1
00:00:41,487 --> 00:00:46,492

2
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,099
It's okay.

3
00:00:50,101 --> 00:00:51,869
You're gonna love it.

4
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:56,138
Happy first day of school.

5
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,005
Bye, sweetie.

6
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:00,843
- Hi!
- Hi.

7
00:01:00,845 --> 00:01:02,778
Hey. I'm Sam.

8
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:04,446
Hi. I'm Julie.

9
00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:07,982
- Bye.
- Bye, Mom.

10
00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:11,387
I'm Hunter.

11
00:01:11,389 --> 00:01:12,755
Sam's mine right there.

12
00:01:12,757 --> 00:01:14,056
The one with the glasses.

13
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:15,423
I'm Lisa.

14
00:01:15,425 --> 00:01:17,693
That's my Julie.

15
00:01:17,695 --> 00:01:19,464
I'm Mitchell.

16
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:22,697
Kayla's hero.

17
00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:24,500
Oh, are you okay?

18
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,033
- Yeah, yeah.
- You crying?

19
00:01:26,035 --> 00:01:28,102
No, man, it's a...
big day, that's all.

20
00:01:28,104 --> 00:01:29,872
- Yeah.
- You know, can I have a tissue, please?

21
00:01:29,874 --> 00:01:30,739
- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

22
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:32,473
- It's a big day for all of us.
- Yeah.

23
00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:33,608
Thanks.

24
00:01:35,746 --> 00:01:36,711
Come on, let's go!

25
00:01:36,713 --> 00:01:38,080
I think our daughters
are friends.

26
00:01:38,082 --> 00:01:39,515
- I'm so excited!
- Me, too.

27
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,983
And I think that means
we're friends.

28
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:47,155
Should we go get a drink?

29
00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:48,524
You okay?

30
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,824
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

31
00:01:49,826 --> 00:01:51,860
- Yeah.
- Do you guys want to go get a drink?

32
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,929
Just... Ah, they made it.

33
00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:55,764
You guys want to go grab
a drink real quick?

34
00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:57,866
Is he asking us if we want
to go grab a drink?

35
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,435
I'm really hoping it's coffee.

36
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:11,079
- Aah! That's so...
- Shut the fuck up.

37
00:02:13,117 --> 00:02:15,150
Happy Halloween!

38
00:02:16,587 --> 00:02:18,220
I can see Russia from my house.

39
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,888
- Red Vines!
- Red Vines!

40
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,590
Red Vines!

41
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,029
That's right!

42
00:02:29,999 --> 00:02:32,533
Hey, hey, Hunter, get out, man.

43
00:02:34,138 --> 00:02:36,204
Put your seat belts on!

44
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:37,573
Oh, my God!

45
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,678
- Surprise!
- Surprise!

46
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,579
No way! Thank you, Mom!

47
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,181
Thank you so much!

48
00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:49,119
Be careful.

49
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:17,812
Absolutely gorgeous out.

50
00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,281
You're probably gonna miss
these mornings

51
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,916
that we spend together, right?

52
00:03:20,918 --> 00:03:23,217
Stop.
You're gonna make me cry.

53
00:03:23,219 --> 00:03:25,287
And I don't want to cry,
because it's prom night.

54
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,121
And it's supposed to be,
like, the most magical night

55
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,289
of your life, and, you know,

56
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,893
I'm just so anxious about it.

57
00:03:30,895 --> 00:03:34,729
Well, call me
if you feel anxious.

58
00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:36,999
Or maybe FaceTime me,
if it wasn't too loud.

59
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,033
I mean, if it was too loud,
you could just...

60
00:03:39,035 --> 00:03:40,568
we could wave or whatever.

61
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,069
That'd be funny.

62
00:03:42,071 --> 00:03:44,740
And then I can do...
You know what I was thinking?

63
00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:46,942
You should send me photos
throughout the night.

64
00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:49,210
Like, not...
not, like, all night long,

65
00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:51,979
but if you could do it
like every 30 minutes or so,

66
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,782
then I can put together
one of those iBooks.

67
00:03:54,784 --> 00:03:55,883
- That would be so fun.
- Yeah.

68
00:03:55,885 --> 00:03:57,119
That would be a really...

69
00:03:57,121 --> 00:03:58,920
I don't think
you would regret that.

70
00:04:00,257 --> 00:04:02,156
- Mom?
- Mm-hmm?

71
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:05,327
Are you gonna be okay
when I go to college?

72
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,894
Who, me?

73
00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:07,895
Yeah.

74
00:04:07,897 --> 00:04:09,230
Me?

75
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,334
What?

76
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:13,801
Pl-Please.

77
00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:16,071
Don't even get me...

78
00:04:16,073 --> 00:04:18,039
Don't even...

79
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:20,277
Please.

80
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,614
Okay, bye, Mom!

81
00:04:25,616 --> 00:04:27,181
- Okay, bye.
- I love you.

82
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,886
Okay, I love you.

83
00:04:35,224 --> 00:04:37,359
<i>Oh, good, you did the laundry.</i>

84
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,628
Yeah, and got a totally sleepy,
happy baby.

85
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,631
Full-blown Renaissance man.

86
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,232
- Oh.
- Believe it.

87
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:45,833
It's a good thing
she's asleep, too.

88
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:47,068
I was going through
the laundry.

89
00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,903
- Uh-huh.
- Found these new thongs.

90
00:04:48,905 --> 00:04:51,707
You know what I'm gonna do
with these?

91
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,975
Paging Dr. Muff Diver.
Dr. Muff Diver, you're needed

92
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,376
in the O.R. immediately.

93
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,044
Emergency surgery.
Later on tonight,

94
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,614
I'm tearing these off
with my teeth

95
00:04:58,616 --> 00:04:59,814
like an old-school
cartoon billy goat.

96
00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:01,148
Honey.

97
00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:02,619
Mitchell.

98
00:05:05,154 --> 00:05:06,388
Those are your daughter's.

99
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:10,292
No way. Kayla wears cleats
and Bears jerseys,

100
00:05:10,294 --> 00:05:11,393
not some dirty
stripper underwear.

101
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,361
You thought they were mine.

102
00:05:12,363 --> 00:05:14,261
What, am I giving her allowance
in singles?

103
00:05:14,263 --> 00:05:15,830
Go tell her
she can't wear these.

104
00:05:15,832 --> 00:05:17,299
Tell her
they'll make her sterile,

105
00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:19,133
like with the laptop
and my brother's balls.

106
00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:21,035
We're not sure that's what
happened with your brother.

107
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,903
Honey, you're being ridiculous.

108
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,672
Kayla's becoming a woman.
This isn't the time

109
00:05:24,674 --> 00:05:26,741
to tighten your grip;
it's the time to loosen it.

110
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,809
This? This means
we tighten the grip.

111
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:30,811
This isn't built for comfort;
it's built for speed.

112
00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:32,347
We need to slow it
the fuck down.

113
00:05:32,349 --> 00:05:35,751
The appliances go in
after the backsplash.

114
00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:38,320
We've done it the same way
every time.

115
00:05:40,123 --> 00:05:42,225
Uh-huh. All right,
put him on the phone.

116
00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:46,927
I'm in the bathroom.

117
00:06:08,919 --> 00:06:10,388
Thanks.
I was looking for that.

118
00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:14,056
You mind telling me
what this is?

119
00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:15,924
- Uh, fuzz.
- Yeah.

120
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:17,859
Yeah, fuzz.
That's what I thought it was,

121
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,361
and then upon further
investigation,

122
00:06:19,363 --> 00:06:21,962
it is clearly an unraveled
filter of a cigarette.

123
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,465
Kayla, are you a... a smoker?

124
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,133
What? No.

125
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,102
Not a smoker, Dad.

126
00:06:27,104 --> 00:06:30,071
Hey, haven't you seen the
billions of ads that tell you

127
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:31,873
- not to do this stuff?
- Dad!

128
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,775
You can't teach someone
not to try things, okay?

129
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,844
That's what trying things
is for... to teach you things.

130
00:06:35,846 --> 00:06:37,145
It's a contradiction.

131
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,313
It's like telling me

132
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,450
not to go for a triple
on a base hit to the gap

133
00:06:41,452 --> 00:06:43,150
when I've made a good turn
around first

134
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:45,073
and I know that the
right fielder has a weak arm.

135
00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:48,323
Damn it, you're smart.

136
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,725
Okay. Yeah, all right.

137
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,126
Time to get ready
for school, Dad.

138
00:06:52,128 --> 00:06:53,494
Okay, all right.

139
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,797
Julie! Sam!

140
00:06:55,799 --> 00:06:56,864
Hey, girl!

141
00:06:56,866 --> 00:06:58,032
Whoa!

142
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:02,070
- I almost died.
- Prom night!

143
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:03,504
Prom!

144
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,439
I'm so, so excited.

145
00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:07,008
Oh, me, too.

146
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,080
Mm. I love you.

147
00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:14,181
I love you, too.

148
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,417
All right.

149
00:07:15,419 --> 00:07:16,484
- We're so gross.
- I know.

150
00:07:16,486 --> 00:07:17,919
People are looking at us.

151
00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:19,121
- I don't care.
- We better get

152
00:07:19,123 --> 00:07:20,363
"cutest couple"
in the yearbook.

153
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,534
I'm having sex.

154
00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:34,936
That's great.

155
00:07:34,938 --> 00:07:36,304
I'm having soup.

156
00:07:36,306 --> 00:07:37,438
No.

157
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,508
Tonight with Austin.

158
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:41,542
- Wait, you're finally gonna do it?
- Yeah.

159
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,778
I mean, you know, we've been
dating for six months,

160
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:45,246
and we love each other,

161
00:07:45,248 --> 00:07:47,148
and I just awkwardly
got my pediatrician

162
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,549
to put me on birth control.

163
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,518
She gave me a sticker.

164
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,419
Two because I was good, so...

165
00:07:52,421 --> 00:07:54,890
I know it's, like, kind of
corny or whatever, but it just

166
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,558
seems like prom night...

167
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,926
it's kind of perfect, you know?

168
00:07:58,928 --> 00:08:00,427
We're gonna have, like,

169
00:08:00,429 --> 00:08:03,864
dim lighting
and rose petals on the bed

170
00:08:03,866 --> 00:08:05,967
and the scent from that candle
that gets me horny

171
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,434
every time I pass it
in Walgreens.

172
00:08:07,436 --> 00:08:09,003
All candles get me horny.

173
00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:10,371
I'm gonna look
into Austin's eyes,

174
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:13,174
and then he's gonna look
into mine,

175
00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:15,176
and then we're gonna, like,

176
00:08:15,178 --> 00:08:16,811
touch each other's faces,
you know?

177
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:18,446
For, like, a long time.

178
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,314
Like, a long time.

179
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,816
Just to, like, connect.

180
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:24,251
And then we're gonna...

181
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,922
Kapow.

182
00:08:27,524 --> 00:08:29,224
All right, fuck it, I'm in.

183
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:30,592
- What?
- I'm in.

184
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:31,859
I'm having sex tonight, too.

185
00:08:31,861 --> 00:08:33,595
Uh... just like that?

186
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,595
Yeah. I mean, why not?

187
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,297
Because it's your first time,

188
00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:38,999
and your first time
should be special and perfect.

189
00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:40,368
Yours can be special
and perfect.

190
00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:44,239
Mine is gonna be tonight
and with that dude.

191
00:08:44,241 --> 00:08:45,941
Yeah, they're just brownies.
They're not, like...

192
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,075
Connor Aldrich?
Your lab partner?

193
00:08:48,077 --> 00:08:50,110
- Yeah. What?
- You haven't even hooked up with him.

194
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,580
You haven't even
seen his thing yet.

195
00:08:51,582 --> 00:08:53,013
What if he has a weird one?

196
00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:54,114
They're all weird.

197
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,883
Penises are not for looking at.

198
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,451
They're for use.
They're like plungers.

199
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,154
Listen, my student athlete days
are over.

200
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,989
Tonight is the beginning
of my adult life,

201
00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:04,558
and for the first time
I can do whatever I want.

202
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,961
So I want to go to prom,
get drunk,

203
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,098
get potted up on weed
and lose my goddamn virginity.

204
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,966
We're gonna have the same
first-time-sex anniversary.

205
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,601
We can go to dinner every year
and commemorate it.

206
00:09:13,603 --> 00:09:15,604
- Olive Garden.
- Yes! Olive Garden.

207
00:09:15,606 --> 00:09:17,172
Breadsticks for life, bitch.

208
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:19,474
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God, it is gonna be

209
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:23,047
such a relief to get this over
and done with before college.

210
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:26,281
Um, no, I mean, like...

211
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:27,648
No, it's cool.

212
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,283
I just don't think
I'm there yet.

213
00:09:29,285 --> 00:09:31,253
You know, maybe something
might happen tonight

214
00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:34,255
with me and Chad, but, uh,

215
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:37,194
I don't think sex
is gonna be that thing.

216
00:09:44,635 --> 00:09:45,635
Sam?

217
00:09:49,206 --> 00:09:51,639
But you never know
what could happen.

218
00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:54,142
I mean, maybe
my inner sexual Smaug

219
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:56,847
will emerge from its keep
and spread its mighty wings.

220
00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,348
I never know
what you're talking about.

221
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,316
Yeah, I... me, neither.

222
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:12,597
Oh, my God.

223
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:28,279
Julie, is that you?

224
00:10:34,985 --> 00:10:37,018
So realistic.

225
00:10:40,189 --> 00:10:42,325
Ugh. God.

226
00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:47,195
Come on, Sam, we're waiting.

227
00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:49,000
Be right there!

228
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:51,999
- There she is.
- All right, took me 20 minutes

229
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:53,435
to figure out how to do
video on this thing,

230
00:10:53,437 --> 00:10:54,536
but I finally got it.

231
00:10:54,538 --> 00:10:56,003
Oh!

232
00:10:56,005 --> 00:10:57,604
Nope. Took a picture of myself.

233
00:10:57,606 --> 00:10:59,974
Siri, video, please.

234
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:02,277
Wow! That Chad is going to rip

235
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:04,112
through his little
tuxedo pants.

236
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,047
- Mom. That's gross.
- What?

237
00:11:06,049 --> 00:11:08,148
- Why?
- 'Cause you're practically imagining

238
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:09,718
your daughter
in sexual congress.

239
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,018
You sicko.

240
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:12,586
Ah!

241
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,589
I was just trying
to connect with you.

242
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,992
You never talk to us anymore.

243
00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:19,697
- Hey, I got this.
- Okay.

244
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,233
Prom night, huh?

245
00:11:25,235 --> 00:11:28,168
I got sad and reflective
on my prom night, too.

246
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:29,637
- You were?
- Yeah. I was scared I wasn't

247
00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:31,306
gonna stay friends
with the guys I had

248
00:11:31,308 --> 00:11:33,374
been around most of my life,
but I was able to...

249
00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:34,709
- Hey, baby, I love you so much.
- What?

250
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:35,777
You just really
freaked her out.

251
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,644
Sweetie, if you're worried

252
00:11:37,646 --> 00:11:40,782
about that at all,
just know you shouldn't be.

253
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,417
You never stay friends
with people from high school.

254
00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:45,152
I mean, the oldest friend
I have is Jan

255
00:11:45,154 --> 00:11:46,687
from work, and I've known her
for three months.

256
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:48,523
- Who's Jan?
- You know Jan, babe.

257
00:11:48,525 --> 00:11:50,291
She draws those silly cartoons.

258
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,726
- Oh, racist Jan.
- Yeah, that's the one.

259
00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:56,031
Who you are today
is not who you're going to be.

260
00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:57,731
And that's okay.

261
00:11:57,733 --> 00:12:00,200
- That's good therapy.
- And who you become will be

262
00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:02,670
so different that your friends
won't understand you anymore,

263
00:12:02,672 --> 00:12:04,339
and then you will wake up
and realize

264
00:12:04,341 --> 00:12:05,739
these friendships are over.

265
00:12:05,741 --> 00:12:07,742
This feels like
a very painful divorce,

266
00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:09,676
just like the one I had
with your father,

267
00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:11,678
but then you'll find a Frank.

268
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,816
Uh, I appreciate that,
but that's not my deal.

269
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:17,484
I'm still cool
with a lot of my boys because

270
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,388
on prom night,
me, Dennis, Matt and Cory

271
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:23,691
all convinced our friend Steve
to join the Army.

272
00:12:23,693 --> 00:12:25,627
He fought
in the Persian Gulf War.

273
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:27,494
He died right away.

274
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,163
But once you go through

275
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,465
something like that,
you're bonded for life.

276
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:34,668
The bedrock of deep,
meaningful friendships

277
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,206
is shared experience.

278
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:40,577
I thought they were gonna
put him in the Reserves.

279
00:12:44,213 --> 00:12:46,717
That is some horseshit.

280
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,323
Hmm.

281
00:12:59,728 --> 00:13:01,796
Wow.

282
00:13:01,798 --> 00:13:03,864
You look so beautiful.

283
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,270
Turn around.

284
00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:10,205
Wow.

285
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,638
Oh, my goodness.

286
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,108
Wow.

287
00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:16,643
So, what's the big plan
for after prom?

288
00:13:16,645 --> 00:13:18,513
Uh, we're just going
to Austin's.

289
00:13:18,515 --> 00:13:19,781
You really like him, huh?

290
00:13:19,783 --> 00:13:21,682
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's...

291
00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:23,618
Yeah, he's cool. It's not,
like, serious or anything.

292
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,220
His mom told me
he got into UCLA.

293
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,723
- That's nice.
- Yeah, I mean, it's good.

294
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,825
You remember that time
when, like,

295
00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:33,161
I thought about going to UCLA?

296
00:13:33,163 --> 00:13:35,396
Yes.
That would have been crazy.

297
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,264
That would have been
the worst mistake ever.

298
00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:39,901
I don't think it would have
been that huge of a mistake.

299
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:42,737
Uh, yes, it would have.

300
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,571
University of Chicago
is perfect.

301
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,907
It's 45 minutes away.

302
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,577
So that way you're gone,
but you're not "gone" gone.

303
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,446
But I'm gone.

304
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:54,615
Right, but not, like, gone.

305
00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:56,618
Right, but, like,
I'm going to college,

306
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,619
and, like,
I'm not gonna live at home,

307
00:13:58,621 --> 00:14:00,522
so I'm, like... I'm gone.

308
00:14:00,524 --> 00:14:02,322
Mm-hmm.

309
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:04,893
Why are my boobs so big?

310
00:14:04,895 --> 00:14:06,864
- Ready, Kayla?
- Yup.

311
00:14:08,698 --> 00:14:10,632
And now...

312
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,200
...standing at five foot,
seven inches...

313
00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:13,700
five, nine if you count
the heels...

314
00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:16,303
straight out
of Great Lakes High School,

315
00:14:16,305 --> 00:14:18,406
the prettiest girl
in all of prom...

316
00:14:18,408 --> 00:14:20,575
Kayla Mannes!

317
00:14:23,847 --> 00:14:26,547
Uh... just high fives
from now on.

318
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:28,316
- Okay.
- Oh, honey, I never thought

319
00:14:28,318 --> 00:14:29,617
I'd see you in a dress.

320
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,552
Technically,
it's not a full dress.

321
00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:33,488
Some material is missing
from the middle there.

322
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:34,522
Okay.

323
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:35,556
You look great.

324
00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:36,691
All right.

325
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:37,926
Yeah, I think it's time to go.

326
00:14:37,928 --> 00:14:38,926
Yes. Yeah.

327
00:14:38,928 --> 00:14:40,494
Honey, we got to go.

328
00:14:40,496 --> 00:14:42,229
Honey?

329
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:44,331
Dad, are you okay?

330
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:47,402
It's like when
he watched <i>Frozen.</i>

331
00:14:47,404 --> 00:14:48,503
Come on.

332
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:51,906
<i>Hi. How are you?</i>

333
00:14:51,908 --> 00:14:52,941
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

334
00:14:52,943 --> 00:14:53,941
Oh, Sam.

335
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:55,210
Hi, Marcie.

336
00:14:55,212 --> 00:14:56,777
Oh. Oh, oh.

337
00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:58,546
- Hey, Mitchell.
- Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.

338
00:14:58,548 --> 00:14:59,980
- Yeah.
- You know, I was worried

339
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,216
when I never heard back
from you about hot yoga.

340
00:15:02,218 --> 00:15:03,484
Called you a bunch of times.

341
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,987
- I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.
- Oh, yeah.

342
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,622
I don't really do
the hot yoga thing.

343
00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:09,691
- It's just...
- Well, we should catch up, though, right?

344
00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:11,558
- Yeah.
- Like a lunch. I don't know.

345
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,460
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, give me a call.

346
00:15:13,462 --> 00:15:14,796
- I've been calling you.
- Mm-hmm.

347
00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,497
Doesn't work.

348
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,768
It's not effective.

349
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,316
I don't even know. Wait, wait, wait.

350
00:15:35,318 --> 00:15:36,718
- Oh, my gosh, thank you.
- You guys, you guys.

351
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,253
Wait, this is, like,
the best lighting

352
00:15:38,255 --> 00:15:39,720
with the Valencia filter,
so wait, wait.

353
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:41,755
Oh, God. All right, here we go.

354
00:15:41,757 --> 00:15:42,990
- Yeah, okay, that's enough.
- One more.

355
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,425
- We're good.
- Oh, my God.

356
00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:45,826
We need to get
this party started.

357
00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:46,960
- Ooh! Okay, Julie.
- Hmm?

358
00:15:46,962 --> 00:15:48,332
I got you something.

359
00:15:49,466 --> 00:15:50,864
It's coconut oil.

360
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,300
For lube.

361
00:15:52,302 --> 00:15:53,968
I hear it works just as well

362
00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:56,037
and it makes blow jobs
taste like Almond Joy.

363
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,971
Thank God it doesn't
taste like Mounds.

364
00:15:57,973 --> 00:16:00,474
I'd rather eat ten dicks
than one Mound.

365
00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:03,277
- Mm.
- But thank you. That's so sweet.

366
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:04,178
- Oh!
- Aw!

367
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,846
- Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
- Me, too.

368
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:07,849
- Oh, my God!
- You have to text me, like, right away.

369
00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:09,683
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
doing it at the same time.

370
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:11,418
Oh, my God. We have
to talk about it tomorrow.

371
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:12,487
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, every detail.

372
00:16:12,489 --> 00:16:13,754
- There's gonna be so much to talk about.
- Guys?

373
00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:16,291
Hey, guys.

374
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:18,659
I want in on this sex pact.

375
00:16:18,661 --> 00:16:21,763
Are you sure? You don't have
to do this just because we are.

376
00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:23,297
No, that's not why.

377
00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:25,867
I want to have sex. Yeah.

378
00:16:25,869 --> 00:16:28,436
That's something
all three of us have in common.

379
00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:29,637
- Mm-hmm.
- Chad is gonna

380
00:16:29,639 --> 00:16:33,974
tap that ass with his penis.

381
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:37,311
And I doubt we'll have anal
the first time, but...

382
00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:39,580
- All right.
- This is gonna make tonight

383
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,447
- even more perfect.
- Yeah.

384
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:42,383
- It's gonna be the three of us!
- Yes!

385
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,787
Prom night, motherfuckers!

386
00:16:48,357 --> 00:16:50,724
Yeah! Rudy, it's coming up.

387
00:16:50,726 --> 00:16:51,926
Bear left, bro.

388
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,561
Yeah! Jesus, Rudy.

389
00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:55,797
What the fuck? Yeah!

390
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:58,566
Oh, my God,
it's my fucking dad.

391
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:08,375
Yeah! Prom night, bitches!

392
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,346
- Yeah!
- Oh, God, it's him.

393
00:17:12,348 --> 00:17:13,881
Oh, what's up? Yo!

394
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,954
Taio Cruz.

395
00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:24,424
- You got this, girl.
- Don't mess this up,

396
00:17:24,426 --> 00:17:26,893
because that limo
is totally awesome.

397
00:17:26,895 --> 00:17:29,831
Sam. Sam.

398
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,132
Taio Cruz.

399
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,600
Whew!

400
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,537
Sorry.

401
00:17:36,539 --> 00:17:38,139
Sorry. Ho!

402
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,977
Whew!

403
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,150
You're so grown up.

404
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,852
Dad, what are you doing here?

405
00:17:50,854 --> 00:17:53,387
You think I'm gonna miss
the most important night

406
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:55,623
of your young life?

407
00:17:55,625 --> 00:17:57,158
- That's graduation.
- No.

408
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,659
Graduation's for losers.

409
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,027
Didn't even go
to my graduation.

410
00:18:00,029 --> 00:18:02,529
But prom night...
that's a big one.

411
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:04,731
Prom was the best night
of my life.

412
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,133
I think about it every day,

413
00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:08,035
and I want you to have
the same experience.

414
00:18:08,037 --> 00:18:09,903
Tonight, you have fun.
You don't worry

415
00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:12,940
about any rules that your mom
or Frank laid down.

416
00:18:12,942 --> 00:18:14,776
No one gives a fuck
about Frank.

417
00:18:14,778 --> 00:18:16,043
All I know is this...
you look amazing,

418
00:18:16,045 --> 00:18:17,577
and I would love
to grab a quick pic.

419
00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:19,780
No. Go stand
with the other parents,

420
00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:21,615
and try to be normal.

421
00:18:21,617 --> 00:18:23,617
Sam, I'm not a normal parent.
I'm not gonna...

422
00:18:23,619 --> 00:18:25,420
Just... I don't even fucking...

423
00:18:25,422 --> 00:18:27,154
- Holy shit, you invited Hunter?
- No, of course not.

424
00:18:27,156 --> 00:18:29,489
I haven't talked to him since
he and Brenda got divorced.

425
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:30,924
- You know he calls me all the time?
- What?

426
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,993
He wants to play darts.
I don't play darts.

427
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,662
- Darts?
- You kidding me?

428
00:18:34,664 --> 00:18:35,896
- Anyway, I can't hang out with him.
- Oh!

429
00:18:35,898 --> 00:18:37,698
- I'll be guilty by association.
- No, no.

430
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,866
I will never forgive
that babysitter fucker.

431
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,635
- Hey, Hunter.
- Hey, man. Good to see you.

432
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:42,903
- What up?
- Hey, all right?

433
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:44,172
Mwah!

434
00:18:44,174 --> 00:18:47,475
Ah.

435
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:49,009
Did you have another daughter?

436
00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:50,944
I did. I did. Thank you.

437
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:53,079
- It's... it's been wonderful.
- Yeah.

438
00:18:53,081 --> 00:18:54,449
I'm thinking about
doing that again.

439
00:18:54,451 --> 00:18:55,615
You know,
the whole second round.

440
00:18:55,617 --> 00:18:57,151
I think a lot of dads kind of

441
00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:58,719
get it right
the second time around.

442
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,688
Or, you know, you could

443
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,222
just raise the one
that you have.

444
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,825
Well, I did.
Too late for that.

445
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:05,726
Raised. Job done.
Hi, honey.

446
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,495
Actually, I heard,

447
00:19:07,497 --> 00:19:09,596
if you spend
a significant amount

448
00:19:09,598 --> 00:19:11,531
of time with your children,
that you develop

449
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:14,935
some kind of, like,
telekinetic bond with them.

450
00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:17,004
- Is that true?
- I've heard. Mm-hmm.

451
00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:18,739
I hope it's not true,
'cause if it is,

452
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:21,608
Sam has been looking
at a lot of Asian porn.

453
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,544
My wife's Asian.

454
00:19:23,546 --> 00:19:24,912
Indian.

455
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,146
That's Asian.

456
00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:27,981
This is more like, uh...

457
00:19:27,983 --> 00:19:29,717
It looks like when...
the typical Asian.

458
00:19:29,719 --> 00:19:31,219
- Yep, good seeing you, man.
- Uh, okay.

459
00:19:31,221 --> 00:19:33,062
Good to see you, brother.
You know what I mean.

460
00:19:33,789 --> 00:19:35,489
Who's this guy? Who are you?

461
00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:36,958
Dad, this is my date.

462
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,860
Hi. Uh, it's great
to meet you, sir.

463
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:40,060
- I'm-I'm Connor.
- Connor and I...

464
00:19:40,062 --> 00:19:41,229
we're in the same
science class.

465
00:19:41,231 --> 00:19:42,130
We're lab partners.

466
00:19:42,132 --> 00:19:43,864
Yeah, we're working
on our chemistry.

467
00:19:45,635 --> 00:19:47,034
Uh...

468
00:19:47,036 --> 00:19:50,604
Um, I'm gonna get a napkin,
if that's cool.

469
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,106
Okay.

470
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,509
Okay, so, uh...

471
00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:59,113
with this, it's, uh, one shot
to the groin, stab and drag.

472
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,615
I refuse to believe
she couldn't do better

473
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:05,052
- than that loser.
- Oh, I think Chad seems nice.

474
00:20:05,054 --> 00:20:06,187
Chad? No, Chad's amazing.

475
00:20:06,189 --> 00:20:07,889
- Look at that fedora.
- Yeah.

476
00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:09,589
I'm not talking about Chad.

477
00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:11,191
I'm talking about
fucking Frank. What a dick.

478
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:13,227
Frank does not seem
like a dick to me.

479
00:20:13,229 --> 00:20:15,229
He seems like a nice guy.

480
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:16,998
And you know what?
Don't blame Brenda.

481
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,798
It's really hard being alone.

482
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,634
Well, let's just agree
to disagree on Frank.

483
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,269
Oh, here they come.
Okay, just be cool.

484
00:20:22,271 --> 00:20:24,572
He's gonna talk about his
tow truck company instantly.

485
00:20:24,574 --> 00:20:27,541
I guarantee you he's gonna
throw that shit in my face.

486
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:28,742
Be cool, be cool, be cool.

487
00:20:28,744 --> 00:20:29,876
Brenda.

488
00:20:29,878 --> 00:20:31,180
Hunter.

489
00:20:32,248 --> 00:20:33,247
Frank.

490
00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:35,883
- Lisa.
- What'd I do?

491
00:20:35,885 --> 00:20:38,018
I'm sorry. I don't know why I
just said your name like that.

492
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,152
This is so nice. Thank you.

493
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,824
You're welcome.

494
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:44,558
Okay.

495
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,826
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis.

496
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,328
- I got to go get Julie's wrap.
- Mm.

497
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,297
Were you gonna
let our daughter

498
00:20:50,299 --> 00:20:51,932
take a fucking Lyft to prom?

499
00:20:51,934 --> 00:20:53,601
What is this, Afghanistan?

500
00:20:53,603 --> 00:20:54,868
How'd you pay for that limo,
Hunter?

501
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:56,269
'Cause I know your credit's
in the shitter.

502
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:57,805
It is.

503
00:20:57,807 --> 00:20:59,839
'Cause I bought your mom
a wheelchair.

504
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,174
She's gonna pay you back.

505
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,044
With what money, Brenda?
Can she pay me back

506
00:21:03,046 --> 00:21:04,345
with crackers that she steals
from restaurants?

507
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:05,880
I don't want
to talk about your mom.

508
00:21:05,882 --> 00:21:07,147
I don't want to talk
about her wheelchair.

509
00:21:07,149 --> 00:21:08,649
All I care about
is that my daughter

510
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:09,784
has the greatest night
of her life.

511
00:21:09,786 --> 00:21:11,952
If it was her greatest night,
you would not be here.

512
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:13,621
Oh, what a sick burn.

513
00:21:13,623 --> 00:21:15,056
All right,
all right, all right.

514
00:21:15,058 --> 00:21:16,923
- Good.
- Yo, wait, yo, yo. We're all adults here.

515
00:21:16,925 --> 00:21:20,260
Let's not make it uncomfortable
if you're gonna be around more.

516
00:21:20,262 --> 00:21:22,162
- Let's have a beer sometime.
- Okay, first of all,

517
00:21:22,164 --> 00:21:24,164
I don't want to go
to have a beer with you.

518
00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:26,100
I don't want to hang out
with you. I don't like you.

519
00:21:26,102 --> 00:21:27,835
I don't like your wife.
I don't like your guys' deal.

520
00:21:27,837 --> 00:21:29,336
I think it sucks
and it's played out.

521
00:21:29,338 --> 00:21:31,806
Hey, if you ever change
your mind, here's my card.

522
00:21:31,808 --> 00:21:33,708
Ah, here we go.
"Tow with Frank."

523
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,643
Where'd you come up
with that name?

524
00:21:35,645 --> 00:21:37,612
- It's very straightforward.
- All right, I'll tell you this.

525
00:21:37,614 --> 00:21:39,113
The design of that card
is pretty cool.

526
00:21:39,115 --> 00:21:40,815
And my favorite part
is right fucking there.

527
00:21:40,817 --> 00:21:42,653
Oh, God.

528
00:22:12,115 --> 00:22:14,114
Wow, that is just...
No, that's us, Frank.

529
00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:16,083
- You know what?
- I got it. I got it.

530
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:17,284
You've taken about 15
goddamn selfies.

531
00:22:17,286 --> 00:22:18,719
- Yeah!
- All right.

532
00:22:18,721 --> 00:22:20,254
All right. Cool.

533
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:21,322
Bye, Mom.

534
00:22:21,324 --> 00:22:23,056
- Have fun, honey. Okay.
- I will.

535
00:22:23,058 --> 00:22:24,290
Bye, Dad.

536
00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:27,094
Remember... stab, turn, drag.

537
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:28,328
I don't have the knife, Dad.

538
00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:29,530
Yes, you do.
Check your clutch.

539
00:22:31,733 --> 00:22:33,334
Hey, uh, it's been
a pleasure, sir.

540
00:22:33,336 --> 00:22:36,336
I really, um,
it's... I'm honored.

541
00:22:36,338 --> 00:22:37,904
Oh.

542
00:22:37,906 --> 00:22:39,373
Intense, professional grip.

543
00:22:39,375 --> 00:22:40,908
Cheers.

544
00:22:40,910 --> 00:22:42,710
Take it easy, big guy.

545
00:22:42,712 --> 00:22:46,012
Hey, uh, you guys have
a good night, too, you know.

546
00:22:46,014 --> 00:22:47,414
Thank you.

547
00:22:47,416 --> 00:22:49,383
See that smirk?
What was up with that smirk?

548
00:22:49,385 --> 00:22:51,451
You are intense.

549
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:52,987
- Sam. Hey.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Lockwood.

550
00:22:52,989 --> 00:22:54,055
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.

551
00:22:54,057 --> 00:22:56,222
- Chad, yes, come on, man. Bring it in.
- Yes. Oh.

552
00:22:56,224 --> 00:22:57,458
Good. Yeah.

553
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:58,992
My hat.

554
00:22:58,994 --> 00:23:01,729
- I want to talk to Sam real quick.
- Yeah. Okay.

555
00:23:01,731 --> 00:23:03,998
Uh, let-let me get
a picture real quick. Chad.

556
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,900
- Oh. Okay.
- Real quick photo. Just so fast.

557
00:23:05,902 --> 00:23:07,168
Just don't even fuck
with a filter.

558
00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:08,236
- Just-just plain.
- Okay. Here we go.

559
00:23:08,238 --> 00:23:10,136
- There we go. And there.
- And then you want to get

560
00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:11,439
a quick one of me and Chad
real quick?

561
00:23:11,441 --> 00:23:12,339
- That sounds cool.
- Here you go.

562
00:23:12,341 --> 00:23:13,908
- Okay. - Yep.
- Sammy, here you go, baby.

563
00:23:13,910 --> 00:23:15,142
Real quick.
Just a couple fun ones.

564
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:16,477
What are we doing?
Uh... like this?

565
00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:18,345
Bros.

566
00:23:18,347 --> 00:23:20,014
Duck lips.

567
00:23:20,016 --> 00:23:22,115
And then just kind of a...

568
00:23:22,117 --> 00:23:23,750
Julie?

569
00:23:23,752 --> 00:23:25,286
Can I talk to you a second?

570
00:23:25,288 --> 00:23:27,188
We got to go. I love you.

571
00:23:27,190 --> 00:23:28,255
I'd really like to talk to you.

572
00:23:28,257 --> 00:23:29,923
But I really gotta go.

573
00:23:29,925 --> 00:23:31,357
Okay, fine.
Just don't forget your wrap.

574
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:32,960
It's okay.

575
00:23:32,962 --> 00:23:34,729
- I don't think I need it.
- Are you sure?

576
00:23:34,731 --> 00:23:37,464
Because we live in Chicago,
and it's chilly.

577
00:23:37,466 --> 00:23:39,299
I don't know
about other places,

578
00:23:39,301 --> 00:23:42,004
but it gets cold in Illinois.

579
00:23:43,772 --> 00:23:45,239
It's not that cold tonight,
so I don't

580
00:23:45,241 --> 00:23:47,274
- think I need it, okay?
- Okay, Julie, wait.

581
00:23:47,276 --> 00:23:49,809
So you'll call me when you get
to Austin's after prom, right?

582
00:23:49,811 --> 00:23:50,810
Right.

583
00:23:50,812 --> 00:23:52,479
Okay.

584
00:23:52,481 --> 00:23:54,214
- Okay.
- I love you.

585
00:23:54,216 --> 00:23:56,052
Okay. I-I love you.

586
00:23:57,220 --> 00:23:58,752
Okay!

587
00:23:58,754 --> 00:24:00,054
Whew.

588
00:24:00,056 --> 00:24:02,021
Mm. Okay.

589
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:09,997
This is so cool!

590
00:24:09,999 --> 00:24:11,865
Blow it out!

591
00:24:13,336 --> 00:24:14,802
Chad, I, um...

592
00:24:14,804 --> 00:24:16,037
I saw you do <i>Pippin</i>
last year.

593
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:18,005
- That was really good. - Oh.
Nice.

594
00:24:18,007 --> 00:24:19,507
Yeah, you're a
really good singer, man.

595
00:24:19,509 --> 00:24:20,909
- What are you doing this year?
- Yeah. Um, we're actually

596
00:24:20,911 --> 00:24:24,010
doing <i>Arnold,</i> which is
an all-male version of <i>Annie.</i>

597
00:24:24,012 --> 00:24:26,346
- Okay.
- Caught you drinking.

598
00:24:26,348 --> 00:24:28,348
Just kidding, y'all.

599
00:24:28,350 --> 00:24:31,852
I may look like a parent,
but I assure you, I am no narc.

600
00:24:31,854 --> 00:24:34,290
Thank you, sir.

601
00:24:35,825 --> 00:24:37,892
Not done yet. Name's Rudy.

602
00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:39,425
I did not go to my prom.

603
00:24:39,427 --> 00:24:41,362
No, my leg was crushed
by a cement truck,

604
00:24:41,364 --> 00:24:42,962
so I could not dance, but...

605
00:24:42,964 --> 00:24:45,165
So I've made it
my mission in life...

606
00:24:45,167 --> 00:24:46,467
well, my whole career...

607
00:24:46,469 --> 00:24:48,501
to make sure
that little kids like you

608
00:24:48,503 --> 00:24:50,871
have a wonderful night
to remember forever.

609
00:24:50,873 --> 00:24:54,475
So just sit back, relax
and enjoy your prom night.

610
00:24:54,477 --> 00:24:55,976
Okay.

611
00:24:55,978 --> 00:24:58,949
Oh, fuck,
that was the turn! Fuck!

612
00:25:00,383 --> 00:25:02,383
Hey, Lis?

613
00:25:02,385 --> 00:25:04,151
You got any S.O.S. pads?

614
00:25:04,153 --> 00:25:06,386
I'm soaking those pans,
but you burnt the shit

615
00:25:06,388 --> 00:25:08,389
out of that mac and cheese,
and...

616
00:25:08,391 --> 00:25:10,825
sponge just isn't gonna cut it.

617
00:25:10,827 --> 00:25:12,593
Thanks for helping clean up.

618
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,394
Don't mention this one.

619
00:25:14,396 --> 00:25:17,364
I mean, Marcie brought the baby
home early, and...

620
00:25:17,366 --> 00:25:18,999
I got to keep busy.

621
00:25:19,001 --> 00:25:22,068
I got to keep my mind off
of Kayla and "Connor."

622
00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:24,872
That's not the right way
to use those.

623
00:25:24,874 --> 00:25:27,106
'Cause his name
is actually Connor.

624
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,377
So...

625
00:25:29,912 --> 00:25:31,444
It's okay.

626
00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:33,581
- UCLA?
- Uh-huh.

627
00:25:33,583 --> 00:25:35,181
I didn't mean to snoop,
but I'm...

628
00:25:35,183 --> 00:25:36,450
No, no. It's okay.

629
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:38,352
I mean, I don't think
it's a real thing.

630
00:25:38,354 --> 00:25:39,920
She's not actually gonna go.

631
00:25:39,922 --> 00:25:41,855
I think she just applied
for fun.

632
00:25:41,857 --> 00:25:44,191
She didn't... Why?
Have you heard differently?

633
00:25:44,193 --> 00:25:46,893
I would assume it's to go,
but she very well

634
00:25:46,895 --> 00:25:48,863
could have applied ironically.

635
00:25:48,865 --> 00:25:50,264
You... you know millennials,
right?

636
00:25:50,266 --> 00:25:51,899
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And wherever she goes,

637
00:25:51,901 --> 00:25:53,901
you can have a bunch of time
on your hands.

638
00:25:53,903 --> 00:25:55,068
Can figure out
what you want to do

639
00:25:55,070 --> 00:25:56,135
for the back nine of your life.

640
00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:57,337
Uh-huh. Yeah.

641
00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:02,008
I think Julie
left her laptop open.

642
00:26:02,010 --> 00:26:04,044
Julie's doing a lot of texting.

643
00:26:04,046 --> 00:26:06,012
- Mm-hmm.
- Is everything okay?

644
00:26:06,014 --> 00:26:07,948
Maybe we should check to see?

645
00:26:07,950 --> 00:26:09,283
- Peace of mind.
- Yeah.

646
00:26:13,889 --> 00:26:15,256
What the hell is that?

647
00:26:15,258 --> 00:26:17,156
I have no idea.

648
00:26:20,328 --> 00:26:21,595
What are you still doing here?

649
00:26:21,597 --> 00:26:23,229
Hey, your, uh...

650
00:26:23,231 --> 00:26:25,932
your mac and cheese
is messed up.

651
00:26:28,436 --> 00:26:30,671
Are you guys snooping
on your kids?

652
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:32,472
That is not cool.

653
00:26:32,474 --> 00:26:34,941
No, it's not snooping
if the information shows up.

654
00:26:34,943 --> 00:26:36,075
That's exactly
what snooping is.

655
00:26:36,077 --> 00:26:37,644
No, it's like the Patriot Act.
It's...

656
00:26:37,646 --> 00:26:39,412
Well, it's not like
the Patriot Act.

657
00:26:39,414 --> 00:26:41,181
- It's like snooping.
- Okay, we don't know

658
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:42,682
what they're talking about,
so...

659
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,050
- What?
- Okay.

660
00:26:44,052 --> 00:26:45,486
Oh, is it like puzzles?

661
00:26:45,488 --> 00:26:47,587
Ooh, ooh! I love puzzles.
Just saw <i>Inferno.</i>

662
00:26:47,589 --> 00:26:49,422
Yeah, great.
What are they saying?

663
00:26:49,424 --> 00:26:51,158
Okay, so there's something
about an eggplant hand...

664
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:52,992
- handshake.
- Eggplant agreement.

665
00:26:52,994 --> 00:26:55,028
Yeah. They got an agreement
to make eggplant parmesan.

666
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,931
No, eggplants are dicks
in teenage emoji language.

667
00:26:56,933 --> 00:26:58,265
- What?
- You know what, that's true.

668
00:26:58,267 --> 00:26:59,600
Julie told me that...
that the emojis have...

669
00:26:59,602 --> 00:27:01,402
- they all have secret meanings.
- Mm-hmm.

670
00:27:01,404 --> 00:27:04,939
So, like, trees are weed,
and snowflakes are cocaine,

671
00:27:04,941 --> 00:27:07,574
and that thing is "yas queen."

672
00:27:07,576 --> 00:27:09,476
- Yas queen!
- What the hell is that?

673
00:27:09,478 --> 00:27:10,611
- You've never heard of "yas queen"?
- No.

674
00:27:10,613 --> 00:27:11,612
All right, grandpa.

675
00:27:11,614 --> 00:27:13,614
Hold on. Julie is making...

676
00:27:13,616 --> 00:27:16,316
some kind of a dick-related
agreement here.

677
00:27:16,318 --> 00:27:18,552
Kayla is in on the agreement.

678
00:27:18,554 --> 00:27:20,120
- No fucking way.
- "Okay, clown face."

679
00:27:20,122 --> 00:27:22,088
What the fuck does that mean?

680
00:27:22,090 --> 00:27:24,960
That means she's down to clown.

681
00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:27,827
- Okay.
- Three eggplants?

682
00:27:27,829 --> 00:27:29,963
And look at the drool coming
out of that smiley face.

683
00:27:29,965 --> 00:27:30,797
You wish that was drool.

684
00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:31,766
- That's come, my man.
- Stand down.

685
00:27:31,768 --> 00:27:33,968
- It is. Look, it's come.
- He's like...

686
00:27:33,970 --> 00:27:36,002
This is sex
if I've ever seen it

687
00:27:36,004 --> 00:27:38,005
- illustrated in emoji form.
- Oh, no, no, no. Maybe not.

688
00:27:38,007 --> 00:27:39,506
They're best friends.
They're just saying, like,

689
00:27:39,508 --> 00:27:41,475
"You're okay with me.
You're okay to me.

690
00:27:41,477 --> 00:27:43,576
- You're okay to me."
- You say that to your friends?

691
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:45,011
Whenever I see my friends,
I go,

692
00:27:45,013 --> 00:27:46,180
"Hey, you're okay with me."

693
00:27:46,182 --> 00:27:47,581
- I don't use these.
- Hold on.

694
00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,450
Agreement hands,
agreement hands,

695
00:27:49,452 --> 00:27:51,352
agreement hands. This is a...
It's a sex agreement.

696
00:27:51,354 --> 00:27:53,354
They're making a sex pact.

697
00:27:53,356 --> 00:27:55,489
They're gonna lose
their virginity on prom night.

698
00:27:55,491 --> 00:27:57,290
That cannot be a sex pact.

699
00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:58,758
That? That is friendship.

700
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,428
And that is... that is the bond
of friendship

701
00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:03,063
that can never be broken.

702
00:28:03,065 --> 00:28:04,364
I mean, maybe.
- Yeah.

703
00:28:04,366 --> 00:28:06,200
Oh, look, they wrote
"Sex Pact 2018."

704
00:28:06,202 --> 00:28:09,036
I fucking knew it!
I love puzzles.

705
00:28:09,038 --> 00:28:10,570
I told you guys.
Have you seen <i>Inferno?</i>

706
00:28:10,572 --> 00:28:12,306
- Lis, have you seen <i>Inferno?</i>
- Call your kid.

707
00:28:12,308 --> 00:28:13,774
Have you guys seen <i>Inferno?</i>

708
00:28:13,776 --> 00:28:15,642
I figured it out in two
seconds. Did you see <i>Inferno?</i>

709
00:28:15,644 --> 00:28:17,478
The guy jumps off the thing
in the beginning.

710
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,512
He's got a virus. Have you seen
<i>Inferno</i> with Tom Hanks?

711
00:28:19,514 --> 00:28:21,181
Okay. Okay, she's not
answering her phone.

712
00:28:21,183 --> 00:28:22,415
Yeah, Kayla isn't, either.

713
00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:23,683
Okay, what the heck
is happening?

714
00:28:23,685 --> 00:28:25,419
She's always been honest
with me.

715
00:28:25,421 --> 00:28:27,086
She's always told me the truth,

716
00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,489
and now I'm just swimming
in a pool of lies.

717
00:28:29,491 --> 00:28:31,124
Okay. Here's what's
gonna happen.

718
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:33,760
She's gonna have sex
with that Austin kid,

719
00:28:33,762 --> 00:28:36,195
and then she's gonna think
that she has

720
00:28:36,197 --> 00:28:39,333
all these feelings, which she
does not actually have,

721
00:28:39,335 --> 00:28:41,567
then she's gonna drive
across country

722
00:28:41,569 --> 00:28:44,805
and follow him
and ruin her fucking life.

723
00:28:44,807 --> 00:28:46,339
Okay, I think that's
a pretty big

724
00:28:46,341 --> 00:28:47,708
leap to make when you read a...

725
00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:51,178
I have invested
every single piece of my being

726
00:28:51,180 --> 00:28:53,047
into preparing Kayla
for success, and now this?

727
00:28:53,049 --> 00:28:57,584
She is about to have sex with
some dipshit with a "man bun."

728
00:28:57,586 --> 00:29:00,220
You're not using those
in the right way.

729
00:29:00,222 --> 00:29:02,355
Hey, can we all come back
to "planet Earth"?

730
00:29:02,357 --> 00:29:04,124
'Cause this is not a big deal.

731
00:29:04,126 --> 00:29:05,726
They're teenage girls.
They have sex.

732
00:29:05,728 --> 00:29:09,532
Do you, like, freak out when
you see a bee fucking a flower?

733
00:29:12,835 --> 00:29:15,268
- I'm gonna stop her.
- I'm in.

734
00:29:15,270 --> 00:29:17,136
Let's cock-block
those motherfuckers.

735
00:29:17,138 --> 00:29:19,172
Whoa.

736
00:29:19,174 --> 00:29:20,606
No, sir. Uh-uh.
No, no, no, no.

737
00:29:20,608 --> 00:29:22,375
I promised Sam the greatest
night of her life,

738
00:29:22,377 --> 00:29:23,844
and if you guys fuck up
your daughters' night,

739
00:29:23,846 --> 00:29:25,445
it's gonna fuck up
my daughter's night,

740
00:29:25,447 --> 00:29:27,181
and that shit is "not cool."

741
00:29:27,183 --> 00:29:28,582
I don't give a fuck
what's cool with you.

742
00:29:28,584 --> 00:29:30,383
Let's go, Mitchell.
I'll drive.

743
00:29:30,385 --> 00:29:31,751
Hey, hey, hey, wait!
No, no, no.

744
00:29:31,753 --> 00:29:33,152
You want to go?

745
00:29:33,154 --> 00:29:34,520
You're gonna have
to go through me.

746
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:35,823
Oh, Jesus.

747
00:29:35,825 --> 00:29:37,524
Okay, you called my bluff.
Wait.

748
00:29:37,526 --> 00:29:39,192
Wait! Hey, hey!

749
00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:40,594
- Get off! Get off of me!
- Hey! Hey!

750
00:29:40,596 --> 00:29:42,462
- Get off!
- It's not cool!

751
00:29:42,464 --> 00:29:44,198
"It's not cool!"

752
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,568
Hey! What's the plan?
This is stupid.

753
00:29:49,872 --> 00:29:52,105
Fuck off.

754
00:29:52,107 --> 00:29:54,307
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
What the fuck are you doing?

755
00:29:54,309 --> 00:29:56,610
I just need to talk to
my daughter for five minutes.

756
00:29:56,612 --> 00:29:58,144
Get out of the car!

757
00:29:58,146 --> 00:29:59,645
- You get out. You get out.
- You get out.

758
00:29:59,647 --> 00:30:01,347
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Open the door!

759
00:30:01,349 --> 00:30:02,883
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Stop saying what I'm saying.

760
00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,485
- Stop... Okay, listen, listen.
- Hey.

761
00:30:04,487 --> 00:30:06,152
Lis. Okay, everyone calm down,
calm down.

762
00:30:06,154 --> 00:30:07,688
- But you got to go.
- The-the window.

763
00:30:07,690 --> 00:30:09,556
- No, the window.
- Hey.

764
00:30:09,558 --> 00:30:11,691
What the fuck? No! Holy...

765
00:30:14,629 --> 00:30:15,895
Ah, these are new shorts!

766
00:30:15,897 --> 00:30:17,163
Truce! Truce!

767
00:30:17,165 --> 00:30:18,265
Truce.

768
00:30:18,267 --> 00:30:20,433
Truce, truce, truce.

769
00:30:20,435 --> 00:30:22,169
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

770
00:30:22,171 --> 00:30:23,703
Oh, my fucking God.

771
00:30:23,705 --> 00:30:24,705
Aah!

772
00:30:25,741 --> 00:30:26,839
Sorry, man.

773
00:30:26,841 --> 00:30:28,142
It's not gonna work.

774
00:30:28,144 --> 00:30:29,479
You're not Schwarzenegger.

775
00:30:31,547 --> 00:30:33,313
How is that possible?

776
00:30:33,315 --> 00:30:35,181
How is that possible?
Oh, shit.

777
00:30:35,183 --> 00:30:36,749
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh!

778
00:30:36,751 --> 00:30:38,152
Oh, my balls! My balls!

779
00:30:38,154 --> 00:30:39,486
Your ass is so...

780
00:30:40,655 --> 00:30:42,689
- Get...
- Hey! Hey!

781
00:30:42,691 --> 00:30:44,290
- Get out!
- Not cool! Aah!

782
00:30:44,292 --> 00:30:45,726
You're bullying me.

783
00:30:45,728 --> 00:30:46,927
This is bullying.

784
00:30:46,929 --> 00:30:49,328
What you're doing is wrong!

785
00:30:49,330 --> 00:30:51,664
You know your daughter's
in this stupid sex pact, too.

786
00:30:51,666 --> 00:30:54,200
Yeah, and she's not gonna
do anything about it, okay?

787
00:30:54,202 --> 00:30:56,269
Oh, like you would know
what your daughter's gonna do.

788
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:58,271
Okay, first of all, ouch.

789
00:30:58,273 --> 00:30:59,772
Second of all, I know nothing

790
00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:02,209
is gonna happen with Sam
because...

791
00:31:02,211 --> 00:31:03,777
because she's gay.

792
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:04,944
Really?

793
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:06,579
Did she come out to you?

794
00:31:06,581 --> 00:31:07,647
No, of course not.

795
00:31:07,649 --> 00:31:09,249
She barely speaks to me.

796
00:31:09,251 --> 00:31:10,651
Then how do you know?

797
00:31:10,653 --> 00:31:11,951
Because, bro, I'm her dad.

798
00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:13,953
And there's just
some things you know.

799
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:15,288
Chad is nothing.

800
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:16,556
He's like a beard.

801
00:31:16,558 --> 00:31:18,491
Or whatever a lesbian beard is.

802
00:31:18,493 --> 00:31:19,559
A merkin?

803
00:31:19,561 --> 00:31:20,960
I don't know. The point is,

804
00:31:20,962 --> 00:31:23,229
I guarantee you
they don't even kiss, okay?

805
00:31:23,231 --> 00:31:24,864
I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about

806
00:31:24,866 --> 00:31:26,732
you two dicks
fucking up her night.

807
00:31:26,734 --> 00:31:28,935
Okay, well, what you don't
understand is that sex

808
00:31:28,937 --> 00:31:31,470
can be very confusing
for young girls

809
00:31:31,472 --> 00:31:34,441
and make them say things and do
things that they might regret.

810
00:31:34,443 --> 00:31:35,909
Like dropping out of college

811
00:31:35,911 --> 00:31:38,211
to follow around
the Dave Matthews Band

812
00:31:38,213 --> 00:31:39,680
with a guy they think they love

813
00:31:39,682 --> 00:31:41,681
who then winds up
getting them pregnant

814
00:31:41,683 --> 00:31:44,284
and then leaving them
for the girl who makes

815
00:31:44,286 --> 00:31:47,724
grilled cheese sandwiches
with hash aioli on them.

816
00:31:48,856 --> 00:31:50,923
Yeah, that is a...

817
00:31:50,925 --> 00:31:54,627
extremely specific scenario,
and that won't happen to Julie.

818
00:31:54,629 --> 00:31:56,262
Dave's not even touring
right now.

819
00:31:56,264 --> 00:31:57,797
He's taking time off
for fatherhood.

820
00:31:57,799 --> 00:31:59,566
It was me, you idiot.

821
00:31:59,568 --> 00:32:01,567
Me. That happened to me.

822
00:32:01,569 --> 00:32:03,237
Yeah.

823
00:32:15,384 --> 00:32:17,284
You weren't ready.
Okay, one more, one more.

824
00:32:17,286 --> 00:32:18,785
Smile.

825
00:32:18,787 --> 00:32:19,786
I closed my eyes.

826
00:32:19,788 --> 00:32:21,787
Oh, my God.

827
00:32:21,789 --> 00:32:23,923
You guys, this is our song.

828
00:32:23,925 --> 00:32:26,360
Do you remember when we got
snowed in at Sam's

829
00:32:26,362 --> 00:32:27,893
and we played this, like,
over and over?

830
00:32:27,895 --> 00:32:29,363
- Yes!
- We have to dance!

831
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:30,896
- We have to dance!
- This is our jam!

832
00:32:45,347 --> 00:32:46,479
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey.

833
00:32:46,481 --> 00:32:47,547
- I want a drink.
- Okay.

834
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:48,582
Yeah, let's go get one.

835
00:32:48,584 --> 00:32:50,683
No, no, no, no. Like, a drink.

836
00:32:50,685 --> 00:32:51,918
Oh, you want a "drink" drink.

837
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,854
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me call my guy.

838
00:32:53,856 --> 00:32:55,555
Hello, Mr. Drink-Drink.

839
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:58,325
- Let's go get fucked up.
- Okay.

840
00:32:58,327 --> 00:33:00,326
Hey, wait, Kayla, Kayla.

841
00:33:00,328 --> 00:33:01,627
Ah, it's...

842
00:33:11,472 --> 00:33:13,573
Hey, Chad.

843
00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:15,409
I'm gonna go get, uh,
some dessert.

844
00:33:15,411 --> 00:33:17,376
Get me two.

845
00:33:26,989 --> 00:33:29,556
Hey, Angelica,
it's a nice cape.

846
00:33:29,558 --> 00:33:31,325
Oh, hey, Sam.

847
00:33:31,327 --> 00:33:33,559
Thank you.

848
00:33:35,564 --> 00:33:37,831
Um, yeah, it's a...
it's a Galadriel cape

849
00:33:37,833 --> 00:33:39,966
that I made a couple months ago
for LordCon.

850
00:33:39,968 --> 00:33:41,634
Figured I could wear it again.

851
00:33:41,636 --> 00:33:44,070
Not too much overlap
on the guest list.

852
00:33:44,072 --> 00:33:45,806
Yeah.

853
00:33:45,808 --> 00:33:47,807
Yeah, totally.

854
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:51,478
Who'd you come here with?

855
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,579
Um, just my friends.

856
00:33:53,581 --> 00:33:56,018
Lauren and I broke up.

857
00:33:57,353 --> 00:33:58,485
Oh.

858
00:33:58,487 --> 00:34:00,120
No hard feelings, though.

859
00:34:00,122 --> 00:34:03,526
Um, she's still
a little confused.

860
00:34:04,926 --> 00:34:07,660
How do you think one becomes...

861
00:34:07,662 --> 00:34:10,564
not confused?

862
00:34:10,566 --> 00:34:14,000
It's probably different
for everyone.

863
00:34:14,002 --> 00:34:16,402
But for me, when I kissed
Brad Markowski,

864
00:34:16,404 --> 00:34:17,770
I started to suspect it.

865
00:34:17,772 --> 00:34:19,406
And then last year,
when I touched

866
00:34:19,408 --> 00:34:22,576
Dash Lowenstein's dick,
I was like, "Fuck no."

867
00:34:22,578 --> 00:34:24,810
It was like holding
a dead snake.

868
00:34:24,812 --> 00:34:26,048
Hmm.

869
00:34:28,417 --> 00:34:30,553
But I guess you never know
until you try.

870
00:34:39,394 --> 00:34:41,060
Uh, before I do drink this,
though,

871
00:34:41,062 --> 00:34:42,696
I just want to let you know

872
00:34:42,698 --> 00:34:44,834
that I am fully planning
on having sex tonight.

873
00:34:46,468 --> 00:34:47,933
With... with you.

874
00:34:47,935 --> 00:34:50,971
Yeah, I-I mean,
wherever the wind blows us.

875
00:34:50,973 --> 00:34:53,140
Well, the wind's
gonna blow us there.

876
00:34:53,142 --> 00:34:54,808
Wherever the night takes us,
it's...

877
00:34:54,810 --> 00:34:56,642
It's gonna take your penis
into my vagina.

878
00:34:56,644 --> 00:35:00,480
Okay, uh, you know,
if the universe wills it.

879
00:35:00,482 --> 00:35:02,585
And the universe will will it.

880
00:35:04,486 --> 00:35:06,888
Thanks for
letting me know, I guess.

881
00:35:08,156 --> 00:35:09,689
Oh, yeah.

882
00:35:09,691 --> 00:35:11,558
- Oh, my God.
- I warned you.

883
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:12,993
- This is what gin tastes like?
- No, no.

884
00:35:12,995 --> 00:35:14,593
I've heard that gin sucks,
and this sucks.

885
00:35:14,595 --> 00:35:15,629
No, it's...

886
00:35:15,631 --> 00:35:18,665
- I made it. Um...
- Oh.

887
00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:20,767
This is so dumb, okay?

888
00:35:20,769 --> 00:35:22,102
Our kids are gonna hate us

889
00:35:22,104 --> 00:35:23,537
because you're gonna
humiliate them.

890
00:35:23,539 --> 00:35:25,439
I'm not gonna humiliate Julie.

891
00:35:25,441 --> 00:35:27,207
We're best friends.
I'm the cool mom.

892
00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:29,109
Hunter, don't make me sit
on your balls again.

893
00:35:29,111 --> 00:35:31,444
Stop, stop, stop it,
stop, stop.

894
00:35:31,446 --> 00:35:34,180
This is how they're gonna
be remembered in high school.

895
00:35:34,182 --> 00:35:37,149
As the weirdos whose parents
dragged them out of prom

896
00:35:37,151 --> 00:35:38,884
because they were afraid
of their sexuality.

897
00:35:38,886 --> 00:35:40,453
It's not something
that should be feared.

898
00:35:40,455 --> 00:35:42,024
It should be celebrated.

899
00:35:43,792 --> 00:35:46,091
And-and-and we have
to empower these young women.

900
00:35:46,093 --> 00:35:47,861
I mean, what year is it, guys?

901
00:35:47,863 --> 00:35:50,196
It's 2018.

902
00:35:50,198 --> 00:35:51,198
Jesus Christ.

903
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,633
- Oh, gross.
- Okay, you know what?

904
00:35:53,635 --> 00:35:55,067
That's an unfortunate
coincidence.

905
00:35:55,069 --> 00:35:56,502
Get a fucking room!

906
00:36:04,847 --> 00:36:06,779
Let's take a picture.

907
00:36:06,781 --> 00:36:08,681
Kayla!
Let's take a picture right now.

908
00:36:08,683 --> 00:36:09,950
- Okay, cool.
- Right now. Right now.

909
00:36:09,952 --> 00:36:11,550
Cheese.

910
00:36:11,553 --> 00:36:14,254
Oh, my God, my mom called me
like 15 times.

911
00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:15,921
- Ooh. Nope.
- She's crazy.

912
00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:17,223
- No, that's a no.
- That's kind of funny.

913
00:36:17,225 --> 00:36:19,792
- Boom. Airplane mode.
- No.

914
00:36:19,794 --> 00:36:22,162
Yeah. We're flying
the friendly skies now.

915
00:36:22,164 --> 00:36:23,696
Yeah, till she freaks out.

916
00:36:23,698 --> 00:36:25,064
Hey, can we please, like,
get out of here?

917
00:36:25,066 --> 00:36:26,866
No. We can't go right now.

918
00:36:26,868 --> 00:36:28,767
They haven't even played
me and Austin's song yet.

919
00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:30,236
How are we gonna get
in the mood?

920
00:36:30,238 --> 00:36:31,671
I don't know,
light your Walgreens candle.

921
00:36:31,673 --> 00:36:33,973
That's later.
Don't you want... Look, look.

922
00:36:33,975 --> 00:36:36,276
Jake Donahue
is just warming up.

923
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:38,078
Don't you want to see him
break-dance

924
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,613
- and probably hurt himself?
- No.

925
00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:40,781
- It's gonna be so good.
- I don't.

926
00:36:40,783 --> 00:36:42,848
Do you remember
at the Sadie Hawkins Dance

927
00:36:42,850 --> 00:36:44,216
when he tried to do the worm

928
00:36:44,218 --> 00:36:46,118
and he fell
and broke his two front teeth?

929
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,120
- Yeah. He had to go to the hospital.
- I have pictures.

930
00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:49,955
- It was great, and this is gonna be better.
- Mm...

931
00:36:49,957 --> 00:36:51,524
- No, no, no. No!
- So we're staying.

932
00:36:51,526 --> 00:36:53,259
Julie, Julie,
I promise that you're

933
00:36:53,261 --> 00:36:55,562
gonna dance to your song
with your boyfriend tonight.

934
00:36:55,564 --> 00:36:57,263
This place is dying, okay?

935
00:36:57,265 --> 00:36:59,765
- We got to get out of here.
- Okay, fine.

936
00:36:59,767 --> 00:37:02,569
Okay, cool. Let's go.

937
00:37:02,571 --> 00:37:04,303
We're going to the lake house.

938
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:06,805
I am not sure that this
was worth $85.

939
00:37:06,807 --> 00:37:08,841
- Where's Chad?
- What?

940
00:37:08,843 --> 00:37:10,877
Oh, he's probably out
on the dance floor.

941
00:37:10,879 --> 00:37:13,046
I'm gonna go find him
and meet you guys outside.

942
00:37:13,048 --> 00:37:15,015
- All right.
- Okay.

943
00:37:29,564 --> 00:37:30,932
The fuck?

944
00:37:34,336 --> 00:37:36,870
Smirking little piece of shit.

945
00:37:36,872 --> 00:37:38,837
- Top knot. Top knot.
- Let's get him.

946
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:40,806
Yeah, you guys go do that.

947
00:37:40,808 --> 00:37:42,875
I'm gonna get some punch.

948
00:37:42,877 --> 00:37:45,678
All right, asshole,
what'd you do with my daughter?

949
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,613
Two of you guys have
the same shitty haircut?

950
00:37:47,615 --> 00:37:48,881
Hey.

951
00:37:48,883 --> 00:37:51,216
Look at me.
My hair's too long.

952
00:37:51,218 --> 00:37:54,754
Hey. You can't go around
assaulting children.

953
00:37:54,756 --> 00:37:58,191
You have to blend in if you
want some information, okay?

954
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,660
So just... just be cool.

955
00:38:00,662 --> 00:38:02,328
God.

956
00:38:02,330 --> 00:38:04,296
Okay.

957
00:38:04,298 --> 00:38:05,634
Julie?

958
00:38:06,801 --> 00:38:07,901
Julie?

959
00:38:14,142 --> 00:38:16,176
Prom night, huh?

960
00:38:16,178 --> 00:38:18,611
What?

961
00:38:18,613 --> 00:38:21,948
Just... just special night.

962
00:38:27,089 --> 00:38:28,824
Got to try.

963
00:38:35,229 --> 00:38:36,765
- Chad?
- Yeah.

964
00:38:55,149 --> 00:38:57,350
This is my moment.

965
00:39:13,834 --> 00:39:16,102
You ruined my moment!

966
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:18,671
Fuck your moment.

967
00:39:18,673 --> 00:39:19,939
- What happened back there?
- What happened is that...

968
00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:22,942
is that my daughter was kissing
Chad even though she hated it.

969
00:39:22,944 --> 00:39:24,377
And I've been dragged
into this situation

970
00:39:24,379 --> 00:39:26,745
- by you two fucking idiots.
- Just ignore him.

971
00:39:26,747 --> 00:39:28,147
- Great idea.
- We're gonna go to Austin's house.

972
00:39:28,149 --> 00:39:29,783
Julie said that's where
the after-party is,

973
00:39:29,785 --> 00:39:31,750
- and we'll get 'em there.
- And that sounds like a plan.

974
00:39:31,752 --> 00:39:33,085
Hey, how dare you ignore me.

975
00:39:33,087 --> 00:39:34,854
We are in this situation
because you two

976
00:39:34,856 --> 00:39:36,922
raised a couple of bigots
who have shamed my daughter

977
00:39:36,924 --> 00:39:38,457
into losing her virginity
to the wrong sex.

978
00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:40,459
Shame.

979
00:39:40,461 --> 00:39:43,296
My daughter is not a bigot.

980
00:39:44,466 --> 00:39:46,332
We go to all of the marches.

981
00:39:46,334 --> 00:39:49,268
We went to the Tax Day March,
and nobody goes to that shit.

982
00:39:49,270 --> 00:39:51,171
- Nobody.
- Ignore him.

983
00:39:51,173 --> 00:39:52,305
- It's hard.
- Yeah, it is hard.

984
00:39:52,307 --> 00:39:53,473
'Cause I don't quit.

985
00:39:53,475 --> 00:39:55,174
And now I have
to go rescue Sam,

986
00:39:55,176 --> 00:39:57,009
okay, because she is scared
and confused,

987
00:39:57,011 --> 00:39:59,312
and I know what it's like
to be ostracized by society

988
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:00,946
for your sexual preferences.

989
00:40:00,948 --> 00:40:02,781
Sleeping with women
that aren't your wife

990
00:40:02,783 --> 00:40:04,451
isn't a sexual preference.

991
00:40:04,453 --> 00:40:06,785
No, it is. I prefer them.

992
00:40:06,787 --> 00:40:08,488
How parents can let

993
00:40:08,490 --> 00:40:09,888
their kids play music
this loud.

994
00:40:09,890 --> 00:40:11,758
We all share this planet.

995
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,892
This is how loud I listen
to my music, dawg.

996
00:40:13,894 --> 00:40:15,495
Probably won't even
be able to hear us.

997
00:40:16,798 --> 00:40:18,864
It's so dark in there.

998
00:40:18,866 --> 00:40:20,799
You know, they... okay,
they could be in the backyard

999
00:40:20,801 --> 00:40:21,901
playing two-on-two hoops.
I don't know.

1000
00:40:21,903 --> 00:40:22,901
Oh!

1001
00:40:22,903 --> 00:40:24,471
Oh, I found a big window.

1002
00:40:24,473 --> 00:40:26,772
Oh, no, no, no,
don't, don't, don't.

1003
00:40:26,774 --> 00:40:29,442
Trust me. Do not look
in that window.

1004
00:40:29,444 --> 00:40:31,076
- What?
- Just look at me. Do not look in this window.

1005
00:40:31,078 --> 00:40:32,438
Do not look
in this fucking window.

1006
00:40:34,048 --> 00:40:37,116
Julie's red dress.

1007
00:40:37,118 --> 00:40:39,287
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit.

1008
00:40:42,057 --> 00:40:45,058
You know, I know... I know this
must be tough for you.

1009
00:40:45,060 --> 00:40:49,027
I mean, if... hell, if that
was Kayla in there, I'd...

1010
00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:51,330
- I'd-I'd kill myself.
- Nope.

1011
00:40:51,332 --> 00:40:53,366
That's the wrong thing
to fucking say right now.

1012
00:40:53,368 --> 00:40:55,502
- Stop them. Stop it.
- I can't...

1013
00:40:55,504 --> 00:40:56,504
Wait.

1014
00:40:57,805 --> 00:40:59,839
Hey. It's not Julie.

1015
00:40:59,841 --> 00:41:02,942
- It's not Julie.
- What?

1016
00:41:02,944 --> 00:41:04,910
Oh, shit.
It's Austin's parents.

1017
00:41:04,912 --> 00:41:06,412
- Good for them.
- They're really...

1018
00:41:06,414 --> 00:41:07,846
really going at it.

1019
00:41:07,848 --> 00:41:08,848
I always wanted to do this.

1020
00:41:08,850 --> 00:41:10,783
I've always wanted
to watch people have sex.

1021
00:41:10,785 --> 00:41:12,384
Oh, my God,
he's yanking her hair.

1022
00:41:12,386 --> 00:41:14,087
Ow. That looks like it hurts.

1023
00:41:14,089 --> 00:41:16,256
Yeah, we shouldn't
be looking, man. Come on.

1024
00:41:16,258 --> 00:41:18,424
She runs the risk
of, like, dislocating her hip.

1025
00:41:18,426 --> 00:41:20,259
Hey, Mitchell. You're being
a fucking perv, dude.

1026
00:41:20,261 --> 00:41:21,960
Don't look.

1027
00:41:28,002 --> 00:41:29,268
What happened?

1028
00:41:29,270 --> 00:41:31,571
We locked eyes,
and then he finished.

1029
00:41:31,573 --> 00:41:34,073
It means his load
is on your soul for eternity.

1030
00:41:34,075 --> 00:41:36,075
- Holy shit.
- Oh, shit, he's coming.

1031
00:41:37,211 --> 00:41:38,980
I'll pretend I'm a plant.

1032
00:41:42,584 --> 00:41:43,883
Mitchell? What are you doing?

1033
00:41:43,885 --> 00:41:45,819
- What, Lisa?
- Hey, Ron.

1034
00:41:45,821 --> 00:41:47,553
What are you guys
doing out here?

1035
00:41:47,555 --> 00:41:48,888
Hi.

1036
00:41:48,890 --> 00:41:51,156
- Hey.
- What a nice surprise.

1037
00:41:51,158 --> 00:41:52,424
We thought the kids were here.

1038
00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:53,593
We didn't realize you guys
were here, uh...

1039
00:41:53,595 --> 00:41:55,861
Oh, Cath and I were just having

1040
00:41:55,863 --> 00:41:57,497
a little, uh,
prom night role play.

1041
00:41:57,499 --> 00:42:00,133
- You know, to keep the sex life alive.
- Prom night.

1042
00:42:00,135 --> 00:42:01,267
- That kind of thing.
- Where are the kids?

1043
00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:02,234
Um, do you know
where the kids are?

1044
00:42:02,236 --> 00:42:05,404
The kids are at
Kyler Montero's lake house.

1045
00:42:05,406 --> 00:42:07,540
- How do you know that?
- Because Austin told us.

1046
00:42:07,542 --> 00:42:11,109
Yeah. He's texted me
like 19 times tonight.

1047
00:42:11,111 --> 00:42:13,613
- Ugh. Oh, my God.
- Yeah, we tell each other everything.

1048
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:16,082
- It's unbelievable.
- I mean, he-he knows about prom night.

1049
00:42:16,084 --> 00:42:17,584
- Well, you know.
- I'm sorry, you...

1050
00:42:17,586 --> 00:42:20,252
you tell your son about
your sex games with your wife?

1051
00:42:20,254 --> 00:42:22,154
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Wow, that's...

1052
00:42:22,156 --> 00:42:24,022
- Can't do that.
- Yeah, it's weird.

1053
00:42:24,024 --> 00:42:25,591
- It's so... it's-it's weird.
- There's a line.

1054
00:42:25,593 --> 00:42:27,593
- We have a very open family here.
- Yes, we do.

1055
00:42:27,595 --> 00:42:29,328
- We don't hide anything.
- You know what?

1056
00:42:29,330 --> 00:42:30,562
What is Kyler's address?

1057
00:42:30,564 --> 00:42:32,931
I-I... Okay, listen,
I-I feel like

1058
00:42:32,933 --> 00:42:35,435
I can't betray
Austin's confidence in me,

1059
00:42:35,437 --> 00:42:37,604
and frankly,
if Julie wanted to tell you

1060
00:42:37,606 --> 00:42:40,205
where the house was,
she would have told you.

1061
00:42:40,207 --> 00:42:41,406
- Uh-uh.
- Uh, I got...

1062
00:42:41,408 --> 00:42:42,508
Hold on, hold on.
Buh-buh-buh.

1063
00:42:42,510 --> 00:42:44,109
Give us the address,

1064
00:42:44,111 --> 00:42:45,410
or my giant friend's
gonna tear

1065
00:42:45,412 --> 00:42:46,946
- your husband's dick off.
- Yeah.

1066
00:42:46,948 --> 00:42:48,513
Uh... no, I'm not.

1067
00:42:48,515 --> 00:42:50,250
- No, I'm not. No, no, no.
- Excuse me? - What?

1068
00:42:50,252 --> 00:42:52,317
That's... that's good.

1069
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,453
And, uh, sorry
to interrupt your evening.

1070
00:42:54,455 --> 00:42:57,122
I hope you guys enjoy
the rest of your lovemaking.

1071
00:42:57,124 --> 00:42:58,124
- Ow! Fuck!
- Come on.

1072
00:42:58,126 --> 00:42:59,225
- What was that about?
- What?

1073
00:42:59,227 --> 00:43:00,926
Hey, man, thank you for killing

1074
00:43:00,928 --> 00:43:02,462
- my daughter's hymen.
- I don't think so.

1075
00:43:02,464 --> 00:43:04,529
Kyler Montero's lake house?
Marcie did the bathroom.

1076
00:43:04,531 --> 00:43:07,066
She's gonna know the address,
so let's just go.

1077
00:43:07,068 --> 00:43:08,968
- All right, dope.
- Dope.

1078
00:43:10,472 --> 00:43:12,471
- Ow, my eyes!
- Yeah!

1079
00:43:12,473 --> 00:43:14,941
Okay, come on in now.

1080
00:43:14,943 --> 00:43:17,209
It's all fun and games
until there's a decapitation.

1081
00:43:17,211 --> 00:43:19,578
I don't need any more
dead girls on my conscience.

1082
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:21,381
I'm sorry, Rudy.

1083
00:43:21,383 --> 00:43:24,317
We just had to check that off
the old prom bucket list.

1084
00:43:24,319 --> 00:43:26,352
Oh, my God, Sam!

1085
00:43:26,354 --> 00:43:28,254
- Come here. Yeah.
- Move, Chad!

1086
00:43:28,256 --> 00:43:30,290
- Chad, you want a drink?
- No.

1087
00:43:30,292 --> 00:43:31,991
What you got there?

1088
00:43:31,993 --> 00:43:34,192
This is a very, very special

1089
00:43:34,194 --> 00:43:36,062
reduced hash oil
of my own invention.

1090
00:43:36,064 --> 00:43:38,330
It has rosemary essence
for blood flow,

1091
00:43:38,332 --> 00:43:39,933
a curcumin extract
from turmeric

1092
00:43:39,935 --> 00:43:41,366
to reduce inflammation,

1093
00:43:41,368 --> 00:43:43,569
and it gets you super baked.

1094
00:43:43,571 --> 00:43:45,638
All right.

1095
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,372
Let's do it.
Do I just... I suck?

1096
00:43:47,374 --> 00:43:48,607
Yeah, you press the button,

1097
00:43:48,609 --> 00:43:50,176
then you take, like,
a little puff.

1098
00:43:50,178 --> 00:43:52,377
Or a really, really big one.

1099
00:43:52,379 --> 00:43:54,212
Okay.

1100
00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:56,649
And then you just hold it
for, like, a beat.

1101
00:43:56,651 --> 00:43:58,283
You guys know
that Tanner Dunn's parents

1102
00:43:58,285 --> 00:43:59,651
rented out a whole floor

1103
00:43:59,653 --> 00:44:01,654
of the Park West Hotel
for an after-party?

1104
00:44:01,656 --> 00:44:03,022
What?

1105
00:44:03,024 --> 00:44:05,058
Um... yeah, he, uh...

1106
00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,359
I guess they're super loaded
and they're still proud of him

1107
00:44:07,361 --> 00:44:09,495
even though it took him
like six years to graduate.

1108
00:44:09,497 --> 00:44:11,997
I remember him.
He got to, uh, miss school

1109
00:44:11,999 --> 00:44:14,067
- when his kid was born.
- Yeah, yeah, that guy.

1110
00:44:14,069 --> 00:44:16,005
You should definitely
let it go now.

1111
00:44:19,307 --> 00:44:20,640
- Holy shit.
- Oh, yeah.

1112
00:44:20,642 --> 00:44:22,408
I can run a six-minute mile.

1113
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:24,710
My lung capacity is legit.

1114
00:44:24,712 --> 00:44:26,712
- No!
- One more selfie, and this time,

1115
00:44:26,714 --> 00:44:28,214
let's pose like Kanye.

1116
00:44:28,216 --> 00:44:29,549
- No. Boo!
- Yes.

1117
00:44:29,552 --> 00:44:31,550
- You take too many pictures.
- Uh...

1118
00:44:31,553 --> 00:44:33,652
They don't look like him.

1119
00:44:33,654 --> 00:44:36,555
Ugh, it's just a bunch
of paint samples and swatches.

1120
00:44:36,557 --> 00:44:38,457
Hunter, quiet.

1121
00:44:38,459 --> 00:44:39,759
Why do I have to be quiet?

1122
00:44:39,761 --> 00:44:41,593
Shit would not fly
if Marcie found out.

1123
00:44:41,595 --> 00:44:43,129
Who wears the pants
in this house, dawg?

1124
00:44:43,131 --> 00:44:45,230
- I do.
- Oh!

1125
00:44:48,136 --> 00:44:49,368
Mmm.

1126
00:44:49,370 --> 00:44:51,303
This is soy creamer?
Are you sure?

1127
00:44:51,305 --> 00:44:53,305
It's pretty freaking rich.

1128
00:44:53,307 --> 00:44:55,375
This is so messed up.
Who are you to get involved

1129
00:44:55,377 --> 00:44:57,343
in our daughter's sex life?

1130
00:44:57,345 --> 00:44:59,511
- Oh, honey, I was just try...
- No, don't "honey" me.

1131
00:44:59,513 --> 00:45:02,180
Did your dad try to stop you
when you lost your virginity?

1132
00:45:02,182 --> 00:45:03,149
That's totally different.

1133
00:45:03,151 --> 00:45:05,017
It is not different.
It's a double standard.

1134
00:45:05,019 --> 00:45:07,419
Oh, when a guy loses his
virginity, it-it's no big deal.

1135
00:45:07,421 --> 00:45:09,122
It's celebrated,
but if a girl does,

1136
00:45:09,124 --> 00:45:11,056
it's some sort of big loss
of innocence?

1137
00:45:11,058 --> 00:45:12,558
- Yes.
- But come on, you guys.

1138
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:13,759
It's the same damn thing.

1139
00:45:13,761 --> 00:45:15,660
Oh, Marcie!

1140
00:45:15,662 --> 00:45:17,629
Stop talking.

1141
00:45:17,631 --> 00:45:20,767
- Just give us the address.
- Just give us the address.

1142
00:45:20,769 --> 00:45:24,102
Honestly, Lisa, I can't believe
you're on their side.

1143
00:45:24,104 --> 00:45:27,105
Side? This is not
some philosophical debate.

1144
00:45:27,107 --> 00:45:28,774
We're trying to stop
our daughters

1145
00:45:28,776 --> 00:45:31,777
from some kind of sex pact
that they've planned

1146
00:45:31,779 --> 00:45:33,812
and not thought through
all the way.

1147
00:45:33,814 --> 00:45:34,747
That is such bullshit.

1148
00:45:34,749 --> 00:45:37,049
How do you expect society
to treat women

1149
00:45:37,051 --> 00:45:39,584
as if they're equal
when their own parents won't?

1150
00:45:39,586 --> 00:45:41,453
I don't know about that.

1151
00:45:41,455 --> 00:45:43,221
I'll deal with society
tomorrow.

1152
00:45:43,223 --> 00:45:45,124
Right now I'm thinking
about my daughter.

1153
00:45:45,126 --> 00:45:46,192
Well, that is...
that's convenient.

1154
00:45:46,194 --> 00:45:47,392
Yeah. You know what?

1155
00:45:47,394 --> 00:45:49,062
Go ahead and be part
of the group

1156
00:45:49,064 --> 00:45:50,395
that perceives women as little

1157
00:45:50,397 --> 00:45:52,665
damsels in distress
that need saving.

1158
00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:54,600
Who cares about us
not getting paid as much

1159
00:45:54,602 --> 00:45:56,768
or not having control
of our own bodies?

1160
00:45:56,770 --> 00:45:58,437
Can you please not talk to me

1161
00:45:58,439 --> 00:46:00,506
like I'm someone
who bombs abortion clinics?

1162
00:46:00,508 --> 00:46:01,506
I think
we're a little off topic.

1163
00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:02,442
Just... we need the address.

1164
00:46:02,444 --> 00:46:05,143
I just can't believe
that you think Julie

1165
00:46:05,145 --> 00:46:07,145
shouldn't be free
to explore her sexuality

1166
00:46:07,147 --> 00:46:09,147
in the same way that boys are.

1167
00:46:09,149 --> 00:46:12,451
Girls and boys
are very different.

1168
00:46:12,453 --> 00:46:15,087
Guys will take
whatever's in front of them.

1169
00:46:15,089 --> 00:46:17,323
We have these feelings,
and then...

1170
00:46:17,325 --> 00:46:20,660
your parents won't let you
see the man.

1171
00:46:20,662 --> 00:46:23,763
And then he just
writes a lot of letters,

1172
00:46:23,765 --> 00:46:25,330
but you don't get them

1173
00:46:25,332 --> 00:46:27,366
because your mom
doesn't give them to you,

1174
00:46:27,368 --> 00:46:29,768
and then it starts raining
really hard

1175
00:46:29,770 --> 00:46:32,138
'cause he built a house
for you,

1176
00:46:32,140 --> 00:46:36,341
and... and then it's...

1177
00:46:36,343 --> 00:46:38,544
- Mitchell, did you get the address?
- Yep.

1178
00:46:38,546 --> 00:46:39,779
- What?
- I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow.

1179
00:46:39,781 --> 00:46:41,714
- I'm just really stressed out.
- It was so good to see you.

1180
00:46:41,716 --> 00:46:43,515
Was that <i>The Notebook?</i>

1181
00:46:43,517 --> 00:46:46,352
Fucking fuck off, Hunter.
Goddamn it! Mitchell!

1182
00:46:46,354 --> 00:46:47,687
I love you. I'm doing this
for our daughter.

1183
00:46:47,689 --> 00:46:49,288
- I'll be home late.
- Fucking shit!

1184
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:53,593
To the loss of our innocence.

1185
00:46:58,633 --> 00:47:00,366
Oh!

1186
00:47:00,368 --> 00:47:01,567
- Come on.
- Ooh!

1187
00:47:01,569 --> 00:47:02,868
You guys.

1188
00:47:02,870 --> 00:47:04,370
This is the best night.

1189
00:47:04,372 --> 00:47:07,506
I am so drunk, super high,

1190
00:47:07,508 --> 00:47:09,741
and Connor has a little
something-something

1191
00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:12,477
that I feel I need
to go check out.

1192
00:47:12,479 --> 00:47:14,846
All right.
It's fuck o'clock.

1193
00:47:14,848 --> 00:47:16,617
- No way. You, too?
- Yep.

1194
00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:20,652
- These are macarons.
- Ooh.

1195
00:47:20,654 --> 00:47:22,622
With a very special
concoction of mine

1196
00:47:22,624 --> 00:47:24,524
that I call Wavy Davy.

1197
00:47:24,526 --> 00:47:27,259
So it's DMT that I get
from the Dark Web.

1198
00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:29,227
Uh, and then there's
a little tiny bit of Xanax

1199
00:47:29,229 --> 00:47:31,230
to just kind of take
the edge off, you know.

1200
00:47:31,232 --> 00:47:32,230
It's pretty tight.

1201
00:47:32,232 --> 00:47:33,832
Mm, sounds pretty tight.

1202
00:47:33,834 --> 00:47:35,935
And then I bake it into
a white chocolate macaron,

1203
00:47:35,937 --> 00:47:37,569
and it has, like,
a raspberry filling

1204
00:47:37,571 --> 00:47:38,837
that's both, uh,
light and fluffy

1205
00:47:38,839 --> 00:47:41,274
but also very flavorful
and satisfying.

1206
00:47:41,276 --> 00:47:42,841
Are you ready?

1207
00:47:42,843 --> 00:47:45,511
- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, let's do it.

1208
00:47:45,513 --> 00:47:46,645
Okay.

1209
00:47:46,647 --> 00:47:48,182
- Mmm.
- Let's go.

1210
00:47:49,417 --> 00:47:50,616
Hmm.

1211
00:47:50,618 --> 00:47:52,852
It's yum.

1212
00:47:52,854 --> 00:47:54,323
Hmm.

1213
00:47:58,593 --> 00:48:00,426
Okay, so what do we do?
We just walk in and-and flick

1214
00:48:00,428 --> 00:48:02,194
- the lights on and off until the kids come?
- Shh.

1215
00:48:02,196 --> 00:48:03,729
Just act cool and young,
and maybe we'll just slip in.

1216
00:48:03,731 --> 00:48:05,730
Mitchell, untuck your shirt.

1217
00:48:05,732 --> 00:48:07,399
No, it's not
that kind of shirt.

1218
00:48:07,401 --> 00:48:08,634
- It looks stupid untucked.
- Untuck your shirt.

1219
00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:09,834
You look like a youth minister.

1220
00:48:09,836 --> 00:48:10,935
Untuck your fucking shirt, man.

1221
00:48:10,937 --> 00:48:12,605
- We're trying to look cool.
- All right.

1222
00:48:12,607 --> 00:48:13,906
Whoa, whoa.

1223
00:48:13,908 --> 00:48:15,473
Sorry, bro. Sorry, guys.

1224
00:48:15,475 --> 00:48:17,310
Sorry. My friend's wasted.

1225
00:48:17,312 --> 00:48:19,245
- Don't.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1226
00:48:19,247 --> 00:48:21,513
Hey, hey. No... no adults
are getting into my house.

1227
00:48:21,515 --> 00:48:23,683
Not on prom night.
Okay, not on prom.

1228
00:48:23,685 --> 00:48:25,250
We were just down the street

1229
00:48:25,252 --> 00:48:27,419
at, um, another party,
and then we just decided

1230
00:48:27,421 --> 00:48:29,455
to come up here
and hang with you guys.

1231
00:48:29,457 --> 00:48:31,457
Um, no parents here, right?

1232
00:48:31,459 --> 00:48:32,658
Oh, thank God.

1233
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:33,725
No, not except
for you guys. No.

1234
00:48:33,727 --> 00:48:35,227
We're not...

1235
00:48:35,229 --> 00:48:37,230
- Yeah, no.
- We don't...

1236
00:48:37,232 --> 00:48:38,232
Okay, so you're cops.

1237
00:48:40,535 --> 00:48:43,636
I got two DUIs last year.
How could I be a cop?

1238
00:48:43,638 --> 00:48:44,870
The police?

1239
00:48:44,872 --> 00:48:46,605
Look at my untucked shirt.

1240
00:48:46,607 --> 00:48:48,473
You're literally the cop-iest
motherfucker I've ever seen.

1241
00:48:48,475 --> 00:48:51,546
You look like you got your hair
cut in the back of a squad car.

1242
00:48:52,879 --> 00:48:55,247
This is a regular
men's haircut.

1243
00:48:55,249 --> 00:48:56,716
Okay, this is ridiculous.

1244
00:48:56,718 --> 00:48:58,317
All right, you're minors,
we're minors.

1245
00:48:58,319 --> 00:49:00,285
You're like 45 years old.

1246
00:49:00,287 --> 00:49:01,953
Fuck you.
I was born in '77.

1247
00:49:01,955 --> 00:49:03,788
'87. '94.

1248
00:49:03,790 --> 00:49:06,024
We're gonna drink
with you guys.

1249
00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:07,792
Would cops drink
with underage kids?

1250
00:49:07,794 --> 00:49:09,395
- No.
- No.

1251
00:49:09,397 --> 00:49:11,363
Okay. What about a little
chugging contest?

1252
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:12,732
Um...

1253
00:49:12,734 --> 00:49:14,366
Yeah.

1254
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:15,370
Bring it.

1255
00:49:16,504 --> 00:49:17,669
Okay, wait.

1256
00:49:17,671 --> 00:49:18,937
I got to get the room ready.

1257
00:49:22,944 --> 00:49:25,944
Oh, wow.

1258
00:49:25,946 --> 00:49:27,413
You're really going for it,
aren't you?

1259
00:49:27,415 --> 00:49:28,913
I saw this
in the romantic comedy,

1260
00:49:28,915 --> 00:49:30,816
<i>American Beauty.</i>
So good.

1261
00:49:30,818 --> 00:49:33,585
You watch the whole thing?

1262
00:49:37,792 --> 00:49:39,825
You know what this candle
does to me.

1263
00:49:39,827 --> 00:49:41,060
Is that the one
that gives you hives?

1264
00:49:41,062 --> 00:49:42,798
- No, it's the good one.
- Oh, nice.

1265
00:49:46,366 --> 00:49:48,403
You look so hot right now.

1266
00:49:58,446 --> 00:50:00,680
- Where are my chuggers at? You ready?
- Yeah!

1267
00:50:00,682 --> 00:50:02,515
- Oh, right here. Let's go.
- Whoot, whoot!

1268
00:50:02,517 --> 00:50:04,015
All right.

1269
00:50:04,017 --> 00:50:06,084
- Cool.
- Drop 'em.

1270
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:07,255
Let's do it.

1271
00:50:09,390 --> 00:50:10,422
Wait, what?

1272
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:11,556
Guys?

1273
00:50:11,558 --> 00:50:12,758
We're just chugging, right?

1274
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:13,859
We're butt-chugging.

1275
00:50:13,861 --> 00:50:15,328
Yeah, you put the tube
up your butt,

1276
00:50:15,330 --> 00:50:16,629
and you funnel the beer in.

1277
00:50:16,631 --> 00:50:18,531
Fucks you up way more, man.
Trust me.

1278
00:50:18,533 --> 00:50:20,499
- Guys, butt-chugging?
- You got this. You got it.

1279
00:50:20,501 --> 00:50:21,834
No, I'm tagging out.
You're in.

1280
00:50:21,836 --> 00:50:23,401
- What? Why me?
- You've had a baby.

1281
00:50:23,403 --> 00:50:24,602
Everything's looser down there.

1282
00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:26,839
I didn't have a baby
out of my butt.

1283
00:50:26,841 --> 00:50:28,808
- Even I know that.
- Mitchell.

1284
00:50:28,810 --> 00:50:31,810
Okay, this isn't
a common occurrence with me,

1285
00:50:31,812 --> 00:50:34,779
but I have had things
up there before.

1286
00:50:34,781 --> 00:50:36,915
- Hmm?
- It's just all about breathing.

1287
00:50:36,917 --> 00:50:39,685
So just breathe through it
and accept it in.

1288
00:50:39,687 --> 00:50:41,821
I can't do it. I can't do it.

1289
00:50:41,823 --> 00:50:44,089
Hey! She's up there right now
with that dick-bag Connor

1290
00:50:44,091 --> 00:50:45,725
with his man bun
and that stupid smirk.

1291
00:50:45,727 --> 00:50:46,962
Think about this.

1292
00:50:48,696 --> 00:50:50,363
W-Wait. Connor?

1293
00:50:50,365 --> 00:50:52,665
You know... you know
Connor Aldrich, "The Chef"?

1294
00:50:52,667 --> 00:50:54,734
Why do they call him
"The Chef"?

1295
00:50:54,736 --> 00:50:56,935
Uh, maybe a big fan
of <i>South Park?</i>

1296
00:50:56,937 --> 00:50:58,437
"Hello, children."

1297
00:50:58,439 --> 00:51:00,573
No, no.
He cooks drugs into everything.

1298
00:51:00,575 --> 00:51:02,441
Everything.
Uh, one time he made me

1299
00:51:02,443 --> 00:51:04,776
this, like,
acid financier cake. Oh!

1300
00:51:04,778 --> 00:51:07,379
That shit was to die for, man.

1301
00:51:07,381 --> 00:51:09,381
Like, literally,
I almost fucking died.

1302
00:51:09,383 --> 00:51:11,149
Yeah, dude, if your daughter
had anything like that cake,

1303
00:51:11,151 --> 00:51:12,872
she might not remember
who you are tomorrow.

1304
00:51:14,087 --> 00:51:16,455
Give me the fucking tube.

1305
00:51:18,392 --> 00:51:19,692
Let's bone.

1306
00:51:19,694 --> 00:51:20,993
Wait, what? Oh.

1307
00:51:20,995 --> 00:51:23,632
Are you sure that this
is how you want to do it?

1308
00:51:25,098 --> 00:51:26,799
Yes, Chad.

1309
00:51:26,801 --> 00:51:28,901
This is always
how I've imagined it.

1310
00:51:28,903 --> 00:51:31,470
Oh, you know, I'd rather leave
my shirt on, if that's sexier.

1311
00:51:31,472 --> 00:51:34,406
I need another drink.

1312
00:51:34,408 --> 00:51:35,443
Wait, wait, uh...

1313
00:51:37,611 --> 00:51:39,879
Can you lube it up
with something first?

1314
00:51:39,881 --> 00:51:41,446
- Yeah, I'll just spit on it.
- No!

1315
00:51:41,448 --> 00:51:43,649
Why? Because I'm a man?
Get over yourself.

1316
00:51:43,651 --> 00:51:45,484
No, 'cause you're
fucking gross,

1317
00:51:45,486 --> 00:51:46,951
and your fucking
saliva's gross.

1318
00:51:46,953 --> 00:51:48,620
I have... I have lip gloss.
I have lip gloss.

1319
00:51:48,622 --> 00:51:50,488
- Got a lip gloss. We got a lip gloss.
- Okay, fine. Shit.

1320
00:51:50,490 --> 00:51:51,589
I don't have lip gloss.

1321
00:51:51,591 --> 00:51:53,192
All right, guys, let's get those tubes in.

1322
00:51:53,194 --> 00:51:54,727
All right,
I got the lip gloss on there.

1323
00:51:54,729 --> 00:51:55,828
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.

1324
00:51:55,830 --> 00:51:57,529
- All right.
- Okay, ready?

1325
00:51:57,531 --> 00:51:59,165
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

1326
00:51:59,167 --> 00:52:00,832
- It's not in yet.
- Okay. - Chill.

1327
00:52:00,834 --> 00:52:02,535
So it's just gonna be
on the count of three.

1328
00:52:02,537 --> 00:52:04,669
You got this, dawg.
This is for your kid.

1329
00:52:04,671 --> 00:52:06,439
- On three. Okay. All right. Yeah.
- On three.

1330
00:52:06,441 --> 00:52:07,672
- Okay, one...
- One...

1331
00:52:07,674 --> 00:52:10,810
- Oh!
- Are you okay?

1332
00:52:10,812 --> 00:52:12,710
- Okay, get your 40s.
- They got a lager and an IPA.

1333
00:52:12,712 --> 00:52:14,013
Does it... Doesn't-doesn't...

1334
00:52:14,015 --> 00:52:15,547
- It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
- Okay.

1335
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:16,848
- I don't know about this.
- No, no, no, no.

1336
00:52:16,850 --> 00:52:18,149
- It's too late. It's already in.
- Here you go.

1337
00:52:18,151 --> 00:52:19,517
It's in you.
It's part of you now.

1338
00:52:19,519 --> 00:52:21,053
- Ready? Set...
- Yeah.

1339
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:23,922
Chug...!

1340
00:52:23,924 --> 00:52:26,524
Butt chug!
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1341
00:52:26,526 --> 00:52:27,892
Oh, wait.

1342
00:52:27,894 --> 00:52:29,462
- Hey, hey.
- Loosen up.

1343
00:52:29,464 --> 00:52:31,596
- It's not working, dude.
- I can't.

1344
00:52:31,598 --> 00:52:32,864
- You can hold my hand.
- Okay.

1345
00:52:32,866 --> 00:52:34,066
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1346
00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:35,801
- Ow!
- You're hurting her.

1347
00:52:35,803 --> 00:52:37,069
- That really hurt!
- I'm sorry!

1348
00:52:37,071 --> 00:52:38,636
Hey, man, listen.

1349
00:52:38,638 --> 00:52:40,906
Channel that energy
into your butthole.

1350
00:52:40,908 --> 00:52:41,973
- Breathe.
- This changes everything I know.

1351
00:52:41,975 --> 00:52:44,076
Dude, if your daughter
could see you now,

1352
00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:45,447
she'd be so proud of you.

1353
00:52:46,814 --> 00:52:49,047
Whoa.

1354
00:52:49,049 --> 00:52:52,817
I am... I am tripping so hard.

1355
00:52:52,819 --> 00:52:54,587
It's not working.
It's not working, dude.

1356
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:56,654
- Oh, it's terrible. Oh.
- It is.

1357
00:52:56,656 --> 00:52:57,857
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1358
00:52:57,859 --> 00:52:59,792
- Open up.
- No, I'm sorry.

1359
00:52:59,794 --> 00:53:02,127
- I-I can't do it, man.
- Focus! For your daughter.

1360
00:53:02,129 --> 00:53:03,761
Fuck, Mitch. Focus.

1361
00:53:03,763 --> 00:53:05,096
- You gotta breathe.
- You gotta open up, dude.

1362
00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,566
- Relax.
- I'm relaxed. I'm dilated.

1363
00:53:07,568 --> 00:53:10,035
I'm staring at your asshole.
You're not dilated.

1364
00:53:10,037 --> 00:53:13,605
Mitchell, you're gonna
lose to this punk bitch?

1365
00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:15,741
Breathe. Take it in.

1366
00:53:15,743 --> 00:53:17,009
Butt chug!

1367
00:53:18,712 --> 00:53:20,044
There we go.

1368
00:53:20,046 --> 00:53:21,881
- Okay, good.
- Oh! Oh, it's working!

1369
00:53:21,883 --> 00:53:25,084
- It's working! It's working!
- Holy shit! Holy shit!

1370
00:53:25,086 --> 00:53:26,785
We're almost halfway done.

1371
00:53:26,787 --> 00:53:29,087
Po's! Fucking run!

1372
00:53:29,089 --> 00:53:30,589
Cops?

1373
00:53:30,591 --> 00:53:32,661
Oh, no!

1374
00:53:34,629 --> 00:53:37,062
Ass beer! Oh, oh!

1375
00:53:37,064 --> 00:53:38,663
Lisa, the beer went
into my mouth!

1376
00:53:38,665 --> 00:53:40,265
I have to go to the hospital!

1377
00:53:40,267 --> 00:53:42,868
Hurry up! Get out of here!

1378
00:53:42,870 --> 00:53:44,136
Shit.

1379
00:53:44,138 --> 00:53:46,038
We got to go.

1380
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:48,239
I got ass beer in my mouth.
I should go to the hospital.

1381
00:53:48,241 --> 00:53:50,209
Oh, shit. The fucking cops?

1382
00:53:50,211 --> 00:53:51,944
- Fuck.
- The fucking cops are here?

1383
00:53:51,946 --> 00:53:53,846
- Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- I can't get the tube out.

1384
00:53:53,848 --> 00:53:55,180
- Pull the tube out.
- Lis, pull it out.

1385
00:53:55,182 --> 00:53:57,116
- No. I put it in.
- I had to spit on it!

1386
00:53:57,118 --> 00:53:59,084
- What? You spit on it?
- No, it was my lip gloss.

1387
00:53:59,086 --> 00:54:00,785
- It was lip gloss.
- Pull it out!

1388
00:54:00,787 --> 00:54:02,321
Hey, man, be gentle.
Be fucking gentle, all right?

1389
00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:03,955
I'm gonna be gentle,
all right? Ready?

1390
00:54:03,957 --> 00:54:05,156
- All right, on three.
- On three.

1391
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:06,625
- One.
- Ow!

1392
00:54:09,930 --> 00:54:11,564
- Come on.
- Whoo!

1393
00:54:11,566 --> 00:54:14,098
Hey, guys. Guys.

1394
00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:15,301
Wait, wait.

1395
00:54:15,303 --> 00:54:16,834
Sam?

1396
00:54:16,836 --> 00:54:18,703
Sam, Sam! We're over here.

1397
00:54:18,705 --> 00:54:20,906
- No! No, I... No.
- She's...

1398
00:54:20,908 --> 00:54:22,640
- The night is over.
- No.

1399
00:54:22,642 --> 00:54:24,910
It's over. It's done.

1400
00:54:24,912 --> 00:54:26,879
The night is not over.

1401
00:54:26,881 --> 00:54:28,881
The night has just begun.

1402
00:54:32,285 --> 00:54:34,986
Jesus, Chad, use your legs.

1403
00:54:34,988 --> 00:54:36,654
I mean, I pretty much
carried her,

1404
00:54:36,656 --> 00:54:37,825
like, the whole way there.

1405
00:54:45,865 --> 00:54:48,736
Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle!

1406
00:54:49,836 --> 00:54:51,002
Come on, Sam.

1407
00:54:51,004 --> 00:54:52,370
- Come with us.
- I can't.

1408
00:54:52,372 --> 00:54:54,138
My car is here.
But all my friends

1409
00:54:54,140 --> 00:54:56,174
are going to the hotel party.

1410
00:54:56,176 --> 00:54:57,611
Maybe I'll see you later.

1411
00:55:02,616 --> 00:55:04,183
Get in the car!
Go, go, go, girl!

1412
00:55:04,185 --> 00:55:05,850
- Sam! Seriously, hurry up!
- You'll see her later.

1413
00:55:05,852 --> 00:55:07,285
- You'll see her later.
- What are you doing?

1414
00:55:07,287 --> 00:55:09,788
Ooh, this night is not over,
I swear to Christ!

1415
00:55:09,790 --> 00:55:11,323
Dukes of Hazzard!

1416
00:55:12,959 --> 00:55:14,959
Racist-ass show anyway.

1417
00:55:14,961 --> 00:55:17,196
- I got the spins, man.
- We got to find our daughter, dawg.

1418
00:55:17,198 --> 00:55:18,930
- I'm gonna sit down for a second.
- Rudy!

1419
00:55:18,932 --> 00:55:21,667
- It's Rudy. Rudy.
- Rudy, Rudy, wait, wait!

1420
00:55:21,669 --> 00:55:23,067
There he goes, there he goes!
Hit the clicker!

1421
00:55:23,069 --> 00:55:24,837
- Open the doors!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

1422
00:55:24,839 --> 00:55:26,772
- Okay, sit.
- I got mine.

1423
00:55:26,774 --> 00:55:28,777
<i>Seat belts!
You'll get a big ticket.</i>

1424
00:55:31,946 --> 00:55:33,946
- That's them right there.
- They're getting away.

1425
00:55:33,948 --> 00:55:35,214
- You gotta go faster. Hey.
- Okay.

1426
00:55:35,216 --> 00:55:37,049
Hey, you gotta be at 110%.

1427
00:55:37,051 --> 00:55:38,783
- Okay.
- You got to be in it to win it!

1428
00:55:38,785 --> 00:55:40,752
How do you get more competitive
when you're drunk?

1429
00:55:40,754 --> 00:55:42,921
Hey, man. I'm more of a winner
when I'm drunk, all right?

1430
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:45,256
- Okay, okay.
- And the question I have

1431
00:55:45,258 --> 00:55:47,125
for you, Lis:
Are you a winner?

1432
00:55:47,127 --> 00:55:48,993
Are you in it to win it?

1433
00:55:48,995 --> 00:55:51,062
- Winning is my bitch!
- All right.

1434
00:55:51,064 --> 00:55:52,330
- Strong.
- Knock, knock!

1435
00:55:52,332 --> 00:55:54,232
- Who's there?
- Me winning.

1436
00:55:57,370 --> 00:55:58,971
It's not...

1437
00:55:58,973 --> 00:56:00,772
It's not that good.

1438
00:56:02,176 --> 00:56:04,176
I don't... Ow, ow!

1439
00:56:04,178 --> 00:56:05,843
- Lisa winning!
- It's not that good.

1440
00:56:05,845 --> 00:56:07,812
Ow! Fuck!
All right, it's good.

1441
00:56:07,814 --> 00:56:09,348
It's fine. I like it.

1442
00:56:09,350 --> 00:56:10,630
<i>Hey, you're losing him.
Let's go.</i>

1443
00:56:13,187 --> 00:56:15,453
Not on my watch.

1444
00:56:17,892 --> 00:56:20,158
Oh, hey!
- Whoa! - Ow!

1445
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:21,694
Y'all think you gonna outrun

1446
00:56:21,696 --> 00:56:23,027
Rudy "The Main
Motherfucking Man" Glover?

1447
00:56:23,029 --> 00:56:24,163
Hell no.

1448
00:56:24,165 --> 00:56:25,997
- Are you all right?
- No!

1449
00:56:25,999 --> 00:56:27,165
Come on.

1450
00:56:27,167 --> 00:56:28,966
You okay?

1451
00:56:28,968 --> 00:56:31,102
Hey, guys.

1452
00:56:31,104 --> 00:56:32,971
Hey, I don't...

1453
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:34,308
I don't feel so...

1454
00:56:35,876 --> 00:56:38,176
Oh, my God!

1455
00:56:38,178 --> 00:56:39,210
Oh, my God!

1456
00:56:44,385 --> 00:56:46,484
<i>All right,
here's what we're gonna do.</i>

1457
00:56:46,486 --> 00:56:47,652
Lisa, I have seen every single

1458
00:56:47,654 --> 00:56:49,855
- <i>Fast and the Furious</i> movie, okay?
- Mm-hmm.

1459
00:56:49,857 --> 00:56:51,756
All of them, dozens of times.
Have you seen any of them?

1460
00:56:51,758 --> 00:56:53,859
I saw the Tokyo one,
and I saw the one

1461
00:56:53,861 --> 00:56:55,127
where The Rock
punches the torpedo.

1462
00:56:55,129 --> 00:56:56,928
Those are the best two to see.

1463
00:56:56,930 --> 00:57:00,165
Okay, in times like this,
I ask myself one question:

1464
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,734
"WWVDD?"
You know what that means?

1465
00:57:02,736 --> 00:57:03,968
"What would Vin Diesel do?"

1466
00:57:03,970 --> 00:57:05,504
Holy shit!

1467
00:57:05,506 --> 00:57:07,347
No one's ever fucking
gotten that before. Okay.

1468
00:57:12,446 --> 00:57:14,049
Oh, man, it smells like...

1469
00:57:15,281 --> 00:57:16,415
What we're gonna do...

1470
00:57:16,417 --> 00:57:17,482
we're gonna kiss the bumper.

1471
00:57:17,484 --> 00:57:18,350
- You give it a little tap.
- Okay.

1472
00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:19,984
And then they're gonna
spin and stop,

1473
00:57:19,986 --> 00:57:21,754
and we're gonna spin
and stop the other way.

1474
00:57:21,756 --> 00:57:23,355
- Okay.
- And we're gonna look at each other,

1475
00:57:23,357 --> 00:57:25,290
and we're gonna go,
"It's all about the family."

1476
00:57:25,292 --> 00:57:27,526
Wait, I don't feel comfortable
running the kids off the road.

1477
00:57:27,528 --> 00:57:30,129
This slow and un-furious
attitude is not helping us.

1478
00:57:30,131 --> 00:57:31,430
You have to believe!

1479
00:57:31,432 --> 00:57:32,930
Okay, I'm gonna kiss it.

1480
00:57:32,932 --> 00:57:34,301
Here we go!

1481
00:57:35,903 --> 00:57:37,368
What's that?

1482
00:57:37,370 --> 00:57:39,303
- Did I do it?
- No, you didn't even kiss it.

1483
00:57:39,305 --> 00:57:40,439
- You gotta kiss it.
- Shit. Okay.

1484
00:57:40,441 --> 00:57:42,841
Kiss it for the family.

1485
00:57:42,843 --> 00:57:44,846
- Is that Sam?
- Is that Sam?

1486
00:57:46,814 --> 00:57:48,881
- Oh! Oh, God!
- She barfed on us!

1487
00:57:48,883 --> 00:57:50,448
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

1488
00:58:01,428 --> 00:58:03,364
Fuck.

1489
00:58:06,267 --> 00:58:07,966
Okay.

1490
00:58:07,968 --> 00:58:09,868
Are we in Heaven?

1491
00:58:09,870 --> 00:58:11,970
Okay. Listen, I know
how to do this.

1492
00:58:11,972 --> 00:58:14,205
Everyone lean backwards.

1493
00:58:14,207 --> 00:58:16,207
If we all lean backwards
on three,

1494
00:58:16,209 --> 00:58:17,576
the car will roll back.

1495
00:58:17,578 --> 00:58:18,877
- Ready?
- Okay.

1496
00:58:18,879 --> 00:58:20,245
One...

1497
00:58:20,247 --> 00:58:22,080
two... three.

1498
00:58:23,249 --> 00:58:26,250
- Oh, fuck...!
- No!

1499
00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:27,518
- Oh!
- Oh, no!

1500
00:58:32,827 --> 00:58:36,160
Well, that's the last
of the ass beer.

1501
00:58:36,162 --> 00:58:38,163
Jesus! That's it. Are you okay?

1502
00:58:38,165 --> 00:58:41,332
Are you bleeding? You might
have internal blood injuries.

1503
00:58:41,334 --> 00:58:43,535
- I'm all right, I'm all right.
- Here's the problem.

1504
00:58:43,537 --> 00:58:46,038
The <i>Fast and the Furious</i>
movies are not realistic.

1505
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:47,238
Where are we?

1506
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:48,540
Shit!

1507
00:58:48,542 --> 00:58:49,908
Fuck.

1508
00:58:52,111 --> 00:58:53,511
What are you doing?

1509
00:58:53,513 --> 00:58:55,314
I heard that in times
of crisis, parents have

1510
00:58:55,316 --> 00:58:56,881
- superhuman strength.
- No offense... there's

1511
00:58:56,883 --> 00:58:58,584
no scientific way you're gonna
flip that car over.

1512
00:58:58,586 --> 00:59:00,585
- I couldn't even do that.
- I couldn't do it, either.

1513
00:59:00,587 --> 00:59:03,825
Do not tell me what I can
and can't do.

1514
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,026
Kayla's not answering again.

1515
00:59:09,028 --> 00:59:10,428
- Goddamn it.
- We lost 'em, guys.

1516
00:59:10,430 --> 00:59:11,897
We are fucked!

1517
00:59:11,899 --> 00:59:13,401
Or maybe not.

1518
00:59:16,002 --> 00:59:18,169
What are you doing?

1519
00:59:18,171 --> 00:59:20,171
Trying to telepathically
communicate with Kayla.

1520
00:59:20,173 --> 00:59:21,573
I'm with the X-Men of parents.

1521
00:59:21,575 --> 00:59:23,107
You know what
my secret power is?

1522
00:59:23,109 --> 00:59:24,642
I'm super fucking annoyed
right now,

1523
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:26,480
and I hurt my love handle.

1524
00:59:30,917 --> 00:59:32,084
No, no.

1525
00:59:32,086 --> 00:59:33,550
Hey.

1526
00:59:33,553 --> 00:59:35,988
You guys think my new clothes
go with my fedora?

1527
00:59:35,990 --> 00:59:37,522
I'm just kidding.
I know they do.

1528
00:59:43,263 --> 00:59:44,598
Hey.

1529
00:59:46,633 --> 00:59:49,267
- Have you talked to your mom?
- No.

1530
00:59:49,269 --> 00:59:50,902
So, my parents
were just texting me,

1531
00:59:50,904 --> 00:59:52,203
and they were having sex,

1532
00:59:52,205 --> 00:59:54,274
and your mom showed up
looking for you.

1533
00:59:55,408 --> 00:59:57,241
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

1534
00:59:57,243 --> 00:59:58,509
It's... it's okay.

1535
00:59:58,511 --> 01:00:00,245
They have sex all the time.

1536
01:00:00,247 --> 01:00:01,913
Oh, my God.

1537
01:00:01,915 --> 01:00:03,547
She... The texts.

1538
01:00:03,549 --> 01:00:05,317
So many texts.

1539
01:00:05,319 --> 01:00:06,951
She's mad.

1540
01:00:06,953 --> 01:00:09,254
I need to handle this.

1541
01:00:09,256 --> 01:00:10,988
Good news.
A Lyft is on its way.

1542
01:00:10,990 --> 01:00:13,024
Oh, wait, no, I know this guy.
He sucks.

1543
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:14,225
Oh, shit. It's Julie.

1544
01:00:14,227 --> 01:00:16,328
- Be-be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.
- Okay, be quiet.

1545
01:00:16,330 --> 01:00:18,663
- Okay.
- Hey, Mom.

1546
01:00:18,665 --> 01:00:20,399
I just got all your texts,
and I just want

1547
01:00:20,401 --> 01:00:21,667
to let you know
that we're all good.

1548
01:00:21,669 --> 01:00:23,000
Cool, cool. Okay.

1549
01:00:23,002 --> 01:00:26,171
Um, are you at the prom?

1550
01:00:26,173 --> 01:00:27,339
Yeah.

1551
01:00:27,341 --> 01:00:29,707
Yeah, just nonstop
magical moments.

1552
01:00:29,709 --> 01:00:31,343
Ha! You are lying to me.

1553
01:00:31,345 --> 01:00:33,044
Where are you right now?
Where are you?

1554
01:00:33,046 --> 01:00:34,212
Why are you freaking out?

1555
01:00:34,214 --> 01:00:35,513
I'm freaking out

1556
01:00:35,515 --> 01:00:37,549
because I know
what you're up to.

1557
01:00:37,552 --> 01:00:39,250
And I know that you
and your friends

1558
01:00:39,252 --> 01:00:42,721
are planning some kind
of little sex pact or whatever.

1559
01:00:42,723 --> 01:00:45,223
- What did you say?
- You heard me.

1560
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:47,158
How could you possibly know?

1561
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,729
Because I am your mother
and I know you.

1562
01:00:50,731 --> 01:00:53,631
- And I know you better than you know yourself.
- Yes.

1563
01:00:53,633 --> 01:00:58,203
And I also know that you're
planning on going to UCLA

1564
01:00:58,205 --> 01:01:00,372
and that you're
following Austin.

1565
01:01:00,374 --> 01:01:02,306
Yeah.

1566
01:01:02,308 --> 01:01:06,414
I... know... everything.

1567
01:01:07,647 --> 01:01:11,116
Oh, my God, you know nothing.

1568
01:01:11,118 --> 01:01:13,752
Why do you even assume
that it's me following Austin?

1569
01:01:13,754 --> 01:01:17,355
Huh? You're not worried
about me, Mom.

1570
01:01:17,357 --> 01:01:18,622
You're worried about you.

1571
01:01:18,624 --> 01:01:20,125
You're afraid of losing me.

1572
01:01:20,127 --> 01:01:21,526
You're afraid of being alone.

1573
01:01:21,528 --> 01:01:23,995
I am not scared of being alone.

1574
01:01:25,365 --> 01:01:27,332
This is not about me.

1575
01:01:27,334 --> 01:01:31,402
I have not thought about myself
for the last 18 years.

1576
01:01:31,404 --> 01:01:33,404
This is about you.

1577
01:01:33,406 --> 01:01:37,142
And as a single mother,
I am trying to stop you

1578
01:01:37,144 --> 01:01:39,212
from making
a life-ruining decision.

1579
01:01:40,546 --> 01:01:43,247
So I was a...
a life-ruining decision?

1580
01:01:43,249 --> 01:01:46,051
No. No, of cour...
No, that is not what I meant.

1581
01:01:46,053 --> 01:01:48,285
- No, that is not what I meant.
- You know what, Mom?

1582
01:01:48,287 --> 01:01:51,323
I'm not going to UCLA
because of some boy, okay?

1583
01:01:51,325 --> 01:01:53,692
I'm going to UCLA
because it's the furthest

1584
01:01:53,694 --> 01:01:55,462
I can get from you.

1585
01:01:57,131 --> 01:01:59,131
W-Well...

1586
01:01:59,133 --> 01:02:01,600
Hello?

1587
01:02:01,602 --> 01:02:04,569
Nanaru is on his way.

1588
01:02:04,571 --> 01:02:06,207
46 minutes.

1589
01:02:07,807 --> 01:02:11,011
Well, so she hates me.

1590
01:02:13,546 --> 01:02:15,513
She doesn't hate you.

1591
01:02:15,515 --> 01:02:17,249
Kayla's ignoring me.

1592
01:02:17,251 --> 01:02:19,517
She's bringing it
to a whole new level of spite.

1593
01:02:19,519 --> 01:02:21,152
Yeah.

1594
01:02:21,154 --> 01:02:23,120
It's a...
that's a new level of pain.

1595
01:02:23,122 --> 01:02:25,089
Yeah. I know, I know.

1596
01:02:25,091 --> 01:02:28,225
It's just different for me,
because I gave birth to her,

1597
01:02:28,227 --> 01:02:30,294
and I just feel very connected.

1598
01:02:30,296 --> 01:02:32,263
She was living in my body.

1599
01:02:32,265 --> 01:02:33,631
- Kayla grew in me.
- Yeah.

1600
01:02:33,633 --> 01:02:35,200
She grew in me. She-she did.

1601
01:02:35,202 --> 01:02:37,835
She grew from my balls,
and I shot her into Marcie.

1602
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:40,240
This is the same
for you and me.

1603
01:02:41,408 --> 01:02:42,707
Not exactly.

1604
01:02:42,709 --> 01:02:46,143
I mean, you have
daily love in your life,

1605
01:02:46,145 --> 01:02:49,080
and I'm probably gonna
die alone

1606
01:02:49,082 --> 01:02:51,482
and won't be found
for a really long time.

1607
01:02:51,484 --> 01:02:54,419
Until one day,
someone will be walking by

1608
01:02:54,421 --> 01:02:55,754
with their golden retriever,

1609
01:02:55,756 --> 01:02:57,656
and the dog
is just gonna lose its shit,

1610
01:02:57,658 --> 01:02:59,558
and then they're gonna
call the police,

1611
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:03,562
and then they're gonna come in
and find me draped over the tub

1612
01:03:03,564 --> 01:03:07,232
with my feral cats
eating away at my hair.

1613
01:03:07,234 --> 01:03:08,732
'Cause cats do that.

1614
01:03:08,734 --> 01:03:10,401
The fuck is wrong with you?

1615
01:03:10,403 --> 01:03:12,437
That is some dark shit.

1616
01:03:12,439 --> 01:03:14,238
- You're gonna die alone?
- Oh, oh, oh, oh! My man!

1617
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:15,806
- My man!
- Where the hell did you get that idea?

1618
01:03:15,808 --> 01:03:16,808
- You know what?
- Come on!

1619
01:03:16,810 --> 01:03:18,343
I call you all the time.

1620
01:03:18,345 --> 01:03:20,111
You ever return my calls? No.

1621
01:03:20,113 --> 01:03:21,812
Because we're not
really friends, you and me.

1622
01:03:21,814 --> 01:03:23,482
We're not friends?

1623
01:03:23,484 --> 01:03:25,484
I don't mean it, uh, that...
I-I... you...

1624
01:03:25,486 --> 01:03:27,752
You know what you are?

1625
01:03:27,754 --> 01:03:30,522
You are like the thing
that pops up on Facebook,

1626
01:03:30,524 --> 01:03:33,457
and then it's, like,
this beautiful picture

1627
01:03:33,459 --> 01:03:36,428
of your grandma who's dead.

1628
01:03:36,430 --> 01:03:38,430
And you're like,
"Fuck you, Facebook,

1629
01:03:38,432 --> 01:03:40,297
for reminding me of my loss."

1630
01:03:40,299 --> 01:03:41,399
That's why you're avoiding me?

1631
01:03:41,401 --> 01:03:43,167
Because I remind you of loss?

1632
01:03:43,169 --> 01:03:46,770
Yes. I don't want to be
reminded of sweet, young Julie

1633
01:03:46,772 --> 01:03:49,274
and our kids
and that beautiful time

1634
01:03:49,276 --> 01:03:50,908
- in our lives is over.
- Oh, God.

1635
01:03:50,910 --> 01:03:53,245
Boo-fucking-hoo with you two.

1636
01:03:53,247 --> 01:03:55,446
You guys completely ignore me.

1637
01:03:55,448 --> 01:03:57,482
- Always.
- Yeah, no shit, cheater.

1638
01:03:57,484 --> 01:03:58,917
Oh, cheater? That's my...
that's my designation?

1639
01:03:58,919 --> 01:04:00,685
That's what I am?
I'm the cheater?

1640
01:04:00,687 --> 01:04:02,453
Fuck that shit.

1641
01:04:02,455 --> 01:04:04,823
Did you guys ever once call me
when that went down

1642
01:04:04,825 --> 01:04:06,790
and ask me my side
of the story?

1643
01:04:06,792 --> 01:04:08,627
You didn't.

1644
01:04:08,629 --> 01:04:10,194
I would have
told you the truth.

1645
01:04:10,196 --> 01:04:11,897
I would have told you
that Brenda had stopped

1646
01:04:11,899 --> 01:04:13,531
talking to me
months before that happened.

1647
01:04:13,533 --> 01:04:15,500
You know she hooked up
with her boss

1648
01:04:15,502 --> 01:04:18,270
at a company retreat
in Wisconsin?

1649
01:04:18,272 --> 01:04:19,738
Do you know she beat me up?

1650
01:04:19,740 --> 01:04:21,473
She fucking beat me up

1651
01:04:21,475 --> 01:04:23,707
at a Romano's
fucking Macaroni Grill!

1652
01:04:23,709 --> 01:04:26,477
She fucking slapped me in front
of the fucking maitre d'!

1653
01:04:26,479 --> 01:04:27,678
- I didn't know that.
- I'm sorry, man.

1654
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:29,680
And I fucking embarrass myself,

1655
01:04:29,682 --> 01:04:31,917
and I embarrass myself
in front of my daughter.

1656
01:04:31,919 --> 01:04:33,350
And I-I-I thought, you know,

1657
01:04:33,352 --> 01:04:34,652
I should pull back
a little bit,

1658
01:04:34,654 --> 01:04:35,953
and then fucking Frank
showed up,

1659
01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:37,888
and he... I pulled back more,

1660
01:04:37,890 --> 01:04:39,790
and I thought,
"One day I'm gonna fix it.

1661
01:04:39,792 --> 01:04:41,560
One day I'm gonna
fucking fix it."

1662
01:04:41,562 --> 01:04:43,460
And then I thought,
if I gave her

1663
01:04:43,462 --> 01:04:48,232
something awesome,
like a great night,

1664
01:04:48,234 --> 01:04:50,468
I could get close
with her again.

1665
01:04:50,470 --> 01:04:52,140
But I can't.

1666
01:04:55,676 --> 01:04:57,509
'Cause she's gone.
They're just...

1667
01:04:57,511 --> 01:04:59,511
The kids, they...

1668
01:04:59,513 --> 01:05:00,879
they just leave.

1669
01:05:00,881 --> 01:05:03,547
Oh, shit!
I know how we can find them.

1670
01:05:03,549 --> 01:05:04,915
Go to Cathy and Ron's.

1671
01:05:04,917 --> 01:05:06,484
Austin's been texting them
all night.

1672
01:05:06,486 --> 01:05:08,553
Did you hear anything
I said just now?

1673
01:05:08,555 --> 01:05:10,254
- That's a great idea.
- Fuck it.

1674
01:05:10,256 --> 01:05:11,656
It's just good
to say it out loud.

1675
01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:13,828
- Let's go flip that car.
- Hell...

1676
01:05:14,928 --> 01:05:17,596
Jesus Christ!

1677
01:05:17,598 --> 01:05:20,935
Oh, my fucking God.

1678
01:05:22,336 --> 01:05:23,834
Shit.

1679
01:05:23,836 --> 01:05:26,538
My car just exploded.

1680
01:05:29,308 --> 01:05:31,709
Nanaru is 26 minutes away.

1681
01:05:31,711 --> 01:05:33,245
So that's good.

1682
01:05:33,247 --> 01:05:34,613
I thought I canceled him.

1683
01:05:34,615 --> 01:05:35,980
Thanks, Nanaru.

1684
01:05:35,982 --> 01:05:37,381
So Austin's parents
aren't gonna

1685
01:05:37,383 --> 01:05:38,683
just tell us where they are.

1686
01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:40,752
So we need to get Ron's phone,

1687
01:05:40,754 --> 01:05:43,020
read the texts
and find our kids.

1688
01:05:43,022 --> 01:05:44,355
Okay?

1689
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:46,258
Hunter, it's not gonna be you.

1690
01:05:46,260 --> 01:05:47,725
So, Mitchell, it's you.

1691
01:05:47,727 --> 01:05:49,560
No. That's breaking
and entering.

1692
01:05:49,562 --> 01:05:51,663
That is...
I'm uncomfortable with that.

1693
01:05:51,665 --> 01:05:53,497
Are you a team player,
or aren't you?

1694
01:05:53,499 --> 01:05:54,698
Am I a team player?

1695
01:05:54,700 --> 01:05:55,966
I just chugged a 40
with my asshole.

1696
01:05:55,968 --> 01:05:57,002
I'm a team player.

1697
01:05:57,004 --> 01:05:58,770
Then get your head in the game.

1698
01:05:58,772 --> 01:06:01,372
It's the bottom of the third,
we are down by one,

1699
01:06:01,374 --> 01:06:03,610
and there is not a lot
of game left.

1700
01:06:04,944 --> 01:06:06,710
There is a lot
of game left, though.

1701
01:06:06,712 --> 01:06:08,712
Listen. You have one pass left.

1702
01:06:08,714 --> 01:06:10,649
One. One pass.

1703
01:06:10,651 --> 01:06:12,716
- Is it rug... rugby?
- You don't have a limit on passing.

1704
01:06:12,718 --> 01:06:13,785
Is it Australian-rules
football?

1705
01:06:13,787 --> 01:06:15,620
And if it was the third,
I would have the fourth...

1706
01:06:15,622 --> 01:06:16,921
You know what? You know
what's happening right now?

1707
01:06:16,923 --> 01:06:18,689
Let me tell you what's
happening right now.

1708
01:06:18,691 --> 01:06:20,825
Is Kayla and Connor
are sliding into bed.

1709
01:06:20,827 --> 01:06:22,459
He's grabbing a condom,

1710
01:06:22,461 --> 01:06:24,596
and then he's flicking it
to the side

1711
01:06:24,598 --> 01:06:26,531
with a smirk on his face.

1712
01:06:26,533 --> 01:06:29,600
That fucking smirk. No way.

1713
01:06:29,602 --> 01:06:30,935
We need a Hail Mary pass.

1714
01:06:30,937 --> 01:06:32,569
Are you up for that, son?

1715
01:06:32,571 --> 01:06:34,038
- Yes, Coach.
- Well, I can't hear you.

1716
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,707
- Yes, Coach. I'm in it.
- I can't hear you!

1717
01:06:35,709 --> 01:06:37,008
I can fucking do this!
Let's go!

1718
01:06:37,010 --> 01:06:38,446
Okay, we gotta...
we gotta be quiet.

1719
01:06:43,082 --> 01:06:44,785
Careful.

1720
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:51,790
All right, go.

1721
01:06:51,792 --> 01:06:53,394
Go.

1722
01:07:19,352 --> 01:07:20,873
Did you...? Look at that.

1723
01:07:28,627 --> 01:07:29,861
Go out that way.

1724
01:07:29,863 --> 01:07:30,995
There's a person.
There's a person.

1725
01:07:30,997 --> 01:07:32,566
What? Fuck you.

1726
01:07:34,066 --> 01:07:35,702
Jesus Christ.

1727
01:07:48,482 --> 01:07:51,750
I'm gonna get you.

1728
01:07:51,752 --> 01:07:55,486
Not if I get you first.

1729
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,995
No, no. Get away from here.

1730
01:08:03,997 --> 01:08:06,433
- I'm fucking out.
- Mitchell, in. - Get in.

1731
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,801
- Cath?
- Ron, no talking.

1732
01:08:10,803 --> 01:08:13,605
Come on, we had a deal.
We have to find each other

1733
01:08:13,607 --> 01:08:15,607
by sensing each other's musks.

1734
01:08:15,609 --> 01:08:17,008
Can't use our voices.

1735
01:08:35,428 --> 01:08:37,795
Here, kitty, kitty.

1736
01:08:37,797 --> 01:08:39,029
I can smell that musk.

1737
01:08:46,006 --> 01:08:48,505
Oh. Yeah.

1738
01:08:48,507 --> 01:08:51,041
Yeah, yeah, I like the sound of that.

1739
01:08:51,043 --> 01:08:52,943
Oh!

1740
01:08:52,945 --> 01:08:54,879
Oh! Hey.

1741
01:08:54,881 --> 01:08:57,614
You want to touch first,
that works for Ronnie.

1742
01:08:57,616 --> 01:08:58,916
You want me to touch you?

1743
01:08:58,918 --> 01:09:00,218
- Help yourself.
- You want me to touch you?

1744
01:09:00,220 --> 01:09:02,519
- Yes.
- I'm gonna touch you hard.

1745
01:09:02,521 --> 01:09:05,523
- Do it. Do it.
- How about I touch you with my nails, baby?

1746
01:09:05,525 --> 01:09:07,724
- Let's have it.
- Oh, oh, yeah.

1747
01:09:07,726 --> 01:09:09,461
- Oh, wow.
- Your hair is so sexy, babe.

1748
01:09:09,463 --> 01:09:10,761
Your grip is unbelievable.

1749
01:09:10,763 --> 01:09:12,563
I want you to touch me

1750
01:09:12,565 --> 01:09:13,864
where I like.

1751
01:09:13,866 --> 01:09:15,733
My balls, you know?

1752
01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:18,536
Oh, you'd like me
to touch your balls.

1753
01:09:18,538 --> 01:09:20,804
You want me to touch
your balls, do you?

1754
01:09:20,806 --> 01:09:22,907
- Yes, I do.
- How badly do you

1755
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:24,509
want me to tug at your balls?

1756
01:09:24,511 --> 01:09:26,810
I want you
to rip them off my body.

1757
01:09:26,812 --> 01:09:28,846
- That's what I want.
- Mm, I don't really believe you.

1758
01:09:28,848 --> 01:09:30,547
I don't believe
you want it bad enough.

1759
01:09:30,549 --> 01:09:31,983
I want it bad. Do it. Come on.

1760
01:09:31,985 --> 01:09:33,917
- Really? How bad?
- I want it so bad that my balls

1761
01:09:33,919 --> 01:09:35,586
- are going to explode.
- Ooh, are they gonna explode

1762
01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,721
into a million little pieces?

1763
01:09:37,723 --> 01:09:39,122
Well, let me tell you
something, darling.

1764
01:09:39,124 --> 01:09:40,224
It is your lucky day.

1765
01:09:40,226 --> 01:09:41,626
Because it's Christmas for you.

1766
01:09:41,628 --> 01:09:42,827
Let's go.

1767
01:09:42,829 --> 01:09:44,562
Come on. Come on, do it.

1768
01:09:44,564 --> 01:09:46,663
- You there?
- What, this isn't hard enough?

1769
01:09:46,665 --> 01:09:48,066
- Let's go. Come on.
- Harder?

1770
01:09:48,068 --> 01:09:49,666
Come on, do it, do it.

1771
01:09:49,668 --> 01:09:51,669
- I'm waiting.
- Okeydokey.

1772
01:09:51,671 --> 01:09:54,538
Oh, yeah, you like that?

1773
01:09:54,540 --> 01:09:56,707
Hey, man, I don't judge
people's sex shit.

1774
01:09:56,709 --> 01:09:58,576
That was ridiculous and stupid.

1775
01:09:58,578 --> 01:10:00,010
Way to take one
for the team, guys.

1776
01:10:00,012 --> 01:10:01,679
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Here it is.

1777
01:10:01,681 --> 01:10:03,547
"The police came
to the lake house.

1778
01:10:03,549 --> 01:10:05,649
Almost lost my flower
but didn't quite work out."

1779
01:10:05,651 --> 01:10:07,785
- Flower? - Flower?
- He said that? He's a boy.

1780
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:08,853
Hub-uh-uh, hub-uh-uh...

1781
01:10:08,855 --> 01:10:10,522
"Heading
to the Park West Hotel.

1782
01:10:10,524 --> 01:10:12,023
- We've got the Grand Lux Suite."
- Suite?

1783
01:10:12,025 --> 01:10:13,925
"Looks like the little boy
is becoming a man."

1784
01:10:13,927 --> 01:10:15,093
Fucking dork.

1785
01:10:15,095 --> 01:10:16,627
Okay, so that was
ten minutes ago.

1786
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:17,795
So they haven't had sex yet.

1787
01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:18,929
We can still catch 'em.

1788
01:10:18,931 --> 01:10:20,797
Okay, let's do this.

1789
01:11:05,645 --> 01:11:06,877
Hey.

1790
01:11:06,879 --> 01:11:08,179
- Hey.
- Hey.

1791
01:11:08,181 --> 01:11:10,214
How's she doing?
Is she okay?

1792
01:11:10,216 --> 01:11:12,050
No, she's not doing okay.
She's bummed.

1793
01:11:12,052 --> 01:11:14,588
She doesn't even want to kiss.
And I love kissing.

1794
01:11:16,256 --> 01:11:17,822
Give me your room key.

1795
01:11:17,824 --> 01:11:19,223
- What? Why?
- Yeah.

1796
01:11:19,225 --> 01:11:21,259
Give me your room key,
and then bring her up

1797
01:11:21,261 --> 01:11:22,863
in like 15 minutes.

1798
01:11:23,997 --> 01:11:25,596
- Okay.
- Yes.

1799
01:11:25,598 --> 01:11:26,764
Thanks. You're the man.

1800
01:11:26,766 --> 01:11:28,366
Thank you for this.

1801
01:11:34,740 --> 01:11:36,206
How we supposed to find them
in this place?

1802
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:37,908
It's got like 20 rooms.

1803
01:11:37,910 --> 01:11:39,309
I'm sorry, what the fuck

1804
01:11:39,311 --> 01:11:40,877
are you talking about?

1805
01:11:40,879 --> 01:11:42,880
20? It's got like 200.

1806
01:11:42,882 --> 01:11:44,148
What? 20?

1807
01:11:44,150 --> 01:11:46,184
Grand Lux Suite
is on the top floor.

1808
01:11:46,186 --> 01:11:47,618
Go, go, go, go.

1809
01:11:47,620 --> 01:11:49,252
Move. Hurry, Lisa!

1810
01:12:51,316 --> 01:12:53,319
What am I doing here?

1811
01:13:12,172 --> 01:13:13,904
Oh, my God.

1812
01:13:13,906 --> 01:13:16,040
Oh, my God, my favorite.

1813
01:13:16,042 --> 01:13:17,841
That's so sweet.

1814
01:13:17,843 --> 01:13:19,242
Oh, my God.

1815
01:13:19,244 --> 01:13:20,844
This is a dream.

1816
01:13:20,846 --> 01:13:22,145
It's, like, perfect.

1817
01:13:22,147 --> 01:13:23,715
That is... It's so nice.

1818
01:13:23,717 --> 01:13:24,849
You're so sweet.

1819
01:13:24,851 --> 01:13:26,850
It actually wasn't me.

1820
01:13:26,852 --> 01:13:28,051
It was Kayla.

1821
01:13:28,053 --> 01:13:29,786
She wanted you
to have the perfect night.

1822
01:13:29,788 --> 01:13:31,022
That's why it looks so good.

1823
01:13:31,024 --> 01:13:33,758
Well, why do you look so good?

1824
01:13:33,760 --> 01:13:35,492
You're such a dork.

1825
01:13:35,494 --> 01:13:37,196
I-I know.

1826
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:41,702
Oh, my God.

1827
01:13:45,872 --> 01:13:48,042
Not as smooth as I could.

1828
01:13:51,511 --> 01:13:53,478
Let me get my shoes.

1829
01:13:57,784 --> 01:13:58,819
Kayla?

1830
01:14:05,091 --> 01:14:06,758
Nobody move. Where's Kayla?

1831
01:14:06,760 --> 01:14:08,796
Kayla? Kayla?

1832
01:14:09,928 --> 01:14:11,429
Get that out of here.

1833
01:14:11,431 --> 01:14:12,964
Now, how's this work?
Is this...?

1834
01:14:12,966 --> 01:14:14,165
- No, just leave it.
- Okay, cool.

1835
01:14:14,167 --> 01:14:15,207
- It's difficult.
- Mm-hmm.

1836
01:14:18,370 --> 01:14:20,138
Play sports.

1837
01:14:20,140 --> 01:14:22,105
Mwah. Mwah.

1838
01:14:22,107 --> 01:14:24,908
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

1839
01:14:24,910 --> 01:14:26,277
Mwah.

1840
01:14:26,279 --> 01:14:27,944
And that's that.

1841
01:14:27,946 --> 01:14:31,114
So, you, uh,
sure you want to do this?

1842
01:14:31,116 --> 01:14:32,149
Yeah.

1843
01:14:32,151 --> 01:14:33,917
Yes. Fuck yeah.

1844
01:14:33,919 --> 01:14:35,920
You're gonna...
you're gonna penis me.

1845
01:14:35,922 --> 01:14:38,255
- Yep.
- First, I'm gonna...

1846
01:14:38,257 --> 01:14:40,056
I'm just gonna touch it.

1847
01:14:40,058 --> 01:14:41,559
- You want to touch it? Yeah, you can touch it.
- Yeah.

1848
01:14:41,561 --> 01:14:43,426
- Yeah, yeah, go for it. Yeah.
- Okay, just, like...

1849
01:14:43,428 --> 01:14:45,429
Oh! Wow!

1850
01:14:45,431 --> 01:14:47,398
Okay. That is, like,
the greatest feeling

1851
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:49,800
I've ever had
in my entire life.

1852
01:14:49,802 --> 01:14:51,868
Really?

1853
01:14:51,870 --> 01:14:54,938
It doesn't just feel like
a super dry hand of a friend?

1854
01:14:54,940 --> 01:14:56,943
No. Nope.

1855
01:14:58,043 --> 01:14:59,943
Okay, so...

1856
01:14:59,945 --> 01:15:03,080
do you want to, um...

1857
01:15:03,082 --> 01:15:04,383
put it in?

1858
01:15:07,820 --> 01:15:08,986
No.

1859
01:15:08,988 --> 01:15:10,353
Okay.

1860
01:15:10,355 --> 01:15:12,055
- I can't. I'm sorry.
- You know what?

1861
01:15:12,057 --> 01:15:14,591
Look, we don't ha...

1862
01:15:14,593 --> 01:15:16,327
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1863
01:15:16,329 --> 01:15:18,228
- Holy shit!
- Right there. Look at all of it.

1864
01:15:18,230 --> 01:15:20,096
Oh, my gosh! I gotta get over.

1865
01:15:20,098 --> 01:15:22,200
Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1866
01:15:22,202 --> 01:15:24,068
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1867
01:15:24,070 --> 01:15:26,603
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just...

1868
01:15:26,605 --> 01:15:28,840
- It's okay.
- I was thinking about it and you,

1869
01:15:28,842 --> 01:15:30,875
and then it just... I'm sorry.

1870
01:15:32,311 --> 01:15:34,178
My God.

1871
01:15:34,180 --> 01:15:35,846
You're amazing.

1872
01:15:35,848 --> 01:15:37,881
I know we're still virgins,

1873
01:15:37,883 --> 01:15:40,417
but I feel different, you know?

1874
01:15:40,419 --> 01:15:42,953
Yeah.

1875
01:15:42,955 --> 01:15:44,391
I know.

1876
01:15:47,159 --> 01:15:50,027
You ready to, uh, do this?

1877
01:15:50,029 --> 01:15:52,129
Wait.

1878
01:15:52,131 --> 01:15:54,999
Wait. Um...

1879
01:15:55,001 --> 01:15:57,335
Ah, shit.

1880
01:15:57,337 --> 01:15:59,006
Shit.

1881
01:16:00,973 --> 01:16:03,206
Maybe Julie was right.

1882
01:16:03,208 --> 01:16:05,910
Like, maybe losing
your virginity

1883
01:16:05,912 --> 01:16:08,144
doesn't have to be perfect,
but...

1884
01:16:08,146 --> 01:16:09,947
I feel like it should
just be, like,

1885
01:16:09,949 --> 01:16:12,116
a little bit more special
than this, you know?

1886
01:16:12,118 --> 01:16:13,651
- Yeah.
- Like, not cheesy, but...

1887
01:16:13,653 --> 01:16:16,153
Like, if I was hard-pressed
right now,

1888
01:16:16,155 --> 01:16:18,989
I don't think I could remember
your last name.

1889
01:16:18,991 --> 01:16:19,991
- It's Aldrich.
- Aldrich.

1890
01:16:19,993 --> 01:16:22,059
I thought it was Ostrich.

1891
01:16:22,061 --> 01:16:24,327
I-I didn't realize
that you're a virgin.

1892
01:16:24,329 --> 01:16:26,496
- You know?
- Yeah.

1893
01:16:26,498 --> 01:16:30,334
Um, but, like,
I'd still be down to do it,

1894
01:16:30,336 --> 01:16:32,135
but maybe, like, you know,

1895
01:16:32,137 --> 01:16:34,205
when we get to know each other
a little more.

1896
01:16:34,207 --> 01:16:36,006
Like, maybe Monday
or something?

1897
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,442
- Yeah.
- Not to, like, plan it and be weird, but, like...

1898
01:16:38,444 --> 01:16:40,243
No, no, I can look
at my schedule

1899
01:16:40,245 --> 01:16:41,912
- and see if it's...
- Okay.

1900
01:16:41,914 --> 01:16:43,346
Pencil it in.

1901
01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:45,349
Um, yeah, that's cool.

1902
01:16:45,351 --> 01:16:47,151
- Okay, cool.
- Um, let's just relax.

1903
01:16:47,153 --> 01:16:49,286
We could do, like, some
light journaling or something.

1904
01:16:49,288 --> 01:16:52,290
Yeah, yeah, we could...
we could do that.

1905
01:16:52,292 --> 01:16:57,260
Or we could do,
like, other stuff.

1906
01:16:57,262 --> 01:16:59,263
Yeah? Like what?

1907
01:16:59,265 --> 01:17:01,431
Like...

1908
01:17:01,433 --> 01:17:04,568
not sex, but...

1909
01:17:04,570 --> 01:17:08,339
I'm still down for pleasure.

1910
01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:17,281
You got this.

1911
01:17:17,283 --> 01:17:18,349
Hey, guys. What's up?

1912
01:17:18,351 --> 01:17:21,154
Anyone seen Sam?
Anyone seen Sam?

1913
01:17:26,191 --> 01:17:28,291
Chad!

1914
01:17:28,293 --> 01:17:29,292
Fuck.

1915
01:17:29,294 --> 01:17:30,931
Get out of the way.

1916
01:17:33,199 --> 01:17:34,698
Jesus!

1917
01:17:37,235 --> 01:17:38,669
What the f...?

1918
01:17:38,671 --> 01:17:40,136
You again?

1919
01:17:40,138 --> 01:17:41,471
- You!
- What the fuck?

1920
01:17:41,473 --> 01:17:43,107
What's your beef with me, dude?

1921
01:17:43,109 --> 01:17:44,341
I don't know
who the fuck you are!

1922
01:17:44,343 --> 01:17:46,344
I'm Jake motherfucking Donahue.

1923
01:17:46,346 --> 01:17:48,345
That name means nothing to me.

1924
01:17:48,347 --> 01:17:50,313
Do you know what it's like
to be humiliated

1925
01:17:50,315 --> 01:17:51,681
in front of everyone you know

1926
01:17:51,683 --> 01:17:53,587
and have to seek redemption
for that?

1927
01:17:54,721 --> 01:17:57,054
Actually, yes, I do.

1928
01:17:57,056 --> 01:18:00,191
Kayla? Kayla?

1929
01:18:00,193 --> 01:18:01,692
Kayla? Get the hell away

1930
01:18:01,694 --> 01:18:04,094
from my daughter,
you little piece of shit!

1931
01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:05,763
Dad, what the...?

1932
01:18:05,765 --> 01:18:07,331
Oh, my God!

1933
01:18:07,333 --> 01:18:09,099
You okay?
He didn't hurt you, did he?

1934
01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:10,568
What? No, he didn't hurt me.

1935
01:18:10,570 --> 01:18:12,603
Holy shit! Connor.

1936
01:18:12,605 --> 01:18:14,337
- Ow.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

1937
01:18:14,339 --> 01:18:16,040
I'm actually totally fine.

1938
01:18:16,042 --> 01:18:17,441
Connor, I'm so sorry.

1939
01:18:17,443 --> 01:18:18,475
- Are you okay, though?
- Yeah, please...

1940
01:18:18,477 --> 01:18:19,676
Are you sure?

1941
01:18:19,678 --> 01:18:21,778
Dad, what the...
what are you doing here?

1942
01:18:21,780 --> 01:18:23,546
I've been following you around
all night.

1943
01:18:23,548 --> 01:18:25,316
Are you ser...? Oh, my God.

1944
01:18:25,318 --> 01:18:26,684
You've been following me?

1945
01:18:26,686 --> 01:18:28,385
- Are you crazy?
- You gave me no choice.

1946
01:18:28,387 --> 01:18:29,653
You're in over your head
with this kid.

1947
01:18:29,655 --> 01:18:31,121
I am not some pathetic

1948
01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:32,489
damsel in distress
that needs saving.

1949
01:18:32,491 --> 01:18:34,058
- I can handle myself.
- No, you can't.

1950
01:18:34,060 --> 01:18:35,492
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't.

1951
01:18:35,494 --> 01:18:38,028
- Yes, I can.
- Kayla, you can't.

1952
01:18:38,030 --> 01:18:40,031
And that's why I'm here.

1953
01:18:40,033 --> 01:18:41,200
It's my job.

1954
01:18:42,802 --> 01:18:44,402
Oh.

1955
01:18:44,404 --> 01:18:46,703
Yeah, so you just don't think

1956
01:18:46,705 --> 01:18:50,374
I can make my own decisions
and handle myself.

1957
01:18:50,376 --> 01:18:52,611
That really fucking sucks.

1958
01:18:56,114 --> 01:18:58,715
Kayla...

1959
01:18:58,717 --> 01:19:01,652
Kayla, I'm just trying
to figure this thing out.

1960
01:19:01,654 --> 01:19:04,991
God. Why is sex even bad?

1961
01:19:09,462 --> 01:19:11,629
I-I don't know.
I don't know. It's...

1962
01:19:11,631 --> 01:19:13,563
It's not... You know, it's...

1963
01:19:13,565 --> 01:19:15,501
I don't know.

1964
01:19:16,668 --> 01:19:18,501
I'm...

1965
01:19:18,503 --> 01:19:21,639
I'm just trying to be
the best dad I can be.

1966
01:19:21,641 --> 01:19:24,207
Well, you are.

1967
01:19:24,209 --> 01:19:27,243
You taught me everything.

1968
01:19:27,245 --> 01:19:29,546
You built me up.

1969
01:19:29,548 --> 01:19:31,614
Made me strong.

1970
01:19:31,616 --> 01:19:34,318
You made me into who I am.

1971
01:19:34,320 --> 01:19:36,719
Like, that's...

1972
01:19:36,721 --> 01:19:40,491
You did not have
to save me tonight, Dad.

1973
01:19:40,493 --> 01:19:44,631
You taught me how to do that
a long time ago.

1974
01:19:45,730 --> 01:19:47,166
And I love you for it.

1975
01:19:49,569 --> 01:19:51,638
Best coach ever.

1976
01:19:56,508 --> 01:19:59,210
Thank you. Thank you.

1977
01:19:59,212 --> 01:20:02,179
Oh, Dad, come on.

1978
01:20:02,181 --> 01:20:03,717
Come on, toughen up.

1979
01:20:05,418 --> 01:20:07,318
It was just really nice
what you said.

1980
01:20:07,320 --> 01:20:09,252
It's good. It's good.

1981
01:20:09,254 --> 01:20:10,621
I mean it.

1982
01:20:10,623 --> 01:20:12,790
Thanks. I feel like...

1983
01:20:12,792 --> 01:20:16,594
like Phil Jackson when he
was coaching the Bulls,

1984
01:20:16,596 --> 01:20:20,430
and... and then the...
and they were so good.

1985
01:20:21,868 --> 01:20:24,167
- That's how I feel right now.
- Yeah.

1986
01:20:24,169 --> 01:20:27,138
I should have taken
my socks off first.

1987
01:20:28,874 --> 01:20:31,908
Now, I'm just warning you,
I've practiced a few times,

1988
01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:34,411
- but this might not go that well.
- That doesn't look right.

1989
01:20:34,413 --> 01:20:35,880
- Yeah, all right.
- I think you need another one.

1990
01:20:35,882 --> 01:20:38,215
- I think we need another one, too.
- Wait, wait.

1991
01:20:38,217 --> 01:20:39,782
We have to do our dance.

1992
01:20:39,784 --> 01:20:41,618
- We have to. Like, yeah, yeah.
- What, now?

1993
01:20:41,620 --> 01:20:43,687
- Naked?
- No, get me one of those, um...

1994
01:20:43,689 --> 01:20:45,456
the hotel robes.
I want to feel fabulous.

1995
01:20:45,458 --> 01:20:47,191
Okay.

1996
01:20:47,193 --> 01:20:48,528
Coming right up, milady.

1997
01:21:04,209 --> 01:21:07,278
We're gonna christen
every corner of this room.

1998
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:10,313
And when we're done,
let's FaceTime my parents.

1999
01:21:10,315 --> 01:21:11,715
Okay, but right now,

2000
01:21:11,717 --> 01:21:13,884
I want you to stare
into my eyes.

2001
01:21:13,886 --> 01:21:15,486
- What?
- Mm-hmm.

2002
01:21:15,488 --> 01:21:17,921
I just want, like,
a real connection.

2003
01:21:17,923 --> 01:21:20,858
So you just want me
to look straight into your eyes

2004
01:21:20,860 --> 01:21:22,660
for the next three minutes
and 37 seconds?

2005
01:21:22,662 --> 01:21:23,760
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

2006
01:21:32,471 --> 01:21:33,770
Look at me.

2007
01:22:49,882 --> 01:22:51,514
- Dad?
- Where is he?

2008
01:22:51,516 --> 01:22:53,716
- What are you doing here?
- Chad?

2009
01:22:53,718 --> 01:22:55,519
Hey, Chad, you motherfucker.

2010
01:22:55,521 --> 01:22:57,755
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

2011
01:22:57,757 --> 01:22:59,422
Did he make you do something
you don't want to do?

2012
01:22:59,424 --> 01:23:00,657
'Cause I don't care if he's

2013
01:23:00,659 --> 01:23:01,892
the fucking coolest kid
in school.

2014
01:23:01,894 --> 01:23:03,327
I'm gonna shove his fedora

2015
01:23:03,329 --> 01:23:05,828
so far up his ass,
it'll be a hat.

2016
01:23:05,830 --> 01:23:08,698
No, Dad, we didn't do it.

2017
01:23:08,700 --> 01:23:10,067
All right? And even if we did,

2018
01:23:10,069 --> 01:23:12,973
it would be <i>none</i>
of your business.

2019
01:23:15,841 --> 01:23:19,643
It's just,
I was worried about you.

2020
01:23:19,645 --> 01:23:20,879
Well, that's a first.

2021
01:23:22,347 --> 01:23:24,681
I deserve that.

2022
01:23:24,683 --> 01:23:25,948
Sam, I gotta tell you
something,

2023
01:23:25,950 --> 01:23:27,886
and I'm just gonna say it.

2024
01:23:36,462 --> 01:23:41,635
Sam, I have realized
over the last few years...

2025
01:23:43,369 --> 01:23:45,469
...that I have made
a big mistake in my life.

2026
01:23:45,471 --> 01:23:47,607
What, like cheating on my mom?

2027
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,674
Well, no. Marrying your mom.

2028
01:23:50,676 --> 01:23:52,076
But no, that...
that wasn't a mistake,

2029
01:23:52,078 --> 01:23:54,377
because then I wouldn't
have had you.

2030
01:23:56,114 --> 01:24:01,684
I've made lots of mistakes,
but th-the big mistake...

2031
01:24:01,686 --> 01:24:07,457
is that I let what happened
between your mom and I

2032
01:24:07,459 --> 01:24:10,462
get in the way
of our relationship.

2033
01:24:14,065 --> 01:24:15,601
I'm sorry.

2034
01:24:17,136 --> 01:24:21,738
And I hope that we
can start over and...

2035
01:24:21,740 --> 01:24:25,442
build up our relationship again
because...

2036
01:24:25,444 --> 01:24:27,047
you're my only kid.

2037
01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:30,413
And I'm your only dad.

2038
01:24:30,415 --> 01:24:31,681
Well, Frank is...

2039
01:24:31,683 --> 01:24:32,950
Fuck Frank.

2040
01:24:36,721 --> 01:24:38,654
Frank's fine.

2041
01:24:38,656 --> 01:24:42,626
Dad, can I tell you
something now?

2042
01:24:42,628 --> 01:24:43,693
Yes.

2043
01:24:43,695 --> 01:24:45,062
Yes, yes, yes, anything.

2044
01:24:45,064 --> 01:24:47,033
I'm a lesbian.

2045
01:24:53,506 --> 01:24:55,040
Give me your hand.

2046
01:24:57,176 --> 01:24:58,709
What does your mom think?

2047
01:24:58,711 --> 01:24:59,779
She doesn't know.

2048
01:25:04,616 --> 01:25:06,683
You told me
before you told your mom?

2049
01:25:06,685 --> 01:25:09,051
- Yeah.
- That's big news.

2050
01:25:09,053 --> 01:25:11,421
She doesn't know?

2051
01:25:11,423 --> 01:25:13,489
- You didn't tell Frank?
- No.

2052
01:25:24,770 --> 01:25:26,836
Okay. Over.

2053
01:25:26,838 --> 01:25:28,906
Crying is over.

2054
01:25:28,908 --> 01:25:30,107
What do your girlfriends think?

2055
01:25:30,109 --> 01:25:31,942
No, I'm too nervous.
I can't tell them.

2056
01:25:31,944 --> 01:25:34,010
You're nervous
to tell Kayla and Julie?

2057
01:25:34,012 --> 01:25:37,581
It's just... I don't want
to lose my two best friends.

2058
01:25:37,583 --> 01:25:39,750
This is the stuff you tell
the people you care about.

2059
01:25:39,752 --> 01:25:42,653
You think they're not gonna
support you because you're gay?

2060
01:25:42,655 --> 01:25:45,889
They would support you
if you were a vampire.

2061
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:47,925
They would support you more.

2062
01:25:47,927 --> 01:25:50,193
With all the <i>Twilight</i> shit.

2063
01:25:50,195 --> 01:25:52,862
- Do we still like <i>Twilight?</i>
- Definitely not.

2064
01:25:52,864 --> 01:25:54,931
No, no.

2065
01:25:54,933 --> 01:25:56,636
Oh, God.

2066
01:25:57,903 --> 01:25:59,937
Thanks for showing up.

2067
01:25:59,939 --> 01:26:01,037
Really.

2068
01:26:01,039 --> 01:26:03,974
But you should probably leave

2069
01:26:03,976 --> 01:26:06,777
because it's insane
that you even came here

2070
01:26:06,779 --> 01:26:09,045
in the first place.

2071
01:26:09,047 --> 01:26:10,980
I'd love to get
a picture with you.

2072
01:26:10,982 --> 01:26:12,648
Yeah.

2073
01:26:12,650 --> 01:26:14,684
Great. Okay.

2074
01:26:14,686 --> 01:26:16,252
Just gonna stand on this.

2075
01:26:16,254 --> 01:26:18,688
Yeah, you know...
you know the drill. Come on.

2076
01:26:18,690 --> 01:26:20,189
Come on. Here we go.

2077
01:26:20,191 --> 01:26:22,428
Gotta turn it around here.

2078
01:26:25,698 --> 01:26:27,531
Dad, you're not taking it.

2079
01:26:27,533 --> 01:26:28,802
It's...

2080
01:26:30,668 --> 01:26:33,135
What?

2081
01:26:33,137 --> 01:26:35,772
I'll remember this.

2082
01:26:35,774 --> 01:26:37,139
Come on.

2083
01:26:37,141 --> 01:26:38,908
Oh, my God.

2084
01:26:38,910 --> 01:26:40,644
What's up, dawg?

2085
01:26:40,646 --> 01:26:43,013
So, I just, uh...

2086
01:26:43,015 --> 01:26:45,549
parented the shit out of Sam.

2087
01:26:45,552 --> 01:26:47,216
And I feel, uh...

2088
01:26:47,218 --> 01:26:49,286
oh, God, like, uh...

2089
01:26:49,288 --> 01:26:51,188
pride, I think.

2090
01:26:51,190 --> 01:26:52,688
- That's it.
- It's new.

2091
01:26:52,690 --> 01:26:54,023
Good for you, man.

2092
01:26:54,025 --> 01:26:55,157
Thanks.

2093
01:26:55,159 --> 01:26:56,225
Well done, my friend.

2094
01:26:56,227 --> 01:26:57,661
- Thank you.
- Well done.

2095
01:26:57,663 --> 01:26:59,129
How'd it go with Kayla?

2096
01:26:59,131 --> 01:27:00,831
Put Connor through a wall.

2097
01:27:00,833 --> 01:27:02,599
Are you serious?

2098
01:27:02,601 --> 01:27:04,535
Yeah. He's okay.

2099
01:27:04,537 --> 01:27:05,969
Yeah, he's lighter
than I thought.

2100
01:27:07,138 --> 01:27:08,772
Hey.

2101
01:27:08,774 --> 01:27:09,939
Hi.

2102
01:27:09,941 --> 01:27:12,576
So, Julie's, um...

2103
01:27:12,578 --> 01:27:14,044
Julie's having sex right now.

2104
01:27:14,046 --> 01:27:16,580
- Okay. And sit down.
- Wowie.

2105
01:27:16,582 --> 01:27:17,947
Yeah.

2106
01:27:17,949 --> 01:27:19,849
But it's good.
It's fine, right?

2107
01:27:19,851 --> 01:27:21,751
I mean, you have to do that
eventually.

2108
01:27:21,753 --> 01:27:22,920
Right?

2109
01:27:22,922 --> 01:27:24,587
- Are you good?
- Yeah.

2110
01:27:24,589 --> 01:27:27,124
They seem like they really like
each other, and that's nice.

2111
01:27:27,126 --> 01:27:30,727
That's a good thing, but it's
just a little, you know, scary,

2112
01:27:30,729 --> 01:27:33,630
because what if he doesn't know
how to do it right?

2113
01:27:33,632 --> 01:27:36,133
You know, like, what if he
doesn't know where to put it?

2114
01:27:36,135 --> 01:27:37,934
But he knows, right?
Should I go back up there?

2115
01:27:37,936 --> 01:27:39,836
- No. No, no, no, no.
- No, no, he'll figure it out.

2116
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:41,004
- No, no.
- It's one or the other.

2117
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:43,040
Nope. You stay right here.

2118
01:27:43,042 --> 01:27:45,578
Do you want to have
a drink right now?

2119
01:27:46,811 --> 01:27:48,644
You mean, like, hang out?

2120
01:27:48,646 --> 01:27:49,645
Yeah.

2121
01:27:49,647 --> 01:27:52,014
Yes, I do.

2122
01:27:52,016 --> 01:27:53,884
I'm in. I'm definitely in.

2123
01:27:53,886 --> 01:27:56,752
Um, we will be having
some shots of alcohol, please.

2124
01:27:56,754 --> 01:27:57,853
Yes, we will.

2125
01:27:57,855 --> 01:27:58,889
This is crazy.

2126
01:28:00,292 --> 01:28:01,925
- This is...
- Well, I'm going to, uh...

2127
01:28:01,927 --> 01:28:05,795
let you guys have your fun,
and I will, uh...

2128
01:28:05,797 --> 01:28:07,933
I-I will see you guys around.

2129
01:28:12,870 --> 01:28:14,606
Hey!

2130
01:28:16,007 --> 01:28:17,644
You, too.

2131
01:28:19,110 --> 01:28:20,844
Yeah.

2132
01:28:20,846 --> 01:28:22,345
Right.

2133
01:28:22,347 --> 01:28:24,147
Fuck yeah.

2134
01:28:24,149 --> 01:28:26,116
Piña colada.

2135
01:28:26,118 --> 01:28:27,687
Just get him a shot.

2136
01:28:28,753 --> 01:28:30,286
Cheers.

2137
01:28:30,288 --> 01:28:31,721
What a night, guys.

2138
01:28:31,723 --> 01:28:33,191
That's beautiful.

2139
01:28:35,894 --> 01:28:38,961
So, I don't think the kid
at the lake house

2140
01:28:38,963 --> 01:28:40,663
was actually butt-chugging.

2141
01:28:40,665 --> 01:28:41,898
- Definitely.
- Yeah.

2142
01:28:41,900 --> 01:28:43,233
- What?
- Yep. - Yeah.

2143
01:28:43,235 --> 01:28:45,868
And so he threw me
through a table, uh...

2144
01:28:45,870 --> 01:28:47,170
- I'm so sorry.
- No, it was cool.

2145
01:28:47,172 --> 01:28:49,171
I, like... I kind of feel fine.

2146
01:28:49,173 --> 01:28:51,108
- All right, see you.
- It's cool. - See you.

2147
01:28:51,110 --> 01:28:52,309
Hey, guys.

2148
01:28:52,311 --> 01:28:53,676
Austin, uh, let's go

2149
01:28:53,678 --> 01:28:54,810
- get a drink, man.
- Yeah, sure.

2150
01:28:54,812 --> 01:28:56,013
Want a fry?

2151
01:28:56,015 --> 01:28:58,017
So badly.

2152
01:28:59,685 --> 01:29:01,385
Can I have a fry, too?

2153
01:29:01,387 --> 01:29:03,286
- Yeah.
- Yes.

2154
01:29:04,323 --> 01:29:05,788
So...

2155
01:29:05,790 --> 01:29:08,291
I... I couldn't
go through with it.

2156
01:29:08,293 --> 01:29:11,297
Yes, I didn't. No.

2157
01:29:15,199 --> 01:29:16,700
Holy shit.

2158
01:29:16,702 --> 01:29:18,234
You're a woman amongst girls.

2159
01:29:18,236 --> 01:29:19,969
- Julie. - Yeah.
- Congratu-fuck-ulations.

2160
01:29:19,971 --> 01:29:22,272
- Thank you. Thank you.
- How was it?

2161
01:29:22,274 --> 01:29:23,739
Honestly,
it was a little painful,

2162
01:29:23,741 --> 01:29:26,009
kind of fast
and kind of awkward,

2163
01:29:26,011 --> 01:29:27,443
but absolutely perfect.

2164
01:29:27,445 --> 01:29:28,911
Aw!

2165
01:29:29,914 --> 01:29:31,681
You guys, so much...

2166
01:29:31,683 --> 01:29:33,282
so much went down tonight.

2167
01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:34,283
I know.

2168
01:29:34,285 --> 01:29:36,385
Including Connor.

2169
01:29:36,387 --> 01:29:38,388
- No.
- Let's just say...

2170
01:29:38,390 --> 01:29:40,724
The Chef went out to eat...

2171
01:29:40,726 --> 01:29:42,192
my pussy.

2172
01:29:43,428 --> 01:29:44,861
It was good.

2173
01:29:44,863 --> 01:29:46,295
Ba-ba-ba!

2174
01:29:46,297 --> 01:29:48,297
- DJ Chad.
- Is that Chad?

2175
01:29:48,299 --> 01:29:51,001
- That's Chad. Chad!
- That's Chad.

2176
01:29:51,003 --> 01:29:52,736
Yes, Chad!

2177
01:29:52,738 --> 01:29:54,737
Holy shit. Fuck yeah, Chad!

2178
01:30:09,053 --> 01:30:11,254
Guys, I got to tell you
something.

2179
01:30:11,256 --> 01:30:13,122
Okay, okay.

2180
01:30:16,128 --> 01:30:17,493
Really?

2181
01:30:17,495 --> 01:30:18,828
- Yeah.
- Wait, you are?

2182
01:30:18,830 --> 01:30:20,496
Yeah.

2183
01:30:20,498 --> 01:30:22,131
I love you.

2184
01:30:22,133 --> 01:30:23,767
Forever.

2185
01:30:23,769 --> 01:30:25,367
And you, too.

2186
01:30:25,369 --> 01:30:27,370
Oh, my God!

2187
01:30:27,372 --> 01:30:29,238
- I love you. Hold on.
- Sam, come here, you.

2188
01:30:29,240 --> 01:30:30,773
Excuse me.

2189
01:30:30,775 --> 01:30:32,242
I can't believe
you didn't tell us.

2190
01:30:32,244 --> 01:30:33,477
Yay!

2191
01:30:37,382 --> 01:30:38,814
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

2192
01:30:38,816 --> 01:30:40,216
- Hey.
- Hi.

2193
01:30:40,218 --> 01:30:42,118
Oh.

2194
01:30:42,120 --> 01:30:44,990
Uh, Julie, I think we got
something over here.

2195
01:30:46,792 --> 01:30:48,194
Dope cape.

2196
01:30:51,296 --> 01:30:53,295
And I'm not...

2197
01:30:53,297 --> 01:30:54,933
misreading things.

2198
01:31:19,824 --> 01:31:22,224
So you'll call me every day
till you get to L.A., right?

2199
01:31:22,226 --> 01:31:23,827
Yeah, and then, like,
every day after that.

2200
01:31:23,829 --> 01:31:24,961
Okay.

2201
01:31:24,963 --> 01:31:26,196
I'm gonna miss you so much.

2202
01:31:26,198 --> 01:31:28,098
You're gonna be okay, though.

2203
01:31:28,100 --> 01:31:29,431
Are you gonna be okay?

2204
01:31:29,433 --> 01:31:30,867
Yeah, I'm fine.

2205
01:31:30,869 --> 01:31:33,002
It's the weirdest thing
because...

2206
01:31:33,004 --> 01:31:37,974
I have been worried
about this day for 18 years,

2207
01:31:37,976 --> 01:31:41,443
and then I wake up
this morning, and...

2208
01:31:41,445 --> 01:31:43,380
nothing.

2209
01:31:43,382 --> 01:31:45,148
Like, I don't feel
emotional at all.

2210
01:31:45,150 --> 01:31:47,349
I just feel, like...

2211
01:31:47,351 --> 01:31:49,286
- It's so bizarre.
- Mm-hmm.

2212
01:31:49,288 --> 01:31:50,886
What is that?

2213
01:31:50,888 --> 01:31:52,154
It's, like, splashing on me.

2214
01:31:52,156 --> 01:31:53,956
I know.
Isn't that so strange?

2215
01:31:53,958 --> 01:31:55,093
Yeah.

2216
01:31:57,195 --> 01:31:58,530
I love you, Mom.

2217
01:31:59,832 --> 01:32:01,133
I love you.

2218
01:32:03,267 --> 01:32:04,600
No, I have money. I...

2219
01:32:04,602 --> 01:32:06,368
Lisa, tell him
I can afford br...

2220
01:32:06,370 --> 01:32:09,139
Hmm. Sorry. Sorry.

2221
01:32:09,141 --> 01:32:11,174
All right, come on.

2222
01:32:11,176 --> 01:32:13,042
Let's get this road trip
started!

2223
01:32:13,044 --> 01:32:14,477
- We're waiting for you!
- I love you.

2224
01:32:14,479 --> 01:32:16,580
- Bye.
- Okay.

2225
01:32:16,582 --> 01:32:18,785
Oh, hold on.
Let me take a video.

2226
01:32:29,227 --> 01:32:31,461
- I love you.
- I love you.

2227
01:32:31,463 --> 01:32:33,162
Bye, Mom.

2228
01:32:33,164 --> 01:32:34,563
- I love you.
- Okay, bye.

2229
01:32:34,565 --> 01:32:36,131
- Mwah!
- See you.

2230
01:32:36,133 --> 01:32:38,033
Drop Julie off in Cali,
and then you and Kayla

2231
01:32:38,035 --> 01:32:39,402
- come right back home.
- That's a, a big maybe.

2232
01:32:39,404 --> 01:32:40,970
- And text, please. Please.
- Hey.

2233
01:32:40,972 --> 01:32:42,438
Take care of my mom,
you two, okay?

2234
01:32:42,440 --> 01:32:44,174
- We will. All right.
- Later, big guy.

2235
01:32:44,176 --> 01:32:46,076
- Bye, Dad.
- I'm going to college! - Bye!

2236
01:32:46,078 --> 01:32:47,611
Drive careful, young
man. That's precious cargo.

2237
01:32:47,613 --> 01:32:49,373
Love you!

2238
01:32:50,449 --> 01:32:52,181
- Aw.
- Come on.

2239
01:32:52,183 --> 01:32:53,549
- Guys. - Come on.
- We did it.

2240
01:32:53,552 --> 01:32:55,885
We did it. We did it.

2241
01:32:55,887 --> 01:32:57,086
We parented.

2242
01:32:57,088 --> 01:32:58,921
- We did it.
- We did it.

2243
01:33:00,391 --> 01:33:03,660
Oh, it's Julie.

2244
01:33:03,662 --> 01:33:06,161
Oh, I must have been
accidentally added to the...

2245
01:33:06,163 --> 01:33:07,898
the group conversation.

2246
01:33:07,900 --> 01:33:09,666
- Oh, well, should probably leave.
- What's, uh...

2247
01:33:09,668 --> 01:33:11,434
"Can't-can't believe
we're on our own now."

2248
01:33:11,436 --> 01:33:12,602
Aw, that's sweet.
- Yeah.

2249
01:33:12,604 --> 01:33:14,437
"We're gonna get lit af."

2250
01:33:14,439 --> 01:33:16,139
"Lit A.F."

2251
01:33:16,141 --> 01:33:18,108
That's not great.

2252
01:33:18,110 --> 01:33:19,943
No, it's... they're gonna get
literature. African literature.

2253
01:33:19,945 --> 01:33:21,577
You think that's
what "lit A.F." means?

2254
01:33:21,579 --> 01:33:23,345
You think they're talking
to each other about, like...

2255
01:33:23,347 --> 01:33:25,081
- "Lit A.F."
- "Can The Chef get us..."

2256
01:33:25,083 --> 01:33:26,282
Trees? What the hell's trees?

2257
01:33:26,284 --> 01:33:28,018
Trees mean weed.
I told you that.

2258
01:33:28,020 --> 01:33:29,653
- Mushrooms, pills.
- No, the pills are...

2259
01:33:29,655 --> 01:33:31,020
Kayla's allergy.
That's Claritin.

2260
01:33:31,022 --> 01:33:32,087
It's not Claritin. Look.

2261
01:33:32,089 --> 01:33:33,255
Snowflakes. That's blow.

2262
01:33:33,257 --> 01:33:34,991
"#NoParentsNoRules.

2263
01:33:34,993 --> 01:33:38,528
# MadDrugs.
# NoCondoms."

2264
01:33:38,530 --> 01:33:40,229
Why would they hashtag that?

2265
01:33:40,231 --> 01:33:42,331
Wait, I'm sorry. Is that
a needle and an eggplant?

2266
01:33:42,333 --> 01:33:45,635
What, are they gonna inject
heroin into some guy's dick?

2267
01:33:45,637 --> 01:33:46,969
- Let's go.
- Let's get in the car.

2268
01:33:46,971 --> 01:33:48,104
- I'll drive.
- I'm sitting behind you.

2269
01:33:48,106 --> 01:33:50,139
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

2270
01:33:50,141 --> 01:33:51,241
We're just messing with you.

2271
01:33:51,243 --> 01:33:52,243
Ha-ha!

2272
01:33:53,544 --> 01:33:55,545
"We love you guys.
Don't worry."

2273
01:33:57,048 --> 01:34:00,116
You guys were so pranked!
I was in on it.

2274
01:34:00,118 --> 01:34:01,984
- You didn't know.
- No, no, I did. I didn't know it was

2275
01:34:01,986 --> 01:34:03,519
coming right now. That's why
I kind of sold it so well.

2276
01:34:03,521 --> 01:34:04,720
But it doesn't matter.

2277
01:34:04,722 --> 01:34:07,256
But you guys were like,
"Holy shit!"

2278
01:34:07,258 --> 01:34:08,590
- Yeah.
- Whew.

2279
01:34:26,410 --> 01:34:28,178
Damn it, Mitchell.

2280
01:34:28,180 --> 01:34:29,582
Marco.

2281
01:34:30,982 --> 01:34:32,047
Polo.

2282
01:34:32,049 --> 01:34:33,683
I...

2283
01:34:33,685 --> 01:34:35,620
Mitchell,
are you getting a snack?

2284
01:34:37,521 --> 01:34:39,421
I'm so glad we can
do stuff like this

2285
01:34:39,423 --> 01:34:40,689
now that Kayla's in college.

2286
01:34:40,691 --> 01:34:43,225
I have no idea where you are.

2287
01:34:43,227 --> 01:34:45,627
I'm gonna do so much stuff
to you when I find you.

2288
01:34:45,629 --> 01:34:47,563
- Oh, oh.
- Marco.

2289
01:34:47,565 --> 01:34:49,032
- Polo.
- Ah, ah.

2290
01:34:49,034 --> 01:34:50,300
Polo!

2291
01:34:50,302 --> 01:34:51,667
I can't believe you!
It took forever!

2292
01:34:51,669 --> 01:34:53,569
I spent so much time
on the stairs.

2293
01:34:53,571 --> 01:34:55,270
- We're doing this.
- We're, like, totally doing it.

2294
01:34:55,272 --> 01:34:56,773
- I know. It's hot.
- Let's just get crazy.

2295
01:34:56,775 --> 01:34:57,773
I don't know.

2296
01:34:57,775 --> 01:34:59,309
I want you to grab my balls,

2297
01:34:59,311 --> 01:35:01,044
like Ron likes it,
like, uh... like, hard.

2298
01:36:39,313 --> 01:36:40,676
Subtitles by <font color="#ff0000">explosiveskull</font>
Resync by <font color="#00ffff">GoldenBeard</font>