0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000


1
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,215
Let's try something different.

2
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,219
That look in your
eyes is scaring me.

3
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,554
I got two words for you.

4
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,755
Yeah?

5
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,557
Handcuffs.

6
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,793
That's just one word.

7
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:56,657
The key fell in the grate.

8
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,592
I'm sorry.
It's not my fault.

9
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,428
No, that doesn't matter.

10
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,029
It's not about that.

11
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,196
Then what is it about?

12
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,832
It's about you.

13
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,204
♪ Here we go again

14
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,374
♪ It's all the same

15
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,643
♪ A familiar scene

16
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:19,347
♪ But we call it
by a different name.

17
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:26,887
♪ It's an alibi
of innocence

18
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,090
♪ We worked so hard
for it all

19
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,326
♪ To just make sense

20
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:37,331
♪ But it won't make sense

21
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:41,369
♪ When it falls apart
the pieces fit

22
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:45,105
♪ But you won't see it
till you're blinded

23
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,641
♪ You can let it go

24
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,076
♪ Or hold it tight

25
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:53,046
♪ When you lose your life
you will find it

26
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:59,252
♪ Oh, la de de da de de da

27
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:03,223
♪ Oh, la de de da de de da

28
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:08,729
♪ Oh, la de de da da

29
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,331
♪ Another day begins

30
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,535
♪ Oh, it's nothing new

31
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:19,373
♪ Lessons come to me
dressed in deja vu

32
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,244
♪ I thought
I had it all... ♪

33
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:25,579
Someone once said,

34
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,681
"It's better to
have loved and lost

35
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,783
"than not to
have loved at all."

36
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,720
I wanna punch
that guy in the face.

37
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,522
It's a pretty trippy thing

38
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:35,923
when your girlfriend
breaks up with you

39
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,926
when she's naked
and handcuffed to a bed.

40
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,429
It's something that
really makes you think.

41
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:45,833
And the thing I kept
thinking about was, "Why?"

42
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:49,236
Not, "Why did she
break up with me?"

43
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:52,840
But, "Why do I get in relationships
in the first place?"

44
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,309
A year later, I was still
asking the same question.

45
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,711
And then I met Sunny.

46
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,615
You think dogs are
smarter than people?

47
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,784
I think
I like them more.

48
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:07,888
We run around trying to pay
our rent, stressed out about

49
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,659
the price of gas,
pussy and cars.

50
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,193
Not necessarily in that order.

51
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,828
Right.

52
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,064
Meanwhile, look at Herman.

53
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,366
Look at your boy.

54
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,368
Just licking the mess out
of his own dick. Yeah.

55
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,704
If he's not smarter, he's
definitely more flexible.

56
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,474
I mean,
look at the way these dogs

57
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,576
interact with each other.
No bullshit.

58
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,843
Look at these two.

59
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,679
"Well, hello."

60
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,013
"Oh, hi."

61
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,247
"I'm gonna fuck you."

62
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,084
"I expect nothing less.
What do you think?"

63
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,519
"It's a little gamey."

64
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,888
"Well, that's just rude,
isn't it?"

65
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,857
"Who am I kidding?
Tell me how good I am."

66
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,294
"I'm done. Bye."

67
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,729
"Bye."

68
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,633
Holy shit.

69
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,067
Look at that.

70
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,970
Hi.

71
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,472
All right.

72
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,041
Taking into account
the fact that

73
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,910
you're desperate
and super pathetic,

74
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,878
I'm gonna give you exactly
five seconds to make a move

75
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,581
before I take over this
operation and make it my own.

76
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,850
Sweet, sweet thing.

77
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,285
Yes. Hi, you sweet thing.

78
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,421
You are so cute.

79
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:16,824
You're so cute.

80
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,794
One, one thousand.
Two Mississippi.

81
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,863
Three and four and...
All right. Okay.

82
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,967
What do I do?
Use the dog.

83
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,135
Hi.

84
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,537
Hi there, sweetie.

85
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,606
Hi. Hi.

86
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,374
Yeah.

87
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,543
Is he yours?

88
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,344
Yeah, he's mine.

89
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,880
This one and, uh,
the one over there,

90
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,182
treating his body
like a candy store.

91
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,051
That's Herman.

92
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,187
And, uh, what's this one's name?

93
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,889
This one is named Grandma.

94
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:49,923
Grandma?

95
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:52,593
Grandma has balls.

96
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,095
Yeah, yeah, I know,
Grandma has balls.

97
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,965
No, I just, uh, I like the name.

98
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,067
I thought it'd be funny
to say things like,

99
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,102
"Grandma shit on
the floor again,"

100
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,172
or "I put Grandma
in his cage again."

101
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,941
So, what does that
make you, great grandpa?

102
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,477
That's me, great grandpa.

103
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,246
No, I'm, uh, Sydney. Hi.

104
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,415
Sunny. Hi, Sunny.
Nice to meet you.

105
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,884
Nice to meet you.

106
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,086
I'm sure that you have
some kind of absolute rule

107
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,789
that you never break that
when you're, you know, hiking

108
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,626
or without your friends, or when
you're wearing shorts or something,

109
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,728
that no matter what,
under any circumstance,

110
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,798
you don't give out
your phone number,

111
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,933
but I think you should
give me your phone number,

112
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,502
and I think you should
let me take you out.

113
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:36,970
Really?

114
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,806
I do.
And why is that?

115
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:43,110
Because I'm a nice guy,

116
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,079
and because I have a
nice physique, you know.

117
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,216
I eat right, and I have a
strict calisthenic routine,

118
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:56,790
and I promise to take you out on a
really nice old-fashioned date.

119
00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,694
What do you say? Let me
take you out for a drink,

120
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,097
and, uh, I'll try not
to say anything stupid?

121
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:08,001
"Alcohol gives you infinite
patience for stupidity."

122
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,638
Sammy Davis, Jr. said that.

123
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,005
Really?
Mmm-hmm.

124
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,042
Okay, so you're available or...

125
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,610
Yes.

126
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,148
It's scary to
put yourself out there.

127
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,785
We all remember when
we got our first scar

128
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,988
the first time love burned us.

129
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:33,794
For Roger, it was fifth grade,
Wednesday, lunch period.

130
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,998
Meatloaf day.

131
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,350
Growing up, Roger Waldman
was one of those kids

132
00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:00,620
that needed just a little more
attention than everyone else.

133
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,957
Ironically,
it was at this moment,

134
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,094
as he was seeking the love
and attention of his peers

135
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,629
that love first found him.

136
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,699
Roger, can I talk to you?

137
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,501
Yeah.

138
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,603
Megan Hernandez.

139
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,172
Rumor had it
she was an epic slut.

140
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:25,612
Roger. Roger, do you
know Cathy Kramer?

141
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,215
He had no idea who she was.

142
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,983
Uh, yeah.

143
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,853
Well, she likes you.
Do you like her?

144
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,654
He was 12.

145
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,825
He got a hard-on
if he wore sweatpants.

146
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:41,729
Yeah. Yeah, I really,
really like her a lot.

147
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:45,365
Well, she wants you
to ask her out.

148
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,900
Really?

149
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,136
Okay.

150
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:55,976
Uh, so, Cathy, do you
wanna go out with me?

151
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,046
Okay.

152
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,914
So she wasn't what he expected,

153
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,116
but she was willing.

154
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,886
And that was enough.

155
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,390
Um, you wanna share my brownie?

156
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,959
Okay.

157
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:20,533
Do you want me to throw
your tray away for you?

158
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,405
She was a real keeper.

159
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,279
Roger?
Hey.

160
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,150
Cathy doesn't wanna go out
with you anymore.

161
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,586
She thinks you're
moving way too fast.

162
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:43,924
Roger's first love didn't
even make it to recess.

163
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,559
I shouldn't have
drunken all that!

164
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,902
♪ I wanna be normal

165
00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:00,473
♪ I wanna do
normal people things

166
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,477
♪ See what a
normal day brings

167
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,179
♪ Looking around

168
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,784
♪ Learn to be grateful

169
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:16,289
♪ I'd like to make friends
and settle down

170
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:20,027
♪ I could paint
gray or overtone

171
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,162
♪ But gray brings me down

172
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,600
Hey.
Hi.

173
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,369
Come on in.

174
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,704
I just need one more minute
to finish getting ready.

175
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,306
Okie-dokie.
Okay.

176
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,846
This is
a really nice house.

177
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,815
You could live here,
and if you need extra cash,

178
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,817
you could sell crack.

179
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,353
I know it's a mess,
but I love it.

180
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,455
You know, Henry Miller
used to live here.

181
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,422
Is that true?

182
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,059
Well, he bought it
for his girlfriend.

183
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,361
At least, that's what
the landlord told me.

184
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,463
Either way, it's super cheap.

185
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,966
Is it free?

186
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,468
How long
have you lived in L.A.?

187
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,838
I moved here about eight
years ago from Pittsburgh.

188
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,439
Oh, really?

189
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,376
I'm from Philly.
Why did you leave the Burgh?

190
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,112
Pittsburgh is
kind of like Newark

191
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,047
without the cultural advantages.

192
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,782
It's a Johnny Carson quote.

193
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:19,219
What, did you buy a
quote book from, like, 1973?

194
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,921
If you quote Vinnie Barbarino,

195
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,890
I'm not taking you to dinner.

196
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,158
No, I collect
stupid quotes.

197
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,294
I have a whole journal
full of them.

198
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,097
My grandpa used to do it,
and then, when he died,

199
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,099
I just kind of
kept the thing going.

200
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:36,469
For some reason, when my
grandfather died, he left me his toupee.

201
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,605
I guess he was
really proud of it.

202
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,007
It did look pretty good.

203
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,443
Anyway, who did these paintings?

204
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,045
I did.

205
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,881
Wow.

206
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,718
You look amazing.

207
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:55,255
And I love your paintings,
they're really great.

208
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,057
Thank you.

209
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,226
Is that what you do,
you're a painter?

210
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,328
Well, it's what I like to do.

211
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,097
But, you know, I'm a bartender.

212
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,999
I get it.
Yeah.

213
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:11,038
I'm having a little trouble getting
somebody to show these in town.

214
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,206
Confidence is
a bit low so, you know,

215
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,409
I'm willing to take
all the compliments you got.

216
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,713
Well, your hair looks very nice.

217
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:23,616
I love the color yellow
in that painting over there.

218
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:27,587
You're very tall, you have a
nice smile, very pleasant aroma.

219
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,223
Your hygiene in general
seems way above average.

220
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:31,724
Am I doing good?
Wow.

221
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,760
Thank you. Yeah, that's great.
You want some more?

222
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,463
Sure. Bring 'em. Okay. I'll tell
you on the way to dinner. Okay.

223
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,865
Let me see what I can think of.
I like this date already.

224
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,301
I like your dress.
I like your purse.

225
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,570
Your attitude
needs some adjustment.

226
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,208
So, do you do this often?

227
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,277
I've never
been here before.

228
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,379
My friend suggested it.

229
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,981
He said he thought
it would be fun,

230
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,983
but I'm beginning to think,
for a long time now,

231
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,417
that he may be an idiot.

232
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,154
So, you're not a gun guy?
You don't own a gun?

233
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,956
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm too volatile.

234
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,591
I'd probably
wind up shooting myself

235
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,427
'cause I had a bad audition
for, like, a soap commercial.

236
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,728
Jesus.

237
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,001
Okay, this is like a psychotic
bowling alley, is how I see this.

238
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,902
They're like,
"You're on lane seven,

239
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,870
"here's a gun,
here's some bullets,

240
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,540
"try not to shoot yourself in the
face, try not to shoot anyone else."

241
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,409
I think we should go.
What do you think?

242
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,844
No. We're here.
I wanna shoot guns.

243
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,279
I wanna shoot guns, too.

244
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,315
I wanna fire my sidearm at that

245
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,050
fat Tom Selleck
over there. All right.

246
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:37,457
Come on. You can do it.

247
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,029
Nice shot.

248
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,730
Yeah. I'm done.

249
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,897
You're up.

250
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,399
Okay.

251
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,072
Let's see it, Sundance.

252
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,646
That's amazing.

253
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,049
You shot every single thing
out there except the target.

254
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,384
You're a miracle!

255
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:06,119
You know, what I love
about Los Angeles is that

256
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:09,656
every single cliche you ever
heard about it is true.

257
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:12,325
That is very true.

258
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,562
Hello, it's Felipe.

259
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,064
Pablo. Yeah.

260
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,898
Where does
he even get his bill?

261
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,745
So, um, did you always
want to be an actor?

262
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,615
I wanted to be an actor
who did, like, good stuff

263
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,051
like Pacino kind of stuff,
or like Shakespeare.

264
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:41,621
Instead, I, uh, kind of became
like the Oscar Mayer wiener guy,

265
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,256
stuff like that, you know?

266
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,691
Can't be that bad, come on.

267
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,293
Yeah, I do a lot of commercials.

268
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,129
And, uh, I basically get paid

269
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,264
to make a fool of myself,
you know.

270
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,566
It's kind of brutal at points.

271
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,735
Well, I completely understand

272
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,438
because I cannot wait till I don't
have to serve drinks anymore,

273
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,840
and can just paint
full time, you know?

274
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,276
Yeah. I know
what you mean.

275
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,378
Before I came to
pick you up tonight,

276
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,547
I actually,
uh, wrote a short story.

277
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,882
Okay. What was
the story about?

278
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,818
The worst first date ever.

279
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,123
And what happens on this date?

280
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,857
The guy dies.

281
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,460
Wow. So, I guess I'm really
lucky that I got dinner then.

282
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,195
You are.
You're lucky you got dinner.

283
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,198
So I'm paying,
is what you're telling me.

284
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,733
Yes, I was gonna
tell you in a bit.

285
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,501
Great. That's fantastic.

286
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:33,306
What?

287
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,308
How are you still single?

288
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,445
I'm difficult.

289
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,681
How long ago was
your last breakup?

290
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,151
Almost a year. Yours?

291
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:47,053
Exactly a year.

292
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:50,022
Did you get your heart broken?

293
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,326
Why don't we just skip that chat

294
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,028
and assume we're both
slightly damaged goods?

295
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,865
Broken heart's
a rite of passage.

296
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,767
No one gets away scot-free.

297
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,703
True that.

298
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,539
The beginning of a
relationship is a game.

299
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,676
We may not want to
play it, but we do.

300
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,714
The one guy
who tried not to play,

301
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,951
he got burned pretty bad.

302
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,353
This is the story

303
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:23,523
of Jean-Pierre
and Ms. Evelyn Zingerelli

304
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,758
of Boca Raton, Florida.

305
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,540
Everything was
perfect through dinner.

306
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,776
The wine was sweet,
the prime rib was prime,

307
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,646
and Jean-Pierre
a perfect gentleman.

308
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,785
But when the early bird
special dessert arrived,

309
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,621
things took a turn.

310
00:15:55,855 --> 00:16:01,361
Evelyn, I would like to ask you,

311
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,796
do you believe
that men and women

312
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:07,634
must always play games
with one another?

313
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:13,906
Or can it be more honest
and true to our nature?

314
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,977
I'm too old
to play games.

315
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,779
Then I will go on.

316
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,583
Evelyn,

317
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:28,355
I wish to enjoy
the wonder of your body

318
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:33,860
and let you explore mine.

319
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:34,927
Jean...

320
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,265
I took three Viagras
this afternoon.

321
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:41,067
And now I am as hard

322
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,703
as a stale Stromboli!

323
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,343
We are animals.

324
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,679
We want to fuck like animals.

325
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:59,118
I wish to drink
your sweet nectar.

326
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,153
I want your hands upon...

327
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,390
Evelyn just sat there

328
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,659
too stunned to speak,
too shocked to move.

329
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,662
Jean-Pierre continued
with his disgusting imagery

330
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,699
and his elaborate
sexual desires.

331
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,733
And then...

332
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:19,872
Oh!

333
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,746
Jean-Pierre died of a
Viagra-induced heart attack,

334
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:30,917
and Ms. Evelyn Zingerelli
was left to pay the bill.

335
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:38,124
For her remaining years, Evelyn
was haunted by the date.

336
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:42,995
But she could never ignore that little
voice that whispered, "Perhaps."

337
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,698
Perhaps Jean-Pierre
had been right

338
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,301
and this game between the sexes

339
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:52,271
was a game that did
not need to be played.

340
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,975
It's really, really funny.

341
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,311
Seriously, thank you
so much for reading it.

342
00:17:58,345 --> 00:17:59,679
It means a lot to me.

343
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,314
I'm just glad it didn't suck.

344
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,149
I once went on
a date with this musician,

345
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,985
this gorgeous, gorgeous musician.
He was built like a...

346
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,355
I get it, he was nice-looking.

347
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,689
Well, then he
played me his demo.

348
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,223
Oh, boy.

349
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,192
Any time I tried to say
anything, he would shush me

350
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:16,796
'cause he really wanted me to vibe
out to his really shitty music.

351
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,531
I remember,
when it was all over,

352
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,867
I ended up looking at him
and I thought to myself,

353
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,669
"I have never
been less attracted

354
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,571
"to anyone
in my entire life."

355
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,806
So, you're saying you're,
like, super attracted

356
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,342
to me because I'm so talented?

357
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:34,246
Well, let's just say that I'm willing
to go on another date with you,

358
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:38,718
which is more than I can say
for the gorgeous musician.

359
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,953
Who said I wanted to go
on another date with you?

360
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,458
♪ Is it better to be
honest and be unknown?

361
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:50,096
♪ Will we break from this
addiction if we come home?

362
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,031
♪ This is the last straw

363
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,768
♪ This is
the ninth life, my friend

364
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:03,042
♪ Let's fall in love

365
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:07,447
♪ All over again

366
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,618
♪ And if it's love
that you want

367
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:16,523
♪ Just tell me
the where and the when

368
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:21,060
♪ We've been fighting since the
time we heard the bell ring

369
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:25,297
♪ And we've wiped the living
daylights from our face

370
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,600
♪ Is this the last round?

371
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:31,471
♪ Am I the right man,
my friends? ♪

372
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:37,143
Reminds me
of my ex-girlfriend.

373
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,447
That was his lover
of many, many years.

374
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,814
Was a nice-looking lady.

375
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:42,949
Hmm.

376
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,152
You know, he used to say he knew

377
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,120
he wasn't in love
with people anymore

378
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:52,091
when they became more contorted
and ugly in his paintings.

379
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,094
This must've been right,

380
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,429
right at the end.

381
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:02,301
His father was a painter.
Don Ruiz.

382
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:07,273
He, uh, taught art in Malaga,
where Picasso grew up.

383
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,509
He painted pigeons.

384
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,745
When Picasso was 11,

385
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,881
he was already a great artist.

386
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:18,585
And his father's eyesight
was getting worse and worse.

387
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,390
One day, he was
having trouble painting

388
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:27,426
the tiny little feet
on the pigeons,

389
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,962
and before he left to go
teach his class that day,

390
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,965
he asked his
11-year-old son, Pablo,

391
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,503
if he could help him
with the pigeons' feet.

392
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:39,305
He went off, taught his class,

393
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:42,642
and when Don Ruiz got home,

394
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,512
he saw what his son had done.

395
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:49,682
And it was so magnificent,

396
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:52,519
so beautiful that

397
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,221
he quit painting forever.

398
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,758
Is that true?

399
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,459
Mmm-hmm.

400
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:05,932
I bet you have
a killer quote by Picasso.

401
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:12,772
"It took me four years
to paint like Raphael,

402
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:16,208
"but it took me a lifetime
to paint like a child."

403
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,792
This little piggy
went to Las Vegas

404
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,127
and won $3,000 on a nickel slot,

405
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:37,864
but then lost it all in an
awkward sexual encounter

406
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,666
with an overweight prostitute.

407
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:45,437
This piggy developed adult
chickenpox and got very, very sick.

408
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:48,708
This little piggy here

409
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:52,378
drowned, but the police
do not suspect foul play.

410
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,581
These little piggies
have really shitty luck.

411
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,482
Yes, they do.

412
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,350
But not this piggy.

413
00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:01,387
This one went wee-wee...

414
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:03,222
Stop it!

415
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:04,957
wee, all the way home.

416
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,564
Okay. So tell me,

417
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:14,533
what about this little piggy?

418
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:30,482
All they say is they're
looking for character types.

419
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:35,154
Which basically means, bring in
as many weirdos as you can find.

420
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,756
If I'm still going on
commercial auditions

421
00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:40,059
when I'm 50,
you have to kill me.

422
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,829
Thank you for coming.

423
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:45,097
I just wanna see what the hell
it is you do at these things.

424
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:49,401
Well, I go in there, and I dance
like a kind of meat puppet.

425
00:22:49,435 --> 00:22:53,505
They give me some embarrassing shit
to do, and I basically rape myself.

426
00:22:53,539 --> 00:22:54,774
Hey, Sydney.

427
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:57,509
Jesus, Devin!
What happened, man?

428
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,311
Ah, crushed it, man.

429
00:22:59,345 --> 00:23:01,648
Guess they'd never
seen anything like it.

430
00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:03,182
But, you know,
I've been so hot lately.

431
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,184
You know, I just booked
this Pizza Hut national,

432
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,086
and I got a couple
of Coke spots running,

433
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,588
and I'm up for
a co-star on NCIS.

434
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:11,557
I'm talking
about your neck, man.

435
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:15,662
Oh, yeah, that. I got into a skiing
accident, broke a couple of bones.

436
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:16,929
C2, C3.

437
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:18,197
You okay?

438
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,332
Yeah, man. Never been busier.
Work's been great.

439
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:23,636
I actually gotta jet to the Valley
right now for a Taco Bell audish.

440
00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:25,705
Break a leg in there.

441
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,108
What was that?

442
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:31,077
This is my life.

443
00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:33,479
You wanted to see? It's dark. It's dark.
Jesus. It's dark.

444
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:35,014
Sydney Greenbaum.

445
00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:36,082
Okay.

446
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:38,150
Profiles, please.

447
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:47,727
Great. So it's
Chevy Summer Sales event

448
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,762
and you are Chevy's
new team mascot, okay?

449
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:53,833
So, you're leading the team of
cars onto the field, all right?

450
00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:56,969
You're gonna charge through
this locker room here,

451
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:59,138
you're gonna jump
through this hoop

452
00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:01,073
and then a team of cars
are gonna drive out

453
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,308
into the field
after you, all right?

454
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:05,111
Real simple. Got it?

455
00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:09,015
You actually want me
to jump through the hoop?

456
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,616
Like a mascot.
You jump through the hoop,

457
00:24:10,649 --> 00:24:13,119
and then you jump
up and down. Cool?

458
00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:15,087
You want me to do
a tap dance, too?

459
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,222
Sure, man, yeah.

460
00:24:16,255 --> 00:24:18,758
Make it your own.
Whatever you gotta do.

461
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,093
Action!

462
00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:27,499
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!

463
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:28,901
Chevy!

464
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:29,969
Cut!

465
00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:32,371
Good, good, real good.

466
00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,940
Uh, we'll do it again.

467
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,775
A little more energy, okay?

468
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,910
And what happened
to the tap dance?

469
00:24:44,751 --> 00:24:46,018
Look,
if I want your opinion,

470
00:24:46,052 --> 00:24:47,619
I'll tell it to you, all right?

471
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:50,823
But I think that's why
my wife and I

472
00:24:50,857 --> 00:24:52,424
have such a great relationship.

473
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,527
We have this agreement
to always fight fair.

474
00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:57,063
It's like a contract.

475
00:24:57,096 --> 00:24:58,697
They really do. They have
an excellent relationship.

476
00:24:58,731 --> 00:24:59,899
They know how to communicate.

477
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:01,100
It's great seeing you, man.

478
00:25:01,133 --> 00:25:02,735
It's really nice
to see you, too.

479
00:25:02,769 --> 00:25:04,771
Yeah. So, what's the story

480
00:25:04,804 --> 00:25:06,272
with this, what's going on?

481
00:25:06,305 --> 00:25:08,174
We've been together
for three months now.

482
00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:10,042
Three months?
Okay. What do you do?

483
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:12,278
I'm a painter.
I'm sorry?

484
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:13,445
A painter.

485
00:25:16,248 --> 00:25:19,786
I'm sorry. Come on, that's
even worse than an actress.

486
00:25:19,819 --> 00:25:22,088
A painter and an actor.

487
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:25,024
I hope you guys have
separate bank accounts,

488
00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:27,226
not that there'll
ever be anything in them.

489
00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:29,929
Listen, one bit of advice.
Slow it down.

490
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,932
Enjoy this, right?
The courting?

491
00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,601
This whole thing, no reason
to rush into anything.

492
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:37,003
You're young,
you think you know.

493
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:39,105
Trust me, you don't know, right?

494
00:25:39,138 --> 00:25:41,407
I know.
I'm married 11 years.

495
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,475
Yeah, 11 years.
It's unbelievable.

496
00:25:43,509 --> 00:25:44,777
I'm not saying
this isn't gonna work.

497
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:46,212
It is unbelievable.

498
00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:49,148
This just might work.
But just take your time.

499
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:50,516
Enjoy.

500
00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:52,551
Excuse me.

501
00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:54,353
You okay?

502
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:55,687
I'll be right back. Yeah, I'm
just gonna run to the restroom.

503
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,256
You sure?
Yeah.

504
00:25:58,991 --> 00:26:00,759
Bro.
Yo.

505
00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:01,894
You're killing me right now.

506
00:26:01,928 --> 00:26:03,262
What are you talking about?

507
00:26:03,295 --> 00:26:06,999
You either hear it
from me or from a judge.

508
00:26:10,169 --> 00:26:13,439
I know that my friend
was being an asshole.

509
00:26:13,472 --> 00:26:15,474
And I want you to be able
to feel how you wanna feel.

510
00:26:15,507 --> 00:26:18,177
I want you to be able
to say what you're thinking.

511
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:19,812
Every relationship
I've ever had,

512
00:26:19,846 --> 00:26:21,013
I've always felt like I was

513
00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:22,414
walking on eggshells, you know?

514
00:26:22,448 --> 00:26:24,350
Like, I never knew
what I was gonna say or do

515
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,685
that was gonna spin someone
out, cause them to get upset.

516
00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:29,989
Even when it had nothing to do
with me, I would try to fix it.

517
00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:31,723
Okay, that's my thing.

518
00:26:31,757 --> 00:26:34,994
And I've never felt that
eggshell thing with you, ever.

519
00:26:35,027 --> 00:26:37,029
Until tonight.

520
00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:41,167
Well, it wasn't
about you, you know?

521
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,634
That's just how I react.

522
00:26:42,668 --> 00:26:45,604
When I get upset, I clam up.

523
00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:49,175
But, Sydney, I can't be responsible
for your insecurities.

524
00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:50,943
I know that.
I'm not asking you to be

525
00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:52,578
responsible for my insecurities.

526
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:55,814
I just think it's important
for us to make this work,

527
00:26:55,848 --> 00:26:59,685
that we should know the areas that
could be problem areas, you know?

528
00:26:59,718 --> 00:27:01,520
My shit and your shit,
where they don't line up

529
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:04,123
and where it could
flare up, that's all.

530
00:27:05,324 --> 00:27:06,926
Yeah.

531
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:08,627
Yeah, okay.

532
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:10,897
Okay?

533
00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:12,298
I feel like that was amazing,

534
00:27:12,331 --> 00:27:15,201
like that was very
grown-up, you know?

535
00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:16,768
Didn't that feel
grown-up to you?

536
00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:18,304
It was pretty
grown-up of us.

537
00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:19,371
Very adult.

538
00:27:19,405 --> 00:27:20,406
God.

539
00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:22,541
We're so mature.

540
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:23,709
I'd like to think so.

541
00:27:23,742 --> 00:27:25,344
Yeah?
Mmm-hmm.

542
00:27:26,712 --> 00:27:29,348
Then we can do this.

543
00:27:29,381 --> 00:27:31,350
Ruff! Ruff!

544
00:27:32,551 --> 00:27:34,253
What is that
supposed to be?

545
00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:36,155
It's a hand monster.

546
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:56,442
Do you wanna go
to the park, babe?

547
00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:00,579
Sunny?

548
00:28:01,747 --> 00:28:03,315
Sunny!

549
00:28:06,085 --> 00:28:07,486
♪ If I never met you baby

550
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:10,389
♪ I'd be dull
I'd be long gone now

551
00:28:12,791 --> 00:28:17,196
♪ On our way again

552
00:28:18,998 --> 00:28:22,201
♪ You're the only one
I wanna long to

553
00:28:24,003 --> 00:28:26,939
♪ It don't matter,
we can work it out

554
00:28:26,973 --> 00:28:30,276
♪ I'm coming all over,
I'm coming all over

555
00:28:30,309 --> 00:28:33,279
♪ Out of the faces
in the crowd

556
00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:36,448
♪ You won me all over,
you won me all over

557
00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:37,616
♪ Yeah, you

558
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:44,256
♪ Yeah, you

559
00:28:46,025 --> 00:28:47,659
So, you give me a title,

560
00:28:47,693 --> 00:28:49,728
and I tell you what
the movie's about.

561
00:28:49,761 --> 00:28:51,763
Got it. Okay.

562
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,799
"Baby, baby, baby."

563
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:54,866
That's a good title.

564
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:56,268
I know.

565
00:28:56,302 --> 00:28:59,571
"Baby, baby, baby"
is about this guy

566
00:28:59,605 --> 00:29:00,839
living in Los Angeles,

567
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:05,311
and then one day he meets
this beautiful woman,

568
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,415
and she's just got this
awful personality,

569
00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:12,051
it's just terrible.

570
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:18,557
And she's got the best smile
he's ever seen in his life.

571
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:22,028
And they both throw
away all their bullshit

572
00:29:22,061 --> 00:29:25,631
and their baggage,
and they fall in love.

573
00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:30,102
I don't know,
it sounds kinda boring.

574
00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:31,837
You didn't let me finish.
You see,

575
00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:35,307
'cause what makes "Baby,
baby, baby" so special

576
00:29:35,341 --> 00:29:38,977
is it's a true story.

577
00:29:43,082 --> 00:29:45,251
I love you.

578
00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:48,454
I love you, too.

579
00:29:49,888 --> 00:29:52,324
Baby, baby, baby.

580
00:29:56,395 --> 00:29:58,864
The baby thing
kinda freaks me out.

581
00:29:58,897 --> 00:30:00,366
Yeah, I know.

582
00:30:00,399 --> 00:30:02,234
Sometimes I think that
if you don't have children,

583
00:30:02,268 --> 00:30:05,671
then you get to
be one, you know?

584
00:30:05,704 --> 00:30:08,207
I'm not saying I wanna
have them now or anything.

585
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,677
I'm just wondering
what you think of kids.

586
00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:15,514
Well, I think they're
small with big heads.

587
00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:18,317
You know, they usually
are kind of smaller,

588
00:30:18,350 --> 00:30:21,087
and I guess their heads
are kind of bigger.

589
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,021
They usually come in
sets of two or four.

590
00:30:23,055 --> 00:30:26,058
'Cause, you know, single
children are awful people.

591
00:30:26,092 --> 00:30:30,129
And with three, you get a
middle child that's troubled.

592
00:30:31,863 --> 00:30:33,232
I'm a middle child.

593
00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:34,733
Case in point.

594
00:30:36,768 --> 00:30:38,104
You're an only child.

595
00:30:38,137 --> 00:30:39,605
I'm awful.

596
00:30:41,207 --> 00:30:43,875
What if you had
a baby that was a, uh,

597
00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:46,145
ginger, like me?

598
00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:48,514
Ooh. Hmm...

599
00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:51,483
Well, I mean, if I had a ginger
girl, it would be fabulous.

600
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:54,253
Fire-red hair, bright
green eyes, very cute.

601
00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:56,255
Beautiful.
Yeah.

602
00:30:56,288 --> 00:30:58,424
But, a ginger boy,

603
00:30:58,457 --> 00:31:01,260
I'd throw him in a sack
and drown him in the river.

604
00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,562
Really? You wouldn't
give him away

605
00:31:03,595 --> 00:31:05,431
to some sweet couple
trying to have a baby?

606
00:31:05,464 --> 00:31:07,599
I'd be way too scared
that he'd come back

607
00:31:07,633 --> 00:31:09,935
when he was older
seeking revenge.

608
00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:13,705
I mean, there's nothing more
dangerous than a vengeful ginger.

609
00:31:13,739 --> 00:31:15,941
Better to drown him.

610
00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:18,344
Hmm.
That's good thinking, too.

611
00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:21,380
You should write
a book on parenting.

612
00:31:44,803 --> 00:31:46,438
Perfect.

613
00:31:48,774 --> 00:31:50,576
I'm not sure I understand
why I gave up

614
00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:53,545
my apartment to move into this crack den.

615
00:31:53,579 --> 00:31:56,315
I thought you said you
were excited to fix it up.

616
00:31:56,348 --> 00:31:59,485
No, I'm very
excited to fix it up.

617
00:31:59,518 --> 00:32:01,153
It's just, now that I'm looking

618
00:32:01,187 --> 00:32:03,755
at the full extent of its, uh,

619
00:32:03,789 --> 00:32:05,424
fucked-up-ed-ness...

620
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:07,159
So, what are you saying?

621
00:32:07,193 --> 00:32:08,660
I think you
should break up with me

622
00:32:08,694 --> 00:32:11,797
and you should
start seeing Bob Vila.

623
00:32:11,830 --> 00:32:15,801
What I think is that you are freaked
out about moving in together

624
00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:18,337
and it has absolutely nothing
to do with this place.

625
00:32:18,370 --> 00:32:19,871
How could you say that?

626
00:32:19,905 --> 00:32:24,443
Because you're freaked out
about moving in together.

627
00:32:24,476 --> 00:32:28,079
Okay, I'm a little
scared about moving in together,

628
00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:29,215
but that's because,

629
00:32:29,248 --> 00:32:30,449
when you move in with someone,

630
00:32:30,482 --> 00:32:33,219
it turns into,
like, a science experiment.

631
00:32:33,252 --> 00:32:35,086
You're being
observed all the time.

632
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,688
Okay, first of all,

633
00:32:36,722 --> 00:32:37,989
you're not moving in
with someone,

634
00:32:38,023 --> 00:32:39,491
you're moving in with me.

635
00:32:39,525 --> 00:32:42,361
Second of all, could we
have had this conversation

636
00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:45,931
maybe before you
gave up your apartment?

637
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:49,235
Listen to me.
I wanna move in with you,

638
00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:53,239
but I have moments
where it's scary, right?

639
00:32:53,272 --> 00:32:55,106
And you just called me on one.

640
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:58,109
And that's why
I wanna move in with you,

641
00:32:58,143 --> 00:32:59,545
because you call me
on stuff like that.

642
00:32:59,578 --> 00:33:01,046
But that's why I'm afraid
to move in with you,

643
00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:02,481
because you do stuff like that.

644
00:33:02,514 --> 00:33:04,750
Does that make sense?
This is gonna be fun.

645
00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:06,117
Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.

646
00:33:16,362 --> 00:33:18,864
She came out first.

647
00:33:18,897 --> 00:33:21,199
I came out a minute later.
Smooth as hell.

648
00:33:21,233 --> 00:33:22,601
No one knew a thing.

649
00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:24,670
Congratulations on being
a mile-high member.

650
00:33:24,703 --> 00:33:27,506
Yeah. Yeah,
it's a pretty big deal.

651
00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:28,574
Hmm.

652
00:33:29,775 --> 00:33:32,077
Now it's my turn.

653
00:33:32,110 --> 00:33:34,079
I'm scared. Okay.
Okay.

654
00:33:34,112 --> 00:33:38,950
Have you ever been with more
than one guy at the same time?

655
00:33:38,984 --> 00:33:40,686
Don't ask me that.

656
00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:43,221
Jesus Christ.
You better talk, woman.

657
00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:47,626
I was in college, and there was

658
00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:50,529
a lot of drugs
and alcohol involved.

659
00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:52,698
Right. Do you really
wanna hear this?

660
00:33:52,731 --> 00:33:55,367
I really don't wanna talk about it.
Come on.

661
00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:57,903
Go on, I'm a big boy,
I can handle it.

662
00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:59,538
What, two guys?

663
00:33:59,571 --> 00:34:01,540
No, it was more than two.

664
00:34:06,077 --> 00:34:09,047
More than two? How many?

665
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,650
You know, let's just drop it.

666
00:34:11,683 --> 00:34:13,852
No, no, no. I'm not gonna drop it.
I need to know.

667
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:16,422
And that's the game.
How many?

668
00:34:17,756 --> 00:34:19,425
Five.

669
00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:22,928
Five?
Mmm.

670
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,633
Five?
Yeah.

671
00:34:27,666 --> 00:34:30,135
Five disgusting frat boys
at the same time.

672
00:34:30,168 --> 00:34:31,403
Okay, they weren't frat boys.

673
00:34:31,437 --> 00:34:33,071
They were in the art department.

674
00:34:33,104 --> 00:34:34,573
Oh, right, of course.

675
00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,308
They were in the art department.

676
00:34:36,342 --> 00:34:38,544
I was drunk, I was on ecstasy.

677
00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:42,280
I felt awful about it when it was
happening. I was embarrassed.

678
00:34:42,314 --> 00:34:46,752
I still am. I've never... I've
never talked about it with anyone.

679
00:34:46,785 --> 00:34:51,590
Five. You know, five is an
entire starting basketball team.

680
00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:53,992
I'm sorry, were they
a basketball team?

681
00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:55,561
We promised not to
judge each other.

682
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:57,128
That was your rule, by the way.

683
00:34:57,162 --> 00:35:00,899
I'm not judging. I'm just...
I'm judging a little bit.

684
00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:03,034
It's not like
they all came in me!

685
00:35:03,068 --> 00:35:06,438
What? What part of
your brain do you feel like

686
00:35:06,472 --> 00:35:09,107
that is supposed to
make me feel better?

687
00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:10,542
In the same part of my brain

688
00:35:10,576 --> 00:35:14,012
that should be telling that
you're a total asshole!

689
00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:19,117
I shouldn't have told you.

690
00:35:19,150 --> 00:35:21,787
No, I'm glad you told me.
I prefer the truth.

691
00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:23,321
But I think you should give me

692
00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:24,656
a little room to react here.

693
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:26,892
That's pretty hardcore.

694
00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:30,462
Was it like...

695
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:34,666
No. No,
it wasn't like that,

696
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:38,470
because there were
two more dudes involved.

697
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:41,873
That's great. Thank you.
Makes me feel better.

698
00:35:41,907 --> 00:35:43,542
You're welcome.

699
00:35:51,850 --> 00:35:54,653
You think it's this cold
in the North Pole?

700
00:35:54,686 --> 00:35:57,423
Aren't you from the East Coast?
Yeah.

701
00:35:57,456 --> 00:35:59,190
But I've lived here too long.

702
00:35:59,224 --> 00:36:01,026
I got soft.
Hmm.

703
00:36:02,694 --> 00:36:05,030
You want me to warm you up?

704
00:36:05,063 --> 00:36:07,733
You sure you don't wanna invite
the neighbors over first?

705
00:36:07,766 --> 00:36:09,568
See if they wanna join in on it?

706
00:36:09,601 --> 00:36:11,570
Fuck you, Sydney!

707
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,444
I'm never telling you
anything again.

708
00:36:14,473 --> 00:36:15,874
Oh, come on.

709
00:36:15,907 --> 00:36:17,909
I'm sorry. I mean,
it was definitely my fault.

710
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:19,845
I shouldn't have asked
that stupid question.

711
00:36:19,878 --> 00:36:21,212
You told me you were grateful

712
00:36:21,246 --> 00:36:22,347
for everything in my past

713
00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,682
because it made me who I am

714
00:36:23,715 --> 00:36:25,417
and brought me to you!

715
00:36:25,451 --> 00:36:29,721
That was before I knew you were
the Jezebel of Pittsburgh.

716
00:36:39,931 --> 00:36:41,232
I'm so sorry.

717
00:36:41,266 --> 00:36:43,101
That wasn't fair.
I don't wanna talk about it.

718
00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:44,703
Well, we don't
have to talk about it.

719
00:36:44,736 --> 00:36:48,874
We never have to
talk about it again.

720
00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:51,877
You know, that was a
messed-up time in my life

721
00:36:51,910 --> 00:36:55,714
and a really painful experience,

722
00:36:55,747 --> 00:36:57,449
and you're just
throwing it in my face.

723
00:36:57,483 --> 00:36:58,917
I didn't mean to.

724
00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:00,852
I really didn't.

725
00:37:03,789 --> 00:37:05,023
If I'm honest, the truth is

726
00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:06,424
it actually kinda turns me on.

727
00:37:06,458 --> 00:37:08,193
Oh, my God! Please.

728
00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:10,829
You know why they put

729
00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:13,364
those little ribbons
on hotel toilets?

730
00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:14,638
They're there to make you think

731
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:16,702
no one's ever been there before.

732
00:37:16,735 --> 00:37:19,838
But trust me,
they've been there.

733
00:37:19,871 --> 00:37:23,475
Oh, yeah. They have
definitely been there.

734
00:37:24,776 --> 00:37:27,245
Karl and Susie had only
been dating for a year

735
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:29,781
when they decided
to move in together.

736
00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:32,017
He was making good money
at the firm now,

737
00:37:32,050 --> 00:37:36,187
and her cooking blog
was really taking off.

738
00:37:36,221 --> 00:37:40,125
So they figured,
"Why not take a chance?"

739
00:37:40,158 --> 00:37:41,927
Where do you want this one?

740
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,362
Oh, just in the corner there.

741
00:37:44,395 --> 00:37:46,598
What's in there?

742
00:37:46,632 --> 00:37:48,800
My baggage.

743
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:50,869
What do you mean?

744
00:37:50,902 --> 00:37:54,506
You know, my baggage
that I brought with me.

745
00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:01,547
What are you doing?
It's a big box.

746
00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:03,582
You need some help?

747
00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:05,016
No, I'm good.

748
00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:10,756
Who's this?
Oh.

749
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:13,625
Evan Lazarus,
my sixth grade boyfriend.

750
00:38:13,659 --> 00:38:15,160
I let him feel me up
in the auditorium,

751
00:38:15,193 --> 00:38:17,162
and he told
the whole school about it.

752
00:38:17,195 --> 00:38:18,797
She had great tits.

753
00:38:18,830 --> 00:38:20,398
I mean, I still have
nice tits. I have great tits.

754
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:22,333
What the hell is he doing here?
It's my baggage.

755
00:38:22,367 --> 00:38:23,769
Bonjour.

756
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:25,336
Who's this clown?

757
00:38:27,205 --> 00:38:28,840
Hi.

758
00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:32,243
Pierre?

759
00:38:32,277 --> 00:38:36,648
Hi. I met him the first
time I went to Paris.

760
00:38:36,682 --> 00:38:41,987
He, um, was the
best lover I ever had.

761
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:44,455
I compare you to him
every time we have sex.

762
00:38:44,489 --> 00:38:48,326
I know it's not fair,
but I just can't help it.

763
00:38:48,359 --> 00:38:50,461
It was so good.
Mmm.

764
00:38:50,495 --> 00:38:52,263
A woman is a delicate flower,

765
00:38:52,297 --> 00:38:54,966
and you must always
water a flower from the top,

766
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,102
never the bottom.
Yeah.

767
00:38:57,135 --> 00:39:01,339
And they will open just
like a beautiful rose.

768
00:39:01,372 --> 00:39:03,675
You're a lucky man.
Mmm.

769
00:39:03,709 --> 00:39:05,977
Thanks for the watering tip.

770
00:39:07,378 --> 00:39:08,880
Hello.

771
00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:11,683
My first lesbian experience.

772
00:39:11,717 --> 00:39:13,218
Hi. Who...

773
00:39:13,251 --> 00:39:14,653
My old boss.

774
00:39:16,722 --> 00:39:18,890
The basketball team.

775
00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:21,226
Basketball team.
Come on in, guys.

776
00:39:21,259 --> 00:39:23,361
And the coach.

777
00:39:23,394 --> 00:39:25,163
Very good student.

778
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:28,700
Professor.
I really wanted an A.

779
00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:31,169
Oh, I felt
really bad for that one.

780
00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:34,505
My best friend's dad.
That was a low moment.

781
00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:35,907
That's it!

782
00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:37,508
No, not the lacrosse team?

783
00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:38,877
No, no. That's...
Just basketball?

784
00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:40,378
Yeah.
And the coach.

785
00:39:40,411 --> 00:39:41,512
This is exciting.

786
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:42,914
Mmm, for who?

787
00:39:42,948 --> 00:39:44,750
For us, because,
like, I don't know,

788
00:39:44,783 --> 00:39:46,785
now you know
everything about me.

789
00:39:46,818 --> 00:39:48,787
Hey, where do you want this one?

790
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:50,321
Oh, you can just leave
it right there actually.

791
00:39:50,355 --> 00:39:52,523
Or put it on the side.
Thanks. I'll take care of it.

792
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:53,659
What's that?

793
00:39:53,692 --> 00:39:55,526
Oh, like, uh,

794
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,796
towels and stuff.

795
00:39:57,829 --> 00:39:59,931
He makes me laugh.
You know,

796
00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:02,734
but at the same time,
he's an amazing person.

797
00:40:02,768 --> 00:40:04,202
As long as you're happy.

798
00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:06,204
I am.

799
00:40:06,237 --> 00:40:08,373
It's just,
he's a little insecure.

800
00:40:08,406 --> 00:40:11,743
It's kind of like he always needs
everybody to like him all the time.

801
00:40:11,777 --> 00:40:13,144
Needs a lot of attention.

802
00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:14,445
Actors, man.

803
00:40:14,479 --> 00:40:16,481
Either they have an extra
gene, or they're missing one.

804
00:40:17,582 --> 00:40:20,218
But, at the same time,

805
00:40:20,251 --> 00:40:21,753
I love being with him.

806
00:40:21,787 --> 00:40:24,756
And he makes me laugh.

807
00:40:24,790 --> 00:40:27,926
Yeah. You said that already.

808
00:40:34,733 --> 00:40:35,767
Sorry.

809
00:40:35,801 --> 00:40:38,436
Sorry about that.
Excuse me.

810
00:40:38,469 --> 00:40:41,139
Sorry. Thank you.

811
00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:45,677
Excuse me.

812
00:40:52,317 --> 00:40:53,785
Hey.

813
00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:55,721
Oh, hey, Sydney.

814
00:40:55,754 --> 00:40:58,957
This is
Sebastian Kurtz-Wuhler.

815
00:40:58,990 --> 00:41:00,859
Hello.
Hi. Nice to meet you.

816
00:41:00,892 --> 00:41:03,294
Sebastian, he owns
the Kurtz-Wuhler Galleries.

817
00:41:03,328 --> 00:41:05,897
You know, the ones I'm constantly
going on and on about?

818
00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:08,399
I mean, they're kind of
the biggest in the world.

819
00:41:08,433 --> 00:41:09,735
You exaggerate.

820
00:41:09,768 --> 00:41:11,136
Yes, they are.

821
00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:14,706
Well, congratulations.
That's great.

822
00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:16,775
Thank you. It is my passion.

823
00:41:19,244 --> 00:41:21,780
And, uh, what is your costume?

824
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,149
I'm a naked guy in a barrel.

825
00:41:25,383 --> 00:41:27,018
Why?

826
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:33,624
'Cause I lost all my clothes
in a poker game,

827
00:41:33,658 --> 00:41:35,426
or it's the Old West.

828
00:41:35,460 --> 00:41:38,496
It doesn't matter. I'm a naked
guy in a barrel, right?

829
00:41:38,529 --> 00:41:42,367
Sebastian was just actually telling
me this hilarious story

830
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,269
about this swimming goat.

831
00:41:44,302 --> 00:41:45,470
Yes.

832
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,172
I mean...

833
00:41:47,205 --> 00:41:49,174
Swimming goat.
It's just an anecdote

834
00:41:49,207 --> 00:41:52,277
from my family's
vineyard in Espana.

835
00:41:53,411 --> 00:41:54,946
Vineyard?

836
00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:58,316
It's a small vineyard. Can you
believe that? It's amazing.

837
00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:01,486
My grandfather used to grow
wine grapes around his sukkah.

838
00:42:02,921 --> 00:42:05,556
They're pretty good,
too, I think.

839
00:42:05,590 --> 00:42:06,858
Hmm.

840
00:42:06,892 --> 00:42:08,659
Let me just get this
out of the way for you.

841
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:10,428
Hey, babe.

842
00:42:11,729 --> 00:42:13,331
Jesus.

843
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,067
Okay. It was nice
meeting you.

844
00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:17,668
Yeah, nice to meet you, too.

845
00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:20,872
Sunny, a pleasure meeting you.

846
00:42:20,906 --> 00:42:22,273
Pleasure was all mine.

847
00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:24,409
I look forward to
seeing your work sometime.

848
00:42:24,442 --> 00:42:26,044
Thank you.

849
00:42:26,744 --> 00:42:27,913
Wow.

850
00:42:27,946 --> 00:42:29,014
Kind of a...

851
00:42:29,047 --> 00:42:30,048
I have to get back to work.

852
00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:32,250
Talk to you in a bit.

853
00:42:34,252 --> 00:42:37,555
L'chaim, cowboy.
Nice barrel.

854
00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:39,690
What you got under there?

855
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:42,293
Oh! Just an incredibly
small penis.

856
00:42:46,431 --> 00:42:48,900
Let me drop some
knowledge on you, okay?

857
00:42:48,934 --> 00:42:50,735
I have three very simple rules

858
00:42:50,768 --> 00:42:52,703
for Halloween costumes for men.

859
00:42:52,737 --> 00:42:54,372
One, you gotta look good.

860
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:57,508
You gotta feel sexy or whatever.

861
00:42:57,542 --> 00:43:00,611
Two, you gotta
be comfortable. And C,

862
00:43:00,645 --> 00:43:02,780
you gotta have easy,
quick access to your bits.

863
00:43:02,814 --> 00:43:06,717
Whether that's to make water
or sow the seeds of love.

864
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:10,521
And you, my friend, have broken
all three of those rules.

865
00:43:10,555 --> 00:43:14,525
Women, on the other hand,
they just have one rule,

866
00:43:14,559 --> 00:43:16,327
and that's that
it has to be slutty.

867
00:43:16,361 --> 00:43:19,130
The costume's gotta be slutty.

868
00:43:19,164 --> 00:43:21,099
With or without cat ears.

869
00:43:21,132 --> 00:43:23,734
Look at that, slutty nurse.

870
00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:25,270
Hi.

871
00:43:25,303 --> 00:43:28,406
Slutty girl from
Gatsby who golfed.

872
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,942
Slut... I don't
even know what that is.

873
00:43:30,976 --> 00:43:32,743
That's a loofah.

874
00:43:32,777 --> 00:43:34,512
That's a good costume, man.

875
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,181
Hey, babe.

876
00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:41,352
I need to get scrubbed later.

877
00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:43,354
Now. I need to
get scrubbed now.

878
00:43:50,795 --> 00:43:54,933
He's kind of
a big deal, isn't he?

879
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,970
It's my biggest dream to show
at one of his galleries.

880
00:44:01,006 --> 00:44:04,342
You think you're
too beautiful for me.

881
00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:06,711
What?

882
00:44:06,744 --> 00:44:13,318
It's just you are so
beautiful and so wonderful.

883
00:44:13,351 --> 00:44:17,388
And I'm like this sick mantis.

884
00:44:17,422 --> 00:44:18,756
Praying mantis.

885
00:44:18,789 --> 00:44:20,458
Yeah.

886
00:44:20,491 --> 00:44:23,161
Or, um, E.T., you know, when he's
all sick and dying by the river,

887
00:44:23,194 --> 00:44:24,896
and he's flaky and white.

888
00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:31,469
Then tell me,
what are you so afraid of?

889
00:44:34,372 --> 00:44:36,541
This ending.

890
00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:45,550
"I have loved the stars too fondly
to be fearful of the night."

891
00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:49,420
Galileo.

892
00:44:51,556 --> 00:44:54,192
Galileo never met you.

893
00:44:58,896 --> 00:45:05,070
♪ I just want you

894
00:45:05,103 --> 00:45:08,606
♪ To love me

895
00:45:12,443 --> 00:45:14,112
Don't be this guy.

896
00:45:14,145 --> 00:45:15,346
Be that guy.

897
00:45:16,081 --> 00:45:18,383
Don't be this guy.

898
00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:20,818
Ooh, ooh, come here. Come here, it's me.
Be that guy.

899
00:45:20,851 --> 00:45:23,188
Don't be this guy.

900
00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:25,023
Be that guy.

901
00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:27,192
Don't be this guy.

902
00:45:27,225 --> 00:45:28,459
It's really funny.

903
00:45:28,493 --> 00:45:29,527
Be that guy.

904
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,263
It's awful.
It's humiliating.

905
00:45:32,297 --> 00:45:34,132
I'm like the before picture.

906
00:45:34,165 --> 00:45:37,402
Oh, come on. You're adorable.
You're cute.

907
00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:40,538
I don't wanna do
these commercials anymore.

908
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:42,873
I've been thinking about it.

909
00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:45,143
I wanna focus on my writing.

910
00:45:45,176 --> 00:45:46,611
What do you think?

911
00:45:46,644 --> 00:45:48,013
I think that's great.

912
00:45:48,046 --> 00:45:50,548
I was reading this New Yorker
short story the other day,

913
00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:53,251
and I was like,
"Okay, this is good,"

914
00:45:53,284 --> 00:45:55,153
but it's not like,
you know, I wanna change

915
00:45:55,186 --> 00:45:56,954
my religion or anything,
you know?

916
00:45:56,988 --> 00:45:59,457
And that's The New Yorker. And
I thought, "I could do that."

917
00:45:59,490 --> 00:46:01,292
Well, then that's
what you should do.

918
00:46:01,326 --> 00:46:04,495
"Be bold and mighty forces
will come to your aid."

919
00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:06,031
Basil King.

920
00:46:07,298 --> 00:46:08,733
I have no idea who that is.

921
00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:13,038
I was thinking about
it the other night.

922
00:46:13,071 --> 00:46:15,006
I was just like,
"I should do this."

923
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,176
Then I fell asleep
and I dreamt I got

924
00:46:18,209 --> 00:46:22,713
eaten by a school
of clown fish. Yeah.

925
00:46:22,747 --> 00:46:25,816
You know,
I, uh, once had this dream

926
00:46:25,850 --> 00:46:29,420
that I was sitting across from
my mom at the dinner table,

927
00:46:29,454 --> 00:46:31,922
and all of a sudden, she
just rips open her chest,

928
00:46:31,956 --> 00:46:33,491
pulls out a rib

929
00:46:33,524 --> 00:46:37,028
and starts screwing me with it.

930
00:46:39,164 --> 00:46:40,598
I think we should break up.

931
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:44,135
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.

932
00:46:44,169 --> 00:46:46,037
I think you need to...

933
00:46:46,071 --> 00:46:48,606
It was horrible! I couldn't talk
to my mom for, like, three months.

934
00:46:48,639 --> 00:46:50,208
I wonder if it
was worse to have it

935
00:46:50,241 --> 00:46:52,710
than to have you tell
me about it, honestly.

936
00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:55,146
It's bad news, man.

937
00:46:55,180 --> 00:46:56,514
You still love me, right?

938
00:46:56,547 --> 00:46:57,415
Yeah, yeah, sure.

939
00:46:57,448 --> 00:46:58,816
I'm gonna pull out my rib

940
00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:01,086
and take care of you in a second.

941
00:47:04,522 --> 00:47:06,957
Why would anyone want duck
for Thanksgiving?

942
00:47:06,991 --> 00:47:08,959
I'm a turkey man.

943
00:47:08,993 --> 00:47:10,461
I like at 3:00
in the morning,

944
00:47:10,495 --> 00:47:12,029
you come down for leftovers,

945
00:47:12,063 --> 00:47:15,166
and you take a little cold
turkey, a little cold stuffing,

946
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:16,334
a little cold mashed potatoes,

947
00:47:16,367 --> 00:47:18,069
a little cold cranberry, gravy,

948
00:47:18,103 --> 00:47:20,343
you smoosh it between two of
those King's Hawaiian rolls,

949
00:47:20,371 --> 00:47:22,407
and you shove it in your face
in your underpants.

950
00:47:23,374 --> 00:47:24,614
I like that.
That's what I like.

951
00:47:24,642 --> 00:47:26,177
I've never had one of those.

952
00:47:26,211 --> 00:47:29,747
Well, you're not
a patriot like me, so...

953
00:47:30,981 --> 00:47:32,750
Sydney?

954
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,253
Hey.

955
00:47:35,886 --> 00:47:37,222
Hey, how are you?

956
00:47:37,255 --> 00:47:39,857
I'm amazing.

957
00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:43,094
Wow. That's, uh, great.
I'm happy to hear that.

958
00:47:43,128 --> 00:47:47,165
Yeah, I'm having a terrific
time in my life right now.

959
00:47:47,632 --> 00:47:48,666
Oh.

960
00:47:49,134 --> 00:47:51,001
How are you?

961
00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:53,070
Uh, I'm great. I'm great.

962
00:47:53,104 --> 00:47:55,506
You know, pregnant.

963
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,945
I guess it's good that
you're not just fat, right?

964
00:48:00,978 --> 00:48:02,780
Yeah, yeah.

965
00:48:03,781 --> 00:48:04,849
Hi, I'm Sunny.

966
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:06,284
Courtney.

967
00:48:06,317 --> 00:48:09,887
Oh, right, yeah. Courtney,
this is, um, Sunny.

968
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:11,722
Sunny, this is Courtney.

969
00:48:11,756 --> 00:48:13,358
Yeah.

970
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:15,826
So, how's the, um, acting?

971
00:48:15,860 --> 00:48:17,828
It's good. I kind of
took a break from it.

972
00:48:17,862 --> 00:48:20,731
I'm focusing on my writing
right now a lot.

973
00:48:20,765 --> 00:48:22,133
Is it going well?

974
00:48:22,167 --> 00:48:23,634
Oh, yeah, it's amazing.

975
00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:25,670
It's really going...
And we moved in together,

976
00:48:25,703 --> 00:48:28,773
and that's really nice also.
It's really good.

977
00:48:28,806 --> 00:48:31,008
I'm happy for you, Sydney.

978
00:48:31,041 --> 00:48:32,710
It was really great seeing you.

979
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:35,180
Yeah, it was amazing
to see you. Really amazing.

980
00:48:35,213 --> 00:48:36,947
Yeah, okay.

981
00:48:36,981 --> 00:48:39,584
Well, um, I hope you guys have
a really nice Thanksgiving.

982
00:48:39,617 --> 00:48:42,287
Yeah. You, too. And
also congratulations.

983
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,390
Yeah, also congratulations.

984
00:48:51,662 --> 00:48:52,897
What?

985
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:54,265
"Amazing"?

986
00:48:54,299 --> 00:48:56,534
Really?

987
00:48:56,567 --> 00:49:00,405
May your stuffing be tasty,
may your turkey plump.

988
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:02,940
May your potatoes,
gravy nary a lump.

989
00:49:02,973 --> 00:49:07,578
May your yams be delicious
and your pies take the prize,

990
00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:10,080
and may your Thanksgiving
dinner stay off your thighs.

991
00:49:10,114 --> 00:49:12,116
Oh!

992
00:49:14,118 --> 00:49:16,187
All right.
Down there, J.B.

993
00:49:16,221 --> 00:49:17,855
I love you, man.

994
00:49:17,888 --> 00:49:20,258
I love you, too. I love your face.
I love your neck.

995
00:49:23,194 --> 00:49:25,496
I don't drink.

996
00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:27,632
The plan is for
everyone to stay clothed

997
00:49:27,665 --> 00:49:29,400
- the whole night.
- The whole night.

998
00:49:29,434 --> 00:49:30,768
I can do it.
I can do it. I'm not...

999
00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:31,836
Please.

1000
00:49:31,869 --> 00:49:33,871
Sunny, what's the story
with you and the...

1001
00:49:33,904 --> 00:49:35,105
No, I don't eat gluten.

1002
00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:36,274
I'm so sorry.

1003
00:49:36,307 --> 00:49:38,309
So sorry.
That was so rude of me.

1004
00:49:40,745 --> 00:49:42,580
That's
what I like, class!

1005
00:49:46,317 --> 00:49:48,486
I told you!
My friend is a classy man.

1006
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:51,689
I don't eat animals.

1007
00:49:51,722 --> 00:49:54,259
Nice that people
celebrate the annihilation

1008
00:49:54,292 --> 00:49:56,126
of a race and
the stealing of their land.

1009
00:49:57,528 --> 00:49:58,863
That's our thing.

1010
00:49:58,896 --> 00:49:59,997
Seriously.

1011
00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:02,767
In January at
the Los Angeles Gallery.

1012
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:06,337
And we'd like to
present a new artist.

1013
00:50:06,371 --> 00:50:11,909
And we agree that we would
be most happy to have you.

1014
00:50:15,413 --> 00:50:16,814
Wait, are you serious?

1015
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:18,549
Yes, of course.

1016
00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:20,985
I don't even know what to say.

1017
00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:22,219
You must say yes.

1018
00:50:22,253 --> 00:50:23,354
Um, yes, of course!

1019
00:50:24,955 --> 00:50:27,024
No, believe me, it's a
smart move on my part.

1020
00:50:27,057 --> 00:50:28,326
It's incredible.

1021
00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:29,860
My own show.
It's incredible, yeah.

1022
00:50:29,894 --> 00:50:32,797
I... Oh, my God. Thank you.

1023
00:50:33,831 --> 00:50:35,032
That's great.

1024
00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:36,934
And I thank you.

1025
00:50:36,967 --> 00:50:38,403
How cool is this guy?

1026
00:50:41,572 --> 00:50:43,941
Your girl seems really nice.

1027
00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:47,578
She's tall and thin.

1028
00:50:47,612 --> 00:50:49,580
I met her in
a woodworking class.

1029
00:50:49,614 --> 00:50:52,049
You're taking woodworking?
What? No.

1030
00:50:52,082 --> 00:50:53,618
No?
No.

1031
00:50:55,286 --> 00:50:58,956
What the hell was with that Sebastian guy?
He's the worst.

1032
00:50:58,989 --> 00:51:01,258
No. Man's a sweetheart.

1033
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:04,261
You know where he went? He
went to get better champagne.

1034
00:51:04,295 --> 00:51:06,263
And he invited me skiing.

1035
00:51:06,297 --> 00:51:09,567
Apparently, he's got a
sick chalet up in Mammoth.

1036
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:10,901
Of course he does.

1037
00:51:10,935 --> 00:51:13,270
And she just loves
a guy with an accent.

1038
00:51:13,304 --> 00:51:17,342
I don't know, man. Lately, I feel
like there's been this, like,

1039
00:51:17,375 --> 00:51:19,076
growing distance between us.

1040
00:51:19,109 --> 00:51:21,211
Whoa, brother.

1041
00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:23,914
You gotta take a step back.

1042
00:51:23,948 --> 00:51:25,750
Take three steps back.

1043
00:51:25,783 --> 00:51:30,521
Because if you're chasing it, I guarantee
you, it's running away from you.

1044
00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:32,957
Yeah, that's easy to say, but,
okay, we're living together.

1045
00:51:32,990 --> 00:51:34,992
You know what I mean?
I mean, I'm in.

1046
00:51:35,025 --> 00:51:37,795
She's not in as far as I am.

1047
00:51:37,828 --> 00:51:41,298
In every relationship, you've
got the lover and the loved,

1048
00:51:41,332 --> 00:51:46,337
and the loved always has
the upper hand, my man.

1049
00:51:48,939 --> 00:51:53,378
I think it is
a beautiful tradition, um,

1050
00:51:53,411 --> 00:51:55,846
this, um,
taking a moment to express

1051
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,360
the things for
which you are grateful.

1052
00:51:58,182 --> 00:51:59,417
Um...

1053
00:52:00,551 --> 00:52:04,321
We did not do it
when I was growing up.

1054
00:52:04,355 --> 00:52:09,660
But every year, I go and
build houses and schools

1055
00:52:09,694 --> 00:52:13,197
for the impoverished
children of Namibia.

1056
00:52:13,230 --> 00:52:17,134
That trip always reminds me

1057
00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:22,740
that I must live in
a place of gratitude.

1058
00:52:22,773 --> 00:52:26,844
Because it is so
important to remember that

1059
00:52:26,877 --> 00:52:33,117
you cannot be grateful only
for one day, for one meal.

1060
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:34,952
- Hear, hear, man.
- Hear, hear.

1061
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,921
You brought
that home quite nicely.

1062
00:52:36,954 --> 00:52:41,592
I'm sorry. So, what exactly is
it that you're grateful for?

1063
00:52:41,626 --> 00:52:44,395
For this moment
and for your kindness.

1064
00:52:44,429 --> 00:52:46,864
That's nice. That's really nice.
That is beautiful.

1065
00:52:46,897 --> 00:52:48,699
Thank you.
That is beautiful.

1066
00:52:48,733 --> 00:52:51,035
Well, I guess I'm thankful
that we're all here.

1067
00:52:51,068 --> 00:52:53,871
And I'm not talking about
this house, either, you guys.

1068
00:52:53,904 --> 00:52:56,574
I'm talking about here.
I'm talking about being alive.

1069
00:52:56,607 --> 00:52:58,976
Starting with our great, great,

1070
00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,579
great grandparents
meeting and fucking

1071
00:53:01,612 --> 00:53:03,481
and our parents.

1072
00:53:03,514 --> 00:53:05,683
Coitus. Filthy.

1073
00:53:06,484 --> 00:53:09,319
Loveless.

1074
00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:14,625
You change one tiny grain of
sand in that entire equation,

1075
00:53:15,860 --> 00:53:18,529
none of us
is even a thought.

1076
00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:26,571
Now, I'm also thankful for this
one's background in dance.

1077
00:53:26,604 --> 00:53:31,108
Cecilia, um,
what are you grateful for?

1078
00:53:31,141 --> 00:53:35,580
Oh, I prefer to keep my
gratitudes to myself. Thank you.

1079
00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:42,553
He didn't have any
plans for Thanksgiving.

1080
00:53:42,587 --> 00:53:44,622
Besides, he's great.

1081
00:53:44,655 --> 00:53:46,290
And he's giving me
my own show, which,

1082
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:48,759
I mean, do you understand
how huge that is for me?

1083
00:53:48,793 --> 00:53:50,360
I'm just surprised
that Mr. Wonderful

1084
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:54,932
didn't have a million
Thanksgiving invitations.

1085
00:53:54,965 --> 00:53:58,636
And you give me shit about how
I act when I see Courtney.

1086
00:53:58,669 --> 00:54:00,237
Courtney's your
ex-girlfriend!

1087
00:54:00,270 --> 00:54:01,939
What the hell does she
have to do with anything?

1088
00:54:01,972 --> 00:54:04,975
You turn into a schoolgirl
around this guy.

1089
00:54:05,009 --> 00:54:06,511
It's gross.

1090
00:54:12,116 --> 00:54:16,654
Yeah, and sure, he's rich,
and he's, uh, charming,

1091
00:54:16,687 --> 00:54:18,923
and he's successful,
and he's funny,

1092
00:54:18,956 --> 00:54:20,825
but, you know,
he's got an art gallery.

1093
00:54:20,858 --> 00:54:22,960
You take all that away,
really, what has he got?

1094
00:54:22,993 --> 00:54:25,630
Okay, in case you
didn't realize, Sydney,

1095
00:54:25,663 --> 00:54:29,133
I'm going to bed
with you, not Sebastian.

1096
00:54:29,166 --> 00:54:31,068
It's just frustrating
to see your girlfriend

1097
00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,970
flirting with a geriatric case.

1098
00:54:33,003 --> 00:54:35,606
Oh, my God!
I was not flirting with him!

1099
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:38,609
Plus, you know, you've been
drinking like every day lately.

1100
00:54:38,643 --> 00:54:41,145
Okay, okay, it's Thanksgiving.
Give me a fucking break.

1101
00:54:41,178 --> 00:54:44,081
Yeah, I know. And yesterday,
it was Wednesday,

1102
00:54:44,114 --> 00:54:45,550
and the day before
that it was Tuesday,

1103
00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:47,184
and I think before that, Monday.

1104
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:48,686
So explain this to me, okay?

1105
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:50,287
What is it exactly
you're upset about?

1106
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,089
The fact that you think
that I'm an alcoholic now

1107
00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:54,024
or that I was
flirting with Sebastian?

1108
00:54:54,058 --> 00:54:55,359
I'm not upset!

1109
00:54:55,392 --> 00:54:57,562
I'm just frustrated because...
You're frustrated.

1110
00:54:57,595 --> 00:54:58,896
You know, you live with someone,

1111
00:54:58,929 --> 00:55:00,531
and you start to see
things that you go,

1112
00:55:00,565 --> 00:55:02,166
"Okay, that can
improve that person,

1113
00:55:02,199 --> 00:55:04,501
"that can improve the
relationship," and so you...

1114
00:55:04,535 --> 00:55:06,704
You call them out.

1115
00:55:06,737 --> 00:55:08,573
Okay, well, I'll be
sure to call you out

1116
00:55:08,606 --> 00:55:11,909
tomorrow morning on
all of your bullshit.

1117
00:55:17,882 --> 00:55:20,250
Don't fucking
try it, Sydney.

1118
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:23,554
I mean it.

1119
00:55:47,411 --> 00:55:49,046
Oh, my God.

1120
00:55:49,079 --> 00:55:50,547
I told you.

1121
00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:52,617
That is amazing.

1122
00:55:53,517 --> 00:55:55,552
Mmm.

1123
00:55:55,586 --> 00:55:58,155
You're not getting this back.

1124
00:55:58,188 --> 00:55:59,790
Okay.

1125
00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:12,870
Was at this party and we had
a big fight. I was so miserable.

1126
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:16,240
So I said to myself, "You take a
picture of yourself right now."

1127
00:56:16,273 --> 00:56:18,776
And I said, "You remember
how miserable you are."

1128
00:56:18,809 --> 00:56:20,344
"So, in six months,
when you're like,

1129
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,446
"'I gotta get her back!
I gotta get her back, '

1130
00:56:22,479 --> 00:56:25,716
"you look at that picture and you
remember how miserable you were."

1131
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:30,387
So I did it. Six months later, I'm
exactly where I said I was gonna be.

1132
00:56:30,420 --> 00:56:32,623
I look at the picture.

1133
00:56:32,657 --> 00:56:36,761
I say to myself, "I don't
look miserable at all."

1134
00:56:48,839 --> 00:56:51,275
God, this is so relaxing.

1135
00:56:55,846 --> 00:56:58,415
You sure this is mud?

1136
00:56:58,448 --> 00:57:01,686
I don't think this is mud.

1137
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:03,821
You just don't
know how to relax.

1138
00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:05,990
I didn't realize
that submerging yourself

1139
00:57:06,023 --> 00:57:08,125
in warm fecal matter
was relaxing.

1140
00:57:08,158 --> 00:57:10,627
Hey, coming here was
your idea, remember?

1141
00:57:10,661 --> 00:57:12,629
No, I'm really glad
we came here.

1142
00:57:12,663 --> 00:57:16,500
I wanted to do something
nice for your birthday.

1143
00:57:16,533 --> 00:57:19,136
I'm having a really good time.

1144
00:57:19,169 --> 00:57:22,439
Yeah, you look it.

1145
00:57:22,472 --> 00:57:26,076
Are you ready for
your placenta facial?

1146
00:57:26,110 --> 00:57:26,977
Yeah.

1147
00:57:27,011 --> 00:57:28,445
I'll be right back.

1148
00:57:28,478 --> 00:57:29,814
Thank you.

1149
00:57:41,892 --> 00:57:45,362
I have mud in crevices
I didn't even know I had.

1150
00:57:45,395 --> 00:57:46,831
You hope it's mud.

1151
00:57:46,864 --> 00:57:48,899
You hope it's mud.

1152
00:57:54,905 --> 00:57:56,807
What you doing?

1153
00:57:56,841 --> 00:57:59,844
Just working on some
stuff for the show.

1154
00:58:06,683 --> 00:58:08,452
What's this?

1155
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,755
It's a hockey stick.

1156
00:58:22,733 --> 00:58:24,168
Oh, baby.

1157
00:58:24,201 --> 00:58:25,736
I got you the kind you like.

1158
00:58:25,770 --> 00:58:28,405
And I thought you could
just take it anywhere.

1159
00:58:28,438 --> 00:58:29,706
It's perfect.

1160
00:58:29,740 --> 00:58:31,241
Yeah, you like it?

1161
00:58:31,275 --> 00:58:33,043
Oh, I love it.

1162
00:58:33,077 --> 00:58:36,046
You do?
I do. You're so sweet.

1163
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:38,448
Happy birthday.
Thank you.

1164
00:58:42,252 --> 00:58:44,188
I got something else
for you, too.

1165
00:58:44,221 --> 00:58:45,055
Oh, yeah?

1166
00:58:45,089 --> 00:58:47,892
Yeah.
What is that?

1167
00:58:51,595 --> 00:58:52,797
Syd.

1168
00:58:52,830 --> 00:58:54,531
Sunny.

1169
00:58:54,564 --> 00:58:56,801
Syd.
Sunny.

1170
00:58:56,834 --> 00:58:59,003
Syd, stop please.

1171
00:59:00,104 --> 00:59:01,605
What?

1172
00:59:01,638 --> 00:59:03,941
I just... I don't...

1173
00:59:03,974 --> 00:59:06,743
I don't feel like...

1174
00:59:06,777 --> 00:59:09,613
I really need to finish
this right now, okay?

1175
00:59:09,646 --> 00:59:11,816
And I really wanna relax.

1176
00:59:11,849 --> 00:59:14,084
Yeah, that's what
I wanna do, too.

1177
00:59:14,118 --> 00:59:16,153
I wanna relax.
Let's relax.

1178
00:59:16,186 --> 00:59:19,189
Syd, no, I'm serious.
I'm serious.

1179
00:59:21,358 --> 00:59:22,759
I...

1180
00:59:22,793 --> 00:59:24,694
I wanna fool around later, okay?

1181
00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:26,596
Yeah.

1182
00:59:26,630 --> 00:59:31,235
But right now, I really need to
finish this, and I wanna be mellow.

1183
00:59:31,268 --> 00:59:33,637
Sure.

1184
00:59:33,670 --> 00:59:37,107
Plus, I think that treatment
gave me a bit of a headache.

1185
00:59:37,141 --> 00:59:40,044
Another headache, huh?
You okay?

1186
00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:43,147
Yeah.
Well, I've been exhausted.

1187
00:59:43,180 --> 00:59:45,816
I've been working five
nights a week at the bar

1188
00:59:45,850 --> 00:59:48,518
and then doing this all day.

1189
00:59:48,552 --> 00:59:52,056
I'm rundown,
I'm exhausted, I'm tired.

1190
00:59:53,891 --> 00:59:55,759
But that's it, okay?

1191
00:59:55,792 --> 00:59:57,161
Sure.

1192
00:59:59,096 --> 01:00:01,798
I was just trying to be cute.

1193
01:00:02,232 --> 01:00:03,233
Hey.

1194
01:00:04,902 --> 01:00:07,304
You are cute.

1195
01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:09,339
And sweet.

1196
01:00:11,508 --> 01:00:13,978
Will you just lay with me?

1197
01:00:15,512 --> 01:00:17,214
Yeah.

1198
01:00:17,247 --> 01:00:18,849
Sure.

1199
01:00:20,017 --> 01:00:22,352
Whatever you want.

1200
01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:24,288
Thank you.

1201
01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:32,863
When you give
your heart to someone,

1202
01:00:32,897 --> 01:00:34,698
all it takes is one look,

1203
01:00:34,731 --> 01:00:39,203
and they can turn your entire
world to black and white.

1204
01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,345
Stan and Genevieve Taft
met in college.

1205
01:00:48,378 --> 01:00:51,648
They fell in love
and they got married.

1206
01:00:51,681 --> 01:00:55,552
But lately,
Stan had noticed a shift.

1207
01:00:59,589 --> 01:01:03,427
Genevieve seemed distant,
withdrawn.

1208
01:01:05,629 --> 01:01:10,067
It seemed that
her love for him was fading.

1209
01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:12,136
Maybe there was another man.

1210
01:01:12,169 --> 01:01:16,373
Or maybe their love
had just run its course.

1211
01:01:17,807 --> 01:01:20,677
Stan began to panic.

1212
01:01:20,710 --> 01:01:23,247
He began to grow insecure.

1213
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,649
And as he got more
and more insecure,

1214
01:01:25,682 --> 01:01:29,453
he began to notice a very
strange thing happening.

1215
01:01:43,167 --> 01:01:46,436
At first, it seemed impossible.

1216
01:01:49,406 --> 01:01:53,043
But then it was undeniable.

1217
01:02:01,318 --> 01:02:04,221
Stan was shrinking.

1218
01:02:12,362 --> 01:02:17,234
The more she pulled away,
the more insecure he got.

1219
01:02:18,635 --> 01:02:22,439
The more insecure he got,
the more he shrank.

1220
01:02:22,472 --> 01:02:26,943
And the more he shrank,
the more she pulled away.

1221
01:02:41,958 --> 01:02:48,298
One Friday afternoon, he came
home to find an empty house.

1222
01:02:48,332 --> 01:02:53,703
She was gone, and there was
nothing he could do to change it.

1223
01:02:56,240 --> 01:03:00,544
And that was the end of
the Incredible Shrinking Stan.

1224
01:03:06,216 --> 01:03:07,984
Smidge higher
than the rest of them.

1225
01:03:08,018 --> 01:03:10,754
You know what I mean? I kinda
want it to be the focal point.

1226
01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,789
That's okay.

1227
01:03:12,822 --> 01:03:15,692
You know, or we can even just
lower the ones on the side.

1228
01:03:15,725 --> 01:03:16,926
Hey, you.

1229
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,062
Hey!

1230
01:03:18,095 --> 01:03:19,763
Looks amazing in here.

1231
01:03:19,796 --> 01:03:20,930
It's like a real art show.

1232
01:03:20,964 --> 01:03:22,232
Right?

1233
01:03:25,269 --> 01:03:27,404
Is that a painting of me?

1234
01:03:27,437 --> 01:03:29,073
No.

1235
01:03:29,106 --> 01:03:31,508
Looks like me.

1236
01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:34,344
It's an amalgamation of a
bunch of different people.

1237
01:03:34,378 --> 01:03:40,016
Looks like a ugly-ass,
twisted version of me.

1238
01:03:40,050 --> 01:03:41,685
To me.

1239
01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:43,687
Way to be egocentric.

1240
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,890
No, I'm just remembering the
story you told me about Picasso

1241
01:03:46,923 --> 01:03:48,092
when he started
falling out of love

1242
01:03:48,125 --> 01:03:49,226
with people, they got uglier...

1243
01:03:49,259 --> 01:03:51,961
Well, it's not you, okay?

1244
01:03:51,995 --> 01:03:53,597
How's Sebastian doing?

1245
01:03:53,630 --> 01:03:55,299
You know what, Sydney,
I'm really busy right now,

1246
01:03:55,332 --> 01:03:56,966
so maybe we could just
do this a little bit later?

1247
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,268
What? I'm just asking,
how is he?

1248
01:03:58,302 --> 01:03:59,903
Can you stop
being such an asshole?

1249
01:03:59,936 --> 01:04:01,838
Oh, really? I didn't realize
it was an asshole thing to do

1250
01:04:01,871 --> 01:04:03,607
to support your girlfriend
while she tries

1251
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:05,375
to make her dreams a reality.
I'm sorry.

1252
01:04:05,409 --> 01:04:07,411
It is when you
make it all about you.

1253
01:04:07,444 --> 01:04:10,380
Hey, guys, who does that
painting look like to you?

1254
01:04:10,414 --> 01:04:13,850
To me, it looks like a Georges
Braque imitation, only more surreal.

1255
01:04:13,883 --> 01:04:16,386
Not the painting, the guy in
it, who does that look like?

1256
01:04:16,420 --> 01:04:18,388
I thought it was a cat.
Sydney.

1257
01:04:18,422 --> 01:04:20,524
Sydney.
Oh, this clown.

1258
01:04:20,557 --> 01:04:23,059
Hey, Sebastian, how are you?
Hey, Sydney.

1259
01:04:23,093 --> 01:04:24,261
I'm very well, thanks.
How are you?

1260
01:04:24,294 --> 01:04:25,895
I'm good. I'm good.

1261
01:04:25,929 --> 01:04:27,164
Can I ask you a question real quick?
Sydney, don't.

1262
01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:28,565
No, no, no, real quick.

1263
01:04:28,598 --> 01:04:30,700
Um, who does that
painting look like to you?

1264
01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:33,203
Sunny told me
it was a painting of you.

1265
01:04:33,237 --> 01:04:34,571
She did? She said that?

1266
01:04:34,604 --> 01:04:36,506
I think it is very beautiful.

1267
01:04:36,540 --> 01:04:39,409
What I said is it's an
amalgamation of a bunch of people,

1268
01:04:39,443 --> 01:04:41,511
and you're one of them, yes.

1269
01:04:41,545 --> 01:04:44,281
Yes, no, to me you said that.

1270
01:04:44,314 --> 01:04:46,583
To the most interesting man
in the world over there,

1271
01:04:46,616 --> 01:04:48,418
you said just
it is a painting of me.

1272
01:04:48,452 --> 01:04:49,653
Sebastian, I am so sorry.

1273
01:04:49,686 --> 01:04:51,421
Would you mind
giving us a second?

1274
01:04:51,455 --> 01:04:53,357
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
Sorry. Nice to see you.

1275
01:04:53,390 --> 01:04:55,925
Guys, would you mind?
Thank you. Sure.

1276
01:04:55,959 --> 01:04:57,661
See ya, fellas.

1277
01:04:59,929 --> 01:05:02,599
So what, Sydney, honestly?

1278
01:05:02,632 --> 01:05:05,269
It's my work.
It's my painting.

1279
01:05:05,302 --> 01:05:09,173
You know, in your stories, you
make me seem like this cold bitch.

1280
01:05:09,206 --> 01:05:13,310
Well, you know,
if it quacks like a duck.

1281
01:05:13,343 --> 01:05:15,412
Oh, and by the way, this
whole thing with Sebastian?

1282
01:05:15,445 --> 01:05:19,549
There's a word for people who
flirt with somebody to get ahead.

1283
01:05:20,484 --> 01:05:22,319
Are you calling me a whore?

1284
01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:25,322
Well, that depends on
if you fucked him or not.

1285
01:05:32,162 --> 01:05:34,164
Oh, baby.

1286
01:05:35,999 --> 01:05:38,468
Are you fucking
kidding me?

1287
01:05:41,271 --> 01:05:43,440
I don't even know who's
payin' me, and I don't want to know.

1288
01:05:43,473 --> 01:05:45,008
What's the difference?

1289
01:05:45,041 --> 01:05:46,810
Didn't it occur to you
why they want you to do it?

1290
01:05:46,843 --> 01:05:50,079
Certainly it did, but that
makes them suckers, not me.

1291
01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:51,781
I'm the guy
who's gettin' it made.

1292
01:05:51,815 --> 01:05:54,083
Listen, Sheriff, a man
can stand for so much

1293
01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:55,819
and no more.

1294
01:05:55,852 --> 01:05:58,622
Now, before the war, I
drifted and drifted and ran.

1295
01:05:58,655 --> 01:06:01,191
Always lost in
the great big crowd.

1296
01:06:01,225 --> 01:06:03,327
Hey.
Hey.

1297
01:06:06,830 --> 01:06:08,598
You wanna talk?

1298
01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:12,336
I think that's
a good idea, don't you?

1299
01:06:16,406 --> 01:06:18,808
I've been feeling
really far from you lately,

1300
01:06:18,842 --> 01:06:20,544
and that makes me very insecure.

1301
01:06:20,577 --> 01:06:23,179
And I do stupid shit, okay?

1302
01:06:23,213 --> 01:06:25,449
And if you wanna
paint me like that,

1303
01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:27,284
of course you should be able
to paint me like that.

1304
01:06:27,317 --> 01:06:29,853
Can we talk?

1305
01:06:29,886 --> 01:06:31,655
I mean, really talk.

1306
01:06:31,688 --> 01:06:33,257
If you tell me that you love me,

1307
01:06:33,290 --> 01:06:35,024
but you're not in love with me,

1308
01:06:35,058 --> 01:06:36,726
I'm just telling you right now,
I'm gonna have a freak-out.

1309
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:38,695
I'm gonna freak out right now.
No!

1310
01:06:39,729 --> 01:06:41,898
I just don't think
I love you anymore.

1311
01:06:44,668 --> 01:06:47,771
Love is like faith, you know?

1312
01:06:47,804 --> 01:06:51,908
You can't fake it. You
either have it or you don't.

1313
01:06:51,941 --> 01:06:56,513
You don't have some special quote
for ripping a guy's heart out?

1314
01:06:58,382 --> 01:07:00,717
"Breaking up is hard to do."

1315
01:07:04,321 --> 01:07:05,922
Really?

1316
01:07:07,090 --> 01:07:08,392
You suck.

1317
01:07:08,425 --> 01:07:11,160
♪ Kissin', kissin', kissin'

1318
01:07:11,194 --> 01:07:13,830
♪ I miss your kissin'

1319
01:07:13,863 --> 01:07:14,931
♪ Do-doo

1320
01:07:14,964 --> 01:07:19,035
♪ I miss your
warm and tender lips

1321
01:07:19,068 --> 01:07:21,371
♪ I miss your kissin'

1322
01:07:21,405 --> 01:07:22,606
♪ Do-doo

1323
01:07:22,639 --> 01:07:26,710
♪ That tingled
through my fingertips

1324
01:07:26,743 --> 01:07:28,077
♪ I went away

1325
01:07:28,111 --> 01:07:29,979
♪ Do-doo, do-doo

1326
01:07:30,013 --> 01:07:31,915
♪ So far away

1327
01:07:31,948 --> 01:07:34,418
♪ Do-doo, do-doo

1328
01:07:34,451 --> 01:07:36,219
♪ This longing

1329
01:07:36,252 --> 01:07:39,456
♪ In
my heart just makes me say

1330
01:07:39,489 --> 01:07:41,325
♪ Just makes me say

1331
01:07:41,358 --> 01:07:43,727
♪ I miss your kissin'

1332
01:07:45,495 --> 01:07:47,263
What the fuck is this?

1333
01:07:47,297 --> 01:07:49,766
It's a video I cut together.
I'm gonna send it to her.

1334
01:07:49,799 --> 01:07:53,603
No. No, man, you're
not gonna send her this.

1335
01:07:53,637 --> 01:07:57,307
What are you doing?
Yes, it's gonna make her cry.

1336
01:07:58,508 --> 01:08:01,244
Why do you wanna make her cry?

1337
01:08:03,580 --> 01:08:06,483
The words "I don't
love you anymore," hey,

1338
01:08:06,516 --> 01:08:09,619
you can't take those back.
That's what she said, okay?

1339
01:08:09,653 --> 01:08:11,154
That ends the show, man.

1340
01:08:11,187 --> 01:08:12,622
That's game over.

1341
01:08:12,656 --> 01:08:14,991
I'm so angry at her.

1342
01:08:15,024 --> 01:08:16,292
Good.

1343
01:08:16,326 --> 01:08:19,028
Good. That means
you're already past denial.

1344
01:08:19,062 --> 01:08:21,931
Now you just gotta figure out
bargaining and, uh, depression,

1345
01:08:21,965 --> 01:08:25,635
and I think there's some...
There's a few other stages.

1346
01:08:25,669 --> 01:08:28,372
And then you're in the clear.

1347
01:08:31,007 --> 01:08:32,976
Come hit with me.

1348
01:08:33,009 --> 01:08:34,344
Yes.

1349
01:08:35,311 --> 01:08:38,214
Spinalingading. Dong.

1350
01:08:38,247 --> 01:08:40,249
Let's go.

1351
01:08:40,283 --> 01:08:43,520
I wish I could get her back so
that I could break up with her.

1352
01:08:43,553 --> 01:08:45,922
Well, that sounds reasonable.

1353
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:49,459
I wish I knew that the last time
we fucked, that was the last time.

1354
01:08:49,493 --> 01:08:51,961
That sounds logical.

1355
01:08:51,995 --> 01:08:54,330
I wish she got hit
by a fucking train...

1356
01:08:54,364 --> 01:08:57,401
That sounds a little crazy.
That's crazy talk, man.

1357
01:08:57,434 --> 01:08:59,636
Listen, go write something.

1358
01:08:59,669 --> 01:09:01,871
Go sleep with
a waitress or a barista,

1359
01:09:01,905 --> 01:09:04,741
anyone in the food
service industry.

1360
01:09:04,774 --> 01:09:06,876
Get your confidence back,
you know?

1361
01:09:06,910 --> 01:09:09,312
Start feeling
like yourself again.

1362
01:09:09,345 --> 01:09:12,682
Feeling good.

1363
01:09:12,716 --> 01:09:15,452
I'm sorry, man. That was way too hard.
I'm sorry.

1364
01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:17,687
I'm sorry.

1365
01:09:17,721 --> 01:09:23,192
They say heartbreak actually
leaves little tiny tears on your heart,

1366
01:09:23,226 --> 01:09:27,296
and there's no doctor in the
world that can help you.

1367
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:29,633
Well, maybe there's one.

1368
01:09:31,935 --> 01:09:35,138
Well, Mr. Carlin,
that wasn't so bad, was it?

1369
01:09:35,171 --> 01:09:36,840
Okay, what's the word, Doc?

1370
01:09:36,873 --> 01:09:39,242
All in all,
your health seems fine.

1371
01:09:39,275 --> 01:09:40,844
Yeah?

1372
01:09:40,877 --> 01:09:42,746
But it appears you've
developed a heart condition.

1373
01:09:42,779 --> 01:09:45,749
A heart condition! Oh, my God!
What? What is it?

1374
01:09:45,782 --> 01:09:49,953
Well, a protective shell
has formed around your heart.

1375
01:09:49,986 --> 01:09:51,154
A shell?

1376
01:09:51,187 --> 01:09:52,622
Yeah.

1377
01:09:52,656 --> 01:09:55,124
It's a result of past trauma.
It's not uncommon.

1378
01:09:55,158 --> 01:09:56,225
Is it dangerous?

1379
01:09:56,259 --> 01:09:57,827
Well,

1380
01:09:57,861 --> 01:10:00,229
it might keep you from living
a full and complete life.

1381
01:10:00,263 --> 01:10:03,232
Well... It can lead to
depression, solitude,

1382
01:10:03,266 --> 01:10:06,936
and, in extreme cases, the
adoption of many, many cats.

1383
01:10:06,970 --> 01:10:10,674
Oh, my...
But that's just in women.

1384
01:10:11,975 --> 01:10:14,010
Have you gone through
a break-up recently?

1385
01:10:14,043 --> 01:10:16,279
Yes, I have
just a few months ago!

1386
01:10:16,312 --> 01:10:17,547
Uh-huh.

1387
01:10:17,581 --> 01:10:19,883
I'm gonna write
you a prescription.

1388
01:10:19,916 --> 01:10:25,622
Now, I must warn you,
it is a bit experimental.

1389
01:10:25,655 --> 01:10:28,291
What is it?

1390
01:10:28,324 --> 01:10:30,426
Let me show you.

1391
01:10:42,138 --> 01:10:45,141
You should take her three times a day.
Excuse me?

1392
01:10:45,174 --> 01:10:48,444
I also recommend
walks on the beach with her,

1393
01:10:48,478 --> 01:10:55,852
candlelit dinners, weekend getaways,
and the occasional argument.

1394
01:10:55,885 --> 01:10:59,155
It is my
hope that Gisela here

1395
01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:01,891
will penetrate that
wall that has formed

1396
01:11:01,925 --> 01:11:03,827
around your heart and open it up

1397
01:11:03,860 --> 01:11:07,997
so that you may live
a full and complete life.

1398
01:11:08,031 --> 01:11:12,001
Really? It's amazing how far
medical science has come.

1399
01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:14,504
Yeah, but I must warn you again,

1400
01:11:14,538 --> 01:11:18,041
she comes with
potential side effects.

1401
01:11:26,950 --> 01:11:29,185
Is this covered by my insurance?

1402
01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:30,520
No, baby.

1403
01:11:30,554 --> 01:11:32,188
It's cash only.

1404
01:12:34,784 --> 01:12:37,520
Hey, Sydney.

1405
01:12:37,553 --> 01:12:40,590
Wow. That's a real baby
you got there.

1406
01:12:40,624 --> 01:12:42,025
Yeah.

1407
01:12:43,627 --> 01:12:46,129
You seem really happy.
That's good.

1408
01:12:46,162 --> 01:12:47,430
Yeah.

1409
01:12:47,463 --> 01:12:49,332
You don't.

1410
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:51,300
What's going on, Syd?

1411
01:12:51,334 --> 01:12:54,037
Did you break up
with that pretty girl?

1412
01:12:54,804 --> 01:12:57,941
Yeah, we broke up and...

1413
01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:01,611
Can I ask you a question?
You'll answer me honestly?

1414
01:13:01,645 --> 01:13:03,512
I'll try.

1415
01:13:03,546 --> 01:13:06,049
Is there
something wrong with me?

1416
01:13:06,082 --> 01:13:08,952
There's something
wrong with all of us.

1417
01:13:08,985 --> 01:13:11,855
But am I more fucked-up?

1418
01:13:11,888 --> 01:13:14,423
Like, when we were going out.

1419
01:13:14,457 --> 01:13:17,593
I keep watching myself make the
same mistakes over and over again.

1420
01:13:17,627 --> 01:13:20,129
And there's nothing more
frustrating than watching yourself

1421
01:13:20,163 --> 01:13:21,765
and I know
I'm making the mistakes,

1422
01:13:21,798 --> 01:13:24,300
and I still can't
do anything about it.

1423
01:13:24,333 --> 01:13:26,469
What are you looking for?

1424
01:13:26,502 --> 01:13:28,805
How'd you get here?

1425
01:13:28,838 --> 01:13:30,139
Is it just because you never had

1426
01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:32,809
your heart broken,
you can just...

1427
01:13:32,842 --> 01:13:35,544
Oh, God. Of course
I've had my heart broken.

1428
01:13:35,578 --> 01:13:39,983
When we broke up,
my heart was destroyed.

1429
01:13:40,016 --> 01:13:43,386
Really? You remember
that you broke up with me?

1430
01:13:43,419 --> 01:13:44,888
Yeah, I know, Syd.

1431
01:13:44,921 --> 01:13:47,456
But it sucks on
both sides, believe me.

1432
01:13:47,490 --> 01:13:50,794
I feel like I come to these
relationships with my head bowed

1433
01:13:50,827 --> 01:13:55,164
waiting for someone to just chop my
neck, like I'm doing it on purpose.

1434
01:13:55,198 --> 01:13:57,633
Syd, I'm sorry. I...

1435
01:13:57,667 --> 01:14:00,036
You know, he's gotta eat.

1436
01:14:09,879 --> 01:14:12,148
I'm gonna take off.
Oh, no.

1437
01:14:12,181 --> 01:14:13,516
Why don't you stay?

1438
01:14:13,549 --> 01:14:16,119
Jake will be home soon,
and you can finally meet him.

1439
01:14:16,152 --> 01:14:17,987
No. And we can all
have dinner, yeah.

1440
01:14:18,021 --> 01:14:21,057
No, I definitely think
I'm gonna skip that one.

1441
01:14:21,090 --> 01:14:22,325
Okay.

1442
01:14:23,426 --> 01:14:25,729
Hey. Hey, baby.

1443
01:14:25,762 --> 01:14:27,563
One last question.

1444
01:14:27,596 --> 01:14:30,700
Um, this baby here,

1445
01:14:30,734 --> 01:14:34,503
there's, uh, no way that he...

1446
01:14:34,537 --> 01:14:38,607
I had him almost two years
after we broke up, Sydney.

1447
01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:40,710
Do the math.

1448
01:14:40,744 --> 01:14:42,846
I was never good at math.
Yeah.

1449
01:14:42,879 --> 01:14:45,114
Thanks.
Yeah.

1450
01:15:26,222 --> 01:15:28,591
Bentley was a happy mantis.

1451
01:15:28,624 --> 01:15:32,361
He had a great job,
he kept himself in shape.

1452
01:15:32,395 --> 01:15:36,165
And when he met Tatiana, he knew
he had found his soul mate.

1453
01:15:36,199 --> 01:15:40,736
She had six long legs,
big, beautiful eyes,

1454
01:15:40,770 --> 01:15:45,474
and this sense of humor
that was just irresistible.

1455
01:15:45,508 --> 01:15:47,243
He loved her.

1456
01:15:47,276 --> 01:15:51,114
But sometimes, it seemed
that his love wasn't enough,

1457
01:15:51,147 --> 01:15:54,483
and that just made
him hold on tighter.

1458
01:15:54,517 --> 01:15:58,154
One day, Bentley came home
from a hard day's work,

1459
01:15:58,187 --> 01:16:00,924
and he found
Tatiana waiting for him.

1460
01:16:00,957 --> 01:16:05,428
She had this
strange glint in her eye.

1461
01:16:05,461 --> 01:16:08,664
That night, the two made love.

1462
01:16:08,697 --> 01:16:10,633
It was beautiful.

1463
01:16:10,666 --> 01:16:14,971
And when they finished,
Tatiana, she pulled him close,

1464
01:16:15,004 --> 01:16:17,841
she looked him
square in the eyes

1465
01:16:17,874 --> 01:16:22,311
and then she began
to eat his head.

1466
01:16:22,345 --> 01:16:26,782
And as his last breath
escaped him, he wondered,

1467
01:16:26,816 --> 01:16:29,485
"Did he bring this
on himself?"

1468
01:16:29,518 --> 01:16:33,422
Of course, he would never be
able to answer that question.

1469
01:16:33,456 --> 01:16:35,624
He had no head.

1470
01:16:35,658 --> 01:16:40,396
That spring, Tatiana gave
birth to 107 baby mantises.

1471
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:46,135
"Twenty-seven survived."

1472
01:16:46,169 --> 01:16:50,373
And, uh, that's the end of the
story, so thank you guys so much.

1473
01:16:57,046 --> 01:16:59,182
Thank you. We sell any books?
Yeah, man.

1474
01:16:59,215 --> 01:17:01,717
Yes, we did.
We sold one copy, my friend.

1475
01:17:01,750 --> 01:17:03,853
Doing good. Yeah.
Crushing it.

1476
01:17:03,887 --> 01:17:07,623
I gotta bounce. Gotta pick up this
chick that works at the Planetarium.

1477
01:17:07,656 --> 01:17:09,425
Let me ask you this.

1478
01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:11,594
Her little name tag says "NG" on it.
How would you say that?

1479
01:17:11,627 --> 01:17:14,730
I don't think there's a name there.
I think it's just silent.

1480
01:17:14,763 --> 01:17:16,499
I think you just nod to her.

1481
01:17:16,532 --> 01:17:18,401
You're a weird guy.

1482
01:17:21,437 --> 01:17:22,605
Mmm.

1483
01:17:27,810 --> 01:17:29,578
Sydney?

1484
01:17:32,081 --> 01:17:35,684
Hey. I, uh, didn't know
you were doing a reading.

1485
01:17:35,718 --> 01:17:40,856
I just came in for a coffee,
and I heard your voice.

1486
01:17:40,890 --> 01:17:46,295
Decaf, soy latte, two pumps of
vanilla, lots of whipped cream?

1487
01:17:46,329 --> 01:17:49,098
Actually, back on the caffeine.

1488
01:17:49,132 --> 01:17:51,634
Life's too short for decaf, huh?

1489
01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:57,040
So, how have you been?

1490
01:17:57,073 --> 01:18:00,343
And please don't say "amazing,"
even if you have been.

1491
01:18:00,376 --> 01:18:05,048
Definitely not amazing,
but I'm not too bad, either.

1492
01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:07,984
You look great, of course.

1493
01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:09,318
How are you?

1494
01:18:10,119 --> 01:18:12,288
Amazing.

1495
01:18:13,789 --> 01:18:16,993
I loved your story,
it was so funny.

1496
01:18:17,026 --> 01:18:22,265
Can I ask, am I
the devouring lady mantis?

1497
01:18:22,298 --> 01:18:25,101
Tatiana the mantis
is an amalgamation

1498
01:18:25,134 --> 01:18:27,103
of a bunch of different people.

1499
01:18:27,570 --> 01:18:29,105
Right.

1500
01:18:29,138 --> 01:18:32,241
Well, whatever it is,

1501
01:18:32,275 --> 01:18:36,245
I'm glad you got published.

1502
01:18:36,279 --> 01:18:42,952
Sorry if I got a little bit Stalkery
McStalksalot a few months back.

1503
01:18:42,986 --> 01:18:44,687
It was a tough couple of months.

1504
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,355
Yeah.

1505
01:18:48,024 --> 01:18:49,925
Here, take a book.

1506
01:18:49,959 --> 01:18:51,794
Oh, I already have one.

1507
01:18:51,827 --> 01:18:53,462
I'm excited to read
the whole thing.

1508
01:18:53,496 --> 01:18:56,832
Oh, you're the one
who bought it.

1509
01:18:56,865 --> 01:19:00,469
You wanna finish the rest
of your coffee with me?

1510
01:19:03,172 --> 01:19:05,708
This is "Flower Petal."

1511
01:19:09,812 --> 01:19:13,549
"Take it Take it all, woman

1512
01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:17,820
"I am man,
and man must be strong

1513
01:19:17,853 --> 01:19:21,657
"In the depths of your wetness
Is where I belong

1514
01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:25,028
"An oil well sprang forth

1515
01:19:25,061 --> 01:19:27,163
"The world
covered in my tar..."

1516
01:19:27,196 --> 01:19:28,831
It's called The Vanity Press,

1517
01:19:28,864 --> 01:19:31,167
and you have to pay to get
your own work published.

1518
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:33,269
That's okay.
I mean, it's still in print.

1519
01:19:33,302 --> 01:19:35,004
You can touch it.

1520
01:19:35,038 --> 01:19:36,672
It's really what matters, right?

1521
01:19:36,705 --> 01:19:38,141
Yeah.

1522
01:19:39,708 --> 01:19:41,910
What about you?

1523
01:19:41,944 --> 01:19:44,147
Um...

1524
01:19:44,180 --> 01:19:46,982
Well, I quit the bar.

1525
01:19:47,016 --> 01:19:48,484
It was about time.

1526
01:19:48,517 --> 01:19:50,653
Way past due.

1527
01:19:50,686 --> 01:19:55,524
The show did really well, and
I sold a lot of paintings,

1528
01:19:55,558 --> 01:19:58,661
so I just quit the next day.

1529
01:19:58,694 --> 01:20:01,664
I have another one
coming up in Spain, actually.

1530
01:20:01,697 --> 01:20:03,366
I leave next week.

1531
01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:05,234
Spain?
Mmm-hmm.

1532
01:20:06,069 --> 01:20:08,104
With Sebastian, huh?

1533
01:20:08,871 --> 01:20:11,374
Yup. It's his gallery.

1534
01:20:13,209 --> 01:20:15,544
I have to ask you.

1535
01:20:15,578 --> 01:20:19,014
Sebastian and you,
when we were dating,

1536
01:20:19,048 --> 01:20:21,117
did you, um...

1537
01:20:21,884 --> 01:20:24,053
He's gay, Sydney.

1538
01:20:25,188 --> 01:20:26,655
Sebastian's gay?

1539
01:20:28,424 --> 01:20:30,493
That explains
why he invited J.B.

1540
01:20:30,526 --> 01:20:34,497
to his ski chalet, I guess, huh?

1541
01:20:34,530 --> 01:20:36,865
I wonder if I should be offended
I never got the invite.

1542
01:20:40,536 --> 01:20:43,106
Spain, huh?
That's really cool.

1543
01:20:43,139 --> 01:20:45,774
Yeah, I'm pretty
excited about it.

1544
01:20:45,808 --> 01:20:47,643
You should be.

1545
01:20:52,281 --> 01:20:55,084
I didn't mean to hurt you.

1546
01:20:56,752 --> 01:20:58,754
It just

1547
01:21:00,223 --> 01:21:02,191
changed.

1548
01:21:06,995 --> 01:21:09,298
Oh, I have to go.

1549
01:21:14,603 --> 01:21:17,406
It was really good seeing you.

1550
01:21:17,440 --> 01:21:20,576
I think it was really
good to see you, too.

1551
01:21:22,511 --> 01:21:24,147
Bye.

1552
01:21:25,648 --> 01:21:30,018
Hasta luego.
Have a good time in Spain.

1553
01:21:45,168 --> 01:21:49,505
Remember that guy who said
it's better to have loved and lost?

1554
01:21:49,538 --> 01:21:53,242
Well, I still wanna
punch that guy in the face.

1555
01:21:55,144 --> 01:21:57,746
But the truth is he's right.

1556
01:22:12,895 --> 01:22:15,431
Because in spite
of all the bullshit,

1557
01:22:15,464 --> 01:22:18,467
in spite of the desperation
and the pain,

1558
01:22:18,501 --> 01:22:23,071
when it's great,
when it's really great,

1559
01:22:23,105 --> 01:22:25,274
it's all worth it.

1560
01:22:25,308 --> 01:22:27,243
Excuse me.

1561
01:22:27,276 --> 01:22:29,011
Hi. Sorry,
I don't wanna bother you.

1562
01:22:29,044 --> 01:22:32,215
I just wanted to tell you
your story is hilarious.

1563
01:22:32,248 --> 01:22:34,250
I laughed my arse off.

1564
01:22:34,283 --> 01:22:36,452
You are really funny.

1565
01:22:38,153 --> 01:22:39,688
I don't suppose
you wanna join me?

1566
01:22:51,267 --> 01:22:53,236
♪ Sister's got a future

1567
01:22:53,269 --> 01:22:55,504
♪ Mama's got a heartbreak

1568
01:22:55,538 --> 01:22:59,875
♪ Girl, I curse
the day I met you

1569
01:22:59,908 --> 01:23:01,977
♪ Never felt lonely

1570
01:23:02,010 --> 01:23:04,112
♪ When I headed this way

1571
01:23:04,146 --> 01:23:07,350
♪ Roll out of bed and go

1572
01:23:07,383 --> 01:23:11,520
♪ Break up, we go away,
and then we make up

1573
01:23:11,554 --> 01:23:14,890
♪ We're gonna go
wherever it may take us

1574
01:23:15,624 --> 01:23:17,460
♪ Awake

1575
01:23:17,493 --> 01:23:20,195
♪ Here we go

1576
01:23:20,229 --> 01:23:21,930
♪ Awake

1577
01:23:21,964 --> 01:23:24,032
♪ Here we go, here we go

1578
01:23:24,066 --> 01:23:26,134
♪ Awake

1579
01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:28,237
♪ Here we go

1580
01:23:28,271 --> 01:23:30,273
♪ Awake

1581
01:23:30,306 --> 01:23:33,742
♪ Here we go
Here we go again

1582
01:23:42,518 --> 01:23:44,620
♪ Faces on the posters

1583
01:23:44,653 --> 01:23:46,855
♪ Head is in the lampshade

1584
01:23:46,889 --> 01:23:51,193
♪ Ever since the day
I met you

1585
01:23:51,226 --> 01:23:53,396
♪ No one's ever known me

1586
01:23:53,429 --> 01:23:55,298
♪ At least not
ever this way

1587
01:23:55,331 --> 01:23:58,601
♪ Take a step
on the winding road

1588
01:23:58,634 --> 01:24:02,738
♪ Leave him another day
'cause we can't stop

1589
01:24:02,771 --> 01:24:06,375
♪ Feeling the tidal wave
start to shake us

1590
01:24:06,975 --> 01:24:08,411
♪ Awake

1591
01:24:09,044 --> 01:24:11,380
♪ Here we go

1592
01:24:11,414 --> 01:24:13,215
♪ Awake

1593
01:24:13,248 --> 01:24:15,351
♪ Here we go, here we go

1594
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:16,585
♪ Awake

1595
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:20,122
♪ Here we go

1596
01:24:20,155 --> 01:24:21,757
♪ Awake

1597
01:24:21,790 --> 01:24:25,328
♪ Here we go
Here we go again

1598
01:24:42,645 --> 01:24:44,647
♪ We all started out now

1599
01:24:44,680 --> 01:24:47,783
♪ Didn't know where to go

1600
01:24:47,816 --> 01:24:51,153
♪ We'll never know,
we'll never know

1601
01:24:51,186 --> 01:24:56,459
♪ We'll walk through the park
to pave an easy road

1602
01:24:56,492 --> 01:25:00,596
♪ I'll get you home,
I'll get you home

1603
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:10,005
♪ We're gonna go forever,
we're awake

1604
01:25:11,206 --> 01:25:13,476
♪ Here we go

1605
01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:15,310
♪ Awake

1606
01:25:15,344 --> 01:25:17,713
♪ Here we go, here we go

1607
01:25:17,746 --> 01:25:19,815
♪ Awake

1608
01:25:19,848 --> 01:25:21,984
♪ Here we go

1609
01:25:22,017 --> 01:25:23,919
♪ Awake

1610
01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,556
♪ Here we go
Here we go again ♪