0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:45,330 REPORTER: We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 2 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:47,630 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough 3 00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:50,540 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 4 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,110 Today, an official of the United Nations 5 00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:56,640 tried to tell the world... So there will be no mistake... 6 00:01:56,740 --> 00:02:00,110 That we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 7 00:02:00,210 --> 00:02:03,580 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition. 8 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,350 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 9 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,720 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:09,260 Good evening. 11 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,160 I'm Dave Skylark. 12 00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:14,760 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, 13 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,130 Oscar-winning songwriter, 14 00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:19,570 Detroit's own Eminem. 15 00:02:19,670 --> 00:02:22,140 He'll speak with us about his new album, 16 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,840 which has been mired in controversy 17 00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:28,740 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly. 18 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,540 Tonight... 19 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,280 on "Skylark Tonight." 20 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:44,390 And... action. 21 00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:45,760 "It's hell to be Shady." 22 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:48,330 "Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult" 23 00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,330 "at an elderly lady." 24 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:53,770 "Then I asked her how it felt to be 80." 25 00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:56,840 "F' word a senior citizen. 26 00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:59,410 Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 27 00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:01,340 - (CHUCKLING) - "Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 28 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,580 It's funny. 29 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,610 "And why you drive so slow for?" 30 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:07,380 "Don't you want to get where you're going faster" 31 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,450 "since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore?" 32 00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:13,420 "Die, old bitch, die, 33 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,260 before I murder you." 34 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,190 What do you mean by this, Em? 35 00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:19,230 Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap, 36 00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:22,660 like, people twist my words. 37 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,360 Okay, but can you see 38 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:27,270 how an old person might say, "I think" 39 00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:31,510 "what this guy is telling me... this Eminem... is that I should 40 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:34,840 go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that." 41 00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:37,340 I mean, I don't 42 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,810 necessarily rap about the things that I hate. 43 00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:43,420 It's more about... the things that I fear. 44 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,620 - I get you. - You know, it's like, 45 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,690 - if I say something about women or whatever... - Yes. 46 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,350 I think a lot of that is more or less me 47 00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:52,490 just dealing with issues with... 48 00:03:52,590 --> 00:03:54,530 you know, old issues with my mom or whatever. 49 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:55,930 With your "mutha." 50 00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:58,300 Yeah, or-or... you know, 51 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,720 when I say things about gay people 52 00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:01,400 or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, 53 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,470 - Mm-hmm. - You know, it's because I'm gay. 54 00:04:03,570 --> 00:04:05,640 Um, when I rap about violence. 55 00:04:05,740 --> 00:04:08,410 - Wait... - or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, 56 00:04:08,510 --> 00:04:10,710 I think that, uh... you know, 57 00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,650 - it's more or less because... - What? - What, what, what? 58 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,830 You know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just, 59 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,450 you know, confronting it. 60 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:17,920 - What did he just say? - Wait, can we play that...? 61 00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:19,650 - He said he was gay. - Did he just...? Dave? Dave? 62 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:20,990 - Did he just say he was gay? - We're pretty sure 63 00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:22,990 in the booth we just heard him say he was gay. 64 00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:26,430 'Em, let's just... back it up a moment. 65 00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:29,400 You... just said 66 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,460 that you were gay? 67 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,600 Um... and I'm just curious 68 00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,700 what you meant by that exactly. 69 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,670 I mean I'm gay. 70 00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:41,810 Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "gay" 71 00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:43,410 can mean a lot of things. 72 00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:44,810 I am a homosexual. 73 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,820 Meaning...? 74 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,880 I like men. 75 00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:55,590 What the fuck just happened? 76 00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:57,590 Eminem just said he was gay... four times. 77 00:04:57,690 --> 00:04:59,290 That's what the fuck just happened. 78 00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:00,430 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 79 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:01,690 Eminem's gay on our show. 80 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,700 - Eminem's gay on our show! - Oh, my God! 81 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,300 - (PHONES RINGING) - Camera two! Camera two! 82 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,500 Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up. 83 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,880 - Holy shit. - Change the chyron. 84 00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:09,440 "Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark. 85 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:12,040 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 86 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,870 - Oh, my God. - Holy shit. Push in on gay Eminem! 87 00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:15,650 This is the greatest moment in gay history! 88 00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:18,910 Are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 89 00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:21,850 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet. 90 00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:24,450 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 91 00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:25,890 Gay peekaboo. 92 00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:27,320 Yeah. But, um... 93 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:28,650 AARON: Shit. Camera one. Camera one. 94 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,390 - This interview is over. Shut it off. - No! 95 00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:31,890 - Shut it off. - Get the fuck out of here, Darryl. 96 00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:33,630 I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you, 97 00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:35,030 - pull the fucking plug right now. - No. This is gold. 98 00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:36,630 I am not cutting this interview off. 99 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:38,000 This is the best interview we've ever done. 100 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:39,630 - What happens if I just do this? - No, get out. 101 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,540 - (CLAMORING) - Shut it off! Shut it off! 102 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,470 Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here! 103 00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:45,870 I will murder you and everyone you love! 104 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,040 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. 105 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,510 Say what I say: 106 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,550 What did you mean when you rapped... 107 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:54,750 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 108 00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:56,480 "vasectomy, Hector." 109 00:05:56,580 --> 00:05:58,750 "So you can't get pregnant 110 00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:01,890 if I bisexually wreck ya." 111 00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:03,960 I've pretty much just been leaving a... 112 00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:05,830 bread-crumb trail of gayness. 113 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,660 - I see that now. - You know. 114 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:08,900 But yeah, actually Hector... 115 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,760 Hector was a... was a real person. 116 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:13,030 Hector and his rectum were real? 117 00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:15,430 - Holy shit. - It's real! Hector rectum is real! 118 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,770 - Yes! Yes! - Oh, I knew it! - Slim Shady, everyone! 119 00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:19,640 - (BELL RINGS) - AARON: Dude! Dude! 120 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,380 Aaron, bring it in. 121 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,440 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 122 00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:24,820 - (DAVE LAUGHING) - Oh, my God... 123 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,850 - Oh...! - Oh, my God! 124 00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,420 What the heck just happened? 125 00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:29,850 The real Slim Shady just stood up. 126 00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:31,520 - DAVE: Oh! - That's what the fuck just happened. 127 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:33,790 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white. 128 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,170 I can't believe what's happened. 129 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,120 - You da man! You da man! - You da man! 130 00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:38,390 You're the best. 131 00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:39,990 You're the best. You're the best. 132 00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:41,630 - Unreal. - All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. 133 00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:42,830 I want you to meet me downstairs. 134 00:06:42,930 --> 00:06:44,100 I got something to show you. 135 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,400 AARON: Dude, just... where are we going? 136 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,400 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man. 137 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,870 - No, no, no, no, no, no... - What is this place? 138 00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:52,810 We're just, you know... just hanging out. 139 00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:55,070 - Okay. - All right, all right, all right. 140 00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:56,940 It's a surprise party... for you. 141 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,850 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 142 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,410 Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited. 143 00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:02,420 This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. 144 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:03,680 I don't understand what's happening. 145 00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,720 ALL: Surprise! 146 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:07,150 All right, all right. I already told him. 147 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:08,860 I already told him. Come on, come on. 148 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,560 You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker. 149 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,430 All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on. 150 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,529 - Come on. - Thank you. Why... why is this happening? 151 00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:16,100 DAVE: You've been with us 152 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,630 for 1,000 episodes. 153 00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:19,770 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 154 00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:21,130 - Are you fucking... - Come on. 155 00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,170 I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it. 156 00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:24,840 - DAVE: All right. - AARON: Okay. 157 00:07:24,940 --> 00:07:26,440 All right, now, 158 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:30,610 I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun. 159 00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:33,610 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 160 00:07:33,710 --> 00:07:35,980 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 161 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,450 Before we started working together, 162 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,920 my show barely broke the top 15. 163 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,920 So I called up this professor that worked 164 00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,819 at the Columbia School of Journalism that I... 165 00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:46,590 I was having sex with, and I said, 166 00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:50,060 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment. 167 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,130 I need a real journalist." 168 00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:55,900 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee 169 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,040 to my Frodo Baggins. 170 00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:01,610 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 171 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:04,780 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make, 172 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,150 this is the most important: 173 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,620 - I'm Gollum... - (MIC FEEDBACK SQUEAKS) 174 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,220 and you're my precious. 175 00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:16,890 Smeagol needs Aaron. 176 00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:18,890 "One Ring to rule them all, 177 00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:21,500 and in the darkness bind them." 178 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,230 Now, get up here! Get up here! 179 00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,700 - Come up here, buddy. I love you. - Okay. Okay. Okay. 180 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,670 - I fucking love you. - Oh... 181 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,840 (LAUGHING) 182 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,770 Hey. 183 00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:37,040 Hey! 184 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:39,050 CHUCKLING: Hey. 185 00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:41,810 Yeah. Like, what's that? 186 00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:42,920 Come on, man. What's happening? 187 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:44,650 - Hey, yeah. - Hey, yeah. 188 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,190 - Wh-What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 189 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:48,920 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right? 190 00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:51,120 - Yeah. Probably. - Wow. And, uh... 191 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:53,190 Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a... 192 00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:55,530 you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," right? 193 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:56,760 I'm now a senior producer. 194 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:58,160 - No way, man. - Yeah. Yeah. 195 00:08:58,260 --> 00:08:59,700 - That's awesome. - Thank you. 196 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,840 Look at us... both producing news for television. 197 00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:04,000 CHUCKLING: Yeah. 198 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,670 - What was that? - Nothing. 199 00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:08,840 It was clearly something. What's the joke? 200 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,540 No, I mean, like, you've got your job, 201 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,110 I got mine, but they're different, you know? 202 00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:13,580 Yours is cool; Mine's just 203 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,950 a little bit more serious, you know? 204 00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:17,120 What are you saying? We have the same job. 205 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,250 I report real news... you know, stuff that matters... 206 00:09:20,350 --> 00:09:22,620 and then you report on all the cool 207 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,720 "who's getting new boobs" and, like, 208 00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,260 the fun eating disorder stuff. 209 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,130 You really helped build up "60 Minutes," too, right? 210 00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:28,760 They'd be nothing without you. 211 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,260 It's only been on for 80 fucking years. 212 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,830 Look, I... I'm sorry. 213 00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:33,230 I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this, 214 00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,170 but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes," 215 00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:37,140 and we could use somebody like you. 216 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,770 Are you serious? 217 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,570 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You? 218 00:09:40,670 --> 00:09:42,780 At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office. 219 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,710 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys, 220 00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:45,910 but cheers, man. 221 00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:48,150 Congrats... or whatever. 222 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,720 When did the hair begin to go? 223 00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:56,220 - I would say... - (AARON SIGHS) 224 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,920 around "The Outsiders." 225 00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,090 When you're ready. 226 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,000 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 227 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,130 - Oh, wig's coming off. - Oh. 228 00:10:13,670 --> 00:10:15,080 Whoa. 229 00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:16,740 Oh, Jesus fuck. 230 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,750 Why does he keep the long pieces? 231 00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:20,610 His head looks like somebody's taint. 232 00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:22,880 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 233 00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,620 You... you said you were bald. 234 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,290 I... I see a little stuff on top. 235 00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:28,150 - It's so freeing! - Rob... 236 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:33,030 is there anything that you would like to say to America? 237 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:36,100 (LOWE SIGHS) 238 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:38,930 Good evening. 239 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,030 I'm Phillip Sterling 240 00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,940 with a UBS News Special Report. 241 00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:43,170 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 242 00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:44,870 Kim Jong-un's military forces 243 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:47,310 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island 244 00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:50,310 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 245 00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:51,940 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore. 246 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,850 - They just cut our feed. - We're off the air? 247 00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:56,880 Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on? 248 00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:58,650 They fucked us! Goddamn it! 249 00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,190 Somebody tell me what's going on? 250 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:04,720 DAVE: Dude... seriously, what is up with you? 251 00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:07,060 You know how I'm good at picking up energies? 252 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,800 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. 253 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,360 What's going on? 254 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:13,000 We have millions of viewers every night 255 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,730 watching our show, and what do we do? 256 00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:16,270 We just shovel shit into their faces, man. 257 00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:18,070 We could be doing something positive. 258 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:21,980 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 259 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,980 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. 260 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,810 "Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit. 261 00:11:25,910 --> 00:11:27,680 Mangia, mangia, mangia." 262 00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:31,220 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina 263 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,720 fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys. 264 00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:34,070 You don't like that brown sugar? 265 00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:35,690 Nothing to do with brown sugar. 266 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:37,150 I just can't keep doing this, okay? 267 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:38,320 We have to change. 268 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:43,960 - Fine. - Are you serious right now? 269 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:45,930 - Yeah. - Do you promise you'll do this? 270 00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:49,100 I promise if you promise you'll never leave. 271 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,770 If you promise, then I'll promise. 272 00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,300 - Well, then, same time. - One, two, three. 273 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,410 - Promise. - Promise. 274 00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:54,510 - Okay. - Okay. 275 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,940 That's all we had to say. 276 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,440 - Fine. - Don't put me through that. 277 00:11:57,540 --> 00:12:00,150 - Okay. - I hate it when we fight. 278 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,380 No, this is not a joke, okay? 279 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,150 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending. 280 00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:05,420 - Look! Look, look, look... - What? Yeah... one second. 281 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,150 Shut up. I'm on the phone. 282 00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:08,890 - Okay? Uh... - (GLASS SHATTERS) 283 00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:11,990 Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office. 284 00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,260 Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck. 285 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,390 This tops it. "The Times" printed it 286 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,860 about... about North Korea. Read the bottom. 287 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,470 After all the... the death camp shit. 288 00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,370 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people" 289 00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:24,270 "with cries for the destruction" 290 00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:26,440 "of the United States of America, he is known" 291 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,210 "to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 292 00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:32,140 His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory..." 293 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:34,080 And...? 294 00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,450 "And 'Skylark Tonight." 295 00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:38,220 Oh! Boom! 296 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,090 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 297 00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:41,390 This is great! 298 00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,220 This is what you were talking about. 299 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,320 I interview this guy. 300 00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:46,990 Are you joking me, man? He's the most 301 00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:48,190 reclusive leader on the planet. 302 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:49,800 It's not gonna happen. 303 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,760 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 304 00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:54,900 Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere. 305 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,800 You remember that club? 306 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,170 Three-month waiting list. 307 00:12:58,270 --> 00:12:59,840 (GRUNTS) First night. 308 00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,040 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 309 00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:04,180 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there. 310 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,450 It's impossible, Dave. 311 00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:06,810 Here's what we're gonna do. 312 00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:08,410 We're gonna do that interview, 313 00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:12,020 everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously, 314 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,520 and then you're never gonna leave me. 315 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,460 North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 316 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,490 I bet they have an office that is 317 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,190 set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee, 318 00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:21,430 so there's probably 319 00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,360 some infrastructure for communicating with 320 00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:25,060 the outside world through that. 321 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,800 Good idea. Those wheels are turning. 322 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,470 - If I leave a message for that office... - Yeah. 323 00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:30,340 - Then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, - Mm-hmm. 324 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,140 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - That can actually work. 325 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,210 - We could interview the most famous man on the planet. - Yeah. 326 00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:35,940 - That would be the biggest interview ever. - Yeah... 327 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,480 Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've 328 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:39,260 heard this, but some pictures just came out 329 00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:40,880 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 330 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,220 - Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? - Ew... 331 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,950 McConaughey Goat Fuck. 332 00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,390 - AARON: Uh... - (DAVE WHIMPERS) 333 00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:49,020 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that, 334 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,460 so... we should put that together. 335 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,360 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay? 336 00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:54,260 - First thing tomorrow. Okay. - Book him, though. Book him. 337 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,000 - Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat! - I'm on him. 338 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,830 Get the goat! 339 00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:59,830 I got some questions for that goat. 340 00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,840 (PHONE LINE RINGING, ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) 341 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:08,370 Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight." 342 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,280 We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan 343 00:14:10,380 --> 00:14:12,380 of our show, and we'd love to have him on. 344 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,010 Uh, please get back to me and let me know. 345 00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:17,150 I'm about to head to an important meeting, 346 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:18,990 but, uh, I'll be around in the morning. 347 00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,370 - Hope to hear from you. - (BEEP) 348 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:23,060 Ooh! Yeah. 349 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,560 - Hi. - Hey. 350 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:28,560 Uh, Mercer and Spring, please. 351 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,560 Whoo! 352 00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:32,570 (PHONE RINGING) 353 00:14:37,670 --> 00:14:39,040 Hello? 354 00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:40,440 Hello. Who dis? 355 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:42,270 MAN: I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport. 356 00:14:42,370 --> 00:14:43,610 You got Aaron Rapoport. 357 00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,880 - Who dis is? - You left word 358 00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,110 with our office regarding an interview. 359 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,580 AARON: Look, Dave, is this you? 360 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,050 'Cause if it is, 361 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:52,420 you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 362 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:53,950 Me so "solly." 363 00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:56,120 Me gots to go now, son. 364 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,090 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park, 365 00:14:58,190 --> 00:14:59,890 Secretary of Communications 366 00:14:59,990 --> 00:15:02,070 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. 367 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,030 Oh, my God. Uh... 368 00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:05,630 Shit. Uh, me so solly. 369 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,900 I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor... 370 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,970 I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 371 00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:13,640 MAN: We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting 372 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:16,040 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 373 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:17,240 Security concerns dictate 374 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:19,440 that the matter be discussed in person. 375 00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,080 Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that? 376 00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,490 We will meet at latitude 40.1326, 377 00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:28,390 longitude 123.9889. 378 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:30,220 Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar 379 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,490 with my longitudes and latitudes, 380 00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,190 where is that again? 381 00:15:33,290 --> 00:15:36,630 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 382 00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:38,460 Did you just say "China"? 383 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,470 And did you just say "dong"? 384 00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:45,270 (SIGHS) 385 00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:47,310 (CHUCKLES QUIETLY) 386 00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:49,310 Going to motherfucking China, y'all. 387 00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:54,250 (MUSIC) 388 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,660 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 389 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,360 Excuse me, can I get in there? 390 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,130 Thank you. 391 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,600 Hi, there. 392 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,270 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 393 00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,200 No, thank you. 394 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,440 I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 395 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,410 Selfie! 396 00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:23,510 (LAUGHTER) 397 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,560 (PANTING) 398 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:45,300 (GPS BLIPPING STEADILY) 399 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:50,700 (THREE RAPID BEEPS) 400 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,440 Well, where the fuck are they? 401 00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:55,370 What the fuck? 402 00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,510 (HELICOPTER APPROACHING) 403 00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,420 No, no! 404 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,640 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 405 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,110 No! No! 406 00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:32,750 I'm an American journalist! 407 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:33,840 Aaron Rapoport! 408 00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:34,910 I was invited here! 409 00:17:34,911 --> 00:17:36,250 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 410 00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:37,550 I come in peace! 411 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:38,680 I'm here for interview! 412 00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:42,350 Please don't kill me! 413 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,500 Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park. 414 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,070 The Supreme Leader will Grant a one-hour interview 415 00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:02,380 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 416 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,310 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself. 417 00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,650 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 418 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,650 - That's it? - Yes. 419 00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:13,720 Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone? 420 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:15,660 Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 421 00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:17,520 Do you have Skype here? Okay. 422 00:18:17,620 --> 00:18:19,420 Well, look, can you give me some water? 423 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,390 That guy has water! 424 00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:23,500 Please give me a ride somewhere! 425 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,530 I didn't pack well for this trip! 426 00:18:25,630 --> 00:18:27,400 I packed like a fool! 427 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,740 Like a goddamn fool! 428 00:18:29,830 --> 00:18:32,800 Please! Please! 429 00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:35,140 Whoa. 430 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,810 (GROANING) 431 00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:43,820 (SIGHS) 432 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,820 (GROANING) 433 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,420 Damn, she was sexy. 434 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,820 The fucking helicopter landed. 435 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,460 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 436 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,130 Two soldiers jump out. 437 00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:57,390 I think I'm gonna get killed. 438 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,730 Then, out comes Sook. 439 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:00,830 I told you about her. 440 00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:02,370 She comes out of the helicopter. 441 00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:04,240 - She's hot, super sexy. - How hot? 442 00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:05,910 - Did you get in there? - Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter. 443 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,310 My fucking man! 444 00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:09,880 No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 445 00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,780 - Okay. - She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions. 446 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,180 They were gonna write all the questions. 447 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,310 We can't do it. 448 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:16,580 We're essentially letting him 449 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,150 interview himself with your mouth. 450 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,450 Look! 451 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,620 Look at this buttfuck! 452 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,860 He's got a whole parade of nukes. 453 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,220 He's ready to use them. 454 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,390 When you score a bin Laden 455 00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:30,400 or a Hitler or an Un, 456 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,860 you take it by the balls! 457 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:34,600 It's the first rule of journalism. 458 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,600 You give the people what they want. 459 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:37,900 That's not the first rule of journalism. 460 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,280 I think that's the first rule of, 461 00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:40,850 like, circuses and demolition derbies. 462 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:43,880 This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon. 463 00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:45,880 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years, 464 00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:48,250 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 465 00:19:48,350 --> 00:19:49,480 We do this, we can interview 466 00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:52,390 any president on the planet. 467 00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,190 And then you can ask them the real questions. 468 00:19:55,290 --> 00:19:58,360 This is like eating our vegetables. 469 00:19:58,460 --> 00:19:59,590 Once you eat those, 470 00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,390 then you get to eat the steak. 471 00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:03,500 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 472 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,370 This is like... 473 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:07,500 "The Lord of the Rings." 474 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,270 Okay? 475 00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:12,710 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins. 476 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,680 GENTLY: And you are my Sam. 477 00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:18,940 My Samwise. 478 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,910 I can't do it without you. 479 00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:22,650 - Okay. - Come with me. 480 00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,280 To Mordor. 481 00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:25,950 Okay, let's fucking do it. 482 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,690 - Yeah? - Yeah. 483 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:33,830 As always, I'd like to thank my guest, 484 00:20:33,930 --> 00:20:35,460 Joe Gordon-Levitt. 485 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:36,730 And before we go, 486 00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:39,570 I have a very special announcement. 487 00:20:39,670 --> 00:20:42,800 With the help of my outstanding producer, 488 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,800 Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview 489 00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:48,240 of the 21st century. 490 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,280 Three weeks from tonight, 491 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:53,350 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, 492 00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:57,350 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview 493 00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,420 with President Kim Jong-un. 494 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,850 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored 495 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,430 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 496 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,860 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing 497 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,830 the dictator of North Korea. 498 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,900 100 bucks Skylark thinks 499 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,830 he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 500 00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:17,600 Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 501 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,440 This is a man who tortures, 502 00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:21,670 terrorizes and starves his own people. 503 00:21:21,770 --> 00:21:24,440 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 504 00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:26,510 Meeee-ow. 505 00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:29,050 What a fucking bitch, am I right? (CHUCKLES) 506 00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:30,720 No, you're not right. 507 00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:32,720 He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 508 00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:36,520 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous. 509 00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:38,020 - He's not jealous. - He's putting. 510 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,030 KY jealous all over his dick. 511 00:21:40,130 --> 00:21:42,030 What is there to be jealous of? 512 00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:44,060 Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us. 513 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:45,730 They hates us 'cause we "anus"? 514 00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:47,710 What the fuck does an anus have to do with this? 515 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,070 They hate us 'cause they ain't us. 516 00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:51,800 That's not what it is. 517 00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:53,340 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 518 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:54,710 They hate us 'cause we is us, 519 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:56,810 and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 520 00:21:56,910 --> 00:21:58,710 They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us. 521 00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:00,750 - Stop saying that. They don't. - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 522 00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:02,820 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 523 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,680 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. - I'm used to it. 524 00:22:04,780 --> 00:22:06,780 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. 525 00:22:06,820 --> 00:22:09,060 - Don't say it again. - Shh. 526 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:10,660 Baby. 527 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,620 Haters gonna hate. 528 00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:13,930 (SIGHS) 529 00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:15,560 And ain't-ers gonna ain't. 530 00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:18,060 That is not an actual thing people say. 531 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,930 This is what you do to haters. 532 00:22:20,030 --> 00:22:22,840 You just smile. 533 00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:24,070 (SPLUTTERING) 534 00:22:24,170 --> 00:22:25,840 (SMACKING LIPS) 535 00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:27,370 (JABBERS GOOFILY) 536 00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:28,910 (GULPS) 537 00:22:29,010 --> 00:22:30,940 What is that? 538 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,950 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 539 00:22:44,690 --> 00:22:46,690 (SNORING) 540 00:22:52,930 --> 00:22:54,470 (KNOCKING) 541 00:22:54,570 --> 00:22:56,000 GROANS: Oh... 542 00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:58,070 Oh, what the fuck? 543 00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,670 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 544 00:22:59,770 --> 00:23:01,370 Okay. 545 00:23:01,470 --> 00:23:02,540 (COUGHING) 546 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:03,740 Okay, I'm coming. 547 00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:10,950 Oh, shit. 548 00:23:11,050 --> 00:23:12,690 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 549 00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:14,550 Oh... oh, God. 550 00:23:17,090 --> 00:23:18,420 Mr. Rapoport. 551 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,890 I'm Agent Lacey 552 00:23:19,990 --> 00:23:21,130 with Central Intelligence, 553 00:23:21,230 --> 00:23:22,700 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 554 00:23:22,790 --> 00:23:24,600 DAVE: Aaron, whoever that is, 555 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:25,860 tell them to fuck off. 556 00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:27,700 Dave, it's, uh, 557 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,840 - it's not... - Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night, 558 00:23:30,940 --> 00:23:33,170 but I got some stink dick. 559 00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:36,180 Yo, my dick stinks! 560 00:23:36,270 --> 00:23:38,780 So weird how you, like, 561 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,050 just want to keep smelling it, though. 562 00:23:41,150 --> 00:23:43,480 Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit. 563 00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:44,720 Yo, come smell this. 564 00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:45,850 You got to identify this. 565 00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:47,050 I don't know what it is. 566 00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:48,820 Excuse him. 567 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,160 He has stink dick. (CHUCKLES) 568 00:23:50,260 --> 00:23:52,430 It kind of smells like guacamole. 569 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,130 May we come in? 570 00:23:54,230 --> 00:23:56,430 Would you, um, 571 00:23:56,530 --> 00:23:59,600 like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine? 572 00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:01,630 This is not our cocaine. This is... 573 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,070 LACEY: No, I'm sure it's not. 574 00:24:03,170 --> 00:24:06,500 So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for? 575 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,140 - Yeah, to what do we owe THE PLEASURE? - AARON: Yeah. 576 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,670 Well, Aaron, Dave, 577 00:24:09,770 --> 00:24:10,840 as I'm sure 578 00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:12,610 you know already, 579 00:24:12,710 --> 00:24:13,880 Kim Jong-un is now capable 580 00:24:13,980 --> 00:24:17,180 of nuking all of the West Coast. 581 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,780 The point is we're talking about nuclear nations 582 00:24:19,890 --> 00:24:21,790 at war with each other. 583 00:24:21,890 --> 00:24:23,160 Nuclear. 584 00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:24,560 He does have one 585 00:24:24,660 --> 00:24:26,890 tactical advantage over the West. 586 00:24:26,990 --> 00:24:29,900 He's more than willing to let millions and millions 587 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,460 of his own people die. 588 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,700 Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face. 589 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,900 I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night. 590 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,070 Why are you telling us 591 00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:39,970 - all this information? - Well, 592 00:24:40,070 --> 00:24:42,980 well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen 593 00:24:43,070 --> 00:24:44,910 are going to be in a room alone with him, 594 00:24:45,010 --> 00:24:46,480 and congratulations, by the way. 595 00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:47,910 That's right! 596 00:24:48,010 --> 00:24:49,690 Which is part of the reason why we're here. 597 00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:51,180 The CIA would love it 598 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,550 if you two could... 599 00:24:53,650 --> 00:24:55,550 take him out. 600 00:24:57,050 --> 00:24:58,790 Hmm? 601 00:24:58,890 --> 00:25:00,530 - Take him out. - Take him out? 602 00:25:00,630 --> 00:25:02,190 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 603 00:25:02,290 --> 00:25:04,060 - Take him out. - Take out. 604 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,900 - Like, to dinner? - Take him out to a meal? 605 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,200 Take him out. 606 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:08,900 - Like, on the town? - Party? 607 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,900 No, uh... 608 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,070 take him out. 609 00:25:13,170 --> 00:25:16,740 You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea? 610 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,680 - Yes. - What...?! 611 00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:21,140 If we kill him, won't they just get 612 00:25:21,210 --> 00:25:22,730 another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo 613 00:25:22,780 --> 00:25:24,120 to come in and replace him? 614 00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:26,750 - Exactly, exactly. - And then the same thing happens? 615 00:25:26,850 --> 00:25:28,620 Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction 616 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,090 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 617 00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:33,590 They want change; They're too scared to act alone, 618 00:25:33,690 --> 00:25:34,990 and they need you two to go in there... 619 00:25:35,090 --> 00:25:36,260 Hmm... 620 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:40,130 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt 621 00:25:40,230 --> 00:25:42,100 and take over. 622 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,540 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 623 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,640 I am going to be in your ear, 624 00:25:48,740 --> 00:25:52,110 by your side, every step of the way. 625 00:25:52,210 --> 00:25:54,980 Then I have one answer. 626 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:56,920 No more Kim. 627 00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:58,750 AARON: Uh, you know what? 628 00:25:58,850 --> 00:26:00,050 Actually, I think we should talk about it more. 629 00:26:00,150 --> 00:26:01,790 - Okay, all right. - Okay, let's just... 630 00:26:01,890 --> 00:26:02,860 - We're just gonna talk. - We're just gonna talk. 631 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:03,960 By all means. 632 00:26:03,990 --> 00:26:04,990 Just for the record, 633 00:26:04,991 --> 00:26:06,990 I don't have stink dick. 634 00:26:07,090 --> 00:26:09,330 DAVE: Come over here, come here, come in here... 635 00:26:09,430 --> 00:26:12,130 I think we need to do this. 636 00:26:12,230 --> 00:26:14,670 She is so cool. 637 00:26:14,770 --> 00:26:16,810 You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious. 638 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:17,900 - It's crazy, man. - What? 639 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,670 They're honeypotting us. 640 00:26:19,770 --> 00:26:20,850 - What? - It's an attractive 641 00:26:20,910 --> 00:26:22,270 spy woman who lures men 642 00:26:22,370 --> 00:26:23,780 into doing shit they're not supposed to do. 643 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,010 How can you not see that? 644 00:26:25,110 --> 00:26:27,750 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 645 00:26:27,850 --> 00:26:28,850 - This is 2014. - Dude... 646 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,220 Women are smart now. 647 00:26:30,310 --> 00:26:32,080 Do you actually think she just so happens 648 00:26:32,180 --> 00:26:33,990 to have everything you find attractive? 649 00:26:34,090 --> 00:26:36,820 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 650 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:37,920 They're fake, man. 651 00:26:37,990 --> 00:26:39,290 Fake glasses? 652 00:26:39,390 --> 00:26:41,160 How could the CIA come up with such a thing? 653 00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:42,930 Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat. 654 00:26:43,030 --> 00:26:45,800 Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly 655 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:47,330 and when we're horned up might not be... 656 00:26:47,430 --> 00:26:48,330 - Horned up? - You are horned up. 657 00:26:48,430 --> 00:26:49,840 Oh, please! 658 00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:53,040 You got half a fucking chub right now! 659 00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:54,810 - Take your hands away. - Hmm-mm. 660 00:26:54,910 --> 00:26:56,310 - I saw the boner. - I'm not taking my hands away. 661 00:26:56,410 --> 00:26:57,980 Move your fucking hands. 662 00:26:58,080 --> 00:26:59,210 Fine, you want to see it? 663 00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:01,010 - Yeah. - Feast your eyes. 664 00:27:01,110 --> 00:27:02,080 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 665 00:27:02,180 --> 00:27:03,420 I'm gonna poop out these drugs. 666 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:04,680 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 667 00:27:04,780 --> 00:27:06,320 If we both still want to talk 668 00:27:06,420 --> 00:27:08,950 about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then. 669 00:27:09,050 --> 00:27:12,020 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 670 00:27:14,390 --> 00:27:16,700 LACEY VOICE-OVER: In three days, 671 00:27:16,790 --> 00:27:18,860 you will fly from New York to Beijing, 672 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,230 where you will transfer to a commercial airline 673 00:27:21,330 --> 00:27:23,640 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 674 00:27:23,740 --> 00:27:25,140 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, 675 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,640 but, um, what happened to your glasses? 676 00:27:29,810 --> 00:27:32,810 Oh, I... I got LASIK. 677 00:27:32,910 --> 00:27:34,350 Between the time I saw you and now? 678 00:27:34,450 --> 00:27:36,850 - Yes. - Okay. 679 00:27:36,950 --> 00:27:38,980 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here, 680 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,950 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 681 00:27:42,050 --> 00:27:44,290 So, preceding the interview, 682 00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:46,360 you are going to shake Kim's hand, 683 00:27:46,460 --> 00:27:49,830 administering a fatal dose of poison 684 00:27:49,930 --> 00:27:52,400 with this, a transdermal time-delayed 685 00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:53,900 ricin strip. 686 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,370 When you shake his hand, 687 00:27:55,470 --> 00:27:58,740 the poison will be absorbed into his skin, 688 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,740 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 689 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,740 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 690 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,380 No one will know? 691 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,780 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 692 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,120 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 693 00:28:13,220 --> 00:28:14,850 - This isn't what I pictured. - What did you picture? 694 00:28:14,950 --> 00:28:16,750 I walk in there like a fucking gangster 695 00:28:16,850 --> 00:28:18,920 and blow his little fucking ass away 696 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:20,260 on television. 697 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:23,400 This is a major television event. 698 00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:26,100 You don't want to blow it with offscreen death. 699 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,000 Okay? 700 00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:31,740 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 701 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,710 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it, 702 00:28:33,810 --> 00:28:36,410 and then right before they finish, you cut to black 703 00:28:36,510 --> 00:28:37,940 and say, "Oh, don't worry", 704 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,010 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 705 00:28:40,110 --> 00:28:41,910 No! We want 706 00:28:42,010 --> 00:28:43,280 the all-over close-up. 707 00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:44,150 All over his face. 708 00:28:44,250 --> 00:28:46,490 The end! 709 00:28:46,580 --> 00:28:48,350 Ah... 710 00:28:49,350 --> 00:28:50,820 Bam! 711 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:52,060 What kind of porn are you watching? 712 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,519 What happens when all of his guards 713 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,730 start firing back at you for killing their leader 714 00:28:55,830 --> 00:28:57,160 right in front of them? 715 00:28:57,260 --> 00:28:59,030 - That's a good question. - My bulletproof vest... 716 00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:01,230 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 717 00:29:01,330 --> 00:29:03,840 - You don't have one of those. - I will dodge those bullets. 718 00:29:03,940 --> 00:29:05,970 What happens after you escape the compound, Dave? 719 00:29:06,070 --> 00:29:07,340 I look back over my shoulder. 720 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,240 I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. 721 00:29:09,340 --> 00:29:10,840 We run out into the woods. 722 00:29:10,940 --> 00:29:13,810 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 723 00:29:13,910 --> 00:29:15,310 We exit said tunnel. 724 00:29:15,410 --> 00:29:18,450 At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six 725 00:29:18,550 --> 00:29:20,920 swoops in, puts us on one 726 00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:23,790 of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water, 727 00:29:23,890 --> 00:29:26,160 we're out of there, on our way to you. 728 00:29:26,260 --> 00:29:28,760 If you did try to do this, what would kill you first? 729 00:29:28,860 --> 00:29:29,900 Sub-freezing temperatures. 730 00:29:29,930 --> 00:29:31,200 I don't like the cold. 731 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:34,000 - Okay, we... - Starvation, starve to death. 732 00:29:34,100 --> 00:29:35,800 You telling me the CIA doesn't have. 733 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,940 North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty? 734 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,470 Cap'n Crunch? 735 00:29:39,570 --> 00:29:40,940 What about Siberian tigers? 736 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,980 - Did you think about that? - What? 737 00:29:43,070 --> 00:29:44,380 You're not going to shoot him. 738 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,840 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest, 739 00:29:45,940 --> 00:29:47,350 and nobody is going to know 740 00:29:47,450 --> 00:29:49,250 that you had anything to do with this. 741 00:29:49,350 --> 00:29:51,120 That's it, that's the plan. 742 00:29:51,220 --> 00:29:52,280 - Period. - DAVE: Okay. 743 00:29:52,380 --> 00:29:53,890 Two years later, 744 00:29:53,990 --> 00:29:55,990 I come out with my bestselling tell-all. 745 00:29:56,090 --> 00:29:57,360 "An Unexpected Journey: 746 00:29:57,460 --> 00:30:00,490 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea." 747 00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,130 You can't write a tell-all. 748 00:30:02,230 --> 00:30:03,900 "We were an oddly-shaped gray room" 749 00:30:04,990 --> 00:30:05,860 "at the CIA headquarters. 750 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,000 The titillating Agent Lacey..." 751 00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:08,230 Stop doing that. 752 00:30:08,330 --> 00:30:09,970 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 753 00:30:10,070 --> 00:30:12,240 "'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said." 754 00:30:12,340 --> 00:30:14,040 "She looked at him. 755 00:30:14,140 --> 00:30:17,440 She trembled with rage, or was it passion?" 756 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,850 - Stop it. - I just want everybody to know 757 00:30:19,950 --> 00:30:22,150 that I know what you did to me. 758 00:30:22,250 --> 00:30:24,220 - With the glasses? - What? 759 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,420 - Honeycombed me. - What does that even mean? 760 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,190 You honeypotted him. It's honeypot. 761 00:30:28,290 --> 00:30:30,010 - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. 762 00:30:30,090 --> 00:30:31,890 - No, I didn't. - He's said a lot of stupid shit 763 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,060 in the last ten minutes, but for reals, 764 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,530 you did honeypot him. 765 00:30:34,630 --> 00:30:36,560 I bet you got him in here as a honey dick 766 00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:38,300 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not, 767 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,130 but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 768 00:30:40,230 --> 00:30:42,530 - You honey dicking? - Look, she's not honeypotting you, 769 00:30:42,630 --> 00:30:44,540 - and I'm not honey dicking him. - It's very offensive, 770 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,540 'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me, 771 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,010 you're saying because I'm a girl, 772 00:30:48,110 --> 00:30:49,880 and because I'm attractive, 773 00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:53,010 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 774 00:30:53,110 --> 00:30:54,410 I think it's offensive, too. 775 00:30:54,510 --> 00:30:56,070 And that's exactly what I said to Aaron. 776 00:30:56,110 --> 00:30:57,920 I said that bitch is blind as a bat. 777 00:30:58,020 --> 00:30:59,420 Can we please move on? 778 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,090 We have a dictator to kill. 779 00:31:02,190 --> 00:31:04,220 When handling the ricin strip, 780 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,590 operate with extreme caution. 781 00:31:06,690 --> 00:31:09,490 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 782 00:31:09,590 --> 00:31:12,560 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 783 00:31:12,660 --> 00:31:14,630 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, 784 00:31:14,730 --> 00:31:17,370 your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 785 00:31:17,470 --> 00:31:19,340 Your body will strain to reject the poison 786 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,570 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting. 787 00:31:21,670 --> 00:31:22,950 Within minutes, you will be dead. 788 00:31:23,010 --> 00:31:24,380 - Okay. - Got it? 789 00:31:26,710 --> 00:31:29,450 LACEY VOICE-OVER: Aaron peels off the film marked A, 790 00:31:29,550 --> 00:31:32,180 exposing the adhesive coating. 791 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,520 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm. 792 00:31:34,620 --> 00:31:37,220 - Okay... - Aaron will then remove the film marked B, 793 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,220 exposing the ricin. 794 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,320 - Clear. - Okay, clear. 795 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:41,590 - Okay. - Okay. 796 00:31:41,690 --> 00:31:43,230 Dave needs to appear casual 797 00:31:43,330 --> 00:31:45,330 as he is transferred from his room. 798 00:31:45,430 --> 00:31:47,300 - Okay. - To the broadcast facility. 799 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,270 It is critical that he keeps his hand open 800 00:31:50,370 --> 00:31:51,500 and touches nothing. 801 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,300 (CHUCKLES) 802 00:31:53,410 --> 00:31:54,940 Dave Skylark. 803 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,240 - (EXHALES) - Mr. Kim... 804 00:31:56,340 --> 00:31:58,140 Just shaking hands. 805 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,210 Hi. 806 00:32:00,310 --> 00:32:01,650 Nice to meet you. 807 00:32:01,750 --> 00:32:03,680 LACEY VOICE-OVER: Dave will bow to Kim 808 00:32:03,780 --> 00:32:05,120 then shake his hand, 809 00:32:05,220 --> 00:32:07,150 immediately disposing of the strip 810 00:32:07,250 --> 00:32:09,490 in his jacket pocket, which will be lined 811 00:32:09,590 --> 00:32:13,090 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 812 00:32:31,780 --> 00:32:33,180 (SNEEZES LOUDLY) 813 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:34,950 - (ALARM BLARING) - Oh, no! 814 00:32:35,050 --> 00:32:36,310 Hey! Hey! 815 00:32:36,420 --> 00:32:37,650 Agent Lacey! 816 00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:39,420 - What's this mean? - You're dead. 817 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,240 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place 818 00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:43,460 the ricin case in this pouch here. 819 00:32:43,550 --> 00:32:44,590 It will magnetically seal, 820 00:32:44,690 --> 00:32:46,290 and then you're good to go. 821 00:32:46,390 --> 00:32:48,960 So you want me to carry this bag? 822 00:32:49,060 --> 00:32:50,160 This is the bag. 823 00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:51,660 This is a douche bag. 824 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,070 LACEY: The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 825 00:32:55,170 --> 00:32:58,000 It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center. 826 00:32:58,100 --> 00:32:59,400 - Aaron to Dave. - All radio communication 827 00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:01,410 should be done using call signs. 828 00:33:01,510 --> 00:33:02,670 - Cool. - Dave, 829 00:33:02,770 --> 00:33:04,140 you are "dung beetle,". 830 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,140 - What? - And Aaron, you are "aardvark." 831 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,440 I can't even carry this thing! 832 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:08,610 What do you mean you can't carry it? 833 00:33:08,710 --> 00:33:09,720 Aerodynamics are all off. 834 00:33:09,810 --> 00:33:10,610 It's hitting my leg. 835 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,320 It's, like, bulky. 836 00:33:12,420 --> 00:33:15,390 Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into 837 00:33:15,490 --> 00:33:19,020 the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth. 838 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,590 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 839 00:33:21,690 --> 00:33:24,460 His people revere him as a god. 840 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,100 They'll believe anything 841 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:30,240 he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins 842 00:33:30,330 --> 00:33:32,240 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 843 00:33:32,340 --> 00:33:33,710 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 844 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,040 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop? 845 00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:37,310 I'm telling you he does, and he lies 846 00:33:37,410 --> 00:33:38,310 to his people and they believe him. 847 00:33:38,410 --> 00:33:39,750 Everybody pees and poops. 848 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,650 Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode. 849 00:33:41,750 --> 00:33:43,180 But he does talk to dolphins. 850 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:44,750 (SIGHS) 851 00:33:44,850 --> 00:33:47,320 (MUSIC) 852 00:34:02,730 --> 00:34:04,670 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 853 00:34:04,770 --> 00:34:06,340 DAVE: All right, how do I look? 854 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:07,740 Fucking awesome? 855 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,370 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice. 856 00:34:09,470 --> 00:34:11,340 - Yeah. - And that just... 857 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,340 What the fuck is this? 858 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:14,750 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful. 859 00:34:14,850 --> 00:34:16,750 That's just not the bag the CIA gave you. 860 00:34:16,850 --> 00:34:18,220 Oh, that bag? 861 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:19,550 Yes, that bag! 862 00:34:19,650 --> 00:34:21,210 That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug." 863 00:34:22,220 --> 00:34:22,750 Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison 864 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,560 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country. 865 00:34:25,090 --> 00:34:26,360 Kim is a super fan. 866 00:34:26,460 --> 00:34:28,160 He knows I take fashion risks. 867 00:34:28,260 --> 00:34:29,290 Look, I show up with that other bag, 868 00:34:29,390 --> 00:34:30,460 Kim's gonna be like, 869 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:31,760 IMITATING KOREAN ACCENT: "Oh, no." 870 00:34:31,860 --> 00:34:33,670 "You got ugly bag?" 871 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:35,170 "You no Skylark, you secret agent. 872 00:34:35,270 --> 00:34:36,500 Terminate him." 873 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,070 Where's the fucking poison strip? 874 00:34:38,170 --> 00:34:41,170 I put the strip in a pack of gum. 875 00:34:41,270 --> 00:34:42,640 They'll never find it. 876 00:34:42,740 --> 00:34:43,740 I am not cool with this. 877 00:34:43,810 --> 00:34:45,510 - It's showtime. - Showtime? 878 00:34:45,610 --> 00:34:47,250 It's not showtime. 879 00:34:47,340 --> 00:34:48,510 - What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!" 880 00:34:48,610 --> 00:34:49,650 Stop walking! 881 00:34:49,750 --> 00:34:51,120 - Stop walking. - Hello. 882 00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:52,550 We are going to North Korea. 883 00:34:52,650 --> 00:34:53,820 Yo, Skylark, which side 884 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:55,520 of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 885 00:34:55,620 --> 00:34:57,520 I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say 886 00:34:57,620 --> 00:34:59,690 I might give him something special with my hand. 887 00:34:59,790 --> 00:35:01,260 You gonna jerk him off? 888 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,790 What? No. That's a double entendre. 889 00:35:02,890 --> 00:35:04,260 Shut the fuck... Shut up! 890 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,330 - I'm foreshadowing! - Shut up! 891 00:35:05,430 --> 00:35:06,700 Shut up! Get in the fucking car! 892 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,670 Shut up! Shut up! 893 00:35:08,770 --> 00:35:11,440 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 894 00:35:15,570 --> 00:35:17,210 (CABIN BELL CHIMES) 895 00:35:17,310 --> 00:35:18,680 All right, here we go. 896 00:35:20,410 --> 00:35:21,810 What's that noise? 897 00:35:21,910 --> 00:35:23,350 - I don't know. - Do you hear that? 898 00:35:23,450 --> 00:35:24,580 Yeah. 899 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,590 (MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE) 900 00:35:32,420 --> 00:35:34,430 (AARON CHUCKLES) 901 00:35:34,530 --> 00:35:35,660 Wow. 902 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:36,760 (LAUGHS) 903 00:35:36,860 --> 00:35:38,160 This is crazy. 904 00:35:39,330 --> 00:35:42,170 - Hello, North Korea! - Wow. 905 00:35:42,270 --> 00:35:43,270 - (DAVE WHOOPS, BARKS) - AARON: This is crazy. 906 00:35:43,370 --> 00:35:44,740 Okay, okay. 907 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,600 - DAVE: North side! - Okay. 908 00:35:46,710 --> 00:35:50,310 Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing. 909 00:35:50,410 --> 00:35:52,440 DAVE: Hello! (LAUGHS) Wow... 910 00:35:52,540 --> 00:35:54,450 I like your style. 911 00:35:56,210 --> 00:35:58,180 Good to see you again. How are you? 912 00:35:58,280 --> 00:35:59,620 - Hi. - Hello. 913 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,220 - Hello. - This is great. 914 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,590 Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park. 915 00:36:03,690 --> 00:36:04,890 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes, yes. 916 00:36:04,990 --> 00:36:06,460 That you won't stop talking about? 917 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,390 That's not true. 918 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:26,750 We are different people. 919 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,950 We speak different languages. 920 00:36:29,050 --> 00:36:30,780 Huh? 921 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,420 We have different faces, 922 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,250 but inside 923 00:36:36,350 --> 00:36:38,690 we are same-same. 924 00:36:38,790 --> 00:36:41,660 Same-same, but different. 925 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,660 But still same. 926 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:44,900 (AARON LAUGHS ANXIOUSLY) 927 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,360 Oh, thank you. 928 00:36:46,460 --> 00:36:47,930 Konichiwa. 929 00:36:48,030 --> 00:36:50,500 You know, I'm very, 930 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,270 very interested in the history of your young nation. 931 00:36:53,370 --> 00:36:54,710 I hear that 932 00:36:54,810 --> 00:36:57,340 absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death. 933 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,740 No. 934 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,910 It's quite all right. 935 00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:02,510 This is a common misconception. 936 00:37:02,610 --> 00:37:04,820 Oh, okay. 937 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:05,920 See for yourself. 938 00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:10,860 Oh, wow! It's a grocery store. 939 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,660 Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place. 940 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,730 Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all. 941 00:37:15,830 --> 00:37:18,099 We have an abundance of food here. 942 00:37:18,100 --> 00:37:19,930 DAVE: And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid! 943 00:37:20,030 --> 00:37:21,730 Hi, little fatty! 944 00:37:21,830 --> 00:37:23,940 Hi. Mm-mm! 945 00:37:24,030 --> 00:37:27,670 We have many fat children in North Korea. 946 00:37:27,770 --> 00:37:28,770 The Supreme Leader 947 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,270 believes it is a hallmark 948 00:37:30,380 --> 00:37:32,010 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 949 00:37:32,110 --> 00:37:33,840 I don't know about all that, 950 00:37:33,940 --> 00:37:35,810 but this one is one that I heard. 951 00:37:35,910 --> 00:37:37,680 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 952 00:37:37,780 --> 00:37:41,390 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 953 00:37:41,490 --> 00:37:43,690 You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo? 954 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:44,960 Does-does he have a butthole? 955 00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:46,890 He does not have a butthole. 956 00:37:46,990 --> 00:37:48,990 He has no need for one. 957 00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,780 (MUSIC) 958 00:38:25,860 --> 00:38:27,900 Whoa! 959 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,630 Ho-ho! Damn, son! 960 00:38:29,730 --> 00:38:30,800 Damn... 961 00:38:30,900 --> 00:38:32,470 SOOK: Right this way. 962 00:38:37,610 --> 00:38:39,810 AARON: I get it. Fucking stop it. 963 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,660 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 964 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:57,860 They are the heads of 965 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,900 our Supreme Leader's personal security. 966 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,370 They have been with him since he was a little boy. 967 00:39:03,470 --> 00:39:04,940 They will search you one last time 968 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,770 before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 969 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:12,580 Just a Gucci bag. 970 00:39:21,090 --> 00:39:23,050 What's this? 971 00:39:23,150 --> 00:39:25,060 DAVE: Uh... 972 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,060 gum. 973 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,390 That is gum. 974 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:34,900 - (GROANS) - Oh, you fucking tried it? 975 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,830 This gun has no flavor. 976 00:39:36,940 --> 00:39:38,900 - If you don't like it, just spit it out. - Just spit it out. 977 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,440 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out. 978 00:39:40,540 --> 00:39:41,670 (DAVE LAUGHS ANXIOUSLY) 979 00:39:41,770 --> 00:39:43,140 Your gum taste like shit. 980 00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,540 - Okay. - (KOH SPEAKING KOREAN) 981 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,750 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 982 00:39:53,950 --> 00:39:55,150 This room 983 00:39:55,250 --> 00:39:57,150 - for Mr. Skylark. - AARON: Cool. 984 00:39:57,260 --> 00:39:59,160 Thanks. 985 00:40:01,230 --> 00:40:03,090 This room for Mr. Rapoport. 986 00:40:03,190 --> 00:40:04,500 Ooh, lovely. 987 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,830 - Thank you. Quaint. - Cute. 988 00:40:05,930 --> 00:40:06,930 - (CHUCKLES) - You know, I'm tired. 989 00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:08,700 How are you feeling? 990 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,570 - We go now. - AARON: Okay. 991 00:40:10,670 --> 00:40:12,440 WHISPERING: Dude, what the fuck? 992 00:40:12,540 --> 00:40:14,140 Hey, uh, you know, 993 00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:15,910 - how's your tummy feeling? - You should have some Tums. 994 00:40:16,010 --> 00:40:16,980 AARON: Maybe you should have some tea. 995 00:40:17,070 --> 00:40:18,110 WHISPERING: Fuck. 996 00:40:18,210 --> 00:40:19,210 - Shh. - Shh. 997 00:40:19,211 --> 00:40:20,610 They could be recording. 998 00:40:20,710 --> 00:40:22,880 - Oh, the thing. - The thing, all right, go. 999 00:40:22,980 --> 00:40:24,750 - DAVE: Oh, uh... - Lovely room. 1000 00:40:24,850 --> 00:40:26,550 - Yeah. - Oh, yes. 1001 00:40:26,650 --> 00:40:27,920 Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now. 1002 00:40:28,020 --> 00:40:29,890 DAVE: Okay, I'll take one with you. 1003 00:40:29,990 --> 00:40:31,520 Why would you take one with me? 1004 00:40:31,620 --> 00:40:32,560 I'm just making up fake conversation. 1005 00:40:32,660 --> 00:40:33,660 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 1006 00:40:33,690 --> 00:40:35,060 (DAVE SIGHS) 1007 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:38,160 What... the... fuck... dude? 1008 00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:40,970 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 1009 00:40:41,070 --> 00:40:42,670 - You're not even supposed to touch it. - And he ate it. 1010 00:40:42,770 --> 00:40:45,170 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 1011 00:40:45,270 --> 00:40:46,800 Shit, he's gonna die. 1012 00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:48,510 Look, look, look, look... 1013 00:40:48,610 --> 00:40:51,010 He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay? 1014 00:40:51,110 --> 00:40:52,790 He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 1015 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,150 He's probably worse than Kim, 1016 00:40:54,250 --> 00:40:56,010 and we're okay with killing Kim, right? 1017 00:40:56,110 --> 00:40:57,650 SOFTLY: Yeah. 1018 00:40:57,750 --> 00:40:59,550 How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way? 1019 00:40:59,580 --> 00:41:00,750 We don't have any poison anymore. 1020 00:41:00,850 --> 00:41:02,590 What happened to it? 1021 00:41:02,690 --> 00:41:04,090 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 1022 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,060 Why the fuck did you switch bags? 1023 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:07,890 - Yeah, Dave! - All right, all right! 1024 00:41:07,990 --> 00:41:10,060 I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry. 1025 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,660 - AARON: I told you. - Listen, just sit tight. 1026 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,200 I am going to contact you. 1027 00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:15,100 Do not fall asleep. 1028 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,170 I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this. 1029 00:41:17,270 --> 00:41:18,700 Thanks. Why'd you tell her? 1030 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:19,900 Tell her what? Because it's the truth. 1031 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:20,970 Why'd you tell her that he ate it? 1032 00:41:21,070 --> 00:41:22,170 Because he did! 1033 00:41:22,270 --> 00:41:25,540 Dude, that was a cock block. 1034 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,910 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 1035 00:41:44,130 --> 00:41:45,730 (MUSIC) 1036 00:41:53,940 --> 00:41:57,610 ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes. 1037 00:41:59,580 --> 00:42:01,300 LACEY VOICE-OVER: We have a bird en route. 1038 00:42:01,350 --> 00:42:04,150 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. 1039 00:42:04,250 --> 00:42:05,550 Aardvark, 1040 00:42:05,650 --> 00:42:07,650 your watch will transmit the coordinates 1041 00:42:07,750 --> 00:42:09,150 to guide in the package. 1042 00:42:09,250 --> 00:42:11,620 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover 1043 00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:12,690 where you can't be detected. 1044 00:42:12,790 --> 00:42:14,160 Okay? 1045 00:42:14,260 --> 00:42:15,960 What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it? 1046 00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:17,230 Why you? 1047 00:42:17,330 --> 00:42:19,060 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught 1048 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,570 or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we? 1049 00:42:21,670 --> 00:42:23,300 You really think I could get caught or killed? 1050 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,070 Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now 1051 00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:27,610 and make sure that you are 1052 00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:29,310 at least 20 yards away from the building. 1053 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,750 Approaching launch zone. 1054 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,590 - (THUNDER RUMBLING) - (AARON BREATHING DEEPLY) 1055 00:42:40,690 --> 00:42:41,920 You ready? 1056 00:42:42,020 --> 00:42:43,320 I think so. 1057 00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:45,100 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. 1058 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:46,590 - Okay, okay. - I think I can do it. 1059 00:42:49,090 --> 00:42:50,690 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna Cherish 1060 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,600 - all the memories we have. - Don't do this! 1061 00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:54,330 - What? - Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? 1062 00:42:54,430 --> 00:42:56,330 - I'm gonna be fine! - All right. I know. 1063 00:42:56,430 --> 00:42:58,140 I'm trying to psych myself up here; You're bringing me down. 1064 00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:00,640 I will love your mother like she was my mother. 1065 00:43:00,740 --> 00:43:02,010 - Just shut up. Shut up. - Okay. 1066 00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:03,140 Shh. 1067 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,180 It's really scary out there. 1068 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,750 Yeah, super-duper scary. 1069 00:43:09,850 --> 00:43:11,370 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 1070 00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:13,120 - I got you. I will not drop you. - Okay. 1071 00:43:13,220 --> 00:43:14,350 - Yeah, just don't drop me. - I got you. 1072 00:43:14,450 --> 00:43:15,890 - I got... Oh! - (SCREAMS) 1073 00:43:15,990 --> 00:43:17,290 - (THUDS) - (GROANS) 1074 00:43:17,390 --> 00:43:18,620 (GASPING) 1075 00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,290 Aardvark, are you all right? 1076 00:43:20,390 --> 00:43:22,060 (AARON COUGHS) 1077 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:23,760 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 1078 00:43:23,860 --> 00:43:25,160 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 1079 00:43:25,260 --> 00:43:27,970 Aardvark is hot. 1080 00:43:28,070 --> 00:43:31,030 I REPEAT: Aardvark is H-O-T hot. 1081 00:43:31,130 --> 00:43:33,040 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 1082 00:43:41,310 --> 00:43:43,050 - This is so scary. - LACEY: Aardvark? 1083 00:43:43,150 --> 00:43:44,820 You're being extremely brave. 1084 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,080 Everybody here is very proud of you. 1085 00:43:47,190 --> 00:43:49,390 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. - Aardvark, 1086 00:43:49,490 --> 00:43:51,360 I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry. 1087 00:43:51,460 --> 00:43:53,060 Just a few more feet, okay? 1088 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,160 Just five to ten more feet. 1089 00:43:55,260 --> 00:43:56,390 AARON: I got to keep going? 1090 00:43:56,490 --> 00:43:57,790 I don't want to keep going. 1091 00:43:57,900 --> 00:43:59,330 Fuck. 1092 00:43:59,430 --> 00:44:04,130 Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom. 1093 00:44:04,230 --> 00:44:06,700 LACEY: Package is inbound. 1094 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:08,710 Arrival time, two minutes. 1095 00:44:10,340 --> 00:44:11,780 Just five more feet. 1096 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,810 Five more feet, and you're on your mark. 1097 00:44:13,910 --> 00:44:15,180 Hey, hey, 1098 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,080 hey, don't move. 1099 00:44:17,180 --> 00:44:19,120 I think I see something. 1100 00:44:19,220 --> 00:44:21,350 - Huh? - There's something out there. 1101 00:44:21,450 --> 00:44:23,250 What do you mean, there's something out there? 1102 00:44:23,350 --> 00:44:25,020 What is it? Can you zoom in on that? 1103 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,720 What do I do? 1104 00:44:26,820 --> 00:44:28,430 Comm One, are you seeing this? 1105 00:44:28,530 --> 00:44:29,390 Zoom in one that thing. 1106 00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:31,290 What is that? 1107 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,120 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 1108 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,170 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 1109 00:44:35,270 --> 00:44:38,200 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 1110 00:44:38,300 --> 00:44:40,440 What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything. 1111 00:44:40,540 --> 00:44:42,240 Dog, big dog. 1112 00:44:42,340 --> 00:44:44,840 - Big dog? - It's like Clifford size. 1113 00:44:44,940 --> 00:44:46,840 We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story." 1114 00:44:46,940 --> 00:44:48,110 It's like a dragon dog. 1115 00:44:48,210 --> 00:44:49,310 This is like a dragon dog. 1116 00:44:49,410 --> 00:44:51,980 Is that a fucking... 1117 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:53,280 Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know... 1118 00:44:53,380 --> 00:44:54,920 It's like a big dog 1119 00:44:55,020 --> 00:44:56,150 that's orange. 1120 00:44:56,250 --> 00:44:57,720 - (LOW GROWL) - It's got stripes. 1121 00:44:57,820 --> 00:45:00,120 It's like a big, orange, stripey dog. 1122 00:45:00,220 --> 00:45:01,730 (DEEP GROWLING) 1123 00:45:05,060 --> 00:45:07,000 There's a tiger. 1124 00:45:07,100 --> 00:45:08,400 It's a fucking tiger. 1125 00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:09,870 WHISPERING: It's a fucking tiger. 1126 00:45:09,970 --> 00:45:11,040 Yes. 1127 00:45:11,130 --> 00:45:12,470 A tiger. 1128 00:45:12,570 --> 00:45:15,010 You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch? 1129 00:45:15,110 --> 00:45:16,210 I told you there were tigers there. 1130 00:45:16,310 --> 00:45:18,010 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 1131 00:45:18,110 --> 00:45:19,010 Look, it's really dark out there. 1132 00:45:19,110 --> 00:45:20,240 He probably doesn't see you. 1133 00:45:20,340 --> 00:45:22,780 - Oh, it fucking sees me. - (TIGER SNARLS) 1134 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,350 - It ha... it has night vision. - They have night vision? 1135 00:45:25,450 --> 00:45:27,320 That tiger has night vision goggles? 1136 00:45:27,420 --> 00:45:28,920 It doesn't have night vision goggles. 1137 00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:30,860 It just naturally has night... 1138 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:32,260 - (SHOUTING) - Listen, just keep the line clear, 1139 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:33,420 Dung Beetle, please? 1140 00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:35,260 Aardvark is in trouble. 1141 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:36,890 What do I do? What do I do? 1142 00:45:36,990 --> 00:45:38,300 OVER RADIO: Talk to me, talk to me. 1143 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:39,930 I didn't want it to come to this, 1144 00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:41,170 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger. 1145 00:45:41,260 --> 00:45:43,270 No, do not! Do not fight the tiger! 1146 00:45:43,370 --> 00:45:45,770 Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls. 1147 00:45:45,870 --> 00:45:47,170 WHIMPERING: I don't see its balls. 1148 00:45:47,270 --> 00:45:48,870 Do not fight the tiger! You will lose! 1149 00:45:48,970 --> 00:45:51,180 If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch. 1150 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,439 - Dave, shut the fuck up. - Cunt punt that fucking bitch! 1151 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,180 Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea. 1152 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,280 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger. 1153 00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,820 (SNARLING, GROWLING) 1154 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:01,050 I'm gonna make a run for it. 1155 00:46:01,150 --> 00:46:02,150 LACEY: Do not run for it! 1156 00:46:02,220 --> 00:46:03,220 You will die. 1157 00:46:03,221 --> 00:46:04,460 It's coming. (SCREAMS) 1158 00:46:05,890 --> 00:46:07,360 You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy! 1159 00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:08,790 Look out, look out! It's coming after you! 1160 00:46:08,890 --> 00:46:09,930 It's coming after you! 1161 00:46:10,030 --> 00:46:11,830 (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 1162 00:46:11,930 --> 00:46:13,900 (TIGER GROANS) 1163 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,500 (PANTING) 1164 00:46:19,370 --> 00:46:20,970 (EXHALES) 1165 00:46:22,470 --> 00:46:24,480 - Oh, God, I'm alive. - Aaron! 1166 00:46:24,570 --> 00:46:26,480 - I'm alive. - (SIGHS) 1167 00:46:26,580 --> 00:46:27,820 Are you in the tiger, Aardvark? 1168 00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,080 Are you inside the tiger? 1169 00:46:29,180 --> 00:46:30,180 LACEY: Are you okay? 1170 00:46:30,181 --> 00:46:31,320 Do you have the package? 1171 00:46:31,420 --> 00:46:33,950 This is Aardvark. 1172 00:46:34,050 --> 00:46:36,010 I think the package just killed the fucking tiger. 1173 00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:38,960 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 1174 00:46:39,060 --> 00:46:40,490 Secure the motherfucking package. 1175 00:46:40,590 --> 00:46:43,260 (AARON GRUNTING WITH EFFORT) 1176 00:46:46,530 --> 00:46:48,870 He's got the package. He has the package. 1177 00:46:48,970 --> 00:46:50,270 I got it; What do I do with it? 1178 00:46:50,370 --> 00:46:51,400 Aardvark, there are people coming. 1179 00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:52,940 You have to act now. 1180 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,570 Secure the package, secure the package. 1181 00:46:54,670 --> 00:46:56,310 - What do I do with it? - They're coming right towards you. 1182 00:46:56,410 --> 00:46:57,510 They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it. 1183 00:46:57,610 --> 00:46:58,540 You got to hide that little missile. 1184 00:46:58,640 --> 00:46:59,910 I have to hide it somewhere? 1185 00:47:00,010 --> 00:47:00,980 Where the fuck do I hide it? 1186 00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,410 (SIGHS) 1187 00:47:02,510 --> 00:47:05,850 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 1188 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,420 What if you hide it in your butt? 1189 00:47:12,020 --> 00:47:14,530 I don't want to stick it in my ass. 1190 00:47:14,630 --> 00:47:16,290 You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark. 1191 00:47:16,390 --> 00:47:17,360 Comm One, please tell me I don't have 1192 00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:18,430 to stick this think in my ass. 1193 00:47:18,530 --> 00:47:19,960 Okay, you're right. Just give us 1194 00:47:20,060 --> 00:47:21,430 one second to come up with a better plan. 1195 00:47:21,530 --> 00:47:23,870 Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it? 1196 00:47:23,970 --> 00:47:25,870 I think he should put it in his asshole. 1197 00:47:25,970 --> 00:47:27,170 We don't have a better plan. You're going to have 1198 00:47:27,270 --> 00:47:28,310 to stick it in your ass. 1199 00:47:28,410 --> 00:47:30,270 No! No! 1200 00:47:30,370 --> 00:47:31,540 No! 1201 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,480 I've never done that. 1202 00:47:33,580 --> 00:47:35,080 I've been there before. It looks huge. 1203 00:47:35,180 --> 00:47:37,620 That tiger blood will lubricate it. 1204 00:47:37,710 --> 00:47:39,280 This will mess up my asshole! 1205 00:47:39,380 --> 00:47:41,420 Aardvark, there-there are people there. 1206 00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,990 They are closing in on you. 1207 00:47:43,090 --> 00:47:44,090 They have guns. 1208 00:47:44,190 --> 00:47:46,420 You need to secure the payload 1209 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:47,890 and you need to secure it in your ass. 1210 00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:48,890 DAVE: Just stick it in your butt. 1211 00:47:48,990 --> 00:47:50,290 Okay, fine, fine. 1212 00:47:50,390 --> 00:47:51,930 I'm there with you, bro. 1213 00:47:52,030 --> 00:47:53,970 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. 1214 00:47:54,070 --> 00:47:55,070 Just breathe. 1215 00:47:55,170 --> 00:47:56,330 Oh, it's cold. 1216 00:47:56,430 --> 00:47:57,630 DAVE: Just let everything go loose. 1217 00:47:57,730 --> 00:47:58,570 Oh, I don't like it! 1218 00:47:58,670 --> 00:48:00,340 The tip is... 1219 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:01,940 it's the worst part. 1220 00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:03,310 Trust me on this. 1221 00:48:03,410 --> 00:48:04,570 - DAVE: Inhale as you do it. - (AARON SQUEALS) 1222 00:48:04,670 --> 00:48:07,410 (FEEDBACK SQUEALS) 1223 00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:09,110 The tip of the package is secure. 1224 00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:10,950 Comm One, that thing is in his butt. 1225 00:48:11,050 --> 00:48:13,050 Owie, owie. 1226 00:48:13,150 --> 00:48:15,190 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. 1227 00:48:15,290 --> 00:48:16,350 Just take it home. 1228 00:48:16,450 --> 00:48:19,320 (GROANS, GASPS) 1229 00:48:24,530 --> 00:48:26,200 The package is secure. 1230 00:48:26,300 --> 00:48:27,430 LACEY: You are a hero. 1231 00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:29,230 You are a goddamn hero. 1232 00:48:29,330 --> 00:48:30,370 - (MEN SHOUTING) - All right, they're coming, they're coming. 1233 00:48:30,470 --> 00:48:32,240 I got to go. Over and out. 1234 00:48:32,340 --> 00:48:34,040 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1235 00:48:34,140 --> 00:48:35,510 Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me. 1236 00:48:35,610 --> 00:48:36,440 Oh, God! 1237 00:48:36,540 --> 00:48:39,140 (BARKING) 1238 00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:40,950 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1239 00:48:43,450 --> 00:48:45,350 (SCREAMING) 1240 00:48:46,350 --> 00:48:48,150 Don't hurt me, please! 1241 00:48:49,250 --> 00:48:50,250 See? There's nothing in here. 1242 00:48:50,350 --> 00:48:51,350 There's nothing in here. 1243 00:48:51,390 --> 00:48:53,390 What? 1244 00:48:53,490 --> 00:48:54,690 Oh, God, no! 1245 00:48:54,790 --> 00:48:57,130 Ow! 1246 00:48:57,230 --> 00:48:58,300 Come on! 1247 00:48:58,400 --> 00:48:59,500 What the fuck? 1248 00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,630 Why? Why'd you do that? 1249 00:49:01,730 --> 00:49:02,730 Why'd you do that?! 1250 00:49:02,770 --> 00:49:04,230 Is this what you want? 1251 00:49:04,340 --> 00:49:06,000 There! You like it?! 1252 00:49:06,100 --> 00:49:07,570 You like it?! 1253 00:49:07,670 --> 00:49:10,110 It's all yours, fuckers! 1254 00:49:10,210 --> 00:49:11,290 Stay in the room, American. 1255 00:49:11,380 --> 00:49:12,410 (SPEAKS KOREAN) 1256 00:49:14,010 --> 00:49:15,980 (DOG BARKS, GUARDS MUTTER IN KOREAN) 1257 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:22,990 Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt? 1258 00:49:23,090 --> 00:49:25,120 - No, they didn't look in my butt. - It's still in there? 1259 00:49:25,220 --> 00:49:27,090 - Yes, it's in there. - Wow. Must be deep. 1260 00:49:27,190 --> 00:49:29,130 - It is. - Get it out. 1261 00:49:29,230 --> 00:49:30,590 I'm gonna fucking get it out. 1262 00:49:30,690 --> 00:49:32,430 I'm here to help. 1263 00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,120 - (TOILET FLUSHES) - Hey. 1264 00:49:52,220 --> 00:49:54,420 - How'd it go? - One ricin strip with your name on it. 1265 00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:55,520 Got it. 1266 00:49:55,620 --> 00:49:57,750 All right. 1267 00:49:57,860 --> 00:49:59,120 See, not so bad. 1268 00:49:59,220 --> 00:50:00,690 Yeah, not so bad. 1269 00:50:00,790 --> 00:50:02,160 - What?! - Yeah. 1270 00:50:02,260 --> 00:50:03,290 - That? - This. 1271 00:50:03,390 --> 00:50:04,460 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 1272 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,460 - No! - Yes. 1273 00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:07,460 I was picturing something, like, this big. 1274 00:50:07,570 --> 00:50:08,729 Yeah, that I could live with. 1275 00:50:08,730 --> 00:50:10,170 As soon as you get home, 1276 00:50:10,270 --> 00:50:11,230 you need to see a proctologist. 1277 00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:12,420 I'm afraid to fucking look. 1278 00:50:12,470 --> 00:50:14,340 You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 1279 00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,340 (KNOCKING) 1280 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,780 Uh, who is it? 1281 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,610 It is, uh, Kim Jong-un. 1282 00:50:20,710 --> 00:50:22,150 What? 1283 00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:25,320 Kim Jong-what? 1284 00:50:25,420 --> 00:50:28,150 I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea. 1285 00:50:28,250 --> 00:50:29,350 What? 1286 00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:30,650 What the fuck? 1287 00:50:30,750 --> 00:50:32,060 - It's him. - It's fucking him. 1288 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:33,220 What is he doing here? What the fuck? 1289 00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:34,360 Hide it, hide it, hide it. 1290 00:50:34,420 --> 00:50:35,420 - Put it back up. - No. 1291 00:50:35,430 --> 00:50:36,510 I'm not putting it back up. 1292 00:50:36,590 --> 00:50:38,160 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room. 1293 00:50:38,260 --> 00:50:39,460 - Okay. What do I do with this? - Go say hi to him. 1294 00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:40,430 Do I put it on right now? 1295 00:50:40,530 --> 00:50:42,170 No, then he'll die when we're still here. 1296 00:50:42,270 --> 00:50:43,230 - (KNOCKING INSISTENTLY) - Put it in your pocket. 1297 00:50:43,330 --> 00:50:44,470 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 1298 00:50:44,570 --> 00:50:46,270 - Come with me. - No, I got to hide this. 1299 00:50:46,370 --> 00:50:48,110 - Aaron, just come with me. - No, no... 1300 00:50:48,210 --> 00:50:50,240 Aaron, Aaron. 1301 00:50:57,510 --> 00:50:59,750 Hi. 1302 00:50:59,850 --> 00:51:02,120 Good morning, Dave. (LIGHT CHUCKLE) 1303 00:51:02,220 --> 00:51:03,520 Good morning. 1304 00:51:03,620 --> 00:51:05,360 Hi. 1305 00:51:05,460 --> 00:51:07,520 Dave Skylark, ah. 1306 00:51:07,630 --> 00:51:09,130 (CHUCKLES) It's crazy. 1307 00:51:09,230 --> 00:51:10,760 (LAUGHS) 1308 00:51:10,860 --> 00:51:12,300 Oh, I have a gift for you. 1309 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:13,430 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 1310 00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,100 This. 1311 00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,170 Oh, oh, this is me. 1312 00:51:18,270 --> 00:51:19,270 It's you. (CHUCKLES) 1313 00:51:19,340 --> 00:51:20,600 Oh, that's great. 1314 00:51:20,700 --> 00:51:23,240 I always wanted one of these... a bust. 1315 00:51:23,340 --> 00:51:24,670 Dave Skylark. 1316 00:51:24,780 --> 00:51:25,780 Hey! 1317 00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:27,310 - Thank you. - You like that? 1318 00:51:27,410 --> 00:51:28,780 So you really like the show? 1319 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,780 No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 1320 00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:32,150 You're like a superfan. 1321 00:51:32,250 --> 00:51:33,720 I really am. 1322 00:51:33,820 --> 00:51:35,120 Yeah. 1323 00:51:35,220 --> 00:51:36,690 That's so cool. 1324 00:51:36,790 --> 00:51:39,120 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 1325 00:51:39,220 --> 00:51:41,690 (SIGHS) Okay, so I, uh, 1326 00:51:41,790 --> 00:51:45,130 thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast 1327 00:51:45,230 --> 00:51:46,730 and a tour of my home. 1328 00:51:46,830 --> 00:51:48,800 I'd absolutely love to. 1329 00:51:50,270 --> 00:51:53,370 You know, I have to admit, before I came here, 1330 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,540 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 1331 00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,210 KIM WRY LAUGH: Of course. 1332 00:51:57,310 --> 00:51:59,580 For decades, you've heard the false rumors: 1333 00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,580 "North Korea is a failed state. 1334 00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:03,610 We can't feed our people." 1335 00:52:03,710 --> 00:52:05,450 - Yeah. - It's all propaganda. 1336 00:52:05,550 --> 00:52:07,420 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 1337 00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:09,290 I did see a fat kid 1338 00:52:09,390 --> 00:52:11,320 and a really nice-looking grocery store. 1339 00:52:11,420 --> 00:52:14,460 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 1340 00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,460 You know, one of my favorite things to do 1341 00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:18,760 is just strolling up and down the aisles 1342 00:52:18,860 --> 00:52:21,300 to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 1343 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,730 I can believe that. 1344 00:52:22,830 --> 00:52:25,340 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 1345 00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:26,900 Screw you, Dave. 1346 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,470 - Hey, you want to see something cool? - Yeah. 1347 00:52:29,570 --> 00:52:31,480 (MUSIC) 1348 00:52:40,450 --> 00:52:42,550 Holy fuck-a-moley! 1349 00:52:42,650 --> 00:52:44,720 Is that real? 1350 00:52:44,820 --> 00:52:47,490 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 1351 00:52:47,590 --> 00:52:51,330 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 1352 00:52:51,430 --> 00:52:53,930 You're so funny, Dave. 1353 00:52:54,030 --> 00:52:55,400 Uh, right. 1354 00:52:55,500 --> 00:52:57,570 Well, can we look inside? 1355 00:52:57,670 --> 00:52:59,340 Fuck, yeah, we can. 1356 00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,600 Come on. (CHUCKLES) 1357 00:53:01,710 --> 00:53:03,340 This is so cool. 1358 00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:05,410 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 1359 00:53:05,510 --> 00:53:06,410 Whoa. 1360 00:53:06,510 --> 00:53:07,780 Is it still live? 1361 00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:09,410 I don't know. 1362 00:53:09,510 --> 00:53:11,680 Maybe we should find out. 1363 00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:14,350 Look... you have a... sound system in here? 1364 00:53:14,450 --> 00:53:18,190 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch. 1365 00:53:18,290 --> 00:53:21,520 (POP SONG PLAYING) 1366 00:53:21,630 --> 00:53:23,490 - Katy Perry? - Oh... (CHUCKLES) 1367 00:53:23,590 --> 00:53:26,530 Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there, 1368 00:53:26,630 --> 00:53:29,200 'cause I've never heard this before in my life. 1369 00:53:29,300 --> 00:53:30,530 I love Katy Perry! 1370 00:53:30,630 --> 00:53:34,370 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪ 1371 00:53:34,470 --> 00:53:37,510 ♪ Come on, show 'em ♪ ♪ what you're worth... ♪ 1372 00:53:37,610 --> 00:53:38,640 I love... I mean, I have this on... 1373 00:53:38,740 --> 00:53:39,640 I listen to this all the time. 1374 00:53:39,740 --> 00:53:42,380 - Really? - I love her! 1375 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:43,910 You know why I really like her? 1376 00:53:44,010 --> 00:53:46,320 'Cause... because she has such a strong message 1377 00:53:46,420 --> 00:53:49,620 for young women and girls across the planet. 1378 00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:51,460 She's a... It's so empowering. 1379 00:53:51,550 --> 00:53:53,390 Yeah. 1380 00:53:53,490 --> 00:53:57,390 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 1381 00:53:57,490 --> 00:53:59,830 Drifting through the wind? 1382 00:53:59,930 --> 00:54:02,470 Wanting to start again. 1383 00:54:02,570 --> 00:54:03,930 Oh. 1384 00:54:04,030 --> 00:54:05,940 ♪ As you shoot across the ♪ 1385 00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,840 ♪ BOTH: Sky, sky, sky... ♪ 1386 00:54:08,940 --> 00:54:10,670 Oh, good times. 1387 00:54:10,770 --> 00:54:12,580 - Yeah. - Yeah. Uh, Dave? 1388 00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,450 Do you think that margaritas are gay 1389 00:54:15,550 --> 00:54:17,410 because they are so sweet? 1390 00:54:17,510 --> 00:54:19,750 Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay? 1391 00:54:19,850 --> 00:54:22,490 No, it's just a question I have. 1392 00:54:22,590 --> 00:54:25,660 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay, 1393 00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:27,690 then who wants to be straight? 1394 00:54:27,790 --> 00:54:29,490 - Not me. - Boring! 1395 00:54:29,590 --> 00:54:31,430 Margaritas are great. 1396 00:54:31,530 --> 00:54:34,700 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 1397 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,270 Let me ask you something. 1398 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,440 Does this thing still run? 1399 00:54:44,610 --> 00:54:46,840 (MUSIC) 1400 00:54:59,390 --> 00:55:01,890 Oh, man, this is great, right? 1401 00:55:01,990 --> 00:55:03,690 Can we fire the gun? 1402 00:55:03,790 --> 00:55:06,300 You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 1403 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:07,500 - Really? - Close that shit. 1404 00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:09,470 - Closing the hatch. - Okay. 1405 00:55:09,570 --> 00:55:11,400 Boom, boom, boom! 1406 00:55:11,500 --> 00:55:13,370 (DAVE AND KIM EXCLAIMING) 1407 00:55:15,470 --> 00:55:17,040 Oh, shit! 1408 00:55:17,140 --> 00:55:19,310 Fuck you, tree! 1409 00:55:20,540 --> 00:55:22,510 The control room will be fully staffed 1410 00:55:22,610 --> 00:55:24,650 to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 1411 00:55:24,750 --> 00:55:26,020 All right. 1412 00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:27,780 This is the kill switch. 1413 00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,950 During the interview, if any parameters are violated, 1414 00:55:31,050 --> 00:55:33,390 I will use it and cut the signal. 1415 00:55:33,490 --> 00:55:35,360 Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here. 1416 00:55:35,460 --> 00:55:38,360 I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission. 1417 00:55:38,460 --> 00:55:40,700 Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me 1418 00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:43,370 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show. 1419 00:55:43,470 --> 00:55:44,940 I know. I've watched every episode 1420 00:55:45,030 --> 00:55:46,900 in preparation for this interview. 1421 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,000 Wow! 1422 00:55:48,010 --> 00:55:49,040 I particularly enjoyed 1423 00:55:49,140 --> 00:55:51,570 the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 1424 00:55:51,670 --> 00:55:53,780 Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good. 1425 00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:55,910 I've never heard this expression before. 1426 00:55:56,010 --> 00:55:57,920 But after seeing it, it is a perfect 1427 00:55:58,010 --> 00:56:00,580 representation of her vagina. 1428 00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:02,650 It is; It looked exactly like that, yeah. 1429 00:56:02,750 --> 00:56:04,520 - It's very deep. - Very deep. Yeah. 1430 00:56:04,620 --> 00:56:05,790 She has quite a hearty moose knuckle. 1431 00:56:05,890 --> 00:56:09,360 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1432 00:56:09,460 --> 00:56:11,700 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1433 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:12,800 Oh, yes, tons. 1434 00:56:19,940 --> 00:56:23,410 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1435 00:56:23,510 --> 00:56:25,610 It's crucial Dave review them before the interview. 1436 00:56:25,710 --> 00:56:27,480 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you 1437 00:56:27,580 --> 00:56:29,550 to your room, where you'll be served lunch. 1438 00:56:29,650 --> 00:56:30,950 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1439 00:56:31,050 --> 00:56:32,550 Oh, ha-ha. Great. 1440 00:56:32,650 --> 00:56:34,620 Thanks, guys. 1441 00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:36,020 (MUSIC) 1442 00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:39,720 (EXCLAIMING, WHOOPING) 1443 00:56:39,820 --> 00:56:42,130 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1444 00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:43,830 What are you gonna do? 1445 00:56:43,930 --> 00:56:45,400 You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.? 1446 00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:46,730 - Nuke your mama. - I bet they can't even 1447 00:56:46,830 --> 00:56:48,470 make it to Australia! 1448 00:56:48,570 --> 00:56:50,600 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1449 00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:51,870 Face! 1450 00:56:54,170 --> 00:56:57,110 Man, this is so nice. 1451 00:56:57,210 --> 00:56:59,580 Let me ask you something. 1452 00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:01,410 Now, don't take this the wrong way. 1453 00:57:01,510 --> 00:57:03,410 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1454 00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,450 Do you pee and poo? 1455 00:57:06,550 --> 00:57:08,190 (LAUGHS) You've heard the stories, huh? 1456 00:57:09,190 --> 00:57:10,990 Yes, I pee and poo. 1457 00:57:11,090 --> 00:57:12,460 So you have a butthole. 1458 00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:13,620 I've got a butthole, 1459 00:57:13,720 --> 00:57:15,430 and it's working overtime. 1460 00:57:15,530 --> 00:57:16,860 You are awesome. 1461 00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,130 You know, this is so weird. 1462 00:57:19,230 --> 00:57:21,730 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1463 00:57:21,830 --> 00:57:23,170 But a lot of people 1464 00:57:23,270 --> 00:57:25,170 say that... 1465 00:57:25,270 --> 00:57:26,870 you're bat-shit crazy. 1466 00:57:26,970 --> 00:57:29,840 They're not wrong. 1467 00:57:31,170 --> 00:57:33,140 I'm 31 years old. 1468 00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:37,050 The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy. 1469 00:57:37,150 --> 00:57:38,850 Hey, what am I to do 1470 00:57:38,950 --> 00:57:40,880 when 24 million people 1471 00:57:40,980 --> 00:57:44,760 look to me as their leader, their god? 1472 00:57:44,860 --> 00:57:48,460 What am I to do when my father's dying wish 1473 00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:51,160 was for me to carry his torch? 1474 00:57:51,260 --> 00:57:52,430 DAVE: Wow. 1475 00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,970 You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1476 00:57:57,070 --> 00:57:58,800 What did he say, Dave? 1477 00:57:58,900 --> 00:58:00,200 "I'm disappointed, 1478 00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:02,640 because you haven't done enough with your life." 1479 00:58:02,740 --> 00:58:05,070 That is fucked up. 1480 00:58:05,170 --> 00:58:06,710 Yeah, tell me about it. 1481 00:58:06,810 --> 00:58:07,980 Jordan! 1482 00:58:09,110 --> 00:58:11,220 Oh! 1483 00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,780 - They call me incompetent. - That's exactly what they 1484 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:17,050 - said about me when I scored this interview. - No way. 1485 00:58:17,150 --> 00:58:20,490 They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent." 1486 00:58:20,590 --> 00:58:22,190 You're handsome, competent, suave. 1487 00:58:22,290 --> 00:58:23,830 How dare they! 1488 00:58:23,930 --> 00:58:28,130 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1489 00:58:28,230 --> 00:58:29,900 But they do. 1490 00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:33,240 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1491 00:58:33,340 --> 00:58:35,270 Words. 1492 00:58:35,370 --> 00:58:39,140 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1493 00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:43,610 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1494 00:58:45,820 --> 00:58:47,820 Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 1495 00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:49,820 (LAUGHS) Exactly. 1496 00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:51,760 They hate us because they ain't us. 1497 00:58:51,860 --> 00:58:53,220 (LAUGHS) 1498 00:58:54,490 --> 00:58:56,690 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 1499 00:58:56,790 --> 00:58:58,290 They hate us because they ain't us. 1500 00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,030 (DAVE LAUGHS) 1501 00:59:00,130 --> 00:59:01,830 Kim! You got it, boy! 1502 00:59:01,930 --> 00:59:03,570 Okay. Okay. Alley-oop! 1503 00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:04,900 Oh! 1504 00:59:06,130 --> 00:59:07,770 - (KIM GROANING) - That's all right. 1505 00:59:07,870 --> 00:59:10,270 - That's all right. - Oh, my ankles. 1506 00:59:10,370 --> 00:59:12,110 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1507 00:59:12,210 --> 00:59:13,710 (KIM PANTING) 1508 00:59:13,810 --> 00:59:16,050 Let me ask you something. 1509 00:59:19,150 --> 00:59:23,590 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1510 00:59:23,690 --> 00:59:28,730 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1511 00:59:28,820 --> 00:59:33,130 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1512 00:59:36,170 --> 00:59:39,170 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1513 00:59:39,270 --> 00:59:42,740 Because guess what I get tons of. 1514 00:59:45,170 --> 00:59:46,780 SINGSONGY: Pussy. 1515 00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:48,980 Oh, my God. 1516 00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:51,750 (MUSIC) 1517 01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:07,800 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1518 01:00:22,310 --> 01:00:23,910 Hey. 1519 01:00:24,010 --> 01:00:25,780 Dude, you just spent the fucking day 1520 01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:26,980 with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1521 01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:28,220 Ah... 1522 01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:29,850 It was amazing. 1523 01:00:29,950 --> 01:00:31,660 - "It was amazing"? - Yeah. 1524 01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,060 I think it was one of the best days of my life. 1525 01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:35,730 - What? - We smoked joints, 1526 01:00:35,830 --> 01:00:37,860 played basketball, 1527 01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:39,330 fucked chicks. 1528 01:00:39,430 --> 01:00:41,130 We had the best margaritas. 1529 01:00:41,230 --> 01:00:43,130 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1530 01:00:43,230 --> 01:00:44,330 Oh, my God. 1531 01:00:44,430 --> 01:00:47,740 Kim Jong is an animal. 1532 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,970 You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right? 1533 01:00:50,070 --> 01:00:53,410 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1534 01:00:53,510 --> 01:00:54,810 Okay. 1535 01:00:54,910 --> 01:00:56,850 America, you know, 1536 01:00:56,950 --> 01:01:01,650 always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up. 1537 01:01:01,750 --> 01:01:04,860 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1538 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,960 - Yeah. - You're the media. 1539 01:01:07,060 --> 01:01:08,730 You get what's happening here? 1540 01:01:08,820 --> 01:01:10,730 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1541 01:01:10,830 --> 01:01:12,400 "Maybe the media's manip..."? 1542 01:01:12,500 --> 01:01:14,400 What the fuck does that even mean? 1543 01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:17,100 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right? 1544 01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:19,100 Spent face-to-face time. 1545 01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:20,440 Dick-to-dick. 1546 01:01:20,540 --> 01:01:23,240 It's just, man, I can sympathize 1547 01:01:23,340 --> 01:01:25,880 with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks. 1548 01:01:25,980 --> 01:01:28,050 Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks? 1549 01:01:28,150 --> 01:01:31,720 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1550 01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:32,720 I didn't see any here. Have you? 1551 01:01:32,820 --> 01:01:33,820 No. 1552 01:01:35,180 --> 01:01:37,450 Your attendance is required in the banquet room 1553 01:01:37,550 --> 01:01:39,290 of the Eternal Leader. 1554 01:01:39,390 --> 01:01:40,990 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. 1555 01:01:41,090 --> 01:01:43,260 You are looking fantastic. 1556 01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:45,260 Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being 1557 01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:47,430 is only making me more suspicious of you two. 1558 01:01:47,530 --> 01:01:49,100 - You don't have to be SUSPICIOUS. - DAVE: Oh, no, no. 1559 01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:50,870 I just want to know what your routine is, man. 1560 01:01:50,970 --> 01:01:52,870 You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...? 1561 01:01:52,970 --> 01:01:54,040 - You're doin' somethin' right. - Yeah, you look good. 1562 01:01:54,140 --> 01:01:55,420 Do not ask us any more question. 1563 01:01:55,510 --> 01:01:57,910 Meet us in the banquet hall. 1564 01:02:02,210 --> 01:02:03,880 (MUSIC) 1565 01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:23,800 (MUSIC) 1566 01:02:32,510 --> 01:02:36,450 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1567 01:02:36,550 --> 01:02:38,450 (DAVE LAUGHS) 1568 01:02:38,550 --> 01:02:40,150 I think it's funny. 1569 01:02:40,250 --> 01:02:41,990 DAVE: That is funny. 1570 01:02:42,090 --> 01:02:43,820 (LAUGHING) 1571 01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:45,090 (GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES) 1572 01:02:45,190 --> 01:02:46,960 (AARON SIGHS, KOH COUGHS) 1573 01:02:49,260 --> 01:02:51,160 Oh, no. 1574 01:02:51,260 --> 01:02:53,400 It's happening. 1575 01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:01,870 QUIETLY: Dave. 1576 01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:04,370 LOUDER: Dave. 1577 01:03:07,110 --> 01:03:08,110 No. 1578 01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:21,960 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1579 01:03:22,060 --> 01:03:23,830 They're good. 1580 01:03:23,930 --> 01:03:25,900 (GASPING) 1581 01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:29,800 QUIETLY: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1582 01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:31,270 Caw, caw. 1583 01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:35,910 (GASPING) 1584 01:03:36,010 --> 01:03:38,210 (MOUTHING) 1585 01:03:40,010 --> 01:03:42,210 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1586 01:03:43,650 --> 01:03:46,120 (GRUNTING) 1587 01:03:46,220 --> 01:03:47,380 (GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES) 1588 01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:48,990 (YU SPEAKS KOREAN) 1589 01:03:50,220 --> 01:03:51,860 (MUSIC STOPS) 1590 01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:53,320 (KOH GASPING, GRUNTING) 1591 01:03:55,460 --> 01:03:57,830 (COUGHING) 1592 01:03:57,930 --> 01:04:01,000 - Oh, no. Oh, no. - (FARTING) 1593 01:04:01,100 --> 01:04:02,900 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1594 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,200 (YU SPEAKING KOREAN) 1595 01:04:07,170 --> 01:04:08,900 - It's happening. - (YU SPEAKING KOREAN) 1596 01:04:09,010 --> 01:04:10,010 (GUNSHOT) 1597 01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,940 (EVERYONE GASPING) 1598 01:04:15,180 --> 01:04:18,080 (KIM SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1599 01:04:18,180 --> 01:04:19,420 (SHOUTING) 1600 01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:23,250 (SHOUTING, SOBBING) 1601 01:04:23,350 --> 01:04:25,620 So gross. 1602 01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:28,020 (CRYING, SHOUTING) 1603 01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:30,160 - (OTHERS CRYING) - DAVE: Oh, no, no, no. 1604 01:04:30,260 --> 01:04:33,030 - (KIM SHOUTING) - Oh, no! Oh, no! 1605 01:04:35,930 --> 01:04:37,600 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 1606 01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:39,270 (SOBBING) 1607 01:04:39,370 --> 01:04:43,040 - Oh, no. Oh, no. - (DAVE SOBBING) 1608 01:04:43,140 --> 01:04:46,510 (EVERYONE WAILING) 1609 01:04:52,710 --> 01:04:55,180 (GROWLS) It's okay, man. 1610 01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:56,450 No. 1611 01:04:56,550 --> 01:04:57,890 Come on, man. 1612 01:04:57,990 --> 01:05:00,320 We just killed two innocent men. 1613 01:05:00,420 --> 01:05:01,920 Look, Dave, first of all, 1614 01:05:02,030 --> 01:05:03,990 it's not your fault that those men died. 1615 01:05:04,090 --> 01:05:05,460 Second of all, they had to go. 1616 01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:06,900 They knew we were up to something. 1617 01:05:08,460 --> 01:05:11,200 - I'm out. - What? 1618 01:05:11,300 --> 01:05:13,220 - You cannot pull out of this. - I'm pulling out. 1619 01:05:13,300 --> 01:05:14,640 - You're way too deep to pull out. - I'm pullin' out. 1620 01:05:14,740 --> 01:05:16,070 No, you are not. You are leaving it in. 1621 01:05:16,170 --> 01:05:17,540 I been pullin' out for years, son. 1622 01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,010 You are not fucking pulling out of this mission. 1623 01:05:20,110 --> 01:05:21,280 That's the only reason we're here. 1624 01:05:21,380 --> 01:05:22,650 We are doing this! 1625 01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,010 Kim is not evil. 1626 01:05:24,110 --> 01:05:25,650 He was just born into a hard situation. 1627 01:05:25,750 --> 01:05:28,690 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave. 1628 01:05:31,650 --> 01:05:34,120 - Mm! - Ugh! 1629 01:05:34,220 --> 01:05:36,090 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1630 01:05:36,190 --> 01:05:38,530 You're fuckin' arrogant. 1631 01:05:38,630 --> 01:05:40,400 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1632 01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:42,500 He's shown you what you want to see. 1633 01:05:42,600 --> 01:05:44,100 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1634 01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,370 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1635 01:05:47,470 --> 01:05:51,110 This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1636 01:05:51,210 --> 01:05:53,510 But you're just Boromir. 1637 01:05:53,610 --> 01:05:55,040 I don't know who the fuck that is. 1638 01:05:55,150 --> 01:05:56,350 "I don't know who Boromir is." 1639 01:05:56,410 --> 01:05:57,510 That's such a Boromir thing to say. 1640 01:05:57,610 --> 01:05:58,980 This is fuckin' done. 1641 01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:00,520 You are fuckin' done after this. 1642 01:06:00,620 --> 01:06:02,990 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1643 01:06:03,090 --> 01:06:04,550 But you are going to kill him! 1644 01:06:04,650 --> 01:06:06,420 You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me 1645 01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:07,960 at the one guy who actually gets me. 1646 01:06:08,060 --> 01:06:10,260 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1647 01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:13,360 A gun can't fire without no bullets. 1648 01:06:13,460 --> 01:06:14,730 What the fuck are you doing?! 1649 01:06:14,830 --> 01:06:18,130 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yes, yes! Yes, yes! 1650 01:06:18,230 --> 01:06:20,170 (GRUNTING) 1651 01:06:20,270 --> 01:06:21,670 Do you realize what you just did? 1652 01:06:21,770 --> 01:06:23,090 I just saved a life, you murderer. 1653 01:06:23,170 --> 01:06:25,670 - You piece of fu... - Mr. Skylark. 1654 01:06:25,780 --> 01:06:27,610 The Supreme Leader requests your presence 1655 01:06:27,710 --> 01:06:29,270 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner. 1656 01:06:29,310 --> 01:06:32,420 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1657 01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:46,400 Hey, Dave. 1658 01:06:46,500 --> 01:06:49,600 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1659 01:06:49,700 --> 01:06:51,430 (SIGHS) 1660 01:06:51,530 --> 01:06:55,410 That was super-gross and fucked-up. 1661 01:06:55,510 --> 01:06:57,040 AARON: Hi. 1662 01:06:57,140 --> 01:06:59,580 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader. 1663 01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:00,780 I'm Aaron. 1664 01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,710 - Aaron? - Hello. 1665 01:07:04,810 --> 01:07:08,620 Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1666 01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:11,650 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1667 01:07:11,750 --> 01:07:15,660 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1668 01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:22,730 SLOW, DISTORTED: Uh-huh. 1669 01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:30,510 SLOW, DISTORTED: No! 1670 01:07:30,610 --> 01:07:32,280 - Don't shake that hand. - Why not? 1671 01:07:32,380 --> 01:07:33,540 Yeah, why not?! 1672 01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:35,210 Because Aaron's a Jew. 1673 01:07:35,310 --> 01:07:38,110 - Oh, gross. - Let's go, Supreme Leader. 1674 01:07:38,210 --> 01:07:39,620 Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1675 01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,750 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1676 01:07:41,850 --> 01:07:44,290 QUIETLY: Fuck you, fuck you! 1677 01:07:44,390 --> 01:07:45,790 Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1678 01:07:45,860 --> 01:07:47,390 (HISSING) 1679 01:07:47,490 --> 01:07:48,760 (PANTING) 1680 01:07:48,860 --> 01:07:51,160 Okay. Okay. 1681 01:07:51,260 --> 01:07:53,560 Oh, fuck. 1682 01:07:54,900 --> 01:07:57,700 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1683 01:07:59,470 --> 01:08:01,400 Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data 1684 01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,670 the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview. 1685 01:08:03,770 --> 01:08:06,080 Now's not really the best time. 1686 01:08:06,180 --> 01:08:08,380 It will only take a moment. 1687 01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:10,780 Yeah, okay. 1688 01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:12,480 - Great. - Thank you. 1689 01:08:12,580 --> 01:08:14,650 SOOK: Would you like to share a drink? 1690 01:08:14,750 --> 01:08:17,250 (MEN SPEAKING KOREAN) 1691 01:08:17,350 --> 01:08:19,090 - (MEN SPEAKING KOREAN) - DAVE: Raise your glasses. 1692 01:08:19,190 --> 01:08:20,860 Koh and Yu! 1693 01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:25,600 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1694 01:08:25,690 --> 01:08:27,800 Loyalty. 1695 01:08:27,900 --> 01:08:29,430 DAVE: I know how you feel. My dog Digby died 1696 01:08:29,530 --> 01:08:32,400 when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1697 01:08:35,540 --> 01:08:38,740 Loyalty is what made my father 1698 01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:40,810 and grandfather so successful. 1699 01:08:40,910 --> 01:08:43,450 That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You. 1700 01:08:43,550 --> 01:08:45,420 KIM: Without loyalty, 1701 01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:47,850 a country is a lawless jungle. 1702 01:08:47,950 --> 01:08:50,750 - (JONG SPEAKS KOREAN) - (MEN RESPOND IN KOREAN) 1703 01:08:50,850 --> 01:08:53,320 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1704 01:08:53,420 --> 01:08:55,890 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees. 1705 01:08:55,990 --> 01:09:01,300 How else can I prevail against so many enemies? 1706 01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,200 Defectors. 1707 01:09:03,300 --> 01:09:05,140 South Korean capitalists. 1708 01:09:05,230 --> 01:09:07,470 The people in this room... 1709 01:09:07,570 --> 01:09:10,470 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1710 01:09:10,570 --> 01:09:13,840 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1711 01:09:15,780 --> 01:09:18,920 To those who seek to undermine me, 1712 01:09:19,020 --> 01:09:21,180 at home and abroad, 1713 01:09:21,280 --> 01:09:24,220 I cannot respond with anything less 1714 01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:27,860 than the totality of my strength! 1715 01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:31,630 If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country 1716 01:09:31,730 --> 01:09:33,730 must be burned to prove it 1717 01:09:33,830 --> 01:09:37,330 then my worthiness as a Kim 1718 01:09:37,430 --> 01:09:39,800 will be demonstrated! 1719 01:09:49,610 --> 01:09:52,180 DAVE: Um... 1720 01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:55,280 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. 1721 01:09:55,390 --> 01:09:57,190 Is that okay? I'm just feelin'... 1722 01:09:57,290 --> 01:10:01,190 Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever. 1723 01:10:01,290 --> 01:10:03,790 Okay. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1724 01:10:03,890 --> 01:10:05,530 I'll be back. 1725 01:10:05,630 --> 01:10:08,970 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads 1726 01:10:09,060 --> 01:10:10,830 of a, uh, dictatorship? 1727 01:10:10,930 --> 01:10:12,500 Ah. 1728 01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:14,500 One day, party officials came to my classroom 1729 01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,410 in search of a young woman 1730 01:10:16,510 --> 01:10:18,780 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1731 01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:21,580 They selected me. 1732 01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:23,310 Over the years, 1733 01:10:23,410 --> 01:10:25,380 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1734 01:10:25,480 --> 01:10:28,780 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1735 01:10:30,450 --> 01:10:32,790 And here I am. 1736 01:10:32,890 --> 01:10:35,560 Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too. 1737 01:10:35,660 --> 01:10:38,660 You've been with Dave a long time. 1738 01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,460 He's a hard guy to leave. 1739 01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:42,480 You just like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1740 01:10:42,500 --> 01:10:44,530 No... (LAUGHS) 1741 01:10:44,630 --> 01:10:46,800 Yes! I know you. 1742 01:10:46,900 --> 01:10:48,840 You're fuckin' awesome. 1743 01:10:48,940 --> 01:10:51,540 - No, I don't understand you. - And it's a little bit weird. 1744 01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:53,840 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country? 1745 01:10:53,940 --> 01:10:57,350 Is that too forward of me to ask? 1746 01:10:57,450 --> 01:11:00,450 What are you lookin' at? 1747 01:11:00,550 --> 01:11:03,650 - I should leave. - Why? 1748 01:11:03,750 --> 01:11:06,960 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you 1749 01:11:07,060 --> 01:11:09,260 will cause me to make mistakes. 1750 01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,330 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1751 01:11:11,430 --> 01:11:13,860 Fuck this! 1752 01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:15,600 (MOANING PASSIONATELY) 1753 01:11:15,700 --> 01:11:17,300 Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop, 1754 01:11:17,370 --> 01:11:18,840 this is all I've been thinking about. 1755 01:11:18,930 --> 01:11:20,440 Me, too. 1756 01:11:20,540 --> 01:11:22,840 (GROANING, MOANING PASSIONATELY) 1757 01:11:24,410 --> 01:11:25,410 (DAVE SIGHS) 1758 01:11:25,510 --> 01:11:26,410 (WIND WHISTLING, DOG BARKING) 1759 01:11:26,510 --> 01:11:28,410 (CATS YOWLING) 1760 01:11:32,450 --> 01:11:35,450 (MUSIC) 1761 01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:45,560 (WIND WHISTLING) 1762 01:12:21,730 --> 01:12:24,730 (MUSIC) 1763 01:12:27,470 --> 01:12:28,640 (LIGHT CLACKING) 1764 01:12:40,550 --> 01:12:43,020 Fake. 1765 01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,490 Fake carrots. 1766 01:12:45,590 --> 01:12:46,760 Fake fruit! 1767 01:12:46,860 --> 01:12:47,920 Fake! 1768 01:12:49,720 --> 01:12:51,730 Fake! 1769 01:12:51,830 --> 01:12:54,500 Fake grapefruits! 1770 01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:56,500 Fake! 1771 01:12:57,530 --> 01:12:59,530 Liar! 1772 01:13:00,900 --> 01:13:03,910 You liar! 1773 01:13:04,010 --> 01:13:06,440 (YELLS) 1774 01:13:06,540 --> 01:13:08,440 (BOTH MOANING) 1775 01:13:10,910 --> 01:13:12,920 Why aren't I naked yet? 1776 01:13:13,020 --> 01:13:15,120 Uh... 1777 01:13:15,220 --> 01:13:17,050 (BOTH GRUNT) 1778 01:13:17,150 --> 01:13:18,650 - Aah! - Yeah. 1779 01:13:18,750 --> 01:13:21,120 You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear! 1780 01:13:21,220 --> 01:13:23,160 You're fucking sexy, yeah. 1781 01:13:23,260 --> 01:13:25,130 Your nipples are so pink! 1782 01:13:25,230 --> 01:13:26,230 Yes, they are. 1783 01:13:26,231 --> 01:13:27,560 I love it! 1784 01:13:27,660 --> 01:13:28,760 (GROANING) 1785 01:13:28,860 --> 01:13:30,700 Okay, no, whoa, no! 1786 01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:32,570 - No hands. - No hands? 1787 01:13:32,670 --> 01:13:33,700 I'm not into handsy shit. 1788 01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:34,800 That's how I like it. 1789 01:13:34,870 --> 01:13:35,870 Well... 1790 01:13:36,810 --> 01:13:38,980 Just take it off. 1791 01:13:39,070 --> 01:13:40,810 Okay. 1792 01:13:40,910 --> 01:13:41,910 (BOTH GRUNT) 1793 01:13:41,911 --> 01:13:42,980 You said no hands! 1794 01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:44,150 You fucking hit me with your hand! 1795 01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:45,950 How do I get it off? 1796 01:13:46,050 --> 01:13:49,090 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1797 01:13:49,180 --> 01:13:51,020 Okay, I will! 1798 01:13:51,120 --> 01:13:52,560 This is awesome. 1799 01:13:52,650 --> 01:13:54,490 (AARON GROWLING, SOOK MOANING) 1800 01:13:54,590 --> 01:13:58,190 (LAUGHING) 1801 01:13:58,290 --> 01:14:00,200 Oh, this is hard. 1802 01:14:00,300 --> 01:14:03,970 (GROWLING) 1803 01:14:04,070 --> 01:14:05,070 (MUTTERING) 1804 01:14:05,070 --> 01:14:06,070 Shit... 1805 01:14:07,570 --> 01:14:09,570 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1806 01:14:10,970 --> 01:14:14,880 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1807 01:14:14,980 --> 01:14:17,010 are exaggerated. 1808 01:14:17,110 --> 01:14:18,650 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1809 01:14:18,750 --> 01:14:19,870 If you want, you can give me 1810 01:14:19,920 --> 01:14:21,580 the real numbers, and we can get back 1811 01:14:21,680 --> 01:14:24,490 - to what we were doing. - No, it's not just the numbers. 1812 01:14:24,590 --> 01:14:26,490 I am a terrible person. 1813 01:14:26,590 --> 01:14:27,590 No, you're not. You're the best person. 1814 01:14:27,690 --> 01:14:29,050 You were about to have sex with me. 1815 01:14:29,090 --> 01:14:30,810 That's like the best thing someone could do. 1816 01:14:30,860 --> 01:14:34,600 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1817 01:14:34,700 --> 01:14:36,600 That's an area you could improve, 1818 01:14:36,700 --> 01:14:39,130 but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything. 1819 01:14:39,230 --> 01:14:43,170 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him. 1820 01:14:43,270 --> 01:14:44,840 You knew this this whole time. 1821 01:14:44,940 --> 01:14:46,940 Why is this just bothering you now? 1822 01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:48,940 It's been bothering me for a long time, 1823 01:14:49,050 --> 01:14:51,910 and I'm not the only one, 1824 01:14:52,010 --> 01:14:55,920 but too many people see him as a god. 1825 01:14:56,020 --> 01:14:58,820 How do you prove to 24 million people 1826 01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:02,630 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1827 01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:04,720 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - DAVE: Aaron, I need to talk. 1828 01:15:04,730 --> 01:15:06,030 WHISPERING: Fuck, it's Dave... shit. 1829 01:15:06,130 --> 01:15:07,160 (KNOCKING) 1830 01:15:07,260 --> 01:15:08,860 You, you hide in there, I'll be back. 1831 01:15:08,970 --> 01:15:11,070 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay, go, go, go... 1832 01:15:11,170 --> 01:15:12,770 Oh, shit. 1833 01:15:12,870 --> 01:15:15,570 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec. 1834 01:15:15,670 --> 01:15:18,510 - One sec... don't come in, don't come in! - I need to talk. 1835 01:15:18,610 --> 01:15:20,180 Hey, how's it going, dude? 1836 01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:21,810 - Not good. - Uh, maybe now's 1837 01:15:21,910 --> 01:15:23,110 not a good time, maybe we should take a walk. 1838 01:15:23,210 --> 01:15:25,650 No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off. 1839 01:15:25,750 --> 01:15:26,820 I cannot walk this off. 1840 01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:28,120 I need to... 1841 01:15:28,220 --> 01:15:29,590 (GROANS) 1842 01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:30,850 I'm so fucking pissed. 1843 01:15:30,950 --> 01:15:32,110 I just want to hit something! 1844 01:15:32,150 --> 01:15:33,150 No, no! 1845 01:15:33,190 --> 01:15:34,290 No, don't punch anything! 1846 01:15:34,390 --> 01:15:35,990 (GRUNTING) 1847 01:15:36,820 --> 01:15:37,830 Breathe. 1848 01:15:37,930 --> 01:15:39,730 Just breathe, maybe pace it out. 1849 01:15:39,830 --> 01:15:41,660 Fuck, man. 1850 01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:43,000 Kim. 1851 01:15:43,100 --> 01:15:44,830 - Wha-What about him? - He's going crazy. 1852 01:15:44,930 --> 01:15:46,200 He said he's going to blow up the world 1853 01:15:46,300 --> 01:15:47,970 just to show that he's the shit. 1854 01:15:48,070 --> 01:15:49,710 And at first, I thought, 1855 01:15:49,810 --> 01:15:51,940 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know, 1856 01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:54,680 maybe he doesn't mean it." 1857 01:15:54,780 --> 01:15:57,850 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. 1858 01:15:57,950 --> 01:15:58,980 What? 1859 01:15:59,950 --> 01:16:01,680 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1860 01:16:01,780 --> 01:16:03,090 He fucking lied to me. 1861 01:16:03,180 --> 01:16:05,820 Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1862 01:16:05,920 --> 01:16:09,830 I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps? 1863 01:16:09,930 --> 01:16:10,960 And the famine... maybe that's real. 1864 01:16:11,060 --> 01:16:13,030 God! 1865 01:16:13,130 --> 01:16:15,730 It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1866 01:16:15,830 --> 01:16:16,970 He fucking honeydicked me. 1867 01:16:17,070 --> 01:16:19,100 He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1868 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:21,240 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1869 01:16:24,340 --> 01:16:26,840 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1870 01:16:26,940 --> 01:16:28,740 I want to know if you have the fucking poison 1871 01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:31,250 - so we can kill that motherfucker. - What?! 1872 01:16:31,350 --> 01:16:32,920 Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?! 1873 01:16:33,020 --> 01:16:34,780 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on here?! 1874 01:16:34,820 --> 01:16:36,250 - You can trust me, I'm okay. - You can trust her, man! 1875 01:16:36,350 --> 01:16:38,750 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her. 1876 01:16:38,850 --> 01:16:40,890 - Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Dude, I was in bed with her! 1877 01:16:40,990 --> 01:16:42,120 - What?! - We're hooking up. 1878 01:16:42,220 --> 01:16:43,630 - That's why she's here. - What?! 1879 01:16:43,730 --> 01:16:45,060 Let him go; Everything is fine. 1880 01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:46,260 Now we got to kill the girl that you like. 1881 01:16:46,360 --> 01:16:47,800 This is the worst moment ever! 1882 01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:49,360 We're not killing her! 1883 01:16:49,470 --> 01:16:50,900 (BOTH GRUNT) 1884 01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:52,340 - DAVE: She's loyal to Kim. - No! 1885 01:16:52,430 --> 01:16:55,600 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us. 1886 01:16:55,710 --> 01:16:56,740 I hate Kim. 1887 01:16:56,840 --> 01:16:58,810 He is a terrible leader. 1888 01:16:58,910 --> 01:17:00,080 - See? - Okay. 1889 01:17:00,180 --> 01:17:01,810 She can help us kill him. 1890 01:17:01,910 --> 01:17:03,680 What? No, no, no killing. 1891 01:17:03,780 --> 01:17:04,780 Kim must die. 1892 01:17:04,781 --> 01:17:06,180 That's the American way. 1893 01:17:06,280 --> 01:17:09,190 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1894 01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:10,820 As many times as it takes. 1895 01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:12,390 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1896 01:17:12,490 --> 01:17:13,760 You said it yourself. 1897 01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:15,390 We got to do something, right? 1898 01:17:15,490 --> 01:17:16,930 He will be replaced. 1899 01:17:17,030 --> 01:17:18,160 He has brothers, he has other generals. 1900 01:17:18,260 --> 01:17:19,360 The people need 1901 01:17:19,460 --> 01:17:22,160 to be shown that he is not a god, 1902 01:17:22,260 --> 01:17:23,770 that he is a man. 1903 01:17:23,870 --> 01:17:25,770 Then they will be ready for change. 1904 01:17:25,870 --> 01:17:27,940 Yeah, how? 1905 01:17:28,040 --> 01:17:30,170 Interviewing him. 1906 01:17:30,270 --> 01:17:33,040 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1907 01:17:33,140 --> 01:17:34,940 No... the interview's scripted. 1908 01:17:35,040 --> 01:17:38,250 His people are never going to let me ask real questions. 1909 01:17:38,350 --> 01:17:40,650 Dave, I am his people. 1910 01:17:40,750 --> 01:17:41,790 She controls the broadcast. 1911 01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:44,020 I can't do political interviews. 1912 01:17:44,120 --> 01:17:45,920 I do entertainment interviews. 1913 01:17:46,020 --> 01:17:48,420 Dude, you can fucking do this. 1914 01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:50,520 - Yeah? - Yeah, you don't interview with your brain. 1915 01:17:50,530 --> 01:17:52,060 You interview with your heart. 1916 01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:54,430 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1917 01:17:54,530 --> 01:17:57,430 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby 1918 01:17:57,530 --> 01:18:00,200 in front of all of North Korea? 1919 01:18:00,300 --> 01:18:01,940 They'll know he's not a god. 1920 01:18:02,040 --> 01:18:05,980 - I think I can do this. - You can do it. 1921 01:18:06,070 --> 01:18:09,350 I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone. 1922 01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:10,810 Yeah, you can. 1923 01:18:10,910 --> 01:18:13,280 Let's take this motherfucker down! 1924 01:18:13,380 --> 01:18:16,280 (MUSIC) 1925 01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:29,230 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Oh, ah! 1926 01:18:29,330 --> 01:18:31,170 - You got a lot of pent-up energy! - (SCREAMING) 1927 01:18:31,270 --> 01:18:32,270 Oh, God! 1928 01:18:34,470 --> 01:18:36,710 Okay, everything's ready. 1929 01:18:36,810 --> 01:18:37,840 Uh, you ready to rock? 1930 01:18:37,940 --> 01:18:38,970 Y-You memorize all those facts? 1931 01:18:39,070 --> 01:18:40,070 I'm ready, baby. 1932 01:18:40,071 --> 01:18:41,140 Great. 1933 01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:42,760 How many people in concentration camps? 1934 01:18:42,850 --> 01:18:43,850 200,000. 1935 01:18:43,880 --> 01:18:44,850 How many people malnourished? 1936 01:18:44,950 --> 01:18:46,050 16 million. 1937 01:18:46,150 --> 01:18:48,050 They spent $800 million on nukes last year 1938 01:18:48,150 --> 01:18:51,420 and got $200 million in food aid from the UN. 1939 01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,790 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1940 01:18:53,890 --> 01:18:56,260 Really good... you're going to nail this shit. 1941 01:18:56,360 --> 01:18:58,130 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. - Why don't we go 1942 01:18:58,230 --> 01:19:00,350 - to Japan? - Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan. 1943 01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,030 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1944 01:19:02,130 --> 01:19:03,900 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far. 1945 01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:05,400 - People have done it. - Nope. 1946 01:19:05,500 --> 01:19:07,299 - Yep, Michael Phelps did it. - That's not true. 1947 01:19:07,300 --> 01:19:08,340 - (KNOCKING) - Okay. - Okay. 1948 01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:10,280 MAN: Skylark, two-minute warning. 1949 01:19:10,370 --> 01:19:11,770 Just keep me on the air as long as you can. 1950 01:19:11,870 --> 01:19:12,910 I will, man. 1951 01:19:13,010 --> 01:19:14,780 Maybe we won't get out of here. 1952 01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:16,210 No, we might die. 1953 01:19:16,310 --> 01:19:18,780 I've had a great life. 1954 01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:20,150 I had the best best friend. 1955 01:19:20,250 --> 01:19:22,890 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1956 01:19:22,980 --> 01:19:24,420 And now it's time 1957 01:19:24,520 --> 01:19:26,760 for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1958 01:19:28,020 --> 01:19:30,760 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1959 01:19:32,230 --> 01:19:36,170 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, 1960 01:19:36,270 --> 01:19:39,170 they knew that this might be 1961 01:19:39,270 --> 01:19:41,340 the end of the long road, 1962 01:19:41,440 --> 01:19:43,440 but they also knew 1963 01:19:43,540 --> 01:19:46,240 how much they meant to each other, and even though 1964 01:19:46,340 --> 01:19:49,910 neither one could say it out loud, 1965 01:19:50,010 --> 01:19:52,480 they were both thinking... 1966 01:19:52,580 --> 01:19:55,120 BOTH WHISPERING: I love you. 1967 01:19:56,950 --> 01:19:59,050 Okay, man, you got this. 1968 01:19:59,150 --> 01:20:00,150 Okay. 1969 01:20:03,390 --> 01:20:05,390 Showtime. 1970 01:20:05,490 --> 01:20:08,060 (MUSIC) 1971 01:20:31,490 --> 01:20:34,360 (MUSIC) 1972 01:20:56,610 --> 01:20:59,220 (MUSIC) 1973 01:21:03,020 --> 01:21:05,050 Dave. 1974 01:21:05,150 --> 01:21:06,390 Kim. 1975 01:21:06,490 --> 01:21:07,620 (CHUCKLES) 1976 01:21:08,990 --> 01:21:10,430 Are you ready to share with the world 1977 01:21:10,530 --> 01:21:12,390 that gorgeous smile of yours? 1978 01:21:12,490 --> 01:21:15,460 Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see. 1979 01:21:15,560 --> 01:21:17,070 (KIM CHUCKLING) 1980 01:21:17,170 --> 01:21:18,400 I have something for you. 1981 01:21:18,500 --> 01:21:20,140 What?! 1982 01:21:22,670 --> 01:21:23,870 What's this? 1983 01:21:23,970 --> 01:21:25,210 Open. 1984 01:21:28,280 --> 01:21:30,350 (GASPS) 1985 01:21:31,580 --> 01:21:33,650 Aw... aw! 1986 01:21:33,750 --> 01:21:35,280 - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) - For me? 1987 01:21:35,380 --> 01:21:37,290 For you. 1988 01:21:37,390 --> 01:21:40,090 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...! 1989 01:21:40,190 --> 01:21:42,890 Oh, he's just like Digby. 1990 01:21:42,990 --> 01:21:44,090 Just like Digby. 1991 01:21:44,190 --> 01:21:45,430 I think I'm gonna die. 1992 01:21:45,530 --> 01:21:47,360 - Oh, my God... - Don't die, please. 1993 01:21:47,460 --> 01:21:49,430 Not till after the interview. (LAUGHING) 1994 01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:52,100 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1995 01:21:52,200 --> 01:21:54,100 - He's crazy cute. - Can I keep it? 1996 01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:56,570 Take him home, forever and ever. 1997 01:21:56,670 --> 01:21:58,910 (SIGHS HAPPILY) Why? 1998 01:21:59,010 --> 01:22:03,610 I live a lonely life, Dave... 1999 01:22:03,710 --> 01:22:06,250 and it warms my heart to know 2000 01:22:06,350 --> 01:22:08,180 that there is someone in this world 2001 01:22:08,280 --> 01:22:11,390 with whom I can truly be myself. 2002 01:22:11,490 --> 01:22:14,390 Whatever they say about you... 2003 01:22:16,120 --> 01:22:17,530 they're wrong. 2004 01:22:17,630 --> 01:22:19,360 (QUIET LAUGH) 2005 01:22:19,460 --> 01:22:22,200 I'm just me and I do my best. 2006 01:22:22,300 --> 01:22:23,400 You're my brother. 2007 01:22:23,500 --> 01:22:25,070 (KIM CHUCKLES, PUPPY WHIMPERS) 2008 01:22:25,170 --> 01:22:26,500 KIM: You're my brother. 2009 01:22:28,500 --> 01:22:30,340 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 2010 01:22:30,440 --> 01:22:32,110 - Okay. - CHUCKLING: Okay. 2011 01:22:32,210 --> 01:22:34,640 DAVE: And what are we gonna name you, huh? 2012 01:22:34,740 --> 01:22:36,540 You need a name? Yes, you do. 2013 01:22:36,640 --> 01:22:38,410 (SMOOCHING LIGHTLY) 2014 01:22:38,510 --> 01:22:42,480 (DAVE CONTINUES SMOOCHING, PUPPY YELPS) 2015 01:22:42,580 --> 01:22:44,720 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 2016 01:22:44,820 --> 01:22:46,290 (DAVE LAUGHING) 2017 01:22:46,390 --> 01:22:48,360 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 2018 01:22:48,460 --> 01:22:50,630 IN BABY TALK: We see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 2019 01:22:52,430 --> 01:22:53,530 - Okay... - KIM: Okay. 2020 01:22:53,630 --> 01:22:55,360 - Shall we begin? - Are you ready? 2021 01:22:55,460 --> 01:22:56,670 Shut the fuck up. 2022 01:22:56,770 --> 01:22:57,670 Guys, it's starting! It's starting. 2023 01:22:57,770 --> 01:22:59,370 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2024 01:22:59,470 --> 01:23:02,340 AARON OVER INTERCOM: And we're on in five... 2025 01:23:02,440 --> 01:23:04,310 four, three... 2026 01:23:07,340 --> 01:23:09,010 Good evening. 2027 01:23:09,110 --> 01:23:10,680 And good morning to our viewers around the world. 2028 01:23:10,780 --> 01:23:12,510 I'm Dave Skylark. 2029 01:23:12,610 --> 01:23:16,520 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 2030 01:23:16,620 --> 01:23:18,290 I'm with President Kim Jong-un 2031 01:23:18,390 --> 01:23:21,260 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 2032 01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:23,190 OVER TV: We are broadcasting 2033 01:23:23,290 --> 01:23:25,360 from a station outside of Pyongyang 2034 01:23:25,460 --> 01:23:27,200 for this very special edition of: 2035 01:23:27,300 --> 01:23:29,060 "Skylark Tonight." 2036 01:23:29,160 --> 01:23:30,400 (KIM CHUCKLES) 2037 01:23:30,500 --> 01:23:32,600 (DAVE SIGHS) Thank you for joining me, 2038 01:23:32,700 --> 01:23:34,300 President Kim Jong-un. 2039 01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:36,070 It is my pleasure, Dave. 2040 01:23:36,170 --> 01:23:38,670 You know, there is so much misunderstanding 2041 01:23:38,770 --> 01:23:40,410 about North Korea 2042 01:23:40,510 --> 01:23:42,380 and, uh, me personally. 2043 01:23:42,480 --> 01:23:44,410 - Mm-hmm. - And I can't think of a man 2044 01:23:44,510 --> 01:23:46,680 with greater intelligence than you. 2045 01:23:46,780 --> 01:23:48,220 I am grateful 2046 01:23:48,320 --> 01:23:50,750 for this opportunity for my government 2047 01:23:50,850 --> 01:23:53,150 and for the international community 2048 01:23:53,260 --> 01:23:56,790 to forge a better relationship. 2049 01:23:56,890 --> 01:23:58,560 So you want to set the record straight. 2050 01:23:58,660 --> 01:24:00,030 Indeed, Dave. 2051 01:24:00,130 --> 01:24:01,560 AARON QUIETLY: Camera three. 2052 01:24:01,660 --> 01:24:03,100 DAVE: Tensions between your nation 2053 01:24:03,200 --> 01:24:06,340 and South Korea are at an all-time high. 2054 01:24:06,430 --> 01:24:09,500 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 2055 01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:12,170 So, what I want to know is: 2056 01:24:12,270 --> 01:24:14,710 In these times of great stress, 2057 01:24:14,810 --> 01:24:16,580 do you do karaoke? 2058 01:24:16,680 --> 01:24:18,350 Yes, I do, Dave. 2059 01:24:18,450 --> 01:24:22,050 I believe that it is important for those in power 2060 01:24:22,150 --> 01:24:24,520 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 2061 01:24:24,620 --> 01:24:27,660 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 2062 01:24:27,760 --> 01:24:29,320 KIM: Well, how can I not be? 2063 01:24:29,420 --> 01:24:30,820 He's reading the scripted questions. 2064 01:24:30,830 --> 01:24:32,660 AARON: He lulls them and then he gets them. 2065 01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:34,260 It's his technique. 2066 01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:35,660 The beauty guides you. 2067 01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:37,230 It guides my hand. 2068 01:24:37,330 --> 01:24:39,770 This is fuckin' bullshit. 2069 01:24:39,870 --> 01:24:41,440 Let's take it to a serious tip. 2070 01:24:41,540 --> 01:24:43,270 Supreme Leader Kim, when... 2071 01:24:43,370 --> 01:24:45,140 the United States, 2072 01:24:45,240 --> 01:24:48,280 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons, 2073 01:24:48,380 --> 01:24:53,450 insists that countries like yours have none, 2074 01:24:53,550 --> 01:24:56,480 does that feel hypocritical to you? 2075 01:24:56,590 --> 01:24:58,850 Many Americans do not realize 2076 01:24:58,950 --> 01:25:01,160 that the war in North Korea 2077 01:25:01,260 --> 01:25:03,860 was entirely the fault of the United States. 2078 01:25:03,960 --> 01:25:06,690 Damn! Kim's callin' us out! 2079 01:25:06,800 --> 01:25:08,720 - You really are still hopeful? - No, no, I'm not 2080 01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:11,170 hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan. 2081 01:25:11,270 --> 01:25:13,300 America, what you done to these Koreans? 2082 01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:15,400 This is a little embarrassing. 2083 01:25:15,500 --> 01:25:18,240 So when you think of all that your country has been through... 2084 01:25:18,340 --> 01:25:21,140 The wars, the floods... 2085 01:25:21,240 --> 01:25:23,680 do you think that your people should be rewarded 2086 01:25:23,780 --> 01:25:26,780 for their resilience and strength? 2087 01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:29,450 Of course, Dave. 2088 01:25:32,720 --> 01:25:34,560 Then why don't you feed them? 2089 01:25:37,790 --> 01:25:39,430 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2090 01:25:39,530 --> 01:25:40,730 - (MURMURING) - Hmm... - Mm... 2091 01:25:42,430 --> 01:25:46,200 KIM OVER MONITOR: Uh... I... 2092 01:25:46,300 --> 01:25:48,200 AARON: Camera two. 2093 01:25:50,210 --> 01:25:51,910 I... beg your pardon? 2094 01:25:52,010 --> 01:25:54,280 Why don't you feed your people? 2095 01:25:54,380 --> 01:25:55,480 They are hungry. 2096 01:25:55,580 --> 01:25:57,550 Specifically, two-thirds of them? 2097 01:25:57,650 --> 01:25:59,920 Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're 2098 01:26:00,020 --> 01:26:02,280 the one they view as a provider and a god? 2099 01:26:02,380 --> 01:26:05,350 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 2100 01:26:05,450 --> 01:26:06,920 And you have 16 million people 2101 01:26:07,020 --> 01:26:08,520 who are starving? 2102 01:26:14,530 --> 01:26:17,430 Are you sure you don't, uh... 2103 01:26:17,530 --> 01:26:20,170 mean to ask me about potato yields? 2104 01:26:20,270 --> 01:26:21,500 No, I want to know 2105 01:26:21,600 --> 01:26:23,170 about that other thing I just asked. 2106 01:26:23,270 --> 01:26:24,470 KIM: Okay, uh, well, uh... 2107 01:26:24,570 --> 01:26:27,310 Dave, as you have seen for yourself 2108 01:26:27,410 --> 01:26:30,180 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 2109 01:26:30,280 --> 01:26:32,210 DAVE: What I saw for myself 2110 01:26:32,310 --> 01:26:35,580 was a fake grocery store 2111 01:26:35,680 --> 01:26:37,890 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it. 2112 01:26:41,560 --> 01:26:43,790 KIM: Okay, uh, this is, uh... 2113 01:26:43,890 --> 01:26:45,730 an offensive line of questioning. 2114 01:26:45,830 --> 01:26:48,260 I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important. 2115 01:26:48,360 --> 01:26:49,500 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions, 2116 01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:50,670 you can just get up and walk away. 2117 01:26:50,770 --> 01:26:52,730 I can't keep you from retreating. 2118 01:26:52,830 --> 01:26:54,500 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's not. He's sitting there. 2119 01:26:54,600 --> 01:26:56,470 - He's not moving. - He's going for the button. 2120 01:26:56,570 --> 01:26:58,610 He's going for the button, he's going for the button... 2121 01:26:58,710 --> 01:26:59,610 He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move! 2122 01:26:59,710 --> 01:27:01,880 Don't move, homie! 2123 01:27:01,980 --> 01:27:03,779 Get your hand away from there! Get over there! 2124 01:27:03,780 --> 01:27:04,780 Over there! 2125 01:27:04,781 --> 01:27:05,880 Get over there! 2126 01:27:07,610 --> 01:27:08,650 I will cap you! 2127 01:27:08,750 --> 01:27:09,950 I'm exploding with energy. 2128 01:27:10,050 --> 01:27:11,590 I can't believe this is happening. 2129 01:27:11,690 --> 01:27:13,890 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 2130 01:27:13,990 --> 01:27:16,420 He's got him. Nice! 2131 01:27:16,520 --> 01:27:17,840 - Dave! Dave... - I know you, Kim. 2132 01:27:25,800 --> 01:27:27,300 Dave... 2133 01:27:27,400 --> 01:27:29,440 perhaps the question you should ask is: 2134 01:27:29,540 --> 01:27:33,240 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished 2135 01:27:33,340 --> 01:27:36,310 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions 2136 01:27:36,410 --> 01:27:40,380 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 2137 01:27:40,480 --> 01:27:42,950 Sanctions? Uh... 2138 01:27:43,050 --> 01:27:44,790 Don't you know that the United States 2139 01:27:44,890 --> 01:27:47,960 has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea? 2140 01:27:48,060 --> 01:27:49,920 - No. But... - So, perhaps, now, 2141 01:27:50,020 --> 01:27:51,730 you would like to return 2142 01:27:51,830 --> 01:27:55,330 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon. 2143 01:27:55,430 --> 01:27:57,470 DAVE OVER TV: Uh... 2144 01:27:57,570 --> 01:27:59,400 - No! - (GROANING, GRUNTING) 2145 01:28:03,670 --> 01:28:05,610 AARON: Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 2146 01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:11,850 Camera three! Camera three! 2147 01:28:16,820 --> 01:28:18,890 Do not move, homie! 2148 01:28:18,990 --> 01:28:21,360 - (CRUNCHING, CRACKING) - (SCREAMING) 2149 01:28:23,460 --> 01:28:27,360 (ALL SCREAMING) 2150 01:28:27,460 --> 01:28:29,860 Give me something! Give me fucking something! 2151 01:28:29,970 --> 01:28:31,770 Okay... 2152 01:28:31,870 --> 01:28:33,700 Why?! 2153 01:28:33,800 --> 01:28:35,900 Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 2154 01:28:36,000 --> 01:28:38,510 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 2155 01:28:38,610 --> 01:28:40,840 Have you seen one person mistreated 2156 01:28:40,940 --> 01:28:42,980 since your arrival here? 2157 01:28:46,610 --> 01:28:48,480 Oh, shit! Someone's coming. 2158 01:28:48,580 --> 01:28:49,750 Someone's coming. 2159 01:28:51,150 --> 01:28:53,390 - (ALARM BLARES) - (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2160 01:29:03,630 --> 01:29:05,370 AARON: Oh, fuck! Fuck! 2161 01:29:05,470 --> 01:29:08,370 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo 2162 01:29:08,470 --> 01:29:09,600 of widespread hunger... 2163 01:29:09,700 --> 01:29:12,340 (YELLING, GROANING) 2164 01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:17,480 Aaron! 2165 01:29:22,620 --> 01:29:23,950 (SHRIEKING) 2166 01:29:29,090 --> 01:29:30,490 (GROANING) 2167 01:29:30,590 --> 01:29:32,490 Do not fuck with my angles! 2168 01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:36,400 (SCREAMING) 2169 01:29:44,910 --> 01:29:47,040 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 2170 01:29:48,140 --> 01:29:49,580 You're fucking up the angles! 2171 01:29:51,180 --> 01:29:52,380 Sit still! 2172 01:29:52,480 --> 01:29:54,520 Go wide, camera two! 2173 01:29:54,620 --> 01:29:56,520 Slow push! 2174 01:29:56,620 --> 01:29:58,580 (YELLING AND GROANING CONTINUES OVER KIM SPEAKING) 2175 01:30:09,460 --> 01:30:11,530 Thank you! 2176 01:30:11,630 --> 01:30:13,600 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 2177 01:30:13,700 --> 01:30:17,110 You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing. 2178 01:30:17,210 --> 01:30:18,810 You made this long journey 2179 01:30:18,910 --> 01:30:21,080 just to show the world that they were right about you. 2180 01:30:21,180 --> 01:30:25,110 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 2181 01:30:25,210 --> 01:30:27,750 You're a joke! 2182 01:30:30,720 --> 01:30:32,690 (SIGHS) Maybe you're right. 2183 01:30:32,790 --> 01:30:35,820 Yeah, it sucks. 2184 01:30:35,920 --> 01:30:38,030 Because I need people's approval. 2185 01:30:40,260 --> 01:30:41,730 Desperately. 2186 01:30:41,830 --> 01:30:43,100 Because I could never get it 2187 01:30:43,200 --> 01:30:45,570 from my father when I was a kid. 2188 01:30:52,910 --> 01:30:55,910 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 2189 01:30:57,110 --> 01:30:58,710 Your father... 2190 01:30:58,810 --> 01:31:03,590 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 2191 01:31:04,750 --> 01:31:07,190 He told you that margaritas are gay. 2192 01:31:07,290 --> 01:31:11,160 I have no comment on margaritas. 2193 01:31:11,260 --> 01:31:12,860 Then why don't you drink them? 2194 01:31:12,960 --> 01:31:15,630 I... don't like brain freeze. 2195 01:31:16,830 --> 01:31:18,600 KIM ON TV: Fuck you, Dave. 2196 01:31:18,700 --> 01:31:21,670 You fucking asshole. 2197 01:31:21,770 --> 01:31:23,840 I just have one more question for you. 2198 01:31:25,740 --> 01:31:28,080 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2199 01:31:28,180 --> 01:31:30,810 ♪ Like a plastic bag ♪ 2200 01:31:30,910 --> 01:31:32,880 ♪ Drifting through the wind ♪ 2201 01:31:32,980 --> 01:31:35,620 - ♪ (SNIFFLES) ♪ - ♪ Wanting to start again? ♪ 2202 01:31:35,720 --> 01:31:37,150 CRYING: What is that? 2203 01:31:37,250 --> 01:31:39,220 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, yes, you do. 2204 01:31:39,320 --> 01:31:41,920 No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life. 2205 01:31:42,020 --> 01:31:43,960 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2206 01:31:44,060 --> 01:31:45,890 ♪ Feel so paper thin ♪ 2207 01:31:45,990 --> 01:31:48,060 ♪ Just like a house of cards ♪ 2208 01:31:48,160 --> 01:31:49,230 (SOBS) 2209 01:31:49,330 --> 01:31:51,970 ♪ One blow from caving in? ♪ 2210 01:31:52,070 --> 01:31:53,640 SOBBING: I don't know 2211 01:31:53,730 --> 01:31:54,730 what you're singing. 2212 01:31:54,740 --> 01:31:56,070 You know exactly what it is. 2213 01:31:56,170 --> 01:31:58,640 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie anymore. 2214 01:31:58,740 --> 01:32:01,110 Katy Perry's your favorite! 2215 01:32:01,210 --> 01:32:02,680 Katy who? 2216 01:32:02,780 --> 01:32:04,260 I don't know who you're talking about. 2217 01:32:04,350 --> 01:32:06,050 ♪ You just got to ignite ♪ 2218 01:32:06,150 --> 01:32:08,250 ♪ The light ♪ 2219 01:32:08,350 --> 01:32:10,950 ♪ And let ♪ 2220 01:32:11,050 --> 01:32:12,550 ♪ It shine ♪ 2221 01:32:12,650 --> 01:32:14,590 - ♪ Not the chorus, please. ♪ - ♪ And own ♪ 2222 01:32:14,690 --> 01:32:16,090 ♪ The night ♪ 2223 01:32:16,190 --> 01:32:18,830 - ♪ Stop! ♪ - ♪ Like it's the Fourth of July ♪ 2224 01:32:18,930 --> 01:32:21,000 - ♪ (SOBBING CONTINUES) ♪ - ♪ 'Cause, Kimmy ♪ 2225 01:32:21,100 --> 01:32:23,960 - ♪ Stop! ♪ - ♪ You're a firework ♪ 2226 01:32:24,060 --> 01:32:28,000 ♪ Go and show 'em ♪ ♪ what you're worth ♪ 2227 01:32:28,100 --> 01:32:29,240 ♪ And make 'em go ♪ 2228 01:32:29,340 --> 01:32:31,240 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2229 01:32:31,340 --> 01:32:36,080 ♪ As you sail ♪ ♪ across the sky-y-y ♪ 2230 01:32:36,180 --> 01:32:39,080 ♪ Kimmy, you're a firework! ♪ 2231 01:32:39,180 --> 01:32:40,680 No! 2232 01:32:40,780 --> 01:32:42,720 I don't need my father! 2233 01:32:42,820 --> 01:32:45,590 I am strong! 2234 01:32:45,690 --> 01:32:48,290 - (SOBBING CONTINUES) - (MEN SPEAK QUIETLY) 2235 01:32:48,390 --> 01:32:50,260 (KIM SOBBING) 2236 01:32:51,690 --> 01:32:52,830 (WOMAN GROANS) 2237 01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:09,840 (FARTS LOUDLY) 2238 01:33:09,940 --> 01:33:10,940 Excuse me. 2239 01:33:11,010 --> 01:33:12,110 Did you just shart? 2240 01:33:12,210 --> 01:33:13,610 No, I didn't. 2241 01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:15,920 It was that camera guy. 2242 01:33:16,020 --> 01:33:17,120 It wasn't me. 2243 01:33:17,220 --> 01:33:18,220 Ladies and gentlemen, 2244 01:33:18,250 --> 01:33:20,150 Kim Jong-un has just pooed 2245 01:33:20,260 --> 01:33:21,290 in his pants. 2246 01:33:25,430 --> 01:33:27,000 - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) - (THUMPING) 2247 01:33:27,100 --> 01:33:29,060 Let's get the fuck out of here. 2248 01:33:29,160 --> 01:33:31,670 Yeah, let's go. 2249 01:33:42,040 --> 01:33:44,050 (MUSIC) 2250 01:33:59,930 --> 01:34:02,960 (GUNSHOTS STOP, GROANING) 2251 01:34:09,470 --> 01:34:11,640 (PANTING) 2252 01:34:11,740 --> 01:34:13,340 Damn, girl. 2253 01:34:13,440 --> 01:34:15,040 You a bad-ass. 2254 01:34:15,140 --> 01:34:17,080 CRYING: I thought you were my friend, Dave. 2255 01:34:17,180 --> 01:34:20,110 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 2256 01:34:20,220 --> 01:34:22,780 I thought everyone lied about you. 2257 01:34:22,880 --> 01:34:24,990 And then I saw that fake grapefruit 2258 01:34:25,090 --> 01:34:27,060 in that fake grocery store, 2259 01:34:27,150 --> 01:34:30,130 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 2260 01:34:30,220 --> 01:34:31,730 (CRYING CONTINUES) 2261 01:34:31,830 --> 01:34:33,930 And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up 2262 01:34:34,030 --> 01:34:36,200 just to show what a big guy you are? 2263 01:34:36,300 --> 01:34:37,700 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 2264 01:34:37,800 --> 01:34:40,230 You're just a flawed man 2265 01:34:40,340 --> 01:34:42,400 with a big old butthole. 2266 01:34:42,500 --> 01:34:44,740 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 2267 01:34:54,520 --> 01:34:57,220 KIM: Well, tell me this, Dave. 2268 01:34:57,320 --> 01:34:59,090 (SNIFFLES) 2269 01:34:59,190 --> 01:35:00,820 Will you be so cocky 2270 01:35:00,920 --> 01:35:03,290 when I slay you in front of the whole world, 2271 01:35:03,390 --> 01:35:05,760 you Yankee motherfucker? 2272 01:35:05,860 --> 01:35:07,030 DAVE: If you shoot me, 2273 01:35:07,130 --> 01:35:10,260 you'll just be proving me right. 2274 01:35:10,360 --> 01:35:11,730 You're just a sad little man. 2275 01:35:11,830 --> 01:35:13,730 - (GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) 2276 01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:16,240 - (GASPING) - (SHRIEKING) 2277 01:35:16,340 --> 01:35:18,740 Dave! Dave! No! 2278 01:35:18,840 --> 01:35:21,740 (GASPING) 2279 01:35:21,840 --> 01:35:23,180 (SIGHS) 2280 01:35:23,280 --> 01:35:24,880 This is Dave Skylark 2281 01:35:24,980 --> 01:35:26,410 signing off. 2282 01:35:29,880 --> 01:35:31,190 (GUARDS SHOUTING IN DISTANCE) 2283 01:35:32,920 --> 01:35:34,920 Good-bye, Dave. 2284 01:35:44,030 --> 01:35:45,730 Oh, man. 2285 01:35:48,030 --> 01:35:49,800 (EXHALES) 2286 01:35:49,900 --> 01:35:50,900 (CHUCKLES) 2287 01:35:50,901 --> 01:35:52,270 (PEOPLE CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) 2288 01:35:52,370 --> 01:35:54,070 Bulletproof vest. 2289 01:35:54,180 --> 01:35:55,880 Genius! 2290 01:35:55,980 --> 01:35:57,350 (CHEERING) 2291 01:35:57,440 --> 01:35:58,950 He's alive, everybody! 2292 01:35:59,050 --> 01:36:00,050 Oh, fuck! 2293 01:36:00,150 --> 01:36:01,880 Got a bulletproof vest on! 2294 01:36:01,980 --> 01:36:04,320 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on! 2295 01:36:04,420 --> 01:36:06,790 Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un. 2296 01:36:06,890 --> 01:36:08,290 This is Dave Skylark 2297 01:36:08,390 --> 01:36:10,360 signing off. 2298 01:36:10,460 --> 01:36:12,160 No! 2299 01:36:12,260 --> 01:36:14,460 - Aaron! (CHUCKLES) - Let's get the fuck out of here. 2300 01:36:14,560 --> 01:36:15,900 Wait! 2301 01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:17,100 The puppy. 2302 01:36:17,200 --> 01:36:19,170 Hey, what happened to your hand? 2303 01:36:19,270 --> 01:36:20,430 Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 2304 01:36:20,530 --> 01:36:21,840 That's just like Frodo! 2305 01:36:21,940 --> 01:36:24,100 - Oh, shit! - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) 2306 01:36:24,210 --> 01:36:25,470 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 2307 01:36:30,110 --> 01:36:32,250 (SOLDIER SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2308 01:36:35,620 --> 01:36:37,950 (ALARM BLARING) 2309 01:36:39,190 --> 01:36:40,920 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2310 01:36:41,020 --> 01:36:42,120 Go! 2311 01:36:44,860 --> 01:36:46,130 (SHOUTING) 2312 01:36:46,230 --> 01:36:47,230 - (GUNSHOTS) - Oh, no! No! 2313 01:36:47,330 --> 01:36:48,410 - What is that?! - Oh, oh, no! 2314 01:36:48,460 --> 01:36:49,400 - (SCREAMING, SHOUTING) - Oh, shit! 2315 01:36:49,500 --> 01:36:51,130 Oh, God! 2316 01:36:51,230 --> 01:36:52,370 Oh, no! 2317 01:36:52,470 --> 01:36:54,340 AARON: Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more! 2318 01:36:54,430 --> 01:36:56,370 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2319 01:36:56,470 --> 01:36:57,540 You're a hero! 2320 01:36:57,640 --> 01:36:59,810 Thank you, sir! 2321 01:37:25,230 --> 01:37:27,100 (SCREAMING) 2322 01:37:28,970 --> 01:37:31,410 (GUARD WHIMPERING) 2323 01:37:53,330 --> 01:37:55,260 SOOK: That's the only way out. 2324 01:37:55,360 --> 01:37:56,260 Hey... 2325 01:37:56,360 --> 01:37:58,300 I have an idea. 2326 01:37:58,400 --> 01:37:59,430 Follow me. 2327 01:38:08,410 --> 01:38:09,540 (SCREAMING) 2328 01:38:13,610 --> 01:38:16,480 - (POP MUSIC PLAYING) - Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 2329 01:38:16,580 --> 01:38:18,490 Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate. 2330 01:38:32,100 --> 01:38:34,070 DAVE: Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes? 2331 01:38:34,170 --> 01:38:35,240 Let me check! 2332 01:38:38,310 --> 01:38:39,510 AARON: Oh, we really fucked up! 2333 01:38:39,570 --> 01:38:41,980 He's arming his fucking nukes! 2334 01:38:44,440 --> 01:38:47,450 (SCREAMING) 2335 01:38:47,550 --> 01:38:48,580 Aah! Fuck! 2336 01:38:59,530 --> 01:39:01,530 Skylark! 2337 01:39:06,400 --> 01:39:08,970 Kim! 2338 01:39:09,070 --> 01:39:10,670 Fuck you! 2339 01:39:12,270 --> 01:39:13,410 Fire! 2340 01:39:23,550 --> 01:39:26,550 (SCREAMING) 2341 01:39:26,650 --> 01:39:28,420 I've been grazed! 2342 01:39:28,520 --> 01:39:30,260 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 2343 01:39:30,360 --> 01:39:32,130 You protect that puppy with your life. 2344 01:39:35,100 --> 01:39:37,270 (ALARM BLARING) 2345 01:39:43,100 --> 01:39:44,140 We got to do something! 2346 01:39:44,240 --> 01:39:45,540 He's gonna fucking kill us! 2347 01:39:45,640 --> 01:39:46,540 We're in a tank! 2348 01:39:46,640 --> 01:39:47,640 Shoot him back. 2349 01:39:51,050 --> 01:39:52,550 It's loaded! 2350 01:39:52,650 --> 01:39:55,580 Let's barbeque this motherfucker. 2351 01:39:59,720 --> 01:40:03,120 (ALARM CONTINUES) 2352 01:40:03,220 --> 01:40:04,130 On three. 2353 01:40:04,220 --> 01:40:05,590 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2354 01:40:05,690 --> 01:40:07,160 Balls to the wall, motherfuckers! 2355 01:40:08,560 --> 01:40:10,160 Boom, boom... 2356 01:40:11,560 --> 01:40:12,700 DAVE: Boom! 2357 01:40:21,210 --> 01:40:24,180 (SLOW, DISTORTED WHIMPER) 2358 01:40:37,560 --> 01:40:40,500 (MUSIC) 2359 01:40:52,210 --> 01:40:55,210 (MUSIC) 2360 01:41:12,130 --> 01:41:15,130 (MUSIC) 2361 01:41:25,210 --> 01:41:26,410 (ALARM BUZZING) 2362 01:41:38,680 --> 01:41:40,090 BOTWIN: Yes! 2363 01:41:40,190 --> 01:41:42,590 - (LACEY LAUGHS WITH RELIEF) - Yes! Yes! 2364 01:41:42,690 --> 01:41:44,160 Yes! 2365 01:41:44,260 --> 01:41:46,830 - AARON: Okay. - SOOK: Okay. 2366 01:41:46,930 --> 01:41:49,430 That way. 2367 01:41:49,530 --> 01:41:51,360 It's an old mining tunnel. 2368 01:41:51,470 --> 01:41:52,630 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. 2369 01:41:52,730 --> 01:41:54,600 Away from Pyongyang. 2370 01:41:54,700 --> 01:41:56,300 Keep moving until you reach the coast. 2371 01:41:56,400 --> 01:41:58,210 I wish you both luck. 2372 01:41:58,310 --> 01:41:59,470 You sound like you're not coming with us. 2373 01:41:59,570 --> 01:42:00,470 - Yeah, Sook...? - What-what are you doing? 2374 01:42:00,570 --> 01:42:02,310 I have to go to Pyongyang. 2375 01:42:02,410 --> 01:42:03,780 That's going right back into the snake pit. 2376 01:42:03,880 --> 01:42:05,210 I can't leave North Korea. 2377 01:42:05,310 --> 01:42:07,110 I just helped plunge it into chaos. 2378 01:42:07,220 --> 01:42:08,720 - Yeah, yeah. - So did we. I'm okay with leaving. 2379 01:42:08,820 --> 01:42:10,380 I have to ensure that the power 2380 01:42:10,480 --> 01:42:11,920 does not transfer to the wrong hands. 2381 01:42:11,990 --> 01:42:13,590 I can't deny 2382 01:42:13,690 --> 01:42:15,490 that we have a chemistry, 2383 01:42:15,590 --> 01:42:18,190 but I have to stay here for my people. 2384 01:42:19,360 --> 01:42:20,730 Okay. 2385 01:42:20,830 --> 01:42:23,230 I'm glad to meet you. 2386 01:42:23,330 --> 01:42:24,630 Okay. 2387 01:42:24,730 --> 01:42:26,630 QUIETLY: Kiss her. 2388 01:42:28,530 --> 01:42:30,340 Kiss her, dude. 2389 01:42:30,440 --> 01:42:31,870 Yeah, get in there. 2390 01:42:33,410 --> 01:42:35,640 (SOOK BREATHING PASSIONATELY) 2391 01:42:35,740 --> 01:42:37,480 - Ooh... - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) 2392 01:42:39,810 --> 01:42:41,280 (SIGHS) 2393 01:42:41,380 --> 01:42:44,550 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 2394 01:42:44,650 --> 01:42:46,550 You, too. 2395 01:42:47,690 --> 01:42:49,160 Bye, Sook. 2396 01:42:49,260 --> 01:42:51,160 Have fun with the war. 2397 01:43:02,940 --> 01:43:04,940 (PANTING) 2398 01:43:13,280 --> 01:43:15,180 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 2399 01:43:17,780 --> 01:43:18,850 Okay, here you go. 2400 01:43:18,950 --> 01:43:20,450 - You got him? - All right... got him. 2401 01:43:20,550 --> 01:43:21,690 Yeah. 2402 01:43:21,790 --> 01:43:23,720 You out of that big, old, scary hole? 2403 01:43:23,820 --> 01:43:26,260 (GRUNTING WITH EFFORT) 2404 01:43:26,360 --> 01:43:28,300 Where are we? 2405 01:43:28,400 --> 01:43:29,730 GRUNTING: I don't know. 2406 01:43:29,830 --> 01:43:31,270 Is this China? 2407 01:43:31,360 --> 01:43:32,670 I don't know. Looks like North Korea. 2408 01:43:32,770 --> 01:43:33,830 Yeah. 2409 01:43:33,930 --> 01:43:35,470 Man. 2410 01:43:35,570 --> 01:43:37,369 - Well, which way's the coast? - I have no idea. 2411 01:43:37,370 --> 01:43:38,710 Does that do something? 2412 01:43:38,810 --> 01:43:40,410 Dogs always run to the sea. 2413 01:43:40,510 --> 01:43:42,680 - That's not true. - You got to find the sea. 2414 01:43:42,780 --> 01:43:44,340 I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave. 2415 01:43:44,410 --> 01:43:45,850 - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) - Shit. 2416 01:43:45,950 --> 01:43:47,980 - Shit! Shit! Shit! - Protect the puppy! 2417 01:43:48,080 --> 01:43:50,550 - Protect the puppy! - Stop! It's them. 2418 01:43:52,550 --> 01:43:53,820 Echo Romeo Five. 2419 01:43:53,920 --> 01:43:55,890 Echo Romeo Five, we have contact 2420 01:43:55,990 --> 01:43:57,760 with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 2421 01:43:57,860 --> 01:43:59,990 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung, 2422 01:44:00,090 --> 01:44:02,000 - SEAL Team Six. - Holy shit. 2423 01:44:02,100 --> 01:44:03,360 How'd you guys find us? 2424 01:44:03,460 --> 01:44:04,600 We tracked you using the GPS 2425 01:44:04,700 --> 01:44:05,730 - on your wristwatch. - Oh, my God. 2426 01:44:05,830 --> 01:44:06,900 Let's get you boys home. 2427 01:44:07,000 --> 01:44:08,340 Oh, my God. 2428 01:44:08,440 --> 01:44:09,500 For you. 2429 01:44:09,600 --> 01:44:10,900 Me? 2430 01:44:11,010 --> 01:44:12,340 Is it the president? 2431 01:44:12,440 --> 01:44:13,740 Mr. Obama? 2432 01:44:13,840 --> 01:44:15,710 OVER PHONE: Nope, just me, Agent Lacey. 2433 01:44:15,810 --> 01:44:17,510 (CHUCKLES) Agent Lacey. 2434 01:44:17,610 --> 01:44:18,880 Fancy hearing from you here. 2435 01:44:18,980 --> 01:44:21,450 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 2436 01:44:21,550 --> 01:44:24,020 Now try not to fuck up your extraction. 2437 01:44:24,120 --> 01:44:26,020 Get home safe. 2438 01:44:26,120 --> 01:44:29,360 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 2439 01:44:29,460 --> 01:44:31,360 - And you get all the good stuff, - Okay, let's just go. 2440 01:44:31,460 --> 01:44:33,740 - And it's nice. - Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay. 2441 01:44:44,670 --> 01:44:45,810 Get them in. 2442 01:44:47,370 --> 01:44:48,740 Take the dog. 2443 01:44:54,550 --> 01:44:57,020 (MUSIC) 2444 01:45:12,900 --> 01:45:14,400 She honeypotted me. 2445 01:45:14,500 --> 01:45:15,970 What? What are you talking about? 2446 01:45:16,070 --> 01:45:17,300 Sook. 2447 01:45:17,400 --> 01:45:18,670 Think about it, man. 2448 01:45:18,770 --> 01:45:21,380 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me, 2449 01:45:21,470 --> 01:45:23,710 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. 2450 01:45:23,810 --> 01:45:25,450 I mean, she used me. 2451 01:45:25,550 --> 01:45:28,980 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause, 2452 01:45:29,080 --> 01:45:30,950 but she honeypotted me. 2453 01:45:31,050 --> 01:45:32,390 Yeah. 2454 01:45:32,490 --> 01:45:33,520 Well, good riddance. 2455 01:45:33,620 --> 01:45:34,960 I hated that fucking bitch. 2456 01:45:35,060 --> 01:45:36,060 Really? 2457 01:45:37,590 --> 01:45:40,590 Nah, just thought it would make you feel better. 2458 01:45:40,690 --> 01:45:42,600 That was your one true love. 2459 01:45:42,700 --> 01:45:44,600 Now she's gone. 2460 01:45:44,700 --> 01:45:47,700 Doesn't make me feel any better. 2461 01:45:47,800 --> 01:45:50,000 - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) - Well, you have us, 2462 01:45:50,100 --> 01:45:52,010 and "we wuv you." 2463 01:45:56,010 --> 01:45:58,610 HIGH-PITCHED: "We aw wuv each other." 2464 01:46:04,750 --> 01:46:07,120 (MUSIC) 2465 01:46:07,220 --> 01:46:09,560 VOICE-OVER: "And as the North Korean coastline" 2466 01:46:09,660 --> 01:46:11,460 "receded in the distance," 2467 01:46:11,560 --> 01:46:14,900 "we heard the crackling of gunfire." 2468 01:46:15,000 --> 01:46:18,730 "It was the beginning of a revolution..." 2469 01:46:18,830 --> 01:46:23,040 "a revolution Aaron and I started." 2470 01:46:23,140 --> 01:46:26,370 "Of course, in a tale like this," 2471 01:46:26,470 --> 01:46:28,740 "you might expect to find" 2472 01:46:28,840 --> 01:46:31,640 "some hot CIA" 2473 01:46:31,750 --> 01:46:33,150 "honeypot 2474 01:46:33,250 --> 01:46:35,780 bombshell..." 2475 01:46:35,880 --> 01:46:37,780 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2476 01:46:43,060 --> 01:46:44,660 "maybe a few drones 2477 01:46:44,760 --> 01:46:47,890 or a secret CIA watch." 2478 01:46:48,000 --> 01:46:49,400 You got Skype! 2479 01:46:49,500 --> 01:46:50,500 So good to see your face. 2480 01:46:50,600 --> 01:46:52,030 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 2481 01:46:52,130 --> 01:46:53,450 - (DOG WHIMPERING) - (SOOK LAUGHING) 2482 01:46:53,500 --> 01:46:54,530 Guess what we named him? 2483 01:46:54,640 --> 01:46:55,900 Kim Jong-un. 2484 01:46:56,000 --> 01:46:57,740 Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no? 2485 01:46:57,840 --> 01:46:59,910 Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though. 2486 01:47:00,010 --> 01:47:02,410 DAVE VOICE-OVER: "But there was none of that." 2487 01:47:02,510 --> 01:47:03,740 "No." 2488 01:47:03,840 --> 01:47:05,910 "This was a revolution" 2489 01:47:06,010 --> 01:47:08,680 "ignited with nothing more" 2490 01:47:08,780 --> 01:47:10,420 "than a camera" 2491 01:47:10,520 --> 01:47:12,050 "and some questions." 2492 01:47:12,150 --> 01:47:14,960 "Questions that led a man" 2493 01:47:15,060 --> 01:47:16,620 "once revered as a god" 2494 01:47:16,720 --> 01:47:19,690 "among mortals to cry" 2495 01:47:19,790 --> 01:47:21,960 "and shit his pants. 2496 01:47:22,060 --> 01:47:25,830 The end." 2497 01:47:25,930 --> 01:47:26,930 Thank you.