1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:22,000 2 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,168 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 3 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:10,766 (SIGHS) 4 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,249 There he is again. 5 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,002 Almost two decades and he still comes. 6 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:20,806 So sad. 7 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,970 How you doing, buddy? 8 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,171 Brought you all your favorite candies. 9 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,086 Come on, Lloyd, you gotta get over her! 10 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,089 Mary Samsonite was just a girl. 11 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,850 Besides, she's married. 12 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,685 And even if it had worked out, 13 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,161 would you really want ginger babies? Ugh. 14 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,681 Gross. 15 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,690 Man, you gotta give me something! 16 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,880 (URINATING) 17 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:58,881 (SIGHS) 18 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,484 Lloyd, I got something important to tell you. 19 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,569 I can't come here anymore. 20 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,246 I got kind of a serious medical problem. 21 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,046 (MUMBLING) 22 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,563 It's sort of complicated. 23 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,241 Basically, I'm gonna be pretty busy for the next few months. 24 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:29,721 Anyway- -- 25 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,686 You're in good hands here. So... 26 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,770 Take care, buddy. 27 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,321 (BABBLES) 28 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,885 Lloyd, did you say something? 29 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,011 (MUFFLED) I got you. 30 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,650 That's it, kid. You can do it. 31 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,449 Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out! 32 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,290 (YELLING) Got ya! 33 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,606 (LAUGHS) 34 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,724 (STAMMERING) What? 35 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,686 You should see the look on your face! 36 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,810 I got you so good! 37 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,082 (STAMMERING) Wait a second! (CHUCKLES) 38 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,761 Are you telling me that you were faking for 20 years? 39 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,121 Uh-huh. 40 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,921 So you mean that you just wasted the best years of your life? 41 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,731 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Out the window! 42 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,044 And you let me come here every Wednesday for, like, a thousand weeks, 43 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,283 and it was all just for a gag? 44 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,206 Uh-huh. 45 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,601 That's... 46 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,485 awesome! (CHUCKLES) 47 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,761 I know! 48 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,969 You gotta admit, I totally had you suckered, didn't I? 49 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,486 Hook, line and sphincter! 50 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,727 (BOTH LAUGH) 51 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,121 on, oh. (GROANS) on! on, oh. on. 52 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,811 Legs are a little rubbery after all that time sitting here. 53 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,086 Why don't you roll me inside? 54 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,481 We'll get the nurse to take the catheter out of me. Oh. 55 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,086 I wanna see if my lizard's still spitting straight. 56 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,640 We don't need nurses for that. I know how to do it. 57 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:55,926 But don't you have to... (GRUNTING) 58 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,206 (GROANING) 59 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,521 (YELLING) 60 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,081 Oh, God! 61 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,810 That thing's really taken root! 62 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,770 (COUGHS) Hey, fellas! 63 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,171 Give me a hand over here. Si. 64 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,761 (HUFFS) 65 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,683 Yankos los pee-pee. 66 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,331 Are you sure about this, Har? 67 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,603 Usually, doctors like to do this sort of thing. 68 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,523 Oh, that's just for insurance purposes. 69 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,763 On three. Three! 70 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,923 (ALL GRUNTING) (YELLING) 71 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:26,441 (HARRY LAUGHING) 72 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,841 You are a fricking genius, Lloyd! 73 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,729 I mean, nobody else could have pulled that off! 74 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:31,767 Eh! Nobody! 75 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,367 I mean, the shock treatments, the partial lobotomy! 76 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,364 That's commitment! Yeah. 77 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,845 It broke up the monotony. 78 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,081 One thing I don't get, though. 79 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,322 Why did you play it out for 20 whole years? 80 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,848 Because it wouldn't have been funny if I stopped too soon. 81 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,685 Comedy is all about timing, Har. 82 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:51,322 Yeah, but wouldn’t it still have been funny if you quit after 10 years? 83 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,528 Oh, definitely. But not as! 84 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,250 (BOTH LAUGH) Whoa! 85 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,046 Pretty bird. 86 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,889 LLOYD: Crap on toast! Pretty bird. 87 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,443 Is that grown-up Billy in 4-C? Uh-huh. 88 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,809 Come on, Siskel, give me a movie quote. 89 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,689 What did they say in Jerry Maguire? 90 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,365 "You had me at hello." 91 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,601 Um, Titanic? 92 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,165 "I’m king of the world." 93 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,730 (CHUCKLING) Good job! 94 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:13,407 (SOFTLY) We better tiptoe past him. 95 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,363 Oh, no, you can't tiptoe past a blindy. 96 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,441 Their hearing's too good. 97 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,246 What? Mmm-hmm. 98 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,084 That's just an old wives' tale. 99 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,362 Like women shouldn't smoke during pregnancy. 100 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,450 I turned out fine. My mom smoked like a chimney. 101 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,410 Especially when she was drinking! (CHUCKLES) 102 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,527 Whatever. Doesn't matter. 103 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,926 Billy's over the whole Petey thing. 104 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,241 You should see his apartment. 105 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,931 He's got the best rare bird collection in Rhody! 106 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,081 (SCOFFS) 107 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,770 I gotta see this. 108 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,450 Hey, Billy! 109 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,811 I hear you got a lot of flocking birds. (BOTH LAUGHING) 110 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,282 ls that you, Lloyd? (CHUCKLES) 111 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,611 Very good. 112 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,411 I didn't think you'd recognize me after all these years. 113 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,130 So what have you been up to, buddy boy? 114 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:56,611 Seen any good movies lately? 115 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,002 I mean, you know, like... 116 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,400 On the radio? 117 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,411 What was that? (SQUAWKING) 118 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,806 Did you just feed them something? 119 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,887 Relax. 120 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,007 It's just a little candy. 121 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,725 You can't feed candy to birds! 122 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:10,961 Their stomachs will explode! 123 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,810 Even if it's just a few Pop Rocks? 124 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,127 Are you crazy? Pick those up! 125 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,129 Pick them up! All right, all right! 126 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:18,845 Sheesh. 127 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,365 Well, nice catching up. 128 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,001 See you later. 129 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,720 Not if I see you first! 130 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,325 LLOYD: Ha-ha! Good one! 131 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,488 No,no,no, it's okay, Siskel. 132 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,604 Daddy's not gonna let him get anywhere near you. 133 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,688 BOTH: Booga! (SCREAMING) 134 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,088 See? I told you that hearing thing 135 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,161 was a wives' tale. (CHUCKLES) 136 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,008 0h. yeah! 137 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,443 Hey, who's this? Ah. 138 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,407 That's Butthole. 139 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,925 I found him out in the alley a couple years ago. 140 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,684 Why did you name him Butthole? Oh. 141 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,691 Because of this. 142 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,205 Oh, yeah. Good name. 143 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,681 Totally fits. 144 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,489 I like what you've done with the place. 145 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,804 (HUMMING) Nice cappuccino machine. 146 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,041 Who's the astronaut? 147 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,366 Oh, that's my roommate. 148 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,040 Roommate? 149 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,720 You got a new roommate? 150 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,127 I had to get somebody to pay your half of the rent 151 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,480 while you were in the hospital. 152 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,691 How's it going, Ice Pick? 153 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,565 Best day ever. Greatest day of my life, really. 154 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,850 Pick cooks up a rock candy 155 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,121 that will make you dizzy. 156 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,089 Folks come from all over the city to buy it. 157 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,005 It's burning my eyes. 158 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:26,845 Must be Cajun style. 159 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,330 So what's this serious medical problem you've been blabbing about? 160 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,080 And it better be good. 161 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,571 Lloyd, there's something... 162 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:38,687 I've known about this for a while, 163 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:39,761 but I didn't wanna worry you. 164 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,324 Mmm-hmm? (SIGHS) 165 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,689 I need a kidney transplant. 166 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,207 No way! Really? 167 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,727 Wow. 168 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,166 So what do you wanna do for dinner tonight? 169 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,726 Wanna hit Haven Brothers? 170 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,247 I could eat the mud-hole out of a dead skunk! (SNICKERING) 171 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,365 Are you not listening to me, Lloyd? 172 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,568 Getting a new kidney is a really big deal. 173 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:03,242 There's waiting lists, lots and lots of forms to fill out, 174 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,569 and if I can't find another kidney real soon, I'm dead meat. 175 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,607 Yeah, well, 176 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,806 maybe, just maybe, 177 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,362 there's a person out there who cares about you so much 178 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,965 that said person would be willing 179 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,805 to give up a little piece of himself to save your life. 180 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,442 Really, Lloyd? You'd do that? 181 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:27,446 Me? (LAUGHING) Yeah, right! Nice try! 182 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,250 The nerve! Oh. 183 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,249 I mean, l would, in a New York heartbeat. 184 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,085 I'm just not a urine match. (MEOWS) 185 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,248 My wizz doesn't get all sudsy like yours. 186 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,446 (INHALES) Ow. 187 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,568 Wait. Don't panic. (YOWLING) 188 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,642 I know exactly what we gotta do. (CRASHES) 189 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,527 I don't know about this, Lloyd. 190 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,170 I haven't been home in over 20 years. 191 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,731 Come on, Harry! 192 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,609 You need a genital organ match. 193 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,926 They're your parents. 194 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,650 I'm not gonna go crawling back to them, Lloyd. 195 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,085 Not after what they did to me. 196 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,241 What did they do? 197 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,845 They threw me out of the house. 198 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,241 Why? Just because I told them I was gay. 199 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,126 Why did you tell them that? 200 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,601 I was sick of mowing the lawn. 201 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:09,761 Oh, yeah. 202 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,047 Well, I don't see what choice you have. 203 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,680 You either go home and face the music 204 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,808 or you suffocate in your own pee. 205 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,645 Yeah, I guess you're right. 206 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:18,767 Okay, let's do this. 207 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,330 All right. Hop on. 208 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,084 Engage super thrusters! 209 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,400 Don't, Lloyd! 210 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,528 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) (GRUNTING) 211 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,045 Pardon me, Harry. 212 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,171 (INAUDIBLE) 213 00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,045 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 214 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,845 Here we are. 215 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,810 Place looks smaller than I remember. 216 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,047 Oh, yeah. 217 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,161 Wow. 218 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,527 Lot of memories on this street. 219 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:51,846 Yeah. 220 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:53,646 Remember when we pulled up on the bike 221 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,245 and parked it a couple seconds ago? 222 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,407 Yeah, that was cool. 223 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,403 Oh, those were the days. 224 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,040 I remember one afternoon, 225 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,525 it was the first day of spring, 226 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,762 the flowers were blooming, the sun was shining 227 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,444 and you and I were doing cartwheels 228 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:06,806 right down that hill over there. 229 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,245 Yeah, I remember that! 230 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,328 We were in your dad's Lincoln, right? Yeah. 231 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,044 (BOTH LAUGHING) 232 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,521 You totally lost it when I yanked the wheel. (BOTH LAUGHING) 233 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,601 (BOTH GRUNT) 234 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,569 Come on! Pick it up! 235 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,041 Show a little hustle in there! 236 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,366 (BOTH GASP) 237 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,286 Wow. Rong time, Harry! 238 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,530 Oh, sorry. We'll come back later. 239 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,728 Hey! No, no, no! I mean, 240 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,848 rong time, no see. 241 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:44,726 BOTH: Oh. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 242 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,724 HARRY'S DAD: Where you been? 243 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,120 Come! Come in! 244 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,089 (CHUCKLING) Thanks, Dad. 245 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,447 So you see, 246 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:58,042 my best hope for a donor match is with a blood relative. 247 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,246 Family. 248 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,561 (CHUCKLES) 249 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,922 Harry, you not touch your peanut butter. 250 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,561 Oh, that's okay. I'm not very hungry, Dad. 251 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,244 (CHUCKLES) When Harry young, 252 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,045 oh, boy, he loves the peanut butter. 253 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,241 On. (CHUCKLES) 254 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,290 Three jar a week disappear! 255 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,487 Good to know. 256 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,809 So anyway, which one of you two's gonna cough up a kidney? 257 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,884 (SPEAKING CANTONESE) 258 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,281 What? What was that? (LAUGHING) 259 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,207 Wait! 260 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,169 I know! You're the gopher from Caddyshack. 261 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,602 Look at her! She's got it down! 262 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,405 We love you, Harry. 263 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,163 Do you love him long time? (CHUCKLES) 264 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,850 But you know you're not our real son, right? 265 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,411 You adopted. 266 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:44,966 Ouch. (WHISTLES) 267 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:46,681 (GROANS) 268 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,609 (MAKES CREAKING NOISES) 269 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,970 Dad, what are you saying? (SIGHS) 270 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,290 Sorry, Harry. 271 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,970 We thought you know. 272 00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,527 Wow. 273 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,085 What a nut punch. 274 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,651 Don't be glum, Har. 275 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,451 All this means is that your real parents are out there somewhere. 276 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,125 And l will go to the ends of the earth to... 277 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,326 Real parents dead. 278 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,641 You're boned. 279 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,049 James boned. 280 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,450 HARRY'S MOM: Harry, Harry. 281 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,724 (SPEAKING CANTONESE) 282 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,246 (LAUGHS) 283 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,641 (SNICKERING) 284 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,564 No idea what you're saying, Ma, but right back at you. 285 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,441 Harry, before you go, your mail piling up for many year. 286 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,522 Oh. We saving for you. 287 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,642 Huh. Junk mail, junk mail. 288 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,241 (MUMBLES) 289 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,368 I got accepted to Arizona State. 290 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:46,447 Hmm? (CHUCKLES) 291 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,885 Oh, look at this. 292 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,364 It's a postcard from Fraida Felcher. 293 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,045 The chick from Cranston? 294 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,890 (CHUCKLING) Ooh! 295 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,690 So, what'd she have to say? 296 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,562 "Harry, I'm pregnant. Please call me." 297 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,168 (GASPS) Lloyd, I'm gonna be a dad! 298 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,001 No way! 299 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,401 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 300 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,366 Look at the postmark. 301 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:09,726 1991. 302 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,570 Do you know what this means, Harry? 303 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,762 You have a grown kid. Oh. 304 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,730 With grown kidneys. 305 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,446 But, Lloyd, we don't have a phone number or address, 306 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,722 or nothing. And who we fooling? 307 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,366 Even if I find him, my kid's never met me. 308 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,443 Why would he wanna give me a kidney? 309 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,609 Are you serious? 310 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,530 After all you've done for him? 311 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,364 It's the least he can do. 312 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,131 What have I ever done for him? 313 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,967 You gave him his space. Kids love that. 314 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,767 I didn't wanna be a helicopter parent. 315 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,565 And you filled him with wonder. 316 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,405 Wonder? Yeah. 317 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,089 Like, "I wonder who my deadbeat dad is?" 318 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,771 Oh, it's okay, Lloyd. 319 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,604 I've had a full life. 320 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,483 I was a paperboy for a week. 321 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,329 I fathered a child. 322 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,922 I've seen every episode of Full House. 323 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,406 (MOUTHFUL) Wow! 324 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,811 Every episode? 325 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:10,886 Okay, 0K8)'- 326 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,246 So how are we gonna do this? 327 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,210 If we find Fraida, we find your kid. 328 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,566 If we find your kid, we find your kidney. 329 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,286 Simple. 330 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,568 Yeah, but I never even knew where Fraida lived. 331 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,610 I didn't have a car. She always had to pick me up in her van. 332 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,969 Didn't you meet her through Pete Stainer? 333 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,964 Who? Pee-Stain! 334 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:30,651 He'll know how to reach her. 335 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,809 Yeah, but I haven't talked to Pee-Stain in a hundred years! 336 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,922 I can't drop by his house in the middle of the night 337 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,923 and ask him for some chick's number. 338 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,527 Sure you can! 339 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,169 Oh, okay. But we gotta be sub-tull about it. 340 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,771 (CHUCKLES) 341 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,968 The word is pronounced "subtle," Harry. 342 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,087 It's a silent 343 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,601 (GRUNTS) 344 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,727 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 345 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,847 What was that for? 346 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,810 You had a gah-nat on you. 347 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,811 Maybe we should catch a bus to Pee-Stain's house. 348 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,400 We can't. We got the bike. 349 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,211 Oh, that's okay. They got bike racks on the front of buses now. 350 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:05,841 LLOYD: Cool. 351 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,331 (GRUNTING) 352 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,207 Perfect. 353 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,765 That's very convenient. 354 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,240 BUS DRIVER: Hey, guys! 355 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,005 You forgot your bike! 356 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,329 Oh, it's not ours. Somebody abandoned it in front of our place. 357 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:27,167 Yeah. Just left it there double-chained to a tree. 358 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,081 Hey, Har. 359 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,123 You wanna hear the second most annoying sound in the world? 360 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,281 Sure. 361 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,521 (BELL DINGING) 362 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,485 Yeah, that's pretty annoying. 363 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,766 No, not that. 364 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,006 (SCREAMING) What the hell are you doing 365 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,208 ringing our doorbell like that in the middle of the night? 366 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,407 That! (LAUGHS) 367 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,931 Mr. Stainer. Mrs. Stainer. Nice to see you. 368 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,885 Harry, Lloyd. 369 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,765 To what do we owe the honor at this late hour, gentlemen? 370 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,891 We were just wondering if Pee-Stain 371 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,371 wanted to come out for some suds. 372 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,291 And maybe have his ass handed to him 373 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,606 in a couple of games of Dig Dug. 374 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:07,841 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 375 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,565 Lloyd. 376 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,886 Peter is dead. 377 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,881 Yeah, right. Since when? (BOTH LAUGH) 378 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,404 Since 1991. Remember? 379 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,327 The motorcycle accident? 380 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,722 But I thought he pulled through. 381 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,849 The obituary said he was survived by his parents. 382 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,450 Uh, no. He did not pull through. 383 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,606 Are you sure? 384 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,761 Yes. 385 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,447 LLOYD: on, yeah. 386 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,924 You guys are right. (CHUCKLES) 387 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,005 Anyway. Sorry about that whole thing. 388 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,282 Pee-Stain and l were very close friends. 389 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,527 MR. STAINER: Yeah, we know. 390 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,162 You're the one who sold him the motorcycle. 391 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:53,441 LLOYD: And if I recall, 392 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,005 I made him a sweet deal. 393 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,287 My bike for his helmet, straight up. 394 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,329 (CHUCKLING) That thing was a rocket. 395 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:00,761 A little squirrelly on the corners, 396 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,451 but when you got it on a straightaway... 397 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,642 (IMITATING ENGINE REVING) Good night, Lloyd. Good night, Harry. 398 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:10,961 That was awkward. 399 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,326 You're not kidding. 400 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,042 When somebody comes to your door at 3:00 a.m., 401 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,804 put some pants on! (CHUCKLES) 402 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,486 Hey, wait a second. 403 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,284 That's where I met Fraida Felcher. 404 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,331 She worked at the funeral parlor where they buried Pee-Stain. 405 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,327 Wow. 406 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,850 Think about it. 407 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,204 If I hadn't sold that crotch rocket to Pee-Stain, 408 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,765 you wouldn't have a bastard child 409 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,649 who's gonna save your life. 410 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,640 God's got a pretty warped sense of humor, huh? 411 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,326 Yeah. I bet he smokes weed. 412 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,451 Otherwise, why would he put our testicles outside our bodies 413 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,681 where someone could do this? 414 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,966 (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) 415 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,561 (GRUNTS) 416 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,690 (GROANS) Ow! (LAUGHS) 417 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,166 Bush club! 418 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,606 (LAUGHS) 419 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,444 What are you doing, Lloyd? 420 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,090 I'm about to meet my kid! 421 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,321 Sorry, Har. 422 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,562 Bushes like that don't come along every day. 423 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:16,641 (GROANS) 424 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,204 Excuse me, sir. ls Fraida working today? 425 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,201 I'm Fraida. LLOYD: Oh. 426 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,681 Sorry for the confusion. 427 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,967 We meant your smoking-hot daughter, Fraida Junior. 428 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,042 There is no Fraida Junior. 429 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,489 I'm the only Fraida in the family. 430 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,723 (SCOFFS) That little hottie must have given us a fake name. 431 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,725 Look, guys, it's me, 432 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:43,967 Fraida Felcher. 433 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,081 (LAUGHING) Yeah, right. 434 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,807 Like we'd be fighting over those blowfish jowls. (BOTH SNICKERING) 435 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,121 No offense. 436 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,607 Harry. 437 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,247 Lloyd. 438 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,405 I'm gonna say this one more time. 439 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,050 I'm Fraida. 440 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:01,807 (WHISPERING) Tattoo. 441 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:02,881 0h. yeah? 442 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,405 Then show us your tattoo. Mmm-hmm. 443 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,326 Because Fraida had a cute little smiley face on her back 444 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,289 right above her bikini line. 445 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,010 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 446 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,287 Well? 447 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:27,641 Hmm. 448 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,400 It's close. Mmm. 449 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,886 Oh. Hi, Fraida. 450 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,485 Oh, hey! How you been? 451 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:35,841 Have you been doing yoga? 452 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,769 Yeah, I'm kind of busy. ls there a reason you guys are here? 453 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,761 Yes. 454 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,687 I just received this postcard that you sent me 22 years ago. 455 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,688 Talk about snail mail. (CHUCKLES) 456 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,721 You better come in. 457 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,766 So, did you, uh, ever have the baby? 458 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,481 I had a daughter. Named her Fanny. (EXHALES) 459 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,364 You hear that, Har? A little girl. 460 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,005 Fanny Felcher! Ow! 461 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,409 Are you all right? Uh, bad back. 462 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,080 Oh, I have so many questions for you. 463 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,207 FRAIDA: Like? 464 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,328 HARRY: For starters, how was the pregnancy? 465 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,324 Was it a tough one? Did they have to saw you open? 466 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,562 Whoa, Har. Dial it down! 467 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,888 We're talking about the miracle of childbirth here. 468 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,327 What my insensitive friend meant was, 469 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,765 did you have a C-section 470 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,287 or were you able to have the baby au natch-urel? 471 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,441 It went smoothly. (SCOFFS) 472 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,770 So, uh, where is she? 473 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,561 Can I meet her? 474 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,001 (SIGHS) 475 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,730 I gave her up for adoption. 476 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,406 What? 477 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,447 Why? Because I was broke and scared. 478 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,847 I regretted it as soon as I did it. 479 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,964 But it was too late. 480 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,328 I'd already signed away all my rights. 481 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,727 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 482 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:05,926 Then a couple years ago 483 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,604 I wrote her a letter. 484 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,330 But she never wrote me back. 485 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,207 Wait here. 486 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,489 What do we do now? 487 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,928 What do you mean, "What do we do now?" 488 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,607 I mean, at this exact moment in time, what do we do? 489 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,290 Harry, don't you hear that? 490 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,089 It's the fat lady singing. 491 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,480 It's over! 492 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,889 I need something to drink. 493 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,730 But... Harry, enough! 494 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,571 We tried and we failed! 495 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,290 As Vince Lombardi used to say, 496 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,521 you gotta know when to quit! 497 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,080 Hey, you should pick out one of those coffins while we're here. 498 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,571 What if... Darn it, Har! 499 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,929 I cannot live on this emotional roller coaster any longer. 500 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,889 I feel bad saying it, but you're slunk meat. 501 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,049 Here's a picture I found of my daughter online. 502 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,561 (GASPS) 503 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,922 Or, we could suck it up, 504 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,206 pick ourselves up by our bootstraps 505 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,846 and go find that little girl! (CHUCKLING) 506 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,041 (MUMBLES) 507 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,201 Hold on. 508 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,248 You wrote her a letter. You must know where she lives! 509 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,211 Yeah. I tracked her down through this adoption search site. 510 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,767 She was raised by this hotshot scientist. 511 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,849 Why didn't you just go find her in person? 512 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,886 If she doesn't want to meet me, 513 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,883 lam not going to force myself on her. 514 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,965 Maybe she didn't get your letter. 515 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,811 She got it, all right. 516 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,370 LLOYD: What if we go track her down for you? 517 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,250 There's no lawsuit against that. 518 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,806 Are you guys serious? 519 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,161 You'd help me out? 520 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,529 Of course we'll help you out. 521 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,601 We're gonna need some wheels. 522 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:38,767 I'll lend you a car. 523 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:39,921 Then it's done. 524 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,731 Yeah, using this address and our superior instincts, 525 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,524 you and your little girl are gonna be having 526 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,090 a family reunion in no time. 527 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,366 Cheers! 528 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,365 Whoa! Wait. Where did you get that? 529 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,246 The Slurpee machine in the back. 530 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,925 That's embalming fluid. 531 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:54,801 Oh. 532 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,725 Does it have aspartame? 533 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,241 No. 534 00:22:58,520 --> 00:22:59,681 Cool. 535 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:06,891 (CHUCKING) 536 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,082 Hey, guys, check this out! 537 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:20,841 (CHUCKLES) 538 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,161 (GROWLS) 539 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:26,526 (ALL SCREAMING) 540 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,886 (LAUGHS) 541 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,845 (ALL LAUGH) 542 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,846 What about the blue roads with the big numbers? 543 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,207 Those are rivers. 544 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,327 They're rivers? Yeah. 545 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,890 We could get a boat. 546 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,324 Boats are dangerous. 547 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:53,886 (TIRES SQUEAL) 548 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,280 This is it. 549 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,046 6765 Elmwood. 550 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:06,886 (SIGHS) 551 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:14,521 You look nervous. 552 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,290 I am nervous! I'm about to meet my kid 553 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,600 and I don't know what to say to her. 554 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,920 That's real easy, Har. 555 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,367 You make a little small talk about why you missed all those birthdays, 556 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,130 holidays and graduations. 557 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,168 Maybe a couple of dick jokes to put her at ease. 558 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:26,720 And boing, you hit her up for the kidney. 559 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,643 Okay. What if she says no? 560 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:29,801 She's not gonna say no. 561 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,325 She's the fruit of your loom. 562 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:32,890 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 563 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:36,321 (GASPS) 564 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,321 Suck me sideways. 565 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,208 You're the spitting image of your mother. (CHUCKLES) 566 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,004 You morons. 567 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,726 This is the return address. 568 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,046 Hers is on the side with the stamp. 569 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:54,481 Oh. 570 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,242 But it's still uncanny! (CHUCKLES) 571 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,930 (TIRES SQUEALING) 572 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,210 Oxford, Maryland, huh? 573 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,204 So that's where my little girl's been living all these years. 574 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,246 He)', Har! 575 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,288 Lookit! Giant nutcracker. (WHIRRING) 576 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,204 on. (CHUCKLES) 577 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,680 (IN DEEP VOICE) I want 578 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,962 your nuts, 579 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,407 Harry! 580 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:39,886 (CHUCKLES) 581 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,081 Boy, I sure wish I could have been there for her when she was little. 582 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,241 Whatever. 583 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,721 That's all water under the fridge now, Har. 584 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,881 Think of the bright side. 585 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,246 You're finally getting to meet her 586 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,647 and you never had to change all those poopie diapers. 587 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,842 That's called being a parent, Lloyd. 588 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,089 Besides, I changed your poopie diapers for 20 years. 589 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,611 (LAUGHS) 590 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,007 I totally sucked you in. 591 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,488 Half the time, it wasn't even my poop. 592 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,286 (CHUCKLES) 593 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,122 I wonder what it would have been like to raise a child. 594 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,685 Maybe I couldn't afford to send her to the best public schools, 595 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,731 but I'll bet I would have been a pretty good dad. 596 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,571 You don't need training wheels. You can do this. 597 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,206 Here we go! 598 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,770 MAN: Come on, come on! 599 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,483 (ALL CHEERING) No way! 600 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,085 That was awesome! 601 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,567 Awesome! 602 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,843 Perfect. Okay. 603 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,207 One, 604 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:02,681 two, 605 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,885 three. 606 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,326 (GROANS) 607 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,411 (CHUCKING) 608 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,726 Hey, Mr. Dunne. 609 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,207 Hello, Baxter. How are you? Good to see you. 610 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,406 Here you go, honey. 611 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,970 Thank you, Mr. Dunne! Bye,Dad! 612 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,691 Isn't that good? Mmm-hmm. 613 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,770 LLOYD: Mr. Dunne! 614 00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,442 Mr. Dunne! 615 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,961 Hey, Mr. Dunne! 616 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,805 Do you mind? 617 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,291 Bon appétit, kid! 618 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:00,771 (MUNCHING) 619 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,451 (SQUEAKING) 620 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,966 Lloyd! 621 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,086 What are you doing? 622 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,203 I was trying to clean off this smudge! 623 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,406 But you know what? 624 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,127 I think it might be on the inside! (LAUGHS) 625 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,169 (EXHALES) (HORN HONKING) 626 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,441 ANNOUNCER: This type of evening always provides 627 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:29,641 nonstop surprises. 628 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,290 Ah, look who's arrived. Tom Brady 629 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,484 with his gorgeous wife, Giselle, by his side. 630 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,689 Doesn't she look radiant? Tom's in agreement, I think. 631 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,328 Now that is hot. 632 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,006 Y9K)- 633 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,681 That's why he gets all the girls. 634 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,120 (TURNS OFF TV) 635 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,366 (INHALES DEEPLY) 636 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,802 lt sure would be nice. (EXHALES) 637 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:04,721 What would be nice, Lloyd? 638 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,924 Oh! You know, 639 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,764 if she introduced me to one of her hot girlfriends. 640 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,804 (CHUCKLING) Girlfriends. 641 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,245 She's 22! 642 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,806 So? 643 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,281 So, that's a lot younger than you. 644 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:17,881 Don't worry, when we get home, 645 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,962 I'm gonna fix you up with someone your own age. 646 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,202 My age? Gross! 647 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,850 I mean, what would we talk about? 648 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,448 I don't know. Same stuff you talked about in high school 649 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,803 when you took chicks down to Oyster Swallow Cove. (LAUGHS) 650 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,564 Oyster Swallow Cove. 651 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,970 There's a trip down Mammary Lane. 652 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,685 (BOTH GIGGLING) 653 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,806 Oh, crap! 654 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,211 We gotta get back to Providence! 655 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:44,726 What? Why? 656 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,131 Remember I told you Ice Pick had to make 657 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,531 that rock candy run down to Maine? 658 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:48,681 Yeah. 659 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,882 I forgot to get someone to feed Butthole. (SCOFFS) 660 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,123 Relax. I took care of it. 661 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:54,806 You did? 662 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,326 Yeah. Billy in 4-C's gonna feed him. 663 00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,809 (CHUCKLING) on, great! 664 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:01,564 Did you give him the key to our apartment? 665 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:02,687 No. 666 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,603 You think I want wheel marks all over the rug? 667 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,205 I just wrote him a note, left some food 668 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,567 and threw Butthole inside his place when we were leaving. 669 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,561 But, Lloyd, Billy has over a hundred rare birds in there! 670 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,241 So? 671 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,926 They're not gonna mess with a 30-pound alley cat. 672 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:19,241 (CHUCKLES) Sheesh! 673 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,687 Hey, gang! I'm home! 674 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:25,246 Guys? 675 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,361 (WHISTLING) 676 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,286 You sure are quiet. 677 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,120 (PARTS) 678 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,209 (SQUAWKS) Speak to me, Siskel. 679 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,647 The horror! The horror! 680 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,525 (HORN HONKING) 681 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:44,969 Are you sure you don't wanna come, Dad? 682 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,441 It's not gonna be nearly as much fun without you. 683 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,249 Oh, of course I wanna come, monkey, 684 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,606 but it's out of the question. 685 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:51,721 (coughing) 686 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:53,721 I'm way too flu-ey to travel. 687 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,485 But all the geeky science guys are gonna be so disappointed. 688 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,006 They were finally gonna get to meet you in person! 689 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,081 PINCHELOW: So sorry, honey. 690 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,401 Ms. Pinchelow, your car is here. 691 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,726 PENNY: Thanks, Travis! 692 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:05,846 Okay! 693 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,524 Take care of my dad, Adele. 694 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:09,401 Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa! 695 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,284 Penny, do you have the speech I wrote for you? 696 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:12,521 I do. 697 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:13,721 Good. Oh! 698 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,001 I almost forgot. There's one more thing. 699 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,288 I want you to take this box 700 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,849 and personally give it to the head of the conference, Dr. Walcott, 701 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,924 and say how sorry I am that I can't be there. 702 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,047 Got it. 703 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,043 Oh, what's in the box, honey? Mmm. 704 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,003 Just a small gift. 705 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,043 Wow, Penny. You're giving a speech? 706 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,771 Oh, it's only a couple of sentences on the last day, 707 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,122 but then I'm picking up a reward for my dad. 708 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,440 Award, honey. 709 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:40,968 Did you remember to bring the ATM card I gave you? 710 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,761 Yes. But what’s my PIN number again? I keep forgetting. 711 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,724 It's11-11. 712 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,762 I thought it had to be four numbers. 713 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,086 There are four numbers. 714 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,165 One-one-one-one. 715 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,321 (HORN HONKING) 716 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,801 Time to go! Come on, Penny. 717 00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,691 (BARKING) 718 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,446 Aw! 719 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,962 Are you smiling at me? Are you smiling at me? 720 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,362 He's a good boy! Yes, he is! 721 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,010 Let me see your purty teeth! 722 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,366 Oh! Say it, don't spray it! 723 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,365 (CHUCKLES) 724 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:33,569 (MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 725 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,130 We're almost there. The guy told me to get off at the next exit. 726 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:40,929 Shh. They're picking the lottery balls. 727 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,602 ANNOUNCER: Here's today's Mega-Lottery picks, worth 34 million dollars. 728 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,889 The first number is 44. The next is 2. 729 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:52,131 38, 24, 21 and 54. 730 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,728 Cripes! I was so close! 731 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,287 I had all the right numbers, but in the wrong order. 732 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,642 PINCHELOW: Honey, my stomach is killing me. 733 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,325 Can you bring me some more Pepto? 734 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:08,403 I'm making you some nice warm oatmeal. 735 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,330 It will settle your tummy. 736 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,849 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 737 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:24,926 What are you doing? 738 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,722 I'm fixing lunch for my husband. 739 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,685 That's not enough. 740 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,321 (SCOFFS) 741 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,405 We gotta pick up the pace a little bit. We want him dead 742 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,330 before Dumbelina gets back from that egghead convention, remember? 743 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,084 Slow it down. 744 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,050 If we put too much in at once, it could show up in an autopsy. 745 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,246 Not this stuff. 746 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,881 I got it from my twin brother. He's Special Ops. 747 00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,565 It's totally undetectable. 748 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,768 Now come on. Let's hurry this up. 749 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,044 That way we have a few extra days to ourselves, 750 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,804 to enjoy our inheritance. 751 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,322 Oh, there's gonna be plenty of time for that. 752 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,163 Five million dollars buys a lot of champagne. 753 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,690 (MOANING) 754 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,481 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 755 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,686 (WHISPERING) Give it to me. 756 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,281 (SIGHS) 757 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,801 (MOANS) 758 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,371 You like that, don't you? 759 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,404 Yeah. It's all right. 760 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:31,846 (MOANS) 761 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,804 I'll be honest. It's not my favorite thing. 762 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,525 (DOORBELL DINGING RAPIDLY) 763 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,571 Who the hell is that? 764 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,289 Boy, this is quite a shack, huh, Har? 765 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,807 Yeah, but I bet if you pulled the weeds off the walls 766 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,764 and slapped up some aluminum siding, it wouldn't be half bad. 767 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,411 Yeah. Those things are rat ladders. 768 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,081 ADELE: Please stop that. 769 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,925 There's a very sick man in here who's trying to rest. 770 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,562 I'm sorry, lady! We're looking for Fanny Felcher! 771 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:00,846 The one with the kidneys. 772 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,046 Is she there? 773 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,601 There is no one here by that horrible name. 774 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,041 Now go away. 775 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,771 Is this 6765 Elmwood Avenue, 776 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,604 Cranston, Rhode Island? 777 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:12,811 ADELE: You're in Maryland. 778 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,650 (GROANING) The side with the stamp! 779 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,770 (STAMMERING) I mean, uh, is this 1111 Foothill Road? 780 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:18,966 That's right. 781 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,246 But there are no Felchers here. 782 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,004 This is the Pinchelow residence. 783 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,242 Wait a second. My friend Harry here 784 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,880 gave his daughter up for adoption 20-something years ago 785 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,042 and we were told this is where she lives. 786 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,246 It's kind of a medical 787 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:31,806 emergency that we find her. 788 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,723 As long as she doesn't have AIDS. (INTERCOM BEEPS) 789 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,325 PINCHELOW: Adele, darling, whoever they are, 790 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:36,811 they must be talking about Penny! 791 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,120 She was adopted. 792 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,682 I'll see them. Let them in. (INTERCOM BUZZING) 793 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,205 What the hell was that? 794 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,842 That's exactly the kind of random crap we don't need! 795 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,046 Relax. 796 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,124 Would you like some hot tea with lemon? 797 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,000 Oh, no. I can see why you might think that. 798 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,044 Two gentlemen traveling together. 799 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,281 But we're straight. 800 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,525 PINCHELOW: I must tell you, Harry, 801 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,243 this is an unexpected treat. 802 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,046 Yeah! Me, too. 803 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,000 You know, I always wondered what Penny's natural father was like. 804 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,320 You know, I always wondered what Penny's natural father was like. 805 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:12,680 806 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,205 When my late wife and I adopted her, 807 00:36:14,205 --> 00:36:14,280 808 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,521 we weren't given much information about her birth parents. 809 00:36:16,521 --> 00:36:16,680 810 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,082 We were only told that her mother was single and that she was... 811 00:36:20,082 --> 00:36:22,000 812 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,411 You can say it, dear. 813 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,882 She was rumored to be a titanic whore. 814 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,362 That's a lie! Fraida never stepped foot on the Titanic! 815 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,722 They must be talking about the time she did the night crew 816 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,484 on the Block Island Ferry. 817 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:34,561 (PINCHELOW LAUGHING) 818 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:35,687 That's good! 819 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:36,841 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 820 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,922 So, is Penny here? 821 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,241 Unfortunately, no. 822 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,845 She flew out this morning to El Paso. 823 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,684 She's going to the KEN Conference. 824 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,121 What? Who's this Ken guy? 825 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,361 No. No. 826 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,242 The KEN Conference is a symposium 827 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,731 where the year's newest technologies, 828 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,131 creative concepts and ideas 829 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,929 are introduced and discussed. 830 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,406 Wow. 831 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,450 That's the single most boring sentence I ever heard. 832 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,166 Adele, what do you say we call Penny right now 833 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,647 with the news that her biological father is looking for her? 834 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,171 She'll be so excited. 835 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,049 She might not be as excited as you think, Doc. 836 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,288 When her mother tried to get in touch with her, 837 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,363 she sent this letter right back. 838 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:17,321 PINCHELOW: Mmm. 839 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,045 That's interesting. 840 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,685 What's that, dear? 841 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:22,531 Uh, nothing. 842 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,011 She just, uh, never mentioned it. 843 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,651 But that was a couple of years ago. 844 00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:29,121 I'm sure she'll appreciate all the trouble you've gone to 845 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,248 to find her. Let's call her. 846 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:32,321 (CELL PHONE BEEPS) 847 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,970 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 848 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,444 It's ringing! (CELL PHONE BUZZING) 849 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:44,241 (BEEP5) 850 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:45,367 (WHISPERING) Whoever this is, 851 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:46,930 we're in the middle of something really important. 852 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:48,241 Can you call back later? 853 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:49,731 No,lcan% call back later. 854 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,246 I have something to tell you that might freak you out a little bit, 855 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,291 but this is your dad. 856 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,489 (WHISPERING) What? Hold on. 857 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,844 Hey, guys, I know this is weird timing, but I gotta take this. 858 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,081 It's my dead dad. 859 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,400 She's got me on hold. 860 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:06,882 Dad, what did you do with all those Penthouses? 861 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,007 Did you throw them out? 862 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,770 No, they're under my mattress. Why? 863 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,082 You idiot, that is Penny's phone! 864 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:13,201 Oh. 865 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,850 Oh, no. No. 866 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,843 No! This is awful! 867 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,571 She forgot the package! 868 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,483 What are you doing? You shouldn't be up! 869 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,729 Just relax. We can overnight it to her. 870 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,484 No! No. We can't. 871 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,211 The culmination of my life's work is in this box. 872 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:28,885 It's much too valuable to ship. 873 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,289 (STAMMERING) I thought you said it was just a gift. 874 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,403 Oh, it is. 875 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,482 A gift to all humanity. 876 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,289 I wanted it to be a surprise, Adele. (EXHALES) 877 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,601 That's why I was unveiling it at the KEN Conference. 878 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:41,761 Wow. 879 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,689 Something like that's gotta be worth millions, huh? 880 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,487 Try billions. Billions? 881 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,171 PINCHELOW: Oh, yes. But I won't get a dime. 882 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,761 It would be morally wrong to profit from this. 883 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:53,241 Huh? 884 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,131 This box contains one of the most important 885 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,043 discoveries in human history 886 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,090 and all mankind deserves free access to it 887 00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,766 and that is why I have relinquished 888 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,923 all proprietary rights. 889 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,091 Wait, when did you do that? 890 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:09,650 It's all in the speech 891 00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:12,200 that Penny's going to read at the award ceremony. 892 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,803 Oh, my God, that's so nice! (CHUCKLES) 893 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,842 What in God's name? 894 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,691 You guys sounded busy, so we built a couch-fort. 895 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,005 You wanna come in, Dr. P? 896 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,605 Sorry, no girls allowed. 897 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:28,890 Boys rule, girls drool. 898 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:30,371 (LAUGHING) 899 00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:32,480 Wait a minute. 900 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,490 I have an idea. 901 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,889 Why don't we have Harry and Lloyd 902 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,803 hand-deliver the box to Penny? (GASPS) 903 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,850 That way Harry will get to meet his daughter in person 904 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,241 and you'll be assured the box gets there safely. 905 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,120 (CHUCKLES) 906 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,611 (WHISPERING) Are you insane? 907 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,242 You think I'm just going to hand over my invention to these 10-year-olds? 908 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,970 Oh, don't you worry. We'll have Travis go with them. 909 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,764 He won't let anything happen to the box. 910 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,684 And he will lead them straight to Penny. 911 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,406 LLOYD: You can count on us, sir. 912 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:01,285 Our word is our bond. 913 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,604 (IN DEEP VOICE) James Bond. 914 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,081 (YELLS) 915 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,525 (BOTH GIGGLING) 916 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,686 I'm going with them? Why the hell did you tell him that? 917 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,002 Do you not realize what just fell into our laps? 918 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,209 Our five million just turned into a billion. 919 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:19,521 LLOYD: What's wrong with this thing? 920 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,523 Yeah, but he said he was gonna give it all away. 921 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,650 Not if we get to Penny before she reads that speech. 922 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:38,801 LLOYD: Hey, 923 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,203 when is this KEN thing, anyway? 924 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:42,611 It actually starts today, 925 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,842 but Penny doesn't give her speech until the night of May 2nd. 926 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,610 So that gives us... 927 00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,120 How many days are in April? 928 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:49,964 "Thirty days have September, 929 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,804 "all the rest I can't remember." 930 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,401 Must be 31 because nothing rhymes with August. 931 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,050 LLOYD: No, I think it's 32, Har. 932 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,600 April's a leap month. 933 00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,683 31. 32. 934 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:00,841 31. 32. 935 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,082 31.31,1,1,1! 2,2,2! 936 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,605 30! There's 30! 937 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:05,801 Thank you! 938 00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:07,801 You said 31. 939 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,405 Yeah, but I was closer. 940 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,410 TRAVIS: Hey, guys, where's the box? 941 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:12,926 What box? 942 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,723 The box with the billion-dollar invention 943 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,165 Lloyd, what did you do with the box? 944 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,163 Me? You had it. 945 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,288 No, remember we stopped at that truck stop 946 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:24,890 and we were kicking field goals with it 947 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,331 out in that parking lot? LLOYD: Yeah. 948 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,641 I remember I kicked one over the telephone wires, and you said... 949 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:31,087 You know what, you're right. I did have it. 950 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,411 Look at that! (HARRY GASPS) 951 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,842 (SING SONG) I just saved humanity! 952 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,448 You know what? Maybe I should hold on to that box. 953 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,529 I don't think so, mister. 954 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,329 Dr. P encrusted that to me. 955 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,602 And I'm gonna make sure it gets to my daughter, safe and sound. 956 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,011 Yeah, well, you're doing a great job so far. 957 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,090 You guys wanna play "He Who Smelt lt"? 958 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:55,321 Yeah. 959 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:56,681 What's that? 960 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:58,922 It's complicated, so pay attention. 961 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,607 We put the windows up, first one who smells a fart gets a point. 962 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,330 If you say who dealt it, 963 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:05,641 double points. 964 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,125 But if you say you smelled a fart 965 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:08,201 and nobody farted, 966 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,406 like if we were just passing a slaughterhouse... 967 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:10,561 False fart! 968 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,450 ...you lose a point. And you can't smell your own farts, either. 969 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,288 Are you guys kidding? No! No! 970 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,410 I'm not gonna sit around sniffing your farts like some kinda truffle pig. 971 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:20,527 Forget it! (CHUCKLES) 972 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,483 Okay, fine. Lloyd and I will play one-on-one. 973 00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:23,687 Yeah, head-to-head. 974 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,364 How can you play one-on-one? 975 00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:27,051 If you smell a fart, and you didn't do it, 976 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,804 isn't it obvious the other guy did? 977 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,129 I thought you said you never played before. 978 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,368 Yeah. Sounds like he wrote the rulebook. 979 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,405 I think we might have a hustler here, Har. 980 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:38,481 Uh-huh. 981 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,321 What are you doing? 982 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,046 I forgot. 983 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,651 TRAVIS: Uh, you know what? I'm going to make a rule. 984 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,201 There will be no fart games while I'm in the car, got it? 985 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,367 Wow. 986 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:56,891 Who made you king of the car? 987 00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,240 I know how to settle this. 988 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,368 I'm thinking of a number between one and three. 989 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,164 Whoever guesses it gets to be king of the car. 990 00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:04,366 One! No. 991 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:05,845 Three? Nope. 992 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:08,681 Okay, what is it? 993 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,127 Two. 994 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,527 (GROANS) (YELLING) I swear I was gonna say that! 995 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:17,046 All right, so it's agreed, I'm king of the car, right? 996 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:18,806 Fine. 997 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:19,927 Excuse me, Your Highness, 998 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,401 would you grab me a Slim Jim out of the back? 999 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:24,206 One of the long ones. 1000 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,764 TRAVIS: Yeah. (GRUNTS) 1001 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,286 (BOTH FARTING) 1002 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,851 TRAVIS: Oh, hey, what the hell? 1003 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,405 On, God! Hey! 1004 00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:36,045 No! Hey! 1005 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,765 (GRUNTS) 1006 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:39,361 (SCREAMING) 1007 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,204 What is that? Oh, God! 1008 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:42,886 (GROANING) 1009 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:44,880 Look, Harry. 1010 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,405 He's hooked on crack. 1011 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:47,720 (LAUGHING) 1012 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,246 TRAVIS: For the love of God, have mercy! 1013 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:53,962 HERBERT: Hello, you've reached Herbert Felcher 1014 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,122 at Felcher and Felcher Funeral Parlor. 1015 00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,163 Please leave a message at the beep. (BEEPS) 1016 00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,250 Hi! This is a private message for Fraida Felcher. 1017 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:03,641 Would you please tell Fraida that Harry called? 1018 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:04,926 Harry Dunne. 1019 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:07,891 The guy who knocked her up 20-something years ago. 1020 00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:11,323 Um, pleasure finally meeting you all, by the way. 1021 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,846 Anyway, would you tell her that I've located our daughter. 1022 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:16,921 (CAMERA CLICKS) 1023 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,083 She's at a thing called the KEN Conference in El Paso. 1024 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,922 The town named after the bean dip. 1025 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:32,441 (BABY CRYING) 1026 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:52,970 Oh, that's sweet! 1027 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:56,201 Bye, Grandma! 1028 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,520 (IN MANLY VOICE) Have fun, sweetie. 1029 00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:02,440 WOMAN: Now, there's a real man. 1030 00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,201 I bet you he don't pee sitting down. 1031 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,291 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1032 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,121 (BOTH SCREAMING) 1033 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,321 (GRUNTING) 1034 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:24,409 Don't touch that joystick! (STRAINING) 1035 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:25,801 (AIR HISSING) 1036 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,321 (BOTH GASP) 1037 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,965 STUDENT: WOW, look! 1038 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:35,801 Let my pe0Ple 1039 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,401 go! (ALL SCREAM) 1040 00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:38,561 Harry! 1041 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:42,161 (GRUNTING) 1042 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,720 It hurts, Lloyd. lt hurts so bad. 1043 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,804 Which one hurts, Harry? This one? Or this one? (GROANS) 1044 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,770 Stop it! Lloyd, please, 1045 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:52,246 save my daughter. 1046 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,526 And then 1047 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,730 I want you to bone her like a chicken cutlet. 1048 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,080 You hear me, mister? 1049 00:45:58,320 --> 00:45:59,845 (GASPS) (CHOKES) 1050 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,446 (ALL GASP) 1051 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,206 (SCREAMING) 1052 00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:13,641 Huh? 1053 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:14,807 (ALL GRUNT) 1054 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:21,521 (ALL SCREAMING) 1055 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,326 (GRUNTS) (GROANS) 1056 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,207 (GASPS) 1057 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:30,766 (ALL SCREAMING) 1058 00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:36,241 (GROANS) 1059 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,885 Looking for these? 1060 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,565 (LAUGHS) (SNIFFLES) 1061 00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:43,405 (CHOKING) 1062 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:16,445 (WHISTLES) on! 1063 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:20,171 What are you doing? 1064 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,810 Oh. Uh... 1065 00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:26,760 She's all clean, sir. 1066 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,771 You're good to go. 1067 00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:30,606 (MUTTERING) Nutcase. 1068 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,611 Hey, guys. 1069 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:35,921 (SPITS) 1070 00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:41,969 (SIGHS) Let's call a truce, huh? 1071 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:43,770 I think we got off on the wrong foot. 1072 00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,600 I don't wanna argue with you guys all the way down to El Paso. 1073 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,849 So what do you say? Peace? 1074 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:52,449 Come on, bring it in! 1075 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:54,924 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, why not? 1076 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,007 Hmm. 1077 00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,127 0K3)'- 1078 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:02,164 Hey, all right. All right, that's good. Mmm... 1079 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,084 All right, all right, all right. Aw. 1080 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:06,488 Hey! Have you guys ever played "Funnel Nuts"? 1081 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:07,847 What? 1082 00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,167 Oh, come on. You guys have had to play Funnel Nuts. 1083 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,130 This is the best game ever invented. 1084 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,367 Check it out, you take the funnel, 1085 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,005 you put it in the front of your pants like that, right? 1086 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,842 Okay? Then you put a peanut on your nose like this, 1087 00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:20,530 and then when you're ready... 1088 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:22,725 No way! 1089 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,040 You gotta be kidding! 1090 00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:25,651 That's not right! (TRAVIS CHUCKLES) 1091 00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,528 The person who gets the most nuts wins. 1092 00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:29,846 Now, who's gonna play me first? 1093 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:31,731 I'll d0 it. I got it. 1094 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,884 This is mine! You always go first! 1095 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:35,166 I got it first! 1096 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,123 Guys, hold on, all right? Look. 1097 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,442 You guys play each other first, and then I'll play the winner. 1098 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:41,881 All right. 1099 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,288 All right. Here you go. 1100 00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:46,491 Take your time. lt takes time. 1101 00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:47,846 Get a good balance on that. 1102 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,126 Okay. Look way up high. 1103 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,685 Good. Okay, keep looking at the sky. When you're ready. 1104 00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,529 Now don't drop it until you're ready, guys. 1105 00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:55,801 L9ot it! 1106 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,365 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 1107 00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:58,966 That's weird. Ooh! 1108 00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,691 The smell of peanuts makes my weenie cold. Ooh! 1109 00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:03,847 It shrank mine. 1110 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:04,961 (CHUCKING) 1111 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:06,441 Oh! 1112 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:07,886 Hey! 1113 00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,280 (CHUCKING) 1114 00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,244 Do you believe that? Did you see what he did? 1115 00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:15,844 It's on! 1116 00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:17,921 Oh, yeah. 1117 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:19,371 He's going down! 1118 00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,611 Right after we finish playing Funnel Nuts. 1119 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,723 (WHISPERING) Shh. Don't wake him up! I know. 1120 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:41,920 How many did you put in there? 1121 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,122 Just enough to get a rise out of him. 1122 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:45,925 (BOTH GIGGLE) 1123 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:53,566 (SNORING) 1124 00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:55,091 (FIRECRACKERS BURSTING) 1125 00:49:57,640 --> 00:49:58,641 (SCREAMING) 1126 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:02,725 N0! Oh, God! 1127 00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:05,409 No! Oh, my God! 1128 00:50:06,240 --> 00:50:07,446 (SCREAMING) 1129 00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:13,651 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1130 00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,011 (GROANING) 1131 00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:17,886 Oh, my God! 1132 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,487 Wait, Lloyd. I think he might be hurt. 1133 00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:22,926 (GROANING) 1134 00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:27,450 Man, you okay? lt was just a goof. 1135 00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:30,451 Yeah. By the way, we're even. 1136 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:34,091 I want them dead, now! Now! Do you hear me? 1137 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:35,806 ADELE: (WHISPERING) Calm down. 1138 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:37,962 No! No, I can't take it any longer! 1139 00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:39,965 (EXHALES) If you don't let me kill them now, 1140 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:41,405 lam quitting, and I mean it! 1141 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,171 Okay. Give me some time to think. 1142 00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:45,446 I'll come up with a plan. 1143 00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,644 Plan? You don't need a plan! These guys are morons! 1144 00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:51,246 Besides, I told you, my brother's in Special Ops. 1145 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:52,771 I know how to get stuff done! 1146 00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,848 All right. But make sure nobody knows they paid us a visit. 1147 00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,684 I don't want this coming back to us. 1148 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,330 God, shut up! (BEEPS) 1149 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,285 I wonder what's in this sucker. 1150 00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,005 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1151 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,329 That thing is worth a fortune! Be careful! 1152 00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:16,851 Give it to me. 1153 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,607 It would be nice to know what's in it, though. 1154 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:21,928 I've been racking my sack about that. 1155 00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:23,206 I have a theory. 1156 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:24,681 (CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah? 1157 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,326 He said it was something that would help everybody in the world, right? 1158 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:28,646 Yeah. 1159 00:51:28,720 --> 00:51:31,121 I think it might be a baked potato. 1160 00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,527 How does a baked potato help everybody in the world? 1161 00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:38,002 That's the only part I haven't figured out yet. 1162 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,411 You'll get it, Lloyd. 1163 00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:43,808 We should pick up some sour cream and chives, just in case. 1164 00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:46,211 Do you guys have any idea where we are? 1165 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:47,561 Not really. 1166 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,166 You're the one who told us to take the shortcut off the highway. 1167 00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:53,050 Yeah. It's like you wanted to get us alone, so you could kill us 1168 00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:54,924 and take the billion-dollar box. 1169 00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,849 But what would be the motive? (CHUCKLES) 1170 00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:58,367 Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 1171 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:00,407 Yeah. 1172 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:02,930 I better get a map out of the bag, huh? 1173 00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:04,724 Sure. Okay. 1174 00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,290 TRAVIS: So, guys, who else is helping you look for your daughter? 1175 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:10,486 HARRY: No one. LLOYD: Mmm-hmm. 1176 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:11,561 TRAVIS: Nobody? 1177 00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,047 Not even some friends to lend a hand? Mmm-mmm. 1178 00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:15,765 Nope, just us. 1179 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:17,723 What about your wives? LLOYD: Wives? 1180 00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,490 How stupid do we look? (CHUCKLES) 1181 00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:22,201 Harry? 1182 00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:23,725 Easy. 1183 00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:26,121 (INHALES) 1184 00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:27,241 (SIGHS) 1185 00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,168 Close one. Any girlfriends? 1186 00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:31,571 Been there, done that. 1187 00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,805 See, we don't want to be tied down by anything or anyone. 1188 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:36,604 We don't even have social security cards. 1189 00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:38,722 We sold them for 30 bucks to two Brazilian guys. 1190 00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:40,765 And the good thing about having no identity 1191 00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:43,326 is that you never have to worry about identity theft. 1192 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,562 He can't even be identified by his teeth 1193 00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,564 because he's never even been to a dentist. 1194 00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,201 And I've never joined anything. Ever. 1195 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:52,285 That's how you keep a low-pro. 1196 00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,244 Yep, there's no actual proof that we even exist. 1197 00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,241 LLOYD: If we died, no one would even miss us. 1198 00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:00,728 We are truly blessed. 1199 00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:02,610 (EXPLOSION) (TIRES SCREECHING) 1200 00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:06,811 (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) 1201 00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,486 (INAUDIBLE) 1202 00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,248 (MUFFLED) What the hell happened, Harry? 1203 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:19,966 What? 1204 00:53:20,240 --> 00:53:22,527 What the hell happened? 1205 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,285 (LAUGHING) Whoo! HARRY: I can't hear you! 1206 00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:26,891 So long, boys. (SCREAMS) 1207 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,286 (INAUDIBLE) 1208 00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,203 We may have been involved in an alien abduction, Harry. 1209 00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:46,891 Is your butt okay? 1210 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,325 (GASPING) 1211 00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:50,646 Harry! 1212 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:52,211 Holy crap! 1213 00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:53,770 He took off on us! 1214 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:55,321 What? 1215 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:59,008 He took off on us. 1216 00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:01,120 What? 1217 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:05,124 LLOYD: I can't believe that douchebag stole our hearse. 1218 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,962 I hope something really bad happens to him. 1219 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,726 No, but I tried ostrich once. 1220 00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,527 Harry, holy cow. 1221 00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:15,291 I'm worried about you. 1222 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:16,805 You're as deaf as a bat. 1223 00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:19,886 That's not exactly how it happened, Lloyd. 1224 00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,805 Your mother got into bed with me. 1225 00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:27,200 That's it. We're getting you hearing aids. 1226 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:32,525 RECEPTIONIST: May I help you? 1227 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:34,521 Um... 1228 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,923 My friend here would like to visit his sweet 0l' grandma. 1229 00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:39,687 What's the name? 1230 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:41,041 LLOYD: I'll give you a hint. 1231 00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:43,881 She's the one with the biggest hearing aids. 1232 00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,491 Ms. Snergle, your grandson and his friend are here. 1233 00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,521 This is stupid, Lloyd! 1234 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:57,682 I'm not gonna steal an old lady's hearing aid! 1235 00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:58,807 (SHUSHING) 1236 00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:00,086 Relax! 1237 00:55:00,240 --> 00:55:04,404 We're just looking for a backup pair. 1238 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:06,922 There's gotta be some around here. 1239 00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:13,080 Mikey? 1240 00:55:14,240 --> 00:55:15,571 Yeah, Gran. 1241 00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:16,801 It's Mikey. 1242 00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:19,087 MRS. SNERGLE: Oh, thank God you're here. 1243 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,209 I've got the diamonds. 1244 00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:23,405 Did she say diamonds? 1245 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:24,521 (CLICKING TONGUE) 1246 00:55:25,720 --> 00:55:28,246 Go ahead, Granny. Mikey's listening. 1247 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,563 I want you to take all the diamonds with you when you go. 1248 00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,764 I've been hiding them from those thieving lawyers. 1249 00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:36,081 That's good. 1250 00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:37,924 Granny did a good thing! 1251 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,208 So, where are the rocks? 1252 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,044 They're underneath me. 1253 00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:43,246 You mean, under the bed? 1254 00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,402 No, under the blanket. Oh. 1255 00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:49,920 (MOANS) 1256 00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:52,246 I'm not finding anything. (CHUCKLES) 1257 00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,243 Go up more. 1258 00:55:55,720 --> 00:55:57,324 UP here? Keep QOing_ 1259 00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:00,484 Did you hide them inside this turkey? 1260 00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:01,961 Yeah, right. 1261 00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,964 (INHALES) Wait. 1262 00:56:04,240 --> 00:56:05,605 There's no diamonds here! 1263 00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:08,331 And you're not my grandson! 1264 00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:10,290 Harry, she's got me. 1265 00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:12,251 She's really clamping down! 1266 00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:13,481 (GRUNTS) 1267 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,211 Ahhh! (GASPS) 1268 00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:16,805 (SHUDDERING BREATH) 1269 00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:18,401 Lloyd? 1270 00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:20,762 (GIGGLING) I think that was her gran-gina. 1271 00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:22,001 That's right! 1272 00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,130 So you can cross that one off your bucket list! 1273 00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:28,324 (BLOWS) (BOTH COUGHING) 1274 00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:31,969 Hey, Goldfinger! 1275 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,244 Here. (CHUCKLES) 1276 00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,482 You've earned them. (GIGGLING) 1277 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:47,010 Are you serious? 1278 00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:48,964 Travis is dead? 1279 00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:50,367 LIPPINCOTT: That's right. 1280 00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:52,369 The Kansas state police informed me this morning. 1281 00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:54,164 I thought you'd want to know. (SIGHS) 1282 00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:57,846 Thank you, Captain Lippincott. 1283 00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:01,363 I know it's never easy to relay this kind of sad news. 1284 00:57:01,720 --> 00:57:03,768 But I want you to know that your brother, Travis, 1285 00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:05,683 was more than just a handyman to us. 1286 00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:07,001 He was 1287 00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:08,966 family. (CHUCKLES) 1288 00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:10,646 LIPPINCOTT: Really? 1289 00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,363 Do you suck the toe jam off Mommy and Daddy, too? 1290 00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,642 Um, I beg your pardon? 1291 00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:20,089 My brother told me everything. 1292 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:21,561 (GASPS) 1293 00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:25,245 I don't know what you're talking about. 1294 00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,767 Look, lady, I know you're terminating your husband. 1295 00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:29,928 I'm the one who supplied you with the untraceables. 1296 00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:31,810 Remember? I also know 1297 00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,531 that my brother was supposed to eliminate those two idiots, 1298 00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:37,008 but somehow they turned the tables on him. 1299 00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:39,366 Relax. 1300 00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:40,891 I'm not here to turn you in. 1301 00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:43,171 I'm here to help you out. 1302 00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:49,760 So how are those things working? 1303 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,689 Not bad. I can hear you a little. 1304 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:53,046 Here, let me turn them up. 1305 00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:58,928 Honey, would you like some pancakes? 1306 00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:00,891 Yeah, I'd love some pancakes. 1307 00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:02,127 What? (SCREAMS) 1308 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,568 Stop yelling! (GROANS) I'm not yelling. 1309 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:07,285 Why would you say I'm yelling? 1310 00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,090 (YELLING) This is yelling! 1311 00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,164 (GROANING) 1312 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:13,606 Harry! 1313 00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:17,801 I think I might have turned them up too high! 1314 00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,811 Oh, look! Barbara Hershey Highway. (CHUCKLES) 1315 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:24,961 Wait a minute. 1316 00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,968 I think I know where we are. 1317 00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:29,611 Follow me. 1318 00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:38,809 Are you sure about this, Lloyd? 1319 00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:42,760 Positive. The kid worked at the hockey rink just past the museum. 1320 00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:45,806 Come on, Harry! 1321 00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,329 He drove a Zamboni! 1322 00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,284 (BOTH GASP) 1323 00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:01,249 Oh, my God. I never thought I'd see her again. 1324 00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:03,849 I don't know if I told you this, Har, 1325 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,966 but that kid kinda porked me when I traded him for the mini bike. 1326 00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,120 And he only gave me a quarter-tank of gas. 1327 00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:14,489 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 1328 00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:16,366 (TIRES SQUEAL) 1329 00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:27,291 (BRAKES SCREECH) 1330 00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:29,686 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1331 00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,324 (HORN HONKING) 1332 00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:41,720 Yeah! 1333 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:44,691 (HORN HONKING) 1334 00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,046 (SNORING) 1335 00:59:58,720 --> 00:59:59,846 Bush club! 1336 00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:02,531 Bush club! Bush club! Bush club! (GROANING) 1337 01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:03,806 (LAUGHING) 1338 01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:17,650 I feel really good, Har. 1339 01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:18,846 Me, too! 1340 01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:20,365 Really good! 1341 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,848 You might want to step on it, Har! 1342 01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:24,885 (PANTING) 1343 01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:26,280 (GRUNTING) 1344 01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:29,971 (HORN HONKING) 1345 01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,210 (HORN HONKING) 1346 01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:51,090 Wow, look at all the brains. 1347 01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:53,242 (SING SONG) They're blinding me with science! 1348 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,721 Okay, Lloyd. I'm gonna find out what time this thing starts. 1349 01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:57,126 You keep an eye out for Penny. 1350 01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:58,401 Roger that. 1351 01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,770 Ladies and gentlemen, this is an AMBER Alert. 1352 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:05,811 Has anybody seen this lovely, delicate angel? 1353 01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,406 Have you seen her? Lovely and delicate. 1354 01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:10,284 This girl is slammin'. 1355 01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:13,370 Oh, yeah, sure, I know her. 1356 01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:14,561 I got a hit. 1357 01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:15,687 It's, uh, Penny Pinchelow. 1358 01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:16,886 I met her at the bar yesterday. 1359 01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:18,121 What's that supposed to mean? 1360 01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:19,929 Whoa! Easy, hoser! 1361 01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:21,047 We just hung out a little. 1362 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:22,761 Oh. 1363 01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:25,730 Do you happen to know where she is right now? 1364 01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,561 Yeah, my, uh, friends just went to meet her at her hotel room. 1365 01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:29,687 They're walking her over here. 1366 01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:30,807 She's giving a speech tonight. 1367 01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:32,201 When you see her, 1368 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:34,442 tell her that Lloyd and her dad are looking for her. 1369 01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:36,807 And get her to call me on this. 1370 01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:39,446 LLOYD: There you are! 1371 01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:42,161 I've been looking all over for you. 1372 01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:44,046 Cool! 1373 01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:45,963 I just ran into a Mexican guy who knows Penny. 1374 01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:47,087 He said she's on her way! 1375 01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,611 Come on, let's get in line. 1376 01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:50,170 (SOFTLY) Dressed like this? 1377 01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:52,767 Harry, people who come to these things are smart. 1378 01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:55,807 We can't go in there looking like a couple of goofballs. 1379 01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,401 Oh, yeah. Let's go buy some smart stuff. 1380 01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:18,246 How's your day? 1381 01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:20,331 Living the dream. 1382 01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:27,840 Ooh, that mac and cheese looks good! 1383 01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,968 Um, I think I'm gonna need some chopsticks 1384 01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,850 or a really, really skinny fork. 1385 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:39,685 You got it. 1386 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:41,286 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 1387 01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:42,606 It's open! 1388 01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:44,046 Hey,Penny! 1389 01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,288 Hey, Tom! Hey, Gus! 1390 01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,522 Hey, uh, Penny. Um... 1391 01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:50,280 What are you doing in your undies 1392 01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:52,727 in front of the room service guy here, eh? (BOTH CHUCKLE) 1393 01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:53,961 You don't know him. 1394 01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:57,163 Oh, no. Someone told me this great trick about how not to get nervous 1395 01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:58,605 when you're giving a speech. 1396 01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:01,047 All you do is imagine that you're in your underwear. 1397 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,522 So I've been practicing all afternoon. 1398 01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:05,091 Will there be anything else, ma'am? 1399 01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:07,089 Oh, no. Just that skinny fork. 1400 01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:08,601 Right. 1401 01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,371 Okay. Burning daylight. 1402 01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:12,966 Yeah. Oh! Great news. Your dad showed up for the conference. 1403 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,607 (GASPS) What? Yeah, Gordy just called us. 1404 01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:18,007 He ran into some guy named Lloyd who was with your father. 1405 01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:20,731 They were looking for them out front of the convention hall. 1406 01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:27,883 BARBARA: Oh, my goodness. 1407 01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,448 Are you absolutely certain? 1408 01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:32,765 And there's no way you're mistaken? 1409 01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,802 All right, um, yes, then I'll have someone 1410 01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,245 meet him at the door in a hurry. 1411 01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:39,129 (CHUCKLES) Yes, okay. Goodbye. 1412 01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:40,446 What is it? 1413 01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:42,164 Dr. Pinchelow is coming. 1414 01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:44,846 What? Are you certain? I thought he was sick! 1415 01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:46,081 Apparently he's better. 1416 01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:47,605 I just spoke with his daughter, Penny, on the phone 1417 01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:49,125 and she's headed right over here to meet him. 1418 01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:51,242 Oh, the man didn't even show up for his Nobel ceremony. 1419 01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:54,284 He showed up for us. Go find him. 1420 01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:55,965 Uh,yeah,yeah, I'm on it. 1421 01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:03,921 Lloyd, look! 1422 01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,765 Penny is speaking soon. 1423 01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:08,689 That's so hot. (CHUCKLES) 1424 01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:20,965 ADELE: ls it done? (SIGHS) No. 1425 01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,806 Some Canadian douchebags barged in before I could finish her. 1426 01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:27,121 0K3)'- 1427 01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:30,807 You follow Penny, and the next chance you get, kill her. 1428 01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:32,689 I'll take out the guys, get the box. 1429 01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:34,929 What if they have already gone into the KEN conference? 1430 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,161 Not a chance. 1431 01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:39,409 The event's been sold out for over a year, and the security is insane. 1432 01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:40,806 Tickets, please. 1433 01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,451 No, thank you. 1434 01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:44,284 We're not much for boring speeches. 1435 01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:47,211 We just have to make sure that his daughter gets this box. 1436 01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:50,689 No tickie, no entry. No exceptions. 1437 01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,325 BARBARA: Have you found Dr. Pinchelow yet? 1438 01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:56,402 No. I don't even know what he looks like. 1439 01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,561 This is ridiculous. 1440 01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,369 How am I supposed to find the man in this throng 1441 01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:02,245 when all I know about him is that he wears hearing aids? 1442 01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,324 Great. It's sold out. I'm dead. 1443 01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:08,209 So much for higher education. 1444 01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:09,926 (GROANS) 1445 01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:12,401 Relax, Har. 1446 01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:15,563 We're gonna find her. Don't get that dying kidney all worked up. 1447 01:05:15,680 --> 01:05:17,091 Oh, it's not the kidney. 1448 01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:18,605 I think I gotta pinch a loaf. 1449 01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:21,571 Pinchelow? Did someone say Pinchelow? 1450 01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:23,683 Oh, my goodness, it is you! 1451 01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:26,207 You're really here! I'm Dr. Meldmann. 1452 01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:27,606 How was your trip from Maryland? 1453 01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:28,927 Not so great. 1454 01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:31,401 Somebody stole our car and he finger-bombed an old lady. 1455 01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:32,720 (CHUCKLES) 1456 01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:34,441 Sounds terrible. 1457 01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:36,204 We'll take really good care of you now that you're here. 1458 01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:37,611 Uh, would you like to go into the foyer 1459 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:39,284 for the cocktail reception, Dr. Pinchelow? 1460 01:05:39,760 --> 01:05:41,444 Oh. Yes, Dr. Pinchelow would love to go 1461 01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,284 to the foyer for the cocktail reception. 1462 01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,363 Yeah, cool. Let's get ripped. 1463 01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:48,922 (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, this way, please. 1464 01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:51,204 I'm sorry, your name is? 1465 01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,209 I'm his associate, Dr. Christmas. 1466 01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:54,884 Ah, Christmas like the holiday? 1467 01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:56,883 No. (CHUCKLES) Like the tree. 1468 01:05:57,360 --> 01:05:58,361 (DR. MELDMANN CHUCKLES) 1469 01:05:58,720 --> 01:05:59,960 May I ask you a question, Doctor, 1470 01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:01,485 and I don't mean to be insensitive, 1471 01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:04,490 but, uh, does Dr. Pinchelow have Asperger's? 1472 01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:05,880 Probably. 1473 01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:08,202 I know he doesn't wipe real well. 1474 01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:14,369 Why don't you gentlemen make yourselves at home. 1475 01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:16,841 I'm gonna go fetch the, uh, director of the conference, 1476 01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:18,331 Dr. Barbara Walcott. 1477 01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:20,084 She can't wait to meet you. 1478 01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,970 Dr. Barbara? A lady doctor? Seriously? 1479 01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:25,722 Lady doctor, that always cracks me up. 1480 01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:27,802 Yeah, doctor of doing the laundry, maybe. 1481 01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:28,921 Am I right? 1482 01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:30,246 (BOTH SNICKERING) 1483 01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:32,166 I'll be right back. 1484 01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:35,285 What were you thinking, Lloyd? 1485 01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:36,725 Now he thinks we're doctors. 1486 01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:38,404 At least we're in the door. 1487 01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,483 Now all we gotta do is act intelligent. We'll fit right in. 1488 01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:41,601 0K3)'- 1489 01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,091 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1490 01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:45,765 Hi, barkeep. 1491 01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,445 How much for a beer? It's gratis. 1492 01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:49,326 Ooh. 1493 01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:50,845 That sounds expensive. 1494 01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,364 Can you give us a moment? 1495 01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,248 Lloyd, we blew our money on the graduation robes. 1496 01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:57,481 Maybe we shouldn't drink. 1497 01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,364 No way. I need booze, man. 1498 01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,045 If I meet your daughter without a buzz on, 1499 01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:02,321 she'll think I'm an idiot. 1500 01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:03,401 (HUFF5) 1501 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,046 LLOYD: Hey, wait a minute! 1502 01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:09,047 What about the old Stinkeroo? 1503 01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:11,203 (SIGHS) Yeah, I'm in. (CHUCKLES) 1504 01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:24,651 (SCRATCHING) 1505 01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:30,566 (EXHALES) 1506 01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,369 Excuse me, ma'am. Yes? 1507 01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:33,641 This beer smells funky. 1508 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:35,006 Can I have a new one, please? 1509 01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:36,721 What do you mean "funky"? 1510 01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:38,606 Go ahead, take a sniff. 1511 01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:39,966 (SNIFFS) EW! 1512 01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:43,801 I'll get you a freshie. 1513 01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:45,530 Mine is stinky, too. 1514 01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:52,125 (GAGGING) 1515 01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,569 Yours smells even worse! 1516 01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:56,842 (CHUCKLES) I'll be right back. 1517 01:07:57,480 --> 01:07:59,050 "Yours smells even worse." 1518 01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:00,321 Thanks! (BOTH CHUCKUNG) 1519 01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:01,885 You're really good at that, Lloyd. 1520 01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:03,526 I learned from the best. 1521 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:05,331 Thanks, Mom. 1522 01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:07,524 I can't wait to see what's in this. 1523 01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:09,922 Yeah. Hey, Har? Mmm? 1524 01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:11,161 Do you know how long you have to wait 1525 01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:13,242 after kidney surgery to have sex? 1526 01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,004 I don't think I'll have to wait too long. 1527 01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,447 No, not you. I meant the donor chick. 1528 01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:20,562 What are you talking about? Okay! Fine! 1529 01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:21,920 Let's just drop it! 1530 01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:23,411 Here you go, doctors. 1531 01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:24,841 Fresh beers. 1532 01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:28,686 And I also brought you some hydroponically grown goji berries 1533 01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,205 with vegan barbecue sauce 1534 01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:32,567 and some organic pumpkin chips. Enjoy. 1535 01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:34,091 Why, thank you! Mmm. 1536 01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:37,291 BOTH: Mmm. 1537 01:08:39,200 --> 01:08:40,201 Mmm. 1538 01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:42,129 These are salty. Mmm-hmm. 1539 01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:43,446 Try these. 1540 01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:47,881 Mmm. 1541 01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:49,765 Yours are super tangy. 1542 01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:52,050 I like it a lot. 1543 01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:54,246 DR. MELDMANN: Gentlemen. 1544 01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:55,811 I'd like you to meet the director of the conference, 1545 01:08:55,880 --> 01:08:56,961 Dr. Barbara Walcott. 1546 01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:58,963 And, Barbara, this is Dr. Pinchelow 1547 01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:01,282 and his associate, Dr. Christmas. 1548 01:09:01,440 --> 01:09:04,887 Wonderful. It is a high honor to meet you both. 1549 01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:07,440 Wow. Great accent, doc. Where you from? 1550 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:08,891 England. Surrey. 1551 01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:11,521 Oh, no need to apologize. That was years ago. 1552 01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:13,568 We kicked your butt anyway, so we're cool with it. 1553 01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:15,605 (BOTH LAUGH) 1554 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:17,446 (LAUGHS) 1555 01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:18,846 BARBARA: Oh, you're a leg-puller! 1556 01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:21,486 (CHUCKLES) Let's get you both to your seats. 1557 01:09:21,560 --> 01:09:23,927 Professor Garabedian's KEN talk is about to begin. 1558 01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:28,005 Now, the existence of dark matter is largely inferred 1559 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:31,323 from the gravitational effect on visible matter 1560 01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:35,446 and the gravitational lensing of background radiation. 1561 01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:37,602 We saved two seats for you at the end of the second row. 1562 01:09:37,680 --> 01:09:38,681 Just there. 1563 01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:44,207 ...because they were trying to figure out the discrepancies... 1564 01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:45,566 You could actually go in the front. 1565 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:47,369 HARRY: Coming through. LLOYD: My bad! 1566 01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:48,965 Here we go. Oops! 1567 01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:50,929 Wow. ls that silk? 1568 01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:52,366 (LAUGHS) 1569 01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:54,686 That sucks! 1570 01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:57,129 That's good. Sorry. 1571 01:09:57,680 --> 01:09:58,886 Watch my knee. 1572 01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:00,450 We make a better door than a window, don't we? 1573 01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:01,561 (TALKING) 1574 01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:03,603 LLOYD: I hope this isn't your favorite part. 1575 01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:05,843 HARRY: There are a couple of hotties over here. 1576 01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:07,371 'Got m (YELLING) om 1577 01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:09,006 (CHUCKLES) 1578 01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:10,000 That was easy! 1579 01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:10,964 That was easy! 1580 01:10:10,964 --> 01:10:11,720 1581 01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:14,530 That Dr. Pinchelow is certainly a fascinating character. 1582 01:10:14,530 --> 01:10:14,680 1583 01:10:14,680 --> 01:10:16,808 Of course he is. He's a genius. 1584 01:10:16,808 --> 01:10:17,120 1585 01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:21,523 Indeed, the Large Hadron Collider has already shown us 1586 01:10:21,523 --> 01:10:21,680 1587 01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:22,000 that dark matter is likely... 1588 01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:23,648 that dark matter is likely... 1589 01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:25,325 Especially when you eat prunes! 1590 01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:26,686 (FARTING NOISES) (CHUCKLES) 1591 01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:28,207 Yes. (CHUCKLES) 1592 01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:31,007 (STAMMERING) That dark matter is likely... 1593 01:10:31,560 --> 01:10:32,971 (FARTING NOISES) (CHUCKLES) 1594 01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:36,561 ...the missing piece of the puzzle 1595 01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:40,327 that physicists have been searching for, for years. 1596 01:10:40,880 --> 01:10:43,247 BOTH: (CHANTING) Nerd! 1597 01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:45,209 Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! (CROWD MUMBLING) 1598 01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:48,563 Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! 1599 01:10:48,680 --> 01:10:51,001 Excuse me, gentlemen. 1600 01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:52,765 Holy crap! 1601 01:10:52,840 --> 01:10:54,171 (CHUCKLING) Did that come from you? 1602 01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:57,722 Dr. Garabedian is a world-renowned astrophysicist 1603 01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:00,725 and many of us are interested in hearing his findings. 1604 01:11:01,080 --> 01:11:03,367 I'm reading his mind. Mmm-hmm. I'm picking it up, too. 1605 01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,249 Who is that? 1606 01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:08,004 (WHISPERING) It's Dr. Pinchelow! 1607 01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:10,886 Bernard Pinchelow? 1608 01:11:12,280 --> 01:11:14,362 AUTOMATED VOICE: Dark matter is not a joke. (SQUEAKS) 1609 01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:17,771 Your antics are proving to be disruptive. 1610 01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,366 Thank you, Dr. Dilbeck, 1611 01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:22,966 but Dr. Pinchelow is right. 1612 01:11:23,720 --> 01:11:26,405 My dark matter data was insufficient. (CROWD MURMURING) 1613 01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:28,247 What the fuck? 1614 01:11:29,560 --> 01:11:31,369 My methods were sloppy. 1615 01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:34,405 I'm a hack. (CROWD GASPS) 1616 01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:37,403 (SOBBING) I'm really sorry. 1617 01:11:41,080 --> 01:11:42,241 See? 1618 01:11:42,480 --> 01:11:44,050 Eat me. Suck it! 1619 01:11:44,440 --> 01:11:46,647 You wish. Lloyd. Lloyd. 1620 01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:49,041 Thank you, Professor Garabedian. 1621 01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,409 That's what the KEN Conference is all about. 1622 01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:52,927 Truth. 1623 01:11:53,040 --> 01:11:55,088 But I will ask that everyone please behave 1624 01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:56,730 in a professional and dignified... 1625 01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:58,570 BOTH: Show us your tits! 1626 01:11:58,640 --> 01:11:59,641 (CROWD GASPS) 1627 01:11:59,760 --> 01:12:01,410 HARRY: Both Of them! LLOYD: (CHUCKLING) Yeah! 1628 01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,967 We're just gonna take a short two-minute break. Thank you! 1629 01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:06,886 (CHUCKING) 1630 01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:08,086 Man. 1631 01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:09,366 Hey, this is great! 1632 01:12:09,440 --> 01:12:11,681 We're learning so much about dark matter. 1633 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,125 (FARTING NOISE) (LAUGHING) 1634 01:12:13,760 --> 01:12:14,807 Yes, indeed. 1635 01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:16,046 Uh, I'm sorry, Dr. Pinchelow, 1636 01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:19,124 but we can't seem to find Dr. Christmas on the roster. 1637 01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:20,924 Oh, that's okay. He's with me. 1638 01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:25,165 Due to security concerns everyone must be on the list to get in. 1639 01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:27,125 It's all right, Doctor. 1640 01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:30,287 I think I know a shakedown when I see one. 1641 01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:31,641 I'll tell you what. 1642 01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:35,128 I'm gonna write an IOU and I'm gonna leave it blank. 1643 01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:36,766 Anybody have a pen? 1644 01:12:36,840 --> 01:12:39,446 There are no exceptions. 1645 01:12:39,840 --> 01:12:41,080 Really? 1646 01:12:41,160 --> 01:12:42,366 I'll tell you what, warden. 1647 01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:43,966 If I'm leaving, 1648 01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:46,487 then my steamed colleague is leaving with me. 1649 01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:47,840 No, he's not. 1650 01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:51,121 Quick conference. 1651 01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,130 (WHISPERING) What are you doing, Har? 1652 01:12:56,360 --> 01:12:58,601 You're killing me! Lloyd, I can't leave. 1653 01:12:58,680 --> 01:13:01,570 Penny is gonna be speaking soon. I wanna meet her! 1654 01:13:01,640 --> 01:13:02,721 What? 1655 01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,484 How come you get to meet her before I do? 1656 01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:07,602 Lloyd, this is about me. 1657 01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:09,170 Me, my daughter and my kidney. 1658 01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:10,810 That's why we're here, remember? 1659 01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:12,849 How can I forget? It's all you ever talk about. 1660 01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:14,450 Penny and my kidney. My kidney and Penny. 1661 01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,204 To tell you the truth, I'm getting a little sick of it. 1662 01:13:16,960 --> 01:13:18,086 Wait a minute. 1663 01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:19,844 I know what you're up to, mister. 1664 01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:21,281 (CHUCKING) 1665 01:13:21,360 --> 01:13:23,761 You wanna stay because you're hot for my daughter! 1666 01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:26,241 What? Am I right? 1667 01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:27,731 That's insane! 1668 01:13:27,840 --> 01:13:28,921 Don't deny it, Lloyd! 1669 01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:30,365 You have been drooling over her 1670 01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,408 ever since you first saw her picture. 1671 01:13:32,480 --> 01:13:33,561 So what? 1672 01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:36,166 I'm not gonna apologize for letting nature take its course, Har. 1673 01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:38,448 I hate to burst your butthole, mister. 1674 01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:39,681 It ain't gonna happen. 1675 01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:42,047 It's my job to protect my daughter. 1676 01:13:42,160 --> 01:13:43,207 Protect her? 1677 01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:45,011 (CHUCKLING) Look who's talking! 1678 01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:47,009 You're trying to swindle her out of a kidney! 1679 01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:48,685 At least I'm gonna marry her. 1680 01:13:50,720 --> 01:13:51,801 Marry her? No. 1681 01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:53,769 You're not gonna marry. Why not? 1682 01:13:53,840 --> 01:13:56,605 No! Lloyd, you are not going to marry my daughter. 1683 01:13:56,840 --> 01:13:59,571 Why? Because she's a tick younger than me? Get over it. 1684 01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:00,881 Age is just a letter, man. 1685 01:14:01,040 --> 01:14:04,249 It's got nothing to do with age! It's got to do... 1686 01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:06,726 With what? 1687 01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:12,205 I'm her father, Lloyd, 1688 01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:16,131 and, frankly, 1689 01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:20,565 I think she can do better. 1690 01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:23,526 Oh... 1691 01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:29,211 0K3)'- 1692 01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:35,490 (GAGGING) 1693 01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,401 (CLICKING TONGUE) 1694 01:14:41,480 --> 01:14:43,448 Time to go, Doctor. All right, buddy. 1695 01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:45,410 (WHIMPERING) Harry? GUARD: Let's go. 1696 01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:49,241 LLOYD: Harry? 1697 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:52,801 Harry? 1698 01:14:55,640 --> 01:14:57,961 Dr. Walcott just had a wonderful idea. 1699 01:14:58,080 --> 01:14:59,161 How would you like to come with us 1700 01:14:59,240 --> 01:15:01,242 and judge the Young Inventors competition? 1701 01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:05,683 Yeah, cool. Let's judge shit. 1702 01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:07,970 Hey! Hey! 1703 01:15:15,520 --> 01:15:17,602 So this is what rock bottom feels like. 1704 01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:21,761 Mmm, not that bad. (CHUCKLES) 1705 01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:23,684 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1706 01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:26,927 (GASPS) 1707 01:15:27,360 --> 01:15:28,521 Hello? 1708 01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:30,523 (VOICE BREAKING) Hello? Hello? 1709 01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:31,886 (STAMMERS) Hello? 1710 01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:33,286 Penny? 1711 01:15:33,440 --> 01:15:35,442 I can't hear you, you're breaking up. 1712 01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:36,806 Penny? 1713 01:15:37,960 --> 01:15:40,691 Penny! How's this? 1714 01:15:41,040 --> 01:15:44,010 (VOICE BREAKING) Just hang on. Don't go anywhere. 1715 01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:45,326 (STATIC) 1716 01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:49,847 Can you hear me now? 1717 01:15:49,960 --> 01:15:51,485 Yes, I can hear you now. 1718 01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:54,484 LLOYD: Good! I can hear you loud and clear. 1719 01:15:55,000 --> 01:15:57,241 This is Lloyd, your dad's good buddy. 1720 01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,564 Unfortunately, I don't have him at the moment, 1721 01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:04,447 but, uh, he wanted me to ask you to find a nice, romantic place 1722 01:16:04,520 --> 01:16:06,090 where we can all meet. 1723 01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:10,087 No, by "romantic" I meant convenient. 1724 01:16:10,640 --> 01:16:13,644 And it has to be some place outside the convention center. 1725 01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:15,640 (GRUNTS) 1726 01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:19,728 The fountain? On Main Street? In 10 minutes? 1727 01:16:19,880 --> 01:16:21,166 Perfect! 1728 01:16:22,320 --> 01:16:23,526 Yes! 1729 01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:26,048 BARBARA: It's marvelous to meet you, Mrs. Pinchelow. 1730 01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:27,844 I trust you had a safe journey in? 1731 01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:29,046 It was lovely. 1732 01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:31,527 Great. We have a seat saved for you in the front row. 1733 01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:34,251 We're just about to introduce your charming husband. 1734 01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:36,045 My husband? 1735 01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:39,049 DR. MELDMANN: So let's give a warm, KEN welcome 1736 01:16:39,120 --> 01:16:40,963 to our very distinguished judge, 1737 01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:43,088 Dr. Bernard Pinchelow. 1738 01:16:43,200 --> 01:16:44,201 (APPLAUSE) 1739 01:17:29,120 --> 01:17:30,246 (WHISPERING) Hi! 1740 01:17:30,480 --> 01:17:31,606 Hello! 1741 01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:34,805 How about a hug? 1742 01:17:35,080 --> 01:17:36,320 Sure! 1743 01:17:36,960 --> 01:17:38,246 (GRUNTS) 1744 01:17:40,400 --> 01:17:41,401 Oh! 1745 01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:43,971 I love hellos. 1746 01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,964 Oh, me, too. 1747 01:17:46,120 --> 01:17:47,849 (GRUNTING) 1748 01:17:50,240 --> 01:17:51,241 Wow! 1749 01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:52,606 You're really sweet, mister, 1750 01:17:52,680 --> 01:17:56,082 but I'm waiting for my dad and his friend, so if you’ll excuse me. 1751 01:17:57,120 --> 01:18:00,442 No, it's me, Lloyd! 1752 01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:02,090 Hi, Lloyd, I'm Penny. 1753 01:18:02,440 --> 01:18:04,488 On! Lloyd! Hi! (CHUCKING) 1754 01:18:04,760 --> 01:18:06,649 It's so nice to meet you! 1755 01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,323 Um, where's my dad? 1756 01:18:10,120 --> 01:18:13,806 Uh, he was delayed, so, uh, he asked me to come by 1757 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,001 and entertain you... 1758 01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:16,320 (BLUBBERING) 1759 01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:18,441 (CHUCKING) 1760 01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:20,165 ...until he can meet up with us. 1761 01:18:21,200 --> 01:18:23,202 I think he wanted us to have a chance to bond. 1762 01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:26,131 James Bond. 1763 01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:27,806 Great! 1764 01:18:27,880 --> 01:18:29,723 Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat? 1765 01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:31,290 Sure! (EXHALES) 1766 01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:32,880 (CHUCKLING) Awesome! 1767 01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:38,687 Wow! 1768 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,126 We can go somewhere nice. 1769 01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:41,406 Sounds yummy! 1770 01:18:43,040 --> 01:18:44,405 Here, try this. 1771 01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,210 This is incredible popcorn. 1772 01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:49,409 And I know popcorn. I'm the second-best popcorn maker I know. 1773 01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:51,608 All right, I'll take the bait. Who's the third-best? 1774 01:18:51,680 --> 01:18:54,684 I know, right? I've always wondered that! 1775 01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:56,610 (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) 1776 01:18:57,160 --> 01:18:58,924 Shrub club! (LAUGHS) 1777 01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:00,846 Sorry! 1778 01:19:00,920 --> 01:19:03,571 It's just this game that I play with my friends back home. 1779 01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:05,925 I love you! 1780 01:19:06,560 --> 01:19:07,766 What? 1781 01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:09,526 Um... 1782 01:19:09,840 --> 01:19:12,889 That's a direct quote, from your dad. 1783 01:19:13,320 --> 01:19:14,401 (EXHALING) "I love you." 1784 01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:15,761 His words. 1785 01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:17,251 Hey, wait a second. 1786 01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:19,249 How do I even know that you know my dad? 1787 01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:21,402 You could be one of those foreign guys who always calls me up 1788 01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:23,090 and makes me get undressed in front of the computer 1789 01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:24,764 because he lost his passports and money. 1790 01:19:24,840 --> 01:19:26,524 No, no, that's not me. 1791 01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:28,923 Look, I can prove it. 1792 01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:30,885 I have your cell phone. 1793 01:19:31,000 --> 01:19:34,288 Oh, my gosh! No wonder no one's been calling me! 1794 01:19:35,480 --> 01:19:36,481 Oh. 1795 01:19:37,440 --> 01:19:38,680 LLOYD: I, uh, plugged my number in there 1796 01:19:39,600 --> 01:19:41,523 in case you need me late at night. 1797 01:19:43,040 --> 01:19:46,362 Oh, and we brought your box. You left it at the house, you stupid idiot. 1798 01:19:46,480 --> 01:19:47,481 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 1799 01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:49,006 Hey, you wanna see something neat? 1800 01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:50,286 Okay! 1801 01:19:53,040 --> 01:19:54,246 (GASPS) 1802 01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:59,361 Wait, are you sure that it's okay for birds to be eating Pop Rocks? 1803 01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:01,802 I mean, you'd think it would be bad for their teeth. 1804 01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:05,323 Nah! That’s just a suburban legend. 1805 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:06,640 On. (GUNSHOT) 1806 01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:09,441 Shit! 1807 01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:16,962 Spontaneous combustion, however, totally real. 1808 01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:18,081 Oh. 1809 01:20:20,640 --> 01:20:21,971 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1810 01:20:22,120 --> 01:20:24,487 What? ADELE: You gotta get back here right now. 1811 01:20:24,600 --> 01:20:26,011 One of those idiots is in the building 1812 01:20:26,080 --> 01:20:27,923 and he's pretending to be my husband! 1813 01:20:28,160 --> 01:20:30,208 Why don't you tell them he's not your husband? 1814 01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:31,964 Because I don't even know what they're up to. 1815 01:20:32,560 --> 01:20:34,289 He must be trying to sell the box. 1816 01:20:34,600 --> 01:20:36,648 Just get back here! 1817 01:20:36,840 --> 01:20:40,128 This microscopic robot, or nanobot 1818 01:20:40,520 --> 01:20:42,170 can be injected into the human body 1819 01:20:42,320 --> 01:20:45,449 to detect and cure cancer. 1820 01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:46,681 (CROWD GASPS) 1821 01:20:47,080 --> 01:20:48,366 Interesting. 1822 01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:50,764 Can it sing? (CROWD LAUGHS) 1823 01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:52,801 Uh... 1824 01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:54,161 What? 1825 01:20:54,280 --> 01:20:56,726 They got a large-mouth bass now that you hang it on the wall. 1826 01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,644 When you walk past it, it sings Take Me to the River. 1827 01:20:59,720 --> 01:21:00,960 (ALL LAUGHING) 1828 01:21:04,520 --> 01:21:06,841 Are you saying... What I'm saying is, 1829 01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:08,604 you're this close, 1830 01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:10,848 but there's a drawing board you should be getting back to. 1831 01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:12,126 Next! (CROWD LAUGHS) 1832 01:21:13,600 --> 01:21:15,728 But it cures cancer. 1833 01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:24,445 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1834 01:21:25,280 --> 01:21:26,486 Ni hao. 1835 01:21:30,640 --> 01:21:31,846 Listen to this. 1836 01:21:31,960 --> 01:21:34,008 "You will do important things in the world." 1837 01:21:34,480 --> 01:21:35,527 (GASPS) That's so weird 1838 01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:38,325 because I actually want to do important things in the world. 1839 01:21:38,400 --> 01:21:40,402 Wow. That's neat. 1840 01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:43,207 Someday, I wanna do important things, too. 1841 01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:44,481 Oh, yeah? Like what? 1842 01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:48,928 I'm thinking about getting new speakers. 1843 01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,365 On. (SLURPS) 1844 01:21:51,360 --> 01:21:52,850 I've always wanted to go to India 1845 01:21:52,920 --> 01:21:55,491 and volunteer at one of those leprechaun colonies. 1846 01:21:55,760 --> 01:21:57,364 I think you mean Ireland. 1847 01:21:57,920 --> 01:21:59,126 Oh. 1848 01:21:59,320 --> 01:22:01,049 So what does your cookie say? 1849 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:04,843 "You will have an amazing romance 1850 01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:07,526 "with the person sitted across from you." 1851 01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:09,171 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 1852 01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:11,648 It's a good thing I'm not your uncle. 1853 01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:14,007 "And don't be concerned about the age difference. 1854 01:22:14,440 --> 01:22:16,169 "Just shut up and make out. 1855 01:22:16,240 --> 01:22:19,005 "It will all sort itself out later. You'll see!" 1856 01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,681 That's ridiculously specific. Let me see that. 1857 01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:25,402 If you don't eat it, it doesn't come true. 1858 01:22:28,880 --> 01:22:30,086 Hey, where's my dad? 1859 01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:31,645 Do you know if Adele came with him? 1860 01:22:31,720 --> 01:22:33,210 She's probably the one slowing him down. 1861 01:22:33,560 --> 01:22:34,891 Adele? 1862 01:22:35,040 --> 01:22:36,201 His wife. 1863 01:22:37,080 --> 01:22:38,286 Harry doesn't have a wife. 1864 01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:39,931 Who's Harry? 1865 01:22:40,520 --> 01:22:41,681 Your father. 1866 01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:42,966 My father's name's not Harry. 1867 01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:44,007 It's Bernard. 1868 01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:46,048 Oh, yeah, but I'm talking about your real dad. 1869 01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:47,686 Harry Dunne! 1870 01:22:47,760 --> 01:22:50,286 The guy who abandoned you when you were a little, tiny baby. 1871 01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:51,926 You're gonna love him! 1872 01:22:52,600 --> 01:22:53,886 Wait a second. 1873 01:22:54,280 --> 01:22:55,805 So you're saying we're supposed to be meeting 1874 01:22:55,880 --> 01:22:57,245 my biographical father? 1875 01:22:57,720 --> 01:22:58,767 Yes. 1876 01:22:58,960 --> 01:23:00,121 Here. 1877 01:23:00,400 --> 01:23:03,609 This is a letter from your real mother, Fraida, that you sent back to her. 1878 01:23:03,760 --> 01:23:04,886 Nice. 1879 01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:06,570 "Do not contact again." 1880 01:23:07,400 --> 01:23:08,640 This isn't my handwriting. 1881 01:23:08,720 --> 01:23:10,563 I don't even know cursive. 1882 01:23:13,080 --> 01:23:16,084 "Dear daughter, I gave you up for adoption 18 years ago 1883 01:23:16,160 --> 01:23:18,242 "because I thought it was the right thing to do. 1884 01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:20,641 "I hope and pray I made the correct decision. 1885 01:23:20,800 --> 01:23:23,406 "You were conceived in Rhode Island on a chilly autumn night 1886 01:23:23,480 --> 01:23:25,642 "in the parking lot at Oyster Swallow Cove. 1887 01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:28,604 "We were young and stupid, especially him." 1888 01:23:28,680 --> 01:23:30,125 (SOFTLY) Oyster Swallow Cove? 1889 01:23:37,720 --> 01:23:39,370 FRAIDA: Are you ready, baby? 1890 01:23:39,720 --> 01:23:40,687 (BLOWS) 1891 01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:42,125 (SNIFFS) 1892 01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:44,086 Mmm-hmm. 1893 01:23:44,200 --> 01:23:45,361 Whoa! Whoa! 1894 01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:46,846 Slow down. 1895 01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:48,285 Let's be responsible here. 1896 01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:50,650 I brought some protection. 1897 01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:53,726 (CLICKS) 1898 01:23:54,520 --> 01:23:55,521 (SIGHS) 1899 01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:57,250 Let's do this. 1900 01:23:58,640 --> 01:24:00,563 (GRUNTING) 1901 01:24:01,920 --> 01:24:03,968 "So, if you ever wanna get in touch, I would love to meet you. 1902 01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:07,610 "All my love, Fraida Felcher, your mom." 1903 01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,290 That means I'm your... 1904 01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,641 And we almost... 1905 01:24:13,720 --> 01:24:15,643 Lloyd? Are you okay? 1906 01:24:16,320 --> 01:24:17,321 (GRUNTS) 1907 01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:19,967 I'm sorry, Lloyd, but I gotta get back to the convention. 1908 01:24:20,040 --> 01:24:22,964 I'm supposed to be giving a big speech for my dad any minute. 1909 01:24:23,040 --> 01:24:24,644 But, wait. We have so much to talk about. 1910 01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:25,721 It's an emergency! 1911 01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:28,007 It's all a big misunderstanding! I've gotta go! 1912 01:24:28,080 --> 01:24:29,491 (YELLING) Not dressed like that, you're not! 1913 01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:31,005 You're grounded! 1914 01:24:34,880 --> 01:24:36,166 (WHISPERING) Wait a minute. 1915 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:38,004 If she's my kid, 1916 01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:41,168 then she's not Harry's kid, 1917 01:24:41,240 --> 01:24:43,163 and he can't take her kidneys. 1918 01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:46,485 What have I done? 1919 01:24:54,560 --> 01:24:55,891 Hi, I need to get in. 1920 01:24:56,200 --> 01:24:57,440 Credentials, please? 1921 01:24:57,520 --> 01:24:59,045 Oh, I'm giving a speech. (CHUCKLES) 1922 01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:01,324 Credentials, please. 1923 01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:02,601 What is that? 1924 01:25:02,680 --> 01:25:05,286 Is it that thingy that they gave me to get in here? 1925 01:25:06,120 --> 01:25:07,690 I think I've got it here, somewhere. 1926 01:25:07,840 --> 01:25:11,731 Mister, lam appealing to your sense of God and family. 1927 01:25:11,960 --> 01:25:13,121 I got a message that my daughter, 1928 01:25:13,200 --> 01:25:15,441 who I have not seen in 22 years, 1929 01:25:15,600 --> 01:25:16,681 is in there. 1930 01:25:16,880 --> 01:25:18,564 The event will be letting out soon. 1931 01:25:18,640 --> 01:25:21,928 After 22 years, what's another couple of hours, right? 1932 01:25:22,240 --> 01:25:23,480 Okay, buddy. 1933 01:25:24,840 --> 01:25:26,763 There's got to be a, uh, 1934 01:25:26,840 --> 01:25:28,444 broom closet around here somewhere, huh? 1935 01:25:29,320 --> 01:25:32,210 I'm sure we could work something out. 1936 01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,929 I didn't take 34 years to come out of the closet 1937 01:25:37,040 --> 01:25:38,405 just to go back into one 1938 01:25:38,480 --> 01:25:39,811 with you. 1939 01:25:41,080 --> 01:25:44,971 Okay, this device will give us a visual rendering of your cognitive processes. 1940 01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:47,404 Could you repeat the question? (CROWD LAUGHS) 1941 01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:50,280 This device will show us what he's thinking 1942 01:25:50,560 --> 01:25:51,846 right on this screen. 1943 01:25:51,920 --> 01:25:52,967 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 1944 01:25:53,080 --> 01:25:54,525 (CHUCKLING) Yeah, really. 1945 01:25:54,600 --> 01:25:56,125 STUDENT: Go ahead, Dr. Pinchelow. 1946 01:25:56,720 --> 01:25:58,768 Think of a pleasant memory from your childhood. (BEEPS) 1947 01:25:59,080 --> 01:26:00,844 (SIGHS) okay- 1948 01:26:06,720 --> 01:26:07,721 (CROWD GASPS) 1949 01:26:10,400 --> 01:26:11,640 (CRACKING) 1950 01:26:17,080 --> 01:26:18,081 (CROWD EXCLAIMS) 1951 01:26:18,160 --> 01:26:19,161 Oh! 1952 01:26:19,240 --> 01:26:20,366 YOUNG HARRY: Here, Biscuit! 1953 01:26:21,080 --> 01:26:22,127 Biscuit, come here, boy. 1954 01:26:22,200 --> 01:26:23,361 (WHISTLING) 1955 01:26:24,080 --> 01:26:25,286 The door, buddy. Get the door. 1956 01:26:28,640 --> 01:26:29,926 (CROWD GROANS DISGUSTEDLY) 1957 01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:32,601 (SIGHS) 1958 01:26:32,760 --> 01:26:34,000 (GROANING) 1959 01:26:34,080 --> 01:26:35,411 Oh, okay. 1960 01:26:35,480 --> 01:26:36,970 (STUTTERING) 1961 01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:39,962 No! This gadget is way off! 1962 01:26:40,040 --> 01:26:42,805 (CROWD GASPS) First of all, my bedspread was orange. 1963 01:26:42,920 --> 01:26:44,251 (CROWD LAUGHS) 1964 01:26:57,840 --> 01:26:59,330 Are you okay, honey? 1965 01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:00,851 No, not really. 1966 01:27:01,040 --> 01:27:02,326 Boyfriend trouble? 1967 01:27:02,520 --> 01:27:04,602 No. I need a ticket to get in 1968 01:27:04,680 --> 01:27:07,445 and I lost the ticket that they need to take, plus, I lost my pass. 1969 01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:08,567 And I thought that I grabbed it, 1970 01:27:08,640 --> 01:27:09,641 but when I looked in my purse, 1971 01:27:09,720 --> 01:27:11,563 all I saw was the toothbrush. So maybe I took... 1972 01:27:11,640 --> 01:27:13,051 Okay, okay, 0K8)'- 1973 01:27:13,240 --> 01:27:14,241 (SIGHS) 1974 01:27:14,320 --> 01:27:15,481 All right. 1975 01:27:16,160 --> 01:27:17,241 What's going on? 1976 01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,687 My father's supposed to be getting a huge reward, 1977 01:27:19,800 --> 01:27:21,325 and I'm supposed to be making the speech, 1978 01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:23,050 and the speech is supposed to start right now, 1979 01:27:23,160 --> 01:27:24,924 and there's no way they'll let me in without a ticket. 1980 01:27:27,160 --> 01:27:28,491 Oh, honey. 1981 01:27:29,400 --> 01:27:31,926 There is always a way. 1982 01:27:35,200 --> 01:27:37,009 I admit, it's thought-provoking. 1983 01:27:37,160 --> 01:27:39,288 An invention that ends world hunger. 1984 01:27:39,360 --> 01:27:41,601 But, have you considered this, 1985 01:27:41,920 --> 01:27:43,490 where does all the extra poop go? 1986 01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:44,607 (ALL LAUGHING) 1987 01:27:44,680 --> 01:27:45,841 What? No. 1988 01:27:45,920 --> 01:27:47,410 The point is that there's no more hunger. 1989 01:27:47,520 --> 01:27:48,487 Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. 1990 01:27:48,560 --> 01:27:49,846 We're gonna take a very brief break. 1991 01:27:49,920 --> 01:27:50,967 Uh, please stay in your seats 1992 01:27:51,040 --> 01:27:53,008 and we will resume, uh, shortly. 1993 01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:54,167 Why? 1994 01:27:54,240 --> 01:27:55,571 We're gonna have to take a walk. 1995 01:27:55,720 --> 01:27:57,245 Come on. I'm judging. 1996 01:27:57,360 --> 01:27:58,725 You're out of here. Okay! 1997 01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:00,080 You're out. 1998 01:28:00,360 --> 01:28:01,361 Mrs. P, 1999 01:28:01,520 --> 01:28:02,521 what are you doing here? 2000 01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:05,729 Do you always call your wife Mrs. P? 2001 01:28:06,360 --> 01:28:07,691 Oh, uh... 2002 01:28:08,880 --> 01:28:10,803 How you doing, sugar tits? I missed you. 2003 01:28:10,880 --> 01:28:12,530 This man is a fraud. 2004 01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:14,722 And that box belongs to my husband. 2005 01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:16,087 He stole it from us. 2006 01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:17,247 Hand it over, buddy. 2007 01:28:17,320 --> 01:28:19,687 Uh-uh. I swore I'd only give this box to Penny. 2008 01:28:19,760 --> 01:28:21,762 Give me the box! Here you go. 2009 01:28:22,200 --> 01:28:23,565 (ALARM WINING) 2010 01:28:25,840 --> 01:28:26,841 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 2011 01:28:27,040 --> 01:28:28,804 ADELE: What's happening? BARBARA: I have no idea. 2012 01:28:29,240 --> 01:28:30,287 Hey! 2013 01:28:30,400 --> 01:28:32,402 Hey, hey! Get back here! 2014 01:28:32,720 --> 01:28:34,245 Out of my way! 2015 01:28:36,480 --> 01:28:38,244 Thanks a lot, lady! 2016 01:28:38,720 --> 01:28:40,165 It's the least I could do. 2017 01:28:40,680 --> 01:28:41,761 (CHUCKLES) 2018 01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,686 (SIGHS DEEPLY) 2019 01:28:46,240 --> 01:28:47,571 (STUTTERS) 2020 01:28:48,400 --> 01:28:50,243 There's something I need to tell you. 2021 01:28:50,440 --> 01:28:51,771 (STAMMERS) You're my... 2022 01:28:54,160 --> 01:28:55,525 Okay. The reason I'm here is... 2023 01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:56,687 HARRY: Fraida! 2024 01:28:56,960 --> 01:28:58,325 FRAIDA: Harry? (CHUCKLES) 2025 01:28:58,440 --> 01:28:59,680 You made it! Oh! 2026 01:29:01,440 --> 01:29:03,010 Oh, and you found Penny. 2027 01:29:03,960 --> 01:29:05,928 Hey, how do you know my... 2028 01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:08,287 Oh! You're Harry? 2029 01:29:08,360 --> 01:29:10,362 Yes! And I'm your mother! 2030 01:29:10,760 --> 01:29:11,761 (GASPS) 2031 01:29:13,200 --> 01:29:14,804 He's got a gun! (ALL SCREAMING) 2032 01:29:38,600 --> 01:29:39,965 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 2033 01:30:09,240 --> 01:30:10,685 Why you standing in the toilet? 2034 01:30:11,320 --> 01:30:12,845 So you wouldn't see my feet. 2035 01:30:13,480 --> 01:30:14,925 Why not just stand on the rim? 2036 01:30:15,040 --> 01:30:17,008 There's ball hairs all over that thing. 2037 01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:18,206 I'm not stupid. 2038 01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:21,844 Get out of there! Move it! 2039 01:30:22,320 --> 01:30:23,560 Now! 2040 01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,249 Please don't hurt Penny, Mrs. P. 2041 01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:29,563 She's young and still has most of her future ahead of her. 2042 01:30:29,680 --> 01:30:31,011 Get the box. 2043 01:30:33,400 --> 01:30:36,210 Harry! There you are! 2044 01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:39,206 (CHUCKLES) Good thing you're loud. 2045 01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:41,525 What are you doing, Mrs. P? 2046 01:30:41,600 --> 01:30:42,761 I'm about to kill you. 2047 01:30:43,040 --> 01:30:44,690 Wait, wait, wait! 2048 01:30:45,200 --> 01:30:46,531 Can't you kill someone else? 2049 01:30:46,600 --> 01:30:48,045 My daughter, Penny, needs me now. 2050 01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:50,522 What are you talking about, Lloyd? Penny's my daughter. 2051 01:30:50,880 --> 01:30:52,564 No, Harry, she isn't. Mmm-mmm. 2052 01:30:52,800 --> 01:30:53,881 What? 2053 01:30:53,960 --> 01:30:56,122 Why would you think that she's your daughter? 2054 01:30:56,600 --> 01:30:58,728 Because of the postcard. 2055 01:30:59,200 --> 01:31:01,726 I was about to be a single mom and I needed money. 2056 01:31:01,880 --> 01:31:03,405 And you owed me 40 bucks 2057 01:31:03,520 --> 01:31:06,285 from that stupid worm farm loan. 2058 01:31:07,200 --> 01:31:08,645 LLOYD: It's true, Har. 2059 01:31:09,560 --> 01:31:11,847 I'm the deadbeat dad, not you. 2060 01:31:11,920 --> 01:31:12,921 (YELPS) 2061 01:31:13,120 --> 01:31:14,804 I'm Penny's baby-papa. 2062 01:31:15,080 --> 01:31:16,081 (HOWLS) 2063 01:31:16,320 --> 01:31:18,084 But don’t judge me till you see this. 2064 01:31:18,400 --> 01:31:21,290 Oh, yeah, like a cooler of cold brewskies 2065 01:31:21,360 --> 01:31:23,010 is gonna make everything okay! 2066 01:31:23,120 --> 01:31:24,770 It's not beer, it's my kidney! 2067 01:31:28,280 --> 01:31:29,566 Your kidney? 2068 01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:31,766 I figured 2069 01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:35,241 since you can't get one from Penny, 2070 01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:37,411 I'd give it to you myself. 2071 01:31:38,120 --> 01:31:39,451 Holy shit. 2072 01:31:40,680 --> 01:31:42,091 How did you get this? (PANTING) 2073 01:31:42,480 --> 01:31:45,086 I crossed the border into Mexico. 2074 01:31:45,520 --> 01:31:48,808 Turns out, the medical regs are a little more chill down there. 2075 01:31:49,080 --> 01:31:51,890 Pardon me for bringing this up, but I don't give a shit! 2076 01:31:51,960 --> 01:31:55,169 Yeah, but, Lloyd, she isn't your daughter either. 2077 01:31:55,840 --> 01:31:57,569 Nice try, Fraida, 2078 01:31:57,640 --> 01:31:59,722 but Penny read me the letter. 2079 01:31:59,800 --> 01:32:02,007 I know all about Oyster Swallow Cove, 2080 01:32:02,120 --> 01:32:03,884 which is exactly where you took me in the van! 2081 01:32:03,960 --> 01:32:05,041 So? 2082 01:32:05,200 --> 01:32:07,043 That was my spot. 2083 01:32:07,440 --> 01:32:10,205 I must have taken hundreds of guys there. 2084 01:32:11,200 --> 01:32:12,361 What can I say? 2085 01:32:13,640 --> 01:32:15,449 I was a titanic whore. 2086 01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:17,804 That's enough bullshit. 2087 01:32:18,200 --> 01:32:19,804 Go ahead, Lippincott, kill them. 2088 01:32:20,960 --> 01:32:22,121 LIPPINCOTT: Oh, I Will. 2089 01:32:22,840 --> 01:32:25,491 But first, why don't you join them. 2090 01:32:25,640 --> 01:32:26,687 (BREATHING HEAVILY) What? 2091 01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:28,484 You heard me. Drop it! 2092 01:32:28,560 --> 01:32:30,210 Get over there! Get over there! 2093 01:32:30,280 --> 01:32:32,681 You're kidding. She's on our team now? 2094 01:32:33,480 --> 01:32:34,766 Don't do this, Lippincott. 2095 01:32:34,840 --> 01:32:35,966 You're a military man. 2096 01:32:36,320 --> 01:32:38,129 I know you've got more integrity than this! 2097 01:32:41,120 --> 01:32:42,326 What is this? 2098 01:32:42,560 --> 01:32:43,561 Huh? 2099 01:32:43,960 --> 01:32:45,371 Two cupcakes? 2100 01:32:45,960 --> 01:32:47,200 Actually, there were four cupcakes, sir. 2101 01:32:47,880 --> 01:32:49,803 I ate the two chocolate ones. Lloyd! 2102 01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,167 It's okay. I left the vanilla ones for humanity. 2103 01:32:52,240 --> 01:32:53,810 Where's the invention? 2104 01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:56,800 Where's the goddamn billion-dollar invention? 2105 01:32:56,880 --> 01:32:57,881 (INDISTINCT YELLING) 2106 01:32:58,040 --> 01:32:59,883 Put the gun down! Freeze! 2107 01:33:00,000 --> 01:33:01,684 Put the gun down, Lippincott! 2108 01:33:03,320 --> 01:33:04,287 (CLATTERS) 2109 01:33:04,360 --> 01:33:05,486 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 2110 01:33:06,840 --> 01:33:08,729 Well! Hello. 2111 01:33:08,840 --> 01:33:09,887 Dad! 2112 01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:12,810 Bernard. Oh, thank God you're here. 2113 01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:14,325 God, and you're okay! 2114 01:33:14,520 --> 01:33:15,851 Stop right there. 2115 01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:16,967 What? 2116 01:33:17,040 --> 01:33:18,405 I appreciate your concern, Adele, 2117 01:33:18,480 --> 01:33:20,323 but it's a little late for that. 2118 01:33:20,400 --> 01:33:21,561 You see... 2119 01:33:21,680 --> 01:33:22,647 I couldn't stop wondering 2120 01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:25,007 why every time I ate your cooking, I was getting sicker. 2121 01:33:25,360 --> 01:33:26,725 And then when Harry and Lloyd showed me 2122 01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:28,211 the letter from Penny's birth mother, 2123 01:33:28,320 --> 01:33:29,845 I recognized that the handwriting 2124 01:33:29,920 --> 01:33:31,809 sending it back was yours. 2125 01:33:32,040 --> 01:33:33,724 And the cruelty of this got me to thinking. 2126 01:33:34,240 --> 01:33:37,881 Sol laid a little trap, and lo and behold, you took the bait 2127 01:33:38,040 --> 01:33:40,008 like the toe-sucking rat that you are. 2128 01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:42,161 After you left for El Paso, 2129 01:33:42,240 --> 01:33:44,686 I called the FBI to make sure Penny was protected. 2130 01:33:44,760 --> 01:33:47,047 I thought those Canadian accents were a little shaky. 2131 01:33:47,160 --> 01:33:49,049 Yeah? You try it. 2132 01:33:49,720 --> 01:33:51,370 But what about the invension? 2133 01:33:51,720 --> 01:33:53,848 It was just cupcakes. 2134 01:33:54,160 --> 01:33:56,208 A gift for Dr. Barbara Walcott 2135 01:33:56,280 --> 01:33:58,169 for my having canceled at the last moment. 2136 01:33:58,240 --> 01:33:59,526 This is great, Dad! 2137 01:33:59,600 --> 01:34:02,410 Now you can pick up your Lifetime Achievement reward in person! 2138 01:34:02,520 --> 01:34:04,727 It's "award," you stupid bitch! 2139 01:34:05,240 --> 01:34:06,287 No! 2140 01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:08,001 (GROANING) 2141 01:34:08,480 --> 01:34:09,481 (GRUNTING) 2142 01:34:13,480 --> 01:34:14,481 (INDISTINCT YELLING) 2143 01:34:14,560 --> 01:34:16,289 BOTH: Break it up! Get off! 2144 01:34:16,400 --> 01:34:18,448 Hands behind your back. Hands behind your back. (GRUNTING) 2145 01:34:18,560 --> 01:34:20,801 I'm the good guy here! All right. 2146 01:34:20,880 --> 01:34:21,881 (PANTS) 2147 01:34:21,960 --> 01:34:23,769 Are you okay, Har? 2148 01:34:24,040 --> 01:34:25,246 I think so. 2149 01:34:25,480 --> 01:34:26,925 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 2150 01:34:31,240 --> 01:34:33,561 Oh, yeah, it's just a little graze. 2151 01:34:34,080 --> 01:34:36,082 Uh, Har? 2152 01:34:36,240 --> 01:34:38,686 You might wanna put a dab of Bactine on that. 2153 01:34:38,760 --> 01:34:39,921 (SIREN WAILING) 2154 01:34:42,480 --> 01:34:43,606 Hurry, he's been shot! 2155 01:34:43,680 --> 01:34:44,681 MAN: We need a trauma room. 2156 01:34:44,760 --> 01:34:46,444 You're gonna be okay. What have we got? 2157 01:34:46,560 --> 01:34:48,483 Gunshot wound, left shoulder. 2158 01:34:48,960 --> 01:34:50,200 Lloyd, the kidney! 2159 01:34:50,280 --> 01:34:51,406 Kidney? 2160 01:34:51,480 --> 01:34:52,606 Oh, yeah. 2161 01:34:52,680 --> 01:34:54,762 Would you, by any chance, have time this evening 2162 01:34:55,000 --> 01:34:56,365 to swap out a kidney? 2163 01:34:56,440 --> 01:34:58,249 I'm sorry, sir. What is this? 2164 01:34:58,640 --> 01:35:00,768 It's a kidney. My kidney. 2165 01:35:01,240 --> 01:35:02,730 It's for him, 2166 01:35:02,840 --> 01:35:04,888 my best pal. (GROANING) Ah! 2167 01:35:04,960 --> 01:35:05,961 He needs it. 2168 01:35:07,400 --> 01:35:09,687 Gentlemen, this is not a kidney. 2169 01:35:10,440 --> 01:35:11,680 What is it? 2170 01:35:12,120 --> 01:35:13,849 Better not be my heart. DOCTOR: No. 2171 01:35:14,680 --> 01:35:17,126 I believe it's a pork chop. 2172 01:35:17,480 --> 01:35:19,005 In a baggie. (CHUCKLING) 2173 01:35:20,080 --> 01:35:23,527 I wondered why my kidney had grill marks. 2174 01:35:24,080 --> 01:35:25,764 And a bone. 2175 01:35:26,520 --> 01:35:27,646 Hey, wait. 2176 01:35:27,800 --> 01:35:30,201 Does that mean I still have all my kidneys? 2177 01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:32,161 Let's have a look. 2178 01:35:33,080 --> 01:35:34,081 Ah. 2179 01:35:35,320 --> 01:35:36,970 I'm going to say probably not. 2180 01:35:38,640 --> 01:35:39,801 That's it. 2181 01:35:40,000 --> 01:35:42,526 I am gonna give that quack an earful 2182 01:35:42,680 --> 01:35:45,001 at my follow-up appointment next Tuesday. 2183 01:35:46,320 --> 01:35:48,163 (SOBBING) I'm sorry, Harry. 2184 01:35:48,360 --> 01:35:50,044 I failed you again! 2185 01:35:50,800 --> 01:35:51,801 (SNIFFLES) 2186 01:35:51,880 --> 01:35:53,450 It's okay, Lloyd. 2187 01:35:53,600 --> 01:35:55,682 (SNIFFLES) I forgive you. 2188 01:35:56,160 --> 01:35:57,491 (SNICKERS) 2189 01:35:58,840 --> 01:36:00,171 LLOYD: What's so funny? 2190 01:36:00,840 --> 01:36:02,171 Got ya! 2191 01:36:03,000 --> 01:36:04,001 (MUMBLES) 2192 01:36:04,360 --> 01:36:06,408 I never needed a kidney! 2193 01:36:06,480 --> 01:36:07,766 (LAUGHS) 2194 01:36:09,360 --> 01:36:10,361 What? 2195 01:36:10,520 --> 01:36:12,682 Oh, you should have seen the look on your face! 2196 01:36:12,800 --> 01:36:15,201 L9°t YOU $0 good! 2197 01:36:15,280 --> 01:36:16,520 (LAUGHING) (EXHALES) 2198 01:36:16,680 --> 01:36:18,205 Wait a minute. 2199 01:36:18,360 --> 01:36:19,725 You mean, 2200 01:36:19,880 --> 01:36:22,929 I had my kidney removed 2201 01:36:23,400 --> 01:36:25,641 in the backseat of a Toyota Tercel 2202 01:36:26,080 --> 01:36:28,162 and you were faking? Uh-huh. 2203 01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:31,484 That is awesome! 2204 01:36:31,800 --> 01:36:32,801 (LAUGHING) 2205 01:36:34,040 --> 01:36:35,690 That is a good one. 2206 01:36:37,600 --> 01:36:39,364 Totally worth it! 2207 01:36:40,840 --> 01:36:43,002 Gentlemen, I hate to break up this Mensa summit, 2208 01:36:43,080 --> 01:36:44,650 but we've gotta get this man's shoulder cleaned out. 2209 01:36:44,720 --> 01:36:45,881 Do you remember, you've been shot? 2210 01:36:46,720 --> 01:36:48,688 That was a good gag, Harry. 2211 01:36:48,760 --> 01:36:49,761 (LAUGHING) 2212 01:36:50,080 --> 01:36:52,367 But don't you think it still would have been funny 2213 01:36:52,560 --> 01:36:55,928 if you had told me you were kidding before I lost my vital organ? 2214 01:36:56,080 --> 01:36:58,811 Oh, definitely. Butnotas! 2215 01:36:58,880 --> 01:37:00,041 (LAUGHING) 2216 01:37:03,720 --> 01:37:05,210 That's true. 2217 01:37:17,600 --> 01:37:19,523 You guys are so cool. 2218 01:37:19,600 --> 01:37:21,967 How can I ever thank you for what you did for me? 2219 01:37:22,080 --> 01:37:23,605 Got any cash? 2220 01:37:23,920 --> 01:37:25,160 Oh, yeah. 2221 01:37:25,240 --> 01:37:26,446 I think I've got a couple... 2222 01:37:26,960 --> 01:37:28,041 Thanks. 2223 01:37:28,600 --> 01:37:30,045 Score. 2224 01:37:31,080 --> 01:37:32,366 (PINCHELOW LAUGHING) 2225 01:37:33,280 --> 01:37:34,441 (LAUGHING) 2226 01:37:37,120 --> 01:37:38,451 (PINCHELOW CLEARS THROAT) 2227 01:37:38,520 --> 01:37:39,646 Oh, uh... 2228 01:37:40,160 --> 01:37:42,811 I'm sure those janitors will thank us later. Mmm. 2229 01:37:43,120 --> 01:37:44,849 We were just straightening up their broom closet. 2230 01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:46,691 FRAIDA: Penny, wonderful news! 2231 01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:50,283 Your father has invited me to come stay with you for a while, 2232 01:37:50,440 --> 01:37:52,602 so we can really get to know each other. 2233 01:37:52,880 --> 01:37:54,530 That's fantastic! 2234 01:37:55,280 --> 01:37:57,123 So let me ask you something, Fraida. 2235 01:37:57,440 --> 01:38:00,284 If I'm not Penny's father and Lloyd's not her father, 2236 01:38:00,400 --> 01:38:02,050 then who's her father? 2237 01:38:02,480 --> 01:38:03,925 Funny you should ask. 2238 01:38:04,200 --> 01:38:05,406 Honey, 2239 01:38:05,560 --> 01:38:08,564 how would you like to meet some relatives? 2240 01:38:12,120 --> 01:38:13,770 LLOYD: Mr. Stainer? 2241 01:38:14,280 --> 01:38:15,566 Oh, I should have known. 2242 01:38:15,720 --> 01:38:17,882 (YELLING) You horny, old goat! 2243 01:38:17,960 --> 01:38:19,610 No, Lloyd! 2244 01:38:20,160 --> 01:38:22,640 Mr. Stainer is Penny's grandfather. 2245 01:38:22,800 --> 01:38:24,131 Come on. 2246 01:38:26,160 --> 01:38:29,562 So, you mean Pee-Stain is the dad? 2247 01:38:30,560 --> 01:38:31,800 Duh! 2248 01:38:35,200 --> 01:38:36,531 (CHUCKING) 2249 01:38:38,480 --> 01:38:39,925 Hi! 2250 01:38:40,000 --> 01:38:41,161 Oh... 2251 01:38:41,840 --> 01:38:43,604 She's beautiful! 2252 01:38:44,240 --> 01:38:45,844 Sweet Jesus, look at her. 2253 01:38:46,760 --> 01:38:48,410 She's got Peter's eyes. 2254 01:38:48,480 --> 01:38:49,481 You're kidding! 2255 01:38:49,600 --> 01:38:51,170 He donated them? 2256 01:38:52,280 --> 01:38:53,520 Hi, Pee-Stain! 2257 01:38:53,680 --> 01:38:55,125 Stainy! 2258 01:38:55,600 --> 01:38:57,921 Hey, sorry you got killed! 2259 01:38:58,680 --> 01:39:01,684 Let's get you away from these guys, huh? Let's go. 2260 01:39:01,840 --> 01:39:03,046 PINCHELOW: Yeah. 2261 01:39:04,520 --> 01:39:08,127 Guys, there's still one thing I don't understand. 2262 01:39:08,680 --> 01:39:12,446 How could either of you have possibly thought 2263 01:39:12,520 --> 01:39:14,443 that you were Penny's father? 2264 01:39:15,200 --> 01:39:17,521 (SCOFFS) Why wouldn't we? Yeah! 2265 01:39:17,880 --> 01:39:19,530 Because we never had sex. 2266 01:39:19,760 --> 01:39:21,046 On. (CHUCKLES) 2267 01:39:21,120 --> 01:39:22,485 (SNICKERING) 2268 01:39:25,280 --> 01:39:27,044 You could have fooled us. 2269 01:39:27,160 --> 01:39:28,650 Yeah, nice try, Snow White. 2270 01:39:28,720 --> 01:39:31,200 Does the word "hot tub" jog your memory? 2271 01:39:31,400 --> 01:39:32,447 If I recall, 2272 01:39:32,520 --> 01:39:34,807 I played with your boobies for a long time that night. 2273 01:39:34,880 --> 01:39:35,961 The motor boat, 2274 01:39:36,040 --> 01:39:37,246 the windshield wipers, 2275 01:39:37,320 --> 01:39:38,560 the punching bag. 2276 01:39:38,720 --> 01:39:39,801 You know, Harry, 2277 01:39:39,880 --> 01:39:42,884 you can't get a woman pregnant by man-handling her breasts. 2278 01:39:43,080 --> 01:39:44,081 Oh, really? 2279 01:39:44,160 --> 01:39:46,561 Then why did your doorbells get so hard? (BOTH CHUCKLE) 2280 01:39:46,800 --> 01:39:49,167 Yeah. And did you forget about the French tickler, 2281 01:39:49,240 --> 01:39:50,480 in the back of the van? 2282 01:39:50,560 --> 01:39:54,326 Putting a frilly, glow-in-the-dark condom on your finger 2283 01:39:54,400 --> 01:39:56,402 is not the same as having sex. 2284 01:39:56,560 --> 01:39:57,641 But what if I go like this? 2285 01:39:57,760 --> 01:39:58,921 (GIBBERING) 2286 01:39:59,360 --> 01:40:00,407 No. 2287 01:40:00,480 --> 01:40:03,882 Okay, Dr. Picasso, what's your definition of sex? 2288 01:40:06,080 --> 01:40:07,241 (WHISPERING) 2289 01:40:08,840 --> 01:40:10,251 No way! 2290 01:40:10,520 --> 01:40:11,760 That's just... 2291 01:40:11,920 --> 01:40:13,206 Not my mom! 2292 01:40:13,360 --> 01:40:14,600 But that's where she pees! 2293 01:40:14,680 --> 01:40:17,923 It's in my head and I can't unlearn it! 2294 01:40:18,160 --> 01:40:19,605 You're bad! 2295 01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:20,761 Can you show us? 2296 01:40:20,840 --> 01:40:22,444 I call sloppy seconds! 2297 01:40:23,480 --> 01:40:24,641 (SIGHS) 2298 01:40:26,440 --> 01:40:29,410 Looks like everyone else ended up with someone. 2299 01:40:29,960 --> 01:40:31,041 Y9K)- 2300 01:40:31,120 --> 01:40:32,531 And I got this pork chop. 2301 01:40:32,600 --> 01:40:33,761 (CHUCKLES) 2302 01:40:34,080 --> 01:40:35,730 So let me get this straight, Har. 2303 01:40:36,080 --> 01:40:38,606 When you visited me in the nuthouse the last time... 2304 01:40:38,720 --> 01:40:40,131 Uh-huh. ...you knew about Penny already? 2305 01:40:40,280 --> 01:40:42,521 No, I found out about her when we visited my parents. 2306 01:40:42,640 --> 01:40:45,450 But I had finally figured out that you were faking. 2307 01:40:45,640 --> 01:40:47,051 Really? How? Mmm-hmm. 2308 01:40:47,120 --> 01:40:48,121 What gave it away? 2309 01:40:48,240 --> 01:40:50,891 A few months ago, I was changing your diaper before bedtime 2310 01:40:50,960 --> 01:40:53,964 and you just seemed a little too upbeat. 2311 01:40:55,800 --> 01:40:57,131 Lloyd, 2312 01:40:57,320 --> 01:40:59,402 even though it's Christmas Eve, 2313 01:40:59,760 --> 01:41:02,570 I want you to know that there's no place I would rather be 2314 01:41:02,640 --> 01:41:05,564 than right here, wiping my best friend's dookie. 2315 01:41:05,760 --> 01:41:06,761 (PARTS) 2316 01:41:07,680 --> 01:41:08,681 on. (CHUCKLES) 2317 01:41:08,800 --> 01:41:11,121 Looks like we got another stocking stuffer. 2318 01:41:11,280 --> 01:41:12,486 (CHUCKLES) 2319 01:41:15,280 --> 01:41:16,770 (CHUCKLING) I remember that. 2320 01:41:17,160 --> 01:41:19,606 That was the night I had all that eggnog and lamb, right? 2321 01:41:19,800 --> 01:41:20,847 Yeah. Whoa! 2322 01:41:21,320 --> 01:41:22,401 Lloyd! 2323 01:41:26,000 --> 01:41:28,401 Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock. 2324 01:41:28,760 --> 01:41:30,410 That's almost three hours away. 2325 01:41:30,520 --> 01:41:32,170 Can't I check them out now? 2326 01:41:32,320 --> 01:41:33,321 (GRUNTING) 2327 01:41:34,200 --> 01:41:35,725 (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) 2328 01:41:37,720 --> 01:41:39,484 (SPUTTERING) 2329 01:41:40,840 --> 01:41:41,921 Okay, Lloyd, 2330 01:41:42,000 --> 01:41:45,083 this time we're not gonna be stupid and pass up a sure thing. 2331 01:41:45,200 --> 01:41:46,645 I hear you, Han 2332 01:41:47,440 --> 01:41:49,124 We'll never get another chance like this. 2333 01:41:49,200 --> 01:41:51,521 Our time has finally come. 2334 01:41:57,360 --> 01:41:58,566 (BOTH SCREAM) 2335 01:41:59,120 --> 01:42:00,485 BOTH: Bush club! 2336 01:42:00,560 --> 01:42:01,561 (BOTH LAUGHING) 2337 01:42:17,480 --> 01:42:19,244 (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) 2338 01:48:46,440 --> 01:48:47,601 Oh, crap! 2339 01:48:48,080 --> 01:48:50,526 I ordered a vanilla shake and they gave me a chocolate one. 2340 01:48:50,600 --> 01:48:52,568 Tell me about it. I ordered a chocolate shake. 2341 01:48:52,640 --> 01:48:54,529 Those dopes gave me a vanilla one. 2342 01:48:54,640 --> 01:48:56,290 They do that a lot. 2343 01:48:58,440 --> 01:48:59,771 What the hell? 2344 01:49:01,680 --> 01:49:03,250 Kick his ass, Sea bass! 2345 01:49:03,680 --> 01:49:04,841 SEABASS: Arr, the dirty sons-of-bitches!