1
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,887
[Alex] The great white shark,
a vicious predator...
2
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,891
ruled by instinct.
3
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,270
Jordan Kovalenko,
4
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,482
star running back and vicious predator...
5
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,360
ruled by instinct.
6
00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:10,862
The Roseate Spoonbill,
7
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,781
at first sight a bit strange,
8
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,494
but then she spreads her wings
and becomes the picture of elegance.
9
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,621
Molly Ellington Kent,
10
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,916
pure, bespectacled,
eighth-grade awkwardness.
11
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,044
But on the first day of ninth grade,
12
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,589
Molly spread her wings and took flight.
13
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,925
And the males of her species took notice.
14
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,636
The peacock spider.
15
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,806
He flashes his colorful abdomen
to attract the females.
16
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,183
Owen Sheridan.
17
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,477
He flashes his colors in order to...
18
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,564
Well, you know, you get the message.
19
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:48,900
When it comes to mating,
20
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,153
I'm not really sure
what kind of animal I am,
21
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:54,156
mostly because, well,
I haven't had sex yet.
22
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,909
I'm not opposed to it,
I just haven't found the right girl.
23
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,287
Maybe that means I'm a penguin guy.
24
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,498
They're sweet, a little awkward,
and they mate for life,
25
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,042
which I think is kind of romantic.
26
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,377
I've always been a romantic.
27
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,964
My guy friends are definitely
a bunch of horny monkeys.
28
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,342
Proboscis monkeys, to be exact.
29
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,511
Goofy, rowdy, and obsessed
with the size of their...
30
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,680
uh, noses.
31
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,976
So to be clear, none of us are winning
any football trophies,
32
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,853
but we're not totally D-list.
33
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:27,439
In fact...
34
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,067
The next president of Buchanan High is...
35
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,486
Alex Truelove.
36
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,113
[cheers and applause]
37
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,741
[Alex] Yeah, that's my actual last name.
38
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,911
I've taken plenty of shit for it
over the years.
39
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,998
Eventually I owned it
and used it for political gain.
40
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,001
But it hasn't done much
to help me with girls.
41
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,671
I mean, who'd want to go out
with a cephalopod-obsessed,
42
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,089
Type A wildlife nerd?
43
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,009
Don't be dangling this
out of some damn window.
44
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,512
This is a $1,200 piece of equipment.
45
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,390
If you bust it doing something stupid,
46
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,017
I'll take it out of your deposit.
47
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:05,727
Okay?
48
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,729
Okay, great.
49
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:12,859
So now let's talk about batteries.
Everybody's favorite subject, right?
50
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,779
- These batteries. Run the battery down...
- Excuse me.
51
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:16,697
Sorry for spying.
52
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,366
Is that a blue-ringed octopus?
53
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,575
Wow.
54
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,120
You know your cephalopods.
55
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,996
So please, I beg you...
56
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,378
I want you...
57
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,464
[Mr. Farber] Always take the lens cap
off the lens.
58
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,675
...to be my video production partner.
59
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,844
- Oh.
- If you don't already have one.
60
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,262
Truelove?
61
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,181
Quit trying to pick up the new girl.
Pay attention.
62
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,767
Thank you.
63
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,103
- Now, my future Fellinis...
- Truelove?
64
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,313
Yeah. You can call me Alex, though.
65
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,735
You can call me
your video production partner.
66
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,194
Partner.
67
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,238
[Mr. Farber] Take the lens cap off...
68
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,867
[Alex] That was the beginning
of Savage Kingdom High,
69
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,702
hosted by Alex and Claire.
70
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,162
[rhinoceros bellows]
71
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,165
Well, it's mating season
here at Buchanan High.
72
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,209
And just like
a colony of randy African hippos,
73
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,919
the kids are getting it on.
74
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,714
The Piranha Patrol is at it again.
75
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,717
Let's see who survived
the latest social feeding frenzy.
76
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,678
What began as a high school video project,
77
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,472
became a semi-popular web series
78
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:27,309
dedicated to the savage kingdom
that is the modern American high school.
79
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,521
Here we'll find the library lemurs
80
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,565
camouflaged in their natural habitat.
81
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:34,483
Follow me.
82
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,987
Look, I've discovered a nest.
83
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,616
It's rare to find so many in one place.
84
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,034
A substantial herd.
85
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,454
Who are the naked mole rats
of Buchanan High?
86
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,956
The answer might surprise you.
87
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,293
Holy shit. We already have 28,000 views.
88
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,587
I told you a topless video would kill.
89
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,631
What a weird, pervy world we live in.
90
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:02,928
What?
91
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,599
Do you want to come
to the homecoming dance with me?
92
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,062
Oh. Um...
93
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,564
I mean, I know it's like
a lame high school ritual,
94
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,442
but, I don't know, we could rig
the Homecoming Queen election
95
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,195
so that you win, and then
we could pour pig's blood on you
96
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,781
and you could burn down the gym
in a telekinetic rage.
97
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,206
Darling.
98
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,875
[Alex] And the best part is...
99
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,336
we won Homecoming King and Queen!
100
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,755
Does this dress make me look fat?
101
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,219
[Alex] After that, we went
to every high school dance we could.
102
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,345
But just as friends.
103
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,891
Your chariot awaits.
104
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:51,768
What's wrong?
105
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,979
My mom is in the hospital.
106
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,984
She's at Harrison Methodist, right?
107
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:02,320
Aren't they like
a really cutting-edge cancer hospital?
108
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,363
Yeah.
109
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,906
Yeah, so she's in good hands.
110
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:07,284
I guess.
111
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,577
[exhales]
112
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,370
They're gonna do a bunch of tests.
113
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,163
It just sucks.
114
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,290
Yeah, it sucks.
115
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,672
You look cute, Sid Vicious.
116
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,177
- I'm sorry, I ruined the night.
- No, you didn't ruin anything.
117
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,972
Come on, we can have
our junior prom right here.
118
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:29,973
It's all good.
119
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,754
Did we just ruin the friendship?
120
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:02,881
I don't care.
121
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,517
[Alex] The next day
I went to the aquarium with Claire,
122
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,603
my official girlfriend.
123
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,940
I kept waiting for her to turn and say,
124
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,360
"Just kidding, you're clearly too dorky
to be boyfriend material."
125
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,320
But she never did.
126
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,824
And now...
127
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:31,785
Senior year.
128
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,746
I think this could be
the girl I'm gonna marry.
129
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,915
As for sex, it hasn't happened yet,
130
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,541
but any day now.
131
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:39,751
Any day.
132
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:40,669
["Kelly" plays]
133
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,089
♪ First time Kelly kissed a boy ♪
134
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:49,135
♪ Glow in the dark arrow in the heart ♪
135
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:53,306
♪ First time Kelly kissed a boy ♪
136
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,310
Hey, hey, hey, dudes,
I have a question for you.
137
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,272
Okay, where is the craziest place
you guys have ever done it?
138
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,357
Like, sexy time.
139
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,817
[laughs]
140
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,277
The back room of Cookie Eclipse.
141
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:07,821
Like at work?
142
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:11,491
Yeah, the smell of chocolate chips
was wafting through the air.
143
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,034
Sounds magical. Josh?
144
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,953
Inflatable dragon.
145
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,913
Like one of those bouncy castles?
146
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,708
Inflatable dragon.
That's all I'm gonna say, man.
147
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,668
- [laughter]
- Wow.
148
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,294
- Hey, boys.
- Hello.
149
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,379
Perfect timing.
150
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,382
I'm collecting some scientific data
for a research project.
151
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,343
Wait, do we have a research project due?
When is that? Is that AP History?
152
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,262
- When is that due?
- Oh my God.
153
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,973
Where is the craziest place
you guys have ever done it?
154
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:36,725
- Oh.
- Hmm.
155
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,060
That's easy, we have not done it yet.
156
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,737
What? It's true. I've been trying
to de-virginize you for eight months.
157
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:49,654
You won't let me.
158
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,197
Okay, see you inside.
159
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,160
- Wow.
- [laughter]
160
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,163
- Guys. Guys, look...
- Dude. Oh, my God.
161
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,791
Dude, you were just like stripped
of your penis before our very eyes.
162
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,001
Balls too.
163
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,127
Ballsack included.
164
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,962
Your dick is gone, though.
165
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,464
Yeah, it dropped right off.
166
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,174
Gone in a poof of dick glitter.
167
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,009
[imitates explosion]
168
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,303
No, we just want it to be special.
169
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,221
Oh my God, you're gay.
170
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,432
- [Alex] That's very funny.
- No, no, no, really.
171
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,268
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's the 21st century.
172
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:21,770
Everyone's gay.
173
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:22,687
Are you gay?
174
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,230
- Fuck no!
- Well, neither am I.
175
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,273
Homophobes.
176
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:28,735
Can't we just get past this whole
horny, teenage boy archetype.
177
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,654
Quite frankly, the idea that it's gay
to think of sex
178
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,699
as something that's meaningful and special
is offensive.
179
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,577
That's the gayest sentence
anyone's ever said, dude.
180
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,246
Okay, so what is it?
181
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,332
Am I gay, or did my dick fall off?
182
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,374
Your dick fell off.
183
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,210
Good luck being gay with no dick.
184
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,427
[clears throat]
185
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,347
- May I help you?
- What was that?
186
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,225
What? I was just answering
Dell's question.
187
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,061
No, you weren't.
You totally threw me under the bus.
188
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:07,732
And not like any bus, like a giant,
hulking tour bus for Beyoncé.
189
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,234
- Don't be dramatic.
- I'm not.
190
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,529
But you made me seem
like a prudish, sexophobic freak.
191
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,280
Well, isn't that kind of true?
192
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,491
No.
193
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,492
What?
194
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,078
That is so not true.
195
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,831
- I never wanted to wait until marriage.
- Shh. Okay.
196
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,625
- Not that specifically.
- Well, then what specifically?
197
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:27,919
Okay.
198
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:33,341
Why is it every time we're,
you know, like, going at it,
199
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,802
you always put the brakes on
at a certain point?
200
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,595
Well... I don't know.
201
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,932
I just... We've never really talked
about going past that point.
202
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,395
- Maybe we should just go for it.
- Yeah.
203
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,646
You know, I mean...
204
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,567
- I'd like to.
- Yeah, I know. Me too.
205
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,235
Okay, so when?
206
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,452
Let's get a hotel room.
207
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:02,912
- What?
- Let's do it.
208
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,664
Let's get a hotel room next week.
209
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,082
Deal?
210
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,961
Okay, I don't think
you're supposed to shake on this.
211
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,171
- Okay. Deal.
- Okay.
212
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,133
I'm gonna sex you so good
you wont know what time it is.
213
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,342
Wow.
214
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,344
- I like that.
- Yeah?
215
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,431
I'm gonna sex you like a tornado on fire.
216
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,599
Nice.
217
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,768
I'm gonna sex you
like a gorilla would sex his...
218
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,313
fuzzy, furry gorilla...
219
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,065
life mate.
220
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,776
- You should workshop that one.
- Yeah, it's not as good.
221
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,987
[bell rings]
222
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,323
The Golgi apparatus is responsible
223
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,658
for the manufacturing and shipping
224
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,744
of the molecules produced by,
225
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:47,832
and synthesized in,
the endoplasmic reticulum.
226
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:50,543
But the most amazing thing
about all of this...
227
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,046
is Alex Truelove
is going to have sex next week.
228
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:54,714
What?
229
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,132
Hot...
230
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,091
sweaty...
231
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,219
ass-slapping intercourse...
232
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,554
of a sexual kind.
233
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,141
Just try not to fuck it up.
234
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,726
[gulps]
235
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:07,936
Okay, yeah.
236
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,145
[bell rings]
237
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,190
Okay, read pages 121 through 140
238
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,524
for tomorrow, guys.
239
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:14,651
- Okay?
- [student] Okay.
240
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,568
Okay?
241
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,490
I found my dick.
242
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,908
I'll be the judge of that.
243
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:25,119
Not that it's any of your business,
but Claire and I talked
244
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:27,497
and we're planning
a little date next week.
245
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,374
A consummation, if you will.
246
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,960
"Consummation"? Are you my grandma?
247
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,629
- I need your help.
- It's called "bumping uglies," Alex.
248
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,755
Your sister's help.
249
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,174
Or "vaginal humping"
if you want to get technical.
250
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,259
- Dell!
- What?
251
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,261
I need Hillary to book me a hotel room.
252
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:42,762
You predator.
253
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,806
You have to be over 18 to book a room.
254
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,516
- So get Josh to do it. He's 18.
- What?
255
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,393
No, no. I want to keep this
under the radar.
256
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,519
Is she still in town?
257
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,813
Oh, she's in town
for the foreseeable future.
258
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,232
Fun fact, she got kicked out
of Northside Community College,
259
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,110
- if you can believe that.
- Okay, will you talk to her, please?
260
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,738
Since it's for a good cause. Yeah! Yeah!
261
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,740
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Oh!
262
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,450
Yeah, congratulations, Truelove.
263
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,035
You will be a man soon.
264
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,912
Well, that makes one of you.
265
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,207
[Alex] Okay, sidebar. Sophie Hicks.
266
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,919
♪ Ooh, baby
Do you know what that's worth? ♪
267
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,881
♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on earth ♪
268
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:22,844
♪ They say in heaven love comes first ♪
269
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:26,848
♪ We'll make heaven a place on earth ♪
270
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:30,351
[Alex] Dell has had a mad crush
on Sophie Hicks since elementary school.
271
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,562
In the sixth grade,
he thought it'd be a brilliant move
272
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,316
to take some 11-year old beefcake selfies
and send them to her for Valentine's Day.
273
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,153
Of course, Sophie couldn't keep
a treasure like that to herself,
274
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,196
and it wasn't long
before the entire sixth grade
275
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,573
was enjoying Dell's photo shoot.
276
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,532
[laughter]
277
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:48,411
Thus branding him "Delgado Beanpolio"
for the rest of his life.
278
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,537
But he didn't care.
279
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,581
Dell has always been an optimist.
280
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,874
Sophie Hicks.
281
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,125
You know you love me.
282
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,002
Yeah, let me sleep on that one.
283
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,254
Are you inviting me to sleep with you?
284
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,505
[gasps]
285
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,382
Sophie, that's so forward.
286
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,969
In another dimension, Delgado.
Another dimension.
287
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,974
A man can dream.
288
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:15,646
[Claire] So, I'm thinking
we go full Great Gatsby for prom.
289
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,441
Some hardcore Jay and Daisy action.
What do you think?
290
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:21,944
Hello?
291
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,821
Condoms.
292
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,323
What?
293
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,702
I don't have any condoms,
so we should stop off at the Rite Aid
294
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,537
before we do the whole hotel thing.
295
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,957
Oh, God, Alex,
please do not freak out about this.
296
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,334
I'm not freaking out.
297
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,086
Yes, you are. I know you.
298
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,130
You will stress out and get all uptight
and scrunch up your face,
299
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,091
just like you are doing right now.
300
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,510
You shouldn't worry so much.
301
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,136
It's not sexy.
302
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,597
[scoffs] Excuse me? I'm plenty sexy.
303
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,061
Wow, what a... what a crazy party.
304
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,480
You're awesome.
305
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,150
Yes.
306
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:05,738
Has anyone ever told you
that you have beautiful breasts?
307
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:11,577
So perky and well-proportioned.
308
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,872
You should take off your bra.
309
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,128
Oh, you want me to take off your bra?
310
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:21,921
Okay.
311
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,758
Oh, nice.
312
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,760
Boobies.
313
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,096
Mmm.
314
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:31,973
Does that feel good?
315
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,059
Do you like that?
316
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,104
I want to throw caution to the wind
317
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:41,023
and make sweet love to you.
318
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,568
Long and sensuous.
319
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,196
I want to slide my hard cock
320
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,823
into your wet pussy.
321
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,825
- [Lina] Alex?
- What? What?
322
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,161
Claire's here.
323
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:54,745
Great.
324
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,707
Who were you talking to?
325
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,292
No one. Myself.
326
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:00,668
My monkey.
327
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,254
Okay.
328
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,631
[Alex] Hey!
329
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,759
Okay, so Dell does not know
that it's a Drama party.
330
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,219
So don't tell him anything.
331
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,055
What's up? What's going on?
332
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,641
I got in.
333
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:17,852
To Columbia?
334
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,479
Oh, my God. That's awesome.
335
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,189
Congratulations. Amazing.
336
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,232
You got into Columbia?
337
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,028
Ron, Claire got into Columbia.
338
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,322
- Congrats, Claire.
- Thanks.
339
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,824
So when the hell
are you gonna hear from Columbia?
340
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,911
He's gonna get in. I applied early.
That's the only reason I heard.
341
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,746
You sent in the essay about Scout camp?
342
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,707
Nope, I sent the one
about the autistic kid at the rec center.
343
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,834
Ooh, that's good. Autism is good.
I'm sure you're in.
344
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,712
It's a good thing we have autistic kids
to help us get into college.
345
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,007
Okay, Mr. Sarcasm.
You'll be whistling a different tune
346
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:52,178
when you and Claire are walking across
the Columbia quad together next fall.
347
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,805
Dad, just don't jinx it, okay?
I'm stressed out enough already.
348
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,683
Okay. Well, we are very proud
of you, Claire.
349
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,977
Oh, thanks.
350
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,271
I can't wait to visit you two on campus.
351
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,232
Shut up, Dell.
I don't even know if I got in.
352
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,485
And Claire, FYI, I will be trying
to hook up with your roommate.
353
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,654
So, let's just try
and get that out in the open
354
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,405
so no one's uncomfortable later.
355
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,740
Okay, duly noted, Dell.
356
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,827
Willkommen!
357
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,789
Wait, is this a Drama party?
358
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,541
- Hey.
- Hi.
359
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,835
Here. You're welcome too, my boy.
360
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:32,760
Hi!
361
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,428
You were so good!
362
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,724
You're killing me. You're so good.
363
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,152
You sure you don't want
anything stronger to drink?
364
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,113
We're completely surrounded by Drama kids.
365
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,199
This is Amaro,
the Italian digestif, my friend.
366
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:58,578
- What do you have against Drama kids?
- They only have shit like "Amaro"
367
00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,745
to drink at a party.
368
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,747
Trust me, it's strong.
That's why I'm sipping it.
369
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,458
One day, Truelove,
I'm gonna get you freakin' hammered
370
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,876
on good old-fashioned beer,
371
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,879
and then you'll realize that cutting loose
is actually fun.
372
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,758
Acting dumb and puking your guts out
sure sounds like a lot of fun to me.
373
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,760
Don't knock it till you tried it.
374
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,181
Greetings, Buchanan Drama geeks.
375
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,933
This party is about to begin.
376
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,560
Please tell me you brought me beer.
377
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,478
Beer?
378
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:28,065
Where we're going, we don't need beer.
379
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,819
[Blake] It's a frog.
380
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,946
[Josh] It's the Guyana banana leaf toad.
381
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,906
Wait. That's an extremely rare species.
382
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:38,618
Hell yeah. Do you know how hard it was
to get one over the internet?
383
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,954
You smuggled an illegal exotic animal
into the country?
384
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:46,334
Illegal, exotic,
and highly psychoactive, baby.
385
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,793
[laughter]
386
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:51,088
I owe you and Claire a huge thank you
for your weird-ass videos.
387
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:54,425
Otherwise, I wouldn't even know
that this guy exists.
388
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,926
[frog croaks]
389
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:56,844
So...
390
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,013
Who's first?
391
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,141
No.
392
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,435
No way, we're not licking this frog.
393
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,395
Oh, we are so licking this frog.
394
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,774
Dell, wait, that is dangerous,
and toxic, and...
395
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,610
And delicious.
396
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,446
All right, I can't watch this.
I gotta go pee.
397
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,198
Shit.
398
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,240
What happened?
399
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:21,744
Uh...
400
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,789
You lost the frog?
You... you dumb shit!
401
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,083
God help us.
402
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,429
Shut the door.
403
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,472
Shut it.
404
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,270
Sorry to be so gruff, but honestly,
I don't want to advertise this
405
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,064
to the entire world, okay?
406
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,273
Yeah, sure, sure.
407
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,027
Come on, join the cool kids.
408
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:56,737
Hey.
409
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,118
- Do you guys go to Buchanan?
- No.
410
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,204
Actually, I go to Northridge
and I met Sophie at drama camp.
411
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,915
He doesn't even go to high school.
412
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,333
Yeah, I'm a juvenile delinquent.
413
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,127
Really?
414
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,963
No. I graduated last year.
415
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:17,049
Tragically, she's still got
one more year to endure.
416
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,428
Yeah, that's why I'm getting stoned.
417
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,012
Okay.
418
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,639
Elliot.
419
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,598
Alex.
420
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,058
Gretchen.
421
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,184
Yeah! Hey!
422
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,148
I think we're here to corrupt you, Alex.
423
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,318
He's gone.
He's totally fucking gone, Dell.
424
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,946
Don't yell at me, man.
It was a slippery little shit.
425
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,073
You owe me $1,100 bucks.
426
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:43,451
I'd be more concerned
about the environmental catastrophe
427
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:44,744
when that thing breeds.
428
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,746
That's not funny, dude.
429
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:47,663
Help me look.
430
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,708
Have you looked
next to the singing garden hose?
431
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,044
[yodeling]
432
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,922
What are you talking about?
433
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,843
I, uh... yeah.
434
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,138
[yodeling]
435
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:07,516
I think I'm going to go inside
and get a drink of water.
436
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:12,480
What is this weird vendetta that you have
against the cheerleaders at our school?
437
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:16,609
The cheerleaders at our school
phone it in.
438
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,862
I mean, if they were more
like the competition cheerleaders
439
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,656
that actually did gymnastics
and had real skills
440
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,700
and smiled so wide
that they looked psychotic,
441
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,285
I'd totally be into it.
442
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:29,205
- Okay, fine, you have a point.
- I definitely have a point.
443
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,457
Every time we have an argument, I'm right.
444
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,293
So the sooner you accept that,
the better our relationship will be.
445
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,086
- Okay. Kiss and make up.
- Yeah.
446
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,298
Aww, you guys are the cutest couple.
447
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,966
Mmm, I think so.
448
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:44,136
If only Elliot were straight.
449
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,222
- Shut up.
- Or bi...
450
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:47,431
Or poly.
451
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,308
Then at least I'd have a chance.
452
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,185
What's "poly"?
453
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:54,939
It's some new thing kids at our school
are experimenting with.
454
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:55,856
Polyamory.
455
00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,484
Everyone except this one.
456
00:21:58,943 --> 00:21:59,819
But, alas...
457
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:06,867
Sorry, wrong room.
458
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:07,910
Don't be silly.
459
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,538
- Come join us, kind knave.
- No, no, really, I...
460
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:13,040
Oh, hush. Oh, hush, hush, hush, hush.
461
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,501
We're gonna play Sound Ball.
462
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,378
Sweet, gentle Jesus.
463
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,631
You guys live together?
464
00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:25,594
Uh, yeah, my dad sort of flipped
about the whole gay thing, so...
465
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:27,221
Oh, shit.
466
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:30,933
Oh, yeah, I mean, it wasn't a surprise.
He's kind of a redneck.
467
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,561
Plus, I posted a coming out video
on YouTube,
468
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,355
which did not help my case.
469
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,482
Did he kick you out?
470
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:43,571
It was a mutual decision.
471
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:49,034
Besides, I graduated, so...
472
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,453
Time for me to spread my wings, right?
473
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:57,334
And lucky for me, Gretchen has, like,
the coolest parents known to man.
474
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,380
Elliot can cook,
so we're totally keeping him.
475
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:04,675
And last week, he made this...
476
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,094
kick-ass osso buco.
477
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:12,641
I'm not even sure I know what that is.
478
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,519
It's really fucking good.
479
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,439
[sounds of gibberish]
480
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,792
Oh. Oh, God, no. Please, no.
481
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:40,085
No, no.
482
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,637
Remember me, bitch?
483
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:50,804
I'm sorry.
484
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:54,892
[groaning]
485
00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:01,649
God, he's good.
486
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:04,485
I don't know him. Was he in Pippin?
487
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,367
So, mister fancy class president Alex,
488
00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:15,079
What are your craziest hopes and dreams?
489
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,289
Oh, I don't know how crazy they are.
490
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:19,333
Go to Columbia next year,
491
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:21,335
major in Marine Biology,
492
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,046
get married at some point, have kids.
493
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,673
Maybe move out west to...
494
00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:27,424
Seattle, Arizona...
495
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:28,759
Wow.
496
00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:31,428
You've got the whole thing all mapped out.
497
00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:34,139
Yeah. What can I say? I'm a planner.
498
00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:46,527
[breathing heavily]
499
00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,737
Alex.
500
00:24:53,617 --> 00:24:54,451
[exhales]
501
00:24:57,413 --> 00:24:58,497
[moans]
502
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:00,040
Worms.
503
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:03,085
Eat us.
504
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,337
Eat us.
505
00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:08,841
Delicious worms.
506
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,858
[Alex] National Geographic photographer.
507
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,234
Hm?
508
00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:29,194
Crazy hopes and dreams.
509
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:30,112
I guess.
510
00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:33,407
I tell people marine biologist because...
511
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:35,284
because it sounds lucrative, but...
512
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,328
really, I just want to take pictures
of animals.
513
00:25:38,912 --> 00:25:40,497
It's pretty nerdy, I guess.
514
00:25:40,581 --> 00:25:42,666
- Okay, what's your favorite animal?
- Proboscis monkey.
515
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:44,835
- They live in the mango groves of Borneo.
- Wow.
516
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,003
- Yep.
- That's intense.
517
00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,630
- Yes. Sorry, I'm a little obsessed.
- That's okay.
518
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,258
I like a guy with strong opinions.
519
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,013
Yeah.
520
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,856
There you are!
521
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:09,526
You little stoner.
522
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,653
Guys, meet my friend, Claire.
523
00:26:11,737 --> 00:26:12,863
Friend?
524
00:26:13,322 --> 00:26:14,156
Unh-unh.
525
00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:17,034
I am his lover.
526
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,161
We do dirty things together.
527
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,789
Okay, little miss Chatty Cathy.
528
00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:24,541
Sorry, was that TMI? I'm a little buzzed.
529
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,503
It's okay. We totally support
passionate love making.
530
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:30,214
- Oh, actually, we have not...
- Okay, I think we should go.
531
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:31,882
Yeah, let's go. Let's go home.
532
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:34,259
- We should get you home.
- Oh, I'm feeling a little...
533
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:35,803
- Let me get you home.
- Bye.
534
00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:38,055
Alex, it was nice to meet you.
535
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:39,765
Yeah, nice to meet you.
536
00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:43,018
Bye.
537
00:26:46,897 --> 00:26:48,816
Get away from here!
538
00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:52,778
Okay. Where are we going?
539
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:56,615
- You're sexy.
- You're sexy.
540
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:57,866
A sexy...
541
00:26:57,950 --> 00:26:59,409
sex man.
542
00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:02,579
Screw the hotel, let's just do it here.
543
00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:03,872
What? I don't know.
544
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,625
- Get in the tub, bitch!
- Okay.
545
00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:08,627
[laughs]
546
00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:11,338
Are you serious?
547
00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:14,967
- Is this the right atmosphere for...
- Shh.
548
00:27:19,555 --> 00:27:21,807
- [Claire] Oh, hello, Dell.
- [Alex] Hey, Dell.
549
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:25,227
Hey, you don't look so good, man.
550
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,436
You feeling okay?
551
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,982
♪ When I see your face ♪
552
00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:35,988
♪ There's not a thing
That I would change ♪
553
00:27:39,616 --> 00:27:41,618
[screams]
554
00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:46,832
[whimpers]
555
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:48,375
It's strangely beautiful.
556
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:51,170
I want to go home.
557
00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:57,968
I'm sorry.
558
00:27:58,218 --> 00:28:00,888
I did not mean to get so drunk.
559
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:01,847
That's okay.
560
00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:03,265
You're pretty.
561
00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:05,726
Even when you're shit-faced.
562
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:10,898
Thank you for washing
the gummy-puke off of me.
563
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:14,067
You're welcome. Thanks for letting me
borrow your sweatshirt.
564
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:17,070
[yawning] I...
565
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:23,285
can't wait to have sex with you.
566
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:24,369
Mmm.
567
00:28:24,453 --> 00:28:25,454
Me too.
568
00:28:26,622 --> 00:28:27,915
Mmm. Come here.
569
00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,001
Mmm.
570
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:34,588
Is Dell okay?
571
00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:37,925
Yeah, he's just lying in the flower bed.
572
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:41,720
I think it's the best place for him
right now.
573
00:28:47,226 --> 00:28:48,101
[phone chimes]
574
00:29:01,823 --> 00:29:02,699
[phone chimes]
575
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:14,169
[phone chimes]
576
00:29:15,045 --> 00:29:15,879
[phone chimes]
577
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,674
- Who are you texting?
- Oh.
578
00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:20,425
You startled me.
579
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:22,803
How you feeling, party girl?
580
00:29:23,971 --> 00:29:24,805
You okay?
581
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:27,933
Better than him, at least.
582
00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:29,685
[snoring]
583
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:30,978
Who are you texting?
584
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:33,897
I'm texting that guy Elliot
from the party last night.
585
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:35,691
We were hanging out in the bedroom.
586
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:37,401
- The gay kid?
- Yeah.
587
00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:41,071
He's going to this show in Brooklyn,
and has an extra ticket, so...
588
00:29:41,154 --> 00:29:41,989
You know?
589
00:29:42,072 --> 00:29:43,198
Whoa.
590
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:44,283
Brooklyn.
591
00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:47,452
Look at you, hipster man.
592
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,578
Yeah.
593
00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:51,832
You can come if you want,
but I think he only has one ticket.
594
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:53,750
[exhales]
595
00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,669
I think I've got to lay low today.
596
00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:57,546
But you guys...
597
00:29:58,046 --> 00:29:59,256
rock it out.
598
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:00,674
Yeah.
599
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:02,384
["I Know A Place" plays]
600
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:04,553
♪ And I can tell ♪
601
00:30:04,970 --> 00:30:06,888
♪ When you get nervous ♪
602
00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:10,934
♪ You think being yourself
Means being unworthy ♪
603
00:30:11,018 --> 00:30:15,689
♪ And it's hard to love
With a heart that's hurting ♪
604
00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:19,860
♪ But if you want to go out dancing ♪
605
00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:22,154
♪ I know a place ♪
606
00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:25,782
♪ I know a place we can go ♪
607
00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:27,617
♪ Yeah ♪
608
00:30:27,701 --> 00:30:31,538
♪ Where everyone
Gonna lay down their weapon ♪
609
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,623
♪ Lay down their weapon ♪
610
00:30:33,957 --> 00:30:37,878
♪ Just give me trust
And watch what'll happen ♪
611
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:39,046
♪ 'Cause I know ♪
612
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,300
♪ I know a place we can run ♪
613
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:44,426
♪ Yeah ♪
614
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:48,847
♪ Where everyone
Gonna lay down their weapon ♪
615
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,682
♪ Lay down their weapon ♪
616
00:30:51,141 --> 00:30:54,978
♪ Don't you be afraid
Of love and affection ♪
617
00:30:55,062 --> 00:30:57,230
♪ Just lay down your weapon ♪
618
00:30:59,399 --> 00:31:01,109
♪ Lay down your weapon ♪
619
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:08,700
- Dude, and that haircut? It was legendary.
- Amazing.
620
00:31:08,784 --> 00:31:10,243
And the guitarist girl,
621
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:12,788
when she was playing
with her hair in her face.
622
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:15,415
- She was flipping it away.
- No fucks given.
623
00:31:15,665 --> 00:31:18,668
- I've never been to a concert like that.
- Dude, I'm so glad you liked it!
624
00:31:20,003 --> 00:31:23,048
Hey, I've got to say,
I'm glad Gretchen bailed on you tonight.
625
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,132
It was fun.
626
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:26,218
Actually, I have a confession.
627
00:31:27,928 --> 00:31:31,014
Gretchen was never coming. I said that
'cause I didn't want it to sound weird
628
00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:33,266
- that I invited you out of the blue.
- Oh.
629
00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:35,435
Very sneaky.
630
00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:38,939
So why did you just invite me
out of the blue?
631
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:40,357
I don't know.
632
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,902
Maybe I like the fact that you're obsessed
with that penis-faced monkey.
633
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:45,195
It's not penis-faced.
634
00:31:45,278 --> 00:31:46,363
Alex, I looked it up.
635
00:31:46,446 --> 00:31:49,699
- That thing has a cock nose.
- What? No. That's ridiculous.
636
00:31:49,783 --> 00:31:51,993
The real question is,
what does that say about you?
637
00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:52,911
Nothing.
638
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:59,209
I like other animals too, you know.
I like the octopus.
639
00:31:59,543 --> 00:32:02,504
Excuse me? That's like a penis
eight different times.
640
00:32:02,587 --> 00:32:05,173
It's like an entire creature
made of penises.
641
00:32:05,841 --> 00:32:08,969
- It's like an "octo-cock."
- Maybe you just like reading into things.
642
00:32:09,594 --> 00:32:10,554
Maybe.
643
00:32:15,892 --> 00:32:17,310
So, I have a girlfriend.
644
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:19,688
- I know.
- [laughs]
645
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,690
I met her. She's adorable.
646
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:23,066
She is. She is.
647
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,027
Are you in love?
648
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:26,945
Yeah.
649
00:32:27,404 --> 00:32:28,780
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Definitely.
650
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:30,073
Have you guys, uh...?
651
00:32:30,699 --> 00:32:32,451
That's not... That's private.
652
00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:34,035
Come on, whatm are you a Mormon?
653
00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:35,829
- No.
- Okay. So?
654
00:32:37,247 --> 00:32:38,331
Well, if you...
655
00:32:40,667 --> 00:32:43,795
- If you must know, we haven't quite...
- I knew it.
656
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:46,965
But we're going to.
I booked a hotel room next week, so...
657
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:49,176
- [mouths melody]
- [laughs]
658
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:50,677
Yeah, something like that.
659
00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:54,264
- Yeah.
- You're not nervous at all? Like, at all?
660
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:55,265
No.
661
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:58,143
I'm freaking stoked.
I'm totally, totally stoked and thrilled.
662
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,854
I can't wait.
I wish it was happening tonight.
663
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,482
I don't believe you.
664
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:07,027
All right, well,
perhaps I am a little bit...
665
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:08,820
- terrified of the whole thing.
- Yeah.
666
00:33:08,904 --> 00:33:09,946
- Thought so.
- I...
667
00:33:10,697 --> 00:33:13,200
I know I'm not like mister alpha male guy.
668
00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:14,326
I'm listening.
669
00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:15,535
I love Claire.
670
00:33:15,619 --> 00:33:16,453
I really do.
671
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:19,498
- Yeah, but do you want to rock her body?
- Yes. I would like to.
672
00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:21,416
I would very much like to rock her body.
673
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:23,543
Okay, then go forth and conquer.
674
00:33:24,252 --> 00:33:25,378
Just here's the thing.
675
00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:27,130
[exhales]
676
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:30,634
I'm a virgin.
677
00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:32,844
What? No.
678
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:34,763
But Claire isn't. None of them are.
679
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,933
What do you mean? Are you saying
no girls in high school are virgins?
680
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:40,519
No. I'm saying that girls know their shit.
681
00:33:40,977 --> 00:33:44,189
You know, they have websites
dedicated to their vaginas.
682
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,441
They Snapchat their bazongas
with their friends.
683
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:47,359
Bazongas?
684
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,653
They shoot gnarly sex videos
with their boyfriends,
685
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:50,946
and then post them online.
686
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,822
They watch Game of Thrones.
687
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:54,991
Okay, you might have a point.
688
00:33:55,075 --> 00:33:57,786
I'm just... I'm worried
that I'm not gonna measure up.
689
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,955
What? Dude, Alex, you can't worry
about that stuff.
690
00:34:00,038 --> 00:34:02,165
I do, I worry about that kind of stuff
all the time.
691
00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,668
You know, what if I'm not as good
as her last boyfriend?
692
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:07,087
Or what if I can't find the, um...
693
00:34:07,546 --> 00:34:09,047
You know, the frigging...
694
00:34:09,297 --> 00:34:10,507
- The little...
- Clitoris.
695
00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:12,968
The clitoris. Yes.
See, I can't remember the name of it.
696
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:16,137
You know, I'm like totally
not an expert on this, um,
697
00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:18,098
but I've found that...
698
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:20,809
when you are in the moment,
699
00:34:21,268 --> 00:34:23,603
things just fall into place,
700
00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:25,939
and it just happens.
701
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:30,068
You shouldn't worry so much, Alex.
702
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:32,529
Yeah, I've heard that before.
703
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:37,576
So, wait, you've slept with girls?
704
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:40,912
I tried. It never really worked out.
705
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,833
Right. But you said everything
just fell into place.
706
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:48,461
Yeah, with guys.
I mean, that's how I knew I was gay.
707
00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:49,379
Right.
708
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:52,382
Right. But how did you... how did you,
like, know you were gay,
709
00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:54,259
and not bi or something like that?
710
00:34:55,302 --> 00:34:56,761
How do you know you're straight?
711
00:34:57,679 --> 00:34:59,681
I don't know. I guess I just knew.
712
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:01,474
I guess.
713
00:35:02,017 --> 00:35:03,018
You guess?
714
00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:06,438
Yeah. I don't know.
715
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:07,397
You're a dork.
716
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,107
- I'm not a dork.
- Yes, you are.
717
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:12,986
- A dork is what you call a whale's penis.
- [laughs]
718
00:35:13,069 --> 00:35:14,487
That's the term for it.
719
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:16,531
And the shitty thing is,
720
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,826
guys like my dad,
they're giving Jesus a bad name, okay?
721
00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:23,371
Because from all that I know,
Jesus was amazing.
722
00:35:23,663 --> 00:35:26,458
I mean, I don't know,
he helped out the poor and sick, okay,
723
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,126
he loves you unconditionally...
724
00:35:29,002 --> 00:35:33,131
I just think all those kids
with their WWJD wristbands
725
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:36,343
need to ask themselves,
"What would Jesus actually do?"
726
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,137
Call me a "faggot loser"?
727
00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:41,890
Did your dad call you that?
728
00:35:44,309 --> 00:35:46,061
It's not really worth getting into.
729
00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:53,360
What I don't get is...
730
00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:55,987
how do you know
if you're like a good person?
731
00:35:57,364 --> 00:35:59,407
I feel like if you're asking yourself
that question,
732
00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:01,034
you're probably a good person.
733
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,328
At least you're trying.
734
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:08,333
You're a smart kid, Alex.
735
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:10,251
Mm-hmm. 3.94 GPA.
736
00:36:10,335 --> 00:36:11,336
[laughs]
737
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:13,338
I don't mean like that, you nerd.
738
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:14,673
I mean, like...
739
00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:16,758
that you're insightful.
740
00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:18,718
I don't know.
741
00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:21,179
Most of the time
I just feel like I'm confused.
742
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,725
Maybe you think I'm insightful
because you're special.
743
00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:30,772
- Special Ed
- Rude.
744
00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,816
Ooh, cat-like reflexes.
745
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:34,275
- That was good.
- Oh!
746
00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:35,568
[roars]
747
00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:36,861
You're strong.
748
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:41,991
All right, you win, you win.
749
00:36:48,081 --> 00:36:49,416
Well, um...
750
00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:54,087
I guess, like, I should be...
751
00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:56,631
"on the road," as they say.
752
00:36:57,090 --> 00:36:58,800
As who says? Willie Nelson?
753
00:36:59,676 --> 00:37:00,927
Yeah, Willie Nelson.
754
00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:04,180
["No Easy Way Down" plays on radio]
755
00:37:11,563 --> 00:37:12,522
That was really great.
756
00:37:12,605 --> 00:37:14,441
Shhh. Shh.
757
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,317
Don't ruin the song.
758
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:19,696
♪ Now your sad eyes reveal ♪
759
00:37:19,779 --> 00:37:20,947
[turns up volume]
760
00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:25,660
♪ Just how badly you feel ♪
761
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:30,957
♪ 'Cause there is no ♪
762
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:35,128
♪ Easy way down ♪
763
00:37:38,965 --> 00:37:41,843
♪ The view from the cliffs ♪
764
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,430
♪ Must have been exciting ♪
765
00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:46,389
Wow.
766
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:51,311
♪ And up to the peaks... ♪
767
00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:52,854
I want you to know something.
768
00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,898
♪ You were bound ♪
769
00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:55,899
What?
770
00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:59,444
There's a girl on your front porch.
771
00:38:01,571 --> 00:38:03,114
[Alex] Wow. That would be...
772
00:38:03,698 --> 00:38:05,909
- That would be Claire.
- I thought so.
773
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:08,119
- She just came out of your house.
- Gee. This is...
774
00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:09,204
This is...
775
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,456
It was a pleasure hanging out with you.
776
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,209
Yes. Nice doing business with you.
777
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:17,045
Perhaps we can hang out again.
778
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:19,464
Perhaps we could. Perhaps we could.
779
00:38:19,839 --> 00:38:22,008
- Thank you for the ride.
- Yeah, sure.
780
00:38:22,342 --> 00:38:24,219
- Uh, text me...
- Bye-bye.
781
00:38:24,844 --> 00:38:25,929
...some time.
782
00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:31,309
Jesus, how long you been out here?
783
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:32,352
Not long.
784
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:35,814
- Did you guys have fun?
- Uh, yeah, it was fine.
785
00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:37,273
You were gone a long time.
786
00:38:37,357 --> 00:38:38,274
Uh...
787
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:40,777
- Yeah, we got some food after the show.
- How romantic.
788
00:38:41,361 --> 00:38:43,446
- Not really.
- Did you guys make out?
789
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,698
What? No?
Why would you say that?
790
00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,450
Calm down, I was joking.
791
00:38:47,534 --> 00:38:50,036
I like you. I like girls.
792
00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:52,747
I want to sleep with girls,
you in particular.
793
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:53,706
That's a relief.
794
00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,458
Geez, I can't wait to sleep with you.
795
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:57,544
What is your problem?
796
00:38:57,627 --> 00:39:00,672
Nothing, but it's midnight and you show up
here like this crazy stalker person.
797
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:01,923
Excuse me?
798
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,675
I can't have one night to myself?
799
00:39:04,717 --> 00:39:05,593
Okay.
800
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:07,887
I don't know what your deal is,
801
00:39:07,971 --> 00:39:10,598
but you're acting like an asshole,
so I'm gonna go.
802
00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:14,519
- Claire...
- And just for the record,
803
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:16,437
I was with my mom at the hospital tonight.
804
00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:18,731
She's okay, but I got really depressed
hanging out there,
805
00:39:18,815 --> 00:39:20,108
so I thought I'd come here.
806
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:21,150
Big mistake.
807
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:22,902
Claire...
808
00:39:22,986 --> 00:39:25,321
You know, it's not always about you, Alex.
809
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:28,157
Claire.
810
00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:33,496
Okay...
811
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:43,006
Hi, interweb.
812
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:46,384
No new episodes
of Savage Kingdom High today.
813
00:39:47,176 --> 00:39:48,011
In fact...
814
00:39:48,595 --> 00:39:50,346
I'm alone, because...
815
00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:54,183
frankly, my counterpart
is on my shit list.
816
00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:59,230
Can someone please explain
modern high school boys to me?
817
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:00,773
They are so...
818
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,317
oversensitive,
819
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,445
and high-strung, and selfish,
820
00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:07,030
and just like rude.
821
00:40:08,281 --> 00:40:12,076
My mom made me watch this old movie
the other day, Sixteen Candles,
822
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,705
and in it, the main girl
is in love with a senior, Jake.
823
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:18,374
And Jake is hot. Like hot, hot.
824
00:40:19,167 --> 00:40:21,711
And he's kind of a tool, but he's...
825
00:40:22,378 --> 00:40:24,047
sweet and dumb,
826
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,174
and I'm like, "Yes, that is what I want.
827
00:40:26,257 --> 00:40:27,383
I want a Jake."
828
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:29,510
I mean, Alex is...
829
00:40:30,386 --> 00:40:33,222
straight A's, class president,
pretty decent dresser,
830
00:40:33,306 --> 00:40:35,016
like perfect boyfriend on paper,
831
00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:37,393
but he is more high-maintenance
832
00:40:37,477 --> 00:40:39,854
than all of my girlfriends put together.
833
00:40:40,229 --> 00:40:41,731
And it's not like he...
834
00:40:41,814 --> 00:40:42,690
Oh my God, Mom.
835
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:44,651
Sorry, I just...
836
00:40:48,154 --> 00:40:51,074
I may not be the best person
for relationship advice.
837
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:53,409
Clearly, your father would agree.
838
00:40:54,202 --> 00:40:55,578
But my sense is
839
00:40:56,329 --> 00:40:59,666
that Alex is a pretty decent guy.
840
00:40:59,749 --> 00:41:02,210
It's just, sometimes he acts like...
841
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:04,420
he's stuck in a marriage.
842
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:05,338
You know?
843
00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,466
Like I'm constricting him,
844
00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:11,552
and all he wants to do is hang out
with his dumbass friends.
845
00:41:12,011 --> 00:41:14,806
Sounds like a teenage boy to me.
846
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:16,849
Teenage boys suck.
847
00:41:16,933 --> 00:41:18,101
That they do.
848
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:22,271
But so do college boys
and middle-aged men.
849
00:41:22,855 --> 00:41:25,274
Old guys are okay, I guess,
except for the...
850
00:41:25,775 --> 00:41:27,276
cranky, racist ones.
851
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:32,031
[sighs] Maybe I should become a lesbian.
852
00:41:32,407 --> 00:41:34,242
Believe me, I've thought about it.
853
00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:36,619
So, what do I do?
854
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:41,541
Just forgive Alex for being a dick
and move on?
855
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:43,209
Or you could stay mad.
856
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,463
But what I do know is...
857
00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:50,967
we're not gonna be on this earth forever.
858
00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:52,844
And...
859
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:58,349
being angry is an exhausting way
to spend your day.
860
00:42:01,686 --> 00:42:02,645
I love you.
861
00:42:03,604 --> 00:42:04,647
I love you, too.
862
00:42:08,484 --> 00:42:10,194
Oh, I heard what you were saying
863
00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:12,572
about Jake in Sixteen Candles.
864
00:42:13,406 --> 00:42:15,199
You'd be bored with a Jake.
865
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:16,868
You're too smart.
866
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:46,606
Whoa.
867
00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:48,775
Okay.
868
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:56,074
[sighs]
869
00:42:57,116 --> 00:42:59,243
Gay Flakes.
870
00:43:01,204 --> 00:43:04,540
Heter O's. Gay Flakes.
871
00:43:21,808 --> 00:43:22,642
Bi.
872
00:43:24,227 --> 00:43:26,020
I'm bisexual.
873
00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:29,774
- Say what?
- I'm bisexual. I think I'm bisexual.
874
00:43:29,857 --> 00:43:31,317
- No, you're not.
- What?
875
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,152
You're panicking, dude.
876
00:43:33,236 --> 00:43:34,779
You're wigging out about the hotel,
877
00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:37,073
and you're trying to come up
with an excuse to cancel it.
878
00:43:37,156 --> 00:43:39,784
No, I'm just taking advantage
of all the options available.
879
00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:41,410
Do you listen to Panic! at the Disco
880
00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:43,329
while jerking off to pictures of vampires?
881
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:44,664
What? No.
882
00:43:44,747 --> 00:43:46,374
Then you're not bisexual.
883
00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:47,416
I...
884
00:43:47,500 --> 00:43:49,210
It's just that there's this guy...
885
00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:51,963
who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me,
886
00:43:52,046 --> 00:43:53,422
and I guess I'm not...
887
00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:55,925
- repulsed by the idea.
- Hm.
888
00:43:57,009 --> 00:43:57,927
I see.
889
00:44:01,764 --> 00:44:03,599
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
890
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:05,476
What are you doing?
891
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,186
- Aah!
- Oh, Jesus, dude.
892
00:44:07,270 --> 00:44:09,730
- Is this what you want, Alex?
- No, not at all!
893
00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:12,441
Oh, really? That's not what I was
hearing a minute ago.
894
00:44:12,525 --> 00:44:14,527
You say you're into cock?
Well, here you go.
895
00:44:14,610 --> 00:44:17,321
The finest specimen at Buchanan High.
896
00:44:18,197 --> 00:44:19,615
Oh, pay this no mind, ladies.
897
00:44:19,699 --> 00:44:22,577
I'm just proving a little point
to your student body president.
898
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,620
I'm not interested in your junk.
Put it away.
899
00:44:24,704 --> 00:44:26,372
Oh, but I thought you were bi.
900
00:44:26,455 --> 00:44:28,166
I'm not interested in your junk.
Your junk.
901
00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:30,543
- Zip it up.
- I am.
902
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:32,962
See my point, Truelove?
903
00:44:33,045 --> 00:44:35,756
How am I to believe
you're into slurping on nutsack,
904
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,216
when you won't look at mine?
905
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,218
- I'm not into slurping on nutsack.
- Right.
906
00:44:39,302 --> 00:44:42,513
You know why?
Because nutsacks aren't sexy.
907
00:44:42,597 --> 00:44:45,141
Look, it's a confusing time, man.
908
00:44:45,224 --> 00:44:48,227
I mean, everywhere you look,
someone's omnisexual, or...
909
00:44:48,311 --> 00:44:50,104
polyamorous, or gender queer,
910
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:52,190
or transitioning into God knows what.
911
00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:54,400
And before you know it,
you turn into Sidney.
912
00:44:54,775 --> 00:44:55,693
Hey, Sidney.
913
00:44:56,944 --> 00:44:58,905
Are you into vagina or dick?
914
00:44:58,988 --> 00:45:00,323
I'm attracted to the person.
915
00:45:01,490 --> 00:45:03,034
Whatever the fuck that means.
916
00:45:03,117 --> 00:45:04,577
Sorry, Sydney. I'm sorry.
917
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:05,912
It's like Mad Max out here.
918
00:45:05,995 --> 00:45:07,288
You know, guys doing guys,
919
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,665
girls doing girls...
not that I object to that.
920
00:45:09,749 --> 00:45:13,586
Girls turning into guys and doing girls
that used to do girls and guys. Aah!
921
00:45:14,003 --> 00:45:16,547
Isn't anyone just plain straight anymore?
922
00:45:17,506 --> 00:45:20,051
Which brings us to you, Alex.
I have a diagnosis.
923
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:21,093
Geez, I can't wait.
924
00:45:21,469 --> 00:45:23,888
What you have is a man crush on a guy.
925
00:45:24,805 --> 00:45:26,557
And the guy just happens to be gay.
926
00:45:27,266 --> 00:45:28,226
That's how it is.
927
00:45:29,644 --> 00:45:31,229
A man crush on a gay guy.
928
00:45:32,021 --> 00:45:34,398
- Yeah.
- I never really thought of it like that.
929
00:45:34,482 --> 00:45:36,651
And that man crush,
mixed with your epic neurosis
930
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:38,653
about fucking your girlfriend
for the first time
931
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:40,780
is making you say crazy shit,
like you're bi.
932
00:45:40,863 --> 00:45:42,073
Yeah, yeah, you could be right.
933
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,532
- Of course I'm right.
- Sure.
934
00:45:44,158 --> 00:45:45,284
[burps]
935
00:45:48,329 --> 00:45:49,413
Hey, Helen.
936
00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:51,666
- How are you?
- Great.
937
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:55,503
She's upstairs,
and she's not a happy camper,
938
00:45:55,586 --> 00:45:56,504
so...
939
00:45:56,921 --> 00:45:58,422
don't act like a dumbass.
940
00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:00,049
Roger that.
941
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:38,963
[mouthing]
942
00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:44,218
Maybe?
943
00:46:49,432 --> 00:46:51,892
Do you want to edit the platypus video?
944
00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:54,020
I have to take my mom to an appointment.
945
00:46:55,229 --> 00:46:56,272
Why are you so cool?
946
00:46:58,274 --> 00:46:59,400
I'm serious.
947
00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:00,776
You're a rockstar.
948
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:04,030
I don't know what I'd do
if my parents were that sick.
949
00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:07,158
Probably not take them for granted
so much.
950
00:47:07,241 --> 00:47:08,200
Yeah, you would.
951
00:47:08,284 --> 00:47:10,745
I still take my mom for granted
all the time.
952
00:47:12,163 --> 00:47:15,207
I still make her deal
with my stupid teenage drama.
953
00:47:15,541 --> 00:47:17,209
Yeah, you're the worst.
954
00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:18,961
You suck.
955
00:47:23,632 --> 00:47:24,633
Alex...
956
00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:30,222
Maybe this whole hotel idea is stupid.
957
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:32,516
I mean...
958
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:35,603
I just don't want you to feel
any pressure whatsoever
959
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:37,271
to do something you're not ready to do.
960
00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:38,397
Thank you,
961
00:47:38,856 --> 00:47:40,775
but I want to do this.
962
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:42,693
I'm ready.
963
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,154
Okay, me too.
964
00:47:45,237 --> 00:47:46,072
In fact...
965
00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:48,366
I may talk dirty.
966
00:47:48,908 --> 00:47:51,160
Well, then, I can't wait.
967
00:47:53,412 --> 00:47:54,246
[laughs]
968
00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:55,748
You're so stupid.
969
00:48:04,632 --> 00:48:05,716
Magnum.
970
00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:10,388
- Alex?
- Hey.
971
00:48:11,055 --> 00:48:11,889
Elliot, hey.
972
00:48:12,932 --> 00:48:14,266
- How's it going?
- Great, great.
973
00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:16,769
Just browsing, you know.
Just sort of, um...
974
00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:19,563
You know, uh, getting ideas.
975
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:20,940
Just checking it out.
976
00:48:21,023 --> 00:48:23,484
Just seeing what options I have.
977
00:48:23,859 --> 00:48:25,027
So, tonight's the night?
978
00:48:25,111 --> 00:48:27,738
No, no, no, no, no, um...
979
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:29,615
Tomorrow night, so, yeah.
980
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:32,368
- Extra large?
- Yeah.
981
00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:33,744
Wow, um...
982
00:48:33,828 --> 00:48:36,122
Yeah, maybe a little bit optimistic...
983
00:48:36,205 --> 00:48:37,331
on that one.
984
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:38,416
Boop.
985
00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:41,252
["Dance This Mess Around" plays on radio]
986
00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:44,004
♪ Why don't you dance with me? ♪
987
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:45,965
Where are we going?
988
00:48:46,549 --> 00:48:47,591
Nowhere.
989
00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,260
You're so goal-oriented.
990
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:53,889
[turns up volume]
991
00:48:53,973 --> 00:48:56,350
♪ Why don't you dance with me? ♪
992
00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:58,018
This is crazy. Who is this?
993
00:48:59,019 --> 00:49:00,396
You're joking, right?
994
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:04,442
Okay, now you are coming to my house,
whether you like it or not.
995
00:49:04,525 --> 00:49:05,443
What? Who is it?
996
00:49:05,526 --> 00:49:07,486
♪ Just a limber girl ♪
997
00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:10,865
♪ Dance this mess around ♪
998
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,951
♪ Round, round, round, round ♪
999
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,661
♪ Oh ♪
1000
00:49:16,537 --> 00:49:19,498
♪ Everybody goes to parties ♪
1001
00:49:21,584 --> 00:49:24,253
♪ They dance this mess around ♪
1002
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,798
♪ They do all sixteen dances ♪
1003
00:49:28,215 --> 00:49:30,217
♪ They do the Shu ga loo ♪
1004
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,345
♪ Do the Shy Tuna ♪
1005
00:49:34,346 --> 00:49:36,265
♪ Do the Camel Walk ♪
1006
00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:38,893
♪ Do the Hip O Crit ♪
1007
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,353
♪ Oh, hippy, hippy, forward hippy ♪
1008
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:43,814
♪ Hippy, hippy, hippy, hippy shake ♪
1009
00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:47,860
♪ Oh, it's time to do 'em right ♪
1010
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:49,236
♪ Hey ♪
1011
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:52,364
♪ So don't that make you feel
A whole lot better, huh? ♪
1012
00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:54,742
♪ I say, don't that make you feel
A lot better? ♪
1013
00:49:54,825 --> 00:49:56,368
♪ What you say? ♪
1014
00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:58,120
♪ Well, I'm just askin' ♪
1015
00:50:00,706 --> 00:50:01,540
♪ Ooh ♪
1016
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:03,000
Whoo!
1017
00:50:03,083 --> 00:50:04,168
Amazing.
1018
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:17,681
Come here.
1019
00:50:19,308 --> 00:50:20,267
Over there?
1020
00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:22,019
Yeah, over here.
1021
00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:29,652
[clears throat]
1022
00:50:36,283 --> 00:50:38,536
Do you want to come
like a little bit closer?
1023
00:50:43,582 --> 00:50:44,416
So...
1024
00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:45,543
Um...
1025
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:49,296
You know, I was thinking about
that monkey of yours...
1026
00:50:58,931 --> 00:51:00,558
Oh, Jesus.
1027
00:51:00,933 --> 00:51:04,103
- Wow. Uh, that was a nice surprise.
- What am I doing? Why did I do that?
1028
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:06,814
- I'm really sorry.
- Don't apologize.
1029
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:08,399
I should go. I'm gonna go.
1030
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:10,609
- Hey, Alex, just calm down for one minute.
- Calm down?
1031
00:51:10,693 --> 00:51:11,902
I have a girlfriend,
1032
00:51:11,986 --> 00:51:14,113
who I am supposed to be
losing my virginity to
1033
00:51:14,196 --> 00:51:15,739
in approximately 29 hours.
1034
00:51:15,823 --> 00:51:17,866
Wow, this is so not part of the game plan.
1035
00:51:17,950 --> 00:51:20,119
Sometimes you need to alter the game plan.
1036
00:51:20,202 --> 00:51:22,538
Look, if I led you on or something,
I'm really sorry.
1037
00:51:22,621 --> 00:51:23,872
Wait. No, no, no, you kissed me.
1038
00:51:23,956 --> 00:51:25,416
Yeah, like you didn't want me to?
1039
00:51:25,499 --> 00:51:27,918
"Ooh, Alex, let's go for a drive.
1040
00:51:28,002 --> 00:51:32,089
Oh, Alex, why don't you come to my room,
and I'll do a gay B-52's dance for you.
1041
00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:34,341
Oh, Alex, why don't you come
and sit on my bed?"
1042
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,343
- Where you kissed me.
- Yeah.
1043
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,263
I gave you what you wanted.
1044
00:51:41,015 --> 00:51:41,974
Alex...
1045
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,977
You are one confused kid, you know that?
1046
00:51:46,729 --> 00:51:48,355
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1047
00:51:49,565 --> 00:51:50,733
What? Alex.
1048
00:51:52,610 --> 00:51:54,236
You hear from Columbia yet?
1049
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:56,739
No, you'll be the first to hear when I do.
1050
00:51:57,698 --> 00:51:59,950
I still think
you could have gotten into Yale.
1051
00:52:00,034 --> 00:52:01,410
Class President, for God's sake.
1052
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:04,872
- Seems silly you didn't even apply.
- Yeah, well, I didn't.
1053
00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:08,083
Seems like the only way to guarantee
you won't get in is by not applying.
1054
00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:09,084
Ron.
1055
00:52:09,168 --> 00:52:10,586
- I'm just saying...
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
1056
00:52:10,669 --> 00:52:13,797
- You're shooting yourself in the foot.
- Thanks, Dad, that's super helpful.
1057
00:52:13,881 --> 00:52:15,215
Hey. Watch the attitude.
1058
00:52:15,299 --> 00:52:17,301
Why don't you get off my back?
1059
00:52:17,384 --> 00:52:18,427
Alex.
1060
00:52:19,011 --> 00:52:20,971
- What is going on?
- Nothing?
1061
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:23,932
I just... I have
a really big test tomorrow.
1062
00:52:25,351 --> 00:52:26,226
In Physics?
1063
00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,189
Yeah. Physics.
1064
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:34,151
Well, I'm sure you're going to ace it.
1065
00:52:41,950 --> 00:52:44,078
- Something's wrong.
- No, nothing's wrong, dude.
1066
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:46,497
- She's been in there forever.
- She's been five minutes.
1067
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,082
Oh, here she comes, here she comes.
1068
00:52:57,549 --> 00:52:58,467
Okay? So?
1069
00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:02,304
- You're all set, you little lovebirds.
- Thank God.
1070
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:04,640
It's room 231.
Checkout is tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.
1071
00:53:04,723 --> 00:53:06,558
Just make sure to clean up your mess.
1072
00:53:06,642 --> 00:53:09,436
Shut the fuck up, fucktard.
No one thinks you're fucking funny.
1073
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,063
Who asked you, Princess Scabies?
1074
00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:12,564
Watch your mouth, cum weasel.
1075
00:53:12,648 --> 00:53:14,775
I left a meeting for this. You're welcome.
1076
00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:16,568
- Whore's Anonymous?
- Suck my anus.
1077
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,654
As much as I love gonorrhea...
1078
00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:20,364
Okay, I think we're gonna go.
1079
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,825
Oh, my God, Claire,
it was a pleasure meeting you.
1080
00:53:22,908 --> 00:53:24,159
Yes, it was.
1081
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:26,161
And Alex, break your legs.
1082
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:27,287
Thanks.
1083
00:53:27,830 --> 00:53:29,081
Good luck, my friend.
1084
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:29,998
Whoo!
1085
00:53:30,749 --> 00:53:32,459
[Dell] Now drive me home, woman.
1086
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:55,816
Not bad.
1087
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:57,943
Not bad.
1088
00:54:35,105 --> 00:54:36,565
["Show Me" plays]
1089
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:50,704
♪ Show me what you're capable of ♪
1090
00:54:52,331 --> 00:54:56,251
♪ Show me what you're capable of ♪
1091
00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:58,045
♪ Is it love? ♪
1092
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:00,839
♪ Is it love? ♪
1093
00:55:00,923 --> 00:55:02,049
Hola.
1094
00:55:02,466 --> 00:55:03,425
Ooh.
1095
00:55:03,801 --> 00:55:04,718
Holy crap.
1096
00:55:05,594 --> 00:55:06,428
What?
1097
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:07,763
Uh...
1098
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:09,640
Sexy, that's what.
1099
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:12,351
I'm glad you approve.
1100
00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:17,940
Yeah, yeah, let's get under the covers.
1101
00:55:24,780 --> 00:55:25,739
What's this?
1102
00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:29,326
A little bubbly refresher
that I swiped from my parents house.
1103
00:55:30,494 --> 00:55:31,537
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
1104
00:55:36,917 --> 00:55:37,835
Mmm.
1105
00:55:58,188 --> 00:55:59,523
You're so beautiful.
1106
00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,692
You're not too bad, yourself.
1107
00:56:04,027 --> 00:56:05,070
Oh, baby.
1108
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:09,157
Touch my balls.
1109
00:56:11,451 --> 00:56:12,619
What?
1110
00:56:14,204 --> 00:56:15,080
Uh...
1111
00:56:16,415 --> 00:56:18,625
Did you just say "touch my balls?"
1112
00:56:18,709 --> 00:56:20,002
Yeah, so?
1113
00:56:20,085 --> 00:56:21,628
- [laughs]
- What?
1114
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:24,214
- I'm sorry.
- I was talking dirty.
1115
00:56:24,298 --> 00:56:25,841
I know, I know. It was adorable.
1116
00:56:25,924 --> 00:56:27,885
It's not supposed to be,
it's supposed to be sexy.
1117
00:56:27,968 --> 00:56:29,386
I know, I'm sorry. I've just...
1118
00:56:29,469 --> 00:56:31,805
- I've never heard you talk dirty before.
- Well...
1119
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:34,349
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1120
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:38,312
Um...
1121
00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:41,398
Do you...
1122
00:56:42,190 --> 00:56:44,109
want me to touch your balls now?
1123
00:56:44,192 --> 00:56:45,527
- Never mind.
- [laughs]
1124
00:56:45,611 --> 00:56:47,988
It's not sexy when you say it like that.
1125
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,240
Mmm. I'll play with your balls.
1126
00:56:52,034 --> 00:56:53,535
I'll also suck your cock.
1127
00:56:53,619 --> 00:56:54,870
Oh, okay.
1128
00:56:57,789 --> 00:56:58,665
[laughs]
1129
00:57:01,335 --> 00:57:02,210
Oh.
1130
00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:07,049
Okay.
1131
00:57:07,925 --> 00:57:09,509
Okay, this ain't so bad.
1132
00:57:10,052 --> 00:57:12,137
- What did you say?
- Uh, nothing, nothing.
1133
00:57:13,138 --> 00:57:15,015
[exhales]
1134
00:57:20,604 --> 00:57:21,813
Okay, let's do it, let's do it.
1135
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:22,940
- You ready?
- Yeah.
1136
00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:24,358
- You have a condom?
- Yeah.
1137
00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:35,327
Okay.
1138
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,453
Hang on a second.
1139
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:39,623
Hold on, hold on.
1140
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:41,625
[exhales]
1141
00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:42,542
Crap.
1142
00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:44,252
Oh, no, that doesn't sound good.
1143
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:47,047
I might need a second.
1144
00:57:47,631 --> 00:57:48,715
That's okay.
1145
00:57:51,510 --> 00:57:52,761
The condoms are...
1146
00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:53,720
Yeah.
1147
00:57:55,514 --> 00:57:56,473
[exhales]
1148
00:57:57,432 --> 00:57:59,101
Hey, in the meantime...
1149
00:58:00,852 --> 00:58:03,563
why don't I do
a little something-something-something?
1150
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,238
[moans] Alex.
1151
00:58:11,321 --> 00:58:13,824
- Is that in the right general area?
- Yeah.
1152
00:58:16,660 --> 00:58:17,661
Oh!
1153
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:18,704
Yeah, right there.
1154
00:58:18,787 --> 00:58:20,747
- Oh, ah-ha! That wasn't so hard to find.
- Yeah.
1155
00:58:20,831 --> 00:58:22,916
- Okay, stop talking, Alex.
- Don't know why everybody...
1156
00:58:23,792 --> 00:58:24,918
[moaning]
1157
00:58:25,002 --> 00:58:25,961
Yeah.
1158
00:58:26,545 --> 00:58:28,964
- How about if I speed it up a little?
- Don't talk, just do it.
1159
00:58:29,047 --> 00:58:29,881
Okay.
1160
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:33,176
[moaning]
1161
00:58:34,594 --> 00:58:36,263
- I want you inside of me.
- Okay.
1162
00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:37,889
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
1163
00:58:37,973 --> 00:58:39,933
Semi-ready, if that makes sense.
1164
00:58:40,225 --> 00:58:41,601
- Yeah, let me help.
- Okay.
1165
00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:43,520
[moaning]
1166
00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:57,784
Okay, I'm ready.
1167
00:58:58,368 --> 00:58:59,369
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1168
00:58:59,453 --> 00:59:00,287
Let's do it.
1169
00:59:08,295 --> 00:59:09,296
Wow.
1170
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:12,549
We are officially having sex.
1171
00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:14,009
Yes. Stop talking.
1172
00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:26,021
Kind of weird, huh?
1173
00:59:26,605 --> 00:59:27,439
What?
1174
00:59:28,523 --> 00:59:30,859
It's kind of weird having sex
with your best friend.
1175
00:59:32,986 --> 00:59:34,029
Why is it weird?
1176
00:59:34,905 --> 00:59:35,781
Just...
1177
00:59:36,698 --> 00:59:37,824
No, it's not weird.
1178
00:59:37,908 --> 00:59:40,660
It's just... I just meant
we were friends before, and...
1179
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:42,621
Now we're dating.
1180
00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:44,915
Right.
1181
00:59:45,707 --> 00:59:46,541
Mmm.
1182
00:59:46,625 --> 00:59:48,585
- What's weird about it?
- Nothing.
1183
00:59:49,503 --> 00:59:51,088
Nothing, it's not weird.
1184
00:59:52,589 --> 00:59:53,423
It's a...
1185
00:59:54,299 --> 00:59:56,301
It's a poor choice of words.
Let's just keep going.
1186
00:59:56,384 --> 00:59:57,969
You know what? Forget about it.
1187
01:00:00,013 --> 01:00:00,972
What's going on?
1188
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:02,099
What do you mean?
1189
01:00:02,182 --> 01:00:04,434
You don't seem into this
and I want to know why.
1190
01:00:04,810 --> 01:00:06,353
I am into this. I just...
1191
01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:07,771
- What?
- We just...
1192
01:00:07,854 --> 01:00:10,273
Are you not feeling well?
Are you nervous?
1193
01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:11,566
- Are you gay?
- Oh.
1194
01:00:11,650 --> 01:00:13,193
The gay card. Nice.
1195
01:00:13,276 --> 01:00:15,529
Why is that
the automatic assumption when...?
1196
01:00:15,987 --> 01:00:18,323
When you're not into havin sex
with your girlfriend?
1197
01:00:18,406 --> 01:00:19,241
Gee, I don't know.
1198
01:00:19,324 --> 01:00:20,659
I want to have sex with you.
1199
01:00:20,742 --> 01:00:22,828
- You could have fooled me.
- Okay. Fine.
1200
01:00:22,911 --> 01:00:24,454
I'm gay. I'm a big gay homo
1201
01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:27,165
because I'm smart
and I'm a little neurotic and...
1202
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:29,501
And you don't want to have sex
with your girlfriend.
1203
01:00:29,584 --> 01:00:31,503
Why are you so obsessed with sex?
1204
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:33,296
Why is everyone so obsessed with sex?
1205
01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:36,550
Have you ever stopped to think
that maybe I like someone else?
1206
01:00:40,178 --> 01:00:41,012
No, I...
1207
01:00:41,429 --> 01:00:43,098
never stopped to think that.
1208
01:00:44,266 --> 01:00:45,183
[sighs]
1209
01:00:46,268 --> 01:00:47,477
That came out wrong.
1210
01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:50,522
Who is it?
1211
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:55,235
I can't tell you.
1212
01:01:10,292 --> 01:01:11,126
Claire.
1213
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:12,419
You have to leave.
1214
01:01:12,502 --> 01:01:14,337
- Claire, please.
- Please go.
1215
01:01:15,714 --> 01:01:17,966
- Should I just pick...
- Get out of here, Alex!
1216
01:01:58,006 --> 01:01:58,924
Hi.
1217
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:03,178
I don't want to bug you, but, um...
1218
01:02:04,387 --> 01:02:06,514
you got a letter from Columbia.
1219
01:02:24,658 --> 01:02:26,034
Can I be alone, please?
1220
01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:31,665
Sure.
1221
01:02:53,812 --> 01:02:54,688
Mr. President.
1222
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:58,191
Mr. President.
1223
01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:00,610
Alex.
1224
01:03:01,653 --> 01:03:02,487
Sorry.
1225
01:03:02,737 --> 01:03:04,823
Yay or nay to classic streamers for prom?
1226
01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:24,801
- Yo.
- Yo.
1227
01:03:24,884 --> 01:03:25,844
Hey. What?
1228
01:03:25,927 --> 01:03:28,013
Hey, giving me the silent treatment?
1229
01:03:28,888 --> 01:03:29,723
So?
1230
01:03:30,390 --> 01:03:31,224
So what?
1231
01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:33,810
Come on. Don't play dumb, dude.
1232
01:03:34,311 --> 01:03:37,939
I think we broke up, actually, so...
1233
01:03:39,357 --> 01:03:41,359
- Whoa.
- I'm fucking over it, Dell.
1234
01:03:41,443 --> 01:03:42,277
The whole thing.
1235
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:45,739
Fuck sex, fuck love, fuck it all.
1236
01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:47,032
I'm... I'm out.
1237
01:03:50,952 --> 01:03:52,954
[man] Lost and separated from the herd,
1238
01:03:53,580 --> 01:03:54,873
it is just a matter of time
1239
01:03:54,956 --> 01:03:57,542
before the baby elephant
dies of starvation.
1240
01:03:57,625 --> 01:03:58,585
[elephant trumpets]
1241
01:04:00,628 --> 01:04:01,588
[knocking]
1242
01:04:02,714 --> 01:04:03,965
[screams]
1243
01:04:05,925 --> 01:04:07,093
Whoa, whoa!
1244
01:04:08,386 --> 01:04:09,262
Fuck.
1245
01:04:11,222 --> 01:04:12,057
Dell.
1246
01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:16,061
So, your brilliant plan
was to stage a home invasion,
1247
01:04:16,144 --> 01:04:17,896
with monkey masks,
1248
01:04:17,979 --> 01:04:19,856
kidnap me and take me to a frat party?
1249
01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:22,233
I advised against the monkey masks.
1250
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:23,860
What? I love the monkey mask.
1251
01:04:23,943 --> 01:04:26,112
I figured a little monkey mask action
1252
01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:28,281
would shake you
out of your funk, Truelove.
1253
01:04:28,365 --> 01:04:31,493
Never thought you'd go all Liam Neeson
and smash my face in.
1254
01:04:31,576 --> 01:04:34,829
Wow, jeez, I guess your foolproof plan
had a flaw in it.
1255
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:36,247
What else were we supposed to do?
1256
01:04:36,331 --> 01:04:38,291
You never would have come
if we'd just asked you.
1257
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:41,252
- I'm still not gonna come.
- Goddammit, Alex.
1258
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:43,922
Let me give it to you straight.
1259
01:04:44,172 --> 01:04:47,884
You are so far up your own ass,
and it's fucking depressing.
1260
01:04:47,967 --> 01:04:48,927
Excuse me?
1261
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:53,431
You're coming with us to this party,
which has booze and slutty girls and...
1262
01:04:54,474 --> 01:04:56,267
Booze and slutty girls.
1263
01:04:56,351 --> 01:04:59,646
And you're gonna let your little
constipated hair down and enjoy yourself.
1264
01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:03,066
In case you forgot, Dell,
I just broke up with my girlfriend.
1265
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:05,568
Okay? So I'm sorry
if I'm not in the "Let's party" mood,
1266
01:05:05,652 --> 01:05:08,321
and honestly, I'm really, really sick
and tired of this,
1267
01:05:08,405 --> 01:05:10,782
"Let's get you laid, Alex" routine.
I'm not into it.
1268
01:05:10,865 --> 01:05:13,576
Whoa, who said anything
about getting you laid, Truelove?
1269
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:14,911
Clearly, that's impossible.
1270
01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:16,913
In fact, I never want to hear
1271
01:05:16,996 --> 01:05:20,083
about your flaccid
little micropenis ever again.
1272
01:05:20,166 --> 01:05:23,211
I don't give a shit if you get laid
or if you don't get laid,
1273
01:05:23,294 --> 01:05:27,215
or if you're bisexual, asexual, pansexual,
or if you join fucking NAMBLA.
1274
01:05:28,216 --> 01:05:29,217
And as for Claire,
1275
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:30,677
I'm sorry you broke up.
1276
01:05:31,845 --> 01:05:33,221
But it was kind of inevitable.
1277
01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:36,474
What do you mean?
1278
01:05:36,558 --> 01:05:38,977
Everyone breaks up
when they go to college.
1279
01:05:39,394 --> 01:05:41,104
You guys just got a head start on things.
1280
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:47,235
Hey...
1281
01:05:47,318 --> 01:05:49,362
I'm sorry to be harsh, dude,
1282
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,322
but... but it's the truth, all right?
1283
01:05:52,198 --> 01:05:53,408
And... and you know what?
1284
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,243
Fuck it.
1285
01:05:55,326 --> 01:05:58,288
Right now, the only thing
we should be giving a shit about
1286
01:05:58,371 --> 01:06:02,542
is like having fun before we all go
off to college and forget...
1287
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:05,503
that this is actually
a really great time in our lives.
1288
01:06:08,173 --> 01:06:09,591
So, sack up, Truelove,
1289
01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:11,509
and meet us out in the car in three.
1290
01:06:13,344 --> 01:06:14,262
He has a point.
1291
01:06:14,762 --> 01:06:15,597
Right, Josh?
1292
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:17,223
[elephant trumpets]
1293
01:06:17,307 --> 01:06:18,641
Poor little elephant.
1294
01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:23,396
Fuck this noise.
1295
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,648
We've wasted enough time
on that granny turd.
1296
01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:26,774
[engine turns over]
1297
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:33,239
I'm in.
1298
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:35,783
Get in the car before I kick your dick in.
1299
01:06:38,620 --> 01:06:41,831
Now that I'm thinking about it,
Claire has been holding me back.
1300
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:44,584
I can't be with one girl for the rest
of my senior year.
1301
01:06:44,667 --> 01:06:47,212
I should be playing the field
with the ladies, plural.
1302
01:06:47,295 --> 01:06:49,672
Know what I'm talking about?
Get some notches on the bedpost.
1303
01:06:49,756 --> 01:06:50,632
Bust some nut.
1304
01:06:50,715 --> 01:06:53,051
- Yeah, let out some population paste.
- Yeah.
1305
01:06:53,134 --> 01:06:54,969
Have a cream dream, baby.
1306
01:06:55,053 --> 01:06:56,846
Yeah, get some bitches pregnant.
1307
01:06:58,431 --> 01:07:00,558
- Sorry, I was trying something out.
- It's okay.
1308
01:07:00,642 --> 01:07:04,103
Oh, my God,
it's the whole nutsack brigade.
1309
01:07:04,604 --> 01:07:07,190
Alex, how was
your little hotel fuck festival?
1310
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:09,984
- It could not have gone better.
- Actually, Claire and I broke up.
1311
01:07:10,068 --> 01:07:11,819
And now, I'm looking for sluts.
1312
01:07:11,903 --> 01:07:12,779
You know of any?
1313
01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:14,614
Do I look like your regional pimp?
1314
01:07:14,697 --> 01:07:16,241
More like an employee.
1315
01:07:16,324 --> 01:07:18,618
Delbert, I'm choking on the vomit
of your hilarity.
1316
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:21,496
- Oh, they have clinics for that, actually.
- Will you guys get a room?
1317
01:07:21,579 --> 01:07:22,455
[both moan in disgust]
1318
01:07:22,539 --> 01:07:24,123
Now I'm choking on vomit.
1319
01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:25,375
[moans in disgust]
1320
01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:34,092
[exhales]
1321
01:07:34,717 --> 01:07:36,010
Let's party!
1322
01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:38,137
Oh, yeah!
1323
01:07:38,805 --> 01:07:40,014
Come, on baby, come on.
1324
01:07:40,098 --> 01:07:41,891
[hip hop music plays]
1325
01:07:42,850 --> 01:07:44,060
[cheering]
1326
01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:56,823
[screams]
1327
01:07:57,198 --> 01:07:58,032
Yeah!
1328
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:32,650
You're sexy.
1329
01:08:32,734 --> 01:08:34,027
You are sexy.
1330
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:36,321
You're a sexy little sex kitten.
1331
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:39,115
What are you, like, 12?
1332
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:42,910
No, I am of the legal sex age
in the state.
1333
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:44,495
I looked it up.
1334
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:46,122
Oh, yeah?
1335
01:08:46,205 --> 01:08:47,123
Yeah.
1336
01:08:49,292 --> 01:08:51,377
You want to see what's upstairs?
1337
01:08:51,461 --> 01:08:52,462
Fuck yeah.
1338
01:09:05,058 --> 01:09:08,561
Frankly, I don't even know why
we bother with high school boys.
1339
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:11,564
I, personally, haven't touched one
since freshman year.
1340
01:09:11,648 --> 01:09:16,069
I mean, sure, Alex is maybe smarter
than the average boy,
1341
01:09:16,152 --> 01:09:18,071
but he's still just as useless.
1342
01:09:18,446 --> 01:09:19,364
I don't get it.
1343
01:09:19,697 --> 01:09:22,617
I mean, Alex has always been
weird and shy about sex,
1344
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:26,287
but I never got any sense
that he was interested in anyone else.
1345
01:09:27,038 --> 01:09:28,956
Well, something's definitely going on.
1346
01:09:30,333 --> 01:09:32,251
We could stalk him.
1347
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:40,259
No question, dolphin. I'd fuck a dolphin.
1348
01:09:40,635 --> 01:09:41,719
I'd fuck a unicorn.
1349
01:09:41,803 --> 01:09:43,388
No way, it can't be imaginary.
1350
01:09:43,471 --> 01:09:44,597
- Why not?
- Why not?
1351
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:47,266
Because then I'd fuck Arwen
from Lord of the Rings.
1352
01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:48,893
Dude, Arwen's an elf, not an animal.
1353
01:09:48,976 --> 01:09:50,603
Yeah, you fucking idiot.
1354
01:09:51,187 --> 01:09:53,189
I thought you guys
were gonna try to meet girls.
1355
01:09:55,566 --> 01:09:57,402
- We are.
- It's fine, we are.
1356
01:09:57,485 --> 01:09:59,529
Yeah, we're just pumping each other up.
1357
01:09:59,987 --> 01:10:01,030
You're killing it.
1358
01:10:01,114 --> 01:10:03,449
- We met so many girls before this.
- [cell phone rings]
1359
01:10:03,533 --> 01:10:05,201
There were a bunch of them here...
1360
01:10:05,284 --> 01:10:06,244
Holy shit.
1361
01:10:10,123 --> 01:10:11,749
Miss Sophie Hicks.
1362
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:15,586
I'd fuck a cute little
fucking furry panda bear.
1363
01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:23,428
I can't wait either.
1364
01:10:23,511 --> 01:10:26,097
I feel like
we really haven't talked in ages.
1365
01:10:26,723 --> 01:10:27,932
See you soon, Delbert.
1366
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:32,520
They're at a frat party on Mickley Avenue.
1367
01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:33,938
Done.
1368
01:10:40,528 --> 01:10:42,780
You're... you're sexy.
1369
01:10:42,864 --> 01:10:44,615
I like touching your face.
1370
01:10:44,699 --> 01:10:45,533
What?
1371
01:10:45,616 --> 01:10:46,451
Nothing.
1372
01:10:46,868 --> 01:10:48,786
Can you take your shirt off, please?
1373
01:10:48,870 --> 01:10:49,746
Okay.
1374
01:10:49,829 --> 01:10:52,415
Whoa! Look at those honkers.
1375
01:10:52,498 --> 01:10:53,541
- Honkers?
- Yeah.
1376
01:10:53,624 --> 01:10:57,044
Or what, do you prefer "hooters"
or just good old-fashioned "tits"?
1377
01:10:57,128 --> 01:10:58,421
[laughs] You're funny.
1378
01:10:58,504 --> 01:11:00,798
You are chewing gum.
1379
01:11:00,882 --> 01:11:01,883
Yeah. You want some?
1380
01:11:01,966 --> 01:11:02,842
I'm okay.
1381
01:11:03,468 --> 01:11:04,719
Okay! [laughs]
1382
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:07,513
It's lost it's flavor a little bit,
but that's okay.
1383
01:11:07,597 --> 01:11:08,765
I want you to fuck me.
1384
01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:11,017
Can do.
1385
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,477
Oh, yeah? Do you have a condom?
1386
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,437
Yeah, I do. Yeah, in my pants.
1387
01:11:14,979 --> 01:11:16,773
- Get it.
- Okay, yeah. Sure.
1388
01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:25,281
[Alex] Don't overthink this.
Would Dell overthink this?
1389
01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:27,533
No, Dell would say...
1390
01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:29,076
Slurp my nutsack.
1391
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:30,077
Shut up, Dell.
1392
01:11:30,453 --> 01:11:32,121
- Huh?
- Nothing. Found it.
1393
01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:34,665
She'd better be hot
1394
01:11:34,957 --> 01:11:36,793
She'd better be
the Mother of fucking Dragons.
1395
01:11:36,876 --> 01:11:38,878
Claire, this is Alex we're talking about.
1396
01:11:38,961 --> 01:11:41,380
He and Dell are probably standing
by themselves in a corner,
1397
01:11:41,464 --> 01:11:44,884
talking about which Lord of the Rings
character they'd want to have sex with.
1398
01:11:46,969 --> 01:11:50,640
So, I'm all, "Fine, bitch,
go and fuck any dude here.
1399
01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:52,517
I don't give a shit."
1400
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:54,894
And she's all, "Fuck you, I'm going home."
1401
01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:56,854
And I'm all, "Adios, slut."
1402
01:11:58,231 --> 01:11:59,690
You know what, bro?
1403
01:12:00,441 --> 01:12:01,776
I really do love her.
1404
01:12:02,777 --> 01:12:03,611
Hey, Dell.
1405
01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:05,321
Sophie.
1406
01:12:05,947 --> 01:12:07,198
Wow, you made it.
1407
01:12:07,281 --> 01:12:08,449
Wow.
1408
01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:09,492
Hi.
1409
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:11,869
Oh, Claire Bear. Hey.
1410
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:14,539
Sophie told me
this is where the action is tonight.
1411
01:12:15,540 --> 01:12:16,791
Funny, did she?
1412
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,086
Sophie did not mention you'd be coming.
1413
01:12:20,837 --> 01:12:21,921
Where's Alex?
1414
01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:24,715
Man, that's a...
that's a really good question.
1415
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:26,133
I don't really...
1416
01:12:26,801 --> 01:12:29,929
No, Claire, I've got to tell you,
I think he's really drunk...
1417
01:12:31,389 --> 01:12:33,266
I should go help her look.
1418
01:12:33,891 --> 01:12:34,851
See you, Dell.
1419
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:36,185
Yeah.
1420
01:12:36,727 --> 01:12:37,687
Right. See you.
1421
01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:41,941
- Oh, fuck me, baby.
- I know.
1422
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:44,026
- Oh, fuck me hard.
- I know, I'm trying.
1423
01:12:44,110 --> 01:12:46,070
- Fuck me!
- Okay, here I go.
1424
01:12:46,153 --> 01:12:47,029
Hang on a sec.
1425
01:12:47,613 --> 01:12:49,073
[breathing heavily]
1426
01:12:49,156 --> 01:12:51,826
Oh, come on, mister class president.
1427
01:12:51,909 --> 01:12:53,077
Just a sec. I'm trying.
1428
01:12:55,830 --> 01:12:57,707
- Maybe you're getting shy?
- No.
1429
01:12:57,790 --> 01:12:59,792
- It's okay.
- No, it's not okay!
1430
01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:01,502
You are a hot, sexy chick,
1431
01:13:01,586 --> 01:13:05,339
and I'm gonna ejaculate my erect penis
inside your wet vagina if it kills me.
1432
01:13:05,423 --> 01:13:06,716
- Excuse me?
- Okay, here we go.
1433
01:13:06,799 --> 01:13:08,593
Come on, little penis.
Get in there.
1434
01:13:08,676 --> 01:13:10,011
- Hey!
- Come on, little guy.
1435
01:13:10,094 --> 01:13:12,597
Jesus, get off me, you creepy weirdo!
1436
01:13:13,347 --> 01:13:14,348
[door opens]
1437
01:13:16,225 --> 01:13:17,226
Alex?
1438
01:13:17,977 --> 01:13:18,811
Claire.
1439
01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:21,063
[Sierra] Ever heard of knocking, bitch?
1440
01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:23,566
Shut the door, this isn't a fucking show.
1441
01:13:26,652 --> 01:13:27,528
Claire, wait!
1442
01:13:29,906 --> 01:13:30,865
Sierra?
1443
01:13:31,324 --> 01:13:33,409
- Dakota?
- You guys know each other?
1444
01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:35,077
You said you were going home.
1445
01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:37,538
Yeah, well, I decided to take
a little detour, fuck stick.
1446
01:13:37,622 --> 01:13:40,124
Well, obviously you guys have
some problems to work out. So...
1447
01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,793
- What'd you do to my girl, piece of shit?
- Not much.
1448
01:13:42,877 --> 01:13:45,338
Yeah, she's right,
I could barely get it up, so no big deal.
1449
01:13:46,339 --> 01:13:47,340
Wait, I'm naked!
1450
01:13:47,924 --> 01:13:48,758
[screams]
1451
01:13:49,592 --> 01:13:50,468
[groans]
1452
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:52,386
Hey, guys.
1453
01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:55,389
- [Dakota] Get out of my way.
- [Sierra] Dakota, stop!
1454
01:13:57,141 --> 01:13:58,517
[Dell] Hey, douchebag.
1455
01:14:00,227 --> 01:14:02,647
You want him,
you've got to get through me first.
1456
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:09,028
[grunts]
1457
01:14:13,824 --> 01:14:15,910
I'm sorry, Dell. Thank you so much.
1458
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:24,752
You see them jump, babe?
1459
01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:25,711
I'm the shit.
1460
01:14:25,795 --> 01:14:27,630
You're so hot, babe.
1461
01:14:27,713 --> 01:14:29,423
No, babe, you're hot as fuck.
1462
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:37,848
[frog croaks]
1463
01:14:47,358 --> 01:14:49,485
A Guyana banana leaf toad?
1464
01:14:50,736 --> 01:14:51,654
What?
1465
01:14:52,738 --> 01:14:53,739
[Alex] Claire!
1466
01:14:59,620 --> 01:15:00,621
Claire!
1467
01:15:03,457 --> 01:15:04,542
Claire!
1468
01:15:13,718 --> 01:15:14,552
Dell?
1469
01:15:17,096 --> 01:15:17,930
What happened?
1470
01:15:19,306 --> 01:15:20,349
What do you care?
1471
01:15:22,143 --> 01:15:24,020
- Have you seen Claire?
- No.
1472
01:15:24,103 --> 01:15:26,605
And if I did see Claire,
why would I tell you?
1473
01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:29,692
Dell.
1474
01:15:29,775 --> 01:15:31,652
You're an evil person, Sophie Hicks.
1475
01:15:31,736 --> 01:15:33,571
Evil, evil, evil.
1476
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:35,531
- Oh, I'm evil?
- Yes.
1477
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:36,532
Yes.
1478
01:15:36,615 --> 01:15:40,077
Because I helped my best friend
find her bastard boyfriend?
1479
01:15:40,703 --> 01:15:43,205
No. No, you're evil
because you tricked me.
1480
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:47,126
You know
that I've liked you since... forever.
1481
01:15:49,253 --> 01:15:52,298
And I know that I'm just a joke to you,
okay? I'm not an idiot.
1482
01:15:52,381 --> 01:15:56,093
Girls like you have this ultimate power
over guys like me.
1483
01:15:57,053 --> 01:16:00,514
But it doesn't give you the right
to fuck with my feelings.
1484
01:16:02,641 --> 01:16:04,018
It's not cool, Sophie.
1485
01:16:11,692 --> 01:16:13,736
- You're right.
- It's not cool.
1486
01:16:16,197 --> 01:16:18,616
- I'm sorry, Dell.
- Not cool.
1487
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:26,832
Hey, uh...
1488
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:29,794
I want to show you something.
1489
01:16:39,303 --> 01:16:40,763
Oh, you... you kept those.
1490
01:16:43,641 --> 01:16:44,683
Of course I did.
1491
01:16:45,226 --> 01:16:48,395
I mean, I think they're
the most adorable thing I've ever seen.
1492
01:16:51,649 --> 01:16:53,526
I could send you updated versions.
1493
01:16:54,527 --> 01:16:55,486
Yeah...
1494
01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:57,863
- Let's take it one step at a time.
- Okay.
1495
01:16:58,614 --> 01:16:59,949
- Sound good?
- Sounds good.
1496
01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:01,242
Yeah.
1497
01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:10,876
Claire!
1498
01:17:13,254 --> 01:17:14,505
[frog continues croaking]
1499
01:17:17,341 --> 01:17:18,676
That's Josh's frog.
1500
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:23,180
That's Josh's frog.
1501
01:17:25,015 --> 01:17:26,142
Come here. Come here.
1502
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:42,408
No, no, no, no...
1503
01:17:42,992 --> 01:17:43,951
Don't jump.
1504
01:17:46,453 --> 01:17:47,329
No!
1505
01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:48,747
Oh God.
1506
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:51,083
[sighs]
1507
01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:58,234
Dude. Oh, my God.
1508
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:01,153
- Alex has a boner.
- Oh, my gosh.
1509
01:19:01,862 --> 01:19:03,364
Why do you have a boner, Alex?
1510
01:19:03,948 --> 01:19:05,491
I, I... No, I don't.
1511
01:19:05,574 --> 01:19:06,742
Are you a fag?
1512
01:19:07,743 --> 01:19:08,619
No, I'm not...
1513
01:19:08,702 --> 01:19:10,621
Alex has a boner. He's a fag.
1514
01:19:10,704 --> 01:19:12,706
[laughing] Oh, my gosh, yeah.
1515
01:19:13,290 --> 01:19:14,500
Where you going, Alex?
1516
01:19:15,251 --> 01:19:16,252
Are you gonna cry?
1517
01:19:19,255 --> 01:19:20,422
Just let me go!
1518
01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:23,175
Oh, he's gonna cry, he's gonna cry.
1519
01:20:02,006 --> 01:20:03,132
[gasping]
1520
01:20:27,239 --> 01:20:28,073
[Claire] Alex?
1521
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:30,367
Jesus, what happened to you?
1522
01:20:31,118 --> 01:20:31,994
Oh, you know.
1523
01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,247
Just went for a little swim.
1524
01:20:35,748 --> 01:20:36,874
Are you okay?
1525
01:20:38,042 --> 01:20:38,876
Yeah.
1526
01:20:39,460 --> 01:20:40,294
Yeah.
1527
01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:43,213
Claire...
1528
01:20:46,467 --> 01:20:47,343
I'm gay.
1529
01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:51,180
What?
1530
01:20:52,056 --> 01:20:52,931
I'm gay.
1531
01:20:54,058 --> 01:20:55,017
You called it.
1532
01:20:56,810 --> 01:20:57,811
I'm gay.
1533
01:21:03,192 --> 01:21:04,193
I'm sorry.
1534
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:08,614
I'm really sorry.
1535
01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:48,320
Claire.
1536
01:21:50,739 --> 01:21:51,990
Are you okay?
1537
01:22:09,633 --> 01:22:10,926
Hey, honey.
1538
01:22:11,009 --> 01:22:12,386
Did you have fun?
1539
01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:16,640
Sweetie?
1540
01:22:19,518 --> 01:22:20,811
- [cries]
- Oh.
1541
01:22:28,318 --> 01:22:29,319
I got you.
1542
01:22:32,322 --> 01:22:33,157
Let it out.
1543
01:22:33,240 --> 01:22:34,533
- [crying]
- Oh.
1544
01:23:23,499 --> 01:23:24,416
So...
1545
01:23:29,630 --> 01:23:31,131
The person you like...
1546
01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:35,177
It's a boy?
1547
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:42,226
That kid Elliot?
1548
01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:49,483
And, um...
1549
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:51,610
Did you just...
1550
01:23:52,152 --> 01:23:53,362
figure all this out?
1551
01:23:55,864 --> 01:23:57,991
I guess it's always been there. I just...
1552
01:23:59,201 --> 01:24:00,911
had to be honest with myself.
1553
01:24:02,162 --> 01:24:03,872
I just couldn't ignore it anymore.
1554
01:24:04,373 --> 01:24:06,250
Maybe you're just going through a phase.
1555
01:24:06,333 --> 01:24:07,709
No, I thought of that.
1556
01:24:08,835 --> 01:24:11,421
But, you know,
I thought I'd grow out of it, and...
1557
01:24:13,632 --> 01:24:15,008
thought I'd get over it.
1558
01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:19,513
You know...
1559
01:24:20,180 --> 01:24:22,057
I thought I'd meet the right girl.
1560
01:24:25,352 --> 01:24:26,395
But, uh...
1561
01:24:34,444 --> 01:24:36,029
You know, I met the right girl.
1562
01:24:39,741 --> 01:24:40,701
[Alex sighs]
1563
01:24:48,125 --> 01:24:51,628
Alex, don't people know
who they're attracted to?
1564
01:24:52,254 --> 01:24:53,171
I mean...
1565
01:24:53,797 --> 01:24:55,424
isn't it just obvious?
1566
01:24:56,133 --> 01:24:57,301
It's different when...
1567
01:24:57,759 --> 01:24:58,594
When you're gay?
1568
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:00,596
No, it isn't.
1569
01:25:02,222 --> 01:25:04,933
My cousin just came out and she's 12.
1570
01:25:05,976 --> 01:25:07,561
What are you so scared of?
1571
01:25:10,147 --> 01:25:11,064
Losing you.
1572
01:25:25,454 --> 01:25:26,288
I love you.
1573
01:25:28,665 --> 01:25:31,084
I'm sorry I was such a shitty boyfriend.
1574
01:25:31,168 --> 01:25:32,252
No.
1575
01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:35,255
No, you're the...
1576
01:25:35,339 --> 01:25:38,300
best gay boyfriend a girl could have.
1577
01:25:38,383 --> 01:25:39,593
[both laugh]
1578
01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:43,388
That's funny.
1579
01:25:45,098 --> 01:25:46,975
You still want to go to prom with me?
1580
01:25:48,518 --> 01:25:50,020
["Dancing on Glass" plays]
1581
01:26:04,951 --> 01:26:09,539
♪ Science and reason will tell us so ♪
1582
01:26:14,378 --> 01:26:18,965
♪ The blood in our veins
Are just chemicals ♪
1583
01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:26,973
♪ Better believe
I keep my demons to myself ♪
1584
01:26:27,057 --> 01:26:29,059
♪ Better believe it's getting harder ♪
1585
01:26:29,142 --> 01:26:32,145
Wow, Alex, not bad for a gay guy.
1586
01:26:32,437 --> 01:26:33,397
You look beautiful.
1587
01:26:33,897 --> 01:26:35,065
I do, don't I?
1588
01:26:36,108 --> 01:26:37,859
All right, let's fuck this shit up.
1589
01:26:43,073 --> 01:26:46,118
Abbie Chevalier already puked
in the picture line.
1590
01:26:46,535 --> 01:26:47,703
Awesome.
1591
01:26:48,328 --> 01:26:50,539
- I licked the frog.
- He licked the frog.
1592
01:26:50,622 --> 01:26:51,707
Dude, tonight?
1593
01:26:51,790 --> 01:26:53,583
Yeah, only a little. I mean, just the tip.
1594
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:54,751
It still counts.
1595
01:26:54,835 --> 01:26:57,838
- I will be right back.
- Where you going? Where you going?
1596
01:26:57,921 --> 01:26:59,464
Secret mission.
1597
01:26:59,965 --> 01:27:01,466
I don't get chicks, man.
1598
01:27:01,550 --> 01:27:03,176
Secret mission? What the fuck?
1599
01:27:03,885 --> 01:27:06,346
Don't pretend like you don't know, Sophie.
1600
01:27:06,430 --> 01:27:08,306
I know you know.
1601
01:27:08,598 --> 01:27:10,016
I'll never tell, Delgado.
1602
01:27:10,100 --> 01:27:11,143
Never.
1603
01:27:11,768 --> 01:27:12,602
[Claire] Alex.
1604
01:27:13,812 --> 01:27:14,730
Hey.
1605
01:27:22,779 --> 01:27:23,739
Hey, stranger.
1606
01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:25,615
- Hey.
- I invited him.
1607
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:27,159
I didn't think you'd mind.
1608
01:27:27,492 --> 01:27:29,494
No, no, I don't, but...
1609
01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:35,333
Look, guys, I knew you'd never do this
yourselves, so here I am...
1610
01:27:36,001 --> 01:27:37,502
just passing the baton.
1611
01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:40,172
Claire.
1612
01:27:40,547 --> 01:27:42,466
I came here with you. You're my date.
1613
01:27:43,175 --> 01:27:47,179
I know, but Alex,
you've got to start sooner or later.
1614
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:49,514
And...
1615
01:27:51,016 --> 01:27:53,477
I think maybe this is a good for me too.
1616
01:28:02,235 --> 01:28:03,904
Do you want to dance or something?
1617
01:28:04,571 --> 01:28:06,281
No, go dance with your fella.
1618
01:28:06,948 --> 01:28:08,116
But save one for me later?
1619
01:28:09,367 --> 01:28:10,285
Yeah, yeah.
1620
01:28:12,537 --> 01:28:13,413
Okay.
1621
01:28:21,379 --> 01:28:22,214
It's been a while.
1622
01:28:22,297 --> 01:28:23,507
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1623
01:28:24,966 --> 01:28:26,551
I had to figure some stuff out.
1624
01:28:28,386 --> 01:28:29,221
And?
1625
01:28:30,013 --> 01:28:30,847
And...
1626
01:28:33,266 --> 01:28:34,100
Uh...
1627
01:28:41,149 --> 01:28:41,983
You okay?
1628
01:28:42,609 --> 01:28:43,443
Um...
1629
01:28:45,278 --> 01:28:46,863
I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.
1630
01:28:47,280 --> 01:28:49,908
♪ How long till we learn ♪
1631
01:28:49,991 --> 01:28:51,952
♪ That dancing is dangerous? ♪
1632
01:28:52,035 --> 01:28:53,703
♪ How long till we learn... ♪
1633
01:28:58,041 --> 01:28:59,084
[exhales]
1634
01:28:59,167 --> 01:29:00,001
Shit.
1635
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:03,129
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...
1636
01:29:13,056 --> 01:29:15,267
- Should I not have come?
- No, it's not that.
1637
01:29:15,684 --> 01:29:16,852
Then what is it?
1638
01:29:17,269 --> 01:29:18,103
It's just...
1639
01:29:18,770 --> 01:29:19,646
Everyone...
1640
01:29:20,146 --> 01:29:21,398
Everyone's watching.
1641
01:29:22,440 --> 01:29:23,275
Oh.
1642
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:26,695
- Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go.
- No.
1643
01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,829
["I Promise You I Will" plays]
1644
01:29:35,912 --> 01:29:37,038
[Claire] Where's Alex?
1645
01:29:37,831 --> 01:29:39,416
I don't know. I'm leaving.
1646
01:29:41,418 --> 01:29:42,502
What? Why?
1647
01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:46,673
♪ And when you're in doubt ♪
1648
01:29:48,508 --> 01:29:52,304
♪ And when you're in danger ♪
1649
01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,558
♪ Take a look all around ♪
1650
01:29:58,518 --> 01:30:01,146
♪ And I'll be there ♪
1651
01:30:03,398 --> 01:30:04,941
Look, Alex, I really don't...
1652
01:30:05,025 --> 01:30:08,862
♪ I'm sorry but I'm just thinking
Of the right words to say ♪
1653
01:30:08,945 --> 01:30:09,821
♪ I promise ♪
1654
01:30:09,905 --> 01:30:13,700
♪ I know they don't sound the way
I planned them to be ♪
1655
01:30:13,783 --> 01:30:14,993
♪ I promise ♪
1656
01:30:15,076 --> 01:30:18,830
♪ But if you wait around the world
I'll make you fall for me ♪
1657
01:30:18,914 --> 01:30:21,499
- ♪ I promise ♪
- ♪ I promise ♪
1658
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:26,671
♪ I promise you I will ♪
1659
01:30:44,064 --> 01:30:46,650
♪ When your day is through ♪
1660
01:30:49,027 --> 01:30:53,198
♪ And so is your temper ♪
1661
01:30:54,115 --> 01:30:56,785
♪ You know what to do ♪
1662
01:30:58,954 --> 01:31:03,333
♪ I'm gonna always be there ♪
1663
01:31:04,167 --> 01:31:06,836
♪ Sometimes if I shout ♪
1664
01:31:09,339 --> 01:31:13,677
♪ It's not what's intended ♪
1665
01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:17,472
♪ These words just come out ♪
1666
01:31:19,349 --> 01:31:23,645
♪ With no regret to bear ♪
1667
01:31:25,647 --> 01:31:29,985
♪ I'm sorry but I'm just thinking
Of the right words to say ♪
1668
01:31:35,657 --> 01:31:36,950
[exhales]
1669
01:31:38,159 --> 01:31:39,160
Hey, everyone.
1670
01:31:39,244 --> 01:31:43,123
Uh, welcome to a very special episode
of Savage Kingdom High.
1671
01:31:43,206 --> 01:31:44,249
I'm Alex,
1672
01:31:44,332 --> 01:31:48,003
and with me, as always, of course,
is my partner in crime
1673
01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,505
and very best friend in the whole world.
1674
01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:53,258
Hello, interwebs.
1675
01:31:53,591 --> 01:31:56,011
And we are here to spin you a tale
1676
01:31:56,344 --> 01:31:58,054
of intrigue, drama...
1677
01:31:58,596 --> 01:31:59,472
and comedy.
1678
01:31:59,931 --> 01:32:01,641
Um, Claire, and I used to date.
1679
01:32:02,058 --> 01:32:05,478
Uh, today I'm gonna be sharing
my coming out experience.
1680
01:32:05,562 --> 01:32:07,313
I wasn't out in high school at all.
1681
01:32:07,397 --> 01:32:10,025
Uh, I dated a bunch of girls, very...
1682
01:32:10,108 --> 01:32:15,280
Uh, it all starts out
when I was about 13, 14, and...
1683
01:32:15,363 --> 01:32:16,656
I'm gay!
1684
01:32:17,115 --> 01:32:19,242
It feels so good to say that.
1685
01:32:19,325 --> 01:32:22,495
I think I was in denial
for most of my adolescence...
1686
01:32:22,579 --> 01:32:24,748
It's not that I want to be,
it's that I am.
1687
01:32:25,206 --> 01:32:27,167
I... I've been dating a guy.
1688
01:32:27,250 --> 01:32:28,668
[overlapping dialogue]
1689
01:32:49,606 --> 01:32:51,024
This is Alex Truelove...
1690
01:32:51,441 --> 01:32:52,400
signing off.