1
00:01:16,187 --> 00:01:17,971
Sha-ha, dah.

2
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,336
Broosk-da-da-da-boom.

3
00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:21,504
Shadeet-hamah.

4
00:01:33,395 --> 00:01:35,478
Brooks-dask-dask-da-boom.

5
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,454
Milo-tamale-shakinee.

6
00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:14,825
You are a winner.

7
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,585
You soar with the eagles.

8
00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:17,419
No.

9
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:19,559
The eagles soar with you.

10
00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:25,779
Shit.

11
00:02:31,948 --> 00:02:34,698
I'm gonna be late for work again.

12
00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:40,342
I know I shouldn't have
stayed over on a work night.

13
00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:42,122
Did you hear me, babe?

14
00:02:42,123 --> 00:02:43,854
I'm gonna be late for work again.

15
00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,022
Bye jellybear.

16
00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:50,039
You are destined for greatness.

17
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,587
You are a caterpillar
waiting to transform

18
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,530
into a magnificent butterfly.

19
00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:01,990
He's so cute when he's sleeping.

20
00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:05,074
I'm gonna go start the coffee.
Okay.

21
00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:14,359
Your life has meaning.

22
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,687
You are a king among
ordinary men.

23
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:19,451
A king with a huge penis.

24
00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,338
A glorious penis.

25
00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:25,879
A penis that should be
praised and worshiped.

26
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,682
Suagar-booger.

27
00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,649
My little astronaut.

28
00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:32,359
It's time to get up sleepy head.

29
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:38,189
You can achieve
anything you set you mind to.

30
00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:41,107
Other men cower in your greatness.

31
00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:48,233
Come on, Matty,
breakfast is almost ready.

32
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,835
If you were an animal,

33
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:52,176
you would be a dinosaur.

34
00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:55,177
Matt, Honey, it's time to wake up.

35
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:00,848
Whoa!

36
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:09,766
Thanks, Shaniqua.

37
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,434
I'm not even hungry.

38
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,247
Every fucking morning.

39
00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:29,081
Come on.

40
00:04:31,426 --> 00:04:33,843
Oh, shit, holy chode balls.

41
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,908
So sorry, Alexander, he's
gonna be a few more minutes.

42
00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:42,609
It's all right, Miss Gaye.

43
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,810
There he is.

44
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,584
Give your mom a kiss goodbye.

45
00:04:47,585 --> 00:04:48,918
Have a good day.

46
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,486
Have a great day, sugar-booger.

47
00:04:53,487 --> 00:04:55,904
It's Matt to you, Shaniqua.

48
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,320
You wanna just let
me borrow your car

49
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,926
so you can stay here
and bang my mom?

50
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:30,195
Do you know if your mom is
working tonight, sugar booger?

51
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,047
Fuck off.

52
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,721
I was watching Terminator
the other night, right.

53
00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:37,921
And not that new garbage.

54
00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,644
I'm talking about that classic shit.

55
00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:40,724
It got me thinking.

56
00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:45,308
What if I time travel back in
time as my 28-year-old self,

57
00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:46,935
and I found my 10-year-old self

58
00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:49,182
and I fucking jerked him off.

59
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,926
Would that be molestation
or masturbation?

60
00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,927
I don't got time for your nonsense.

61
00:05:54,928 --> 00:05:58,345
I'm too busy being
employee of the month.

62
00:05:59,374 --> 00:06:01,319
Hey you two. Quit
giving each other FJs

63
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,482
and get back to work.

64
00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:04,316
Idiots.

65
00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:23,959
Bro, bro, it's Jenna

66
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:37,213
♪ One hundid every
time you go away ♪

67
00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:39,733
♪ One hundid go on
and say my name ♪

68
00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:42,535
♪ One hundid if we
gonna make it last ♪

69
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,176
♪ All I ever ask ♪

70
00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,426
Here's your chance,
man, go talk to her.

71
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,738
I can't just go talk to her.

72
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,219
This is a workplace.

73
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,276
Who cares?

74
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,998
I'm so tired of listening
to you cry about

75
00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:53,906
not having a girl to cuddle with.

76
00:06:53,907 --> 00:06:55,099
Who cares?

77
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,143
Uh, how about title seven
of the Civil Rights Act.

78
00:06:58,144 --> 00:07:00,592
Uh, how do you know that?

79
00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:01,855
Are you fucking kidding me?

80
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,975
It's in the break room.

81
00:07:02,976 --> 00:07:04,240
And you know what
happens to people

82
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,115
accused of sexual harassment?

83
00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:08,959
What, they hold a parade for them?

84
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,374
Termination.

85
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,062
Dude, they're not gonna
fire you for talking to her.

86
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,742
Just go over there before she leaves.

87
00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:17,557
Stop being a little bitch.

88
00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:20,558
I'll buy you a beer after work.

89
00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:21,726
Make it two?

90
00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:24,055
Fine, just go.

91
00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:28,682
Dick.

92
00:07:30,464 --> 00:07:32,714
Nice files you got there.

93
00:07:33,991 --> 00:07:35,884
Do you work here?

94
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,034
Seriously?

95
00:07:37,035 --> 00:07:39,042
I've worked here longer than you.

96
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,770
Oh, so you're in like
shipping and receiving?

97
00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:42,604
What?

98
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:45,406
No, I work right here in this office.

99
00:07:45,407 --> 00:07:47,848
I was sitting at my
desk when you walked in.

100
00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,445
You didn't see me?
Really?

101
00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,223
Yeah, I didn't see you.

102
00:07:51,224 --> 00:07:52,427
You didn't see me?

103
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,390
I was like two inches away from you.

104
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,351
And how do you not know I work here?

105
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,030
I see you every single day.

106
00:07:58,031 --> 00:07:59,794
Wait, so you've been watching me?

107
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,722
Like some kind of perverted stalker.

108
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,504
You know that's sexual harassment?

109
00:08:03,505 --> 00:08:05,268
Sexual harassment?

110
00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:06,869
For seeing you come in?

111
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:09,189
Maybe you should take yourself
on down to the break room

112
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,472
and get a refresher course

113
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,755
because that's not sexual harassment.

114
00:08:12,756 --> 00:08:13,589
Hmm.

115
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,314
What's up, Jenna?

116
00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:17,957
Oh, hey, Matt.
Seriously?

117
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,638
We actually have to go, I'm sorry.

118
00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:22,472
Alex is having a family emergency.

119
00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:27,865
How the hell does Jenna
know who you are and not me?

120
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:28,706
I don't know.

121
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:32,586
Maybe because I'm not
a perverted stalker.

122
00:08:32,587 --> 00:08:35,604
Well if it isn't the two
biggest vaginas in the office.

123
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:38,353
I knew I'd find you two in
here circle jerking each other.

124
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:39,906
So we have vaginas,

125
00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:42,190
or we're jerking each other's dicks off?

126
00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:43,751
I'm confused.

127
00:08:43,752 --> 00:08:44,585
Both.

128
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:46,752
You fucking gender ninjas.

129
00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:49,848
You know what, fuck
you, I got shit to do.

130
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,907
What the hell, man?

131
00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:57,148
You gonna do something about it, pussy?

132
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,998
That's what I thought.

133
00:09:16,370 --> 00:09:19,412
Oh, you got to be fist fucking me, man.

134
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,330
What now?

135
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:24,311
Oh nothing, I'm just having
PTSD flashbacks, you know,

136
00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:25,473
remembering that time you were

137
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,353
talking to Jenna at the office.

138
00:09:28,354 --> 00:09:29,992
Made yourself look like a dumb idiot.

139
00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:32,240
Remember that?
Fuck off.

140
00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:33,643
I don't understand
how you're so horrible

141
00:09:33,644 --> 00:09:35,003
at talking to women.

142
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:37,166
It's like watching one
of those shitty Novelas.

143
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:38,545
All Novelas are shitty,

144
00:09:38,546 --> 00:09:40,788
and you wouldn't have done any better.

145
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,732
Fucking right I would have.

146
00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:44,493
Compared to you I'm
like Zac Efron's cock.

147
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:45,327
Yeah, whatever.

148
00:09:45,328 --> 00:09:48,189
If you're so smooth,
let's see you do better.

149
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,273
Challenge accepted ese.

150
00:09:52,254 --> 00:09:54,415
Can I get you guys a refill?

151
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,135
Actually, I was wondering
if you might possibly know

152
00:09:57,136 --> 00:10:00,037
the difference between me and my couch?

153
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,797
One's more fun to sit on than the other.

154
00:10:02,798 --> 00:10:03,900
Sort of.

155
00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:06,155
The real difference
between me and my couch

156
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:07,989
is my couch pulls out.

157
00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:12,508
So can I get you guys another drink?

158
00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,926
Six shots of vodka de nada.

159
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,449
Nice.

160
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,451
A dirty joke and a drink order.

161
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,212
You're a real lady's man.

162
00:10:22,213 --> 00:10:23,534
I'm sorry I doubted you.

163
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,880
Your moms would be so proud.

164
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,548
Just wait for it, wait for it.

165
00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:44,403
Ah, snap.

166
00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:47,369
Told you.

167
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,370
You probably know her.

168
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,516
Ah, come on, I wasn't even ready dude.

169
00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:54,984
I don't care.

170
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:01,317
Six more shots.

171
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:29,950
Gross, I think you got some on me.

172
00:11:29,951 --> 00:11:33,152
You know, I can't even
wrap my brain around

173
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:37,755
the fact that you are so
horrible at talking to chicks.

174
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,799
Look at you, you're like an
Abercrombie model over here.

175
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,959
You should be banging
bitches every single day

176
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,043
and every single night and afternoon.

177
00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,685
Well it's not easy
for me to talk to women

178
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,647
like it is for you.

179
00:11:52,648 --> 00:11:54,409
I'm not surrounded by a hot girlfriend

180
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:57,219
and hot stripper moms 24/7

181
00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:01,911
who wipe the tip of my penis
every time I take a piss.

182
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:03,748
Fuck you dude.

183
00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:06,512
I told you a million times,
my mom is not a stripper,

184
00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:09,847
she's an exotic dancer and a saint.

185
00:12:10,394 --> 00:12:12,733
And I don't even want
to hear this shit, man.

186
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,375
Look at you.

187
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:18,740
I would give both nuts and
the sack to have your life.

188
00:12:18,741 --> 00:12:20,781
You can run a billion miles,

189
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,944
you get to wear all this stylish
clothes, and most of all,

190
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,038
you're not smothered like I am.

191
00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:28,817
Well, I'd do the same to have your life.

192
00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:32,941
You have a girlfriend
and a mom, two moms,

193
00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:36,302
that love you, you're never lonely

194
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,386
and you get to eat whatever you want.

195
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,970
That there is a bum with
his hand on his hobo balls.

196
00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:54,499
Day-bu gah-boos-uhn
day-boos-uhn-go.

197
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,404
Bay-tah.

198
00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:57,987
Queta-su-noba day-boos-uhn-dah.

199
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,145
God damn it.

200
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,504
What the fuck?

201
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,515
Dude I'm gonna get AIDS!

202
00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:32,464
Whoa.

203
00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:34,882
Somebody's up early this morning.

204
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,981
I slept here last night?

205
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,040
I don't remember coming over.

206
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:42,641
It sounds like you had too
much to drink last night.

207
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:44,125
Where's, where's Matt?

208
00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,483
Is he down stairs?

209
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,874
What the fuck.

210
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:08,708
I'm Matt?

211
00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,789
Hey, Ms. Gaye, who do you think I am?

212
00:14:19,912 --> 00:14:21,657
You're so funny Matty.

213
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:22,741
Are you okay?

214
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,213
What the fuck?

215
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,092
Oh, shit, I really am Matt.

216
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:50,787
Alex.

217
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,478
Alex.

218
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,542
Did you see where I put my phone?

219
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,624
I need to call my mom.

220
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:05,292
She's probably worried about me.

221
00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:07,904
Alex.

222
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:14,190
Yo, I need to let her know I
spent the night at your house.

223
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,530
The fuck?

224
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,421
Am I high right now?

225
00:15:58,138 --> 00:16:02,030
I don't remember doing
any drugs last night.

226
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:06,880
Ah.

227
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,041
What?

228
00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,473
Nice bike, fat ass.

229
00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:31,568
I'm surprised your tires
haven't exploded.

230
00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:33,476
Good one, Vir-Gina.

231
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:36,159
We have the same bike dumb-ass.

232
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,323
It's Virgil, asshole and I
don't have that faggy basket.

233
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:42,325
Why don't you take
your bitch ass back home

234
00:16:42,326 --> 00:16:44,206
before I shit on Matt's porch again,

235
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:48,790
blame you and watch your
whore of a mom whoop your ass.

236
00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:53,388
No, I won't put my hands down your pants

237
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,312
and play with your tiny dick.

238
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,724
Leave me alone, Jared from Subway.

239
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,686
Hey man, you get away from that kid.

240
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,251
Tiny dick.

241
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,085
Oh shit.

242
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:16,097
I fucking knew it,
dude, get out of my way.

243
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,188
What the hell is going on, dude?

244
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,559
Why am I in your Ethiopian body?

245
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,105
I don't know, why don't you tell me?

246
00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,271
I just rode here on
your mom's gay ass bike

247
00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:28,676
in this fat ass Jabba
the Hutt body you have.

248
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:30,441
Have you ever done
a day of cardio

249
00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,231
in your entire fucking life?

250
00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:35,636
I find it and honor to
resemble Jabba Desilijic Tiure.

251
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,484
One of the most notorious
crime lords in the galaxy.

252
00:17:40,485 --> 00:17:42,049
The hell are you talking about?

253
00:17:42,050 --> 00:17:46,058
Jabba Desilijic Tiure aka Jabba the Hutt

254
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,056
or the Bloated one.

255
00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:48,890
Seriously?

256
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:53,825
First introduced in 1983
with the third installment

257
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:58,826
of the original Star Wars
trilogy, Return of the Jedi.

258
00:17:59,074 --> 00:17:59,954
No?

259
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,120
Got the little Ewoks,

260
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,766
they look like little George Lucas's.

261
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,301
I swear, sometimes you're the smartest

262
00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:07,624
mentally handicap person that I know.

263
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,553
Is there a god damn reason
why my AC's not on right now?

264
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,356
My balls are sweaty and they're
like sticking to my ankles.

265
00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:14,648
What are you talking about?

266
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,136
It's freezing in here.

267
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,704
Your nipples are fucking
hard as fuck right now.

268
00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:20,679
Yeah.

269
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,320
So what are we gonna do?

270
00:18:22,321 --> 00:18:24,303
You figure out what switched us yet?

271
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,065
I'm thinking.

272
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,274
Well think faster you're the smart one.

273
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,359
Will you shut the hell up?

274
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,660
I'm trying to concentrate.

275
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:31,494
Jesus.

276
00:18:32,524 --> 00:18:33,603
Okay.

277
00:18:33,604 --> 00:18:35,563
So we went to work.

278
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:38,173
We stopped by the bar afterward.

279
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:41,448
You puked like a little bitch.

280
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,873
Obviously the bum.

281
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,295
The one that slapped us.

282
00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:48,452
It had to be him.

283
00:18:48,453 --> 00:18:50,578
Oh yeah, right.

284
00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,162
That mother fucker.

285
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,933
Well let's go find him and
make him switch us back.

286
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,767
Come on.

287
00:18:57,659 --> 00:18:58,492
Skedaddle.

288
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,179
Oh, come on!

289
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,501
Dude, we crashed.

290
00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:35,143
What the fuck?

291
00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,369
Did you hit someone?

292
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,308
Dude, pay attention.

293
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:41,625
I'm not gonna be the only one
looking for this guy, okay.

294
00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,143
Oh shit, Kratos.

295
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,384
You know that guy?

296
00:19:50,385 --> 00:19:52,086
Ah, yeah, he's my dealer.

297
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:53,525
I told you about him before.

298
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,624
No.

299
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,458
Come on.

300
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,999
He probably knows that
fuck that slapped us.

301
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,357
What the fuck's is this guy's problem?

302
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:06,957
Just pretend like you're me.

303
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,084
Kratos, it's me Matt.

304
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,652
I buy pot from you homebroski.

305
00:20:12,557 --> 00:20:13,536
Calm down.

306
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:14,874
This is my friend Ma...

307
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:16,600
This is my friend Alex.

308
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,520
I know who you are.

309
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,209
You think you could steal Matt's face

310
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:24,270
and then come up on my
corner and deal drugs?

311
00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:25,817
What?

312
00:20:25,818 --> 00:20:27,977
I knew about your machine.

313
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:31,496
Takes someone's face and
then puts on someone else's.

314
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,856
We didn't steal anybody's face.

315
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,273
We just came here to ask you a question

316
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:36,724
about one of your friends.

317
00:20:36,725 --> 00:20:39,276
How do you know about my friends?

318
00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,611
I don't got any bum friends.

319
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:44,836
Now get out of here.

320
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:47,520
This is my empire.

321
00:20:48,287 --> 00:20:50,703
You can't have it.

322
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:57,435
Kratos, look into my eyes, man.

323
00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,239
It's me Matt.

324
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,725
My buddy Alex and I were here last night

325
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:04,213
when some bum who walks around
with his hands down his pants

326
00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:07,180
caressing his nuts, slapped
both of us in the face.

327
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:10,396
And by some weird voodoo
or magic or some shit,

328
00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,920
we switched bodies.

329
00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:14,286
He's me and I'm him.

330
00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:17,009
And we just want to switch
and get our own bodies back.

331
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,188
Now can you help us?

332
00:21:19,189 --> 00:21:21,797
Matt, my man.

333
00:21:22,191 --> 00:21:25,049
Why didn't you tell me in
the first place, my brotha?

334
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:29,576
Not this guy again.

335
00:21:29,577 --> 00:21:31,910
I see you've met Joe Blow.

336
00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:35,559
Is he sucking his own dick?

337
00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:38,553
Lucky bastard.

338
00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:43,075
Ah, what the hell man?

339
00:21:43,076 --> 00:21:43,909
Get off of me.

340
00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:46,701
I am so sorry.

341
00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:49,984
Hey, Kratos.

342
00:21:50,494 --> 00:21:52,508
This is Steve.

343
00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:55,432
He's been diagnosed
with this rare disease

344
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:58,250
called Alien Hand Syndrome.

345
00:21:58,914 --> 00:22:01,994
He's got no control over his right arm.

346
00:22:01,995 --> 00:22:05,951
I told him it's proof that aliens exist,

347
00:22:05,952 --> 00:22:08,285
and I offered to cut it off.

348
00:22:10,657 --> 00:22:12,424
But he won't let me.

349
00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:22,673
Do you guys know the bum
we're talking about or what?

350
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,597
Yeah, I know about the
guy you're looking for.

351
00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:27,598
His name's Magic Mike.

352
00:22:27,599 --> 00:22:30,315
He comes around every Friday

353
00:22:32,246 --> 00:22:34,079
to get the recyclables

354
00:22:34,966 --> 00:22:37,049
before the garbage comes.

355
00:22:38,337 --> 00:22:41,250
Is he jerking you off right now?

356
00:22:41,251 --> 00:22:43,168
Just go with it, bro.

357
00:22:45,473 --> 00:22:48,307
I think we got the
answers we're looking for.

358
00:22:48,308 --> 00:22:49,850
Hey wait.

359
00:22:49,851 --> 00:22:51,652
Don't you guys want to buy something?

360
00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:54,220
I just got in some real goodies.

361
00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:55,971
No man, we're good.

362
00:22:58,548 --> 00:22:59,381
Oh.

363
00:23:03,539 --> 00:23:05,013
Oh, god. Oh.

364
00:23:14,422 --> 00:23:16,097
I am so sorry.

365
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,507
I'm not.

366
00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:27,913
I cannot believe I'm gonna
be stuck in this body tonight.

367
00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:29,774
Bitch please.

368
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,857
You get to eat snacks and play Xbox

369
00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:34,669
while my mom and girlfriend spoil you.

370
00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:36,729
And why in the hell would I do that?

371
00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:38,649
Because you're me.

372
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,483
So?

373
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:43,082
So we have to pretend
like we're each other.

374
00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,540
What, why?
Seriously?

375
00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:48,439
You honestly think anyone
besides my drugged out dealer

376
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,721
is gonna believe us if we
tell them we switched bodies?

377
00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,922
I'm gonna go with no.

378
00:23:53,923 --> 00:23:58,923
They're more likely to lock
us away in some creepy asylum.

379
00:23:59,086 --> 00:24:01,086
You know I hate asylums.

380
00:24:02,771 --> 00:24:05,080
I guess you have a point.

381
00:24:05,081 --> 00:24:06,738
You're fucking right I do.

382
00:24:06,739 --> 00:24:07,778
Fine, whatever.

383
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,529
Lets just get this over with man.

384
00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:14,236
Shit, Holly's already here.

385
00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,348
What's the protocol on that anyway?

386
00:24:17,349 --> 00:24:19,596
If she comes on to me, do I hit that or?

387
00:24:19,597 --> 00:24:21,219
She's definitely gonna come on to you

388
00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:22,676
and you're not gonna do a damn thing.

389
00:24:22,677 --> 00:24:24,729
You're gonna shut that shit down.

390
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,649
Whatever it takes.

391
00:24:26,650 --> 00:24:28,330
I understand it's been a while

392
00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:30,716
since you felt a woman's touch,

393
00:24:30,717 --> 00:24:33,043
but you better not do anything man.

394
00:24:33,044 --> 00:24:33,926
All right, all right.

395
00:24:33,927 --> 00:24:35,343
Jesus, calm down.

396
00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:38,435
What's this?

397
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:41,236
That is your itinerary for the week.

398
00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:43,641
I don't even know what
half these exercises are.

399
00:24:43,642 --> 00:24:46,059
And raw foods?

400
00:24:47,204 --> 00:24:49,183
You know I'm not gonna
eat this shit, right?

401
00:24:49,184 --> 00:24:50,542
You are gonna eat that shit

402
00:24:50,543 --> 00:24:53,626
or Holly's gonna be eating this dick.

403
00:25:25,292 --> 00:25:27,091
This mother fucking guy.

404
00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:27,925
Fuck.

405
00:25:30,899 --> 00:25:32,149
Chubby bunny.

406
00:25:35,703 --> 00:25:36,536
No.

407
00:25:42,158 --> 00:25:43,238
What's wrong baby?

408
00:25:43,239 --> 00:25:46,082
I'm just not in the mood, okay?

409
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,035
Not according to Mr. Action Jackson!

410
00:25:48,036 --> 00:25:48,939
Action Jackson?

411
00:25:54,927 --> 00:25:57,594
I need to answer the door, okay?

412
00:26:00,942 --> 00:26:02,654
What the fuck do you
think you're doing, dude?

413
00:26:02,655 --> 00:26:04,068
What?
Don't what me.

414
00:26:04,069 --> 00:26:07,215
I saw you grabbing her dick.

415
00:26:07,216 --> 00:26:08,217
Her grabbing your dick.

416
00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,454
You know what the fuck I meant.

417
00:26:09,455 --> 00:26:10,848
She was grabbing your dick actually,

418
00:26:10,849 --> 00:26:12,616
and she was the one all over me.

419
00:26:12,617 --> 00:26:16,200
Whatever, just give
me the damn car keys.

420
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,755
You're a real asshole, you know that?

421
00:26:18,756 --> 00:26:20,755
I'm telling you the truth.

422
00:26:20,756 --> 00:26:23,756
It wasn't me, it was Action Jackson.

423
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,078
Yeah, I'm gonna eat
real healthy all right.

424
00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,361
Do you have any sixes?

425
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:48,260
No.

426
00:26:48,261 --> 00:26:49,794
I mean go fish.

427
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,666
Okay.

428
00:26:53,667 --> 00:26:56,542
Do you have any jacks?

429
00:26:57,055 --> 00:26:57,888
Yep.

430
00:26:59,045 --> 00:27:03,283
You know, we should really
switch this to strip go fish.

431
00:27:03,284 --> 00:27:06,593
No, I think we should
stick to the regular go fish.

432
00:27:06,594 --> 00:27:07,427
Please.

433
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,808
What the fuck, motha fucka?

434
00:27:19,133 --> 00:27:21,048
Did you just talk?

435
00:27:21,049 --> 00:27:23,929
Fuck yeah, I said what the fuck?

436
00:27:24,371 --> 00:27:26,732
Alex tries to fuck your girl

437
00:27:26,733 --> 00:27:29,940
and you're just gonna
eat a fucking pizza?

438
00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:32,641
Bitch move motha fucka.

439
00:27:32,642 --> 00:27:36,780
Yeah, well what the fuck
do you suggest then, asshole?

440
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:39,979
You gotta fucking eat everything.

441
00:27:39,980 --> 00:27:41,019
Everything?

442
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:45,378
Fucking every motha
fucking thing, motha fucka.

443
00:27:46,106 --> 00:27:48,425
Do you have any fives?

444
00:27:48,426 --> 00:27:49,259
Go fish.

445
00:27:50,496 --> 00:27:53,529
Uhm, do you have any eights?

446
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,897
No, go fish.

447
00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,169
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.

448
00:28:29,170 --> 00:28:30,051
Where are you going?

449
00:28:30,051 --> 00:28:31,005
What's going on?

450
00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:33,619
I'm going to my, I'm
going to Alex's house.

451
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,453
Why?

452
00:28:34,454 --> 00:28:36,304
Because I'm gonna kick
the shit out of him.

453
00:28:36,305 --> 00:28:39,938
Okay, well before you go
can I get a kiss at least?

454
00:28:39,939 --> 00:28:41,298
Uh, sure.

455
00:28:47,747 --> 00:28:49,083
I love you chubby bunny.

456
00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,009
I love you too my thin bunny.

457
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:06,283
I'm gonna kick your fucking teeth in.

458
00:29:07,843 --> 00:29:08,676
What?

459
00:29:10,353 --> 00:29:13,735
I said, go ahead, they're your teeth.

460
00:29:13,736 --> 00:29:14,966
Motherfucker!

461
00:29:14,967 --> 00:29:16,467
I can't breathe.

462
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:18,803
It wasn't me.

463
00:29:18,804 --> 00:29:21,787
It was the oven mitt's idea, tell him.

464
00:29:21,788 --> 00:29:23,705
You mother fucking rat.

465
00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:26,996
Help.

466
00:29:28,859 --> 00:29:29,692
Puke it up.

467
00:29:29,693 --> 00:29:31,405
Get off me Kevin Spacey.

468
00:29:31,406 --> 00:29:32,721
Puke it up.
Rape!

469
00:29:32,722 --> 00:29:33,972
He's raping me!

470
00:29:35,045 --> 00:29:38,964
Puke it up or I'm gonna
make you puke it up.

471
00:29:50,474 --> 00:29:52,391
Now clean yourself off.

472
00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:18,889
So you really didn't diddle my girl?

473
00:30:18,890 --> 00:30:21,561
No, like I said, she ambushed me.

474
00:30:21,562 --> 00:30:22,683
She fucking jumped on me.

475
00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:24,550
I had to fight just to get away.

476
00:30:24,551 --> 00:30:29,359
It's not my fault your body
is so irresistibly sexy.

477
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,688
And you haven't been
doing anything since I left?

478
00:30:32,689 --> 00:30:33,612
Hell no.

479
00:30:33,613 --> 00:30:37,524
We've just been playing go fish
like two real mature adults.

480
00:30:37,525 --> 00:30:39,826
Man, Holly always kicks
my ass at that game.

481
00:30:39,827 --> 00:30:42,585
Yeah, that's 'cause you suck.

482
00:30:43,938 --> 00:30:47,071
Oh yeah, I made you a new itinerary.

483
00:30:47,072 --> 00:30:49,060
How about you try
following it this time,

484
00:30:49,061 --> 00:30:50,882
instead of throwing it away.

485
00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:52,484
I'm not gonna throw it away.

486
00:30:52,485 --> 00:30:54,188
Yeah, like you didn't throw
away the crinkled up one

487
00:30:54,189 --> 00:30:56,575
I found in your driveway.

488
00:30:56,576 --> 00:30:57,777
Can you wash that shit off my face

489
00:30:57,778 --> 00:30:59,903
so I don't break out with pimples?

490
00:30:59,904 --> 00:31:02,778
And please, please for the love of god,

491
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:05,248
will you stop eating junk
food while you're in my body.

492
00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:06,763
Can you do that?

493
00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:07,597
Fine.

494
00:31:16,439 --> 00:31:17,726
Bitch.

495
00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,479
Best night of sleep, ever.

496
00:31:41,845 --> 00:31:43,830
Good morning my little astronaut.

497
00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:46,034
You forgot to put your sleep
mask on again last night

498
00:31:46,035 --> 00:31:49,452
so I put it on you
while you were asleep.

499
00:31:52,922 --> 00:31:54,955
I wish you would've told me Ms. Gaye.

500
00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,549
This damn thing freaks me out.

501
00:31:56,550 --> 00:31:58,531
Ms. Gaye?

502
00:31:58,532 --> 00:32:00,032
Very funny, Matty.

503
00:32:04,844 --> 00:32:06,181
What's that?

504
00:32:06,182 --> 00:32:07,349
What's what?

505
00:32:09,066 --> 00:32:12,316
Oh, nothing, I thought I saw a ghost.

506
00:32:14,816 --> 00:32:17,201
Queeri.
Hey there cock boy.

507
00:32:17,202 --> 00:32:18,035
Make me a pizza.

508
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:19,561
Oh fuck yeah.

509
00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:23,562
One dirty little pizza
coming right up cock boy.

510
00:32:25,956 --> 00:32:27,196
Oh fuck yeah.

511
00:32:27,197 --> 00:32:30,947
How's that pizza taste
there little cock boy?

512
00:32:35,449 --> 00:32:36,282
Hurry up and get ready.

513
00:32:36,283 --> 00:32:38,199
Alex will be here soon.

514
00:32:45,516 --> 00:32:48,369
Can you put some damn
clothes on Miss, mom.

515
00:32:48,370 --> 00:32:50,167
I'm trying to get ready for work.

516
00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:52,889
What honey?

517
00:32:52,890 --> 00:32:53,723
No.

518
00:32:53,724 --> 00:32:56,416
Hey let me in on this action.

519
00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:57,250
Shaniqua.

520
00:32:57,251 --> 00:32:58,922
Oh do you need some privacy?

521
00:32:58,923 --> 00:33:00,298
Get off-get off.

522
00:33:00,747 --> 00:33:02,873
Someone's a grumpy butt this morning.

523
00:33:02,874 --> 00:33:06,957
I think you may have
drooled last night, Matty.

524
00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:13,115
Whoa.

525
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,783
Those are some funky balls, son.

526
00:33:17,759 --> 00:33:19,413
Ah, whatever.

527
00:33:21,206 --> 00:33:23,407
♪ Flashy with the ♪

528
00:33:23,408 --> 00:33:26,091
♪ Millions with the millions ♪

529
00:33:26,092 --> 00:33:29,485
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪

530
00:33:29,486 --> 00:33:32,649
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪

531
00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,174
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪

532
00:33:36,175 --> 00:33:39,563
♪ We flashy with the
millions with the millions ♪

533
00:33:39,564 --> 00:33:42,967
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪

534
00:33:42,968 --> 00:33:46,328
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪

535
00:33:46,329 --> 00:33:49,753
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪

536
00:33:49,754 --> 00:33:51,724
♪ You want designer glasses ♪

537
00:33:51,725 --> 00:33:53,145
♪ You ain't bout it ♪

538
00:33:53,146 --> 00:33:56,587
♪ You still ain't fly at
all so say your thousands ♪

539
00:33:56,588 --> 00:33:58,721
♪ Money spent on jewels ♪

540
00:34:09,727 --> 00:34:11,808
I really need to get a bigger car.

541
00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,265
Ah, yeah.

542
00:34:13,266 --> 00:34:15,106
Have a good day today, sugar booger.

543
00:34:15,107 --> 00:34:15,940
You too.

544
00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,524
Fuck you, Shaniqua.

545
00:34:29,097 --> 00:34:30,578
The hell is this?

546
00:34:30,579 --> 00:34:31,412
Nice, right?

547
00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:34,430
It's an exact replica
of Taylor Swift's mouth.

548
00:34:34,431 --> 00:34:36,206
It's to help you take the edge off.

549
00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:40,686
You know, so you don't try
and fuck my girlfriend.

550
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:41,520
Thanks.

551
00:34:42,905 --> 00:34:45,567
Not in my body pothead.

552
00:34:45,568 --> 00:34:46,401
Asshole.

553
00:34:57,258 --> 00:35:00,298
Thank you ladies and
gentleman for showing up.

554
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:03,005
Can't believe we have
a sold out show today.

555
00:35:03,006 --> 00:35:05,261
Although I'm not a fan
of your health care plan

556
00:35:05,262 --> 00:35:09,261
I do appreciate President
Obama for coming to see me.

557
00:35:09,262 --> 00:35:13,125
Speaking of health, I
obviously have none.

558
00:35:13,126 --> 00:35:15,306
Will you at least pretend
to work while you're me?

559
00:35:15,307 --> 00:35:16,868
I don't have time for that.

560
00:35:16,869 --> 00:35:18,362
You do realize that the comedy contest

561
00:35:18,363 --> 00:35:20,286
is in a few days, right?

562
00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,211
Yes.

563
00:35:21,212 --> 00:35:22,892
And do you realize there's a big chance

564
00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:26,053
we'll still be in each
other's bodies by then?

565
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,617
Fuck, you're right.

566
00:35:28,618 --> 00:35:31,984
Well then, you're just gonna
have to do the contest for me.

567
00:35:31,985 --> 00:35:32,818
Nope.

568
00:35:34,562 --> 00:35:35,683
No.

569
00:35:35,684 --> 00:35:36,669
No no no no.

570
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:38,511
I didn't sign up for that bullshit.

571
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,151
You're gonna have to cancel.

572
00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:42,534
I don't do big crowds.

573
00:35:42,535 --> 00:35:45,177
Besides, you can re-enter
next year anyway.

574
00:35:45,178 --> 00:35:47,621
Get over yourself you damn drama queen.

575
00:35:47,622 --> 00:35:49,782
You do presentations
all the time at work

576
00:35:49,783 --> 00:35:51,262
and you seem to do just fine.

577
00:35:51,263 --> 00:35:52,384
There's a huge difference.

578
00:35:52,385 --> 00:35:54,253
There's only a handful of
people who actually work here,

579
00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:56,215
most of them we hate.

580
00:35:56,216 --> 00:35:58,138
When I'm doing presentations
I'm not attempting

581
00:35:58,139 --> 00:36:00,321
to make a huge crowd laugh.

582
00:36:00,322 --> 00:36:02,545
What if I freeze?

583
00:36:02,546 --> 00:36:04,465
Or they hate me?

584
00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,868
I'm not trying to make
a fool out of myself.

585
00:36:06,869 --> 00:36:11,058
Relax, if anything you'll
be making a fool out of me.

586
00:36:11,059 --> 00:36:14,591
I already given you my
body, my secret weapon.

587
00:36:14,592 --> 00:36:16,991
Now here are the bullets.

588
00:36:16,992 --> 00:36:17,992
My material.

589
00:36:18,832 --> 00:36:19,665
Read it,

590
00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:21,115
live it,

591
00:36:22,355 --> 00:36:23,188
be it.

592
00:36:27,634 --> 00:36:30,717
I really don't think I can do this.

593
00:36:32,850 --> 00:36:34,218
How about this,

594
00:36:34,219 --> 00:36:35,698
you stop being a smelly clit

595
00:36:35,699 --> 00:36:37,338
and do this competition for me

596
00:36:37,339 --> 00:36:38,980
and I'll get you a date with Jenna.

597
00:36:38,981 --> 00:36:40,802
I'll get her all wet and juicy for you

598
00:36:40,803 --> 00:36:43,200
so when we switch and
get our bodies back

599
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:47,300
all you have to do is
slip the tip right in.

600
00:36:47,301 --> 00:36:48,500
Yeah.

601
00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:49,701
How does that sound?

602
00:36:49,702 --> 00:36:51,516
Give your hand a night off for once.

603
00:36:51,517 --> 00:36:54,684
It's a little graphic, but enticing.

604
00:36:55,961 --> 00:36:56,842
How about this?

605
00:36:56,843 --> 00:36:59,522
You get me the date with
Jenna while staying in shape

606
00:36:59,523 --> 00:37:01,282
until I get my body back.

607
00:37:01,283 --> 00:37:04,083
I actually have a respectable
competition coming up.

608
00:37:04,084 --> 00:37:05,615
It's called a triathlon.

609
00:37:05,616 --> 00:37:07,456
You probably have no clue what that is

610
00:37:07,457 --> 00:37:09,697
considering it involves
physical exercise

611
00:37:09,698 --> 00:37:10,898
but you're gonna need to learn,

612
00:37:10,899 --> 00:37:13,458
because you're probably
gonna have to do it for me.

613
00:37:13,459 --> 00:37:16,939
All right, and if you
help shed a few pounds,

614
00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:19,440
I think we can seal this deal.

615
00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,011
Come on, man.

616
00:37:31,397 --> 00:37:33,146
Hey you two retards,

617
00:37:33,147 --> 00:37:34,747
quit finger diddling
each other's urethras

618
00:37:34,748 --> 00:37:36,267
and get back to work.

619
00:37:36,268 --> 00:37:38,720
Alex, I need you to
start with this and then,

620
00:37:38,721 --> 00:37:40,240
I said Alex.

621
00:37:40,241 --> 00:37:43,408
And then get back to your other tasks.

622
00:37:44,250 --> 00:37:45,500
What is this?

623
00:37:46,936 --> 00:37:48,269
Is this cocaine?

624
00:37:56,591 --> 00:38:01,591
If anyone asks, I was with
you two fucktards last night.

625
00:38:01,936 --> 00:38:05,516
Hey boss, hanging out
with that white girl, huh?

626
00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:08,076
Classy, classy, I would partake

627
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,319
but I'm currently doing
a full body cleanse.

628
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,884
I love those scrumptious shakes.

629
00:38:13,885 --> 00:38:16,124
If you mention white girl

630
00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:19,165
or say the word scrumptious again,

631
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,768
I'll fucking kill you.

632
00:38:20,769 --> 00:38:21,769
Now get back to work.

633
00:38:21,770 --> 00:38:26,569
There's shit smeared all over
the bathroom walls again.

634
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:28,211
It was me.

635
00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,387
I wasn't done with that.

636
00:38:33,949 --> 00:38:35,766
Look at these two anus clowns blowing

637
00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:38,531
each other's dicks like animal balloons.

638
00:38:38,532 --> 00:38:40,131
You do know they don't actually

639
00:38:40,132 --> 00:38:43,371
blow on your dick when
you get a blowjob, right?

640
00:38:43,372 --> 00:38:45,505
Have you ever even gotten head before?

641
00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:48,105
No shit, I've had literally millions

642
00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:49,764
of blow jays in my life.

643
00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:51,848
You mean blowgays?

644
00:38:51,849 --> 00:38:53,570
We don't have time for
your shit today Chad,

645
00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:54,988
so fuck off.

646
00:38:56,613 --> 00:39:00,491
Where did you get the balls
to step up to me, civilian?

647
00:39:00,492 --> 00:39:04,459
You have no idea the
shit I saw over there.

648
00:39:11,157 --> 00:39:14,598
You're not even close to being
on my level you little bitch.

649
00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:18,691
I used to laugh at weak ass
chumps like you in boot camp.

650
00:39:18,692 --> 00:39:19,525
Yeah?

651
00:39:19,526 --> 00:39:20,910
Did you laugh at yourself
when they booted

652
00:39:20,911 --> 00:39:23,830
your bitch ass out of boot camp?

653
00:39:23,831 --> 00:39:24,990
That's right.

654
00:39:24,991 --> 00:39:27,991
I know all about your Swiss
cheese heart full of holes.

655
00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:30,591
So why don't you and your faulty heart

656
00:39:30,592 --> 00:39:32,625
murmur the fuck out of here.

657
00:39:37,332 --> 00:39:41,211
Yeah, look at Mr. Big
shot over here, huh.

658
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,045
Fuck you and fuck you.

659
00:39:44,895 --> 00:39:49,057
Jesus, you know I got you guys this job?

660
00:39:49,058 --> 00:39:50,641
I can fire you too.

661
00:39:51,899 --> 00:39:54,898
I'm actually the one
that got you this job.

662
00:39:54,899 --> 00:39:58,232
And you can't fire us, you're a janitor.

663
00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:02,908
I'm a fucking custodian level two.

664
00:40:02,909 --> 00:40:05,326
There's a difference ass hat.

665
00:40:06,845 --> 00:40:07,678
What is this?

666
00:40:07,679 --> 00:40:09,764
I'm getting it from both sides now?

667
00:40:09,765 --> 00:40:10,857
You want some?

668
00:40:10,858 --> 00:40:15,174
No, I'm just saying I got you the job.

669
00:40:17,201 --> 00:40:19,692
Whatever, I have to go.

670
00:40:19,693 --> 00:40:23,408
Apparently I'm the only one
who actually works around here.

671
00:40:24,108 --> 00:40:26,050
But I'll be over at
your house later Matt,

672
00:40:26,051 --> 00:40:30,268
to motorboat your
mom's fat tittaayyys.

673
00:40:30,969 --> 00:40:34,852
I think you mean your
aunt's tits, you sick fuck.

674
00:40:37,408 --> 00:40:39,491
Bro, it's Jenna.

675
00:40:49,569 --> 00:40:51,848
♪ One hundid every time you go away ♪

676
00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,288
♪ One hundid go on and say my name ♪

677
00:40:54,289 --> 00:40:56,930
♪ One hundid if we gonna make it last ♪

678
00:40:56,931 --> 00:40:58,763
Here's your chance player.

679
00:40:58,764 --> 00:41:01,547
It's pronounced play-a.

680
00:41:08,616 --> 00:41:09,449
Playa.

681
00:41:15,345 --> 00:41:18,425
Hey, prettiest lady in this office.

682
00:41:18,426 --> 00:41:20,867
I'm the only lady in this office.

683
00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:21,701
I know.

684
00:41:33,143 --> 00:41:35,182
So, what happened?

685
00:41:35,183 --> 00:41:39,266
Oh wait let me guess, you
messed it up, as usual.

686
00:41:39,856 --> 00:41:41,760
Looks like you better start working out,

687
00:41:41,761 --> 00:41:44,525
you obese son of a bitch.

688
00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:47,026
You actually got her number?

689
00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:55,935
Hey there little guy.

690
00:41:55,936 --> 00:41:57,910
Looks like you were so
excited for our date tonight

691
00:41:57,911 --> 00:42:00,161
that you woke up before me.

692
00:42:01,033 --> 00:42:02,633
Be patient buddy,

693
00:42:02,634 --> 00:42:04,317
I know Alex beats you
with his hand every night

694
00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,398
until you throw up but I promise,

695
00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:12,399
I'ma take you to VagTown if
it's the last thing I do.

696
00:42:13,955 --> 00:42:16,939
All right, I know there's some muscles

697
00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:20,037
deep down in this fat
somewhere to stretch out.

698
00:42:47,909 --> 00:42:48,742
Yes.

699
00:42:49,629 --> 00:42:50,462
Yes.

700
00:42:54,797 --> 00:42:58,573
How does this mother
fucker not have a girlfriend?

701
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:05,878
Yee-haw.

702
00:43:05,879 --> 00:43:09,651
It's hotter than a goat's
ass in a pepper patch.

703
00:43:09,652 --> 00:43:11,255
Well how do Missy?

704
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:14,217
I see you've run into
quite a predicament.

705
00:43:14,218 --> 00:43:18,144
Your pussy farm's in need of harvesting.

706
00:43:18,145 --> 00:43:20,238
Oh, my, my, my,.

707
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,086
I reckon I have the
right tool for the job.

708
00:43:24,087 --> 00:43:27,487
Bonjour, I'm about to make yo' skank ass

709
00:43:27,488 --> 00:43:30,947
a dick club sandwich with double meat.

710
00:43:30,948 --> 00:43:33,365
Extra heavy on zee jizz mayo.

711
00:43:34,392 --> 00:43:35,559
Hon, hon, hon.

712
00:43:37,854 --> 00:43:39,453
What's that you say?

713
00:43:39,454 --> 00:43:40,894
Pussy caught in a tree?

714
00:43:40,895 --> 00:43:41,957
Puh.

715
00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:45,375
Well slide on down
this long dick ladder.

716
00:43:48,478 --> 00:43:49,392
Freeze!

717
00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:50,631
You're under arrest for giving me

718
00:43:50,632 --> 00:43:53,440
a veiny throbbing cop boner.

719
00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:56,596
I'm the head detective
of the pussy division

720
00:43:56,597 --> 00:43:58,764
and you're about to serve

721
00:43:59,942 --> 00:44:01,300
hard time!

722
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,879
Huh, Lieutenant McDickles mam.

723
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,762
Call my Johnson Ryan
because your pussy's

724
00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:08,943
about to save my privates.

725
00:44:17,647 --> 00:44:20,046
There's been a nuclear cum-plosion.

726
00:44:20,047 --> 00:44:22,655
Clean up in aisle my pants.

727
00:44:24,977 --> 00:44:25,810
Okay.

728
00:44:29,795 --> 00:44:32,754
Not today Vir-Gina, god damn.

729
00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:38,058
So my mom tells me that
fat people have small dicks.

730
00:44:38,059 --> 00:44:40,832
I would be offended, but
I'm literally channeling

731
00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:44,398
all the energy I have into breathing

732
00:44:44,399 --> 00:44:46,558
and grasping onto the
fact that your mom talks

733
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,778
to you about fat dicks?

734
00:44:48,779 --> 00:44:49,940
Tiny dick!

735
00:44:49,941 --> 00:44:51,382
He has a tiny dick!

736
00:44:51,383 --> 00:44:52,358
He showed me it!

737
00:44:52,359 --> 00:44:54,078
Will you shut the hell up, Virgil?

738
00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:55,720
I don't have a tiny dick, okay.

739
00:44:55,721 --> 00:44:57,360
I'll show you my dick right now bro.

740
00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,520
Want me to whip it out?

741
00:44:58,521 --> 00:45:00,081
I'll whip out my dick.

742
00:45:00,082 --> 00:45:01,931
Whatever micro penis.

743
00:45:01,932 --> 00:45:06,923
Waddle waddle all day
but you'll always be fat!

744
00:45:09,702 --> 00:45:10,535
Fucker.

745
00:45:16,145 --> 00:45:16,978
Bitch.

746
00:45:20,524 --> 00:45:24,561
I'm gonna tell my mom you fat asshole.

747
00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:33,019
This was definitely a good call.

748
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:36,353
I've always wanted to take an art class.

749
00:45:38,222 --> 00:45:41,788
Once again, it feels so good
to be here with all of you,

750
00:45:41,789 --> 00:45:44,471
in a creative environment.

751
00:45:44,472 --> 00:45:46,925
Free from our smart phones and tablets

752
00:45:46,926 --> 00:45:50,001
and computers and TVs.

753
00:45:56,507 --> 00:45:59,757
Let's start with some
breathing exercises.

754
00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:02,175
Now everyone close your eyes,

755
00:46:03,243 --> 00:46:05,734
relax your bodies

756
00:46:05,735 --> 00:46:08,518
and slowly inhale.

757
00:46:13,384 --> 00:46:15,718
And exhale.

758
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,172
Now, with your eyes closed,

759
00:46:21,173 --> 00:46:23,840
grab your pencils and just draw.

760
00:46:25,266 --> 00:46:28,668
Let the energy around
you flow through you

761
00:46:28,669 --> 00:46:30,226
and onto your paper.

762
00:46:37,046 --> 00:46:39,379
Now everyone open your eyes.

763
00:46:41,573 --> 00:46:43,655
Is that a dick?

764
00:46:43,656 --> 00:46:45,297
Well, we know where your head's at.

765
00:46:45,298 --> 00:46:47,873
I swear I was drawing something else.

766
00:46:47,874 --> 00:46:49,493
What did you draw?

767
00:46:49,494 --> 00:46:50,661
Same as you.

768
00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,356
Now that we're all warmed up

769
00:46:54,357 --> 00:46:57,598
and connected with our surroundings,

770
00:46:57,599 --> 00:47:00,099
it's time to begin our lesson.

771
00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:07,594
What kind of art class
did you say this was again?

772
00:47:09,214 --> 00:47:11,903
Bare witness and let
your naked eye connect

773
00:47:11,904 --> 00:47:13,702
with my naked human body.

774
00:47:13,703 --> 00:47:17,823
Look very closely and study every curve,

775
00:47:17,824 --> 00:47:19,399
wrinkle and pore.

776
00:47:21,834 --> 00:47:22,667
Yes?

777
00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:25,958
Is that a ding-a-ling?

778
00:47:26,872 --> 00:47:29,541
Yes, is there a problem?

779
00:47:29,542 --> 00:47:31,008
No, just,

780
00:47:32,525 --> 00:47:33,608
I'm good.

781
00:47:34,531 --> 00:47:35,967
We're good.

782
00:47:35,968 --> 00:47:37,385
Everybody's good.

783
00:47:40,413 --> 00:47:45,212
Now, let my features flow into your mind

784
00:47:45,213 --> 00:47:48,046
and spill out onto your paper.

785
00:47:49,327 --> 00:47:53,468
Well, I think I captured her

786
00:47:53,469 --> 00:47:55,469
and her penis perfectly.

787
00:47:57,206 --> 00:47:58,406
Another penis?

788
00:47:58,407 --> 00:48:00,568
Is there something you want
to come out of the closet

789
00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,028
for and tell me?

790
00:48:02,029 --> 00:48:04,184
I'm just really good at drawing penises.

791
00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:05,663
It's a gift.

792
00:48:05,664 --> 00:48:06,497
Sure.

793
00:48:06,498 --> 00:48:09,185
Let's see your drawing then, Picasso.

794
00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:11,045
All right, you're really good.

795
00:48:11,046 --> 00:48:12,231
Thank you.

796
00:48:12,232 --> 00:48:16,200
Do you like sausages?
I guess so.

797
00:48:16,201 --> 00:48:17,242
Why?

798
00:48:17,243 --> 00:48:18,459
All these penises reminded me

799
00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:21,689
of this fucking awesome Italian
sausage joint by my house.

800
00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:22,656
They're closed now,

801
00:48:22,657 --> 00:48:25,949
but if you're game we should
definitely go there sometime.

802
00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:27,433
It's molto bene.

803
00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:29,962
Sounds interesting, I'm game.

804
00:48:29,963 --> 00:48:32,463
All right, let's the fuck out of here.

805
00:48:32,464 --> 00:48:33,297
Bye guys.

806
00:48:33,298 --> 00:48:35,751
Don't forget to leave
me a review on Jewpon.

807
00:48:51,419 --> 00:48:52,252
Hello?

808
00:48:53,874 --> 00:48:56,822
Yeah, I know we don't have work today.

809
00:48:56,823 --> 00:48:58,745
Oh, I can sleep in?

810
00:48:58,746 --> 00:48:59,579
Oh really?

811
00:49:01,108 --> 00:49:01,941
Goodbye.

812
00:49:03,028 --> 00:49:04,286
Goodbye.

813
00:49:09,853 --> 00:49:11,809
Who's this all this for?

814
00:49:11,810 --> 00:49:13,256
For you silly goose.

815
00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:14,315
Round one.

816
00:49:14,316 --> 00:49:15,966
We're gonna see if you can
beat your seventh round record,

817
00:49:15,967 --> 00:49:17,527
my little cowboy.

818
00:49:17,528 --> 00:49:20,351
If you believe it, you can achieve it.

819
00:49:20,352 --> 00:49:22,852
Oh, I forgot your orange soda.

820
00:49:24,034 --> 00:49:26,130
I swear this bitch is
trying to give me diabetes.

821
00:49:34,358 --> 00:49:37,058
akumenang.com

822
00:49:39,216 --> 00:49:40,524
And print.

823
00:49:46,229 --> 00:49:48,912
How the fuck did he
make it to seven rounds?

824
00:49:48,913 --> 00:49:51,805
Don't give up, Matty.
You're almost there.

825
00:49:53,300 --> 00:49:55,787
I just, I can't do it.

826
00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:57,068
I can't eat another bite.

827
00:49:57,069 --> 00:49:58,612
Sure you can.

828
00:49:58,613 --> 00:50:00,358
Coming in for a landing.

829
00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:18,292
I understand why Matt hates you now.

830
00:50:21,245 --> 00:50:22,912
Good ball control.

831
00:50:23,992 --> 00:50:25,522
Get that ball, nobody has it!

832
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,486
Come on, oh yeah, take it down.

833
00:50:30,971 --> 00:50:33,010
Hey is this the bubble soccer game?

834
00:50:33,011 --> 00:50:34,342
For the Jewpon promotion?

835
00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:36,144
Yes, are you one of the parents?

836
00:50:36,145 --> 00:50:39,277
No, here to kick some ass holes, sir.

837
00:50:39,278 --> 00:50:41,016
You didn't happen to
notice there's a slight age

838
00:50:41,017 --> 00:50:42,553
difference between yourself

839
00:50:42,554 --> 00:50:44,841
and these kids out here, did you?

840
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,014
Yeah, but I read the coupon

841
00:50:47,015 --> 00:50:50,793
and it looks like there's
no age restriction, so.

842
00:50:50,794 --> 00:50:53,127
I'm in like nuts on yo chin!

843
00:51:18,377 --> 00:51:19,967
Feels like you have a few knots.

844
00:51:19,968 --> 00:51:20,817
Do I?

845
00:51:20,818 --> 00:51:22,223
Do you think you can get em out for me?

846
00:51:22,224 --> 00:51:23,103
Yeah, I can try.

847
00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:25,020
Oh, great, thank you.

848
00:51:31,010 --> 00:51:33,367
How's that feel?
Amazing.

849
00:51:33,368 --> 00:51:34,201
Good.

850
00:52:16,409 --> 00:52:17,939
Yes, go.

851
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:53,169
Hey!

852
00:52:56,788 --> 00:52:58,621
Come on, lean into it.

853
00:53:18,622 --> 00:53:19,889
Come on, get it in there.

854
00:53:19,890 --> 00:53:20,723
Let's go!

855
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:24,116
There!

856
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,737
Aren't you gonna do something?

857
00:53:46,738 --> 00:53:47,571
Well...

858
00:53:47,572 --> 00:53:50,057
He is way too old to be
out there with our kids.

859
00:53:50,058 --> 00:53:52,299
But the coupon it doesn't restrict age.

860
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:53,458
Oh, come on.

861
00:53:53,459 --> 00:53:54,292
That's it.

862
00:53:54,293 --> 00:53:56,124
Either you do something about
it or we're out of here.

863
00:53:56,125 --> 00:53:59,224
And we're taking our money back.

864
00:53:59,225 --> 00:54:00,142
Hey, you.

865
00:54:01,119 --> 00:54:02,720
I don't wanna play anymore.

866
00:54:02,721 --> 00:54:03,602
Whoo!

867
00:54:03,603 --> 00:54:04,884
Not in my house.

868
00:54:04,885 --> 00:54:06,304
Not in my house.

869
00:54:06,305 --> 00:54:07,900
I hate you.

870
00:54:07,901 --> 00:54:09,535
Hey you, it's game over.

871
00:54:09,536 --> 00:54:14,511
Put that bubble back where you
got it and get out of here.

872
00:54:14,512 --> 00:54:16,945
Hey asshole, get back here.

873
00:54:18,754 --> 00:54:20,504
Aw, that's my bubble.

874
00:54:22,519 --> 00:54:24,019
Yeah, about to get it.

875
00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:27,034
Oh yeah.

876
00:55:08,036 --> 00:55:09,850
You okay in there honey?

877
00:55:09,851 --> 00:55:11,371
I'm fine.

878
00:55:11,372 --> 00:55:12,603
Leave me alone.

879
00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,903
Okay, no need to be so rude.

880
00:55:14,904 --> 00:55:16,540
Wait, mom.

881
00:55:16,541 --> 00:55:18,584
Yes, sugar booger?

882
00:55:18,585 --> 00:55:20,506
What's my best friend's name?

883
00:55:20,507 --> 00:55:21,340
Alex?

884
00:55:22,895 --> 00:55:24,272
What?

885
00:55:24,273 --> 00:55:25,106
Alex.

886
00:55:25,698 --> 00:55:26,531
What?

887
00:55:26,995 --> 00:55:28,194
Alex!

888
00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:30,361
Huh?

889
00:55:30,362 --> 00:55:31,195
Alex.

890
00:55:34,730 --> 00:55:37,366
Are you sure you're
okay in there, honey?

891
00:55:37,367 --> 00:55:39,000
I am now.

892
00:55:46,068 --> 00:55:48,593
How the fuck does he survive?

893
00:55:48,594 --> 00:55:51,891
Why have a fridge if
you have no food in it?

894
00:55:51,892 --> 00:55:54,334
Get your fucking life together, man.

895
00:56:08,145 --> 00:56:10,225
Hey, hey, hey fat ass Albert.

896
00:56:10,226 --> 00:56:11,946
What's this?

897
00:56:11,947 --> 00:56:13,390
Dude, give that back!

898
00:56:13,391 --> 00:56:14,607
Just what in the hell
are you doing with a

899
00:56:14,608 --> 00:56:16,896
pocket pussy anyway you pathetic perv?

900
00:56:16,897 --> 00:56:19,457
It's not what you think, Chad.

901
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,699
You know how girls have
a bachelorette party

902
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:24,200
and they do like a dick theme?

903
00:56:24,614 --> 00:56:26,747
Um, my friend Eric.

904
00:56:27,222 --> 00:56:29,418
He is having a bachelor party

905
00:56:29,419 --> 00:56:32,077
and he asked me to throw it for him.

906
00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:34,394
So naturally I'm going
with a pussy theme.

907
00:56:34,395 --> 00:56:38,145
And I'm using pocket
pussies as shot glasses.

908
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,342
See, I was just testing it.

909
00:56:41,343 --> 00:56:43,284
Wait, Eric.

910
00:56:43,824 --> 00:56:45,784
Like Eric from work Eric?

911
00:56:45,785 --> 00:56:47,427
Yeah.

912
00:56:47,428 --> 00:56:50,200
No invite for big boy Chad, huh?

913
00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:53,656
Fuck it, we'll have our own
party right here right now!

914
00:56:53,657 --> 00:56:57,282
Shots shots shots shots shots shots!

915
00:56:58,887 --> 00:57:01,020
Dude, dude, wait, wait.

916
00:57:03,767 --> 00:57:05,846
You know what, go for it bro.

917
00:57:05,847 --> 00:57:07,055
All yours.

918
00:57:13,102 --> 00:57:16,482
Oh, god, what
did you mix this with?

919
00:57:16,483 --> 00:57:17,316
Cum?

920
00:57:17,317 --> 00:57:19,341
This is the most
disgustingly awesome thing

921
00:57:19,342 --> 00:57:20,759
I have ever seen.

922
00:57:25,815 --> 00:57:28,615
Man, this shit has me buzzed.

923
00:57:29,923 --> 00:57:31,931
Hashtag, facial.

924
00:57:34,049 --> 00:57:37,032
Hashtag, money shot.

925
00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:42,455
Hashtag, seagulled.

926
00:57:43,857 --> 00:57:47,115
And, post.

927
00:57:56,991 --> 00:57:58,603
Your video will continue after

928
00:57:58,604 --> 00:58:00,604
a word from our sponsor.

929
00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:05,348
What are you doing?

930
00:58:05,349 --> 00:58:06,613
Oh my god, what are you doing?

931
00:58:06,614 --> 00:58:07,447
Stop.

932
00:58:07,447 --> 00:58:08,280
No.

933
00:58:12,609 --> 00:58:15,684
Well, well, well, I do declare.

934
00:58:15,685 --> 00:58:17,845
It looks like we have another suicide

935
00:58:17,846 --> 00:58:20,766
by someone high off marijuana.

936
00:58:20,767 --> 00:58:23,928
I'm Winfred Wade Wallace reminding you

937
00:58:23,929 --> 00:58:27,889
that just because weed has
been legal in Washington,

938
00:58:27,890 --> 00:58:29,811
does not make it safe.

939
00:58:29,812 --> 00:58:34,013
So next time you get
wasted on that stick-icky,

940
00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:37,272
remember it could be your last.

941
00:58:37,273 --> 00:58:40,256
What the fuck did I just watch?

942
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,219
Hey fellas, don't you hate it

943
00:59:02,220 --> 00:59:04,987
when you're watching
porn and jerking off.

944
00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:06,947
Everything is going perfectly.

945
00:59:06,948 --> 00:59:08,898
The woman is beautiful.

946
00:59:08,899 --> 00:59:11,779
She's moaning loud because
the guy is pounding her

947
00:59:11,780 --> 00:59:14,505
like some insane centaur.

948
00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:19,422
You're close to shooting
out your cum sprinkles

949
00:59:19,423 --> 00:59:21,664
when out of nowhere the
angle of the video

950
00:59:21,665 --> 00:59:24,266
takes a turn for the worse.

951
00:59:24,267 --> 00:59:27,550
You're suddenly in a
very non flattering angle

952
00:59:27,551 --> 00:59:28,872
for straight people.

953
00:59:28,873 --> 00:59:30,714
You know what I'm talking about.

954
00:59:30,715 --> 00:59:34,599
The angle behind the dude
where absolutely zero

955
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,963
of the girl is showing.

956
00:59:36,964 --> 00:59:39,205
All you see is a hairy back

957
00:59:39,206 --> 00:59:44,206
and ass crack with sweaty
manballs bouncing up and down.

958
00:59:44,494 --> 00:59:46,293
Who directed this thing?

959
00:59:46,294 --> 00:59:48,893
This was not what I signed up for.

960
00:59:48,894 --> 00:59:50,977
Talk about a jizz killer.

961
00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:54,851
Yep, there's no way I'm
getting this down in time.

962
00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,501
Babe, what are you doing?

963
00:59:56,502 --> 00:59:59,902
Have you forgotten about our
annual camping trip of love?

964
00:59:59,903 --> 01:00:04,903
Uh, no, why would I forget
something that important?

965
01:00:05,186 --> 01:00:08,806
Uhm, remind me what made
it so awesome last year?

966
01:00:08,807 --> 01:00:11,167
Oh, last year was amazing.

967
01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,099
You were so romantic.

968
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,939
I love spending time
with you by the lake

969
01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:24,715
just eating junk food.

970
01:00:24,716 --> 01:00:27,267
Making love under the stars.

971
01:00:27,268 --> 01:00:30,031
Having you to myself for three days.

972
01:00:30,032 --> 01:00:31,041
Grrrr.

973
01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:32,821
It'll be amazing.

974
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:34,893
Uh, I'm just gonna forewarn you

975
01:00:34,894 --> 01:00:37,199
this year might be a
little bit different.

976
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,533
I'm not feeling like myself.

977
01:00:42,307 --> 01:00:43,780
What up mother fuckers?

978
01:00:43,781 --> 01:00:48,033
And welcome to another segment
of E Zee Doez it on a Budget.

979
01:00:48,034 --> 01:00:49,397
I'm your host E Zee

980
01:00:49,398 --> 01:00:52,123
and if you're watching
this you're probably hungry

981
01:00:52,124 --> 01:00:54,054
or just fucking high.

982
01:00:54,055 --> 01:00:56,981
Either way, let's get this shit started.

983
01:00:56,982 --> 01:01:00,744
Today I'm gonna be teaching you
how to make Ghetto S'ghetti.

984
01:01:00,745 --> 01:01:03,369
And for all those haters out
there leaving bullshit comments

985
01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:06,851
on my feed below, you
can go fuck yourselves.

986
01:01:06,852 --> 01:01:09,993
Especially you RashelleRay24

987
01:01:10,202 --> 01:01:12,660
and GordonGramsy62.

988
01:01:12,829 --> 01:01:15,660
I will find you, and when I do,

989
01:01:15,661 --> 01:01:17,462
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you

990
01:01:17,463 --> 01:01:19,782
with your own fucking keyboards.

991
01:01:19,783 --> 01:01:21,248
So remember,

992
01:01:21,249 --> 01:01:25,257
words don't leave marks,
but keyboards do.

993
01:01:25,540 --> 01:01:29,032
Hot dog, I'm high as shit.

994
01:01:29,347 --> 01:01:32,150
What you will need for this
deliciously cheap ass meal

995
01:01:32,151 --> 01:01:34,273
is a packet of ramen noodles

996
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:37,608
including the spices,
a package of hotdogs,

997
01:01:37,609 --> 01:01:40,933
and last but not least
a bottle of ketchup

998
01:01:40,934 --> 01:01:42,542
or Sriracha

999
01:01:43,125 --> 01:01:46,241
for you weird mexi chinks out there.

1000
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:49,567
Ewh, gross.

1001
01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,184
So now what you're gonna
want to do is open up

1002
01:01:52,185 --> 01:01:56,089
your noodle packet and
set it in the bowl.

1003
01:01:56,090 --> 01:01:57,970
Now it's time to set you noodles

1004
01:01:57,971 --> 01:02:00,804
in the microwave for five minutes.

1005
01:02:04,256 --> 01:02:05,256
Seriously,

1006
01:02:07,444 --> 01:02:10,623
how did this weird bitch
open the package so fast?

1007
01:02:10,624 --> 01:02:11,624
Excuse me?

1008
01:02:12,761 --> 01:02:13,777
Excuse me?

1009
01:02:14,842 --> 01:02:15,900
Excuse me?

1010
01:02:17,001 --> 01:02:20,402
Who the fuck are you calling
weird you fugly ass nerd?

1011
01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:21,780
Are you talking to me?

1012
01:02:21,781 --> 01:02:24,144
Yeah asshole, I am.

1013
01:02:24,145 --> 01:02:26,427
Maybe if you didn't have bitch arms

1014
01:02:26,428 --> 01:02:30,230
you could open the
fucking package yourself.

1015
01:02:30,231 --> 01:02:32,686
Well my hands are kind of sweaty.

1016
01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,504
Here you go retard.

1017
01:02:36,001 --> 01:02:37,700
What the fuck?

1018
01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:40,728
How did you?

1019
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:49,793
Oh yeah!

1020
01:02:50,243 --> 01:02:51,993
The noodles are done.

1021
01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:57,849
Now's the time that you're
gonna wanna strain that water.

1022
01:03:00,942 --> 01:03:02,738
Do you still need this?

1023
01:03:02,739 --> 01:03:04,072
Thanks fucker.

1024
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:08,915
Take this and just add that shit.

1025
01:03:08,916 --> 01:03:12,317
Now's the time that you're
gonna add your ketchup.

1026
01:03:12,318 --> 01:03:13,426
Or Sriracha.

1027
01:03:14,700 --> 01:03:17,859
And just get it all up in there.

1028
01:03:17,860 --> 01:03:21,502
Mix it together and
then add your hotdogs.

1029
01:03:24,350 --> 01:03:25,508
Bon appetit.

1030
01:03:28,894 --> 01:03:30,892
And there you have it.

1031
01:03:30,893 --> 01:03:32,430
Ghetto S'ghetti.

1032
01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:35,874
Be sure to tell me how fucking
terrible this recipe is,

1033
01:03:35,875 --> 01:03:39,114
along with all my other
ones in the comments below.

1034
01:03:39,115 --> 01:03:42,448
You sacks of shit with no fucking lives.

1035
01:03:45,963 --> 01:03:49,046
Maybe I should stop smoking weed...

1036
01:03:50,685 --> 01:03:52,285
Huh, nah.

1037
01:03:52,686 --> 01:03:53,519
Stupid.

1038
01:03:59,016 --> 01:04:01,808
Awh, holy mother of god.

1039
01:04:07,506 --> 01:04:09,756
That is disturbingly gross.

1040
01:04:11,987 --> 01:04:14,154
I miss my mommy's cooking.

1041
01:04:41,341 --> 01:04:42,741
Oh, Jesus.

1042
01:04:42,742 --> 01:04:46,082
I just wanted to give you
your second bag of brownies.

1043
01:04:46,083 --> 01:04:48,041
Are you okay? You seem distracted?

1044
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:50,176
Uh, yeah.

1045
01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:51,586
I'm fine.

1046
01:04:51,587 --> 01:04:54,591
I'm so glad we finally get
some alone time together.

1047
01:04:54,592 --> 01:04:57,357
You've been avoiding me a lot lately.

1048
01:04:57,358 --> 01:04:59,260
Tonight though you're all mine.

1049
01:04:59,261 --> 01:05:02,341
Momma wants some of that
anaconda you're packing.

1050
01:05:02,342 --> 01:05:04,624
Hey, hey, stop it with that lady!

1051
01:05:04,625 --> 01:05:06,049
Geez.

1052
01:05:06,050 --> 01:05:07,150
And let's be realistic here,

1053
01:05:07,151 --> 01:05:09,819
it's more like a baby
garden snake if anything.

1054
01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:14,151
Besides, I told you I'm just
not feeling up to it tonight.

1055
01:05:14,152 --> 01:05:15,554
What's going on?

1056
01:05:15,555 --> 01:05:17,684
Are you not attracted to me anymore?

1057
01:05:17,685 --> 01:05:19,043
Don't be sad.

1058
01:05:19,044 --> 01:05:20,645
It's not you I promise.

1059
01:05:20,646 --> 01:05:22,005
Work's stressing me out.

1060
01:05:22,006 --> 01:05:24,248
I got this comedy show coming
up I'm not prepared for,

1061
01:05:24,249 --> 01:05:25,391
like at all.

1062
01:05:27,615 --> 01:05:30,067
I'm just having stupid
man problems, okay?

1063
01:05:30,068 --> 01:05:31,758
I promise I'll have lots and lots

1064
01:05:31,759 --> 01:05:34,124
of crazy sex with you soon.

1065
01:05:34,724 --> 01:05:37,318
And you'll put it in my butt too?

1066
01:05:37,710 --> 01:05:39,433
Uh. Yeah.

1067
01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:42,312
If you get like a million enemas first.

1068
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,335
Come on, let's go back to the tent.

1069
01:05:44,336 --> 01:05:47,476
Those brownies are definitely
gonna hit you soon.

1070
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,440
Wait, what?

1071
01:05:50,441 --> 01:05:51,274
Hit me?

1072
01:05:52,808 --> 01:05:55,277
♪ Work, work, go to work ♪

1073
01:05:55,278 --> 01:05:57,677
♪ Baby you deserve a crown ♪

1074
01:05:57,678 --> 01:05:58,740
♪ Go to work ♪

1075
01:05:58,741 --> 01:06:01,075
♪ I like the way she drop it down ♪

1076
01:06:01,076 --> 01:06:02,135
♪ Go to work ♪

1077
01:06:02,136 --> 01:06:04,452
♪ Like there ain't no one around ♪

1078
01:06:04,453 --> 01:06:05,702
♪ Go to work ♪

1079
01:06:05,703 --> 01:06:07,867
♪ Work, work ♪

1080
01:06:07,868 --> 01:06:09,096
♪ Go to work ♪

1081
01:06:09,097 --> 01:06:11,256
♪ Work, work ♪

1082
01:06:11,257 --> 01:06:12,596
♪ Go to work ♪

1083
01:06:12,597 --> 01:06:14,760
♪ Work, work ♪

1084
01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:16,050
♪ Go to work ♪

1085
01:06:16,051 --> 01:06:17,996
♪ Work, work ♪

1086
01:06:17,997 --> 01:06:19,077
♪ Go to work ♪

1087
01:06:19,078 --> 01:06:20,559
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪

1088
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,279
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪

1089
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,001
♪ Do your thing girl ♪

1090
01:06:24,002 --> 01:06:25,682
♪ Make a nigga want that that ♪

1091
01:06:25,683 --> 01:06:27,365
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪

1092
01:06:27,366 --> 01:06:29,125
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪

1093
01:06:29,126 --> 01:06:30,849
♪ Do your thing girl ♪

1094
01:06:30,850 --> 01:06:32,529
♪ Do your thing girl ♪

1095
01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:34,287
♪ Back it up, back it up ♪

1096
01:06:34,288 --> 01:06:36,023
♪ Back back it up like it's freight ♪

1097
01:06:36,024 --> 01:06:36,857
♪ Now drop it low ♪

1098
01:06:36,858 --> 01:06:39,416
♪ Drop it low drop it
low that gets weight ♪

1099
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,058
♪ Now pick it up pick it up ♪

1100
01:06:41,059 --> 01:06:42,779
♪ Girl you gonna hurt yo back ♪

1101
01:06:42,780 --> 01:06:44,503
♪ The way she's shaking that ass ♪

1102
01:06:44,504 --> 01:06:46,086
♪ Like a pitbull when he attack ♪

1103
01:06:46,087 --> 01:06:47,037
♪ I'm like damn ♪

1104
01:06:47,173 --> 01:06:48,006
Wait.

1105
01:06:48,007 --> 01:06:49,621
Aren't you Winfred Wade Wallace?

1106
01:06:49,622 --> 01:06:51,623
That anti-weed asshole.

1107
01:06:51,624 --> 01:06:52,846
Well now, don't always believe

1108
01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:55,514
what you see on that TV now boy.

1109
01:06:56,526 --> 01:06:57,945
♪ I'm keep throwing this money ♪

1110
01:06:57,946 --> 01:07:00,493
♪ You know how to get it from me baby ♪

1111
01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:01,759
♪ Work, work ♪

1112
01:07:05,170 --> 01:07:07,934
Hey Alex, I hear you
want a private dance?

1113
01:07:07,935 --> 01:07:08,885
What?

1114
01:07:08,886 --> 01:07:11,562
No, I was in the area getting some food.

1115
01:07:11,563 --> 01:07:13,255
Thought I'd stop by and see you.

1116
01:07:13,256 --> 01:07:15,006
Ahh, so sweet.

1117
01:07:16,524 --> 01:07:18,787
Hey Alex, I thought that was you.

1118
01:07:18,788 --> 01:07:22,096
There's more seats over there, Shaniqua.

1119
01:07:22,097 --> 01:07:23,206
What the hell mom.

1120
01:07:23,207 --> 01:07:24,956
I mean, you're my best friend's mom.

1121
01:07:24,957 --> 01:07:27,797
This is getting weird. Would
you give me some space?

1122
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:31,105
Calm down honey, there's
nothing weird going on here.

1123
01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:32,762
Ah, gross.

1124
01:07:32,763 --> 01:07:34,084
Get out of here.

1125
01:07:34,085 --> 01:07:35,246
Ahh.

1126
01:07:35,247 --> 01:07:36,621
It's making it worse.

1127
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,788
Don't freak out.
It's making it worse.

1128
01:07:38,930 --> 01:07:39,763
Ah.

1129
01:07:41,102 --> 01:07:43,851
There's nothing to be
embarrassed about sweetie.

1130
01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:46,413
It's a perfectly natural body function.

1131
01:07:46,414 --> 01:07:47,247
Yeah.

1132
01:07:47,248 --> 01:07:49,415
I'm sure you're just
feeling lonely right now.

1133
01:07:49,416 --> 01:07:50,883
Very, lonely.

1134
01:07:52,056 --> 01:07:53,594
You serve alcohol here, right?

1135
01:07:53,595 --> 01:07:56,024
Yes, yes, of course we do.
Of course.

1136
01:07:56,025 --> 01:07:56,858
What do you drink?

1137
01:07:56,859 --> 01:07:58,196
I can get you something, sweetie.

1138
01:07:58,197 --> 01:08:02,334
I'm a grown ass man, Shaniqua,
I can get my own alcohol.

1139
01:08:02,335 --> 01:08:04,311
Mom, Ms. Gay.
Yeah.

1140
01:08:04,312 --> 01:08:05,512
Can you get me something to drink?

1141
01:08:05,513 --> 01:08:07,874
Absolutely, of course
sweetie, what do you want?

1142
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,753
Uh, you know that drink
you make Matt sometimes?

1143
01:08:09,754 --> 01:08:13,945
The blue one with the ring
of salt and the wedges.

1144
01:08:13,946 --> 01:08:16,119
Blue balls.
Blue balls.

1145
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:17,261
Coming right up, sweetie.

1146
01:08:17,262 --> 01:08:18,429
Be right back.

1147
01:08:28,042 --> 01:08:31,517
Holly, can I ask you a question?

1148
01:08:31,518 --> 01:08:34,423
Anything you want babe.

1149
01:08:34,424 --> 01:08:36,947
How can someone that looks like you

1150
01:08:36,948 --> 01:08:39,865
be with someone that looks like me?

1151
01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:44,797
Matt, I've told you this over and over.

1152
01:08:46,121 --> 01:08:49,725
When will you get it through
that thick sexy skull of yours?

1153
01:08:49,726 --> 01:08:52,770
It doesn't matter what you look like,

1154
01:08:52,771 --> 01:08:56,494
even though I think you're sexy as hell.

1155
01:08:56,495 --> 01:08:59,737
I'm attracted to the
person I know you are.

1156
01:08:59,738 --> 01:09:01,829
I love you for you.

1157
01:09:03,385 --> 01:09:07,085
And I always will, with all my heart.

1158
01:09:08,717 --> 01:09:11,510
Whether you look like this

1159
01:09:11,511 --> 01:09:14,699
or you turn into a skinny
little toothpick like Alex.

1160
01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:17,450
You'll always be my chubby bunny.

1161
01:09:18,742 --> 01:09:20,334
I feel so weird.

1162
01:09:21,717 --> 01:09:25,258
I'm all dizzy in my brain head.

1163
01:09:26,235 --> 01:09:27,562
Well, I probably would too

1164
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,365
if I ate an entire bag of
shroom infused pot brownies.

1165
01:09:31,366 --> 01:09:32,606
What?

1166
01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,861
Who the hell mixes shrooms
with weed brownies?

1167
01:09:34,862 --> 01:09:37,321
It doesn't even make any sense.

1168
01:09:37,496 --> 01:09:39,163
Oh my fucking taint.

1169
01:09:40,862 --> 01:09:43,640
I've never been high in my entire life?

1170
01:09:43,641 --> 01:09:46,398
♪ Work, work, work ♪

1171
01:09:46,399 --> 01:09:47,901
♪ Go to work ♪

1172
01:09:47,902 --> 01:09:49,842
♪ Work, work ♪

1173
01:09:49,843 --> 01:09:51,258
♪ Go to work ♪

1174
01:09:51,259 --> 01:09:53,325
♪ Work, work ♪

1175
01:09:53,326 --> 01:09:54,289
♪ Go to work ♪

1176
01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:55,870
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪

1177
01:09:55,871 --> 01:09:57,550
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪

1178
01:09:57,551 --> 01:09:59,039
♪ Do your thing girl ♪

1179
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:00,998
♪ Make a nigga wanna tap that ♪

1180
01:10:00,999 --> 01:10:02,742
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪

1181
01:10:02,743 --> 01:10:04,450
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪

1182
01:10:13,812 --> 01:10:15,545
Mom.
Yeah babe.

1183
01:10:16,727 --> 01:10:19,278
There's not enough drugs or alcohol

1184
01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:22,370
in the whole wide world

1185
01:10:22,371 --> 01:10:25,373
to erase the memories from tonight.

1186
01:10:27,204 --> 01:10:29,025
All right.

1187
01:10:29,026 --> 01:10:30,226
Are you okay?

1188
01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:31,587
Keep em coming, Shaniqua.

1189
01:10:31,588 --> 01:10:34,124
Oh honey, I think you've had enough.

1190
01:10:34,125 --> 01:10:35,866
Shhhh.

1191
01:10:36,730 --> 01:10:38,541
What'd I say?

1192
01:10:38,542 --> 01:10:40,382
What'd I say, Shaniqua?

1193
01:10:40,383 --> 01:10:41,458
I said

1194
01:10:42,226 --> 01:10:44,567
I'm a grown ass boy.

1195
01:10:45,811 --> 01:10:48,411
You are.
Keep 'em coming.

1196
01:10:50,610 --> 01:10:52,466
For the bus ride home.

1197
01:11:02,254 --> 01:11:03,087
Holly?

1198
01:11:04,575 --> 01:11:05,408
Holly?

1199
01:11:11,472 --> 01:11:12,513
Calm down, sweetie.

1200
01:11:12,514 --> 01:11:14,231
You're starting to have a bad trip.

1201
01:11:14,232 --> 01:11:15,065
It's okay.

1202
01:11:15,065 --> 01:11:15,950
Calm down sweetie.

1203
01:11:15,951 --> 01:11:17,871
You're starting to have a bad trip.

1204
01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:18,705
It's okay.

1205
01:11:18,705 --> 01:11:19,538
Calm down sweetie.

1206
01:11:19,539 --> 01:11:21,365
You're starting to have a bad trip.

1207
01:11:21,366 --> 01:11:22,437
It's okay.

1208
01:11:22,438 --> 01:11:23,296
Calm down sweetie.

1209
01:11:23,297 --> 01:11:25,294
Calm down sweetie.
Calm down sweetie.

1210
01:11:25,295 --> 01:11:27,337
You're starting to have a bad trip.

1211
01:11:27,338 --> 01:11:28,580
It's okay.

1212
01:11:32,416 --> 01:11:33,634
What's wrong, Alex?

1213
01:11:33,635 --> 01:11:35,852
Are you feeling okay, Alex?

1214
01:11:35,853 --> 01:11:37,718
Are you all right, Alex?

1215
01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,881
Haven't you ever been high before, Alex?

1216
01:11:39,882 --> 01:11:42,043
Alex, Alex, Alex.

1217
01:12:00,008 --> 01:12:00,841
Gotcha.

1218
01:12:03,546 --> 01:12:04,379
Tag.

1219
01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:06,143
Gotcha.

1220
01:12:08,577 --> 01:12:10,820
Hey, you little bastards.

1221
01:12:10,821 --> 01:12:12,704
Keep it down.

1222
01:12:12,705 --> 01:12:16,335
Wake me up again and
nobody's getting any dinner.

1223
01:12:16,336 --> 01:12:18,003
You little shits.

1224
01:12:24,068 --> 01:12:27,450
You're supposed to be
watching us, you stupid bitch.

1225
01:12:27,451 --> 01:12:28,402
Tag.

1226
01:12:28,403 --> 01:12:30,037
Tag.

1227
01:13:00,436 --> 01:13:03,221
I made you more pot brownies.

1228
01:13:03,222 --> 01:13:04,722
They're delicious.

1229
01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:07,653
Holly?

1230
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:15,633
Holly?

1231
01:13:18,370 --> 01:13:19,203
Holly?

1232
01:13:21,946 --> 01:13:24,946
Hey, Alex, do you want to join us?

1233
01:13:27,131 --> 01:13:28,748
Come join us, Alex.
Come join us Alex.

1234
01:13:28,749 --> 01:13:29,870
Come join us.

1235
01:13:29,871 --> 01:13:31,286
Join us, Alex.

1236
01:13:31,287 --> 01:13:33,370
Come on, Alex, join us.

1237
01:13:34,789 --> 01:13:36,510
What are you waiting for?

1238
01:13:36,511 --> 01:13:38,152
The milk's nice and warm.

1239
01:13:38,153 --> 01:13:41,069
Yeah, Alex, join us.
Join us.

1240
01:13:41,070 --> 01:13:43,455
Join us.
Join us.

1241
01:13:43,456 --> 01:13:45,747
The milk's nice and warm.

1242
01:13:46,832 --> 01:13:48,624
♪ Baby I got that ♪

1243
01:13:48,625 --> 01:13:51,461
♪ I got that good ♪

1244
01:13:51,462 --> 01:13:56,297
♪ And I don't no girl without attitude ♪

1245
01:13:56,298 --> 01:13:58,189
♪ No no no ♪

1246
01:13:58,190 --> 01:14:03,145
♪ I got that good ♪

1247
01:14:03,146 --> 01:14:06,048
♪ I got that good ♪

1248
01:14:06,049 --> 01:14:07,923
♪ No no no ♪

1249
01:14:07,924 --> 01:14:10,560
♪ I got that good ♪

1250
01:14:10,561 --> 01:14:12,936
How's it-how's it hanging?

1251
01:15:04,106 --> 01:15:05,218
Matt?

1252
01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:06,610
Is that you?

1253
01:15:07,679 --> 01:15:09,179
You're an old man.

1254
01:15:12,096 --> 01:15:13,417
You're old.

1255
01:15:13,418 --> 01:15:15,768
Yeah, so are you.

1256
01:15:15,903 --> 01:15:17,428
Who gives a fuck?

1257
01:15:22,463 --> 01:15:24,565
The hell is going on?

1258
01:15:24,566 --> 01:15:26,447
Matt? Matt?

1259
01:15:26,448 --> 01:15:29,174
Why do you keep calling me Matt?

1260
01:15:29,175 --> 01:15:30,908
I'm not Matt

1261
01:15:30,909 --> 01:15:31,792
Huh?

1262
01:15:31,793 --> 01:15:33,116
I'm Alex.

1263
01:15:33,117 --> 01:15:33,950
What?

1264
01:15:40,386 --> 01:15:42,786
What we never changed?

1265
01:16:00,188 --> 01:16:01,428
Oh, it's okay.

1266
01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:02,262
It's okay.

1267
01:16:03,349 --> 01:16:05,682
Rise and shine chubby bunny.

1268
01:16:09,949 --> 01:16:11,782
Okay, okay, I'm awake.

1269
01:16:11,783 --> 01:16:12,782
Jesus.

1270
01:16:12,783 --> 01:16:15,862
Ah, where are your clothes?

1271
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,704
Uhm, don't you remember
anything about last night?

1272
01:16:18,705 --> 01:16:23,273
I know you were on a crazy
trip but you were an animal.

1273
01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,107
No.

1274
01:16:24,107 --> 01:16:24,940
No way.

1275
01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:29,320
My clothes are still
on and the arm floats.

1276
01:16:29,321 --> 01:16:32,240
Come on, we didn't really do anything.

1277
01:16:32,241 --> 01:16:33,281
Did we?

1278
01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,303
Well you just whipped out
Action Jackson and went at it.

1279
01:16:36,304 --> 01:16:37,385
I went at it?

1280
01:16:37,386 --> 01:16:38,587
Bullshit.

1281
01:16:38,588 --> 01:16:40,735
You drugged and raped me.

1282
01:16:40,736 --> 01:16:42,096
I should've known you were lying.

1283
01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:42,930
Nobody mixes shrooms with weed,

1284
01:16:42,931 --> 01:16:46,182
that doesn't even make any sense.

1285
01:16:46,183 --> 01:16:47,903
You roofied me didn't you?

1286
01:16:47,904 --> 01:16:50,743
I wasn't giving it up, you
decided to roofie rape me.

1287
01:16:50,744 --> 01:16:53,019
That's what happened.

1288
01:16:53,020 --> 01:16:54,437
The fuck is that?

1289
01:16:55,417 --> 01:16:58,360
See, I was fucking right.

1290
01:16:58,361 --> 01:16:59,374
The fuck!

1291
01:17:15,921 --> 01:17:17,588
Good morning, mom.

1292
01:17:22,207 --> 01:17:24,540
The fuck are you doing here?

1293
01:17:28,689 --> 01:17:29,522
Wait...

1294
01:17:31,654 --> 01:17:32,487
Did we...

1295
01:17:35,903 --> 01:17:36,753
No.

1296
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,030
No.

1297
01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,138
No.

1298
01:17:40,429 --> 01:17:41,329
No.

1299
01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:44,322
We need to talk about last night.

1300
01:17:44,747 --> 01:17:47,791
Figure out what we're gonna tell Matt.

1301
01:17:48,366 --> 01:17:52,687
We are not going to talk
to Matt about anything,

1302
01:17:52,688 --> 01:17:55,371
especially what happened last night.

1303
01:17:55,372 --> 01:17:56,963
I'm outta here.

1304
01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:59,357
Put some damn clothes on.

1305
01:18:19,993 --> 01:18:21,429
Fucking voice mail.

1306
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:23,467
Answer your phone dick.

1307
01:18:23,468 --> 01:18:25,635
Fuck.

1308
01:18:28,190 --> 01:18:30,374
Come on, Holly, answer.

1309
01:18:31,072 --> 01:18:34,499
I need to hear your voice right now.

1310
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,214
Hey, you've reached, Holly.

1311
01:18:36,215 --> 01:18:38,578
I'm on a camping trip with
the sexiest man alive.

1312
01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,200
No cell service, so leave a message

1313
01:18:40,201 --> 01:18:42,161
and I'll get back to you
when I have a signal.

1314
01:18:42,162 --> 01:18:43,884
You know, unless we're eaten by bears.

1315
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:44,718
Roar.

1316
01:18:45,561 --> 01:18:47,300
Bye.
The trip was today?

1317
01:18:47,301 --> 01:18:48,862
Hey, Alex.

1318
01:18:48,863 --> 01:18:50,314
Everything all right this morning?

1319
01:18:50,315 --> 01:18:51,148
Yeah.

1320
01:18:51,149 --> 01:18:53,065
Now fuck off, Shaniqua.

1321
01:19:14,743 --> 01:19:17,010
Are those fucking JNCOs?

1322
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:20,422
Fuck yeah.

1323
01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:22,041
Dope, right?

1324
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:24,850
Wait, what the hell are you doing?

1325
01:19:24,851 --> 01:19:26,253
Don't worry about me,

1326
01:19:26,254 --> 01:19:27,855
just getting rid of
evidence from something

1327
01:19:27,856 --> 01:19:31,006
I'll never speak of ever again.

1328
01:19:34,285 --> 01:19:36,665
So did you and my girlfriend have fun

1329
01:19:36,666 --> 01:19:40,099
on our very, very romantic

1330
01:19:40,732 --> 01:19:41,847
anniversary trip?

1331
01:19:41,848 --> 01:19:46,504
Yeah, we just, it was
really boring actually.

1332
01:19:46,505 --> 01:19:47,572
We just stayed up all night

1333
01:19:47,573 --> 01:19:49,258
and she talked about
how awesome you are.

1334
01:19:49,259 --> 01:19:51,092
I disagreed of course.

1335
01:19:51,905 --> 01:19:53,386
And then we fell asleep,

1336
01:19:53,387 --> 01:19:56,829
very, very far away from each other.

1337
01:19:57,830 --> 01:20:00,247
Wow, after last night...

1338
01:20:03,077 --> 01:20:05,966
This situation is
obviously pretty crazy.

1339
01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:09,202
That, mixed with the fact
that Holly is so fucking sexy.

1340
01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:11,722
She can't resist my handsome mug.

1341
01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:14,241
I know fighting her off must be hard.

1342
01:20:14,242 --> 01:20:15,726
So thank you.

1343
01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,727
Uhm, you're welcome...

1344
01:20:19,693 --> 01:20:22,340
I guess it kinda has been pretty hard.

1345
01:20:22,341 --> 01:20:24,999
Like I said, thanks.

1346
01:20:25,383 --> 01:20:26,216
I really apprec...

1347
01:20:26,217 --> 01:20:27,925
Hey babe, why'd you storm out?

1348
01:20:27,926 --> 01:20:28,926
Oh hey Alex.

1349
01:20:29,810 --> 01:20:32,538
Did you fuck my girlfriend?

1350
01:20:32,539 --> 01:20:33,372
Did you?

1351
01:20:34,616 --> 01:20:36,449
Did you mother fucker?

1352
01:20:37,638 --> 01:20:40,520
Did you fuck my future wife

1353
01:20:40,521 --> 01:20:42,523
and mother of my unborn children?

1354
01:20:42,524 --> 01:20:43,566
Will you stop it.

1355
01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,882
Oh, you want me to stop?

1356
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:47,259
Like how you stopped yourself
from fucking my girlfriend?

1357
01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,129
You're going to burn your
own body over an accident?

1358
01:20:50,130 --> 01:20:51,051
Why not?

1359
01:20:51,052 --> 01:20:53,173
I'll go kamikaze to take you out.

1360
01:20:53,174 --> 01:20:55,457
And please, elaborate,

1361
01:20:55,458 --> 01:20:57,962
how does one go about
accidentally fucking someone?

1362
01:20:57,963 --> 01:20:59,388
Huh?
Will you-

1363
01:20:59,695 --> 01:21:01,299
Will you knock it off?

1364
01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:03,869
Last night was the worst
night of my life.

1365
01:21:03,870 --> 01:21:05,476
You don't even understand, dude.

1366
01:21:05,477 --> 01:21:08,473
I'm not getting into any details ever,

1367
01:21:08,474 --> 01:21:12,761
but I guarantee my night
was way worse than yours.

1368
01:21:12,762 --> 01:21:14,801
No, my night was worse.

1369
01:21:14,802 --> 01:21:16,084
I promise you.

1370
01:21:16,085 --> 01:21:18,727
And I swear I didn't
plan or even remember

1371
01:21:18,728 --> 01:21:20,332
what happened last night.

1372
01:21:20,333 --> 01:21:21,861
I put that on my mother.

1373
01:21:21,862 --> 01:21:23,585
You don't have a real mom to swear on.

1374
01:21:23,586 --> 01:21:25,826
We both know your real
mom dropped you off

1375
01:21:25,827 --> 01:21:27,589
at some ghetto ass foster home

1376
01:21:27,590 --> 01:21:31,310
because she couldn't possibly
love a piece of shit like you.

1377
01:21:31,311 --> 01:21:33,190
You're a real funny guy, Matt.

1378
01:21:33,191 --> 01:21:34,042
Thank you.

1379
01:21:34,043 --> 01:21:37,156
No, you're all fun and
games, that's your problem.

1380
01:21:37,157 --> 01:21:38,929
You sit on your fat fucking ass all day

1381
01:21:38,930 --> 01:21:41,829
while your moms and your
girlfriend do everything for you.

1382
01:21:41,830 --> 01:21:43,150
You have no motivation at all,

1383
01:21:43,151 --> 01:21:44,532
you haven't even made
one grown up decision

1384
01:21:44,533 --> 01:21:46,119
in your entire life.

1385
01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:47,639
You've only been in my
body for a few days

1386
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,083
and you've already gained weight,

1387
01:21:49,084 --> 01:21:50,446
god only knows what
you've done to my lungs

1388
01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,127
with all that shit that you smoke.

1389
01:21:52,128 --> 01:21:54,532
Oh, you're one to talk about motivation.

1390
01:21:54,533 --> 01:21:56,164
You've barely even practiced my stand up

1391
01:21:56,165 --> 01:21:58,066
and the contest is in two days.

1392
01:21:58,067 --> 01:22:00,025
You're going to either not show up

1393
01:22:00,026 --> 01:22:02,163
or choke like you always do

1394
01:22:02,164 --> 01:22:05,891
when you talk to anyone else besides me.

1395
01:22:05,892 --> 01:22:08,294
There's a reason you have
no real family or friends.

1396
01:22:08,295 --> 01:22:12,181
It's because you have
a shitty personality.

1397
01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:14,181
And the only reason I've tolerated you

1398
01:22:14,182 --> 01:22:17,676
all this time is because
I felt sorry for you.

1399
01:22:17,677 --> 01:22:18,718
I don't need you.

1400
01:22:18,719 --> 01:22:20,643
You're literally the most annoying

1401
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:22,445
fucking person in the entire world.

1402
01:22:22,446 --> 01:22:25,333
And now that I'm stuck in this
fat fucking disgusting body

1403
01:22:25,334 --> 01:22:26,776
I can't comprehend why you haven't

1404
01:22:26,777 --> 01:22:28,619
fucking killed yourself yet.

1405
01:22:28,620 --> 01:22:30,905
And the reason why I haven't
practice your stand up

1406
01:22:30,906 --> 01:22:33,796
is because your material fucking blows.

1407
01:22:33,797 --> 01:22:35,973
You are not funny!

1408
01:22:35,974 --> 01:22:39,030
You take that
back you son of a bitch.

1409
01:22:39,031 --> 01:22:41,281
Nope, I put it out there.

1410
01:22:42,461 --> 01:22:43,654
I set it free.

1411
01:22:43,655 --> 01:22:47,105
And besides, it's not like it
news to anyone anyway, bitch.

1412
01:23:08,046 --> 01:23:11,063
Yeah, walk away pussy.

1413
01:23:52,599 --> 01:23:53,432
Hah hah.

1414
01:23:57,516 --> 01:23:59,166
You okay?

1415
01:23:59,167 --> 01:24:02,084
I realize that a bottle to the face

1416
01:24:03,489 --> 01:24:06,489
may not have been the best idea but,

1417
01:24:07,553 --> 01:24:09,652
you did say I wasn't funny.

1418
01:24:34,222 --> 01:24:35,759
Get off him, you're hurting him.

1419
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:37,051
Oh, fuck.

1420
01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:39,961
I'm sorry babe, are you okay?

1421
01:24:39,962 --> 01:24:41,459
I didn't mean to.
Get off me, Alex.

1422
01:24:41,460 --> 01:24:43,135
Babe, are you okay?

1423
01:24:44,677 --> 01:24:46,210
Did he hurt you?

1424
01:24:50,724 --> 01:24:54,048
You know, you only had one friend.

1425
01:24:54,049 --> 01:24:57,754
You slept with my girlfriend
so now you have zero friends.

1426
01:24:57,755 --> 01:25:00,615
Unless you have information
on how to switch us back

1427
01:25:00,616 --> 01:25:02,261
I don't want to hear shit from you.

1428
01:25:02,262 --> 01:25:04,863
And once we do figure
this whole thing out,

1429
01:25:04,864 --> 01:25:08,398
I'll really be done with you for good.

1430
01:25:08,399 --> 01:25:10,280
What's going on?

1431
01:25:10,281 --> 01:25:11,114
Nothing.

1432
01:25:12,122 --> 01:25:13,467
It's complicated.

1433
01:25:13,468 --> 01:25:14,887
Is there someone else?

1434
01:25:14,888 --> 01:25:18,055
No, it's just you, Holly, I promise.

1435
01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:21,771
You're lazy.

1436
01:25:21,772 --> 01:25:23,619
You can't make any grown up decisions.

1437
01:25:23,620 --> 01:25:24,834
Yeah, okay.

1438
01:25:24,835 --> 01:25:26,101
You won't be saying that
when I kick the shit

1439
01:25:26,102 --> 01:25:28,760
out of this bitch ass triathlon.

1440
01:25:28,761 --> 01:25:32,051
Bonjour, you are a
disgusting fat American.

1441
01:25:33,142 --> 01:25:33,975
You are weak.

1442
01:25:33,976 --> 01:25:35,015
You are fat.

1443
01:25:45,766 --> 01:25:48,807
You remind me of my
wife, ugly and stiff.

1444
01:25:49,642 --> 01:25:53,960
I bet if there was a cheeseburger
you'd make it to the end.

1445
01:26:01,286 --> 01:26:02,119
What is this?

1446
01:26:02,120 --> 01:26:03,326
You think you are pretty?

1447
01:26:03,327 --> 01:26:04,732
You are a hippopotamus.

1448
01:26:04,733 --> 01:26:06,096
Look at your fat ass.

1449
01:26:06,097 --> 01:26:07,178
Get out of here.

1450
01:26:15,621 --> 01:26:16,897
Get out of my sight.

1451
01:26:17,105 --> 01:26:18,087
Get out of here.

1452
01:26:18,487 --> 01:26:19,712
Get out of here.

1453
01:26:25,223 --> 01:26:27,263
Don't be a fat American.

1454
01:26:27,264 --> 01:26:29,767
Call me, I will make you skinny.

1455
01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:32,518
About to step up my game today.

1456
01:26:40,496 --> 01:26:42,508
Talk about a jizz killer.

1457
01:26:42,509 --> 01:26:43,342
What.

1458
01:26:45,519 --> 01:26:47,415
Honey bunny, I made your

1459
01:26:47,416 --> 01:26:50,154
third round of breakfast,
come and get it.

1460
01:26:50,155 --> 01:26:54,155
Not right now, mom,
I'm working on something.

1461
01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:58,069
I'm a real man.

1462
01:26:58,070 --> 01:26:58,987
I got this.

1463
01:27:00,113 --> 01:27:01,722
I won't choke.

1464
01:27:08,187 --> 01:27:11,566
Seriously, I thought
he had a smart fridge.

1465
01:27:11,567 --> 01:27:15,150
Isn't this shit supposed
to refill itself?

1466
01:27:16,326 --> 01:27:18,687
Where the hell is this trainer guy?

1467
01:27:18,688 --> 01:27:20,728
I've been waiting for minutes.

1468
01:27:20,729 --> 01:27:25,479
Man, maybe paying over the
phone wasn't such a good idea.

1469
01:27:26,977 --> 01:27:27,977
You know what?

1470
01:27:27,978 --> 01:27:29,298
Fuck this.

1471
01:27:29,299 --> 01:27:31,504
I don't need anyone's help.

1472
01:27:31,505 --> 01:27:33,255
I can do this myself.

1473
01:27:56,951 --> 01:27:58,518
What the fuck?

1474
01:28:01,583 --> 01:28:05,174
It's called a tomato, fat American.

1475
01:28:05,175 --> 01:28:07,911
Get the fuck away
from me you crazy fuck.

1476
01:28:07,912 --> 01:28:10,280
And this is called a banana.

1477
01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,236
I think jizzing for me

1478
01:28:22,722 --> 01:28:26,755
is a lot like when I sneeze.

1479
01:28:27,754 --> 01:28:28,587
Uhm,

1480
01:28:29,712 --> 01:28:32,828
once I start I can't stop

1481
01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:36,239
and it usually happens out of nowhere

1482
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,496
and very quickly.

1483
01:28:39,744 --> 01:28:42,008
And I also look funny as hell

1484
01:28:42,009 --> 01:28:45,593
because I'm making
weird faces like, awh.

1485
01:28:46,035 --> 01:28:47,173
How was that?

1486
01:28:47,174 --> 01:28:49,242
Well it's great babe
if you could just maybe

1487
01:28:49,243 --> 01:28:50,669
loosen up a little bit.

1488
01:28:50,670 --> 01:28:53,839
Yeah, I mean, like it's good.

1489
01:28:53,840 --> 01:28:57,118
But you're really tense right now.

1490
01:28:57,119 --> 01:28:58,622
Thank you.

1491
01:29:09,318 --> 01:29:12,570
Hey ladies and ladies,
here's a fun fact about me.

1492
01:29:12,571 --> 01:29:14,956
If you're not man or a family member

1493
01:29:14,957 --> 01:29:18,511
there's a small tiny part of
me that wants to fuck you.

1494
01:29:19,631 --> 01:29:24,381
And that small and tiny part
of me, it's called my penis.

1495
01:29:27,722 --> 01:29:31,202
I don't know why you're
laughing, you're my girlfriend.

1496
01:29:37,669 --> 01:29:39,129
Hey little piggie.

1497
01:29:39,130 --> 01:29:41,297
Swim fat American piggie.

1498
01:29:43,478 --> 01:29:45,401
I'm not even fat anymore asshole.

1499
01:29:49,069 --> 01:29:52,194
Just want to say that it
is fantastic to be here.

1500
01:29:52,195 --> 01:29:54,957
I actually just flew into town

1501
01:29:54,958 --> 01:29:57,125
and boy are my arms tired.

1502
01:29:58,802 --> 01:30:01,123
From masturbating on the plane.

1503
01:30:01,985 --> 01:30:03,958
It's exhausting.

1504
01:30:10,867 --> 01:30:15,792
Hey, I'm Alex.

1505
01:30:17,291 --> 01:30:18,124
I mean.

1506
01:30:18,124 --> 01:30:18,957
Fuck.

1507
01:30:20,312 --> 01:30:24,287
Hey everybody, I'm Matt and a-

1508
01:30:25,997 --> 01:30:27,497
Fuck is, fuck you.

1509
01:30:28,436 --> 01:30:30,733
Piece of shit. Ah damn it.

1510
01:30:31,679 --> 01:30:32,760
All right you got this.

1511
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,134
You got this.

1512
01:30:34,135 --> 01:30:36,468
All right everyone, line up.

1513
01:30:39,426 --> 01:30:40,672
Who's ready to run?

1514
01:30:41,923 --> 01:30:44,336
All right, that's what I like to see.

1515
01:30:44,337 --> 01:30:47,105
Remember, if you believe
in it you can achieve it.

1516
01:30:47,106 --> 01:30:49,216
I wanna see some hustle today.

1517
01:30:49,217 --> 01:30:50,893
On your marks.

1518
01:30:50,894 --> 01:30:52,409
Get set.

1519
01:30:52,410 --> 01:30:53,243
Go.

1520
01:30:57,426 --> 01:30:59,009
What are you doing?

1521
01:31:02,451 --> 01:31:04,457
Basically what I'm
trying to say is, you know

1522
01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:05,859
I'm still horny from last night.

1523
01:31:05,860 --> 01:31:08,661
So after the show if you want
to have some horrible sex,

1524
01:31:08,662 --> 01:31:09,562
come find me.

1525
01:31:11,846 --> 01:31:12,949
Thank you.

1526
01:31:16,546 --> 01:31:17,881
Good job man, good job.

1527
01:31:17,882 --> 01:31:18,715
Good job.

1528
01:31:18,716 --> 01:31:21,088
Give it up one more time guys for Kyle.

1529
01:31:23,073 --> 01:31:28,073
Your next person coming
to the stage is Matt Gaye.

1530
01:31:28,909 --> 01:31:30,874
Don't be a pussy.

1531
01:31:30,875 --> 01:31:32,625
You fucking got this.

1532
01:31:34,741 --> 01:31:36,688
Matt Gaye, to the stage.
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

1533
01:31:36,689 --> 01:31:37,522
Okay.

1534
01:31:39,629 --> 01:31:42,332
Matt Gaye, you out there buddy?

1535
01:31:42,333 --> 01:31:44,500
Oh, are you, are you Matt?

1536
01:31:45,970 --> 01:31:47,170
You can come up this way.

1537
01:31:47,171 --> 01:31:48,004
Okay.

1538
01:31:52,788 --> 01:31:53,771
Hello every...

1539
01:31:53,772 --> 01:31:55,559
Hello everybody.

1540
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,643
Hello.
Hi.

1541
01:31:58,612 --> 01:31:59,445
Okay.

1542
01:32:02,204 --> 01:32:03,745
Uh, so...

1543
01:32:04,854 --> 01:32:07,708
One tiny fact you might know about me.

1544
01:32:07,709 --> 01:32:09,393
That you probably don't know about me.

1545
01:32:09,394 --> 01:32:10,869
I mean, I mean why would you know,

1546
01:32:10,870 --> 01:32:12,563
we haven't had sex, or fucked it up,

1547
01:32:12,564 --> 01:32:14,311
or fucked and sex, so.

1548
01:32:16,482 --> 01:32:20,499
I don't have an above
average size penis.

1549
01:32:20,982 --> 01:32:21,815
Uh.

1550
01:32:22,269 --> 01:32:26,185
I also don't own an average sized penis.

1551
01:32:26,662 --> 01:32:28,477
Okay, what I'm trying
to say is that, I just,

1552
01:32:28,478 --> 01:32:30,478
I have a tiny dick, so.

1553
01:32:35,604 --> 01:32:38,271
I

1554
01:32:47,491 --> 01:32:50,134
Another fun fact about me

1555
01:32:50,135 --> 01:32:54,704
is I thoroughly enjoy
masturbating, like a lot.

1556
01:32:54,705 --> 01:32:58,085
And I've noticed that
I jerk off really fast.

1557
01:32:58,086 --> 01:32:59,419
I'm much like the flash.

1558
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,858
You can't even see my hand.

1559
01:33:00,859 --> 01:33:04,520
It's faster than that, I'm
just not horny right now, so.

1560
01:33:04,521 --> 01:33:06,780
This inspired me for a brilliant script

1561
01:33:06,781 --> 01:33:07,933
that I'm writing right now,

1562
01:33:07,934 --> 01:33:10,579
it's actually called
Whack to the Future.

1563
01:33:10,580 --> 01:33:11,463
It's action packed.

1564
01:33:11,464 --> 01:33:14,159
It's starring Tom Hardy
and Palmela Handerson.

1565
01:33:14,994 --> 01:33:16,463
Every time Mr. Hardy finds himself

1566
01:33:16,464 --> 01:33:18,813
in a sticky situation he
runs out to the streets,

1567
01:33:18,814 --> 01:33:21,033
just jerking off.

1568
01:33:21,034 --> 01:33:23,373
That's how he looks.

1569
01:33:23,374 --> 01:33:25,656
And right when he
reaches 88 miles per hour

1570
01:33:25,657 --> 01:33:28,464
he ejaculates and
disappears in the distance.

1571
01:33:28,465 --> 01:33:30,464
But instead of two flames in the road,

1572
01:33:30,465 --> 01:33:32,909
there's two steamy, gooey piles of cum.

1573
01:33:34,357 --> 01:33:36,235
Whack to the future.

1574
01:33:36,236 --> 01:33:38,528
Cumming, eh, this summer.

1575
01:33:41,373 --> 01:33:43,566
Masturbation doesn't turn you blind,

1576
01:33:43,567 --> 01:33:46,295
it takes you back in time.

1577
01:34:07,928 --> 01:34:10,152
So fucking tired.

1578
01:34:10,153 --> 01:34:12,075
I can't do this.

1579
01:34:12,076 --> 01:34:13,409
I want my mommy.

1580
01:34:15,577 --> 01:34:19,160
Ahh, thanks for showing
me your dick asshole.

1581
01:34:20,366 --> 01:34:23,533
At least I don't have to piss anymore.

1582
01:34:26,441 --> 01:34:28,218
Ladies and gentleman give it up

1583
01:34:28,219 --> 01:34:31,633
for your winner of
tonight's competition.

1584
01:34:31,634 --> 01:34:32,992
Carlos.

1585
01:34:35,279 --> 01:34:37,700
Congratulations Carlos.

1586
01:34:37,701 --> 01:34:39,240
Thank you, thank you.
You just won $5,000

1587
01:34:39,241 --> 01:34:42,057
and you're gonna headline at
our club for the next month.

1588
01:34:42,058 --> 01:34:43,889
Give it up for our runner-ups.

1589
01:34:43,890 --> 01:34:45,970
They're gonna be getting
some comedy classes,

1590
01:34:45,971 --> 01:34:48,863
hey, they need 'em obviously.

1591
01:34:48,864 --> 01:34:50,183
Once again give it up for Carlos.

1592
01:34:50,184 --> 01:34:52,513
Every one make it home
safe, thanks for coming out.

1593
01:35:02,227 --> 01:35:03,671
Sand in my ass.

1594
01:35:03,672 --> 01:35:05,422
Sand in my ass crack.

1595
01:35:06,677 --> 01:35:09,401
Why didn't I change before
jumping in the water?

1596
01:35:09,402 --> 01:35:10,735
So many regrets.

1597
01:35:12,727 --> 01:35:15,871
Who am I kidding, I can't do this.

1598
01:35:15,872 --> 01:35:17,650
So fucking tired.

1599
01:35:17,651 --> 01:35:19,856
Where the hell is everyone?

1600
01:35:19,857 --> 01:35:22,253
I can't be the only one out here still.

1601
01:35:22,254 --> 01:35:23,254
Hey there.

1602
01:35:25,860 --> 01:35:28,277
Whoa, are you like a ninja?

1603
01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:31,090
How am I supposed to finish this thing

1604
01:35:31,091 --> 01:35:32,998
with all this shit running down my leg?

1605
01:35:32,999 --> 01:35:34,275
Ewh.

1606
01:35:34,276 --> 01:35:37,891
Whatever, I'm just glad I'm
not the only one still here.

1607
01:35:37,892 --> 01:35:39,069
Oh, sorry.

1608
01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:39,903
Here.

1609
01:35:41,269 --> 01:35:42,487
What's this?

1610
01:35:42,488 --> 01:35:44,334
That's your medal.

1611
01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,933
You actually ran out of
time for the triathlon.

1612
01:35:46,934 --> 01:35:48,815
Everyone else left.

1613
01:35:48,816 --> 01:35:51,697
Thanks for trying and have a great day.

1614
01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:52,531
Bye.

1615
01:36:11,100 --> 01:36:13,358
Are you fucking serious?

1616
01:36:19,339 --> 01:36:20,172
Hey.

1617
01:36:21,702 --> 01:36:24,542
Stop crying you girly American.

1618
01:36:24,543 --> 01:36:26,453
Would you leave me alone?

1619
01:36:26,454 --> 01:36:28,450
The race is over. I lost, okay?

1620
01:36:28,451 --> 01:36:30,368
Go bother someone else.

1621
01:36:35,057 --> 01:36:38,102
I don't know what the
fuck you're saying.

1622
01:36:38,103 --> 01:36:41,828
I said, you are no
longer a fat American.

1623
01:36:43,127 --> 01:36:46,544
Maybe a chubby American,
but that's okay.

1624
01:36:47,849 --> 01:36:48,682
Stand up.

1625
01:36:50,742 --> 01:36:53,158
Finish the pointless race.

1626
01:36:53,159 --> 01:36:57,242
Do something for once in
your insignificant life.

1627
01:38:03,656 --> 01:38:04,489
Yes.

1628
01:38:06,296 --> 01:38:07,129
Yes.

1629
01:38:08,902 --> 01:38:09,735
Whoo.

1630
01:38:11,151 --> 01:38:12,559
Whoo.

1631
01:38:12,560 --> 01:38:14,166
I finished the race.

1632
01:38:14,167 --> 01:38:15,693
You hear that Alex?

1633
01:38:15,694 --> 01:38:16,527
Fuck you.

1634
01:38:17,660 --> 01:38:19,543
Fuck you.

1635
01:38:49,947 --> 01:38:52,026
Didn't we just have sex the other night?

1636
01:38:52,027 --> 01:38:53,281
No, we haven't.

1637
01:38:53,282 --> 01:38:56,106
We haven't had sex in days
and it feels like an eternity.

1638
01:38:56,107 --> 01:38:57,786
Lately I feel like Action Jackson's

1639
01:38:57,787 --> 01:39:01,189
turning into like old retired Jackson.

1640
01:39:01,190 --> 01:39:03,476
Wait, are you saying we did not sleep

1641
01:39:03,477 --> 01:39:05,962
with each other on the camping trip?

1642
01:39:05,963 --> 01:39:07,806
Don't sound so excited about it.

1643
01:39:07,807 --> 01:39:09,529
No we didn't.

1644
01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:12,616
I tried but you just pulled it out

1645
01:39:12,617 --> 01:39:14,420
and started touching yourself.

1646
01:39:14,421 --> 01:39:17,185
So naturally, I did the
same thing to Misses Jackson

1647
01:39:17,186 --> 01:39:19,402
and we fell asleep.

1648
01:39:20,233 --> 01:39:24,678
As disturbing as that
sounds I'm actually relieved.

1649
01:39:24,679 --> 01:39:26,398
Relieved?

1650
01:39:26,399 --> 01:39:28,838
You're relieved we didn't have sex?

1651
01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:29,882
What's going on with you?

1652
01:39:29,883 --> 01:39:31,124
Are you cheating on me?

1653
01:39:31,125 --> 01:39:33,525
Do you think I'm ugly?

1654
01:39:33,526 --> 01:39:36,934
No, no, it's not any of that.

1655
01:39:39,293 --> 01:39:42,660
Lately I've been working
on fixing myself.

1656
01:39:42,661 --> 01:39:45,312
I know it sounds dumb,

1657
01:39:45,313 --> 01:39:48,630
but I swear it's not you it's me, okay?

1658
01:39:50,465 --> 01:39:53,145
One of the many lessons I've
learned these last few days

1659
01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:55,269
is that you are one of the most kindest

1660
01:39:55,270 --> 01:39:58,451
and caring women I've
met in my entire life.

1661
01:39:58,452 --> 01:40:00,875
You are so beautiful inside and out

1662
01:40:00,876 --> 01:40:02,894
and the fact that you
feel the same about me

1663
01:40:02,895 --> 01:40:04,978
will always blow my mind.

1664
01:40:06,378 --> 01:40:10,899
And for your information, Mr.
Action Jackson is not retired.

1665
01:40:10,900 --> 01:40:13,651
He's more like on a hiatus
gaining his strength

1666
01:40:13,652 --> 01:40:16,405
and I have a feeling he's
gonna be back very soon

1667
01:40:16,406 --> 01:40:18,156
and better than ever.

1668
01:40:19,943 --> 01:40:21,943
I love you jelly bear.

1669
01:40:23,273 --> 01:40:28,273
Well, it's been fun, but
it's time to say goodbye.

1670
01:40:28,650 --> 01:40:29,724
I know.

1671
01:40:29,725 --> 01:40:31,403
I'm going to miss you too,

1672
01:40:31,404 --> 01:40:35,513
but we'll see each other all the time.

1673
01:40:35,514 --> 01:40:36,465
I promise,

1674
01:40:36,466 --> 01:40:39,614
I promise we're gonna see
each other again, all right?

1675
01:40:39,615 --> 01:40:42,482
No, don't you, don't you dare.

1676
01:40:43,909 --> 01:40:45,831
We said we weren't gonna cry.

1677
01:40:46,206 --> 01:40:47,803
Might as well eat shitty one last time

1678
01:40:47,804 --> 01:40:49,926
before I get my body back.

1679
01:40:49,927 --> 01:40:51,367
Aww, that's so cute.

1680
01:40:51,368 --> 01:40:53,761
Is my baby trying to lose some weight?

1681
01:40:53,762 --> 01:40:55,682
I guess you can say that.

1682
01:40:55,683 --> 01:40:58,032
I only have time for four rounds
of breakfast this morning.

1683
01:40:58,033 --> 01:40:59,371
I gotta meet up with Alex.

1684
01:40:59,372 --> 01:41:01,593
Hey how's he doing anyway
after the other night?

1685
01:41:01,594 --> 01:41:05,176
He seemed really upset and
pretty sure he's avoiding us.

1686
01:41:05,177 --> 01:41:07,767
He's been a little weird lately.

1687
01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:11,759
Since the whole thingy between you.

1688
01:41:11,760 --> 01:41:12,924
What do you mean?

1689
01:41:12,925 --> 01:41:14,010
I don't know.

1690
01:41:14,011 --> 01:41:17,549
What'd you guys get it on or something?

1691
01:41:17,557 --> 01:41:19,230
Don't be a silly willy.

1692
01:41:19,231 --> 01:41:20,765
He came to the bar last night.

1693
01:41:20,766 --> 01:41:24,083
He drank way too much, so
we put him on the couch

1694
01:41:24,084 --> 01:41:25,335
and I think about midnight

1695
01:41:25,336 --> 01:41:28,700
he came into our room
crying, asking for his mommy.

1696
01:41:28,701 --> 01:41:30,739
It's really sad he's
never had a mother figure.

1697
01:41:30,740 --> 01:41:32,082
You know, we've really
enjoyed raising him

1698
01:41:32,083 --> 01:41:33,842
over the last few years.

1699
01:41:33,843 --> 01:41:35,676
He's like a son to us.

1700
01:41:37,445 --> 01:41:40,326
I'm gonna miss having you
guys around all the time.

1701
01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:41,160
Miss us?

1702
01:41:41,161 --> 01:41:42,528
What are you talking about?

1703
01:41:42,529 --> 01:41:43,821
You're not planning on moving?

1704
01:41:43,822 --> 01:41:45,267
Who'm I going to cook for?

1705
01:41:45,268 --> 01:41:46,101
No, no, no, no, no.

1706
01:41:46,102 --> 01:41:48,196
I'm just saying that you
guys are really awesome

1707
01:41:48,197 --> 01:41:50,456
and I love you so much.

1708
01:41:50,457 --> 01:41:51,606
Aw, babe.

1709
01:41:51,607 --> 01:41:54,690
We love you too.
We love you too.

1710
01:42:02,678 --> 01:42:04,346
You see him?

1711
01:42:04,347 --> 01:42:06,847
No, he's not here obviously.

1712
01:42:10,034 --> 01:42:14,276
So I did that triathlon
you were training for.

1713
01:42:14,885 --> 01:42:15,768
Yeah?

1714
01:42:15,768 --> 01:42:16,601
Yeah.

1715
01:42:16,602 --> 01:42:20,969
I actually hired this crazy
foreign dude off of Craigslist.

1716
01:42:20,970 --> 01:42:23,491
He kept talking shit to
me in another language

1717
01:42:23,492 --> 01:42:26,311
and was like throwing
fruits and vegetable at me

1718
01:42:26,312 --> 01:42:28,145
when we were training.

1719
01:42:30,027 --> 01:42:33,218
I actually lost the race.

1720
01:42:34,189 --> 01:42:35,439
But I finished.

1721
01:42:36,266 --> 01:42:38,699
They even gave me this cool medal.

1722
01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,914
You finished the race?

1723
01:42:39,915 --> 01:42:42,450
Like from start to finish?

1724
01:42:42,451 --> 01:42:45,551
Yeah, but like I said I lost.

1725
01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:47,007
Who cares man?

1726
01:42:47,008 --> 01:42:48,929
You finished a triathlon.

1727
01:42:48,930 --> 01:42:50,451
Like how many people can
say they've done that?

1728
01:42:50,452 --> 01:42:52,093
That's pretty fucking awesome.

1729
01:42:52,094 --> 01:42:53,594
I'm proud of you, man.

1730
01:42:53,595 --> 01:42:54,428
Thanks.

1731
01:42:55,351 --> 01:42:56,752
And I know when you came
by the tent the other day

1732
01:42:56,753 --> 01:42:58,633
it looked like something went
down between me and Holly,

1733
01:42:58,634 --> 01:43:00,700
but nothing happened I swear.

1734
01:43:00,701 --> 01:43:03,220
I mean besides me being
overdosed on the weed brownies

1735
01:43:03,221 --> 01:43:04,614
that she poisoned me with,

1736
01:43:04,615 --> 01:43:07,214
I couldn't even get a
hard on if I tried.

1737
01:43:07,215 --> 01:43:09,557
Wait, you got high?

1738
01:43:09,938 --> 01:43:11,849
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it man.

1739
01:43:11,850 --> 01:43:14,005
Oh, I bet Holly gave
you those weed brownies

1740
01:43:14,006 --> 01:43:15,539
I was cooking up.

1741
01:43:15,540 --> 01:43:17,012
They had shrooms in them.

1742
01:43:17,013 --> 01:43:19,014
You were probably tripping balls.

1743
01:43:19,015 --> 01:43:20,138
Yeah.

1744
01:43:20,139 --> 01:43:23,901
So let's talk about what happened
between you and your mom?

1745
01:43:23,902 --> 01:43:26,223
You know, your mother?

1746
01:43:26,224 --> 01:43:28,463
The woman who gave birth to you?

1747
01:43:28,464 --> 01:43:30,962
You didn't have sex with
her by any chance, did you?

1748
01:43:30,963 --> 01:43:33,643
I don't know what the
fuck you're talking about.

1749
01:43:33,644 --> 01:43:35,188
Yeah, you do.

1750
01:43:35,189 --> 01:43:36,270
You're mom told me.

1751
01:43:36,271 --> 01:43:39,341
You did her and Shaniqua dirty.

1752
01:43:39,342 --> 01:43:42,897
Even if there were true, which it's not,

1753
01:43:42,898 --> 01:43:45,017
how could I even have sex with my mom?

1754
01:43:45,018 --> 01:43:45,851
I'm not even me.

1755
01:43:45,852 --> 01:43:46,967
I'm not even Matt.

1756
01:43:46,968 --> 01:43:49,344
I'm not...
Hey, hey, hey.

1757
01:43:49,345 --> 01:43:50,306
Relax bro.

1758
01:43:50,307 --> 01:43:51,427
I'm just messing with you.

1759
01:43:51,428 --> 01:43:52,590
I wanted to see your face.

1760
01:43:52,591 --> 01:43:54,967
See my face, whatever.

1761
01:43:54,968 --> 01:43:56,701
Nothing happened, all right?

1762
01:43:56,702 --> 01:43:57,944
Nothing happened?

1763
01:43:57,945 --> 01:43:59,704
Yeah, nothing.

1764
01:43:59,705 --> 01:44:00,706
Are you sure?

1765
01:44:00,707 --> 01:44:02,174
Yes.

1766
01:44:02,175 --> 01:44:05,620
Thank god.

1767
01:44:05,621 --> 01:44:07,826
You know that comedy show
you were practicing for?

1768
01:44:07,827 --> 01:44:09,801
I did that, I didn't get first place

1769
01:44:09,802 --> 01:44:11,045
but you are now the proud owner

1770
01:44:11,046 --> 01:44:13,407
of three free comedy workshop classes,

1771
01:44:13,408 --> 01:44:14,848
so, you're welcome.

1772
01:44:14,849 --> 01:44:16,129
Fucking, fuck yeah.

1773
01:44:16,130 --> 01:44:17,171
Awesome.

1774
01:44:17,172 --> 01:44:18,673
I'm gonna give you those for Christmas.

1775
01:44:18,674 --> 01:44:19,713
Wow, thank you.

1776
01:44:19,714 --> 01:44:21,478
That's amazing.

1777
01:44:21,479 --> 01:44:22,571
Can't wait.

1778
01:44:22,572 --> 01:44:23,851
And I'm proud of you.

1779
01:44:23,852 --> 01:44:25,119
You must've done a lot of work

1780
01:44:25,120 --> 01:44:27,830
because you were fucking terrible.

1781
01:44:27,831 --> 01:44:30,243
Yeah, I worked pretty hard on it.

1782
01:44:30,244 --> 01:44:32,353
No, I mean you were the worst.

1783
01:44:32,354 --> 01:44:36,525
Like watching you tell a
joke was like getting fisted

1784
01:44:36,526 --> 01:44:39,745
by someone wearing Hulk hands.

1785
01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:41,961
I get it, I was bad, all right?

1786
01:44:41,962 --> 01:44:44,212
Yeah, fucking unbearable.

1787
01:44:49,405 --> 01:44:53,198
I'm sorry I thought you
slept with my girlfriend.

1788
01:44:53,199 --> 01:44:54,673
Should've trusted you.

1789
01:44:54,674 --> 01:44:57,682
Yeah, I'm sorry that...

1790
01:44:59,442 --> 01:45:00,609
I'm sorry too.

1791
01:45:02,553 --> 01:45:04,008
I shouldn't have said the things I said.

1792
01:45:04,009 --> 01:45:07,084
I was just angry, being a dumb ass.

1793
01:45:07,085 --> 01:45:08,010
We cool?

1794
01:45:08,943 --> 01:45:10,246
Yeah, we cool.

1795
01:45:19,171 --> 01:45:21,254
Oh shit, it's Magic Mike.

1796
01:45:30,190 --> 01:45:31,107
What the?

1797
01:45:32,163 --> 01:45:32,996
Crap.

1798
01:45:41,489 --> 01:45:43,489
It said it's right here.

1799
01:45:45,738 --> 01:45:46,571
Come on.

1800
01:45:47,926 --> 01:45:49,118
Come on.

1801
01:45:49,119 --> 01:45:49,952
Gotcha.

1802
01:45:49,956 --> 01:45:51,506
Ha, yes.

1803
01:46:04,817 --> 01:46:06,392
Holy shit.

1804
01:46:06,393 --> 01:46:09,498
I hope your hobo legs are
broken, you fucking asshole.

1805
01:46:11,859 --> 01:46:13,542
Come on, wake up.

1806
01:46:13,543 --> 01:46:15,214
Quit fucking around.

1807
01:46:15,215 --> 01:46:16,531
You gotta change us back, dude.

1808
01:46:16,532 --> 01:46:17,365
Come on.

1809
01:46:17,366 --> 01:46:19,031
Come here. Come here.

1810
01:46:21,325 --> 01:46:22,788
You feel anything?

1811
01:46:22,789 --> 01:46:24,232
No, do you?

1812
01:46:24,233 --> 01:46:25,248
No.

1813
01:46:25,249 --> 01:46:26,082
Come on.

1814
01:46:29,213 --> 01:46:31,296
Do you feel anything now?

1815
01:46:52,000 --> 01:46:53,326
Are you, you?

1816
01:46:53,327 --> 01:46:54,927
Yeah, you?

1817
01:46:55,502 --> 01:46:56,783
Yeah.

1818
01:46:56,784 --> 01:46:58,546
You know what this means, right?

1819
01:46:58,547 --> 01:47:00,562
We're gonna fucking party tonight.

1820
01:47:00,995 --> 01:47:02,535
♪ Watch me break it down ♪

1821
01:47:02,536 --> 01:47:03,988
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪

1822
01:47:03,989 --> 01:47:04,868
How you guys doing tonight?

1823
01:47:04,869 --> 01:47:06,492
Enjoy yourselves.

1824
01:47:06,493 --> 01:47:08,985
I'm on there, right?
What's up, brother?

1825
01:47:08,986 --> 01:47:09,819
Hey.

1826
01:47:10,622 --> 01:47:13,654
Civilians. Get that damn
bouncy house of my lawn,

1827
01:47:13,655 --> 01:47:15,686
you're killing my grass.

1828
01:47:15,687 --> 01:47:20,295
Your grass is already
dead, asshole.

1829
01:47:21,151 --> 01:47:23,354
Hold on, let me deal with this dude.

1830
01:47:23,355 --> 01:47:24,817
Can I go in?

1831
01:47:24,818 --> 01:47:25,779
Excuse me.

1832
01:47:25,780 --> 01:47:27,970
Sorry, no one gets in
unless you're on the list.

1833
01:47:27,971 --> 01:47:30,875
Ah, this is my house, bro.

1834
01:47:30,876 --> 01:47:31,996
I don't care if it is your house.

1835
01:47:31,997 --> 01:47:34,981
Unless your name's on this
list you're not getting in.

1836
01:47:34,982 --> 01:47:37,342
Whatever, it's Chad.

1837
01:47:37,343 --> 01:47:39,426
And I better be on there.

1838
01:47:43,434 --> 01:47:45,310
I don't see a Chad.

1839
01:47:45,311 --> 01:47:47,536
What? Give me that fucking clipboard.

1840
01:47:57,135 --> 01:47:59,718
I'm so going to kick their ass.

1841
01:48:00,972 --> 01:48:02,898
Hey, it's my house.

1842
01:48:02,899 --> 01:48:05,282
It's my fucking house.

1843
01:48:05,283 --> 01:48:09,200
All right, who's ready
for some Bigfoot dick?

1844
01:48:13,249 --> 01:48:14,522
♪ Watch me break it down ♪

1845
01:48:14,523 --> 01:48:16,123
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪

1846
01:48:16,124 --> 01:48:17,366
♪ Never taking L's ♪

1847
01:48:17,367 --> 01:48:19,256
♪ Ain't nobody taking mine ♪

1848
01:48:19,257 --> 01:48:24,130
Hey, when you see Holly,
tell her the hiatus is over.

1849
01:48:24,131 --> 01:48:24,964
What?

1850
01:48:24,964 --> 01:48:25,856
Why?

1851
01:48:25,857 --> 01:48:27,297
Just do it.

1852
01:48:27,298 --> 01:48:28,461
Trust me.

1853
01:48:28,462 --> 01:48:29,357
♪ My cologne ♪

1854
01:48:29,358 --> 01:48:31,038
♪ She say she like the Jean Paul ♪

1855
01:48:31,039 --> 01:48:33,895
♪ Fire in the pocket just
for letting up the stand ♪

1856
01:48:33,896 --> 01:48:35,257
♪ Bitches all like to ball ♪

1857
01:48:35,258 --> 01:48:36,619
♪ I think I'm better than Kareem ♪

1858
01:48:36,620 --> 01:48:38,771
Boo
♪ Chicks like 'em built ♪

1859
01:48:38,772 --> 01:48:40,146
♪ Money on stilt ♪
Boo

1860
01:48:40,147 --> 01:48:41,387
♪ Flow so cold ♪

1861
01:48:41,388 --> 01:48:43,122
♪ Better hand his ass a quilt ♪

1862
01:48:43,123 --> 01:48:44,524
♪ Now I call it shivering ♪

1863
01:48:44,525 --> 01:48:46,504
♪ Asking what's next,
I'll snag yo chick ♪

1864
01:48:46,505 --> 01:48:47,859
♪ Now that's yo ex
better watch you back ♪

1865
01:48:47,860 --> 01:48:49,461
♪ 'Cause I'm coming that next damn ♪

1866
01:48:49,462 --> 01:48:52,132
♪ Look I'm so New Orleans ♪

1867
01:48:52,133 --> 01:48:55,065
♪ Chain around my neck it
look like Mardi Gras beads ♪

1868
01:48:55,066 --> 01:48:56,586
♪ Bourbon in the cream ♪

1869
01:48:56,587 --> 01:48:57,908
♪ Red and the blue ♪

1870
01:48:57,909 --> 01:49:00,887
♪ Everybody fresh to death
it's just like funeral suits ♪

1871
01:49:00,888 --> 01:49:02,471
♪ Super Sunday second line ♪

1872
01:49:02,472 --> 01:49:04,166
♪ We get it it all the time ♪

1873
01:49:04,167 --> 01:49:06,980
♪ Dancing in the zone just
like Deion in his prime ♪

1874
01:49:06,981 --> 01:49:08,608
♪ Turn a nickle to a dime ♪

1875
01:49:08,609 --> 01:49:09,779
♪ Everybody hustle ♪

1876
01:49:09,780 --> 01:49:11,351
♪ Talk that shit you might get ♪

1877
01:49:11,352 --> 01:49:12,396
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1878
01:49:12,397 --> 01:49:13,230
Little man, little man.

1879
01:49:13,231 --> 01:49:14,525
Where you going?

1880
01:49:14,526 --> 01:49:16,380
Get out of my way Green Mile.

1881
01:49:16,381 --> 01:49:18,043
I'm going to the party.

1882
01:49:18,044 --> 01:49:19,699
Oh, okay.

1883
01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:20,600
Well I'll tell you what.

1884
01:49:20,601 --> 01:49:21,778
You might wanna go to the party,

1885
01:49:21,779 --> 01:49:24,624
but you ain't getting in
unless your name's on the list.

1886
01:49:24,625 --> 01:49:26,063
My name's Virgil.

1887
01:49:26,064 --> 01:49:26,897
Virgil.

1888
01:49:30,609 --> 01:49:32,976
Well I don't see a Virgil,

1889
01:49:32,977 --> 01:49:36,077
but I do see a Vir-Gina.

1890
01:49:37,088 --> 01:49:40,130
I said my name's Virgil, ass clown.

1891
01:49:40,131 --> 01:49:41,371
Ooh.

1892
01:49:41,372 --> 01:49:43,256
Well I'll tell you what.

1893
01:49:43,257 --> 01:49:47,674
Unless your name's on this
list you ain't getting in.

1894
01:49:53,385 --> 01:49:54,218
Whoa.

1895
01:49:55,907 --> 01:49:57,147
You heard what I said?

1896
01:49:57,148 --> 01:50:00,792
Unless your name is on this
list, you ain't getting in.

1897
01:50:00,793 --> 01:50:02,196
Fine.

1898
01:50:02,197 --> 01:50:03,513
My name's

1899
01:50:04,638 --> 01:50:05,921
Virgina.

1900
01:50:06,576 --> 01:50:09,725
I'm sorry, a little bit louder.

1901
01:50:09,726 --> 01:50:11,517
I said my name's

1902
01:50:13,392 --> 01:50:14,225
Virgina.

1903
01:50:15,343 --> 01:50:16,615
Yeah it is.
Yeah it is.

1904
01:50:16,616 --> 01:50:18,271
Told you we could get him to say it.

1905
01:50:18,272 --> 01:50:20,011
This is an adult party only.

1906
01:50:20,012 --> 01:50:21,429
Fuck off Virgina.

1907
01:50:30,636 --> 01:50:31,507
Hey you.

1908
01:50:31,508 --> 01:50:32,872
Wanna make out?

1909
01:50:32,873 --> 01:50:34,911
My breath smells like tuna shit.

1910
01:50:34,912 --> 01:50:36,262
Motha fucka.

1911
01:50:36,856 --> 01:50:39,789
On your marks, get set.

1912
01:50:40,552 --> 01:50:41,385
Go.

1913
01:50:45,583 --> 01:50:47,300
I was never here.

1914
01:50:55,887 --> 01:50:59,662
I just love being in
a social environment.

1915
01:51:01,523 --> 01:51:04,940
Free from the distractions
of technology.

1916
01:51:10,819 --> 01:51:11,743
You lose.

1917
01:51:11,744 --> 01:51:13,258
Take it off.

1918
01:51:18,921 --> 01:51:20,147
Dude.

1919
01:51:20,148 --> 01:51:21,608
Is that a dick?

1920
01:51:21,609 --> 01:51:24,376
Well, it's not a belly button.

1921
01:51:34,013 --> 01:51:35,228
♪ Everybody hustle ♪

1922
01:51:35,229 --> 01:51:36,709
♪ That shit you might get muscled ♪

1923
01:51:36,710 --> 01:51:38,270
♪ We the general ♪

1924
01:51:38,271 --> 01:51:39,993
Oh my god.

1925
01:51:39,994 --> 01:51:41,878
I've missed you so much baby.

1926
01:51:41,879 --> 01:51:43,800
Babe, I just saw you this morning.

1927
01:51:43,801 --> 01:51:47,328
I know, but it feels
like it's been an eternity.

1928
01:51:47,329 --> 01:51:49,706
Oh, I'm supposed to tell
you, the hiatus is over.

1929
01:51:49,707 --> 01:51:50,866
Really?

1930
01:51:50,867 --> 01:51:52,535
Come with me papa bear.

1931
01:52:12,822 --> 01:52:14,302
There you are.

1932
01:52:14,303 --> 01:52:16,436
Yeah, here I am.

1933
01:52:16,730 --> 01:52:18,205
So when are you going to take me

1934
01:52:18,206 --> 01:52:20,211
to this Italian restaurant of yours?

1935
01:52:20,212 --> 01:52:23,294
Or were you just teasing
me with sausage?

1936
01:52:23,295 --> 01:52:24,856
Sausage?

1937
01:52:24,857 --> 01:52:25,690
Oh right.

1938
01:52:25,691 --> 01:52:28,660
The Italian restaurant because
they have sausage there.

1939
01:52:28,661 --> 01:52:29,494
Yeah.

1940
01:52:29,495 --> 01:52:31,153
Makes sense.
Makes sense.

1941
01:52:31,154 --> 01:52:33,388
Ah, your Birthday?

1942
01:52:35,076 --> 01:52:36,037
My Birthday?

1943
01:52:36,038 --> 01:52:37,514
No.

1944
01:52:37,515 --> 01:52:38,515
Next week.

1945
01:52:40,882 --> 01:52:41,965
This weekend?

1946
01:52:44,325 --> 01:52:45,970
Tomorrow?

1947
01:52:45,971 --> 01:52:47,804
How about right now?

1948
01:52:50,540 --> 01:52:52,748
♪ Watch me break it down you know ♪

1949
01:52:54,434 --> 01:52:57,976
This is the best I've ever had.

1950
01:52:57,978 --> 01:52:59,560
Oh, Jelly Bear.

1951
01:53:00,396 --> 01:53:01,229
Oh, Holly.

1952
01:53:41,556 --> 01:53:42,728
Alex.
Jenna.

1953
01:53:44,036 --> 01:53:46,131
Holly.

1954
01:53:46,132 --> 01:53:47,898
Who the fuck is Holly?

1955
01:53:47,899 --> 01:53:48,779
Jenna?

1956
01:53:48,780 --> 01:53:50,058
Who's Holly?

1957
01:53:50,059 --> 01:53:50,892
How did I?

1958
01:53:50,893 --> 01:53:53,070
Tell me who she is.
Oh, shit.

1959
01:53:53,071 --> 01:53:54,238
Get off of me.

1960
01:54:19,338 --> 01:54:20,796
Oh, Jenna...

1961
01:54:20,797 --> 01:54:21,630
Jenna?

1962
01:54:22,319 --> 01:54:23,569
From your work?

1963
01:54:31,733 --> 01:54:33,066
Mother fucker.

1964
01:54:37,211 --> 01:54:39,113
♪ Cover the gossip of the war,
be with the clown, nigga ♪

1965
01:54:39,114 --> 01:54:40,954
♪ Ordered the shot and
reportedly plotted the hound ♪

1966
01:54:40,955 --> 01:54:42,734
♪ Ask your rabbi why they
turned me the bad guy ♪

1967
01:54:42,735 --> 01:54:44,595
♪ Blast they ass, fly to
your noodle like pad Thai ♪

1968
01:54:44,596 --> 01:54:46,475
♪ Baskin' as I wickedly stab thy ♪

1969
01:54:46,476 --> 01:54:48,463
♪ Crab that had my name
and is met the last sight ♪

1970
01:54:48,464 --> 01:54:50,053
♪ If you're trippin' with
Nina then I'mma shoot ya ♪

1971
01:54:50,054 --> 01:54:51,926
♪ Nigga, fuck a rifle, I
do it with the bazooka ♪

1972
01:54:51,927 --> 01:54:53,769
♪ A lot of motherfuckers
they be softer than a luffa ♪

1973
01:54:53,770 --> 01:54:56,745
I love, love, love this song.

1974
01:54:56,746 --> 01:54:57,929
Yes.

1975
01:54:58,931 --> 01:55:01,136
What are you drinking?

1976
01:55:01,137 --> 01:55:02,982
Oh, this?
Can I have some?

1977
01:55:02,983 --> 01:55:04,632
Yeah.

1978
01:55:04,633 --> 01:55:07,633
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, yeah.

1979
01:55:11,723 --> 01:55:13,140
You're so soft.

1980
01:55:14,119 --> 01:55:15,622
I love it.

1981
01:55:15,623 --> 01:55:16,898
And I love you.

1982
01:55:17,977 --> 01:55:19,479
♪ After me, I'm a catastrophe ♪

1983
01:55:19,480 --> 01:55:21,438
♪ When I'm finished you
nigga look like a pasta C ♪

1984
01:55:21,439 --> 01:55:23,175
♪ What'll happen if a
nigga wanna clash with me ♪

1985
01:55:23,176 --> 01:55:25,637
♪ I be killin' 'em and
that's the way it has to be ♪

1986
01:55:25,638 --> 01:55:29,141
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪

1987
01:55:29,142 --> 01:55:32,519
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪

1988
01:55:32,520 --> 01:55:36,925
♪ Ooh yeah this is verbal warfare ♪

1989
01:55:36,926 --> 01:55:39,777
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪

1990
01:55:39,778 --> 01:55:41,541
♪ I'm on the war path you
motherfuckin' shakin' ♪

1991
01:55:41,542 --> 01:55:43,342
♪ I'm a gladiator you don't
know who you're facing ♪

1992
01:55:43,343 --> 01:55:45,224
♪ I'm gonna go till death I
can hear your heart racin' ♪

1993
01:55:45,225 --> 01:55:47,330
♪ I ain't scared for you
lames, I ain't playin' ♪

1994
01:55:47,331 --> 01:55:49,033
♪ Hit you subliminal with
defendable syllable ♪

1995
01:55:49,034 --> 01:55:50,770
♪ The original general
was literal criminal ♪

1996
01:55:50,771 --> 01:55:52,678
♪ Now I'm killin' 'em digital,
I'm fillin' the minimal ♪

1997
01:55:52,679 --> 01:55:54,525
♪ Can't be winnin' because
I'm leavin' 'em critical ♪

1998
01:55:54,526 --> 01:55:55,407
♪ Yeah ♪

1999
01:55:55,407 --> 01:55:56,303
♪ You want it with me ♪

2000
01:55:56,304 --> 01:55:57,964
♪ You better man the fuck
up, be prepared to bleed ♪

2001
01:55:57,965 --> 01:55:59,973
♪ I come through a battle
starrin', yes, indeed ♪

2002
01:55:59,974 --> 01:56:02,724
♪ I go in like I ain't ate in weeks ♪

2003
01:56:02,725 --> 01:56:04,850
♪ You're never the same
I'm choppin' them things ♪

2004
01:56:04,851 --> 01:56:06,399
♪ I'm poppin' at rage
you think I'm deranged ♪

2005
01:56:06,400 --> 01:56:07,233
♪ I'm thinkin' I'm sane ♪

2006
01:56:07,234 --> 01:56:09,434
♪ You think it's a game,
although had an break ♪

2007
01:56:09,435 --> 01:56:10,898
♪ I don't think the same, I
don't run against the grain ♪

2008
01:56:10,899 --> 01:56:12,982
♪ Knock 'em out the frame while
I'm spittin' these flames ♪

2009
01:56:12,983 --> 01:56:13,851
♪ Get this verbal machine gun ♪

2010
01:56:13,851 --> 01:56:14,684
Phew.

2011
01:56:16,412 --> 01:56:18,096
Well, well, well.

2012
01:56:18,924 --> 01:56:23,599
What we have there folks is
some mighty fine marijuana.

2013
01:56:24,870 --> 01:56:29,484
Why don't you let me hold
that think just a second here?

2014
01:56:29,485 --> 01:56:31,808
See what's in here now?

2015
01:56:31,809 --> 01:56:33,127
♪ I got it all to gain
and nothin' to lose ♪

2016
01:56:33,128 --> 01:56:34,933
♪ You got me to blame, I
don't have to explain ♪

2017
01:56:34,934 --> 01:56:36,780
♪ You can see the gauge
and it's pumpin' shells ♪

2018
01:56:36,781 --> 01:56:39,543
♪ I'm here to maim, are
you not entertained ♪

2019
01:56:39,544 --> 01:56:42,869
Well, what's your name?

2020
01:56:42,870 --> 01:56:46,467
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪

2021
01:56:46,468 --> 01:56:50,916
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪

2022
01:56:50,917 --> 01:56:53,464
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪

2023
01:56:53,465 --> 01:56:54,429
♪ Twista ♪

2024
01:56:54,430 --> 01:56:55,550
♪ Like entertainment for the emperor ♪

2025
01:56:55,551 --> 01:56:57,954
♪ Get served a subpoena for
enterin' into the arena ♪

2026
01:56:57,955 --> 01:56:59,239
♪ Comin' like I'm a marine,
a machine, I'm a demon ♪

2027
01:56:59,240 --> 01:57:00,430
♪ And Nina, we neither are conscious ♪

2028
01:57:00,431 --> 01:57:01,267
♪ Or fittin' my demeanor ♪

2029
01:57:01,268 --> 01:57:03,045
♪ King Leonidas, if he invite
us, then he'll fight us ♪

2030
01:57:03,046 --> 01:57:04,890
♪ Up in the auditorium of the emporium ♪

2031
01:57:04,891 --> 01:57:06,251
♪ Or we will murder and
massacre enemies ♪

2032
01:57:06,252 --> 01:57:08,556
♪ Whenever they up for challengin'
a battle valedictorian ♪

2033
01:57:08,557 --> 01:57:10,397
♪ Verbal split 'em in
critical like it's political ♪

2034
01:57:10,398 --> 01:57:12,237
♪ Your artillery killin'
me, it's kinda pitiful ♪

2035
01:57:12,238 --> 01:57:14,127
♪ Who let you enter the
octagon with the lyrical ♪

2036
01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:15,201
♪ 'Cause I'm takin' in
it to proportions ♪

2037
01:57:15,202 --> 01:57:16,086
♪ That'll be biblical ♪

2038
01:57:16,087 --> 01:57:17,586
♪ Catastrophic, any move
I'm makin' is pivotal ♪

2039
01:57:17,587 --> 01:57:19,549
♪ Spiritual, ain't no subliminal,
my cloak ain't invisible ♪

2040
01:57:19,550 --> 01:57:21,667
♪ Violent individual, triumphant
whenever I'm challengin' ♪

2041
01:57:21,668 --> 01:57:23,469
♪ I'm throwin' a javelin
and I'mma get at you ♪

2042
01:57:23,470 --> 01:57:25,013
♪ General and a sergeant
when I'm marchin' ♪

2043
01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,937
♪ I'm carvin' through the
competition like I was heartless ♪

2044
01:57:26,938 --> 01:57:29,147
♪ H2's in the garages,
goin' to war regardless ♪

2045
01:57:29,148 --> 01:57:30,833
♪ And we gon' be comin'
through with barrages ♪

2046
01:57:30,834 --> 01:57:32,596
♪ And I'mma get Tech and
speed it up if I have to ♪

2047
01:57:32,597 --> 01:57:34,405
♪ Arizona when I heat
it up with The Raskal ♪

2048
01:57:34,406 --> 01:57:35,760
♪ A .50 Caliber for any challenger ♪

2049
01:57:35,761 --> 01:57:38,210
♪ With the style of a soldier ♪

2050
01:57:38,211 --> 01:57:40,890
And that's why you don't pass
out at a mothafucking party.

2051
01:57:40,891 --> 01:57:42,066
Motha fucka.

2052
01:57:42,067 --> 01:57:43,631
♪ Man on a mission with
ammunition in a position ♪

2053
01:57:43,632 --> 01:57:45,562
♪ To get commission if I
kill 'em and blow 'em away ♪

2054
01:57:45,563 --> 01:57:47,370
♪ Try to come in here actin'
like a fool, I'mma do ya ♪

2055
01:57:47,371 --> 01:57:49,226
♪ Show my gratitude with
the attitude of a Ruger ♪

2056
01:57:49,227 --> 01:57:50,614
♪ If you die, who the hell care ♪

2057
01:57:50,615 --> 01:57:51,726
♪ It's verbal warfare ♪

2058
01:57:51,727 --> 01:57:53,313
♪ I pop one into your medulla ♪

2059
01:57:53,314 --> 01:57:56,562
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪

2060
01:57:56,563 --> 01:58:00,289
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪

2061
01:58:00,290 --> 01:58:04,812
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪

2062
01:58:04,813 --> 01:58:08,008
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪

2063
01:58:08,009 --> 01:58:11,335
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪

2064
01:58:11,336 --> 01:58:14,906
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪

2065
01:58:14,907 --> 01:58:19,413
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪

2066
01:58:19,414 --> 01:58:24,081
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪

2067
01:59:05,378 --> 01:59:06,711
Hey civilians.

2068
01:59:10,687 --> 01:59:13,446
I said, hey civilians.

2069
01:59:21,591 --> 01:59:26,325
Get your shit, and get
the fuck out of my house.