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Clarence famous American author...
Richard bach once said...
"Real love stories never have endings."
But famous American author Richard bach...
Has also been married three times.
Clarence I guess if what famous...
American author Richard bach has to say is true...
Then it's important to know where love stories begin...
And mine began right here.
Clarence real love is hard to find...
It's something most people believe only exists...
In romance novels, but history is filled with stories...
Of real love...
And the men who do crazy things for it.
My story... well, my story's not much different.
You got it.
Clarence look, most people say they don't believe..
In love at first sight...
But I do...
And she...
She was my proof.
Clarence her name is Alex and I knew I loved her...
From the moment I first laid eyes on her.
Clarence unfortunately for me...
She had no idea I even existed.
Excuse me, can i-- can I just fit in... yeah!
What can I get you?
I'll have a diet coke.
I love you.
I... I love you, too!
I said, "that's two?" Two!
Right, that's just-- yeah.
Um... yeah, 'cause-- that would--
Clarence not my finest moment.
I paid for both the cars. I'm entitled to both of them.
I gave you the apartment, that's several thousand right there.
I want the ring back.
My grandmother's money paid for that ring.
I don't give a shit what your lawyer says!
Look, I've got the papers right here, I can just meet you right
now and we can sign these and get this over with, please!
Hello?
You stupid... oh, my god!
Are you lost?
Yeah, I can't seem to find my car anywhere.
This is employee parking. Guest parking is two floors up.
That must be it.
Haven't I seen you before?
Yeah... yeah, you have. I'm Clarence.
Shit, sorry, I gotta go.
Hello?
Clarence all right, no need to go on...
You get the picture.
Pretty girl marries asshole, ignores the nice guy...
At her bar who's madly in love with her...
And would probably go down on her like...
Anytime she wanted, all the days of her life.
Okay, it's a bad joke.
You see, after this, I decided to observe...
The situation and see if I could find a way in.
Like when she got her first tattoo...
When our grandmother's passed away in the same month...
Hence the tattoo...
Rest in peace, nan nan and mi maw.
And when she decided to divorce...
Said asshole, who by the way, used her grandmother's money...
That she left her to buy her a new wedding ring.
Classy guy.
Clarence this is around the time...
I decided to get proactive.
I knew that if just given the chance...
To sweep her off her feet, she'd realize...
That I'm the guy for her.
I just needed to get her attention...
In a really big way.
There was only one person I knew that could help me...
Do that, and that was Patrick.
Clarence I'd seen Patrick before at Alex's bar.
He started frequenting this place about six months ago.
His reputation needed no backing up.
Clarence Patrick was a smooth talking...
Bullshit's walking, girl-getting son of a bitch.
At least, that's how he described himself.
What can I get you, stud?
Tequila... and would you put it on her tab?
He's got you covered.
Thank you very much!
Very nice of you, but I don't swing that way, buddy.
Actually, he's covering the entire bar tonight.
- Really? - Yeah.
Cheers!
Can I get like two more of these?
Uh.. Up top.
Told you you're my good luck charm.
Why don't you get a drink, on me, whatever you like, okay?
Okay. Okay!
Hey... drinks guy.
Cheers, thank you.
Don't mention it.
Wanna play?
What's the game?
Uh...
How about 100 bucks a ball?
Too rich for my blood.
You can play with my money.
That's not really how gambling works, you understand?
Yeah, well...
Just trying to keep things interesting.
Corner... shot.
Man of your word.
If my math's correct, I've given you $1500...
To knock in every ball on that table.
Not to mention all the free drinks you could want.
Now, I'm wondering if there's a favor I could ask of you?
Sure, I mean, ask whatever you want...
Just as long as it's not to give it back.
No, it's quite the opposite.
I have an investment opportunity I'd like to talk to you about.
I'm sorry, all my money's tied up at the moment.
Not your money.
I'd be investing in you.
A proposition.
I knew it, you're trying to fuck me, man.
I knew it, man, every time!
No, no! Every time!
Look, I will give you $500, an extra $500...
If you listen to me for just a few minutes.
If you don't like what you hear, feel free to walk away.
You can keep all the money, it's yours, I gave it to you.
But if you like what you hear, there's a whole lot more...
Where that came from.
Are you messing with me?
I mean, is this like one of those shows?
Are there cameras here?
Am I gonna look like an asshole when I say no, is that it?
There are no cameras.
Just us.
You smoke?
Okay, daddy warbucks, shoot.
Well, there's this girl.
You want me to help get you laid?
No... not exactly.
Then she's special? Very.
Why don't you ask her out?
See, that's the thing--
I mean, you got money, girls like money.
No, not this girl, she's different.
Girls aren't different, girls are not different.
I'm Clarence... Clarence.
Clarence...
Women are not different, they're all the same.
No, no, this girl's different. I'm telling you she's different.
I get it, you're in love...
You can't tell a kid in love anything.
All right, so, can i just show you this girl...
And you can decide from there?
I'll give you another $500.
All right, give me the money.
It's this way.
Is that your car?
Yeah... why?
What did you say your last name was?
Duffield.
Duffield... as in, the duffields?
You know, guys with your kind of money don't usually...
Have a problem getting laid.
Yeah, well, call me a hopeless romantic.
So, your girl isn't into money.
What makes you say that?
Always be the smartest guy in the room, Clarence.
Women who are interested in money, they decide within the...
First 20 seconds of meeting you whether they wanna screw.
If your girl's not interested in you, well...
She's probably not interested in that.
Yeah, but how would she know if I have money or not?
You grow up with one of those kids who came from such...
A wealthy family, that they were just socially awkward...
All the time, like they didn't know how to act?
No.
That's cause that kid's you.
Yeah, look, all right...
But see, she has never gotten the chance to know me.
You don't get the chance, man.
You have to create the opportunity.
Right, see, now that's where you come in.
See, this girl, she's tough, she's like...
Independent and strong.
It's gonna take something grand...
To get her in the right situation.
Something grand, huh?
Well, how many grand are you willing to spend...
For something grand?
I don't know, we'll get to that.
First, you've gotta see this girl.
There she is.
That's the girl?
I'll consider it. What?
We'll talk.
Really?
Tomorrow... 10:00 o'clock.
Can I get a diet coke, please.
Sure.
Thanks. Hey, Martini, dry, two olives.
Sure.
Hey, how are you doin?
Fine, thanks.
That's great, that's good.
That's real good.
Listen, uh... what are you drinking over there?
No, thanks.
Listen, doll, I'm just trying to buy you...
A drink over here.
Yeah, um, I'm good to go. But, thank you.
Woo!
You sure are, you are certainly good to go.
That's why I'm here.
Excuse me?
Listen, I'm gonna ask you a serious question.
Why are you coming to a bar all by yourself?
You know you just wanted some young stud to come in--
hey, she said she's not interested, okay?
Oh!
Um, that's mine.
Is that so?
Clarence famous American philosopher...
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said...
"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man...
But he is braver five minutes longer."
Oh, my god! I am so sorry, sir.
I am so sorry, ma'am! I'm a piece of shit.
You're a good dude, you are a good dude.
I'm sorry, I'm out, I'm out!
Thank you.
Do you mind if I buy you another drink?
Uh... uh... no, that's not necessary.
Right, sorry, I'm sure you're probably married.
Excuse me for just a--
well done.
Did you... did you see what just happened?
Looks like you got her attention.
But I didn't do anything.
And threw it in his face like a psycho.
She doesn't know that.
Why would he do that?
Because I paid him...
$20 to hit on her.
And then if you were so kind as to intervene...
He was to make you her savior.
What are you getting at?
Always be the smartest guy in the room, Clarence.
Now, that was just a sample, a test to see...
If you had the balls...
To pull that off and when you did...
I took over from there.
So, that's your plan, to have an asshole hit on her in a bar?
Because that happens to her every night.
No, I think in your case we're gonna need...
Something a little bit more... How'd you say, grand?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
You don't like it?
No, of course, I don't fucking like it.
Why not?
It's illegal, it's dangerous, it's completely--
it's genius.
How, how, how is it genius?
It's exactly what she wants, man.
You're gonna sweep her off her feet.
You get to be the hero, you have a little alone time to bond.
I'll be in control the whole time.
It's insane, it's insane! It's...
It's perfect.
Okay, all right, what if something happens?
What if we get caught, what if someone gets hurts?
It's too dangerous.
It's not fucking dangerous...
It's controlled chaos, totally different.
No, no, no, I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it!
Fine. Fine!
Fine, go, leave.
Three... two... one...
All right, how do I even pull this off?
Always be the smartest guy in the room.
Okay, you keep saying that...
But what exactly does that mean?
It means, don't put yourself in situations...
That you cannot control.
Know the people, know the circumstances.
Be the smartest guy.
$25,000... next weekend.
Take it or leave it.
Clarence the great American actress...
Mae west once said, "every man I meet...
"Wants to protect me, but I can't figure out what from."
What?
Shit!
Hey, it's Alex...
Did I leave a red folder somewhere in the back?
No? Shit!
I'm gonna have to come look for it.
All right, yeah, no, it's cool, I'll see you in a second.
Thanks.
Whoa!
I'm-- I'm--
holy shit, you scared the hell out of me!
I didn't see you.
Yeah, I'm sure you didn't, pulling out that fast.
Look, I'm--
you should watch where you're going.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you said that.
Would you like to get dinner with me sometime?
Did you really just ask me out?
Whoa, whoa!
Hey, what the hell?
That little slut!
I'll take it from here.
What the hell!
Help me!
Hey!
Help me! Somebody! I'm being attacked!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Get down, get down!
Hey, don't fucking judge us!
You've never seen an interracial couple before?
Stop that!
What, I thought you fucking liked me, man! God!
Here.
Hurry! Get in the Van!
Hurry! Get the rope!
- What? No! Rape! - Don't you hurt her!
Give me the bag!
How about you give me a minute!
This bitch broke my fucking hand!
Give me the fucking bag! Okay, here's your bag!
Yo, yo, yo, move, motherfucker!
I drive.
What, man?
Bro, how the fuck did you take a kick...
To the balls like that?
Don't you know, I'm all dick, baby!
Who are you people?
Shut the fuck up and we won't hurt you.
Dude, this is fucking bullshit, man.
- Like, I should totally... - Where are you taking me?
Have one of those cool, voice-box thingies.
Like, I would murder it with that shit.
You know that, right, bro?
I'm trying to make up for these ridiculous masks you got.
Ridiculous masks? More like iconic masks!
All the coolest criminals have iconic masks.
Patrick Swayze, point break.
Ben affleck, the town.
Fucking even Bob deniro in the heat.
For real though, Nicki Minaj is an icon...
As far as I'm concerned.
She is an icon, blow that shit up, bro.
You seen that music video? You seen them hips?
You seen them, y'all seen them?
Put your fucking mask back on...
And don't take it off until I say.
Turn right.
Ow, fuck!
Hold still!
Where are you taking me?
Your atm, honey.
I'm going through a divorce...
All my money is frozen, i can't pay you right now!
Hold still! We don't want your money.
What the fuck do you want from me?
Hold her!
We're gonna find out just how valuable you are...
To your friend here.
We got five, can I get five, got ten...
Where are the headphones? 20, 25, 30!
Hey, just keep still, all right!
We're all good back here.
Speak for yourself.
Here we go.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Seriously?
Okay, now we're good.
Is he fucking retarded?
Yo, that was my momma, dude!
Motherfucker... turn off y'all phones!
Give them to me, all of them!
And make sure you grab theirs, too.
Oh, I'll get hers, there you go.
- Hah-hah... where is it? Oh, oh! - Oh, my god, no, stop!
Get your hands off of her!
Calm your tits!
Your fucking girlfriend--
no! Stop!
Pervert. Oh, no, no!
Phone.
Where's the turn?
It's just up ahead.
Hey, man.
Could I get the code, please? I'd really appreciate it.
Oh, yeah, it's written on my hand.
Why the fuck is it written on your hand?
It's a new code, all right, i couldn't fucking remember it.
That's actually really smart, if you think about it.
I mean, he probably like doesn't even want us to know...
The real code, so he's just like making up a fake code.
That's awesome, you know!
All right, motherfucker, let's do this.
Yo, yo, yo! Cool it, ninja.
What? You got watch.
What are you talking about, what?
You drive, you watch.
That's the rules.
Ah, ha!
Dude, go fuck yourself, man.
You're not the boss of me. He's not the boss of me.
Come on, move, move!
Ah!
All right, where's mine?
You're kidding, right? A rubber gun?
No. What?
If I had some bullets in this thing I'd blow...
Your fucking head off.
That's nice, tough guy.
You ready for this, cakes?
You know, it'll all be over real soon.
And then...
Here.
...happily ever after.
Promise?
I promise.
Don't you worry, I'm gonna figure a way out of this.
She can't hear you, bro.
Just give me the gun.
If you kiss me, I'm gonna hit you, bro.
Hey, hey!
When I say so, all right?
Channel three.
Yeah, yeah, totally, channel three. Mm-hm, mm-hm...
Hey, boss? Just a real quick question...
Uh, you didn't give me a gun.
Mm-hm.
Why don't I get a gun?
Honestly? Yeah.
Because you're fucking nuts and I don't trust you.
This is fucking bullshit.
All right, good talk.
Whoo! Whoa!
Get in there, bitch!
Oh, shit.
Shut it off! Shut it off!
And you, you didn't think there was gonna be a fucking alarm?
Don't do anything until I tell you to.
Fucking nimrod!
Get down! Get down, now!
What's this?
- Whoo! - Hey, stop!
Ow!
Stay on the ground!
Hey, is the house empty?
Not now, but yes, it was.
Motherfucker, don't make me hurt you!
Yes, the house is empty, i live alone, all right...
Ask your fucking questions better!
Get down, down!
Everybody, quiet.
Now, we know there's somebody very important to you...
Who is under that hood right there, Clarence duffield.
How do you know who I am?
I'll ask the questions... Or I can shoot her in the head.
No, no, okay, okay!
Okay, so, what we need is $50,000 in the next hour.
Do you think you could make that happen?
50? I thought we said--
ow, shit, can you not do that so hard?
Motherfucker, what?
Ow, fuck, my ear!
Will you, uh, take her away?
Up! Get up now! Move.
Man, what the fuck is this?
Don't worry about him.
I'm the one paying you, you know?
Bitch, I don't work for you.
Will you do something about this, please?
Would you please go upstairs and just trash stuff?
Wait, why does he have to do that?
You want it to seem authentic, don't you?
I guess, but--
there's no buts.
We either do this for real or we don't do it at all.
Hm?
No, I...
You got a vicodan or oxy, by any chance?
Uh, I don't think so.
Sorry.
No worries.
Whoo!
What's with the voice?
Anonymity thing.
Nice touch.
Thank you.
So, where's the money?
You'll get your money. First I need time with her.
Really?
Yeah, that's the only way this is gonna work.
Well, okay.
Make it count.
Shall we?
Yeah. Come on.
Help! Help! Hey, it's me, it's me!
Who are you! It's me, it's Clarence!
Oh, you don't know me, I'm, uh... hi, I'm Clarence.
But I'm not one of them.
See?
What's going on?
That's complicated.
Where are we?
Uh, we're at my house.
You live here?
Uh, yeah.
What do they want from us?
Uh... it's not you they want...
That is actually not true... It is true.
It's more of what they want from me, for you.
Doesn't really look that way.
See... uh...
They brought you here because I...
Because I...
Because why?
Because they knew i--
we need to have a chat!
No, stop, stop, please! Wait! Stop, stop, no!
All right, what the hell are you doing?
You always gotta leave them wanting more.
What?
You were about to re-enact the goddamn notebook in there.
No, I wasn't, and you don't have to be so fucking rough.
Do you want this to feel real for her or not? Hm?
It's your money, man.
It is your move. I am just here to help you.
Okay.
You gonna let me do my job? Yeah, okay.
Please? Yes.
Thank you.
Let's just take a beat and just relax, all right?
And we'll go back out there and we'll get into it.
This is a very nice room.
Hey, what was he saying?
You really wanna know?
Well... girl to girl, we have on good authority...
That your friend Clarence will pay big bucks for your safety.
Why would he do that? I don't even know him.
Because he's in love with you.
Kind of romantic, if you ask me.
Man hey, post one to post two...
I'm heading out to do my rounds.
Will you cover the south side gate for me?
Um... which gate is that, again?
Man south side. This post two?
Hey bro, can I get a better name than post two?
That's a total bitch name.
Man who is this?
Will you quit touching shit?
Hey, not all of us have our boyfriends...
Doing the heavy lifting.
Fuck you!
She's gone!
Shit! Shit!
Where the fuck did she go!
I don't fucking know!
Fucking kidding me!
Nicki, we got a runner.
Eyes open, she might be headed your way.
She's in the elevator.
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, it's okay, it's me, it's me!
Thank god.
Follow me, follow me!
Come on, come on, hurry up! Let's go!
Where do you think you're going?
Hey, hey! Please, can we go? Huh?
This way! No, this way!
Shit, fuck, fuck!
Shit.
Clarence famous Spanish painter...
Pablo Picasso once said, "i don't believe in accidents..
"There are only encounters in history...
"There are no accidents."
Oh, shit.
You okay, bro?
Agh... god!
What the fuck was that?
Get your ass in here, dude!
Whoa, what the fuck happened here!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, wait!
Let her go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! Don't do anything stupid.
Do it, baby! Pull the trigger! I want you to!
You want your money, you let her go.
What's wrong? Agh!
I'll be right back. Oh, no, no--
don't move!
What's going on!
Baby, baby.
Baby, it's okay, it's okay.
Relax, it's okay.
Everything's okay, it's just a little...
He's dead, he's dead!
I know-- I know he's dead and I'm really sad about it, too...
I'm super sad.
What the hell happened?
Freak accident.
This an-- babe-- babe, i--
I wanna go home, I can't do this anymore.
I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore.
No, no, listen, you can do this. We can do this together.
Because remember tonight, it changes everything...
And if we can make it through tonight, then come tomorrow...
We can have everything that we ever wanted.
Remember, happily ever after?
We can't let one little accident change that, right?
Yeah!
No, you can do it. Put that on.
Let me hold that for just a second while you put on your...
Yeah.
All right, there you go. There you go.
This-- this mask was a really good choice.
You look great, really. Come on, atta' girl!
Thank you. Go for it!
Atta' girl!
Come on! Clarence! What the--
I'll take care of everything.
Move! Faster! I promise.
What the fuck is this, huh? Was this part of the deal?
How was I supposed to know this was gonna happen?
What am I supposed to do with this?
See, that's funny, because i distinctly remember...
You saying that no one would get hurt.
Are you suggesting that this is my fault.
Okay, no, no, I can fix this. I can fix this.
Yeah, you're gonna fix this. How are you gonna fix this?
I'll pay you more money.
Guess that changes the splits.
Step into my office.
Talk to me.
I'll pay you $30,000.
You're suggesting that this dead young man's life...
Is only worth a $5,000 premium?
No, no, I think that...
Hey, hey, you, yeah... Don't poke him!
What? He's dead.
Okay, fine, fine, I'll pay you $50,000.
All right, I want it transferred now.
No transfers, it's all going to be in cash.
Show it to me, where is it?
You'll see it when i want you to see it.
Clarence, do not get smart with me.
I am not in the mood.
All right, there's a dead guy we gotta deal with here--
hey, you want your money, I want my girl.
So, you don't harm a hair on her head or mine...
If you want to see that money.
This was your idea, remember that.
Yeah, all right, fine.
$75,000 it is.
What? We just--
excuse me, but the game has changed a little bit...
Don't you think?
We're dealing with damages now, man.
This dead guy here, he had nine kids.
He had triplets three times over.
He didn't even know what a condom was and the fact...
Of the matter is, he's got a lot of obligations...
And now those obligations are my obligations.
It's gonna be on me and I'm gonna...
It's where I'm going after i get rid of his fucking corpse.
Speaking of which, can you stop doing drugs for a minute...
Please, and just take care of this?
Un-fucking-professional.
Thank you.
Are you coming back for him?
I'm going to get help, asshole!
Hey, will you call kj... I mean, selina...
And get down here and help me?
I will in a second.
Please tell me you're not done with that.
I've never fucking duct taped anyone before!
Go!
Hey, I'm really sorry about your friend.
He wasn't my friend.
Well, whoever he is, I can tell it's really affecting you.
Well, it's not. Please don't talk to me.
Then what is?
Listen, I can tell you're a really good person...
You just got yourself in a really tough situation.
You don't know anything about me.
You're right... I don't.
My name's Alex.
Am I allowed to know your name?
Selina, can you come help me with this, please?
Selina! Selina?
She got away!
What! Where is she!
I don't know, shut up!
How could you let this happen again?
Help me find her!
Fuck!
Fuck. Oh, come on.
Shit! Shit!
Where are you, you little bitch!
All clear!
Oh, god... oh.
Gotcha!
Oh, shit!
Shit!
Agh!
What the fuck are you doing?
What?
Why aren't you answering?
What are you talking about?
Check, check!
Son of a bitch, you were on the wrong channel, kj!
All right... what are you...
Okay, that makes perfect sense.
What makes sense?
There was this guy and he called me post two...
And I was like, listen, bitch, I'm not post two, okay?
Oh, my god!
Hey, Emma?
Yeah, you're gonna want to get out here.
What's wrong?
Um, we have a friend. And by, "a friend,"
I mean a potential enemy.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Aw, not now.
Dispatch, this is unit 219, code 6 on a 459a...
At 585 Crescent place...
Standby.
Hi, there.
Hi, there, hi.
What seems to be the issue, officer?
We got a call from the security company...
About an alarm here.
They called for a response, but didn't hear back.
Is that so?
Yes, that's so.
Agh!
Shit on Carl... Shit on Carl...
Patrick ain't got tickets to the gun show.
Fuck yeah!
Aw, don't worry, little darlin', he won't mind.
Let me see that thing.
Oh.
Oh, oops.
Aw...
You're so fucking sick.
Oh, look, now we're twins.
Do you want to tell me what it is...
You're all doing out here at this time of night?
Uh... just helping our buddy do some moving, you know?
Uh, right, Clarence?
Yep...
Who owns the Van?
I do.
And you live here?
Actually, I do, sir.
Okay.
Do you mind if I take a look and see what's inside the Van?
No, don't mind at all.
Oh!
What, uh...
I need you to go get Clarence, please.
I want you to go get Clarence.
Clarence is busy at the moment. Can I take a message?
Please go get Clarence.
You don't need Clarence, you got Carl right here.
Carl?
Is that your name?
Uh, I meant, narl.
No, no, you said, Carl.
Is Carl your name?
No! Yeah.
No! Carl!
No!
Don't say that!
Don't you dare!
Don't do it, don't move! It's not worth it, man.
Patrick, are you crazy?
It's either him or us, baby cakes.
No!
It doesn't have to go down like this, Patrick.
You know, it took you like 30 minutes to get here, man!
Your response time sucks.
Hey! Get off her!
Stay back, lover boy!
Clarence 30th president of the United States...
Calvin coolidge once said...
"Heroism is not only in the man, but in the occasion."
Fuck!
What did you do! Fuck!
That was awesome!
You fucking shot me.
Fuck you, you little fucking--
god...
Turn off the fucking lights, kj!
Turn off the fucking lights and put the body in the Van!
Fuck! Fuck!
Huh...
Get off me, son.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!
You saved my life.
What? Yeah...
I guess I did.
Clarence, look out!
This... whole... thing...
Has... gone... to... shit!
Stop it, stop it you fucking coward!
You're next.
Get your ass up!
Walk!
Emma!
I need you!
Yes.
This is fucking awesome.
Get down the stairs...
- What the fuck is wrong with you? - Okay, okay!
I swear to god, man.
Go on!
Real guns were not part of the plan!
He was trying to fucking kill her!
What the hell-- what's going on here?
The deal is done, Clarence, the game has changed!
No, no, no, wait, this is not what we agreed to!
Fuck you, man! Did you just shoot a fucking cop?
If you hadn't of brought a gun...
You wouldn't have just killed a fucking cop!
If I hadn't brought the fucking gun...
Then we would all be in jail right now.
So, shut your fucking mouth, before I blow your nuts off...
And you won't even have a chance to use them...
With your little crush!
You saved the girl, you beat the bad guys.
You even took a fucking bullet for her!
So, congratulations, you're a goddamn hero, Clarence!
Bullet, I didn't take a bullet.
Oh god!
Always be the smartest guy in the room, remember?
What is wrong with you.
It's $100,000 now and it's non-fucking-negotiable!
We have about 15, 20 minutes tops...
Until they come looking for that cop.
You clean up the blood and pull in the bodies, okay?
Wait, when you say," we", you mean just me and kj, right?
Yes, I want you to clean it up.
I'm gonna go get the money.
Why don't-- why can't i go get the money?
You can have all of Carl's share...
Just please do what I say!
That's right, have the black guy go clean everything up.
I'm down with that. Mm-hm.
Yeah, cracker-ass cracker...
Is always telling me to clean shit up.
Ding-a-ding-a-ding -a-ding-a-hey!
Ding-a-ding-a-ding a-ding-a-hey!
Ding-a-ding-a...
Housekeeping, I'm here to clean up the mess.
Oh, my god, this is disgusting.
You've made such a disgusting mess of this room.
No, seriously, you really did a number on my homies.
Well, I mean, that guy's my homie...
I don't even know this guy.
You know how hard it is to make friends?
Dap it...
Pound it...
My ninja.
You stay there, okay?
You, too.
Heavy.
Oh, honey bunny, talk to me.
I can't, I can't do it anymore.
Everything is going wrong, people are dying.
This wasn't a part of the plan.
You can't plan for this sort of thing, honey...
I mean, nobody knows what's going to happen really...
That's why they're called accidents.
But you just shot that guy.
He wanted it, he was asking for it.
It's like a badge of honor for him.
But the police are gonna come and they're gonna accuse us--
they're gonna accuse us of murder.
No, no, no, no, no, no, honey, honey, look at me, look at me.
No. Unh-unh, no.
I'm gonna clean that up, too. Mm-hm.
There's nothing to worry about, honey, we're gonna...
Be long gone by the time the cops get here.
They won't even know that we were here.
I'm just gonna go to the Van.
No, no, I need you here watching Alex...
So that I can go and find the money.
Why did you say her name like that?
What do you mean?
You just said "Alex" so casually... it's weird.
Well, yeah, I mean, that's her name.
People call each other by their fucking names, right?
What the fuck?
It's a name, that's what you're supposed to call...
Somebody by, right?
Is that, that?
What do you call somebody by...
If you don't call somebody by their name?
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm just really freaking out.
I know, sweetheart, I know.
I'm here to protect you.
Okay?
Okay.
You know... I've never been with a woman before.
I was gonna wait until later, but you know me...
I'm just a hopeless romantic and I think it might help...
You see the finish line a little more clearly.
Oh my god!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's-- yep.
Oh, you know, we can make some adjustments...
To it, so it fits better.
There's only one like it in the whole wide world.
Patrick, I love it! You love it?
Yeah? Yeah? Oh good.
Oh wow... wow. Just, congratulations, mm-hm.
Are you happy? Good.
We gotta get that money so i can afford to pay off that ring.
Why don't you go take care of her and I'll go find that cash?
I love you.
I know.
Whoa...
This is so fucking ninja.
Dispatch 10-18, can I get a status check...
On Crescent point?
Code 6, standby.
Dispatch 10-4.
How's it going? Where were we?
The money, huh?
I can't... I can't believe you shot me.
Yeah, and I'll shoot you again if you don't tell me...
Where the fucking money is, man.
Come on, Clarence. Work with me.
It's in the pool.
What do you mean it's in the pool?
It's in the pool.
Like, like it's floating in the pool?
What is it like wet bills? Am i going to have to fish it out?
Come on, Clarence, you gonna piss me off here?
It's in a case.
Like a box?
Like a case-- like a fuck--
sealed? Water tight?
Like a Pulp Fiction transporter fucking case.
Clarence, you crazy bastard!
All right, well let's go for a dip!
Yeah... fuck yeah.
What the fuck is that?
Oh yeah, um, I found it in the cop car.
It's really cool, right?
It's like, I think it's like super like powerful and shit.
Okay, give it to me.
No!
No fucking way, man!
Give me the fucking gun!
Hey, you haven't given me a gun all night, okay?
Then I go out on my own accord and find the biggest...
The baddest, the most dope gun...
And then you try to take it away from me?
Like, no, man, fuck you!
Fine, hang onto it, you're gonna kill yourself with it anyway.
Come on, let's get to work.
You're a dick, and i found another gun, too...
And I'm not even telling you about that.
Hi... I'm really sorry you got shot...
But would you mind telling me where the cleaning products are?
It'd be like super helpful.
I'm sorry it had to go down like this, Clarence.
You know, but think about it this way.
You'll have a good story to tell...
You're gonna have a hell of a scar.
Chicks dig that sort of thing, man.
I'm a little jealous, personally.
Huh... you sneaky son of a bitch.
Never would have guessed.
Well, I'm just full of surprises.
Hey, my music isn't bothering you guys, right?
Ready for it, ready for it. Oh, yeah, dance funk.
Oy, oy! Whoop, whoop!
That's been in there the whole night?
Yeah.
That means there's only $25,000 in there.
Mm-hm.
Well, you better go in and fucking get it.
Does it look like I'm in the mood for a fucking swim?
Does it look like I give a shit?
You ever hear the expression, "shooting fish in a barrel?"
Huh?
Yo, why is this place empty!
Hm...
Damn, you're one good-looking motherfucker.
Hm...
Congratulations.
Thank you.
I can't really see it, but it looks really beautiful.
You must be super happy.
Yeah, I am.
I'd love to see it.
I mean, if you're okay with that.
I know we don't really know each other and everything...
But what girl doesn't wanna show off her engagement ring?
Right?
You're right.
Technically, you are the first person to know.
It's supposed to be your best friend, right?
Well, it was when I got engaged.
You were married?
Ugh, technically I still am.
What happened?
Can I see it?
What happened was, i married the asshole...
That gave you my wedding ring.
Think I got all night!
Come on, give it to me.
You shot my arm.
Give it to me!
Jesus!
You know, this is a $500 jacket, man!
I'm still making payments on it.
Give it to me.
Come on, come on.
Agh!
What the fuck happened to you?
He ran around to the front of the house.
Go cut him off.
Okay, cool.
Anyways, this guy... he's not Clarence duffield, just saying.
Look what I found.
I'm out.
You gotta be kidding me.
Hi, Patrick!
Hi-ya, Alex!
What happened here?
You know, Alex pointed out something really interesting...
About the wedding ring.
Ah...
Now, why would we want to let a little thing...
Like that bother us, hm?
You're an asshole.
Yeah, but you knew that, didn't you?
You proposed to me with your ex-wife's wedding ring!
Technically, we're still married.
Technically.
And we did kidnap her tonight so, you know...
What do you expect?
Kj yo, pick up, dude.
Excuse me. Gotta take this.
Sorry, go again.
Kj yo, we ain't got no wheels.
If it ain't one thing it's another, right?
Listen, girls, I would love to just keep going around...
And around like this, really hash it out.
No, this ends now!
We are going to figure out how to make this all fucking work...
And then we are gonna go our separate ways.
So, we're through?
Yeah, we're through.
All right, but you ain't getting' none of this score.
And I'm gonna need that ring back.
Screw you, Patrick.
I'm running a little bit low on time.
Hey, Clarence!
Where you at, white boy?
I'm gonna get you.
Aw, come on...
Don't you know ninjas can see in the dark?
You almost got got, bitch!
Yayuh!
Alex, come on!
Agh!
You threw a fucking gun at me, you bitch!
Motherfucker!
Clarence!
Yo, quit being a little bitch!
Patrick the police will be here any minute.
If you're smart, you'll get out while you still can.
Never!
Marco? Marco?
Hey!
Agh!
Yo, I'm gonna kill you, big man!
Agh! Clarence!
Oh... I thought you were dead.
I really didn't think I was ever gonna see you again.
Don't worry... I'm incredibly determined.
Agh! What happened?
Patrick shot me!
Are you okay?
I don't know.
Let's go, we can't stay here, let's go!
Agh!
I got you mother-truckers now.
Clarence?
You're literally killing me right now.
Clarence political activist...
Emma Goldman once said...
"The most violent element in society is ignorance."
Oh, shit!
Agh! Go to hell!
I didn't think you'd still be here!
Yeah, well I had some unfinished business!
You're wasting time, Patrick, cops are on their way!
Yeah, I know!
Say, you're not just some rich kid with a crush, are ya?
Nope.
You were playing me from the beginning.
Yep.
Say, where'd you get the money that you gave me to begin with?
My grandmother actually gave me a little money when she died.
You're not a duffield, are you?
Nope.
Yeah, piece of shit car in the garage gave you away.
What happened to the nice one?
It was a rental. And the house?
Craigslist... vacation rental section.
Couple grand for a few nights.
Not a bad deal.
Not gonna get your deposit back, though.
Agh, shit.
Sounds like you're all out of bargaining chips.
Hey, Alex, you wanna hear a secret?
Looks like we got ourselves...
A little Mexican standoff here, huh?
Minus the Mexican.
Didn't anyone ever tell you not to bring a knife...
To a gunfight, Clarence?
Say, baby cakes, what if i told you that Clarence here...
Had this whole night planned out from the get go?
He did... it's true.
He hired me... to kidnap you.
So that he could save your life and look like the hero.
Me!
Can you believe it? I mean, what are the odds, right?
That's what I thought.
But it turns out that Clarence knew who I was the entire time.
What I can't figure out is why he would want to fuck with me!
But I think now's a pretty good time for you to tell us...
Clarence, I think we're all ears.
Well, it's exactly like you said. She needed a hero.
I've been going to that bar for years.
I was there when you two were happily married...
And I watched it go sour.
You're a pretty shitty guy, Patrick.
But I knew you wouldn't pass up an opportunity...
To make a little money off killing your wife...
And getting her grandmother's money.
That is why you won't sign the divorce papers, right?
The inheritance?
As long as you're married, you still control half of it...
Just as soon as you can find a way to get a hold of it.
See, I pay attention to the details...
That's how I know what an amazing woman Alex really is...
Even if she was too hurt from you to show it to anyone.
When I told you I wanted to be her hero, I meant it.
So, it turns out you were our real villain all along.
That is incredibly beautiful, man.
I mean, that was... It's poetic.
Really tugged at every single one of my little heart strings.
This broke loser paid me to kidnap you...
Put your life at risk, got you shot!
Does that sound like prince fucking charming to you, Alex?
Does that seem like a hero to you?
I got news for you, baby.
I got news for you, too.
I don't think the hero's gonna win this time.
Agh! Ow, fuck!
Fuck! Shit! That hurt!
Yeah, it does.
It's getting very interesting tonight.
I think it's time you take a look inside that case.
The combination is 1-4-3.
Always be the smartest man in the room, Patrick.
The choice is yours.
If you sign those papers, you can walk out of here...
Free to go on with your pathetic excuse of a life.
Or...
Alex can decide what to do with you if you don't.
I don't even know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I did what I came here to do.
I wanted to help.
Why? You don't even know me.
Because I love you, Alex.
I have from the first moment I saw you.
Heck, I've been coming to your bar every night for years...
I don't even drink.
I wanted to know you...
I really wanted to know you.
I saw what he was doing to you and I hated it.
For me, sure, but more for you.
You deserve so much better.
But I saw it, you wouldn't give anyone the time of day...
Because you were too busy guarding yourself...
From ever being hurt like that again.
When you guard yourself from pain...
You're also preventing yourself from ever being loved.
So, you almost killed me to show me that I'm alive?
Yeah, something like that.
So, what happens now?
The way I see it, I think we only have two options.
Option one, you shoot me.
I deserve it. I put your life in danger.
I fed you to the lion that was your husband...
Or, ex-husband now.
That seems only right that since i put your life in danger...
You have my permission to let you do the same.
Or, option two.
You let the police arrest me and storm the house.
I'll go quietly and plead guilty to any charge they give me.
Only you need to promise me something.
I need you to promise me that from now on...
You're gonna live your life with your head up...
And know that you deserve happiness every single day.
Because somewhere out there, there's this really messed up...
Boy who loves this beautiful, beautiful broken girl...
Who doesn't know what she's missing out on.
But both of those options...
Don't really seem that positive for you.
I really don't think i deserve anything positive...
At the moment.
Now it seems like you're the one that's shutting out...
The potential happiness in your life.
What would option three be?
Option three?
Yeah... there's gotta be option three.
Well, if there's an option three, I guess it'd have to be--