0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:00:21,784 --> 00:00:25,248 (MUSIC PLAYS) 2 00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:47,855 (SINGING) 3 00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:51,073 # ...Sheds His grace on thee... # 4 00:00:51,188 --> 00:00:52,944 (MOBILE RINGS) 5 00:00:53,065 --> 00:00:54,073 Hey, Dad. 6 00:00:54,191 --> 00:00:58,118 Man, "F" this wannabe holiday! 7 00:00:58,237 --> 00:00:59,245 What? 8 00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,415 The Fourth of July? You hate the Fourth of July? 9 00:01:01,532 --> 00:01:03,085 - Yes. - It's America's birthday! 10 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,415 - You don't like birthdays? - After the bottle-rocket smoke clears, 11 00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:10,677 day after tomorrow, all these mouth-breathers are gonna be in my store 12 00:01:10,791 --> 00:01:14,932 buying half-off Christmas ornaments. You know it and I know it. 13 00:01:15,045 --> 00:01:17,430 - I don't know if I know it. - Oh? 14 00:01:17,548 --> 00:01:20,680 What are you looking at? Oh, wow! (SHE LAUGHS) 15 00:01:20,801 --> 00:01:23,020 Fifty Shades of He-e-ey! 16 00:01:23,137 --> 00:01:25,189 (CHUCKLES) Go talk to him! 17 00:01:25,305 --> 00:01:30,146 - No. He's... He's busy. - He should be gettin' busy with you. 18 00:01:30,269 --> 00:01:33,234 I... I can't go over there. What if he... 19 00:01:33,355 --> 00:01:35,692 What if he slaps me? 20 00:01:35,816 --> 00:01:39,778 What? What if? What if instead of writing the Declaration of Independence, 21 00:01:39,903 --> 00:01:43,083 George Washington wrote the Declaration of Suffering in Silence 22 00:01:43,198 --> 00:01:44,752 with Your Raging Lady-boner? 23 00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:47,335 - Okay. - What if instead of freeing the slaves, 24 00:01:47,453 --> 00:01:49,921 Abraham Lincoln said, "Ye shall not pass!" 25 00:01:50,038 --> 00:01:52,803 Okay, well, that's was Gandalf, but I know where you're going. 26 00:01:52,916 --> 00:01:54,506 Go talk to him. 27 00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:58,423 I can't go over to that guy. He's like an angel that's come down from outer space. 28 00:01:58,547 --> 00:02:01,347 Yeah, so ask him to probe you. Miaow! 29 00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:03,803 - I can't... I can't do it. - Yes, you can! 30 00:02:03,927 --> 00:02:07,273 Look. Mister Pretty's off the phone. Come on, do it. 31 00:02:07,389 --> 00:02:09,940 How many of those have you had? You seem drunk. 32 00:02:10,058 --> 00:02:12,906 I'm drunk. Deb, I haven't had dinner. 33 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:14,941 Deb! Deb! Deb! 34 00:02:15,063 --> 00:02:18,943 TOGETHER: Deb! Deb! Deb! Deb! Deb! 35 00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:22,200 - Okay! Here goes nothing! - Deb! Deb! Deb! Do it! 36 00:02:22,321 --> 00:02:24,492 TOGETHER: Deb! Deb! Deb! Deb! 37 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:26,501 - Oh, sorry. - Deb... 38 00:02:26,617 --> 00:02:29,203 Deb, do it now. Go. 39 00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:32,550 See you. 40 00:02:33,874 --> 00:02:35,796 Oh, fuck me! 41 00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:45,472 (SNORTING) 42 00:02:48,305 --> 00:02:50,606 (MOANING) 43 00:02:54,228 --> 00:02:56,315 (GROANING) 44 00:02:56,438 --> 00:02:57,992 Uh! 45 00:02:58,106 --> 00:02:59,317 Oh! 46 00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:08,576 Ah! 47 00:03:09,868 --> 00:03:10,877 Oh! 48 00:03:19,419 --> 00:03:21,259 What the... 49 00:03:22,756 --> 00:03:28,059 MAN: Well, I think... I noticed that she had red hair and that's about it. 50 00:03:28,178 --> 00:03:30,397 Stacy and I had this fight, 51 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:33,978 then this person and I started drinking 52 00:03:34,101 --> 00:03:36,782 and talking and drinking. 53 00:03:36,895 --> 00:03:39,232 And the rest is kind of a blur. 54 00:03:39,356 --> 00:03:41,776 No, now she's here. She's still here. Yeah. 55 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,997 And I don't know how to get rid of her. 56 00:03:46,405 --> 00:03:49,370 No, I can't force her out. 57 00:03:51,452 --> 00:03:53,457 I'm not gonna pull the fire alarm. 58 00:03:53,579 --> 00:03:56,758 - White Russian and a whisky neat. - Thanks, Billy. 59 00:03:56,874 --> 00:03:58,961 Oh, by gosh! 60 00:03:59,084 --> 00:04:01,303 You know my drink? Whoa! 61 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:06,426 Well, here's to the long, straight piece in Tetris. Clink! 62 00:04:08,135 --> 00:04:09,428 So, uh... 63 00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:11,225 GIRL: I'm upset, too. 64 00:04:11,346 --> 00:04:14,146 ...what are you doing in this gin joint? 65 00:04:14,266 --> 00:04:16,520 Let me talk some sense into him. 66 00:04:16,643 --> 00:04:21,567 Uh-huh. He looks drunk and ready to explain himself. Yeah. We'll get back to you. Okay. 67 00:04:22,649 --> 00:04:27,538 Ryan, that was your dad. Please explain to me why you told him to take that job and shove it? 68 00:04:27,654 --> 00:04:29,410 - No, I never said... - He said you did. 69 00:04:29,531 --> 00:04:32,545 I told him I thought long and hard, but I had to turn him down. 70 00:04:32,659 --> 00:04:36,171 - I was gonna tell you tonight. - I am your fiancée, all right? 71 00:04:36,288 --> 00:04:39,467 You tell me before you make any stupid decisions. 72 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:42,715 And what exactly can we do for you, Fraggle? 73 00:04:42,836 --> 00:04:48,056 I... I'm sorry. This gentleman bought me a drink and we were having a conservation. 74 00:04:48,175 --> 00:04:52,268 Are you drinking his White Russian? I told you that was a girl's drink. 75 00:04:52,387 --> 00:04:54,523 This is your drink? 76 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,396 Well, it was. 77 00:04:56,517 --> 00:05:01,523 I'm sorry. I drink them, too. I just thought you were being amazingly intuitive. 78 00:05:01,647 --> 00:05:04,945 Oh, good for you, sweetie. Why don't you just take it with our compliments, all right? 79 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:08,164 - Billy! Another Russian and a Bird over here. - Coming up. 80 00:05:08,278 --> 00:05:11,742 Ryan, you need to call your dad right now. You can still get this job... 81 00:05:11,865 --> 00:05:13,953 Stacy, I'm not working for my father's company. 82 00:05:14,076 --> 00:05:15,879 We have this all figured out! 83 00:05:15,994 --> 00:05:19,672 You and I are gonna get married, your dad is gonna get old, we're gonna take over. 84 00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:22,839 What is going on with you? Are you still into this "helping" people thing? 85 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,970 I am done talking about this. Okay? Like she said, we were having a conversation. 86 00:05:27,089 --> 00:05:29,426 Really? What's her name then? 87 00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:30,891 - Estelle. - Deborah. 88 00:05:31,009 --> 00:05:34,058 What? You... you know my name? 89 00:05:34,179 --> 00:05:37,477 No, I... You looked like a Deborah, so obviously I was wrong. 90 00:05:37,599 --> 00:05:40,529 No, my name is Deborah. You were right! 91 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:43,148 I just said Estelle because I wanted to get you out of the doghouse. 92 00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:45,775 - How would that have helped me? - You know what? 93 00:05:45,899 --> 00:05:49,447 You two enjoy each other. Happy Independence Day. 94 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,824 - Because we're through. - Stacy, this doesn't have to mean... 95 00:05:51,947 --> 00:05:55,459 Yes, it does, Ryan! This is a package deal. 96 00:05:55,576 --> 00:05:58,044 So you can say goodbye to these. 97 00:06:00,873 --> 00:06:02,925 Trixie and Mayberry. 98 00:06:04,626 --> 00:06:07,344 - I loved those cats. - You'll see them again. 99 00:06:07,463 --> 00:06:09,883 She seems like a... 100 00:06:10,007 --> 00:06:11,928 sweet girl. 101 00:06:13,552 --> 00:06:16,055 Kev, come on, focus. Help me. 102 00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:18,897 That is a solid move. No, man! 103 00:06:19,016 --> 00:06:21,400 - I'm not gonna... Yeah, but that's your move. - So? 104 00:06:21,518 --> 00:06:23,773 Not everybody can pull that off. 105 00:06:23,896 --> 00:06:27,324 Kev, you're breaking up or something. Go back to... 106 00:06:27,441 --> 00:06:29,826 - Kev, are you there? - (PANICKED) Ryan! 107 00:06:29,943 --> 00:06:33,289 (LOST CALL TONE BLEEPS, RYAN SIGHS HEAVILY) 108 00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:42,420 (DEB GROANS, RYAN COUGHS) 109 00:06:43,499 --> 00:06:44,839 Excuse me? 110 00:06:44,958 --> 00:06:47,426 Mmmm! 111 00:06:47,544 --> 00:06:49,715 Mmm, morning! 112 00:06:49,838 --> 00:06:52,556 Uh! I slept in, didn't I? 113 00:06:52,674 --> 00:06:54,514 Yeah, you sure did. 114 00:06:54,635 --> 00:06:57,684 So, what's on the agend'? Brunch? 115 00:06:57,805 --> 00:06:59,015 Ah, no. 116 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:02,236 Ooh! A black-coffee man. I like it. 117 00:07:02,351 --> 00:07:05,364 "I'm John Wayne, I don't need no breakfast." 118 00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:09,192 Ah, I actually already had my coffee, but... 119 00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:14,121 Anyway, it's the Fourth, so I'm gonna go spend some time with my family. 120 00:07:14,238 --> 00:07:16,706 - And maybe you should, too, right? - Oh, my God! 121 00:07:16,824 --> 00:07:20,418 Oh, God! I must look terrible, but... so soon. 122 00:07:20,536 --> 00:07:22,707 But I... I guess I could meet your family. 123 00:07:22,830 --> 00:07:25,547 No, no, I actually meant your family. 124 00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:29,012 - Oh? - But either way, I have to go right now, so... 125 00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:32,722 Okay, well, just... do what you gotta do, Mr Magoo. 126 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,387 (SHE LAUGHS) I've got a book and I'll just, uh... 127 00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:38,017 stay here. 128 00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,892 I'll see you in a couple of hours. 129 00:07:40,013 --> 00:07:42,101 Oh, um... Hey, uh, look, 130 00:07:42,224 --> 00:07:45,570 I don't exactly remember what happened last night... 131 00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:49,233 Oh? Well, do you want the slow-motion instant replay? 132 00:07:49,356 --> 00:07:51,242 - (LAMP SHATTERS) - Oh, great! Okay. Hey! 133 00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:52,699 - That's a... - Oh, no! 134 00:07:52,818 --> 00:07:56,994 That was a family heirloom, but, uh, you know what? Don't worry about it, please. 135 00:07:57,114 --> 00:07:58,502 Uh, please. 136 00:07:58,615 --> 00:08:00,585 Okay. Well, uh... 137 00:08:00,701 --> 00:08:02,457 As you wish. 138 00:08:02,578 --> 00:08:07,584 Um... Well, look, I think we can agree that this was a mistake. 139 00:08:09,126 --> 00:08:11,427 Oh, yeah. Of course, a mistake! 140 00:08:11,545 --> 00:08:14,309 What? I'm glad you said it before I said it. 141 00:08:14,423 --> 00:08:16,475 Cos I was gonna say it. 142 00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:19,178 (SHE LAUGHS) There's a load off! 143 00:08:19,303 --> 00:08:22,102 Great! Okay. So we can leave. Now. 144 00:08:22,222 --> 00:08:23,231 Now? 145 00:08:23,348 --> 00:08:25,235 Yes, now is... now is... 146 00:08:25,350 --> 00:08:27,818 is even, uh, too late for me. 147 00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:32,445 Like I wish we could go in a time machine and go back five minutes, and then leave then. 148 00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:35,496 But we don't, we don't have that, so we just have to walk. So here we go. 149 00:08:35,611 --> 00:08:37,283 Where's the DeLorean when you need one, right? 150 00:08:37,404 --> 00:08:39,575 - Okay. - Yeah! Hello! 151 00:08:39,698 --> 00:08:42,546 McFly? Anybody home? 152 00:08:42,659 --> 00:08:45,507 - Okay, there you go. - Much obliged. 153 00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:50,793 So, you know, if we run into each other around town, 154 00:08:50,918 --> 00:08:54,299 it doesn't need to be weird. We can just say hello or wave... 155 00:08:54,421 --> 00:08:57,767 What a nice morning. It's... 156 00:08:57,883 --> 00:09:00,386 Holidays are so peaceful, don't you think? 157 00:09:00,511 --> 00:09:03,144 - I guess I never really... - Listen, my children. 158 00:09:03,263 --> 00:09:07,107 And you will hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. 159 00:09:07,226 --> 00:09:10,856 A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door. 160 00:09:10,979 --> 00:09:13,862 And a word that will echo forever more. 161 00:09:15,609 --> 00:09:17,863 Wow, that was actually nice. 162 00:09:17,986 --> 00:09:19,493 - Um... - Thank you. 163 00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:21,535 - Have a good one. - Oh... 164 00:09:21,657 --> 00:09:25,003 It's Longfellow. He's from here. Portland, Maine. 165 00:09:25,119 --> 00:09:29,923 - Yeah, I know where we live. - I used to recite it for my mom every Fourth. 166 00:09:30,999 --> 00:09:33,087 She's in a better place now. 167 00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:35,049 Oh, I'm sorry. 168 00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:39,311 Virginia Beach. They have a lot of activities for seniors there. 169 00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:43,351 I try to go, but I'm so busy with work at the TV station. 170 00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:47,101 Hence, alone for the holiday! 171 00:09:47,224 --> 00:09:48,731 Okay, well, uh... 172 00:09:48,851 --> 00:09:51,105 God bless... America! 173 00:09:51,228 --> 00:09:53,315 Hey, God bless you! 174 00:09:56,108 --> 00:09:58,160 Whoever you are. 175 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,076 (SHE SIGHS) 176 00:10:03,866 --> 00:10:06,202 (MOBILE BLEEPS, DIALS NUMBER) 177 00:10:06,326 --> 00:10:07,999 Deb, it's Rubes. 178 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:13,293 Call me as soon as you drag yourself out of that fine man's bed, you complete whore. 179 00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:15,837 Did you ever know that you're my hero... 180 00:10:15,961 --> 00:10:20,470 Great! Somebody's coming in the store and they look drunk and I feel like ass today. 181 00:10:20,591 --> 00:10:23,770 - (GLASS SHATTERS) - Hey! You break it, you buy it, bucko! 182 00:10:23,886 --> 00:10:26,104 - (SNARLING) - Shit! Aah! 183 00:10:26,221 --> 00:10:29,187 (MOBILE BLEEPS, DIALS NUMBER) 184 00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,147 (SHE SIGHS) 185 00:10:34,354 --> 00:10:36,775 RUBY: Happy holidays. You've reached Yule Mart. 186 00:10:36,899 --> 00:10:39,947 We'll be open July 4th until noon and all day on the 5th. 187 00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:43,663 You'll love our frankincense and myrrh-chandise! Get it? 188 00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:47,660 - (ANSWER-MACHINE BEEPS) - Hi, I don't know if I should be your hero. 189 00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:51,047 Homeboy didn't want to see me again after last night. 190 00:10:51,163 --> 00:10:54,841 I guess, in the light of day, I seemed like some sort of monster. 191 00:10:56,043 --> 00:10:58,629 Rubes, you gotta tell me what happened last night, 192 00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:00,426 cos I don't remember bupkis. 193 00:11:00,547 --> 00:11:02,849 - Was I some sort of jackhole or something? - Why won't she leave? 194 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,351 - (BEEPING ON LINE) - Hello? 195 00:11:09,681 --> 00:11:11,733 Piece of kaka phone! 196 00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:14,990 Really? 197 00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:16,112 Uh! 198 00:11:20,108 --> 00:11:22,161 (ENGINE STARTS) 199 00:11:47,427 --> 00:11:48,602 Hello? 200 00:11:52,099 --> 00:11:53,273 Joe? 201 00:11:55,727 --> 00:11:57,151 Anybody? (HE CHUCKLES) 202 00:11:57,271 --> 00:11:58,991 Don't! 203 00:12:00,524 --> 00:12:02,161 - Don't make me! - (SHRIEKING) 204 00:12:02,276 --> 00:12:04,696 The parade's really gone downhill this year. 205 00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:07,584 - Come on! Get off! - (SNARLING) 206 00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:09,750 (MAN WHIMPERS) 207 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:11,753 All right, Joe... 208 00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:14,882 I got a large Casco Bay blend here. 209 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,297 Joe? 210 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:19,882 All right. 211 00:12:20,002 --> 00:12:21,639 - (SNARLING) - Oh, hey, man. 212 00:12:21,753 --> 00:12:23,889 There you are. What's going on? 213 00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:27,017 Dude, why are you eating a foot? 214 00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:31,938 Joe! 215 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,606 - (SNARLING) - Joe! 216 00:12:34,725 --> 00:12:37,145 (HE GROANS) Help! God! 217 00:12:37,269 --> 00:12:39,072 Aagh! Aagh! 218 00:12:39,188 --> 00:12:40,825 - (SNARLING) - Oh, my God! 219 00:12:40,939 --> 00:12:42,861 (SHE SCREAMS) 220 00:12:42,983 --> 00:12:45,534 What is that? This is horrible! 221 00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:48,037 Joe! 222 00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,627 (SNARLING) 223 00:13:02,002 --> 00:13:03,888 - (SHRIEKING) - Sorry, Joe. 224 00:13:05,881 --> 00:13:06,889 Uh! 225 00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:11,059 (SNARLING) 226 00:13:23,065 --> 00:13:25,034 Come on, come on, come on! 227 00:13:25,150 --> 00:13:27,868 - No, wait, wait! My place, my place! - Okay. 228 00:13:27,986 --> 00:13:29,623 - (SNARLING) - What is this... 229 00:13:29,738 --> 00:13:33,748 Well, I've never seen one before, but it seems, sort of, like a zombie apocalypse. 230 00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:37,163 Oh! You know, at least they're not the sprinter type. 231 00:13:37,287 --> 00:13:39,921 They're more of the old-school, cerebral palsy variety. 232 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,255 Hey, that's Manny, from up the street. He really does have CP. 233 00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:46,141 Oh, I'm sorry! I was just trying to... 234 00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:47,642 Whoa! 235 00:13:47,756 --> 00:13:48,967 (THEY SCREAM) 236 00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,728 Okay, some of them run! 237 00:13:52,761 --> 00:13:54,482 So sorry. 238 00:13:55,639 --> 00:13:57,774 - So what are we gonna do? - I don't know! 239 00:13:57,891 --> 00:14:00,905 I don't have a whole lot of experience with this type of thing! 240 00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:04,899 - Why are you taking off your shoes? - Because it's filthy outside! 241 00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:07,574 Okay, okay, calm down. 242 00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:10,077 (SHE PANTS) Okay. 243 00:14:10,195 --> 00:14:13,873 We need information. We need to figure out if it's affecting everyone. 244 00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:16,043 Okay. TV. 245 00:14:17,911 --> 00:14:19,169 Okay. 246 00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:21,375 Where's CNN? 247 00:14:21,498 --> 00:14:23,468 I don't have it. I got rid of cable a couple of months ago. 248 00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:27,464 Oh, that's cool. I have some friends that did that and it sounded so liberating. 249 00:14:27,588 --> 00:14:30,222 Though not actually that helpful right now! 250 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,392 I still get the local stuff. 251 00:14:33,635 --> 00:14:36,898 The annual event drew famished foodies from Bangor to Brunswick 252 00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:39,268 to support the fire department's annual pancake breakfast... 253 00:14:39,391 --> 00:14:41,147 Good! It hasn't spread across town. 254 00:14:41,268 --> 00:14:43,653 No, not necessarily. This is yesterday's broadcast. 255 00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:46,535 Which you know because you were running the camera. 256 00:14:46,648 --> 00:14:48,985 Are you being weirdly sarcastic or how do you know that? 257 00:14:49,109 --> 00:14:51,529 You told me last night that you work at the news station. 258 00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:56,043 - Now why would they rerun a news broadcast? - That's what I don't understand. 259 00:14:56,158 --> 00:14:57,878 Radio! Do you have one? 260 00:14:57,993 --> 00:15:00,793 WOMAN: ...Area and wait for help. Repeat message 5-B. 261 00:15:00,913 --> 00:15:03,132 Couldn't we have taken the radio out of the... 262 00:15:03,248 --> 00:15:05,503 - Stay in your homes with the doors locked. - This is it! 263 00:15:05,626 --> 00:15:09,553 The Governor has declared a state of emergency and alerted the National Guard. 264 00:15:09,671 --> 00:15:13,682 Symptoms of the ailment include slurred speech, wild movement, 265 00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:17,941 an appetite for human flesh, and both slow and fast walking. 266 00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:22,860 If loved ones display these traits, isolate them in a secure area and wait for help. 267 00:15:22,976 --> 00:15:25,231 "Loved ones". I gotta call Stacy. 268 00:15:25,354 --> 00:15:27,573 - Repeat message 5-B. - Wait! 269 00:15:27,689 --> 00:15:30,110 You guys broke up, right? 270 00:15:32,027 --> 00:15:34,957 - (SHE SIGHS) - I think I left my phone at the coffeshop. 271 00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:37,041 You went to a coffeeshop? 272 00:15:37,157 --> 00:15:39,921 I thought that you already had your coffee? 273 00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:42,420 - That's very interesting. - Can I use yours? 274 00:15:42,538 --> 00:15:46,251 Oh, boy! I think that I should conserve battery power. 275 00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:47,668 Please. 276 00:15:47,793 --> 00:15:49,050 Oh! 277 00:15:49,169 --> 00:15:51,305 Okay. Make it snappy. 278 00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:53,557 Wait. Seriously, this is what you use to call people? 279 00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,473 - Okay, listen, if you don't want to use it... - No, no. It's fine. 280 00:15:56,593 --> 00:15:58,681 I just, uh... 281 00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:00,939 - Uh... - You don't know her number? 282 00:16:01,056 --> 00:16:03,560 No! I... Ssh! All right? I'm trying to think. 283 00:16:03,684 --> 00:16:06,483 The prospects for your relationship are not looking good. 284 00:16:06,603 --> 00:16:08,988 I always just use speed dial, all right? Everybody does that. 285 00:16:09,106 --> 00:16:10,659 Listen, no one is judging you. 286 00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:14,120 I'm just saying that when I care about someone, I commit their phone number to memory. 287 00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:15,826 Like my mom. 288 00:16:15,946 --> 00:16:19,826 Oh, shark, my mom! Gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme! 289 00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:22,536 (SHE HUMS CONDESCENDINGLY) 290 00:16:22,661 --> 00:16:24,797 (MOBILE BEEPS, DIALS NUMBER) 291 00:16:24,913 --> 00:16:26,835 (RINGING TONE) 292 00:16:26,957 --> 00:16:28,594 - Hello? - Mom! 293 00:16:28,709 --> 00:16:31,841 - Are there zombies there? - Gotcha! You've reached my voicemail. 294 00:16:31,962 --> 00:16:34,762 - Please leave a message. - Jesus, Mom, I hate this gag. 295 00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,887 Just kidding, it's actually me. 296 00:16:37,009 --> 00:16:39,856 Oh, oh... Mom, are you really there? 297 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:43,398 Well, of course, little Miss Magoo. Happy Fourth of July! 298 00:16:43,515 --> 00:16:46,481 Uh, have you been outside yet today? 299 00:16:46,602 --> 00:16:48,523 Why, yes, I was just down at the Pick 'n Save. 300 00:16:48,645 --> 00:16:50,697 And are there people eating other people's flesh? 301 00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:52,654 I'm in Virginia Beach, honey, not Florida. 302 00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:56,571 Mom, listen to me. The people here are infected with something. 303 00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:59,080 I'm trying to get down there, but if I don't make it... 304 00:17:00,157 --> 00:17:01,960 - ...take care of yourself. - Deb? 305 00:17:02,075 --> 00:17:03,629 - I love you. - Are you there? 306 00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:05,749 - Ma? - Can you hear me? 307 00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,589 - Still using that janky old phon... - Dammit! 308 00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:11,796 (BEEPING ON LINE) 309 00:17:11,919 --> 00:17:13,556 (SHE TURNS MOBILE OFF) 310 00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:15,307 (SHE SIGHS) 311 00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:19,391 Mm. 312 00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:25,901 Okay, let's take stock of what we have and, uh... 313 00:17:26,016 --> 00:17:28,401 - Ooh! - (CRASHING) 314 00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:32,825 Board up the windows. Way ahead of you, chief. Pee corner's over there. 315 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:36,902 That end table was a matching set! And we don't need a pee corner, I've got a bathr... 316 00:17:37,027 --> 00:17:39,032 You know what? We're getting out of here. 317 00:17:39,154 --> 00:17:41,658 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 318 00:17:41,782 --> 00:17:44,332 - (SCREAMING AND SNARLING) - Help me! 319 00:17:46,286 --> 00:17:47,758 (SCREAMING) 320 00:17:47,871 --> 00:17:49,212 Ooh! 321 00:17:49,331 --> 00:17:52,214 All right, they're drawn to the noise. We'll have to leave quietly. 322 00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:54,386 But... you heard the radio. 323 00:17:54,503 --> 00:17:58,015 They said to hunker down and wait for the National Guard or, you know, whatever. 324 00:17:58,132 --> 00:18:00,386 And, just some food for thought, 325 00:18:00,509 --> 00:18:03,937 we might want to start bonding in case we have to repopulate the world. 326 00:18:04,054 --> 00:18:07,436 - Just thinking out loud here. - No, please don't, all right? 327 00:18:07,558 --> 00:18:11,271 Look, my fiancée, brother and father are out there. They'll be expecting me. 328 00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:14,657 Breaking news... people are kind of foregoing their holiday plans right now. 329 00:18:14,773 --> 00:18:16,410 You'll be no help to them if you get infected. 330 00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:19,871 I'd rather take that risk than be without the people I care about. 331 00:18:19,987 --> 00:18:23,914 - Okay, whatever you want. I'm staying put. - But I need you! 332 00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:26,287 (SNARLING AND SCREAMING OUTSIDE) 333 00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:31,131 It's weird. I know that we've only known each other a short time, but I kind of feel... 334 00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:33,716 - You have a car. - Oh? 335 00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:36,634 What happened to yours, player? It's in the shop? 336 00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:39,138 I don't have one. I ride my bicycle everywhere. 337 00:18:39,256 --> 00:18:42,388 Everywhere except across town in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, huh? 338 00:18:42,509 --> 00:18:44,479 - Is that your one exception? - Look... 339 00:18:44,595 --> 00:18:47,275 Help me collect my people, then we can all leave town together, 340 00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:50,070 and then you can get to your mom in Virginia. 341 00:18:50,184 --> 00:18:51,904 Oh, I can't stay mad at you! 342 00:18:53,187 --> 00:18:55,357 We're gonna need some road snacks. 343 00:18:55,481 --> 00:18:58,364 Oh! I foolishly thought that you kept food in here. 344 00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:02,541 - Hey, we can survive on this stuff! - Oh, for an hour, if we were rabbits. 345 00:19:02,654 --> 00:19:05,620 Why do you have coconut water? Is this Maine or Gilligan's Island? 346 00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:08,209 - It's very hydrating. - (SHE SIGHS) 347 00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:11,921 Okay, once we get in that car, I am not stopping till we get to VA. 348 00:19:12,039 --> 00:19:14,507 There's gotta be some place around here that we can get food. 349 00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:18,682 I check in on Mrs Jones, get her groceries once in a while. 350 00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:21,014 Oh, that's so sweet! 351 00:19:23,258 --> 00:19:24,848 RYAN: Oh, no! 352 00:19:26,845 --> 00:19:28,731 Oh, my God! Is she... 353 00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:32,773 So sad! 354 00:19:32,893 --> 00:19:35,028 To die alone on the Fourth. 355 00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:39,195 Shadows are trailing. 356 00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:41,119 My heart is bewailing. 357 00:19:41,235 --> 00:19:43,536 And tolling within like a funeral bell. 358 00:19:44,738 --> 00:19:46,957 Rest in peace, Mrs Jones. 359 00:19:50,452 --> 00:19:52,422 What are you doing? 360 00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:55,634 Oh, I was just reciting some Longfellow. I think it's nice to say... 361 00:19:55,749 --> 00:19:57,968 No, no. Why did you open her eyes? 362 00:19:58,085 --> 00:20:02,925 That's what you do when someone dies, to let their soul rise up to heaven. 363 00:20:03,048 --> 00:20:06,311 What? No, no. You close their eyes. 364 00:20:06,426 --> 00:20:09,475 Uh, okay, trust me on this one! 365 00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:13,191 No. Trust me. Okay? Nobody does it that way. 366 00:20:13,308 --> 00:20:17,188 Uh, you're gonna feel pretty silly when the internet's back up. 367 00:20:17,312 --> 00:20:21,619 Please! This was a sweet old lady, all right? Don't be weird. 368 00:20:21,733 --> 00:20:23,536 Just leave her in peace. 369 00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:25,325 - I... - Stop it! 370 00:20:25,445 --> 00:20:27,415 Ooh, taking control! 371 00:20:27,531 --> 00:20:31,078 Yeah, I dig it! But I've gotta do right by her. 372 00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:33,420 Let your soul be free! 373 00:20:33,537 --> 00:20:36,502 - You're being ridiculous. - No, you're being ridiculous! 374 00:20:36,623 --> 00:20:39,091 And let go of my wrist, you're hurting me. 375 00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:42,342 - I'm not touching your... Whoa! - What is happening? 376 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:44,717 (DEB SCREAMS, SNARLING) 377 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,688 DEB: A little help here, chief! RYAN: I'm working on it! 378 00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:49,853 - (SNARLING) - I'm sorry, Mrs Jones. 379 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:53,648 - I'm really sorry to do this to you. - Forget the lamp, Martha Stewart! 380 00:20:53,765 --> 00:20:56,186 Okay! Okay, okay! Jump away! 381 00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:58,860 All right! Now, and... 382 00:20:58,979 --> 00:21:00,616 - Clear! - What are you doing? 383 00:21:00,731 --> 00:21:03,199 What? Why isn't it working? Deb, do something! 384 00:21:03,317 --> 00:21:06,034 Please don't struggle, Mrs Jones! 385 00:21:06,153 --> 00:21:08,039 Oh! She's old! 386 00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:11,329 (SHRIEKING) 387 00:21:16,079 --> 00:21:18,132 - Yeah! - All right! 388 00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:22,971 I mean, that was a terrible, actually, cos she was my neighbour. 389 00:21:23,086 --> 00:21:26,016 But that's, uh... Let's get the food. 390 00:21:31,970 --> 00:21:34,682 These are the crappiest snacks. Didn't this lady eat any solids? 391 00:21:34,807 --> 00:21:35,684 Sssh! 392 00:21:35,808 --> 00:21:38,940 (GROANING) 393 00:21:40,145 --> 00:21:41,356 Whoa! 394 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,066 At least they're three floors down. 395 00:21:44,191 --> 00:21:45,448 (SNARLING) 396 00:21:45,567 --> 00:21:48,533 Aah! Fire escape! Fire escape! 397 00:21:54,993 --> 00:21:56,963 Wait! Slow down! 398 00:21:57,079 --> 00:21:59,380 What are you doing? You should've left all that stuff! 399 00:21:59,498 --> 00:22:01,835 - Sorry. Fine! - No, no, no, don't just... 400 00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:03,715 - Sorry. - (SNARLING) 401 00:22:03,836 --> 00:22:05,010 Shit! 402 00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:07,216 Great! Now look what you made me do. 403 00:22:09,007 --> 00:22:11,392 (VICIOUS SNARLING) 404 00:22:12,469 --> 00:22:14,889 Well, that's it. We're toast. 405 00:22:15,013 --> 00:22:17,481 It's stupid for us both to die. 406 00:22:19,309 --> 00:22:21,611 - I'm gonna give you a chance. - What are you talking about? 407 00:22:21,728 --> 00:22:22,772 Ssh! 408 00:22:22,896 --> 00:22:25,115 Earn this. Huh? 409 00:22:28,026 --> 00:22:30,281 - Come on. - When the moment is right, 410 00:22:30,404 --> 00:22:32,243 you grab your bike and go! 411 00:22:32,364 --> 00:22:34,286 Who wants a piece of this? 412 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:38,376 Whoa! Whoa! 413 00:22:40,831 --> 00:22:41,839 Wooh! 414 00:22:41,957 --> 00:22:43,511 Wooh-hoo! 415 00:22:45,335 --> 00:22:47,091 (SNARLING) 416 00:22:47,212 --> 00:22:49,514 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 417 00:22:49,631 --> 00:22:51,886 Why are you hitting yourself? 418 00:22:52,009 --> 00:22:54,228 Here, guys. I'm right here. 419 00:22:54,344 --> 00:22:56,350 Come on, you guys, get over here. 420 00:22:56,472 --> 00:22:58,856 Come on, you guys. I'm just right here. 421 00:22:58,974 --> 00:23:00,232 Hey! 422 00:23:07,107 --> 00:23:08,400 Whoa! 423 00:23:08,525 --> 00:23:09,699 Aah! 424 00:23:09,818 --> 00:23:12,867 That was awesome! You were awesome! 425 00:23:12,988 --> 00:23:14,910 I feel so alive! 426 00:23:15,032 --> 00:23:17,119 - Tell me you have your keys. - Yes! 427 00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:24,131 - (HE SIGHS) - Wooh! 428 00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:29,340 You saved me, Ryan! You effing saved me! 429 00:23:29,463 --> 00:23:32,891 I think we can be pretty sure that you like me. 430 00:23:33,008 --> 00:23:34,894 Good, God! Do you live in here? 431 00:23:35,010 --> 00:23:36,398 No! 432 00:23:38,472 --> 00:23:40,062 Not any more. 433 00:23:40,182 --> 00:23:42,234 Maybe there's something more about this on the radio. 434 00:23:42,351 --> 00:23:44,854 Don't you ever touch a black man's radio! 435 00:23:44,978 --> 00:23:47,315 It's Chris Tucker, Rush Hour. 436 00:23:47,439 --> 00:23:49,693 Radio's busted. Tape player works, though. 437 00:23:49,817 --> 00:23:52,949 - (MUSIC PLAYS) - Oh, well, that's completely useless. 438 00:23:54,446 --> 00:23:55,953 - Ten points! - (YELLING) 439 00:23:56,073 --> 00:23:58,208 W-w-what are you doing? 440 00:23:58,325 --> 00:23:59,962 I know! Low hanging fruit, right? 441 00:24:01,245 --> 00:24:03,214 Aah! No, no! Stop that. 442 00:24:03,330 --> 00:24:06,794 Don't worry about it! This is like swatting mosquitoes for little Otis. 443 00:24:06,917 --> 00:24:10,511 No, no! You can't just murder these zombies. These are people. 444 00:24:10,629 --> 00:24:13,014 Um... maybe they were once. 445 00:24:13,132 --> 00:24:15,896 No. For all we know, some chemist could be working on a cure right now. 446 00:24:16,009 --> 00:24:17,397 - They could be turned normal again. - Sure! 447 00:24:17,511 --> 00:24:19,931 And maybe we can all hold hands and skip to Yum-Yum Town, 448 00:24:20,055 --> 00:24:22,689 where rainbows shoot out of the butts of unicorns. 449 00:24:22,808 --> 00:24:24,149 I'm serious. 450 00:24:25,269 --> 00:24:28,531 Ryan, even if you're right, would they really want to come back? 451 00:24:28,647 --> 00:24:32,527 How would you deal with the fact that you just ate your roommate's lower intestine? 452 00:24:32,651 --> 00:24:35,368 Okay, okay. I wasn't looking on that one. 453 00:24:35,487 --> 00:24:36,994 Please, Deb. 454 00:24:41,577 --> 00:24:43,712 Enjoy your life, zombies. 455 00:24:49,626 --> 00:24:52,841 DEB: I always knew this town was dead, but this is ridiculous. 456 00:24:52,963 --> 00:24:54,636 Cha-cha-cha! 457 00:24:54,756 --> 00:24:56,559 RYAN: How many miles does this boat get? 458 00:24:56,675 --> 00:24:58,894 Oh, you're gonna bust on my car now? 459 00:24:59,011 --> 00:25:02,475 No, no, I was just thinking about when we need to fill up the gas again. 460 00:25:02,598 --> 00:25:06,821 No, no, I hear it in your voice. "Otis is offensive. Otis is unclean." 461 00:25:06,935 --> 00:25:10,993 Do you know, like, what the emissions from this car actually do to the environment? 462 00:25:11,106 --> 00:25:14,155 I'm sorry, I must have missed that page in Ryan's Guide To Being 463 00:25:14,276 --> 00:25:16,577 - A Completely Perfect Humanoid. - No, no! 464 00:25:16,695 --> 00:25:20,373 It's not about being perfect. Clean energy is just the right thing to do. 465 00:25:20,491 --> 00:25:22,293 Energy is messy, okay. 466 00:25:22,409 --> 00:25:27,048 I mean, it's really cute to eat organic millet and drive around in a hovercraft or whatever, 467 00:25:27,164 --> 00:25:29,169 but look around you, dude. 468 00:25:29,291 --> 00:25:32,673 We lost. We tried to save the planet and this is where it got us. 469 00:25:32,795 --> 00:25:35,927 - God, you sound just like my dad. - Really? 470 00:25:36,048 --> 00:25:38,468 The guy sounds awesome. What are you, adopted? 471 00:25:38,592 --> 00:25:43,432 That's good. Nice one. That's actually the family joke. My brother makes it all the time. 472 00:25:43,555 --> 00:25:46,023 (SHE LAUGHS) It's a good one. 473 00:25:46,141 --> 00:25:50,151 Look, I'm sorry. My family is not a Hallmark card either. 474 00:25:50,270 --> 00:25:52,240 (SHE SIGHS) 475 00:25:52,356 --> 00:25:54,527 I remember every Fourth, 476 00:25:54,650 --> 00:25:58,707 my dad would bring us all up to the roof to watch fireworks over the eastern prom. 477 00:25:58,821 --> 00:26:03,791 And then, one year, around dusk, the guy's nowhere to be found. 478 00:26:03,909 --> 00:26:07,966 So we go up to the roof and that's when we saw him. 479 00:26:09,915 --> 00:26:13,130 He was lying there in the backyard, 480 00:26:13,252 --> 00:26:15,838 right by the barbecue. 481 00:26:15,963 --> 00:26:18,015 He almost looked like he was asleep. 482 00:26:20,467 --> 00:26:24,727 He was changing out the propane tank. It was the best cookout ever. 483 00:26:27,266 --> 00:26:29,353 - That's the end of the story? - Mm-hm. 484 00:26:29,476 --> 00:26:32,193 That's a ridiculous... That was so strange. 485 00:26:32,312 --> 00:26:34,649 - It's all going one direction and then... - But that was a good memory. 486 00:26:34,773 --> 00:26:36,825 It's not all like that. 487 00:26:36,942 --> 00:26:38,864 It's a mixed bag. 488 00:26:38,986 --> 00:26:41,322 Okay, well, anyway, um... 489 00:26:42,406 --> 00:26:45,834 My dad is pissed because I won't work for the family business. 490 00:26:45,951 --> 00:26:47,505 Really? What's wrong with it? 491 00:26:47,619 --> 00:26:51,546 It's rated the most environmentally unsound business in the state. 492 00:26:51,665 --> 00:26:54,346 Waverly Water Treatment? 493 00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:56,880 You're a Waverly? Oh, my God! 494 00:26:57,004 --> 00:27:00,136 - How did you put that together? - Because I work in the news, remember? 495 00:27:00,257 --> 00:27:04,766 Don't get me wrong, that company seems like pure evil but the buckage must be pretty good. 496 00:27:04,887 --> 00:27:08,849 Yeah, well, not for me. I'm not gonna work there, so my brother's gonna get it all. 497 00:27:08,974 --> 00:27:11,109 Mm, tough break. 498 00:27:11,226 --> 00:27:13,563 Where the fuck are we? 499 00:27:14,897 --> 00:27:16,699 Wait. What are you doing? 500 00:27:16,815 --> 00:27:18,951 Just gotta stop in here. 501 00:27:22,905 --> 00:27:25,835 Yule Mart? No, no, we agreed. 502 00:27:25,949 --> 00:27:28,630 No more stopping. My dad's place is just a couple of miles up the road. 503 00:27:28,744 --> 00:27:32,920 Yeah, and we're gonna get there. But my friend's inside. I have to see if she's okay. 504 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,127 Fine. Five minutes. 505 00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:37,670 Do we have anything deadlier than a bike chain? 506 00:27:38,754 --> 00:27:39,846 Uh... 507 00:27:39,963 --> 00:27:41,636 This... thing. 508 00:27:41,757 --> 00:27:42,801 No. 509 00:27:42,925 --> 00:27:45,144 Oh, check the glove box. 510 00:27:49,348 --> 00:27:51,269 Maybe that? 511 00:27:54,144 --> 00:27:57,490 You've had a gun this entire time? 512 00:27:57,606 --> 00:28:00,703 Yeah, it was in there when I bought the car. (SHE LAUGHS) 513 00:28:00,818 --> 00:28:04,032 It's mostly for show, though, it only has two bullets. 514 00:28:04,154 --> 00:28:06,954 If it comes down to it, we'll use it to tap out. 515 00:28:07,074 --> 00:28:09,209 - "Tap out"? - Yeah. 516 00:28:09,326 --> 00:28:11,663 You know, if we get infected. 517 00:28:11,787 --> 00:28:13,709 Tap. Poof! 518 00:28:13,831 --> 00:28:16,132 And then tap. Poof! 519 00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:18,551 You just shot yourself first. 520 00:28:18,669 --> 00:28:22,430 Oh, I'm sorry, Ryan! I haven't worked out the math on our murder-suicide yet! 521 00:28:22,548 --> 00:28:24,766 Okay, let me be really clear about this. 522 00:28:24,883 --> 00:28:27,054 I do not want to be tapped out. 523 00:28:27,177 --> 00:28:29,941 (SHE CHUCKLES) Right, you say that now! 524 00:28:30,055 --> 00:28:34,017 No, seriously, if I get infected, just let me run off into the woods or something. 525 00:28:34,143 --> 00:28:37,441 You'll feel differently when you get infected. I don't want you to suffer. 526 00:28:37,563 --> 00:28:41,240 No, I could not be more sure about this. I do not want you to shoot me in the head. 527 00:28:41,358 --> 00:28:44,075 Sure, sure, sure. Okay, okay. We'll see, though. 528 00:28:44,194 --> 00:28:45,286 Okay? 529 00:28:51,118 --> 00:28:52,708 DEB: Stay alert. 530 00:28:55,831 --> 00:28:57,587 # Jingle bells, jingle bells... 531 00:28:57,708 --> 00:28:59,345 (YELLING) 532 00:28:59,460 --> 00:29:02,224 # Oh, what fun it is to ride... # (TUNE BEGINS TO DISTORT) 533 00:29:02,337 --> 00:29:04,639 (YELLING) 534 00:29:04,756 --> 00:29:06,429 (YELLING) 535 00:29:06,550 --> 00:29:08,555 (DEB PANTS) 536 00:29:10,387 --> 00:29:11,479 Oh! 537 00:29:11,597 --> 00:29:13,234 (RYAN SIGHS) 538 00:29:13,348 --> 00:29:15,069 # Deck the halls with... # 539 00:29:18,645 --> 00:29:21,778 - Look at all this crap. - You don't like Christmas? 540 00:29:21,899 --> 00:29:24,782 Are you kidding, me? I freakin' love Christmas. 541 00:29:24,902 --> 00:29:28,579 Which is why I think these plastic trees are for Tyre stores and... 542 00:29:28,697 --> 00:29:30,619 communists. 543 00:29:30,741 --> 00:29:34,668 When I have kids, I'm gonna take them every year to cut down a real tree. 544 00:29:34,787 --> 00:29:37,752 You realise it takes ten years for one of those trees to grow 545 00:29:37,873 --> 00:29:39,629 and only seconds to saw the life out of it? 546 00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:42,431 If there's a bigger buzz-kill than you, sir, I do not know what that looks like. 547 00:29:42,544 --> 00:29:45,842 I'm just saying that we should celebrate planting a tree with the children, 548 00:29:45,964 --> 00:29:47,518 rather than destroying one. 549 00:29:47,633 --> 00:29:49,021 "We"? 550 00:29:49,134 --> 00:29:51,685 - Yeah, you know. I mean, people, Earth. - A-huh. 551 00:29:51,804 --> 00:29:53,310 But you said "the children". 552 00:29:53,430 --> 00:29:55,435 If you meant children in general, you would've said something like... 553 00:29:55,557 --> 00:29:57,278 Oh, my God! 554 00:29:57,392 --> 00:29:59,398 That sweater! 555 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,153 (GROANING) 556 00:30:02,272 --> 00:30:03,696 Ruby? 557 00:30:03,816 --> 00:30:06,200 Honey, are you okay? 558 00:30:08,070 --> 00:30:09,826 Look out! 559 00:30:13,617 --> 00:30:15,954 Well, it looks like she's full-on zombie, let's jet. 560 00:30:16,078 --> 00:30:19,043 - Wait! We can't leave her like that. - What do you suggest? 561 00:30:19,164 --> 00:30:21,668 - (GLASS SHATTERS, GROANING) - Tap, tap. 562 00:30:21,792 --> 00:30:23,844 Use our bullets on her? 563 00:30:23,961 --> 00:30:26,844 It's the right thing to do. Besides, you said you don't want to use them. 564 00:30:26,964 --> 00:30:28,257 But the gun's in the car. 565 00:30:28,382 --> 00:30:30,766 (SNORTING AND SNARLING) 566 00:30:32,052 --> 00:30:33,440 Here. 567 00:30:33,554 --> 00:30:35,606 You distract her and lead her outside. 568 00:30:35,722 --> 00:30:37,395 I'll do the rest. 569 00:30:40,102 --> 00:30:41,276 Hey! 570 00:30:41,395 --> 00:30:43,863 Sale on flesh over here! 571 00:30:45,524 --> 00:30:46,817 Ruby? 572 00:30:48,527 --> 00:30:50,081 (SHRIEKING) 573 00:30:52,364 --> 00:30:53,456 Deb! 574 00:30:54,533 --> 00:30:57,831 - What's going on? - Get on the roof! Trust me! 575 00:30:57,953 --> 00:31:00,005 I don't trust you! 576 00:31:05,461 --> 00:31:07,631 (RYAN YELLING) 577 00:31:08,797 --> 00:31:10,470 Yahtzee! 578 00:31:13,093 --> 00:31:15,597 Did I hurt you in a past life or something? 579 00:31:15,721 --> 00:31:19,149 I just thought maybe you're right. Maybe they'll find a cure for this some day. 580 00:31:19,266 --> 00:31:20,938 - Well, if I can change one mind. - Hey... 581 00:31:21,059 --> 00:31:23,777 You saved a zombie, kid, you didn't undo apartheid. 582 00:31:23,896 --> 00:31:25,817 (BANGING) 583 00:31:25,939 --> 00:31:28,443 Okay, let's go find your peeps. 584 00:31:28,567 --> 00:31:30,537 Hang in there, Rubs. 585 00:31:30,652 --> 00:31:32,704 RYAN: It's up here on the right. 586 00:31:35,824 --> 00:31:38,838 Good. That's Stacy's car. I'm glad she knew to come here. 587 00:31:38,952 --> 00:31:42,416 DEB: Yay! So glad Stacy isn't dead. 588 00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:45,802 - Look, Deb, I hope this isn't going to be... - (HORN BLARES) 589 00:31:45,918 --> 00:31:47,555 Are you out of your mind? 590 00:31:47,669 --> 00:31:49,971 What? We both agreed we're not going to leave this car again. 591 00:31:50,088 --> 00:31:53,552 Until we get here, yeah! Obviously, we have to get out to collect them. 592 00:31:53,675 --> 00:31:56,440 - We don't even know if they're in there. - Trust me, they are. 593 00:31:56,553 --> 00:31:59,567 We always get together on the Fourth. It's my dad's favourite holiday. 594 00:31:59,681 --> 00:32:02,695 Well, prepare yourself. They may not be the people you remember. 595 00:32:02,810 --> 00:32:06,440 Oh, I have no doubt they'll be unrelenting flesh-eating monsters, 596 00:32:06,563 --> 00:32:09,529 but I bet they won't be zombies. Okay. 597 00:32:09,650 --> 00:32:12,747 I deserve the things I want. My needs are worthwhile. 598 00:32:12,861 --> 00:32:15,958 I'm not hurting anyone by being myself. 599 00:32:16,073 --> 00:32:18,659 What are you doing, Rain Man? 600 00:32:18,784 --> 00:32:22,580 I like to take a second to centre myself every time I come here. 601 00:32:22,704 --> 00:32:26,762 I deserve the things I want. My needs are worthwhile. 602 00:32:26,875 --> 00:32:30,090 - I'm not hurting anyone by being myself. - Uh, uh... I want to be supportive, an' all, 603 00:32:30,212 --> 00:32:32,762 but is this mantra much longer? 604 00:32:37,427 --> 00:32:40,275 - (BLEEPING) - Oh, man! What is it again? 605 00:32:40,389 --> 00:32:42,358 Well, why don't you try Stacy's phone number. 606 00:32:42,474 --> 00:32:47,149 Will you just give it a rest, all right? You're like the Terminator of sarcasm. 607 00:32:47,271 --> 00:32:50,201 I drove you here, in my car, 608 00:32:50,315 --> 00:32:54,705 and you've been treating me like I'm just a bag of wet diapers that you have to lug around. 609 00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:58,248 Well, that actually sounds less shitty than whatever we've got going on now. 610 00:32:58,365 --> 00:33:02,588 Oh, wow! You know, I thought that you were a cool guy back at the bar, 611 00:33:02,703 --> 00:33:05,716 but now I find out you're some spoiled pretty boy. 612 00:33:05,831 --> 00:33:10,054 Excuse me, "pretty boy"? I have a very masculine set of features, okay? 613 00:33:10,169 --> 00:33:12,470 If anything, my look is "burnished rugged". 614 00:33:12,588 --> 00:33:14,427 Nobody who is that says that! 615 00:33:14,548 --> 00:33:17,182 - I do. - Your hair has not moved this entire time! 616 00:33:17,301 --> 00:33:19,981 It's thick, it requires maintenance. You have no idea! 617 00:33:20,095 --> 00:33:23,192 You haven't taken a shower since yesterday and yet you still smell 618 00:33:23,307 --> 00:33:25,027 like sandalwood and lilac! 619 00:33:25,142 --> 00:33:30,315 Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to distract you from being the weirdest person in the world! 620 00:33:30,439 --> 00:33:31,696 - Uh! - (GUNSHOT) 621 00:33:33,150 --> 00:33:34,075 God, Chaz! 622 00:33:34,193 --> 00:33:37,325 - Did you change the gate code? - Depends. 623 00:33:37,446 --> 00:33:42,286 - How do I know you're not... one of them? - Because I'm speaking in words. 624 00:33:43,577 --> 00:33:45,629 - What about her? - Gimme a break, Chaz! 625 00:33:45,746 --> 00:33:48,083 - Hi, I'm Deb. - (GUNSHOT) 626 00:33:49,875 --> 00:33:52,675 - Will you knock it off? - You're Ryan's big brother? 627 00:33:52,795 --> 00:33:55,678 - You're so... different. - Thanks. We think he's adopted. 628 00:33:55,798 --> 00:33:57,055 Oh, that never gets old. 629 00:33:57,174 --> 00:34:00,022 Can we please come in? We've had really a long day. 630 00:34:00,135 --> 00:34:03,682 So, wait, excuse me, wait. What are you? Are you the rebound? 631 00:34:03,806 --> 00:34:05,775 Oh, busted! 632 00:34:05,891 --> 00:34:09,355 How did you know, dude? You're probably an uncle now. 633 00:34:09,478 --> 00:34:11,068 - (CHAZ LAUGHS) - No! 634 00:34:11,188 --> 00:34:12,825 - I knew it! - No, no, that's not... 635 00:34:12,940 --> 00:34:14,779 - Stacy's here, right? - Oh! 636 00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:17,949 She told me all about your big breakup, stud. 637 00:34:18,070 --> 00:34:20,039 Looks like you didn't waste much time moving on now, did you? 638 00:34:20,155 --> 00:34:22,706 No, that's not... We're just helping each other. 639 00:34:22,825 --> 00:34:24,664 - I'm sure you are. Huh! - (GUNSHOT) 640 00:34:25,869 --> 00:34:28,503 Deb, I'm Chaz. 641 00:34:28,622 --> 00:34:31,968 Clearly the more masculine of the two Waverly brothers. 642 00:34:32,084 --> 00:34:33,840 (SHE LAUGHS) Good shot. 643 00:34:33,961 --> 00:34:36,974 - I aim to please. - RYAN: Okay! 644 00:34:37,089 --> 00:34:38,892 Open the gate! 645 00:34:39,007 --> 00:34:41,143 - You need the code, man. - Okay. 646 00:34:41,260 --> 00:34:43,016 - Do you want it? - Yes! 647 00:34:43,137 --> 00:34:46,850 Okay, it's five, eight, zero, zero eight. 648 00:34:46,974 --> 00:34:49,145 That's... It's "BOOBS" upside down. 649 00:34:49,268 --> 00:34:51,439 - Wow! - Yeah. 650 00:34:51,562 --> 00:34:54,195 A gentleman, too! Ooh-Ia-Ia! 651 00:34:54,314 --> 00:34:56,485 Thank you, Chaz. 652 00:34:56,608 --> 00:34:58,660 (SNARLING) 653 00:35:00,946 --> 00:35:02,785 - (GUNSHOT) - Oh! Shoot! 654 00:35:04,241 --> 00:35:05,534 Dad? 655 00:35:05,659 --> 00:35:09,372 Whoa! This is, like, straight out of Mitchell Black! 656 00:35:09,496 --> 00:35:12,510 Ryan! Oh, my Rye-bread, you're all right. 657 00:35:12,624 --> 00:35:15,258 - We thought for sure... - No, no, I'm... I'm okay. 658 00:35:15,377 --> 00:35:18,260 Hey, Stacy, did you meet Deb? She came here with Ryan, together. 659 00:35:18,380 --> 00:35:22,556 - Where did you creep up from? - Oh, I just... came with Rye-bread. 660 00:35:22,676 --> 00:35:24,562 They helped each other get across town. 661 00:35:24,678 --> 00:35:26,849 God knows what they had to do to survive. Isn't that swell? 662 00:35:26,972 --> 00:35:28,775 So helpful. 663 00:35:28,891 --> 00:35:31,062 - Do we tip her or... - It was nothing. 664 00:35:31,185 --> 00:35:36,535 It was just one hand stroking the other. Friends with benefits, as they say. 665 00:35:36,648 --> 00:35:38,202 - I'm glad you made it. - Oh! 666 00:35:38,317 --> 00:35:39,989 Dad! Dad, look... 667 00:35:40,110 --> 00:35:43,456 I've been thinking, I'm really sorry for what I said on the phone last night. 668 00:35:43,572 --> 00:35:45,411 I've been thinking all day and I was worried 669 00:35:45,532 --> 00:35:47,537 those would be the last words we ever said to each other. 670 00:35:47,659 --> 00:35:51,882 Could I see you in the kitchen for a moment? I need a little help with my brownies. 671 00:35:51,997 --> 00:35:54,085 Mr Waverly? Hi. 672 00:35:54,208 --> 00:35:55,335 Hi. 673 00:35:59,379 --> 00:36:01,764 I always help him with the brownies. 674 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,647 - Hey, Deb, how much you bench? - Right now? 675 00:36:05,761 --> 00:36:08,015 - Yeah. - Forty? 676 00:36:08,138 --> 00:36:10,226 How could you be so boneheaded? 677 00:36:10,349 --> 00:36:13,528 - Stacy's here. She's not family. - Stacy's inner circle. 678 00:36:13,644 --> 00:36:15,815 She's been here since last night, for God's sake. 679 00:36:15,938 --> 00:36:17,658 - She has? - The point is, 680 00:36:17,773 --> 00:36:19,493 I spoke with the Governor on the shortwave. 681 00:36:19,608 --> 00:36:23,784 He's arranged a chopper evac at the county line at 0900 hours tomorrow. 682 00:36:23,904 --> 00:36:28,080 - For the four of us, not five. - I'm sure Deb can squeeze in. 683 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:32,127 Oh! You're a big man now all of a sudden, huh? 684 00:36:32,246 --> 00:36:35,010 Why did I not get the memo? 685 00:36:35,124 --> 00:36:37,460 Well, this is bigger than you are, smart guy! 686 00:36:37,584 --> 00:36:39,672 And you'd know that if you'd listened on the phone last night, 687 00:36:39,795 --> 00:36:41,966 instead of blathering on about your principles. 688 00:36:42,089 --> 00:36:47,178 Wait, so you knew last night that people were gonna turn into zombies? 689 00:36:47,302 --> 00:36:49,983 No, no, no, no. 690 00:36:50,097 --> 00:36:52,896 These people aren't... what you said. 691 00:36:53,016 --> 00:36:55,520 They're just ordinary citizens, 692 00:36:55,644 --> 00:36:58,325 who happen to have contracted 693 00:36:58,438 --> 00:37:02,496 a parasite-borne virus that makes their corporal bodies decompose 694 00:37:02,609 --> 00:37:04,911 and gives them an insatiable appetite for human flesh. 695 00:37:05,028 --> 00:37:08,327 Oh, my God! The water. 696 00:37:08,448 --> 00:37:12,411 Now, Ryan, come on, it's just a very complicated situation. 697 00:37:12,536 --> 00:37:15,384 All right? We haven't got our arms around all the details yet. 698 00:37:15,497 --> 00:37:17,585 Well, get your arms around this, Deb's coming with us! 699 00:37:17,708 --> 00:37:21,054 - That's not an option. - If you leave her out, I go too. 700 00:37:21,170 --> 00:37:24,847 I promised her I would get her out of town and I'm keeping that promise. 701 00:37:33,223 --> 00:37:34,481 Mm! 702 00:37:35,893 --> 00:37:38,989 - You can't talk, Stacy, while I'm shooting. - I didn't. 703 00:37:39,104 --> 00:37:42,568 So you're saying people became zombies last night if they drank the city water? 704 00:37:42,691 --> 00:37:45,159 Or bathed in it, which explains how you were spared. 705 00:37:45,277 --> 00:37:47,614 Stacy, Deb is my guest. Please! 706 00:37:47,738 --> 00:37:52,495 I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just going by the look of her hair and face and clothes. 707 00:37:52,618 --> 00:37:57,541 But, Ryan, you take a shower, like, every ten minutes. Why didn't you turn? 708 00:37:57,664 --> 00:37:59,136 Unless... 709 00:37:59,249 --> 00:38:01,385 I think I'm gonna be sick. 710 00:38:01,502 --> 00:38:02,973 Hi-ooh! 711 00:38:03,086 --> 00:38:07,263 - Longest walk of shame ever! - No, no! That's not... 712 00:38:07,382 --> 00:38:09,601 Nothing happened, we both just passed out. 713 00:38:09,718 --> 00:38:13,230 - I mean, something happened. - CHAZ: I'm sure it did! 714 00:38:13,347 --> 00:38:18,484 While you two were getting gross with each other, I took care of Stacy and her pussy cats. 715 00:38:18,602 --> 00:38:19,776 Ryan... 716 00:38:20,979 --> 00:38:23,909 You were right and I was wrong. 717 00:38:24,024 --> 00:38:27,453 I have decided to keep the nutmeg in. 718 00:38:27,569 --> 00:38:31,081 - Oh, I'm glad you see it that way. - Mm-hm. 719 00:38:31,198 --> 00:38:36,122 Nutmeg can be a bit much at times, but that's no reason to abandon it. 720 00:38:36,245 --> 00:38:39,459 You guys are what, trading recipes now? And when did that start happening? 721 00:38:39,581 --> 00:38:41,669 Chaz, will you just give your ears a rest, please? 722 00:38:41,792 --> 00:38:44,924 - Okay, yeah. - The important thing is, we're safe. 723 00:38:45,045 --> 00:38:47,346 - We're all safe! - (GUNSHOT) 724 00:38:47,464 --> 00:38:50,430 Oh! Holy frijoles! 725 00:38:50,551 --> 00:38:51,844 Oh, man! 726 00:38:51,969 --> 00:38:56,358 Topper? You still have that giant boozehound on the payroll? 727 00:38:56,473 --> 00:38:57,600 Hi, Ryan. 728 00:38:57,724 --> 00:39:02,529 That giant boozehound saved your privileged little ass numerous times when you were a boy. 729 00:39:02,646 --> 00:39:05,659 Topper, just keep walking the perimeter or no brownie for you. 730 00:39:05,774 --> 00:39:08,657 Yeah, like when Leah Schiffer discovered me at hide-and-seek 731 00:39:08,777 --> 00:39:11,660 and got put in the hospital? She didn't walk right ever again. 732 00:39:11,780 --> 00:39:16,122 Leah didn't play by the rules. Society crumbles without rules. 733 00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:18,663 - Amen, Pop. - And speaking of crumbling... 734 00:39:18,787 --> 00:39:21,753 I'm pretty sure my brownies must be cool enough by now. 735 00:39:21,874 --> 00:39:24,342 Shall we all adjourn to the living room? 736 00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:26,714 Leah Schiffer! 737 00:39:26,837 --> 00:39:30,717 FRANK: Easy does it there. Mmm! (HE LAUGHS) 738 00:39:30,841 --> 00:39:33,806 Will you look at that, huh? (HE LAUGHS) 739 00:39:33,927 --> 00:39:34,971 DEB: Sorry, I... 740 00:39:35,095 --> 00:39:37,599 I'm still stuck on this water thing. 741 00:39:37,723 --> 00:39:40,902 It's boring stuff, dear, a little bit too technical. 742 00:39:41,018 --> 00:39:45,739 Does it have to do with the ultraviolet treatment process that you're testing at Waverly Water? 743 00:39:45,856 --> 00:39:49,450 What? No. Not according to public record. 744 00:39:49,568 --> 00:39:52,533 Where did you ever hear such a preposterous fabrication? 745 00:39:52,654 --> 00:39:56,877 (DEB LAUGHS) I keep my ear to the ground for my job. 746 00:39:56,992 --> 00:39:59,543 Deb Clarington, News Channel Seven. 747 00:39:59,661 --> 00:40:04,667 Your system is supposed to cut the cost of purifying our water by half, right? 748 00:40:04,792 --> 00:40:07,971 That's... brilliant and ambitious. 749 00:40:08,086 --> 00:40:11,135 Well, yes, it was supposed to be a boon for the entire town. 750 00:40:11,256 --> 00:40:14,222 And we could sell the surplus to the bottling companies. 751 00:40:14,343 --> 00:40:18,566 But weren't you supposed to still be in beta on the process? 752 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:19,772 We... we were. 753 00:40:19,890 --> 00:40:22,820 Then... why the rush, Frank? 754 00:40:22,935 --> 00:40:26,197 I told the Governor that we needed more time, 755 00:40:26,313 --> 00:40:30,110 that the pre-filters weren't catching all of the bio-pathogens yet. 756 00:40:30,234 --> 00:40:34,077 But he... he insisted that we roll it out before the holidays, 757 00:40:34,196 --> 00:40:36,664 so he could squeeze it into the Q2 budget. 758 00:40:36,782 --> 00:40:39,416 And by "insisted," I'm sure you mean he gave you a huge kickback. 759 00:40:39,535 --> 00:40:43,592 How were we supposed to know it was going to be a banner year for the Ichabod virus? 760 00:40:43,705 --> 00:40:47,051 The same thing that wiped out the indigenous Wabanaki Indians? 761 00:40:47,167 --> 00:40:50,346 - Wobanaki Indians, Pop. - Wobanaki Indians. 762 00:40:50,462 --> 00:40:54,555 I'm supposed to be proud of you that you wiped out the entire population of our town? 763 00:40:54,675 --> 00:40:56,431 You see that? You always go to the negative. 764 00:40:56,552 --> 00:40:57,726 - I'm proud of you. Pop. - Always! 765 00:40:57,845 --> 00:40:59,351 Population or no population. 766 00:40:59,471 --> 00:41:03,896 Oh, come on, relax now, babe. We've got some catching up to do! Hm-hm! 767 00:41:04,017 --> 00:41:07,481 Okay. Well, jeez, it's been a hoot. 768 00:41:07,604 --> 00:41:10,950 - But I think I need to skedaddle down the road. - No, Deb, wait! 769 00:41:11,066 --> 00:41:14,779 - Why, right? - You can't go back out there. 770 00:41:14,903 --> 00:41:17,751 My dad arranged a helicopter for us in the morning. 771 00:41:17,865 --> 00:41:20,913 Plus, you must be exhausted. We hardly slept last night. 772 00:41:21,034 --> 00:41:24,961 You know those times when you can taste your own stomach acid? I have that right now. 773 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:29,470 - I know what you mean. - I'm going to be just fine, chief. 774 00:41:29,585 --> 00:41:34,341 This was the deal. We got you here, now I'm going to get on to my own family. 775 00:41:34,465 --> 00:41:37,763 So... thanks for the mammaries. 776 00:41:39,386 --> 00:41:41,937 - (SHOTGUN CLICKS) - Nobody's going anywhere! 777 00:41:43,765 --> 00:41:46,814 Till they taste one of my freedom brownies! 778 00:41:46,935 --> 00:41:48,525 - (RELIEVED LAUGH) - Chaz. 779 00:41:48,645 --> 00:41:50,069 - Give this to Topper. - I got it, Pop. 780 00:41:50,189 --> 00:41:52,194 For close-range kills. 781 00:41:55,152 --> 00:41:57,038 - (CHAZ WHISTLES) - Stay. 782 00:41:57,154 --> 00:42:03,169 The brownies are a Fourth of July tradition that we started when Ryan's mother was alive. 783 00:42:03,285 --> 00:42:07,082 - You remind me of her, in a way. - I think we did that, like, twice. 784 00:42:07,206 --> 00:42:10,634 - If it means that much to you, of course. - Yes. 785 00:42:12,544 --> 00:42:13,553 Oh! 786 00:42:13,670 --> 00:42:14,963 Mm? 787 00:42:15,088 --> 00:42:16,891 (SHE COUGHS) Gosh! That is... 788 00:42:17,007 --> 00:42:18,977 (FRANK LAUGHS) 789 00:42:19,092 --> 00:42:20,932 ...so good. 790 00:42:21,053 --> 00:42:24,018 I'm surprised Chaz hasn't added creatine to his brownie yet. 791 00:42:24,139 --> 00:42:26,725 Hey! I'm just trying to stay strong for all of us. 792 00:42:26,850 --> 00:42:30,113 What are you gonna do when the shit hits the fan? Huh, little brother? 793 00:42:30,229 --> 00:42:32,732 Are you going to come out with your hair-dryer, is that what you're gonna do? 794 00:42:32,856 --> 00:42:35,027 - Huh, little brother? - Whoa! 795 00:42:35,150 --> 00:42:36,704 - RYAN: Stop it! - Hey, hey! 796 00:42:36,819 --> 00:42:39,239 Stop it! Get off me! 797 00:42:39,363 --> 00:42:41,332 Get off me! 798 00:42:41,448 --> 00:42:43,667 You guys are acting worse than those things out there. 799 00:42:43,784 --> 00:42:46,749 Oh, I thought they were just ordinary citizens who got a little wet. 800 00:42:46,870 --> 00:42:50,583 - Oh, shut up, you little piss-ant. - Pop, I got it! 801 00:42:50,707 --> 00:42:52,629 Come on, you numbskulls, you idiots! 802 00:42:52,751 --> 00:42:55,385 - If your mother... Stop it! - I got him! 803 00:42:55,504 --> 00:42:57,094 - I can't get up! - I got him! 804 00:42:57,214 --> 00:43:00,346 - He's trapped! - Through the night rode Paul Revere. 805 00:43:00,467 --> 00:43:04,311 And so through the night went his cry of alarm. 806 00:43:04,429 --> 00:43:07,893 Through every Middlesex village and farm 807 00:43:08,016 --> 00:43:10,318 a cry of defiance 808 00:43:10,435 --> 00:43:12,523 and not of fear. 809 00:43:12,646 --> 00:43:16,869 - What the bejeezus was that? - That was Longfellow. Deb's favourite. 810 00:43:16,984 --> 00:43:20,661 FRANK: Ah, Longfellow. You know, he's from here. Maine. Portland. 811 00:43:20,779 --> 00:43:24,623 You know, maybe it's not my place, but... 812 00:43:24,741 --> 00:43:27,078 you guys are with family. 813 00:43:27,202 --> 00:43:29,457 We're lucky we're even alive. 814 00:43:29,580 --> 00:43:31,715 You see that, boys? 815 00:43:31,832 --> 00:43:36,138 The little redhead's right. It's the Fourth of July, for God's sake. 816 00:43:36,253 --> 00:43:38,258 You're right. Yeah. 817 00:43:38,380 --> 00:43:40,468 Let's blow some shit up. Yeah? 818 00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:42,263 Yeah? 819 00:43:43,552 --> 00:43:45,723 (SNARLING) 820 00:43:45,846 --> 00:43:47,269 CHAZ: Wait for it. 821 00:43:47,389 --> 00:43:49,110 - Wait for it. - Yeah. 822 00:43:49,224 --> 00:43:51,561 - Here comes the good part. There it is. - Oh, wow! 823 00:43:51,685 --> 00:43:53,607 Check that out! 824 00:43:53,729 --> 00:43:55,022 - That's great. - Sweet! 825 00:43:55,147 --> 00:43:59,239 Up next, I got a big aerial display. It explodes and then a roaring bear face comes out. 826 00:43:59,359 --> 00:44:02,788 No, no, no. That's enough. We don't want to attract too much attention. 827 00:44:02,905 --> 00:44:05,455 What? Dad, I got, like, all these M80's. 828 00:44:05,574 --> 00:44:09,086 - You don't want to see the bear face? - No! No, I do not. 829 00:44:09,203 --> 00:44:11,623 - (CHAZ SIGHS) - I shouldn't let you do this one. 830 00:44:11,747 --> 00:44:15,543 Okay, everybody, drink up. I'm gonna turn in. 831 00:44:15,667 --> 00:44:18,800 We have to have our wits about us in the morning, so... 832 00:44:18,921 --> 00:44:20,511 - Ooh, quick question. - Yeah. 833 00:44:20,631 --> 00:44:23,561 - Where's everybody sleeping? - (FRANK LAUGHS) 834 00:44:23,675 --> 00:44:27,270 Well, Ryan and Stacy will stay in Ryan's old room, 835 00:44:27,387 --> 00:44:31,445 and Deborah over there... How you doing there, hon? 836 00:44:31,558 --> 00:44:33,813 - I'm fine. - Okay! 837 00:44:33,936 --> 00:44:36,071 She's going to be in your room, all right? 838 00:44:36,188 --> 00:44:39,118 And you're going to stand watch with Topper. 839 00:44:39,233 --> 00:44:41,202 - Come on, walk with me. - Hm! 840 00:44:41,318 --> 00:44:43,572 - Walk with me, Chaz. Come! - Hm! (CHAZ SIGHS) 841 00:44:46,156 --> 00:44:47,746 Come on. 842 00:44:49,034 --> 00:44:52,297 - STACY: I'm so glad that you're safe, babe. - RYAN: Yeah. 843 00:44:52,412 --> 00:44:53,884 Thanks. 844 00:45:00,921 --> 00:45:03,472 I'm gonna need your help with Ryan in the morning. 845 00:45:03,590 --> 00:45:07,019 - How do you mean? - His new friend isn't coming with us. 846 00:45:07,136 --> 00:45:10,019 - The adorable little ginger girl? - I'm sure he'll throw a hissy fit. 847 00:45:10,139 --> 00:45:12,191 How are we gonna sneak out without her? 848 00:45:12,307 --> 00:45:16,614 I put enough horse tranquilizer in that brownie to kept her asleep through August. 849 00:45:16,728 --> 00:45:19,149 I'm surprised she's even still on her feet! 850 00:45:19,273 --> 00:45:22,156 I'm sure she'll be going down for the count soon. 851 00:45:23,569 --> 00:45:26,203 Hey, don't go soft on me now, boy! 852 00:45:26,321 --> 00:45:30,497 She works for the news. We don't want her doing some story on the water supply. 853 00:45:30,617 --> 00:45:31,791 Uh-uh. 854 00:45:31,910 --> 00:45:36,419 Sometimes... you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first. 855 00:45:38,250 --> 00:45:40,255 Put my oxygen mask on first. 856 00:45:40,377 --> 00:45:41,848 - Right, first. - Ow! 857 00:45:41,962 --> 00:45:43,599 All right. 858 00:45:44,673 --> 00:45:46,595 - Uh, Chaz... - Yeah, Pop. 859 00:45:46,717 --> 00:45:48,270 Stop trying to bang Stacy. 860 00:45:48,385 --> 00:45:52,016 - Once was enough. - If only it was! 861 00:45:52,139 --> 00:45:55,485 Oh! Don't you tell me you're falling in love with her? 862 00:45:55,601 --> 00:45:58,566 Ryan's back. Be realistic. 863 00:45:58,687 --> 00:46:03,362 What? Is it totally unrealistic to think that I could be the special one for once? 864 00:46:03,484 --> 00:46:06,995 I mean, what's he got that I don't got? Besides your great eyes. 865 00:46:07,112 --> 00:46:09,164 - We gotta stay focused, boy. - A-ha. 866 00:46:09,281 --> 00:46:10,704 - You hear me? Stay focused. - Okay! 867 00:46:10,824 --> 00:46:13,125 We got to keep our shit straight if we're gonna make it through this thing. 868 00:46:13,243 --> 00:46:15,165 - Yeah, keep our shit straight. - Keep it straight. 869 00:46:15,287 --> 00:46:17,506 Keep it straight. Thanks, Pop! 870 00:46:17,623 --> 00:46:19,295 - Thanks for the rap. - Okay. 871 00:46:20,793 --> 00:46:21,801 Okay. 872 00:46:21,919 --> 00:46:25,181 Okay! All right, you'd better get back to your post. 873 00:46:25,297 --> 00:46:26,424 Okay. 874 00:46:28,091 --> 00:46:30,595 (HE SNORES) 875 00:46:42,689 --> 00:46:46,402 "Portland's water runs through him." Oh! Gross! 876 00:46:50,906 --> 00:46:53,374 I think you can forgo your sit-ups tonight. 877 00:46:56,036 --> 00:46:58,088 I'll give you a workout. 878 00:46:58,205 --> 00:46:59,498 Wow! 879 00:46:59,623 --> 00:47:01,379 Uh, Stacy... 880 00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:03,837 I'm talking about sex. 881 00:47:03,961 --> 00:47:06,096 No, I know. Um... 882 00:47:06,213 --> 00:47:08,894 I'm going to sleep here on floor, all right? You take the bed. 883 00:47:09,007 --> 00:47:13,267 - A lot's happened since you broke up with me. - Are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? 884 00:47:13,387 --> 00:47:17,148 No. Hey, look, we need to talk, all right? I think you were right to dump me. 885 00:47:17,266 --> 00:47:20,398 (SHE SIGHS) Ryan, you need to stop being a martyr, okay? 886 00:47:20,519 --> 00:47:23,900 This is a sure thing. Just relax. 887 00:47:24,022 --> 00:47:26,277 No, wait! I... I... I'm... 888 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,736 I'm saying we want different things. 889 00:47:28,861 --> 00:47:31,909 Oh, really? And what do you want? That nerd? 890 00:47:32,030 --> 00:47:35,044 - Could you keep your voice down? - Well, what does she do for you, Ryan? 891 00:47:35,159 --> 00:47:39,335 She ride you like this? Like... Oh, yeah! Oh, Ryan, you're the best! 892 00:47:39,455 --> 00:47:42,503 (STACY'S VOICE, BANGING) Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes! 893 00:47:42,624 --> 00:47:46,136 - RYAN: Cut it out! - STACY: Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh! Oh, yeah! 894 00:47:46,253 --> 00:47:47,807 Oh, yeah! 895 00:47:47,921 --> 00:47:50,851 STACY: Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan! 896 00:47:50,966 --> 00:47:53,552 - Oh, yes, you're the best! - Cut it out, please! 897 00:47:53,677 --> 00:47:55,848 Oh... Oh, yeah! 898 00:47:55,971 --> 00:47:58,023 Oh, Ryan! Oh, yeah! 899 00:47:58,140 --> 00:48:01,237 - Yeah, Ryan! I shop at Target! - Cut it out. Ssh! 900 00:48:01,351 --> 00:48:04,780 Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh, my gosh! 901 00:48:04,897 --> 00:48:07,993 Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes! 902 00:48:08,108 --> 00:48:12,284 - Cut it out, please! - Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh, my God! Oh, yeah! 903 00:48:12,404 --> 00:48:15,121 (STACY'S VOICE CONTINUES INDISTINCT BANGING) 904 00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:18,455 - Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes! - Cut it out! 905 00:48:18,577 --> 00:48:20,463 - Stacy, stop! - Oh, yeah! 906 00:48:20,579 --> 00:48:22,916 - Stacy, stop! Stop! - Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 907 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,674 - Stop! Hey! - Oh, yeah! 908 00:48:25,793 --> 00:48:28,378 Oh, yeah! Oh, Ryan! 909 00:48:28,504 --> 00:48:31,850 - Stacy, you're acting insane! - (CAR DOOR BANGS) 910 00:48:31,965 --> 00:48:34,646 - (CAR ENGINE STARTS) - What the... 911 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,354 If that cooz let out my cats, so help me! 912 00:48:48,482 --> 00:48:52,658 (VICIOUS SNARLING) 913 00:48:52,778 --> 00:48:56,076 (HE SNORES) 914 00:48:57,991 --> 00:48:59,628 Trixie? 915 00:48:59,743 --> 00:49:01,250 Mayberry? 916 00:49:01,370 --> 00:49:02,580 Trixie? 917 00:49:02,704 --> 00:49:05,006 (SNARLING) 918 00:49:05,124 --> 00:49:07,544 - (GUNSHOT) - Oh! Chaz! 919 00:49:07,668 --> 00:49:09,424 - (SNARLING) - Oh, my God! 920 00:49:09,545 --> 00:49:12,178 Ryan! The bastards have surrounded the house. 921 00:49:12,297 --> 00:49:14,018 Time to put on your big-boy pants, son. 922 00:49:14,133 --> 00:49:17,312 Dad, you don't have to talk to me like I'm some kind of kid. 923 00:49:17,427 --> 00:49:19,515 (SHOTGUN CLICKS) 924 00:49:19,638 --> 00:49:22,770 Aim high, and I'm not talking about life goals. 925 00:49:22,891 --> 00:49:24,979 Shoot 'em in the head. Let's move! 926 00:49:25,102 --> 00:49:28,530 Stacy, how could you do that to me? 927 00:49:30,232 --> 00:49:33,863 - Didn't last night mean anything to you? - Well, of course it did. 928 00:49:33,986 --> 00:49:35,872 I think. 929 00:49:37,781 --> 00:49:41,412 But, you know, Ryan's just so good-looking, you know? It's... 930 00:49:41,535 --> 00:49:42,377 (GUNSHOT) 931 00:49:44,121 --> 00:49:46,885 That one's coming fast, Chaz. Chaz? 932 00:49:46,999 --> 00:49:48,920 Chaz, that one's coming pretty fast. 933 00:49:49,042 --> 00:49:51,427 (SHE SCREAMS) 934 00:49:51,545 --> 00:49:54,309 Help! God, help me! 935 00:49:54,423 --> 00:49:56,891 Please, God! Don't let me die! 936 00:49:57,009 --> 00:49:59,144 (SNARLING) 937 00:49:59,261 --> 00:50:01,765 - (GUNSHOT) - Commie bastard! 938 00:50:01,889 --> 00:50:03,561 (SNARLING) 939 00:50:03,682 --> 00:50:04,726 (GUNSHOT) 940 00:50:06,268 --> 00:50:08,071 Attaboy! Good job! 941 00:50:08,187 --> 00:50:10,073 Chaz! Look out behind... 942 00:50:10,189 --> 00:50:11,612 (YELLING) 943 00:50:14,610 --> 00:50:16,366 - He's been bit. - Oh, no, Chaz! 944 00:50:16,487 --> 00:50:19,950 He's been bit. Get him on the couch! I'll take care of the door. 945 00:50:20,073 --> 00:50:22,126 (GUNSHOT, SNARLING) 946 00:50:32,044 --> 00:50:33,764 - (BANG) - Chew-a-dent! 947 00:50:35,506 --> 00:50:38,305 Oh! Oh, God! Ruby! 948 00:50:38,425 --> 00:50:40,513 (SNARLING) 949 00:50:40,636 --> 00:50:43,850 Honey, I am so sorry. 950 00:50:45,390 --> 00:50:49,068 I completely forgot you were in there. What the... 951 00:50:49,186 --> 00:50:52,864 (SHE SIGHS) I must be the most selfish person in the world. 952 00:50:55,150 --> 00:51:00,405 Here I am, acting like I'm doing you some kind of favour by keeping you alive. 953 00:51:00,531 --> 00:51:04,244 Deluding myself that there might actually be a cure for this. 954 00:51:04,368 --> 00:51:06,871 But really I just... 955 00:51:07,955 --> 00:51:10,375 I can't bring myself to end it for you. 956 00:51:10,499 --> 00:51:14,675 (GROANING) 957 00:51:14,795 --> 00:51:17,974 I never would have talked to Ryan without you. 958 00:51:18,090 --> 00:51:21,352 And though I deeply regret 959 00:51:21,468 --> 00:51:23,769 meeting that... 960 00:51:23,887 --> 00:51:26,307 elitist man-whore, 961 00:51:26,431 --> 00:51:29,112 for one night, damn it, 962 00:51:29,226 --> 00:51:30,982 I lived, Ruby. 963 00:51:31,103 --> 00:51:32,693 I lived. 964 00:51:39,194 --> 00:51:41,246 What the ding-dong? 965 00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:51,003 Hi! Would you shut it off, please? 966 00:51:51,123 --> 00:51:53,757 - Shut it down. Thank you. - Hi. 967 00:51:53,876 --> 00:51:56,094 - Good morning. - Good morning! 968 00:51:56,211 --> 00:51:57,385 (THEY LAUGH) 969 00:51:57,504 --> 00:52:01,727 So I... I guess you guys have heard about the zombies in town? 970 00:52:01,842 --> 00:52:04,939 Zombies? Zombies! Guys, she said there's zombies! 971 00:52:05,053 --> 00:52:07,818 Yeah, we heard about the zombies. (HE LAUGHS) That's why we're here. 972 00:52:07,931 --> 00:52:11,775 So if you wouldn't mind taking the keys out and coming inside that tent, 973 00:52:11,894 --> 00:52:14,658 we've got a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of questions for you. 974 00:52:14,771 --> 00:52:17,073 If we're going to be honest here, 975 00:52:17,191 --> 00:52:21,283 I was really looking forward to putting some distance between me and this town. 976 00:52:21,403 --> 00:52:23,539 (HE LAUGHS) I get it! I get it! 977 00:52:23,655 --> 00:52:27,416 You're like, "Who's this powerful muckity-muck trying to cramp my style, 978 00:52:27,534 --> 00:52:30,464 when all I wanna do is try on some lipstick and chase guys, 979 00:52:30,579 --> 00:52:34,257 and get as far as I can from those gosh-darn flesh-eaters?" Am I right? 980 00:52:34,374 --> 00:52:36,676 If I say yes, will you let me go? 981 00:52:36,794 --> 00:52:38,846 Let me put it this way... 982 00:52:46,136 --> 00:52:48,437 (HE FARTS) That's a no. 983 00:52:57,648 --> 00:53:02,453 Hey, I've got some John Cougar Mellencamp. That always used to cheer you up. 984 00:53:02,569 --> 00:53:07,078 It's just John Mellencamp now, Dad. I haven't listened to him on purpose in 20 years. 985 00:53:08,325 --> 00:53:10,793 Son, I liked Stacy. 986 00:53:12,204 --> 00:53:16,297 Although I'm not sure she was the girl your mother would have wanted you to marry, 987 00:53:16,416 --> 00:53:18,885 I am sorry that she got her brains eaten. 988 00:53:19,962 --> 00:53:21,967 - Don't do this, Dad. - Do what? 989 00:53:22,089 --> 00:53:25,054 - I'm just being real here. - I'm not ready to be cool with you. 990 00:53:25,175 --> 00:53:29,565 Oh, good, good. What, you think I wanted any of this, huh? 991 00:53:30,639 --> 00:53:33,024 Look at Chaz back there. 992 00:53:33,142 --> 00:53:36,855 When he turns, who do you think's gonna have to put him down? 993 00:53:38,897 --> 00:53:42,409 For all of his faults, I loved that boy like he was my own son. 994 00:53:43,735 --> 00:53:45,456 What do you mean? 995 00:53:45,571 --> 00:53:48,785 Well, Chaz was adopted. You knew that, right? 996 00:53:48,907 --> 00:53:52,004 - Son-of-a-bitch. He was adopted? - Bottom line is... 997 00:53:52,119 --> 00:53:53,709 you and I have to stay positive, 998 00:53:53,829 --> 00:53:56,166 remember how fortunate we are to be in the Governor's good graces. 999 00:53:56,290 --> 00:53:57,843 - Fortunate? - Yes. 1000 00:53:57,958 --> 00:54:01,671 If you weren't so deep in the Governor's good graces, we wouldn't be in this mess. 1001 00:54:01,795 --> 00:54:03,468 Well, we're almost out of it, okay. 1002 00:54:06,758 --> 00:54:08,479 Ow! Gaa! 1003 00:54:09,761 --> 00:54:14,317 - Buy a girl a drink first, will you? - I'm sorry about that business there. 1004 00:54:14,433 --> 00:54:16,520 - Sincerely! - I'm not infected. 1005 00:54:16,643 --> 00:54:19,776 - I wasn't bitten. - I know, Deb, I know. 1006 00:54:19,897 --> 00:54:22,281 We just have protocols we have to follow. 1007 00:54:22,399 --> 00:54:24,867 You guys aren't real military, are you? 1008 00:54:24,985 --> 00:54:26,658 What is "real"? 1009 00:54:26,778 --> 00:54:30,622 Is "real" like a construct of our own subconscious or... 1010 00:54:30,741 --> 00:54:32,663 Is this real? 1011 00:54:32,785 --> 00:54:34,540 Is this real? 1012 00:54:34,661 --> 00:54:36,334 - Are any of us real? - Yeah. 1013 00:54:36,455 --> 00:54:38,294 The rest of us are real. 1014 00:54:38,415 --> 00:54:41,001 All right, we're a private security firm hired to handle this situation. 1015 00:54:41,126 --> 00:54:43,760 Whoa! You guys are doing a bang-up job! 1016 00:54:43,879 --> 00:54:45,884 - Thank you. - I'm being sarcastic. 1017 00:54:46,006 --> 00:54:48,225 - What are you gonna do now, kill me? - Kill you? Deb... 1018 00:54:48,342 --> 00:54:50,678 That hurts me. Come on! 1019 00:54:50,803 --> 00:54:54,266 I am a father, all right? Look, look at these. 1020 00:54:54,389 --> 00:54:56,441 Look at these little... Two little boys. 1021 00:54:56,558 --> 00:54:59,987 - Those are my kids. They are adorable, right? - Yeah. 1022 00:55:00,103 --> 00:55:04,445 Could I go back and look at these little angels in their eyes with murder on my brain? 1023 00:55:04,566 --> 00:55:06,785 I don't think so, Deb. 1024 00:55:06,902 --> 00:55:10,995 No, your test was negative. You are free to go. 1025 00:55:11,114 --> 00:55:12,242 Oh! 1026 00:55:12,366 --> 00:55:14,371 - Awesome sauce! - (THEY LAUGH) 1027 00:55:14,493 --> 00:55:16,545 Okay, great! Um... 1028 00:55:16,662 --> 00:55:21,004 Oh, if you could just, uh, get rid of that road block, I'll be... on my way. 1029 00:55:21,125 --> 00:55:23,094 Uh... sorry. (HE LAUGHS) 1030 00:55:23,210 --> 00:55:26,175 I might have been a little confusing there. You're free to go back. 1031 00:55:26,296 --> 00:55:29,891 - Wait, I'm sorry, back? - Yeah, back to where you came from. 1032 00:55:30,008 --> 00:55:32,726 You can't ever leave that town on, kind of, a forever-type basis. 1033 00:55:32,845 --> 00:55:34,517 Forever? 1034 00:55:34,638 --> 00:55:38,185 So you're just gonna... you're gonna wall us in with those things? 1035 00:55:38,308 --> 00:55:40,396 That's a fate worse than death. 1036 00:55:40,519 --> 00:55:42,939 You're gonna tell that to your two lamo kids? 1037 00:55:43,063 --> 00:55:45,115 They're four and six, Deb. 1038 00:55:45,232 --> 00:55:48,080 They wouldn't understand the moral complexity of that situation. 1039 00:55:48,193 --> 00:55:51,787 Portland may be a small town, but people are going to notice if we disappear. 1040 00:55:51,905 --> 00:55:54,124 The official story is radiation leak. 1041 00:55:54,241 --> 00:55:56,709 I don't think people are going to be champing at the bit 1042 00:55:56,827 --> 00:55:59,164 to go check it out for themselves, believe you me. 1043 00:55:59,288 --> 00:56:02,385 You're not going to get away with this. They're... 1044 00:56:02,499 --> 00:56:06,924 People... people are going to talk. There's social media, there's like... 1045 00:56:07,045 --> 00:56:08,885 Twerking, My Face. 1046 00:56:09,006 --> 00:56:13,146 I don't think you've noticed, but the internet's shut down and cellphones. 1047 00:56:13,260 --> 00:56:16,772 Deb, you would have had a better chance of getting out of here if you were infected. 1048 00:56:16,889 --> 00:56:19,107 They're looking for case studies out there right now, 1049 00:56:19,224 --> 00:56:21,609 trying to figure out how to stop this thing. 1050 00:56:21,727 --> 00:56:22,901 Wait. 1051 00:56:23,020 --> 00:56:26,448 Wait! I know Frank Waverly. The Governor is sending him a helicopter. 1052 00:56:26,565 --> 00:56:29,614 - And I'm supposed to be on it. - You know Frank Waverly? 1053 00:56:29,735 --> 00:56:31,288 Yeah. 1054 00:56:31,403 --> 00:56:33,373 Yeah! I do. 1055 00:56:35,616 --> 00:56:38,416 The rendezvous point's right up ahead here. 1056 00:56:38,535 --> 00:56:41,383 Throw a blanket over your brother, we don't want to scare anybody. 1057 00:56:46,251 --> 00:56:49,051 - Oh, God! He looks terrible. - Oh, jeez! 1058 00:56:49,171 --> 00:56:50,215 God! 1059 00:56:55,886 --> 00:56:59,766 RYAN: Whoa! Deb's car. She's here. I hope she's okay. 1060 00:56:59,890 --> 00:57:03,188 FRANK: Was that girl ever okay? Now let me do the talking. 1061 00:57:03,310 --> 00:57:06,407 Some say shooting a gun's like an organism. 1062 00:57:06,522 --> 00:57:08,823 That must be why it's harder for women to shoot g... 1063 00:57:08,941 --> 00:57:10,862 - What the hell is going on here? - Oh! 1064 00:57:10,984 --> 00:57:14,697 - Well, if it isn't Don Juan Demarco. - No, no, that wasn't what it sounded like. 1065 00:57:14,822 --> 00:57:19,163 - Prop a squat here, One Direction. - I have very classic masculine features, sir. 1066 00:57:20,452 --> 00:57:23,335 - Why is she restrained? - Oh, you must be Frank Waverly. 1067 00:57:23,455 --> 00:57:25,543 And you must be fond of digging ditches, 1068 00:57:25,666 --> 00:57:27,967 cos that's what you're gonna be doing if I don't get some goddamn answers! 1069 00:57:28,085 --> 00:57:30,719 - You know, the Governor... - Is sending a helicopter, yeah? 1070 00:57:30,838 --> 00:57:33,008 - I know. - Hello, Frank. 1071 00:57:33,132 --> 00:57:35,600 I thought I owed it to you to do this face to face. 1072 00:57:35,717 --> 00:57:37,972 - You're not going anywhere. - Governor. 1073 00:57:39,471 --> 00:57:41,607 - Why? - We screwed the pooch, Frank. 1074 00:57:41,723 --> 00:57:45,069 Well, you did. At least, that's how history is going to show it. 1075 00:57:45,185 --> 00:57:49,907 I have volumes of documentation. This whole thing was on your demand. 1076 00:57:50,023 --> 00:57:52,325 My people are at your home and your office right now. 1077 00:57:52,442 --> 00:57:55,028 I don't think documentation is going to be much of a problem. 1078 00:57:55,154 --> 00:57:57,918 Why, self-serving son-of-a... (YELLING) 1079 00:57:58,031 --> 00:58:00,582 (FRANK GROANS) 1080 00:58:04,705 --> 00:58:06,674 Let the young ones go. 1081 00:58:06,790 --> 00:58:08,760 They had no part in this. 1082 00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:10,845 I wish I could, Frank. 1083 00:58:10,961 --> 00:58:14,758 Colonel Newton, I think you saw these three try to rush the border. 1084 00:58:14,882 --> 00:58:18,061 I think you had to use some extreme measures to stop them. 1085 00:58:18,177 --> 00:58:19,979 And I think you succeeded. 1086 00:58:20,095 --> 00:58:21,898 Sir. 1087 00:58:22,014 --> 00:58:23,935 Goodbye, Frank. 1088 00:58:25,017 --> 00:58:25,942 Wait! 1089 00:58:26,059 --> 00:58:30,200 My dad has more than enough motivation to keep quiet and I'm his son. 1090 00:58:30,314 --> 00:58:31,951 - So? - So... 1091 00:58:32,065 --> 00:58:34,651 the only wild card here is her. She's a reporter. 1092 00:58:34,776 --> 00:58:36,449 What? I'm not a reporter! 1093 00:58:36,570 --> 00:58:39,038 I mean, I would like to be a reporter. I'm trying to be a reporter. 1094 00:58:39,156 --> 00:58:40,627 She films everything. 1095 00:58:40,741 --> 00:58:44,703 She's documented this whole disaster with this tiny little hidden camera. 1096 00:58:44,828 --> 00:58:46,999 Somebody's gonna find that footage one day. 1097 00:58:47,122 --> 00:58:49,210 Wouldn't you like to get your hands on it right now? 1098 00:58:49,333 --> 00:58:52,014 I patted her down myself. I did not find a camera. 1099 00:58:52,127 --> 00:58:55,224 Deb, just give it up. They're going to search Otis eventually. 1100 00:58:55,339 --> 00:58:57,723 Otis? That's her car. 1101 00:58:57,841 --> 00:59:00,974 The footage is in her car. Let's go! You, with me. 1102 00:59:02,137 --> 00:59:03,525 The car! 1103 00:59:04,848 --> 00:59:07,897 I got the glove box. Dekker, you pop the hood. 1104 00:59:08,018 --> 00:59:11,482 - Try the trunk. - What? No! Not the trunk! 1105 00:59:12,856 --> 00:59:13,983 Pop it. 1106 00:59:14,107 --> 00:59:16,872 Governor, sir. Mr Governor... 1107 00:59:17,945 --> 00:59:19,286 What the... Damn thing... 1108 00:59:19,404 --> 00:59:21,741 - (SNARLING) - (YELLING) 1109 00:59:21,865 --> 00:59:24,451 (RIPPING NOISES) 1110 00:59:24,576 --> 00:59:26,831 What? Holy... Oh, man! 1111 00:59:26,954 --> 00:59:29,374 Get that... get that... get that... 1112 00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:34,965 Hey, man, that was an accident. 1113 00:59:35,087 --> 00:59:37,471 That was a mistake, man. Don't do it. Put your gun down. 1114 00:59:37,589 --> 00:59:40,638 I didn't mean to shoot him. Come on, we know each other! 1115 00:59:40,759 --> 00:59:43,393 That was just a... (YELLING) 1116 00:59:43,512 --> 00:59:46,062 - Oh, this is all my fault. - Ugh! 1117 00:59:46,181 --> 00:59:49,610 It's customary to say something like, "No, no, no, don't beat yourself up." 1118 00:59:49,726 --> 00:59:51,648 - Words to that effect. - Don't beat yourself... 1119 00:59:51,770 --> 00:59:54,155 Never mind. It really is my fault. 1120 00:59:54,273 --> 00:59:56,693 But I'm going to make it right for the two of you. 1121 00:59:56,817 --> 00:59:59,202 - What are you talking about? - Frank? 1122 01:00:00,863 --> 01:00:04,244 (GUNSHOTS) 1123 01:00:04,366 --> 01:00:06,205 Come on! 1124 01:00:07,453 --> 01:00:09,671 - (SNARLING) - (YELLING) 1125 01:00:10,747 --> 01:00:12,503 Ruby, no! 1126 01:00:12,624 --> 01:00:13,668 Huh? 1127 01:00:14,751 --> 01:00:16,721 Go, go! Let's go. 1128 01:00:16,837 --> 01:00:18,723 - (SNARLING) - Dad! 1129 01:00:18,839 --> 01:00:23,311 Ryan. Ryan, I should have been there more for you when you were growing up. 1130 01:00:23,427 --> 01:00:25,266 I could have helped you be a little more rugged. 1131 01:00:25,387 --> 01:00:27,439 Why are you talking like that? You're coming with us. 1132 01:00:27,556 --> 01:00:29,526 No! Like this? 1133 01:00:29,641 --> 01:00:31,148 I'm gone, son. 1134 01:00:31,268 --> 01:00:34,483 Bit by a zombie in a God-awful sweater. 1135 01:00:34,605 --> 01:00:37,903 Now listen up. You stay with that girl Deb, all right? 1136 01:00:38,025 --> 01:00:40,955 She's good for you. She's got moxie. 1137 01:00:41,069 --> 01:00:43,787 Head back into Portland and stay alive till this blows over. 1138 01:00:43,906 --> 01:00:46,326 I'm gonna buy you some time. You go take care of her. 1139 01:00:46,450 --> 01:00:48,420 Go on! Go! 1140 01:00:48,535 --> 01:00:49,709 Go! 1141 01:00:55,751 --> 01:00:59,049 All right, come on! End it for me, you piss-ants! 1142 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,180 (GROANING) 1143 01:01:07,304 --> 01:01:09,808 (RYAN SIGHS) My dad... 1144 01:01:09,932 --> 01:01:12,103 Chaz, Stacy. 1145 01:01:13,685 --> 01:01:15,655 I can't believe they're all gone. 1146 01:01:16,897 --> 01:01:21,737 Nobody left to tell me what to think or what to say. 1147 01:01:23,195 --> 01:01:25,247 It's kinda scary, actually. 1148 01:01:30,619 --> 01:01:35,340 That time my family was up on the roof, that Fourth of July, and saw my dad. 1149 01:01:35,457 --> 01:01:36,584 Yeah? 1150 01:01:37,835 --> 01:01:40,552 He wasn't fixing the barbecue. 1151 01:01:40,671 --> 01:01:43,969 He was in my neighbour's backyard... 1152 01:01:45,467 --> 01:01:47,472 with no pants. 1153 01:01:48,971 --> 01:01:52,233 He was exposing himself to their family dog. 1154 01:01:54,351 --> 01:01:55,858 Whoa! 1155 01:01:55,978 --> 01:01:58,314 Apparently, he'd been doing it for months. 1156 01:02:00,232 --> 01:02:01,822 Basset hound. 1157 01:02:04,236 --> 01:02:06,407 He moved out after that. 1158 01:02:08,824 --> 01:02:11,244 I've never told that story to anyone. 1159 01:02:15,289 --> 01:02:17,875 We've never going to get out of here, are we? 1160 01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:21,094 Does not look like it. 1161 01:02:21,211 --> 01:02:23,299 All the roads will be blocked just like that one. 1162 01:02:23,422 --> 01:02:25,557 - They'll be looking for us especially. - Hmm. 1163 01:02:25,674 --> 01:02:28,771 On the bright side, no more lines at the DMV. 1164 01:02:29,928 --> 01:02:30,937 Yeah. 1165 01:02:31,054 --> 01:02:34,518 I bet some of those workers will be more lively as zombies. 1166 01:02:34,641 --> 01:02:37,322 Mmmm! Rrrgh! 1167 01:02:37,436 --> 01:02:39,773 Organ donor! 1168 01:02:39,897 --> 01:02:41,534 Delicious! 1169 01:02:41,648 --> 01:02:45,112 - (HE LAUGHS) What was that? Is that... - My zombie. 1170 01:02:45,235 --> 01:02:48,035 - I didn't know zombies sounded like that. - Yeah. You've heard them, right? 1171 01:02:48,155 --> 01:02:51,168 - No, I haven't heard them talk. - (THEY LAUGH) 1172 01:02:52,242 --> 01:02:54,045 Oh, my God! 1173 01:02:56,330 --> 01:02:58,750 Only you could make me laugh at a time like this. 1174 01:03:00,417 --> 01:03:04,214 That's mostly what I remember about the night that we hung out. 1175 01:03:04,338 --> 01:03:06,509 Was you just cracking me up. 1176 01:03:08,675 --> 01:03:10,727 (SHE CHUCKLES) 1177 01:03:10,844 --> 01:03:12,434 No one thinks I'm funny. 1178 01:03:12,554 --> 01:03:15,188 They just think I'm strange or... 1179 01:03:15,307 --> 01:03:17,941 awkward or... 1180 01:03:18,060 --> 01:03:20,279 I say the wrong thing. 1181 01:03:22,064 --> 01:03:25,445 I'm so dumb to think that I could be an on-air anchor. 1182 01:03:25,567 --> 01:03:27,703 I think you'd make a great news anchor. 1183 01:03:27,820 --> 01:03:32,161 Plus I've always wanted to slap the tan right off of Brent Masters' face. 1184 01:03:32,282 --> 01:03:34,418 (SHE LAUGHS) 1185 01:03:38,205 --> 01:03:39,249 Oh! 1186 01:03:43,460 --> 01:03:45,548 Oh, my God, Ryan! 1187 01:03:45,671 --> 01:03:48,684 Ryan, we have to go, now. 1188 01:03:51,260 --> 01:03:53,596 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where's the fire? 1189 01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,022 You mentioning Brent Masters back there. 1190 01:03:56,140 --> 01:03:58,061 If the outside world could see what was actually going on here, 1191 01:03:58,183 --> 01:03:59,856 the government would have to do something. 1192 01:03:59,977 --> 01:04:01,982 The people would demand it. We'd have a chance. 1193 01:04:02,104 --> 01:04:04,607 Yeah, but how? All communications have been shut down. 1194 01:04:04,731 --> 01:04:07,068 Phone, cable, internet, cell towers. 1195 01:04:07,192 --> 01:04:08,485 Not satellite. 1196 01:04:18,745 --> 01:04:21,214 Get the lead out. 1197 01:04:21,331 --> 01:04:23,882 Our signal goes out to most of the outlying counties, 1198 01:04:24,001 --> 01:04:25,887 sometimes as far as Canada. 1199 01:04:26,003 --> 01:04:28,138 - Where is everyone though? - I don't know. 1200 01:04:28,255 --> 01:04:31,470 It would be a skeleton crew because of the holiday, but... 1201 01:04:31,592 --> 01:04:34,142 (SNARLING) 1202 01:04:34,261 --> 01:04:37,109 The morning staff briefing. (SHE LAUGHS) 1203 01:04:37,222 --> 01:04:39,144 Livelier than usual. 1204 01:04:39,266 --> 01:04:43,062 Hey, that's Misty Raines. Ah, they're still smiling. 1205 01:04:43,187 --> 01:04:47,030 She's got so much Botox in her face I don't know if she's ever going to decompose. 1206 01:04:47,149 --> 01:04:49,284 And that's Jerry Chavez, sports. 1207 01:04:49,401 --> 01:04:52,664 Oh, and he brought his wife's famous cupcakes. 1208 01:04:53,780 --> 01:04:55,786 Oh! Brent Masters. 1209 01:04:55,908 --> 01:04:58,755 Even as a zombie, his hair is camera perfect! 1210 01:04:58,869 --> 01:05:01,289 - Oh, is he coming? - Uh-huh. 1211 01:05:01,413 --> 01:05:04,877 He was always mean to me, but I'm going to do him proud. 1212 01:05:06,418 --> 01:05:09,135 - (YELLING) - Okay, let's... let's go. 1213 01:05:09,254 --> 01:05:12,636 (SNARLING) 1214 01:05:12,758 --> 01:05:15,557 Control room's in here. Oh? 1215 01:05:15,677 --> 01:05:17,979 (SNARLING) 1216 01:05:21,767 --> 01:05:23,570 (SHRIEKING) 1217 01:05:23,685 --> 01:05:26,533 We have to turn the signal back on. 1218 01:05:26,647 --> 01:05:30,657 - Wow, you really know what you're doing. - Yeah, I have my moments. 1219 01:05:30,776 --> 01:05:33,789 - Despite my track record. - Yeah, what does this do? 1220 01:05:33,904 --> 01:05:35,576 Okay, don't touch that. 1221 01:05:35,697 --> 01:05:39,755 (BLEEPING) 1222 01:05:41,203 --> 01:05:43,967 (SNARLING) 1223 01:05:48,043 --> 01:05:52,515 And that's it! You just lock the camera off on the anchor desk. 1224 01:05:52,631 --> 01:05:54,434 On you, right? 1225 01:05:54,550 --> 01:05:56,270 Ah, yeah. 1226 01:05:56,385 --> 01:05:58,057 Yeah, I guess. 1227 01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,064 - What's wrong? - Uh... 1228 01:06:02,182 --> 01:06:03,570 I'm just, uh... 1229 01:06:04,810 --> 01:06:07,313 so used to working the camera. 1230 01:06:07,437 --> 01:06:10,321 Maybe I should do that and you can do the announcement. 1231 01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:11,651 - Deb. - What? 1232 01:06:11,775 --> 01:06:16,913 Listen to me. Not only is this an insanely perfect opportunity for you to live your dream, 1233 01:06:17,030 --> 01:06:20,293 but people need to know what's happening here. 1234 01:06:20,409 --> 01:06:24,086 What about you, Ryan Waverly? Are you living your dream? 1235 01:06:24,204 --> 01:06:27,917 I want to be a personal life coach. So, yes. 1236 01:06:29,460 --> 01:06:31,381 Well played, sir. 1237 01:06:33,964 --> 01:06:35,175 Okay! 1238 01:06:37,342 --> 01:06:39,145 You know, I'm going to clean up. 1239 01:06:39,261 --> 01:06:42,061 I can't make my broadcast debut with a scrunchie in my hair. 1240 01:06:42,181 --> 01:06:44,814 - Okay. I'll be here. Hurry. - Okay. 1241 01:06:48,437 --> 01:06:51,569 (SNARLING AND SHRIEKING) 1242 01:06:59,364 --> 01:07:01,167 Deb, are you all... 1243 01:07:02,534 --> 01:07:03,745 right? 1244 01:07:06,955 --> 01:07:09,838 What do you think? Is this okay for camera? 1245 01:07:11,001 --> 01:07:13,220 It's... uh... 1246 01:07:13,337 --> 01:07:15,223 You're perfect. 1247 01:07:16,882 --> 01:07:19,350 I raided the weather girl's locker. 1248 01:07:19,468 --> 01:07:21,354 (HE LAUGHS) 1249 01:07:21,470 --> 01:07:23,557 (HE SIGHS) 1250 01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:26,479 Are you ready? 1251 01:07:30,187 --> 01:07:31,907 - Yeah. - Okay. 1252 01:07:32,022 --> 01:07:35,865 This is how I always see them do it. In five, four... 1253 01:07:35,984 --> 01:07:37,538 Three... 1254 01:07:39,863 --> 01:07:42,746 Good afternoon. I'm Deb Clarington. 1255 01:07:42,866 --> 01:07:45,370 It was an Independence Day for the ages, 1256 01:07:45,494 --> 01:07:48,377 as a bizarre disease ran rampant through this normally peaceful 1257 01:07:48,497 --> 01:07:50,584 seaside community yesterday. 1258 01:07:50,707 --> 01:07:54,385 Homes were destroyed, countless family members lost 1259 01:07:54,503 --> 01:07:56,923 and thousands left to wander, 1260 01:07:57,047 --> 01:08:01,009 in search of the only thing that would quench their now insatiable appetites... 1261 01:08:01,135 --> 01:08:03,519 live human flesh. 1262 01:08:03,637 --> 01:08:06,734 (VICIOUS SNARLING) 1263 01:08:06,849 --> 01:08:09,613 Unbelievable? Maybe. 1264 01:08:09,726 --> 01:08:13,819 It certainly would be easier to swallow the cover-up story about a radiation leak. 1265 01:08:13,939 --> 01:08:19,538 Indeed, for all we know, there are only two souls left uninfected in this once-happy hamlet. 1266 01:08:19,653 --> 01:08:25,252 Is it worth sending people in to save a fledgling newscaster and her cameraman life coach? 1267 01:08:25,367 --> 01:08:28,582 Two days ago, I might have said no. 1268 01:08:29,830 --> 01:08:32,250 But then another story broke. 1269 01:08:32,374 --> 01:08:34,794 This one easier to believe for most, 1270 01:08:34,918 --> 01:08:38,798 but for this reporter, it's the headline of the decade... 1271 01:08:38,922 --> 01:08:41,473 woman falls in love. 1272 01:08:42,968 --> 01:08:47,725 Sure it happens every day, all over the world, but not to me. 1273 01:08:47,848 --> 01:08:51,146 Maybe a crisis like we have here speeds things up a bit, but... 1274 01:08:51,268 --> 01:08:54,696 I don't think it can create something from nothing. 1275 01:08:54,813 --> 01:08:59,986 And even though this person may not return my affections... 1276 01:09:00,110 --> 01:09:03,124 and... I am really not fishing here... 1277 01:09:03,238 --> 01:09:05,493 it's okay. 1278 01:09:05,616 --> 01:09:10,622 I'll always know, deep down, that he felt something too. 1279 01:09:10,746 --> 01:09:14,258 So I'm Deb Clarington, saying yes, 1280 01:09:14,374 --> 01:09:16,545 I think these two are worth saving. 1281 01:09:16,668 --> 01:09:21,058 So if you're watching out there, please tell the authorities to send help to Portland, Maine... 1282 01:09:21,173 --> 01:09:23,759 - (YELLING) - No! 1283 01:09:23,884 --> 01:09:25,723 - (SNARLING) - No! 1284 01:09:28,096 --> 01:09:29,105 Deb. 1285 01:09:29,223 --> 01:09:31,524 Deb, I'm here. Hey! 1286 01:09:31,642 --> 01:09:35,485 Listen to me, that's the greatest newscast anyone's ever seen. 1287 01:09:35,604 --> 01:09:38,783 Seriously, you'll probably win a Peabody or something. 1288 01:09:38,899 --> 01:09:40,619 Am I... 1289 01:09:41,693 --> 01:09:43,496 better than Brent Masters? 1290 01:09:43,612 --> 01:09:45,451 Crazy better. 1291 01:09:45,572 --> 01:09:49,583 (SHE SIGHS) Wait, crazy, like I was, like, a crazy person? 1292 01:09:49,701 --> 01:09:51,255 - Sssh! - (SNARLING) 1293 01:09:52,788 --> 01:09:55,125 Can we get, like, two seconds! 1294 01:09:58,919 --> 01:10:01,683 (THEY PANT) 1295 01:10:01,797 --> 01:10:04,134 I don't know how long I have left. 1296 01:10:04,258 --> 01:10:06,678 Yeah, I guess we've never seen anyone turn before. 1297 01:10:06,802 --> 01:10:10,563 (SNARLING AND BANGING ON DOOR) 1298 01:10:13,684 --> 01:10:15,653 - Listen, Deb. - Yes. 1299 01:10:15,769 --> 01:10:18,403 If you want me to, I could, um... 1300 01:10:19,648 --> 01:10:21,784 I mean, if you want. 1301 01:10:21,900 --> 01:10:24,202 You would shoot me in the head? 1302 01:10:25,279 --> 01:10:28,043 Well, I... What? I thought... 1303 01:10:28,157 --> 01:10:30,458 I guess it would be one tap now? 1304 01:10:30,576 --> 01:10:32,332 It was your idea first! 1305 01:10:32,453 --> 01:10:37,166 Tonight's top story, a bizarre twist regarding a reported radiation leak in Portland, Maine. 1306 01:10:37,291 --> 01:10:41,087 A broadcast, apparently originating from within the quarantine zone, 1307 01:10:41,211 --> 01:10:43,715 went viral on the internet just hours ago, 1308 01:10:43,839 --> 01:10:47,351 promoting a lot of people to wonder what exactly is going on there? 1309 01:10:47,468 --> 01:10:52,687 DEB: I'm Deb Clarington saying yes, I think these two are worth saving. 1310 01:10:52,806 --> 01:10:56,686 So if you're watching out there, please tell the authorities to send help to Portland, Maine... 1311 01:10:56,810 --> 01:10:58,531 (SHE SCREAMS) 1312 01:10:58,645 --> 01:11:00,401 RYAN: No! No! 1313 01:11:00,522 --> 01:11:04,947 REPORTER: 911 emergency centres in several states report being flooded with calls 1314 01:11:05,068 --> 01:11:07,156 in response to the alleged zombie attack, 1315 01:11:07,279 --> 01:11:09,580 with some calling to ask if the video's real, 1316 01:11:09,698 --> 01:11:13,127 while many others are concerned for the safety of these two people. 1317 01:11:13,243 --> 01:11:17,585 A background check on Deb Clarington revealed that she is employed at the station 1318 01:11:17,706 --> 01:11:21,763 from which she's broadcasting, but as a camera-person, not an anchor. 1319 01:11:21,877 --> 01:11:24,890 Prior to that, she was employed at a Lady Footlocker, 1320 01:11:25,005 --> 01:11:27,176 until she was let go for staging 1321 01:11:27,299 --> 01:11:30,930 an unauthorised sock-puppet production of Jesus Christ Superstar. 1322 01:11:31,053 --> 01:11:35,692 A lot has been said about videos going viral but, for Deb Clarington, it's like an outbreak. 1323 01:11:35,808 --> 01:11:39,022 The hits on her zombie-attack clip is impressive enough, 1324 01:11:39,144 --> 01:11:43,404 but it's the number of her viewers weighing in and creating their own online videos 1325 01:11:43,524 --> 01:11:44,817 that's truly staggering. 1326 01:11:44,942 --> 01:11:47,622 As the chairman of the Zombie Outbreak Authentication Society 1327 01:11:47,736 --> 01:11:52,742 I happen to know zombies and that is not real. It's too tan. 1328 01:11:52,866 --> 01:11:55,121 I can tell bad effects work from a mile away. 1329 01:11:55,244 --> 01:11:57,130 This is the real deal, man. It's not bogus. 1330 01:11:57,246 --> 01:12:01,422 Oh, that girl is my new hero. What is going on right now? 1331 01:12:01,542 --> 01:12:05,504 Deb, if you're still alive out there, I want you to know, you are so hot! 1332 01:12:05,629 --> 01:12:09,011 They say they're in Maine? That's not even a real state. 1333 01:12:09,133 --> 01:12:14,436 Deb, encouraged by your example, I told a co-worker that he is the love of my life. 1334 01:12:14,555 --> 01:12:16,607 He's my boss, he's happily married. 1335 01:12:16,723 --> 01:12:19,772 So we both agreed it best that I look for another job. 1336 01:12:19,893 --> 01:12:23,108 Originally, I planned to debunk this vid using basic physics. 1337 01:12:23,230 --> 01:12:25,947 Then I thought about recreating part of it with some friends. 1338 01:12:26,066 --> 01:12:28,451 Those idiots actually think this thing is real. 1339 01:12:28,569 --> 01:12:31,618 Is the video real in your own opinion? 1340 01:12:31,738 --> 01:12:34,324 I believe that the woman in the video believes it's real. 1341 01:12:34,449 --> 01:12:36,502 Now, how sure are you? 1342 01:12:36,618 --> 01:12:39,122 She exhibits all five signs of a person who's speaking the truth. 1343 01:12:39,246 --> 01:12:43,920 I expound more on this, of course, in my book The Five Signs Of Truth, which is available... 1344 01:12:44,042 --> 01:12:46,213 What the fudge? 1345 01:12:46,336 --> 01:12:50,429 As night falls on Portland, Maine, more questions than answers. 1346 01:12:50,549 --> 01:12:54,891 Repeated calls to the Governor's office from this station and many others around the country 1347 01:12:55,012 --> 01:13:00,362 have gone unanswered, but we will not rest until we get to the bottom of this situation. 1348 01:13:01,435 --> 01:13:04,069 Now how about this hilarious cat video? 1349 01:13:05,481 --> 01:13:07,153 Yes, Deb! 1350 01:13:07,274 --> 01:13:10,786 You did it! They'll have to investigate now, they'll just have to. 1351 01:13:10,903 --> 01:13:13,667 Well, I'm really happy for you, Ryan. 1352 01:13:13,780 --> 01:13:18,621 Let's get real here. We both know in a few minutes I'll be trying to eat your brains. 1353 01:13:18,744 --> 01:13:21,543 Well, the joke's on you then, cos it will be a small meal. 1354 01:13:21,663 --> 01:13:25,886 Really? You are starting to look so delicious right now. 1355 01:13:26,001 --> 01:13:28,682 And you're starting to look like you've lost a lot of blood. 1356 01:13:28,796 --> 01:13:33,185 - Does it matter at this point? - It matters to me. Where's the first-aid kit? 1357 01:13:34,384 --> 01:13:38,644 I think it's in the break room, but it's too far unless we go through the studio. 1358 01:13:38,764 --> 01:13:40,983 - Then let's go. - Okay. 1359 01:13:41,099 --> 01:13:44,279 (SNARLING AND FEEDING SOUNDS) 1360 01:13:46,897 --> 01:13:49,116 No! No, no, no, no. 1361 01:13:49,233 --> 01:13:51,035 I have an idea. 1362 01:13:53,570 --> 01:13:56,251 Hear me, undead! 1363 01:13:56,365 --> 01:13:59,829 This man is a friend to us. He means us no... 1364 01:13:59,952 --> 01:14:01,957 Oh, God! Oh, I regret that. 1365 01:14:02,079 --> 01:14:04,796 (SNARLING) 1366 01:14:06,125 --> 01:14:07,465 Ooh! 1367 01:14:12,506 --> 01:14:14,641 Oh, that was awesome! 1368 01:14:18,387 --> 01:14:20,522 Ladies first. 1369 01:14:23,350 --> 01:14:25,106 Oh, wrong way! 1370 01:14:25,227 --> 01:14:26,947 Come on! 1371 01:14:30,107 --> 01:14:32,159 - (SNARLING) - Stairs! 1372 01:14:40,159 --> 01:14:44,216 (VICIOUS SNARLING AND SHRIEKS) 1373 01:14:59,428 --> 01:15:02,227 Deb, Deb! Come on, come on, we've gotta get going. 1374 01:15:02,347 --> 01:15:06,191 No! Ryan, it's the end of the line for me. 1375 01:15:06,310 --> 01:15:09,524 - Okay, I... I... I'll carry you. Come on. - Where? 1376 01:15:09,646 --> 01:15:11,782 (SHE SIGHS) Listen. 1377 01:15:11,899 --> 01:15:14,153 We've had a good run. 1378 01:15:14,276 --> 01:15:17,622 But I'm starting to get hungry. 1379 01:15:17,738 --> 01:15:20,787 I can really see myself going to town on your liver. 1380 01:15:20,908 --> 01:15:24,040 Your spleen, maybe a couple of pancreas. 1381 01:15:24,161 --> 01:15:26,842 Your pancreas is actually singular. 1382 01:15:26,955 --> 01:15:28,628 Oh, thank you, Bill Nye. 1383 01:15:28,749 --> 01:15:31,430 - (SHE SWOONS) - Ooh! Hey, hey! Stay with me, stay with me! 1384 01:15:31,543 --> 01:15:35,221 (SHE PANTS) Ryan, what are you still doing here? 1385 01:15:35,339 --> 01:15:37,807 You could outrun Misty Raines easily. 1386 01:15:37,925 --> 01:15:41,887 And now you're bound to end up like one of us or die a horrible death. 1387 01:15:42,012 --> 01:15:45,643 I'd rather take that risk than be without the people I care about. 1388 01:15:45,766 --> 01:15:47,569 The people you... 1389 01:15:49,061 --> 01:15:53,284 Oh, you mean me? Duh! I'm the people you care about? 1390 01:15:53,398 --> 01:15:55,404 (SHE LAUGHS) 1391 01:15:55,526 --> 01:15:58,539 I really wish we'd gotten to watch the fireworks together on your roof. 1392 01:15:58,654 --> 01:16:01,453 (SHE LAUGHS) That would have been awesome. 1393 01:16:03,075 --> 01:16:05,329 But now I'm starving. 1394 01:16:05,452 --> 01:16:06,663 Okay, hey. 1395 01:16:06,787 --> 01:16:08,175 Here. 1396 01:16:08,288 --> 01:16:10,210 Do what you gotta do. 1397 01:16:12,084 --> 01:16:14,053 Thank you. 1398 01:16:14,169 --> 01:16:17,930 (ELECTRIC CLICKS, SHRIEKS) 1399 01:16:20,884 --> 01:16:22,272 Got him! 1400 01:16:24,471 --> 01:16:26,061 - Hey. - What's up? 1401 01:16:27,850 --> 01:16:30,530 Deb, right? We are huge fans. 1402 01:16:32,813 --> 01:16:35,494 - Are you good to go? - Oh! Wait. What? 1403 01:16:35,607 --> 01:16:39,320 You have a bite wound there. Just keep it clean and change that bandage daily. 1404 01:16:39,444 --> 01:16:42,125 No, she was bitten by a zombie. 1405 01:16:44,741 --> 01:16:46,794 Are you talking about what those people back there have? 1406 01:16:46,910 --> 01:16:49,081 - Yeah! - You can't get that from biting. 1407 01:16:49,204 --> 01:16:52,668 Yeah, that is really an archaic way of thinking. 1408 01:16:52,791 --> 01:16:56,932 I mean, a biter would have to have an open wound in his mouth literally gushing blood. 1409 01:16:57,045 --> 01:17:01,601 Even then, it's like a thousand to one. What are you, some kind of zombie-phobe? 1410 01:17:01,717 --> 01:17:05,311 No, no. A lot of my best friends are zombies. 1411 01:17:05,429 --> 01:17:06,686 Probably. 1412 01:17:08,015 --> 01:17:10,565 We're just messing with you. These things are hideous. 1413 01:17:10,684 --> 01:17:13,614 - Yeah, filthy! - But you can't get it from a bite, so... 1414 01:17:13,729 --> 01:17:16,197 Turns out it was in the water or something. 1415 01:17:16,315 --> 01:17:17,703 Who knew? 1416 01:17:23,197 --> 01:17:27,254 - You said you wanted to eat me. - Yeah, that's embarrassing. 1417 01:17:27,367 --> 01:17:30,215 You talked about internal organs. I mean, it got really specific. 1418 01:17:30,329 --> 01:17:33,259 - Well, I was delirious, okay. - You sure you don't want to now? 1419 01:17:34,875 --> 01:17:38,885 - Mm, you said some things, too. - I know I did. 1420 01:17:39,004 --> 01:17:40,475 So... 1421 01:17:40,589 --> 01:17:43,768 It's safe to assume that you like me. 1422 01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:47,639 Hey! 1423 01:17:47,763 --> 01:17:50,812 How did you guys figure out this virus so fast? 1424 01:17:50,933 --> 01:17:54,694 - Oh, we had a little help. - Dad! 1425 01:17:54,812 --> 01:17:55,855 Ryan! 1426 01:17:55,979 --> 01:17:59,028 - Hey, Deb. What a night, huh? - (THEY LAUGH) 1427 01:17:59,149 --> 01:18:03,111 - Turns out biting doesn't turn you. - Yeah, we heard! 1428 01:18:03,237 --> 01:18:08,291 - But how did you escape the troops? - Well, like I said, biting doesn't turn you. 1429 01:18:08,408 --> 01:18:10,994 Come on! What are you waiting for? 1430 01:18:11,120 --> 01:18:13,421 - I'm already bit, you dumb pansies! - (CHAZ GROANS) 1431 01:18:13,539 --> 01:18:15,923 - SOLDIER: Drop the weapon! - FRANK: Come on, finish me! 1432 01:18:16,041 --> 01:18:18,545 - My head is killing me. - We are approaching. 1433 01:18:18,669 --> 01:18:21,682 - Put it down! - Make me, you dumb-ass! 1434 01:18:21,797 --> 01:18:23,434 (GUNSHOTS) 1435 01:18:23,549 --> 01:18:26,396 Dale! Chowder! Mad Dog! 1436 01:18:26,510 --> 01:18:28,064 Chaz. 1437 01:18:28,178 --> 01:18:31,026 Jazzy Chazzy. That's my Pop. Be careful with him, okay? 1438 01:18:31,140 --> 01:18:32,895 - Oh? - Son! 1439 01:18:33,016 --> 01:18:35,187 Pops, we play billiards. Be cool! That's my Pops! 1440 01:18:35,310 --> 01:18:37,066 - That's my boy! - Yep. 1441 01:18:37,187 --> 01:18:40,569 Came to save you. I wonder where Ryan is? 1442 01:18:40,691 --> 01:18:43,194 Off with his new girlfriend probably. I don't see him. 1443 01:18:43,318 --> 01:18:45,489 (FRANK LAUGHS) 1444 01:18:46,572 --> 01:18:49,122 - What's up, douche? - (FRANK LAUGHS) 1445 01:18:49,241 --> 01:18:52,622 - We're alive and we're under arrest. - That's my boy! 1446 01:18:52,744 --> 01:18:54,085 Yeah! 1447 01:18:54,204 --> 01:18:56,091 Now, come on. 1448 01:18:56,206 --> 01:18:58,461 Hurry up and kiss the girl. 1449 01:18:58,584 --> 01:19:00,755 - Oh... - I've got a date with the Feds. 1450 01:19:00,878 --> 01:19:04,224 The towns overrun with zombies so they'll be bombing the hell out of Portland soon. 1451 01:19:04,339 --> 01:19:06,760 - Woo! - (FRANK LAUGHS) 1452 01:19:06,884 --> 01:19:08,889 Come on! 1453 01:19:10,929 --> 01:19:13,017 I'm sorry I tried to eat you. 1454 01:19:13,140 --> 01:19:15,477 You don't have to kiss me. 1455 01:19:15,601 --> 01:19:17,570 No, I was going to anyway. 1456 01:19:22,274 --> 01:19:25,821 (ROAR OF JET ENGINES, EXPLOSIONS) 1457 01:19:34,536 --> 01:19:36,376 (CHAZ LAUGHS)