0 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 1 00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:39,160 Christina Walters? 2 00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:42,580 God, I haven't heard that name in ages. 3 00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,380 The kind of woman who can get any guy she wants, 4 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:47,500 That's Christina Walters. 5 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,300 We dated briefly, but she's not the commitment type. 6 00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:55,970 She's a player. She just likes to have fun. 7 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,310 I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass. 8 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:03,310 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance. I buy her drinks. 9 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,730 At the end of the night, she just splits. 10 00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:09,900 I lay down all that groundwork for nothing. 11 00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,240 Lesbian. 12 00:01:15,070 --> 00:01:17,780 She gave me her number. It's been three days. 13 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,330 I saw Swingeer. I know how these things work. 14 00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:23,040 Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone, 15 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,580 I stay up nights trying to figure out why she said she'd call and didn't. 16 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:32,460 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why she said she was going to call, but... 17 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,510 "Christina" 18 00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,890 "Christina" 19 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,480 You know, there ought to be some kind of a signal... 20 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:49,650 ...to let us guys know when we are talking to a lesbian. 21 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:53,070 So we don't waste our time. 22 00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:57,570 Prolonged impotence is very common after a breakup. 23 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,570 Lots of men suffer from it. 24 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:04,370 They just don't talk about it. Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab. 25 00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:07,790 But, even still, because she said she was going to call... 26 00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:11,170 ...she should've called to say she wasn't going to call... 27 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,670 ...and I would've thanked her for calling... 28 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,470 All right. Okay . 29 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:19,140 I apologize for saying she was a lesbian. 30 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,760 It's not true. 31 00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:25,770 My male ego got bruised and I lashed out. I'm sorry. 32 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:29,850 I'm not used to being blown off, that's all. 33 00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:33,020 I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose. 34 00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:38,740 I know deep down inside she's scared and lonely just like everyone else. 35 00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:43,240 She'll settle down though, once she finds the right man. 36 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:44,950 Or woman . 37 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:48,160 Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y. 38 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:53,500 Jeez, I'm sorry. Did I say it again? You're goddamn right I said it again. 39 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,880 Why don't you shave your head, Christina, and take up women's golf? 40 00:02:56,970 --> 00:03:01,180 Why don't you go to the Depot. Lots of carpet you can munch on there. 41 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,480 At least I don't get that dizzy, head-spinning nausea as much as I used to. 42 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,900 Hooray! 43 00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,740 Like I said, I'm doing fine. 44 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,490 I am fan-fucking-tastic. 45 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,810 - Christina. - Valerie! 46 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,770 Shake it if you've got it. 47 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,730 Miss Courtney. 48 00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:00,200 Hello, Miss Christina. How you doing? What you doing? 49 00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:02,450 Dancing too much. How you doing? 50 00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:05,280 Same thing. How was your day? 51 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,740 Pretty good. 52 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:10,540 I got a new account designing a campaign for a sports line. 53 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,080 They got the right girl, didn't they? 54 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,130 Thank you. 55 00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:16,920 So, what's up? 56 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:21,220 The usual. Defending the rights of my broken-hearted clients. 57 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:25,300 Trying to squeeze every penny out of their miserable, cheating spouses. 58 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,890 You go get them, woman, 59 00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:30,640 I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight. 60 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,980 Okay, but if we do that, you know what will have to happen. 61 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:38,110 Girl, I've been shaking my ass all the way up this hill. 62 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,530 Which track? 63 00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:41,490 Track three. Oh, yeah! 64 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:44,360 Koochie! 65 00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:01,800 Is your granny here? What's going on? 66 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,470 It's Jane. She loves this song. 67 00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,060 Jane, what's up? 68 00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:15,020 He dumped me. 69 00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,400 Kevin dumped me. 70 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:21,530 It was just three days before our one-year anniversary. 71 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,990 - Baby. - Maybe he just freaked out. 72 00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:29,240 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes what a huge mistake he made. 73 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,910 - He's probably going through that whole... - No. 74 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,870 He says he's been wanting this for six months. 75 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:39,130 He says he's been dying inside ever since I brought over my garment bag. 76 00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:43,260 - Honey. - What? 77 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,640 We're all guilty of it. You made yourself too available. 78 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,220 It's a classic mistake, sweetheart. 79 00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,020 - Yeah. - Not according to this. 80 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,310 "Commandment four." 81 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,400 "True Love: The Ten Commandments." 82 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,690 "Commandment number four: Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities. 83 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,200 "Boundaries are the enemies of love." 84 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:09,870 Sweetie, you know what? This book is relationship propaganda. 85 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,490 Listen to me. 86 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:15,710 Dating is all about boundaries. 87 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,790 Honey, you have to protect yourself. 88 00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:21,170 We've all had our heart stomped on one too many times... 89 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:24,460 ...because we served it to them on a big old platter. 90 00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:27,800 A good defence is the best offence. 91 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,970 I am so tired of playing games. 92 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:33,680 This is not about playing games. This is about self-preservation. 93 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:37,850 You can't throw yourself out there all exposed and vulnerable every time. 94 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,730 That is how you get smacked down. 95 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:41,400 Do you understand? 96 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:46,070 Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. 97 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,490 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day... 98 00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:55,290 ...that "now" part is just going to drop away. 99 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,000 Naturally, you know? 100 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,000 Meanwhile, you're just going to have fun together. 101 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,750 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit. 102 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,010 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out. 103 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:12,180 We are taking you out. You are going to have a good time. 104 00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:13,600 No. 105 00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,430 Oswaldo! 106 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,810 Hey, Christina. Courtney. 107 00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,190 - Jane. - Hello, Jane. 108 00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,360 - Welcome. - Thank you. 109 00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:30,780 Shut up! 110 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,460 Okay, girls, let's go. 111 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,170 This is it, Jane. 112 00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:56,140 Go, baby! 113 00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:47,190 - Right here, baby. - Oh, my God. 114 00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,280 They can have her. 115 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:55,530 Look at the shoulder, baby. Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby. 116 00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:58,660 What's your name, baby? 117 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,580 Herewe go. Circle of love, circle of love! 118 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,420 We're going to go now. 119 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,800 Bye-bye. 120 00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:28,400 My God. It's like Siegfried & Roy or something. 121 00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:30,480 Martinis, ladies. 122 00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:34,780 - Compliments of the gentleman at the bar. - Which one? 123 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:40,370 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy. 124 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,790 Cheers. 125 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,540 Leather Coat Guy is looking good. 126 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,130 Shotgun! 127 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,170 Cheater. 128 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,800 What's up? 129 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,220 Nothing. What's up with you? 130 00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:03,730 Nothing. 131 00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,650 What's up with you? 132 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,900 Nothing. What's up with you? 133 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,360 Nothing. 134 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,030 You know, I am having the best time. 135 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,360 Are you, sweetie? 136 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,240 My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club where no one wants to talk to me. 137 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,750 - I want to go home. - No. 138 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:27,500 No. Christina, I can't do this. 139 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,920 Yes, you can. It's really very easy. 140 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,000 Observe. 141 00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:36,880 I just pinched his ass. 142 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,260 I'm sorry. Hi. 143 00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:41,100 - Hi. What's your name? - Peter. 144 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:44,470 Peter, this is my friend, Jane. Jane would love to dance. 145 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:50,110 I don't mean to be rude, but I have some friends waiting for me. 146 00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:51,980 Nice to meet you, though. 147 00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:56,820 - He hated me. I suck. - You don't suck. That guy was a dick. 148 00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,820 I'll make sure that you have fun tonight if it's the last thing... 149 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,830 What did you call me? 150 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,580 You just called me a dick. I heard you. Why am I a dick? 151 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,790 Because I didn't like the way you treated my friend. 152 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,130 I didn't do anything to your friend. 153 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,800 You barely gave her the time of day. 154 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:21,510 You tried to pawn me off on her and I didn't go for it. 155 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,060 You should be so lucky to even talk to someone as hot and sweet as Jane. 156 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,180 Excuse me. 157 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:31,690 I wasn't suggesting you get married. I just thought you could get it on. 158 00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,820 What? Get it on? 159 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:37,070 You know nothing about me. What if I'm some psycho serial killer? 160 00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:40,360 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams, but you'll never know? 161 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,160 That is the sweetest thing. 162 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,410 I never thought I'd meet her by having somebody grab me and say: 163 00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:49,910 "Man, I have good woman for you. She is very hot and sweet. 164 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,460 "Jane! Dance for the man!" 165 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:54,670 - Maybe that's your problem. - What? 166 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,960 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety-Poo... 167 00:11:58,130 --> 00:12:01,090 ...you might meet a girl you could have fun with. 168 00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:05,310 This brilliant love advice comes from one who loves to play games with men. 169 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:08,890 Always in control. That way, she never has to get too close. 170 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,440 Nice manners, by the way. 171 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:18,650 Where the hell did that guy... Jane? 172 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,030 What's up with you? 173 00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,450 Nothing. What's up with you? 174 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,960 I can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. 175 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,920 - This is our bar. - Forget her, she's a skeev. 176 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,250 - But is she prettier than me? - Of course not, you're beautiful. 177 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,260 Oh, my God, you fucking bitch! 178 00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:42,380 I can't believe you grabbed his ass. 179 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,140 He comes right into my face and starts telling me all this stupid stuff... 180 00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:50,680 ...about how I like to play games and be in control so I never get too close. 181 00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:52,940 Can you believe him? 182 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,060 - What? - Nothing. 183 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:58,900 - I've never seen you act like this before. - Act like what? 184 00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:00,360 They're fake. 185 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,990 All bah-jiggity about some guy. 186 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,780 - Bah-jiggity? - Yeah. 187 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,080 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. 188 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,700 It's cool. It's why I got them. 189 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,330 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 190 00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:14,080 They look real. 191 00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:16,250 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to. 192 00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:17,380 No. 193 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:21,460 - Touch it. She likes it. - Go ahead. It feels real, huh? 194 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:25,720 If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's because you're telling me I am. 195 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,560 - Oh, my God. - What? 196 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,310 You've named the puppy. 197 00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:32,390 - I did not. - You just called him Peter. 198 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,230 - I did? - You've got to feel these things. 199 00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:38,190 I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter. 200 00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:41,940 - Knock your socks off. - So soft. 201 00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:43,900 Un-fucking-believable. 202 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,490 Fuck. 203 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,370 I am so getting a pair. 204 00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:51,490 That's why chicks always go to the bathroom together. 205 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,620 It's so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it? 206 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,040 Why are you making such a big deal out of it? 207 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:01,630 If you haven't noticed, there's plenty of guys out there. 208 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,590 See you later. 209 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,310 - What's your problem? - What's your problem? 210 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,190 - Hi. - Hi. 211 00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,520 Hey, Peter. 212 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,280 - Eric! - Be right there. 213 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:29,870 You don't have to do this. 214 00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:34,040 I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another one? 215 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:35,410 Okay. 216 00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:38,000 I want to apologize. 217 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,920 I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend. If I was, I didn't mean to. 218 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:46,720 My brother is waiting for me and I got nervous, I guess. I don't know. 219 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,800 I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend. 220 00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:54,310 I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude. 221 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,940 No, I understand. You were protecting your friend. Anyone would've done that. 222 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,770 I thought that was sweet. 223 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,900 Jesus. 224 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,860 - We good now? - Yeah. 225 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,030 Good. 226 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,740 I should get back to my friends. 227 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,160 Okay. 228 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,910 Thanks for the drink. 229 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,420 - Cheers. - Cheers. 230 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:23,090 - Have a good night. - You, too. 231 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,720 Can you take this? I'm a total loser. I just struck out with this guy. 232 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,060 One more thing. 233 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:40,650 Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend has her tongue down that guy's throat? 234 00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:42,480 Oh, my God! 235 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,570 - Jane! - I guess I blew my chance. 236 00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:49,240 - That could have been you. - If I wasn't such a dick. 237 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,990 - Was I really a dick? - Yeah. You were a dick. 238 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,620 We should start over. Why don't I walk by, and you grab me like before? 239 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:00,620 - I didn't grab you. - You grabbed me. 240 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,750 You grabbed me right on the ass. 241 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,550 I don't grab, okay? 242 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:06,670 Pete! 243 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,380 Excuse me. 244 00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:13,140 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting. 245 00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:17,220 After-hours party back at the hotel. These two pigs are good to go. 246 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:20,850 Did I mention that we have the Freddie Mercury Suite? 247 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,230 She puked on him! 248 00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:28,530 Again? God, she's like a hose. Go help her, please. 249 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:29,900 Or not. 250 00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:33,280 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick? 251 00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:36,080 - She is hot. Bring her. - What? 252 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,830 Fuck me. You have so much... 253 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,540 You've got to come. Let me tell you why. 254 00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:46,670 You'll never find anyone better than my brother. He is the greatest... 255 00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:49,800 That hurts me. Just look at him. 256 00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:52,630 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now. 257 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:56,140 He is the shit and that's why he's in my wedding on Saturday. 258 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,560 - No. - Yes. 259 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,180 - No. - Just trying to help out. 260 00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:02,520 'Bye!' 261 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:09,650 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402. You're invited, you're invited. 262 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,440 All right, I'm leaving. 263 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,450 - That's my brother. - He's special. 264 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:17,450 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me. 265 00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:20,410 When is the wedding? 266 00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:23,710 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset. That's where we live. 267 00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:25,000 That's nice. 268 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,540 Peter! It's looking like now. 269 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,800 You're pinching my arm skin. 270 00:17:32,170 --> 00:17:35,010 I better go. But for real this time. 271 00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:38,640 - It was nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you. I had a great time. 272 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,760 Me, too. 273 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,020 Come by the party if you want to. 274 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,690 - Really? - Definitely. If you want to. 275 00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:47,230 I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by. 276 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:51,360 I really hope I see you. But in case I don't see you, have a nice life. 277 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:53,950 You, too. 278 00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:07,380 Chris, it's Court I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy, 279 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,590 I was checking in to see if you were listening to your messages, 280 00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:15,340 If you are, tha tmeans you were too chicken to hook up with Peter,,, 281 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:20,180 ... which therefore means you are a loser, You are a loser, A... 282 00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,020 Thanks, Court. 283 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,140 "I'm a hig loser," 284 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,810 What's up, you hitches and hos and loseer? 285 00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,450 Too late now. 286 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,380 He was kind of cute. 287 00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:54,800 Funny. 288 00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,260 Really funny. 289 00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:05,810 Cute boy. 290 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,830 My God, you're so good at that. 291 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,550 I'd like to do that every hour, on the hour, for the rest of our lives. 292 00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,840 - Of course, go ahead. - Thank you. 293 00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:40,430 Don't worry about returning the favour. Men don't really like oral sex. 294 00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:41,600 Right. 295 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,720 I'm serious. It's just a bad rumour that was started sometime in the '50s. 296 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:49,020 I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends. 297 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:53,320 Please, do. Someone needs to put an end to this madness. 298 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,240 God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room. 299 00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:04,330 Me, too. 300 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,830 I never thought I'd see you again. 301 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:14,040 - Room service. - Right on time. 302 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:17,050 - Ice cream? - Only the best for our VIPs. 303 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,970 I had them remove all the calories for you. 304 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,390 You are good. 305 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,180 All right! 306 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,270 I said I wanted to do it to you every hour, on the hour, but I can't wait. 307 00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:31,980 Can I do it agaln now? 308 00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:35,020 Okay. 309 00:21:19,940 --> 00:21:24,740 San Francisco, California, please, for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks. 310 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:30,330 Great dream. 311 00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:37,170 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite? 312 00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:41,800 Good. Can I have it? Thanks. 313 00:21:44,050 --> 00:21:45,140 Really? 314 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,970 Already? 315 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,640 Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. 316 00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,060 What am I even calling for? 317 00:22:03,070 --> 00:22:05,570 Hello? Hey, Court. 318 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,320 Yeah. 319 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,800 - Stop talking shit about me. - Where you been? 320 00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:32,430 Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it. You ready? I'm starving. 321 00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:37,480 I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off at the dry cleaners. 322 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,650 Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now. 323 00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:43,740 Isn't that Courtney's dress that you borrowed last night? 324 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:44,950 Yeah. 325 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:48,740 Why are you bringing it in? Did you get something on it? 326 00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:52,740 I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. 327 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:57,370 - I'm really sorry. - You slut! 328 00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,210 - Is that what I think it is? - Guilty! 329 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:02,210 I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone. 330 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,130 - That's a lot! - He was holding a lot! 331 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,510 My God! What's this on your skirt? 332 00:23:08,590 --> 00:23:12,260 I am scared enough as it is to go in there. What am I going to say? 333 00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:15,930 "Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?" 334 00:23:19,150 --> 00:23:20,770 You know what? 335 00:23:20,980 --> 00:23:24,990 - You guys suck. - No, obviously you suck. 336 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,990 - You suck. - You suck well. I'm proud. 337 00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:33,660 No spanky-wanky. 338 00:23:58,690 --> 00:23:59,810 Hey, Jane. 339 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,650 - Hi, Mr. Martin. - How's your mother? 340 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:06,230 - Great. She's good. Everyone's good. - Your grandmother? 341 00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:10,320 - Everyone's great. - That's fine. That's fine. 342 00:24:10,490 --> 00:24:11,910 What you got for me today? 343 00:24:11,990 --> 00:24:15,660 Just a dress, but I'll be back for it in a few days, so no hurry. 344 00:24:15,950 --> 00:24:18,250 - Any stains? - No. 345 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,000 - What's this? - What? 346 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,210 This. Come here. 347 00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:25,590 Stain? 348 00:24:25,670 --> 00:24:28,010 This is going to be a tough one. 349 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:35,220 I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled some soda on me last night. 350 00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:39,810 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think. 351 00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:44,150 If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove. 352 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,900 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in. 353 00:24:52,570 --> 00:24:54,990 - Fuck. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin. 354 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,700 Hi, Mr. Martin. 355 00:24:57,950 --> 00:25:02,790 On today's field trip, we are going to learn about cleanliness. 356 00:25:05,590 --> 00:25:06,920 Jane? 357 00:25:07,550 --> 00:25:09,260 Jane Burns! 358 00:25:09,340 --> 00:25:14,340 Sweetheart, I haven't seen you since I taught you in third grade! 359 00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:22,100 - Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin. - Hello, Father Flynn. 360 00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:29,150 As I live and breathe, isn't it... It is little Mary Jane Burns! 361 00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:33,530 What a coincidence! I'm having supper with your parents tonight. 362 00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:36,620 What a stain you got there, little Janie! 363 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,700 So how was it? Was it fun? 364 00:25:38,790 --> 00:25:42,040 Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you this. 365 00:25:42,710 --> 00:25:46,380 Apparently, one of the guys who was at the party flipped out... 366 00:25:46,460 --> 00:25:50,130 ...was out on the balcony, screaming at the top of his lungs: 367 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:55,760 "Christina! Has anyone seen my little Christina?" 368 00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,100 Then he jumps off and dies because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go? 369 00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:05,520 I don't know! I was going to. I was. I was going to, and then I wasn't. 370 00:26:05,650 --> 00:26:07,980 And then I called him at the hotel... 371 00:26:08,060 --> 00:26:11,900 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second. You called him at the hotel? 372 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:17,780 - What did he say? - Nothing. He said nothing. Okay? 373 00:26:17,990 --> 00:26:19,700 - Why? - He checked out already. 374 00:26:19,780 --> 00:26:22,660 Let's just sum this up real quickly. 375 00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:26,580 In the bathroom, we hate him, yet we call him by name. 376 00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,090 Then we throw beer on him. 377 00:26:29,460 --> 00:26:32,800 Then we laugh and we flirt and we dance with him. 378 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:37,760 Then we casually call him at the hotel. Then we obsess about the casual call. 379 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,220 Obsess? I'm not obsessing, okay? 380 00:26:41,810 --> 00:26:46,350 Could all this erratic behaviour be because this guy got under your skin? 381 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,360 - No. - That you might really like him? 382 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,400 That you regret not going because you'll never know what might've happened? 383 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,360 No, I don't regret it, and if I had any regrets... 384 00:26:55,450 --> 00:26:58,950 ...it would be this conversation, right now, having it with you. 385 00:26:59,030 --> 00:27:01,990 - Can we drop it? - Okay. Sorry I brought it up. 386 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:03,830 I won't mention it again. 387 00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:10,460 Even if I did regret not going to the party... 388 00:27:11,210 --> 00:27:14,090 ...it's not like I can do anything about it now. 389 00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:17,760 Sometimes you just have to let these things go, right? 390 00:27:17,930 --> 00:27:20,180 - Exactly. - Although... 391 00:27:21,010 --> 00:27:22,760 ...if there was regret... 392 00:27:23,430 --> 00:27:26,890 ...I suppose there's always something you could do about it. 393 00:27:29,230 --> 00:27:32,610 You could show up at his brother's wedding, because it is his brother. 394 00:27:32,690 --> 00:27:35,650 But that's only if you regretted it, which I don't regret it. 395 00:27:35,740 --> 00:27:39,700 I just don't regret it. Regret is such a waste of time. 396 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,330 Honey will you just admit that you regret not going to this party. 397 00:27:43,410 --> 00:27:46,830 - Okay, fine I regret not going to this party. - You need to let it go. 398 00:27:46,910 --> 00:27:49,670 I'm letting it go. I'm over it. 399 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,960 Hi, honey, how did it go? 400 00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:55,420 - Fine. No problem. - Good. 401 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,760 Did we have fun last night? 402 00:28:00,430 --> 00:28:01,760 Yes, I did. It was great. 403 00:28:01,850 --> 00:28:04,510 You guys were right, a transition guy is what I needed. 404 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,850 Good. 405 00:28:06,020 --> 00:28:07,810 So how was he, was he good? 406 00:28:07,890 --> 00:28:10,980 He was very sweet and complimentary. 407 00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:13,480 And very into pleasing me first. 408 00:28:13,570 --> 00:28:15,980 So how was girth? 409 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:18,320 Averag-ish. 410 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,030 "Averag-ish." That's good. So what did you tell him? 411 00:28:22,740 --> 00:28:24,240 What do you mean? 412 00:28:24,580 --> 00:28:27,250 What do we always tell them, no matter what? 413 00:28:30,540 --> 00:28:36,300 Oh, my God, your penis is so big. 414 00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:37,960 Good girl. 415 00:28:38,420 --> 00:28:41,180 Your penis is so thick. 416 00:28:43,050 --> 00:28:46,060 Your penis is just so pretty. 417 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,520 You got a handsome dick! 418 00:28:53,980 --> 00:28:56,150 Your penis, it's so... 419 00:28:57,860 --> 00:28:59,030 ...hard. 420 00:28:59,110 --> 00:29:02,820 Your penis is just so large. 421 00:29:02,910 --> 00:29:06,280 My body is a movie... 422 00:29:06,530 --> 00:29:10,790 ...and your penis is the star! 423 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,130 You're too big to fit in here. 424 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:20,380 Too big to fit in here. 425 00:29:20,510 --> 00:29:22,930 Too big to fit in here. 426 00:29:29,930 --> 00:29:34,690 "You're too big to fit in here" 427 00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:40,280 Oh, my God. 428 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,570 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now. 429 00:29:54,870 --> 00:29:56,790 "What a lovely ride 430 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,840 "Your penis is a thrill 431 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,840 "Your penis is a Cadillac 432 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,590 A giant Coup de VIIle 433 00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:06,680 "Your penis packs a wallop Your penis brings a load 434 00:30:07,010 --> 00:30:11,270 "And when it makes a delivery It needs its own zip code 435 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,390 - "Nine" - "Doublezero" 436 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,560 "Penis" 437 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:19,150 "You're too big to fit in here" 438 00:30:23,190 --> 00:30:27,780 "Your penis is so strong Your penis is so smooth" 439 00:30:27,870 --> 00:30:31,330 - "Your penis has got a rhythm" - "Your penis makes me groove" 440 00:30:31,410 --> 00:30:35,790 - "Your penis is a dream" - "The biggest one I've seen" 441 00:30:35,870 --> 00:30:37,670 "It's oozy and it's green" 442 00:30:39,790 --> 00:30:40,920 Sorry. 443 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:45,680 "You're too big to fit in here" 444 00:30:49,260 --> 00:30:53,890 "You're too big to fit in here" 445 00:30:58,150 --> 00:31:02,070 "Your penis is so big Your penis is so thick" 446 00:31:02,150 --> 00:31:06,110 "Your penis is so pretty You got a handsome dick" 447 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,160 "Your penis is so hard Your penis is so large" 448 00:31:10,370 --> 00:31:14,540 - "My body is a movie" - "And your penis is the star" 449 00:31:14,620 --> 00:31:17,080 "Starring your penis" 450 00:31:17,580 --> 00:31:21,880 "You're too big to fit in here" 451 00:32:02,710 --> 00:32:05,340 - Come on. - How much time we got? 452 00:32:05,420 --> 00:32:08,720 We've got three hours before the rehearsal. Hit the ball. 453 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,100 - Good shot. - Fore! 454 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:15,520 I'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker! 455 00:32:16,020 --> 00:32:18,520 - What are you up by, two? - I guess. 456 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:21,730 It doesn't get any better than this. 457 00:32:21,810 --> 00:32:23,400 - To the marriage. - To the marriage. 458 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,360 - To the bride. - To the bride. 459 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,490 To 50 years with the same woman. 460 00:32:31,530 --> 00:32:33,280 That's really depressing. 461 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,240 Sorry. 462 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,660 Saggy tits. 463 00:32:38,370 --> 00:32:40,870 Be able to use them as a belt by then. 464 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,130 - Or just tuck them in her socks. - Okay. 465 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:51,090 God, this marriage is such a big leap. It's really intense, Pete. 466 00:32:51,260 --> 00:32:54,640 - But if it's the right woman... - I guess. 467 00:32:57,220 --> 00:32:59,390 Get up a little. Yes. Fore! 468 00:32:59,850 --> 00:33:03,520 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me! 469 00:33:03,610 --> 00:33:05,650 You're driving right into them. 470 00:33:05,860 --> 00:33:08,900 I hear John is still AWOL from that bachelor party. 471 00:33:08,990 --> 00:33:13,450 He showed up, missing an eyebrow, with a tattoo on his ass that says "Bitch." 472 00:33:14,530 --> 00:33:17,830 - I am not an animal! - Very good. 473 00:33:18,950 --> 00:33:20,580 Speaking of bitches... 474 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,330 ...what was going on with you at the club with that hottle? 475 00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:27,170 - Nothing. - I mean, Jesus! 476 00:33:27,250 --> 00:33:29,630 I don't know what you're talking about. 477 00:33:29,710 --> 00:33:32,050 - I think you liked her. - No, I didn't. 478 00:33:32,300 --> 00:33:34,590 Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me. 479 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,310 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke. 480 00:33:43,650 --> 00:33:46,230 I could see it in your eyes you liked her. 481 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:51,110 Nothing I can do about it now. 482 00:33:51,610 --> 00:33:55,160 Should have poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. 483 00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:56,990 What's that, Gramps? 484 00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:00,120 I met this hot young dish... 485 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,960 ...at the World's Fair back in 1940. 486 00:34:04,290 --> 00:34:08,550 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven. 487 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,130 I bet you really miss Grandma. 488 00:34:13,470 --> 00:34:15,010 Fuck Grandma. 489 00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:17,050 It's Pearl I'm talking about. 490 00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:22,850 She was the love of my life. Don't ever let these moments pass you by. 491 00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:29,270 Fucking Grandma. 492 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:31,530 Be nice. 493 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,950 Come on. 7-6. 494 00:34:39,870 --> 00:34:41,330 Fore! 495 00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:02,390 You suck! 496 00:35:02,970 --> 00:35:04,100 Damn it! 497 00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:07,270 - But you smell so minty fresh now. - What do you want? 498 00:35:07,980 --> 00:35:10,480 I need to borrow your black Gucci bag. 499 00:35:11,940 --> 00:35:13,490 It's in the living room. 500 00:35:13,570 --> 00:35:17,360 I don't know where in the living room, and I don't feel like looking for it. 501 00:35:17,450 --> 00:35:20,700 Will you help me find it, please? Come on, please. 502 00:35:20,780 --> 00:35:23,950 Since I'm up now, and you decided to torture me... 503 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:25,790 ...I'll go and get it. 504 00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:29,880 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me. 505 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,380 Can you tell me where the bathroom is? 506 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,920 - Behind you. - Over here? 507 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:42,850 Thanks. 508 00:35:43,180 --> 00:35:44,520 Oh, my... 509 00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:46,270 ...cock. 510 00:35:46,350 --> 00:35:48,060 Oh, my cock. 511 00:35:55,690 --> 00:35:57,280 Do you have any Advil? 512 00:36:01,620 --> 00:36:04,830 He is so cute. So stupid. 513 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,670 Can I get that purse now, please? 514 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,040 Yes, you can have the purse. 515 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,420 Here's the purse. 516 00:36:15,510 --> 00:36:17,550 Thank you very much. 517 00:36:21,550 --> 00:36:24,760 - Where are you going? - You and I are going to a wedding. 518 00:36:25,470 --> 00:36:29,560 - What wedding? Who's getting married? - We're going to Peter's brother's wedding. 519 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:30,730 Peter? 520 00:36:30,810 --> 00:36:34,270 This Somerset place where they live is some small freak-ass town... 521 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,570 ...three hours north, so we have to get on the road now to make it on time. 522 00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:40,490 - Peter. - What? 523 00:36:42,070 --> 00:36:44,080 I'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding! 524 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:49,080 What are you talking about? Yesterday, you said you wanted to go, so I went... 525 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,750 - I was joking. - No, you weren't. 526 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,170 Yes, I was. 527 00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:59,630 Fifty percent of what people say when they're joking is true. 528 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,720 Which means you do want to go, but you're too afraid to admit it. 529 00:37:03,850 --> 00:37:07,770 So by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want... 530 00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:09,730 ...without being vulnerable. 531 00:37:09,810 --> 00:37:11,600 - Right? - Maybe. 532 00:37:12,020 --> 00:37:15,690 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00. I refuse to be late. 533 00:37:16,070 --> 00:37:18,490 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you. 534 00:37:19,900 --> 00:37:21,820 - That was a nice one. - Thanks. 535 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,760 - Watch the road, sweetie! - I am watching the road. 536 00:37:39,380 --> 00:37:41,760 Once we get off the 140... 537 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:45,720 ...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit. 538 00:37:46,100 --> 00:37:49,390 We'll drive around and we should find the church, no problem. 539 00:37:49,470 --> 00:37:50,520 Ta-da! 540 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,770 - What is that? - What is what? 541 00:37:58,070 --> 00:38:01,530 - You don't smell that? - What? I don't smell anything. 542 00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:05,070 - You're used to it. That's what's scary. - I don't smell anything. 543 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,620 It smells like mouldy ass, is what it smells like in here. 544 00:38:08,950 --> 00:38:12,120 Come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back. 545 00:38:12,210 --> 00:38:14,250 - You did? - About a week ago. 546 00:38:14,330 --> 00:38:18,250 It must be the ass. No, no. Sit down. 547 00:38:24,970 --> 00:38:26,930 - What are you doing? - Jesus, Courtney. 548 00:38:27,010 --> 00:38:29,720 What is all this crap? 549 00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:32,930 Don't throw out anything I might need. 550 00:38:33,390 --> 00:38:37,440 Where is it coming from? Where? I can still smell it. 551 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,650 Maybe it's you. Did something crawl up your poon-nonny? 552 00:38:43,030 --> 00:38:47,620 I have never, ever had any complaints in the poon-nonny odour department. 553 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:51,620 - You know what? Neither have I. - High five on the clean poon-nonny. 554 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:53,250 Bitch. 555 00:38:55,370 --> 00:38:56,460 What? 556 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,710 - What is this? - What is what? 557 00:38:58,790 --> 00:39:00,050 What is this? 558 00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:03,170 Jesus, I don't know. I don't know how long it's been in here. 559 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:04,880 What is in here? 560 00:39:10,010 --> 00:39:13,270 No! That is not okay. 561 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:17,150 It isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig. Do you understand? 562 00:39:17,230 --> 00:39:19,560 There was maggots on that flesh. 563 00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:29,450 I got maggot juice all over me. 564 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:31,830 Ladies' room. 565 00:39:32,450 --> 00:39:33,910 Ladies' room. 566 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,250 - Someone's in here. - Sorry. 567 00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:40,880 - It might be a while. - How long? 568 00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:42,840 Let me put it to you this way: 569 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,340 I had lamb curry last night and I'm shittlng out a Buick. 570 00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:51,550 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 571 00:39:54,810 --> 00:39:56,100 Hello? 572 00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,650 Clear? 573 00:40:03,730 --> 00:40:06,110 I feel like I have maggots all over me. 574 00:40:06,860 --> 00:40:10,530 Don't move. You have a maggot right here. 575 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:13,540 Stop it. 576 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,410 I'm going to pee my pants. 577 00:40:16,910 --> 00:40:18,750 I'll just use the urinal. 578 00:40:20,670 --> 00:40:22,670 You want to hear some poetry? 579 00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:26,130 "There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe" 580 00:40:26,210 --> 00:40:29,090 "He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis" 581 00:40:29,220 --> 00:40:31,890 "And woke up with a handful of goo" 582 00:40:32,970 --> 00:40:34,760 Don't make me laugh! 583 00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,560 Darn it. I think I peed on myself. 584 00:40:39,190 --> 00:40:41,690 "Follow the yellow brick road"? 585 00:40:43,020 --> 00:40:47,360 I'm following the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. 586 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:55,290 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy. Hello, girl. 587 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,290 - Oh, my God, it's on my hands! - Good girl. What you got in here? 588 00:41:02,790 --> 00:41:05,050 What you got? What's in your mouth? 589 00:41:06,210 --> 00:41:07,840 What you got in there? 590 00:41:10,470 --> 00:41:11,840 What's in there? 591 00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:13,760 Surprise! 592 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,520 Goddamn it. 593 00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:30,110 How could you not know what a glory hole is? 594 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,530 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe... 595 00:41:32,610 --> 00:41:36,620 ...I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. 596 00:41:36,790 --> 00:41:41,250 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. 597 00:41:41,370 --> 00:41:46,800 I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye. 598 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:51,050 I'm glad you find it so fucking amusing. I really do. 599 00:41:51,130 --> 00:41:55,180 Could you please have some compassion? Because I could go blind. 600 00:41:55,260 --> 00:41:57,350 You're not going to go blind. 601 00:41:58,270 --> 00:42:02,060 - Let me look at it. - I mean, I got a penis in my eye. 602 00:42:03,770 --> 00:42:05,480 Let me see. Let me see. 603 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:08,440 All right. 604 00:42:08,530 --> 00:42:10,610 - Is it okay? - Yeah, it's okay. 605 00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,240 But I think you're pregnant. 606 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,410 Would you please stop it, already? 607 00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:23,250 Re-dress the mannequins and check the sock inventory. 608 00:42:23,330 --> 00:42:26,630 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here, and Mr. Mooney... 609 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:30,960 Mr. Mooney is off salling with his boytoy, which leaves me in charge of the store. 610 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:33,050 Somebody needs to get some. 611 00:42:44,390 --> 00:42:46,230 There's my dirty girl! 612 00:42:49,270 --> 00:42:51,360 It's me, baby. It's me. 613 00:42:53,150 --> 00:42:57,570 - Why are you dressed like that? - It's my job. I work at a children's hospital. 614 00:43:02,450 --> 00:43:04,080 You look so cute. 615 00:43:05,790 --> 00:43:08,170 - I'm horny. - Me, too. 616 00:43:15,180 --> 00:43:17,180 - You'll laugh at this one. - What? 617 00:43:17,260 --> 00:43:21,260 You know I sald I had to do laundry today, because I ran out of clean underwear? 618 00:43:21,350 --> 00:43:25,350 - I've only got the skanky ones left. - Tell me about it, dude. 619 00:43:27,850 --> 00:43:29,940 You are so unbelievable. 620 00:43:32,940 --> 00:43:36,110 Is that what I think it is? 621 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:40,660 - Spring break, 1994, baby. - Turn it up. 622 00:44:14,690 --> 00:44:16,780 - Oh, my God! Brain. - Jane! 623 00:44:17,570 --> 00:44:20,160 You and I are so awesome together. 624 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,330 We're like two peas in a pod. 625 00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:24,660 - Like oil and vinegar... - Shut up. 626 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,540 I can't believe I'm fucking a purple elephant. 627 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,840 What do you mean, she's not here? We have customers, missy. 628 00:44:32,290 --> 00:44:34,670 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. I'll check upstairs. 629 00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:37,840 I'm gone for one day, the place turns into Indonesia. 630 00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:42,390 Jane? 631 00:44:46,890 --> 00:44:49,390 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 632 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,310 - What is going on? - Nothing. 633 00:44:51,860 --> 00:44:56,280 I'm frantic. I've a million things to do. And I'm dizzy. I'm so dizzy. 634 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,910 Mr. Mooney is downstalrs, and he is P-I-S-E-D. 635 00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:02,120 "Pised"? 636 00:45:12,500 --> 00:45:15,800 - Where have you been? - I was upstalrs taking inventory. 637 00:45:16,250 --> 00:45:18,510 Yeah, my aunt Fanny. 638 00:45:20,010 --> 00:45:22,390 - Gallini's. -Hello, is Jane there? 639 00:45:22,930 --> 00:45:25,760 - Yes, she is. -Have a lovely day, 640 00:45:28,220 --> 00:45:30,310 - Hello? -Janie! 641 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,400 Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm really busy. 642 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:36,940 We were wondering: 643 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:44,780 Shit. 644 00:46:04,300 --> 00:46:05,720 Oh, shit. 645 00:46:06,050 --> 00:46:09,640 I dropped the thingy to my lip gloss. Could you get it for me? 646 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,270 I'll get it. 647 00:46:14,060 --> 00:46:16,310 It's too far over. I'll get it. 648 00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,320 Hold on to it. Keep steering. 649 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,110 I got it. Don't worry. 650 00:46:23,110 --> 00:46:24,490 Beneath the... 651 00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:37,750 Yeah, baby! 652 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:47,260 - Oh, yeah, right there. - No, that's not it. 653 00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:49,140 You like that? 654 00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:54,730 Yeah. Let me have some of that. 655 00:46:54,810 --> 00:46:57,610 - Oh, yeah. Don't stop. - I'm not going to stop. 656 00:47:25,260 --> 00:47:28,680 I found it. I almost got smothered down there. 657 00:47:28,970 --> 00:47:30,100 Shit. 658 00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:31,430 Are you okay? 659 00:47:33,220 --> 00:47:36,940 - You good? - Yeah, I'm good. Never better. 660 00:47:37,190 --> 00:47:41,610 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say. Game plan. 661 00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:46,030 Walk up to him and be like, "Peter, is that you?" 662 00:47:46,110 --> 00:47:50,740 "My friend Courtney, that hot babe?" She and I went to college with the bride. 663 00:47:50,830 --> 00:47:54,910 "That is unbelievable. I can't believe that. It's unbelievable. 664 00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:56,120 "Freaky." 665 00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:29,570 Afternoon. 666 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:39,250 - Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us. - Plenty of crap. 667 00:48:39,330 --> 00:48:42,130 - We don't have time for this. - Okay, let's go. 668 00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:47,840 - Welcome to my store. Can I help you? - No, we were just browsing. Thank you. 669 00:48:50,390 --> 00:48:52,390 You don't like my store, do you? 670 00:48:52,470 --> 00:48:56,140 No, that's not it at all. It's really a lovely store. 671 00:48:56,220 --> 00:48:58,730 We were looking for something... 672 00:48:59,390 --> 00:49:03,020 The next dress store is 20 miles from here. 673 00:49:03,110 --> 00:49:04,360 20 miles away? 674 00:49:06,150 --> 00:49:08,950 - We'll miss the wedding. - Judy Webb's wedding? 675 00:49:09,650 --> 00:49:12,410 I know all about it. I dressed half the guests! 676 00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:15,370 When I was 22... 677 00:49:15,740 --> 00:49:19,290 ...my breastices were, like, right about there. 678 00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:21,630 Nice and perky. 679 00:49:21,790 --> 00:49:24,630 Gravity has taken them to there. 680 00:49:25,300 --> 00:49:27,880 It's like, 22, 28. 681 00:49:28,630 --> 00:49:31,050 22, 28. 682 00:49:31,380 --> 00:49:33,470 Buy some new ones. 683 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,640 O>kay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this? 684 00:49:40,690 --> 00:49:45,770 - What is that, though? - That, again, is gravity. 685 00:49:46,940 --> 00:49:50,450 - Knock, knock. Are you decent? - Yeah. 686 00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:54,780 You're going to love this stuff. It's our latest line. 687 00:49:54,910 --> 00:49:57,990 If you need other sizes, just holler. 688 00:49:58,080 --> 00:49:59,700 Thank you, Vera. 689 00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,790 Excellent. 690 00:50:03,580 --> 00:50:05,000 Jesus. 691 00:50:05,630 --> 00:50:08,000 - Look. - That's nice. 692 00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:12,930 Wait a minute. Do we have time for a movie montage? 693 00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:15,100 Well, you know... 694 00:51:18,030 --> 00:51:20,990 - Thank you so much. - You look sensational. 695 00:51:21,290 --> 00:51:23,200 Thanks to your styling, Vera. 696 00:51:23,290 --> 00:51:24,330 Thank you. 697 00:51:24,410 --> 00:51:26,710 Would you like to be on our mailing list? 698 00:51:26,790 --> 00:51:29,460 Sure. Right here? 699 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:37,140 Just send it there. 700 00:51:37,430 --> 00:51:39,550 That's sweet. 701 00:51:40,430 --> 00:51:43,730 It sure is. Thank you. Bye. 702 00:51:44,020 --> 00:51:47,600 - We've got to go. - Oh, my God. I can't walk in this thing. 703 00:51:47,980 --> 00:51:50,070 - Take little steps. - Bondage. 704 00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:52,820 We don't have time, sweetie. 705 00:51:54,780 --> 00:51:55,820 My God! 706 00:51:58,820 --> 00:52:00,080 Oh, my God. 707 00:52:00,660 --> 00:52:03,370 These are the days of our lives. 708 00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:08,830 - This is not discreet. - No, it isn't. 709 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,960 - We can't walk into a wedding... - Come on. It's very LaToya Jackson. 710 00:52:15,090 --> 00:52:17,720 I mean, really. Look at all this... 711 00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:21,430 I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "stalker." 712 00:52:22,890 --> 00:52:27,140 I'm not going there wearing this outfit. Can we please just go? 713 00:52:27,230 --> 00:52:29,600 - Yes. Let's go home. - Really? 714 00:52:31,310 --> 00:52:35,150 We've driven for three and a half hours and everything. 715 00:52:35,240 --> 00:52:37,570 - But, no, let's go. - Please. 716 00:52:37,740 --> 00:52:41,450 - Really. Let's go. - Don't reverse psychology me right now. 717 00:52:41,530 --> 00:52:43,410 I'm not reverse psychologing you. 718 00:52:43,490 --> 00:52:47,000 You're so good at it, you don't know you're doing it anymore. 719 00:52:47,910 --> 00:52:49,540 All right, maybe a little bit. 720 00:52:49,620 --> 00:52:53,920 - Court, this is crazy. Really crazy. - What the hell were we thinking? 721 00:52:54,590 --> 00:52:57,010 I wish there were some sign from God... 722 00:52:57,090 --> 00:52:59,880 ...that you and Peter Donahue should be together. 723 00:52:59,970 --> 00:53:03,100 How do you know his last name is Donahue? 724 00:53:03,220 --> 00:53:05,430 Because you're sitting on his face. 725 00:53:08,770 --> 00:53:11,730 - My God, it's him! He's so cute! - Yeah, I know. 726 00:53:11,900 --> 00:53:13,690 Cute? He's adorable! 727 00:53:13,820 --> 00:53:16,900 And look at this. "Everything he touches turns to sold." 728 00:53:16,990 --> 00:53:20,610 - He's funny! He's funny, too. See? - I know. 729 00:53:23,910 --> 00:53:25,160 Church bells. 730 00:53:50,140 --> 00:53:52,400 What do you think? Bride or groom's side? 731 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,730 I have to go to the bathroom, I think. 732 00:53:54,810 --> 00:53:59,490 - Did you misplace your bladder today? - I'm wearing the tightest skirt ever. 733 00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,910 Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats. 734 00:54:02,660 --> 00:54:06,200 - Could you tell me where the restroom is? - It's right outside. 735 00:54:16,540 --> 00:54:17,840 Hello? 736 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,930 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I can't breathe. 737 00:54:26,010 --> 00:54:29,980 Really? Okay. Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay. 738 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:31,890 Are you okay? 739 00:54:32,850 --> 00:54:35,520 - You'll be fine. You'll be okay. - Water! 740 00:54:38,070 --> 00:54:39,190 Okay. 741 00:54:39,940 --> 00:54:43,320 - Thank you. - I'll leave you alone for a second, okay? 742 00:54:45,070 --> 00:54:47,620 - Judy! - In a minute, Dad. 743 00:54:53,370 --> 00:54:57,380 I don't want to go in the deep end. I don't want to go in the deep end! 744 00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:01,050 Flowers! 745 00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:05,840 I look like a magazine bride! 746 00:55:05,930 --> 00:55:10,140 No, you don't. You look really beautiful. Like the perfect bride. 747 00:55:10,220 --> 00:55:12,270 Why don't I feel good? 748 00:55:13,350 --> 00:55:17,020 I'm sure that you're just really nervous. It's a big day, right? 749 00:55:17,270 --> 00:55:19,610 It's what every girl dreams of, but... 750 00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:22,860 ...how do you know it's real? 751 00:55:23,650 --> 00:55:27,370 I don't know. I can't answer that for you, really. 752 00:55:27,620 --> 00:55:30,910 But I'm sure the two of you will be really happy together. 753 00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,580 And if you're not, you can always just get divorced. 754 00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:39,380 - Yeah! - Yeah, see? It'll be okay. 755 00:55:39,460 --> 00:55:41,420 Right. You're so right. 756 00:55:41,630 --> 00:55:45,180 So just get yourself together. You look smashing. 757 00:55:45,300 --> 00:55:47,300 - I look beautiful! - You look amazing! 758 00:55:47,390 --> 00:55:50,470 - I look beautiful. - You do. Amazing. 759 00:55:51,350 --> 00:55:53,520 - Now, get off my dress. - I'm sorry. 760 00:55:54,940 --> 00:55:56,480 I'm getting married! 761 00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:04,240 Hi. 762 00:56:20,340 --> 00:56:23,300 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 763 00:56:26,220 --> 00:56:27,470 Where is she? 764 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:44,860 Turn around. 765 00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,370 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 766 00:57:00,830 --> 00:57:03,340 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. 767 00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,850 Okay, boys. We're on. 768 00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:15,640 - All right. Straight? - Big moment. 769 00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:17,850 - You look nice, too. - Don't stress. 770 00:57:18,270 --> 00:57:20,150 A little slap. Slap me. 771 00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:26,150 Don't be gay in God's house. Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it. 772 00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:31,200 Shit. 773 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,210 Chris? 774 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,380 - I'm okay. - My God! Honey, are you okay? 775 00:57:47,460 --> 00:57:51,090 - What are you doing? - I got locked in. 776 00:57:51,180 --> 00:57:53,050 - You all right? - Yeah. 777 00:57:55,220 --> 00:57:56,890 - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 778 00:57:56,970 --> 00:58:00,770 We don't have to lie anymore because I made friends with the bride. 779 00:58:06,110 --> 00:58:09,280 No. You cannot lock the door. Goddamn it! 780 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,110 Hello! 781 00:58:16,370 --> 00:58:17,700 Oh, please, God. 782 00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,710 Suki, suki! 783 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,590 It's already started. 784 00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:41,270 I bet you miss Grandma. 785 00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:46,900 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 786 00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:50,440 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 787 00:58:51,030 --> 00:58:53,030 ...of Judith Katherine Webb... 788 00:58:53,610 --> 00:58:55,870 ...and Peter Donahue. 789 00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:57,370 Peter? 790 00:58:59,330 --> 00:59:01,370 Jesus Christ! 791 00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,670 Peter? Shit! 792 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,090 She did it. 793 00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:14,930 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it? 794 00:59:16,300 --> 00:59:19,720 - Moishe, are you here? No? - Come on, Sharon, let's go. 795 00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:21,060 Mazel tov. 796 00:59:21,140 --> 00:59:22,730 - Christina? - The hottie. 797 00:59:22,810 --> 00:59:23,980 Shalom! 798 00:59:29,570 --> 00:59:32,150 That's the strangest thing I've ever seen. 799 00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,280 There are no Jews in Somerset. 800 00:59:36,450 --> 00:59:38,490 Shit. Shit. Shit. 801 00:59:39,330 --> 00:59:41,200 - Shall we proceed? - Sure. 802 00:59:45,620 --> 00:59:47,920 Dearly beloved... 803 00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:50,670 ...we are gathered here today... 804 00:59:51,340 --> 00:59:54,800 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 805 00:59:55,180 --> 01:00:00,060 ...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue. 806 01:00:04,350 --> 01:00:06,560 Which is an honourable estate... 807 01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:10,570 ...instituted of God, signifying... 808 01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:12,900 ...unto us the mystical union... 809 01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:15,650 ...that is between Christ... 810 01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:18,070 ...and... - Peter. 811 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:19,620 ...Saint... 812 01:00:24,660 --> 01:00:27,670 - I'm having reservations. - Where? 813 01:00:27,830 --> 01:00:29,330 And is commanded... 814 01:00:29,460 --> 01:00:30,590 About this. 815 01:00:30,670 --> 01:00:32,000 - Really? - Yeah. 816 01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:37,130 ...of Saint Paul... 817 01:00:37,220 --> 01:00:38,930 - Me, too. - Really? 818 01:00:39,260 --> 01:00:40,430 Yep. 819 01:00:44,810 --> 01:00:48,520 And therefore, is not by any to be entered... 820 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,360 - I mean, I love you. - But I'm not in love bwith you. 821 01:00:52,730 --> 01:00:53,900 ...lightly. 822 01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:55,190 Anymore! 823 01:00:56,110 --> 01:00:57,860 - You're ruining it. - But... 824 01:00:57,950 --> 01:00:59,490 We're still friends. 825 01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:05,540 - I don'twant to get married. - I don'twant to get married. 826 01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:10,040 No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet. 827 01:01:11,250 --> 01:01:13,130 We're not getting married! 828 01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,130 Miguel? 829 01:01:19,090 --> 01:01:20,220 Dad! 830 01:01:20,550 --> 01:01:25,100 Butwe are having the party. Exit in the back. It's to the left. 831 01:01:52,250 --> 01:01:54,500 - How you doing? - Okay. Are you okay? 832 01:01:54,590 --> 01:01:56,300 Yeah, no. I'm okay. 833 01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:59,470 - You ower me $30,000 for this wedding. - Daddy, please. 834 01:02:00,260 --> 01:02:02,890 - You know what I'm thinking of doing? - What's that? 835 01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:07,770 I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets, fly to Bali, and go scuba diving. 836 01:02:07,850 --> 01:02:11,100 - I'll rip your face off, peckerhead. - Daddy, stop. 837 01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:13,440 - Sweetie? - Yes? 838 01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:17,440 - I have a confession to make. - I have a confession to make. You're dead. 839 01:02:17,530 --> 01:02:20,860 Dad. I met someone. 840 01:02:21,150 --> 01:02:23,320 - You met someone. - Online. 841 01:02:23,660 --> 01:02:24,700 Online. 842 01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:31,370 His name is Ricky. I think he's really special. 843 01:02:31,500 --> 01:02:34,790 Fuck it! It's go time! Son of a bitch! 844 01:02:35,590 --> 01:02:36,960 Daddy, stop it! 845 01:02:51,940 --> 01:02:55,560 Refresh my memory. Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on? 846 01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:01,240 - Yeah. - That's what I thought. 847 01:03:04,740 --> 01:03:06,450 I'm such an idiot. 848 01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:09,370 No, you're not. 849 01:03:09,950 --> 01:03:12,540 I meet a guy for two minutes... 850 01:03:12,620 --> 01:03:17,130 ...and I'm chasing after him like he's something special. 851 01:03:19,550 --> 01:03:22,470 Maybe you want someone special for once. 852 01:03:24,630 --> 01:03:28,310 Maybe you were thinking that you were tired of the game. 853 01:03:33,390 --> 01:03:35,190 Are you tired of the game? 854 01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:38,650 Yep. 855 01:03:41,780 --> 01:03:43,030 Let's go home. 856 01:03:44,110 --> 01:03:45,160 Okay. 857 01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:04,880 My God! What's going on? 858 01:04:05,380 --> 01:04:06,890 Excuse me, Officer? 859 01:04:07,390 --> 01:04:08,970 What's going on here? 860 01:04:09,180 --> 01:04:13,100 Twenty years on the force and I've never seen something so horrible. 861 01:04:13,810 --> 01:04:16,310 - What? Where? - Where's the emergency? 862 01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:17,770 Apartment three. 863 01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,400 - That's my apartment! - Jane. 864 01:04:23,110 --> 01:04:24,900 Poor girl. Never saw it coming. 865 01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:27,910 Excuse me. 866 01:04:29,070 --> 01:04:32,040 - Goddamn dress! - Don't go in. It's not a pretty sight. 867 01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:33,620 I live here! 868 01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:46,260 - Apparently, they're stuck. - What do you mean? 869 01:04:47,340 --> 01:04:48,800 Are you okay? 870 01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:52,640 How are you stuck? 871 01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,350 I have a piercing. 872 01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:58,850 - I don't get it. How is she stuck? - Behind her tonsils. 873 01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:01,400 How the hell do you know that? 874 01:05:01,570 --> 01:05:05,190 - Honey, I'm going to pull you gently. - No. 875 01:05:05,490 --> 01:05:08,240 I'm going to pull it. Gently. 876 01:05:10,450 --> 01:05:12,080 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 877 01:05:12,450 --> 01:05:16,750 We've got the ambulance waiting outside. We have to get going. 878 01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:18,420 No, wait! 879 01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:22,290 She could sing. You could sing, Jane. It relaxes the throat, honey. 880 01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:33,430 Stop it! You're getting me hard again! 881 01:05:34,140 --> 01:05:35,680 Wrong song. 882 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:37,930 Armageddon. 883 01:05:55,740 --> 01:05:57,000 Come on, try. 884 01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:02,690 What? 885 01:07:07,190 --> 01:07:11,240 She says to him, "Girl You Know It's True changed my life." 886 01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:12,780 It did! 887 01:07:12,860 --> 01:07:15,240 And this sad little tear slowly... 888 01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:19,490 Come on. What do you want from me? I was 16 years old. 889 01:07:19,870 --> 01:07:23,620 I don't know why I started talking to her in the sccond grade. 890 01:07:23,710 --> 01:07:26,920 - You thought I was the shit. - You are the shit. 891 01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:28,460 Shithead. 892 01:07:28,550 --> 01:07:31,050 - My God. - What? 893 01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:35,510 They found a donor for my patient. I've got to go. I'm sorry, guys. 894 01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:38,930 - Christina, it was great meeting you. - Nice to meet you, Greg. 895 01:07:39,010 --> 01:07:41,770 - Jane, it was great meeting you. - Great meeting you. 896 01:07:41,850 --> 01:07:44,640 So sorry to run off. I'll make you risotto tomorrow. 897 01:07:44,730 --> 01:07:45,900 It's fine. 898 01:07:50,190 --> 01:07:53,530 - Can I just say, that was so sweet? - He's great. 899 01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:55,910 - He's so sweet. - Shut up. 900 01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,450 He doesn't have any piercings, does he? 901 01:08:00,330 --> 01:08:02,040 I don't know, actually... 902 01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:07,000 ...because I haven't done that with him yet. 903 01:08:07,710 --> 01:08:11,130 - So, you know... - Honey, you really do like him. 904 01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:14,300 I don'twant to talk about it, because I'll jinx it. 905 01:09:13,020 --> 01:09:16,400 - I closed on the Mahalock house today. - Great news for you. 906 01:09:16,490 --> 01:09:18,450 You don't need to do a thing. 907 01:09:19,660 --> 01:09:22,330 - What did they say about aluminium siding? - No. 908 01:09:23,660 --> 01:09:25,370 - Really? - Really. 909 01:09:25,450 --> 01:09:29,000 Be careful with those fat-free chips. They cause anal leakage. 910 01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:32,420 - You cause anal leakage. - Says so on the bag. 911 01:09:42,550 --> 01:09:47,270 What kind of marketing brainiac puts "anal leakage" on his product? 912 01:09:48,850 --> 01:09:51,020 How can they even sell that crap? 913 01:09:51,100 --> 01:09:53,400 - What time is your flight? - 9:30. 914 01:09:55,110 --> 01:09:57,650 I can't believe you're going to Costa Rica. 915 01:09:57,740 --> 01:10:00,280 Your female problems are over with. 916 01:10:01,070 --> 01:10:02,740 - Hope so. - They are. 917 01:10:02,820 --> 01:10:05,490 You know what I hear about Costa Rican women? 918 01:10:05,660 --> 01:10:07,330 - For five pesos... - No, Rog. 919 01:10:07,410 --> 01:10:10,670 They take your chimichanga and your pequito... 920 01:10:10,750 --> 01:10:12,750 - No, señor. - Listen to me! 921 01:10:12,830 --> 01:10:14,040 Fuck you. 922 01:10:14,130 --> 01:10:18,300 All I'm saying is, make nice with the concierge, okay? 923 01:10:20,510 --> 01:10:23,300 - You all right, Vera? - Couldn't be better. 924 01:10:27,140 --> 01:10:29,310 - Thank you so much. - Where do you want it? 925 01:10:29,390 --> 01:10:32,270 Put her down right here. 926 01:10:32,440 --> 01:10:36,020 Since you're going away, do you want to be on our malling list? 927 01:10:36,270 --> 01:10:38,860 Yes, ma'am. I'd love to. Thank you. 928 01:10:40,610 --> 01:10:44,030 I've been trying to get us off that mailing list since 1982. 929 01:10:44,120 --> 01:10:45,530 Relax. 930 01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:50,330 This is the hottest chick in this store and I caught her trying to escape. 931 01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:14,440 Very strange. 932 01:11:20,650 --> 01:11:24,110 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on? What happened? 933 01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:29,700 I came to just eat my cookie and make a phone call, but... 934 01:11:29,870 --> 01:11:33,120 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What? 935 01:11:33,500 --> 01:11:36,250 - Just read this. - All right. 936 01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:41,050 "Commandment number nine: Thou shalt love what's possible." 937 01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,300 Honey, we have gone over this. 938 01:11:45,470 --> 01:11:48,600 You did not know the guy was getting married. 939 01:11:48,930 --> 01:11:51,140 It's all right. He wasn't possible. 940 01:11:51,220 --> 01:11:54,980 Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten. 941 01:11:55,270 --> 01:11:59,360 - "Thou shalt not fear"? - Yes. "Thou shalt not fear." 942 01:11:59,480 --> 01:12:01,570 What are you talking about, fear? 943 01:12:01,650 --> 01:12:04,400 What you did was an incredibly brave thing. 944 01:12:04,780 --> 01:12:08,990 You dropped all of your boundaries and you met this guy halfway. 945 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,790 More than halfway, you went to Somerset. 946 01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:15,370 Guys, it was just another game. Come on. 947 01:12:15,790 --> 01:12:20,050 If he hadn't been getting married, wasn't the groom, what would I've done? 948 01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:23,130 That's right. 949 01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:29,300 I would've done the same old thing. I would have hesitated. I would have... 950 01:12:32,270 --> 01:12:35,730 ...froze up. I would have kissed him and then ran off. 951 01:12:37,270 --> 01:12:39,810 Give him the wrong phone number. 952 01:12:40,770 --> 01:12:44,440 Hook that fish and just throw him right back. 953 01:12:45,530 --> 01:12:46,660 Jesus. 954 01:12:50,830 --> 01:12:52,580 I'm stuck in a rut. 955 01:12:57,330 --> 01:13:00,460 Big, fat rut. 956 01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:05,130 Guys, I don'twant to be that girl anymore. 957 01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:08,470 - I know. - You know? 958 01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:10,800 I know. None of us do. 959 01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,430 Let's go dancing. 960 01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:22,480 So, any chance? 961 01:13:22,860 --> 01:13:26,490 Of what? No, don't even bother. She's on a mission. 962 01:13:38,250 --> 01:13:40,960 - How is it shaking, ladies? - No, thank you. 963 01:13:41,290 --> 01:13:44,000 Your body is banging. Your face is... 964 01:13:44,090 --> 01:13:46,050 Neato. Thanks. Neat. 965 01:13:52,050 --> 01:13:54,140 What's going on, hot mama? 966 01:13:57,730 --> 01:14:01,400 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now! 967 01:14:04,980 --> 01:14:08,240 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey. Work the monkey. 968 01:14:08,320 --> 01:14:11,240 The monkey, the monkey, the monkey! 969 01:14:16,540 --> 01:14:19,870 - You'reworking that monkey. - You're a really good dancer. 970 01:14:19,960 --> 01:14:24,040 - You have some original moves. - Thanks, I've been working on it. 971 01:14:24,750 --> 01:14:27,460 - Have we met before? - A couple of times. 972 01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:28,920 I'm Donny. 973 01:14:34,300 --> 01:14:35,390 Christina. 974 01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:37,720 This is like Sixteen Candles. 975 01:14:39,890 --> 01:14:42,020 I'd love to take you out sometime. 976 01:14:42,100 --> 01:14:45,570 Really? Well, that's nice. I mean... 977 01:14:46,570 --> 01:14:49,150 Give me your card, I'll call you sometime. 978 01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:52,110 Thank you. 979 01:14:52,490 --> 01:14:54,700 You seem like a really nice person. 980 01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:58,450 - Work on the monkey. - I'll work on the monkey. 981 01:15:26,860 --> 01:15:28,280 Hey, Donny. 982 01:15:29,110 --> 01:15:31,280 - Do you have a pen? - You bet. 983 01:15:36,120 --> 01:15:40,330 I'm a jerk and I wanted to apologize, because I didn't plan on calling you. 984 01:15:40,580 --> 01:15:43,830 I'll give you my number so that you can call me... 985 01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:49,380 ...because I found out something that was completey life-changing: 986 01:15:49,630 --> 01:15:52,170 It's okay to take a chance. 987 01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:56,300 Love is crazy and that's what love is, it's taking a chance. 988 01:15:57,220 --> 01:16:01,810 My girlfriend Courtney and I went on this crazy ride for a guy. 989 01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:06,520 I went across the state, practically, to find this guy that I don't even know. 990 01:16:06,730 --> 01:16:10,780 I don't even know you, but here I am, having this conversation with you. 991 01:16:10,860 --> 01:16:15,360 And I know that if I just take a chance with you, maybe, I don't know... 992 01:16:15,530 --> 01:16:17,200 Forget it. 993 01:16:17,570 --> 01:16:20,700 What's a guy got to do to get laid? 994 01:16:59,870 --> 01:17:01,660 - Chris? - Yeah? 995 01:17:01,740 --> 01:17:02,950 Honey? 996 01:17:05,660 --> 01:17:06,790 What? 997 01:17:10,540 --> 01:17:11,880 My God. 998 01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:16,760 What am I going to do? 999 01:17:17,340 --> 01:17:20,050 I think you can handle this one on your own. 1000 01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:22,350 It's all good, girl. 1001 01:17:24,520 --> 01:17:27,560 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay. 1002 01:17:33,690 --> 01:17:34,780 Christina? 1003 01:17:36,650 --> 01:17:38,360 What are you doing here? 1004 01:17:38,700 --> 01:17:42,080 - I came here to apologize to you. - For what? 1005 01:17:42,160 --> 01:17:45,290 For not telling you I was getting married. 1006 01:17:45,370 --> 01:17:48,250 I should have told you that and I didn't. I'm sorry. 1007 01:17:48,330 --> 01:17:51,290 You're the guy that needs the last fling before your wedding. 1008 01:17:51,380 --> 01:17:53,750 No. I'm not that guy. 1009 01:17:54,340 --> 01:17:59,300 You spilled my drink and I let you buy me a beer. Tha twas all there was to it. 1010 01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:03,890 We had fun, we talked and that was it. 1011 01:18:05,180 --> 01:18:06,270 Right? 1012 01:18:08,230 --> 01:18:10,060 Yeah, I guess you're right. 1013 01:18:11,350 --> 01:18:12,940 I didn't get married. 1014 01:18:18,780 --> 01:18:22,070 - What do you mean? - Judy and I, we called it off. 1015 01:18:26,040 --> 01:18:30,120 I hope my... That thing that happened didn't have anything to do with it. 1016 01:18:30,210 --> 01:18:32,750 No, it had nothing to do with that. 1017 01:18:32,830 --> 01:18:37,760 We realiezd we were doing the wrong thing. Two people should be in love. 1018 01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:42,140 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali. 1019 01:18:42,220 --> 01:18:46,100 She really liked you, too. Why were you at my wedding? 1020 01:18:48,020 --> 01:18:53,230 It was just one of those spontaneous things my girlfriend and I do. 1021 01:18:53,480 --> 01:18:55,730 It was just, really... 1022 01:18:57,070 --> 01:18:58,940 It just got screwed up. 1023 01:19:03,820 --> 01:19:06,790 I came here tonight because I wanted to see you. 1024 01:19:07,330 --> 01:19:09,870 I thought that maybe... 1025 01:19:11,460 --> 01:19:13,790 Well, that night that we met... 1026 01:19:14,580 --> 01:19:18,920 ...I thought there was something, some feeling I had about us. 1027 01:19:20,090 --> 01:19:24,800 I thought that maybe you might feel that way, too. 1028 01:19:24,890 --> 01:19:28,270 Is this a mutual thing? This is not a mutual thing at all. 1029 01:19:28,390 --> 01:19:30,770 This is a very stupid thing. I'm stupid. 1030 01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:34,020 I should go. I really apologize for wasting your time. 1031 01:19:34,100 --> 01:19:37,270 And I'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. 1032 01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:41,280 Thanks. See you. I'm stupid. That's right. 1033 01:19:41,820 --> 01:19:45,320 That's exactly what I wanted to do. 1034 01:19:47,830 --> 01:19:50,080 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well. 1035 01:20:12,310 --> 01:20:14,140 I'm not going to be afraid. 1036 01:20:20,940 --> 01:20:22,030 Peter? 1037 01:20:25,490 --> 01:20:28,330 Shit. Peter, wait! 1038 01:20:40,250 --> 01:20:41,630 Shit. 1039 01:20:59,060 --> 01:21:00,110 Come on! 1040 01:21:02,150 --> 01:21:03,820 Are you okay? 1041 01:21:04,490 --> 01:21:05,570 Yes. 1042 01:21:07,990 --> 01:21:09,950 I don't think I handled that too... 1043 01:21:10,030 --> 01:21:13,790 I didn't handle it at all. I'm so sorry. 1044 01:21:14,450 --> 01:21:17,370 I wanted to find you so that I could tell you... 1045 01:21:18,170 --> 01:21:22,090 ...that I did come to your wedding because I wanted to see you again... 1046 01:21:22,170 --> 01:21:25,920 ...because the feeling is mutual, and you better be a good kisser. 1047 01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:41,610 That was weak. 1048 01:21:42,650 --> 01:21:43,940 - Weak? - Yeah. 1049 01:21:46,360 --> 01:21:48,360 It's okay. You can try again. 1050 01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:02,290 You were so much better in my dream. 1051 01:22:03,090 --> 01:22:04,250 Hold these. 1052 01:22:08,760 --> 01:22:11,760 - I thought this was mutual. - Oh, my God. 1053 01:22:11,890 --> 01:22:14,850 I'm serious. I'll call you, okay? 1054 01:22:15,970 --> 01:22:17,890 What? Wait! 1055 01:22:17,980 --> 01:22:20,400 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch. 1056 01:22:20,480 --> 01:22:22,980 I'm out of practice! I just woke up! 1057 01:22:24,270 --> 01:22:25,530 Unbelievable! 1058 01:22:32,870 --> 01:22:35,620 Christina Walters. Yep. I know her. 1059 01:22:35,700 --> 01:22:38,660 Bitch. Made my life a living hell. 1060 01:22:40,420 --> 01:22:43,460 She tries to pawn me off on her friend. She calls me a dick. 1061 01:22:43,540 --> 01:22:46,050 She hunts me down like a dog at my own wedding. 1062 01:22:46,130 --> 01:22:48,970 Then, when I try to apologize, she's like: 1063 01:22:49,090 --> 01:22:53,300 "I don't know you. You're one of hundreds. I have no feelings for you..." 1064 01:22:59,770 --> 01:23:01,560 Is that how I sound? 1065 01:23:08,990 --> 01:23:11,150 The movie is starting. Let's go! 1066 01:23:39,140 --> 01:23:40,350 Fuck Grandma. 1067 01:23:51,280 --> 01:23:53,240 Save yourself a buck. 1068 01:23:57,990 --> 01:23:59,790 - A girl that you lick. - Really? 1069 01:23:59,870 --> 01:24:01,910 - That you lick. - A girl that I lick? 1070 01:24:09,710 --> 01:24:11,510 Are you all right? 1071 01:24:12,090 --> 01:24:14,010 You'rewatching the credits? 1072 01:24:32,320 --> 01:24:35,200 - Chicks freak on this guy. - You ower me thirty... 1073 01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:46,120 Copy that. 1074 01:24:53,210 --> 01:24:54,840 Is that what you want? 1075 01:25:00,140 --> 01:25:03,600 I think there's always time for a movie montage. 1076 01:25:13,570 --> 01:25:16,400 I hope you like how sexy I am. 1077 01:25:22,870 --> 01:25:27,710 Okay. I'm not going to be afraid. 1078 01:25:30,920 --> 01:25:32,300 I'm not. 1079 01:25:35,670 --> 01:25:39,180 It's a very bad rumour. It's a rumour. I'm serious. 1080 01:25:39,390 --> 01:25:40,550 Crap. 1081 01:25:47,940 --> 01:25:50,730 You really got my ass. It's good. 1082 01:25:54,530 --> 01:25:55,650 Cut! 1083 01:26:03,790 --> 01:26:06,000 - I look beautiful. - You look amazing. 1084 01:26:06,080 --> 01:26:08,960 - I look beautiful. Thank you. - You do. Amazing. 1085 01:26:15,840 --> 01:26:18,050 We can sit here like this all night. 1086 01:26:18,260 --> 01:26:21,300 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 1087 01:26:29,440 --> 01:26:32,150 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 1088 01:26:45,660 --> 01:26:47,660 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 1089 01:26:51,880 --> 01:26:54,420 I guess a blowjob is out of the question? 1090 01:26:55,090 --> 01:26:56,760 That is the sweetest thing. 1091 01:26:56,840 --> 01:26:58,090 Bye! 1092 01:27:04,930 --> 01:27:06,640 Well, that was fun. 1093 01:30:38,520 --> 01:30:41,730 - It's over. Bye-bye, go home. - You can leave.