,910 - Oh. - I saw the bottle. 1017 01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,393 So I guess neither of us can accept who we really are. 1018 01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,520 Oh, I know who I am and why I'm here. 1019 01:15:00,600 --> 01:15:02,239 I came out here to be with you, 1020 01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:05,233 to sneak in one last adventure before it's too late. 1021 01:15:05,520 --> 01:15:07,751 Well, this is my adventure, and you signed on. 1022 01:15:08,560 --> 01:15:11,439 You can do whatever you want, but you're not going to drag me down. 1023 01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,277 - If you could just use that pen to sign... - Fine! 1024 01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,392 - I don't want your car. - Excuse me? 1025 01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,069 I don't want your goddamn car. 1026 01:15:20,960 --> 01:15:22,360 Fine! 1027 01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:26,240 - Well, that's the spirit. - Yeah. Fuck. 1028 01:15:32,680 --> 01:15:35,400 I sure am glad we aren't driving right now. 1029 01:15:36,120 --> 01:15:38,077 - You? - I couldn't be happier. 1030 01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:43,240 You know, 50 years ago, 1031 01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,792 one in every four of these trees was an American Chestnut. 1032 01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,960 - You know what that is? You ever seen one? - I think so. 1033 01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:53,075 It's incredible. 1034 01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:56,711 They rise from the forest floor, clear to the top. 100 feet. 1035 01:15:57,040 --> 01:16:00,272 And their branches contain an acre of leaves. An acre. 1036 01:16:01,320 --> 01:16:02,834 You look into these woods 1037 01:16:03,120 --> 01:16:05,430 and you think they've always been there and always will be, 1038 01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:07,393 like this old oak tree here. 1039 01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:10,838 And then you think about the poor unsuspecting American Chestnut, 1040 01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:15,716 and think just in a lifetime... Poof. Gone. Just like that. 1041 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:20,150 What happened to it? 1042 01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:22,070 A fungus. 1043 01:16:23,080 --> 01:16:25,311 You know. Just, you know, time. Nature. 1044 01:17:59,600 --> 01:18:02,911 You know, Bryson, I wasn't actually hiding this. 1045 01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:06,910 I wasn't lying about being dry either. 1046 01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:15,200 The thing is, Bryson, I love to drink. Everything about it. 1047 01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:18,078 I love the taste. 1048 01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,839 And that buzz you get after you've had a couple. 1049 01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:25,910 I love the smell of the tavern, right down to the urinal cakes. 1050 01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:27,436 Hmm. 1051 01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:31,117 But instead of going into the taverns like everybody else, 1052 01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:35,715 I go home to my little apartment, and heat my TV dinner, 1053 01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:39,079 and feel all virtuous like I'm supposed to. 1054 01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:45,111 But you know, night after night it's hard to persuade yourself 1055 01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,950 that you're living a rich and thrilling existence. 1056 01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:54,120 I mean, if they had a fun-o-meter 1057 01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:58,913 the needle wouldn't exactly be jumping into the orgasmic zone. 1058 01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,239 You know what I'm saying? 1059 01:19:05,320 --> 01:19:09,837 I mean, there's just this hole in my life where drinking used to be. 1060 01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,512 I know I can't drink. 1061 01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,077 I mean, one drink will lead to 10. 1062 01:19:19,320 --> 01:19:24,349 And the next thing, I'll find myself underneath a bridge somewhere. 1063 01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:35,159 That's why I carry this. 1064 01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:38,040 To remind myself that I can. 1065 01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:44,350 Or maybe I carry it in case I can't. 1066 01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:47,710 Here. 1067 01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:50,350 Open it. 1068 01:19:57,360 --> 01:19:58,794 It's sealed. 1069 01:20:04,440 --> 01:20:05,669 Give it to me. 1070 01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:10,994 It's shaking. 1071 01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:25,153 Do you think I have it in me 1072 01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:28,392 to never have another drink for the rest of my life? 1073 01:20:32,280 --> 01:20:33,555 Yeah. I do. 1074 01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:50,514 That was a nice moment. 1075 01:20:51,440 --> 01:20:53,272 Real dramatic. 1076 01:20:55,760 --> 01:20:58,275 Christ if I don't already regret it. 1077 01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:01,880 Ain't that life. 1078 01:21:17,800 --> 01:21:19,553 Watch it. 1079 01:21:24,400 --> 01:21:29,316 You know, Bryson, I still dream about Amorina. You remember her? 1080 01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:32,952 Oh, God, can't forget a girl like that. 1081 01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:37,392 You know guys like us aren't supposed to meet women named Amorina. 1082 01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:39,794 Disturbs the natural order. 1083 01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:45,319 Still the best boobs I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of boobs, Bryson. 1084 01:21:45,440 --> 01:21:46,556 Yeah, I'll bet. 1085 01:21:48,560 --> 01:21:49,994 Hey, you remember her sister? 1086 01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:53,632 Oh, God, that poor girl. They couldn't have been sisters. 1087 01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:56,197 If you're going to be ugly, you better be funny. 1088 01:21:56,320 --> 01:21:58,516 And if you're ugly and you're not funny, you better have money. 1089 01:21:58,840 --> 01:22:02,516 And if you're zero for three, you better be slutty. 1090 01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:08,360 - She was. - Wait a minute, how did you know that, huh? 1091 01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:09,710 Well, actually... 1092 01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,520 Jesus Christ. 1093 01:22:31,360 --> 01:22:34,831 Next time you do that, let me know, okay? 1094 01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:38,039 It's more fun if it's a surprise. 1095 01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:42,955 - You all right? - You okay? 1096 01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:44,156 Yeah. 1097 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,475 Jesus. 1098 01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:10,195 Oh... 1099 01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,155 We are fucked. 1100 01:23:19,920 --> 01:23:21,400 Monumentally. 1101 01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,479 There's no way out over here. 1102 01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:35,549 Uh... 1103 01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:38,116 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna get us out of here. 1104 01:23:41,480 --> 01:23:43,199 - Give me your pants. - Uh, no, no. 1105 01:23:43,920 --> 01:23:45,798 You've been planning this the whole time, Bryson. 1106 01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:47,837 Just give me your pants, okay? 1107 01:23:49,440 --> 01:23:50,590 Okay. 1108 01:24:05,960 --> 01:24:08,520 Okay. Knot this thing. 1109 01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,800 - All right? - Okay. 1110 01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:15,876 Here we go. 1111 01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:26,559 It is embarrassing, Bryson. Give me that thing. 1112 01:24:41,440 --> 01:24:43,796 You gotta admit, pretty good aim, though, huh? 1113 01:24:44,840 --> 01:24:47,799 Yeah. But you're supposed to hold on to one end of it. 1114 01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:52,434 Well, you know, it's not that high. 1115 01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:56,039 Here, I got it. You see this? You could come up here. 1116 01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:59,551 I'll be around like this and you could climb up on my shoulders. 1117 01:25:01,360 --> 01:25:02,999 - Wanna try it? - Okay. 1118 01:25:06,120 --> 01:25:07,156 Okay. Hang on. 1119 01:25:13,040 --> 01:25:14,030 - Okay? - Yeah. 1120 01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:15,713 We can make it. Hold... 1121 01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,398 - You all right? What? - Yeah, hang on. You know... 1122 01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:24,510 This isn't... You've got to get lower, so I can get on your shoulders. 1123 01:25:26,800 --> 01:25:28,200 Fuck. Fine. 1124 01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:35,870 Okay. 1125 01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:37,150 - Okay? - Yeah. 1126 01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:41,912 Okay. There we go. 1127 01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:46,550 Bryson, I really don't like this. 1128 01:25:46,680 --> 01:25:49,752 No, no, it's good, it's good. Now, you stand up. Stand up. 1129 01:25:57,280 --> 01:25:58,509 Jesus! 1130 01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:00,710 Who are we kidding? 1131 01:26:00,840 --> 01:26:04,550 For Christ's sake, I can't even get myself up from that position. 1132 01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:08,032 - All right, then. I'll stand on your back. - How about I stand on your back? 1133 01:26:14,160 --> 01:26:15,355 You know, 1134 01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:17,960 I think we're really stuck here. 1135 01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:22,072 Yeah. Yeah, we are. 1136 01:26:26,960 --> 01:26:28,872 You know, on the East coast hardwoods are dying. 1137 01:26:31,120 --> 01:26:33,112 Not just the chestnut, 1138 01:26:33,720 --> 01:26:35,871 but the elm's on its way, too, you know. 1139 01:26:37,920 --> 01:26:40,355 Fifty years, this could all be gone. 1140 01:26:42,160 --> 01:26:43,753 Thirty days. 1141 01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:46,076 Hmm? 1142 01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:50,279 Thirty days in jail. I was afraid of 30 days. 1143 01:26:51,000 --> 01:26:53,435 Compared to this, 1144 01:26:54,560 --> 01:26:58,031 I mean, it's like a goddamned trip to the spa. 1145 01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:06,032 God, all I've done is write forewords for books 1146 01:27:06,120 --> 01:27:07,520 for the last four and a half years. 1147 01:27:09,160 --> 01:27:10,310 I should have just retired. 1148 01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:13,154 Catherine was right, what the hell am I trying to prove? 1149 01:27:15,280 --> 01:27:18,637 Women love a felony record. 1150 01:27:20,200 --> 01:27:24,160 Maybe not up in New Hampshire, where you are. 1151 01:27:25,280 --> 01:27:29,035 But in Des Moines, it would have served me well. 1152 01:27:29,960 --> 01:27:31,314 Do you just get to the point where 1153 01:27:32,320 --> 01:27:35,996 it's all about ailments, and medications, and funerals, 1154 01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:39,115 and who's being diagnosed with what, 1155 01:27:40,400 --> 01:27:42,835 and everyone's just waiting around for the end. 1156 01:27:44,160 --> 01:27:45,958 - Holy shit. - What? 1157 01:27:46,040 --> 01:27:49,875 I just realized, we're the guy in the article. 1158 01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:55,359 You know, the, uh, decomposed guy. Remember that? 1159 01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:57,394 That'll be us. 1160 01:27:58,120 --> 01:28:00,760 How long does it take a body to decompose? 1161 01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,393 Well, you don't have to worry. 1162 01:28:03,640 --> 01:28:07,077 You're so chock-full of preservatives, you'll be on this ledge forever. 1163 01:28:09,280 --> 01:28:13,911 Well, scientists will come from all over the world to study me, you know. 1164 01:28:15,480 --> 01:28:16,880 I miss Catherine. 1165 01:28:17,360 --> 01:28:19,158 I miss Des Moines. 1166 01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:23,873 You know, I haven't missed a State Fair in 39 years. 1167 01:28:25,880 --> 01:28:29,237 I always say, "When I miss one", 1168 01:28:31,240 --> 01:28:32,515 "I'll be dead." 1169 01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:35,672 You know, she makes this little sound whenever I hug her. 1170 01:28:35,760 --> 01:28:37,513 I don't even think she knows it. 1171 01:28:39,200 --> 01:28:42,432 I've never told her how much I love that. 1172 01:28:46,320 --> 01:28:50,394 I just don't want her to think this trip had anything to do with her. 1173 01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:53,234 She knows. 1174 01:28:54,640 --> 01:28:58,350 Believe me, women have a way of knowing these things. 1175 01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:01,118 Yeah, but still, I'd like to tell her. 1176 01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:05,558 Well, write her a note. 1177 01:29:06,920 --> 01:29:08,798 People love to get notes. 1178 01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:13,479 - Hey, you know, you're right. - Yeah. 1179 01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:16,360 Hey, that's a great idea. 1180 01:29:26,080 --> 01:29:31,280 You know, Bryson, you're the only guy I'd risk my life with. 1181 01:29:33,120 --> 01:29:34,600 I want you to know that. 1182 01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:42,314 And the only asshole who can get me out on a ledge in the middle of nowhere. 1183 01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:48,633 I'm sorry we lost touch. 1184 01:29:52,520 --> 01:29:54,318 I know. Yeah, me too. 1185 01:30:03,360 --> 01:30:06,000 Goddamned gorgeous night. 1186 01:30:09,560 --> 01:30:10,994 It sure is. 1187 01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:14,309 You think there's anyone else on Earth 1188 01:30:15,000 --> 01:30:18,835 looking up at the sky and seeing as many stars as we are? 1189 01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:21,349 I don't know. 1190 01:30:24,960 --> 01:30:27,270 I gotta be looking at a million. 1191 01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:31,791 The naked eye can see 2,000. 1192 01:30:34,120 --> 01:30:38,239 Well, then I really got great eyes 'cause I'm looking at a million. 1193 01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:43,717 Alpha Centauri's the closest. That's four and a half light years away. 1194 01:30:45,000 --> 01:30:47,071 Four and a half? That's not bad. 1195 01:30:47,480 --> 01:30:50,473 Each light year is six trillion miles, so that's... 1196 01:30:52,160 --> 01:30:54,197 twenty six trillion miles. 1197 01:30:55,200 --> 01:30:58,671 - Twenty-six trillion. That's the closest? - Yep. 1198 01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:03,309 And there's one hundred billion stars in our galaxy. 1199 01:31:04,720 --> 01:31:08,077 There's more galaxies in the universe than there are grains of sand on earth. 1200 01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:11,434 That is big. 1201 01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:19,190 - And we are small. - Yeah. 1202 01:31:44,200 --> 01:31:45,395 What the... 1203 01:31:47,080 --> 01:31:48,355 People? 1204 01:31:49,440 --> 01:31:51,909 People? People? 1205 01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:54,594 - People? - People? 1206 01:31:57,560 --> 01:31:58,789 People! Hello! 1207 01:31:59,280 --> 01:32:01,920 - Hello! Hello, down here! - Hello! 1208 01:32:02,440 --> 01:32:03,954 Help, please! 1209 01:32:05,080 --> 01:32:06,116 Help! 1210 01:32:11,640 --> 01:32:12,915 Hey, down there. 1211 01:32:14,120 --> 01:32:15,190 You've got to be shitting me. 1212 01:32:16,240 --> 01:32:17,435 What happened to your pants? 1213 01:32:18,640 --> 01:32:21,280 - Uh, it's a long story. - Copy that. 1214 01:32:22,000 --> 01:32:24,071 You guys just stay put. We'll get you out of there. 1215 01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:28,679 - Nice fellas. - Yeah. 1216 01:32:30,120 --> 01:32:32,316 - I love those guys. - Me, too. 1217 01:32:43,280 --> 01:32:46,000 - You still got some of that jerky? - Yeah. 1218 01:32:47,240 --> 01:32:48,720 You still good on water? 1219 01:32:48,800 --> 01:32:51,952 - About three-quarters. You? - Yeah, same. 1220 01:33:00,640 --> 01:33:02,040 - Hey, Stephen? - Yeah? 1221 01:33:03,040 --> 01:33:04,394 Do you want to go home? 1222 01:33:09,400 --> 01:33:12,791 Yeah, I do. I really do. 1223 01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:24,473 We weren't even close, were we? 1224 01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:27,998 What are you talking about? We did it, Bryson. 1225 01:33:28,960 --> 01:33:31,395 We never even laid eyes on Mount Katahdin. 1226 01:33:32,040 --> 01:33:35,920 Another mountain? How many mountains do you need to see? 1227 01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:41,391 - That's one way of looking at it. - That's the only way of looking at it. 1228 01:33:42,080 --> 01:33:45,551 As far as I'm concerned, we walked the Appalachian Trail. 1229 01:33:45,680 --> 01:33:47,956 We walked it in the heat, we walked it in the snow, 1230 01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:50,111 we walked it until our feet bled. 1231 01:33:51,160 --> 01:33:54,358 We hiked the Appalachian Trail, Bryson. 1232 01:33:57,760 --> 01:33:59,240 Maybe you're right. 1233 01:34:15,600 --> 01:34:17,671 - You guys called a cab? All right. - Yeah. 1234 01:34:18,400 --> 01:34:20,153 This thing's heavy. You been carrying it awhile? 1235 01:34:20,320 --> 01:34:21,959 All the way from Georgia. 1236 01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:25,392 You don't say. Good for you, fellas. Hey, where you guys from? 1237 01:34:25,760 --> 01:34:26,955 Iowa. 1238 01:34:28,120 --> 01:34:29,395 That's not possible. 1239 01:34:29,600 --> 01:34:32,911 No such thing as a Red Sox fan from Iowa. 1240 01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:44,074 Here you go. 1241 01:34:45,800 --> 01:34:48,395 "Dearest Catherine..." That's as far as you got? 1242 01:34:49,760 --> 01:34:51,433 It's lucky we were saved. 1243 01:34:52,520 --> 01:34:54,751 There are certain things you just can't put into words. 1244 01:34:58,120 --> 01:34:59,600 Safe journey, okay? 1245 01:34:59,960 --> 01:35:01,110 Yeah. 1246 01:35:13,240 --> 01:35:15,197 You still owe me 600 bucks. 1247 01:35:15,920 --> 01:35:17,718 You know I'm good for it, right? 1248 01:35:18,440 --> 01:35:19,476 Oh, yeah. 1249 01:35:46,520 --> 01:35:48,034 Remember me? 1250 01:35:55,320 --> 01:35:57,152 Oh. 1251 01:36:38,320 --> 01:36:42,200 She had one hell of a stack of pancakes. Katz. 1252 01:36:45,560 --> 01:36:46,835 I hate your guts. 1253 01:36:51,600 --> 01:36:54,718 Never buy underpants for a woman you don't know. 1254 01:36:58,560 --> 01:37:00,392 Fuckers still didn't get me. 1255 01:37:06,760 --> 01:37:09,559 Bryson, just wondering, what's next? 1256 01:37:09,583 --> 01:37:25,583 Hope it helped -> bozxphd