Oh, shit.
-Great to see you, too.
-Sorry. It's just early.
It's 10:30.
-Jesus, it's that early?
-I tried calling.
-Shit.
Where's Harry?
-Doug and I are moving -- to Phoenix.
-Phoenix? What, are you taking Harry with you?
-Of course I'm taking Harry with me. He's my son.
-Sarah, how can you do this to me?
-It takes money to raise a child,
and I don't have enough.
-Me and Zack are working on a lot of businesses.
Some opportunities are coming our way.
We got some big ideas, and pretty soon...
This is Fred and mordechai.
My roommates.
Which is temporary.
That is a situation i am resolving.
-Whatever. I have bills to pay.
-Okay, I can change.
You let me to move back in... -Move in?
With me and Doug? -Sure!
I can crash on the couch or whatever.
Wait, so that's it?
Well, what about tomorrow? Am I still picking up Harry?
Sarah, he has all his stuff over here.
Like, all his toys and his favorite things.
Look, he loves this penguin guy.
Sarah, come on.
I'm gonna come.
-Use a sock.
-Okay.
Oh!
-I have five rooms and laundry.
-Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah.
-That's it?
-I can get more.
Car keys.
So you don't have to take the bus.
-You know, Carl sagan was actually
a pretty strong amateur player himself.
When he wasn't stargazing, he was serving.
He's got to be paying her.
-Check it out.
-What is that -- a motor home?
-No, it's a gold mine.
It's a traveling motel.
The motel with wheels.
-I don't get it. -It's -- well, you know,
most of the time, people go to a motel.
The traveling motel comes to you.
-Why would I want a motel to come to me?
Unless I'm like a homeless person?
Is this a shelter? -It's for the discerning guest.
For people who want to travel under the radar, incognito.
-This is worse than your last idea.
Come on, man. I got to make some money.
-It's all in the way you market it.
And for the record, a portable battery charger is a great idea.
-It was a battery charger powered by batteries.
It makes no sense.
-Whatever.
You see the ad?
-What could she possibly see in him?
-He's a landowner.
Where she's from, that's a big deal.
-Where is she from?
-Not here.
-Yeah, well, his aunt owns this place.
He's just the manager.
-You ever manage anything?
-You have a shitty little personality. You know that?
-This type of advertising pays off big-time.
It's the same type of stuff I'm gonna be doing
with traveling motel.
And if you get in now,
I'll make you a silent partner.
-Well, someone needs to be.
-Read it.
The gateway to happiness."
Why is the name in French?
-Uh, it's more sophisticated.
-"Featuring breathtaking scenery, outdoor activities,
and free Wi-Fi."
Wait, there's Internet here? -No.
-Then why are you advertising that you have it?
-You guys buy lottery tickets?
It's up to like $40 million.
-You know you're like a hundred times
more likely to get struck by lightning than win that thing?
-Although it kind of seems like you already won the lottery --
with the maid.
-She's not the maid. -She cleans my room.
-Yeah, well, I know she's the maid, but she also --
-give you hand jobs. -She has a name.
It's lupita. -Oh.
-What you should be doing with your money is investing it
into something solid, like the traveling motel.
-It's gonna be a pretty big deal.
-Yeah.
-Why didn't Fred take out the trash?
-You fired Fred.
-Well, he still lives here. Might as well keep working.
-I don't think he knows he's fired.
-Delores says we can't afford him.
Oh, hey, check this out.
Someone left this in room five.
Looks real, huh?
-Uh, speaking of your aunt, she called twice.
-What did she say? -Call her back.
Oh, and the phone company called.
They said they're gonna turn off the phones.
You pay the bill?
You need to get that chair off the roof.
It's not professional.
- Come on, Fred.
You at least got to swing at it, buddy.
You got to try, okay?
So...
You and Chad, huh?
Doing it.
I, uh...
I think I should let you know -- Chad's a liar.
-Liar?
-Yeah. Pathological, among other things.
You know he doesn't even own this motel, right?
It's his aunt's.
She doesn't even like him.
-My father was a liar. -Well, yeah, okay.
So you get what I'm talking about. You know.
-He used to wear my mother's dresses.
-I don't know if Chad gets into all that, but...
-When I was a kid, i caught him putting on makeup.
He told me he was going to a Halloween party.
It was in June.
-So he wasn't really going to the party.
-I hate liars.
-Yeah, I can see why you would.
Okay, we'll see you later, then.
Hey.
Freddy.
- Damn, man.
I got blood everywhere.
-You sure this is it?
-This is the address.
-It don't look three-star to me.
-Yeah, well, we wouldn't even be here if you hadn't gotten us
in this mess, anyway.
-I told you he was dead when I showed up, man.
And even if that was true,
it don't explain why we got to be out here
in the middle of nowhere.
-Too much heat on us back there.
This is better.
-Maybe we can go golfing while we out here.
-Damn.
You're like traveling with a girl.
-Yo, what up, my brothers?
-We need a room.
-Dope.
There you go. Did you see our ad?
-Said this place was French and it had three stars.
-Certainly did.
Our guests rave about our pool and cabana.
And we have a complimentary breakfast,
which I'm sure you two read about.
And for just a small fee,
I can upgrade you two to our deluxe suite,
which, you --
you know what? Actually, I'm just gonna waive the fee on that
and hook a brother up, right?
Great.
How long will you be staying with us?
-We don't know yet. -Not a problem.
-Hey, they got a golf course around here?
-If there is one, it will be in here.
All right.
So, let's see.
"Garage, go-kart.
Golf course."
Sure, yeah. You -- you go ahead and keep that.
-You got clubs?
-I think the manager might.
And, you know, for $10, i can rent those to you.
You know what? I'm just gonna waive the fee on that, too.
Keep it real.
-The key.
-Right.
Hope you gentlemen enjoy your stay at pe-tit paradis.
If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask.
Stay black.
-Those guys your cousins or something?
-They just checked in.
I think the ad is working.
-They don't look right.
Keep an eye on them.
-Did you just put that thing in the freezer?
-Why? She call again? -No.
Uh, it's just not good for business.
-You said the ad was working.
-Yeah, it is.
One more thing -- do you have any golf clubs?
They asked for them.
-Shed.
20 bucks.
-Oh, and I think, uh,
they were pretty interested in the pool area,
so we might want to clean that up for them.
-Where's the other bed?
So, I'm gonna call 'em, figure out what time
tomorrow we should meet up. -Whoa, whoa.
You ain't ever really been all that good with the phone.
I should probably handle this.
Yeah.
Now, they ain't gonna like a three-star motel.
These people got money.
Probably classy.
It's ringing.
Hello?!
Yes, hi. Is this, um...
Are you Asian?
-Yeah. -Oh, that's great.
Listen, my name is prince,
and I work with an associate of yours named Armando.
I'm pretty sure he talked to you about some stuff
we were looking to unload. -Yeah.
-Okay, yeah, well, he came down with something,
and he asked us to take care of this for him.
Okay, so we are -- we're holed up just outside of town
at a hotel called...
Le petit paradis. -Hotel?
-Mm-hmm. That's right.
They have a -- oh, they got a pool
and, uh, like a breakfast,
I think.
-Tomorrow. -Oh.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, he seemed chill.
Wants us to call back tomorrow.
-What's up with that voice? -What voice?
-What's going on?
-What?
-Where's Zack?
Hey, man.
You want a beer?
-No, I'm good.
-You ever been to Phoenix? -I don't know. Where is it?
-It's kind of far, I think.
You know, that lottery is up past $40 million.
Might be worth a shot.
Probably buy a lot of motor homes for that kind of cash.
-Uh-huh.
-Well, I'm off to find a legitimate job.
-Good luck.
-The powerball lotto is up to a whopping $44 million,
if you can believe it.
I've even bought a few tickets,
and I'm thinking of going back for more.
What about you?
-You bet.
-So, you bought some, or are you saying "you bet,"
like I'm a gambler?
Or are you saying you don't believe I bought mine?
You're not being entirely clear here.
What does that mean exactly,
"you bet"?
- Zack!
-I think you just don't understand.
You see, I asked a question, and you replied...
-Room, please.
-$27.50.
Sign here and here.
In advance.
-There's $30.
Who's that?
-Oh, that's lupita. She works here.
-Lupita.
L-u-p-i-t-a.
-I'm Zack -- z-a-c --
-room 23.
Down the hall, to your right.
-Be staying long? -Maybe.
Tell me, did a couple of African-American fellows
like yourself check in recently?
-Oh, yeah. There are these two --
-we can't give out that kind of information.
-Great.
Room 23, down the hall?
-Hope you enjoy your stay at pe-tit paradis.
Oh.
-I don't trust that one either.
-That ad is really working, though, right?
-20 bucks for those clubs.
-That's what I told them.
-Here's the trash.
-The trash is supposed to go out by the fence.
-Hey, beautiful.
Can I come in?
-You're a liar.
-A liar? About what?
-You don't own this hotel.
-Well, I mean, technically, it's my aunt's,
but I never said --
I mean, if she dies or anything,
I'm the next of kin, so...
I'd inherit it.
-How much is it worth?
-Not much.
-You're pathologic, just like my father.
And I know you're stealing money.
-I'm not stealing.
I'm -- I'm borrowing -- for us.
-You ever do one of those office pools
where everyone in the company buys a ticket
and then splits the winnings?
-Nope.
-Well, they're a real hoot.
I'll tell you, you know, we did one back in '95...
...when I was on wknrw.
- Hello?
Yeah, they're here.
Oh, sure, easy.
I figure I could take them out, be back before dark.
Huh?
I thought this was the last of them.
Well, I can, but I think it's a waste of time.
-What about my time? -No, no, no, no, no.
Your time is very valuable.
I just thought --
you're the boss.
-Oh. Ahem.
Fred left the trash by the door.
Oh.
-...really don't care about a pregnant panda.
You want to know why? I'll tell you anyway.
Because... With the amount of money
I can win in this lottery a few days from now,
I can buy a whole pack of pandas, or a clan of pandas,
or whatever you call a bunch of pandas.
-Pathologic.
This whole damn thing's mine.
Son of a bitch.
- Ow!
Motherfucker!
What the hell, man?!
-Don't throw rocks in my pool, asshole!
-Geez! Fine!
Your aunt's pool anyway, you fat prick.
-Hey.
Hey!
Hey, what's happening, my man?
-What's up with that room you got us in?
-Oh, the honeymoon suite.
It's the bomb, right?
-It's only got one bed. -Right.
That makes sense, 'cause it's for a honeymoon.
-I look like I'm on my honeymoon?
-We'll get you another bed.
-Them the clubs you want me to use?
-Oh, yeah. They're a little dusty.
But I'm gonna get 'em cleaned up, and they'll be good as new.
-And the phone ain't working.
Shit ain't three stars.
-The phones might be back on tomorrow.
-What?
-Hey, you know those two black guys?
-No, I don't know any black people.
-Oh, well, I put them in the honeymoon suite.
-So? What?
-Chad has a strange feeling about them.
-Yeah? Well, I wouldn't trust Chad.
Saw him stealing money out of the register last night.
-Well, he wants me to keep an eye on them.
Thinks they might be drug dealers.
-Yeah, maybe.
-They like golf.
Drug dealers golf?
What's "Sarah's mix"?
-Get out of my shit!
-So, you gonna come? -Yeah, whatever.
I got to pick up my kid, though.
-All right.
-Yo, get up, man.
We got to call him.
-So call him.
-You the one he knows.
-Phones working, they ain't working.
Man, this place is janky.
-Just agree to whatever he says,
and don't talk in that little-kid voice.
Tell him 2:00.
-Stand over there, man.
You stress me out.
Hello? This is prince.
Yes, hi. We wanted to set up a time for tomorrow.
We were thinking...
2:00 in the lobby.
Oh. He Asian, too, right?
-Hey. Money, money.
So, did you and Armando talk about the money?
-Yes. $2,500.
-$2,500?
Actually, we were thinking $3,000.
You know, stuff came up.
-Fine. -Okay.
All good.
-I said agree with him.
- I did.
He was cool with $3,000.
He's sending his nephew tomorrow.
-His nephew? He say why?
-Probably got better things to do
than hang out in this nasty-ass desert motel.
But it looks like we can hit up that golf course after all.
-What's wrong with you, man?
-Shit.
-Hello? -Chad!
-Hi, aunt Laura.
-What's wrong with the phones?
-No, what do you mean?
Oh, that's weird.
Yeah.
I'll get right on that.
Accounting books? What for?
No, totally.
Yeah, we keep really good records.
Absolutely. It's none of my business.
Yeah, I'll get those to you as soon as I can.
Yeah, fresh one last night.
He's in the freezer.
He's a really big one.
How long has this been out?
-I told you they called.
You pay the bill?
-It was just on.
We have accounting books?
-On the shelf behind me.
-Aren't these supposed to be in a computer program or something?
-You're the manager.
-Why is he still here? -He has no place to go.
-I got a Hawaiian greaser trying to steal my girlfriend,
and he's feeding my cereal to his Guinea pig.
-That's a hamster.
And if you think about it, he's basically working for food.
-Hamster ain't working.
I bet those black guys have money.
-Why would you say that?
-Come on.
You ever heard of black dudes playing golf?
-Well, Tiger Woods plays golf.
He's black, right?
And then my uncle Leon.
He played golf once. He's black.
-Good morning.
How was your sleep? -Yeah, fine.
So, what's the deal with breakfast?
-It's on the house.
Come on, let's get you some.
Here you go.
One complimentary breakfast.
One bowl per guest.
You need anything else, just let us know.
-What's the story with lupita?
-Keep an eye on that son of a bitch.
-I thought I was supposed to watch those black guys golf.
-Watch everything.
-Fred, too?
Paranoid fucker.
-Hey, beautiful.
Harmonica.
It's kind of my trademark.
Oh.
Lottery ticket, huh?
You know you're more likely to get hit by lightning
than win that thing?
-Yes.
-Adi�s.
-Good idea.
What brothers you know play golf?
-Tiger Woods. -Tiger Woods.
That's one person. Name another person.
Name one other black golfer. -Michael Jordan, man.
-Michael Jordan lost a billion dollars playing golf, man.
Michael Jordan.
- Nasty.
-Excuse me, fellas.
You guys are golfers, huh?
-Yo, what up, bros?!
-You get that mattress?
-Things got crazy busy last night, yo -- straight up.
-Man, what's up with these clubs, man?
Said they'd be better after you cleaned them.
-Yeah, a lot of that wouldn't come off.
But, you know, we're currently in the process
of changing management, so a lot of --
-best be in the process of getting me a mattress.
-Yeah, and you might want to check on gramps over there.
He don't look too good.
-The pool's gonna be ready soon.
It's gonna be off the hook. Mad bitches.
And, you know, we're opening a mobile branch of our motel,
so get on our mailing list,
and, you know, we'll keep you apprised of things like that.
Okay, peace out.
-Changing management?
Little dude got problems.
-Yeah, he's not the only one.
-Hey, did you say we have an extra mattress?
-Why? You want to buy one?
-No, they need one in the honeymoon suite.
-What are those guys up to?
-Just in time for Christmas.
-What the hell does that even mean?
-Hey, man.
- Hey, brother.
Come on. -Okay.
Yeah, hug it out. -Love.
-I know. I feel it.
I'm here to pick up Harry.
-Yes.
I love that little kid. -I know you do.
-He's so special, isn't he?
-He's my child, so I'm aware.
-Okay, I'm gonna pick him up tomorrow afternoon.
-Yep, cool. -That's his safety seat.
There's a change of clothes in the backpack.
Make sure he's in bed by 8:00.
-Babe... -What else? What else?
-Tranquil. -Yep, it's cool.
We're just gonna get some ice cream, hang out.
-Hey, little man.
Give us a handshake.
One, two, three. One, two.
-Okay, that's enough of that.
Let's go and have a conversation about appropriate touching,
'cause what he is doing is not what should be.
-I like your pants.
-Good morning.
Please see your receipts?
All right. You're all good.
Did you get a copy of the course rules?
-No, man. Didn't see that.
-Please take one.
It's everyone's responsibility to know the rules.
Okay?
Have a good day, gentlemen.
-Just think of this as a 4-foot manhole.
Try to get it close.
Just back and through.
Real smooth.
You ever see a manhole before?
- Oh.
What are you up to?
-Let me see those.
They're just golfing.
-Just stay down.
-I still don't see why we need to sell right away.
I could have got them Asian dudes up to $5,000 -- at least.
-They were expecting to buy it off of Armando for $2,500.
You think they gonna just double it, simple as that?
Why do you want to sell drugs, anyway?
Why don't you go back to school, be a doctor or something,
instead of being out here upholding the stereotypes?
Except that outfit -- that's definitely not a stereotype.
I don't -- i don't know what that is.
-Oh, shit!
Something's happening.
-Afternoon, gentlemen.
Gonna need to check your receipts.
-Didn't you just check us?
-At the first tee?
-Look, kanye, I'm not here to argue with you.
I'm here to do a job. -Kanye?
-Looks like you got one set of clubs there.
Gonna have to write you a warning for sharing clubs.
-What's wrong with sharing?
-Every golfer has to have their own set of clubs.
It's course policy. It's in the rules.
I gave you the rules.
-This power done gone to your head, little man.
-Wait, wait. How much that cost?
-Nothing.
They don't let me write citations.
-Would it just be easier for you to just warn us, like, verbally?
-Look, q-tip, this isn't the hood, okay?
Not gonna get off that easy.
Not today. Not on my turf.
-He's writing something.
Maybe it's a check or a prescription.
-Hey, is that the guy from the motel?
-Oh, shit! Get down!
-Where's Harry?
-What the...
-Name. -John Wayne.
-John...Wayne.
W-a-y... -Get back here.
Come on! Harry!
-Lesson learned.
Have a good day, Mr. Wayne.
-Hey, did you see that kid
standing over there a second ago?
-What are you talking about?
Here.
-John Wayne.
More like Lil Wayne.
-Why's the guy from 23 here?
Maybe Chad was right. -I don't know.
There's got to be some way for us to cash in on this.
-Cash in on what?
From him?
-You were right -- this thing is much bigger
than the two africans.
-Of course it is. -Yeah.
No, I know, I know, I know.
I'm saying that you're right.
You were right.
Yeah, all right, well...
Prick.
-Do you think that creepy guy in the golf cart was a mule?
Whoa! You brought a gun?!
-Of course I brought a gun.
I'm babysitting. Hey, buddy.
We don't tell your mom about this kind of stuff, okay?
-Why are you in my room?
-Come.
This is your room.
-All these come with a four-day limited money-back guarantee.
-You want to watch TV with us?
-To order, you can call the toll-free number
or simply go to www...
-You like it here?
-I miss my brother.
I send him money.
-I guess he appreciates it.
-I think you're supposed to use chlorine. That's bleach.
-Is that bleach?
-Do it yourself, then.
-He's got to be in on it. -On what?
-Come on, let's go.
How's it going?
-Good.
Real good.
How you fellas?
-You in a jug band or something?
Security cameras. -For what?
-Find out what's going on around here.
This could be our ticket out. Come on.
-Wait, what?
What ticket? Where?
Oh, shit.
-You get that bed? -Almost ready.
-What, are you having them custom-made or something?
-How did the clubs work out for you?
-Things are dangerous.
The head flew off of this one.
-Oh, great.
-What are you doing? -Jesus.
Nothing.
Just fixing the books.
What?
-Did you get the mattress?
-What mattress?
-The one for the honeymoon suite.
-Oh!
Jesus, I got to do everything around here.
-You think that little dude at the desk is retarded?
-Maybe he got asperger. -What's that?
-It's when you act all messed up.
-He definitely got it, then.
-Me...Llamo.
Me...Llamo...
Ken.
-Maybe stay inside with the missus.
-Es me llamo. -Watch a romantic movie.
-Ken.
Me llamo es Ken.
-What about this crazy penguin guy?
You used to love him.
Huh? All right.
How about Teddy bear? What does he do?
Is he fun?
Nothing?
That's amazing.
Hey.
Nothing. Just hanging out with my kid.
Did you find it?
All right. Well, keep looking.
There's got to be someplace that sells them.
-Ugh!
I have to do everything around here.
-Bubble wrap, huh?
What do you think about Phoenix?
Yeah. Me too.
Phew.
-Yes? -Hola.
Um...
Uh...
-In the secret business, are you the boss?
-Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.
I mean, I'd say I'm my own boss.
-We'll talk tomorrow.
Hey, pal. How's it going?
Ah.
How you doing, old-timer?
Nice rat.
Oh, boy.
One of those days, huh? I hear you.
You know, sometimes, I just want to say to hell with it.
Am I right?
You know, a man reaches a point in his life
when he realizes there's more to it than work.
You know, maybe...
Maybe a family.
-Everything's okay.
Just go to your happy place.
-You really love that old rat, don't you?
-How's that?
-That's what it's all about, isn't it?
Love.
You know what?
You're all right, old-timer.
You need anything at all, don't hesitate, okay?
-Yes?
Is there something i can help you with?
-I brought this for...
Hello?
Hi, aunt Laura. Yeah, no.
No, I wasn't asleep. I was just painting and fixing stuff.
-You have my damn books? -The accounting books, yeah.
Yeah, those are good to go.
I'll just -- I'll bring those by later on tonight.
-Now. -Or now is good, too.
-You get that mouse for me?
-Yeah, I got your mouse.
-You better. If you don't, it's your ass.
-I got to go.
Hey!
This is private property!
Wait.
Wait up for me.
Come on.
Where's my mouse?
-I threw it away.
-Fuck!
-Well, cereal falls into the grain category
in the food pyramid.
And for the longest time, cheese was different than dairy.
They changed that, though.
-Okay. So, this guy is supposed to be the best.
-All right.
I feel weird about bringing him.
Is it gonna be safe?
You okay, buddy?
-Bed's here.
Smell like cat piss.
-He dead?
-I think he's sleeping.
-Damn.
Poor motherfucker got a sock for a pet.
-Yo, gramps...
You all right?
-Y-yes, sir. Yes, sir, right away.
-I'm gonna catch some sun.
What the...
- Baby.
-Aunt Laura.
Hey, who is this guy?
-That's Jean-Paul.
You bring my mouse, fat boy?
-Uh, I got you something different.
-What the hell is that? -A hamster.
-I know it's a hamster, you dumb son of a bitch.
Why did you bring it into my house?
-I just thought the snake might want a little variety.
And he's alive.
-What you think, j.P.? You like variety?
-Dirty son of a bitch.
Okay, doughboy, give it here. -Hey.
Hey, you never told me who this guy is.
He's been creeping around the motel,
messing with the phones. -Jean-Paul!
-Yeah, I know. She said that already, okay?
Just let the adults talk for a second.
-He's a private investigator, specializes in real estate.
-Why would you hire an investigator?
-I didn't hire him. I'm fucking him.
-Did you bring the money books?
-Yeah. I'm still working on most of them, but that one's done.
-You stealing from me, butterball?
-Stealing? No. Why?
-'Cause if I find out you are,
j.P. Will eat your nuts for lunch.
-He also tells me the numbers
should be inside a computer.
Shouldn't take you more than five minutes
to add them up. -Yeah -- well, yeah.
I told Zack to get on that, you know,
but you know how he is.
-No.
How is he? -Absent-minded?
-Just because your daddy was in the habit of putting his pecker
into nasty old holes, and one of them was my sister's,
don't make us family.
I find out you're up to something,
I will throw your fat ass out on the street
fast as you can say the word "doughnut."
You got it? -Yeah, got it.
-Then go get the books I asked for
and quit acting like a pussy!
And don't bring me no more fucking hamsters
when I ask for mice!
Retarded son of a bitch.
-"Pecker in a nasty hole."
Don't need this shit.
-Yo, I wouldn't touch that water, man.
Mess around and get herpes or something.
-Uh-huh. I'll see you out there.
Cup, cup, cup.
Ugh.
Uh-huh.
Hmm?
-Change your mind? -I forgot something.
-Is this it?
-It's the right address.
Hello?
-Maybe he went out to lunch. -Yeah.
And maybe he's drowning in meth fumes.
-Hello?!
- Can I help you?
-Jesus.
Scared us. Didn't see you there.
-Precisely.
You saw nothing, while I, in turn, saw everything.
Now the information is collected.
-What information?
-Oh. Does the little fighter want a lolly?
Oh.
-Okay, I will hold on to that.
-So, what can Klaus do for you?
-Looking for a hidden camera.
- Aha. Someone wants to do some spying?
I used to do a bit of spying myself.
But then there was some commotion.
I can no longer go near the playground.
-Okay, stay real close to me.
-Excuse me, no. This is Klaus' house, so...
- Is he bavarian?
-I don't know. Is that in Phoenix?
- It's in Europe!
-This, I think, will be best.
Look, he has a camera, keeping eyes on you.
-Okay, we'll take it.
- Donation, please.
You have any cash? -No.
-You never have any cash -- i pay for everything!
Here.
-You don't have any Euros?
-I have $20 American.
Thank you.
-Enjoy your lolly, little fighter.
-Don't talk to him.
-Bye-bye.
-Yes, the accounting
and the office pool back in '95...
-Lose something?
-It was leaking.
-Leaking what? -Not sure.
That's what I'm up here checking on.
-Need some help? -No, I'm good.
Thank you.
-Mordechai and me are heading to the pool.
-Yeah. Okay.
O-okay.
Man.
-One of them newlyweds is up in the roof.
-Oh. Sorry.
-Let's move on to some sporting news.
What's new in the world of sports?
Give it to me straight. What about baseball?
-Damn it. -Are we winning?
-Let's go, you sicko.
-Time to meet your maker, fella.
-Hold it! -Whoa!
-Drop the hamster! -That's what I was gonna do.
-No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold it.
-Which is it -- hold it or drop it?
-Uh...
Just...
Give him here, okay?
All right, all right.
Now, who's gonna tell me what the hell is going on here?
-Well, right now,
you're pointing a gun at me and holding my hamster,
and I am about to get upset.
-Why's the dirty guy from the motel stealing hamsters for you?
-I knew something like this would happen.
Dumb bastard.
-So, what is it?
Selling 'em, huh?
Eating 'em? What?
-J.P. And I are vegetarians.
-You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
He's helpless.
Ain't right.
-Some help you are.
-He jumped me.
- The world's gone to hell.
-How long he been in there?
-A few minutes.
-He say anything?
-What's he supposed to say?
-You know, I don't think he should be in there.
That motherfucker's on borrowed time anyway.
-Hey, how are we gonna hide
a Teddy bear in the honeymoon suite?
-Make sure your mom gets these, okay?
Super-important.
And these slurpees never happened, all right?
Come on. Let's teach you how to shoot a gun.
Arm straight.
Slightly bend the knees.
Relax the neck.
Find your target.
Aim.
Pull the trigger.
-Did I hit it?
-That's sports for now.
What about that panda? Any news there?
-Yep.
-What up, bros?
Pretty sweet pool, huh?
-My aunt had a blow-up pool better than this.
And she was a crackhead. -Mm.
-Yeah, you might want to check on the old man.
Dude hasn't moved in a while.
-And that mattress smell like cat piss.
-Okay. Can I speak to you for a minute?
Stay here.
Okay, I'm gonna go to their room,
find a place to put the Teddy-cam.
You keep an eye on him, okay?
-What do I tell them?
-Charm them.
-That kid play golf?
-No.
It's a pretty nice day, though, huh?
-He got asperger?
-No, he doesn't have ass-- what?
-A lot of them wear funny helmets and shit like that.
-This is a world war ii helmet.
It's a collector's item. -If you say so.
Look like asperger to me.
Hey.
What's going on? -I was cleaning.
-Up there?
-It was dirty. -That's cool.
Uh, Chad asked me to make the bed, 'cause...
He didn't do it.
-Where's Chris?
-I don't know.
-It's like a motor home with all the amenities of a motel,
but instead of you going to it, it comes to you.
-We look homeless? -No, no, no, no, no.
It's for, like, if you want to travel under the radar.
You know -- incognito. -Incog-what?
-Well, you know, it's all in the way you market it.
-Hey, sweetie.
What are you wearing?
Why is he in a helmet?
-That's actually a world war ii helmet.
-Where's Chris? -He had something he had to do.
-He got asperger?
-Dude, I already told you, he does not have asp--
-okay, come on, sweetie.
-Sarah, he's actually coming back,
so if you just want to wait for him...
-I think it's gonna rain.
-Man, these people are crazy.
-Sarah, Sarah! Wait!
Wa--
shit!
-What's that?
-I am attracted to these little things.
I'll give it a Chinese name like sabi or kung pao.
-How we gonna know what they look like?
-They Asian.
-They southeast Asian? Korean? Japanese?
India's Asian. They could be Indians.
-They're not Indian, man. They just regular.
-Regular what?
-Just regular. Come on.
Let's go.
-All right, all right.
Oh.
- Oh! Holy shit.
Oh!
How much do you think it's worth?
-A few thousand. Maybe more.
Enough to get Sarah back.
-Buy the motor home!
-Let's get the guns.
-The books.
Why are all these Chinese people here?
What's on your face? -Uh...
-You the asians?
-All right, come on.
No, no, no. Just one. Y'all wait here.
Grab some cereal or something.
-Something i can help you guys with?
-Why? Are you the waiter?
-Breakfast is complimentary for guests of the hotel only.
-Oh, this is a hotel?
Have you ever been to a hotel?
-You got some eggs or something?
-No, we need bacon.
-Yeah, get some bacon, yo.
What the hell?
-Breakfast is complimentary for guests of the hotel.
- That's a bb gun.
Aah!
Dude! -Don't shoot!
-Outside.
This is a professional place of business.
Milk costs money.
I pay for all that. -Drop it!
-Whoa. M-man, it's just a bb gun.
-Who are you working for?
-What?
-Shoot him!
-Awesome.
-Why did you steal him?
- How did you get that?
Oh, I'm shot!
It burns!
Oh! Oh, thank god.
-Let's go.
-Winning ticket has, indeed, been sold,
and someone out there is a very rich person.
-Did they see you take it? -I don't think so.
-Well, then how would they know we have it?
-They don't, but they saw my kid and my wife.
-Look, we just need to chill for a minute, gather ourselves.
- I can't take any chances.
Remember how to use this?
Okay, it's loaded, so you just pull the trigger.
Give me your keys.
Okay, I'm gonna pull the car around back.
I'm gonna honk the horn and come out through Fred's room.
You got it? Okay, what did I just say?
-Wait for the honk, through Fred's room.
-Okay. Wipe your nose.
-$7.8 million.
That money could be yours,
so let's get out our tickets, cross your fingers,
and get ready to play.
The first white-ball numbers for tonight
are the numbers 11, 22,
and rounding out the openers is number 19.
Now for the finals and the powerball.
First up is the number five, one,
and here we go with tonight's powerball.
Number 74.
Once again, your powerball numbers for this evening
are the numbers 11, 22, 19, 5, 1...
...and the lucky powerball 74.
Thanks for...
-What's up?
What's up, nigga?
Got a problem?
It is just now 2:00 P.M.,
and we are here, moments away from a literal pot of gold.
-Nice place, guys.
-They gave us the honeymoon suite.
-Oh, that's nice, man. Congratulations.
- Yeah.
-Oh, shit, no. Leave it on.
I forgot this thing was happening.
-...standing by with the powerball numbers.
-Thanks. -This shit is rigged, yo!
-And here we are finally.
-Let's see the money.
-Right here.
Damn. -We stand at a guaranteed...
-I'm supposed to check the stuff first.
-It's all there.
-It's good.
Thank you very much, guys.
Have a nice day.
-Hey, yo. Whose Teddy bear is that?
-How the fuck do I know? -It wasn't there a second ago.
-It's ones.
Oh!
-Yo!
Yo, get up, man!
Yo, get up!
What did you do?!
Prince, come on, man! Wake up!
Come on, man. Wake up.
-Drop the gun!
-Who the hell are you?
-Holy shit.
-Give me that.
And the gun.
What are you looking at?
Asperger motherfucker.
-You coming?
-Come.
-Whose car is this?
-I don't think I've ever really had much luck.
Come to think of it, I haven't had much luck
with anything, really.
Always been sort of an unlucky guy.
There is always next time, though,
and that was pretty exciting
while it lasted. -Hello?
-I probably would have blown the money
on pandas anyway.
What the fuck?
Hey, what's going on?
-I was cleaning.
-Up there?
-It was dirty.
-That low-pressure system continues to build.
A little thunder and...
-All right, we got to take back roads
'cause there's probably gonna be a lot of cops.
- I can't do it. I can't go with you.
If I do, I'm gonna lose my kid
and any chance i have with Sarah.
You can keep the money.
I got to call her.
-Have to make it look like that dump is making money.
Otherwise, insurance ain't gonna pay nothing.
-Yeah.
-Hey.
No, it's me.
I know, I know.
- Aah! Shit!
Get that thing off of me!
Get out of my lap, you dumb son of a bitch!
Get! God!
-Zack!
-Can't see nothing!
-He's probably okay. Right?
-...powerball number 74.
Once again, your powerball numbers for this evening
are the numbers 11, 22, 19, 5, 1, and the lucky powerball 74.
Thanks for joining us. I'm Julie schenetschi.
We'll see you next time on powerball lotto.
-The winning ticket has, indeed, been sold,
and someone out there is a very rich person.