0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000

1
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,740
(upbeat intro playing)

2
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,732
(fireworks exploding)

3
00:00:56,215 --> 00:00:57,748
(car engines rumbling)

4
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:14,498
-Oh, shit.

5
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,501
- Is this the...
Is this the right site?

6
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,770
- Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.

7
00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:24,232
- Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
- Will you call me "Dad"?

8
00:01:24,268 --> 00:01:25,743
- Pops: Franklin?
- Yeah?

9
00:01:25,778 --> 00:01:28,370
- Are you sure you booked this for us?
- Absolutely.

10
00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:30,781
I booked
the last available site.

11
00:01:30,816 --> 00:01:34,276
I got the permit right here.
Site 16, July 4th weekend.

12
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:37,054
- Felipa.
(speaking Spanish)

13
00:01:37,089 --> 00:01:41,483
- I just think that there's been a
little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so...

14
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,720
- Buenos tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.

15
00:01:44,722 --> 00:01:46,930
- Who you calling a bitch?
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

16
00:01:46,966 --> 00:01:50,459
Just trying to break up the
racial tension here, that's all.

17
00:01:50,494 --> 00:01:51,193
Might have hit bitch
a little hard.

18
00:01:51,228 --> 00:01:53,070
- A little bit.
- Yeah.

19
00:01:53,105 --> 00:01:57,532
So what's going on? Pretty sure we
booked this site for the weekend.

20
00:01:57,568 --> 00:01:59,368
- No, no. We're the Jones family.
- Yeah.

21
00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:01,812
- We booked site 16.
- (chuckles)

22
00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:06,232
Well, now, we're the Jonas
family and this is our site.

23
00:02:06,268 --> 00:02:09,135
- Son, we're site 16.
- No.

24
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,637
-All: We're site 16.

25
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,473
- You guys might be 116,
but we're definitely 16.

26
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,140
It's right here on the paper,
okay?

27
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,676
-(speaking Spanish)

28
00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:17,831
- Uno, dos, tres, quatro...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

29
00:02:17,855 --> 00:02:20,447
- That is level two, sweetheart,
that's nice. This is 16.

30
00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:22,382
- I don't know how that is.
- We're 16.

31
00:02:22,417 --> 00:02:24,417
- Yeah, I know,
but we're site 16.

32
00:02:24,453 --> 00:02:27,129
- 16, man. Come on.
- Hold on. So...

33
00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:30,832
Jones, Jonas, and our last name is
Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up.

34
00:02:30,868 --> 00:02:33,626
- What y'all trying to say,
y'all our masters or something?

35
00:02:33,662 --> 00:02:36,996
- No, no, not saying...
I barely even own a cat.

36
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:39,365
-Site 16!

37
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:40,767
- Wait a minute!
- (all arguing)

38
00:02:42,170 --> 00:02:43,703
-2,000 and 3,000.

39
00:02:43,739 --> 00:02:45,083
But we're definitely 16.
It says here on the paper.

40
00:02:45,107 --> 00:02:47,132
-Also site 16!

41
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,734
-(continue arguing)

42
00:02:56,610 --> 00:03:00,345
- Okay, um, so,
it looks like the name "Jones"

43
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,615
kind of mixed up the computers.

44
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,517
And, uh, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,

45
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,761
because the park
is completely sold out.

46
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:11,657
I mean, this is, like,
our biggest weekend of the year.

47
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,532
- Hey, maybe it's because
it's the 4th of July.

48
00:03:13,835 --> 00:03:17,036
- Um, yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.

49
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,792
- Come on, you guys. Please, please,
please, let's not escalate this.

50
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,135
How about sharing the site?

51
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,770
-(all protesting)

52
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,148
-Everyone stop!

53
00:03:28,183 --> 00:03:30,987
- Ron, you just gonna stand there and
let them push us around like that?

54
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,704
- No, no, I won't let that happen, okay?
Let me tell you something.

55
00:03:33,706 --> 00:03:36,373
I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,

56
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:38,408
with Al Sharpton in the sidecar.

57
00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:40,377
Okay?
They love that type of shit.

58
00:03:40,412 --> 00:03:43,246
- Ooh! It just escalated.
- Yeah.

59
00:03:43,282 --> 00:03:45,023
That definitely escalated,

60
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:48,719
which was the exact opposite of
what he was hoping you would do.

61
00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:52,798
- Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then...

62
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:58,528
This weekend is important. I say
we all just share the site.

63
00:03:58,564 --> 00:03:59,883
- Uh, son,
are you out of your damn mind?

64
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,077
- Come on, Pop, there's kids here...
- We're not gonna share...

65
00:04:02,101 --> 00:04:03,767
-(all arguing)

66
00:04:08,574 --> 00:04:10,507
- There's not...
There's not enough space!

67
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,735
- Papi? Are we gonna
have to go home?

68
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:20,742
- Charlie:
Okay. Okay, so... So...

69
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:26,448
Maybe we can share.
- Yes!

70
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,216
All right,
so we're all gonna share.

71
00:04:28,251 --> 00:04:29,751
And it's gonna be great!

72
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,729
- All right.
Little bit of a rough start,

73
00:04:40,731 --> 00:04:42,108
but this weekend's gonna be great.
- (chuckles)

74
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:44,841
Yeah, I hope so.

75
00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:47,302
You know, this is the first
time we've all been together

76
00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:48,979
since you and I got married.

77
00:04:49,014 --> 00:04:52,741
I just want your kids to like my
kids and my kids to like you.

78
00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:56,437
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.

79
00:04:56,472 --> 00:04:58,813
- That speech sucked.
- Sucked balls.

80
00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:03,444
- Wow. -Yeah, yeah, he's right.
It came off really whiny.

81
00:05:03,479 --> 00:05:04,886
I can't believe
that we're brothers.

82
00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:08,716
- Hey, Gravy, why don't you take
these over to the campsite?

83
00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:10,718
- Oh, no, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta...

84
00:05:12,655 --> 00:05:14,032
- Hey, Thomas,
did you unpack my turtle shells?

85
00:05:14,056 --> 00:05:15,756
-Yeah, here.

86
00:05:18,561 --> 00:05:20,835
Can you call me "Dad"?
- Not right now.

87
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:23,805
Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys,
check out my new turtle shells!

88
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:26,975
-Give it time, honey.

89
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:30,437
Oh, do you think you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?

90
00:05:30,473 --> 00:05:31,616
- She doesn't call you
"Fake Mom."

91
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,507
- Oh, you're doing that?
You're doing that?

92
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,182
- Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
- Thank you.

93
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,506
- Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.

94
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,474
- We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.

95
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,952
Just try to hold it together
for him.

96
00:05:44,987 --> 00:05:47,547
- You think maybe we'll see Papi
smile for once in his damn life?

97
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,717
- (sighs) He works hard,
and he worries about us.

98
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,971
- What, he can't worry and smile
at the same time?

99
00:05:52,995 --> 00:05:56,964
Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did
smile, his face would creak.

100
00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:59,725
Sound like a nail being pulled from wood.
(imitates creaking)

101
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,803
- We'd probably hear his face go,
"Oilcan! Oilcan!"

102
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,874
- Ha, ha, ha.
Maybe he would smile more

103
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,229
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.

104
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,571
-As a plumber?

105
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,140
Uh, no, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.

106
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,499
-It's honest work.

107
00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,635
- Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.

108
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,348
I tell you, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.

109
00:06:20,372 --> 00:06:23,306
-Oh! You gonna win the lottery?

110
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,575
-Won't win if I don't scratch.

111
00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:25,784
Plus, I'm gonna get my ass
on "Shark Tank"

112
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,445
and make Mark Cuban my new best friend.
- (chuckles)

113
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,766
- Well, when you become
a millionaire,

114
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,550
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.

115
00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:34,771
- Ah! Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah, you're gonna have to

116
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,620
fill out all kinds of paperwork
and taxes and stuff.

117
00:06:37,656 --> 00:06:39,756
Might not be worth it, bro,
so, probably not.

118
00:06:42,661 --> 00:06:46,663
- Hey, did you leave the car open?
- I did.

119
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:49,566
- Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,

120
00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:50,854
like she's the boss of me
or something?

121
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:54,304
- Hey, babe, Sharni, you
shouldn't call her "Fake Mom."

122
00:06:54,339 --> 00:06:56,673
I'm glad that Dad remarried.

123
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,267
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.

124
00:06:59,302 --> 00:07:01,703
I think she's great for him.

125
00:07:01,705 --> 00:07:03,747
- Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.

126
00:07:03,782 --> 00:07:07,108
- Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that? -Yeah.

127
00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:08,143
-That's bullshit.

128
00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:12,747
Is that a 24-hour
Popeye's Chicken?

129
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,750
-Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty.

130
00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:21,089
- I love chickens.
More than you.

131
00:07:21,124 --> 00:07:22,757
-Ah, screw off.

132
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:27,562
- (kids bickering)
- (grunting)

133
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:29,497
- Whoo! Y'all kids
keep it down over there

134
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,166
with your Pokemon Go
playing selves!

135
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:32,876
-Girl, you so crazy.

136
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:37,205
- Girl, I am so tired of running
around after the kids.

137
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,533
I need this vacation.

138
00:07:39,568 --> 00:07:43,537
- It's beautiful here.
- It is, ain't it?

139
00:07:43,572 --> 00:07:46,139
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.

140
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:47,708
All I got to say is,

141
00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:50,544
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.

142
00:07:50,579 --> 00:07:51,931
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.

143
00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:55,115
I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum
cleaner in a pumpkin, just...

144
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:57,718
(imitates sucking)

145
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,654
- What'd you say, Mama?
- Just suck it all... Huh? Huh?

146
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:04,624
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.

147
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:06,560
- Wait. Hold up.
Are you saying you invited me

148
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,528
as some kind of blind date
for Franklin?

149
00:08:08,564 --> 00:08:11,873
- Girl, no, no, no!
We enjoy your company.

150
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,502
- Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to...
- But it is a blind date.

151
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,271
- Hey, Jose,
can you get those oranges?

152
00:08:18,307 --> 00:08:19,781
-Are you kidding, Felipa?

153
00:08:19,816 --> 00:08:21,611
Nothing can give the other
families the satisfaction

154
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,635
of watching a Mexican
carry a bag of oranges.

155
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,603
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.

156
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,739
- Okay, are you serious?
God, you sound crazy.

157
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,511
-Hey, excuse me!

158
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,181
How much do you want
for those oranges?

159
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,115
-Ay, beat it, pendejo!

160
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,750
-Oh, crap. Angry.

161
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:44,189
- Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?

162
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,224
-Who asked you, Oprah?

163
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,626
-(clinking)

164
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,039
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.

165
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,130
-(clinking)

166
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,165
Hey, what is that?

167
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,070
In your bag.

168
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,209
Yeah, that. What's...

169
00:09:18,316 --> 00:09:20,750
-Recycled. Glass sculpture.

170
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:24,401
My exhibit. It's next week.

171
00:09:25,657 --> 00:09:27,537
- What? You have an exhibit?
- It's called...

172
00:09:29,094 --> 00:09:30,094
"The Exhibit."

173
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,635
- Oh, at least there's some chicas
calientes to stare at, huh?

174
00:09:39,671 --> 00:09:41,471
- Jose! What if Francesca
heard you say that?

175
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,400
- She ain't here.
And we ain't married.

176
00:09:45,436 --> 00:09:47,469
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet

177
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,271
doesn't mean
I can't look at the menu.

178
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:50,439
-You mean stare at the menu?

179
00:09:50,474 --> 00:09:51,834
- Tuck dollar bills
into that menu?

180
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:55,477
- I mean, come on! Man, she's got
so much wiggle in her walk,

181
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,346
she could butt-dial
a rotary phone.

182
00:09:58,382 --> 00:09:59,622
-Rolando: I heard them talking.

183
00:09:59,824 --> 00:10:03,051
I guess she came as a blind
date for that Franklin guy.

184
00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:04,286
- Word?
- Word.

185
00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:07,289
-What? What'd you just say?

186
00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:08,468
- Are you all right?
- No!

187
00:10:08,492 --> 00:10:10,692
No, no, I'm not all right.
(scoffs)

188
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,761
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.

189
00:10:15,499 --> 00:10:17,766
Men are idiots.
Blind date bullshit.

190
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,513
-Don't let her call you that.

191
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,538
- She's talking to you, too,
pendejo.

192
00:10:23,574 --> 00:10:25,218
Is our sister on her menopause
or what?

193
00:10:25,242 --> 00:10:26,242
-Ah! The Jones family!

194
00:10:27,102 --> 00:10:28,201
- Jones!
- Whoa!

195
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:30,637
Chilluns are everywhere.

196
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,583
- Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.

197
00:10:32,607 --> 00:10:34,507
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.

198
00:10:34,543 --> 00:10:37,018
I know I booked
the last available site.

199
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:40,914
- What changed your mind about
coming with us this year, huh, son?

200
00:10:40,949 --> 00:10:42,482
-What?

201
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,860
I love camping.
All this is me, Pops.

202
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:48,130
- Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro.
That's bullshit, okay?

203
00:10:48,165 --> 00:10:50,977
I hope you know this is not online camping.
It's actually the real thing.

204
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,227
- And I hope you know this won't
be a online fist in your face.

205
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,596
It'll be the real thing.

206
00:10:56,631 --> 00:10:58,665
- You know something?
I'm tired of your shit.

207
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,620
- Ron Ron, stop it.
You leave your brother alone.

208
00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:02,811
-Sorry, Daddy.

209
00:11:02,846 --> 00:11:04,824
- He's gotta dress correct.
He's a District Attorney now.

210
00:11:04,848 --> 00:11:08,433
And he's working his way up.
He might be Mayor one day.

211
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,821
- Ah, I don't know
about Mayor, Pop.

212
00:11:09,845 --> 00:11:14,005
- And, this weekend, we have
a fine young woman with us.

213
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,407
Shantaysia.

214
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,052
- Who's Shantaysia?
- Listen, son.

215
00:11:19,087 --> 00:11:21,848
Beautiful woman like that on your
side, no telling how far you can go.

216
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,250
From DA to Mayor.
Commander-in-chief.

217
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,286
(sniffing) You smell that?

218
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,863
There's romance in the air.

219
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,932
- Y'all smell these potties?
Damn! -I smell something.

220
00:11:32,968 --> 00:11:35,802
But I didn't wanna say nothing,
'cause I kinda thought it was...

221
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:37,995
-Sorry, Daddy.

222
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,764
-(panting)

223
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:49,241
Is that Justin Bieber?

224
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,737
Is that guy naked?
- You wish.

225
00:11:58,276 --> 00:11:59,742
-Is that dumpster on fire?

226
00:12:03,481 --> 00:12:04,921
Oh, my gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?

227
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:10,220
-What's in the bottle?

228
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:15,157
- Communion. -Right. So you're
some creepy drunk priest?

229
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,759
-I am not a priest.

230
00:12:21,666 --> 00:12:24,600
- Listen. Why don't you
help Franklin... -No!

231
00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:27,470
- Set some things up?
- (clearing throat)

232
00:12:27,505 --> 00:12:29,772
- I've gotta go till some soil.
- Pop!

233
00:12:31,134 --> 00:12:33,535
Shantay... Sharon?

234
00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:36,204
- Shantaysia.
- Damn, they still doing that?

235
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:37,739
-That's fucked up. Here.

236
00:12:39,076 --> 00:12:41,710
- "Shantaysia."

237
00:12:41,712 --> 00:12:43,792
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease... Shantaysia.

238
00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:47,282
- Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?

239
00:12:47,317 --> 00:12:48,824
-Until Denali makes a tent.

240
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:52,194
- Bro, you is not a real camper.
Huh? You can't fool me.

241
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:55,657
You might be able to fool Pops, but you
can't fool me, brother. -You're right.

242
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,570
- You can never fool me.
- I don't wanna fool you.

243
00:12:57,594 --> 00:12:58,846
- Since I've known you... Whoa!
- Ah, snake!

244
00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:02,497
- Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!

245
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,599
- Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!

246
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:05,919
Where is it? (yelling)
- Ron Ron, I'm just...

247
00:13:05,943 --> 00:13:10,371
Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you.
I'm just messing with you!

248
00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:11,706
I'm just messing with you, dawg.

249
00:13:11,742 --> 00:13:13,742
I just... I just... What?
I just, what, fooled you.

250
00:13:14,302 --> 00:13:15,735
-(indistinct conversations)

251
00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:20,306
- Chuckie:
Hit those flying bastards!

252
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,485
-Chuckie, don't say "bastard."

253
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,343
- What about bitch?
- Yeah, that's not...

254
00:13:24,379 --> 00:13:25,745
- Ass Slurpee?
- No. That... No.

255
00:13:27,282 --> 00:13:28,314
- Ass waffle!
- Not great.

256
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,183
- Bitch taco?
- Don't love it.

257
00:13:30,218 --> 00:13:31,317
- Shit Slurpee?
- No.

258
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,386
- Crap-talker.
- I don't... No.

259
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:34,896
- Ass-butch?
- Don't... Not a fan.

260
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:37,690
- You love tit chicken. Tell me that.
- No, I don't love that.

261
00:13:37,726 --> 00:13:39,670
- I kinda like that.
- I don't love the word "tit."

262
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,138
- Come on now. Dick dog?
- Definitely not "dick."

263
00:13:41,162 --> 00:13:42,128
- Ass lick?
- No.

264
00:13:42,163 --> 00:13:44,197
- Slurpee?
- No.

265
00:13:44,232 --> 00:13:47,366
- Shit Slurpee!
- No.

266
00:13:47,402 --> 00:13:49,068
- What else you got?
- Bastards!

267
00:13:49,104 --> 00:13:50,336
- Mmm...
- Mmm.

268
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,338
You know what, bastard's fine.

269
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,566
- It's... It's passable.
- Yeah.

270
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,346
- Chuckie: Hey, everybody, look!
- (barking)

271
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,003
- I made Ocho into a turtle dog!

272
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,538
-(laughter)

273
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,082
- It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.

274
00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:06,444
- Rolando: Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's
totally funny, man. Now take it off.

275
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,919
- Chuckie: I can't.
It's super-glued.

276
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,752
-(drunken singing)

277
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,761
-Is that Tejano?

278
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:27,465
-(jazz music playing)

279
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,334
- Now this is what
I'm talking about.

280
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,770
Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire.

281
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:35,114
-Dad, look, no offense,

282
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:38,310
but this old-ass music make me wanna
put a gun to my head and shoot it!

283
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:40,311
-(chuckles) Give me a sec.

284
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:42,138
I'm gonna go get a gun.

285
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:44,140
-Ha! Good one, Pop.

286
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,742
- When?
- (laughter)

287
00:14:47,079 --> 00:14:48,111
- When?
- When?

288
00:14:48,146 --> 00:14:50,313
-When? When what?

289
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,147
- I don't even know.
- What?

290
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:52,890
-No, no, no, no, no.

291
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:56,119
You said someday someone's gonna
have an intervention on you.

292
00:14:56,154 --> 00:14:58,421
I'm curious. When?

293
00:14:58,457 --> 00:15:00,423
- She wasn't suppo...
I mean, uh...

294
00:15:00,459 --> 00:15:01,024
- When?
- What is she talking about?

295
00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:02,933
-Wait, what?

296
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,047
I love that show, "Intervention."
- What is she talking about?

297
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,872
- I'm camping with my son and my
daughter, we're having a good time.

298
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,347
- The wieners... -I don't even
know where this is coming from.

299
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:15,538
- My brother's coherent, and...
- I love it here.

300
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:17,051
- (burps) This is fabulous.
- It's great.

301
00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:18,499
-Yeah, it...

302
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:20,568
- Until I hear things
about interventions.

303
00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:23,204
When might this intervention
be happening?

304
00:15:23,239 --> 00:15:25,039
-What you talking about?

305
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:28,242
-Uh, son, uh...

306
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:29,853
When this wiener is done.

307
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,866
- When will it be done? -(laughing)
Yeah, it will be done!

308
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:35,516
- Well, let me just tell you
that interventions are not cool.

309
00:15:35,552 --> 00:15:36,838
They sprung one
on a buddy of mine once

310
00:15:36,862 --> 00:15:38,773
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.

311
00:15:38,797 --> 00:15:42,523
- The vet probably had
a really good night that night,

312
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:44,479
wondering how all those cats
got stabbed.

313
00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,631
- One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,

314
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:52,344
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.

315
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,448
Maybe then Papi will smile.

316
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:57,572
Oh, hey.

317
00:15:57,607 --> 00:15:59,440
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.

318
00:15:59,476 --> 00:16:00,796
It's a soft drink, but for dogs.

319
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,104
It's called "Pupsi."
- What?

320
00:16:05,139 --> 00:16:06,139
- Pupsi!
- Pupsi?

321
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:08,761
Pepsi's not gonna let you
get away with that.

322
00:16:08,785 --> 00:16:13,512
- What are they gonna do, sue me?
- Yeah. Out your ass.

323
00:16:13,548 --> 00:16:16,749
- ♪ That's a bad idea
called Pupsi ♪

324
00:16:18,286 --> 00:16:19,752
-You fools have no vision.

325
00:16:23,124 --> 00:16:25,458
-♪ Pupsi... ♪

326
00:16:25,493 --> 00:16:27,259
- Who made y'all the DJ
of site 16?

327
00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:29,595
Turn that shit down, okay?

328
00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:31,041
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.

329
00:16:31,065 --> 00:16:33,232
-(laughing)

330
00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:35,009
-Look at they fire, huh?

331
00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:37,879
We got this little fire right here.
This doesn't make any sense.

332
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,354
- What does it matter if their
fire is bigger than our fire?

333
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,168
- It don't matter...
- Thank you.

334
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,736
- if it ain't true.

335
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,135
- Hey, are their fires
bigger than ours?

336
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:53,659
You know, we need a bigger fire.

337
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,050
Get that lighter fluid.

338
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,752
-(all yelling)

339
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,132
-Want some of this?

340
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,167
-(manic laughter)

341
00:17:27,205 --> 00:17:28,738
-Hey, what you doing?

342
00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:33,743
-What's wrong with y'all?

343
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,348
- What the hell is wrong
with you men?

344
00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:41,350
Y'all trying to burn my babies?

345
00:17:41,386 --> 00:17:42,318
- Tell 'em, baby.
- Oh, my God!

346
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,520
-What is wrong with you guys?

347
00:17:44,556 --> 00:17:46,196
- Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.

348
00:17:47,325 --> 00:17:47,990
- What the hell?
- Felipe!

349
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,034
-Cool off!

350
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,910
My babies in there sleeping, you
know you got that from Vietnam.

351
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,408
-Why would you burn that shit?

352
00:17:54,432 --> 00:17:56,532
- Hey!
- The fire's still burning.

353
00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:59,736
They started it.
- Okay, come on, really?

354
00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:01,938
- We had it under control.
The ice was under control.

355
00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:03,372
Baby...

356
00:18:03,408 --> 00:18:04,732
-Yeah, you can't fuel this fire!

357
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,376
-What are you doing?

358
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,511
- Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed.

359
00:18:17,547 --> 00:18:19,447
- I was actually sleeping.
- Go to bed!

360
00:18:19,482 --> 00:18:20,526
- I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.

361
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:22,110
I was thinking
it was time to go to bed.

362
00:18:23,086 --> 00:18:24,086
-(owl hooting)

363
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,022
-(snoring)

364
00:18:33,162 --> 00:18:35,162
This is bullshit!

365
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:36,773
Getting eaten alive!

366
00:18:36,808 --> 00:18:40,234
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.

367
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:41,269
Leave me alone! (grunts)

368
00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:49,735
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.

369
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:53,739
Oh, my God.

370
00:18:56,277 --> 00:18:57,743
What a fricking beginning.

371
00:18:59,046 --> 00:19:00,012
-(car beeps)

372
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:01,747
-(muttering)

373
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,753
- (crunch)
- (tires screech)

374
00:19:10,257 --> 00:19:11,257
-What the hell was that?

375
00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:13,759
Fricking pina...

376
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,089
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!

377
00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:20,699
-What did you do?

378
00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:22,612
- You scared the crap outta me!
- Oh, my goodness.

379
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,604
Okay, okay,
this is not what it looks like.

380
00:19:25,639 --> 00:19:26,792
- You killed them both?
- No, no, no, no, no!

381
00:19:26,816 --> 00:19:32,637
This piece of shit dumbass
hybrid makes no noise, and...

382
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,606
All right. You gotta help me
get them to a vet.

383
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,219
You drive and I'll give them
mouth-to-mouth.

384
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,743
I mean, mouth-to-snout.

385
00:19:55,095 --> 00:19:56,761
-(dog yelping)

386
00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,898
- What the hell did
they do to Ocho?

387
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,341
Who would do such a thing?

388
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,772
- Them...
- Come on.

389
00:20:11,202 --> 00:20:13,502
-Hey, man. Hey! What?

390
00:20:13,538 --> 00:20:14,070
- What the heck did you do
to our dog?

391
00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:14,879
-Rolando: Look.

392
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,306
- Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?

393
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,241
-What do you mean do nothin'?

394
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:21,711
-Ron Ron: Oh, shit. Chaka!

395
00:20:21,713 --> 00:20:23,123
- What did they do to you?
- What happened to my baby?

396
00:20:23,147 --> 00:20:24,480
-(Ron Ron crying)

397
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,715
What did you'll try
to do to my baby?

398
00:20:25,717 --> 00:20:27,628
- Hey, man, we didn't touch
your dog. You busted ours.

399
00:20:27,652 --> 00:20:29,952
- Yeah, we love dogs, man.
- Look at our dog.

400
00:20:29,987 --> 00:20:30,895
It's...

401
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,330
If y'all didn't touch our dog
and we didn't touch your dog...

402
00:20:35,326 --> 00:20:36,759
-All: Wake up, white people.

403
00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:42,131
- Okay, all right, heh...
Just... Just hear me out.

404
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:44,333
I am so... sorry.

405
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,768
It (stutters) was an accident.

406
00:20:47,739 --> 00:20:49,149
I swear. I (stutters)
I just wanted some Benadryl.

407
00:20:49,173 --> 00:20:50,773
(Gravy screaming)

408
00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:56,236
- Crazy white man.
- What, man?

409
00:20:56,272 --> 00:20:59,073
-(yelling) I have no idea.

410
00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:00,741
(all clamoring)

411
00:21:04,547 --> 00:21:06,513
- Jose: Come on, man,
what are you doing?

412
00:21:06,549 --> 00:21:07,281
I want a freakin' refund
or something.

413
00:21:07,316 --> 00:21:08,482
-They seem pretty worked up.

414
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,584
- Yeah, if this turns
into a race war,

415
00:21:10,619 --> 00:21:12,753
we'll be pulling out paperwork
for a decade.

416
00:21:22,998 --> 00:21:23,998
(sighs)

417
00:21:26,102 --> 00:21:27,102
You people...

418
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:32,673
This is the 4th of July.
This is the day we honor

419
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:36,235
how our great nation declared
its independence

420
00:21:36,271 --> 00:21:37,203
from the king of England.

421
00:21:37,238 --> 00:21:39,672
- (thud)
- (all gasping)

422
00:21:39,708 --> 00:21:42,816
Do you happen to even know
how George Washington

423
00:21:42,852 --> 00:21:47,213
celebrated his final victory
over the British at Yorktown?

424
00:21:47,248 --> 00:21:49,615
That day great day, hmm?

425
00:21:49,651 --> 00:21:52,752
He issued his troops,
a double ration of rum.

426
00:21:56,224 --> 00:21:58,658
Here we are. We had...

427
00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:01,761
fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.

428
00:22:04,733 --> 00:22:07,533
And, all we did to celebrate it,
is that we drank.

429
00:22:07,569 --> 00:22:10,002
Four fingers of booze.
Instead of two.

430
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:13,773
(slurping)

431
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,741
(continues slurping)

432
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:36,687
That's about a martini
and a half.

433
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,723
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.

434
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:41,559
Today...

435
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,694
If a kid happens to throw
his poopy diaper

436
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:45,905
into the hamper, the parents,
they go ape-shit,

437
00:22:45,940 --> 00:22:48,300
and they throw the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.

438
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,035
(mumbling)

439
00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:54,833
- Charlie:
Gosh, he drinks like me.

440
00:22:56,342 --> 00:22:57,422
(woman moaning on computer)

441
00:22:59,904 --> 00:23:00,904
Aah!

442
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:08,610
-I don't really see...

443
00:23:08,646 --> 00:23:10,524
This issue between you people
as a problem.

444
00:23:10,548 --> 00:23:13,515
I see it as an opportunity
to get away

445
00:23:13,551 --> 00:23:14,837
from what the 4th of July
has become.

446
00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:19,221
Which, let's face it, is just
a couple of days off work

447
00:23:19,256 --> 00:23:19,764
for all the lazy people.

448
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:26,595
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.

449
00:23:26,630 --> 00:23:28,241
And, we have forgotten
the sacrifice of those

450
00:23:28,265 --> 00:23:29,807
who have come before us.

451
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:33,811
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16...

452
00:23:35,639 --> 00:23:36,925
you're gonna have to fuckin'
fight for it.

453
00:23:36,949 --> 00:23:41,301
- Wait a minute, you're talking
about cannons, muskets and shit?

454
00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:43,537
You're crazy.
- All: Mm-hmm.

455
00:23:43,572 --> 00:23:46,440
- Hey, I am retiring in a week
and a half,

456
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,642
and I don't give a shit,
all right?

457
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:52,079
You don't have to use guns
and knives. Just...

458
00:23:52,114 --> 00:23:53,080
Have a contest.

459
00:23:53,115 --> 00:23:55,415
Have a contest.

460
00:23:55,451 --> 00:23:57,893
Whatever family
wins the contest,

461
00:23:57,928 --> 00:24:01,088
they get to kick the other two
families' asses outta the park.

462
00:24:01,123 --> 00:24:02,622
How about that?

463
00:24:02,658 --> 00:24:04,833
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.

464
00:24:04,869 --> 00:24:09,062
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.

465
00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,764
Cause it's on.

466
00:24:13,811 --> 00:24:17,671
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.

467
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,499
We were told to help out
with the contest, and...

468
00:24:20,535 --> 00:24:21,786
It was the park's fault.
- Well, great.

469
00:24:21,810 --> 00:24:26,372
- Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.

470
00:24:26,407 --> 00:24:27,759
- Pardon?
- Tommy: Uh, no, nothing.

471
00:24:27,783 --> 00:24:31,210
He just said that the cloud
up there looks like a pig.

472
00:24:31,245 --> 00:24:32,978
-No, I didn't. I said...

473
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:34,014
(groaning)

474
00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:37,161
- He, uh... He had a spider
on his zipper there.

475
00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:38,751
-(groaning) Thanks!

476
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:43,656
- Thanks, guys.
Hey, Gravy.

477
00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:46,459
- Tony: He deserved that.
- Kelly: Yeah, seriously.

478
00:24:46,494 --> 00:24:49,295
- So, we're doing
this contest thing?

479
00:24:49,330 --> 00:24:50,563
-Oh, yeah, we're doing this.

480
00:24:50,598 --> 00:24:53,032
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?

481
00:24:53,067 --> 00:24:55,134
-Scared? No.

482
00:24:55,169 --> 00:24:57,536
Just sad.
- Oh!

483
00:24:57,572 --> 00:24:59,939
Sad for you
and all these other losers.

484
00:24:59,974 --> 00:25:01,674
-Kids.

485
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:03,512
We're marking off an area
for you to play in.

486
00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:05,436
Do not leave this area
for any reason.

487
00:25:05,471 --> 00:25:07,004
- What if we get hit
by lightning?

488
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:08,439
-Try not to.

489
00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:10,174
- What if we see
an ice cream truck?

490
00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:12,409
- Try not to.
- Dad?

491
00:25:12,445 --> 00:25:13,764
How long do we have to
stay here?

492
00:25:13,788 --> 00:25:16,480
- Just while the adults are off,
doing adult things.

493
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,995
- Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.

494
00:25:18,951 --> 00:25:21,351
-Uh...

495
00:25:21,387 --> 00:25:24,088
Not those kind of adult things.

496
00:25:24,123 --> 00:25:25,723
(toys squeaking)

497
00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,991
- Okay, kids, have fun.
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.

498
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,027
Peace out.

499
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:35,333
- (whispering)
Felipa: Hi.

500
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:38,769
- (dog barks)
- Oh, hmm...

501
00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:45,467
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, you can usually find

502
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:47,911
all the right words
in the courtroom.

503
00:25:47,947 --> 00:25:51,506
- I thought bringing our families
together up here, would be...

504
00:25:51,542 --> 00:25:54,376
our chance to, you know,
break the news.

505
00:25:54,411 --> 00:25:55,744
- Wait...
You did this on purpose?

506
00:25:58,315 --> 00:26:00,716
-Yeah, kinda, a little bit.

507
00:26:00,718 --> 00:26:03,051
I mean, it was easy
'cause our names are so similar.

508
00:26:03,087 --> 00:26:05,654
Jones. Jonas.

509
00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,831
I didn't expect
a white Jones family to show up.

510
00:26:07,867 --> 00:26:11,359
Man, I screwed up everything.
It's my fault, I'm sorry.

511
00:26:11,395 --> 00:26:15,363
- So, who is she?
- Who is who?

512
00:26:15,399 --> 00:26:17,532
-You know who I'm talking about.

513
00:26:17,568 --> 00:26:19,701
- Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.

514
00:26:19,737 --> 00:26:22,170
- Shantaysia, why is she here?
- I don't know her.

515
00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:23,772
She's my dad's idea.

516
00:26:25,668 --> 00:26:26,033
I don't... It's my first time
ever seeing her.

517
00:26:26,069 --> 00:26:27,735
Stop. Come on.

518
00:26:29,338 --> 00:26:30,738
You know I love you.
Stop.

519
00:26:34,310 --> 00:26:36,744
Anyway, look, I have a plan.

520
00:26:39,382 --> 00:26:40,922
I'll make sure we win the race.

521
00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:45,519
And, then, I'll convince my dad
to let you... your family stay,

522
00:26:45,555 --> 00:26:46,153
and we'll get rid of
the white family.

523
00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:47,755
They'll kick rocks.

524
00:26:49,425 --> 00:26:50,991
- What if your family
doesn't win?

525
00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:53,160
-Felipa...

526
00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:55,763
Stop smoking crack.

527
00:26:57,366 --> 00:26:58,766
We're black, we're gonna win.

528
00:26:59,843 --> 00:27:03,304
Mexicans are pretty athletic,
too. What about like...

529
00:27:03,339 --> 00:27:05,706
Big Papi.
- He's Dominican.

530
00:27:05,742 --> 00:27:07,733
Oh, y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.

531
00:27:09,437 --> 00:27:13,739
- (ice cream truck
music playing)

532
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:20,746
- Hey, guys, I think I hear
an ice cream truck.

533
00:27:23,517 --> 00:27:25,451
- Wait, but,
we can't leave this area.

534
00:27:25,486 --> 00:27:27,086
- Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.

535
00:27:27,121 --> 00:27:28,754
-(all cheering)

536
00:27:36,330 --> 00:27:38,197
-Man: Look at these people.

537
00:27:38,232 --> 00:27:39,940
They're like vultures.

538
00:27:39,976 --> 00:27:43,669
- They're standing around watching
us fight among ourselves.

539
00:27:43,704 --> 00:27:45,904
- Don't think they're just
out here having fun?

540
00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:46,814
-No.

541
00:27:46,849 --> 00:27:50,534
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.

542
00:27:50,569 --> 00:27:53,670
- Bigger how?
- Oh, you think about it, bud.

543
00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:55,906
International sports, you root
for your country.

544
00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:57,507
-Yeah.

545
00:27:57,543 --> 00:27:57,908
- School sports, you root
for your school.

546
00:27:57,943 --> 00:28:00,544
-Yeah.

547
00:28:00,579 --> 00:28:02,679
- These people are rooting
for their race.

548
00:28:02,715 --> 00:28:06,683
- Oh, you don't know that.
- Okay. Truth or dare?

549
00:28:06,719 --> 00:28:09,152
I'll answer a question,
if you answer a question.

550
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:10,253
- Okay.
- Truthfully.

551
00:28:10,289 --> 00:28:11,455
- All right.
- All right.

552
00:28:11,490 --> 00:28:13,623
Now, when you first
drove up here,

553
00:28:13,659 --> 00:28:14,778
and you saw that
there were two families here.

554
00:28:14,802 --> 00:28:18,562
Now, were you mad cause
there were two families here?

555
00:28:18,597 --> 00:28:21,531
Or, were you mad cause
we weren't white?

556
00:28:21,567 --> 00:28:24,634
- Yeah, well, you know...
Truth be told

557
00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:26,703
when I drove up here,
I was a little nervous.

558
00:28:26,739 --> 00:28:27,824
But, that's because
I didn't know what to expect.

559
00:28:27,848 --> 00:28:32,233
- Well, I felt the same way.
And, that's textbook racism.

560
00:28:32,269 --> 00:28:33,568
-You can't say I'm racist

561
00:28:33,603 --> 00:28:35,570
just because I didn't know
what to expect.

562
00:28:35,605 --> 00:28:37,405
I've had a lot of
great experiences with...

563
00:28:37,441 --> 00:28:39,641
other races,
and some not so great.

564
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:41,421
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.

565
00:28:41,445 --> 00:28:44,612
(stutters)
You should know that...

566
00:28:44,648 --> 00:28:48,683
our family isn't anything
like that at all.

567
00:28:48,719 --> 00:28:51,519
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.

568
00:28:51,555 --> 00:28:52,565
I had my hair braided
and everything.

569
00:28:52,589 --> 00:28:54,309
You remember that?
- Yeah, that was so cute.

570
00:28:55,158 --> 00:28:56,158
-What is a wigger?

571
00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:03,498
- It's just a term
for a kid that's...

572
00:29:03,533 --> 00:29:06,434
trying to act tough
and sound cool.

573
00:29:06,470 --> 00:29:07,936
- Well, now,
that's what it means.

574
00:29:07,971 --> 00:29:09,537
But...

575
00:29:09,573 --> 00:29:12,232
What is it an acronym for?
- An acronym?

576
00:29:12,268 --> 00:29:14,601
-Yeah, like the word smog.

577
00:29:14,637 --> 00:29:17,104
It's a combination of the words
smoke and fog.

578
00:29:17,139 --> 00:29:18,672
That's an acronym.

579
00:29:18,708 --> 00:29:22,743
What are the words that wigger
is an acronym for?

580
00:29:24,146 --> 00:29:25,787
Well, that's easy.

581
00:29:25,822 --> 00:29:29,791
It's a... It's a combination of,
a mash up, if you will,

582
00:29:31,287 --> 00:29:32,753
of (stutters) the words...

583
00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:37,124
white...

584
00:29:37,159 --> 00:29:38,759
- White.
- And...

585
00:29:42,965 --> 00:29:44,932
er...

586
00:29:44,967 --> 00:29:45,967
-Okay.

587
00:29:47,603 --> 00:29:50,370
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with...

588
00:29:50,406 --> 00:29:53,373
- honky, hick, crackers,
- Hey!

589
00:29:53,409 --> 00:29:55,434
- Peckerwood, redneck,
- Hey!

590
00:29:55,469 --> 00:29:57,845
- White bastards, white devils.
- Hey!

591
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,882
- But, the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.

592
00:30:01,917 --> 00:30:04,054
- Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.

593
00:30:04,078 --> 00:30:05,078
You're right.

594
00:30:06,647 --> 00:30:08,856
- Good going, son. Well done.
- Happy to help.

595
00:30:08,891 --> 00:30:11,516
- But, I still don't agree with
you these people round here

596
00:30:11,552 --> 00:30:13,087
are rooting for their own races.
- Hey!

597
00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:15,754
(speaking Spanish)

598
00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:19,292
-Jose: We got this, baby.

599
00:30:20,728 --> 00:30:22,272
Black and white going down
like a knocked-out zebra.

600
00:30:22,296 --> 00:30:24,429
Yeah, maybe you're right.

601
00:30:24,465 --> 00:30:25,508
- (ice cream truck
music playing)

602
00:30:25,532 --> 00:30:27,110
- Boy: I hear it, I hear it.
Ice cream.

603
00:30:27,134 --> 00:30:28,767
-(all screaming)

604
00:30:33,140 --> 00:30:34,782
-Boy: Ice cream!

605
00:30:34,817 --> 00:30:39,302
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Franklin. All right. Mmm.

606
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:41,471
You know, I love that look...

607
00:30:41,506 --> 00:30:43,273
That gleam of victory
in your eyes.

608
00:30:43,308 --> 00:30:45,575
-Yeah, we about to win, Pop.

609
00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:45,784
And, we gonna kick a family
up outta here.

610
00:30:45,819 --> 00:30:49,788
- Oh, yes. That's right.
You know... Where's Shantaysia?

611
00:30:49,823 --> 00:30:53,759
Shantaysia... (stutters)
You know that old Franklin here

612
00:30:53,794 --> 00:30:58,655
was a track star in high school.
Shantaysia, come on.

613
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:02,492
- One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.

614
00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:04,694
I mean that's impossible,
you know.

615
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:05,882
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?

616
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:08,807
- Proud of you, son. Not as proud
as I am of Franklin here.

617
00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:12,502
- Ron Ron: What?
- That was a joke.

618
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,938
- He's messing with you.
- Shitty joke.

619
00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:16,873
-What?

620
00:31:16,908 --> 00:31:20,469
- I said Keko's titty is broke.
- Yeah, I thought you said that.

621
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:22,746
- Let's do this.
- Uh, you know what...

622
00:31:22,781 --> 00:31:25,052
Y'all enjoy your pissing contest
but I'm outta here.

623
00:31:25,076 --> 00:31:26,408
-You wanna go?

624
00:31:26,444 --> 00:31:28,143
- Yeah, I wanna
go find Shantaysia.

625
00:31:28,179 --> 00:31:28,818
-Both: Keko, Felipa.

626
00:31:28,854 --> 00:31:33,048
- This is our contest pick
and it's called the Potty Carry.

627
00:31:33,084 --> 00:31:34,450
That's right.

628
00:31:34,485 --> 00:31:37,252
One person goes inside
of each one

629
00:31:37,288 --> 00:31:39,254
and the rest of us carry.

630
00:31:39,290 --> 00:31:40,522
And, the winner is the one

631
00:31:40,558 --> 00:31:43,492
who gets across
that finish line first.

632
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,694
- That finish line
is pretty far, man.

633
00:31:45,730 --> 00:31:47,574
- Dude, don't sweat it, man.
We totally got this.

634
00:31:47,598 --> 00:31:49,009
Mexicans are gonna take
this hands down.

635
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:50,840
Hey, Papi.

636
00:31:50,876 --> 00:31:53,157
Papi, we're about to start
the race, you gonna come cheer?

637
00:31:55,306 --> 00:31:57,372
-Does your dad ever smile?

638
00:31:57,408 --> 00:31:58,899
- No.
- You mean, "Darth Valdez"?

639
00:31:58,934 --> 00:32:00,434
-Huh.

640
00:32:00,469 --> 00:32:02,703
- Does he even know
what a smile is?

641
00:32:02,705 --> 00:32:04,582
- I bet you, he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."

642
00:32:04,606 --> 00:32:06,815
Bet you his face makes him
stop at "Chuck."

643
00:32:06,851 --> 00:32:10,444
- He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a "Happy Meal."

644
00:32:10,479 --> 00:32:12,579
- Jose: Wow. That's good.
All right.

645
00:32:12,614 --> 00:32:13,867
All right. That's pretty funny,
but, uh...

646
00:32:13,891 --> 00:32:16,792
You know, he's still my dad,
so could you cut it out, please.

647
00:32:16,827 --> 00:32:18,839
- Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,

648
00:32:18,863 --> 00:32:21,764
and get the race started.
I mean, we're standing around...

649
00:32:21,799 --> 00:32:24,424
Let me just drag this one.
Get outta the way, would ya?

650
00:32:24,460 --> 00:32:26,693
Okay.
So, I'll just take this one.

651
00:32:26,729 --> 00:32:28,695
- Are you sure, Dad?
These things are kinda heavy.

652
00:32:28,731 --> 00:32:29,950
- Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.

653
00:32:29,974 --> 00:32:34,501
I've rescued babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.

654
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:36,369
Come on.
Come on, put this on my back.

655
00:32:36,405 --> 00:32:38,505
- I guess.
- Come on, let's go.

656
00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:40,180
This is... I can just...
I got this.

657
00:32:44,037 --> 00:32:45,570
-(screaming)

658
00:32:45,605 --> 00:32:48,640
Charlie, get it off of me.
Get it off of me.

659
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,742
- (all clamoring)
- We got this. We got this, Dad.

660
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:55,747
(groaning)

661
00:32:58,385 --> 00:33:00,351
-Yeah, maybe we should slide it.

662
00:33:00,387 --> 00:33:01,753
-(ice cream truck music playing)

663
00:33:04,124 --> 00:33:05,757
-(all screaming)

664
00:33:14,601 --> 00:33:16,768
- I don't like this.
I'm having a bad day.

665
00:33:18,438 --> 00:33:21,732
I hate kids.
You ruined my life.

666
00:33:23,169 --> 00:33:24,169
-(tires screeching)

667
00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:29,518
- Ron Ron:
The main problem is

668
00:33:29,542 --> 00:33:31,408
is getting this potty
over the ravine.

669
00:33:31,444 --> 00:33:34,011
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.

670
00:33:34,046 --> 00:33:34,753
-Pops: What?

671
00:33:34,788 --> 00:33:38,549
- All we need to do is swing
this potty by using rope.

672
00:33:38,584 --> 00:33:39,836
We need to put the rope
through a hitch,

673
00:33:39,860 --> 00:33:43,654
on top of the potty and, then,
toss the rope on branches.

674
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:45,333
And, then, we swing the potty
over the ravine.

675
00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:48,692
Come on.
- That's a good idea.

676
00:33:48,728 --> 00:33:51,428
We gotta get some rope.
- Oh, Daddy, look at this.

677
00:33:51,464 --> 00:33:52,196
I already got it.
Taken care of.

678
00:33:52,231 --> 00:33:53,597
- Look at that.
- Crap.

679
00:33:53,632 --> 00:33:54,910
- Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?

680
00:33:54,934 --> 00:33:57,634
-No.

681
00:33:57,670 --> 00:33:58,469
- He's right, man.
Rope's gonna make it easier.

682
00:33:58,504 --> 00:34:00,304
- Sharni, get a rope.
- Okay, got it.

683
00:34:00,339 --> 00:34:02,506
- Dad.
- We're ready to go.

684
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:03,552
- We can't wait.
- No, no, don't start.

685
00:34:03,576 --> 00:34:05,378
- Come on, let's get started.
- Wait, wait.

686
00:34:05,402 --> 00:34:06,234
- Wait, wait.
- Get on your marks,

687
00:34:06,270 --> 00:34:08,470
get set, go!
- Wait, wait.

688
00:34:08,505 --> 00:34:10,781
Oh, come on.
- (dramatic music playing)

689
00:34:10,816 --> 00:34:13,709
- Jose: Uh-uh, keep dreamin'
Blondie, that rope is mine.

690
00:34:13,711 --> 00:34:15,831
- Sharni: No, I saw it first.
- Jose: Hello, open up.

691
00:34:17,448 --> 00:34:18,658
We wanna borrow
your clothes line.

692
00:34:18,682 --> 00:34:21,116
- This is kinda cute.
- Open up. We wanna borrow...

693
00:34:21,151 --> 00:34:22,384
your clothes line.

694
00:34:22,419 --> 00:34:23,463
- Yeah, you know, keep knocking.

695
00:34:23,487 --> 00:34:25,487
People love Mexicans
at their door.

696
00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:26,933
- Ha-ha, really funny,
"Blow White."

697
00:34:26,957 --> 00:34:29,725
Hello.

698
00:34:29,727 --> 00:34:31,847
Gonna see how much you laugh
when the rope is mine.

699
00:34:32,496 --> 00:34:34,596
- Hey, what are you doing
up there?

700
00:34:34,631 --> 00:34:36,765
- Getting this damn clothes line.
- Oh, shit.

701
00:34:42,172 --> 00:34:43,172
-(Jose screaming)

702
00:34:45,275 --> 00:34:46,275
(Jose's screams echoing)

703
00:34:47,202 --> 00:34:49,436
-Tommy: I don't know.

704
00:34:49,471 --> 00:34:53,782
- (cursing and groaning
in Spanish)

705
00:34:53,817 --> 00:34:56,109
- Sharni: Come this way.
- Tommy: What the hell was that?

706
00:34:56,144 --> 00:34:57,144
-(Jose shrieking)

707
00:34:58,246 --> 00:34:59,746
(Jose speaking Spanish)

708
00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:03,076
- Franklin:
Hey, where did everybody go?

709
00:35:03,919 --> 00:35:04,919
Pop?

710
00:35:05,987 --> 00:35:06,987
Ron Ron?

711
00:35:08,056 --> 00:35:10,724
Did we win?

712
00:35:10,726 --> 00:35:13,226
- Sharni: Come on, come on.
- (Jose speaking Spanish)

713
00:35:13,261 --> 00:35:14,461
-Charlie: What happened?

714
00:35:14,496 --> 00:35:16,262
- He has a TV antenna stuck
in him.

715
00:35:16,298 --> 00:35:18,598
- Where?
- (Jose groaning)

716
00:35:18,633 --> 00:35:20,344
- Tommy: We need to take him
to a hospital.

717
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:21,534
-All right, let's use my car.

718
00:35:21,570 --> 00:35:23,330
- Wait, wait, we're gonna
get him in that?

719
00:35:25,107 --> 00:35:26,107
-Sharni: Here.

720
00:35:28,635 --> 00:35:30,513
- (shrieking) What in the hell
are you doing?

721
00:35:30,537 --> 00:35:31,436
- Bactine. It stings
like a bitch, but...

722
00:35:31,471 --> 00:35:34,372
- (cursing and groaning
in Spanish)

723
00:35:34,407 --> 00:35:36,074
- No! No more,
you fucking idiot.

724
00:35:36,109 --> 00:35:38,576
-(all clamoring)

725
00:35:38,611 --> 00:35:40,745
- Charlie: Everybody, stop!
- (Jose gasping)

726
00:35:42,315 --> 00:35:43,448
-Do you get the NFL package?

727
00:35:43,483 --> 00:35:46,684
- (cursing and groaning
in Spanish)

728
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,397
- Tommy: We're not gonna
get him in that pussy car.

729
00:35:48,421 --> 00:35:49,754
- Let's get him
in Franklin's car.

730
00:35:51,658 --> 00:35:53,235
- Charlie: I'm right here.
- Sharni: Come on.

731
00:35:53,259 --> 00:35:55,660
You got it. You got it.

732
00:35:55,695 --> 00:35:58,463
- Tommy: Put him inside.
- Charlie: There you go.

733
00:35:58,498 --> 00:35:59,397
Let's give him a push.
- All right.

734
00:35:59,432 --> 00:36:01,365
- All: One, two...
- Jose: No...

735
00:36:01,401 --> 00:36:02,767
- All: three.
- (Jose shrieking)

736
00:36:05,138 --> 00:36:07,271
(Jose screaming)

737
00:36:07,307 --> 00:36:08,272
-That went horribly wrong.

738
00:36:08,308 --> 00:36:10,534
-Tommy: Yeah, hang tight.

739
00:36:10,569 --> 00:36:12,080
- Okay, okay. Let's go.
Come on. Vamanos.

740
00:36:12,104 --> 00:36:13,737
-(all clamoring)

741
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:16,740
-(Jose screaming)

742
00:36:22,614 --> 00:36:24,225
- So, are you doing
number one or number two?

743
00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:26,174
-What? Go get an adult.

744
00:36:26,209 --> 00:36:27,718
-You look like a pinata.

745
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:29,431
- And, you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat

746
00:36:29,455 --> 00:36:30,795
if you don't go
and get an adult.

747
00:36:30,830 --> 00:36:32,775
- I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.

748
00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:36,259
- Oh, I'mma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.

749
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:38,528
-Woah, take it easy, perv.

750
00:36:38,564 --> 00:36:40,363
- I thought you kids were
on lock down.

751
00:36:40,399 --> 00:36:42,666
How did you get outta your area?

752
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,579
- You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?

753
00:36:44,603 --> 00:36:47,270
- Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty.

754
00:36:47,306 --> 00:36:49,206
Get an adult, I could die.

755
00:36:49,241 --> 00:36:50,340
- No, no.
- Okay, yeah.

756
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:54,602
-Please, this is not a drill.

757
00:36:54,638 --> 00:36:55,757
This is a "code red."
You know a "code red."..

758
00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:58,606
Oh, y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.

759
00:36:58,642 --> 00:37:02,744
Oh, my God. I hate kids.
And, I hate camping.

760
00:37:13,799 --> 00:37:15,999
- Rolando: Hey guys, quick.
Come say hi to Mom. Come on.

761
00:37:18,328 --> 00:37:20,161
- All: Hey, Mom.
- Cheese.

762
00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:21,763
-Yo. Yep, I'm good.

763
00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:26,768
Yo, I got lucky.

764
00:37:28,338 --> 00:37:29,771
It was tough, but I'm good.

765
00:37:33,935 --> 00:37:36,703
Hey...

766
00:37:36,705 --> 00:37:38,745
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's.

767
00:37:44,312 --> 00:37:46,479
Yeah, don't worry about it.

768
00:37:46,514 --> 00:37:48,034
Just gonna be here
by myself, you know.

769
00:37:50,218 --> 00:37:51,218
No family to talk to.

770
00:37:55,423 --> 00:37:56,703
- Something
to think about, Mijo.

771
00:38:06,601 --> 00:38:09,435
- Felipa: Okay.
- Aunt Felipa, I can't move.

772
00:38:09,471 --> 00:38:11,771
- Yes, but you're safe.
Have fun.

773
00:38:13,274 --> 00:38:17,569
- Mind if I sit.
- Sure.

774
00:38:17,604 --> 00:38:19,738
- It's a pretty mantis.
- I'm gonna kill him.

775
00:38:22,443 --> 00:38:23,843
- You know,
the kids don't see race.

776
00:38:24,712 --> 00:38:26,872
- It's true. Seems they learn it
from the adults.

777
00:38:28,315 --> 00:38:30,615
Kids can be a handful, man.

778
00:38:30,651 --> 00:38:31,936
I used to think that
I wanted a bunch of them,

779
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,794
but after this weekend, I think
I'm just gonna get another cat.

780
00:38:36,223 --> 00:38:37,223
-Boy: Hey where is it?

781
00:38:38,625 --> 00:38:39,636
- Girl: It's right there,
it's just moving.

782
00:38:39,660 --> 00:38:41,560
- Felipa: Now, that's a...
It's a praying...

783
00:38:41,595 --> 00:38:43,770
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.

784
00:38:43,805 --> 00:38:46,331
Oh, you know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you,

785
00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:47,232
that I really like your hair.

786
00:38:47,267 --> 00:38:50,368
-Thanks, I do it myself.

787
00:38:50,404 --> 00:38:51,644
- Really?
- I have my own salon.

788
00:38:52,206 --> 00:38:53,880
-That's super cool.

789
00:38:53,915 --> 00:38:58,201
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his own salon, too.

790
00:38:58,236 --> 00:38:59,903
-Not a salon, a saloon.

791
00:38:59,938 --> 00:39:01,571
-Okay.

792
00:39:01,606 --> 00:39:02,859
- I drove with him to
the vet the other night.

793
00:39:02,883 --> 00:39:06,209
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both mouth-to-mouth.

794
00:39:06,244 --> 00:39:08,445
He's got a lot of heart.

795
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,548
- Yeah, and dog breath,
sounds like.

796
00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:13,483
Did any of the dogs get
a contact drunk?

797
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:15,318
- Yeah, I think the dogs
were wondering

798
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:16,553
why I kept checking their IDs.

799
00:39:21,802 --> 00:39:25,395
You know, he's a good guy.
- Yeah, and cute too, right?

800
00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:28,698
- Yeah, he is kinda cute.
- Yeah.

801
00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:31,468
- Super cute. Like I would.
- I think I would, too.

802
00:39:31,503 --> 00:39:33,236
- Seriously, he's a bit
of a charmer

803
00:39:33,271 --> 00:39:34,471
and girls love bad boys.

804
00:39:34,506 --> 00:39:36,439
- I think he knows
he has a problem.

805
00:39:36,475 --> 00:39:39,634
I don't drink.
I never have, but...

806
00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:42,603
My dad was an alcoholic,
so, I know the signs.

807
00:39:42,639 --> 00:39:44,639
- Boy: I really wanna kill it.
- Just kill it.

808
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:48,176
- No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.

809
00:39:48,211 --> 00:39:49,211
Right? Don't kill it.

810
00:39:51,181 --> 00:39:53,681
-So, how about you?

811
00:39:53,717 --> 00:39:55,261
Do you work at the courthouse
back in the city?

812
00:39:55,285 --> 00:39:57,452
-Yeah, I'm a stenographer.

813
00:39:57,487 --> 00:39:59,153
- Franklin works
in the DA's office.

814
00:39:59,189 --> 00:40:00,455
- Does he?
- Yeah.

815
00:40:00,490 --> 00:40:01,634
Do you ever see him
around there?

816
00:40:01,658 --> 00:40:03,758
Uh... Now that you...
I think I have. Mm-hmm.

817
00:40:06,129 --> 00:40:07,871
Not that often.

818
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:11,399
- You know, I've been meaning
to tell you, I'm not here to...

819
00:40:11,434 --> 00:40:13,134
- (girl screaming)
- Oh, my God.

820
00:40:13,169 --> 00:40:16,037
-(girls screaming)

821
00:40:16,072 --> 00:40:18,539
-Oh, my God.

822
00:40:18,575 --> 00:40:20,095
Should I buy a tabby
or a Siamese cat?

823
00:40:22,136 --> 00:40:24,336
-Okay, cabrones.

824
00:40:24,372 --> 00:40:26,172
Our pick.
The eating contest.

825
00:40:26,207 --> 00:40:28,074
-Yeah, but not food...

826
00:40:28,109 --> 00:40:30,109
Habaneros, baby.

827
00:40:30,144 --> 00:40:31,677
Hot peppers, bro.

828
00:40:31,713 --> 00:40:34,280
You gotta eat as many
as you can in three minutes.

829
00:40:34,315 --> 00:40:35,392
And Habaneros... (chuckles)

830
00:40:35,416 --> 00:40:36,916
Habaneros are the Devil's food.

831
00:40:36,951 --> 00:40:38,217
-Yup.

832
00:40:38,252 --> 00:40:40,553
-They can't be that bad.

833
00:40:40,588 --> 00:40:42,266
- Oh, you're about to find out.
(chuckles)

834
00:40:42,290 --> 00:40:43,689
-Can I eat for the family?

835
00:40:43,725 --> 00:40:46,392
- Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.

836
00:40:46,427 --> 00:40:48,527
- 'Cause Habaneros are organic,

837
00:40:48,563 --> 00:40:52,665
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.

838
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:53,944
Yeah. Like, one time I got
lost in the desert.

839
00:40:53,968 --> 00:40:55,534
Yeah.

840
00:40:55,570 --> 00:40:58,104
I had to eat 67 mushrooms
to survive.

841
00:40:58,139 --> 00:40:59,139
-Caps and stems?

842
00:40:59,173 --> 00:41:00,306
-The whole thing.

843
00:41:00,341 --> 00:41:03,535
I hallucinated for 15 days.

844
00:41:03,570 --> 00:41:05,381
My diarrhea tasted like honey.
- All: Ugh!

845
00:41:05,405 --> 00:41:07,472
- Tommy:
That's beautiful, Gravy.

846
00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,607
- That's your son-in-law?
- Yep. Uh...

847
00:41:09,643 --> 00:41:11,187
- Your brother-in-law?
- Yes, my brother-in-law.

848
00:41:11,211 --> 00:41:12,944
-That's your brother.

849
00:41:12,979 --> 00:41:13,986
-In-law.

850
00:41:14,021 --> 00:41:16,948
- You said that like you might
have seen him naked or something.

851
00:41:16,983 --> 00:41:18,383
(laughs)

852
00:41:18,418 --> 00:41:19,350
- All right, fool, I got this.

853
00:41:19,386 --> 00:41:20,826
- No, clown, I love Habaneros.

854
00:41:20,862 --> 00:41:22,906
- What are you talking about?
Who you calling a clown, man?

855
00:41:22,930 --> 00:41:24,901
I can eat so many more Habaneros
than you, I always have.

856
00:41:24,925 --> 00:41:27,125
-No.

857
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,027
(speaking Spanish)

858
00:41:29,062 --> 00:41:30,062
-You, papi?

859
00:41:30,097 --> 00:41:32,097
-What, he's...

860
00:41:32,132 --> 00:41:33,465
resurrected.

861
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:35,060
- It's like it's Easter
or something.

862
00:41:36,603 --> 00:41:39,304
- I've been eating
Habaneros for 65 years.

863
00:41:39,339 --> 00:41:41,639
I will win for the familia.

864
00:41:41,675 --> 00:41:44,367
Mira. This is what I
have been whittling. Huh?

865
00:41:44,402 --> 00:41:47,036
Ocho! (whistles)
(speaks Spanish)

866
00:41:47,072 --> 00:41:49,472
For cervezas.

867
00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:54,077
Ocho is now
an official St. Bernardo.

868
00:41:54,112 --> 00:41:55,278
(laughing) Whoo!

869
00:41:55,313 --> 00:41:56,424
- Papi made a joke.
- Yeah.

870
00:41:56,448 --> 00:41:59,415
- Habaneros are
nothing to Mexicans.

871
00:41:59,451 --> 00:42:02,051
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.

872
00:42:02,087 --> 00:42:04,520
(all laughing)

873
00:42:04,556 --> 00:42:06,289
- He made another joke.
- That's awesome.

874
00:42:06,324 --> 00:42:08,558
- I'm ready.
Let's do this.

875
00:42:08,593 --> 00:42:11,160
- All right, pendejos,
the timer is set.

876
00:42:11,196 --> 00:42:14,330
Three, two, one, go!

877
00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:15,525
(all shouting encouragements)

878
00:42:29,138 --> 00:42:30,738
(clamor continues)

879
00:42:41,718 --> 00:42:45,219
- There's something going
on in my fucking mouth.

880
00:42:45,254 --> 00:42:47,588
(speaking indistinctly)

881
00:42:47,623 --> 00:42:51,418
- Do men... Do you think
men ever get like

882
00:42:51,453 --> 00:42:55,155
a POV of themselves
and just go...

883
00:42:55,190 --> 00:42:56,190
"We're really stupid"?

884
00:42:57,166 --> 00:42:58,725
(clamor continues)

885
00:43:01,037 --> 00:43:02,169
(yelling)

886
00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:03,771
(indistinct clamor)

887
00:43:06,001 --> 00:43:07,734
- Oh!
- Oh!

888
00:43:11,039 --> 00:43:12,072
(screaming)

889
00:43:12,107 --> 00:43:13,740
(scream echoing)

890
00:43:19,648 --> 00:43:22,215
- May the Devil use
your backbone as a trellis,

891
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:24,584
to pick apples in Hell.

892
00:43:24,619 --> 00:43:28,722
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.

893
00:43:28,724 --> 00:43:30,268
- Shantaysia: If you don't
know where you're going,

894
00:43:30,292 --> 00:43:31,332
there are plenty of roads.

895
00:43:37,599 --> 00:43:40,366
- Okay. So, she's
not just crazy beautiful,

896
00:43:40,402 --> 00:43:42,202
she's actually smart enough to

897
00:43:42,237 --> 00:43:44,604
see right through me.

898
00:43:44,639 --> 00:43:46,225
- You need to look past
the train-wreck he is

899
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:49,434
and see the man that was crying when he
thought the doggies wouldn't make it.

900
00:43:49,469 --> 00:43:50,909
- Okay, that's a...
That's a turnoff.

901
00:43:51,638 --> 00:43:54,439
May I just say I'm not
usually the crying type.

902
00:43:54,474 --> 00:43:55,339
- I thought it was sweet,
you know,

903
00:43:55,375 --> 00:43:57,784
you crying like a little sissy.

904
00:43:57,819 --> 00:44:02,280
- I cried, because when I was
giving them mouth to snout,

905
00:44:02,315 --> 00:44:03,823
Ocho slipped me some tongue.

906
00:44:03,859 --> 00:44:09,387
I-I-I-I-I can still taste the,
ugh, the lamb and carrots.

907
00:44:09,422 --> 00:44:11,765
Okay, okay. Let's...
Let's recap.

908
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,626
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,

909
00:44:15,662 --> 00:44:18,763
but I do cry when I see
that doggies are hurt,

910
00:44:20,266 --> 00:44:21,199
and you're half naked...

911
00:44:21,234 --> 00:44:23,000
I'm sorry about that.

912
00:44:23,036 --> 00:44:24,036
-Are you?

913
00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:27,039
-Oh, shit.

914
00:44:28,475 --> 00:44:30,166
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.

915
00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:32,468
You'll be totally safe

916
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:34,470
if you stand there,
just like that,

917
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:36,025
back lit by the sun,
looking perfect.

918
00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:41,143
Damn it! You moved!

919
00:44:41,179 --> 00:44:42,611
Now you look awful.

920
00:44:42,647 --> 00:44:44,407
You went from looking
like a goddess, to a...

921
00:44:45,283 --> 00:44:46,749
To a favela in a bikini.

922
00:44:48,219 --> 00:44:49,219
-What are we gonna do?

923
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:54,657
-If we meld as one,

924
00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:56,612
it'll see us as a much
larger and greater threat,

925
00:44:57,428 --> 00:44:59,762
and then slither
away sheepishly.

926
00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:03,766
So, this is us... melding.

927
00:45:05,069 --> 00:45:06,035
Here we go.

928
00:45:06,070 --> 00:45:07,103
-Whoa, whoa.

929
00:45:07,138 --> 00:45:09,739
In chapter seven

930
00:45:09,741 --> 00:45:11,685
in one of the most brilliant
novels I've ever read,

931
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,629
the main character finds
a coral snake in a barn.

932
00:45:14,704 --> 00:45:16,281
Roger tells her, "Red over
yellow kills a fellow.

933
00:45:16,305 --> 00:45:18,639
Red over black, venom lack."

934
00:45:18,674 --> 00:45:19,918
So our little friend
over there isn't poisonous.

935
00:45:19,942 --> 00:45:21,108
-Wow.

936
00:45:21,143 --> 00:45:21,942
You read my novel?

937
00:45:21,977 --> 00:45:23,477
-Twice.

938
00:45:23,512 --> 00:45:25,112
- (sighs) So I guess
you know what a...

939
00:45:25,147 --> 00:45:27,247
What a clich I am.

940
00:45:27,283 --> 00:45:28,415
-Oh, a writer who drinks.

941
00:45:28,451 --> 00:45:30,484
- You forgot to
mention "tortured."

942
00:45:30,519 --> 00:45:33,220
- And I left out
"scared and insecure."

943
00:45:33,255 --> 00:45:35,089
-Aha! Well, perhaps that

944
00:45:35,124 --> 00:45:37,291
is why I drink.

945
00:45:37,326 --> 00:45:39,135
-But we never see you drink,

946
00:45:39,170 --> 00:45:41,373
because we're always distracted by the
things you're pointing to, you know?

947
00:45:41,397 --> 00:45:44,431
Justin Bieber, dumpster fires,

948
00:45:44,467 --> 00:45:45,644
twenty-four hour
Popeye's Chicken...

949
00:45:45,668 --> 00:45:50,104
- The really tall midget
enlightened trucker...

950
00:45:50,139 --> 00:45:51,338
Silent bagpipes,

951
00:45:51,373 --> 00:45:54,300
Pete Best, Blockbuster Video.

952
00:45:54,335 --> 00:45:55,201
-The cast of "Breakfast Club,"

953
00:45:55,236 --> 00:45:57,470
and one of my favorites,

954
00:45:57,505 --> 00:45:58,945
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."

955
00:46:00,442 --> 00:46:01,652
Let me see
if I got this straight.

956
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,410
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,

957
00:46:04,446 --> 00:46:05,806
then you finished?
What happened?

958
00:46:09,117 --> 00:46:11,417
-Wait a second.

959
00:46:11,453 --> 00:46:13,753
Is that Charlie Jones
over there?

960
00:46:15,356 --> 00:46:17,156
Behind that empty typewriter?

961
00:46:17,192 --> 00:46:19,959
Frozen, hammered...

962
00:46:19,994 --> 00:46:22,061
Alone...

963
00:46:22,097 --> 00:46:23,730
-No, it isn't.

964
00:46:23,732 --> 00:46:26,232
I guess if my head was
filled with that kind of crap,

965
00:46:26,267 --> 00:46:27,033
I'd probably drink, too.

966
00:46:27,068 --> 00:46:29,368
But I don't.

967
00:46:29,404 --> 00:46:30,644
So good luck with your travels.

968
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,232
- (stutters) Wait.
What if I...

969
00:46:35,268 --> 00:46:36,734
What if... I didn't drink?

970
00:46:39,272 --> 00:46:40,272
I guess we'll never know.

971
00:46:41,574 --> 00:46:43,174
But I do know you are
a brilliant writer.

972
00:46:59,459 --> 00:47:01,759
- I swear, that was
not me peeing.

973
00:47:16,676 --> 00:47:18,111
- Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.

974
00:47:18,135 --> 00:47:19,968
-Ocho. (whistles)

975
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:21,004
(barking)

976
00:47:23,974 --> 00:47:24,974
Gracias.

977
00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,745
- Uncle Gravy saw some
bad boys right over there.

978
00:47:31,015 --> 00:47:32,414
Oh, yeah.

979
00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:35,184
Yeah, you gotta be real careful.

980
00:47:35,219 --> 00:47:36,219
They got 10,000 eyes.

981
00:47:38,255 --> 00:47:40,189
Kind of like my ex-wife.

982
00:47:40,224 --> 00:47:41,182
-Are you gonna do it?

983
00:47:41,217 --> 00:47:42,758
-It's been a long time.

984
00:47:44,061 --> 00:47:45,253
I'm scared.

985
00:47:45,288 --> 00:47:46,408
-Do it. You won't. No balls.

986
00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:48,764
-No balls?

987
00:47:52,136 --> 00:47:53,168
(insect buzzes)

988
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:55,204
(laughs maniacally)

989
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,272
-I got him! I got him!

990
00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:58,308
I gotcha! You're gonna...

991
00:47:58,935 --> 00:48:01,436
-Ahem!

992
00:48:01,471 --> 00:48:02,911
- Oh, yeah.
I need one of your hairs.

993
00:48:04,441 --> 00:48:06,974
You're ready for
your little leash?

994
00:48:07,010 --> 00:48:08,010
(laughing)

995
00:48:10,413 --> 00:48:12,113
- Que Paso, little flower?
Yes?

996
00:48:12,148 --> 00:48:14,115
-Dad, what's sex?

997
00:48:14,150 --> 00:48:15,150
(awkward laughter)

998
00:48:17,387 --> 00:48:18,564
- Have fun with that one, Dad.

999
00:48:18,588 --> 00:48:20,421
Listen up. He's got a lot
of good advice.

1000
00:48:20,457 --> 00:48:23,424
- Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.

1001
00:48:23,460 --> 00:48:25,093
- What's sex? Huh?
Tell her, Dad.

1002
00:48:25,128 --> 00:48:26,128
-Let's hear it.

1003
00:48:27,263 --> 00:48:29,030
- Excuse me.
Thank you.

1004
00:48:29,065 --> 00:48:31,365
Um... Uh...

1005
00:48:31,401 --> 00:48:33,267
Sex is like, like...
It's...

1006
00:48:33,303 --> 00:48:35,670
It's when you hug someone.

1007
00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:37,616
- Come on, brother, that's it?
- Hug real tight.

1008
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,232
- So, wait. So I've had
sex with my grandpa.

1009
00:48:40,268 --> 00:48:41,967
-I wouldn't be surprised.

1010
00:48:42,003 --> 00:48:43,003
(laughter)

1011
00:48:43,938 --> 00:48:46,439
-Okay.

1012
00:48:46,474 --> 00:48:47,914
Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.

1013
00:48:50,378 --> 00:48:53,746
Sex is when Mommy and Daddy...

1014
00:48:54,982 --> 00:48:56,615
uh, hug.

1015
00:48:56,651 --> 00:49:00,619
(stammers) And we don't
have any clothes on.

1016
00:49:00,655 --> 00:49:02,688
- Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,

1017
00:49:02,724 --> 00:49:06,058
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.

1018
00:49:06,094 --> 00:49:07,094
(all laughing)

1019
00:49:10,031 --> 00:49:12,398
-Yes! Yes!

1020
00:49:12,433 --> 00:49:15,601
Dinner will be ready
in two secs!

1021
00:49:15,636 --> 00:49:17,536
- Tommy: He's my son and
I love him, but...

1022
00:49:17,572 --> 00:49:19,847
You know,
you hate to see 'em struggle.

1023
00:49:19,883 --> 00:49:23,743
This thing that he's struggling
with, has this, uh...

1024
00:49:23,778 --> 00:49:26,170
Has this got anything to do
with why he's not married

1025
00:49:26,205 --> 00:49:28,906
and not settled down?

1026
00:49:28,941 --> 00:49:30,441
-Yeah.

1027
00:49:30,476 --> 00:49:32,676
Well, hopefully
he'll figure it out.

1028
00:49:32,712 --> 00:49:34,745
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.

1029
00:49:35,915 --> 00:49:37,748
-Oh!

1030
00:49:39,018 --> 00:49:41,118
I get it.

1031
00:49:41,153 --> 00:49:43,087
- You do?
- Yeah.

1032
00:49:43,122 --> 00:49:44,288
Hey, it's fine.

1033
00:49:44,323 --> 00:49:47,124
I mean, every family has got

1034
00:49:47,159 --> 00:49:48,159
someone who is...

1035
00:49:49,095 --> 00:49:50,494
different.

1036
00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:52,563
I mean, and you're
fine with it, right?

1037
00:49:52,598 --> 00:49:54,238
You've probably seen
a whole lot of stuff.

1038
00:49:54,266 --> 00:49:55,266
-I used to be a fireman.

1039
00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:58,302
Drinking got the best of me.

1040
00:49:58,337 --> 00:49:59,457
I couldn't control it, so...

1041
00:50:01,173 --> 00:50:02,173
they fired me.

1042
00:50:03,234 --> 00:50:04,200
(sighs) Tried the Bible.

1043
00:50:04,235 --> 00:50:06,169
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.

1044
00:50:06,204 --> 00:50:08,037
That didn't work out.

1045
00:50:08,073 --> 00:50:08,905
-Jim Beam won?

1046
00:50:08,940 --> 00:50:11,441
-Yeah.

1047
00:50:11,476 --> 00:50:12,836
I went to AA.
Let go and let God...

1048
00:50:16,548 --> 00:50:19,615
I'm keeping my side
of the street clean.

1049
00:50:19,651 --> 00:50:21,751
- You know, as a parent
I made mistakes, too.

1050
00:50:23,588 --> 00:50:24,554
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron,

1051
00:50:24,589 --> 00:50:28,057
the way I focus in
on Franklin's potential.

1052
00:50:28,093 --> 00:50:28,958
But Ron Ron...

1053
00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:30,493
He's...

1054
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:32,168
(Ron Ron clears throat)
- He's special.

1055
00:50:34,332 --> 00:50:35,412
(continues clearing throat)

1056
00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:38,876
-Special.

1057
00:50:38,911 --> 00:50:42,813
You know, a couple of old
school guys like you and me...

1058
00:50:44,142 --> 00:50:45,633
(sighs heavily)

1059
00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:46,979
gotta learn it's
a new world out there, man.

1060
00:50:47,003 --> 00:50:48,003
New rules.

1061
00:50:49,338 --> 00:50:50,905
Charlie's gonna be all right.

1062
00:50:50,940 --> 00:50:52,173
-Yeah.

1063
00:50:52,208 --> 00:50:52,749
-And I mean, things...

1064
00:50:52,784 --> 00:50:55,785
Things are a lot easier
nowadays for guys like him.

1065
00:50:58,181 --> 00:51:00,081
I'll be right back.

1066
00:51:00,116 --> 00:51:01,315
(insect buzzing)

1067
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:03,417
-It's like a little fly kite.

1068
00:51:03,453 --> 00:51:04,933
- Gravy: He looks like
a real goer.

1069
00:51:06,289 --> 00:51:07,329
Watch what I do next here.

1070
00:51:09,092 --> 00:51:11,158
Okay, big guy.

1071
00:51:11,194 --> 00:51:12,194
Time to go to work.

1072
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:19,033
- Going somewhere with all
those bells and smells on?

1073
00:51:19,068 --> 00:51:20,301
(both laugh)

1074
00:51:20,336 --> 00:51:22,336
-Uh, I was just about to...

1075
00:51:22,371 --> 00:51:24,138
- I know where you're going.

1076
00:51:24,173 --> 00:51:25,506
- You do?
- Yep.

1077
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:28,100
And I think you two
make a great pair.

1078
00:51:28,135 --> 00:51:30,402
- You do?
- Yes!

1079
00:51:30,438 --> 00:51:31,718
I even like
the ring of her name.

1080
00:51:32,206 --> 00:51:33,206
- Shantaysia.
- Fe...

1081
00:51:34,241 --> 00:51:36,241
Shan... Shantaysia? Oh.

1082
00:51:36,277 --> 00:51:38,544
- Yeah, yeah.
- Shantaysia.

1083
00:51:38,579 --> 00:51:40,290
- Now, look, I know
what you're gonna say.

1084
00:51:40,314 --> 00:51:41,434
I know I push a little hard.

1085
00:51:42,550 --> 00:51:44,483
But it's because you got
so much promise,

1086
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:45,958
and I just want you
to deliver on it.

1087
00:51:47,221 --> 00:51:48,387
See, back in the day,

1088
00:51:48,422 --> 00:51:50,189
when I was coming up your age...

1089
00:51:50,224 --> 00:51:52,233
Phew! And the time...

1090
00:51:52,268 --> 00:51:55,428
I never would have dreamed I'd have a son
that's on the verge of running a city.

1091
00:51:56,430 --> 00:51:59,364
I just want to
say to you, son...

1092
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:00,032
I'm proud of you.
- Oh, Pop.

1093
00:52:00,067 --> 00:52:02,201
-Real proud.

1094
00:52:02,236 --> 00:52:03,236
-Oh, Pop. Thanks, man.

1095
00:52:04,972 --> 00:52:07,473
Whoo.

1096
00:52:07,508 --> 00:52:09,032
- Now you go ahead on
for your walk.

1097
00:52:09,068 --> 00:52:10,233
(both chuckle)

1098
00:52:10,269 --> 00:52:11,944
-And don't make her late.

1099
00:52:11,979 --> 00:52:15,105
No son of mine is gonna take
longer than a woman to get ready.

1100
00:52:15,140 --> 00:52:16,740
-Oh, come on, man.

1101
00:52:18,711 --> 00:52:20,021
You sound like an episode
of "Sanford and Son."

1102
00:52:20,045 --> 00:52:23,346
-Oh! (sighs)

1103
00:52:23,382 --> 00:52:25,749
Ah! Romance is
in the hizzouse.

1104
00:52:27,019 --> 00:52:29,519
-Hey, hey.

1105
00:52:29,555 --> 00:52:31,032
- Hey, Shay-Shay.
- Hey. Have a nice walk.

1106
00:52:31,056 --> 00:52:33,623
-All right.

1107
00:52:33,659 --> 00:52:35,459
- Uh... Then where is he
going all dressed up?

1108
00:52:37,129 --> 00:52:38,462
Who isn't here?

1109
00:52:38,497 --> 00:52:40,097
- Sharni: Hey, Charlie,
where are you?

1110
00:52:41,033 --> 00:52:42,033
-Charlie?

1111
00:52:46,238 --> 00:52:47,771
Charlie and Franklin?

1112
00:52:51,002 --> 00:52:52,002
Oh, Lord.

1113
00:52:58,476 --> 00:53:00,976
- Oh, hey. You're here.
How you doing?

1114
00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:02,211
-I'm good.

1115
00:53:02,246 --> 00:53:03,012
-Funny seeing you here.

1116
00:53:03,047 --> 00:53:05,014
-Not really.

1117
00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:06,515
-Uh, just...

1118
00:53:06,551 --> 00:53:08,651
Well, being that I'm here,
you're here,

1119
00:53:08,686 --> 00:53:10,406
I thought we could talk
about this whole...

1120
00:53:11,155 --> 00:53:13,089
Fake Mom thing.

1121
00:53:13,124 --> 00:53:14,090
-What about it?

1122
00:53:14,125 --> 00:53:16,625
-Maybe, well...

1123
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:18,501
Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did...

1124
00:53:19,664 --> 00:53:22,198
jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.

1125
00:53:22,233 --> 00:53:23,466
-I've never said that.

1126
00:53:23,501 --> 00:53:24,233
- You don't say "alts" for...
Okay.

1127
00:53:24,268 --> 00:53:26,235
-You wrote all of that?

1128
00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:27,503
-Yeah, just a few, um...

1129
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:31,273
Just a few alternatives
to "Fake Mom."

1130
00:53:31,309 --> 00:53:32,332
Not that I don't love it.

1131
00:53:32,368 --> 00:53:33,776
But I just thought, why not...

1132
00:53:33,811 --> 00:53:38,305
Trophy Mom? I could be
like a Trophy Mom, you know?

1133
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:39,173
I always wanted...
- No. No.

1134
00:53:39,208 --> 00:53:40,174
-No? Okay, not great.

1135
00:53:40,209 --> 00:53:41,742
Okay. How about, um...

1136
00:53:43,012 --> 00:53:43,977
Mom Again?

1137
00:53:44,013 --> 00:53:45,179
Mom Again.

1138
00:53:45,214 --> 00:53:46,714
You know what I mean?

1139
00:53:46,716 --> 00:53:48,560
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"

1140
00:53:48,584 --> 00:53:52,152
- No. Fake Mom.
- Okay. How about "This Mom"?

1141
00:53:52,188 --> 00:53:54,146
This Mom. This Mom.

1142
00:53:54,181 --> 00:53:55,622
You know what I mean?

1143
00:53:55,658 --> 00:53:58,417
- Who would say any of this?
- Probably nobody.

1144
00:53:58,452 --> 00:53:59,359
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?

1145
00:53:59,395 --> 00:54:02,354
- Cute? Cute Mom?
- "Mom Mom"?

1146
00:54:02,389 --> 00:54:03,442
Okay, "Mom Mom."
Mom Mom is cute.

1147
00:54:03,466 --> 00:54:05,265
Right? You'll be like,
"Mom Mom!"

1148
00:54:05,301 --> 00:54:06,633
-What am I, two years old?

1149
00:54:06,669 --> 00:54:08,413
- 'Cause it wouldn't be like
your first mom...

1150
00:54:08,437 --> 00:54:10,204
- I have my real mom...
- Uh-huh.

1151
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:10,880
-And then I have you.

1152
00:54:10,915 --> 00:54:14,466
- Right and I would never wanna...
- And you are my fake mom.

1153
00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:17,536
And you need to
stop trying to act...

1154
00:54:17,571 --> 00:54:18,170
- Take the place of her.
- Yeah, exactly.

1155
00:54:18,205 --> 00:54:19,205
-Yeah, I would never.

1156
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:20,305
-Well, you're trying to.

1157
00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:21,740
- No, I don't.
I wouldn't...

1158
00:54:23,577 --> 00:54:26,111
I think this has been
a productive talk.

1159
00:54:26,146 --> 00:54:27,579
All right, well...

1160
00:54:27,614 --> 00:54:29,581
Um, do you want me to
button up your shirt?

1161
00:54:29,616 --> 00:54:31,249
No. Okay. It's supposed
to be like that.

1162
00:54:31,285 --> 00:54:31,983
- Yeah.
- Okay. All right.

1163
00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:32,984
All right.

1164
00:54:33,020 --> 00:54:34,020
(snoring)

1165
00:54:40,327 --> 00:54:42,427
-My family may not win this.

1166
00:54:42,463 --> 00:54:43,762
Which means
my plans get flushed.

1167
00:54:46,366 --> 00:54:47,410
-You've got to tell your dad.

1168
00:54:47,434 --> 00:54:48,767
We both do.
I can't keep lying.

1169
00:54:52,406 --> 00:54:54,606
- I don't know.
My dad is crazy.

1170
00:54:54,641 --> 00:54:57,168
It's like he wants me to be
Mayor someday,

1171
00:54:57,203 --> 00:54:58,944
so it's...
You know?

1172
00:54:58,979 --> 00:55:02,673
- Yeah. And you can't do that with
a Mexican woman by your side.

1173
00:55:02,709 --> 00:55:05,109
- What? I didn't say that.
I mean, why did you...

1174
00:55:05,144 --> 00:55:07,545
-Look, Franklin...

1175
00:55:07,580 --> 00:55:09,346
I'm glad that you
worry about your father.

1176
00:55:09,382 --> 00:55:11,282
I worry about my father, too.

1177
00:55:11,317 --> 00:55:13,517
They want so much for us,

1178
00:55:13,553 --> 00:55:15,073
even though sometimes
it's misguided.

1179
00:55:16,656 --> 00:55:19,290
But I think that we've been
fooling ourselves

1180
00:55:19,325 --> 00:55:21,292
hoping that this will work.

1181
00:55:21,327 --> 00:55:23,494
-What are you talking about?

1182
00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:24,161
- We were going to
lean on each other,

1183
00:55:24,197 --> 00:55:27,531
but maybe we can't.

1184
00:55:27,567 --> 00:55:28,818
And it's better that
we learned it now,

1185
00:55:28,842 --> 00:55:32,336
before we commit to something
that isn't gonna work.

1186
00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:33,531
-Felipa, what are you saying?

1187
00:55:35,441 --> 00:55:36,681
Making it easier on both of us.

1188
00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:38,935
What?

1189
00:55:41,305 --> 00:55:42,938
Felipa, what are you doing?

1190
00:55:42,973 --> 00:55:43,973
Felipa.

1191
00:55:44,975 --> 00:55:45,975
(sighs)

1192
00:55:47,945 --> 00:55:48,945
Fuck!

1193
00:55:53,284 --> 00:55:54,284
(Ron Ron clearing throat)

1194
00:55:58,556 --> 00:56:00,008
- Ron Ron, I told you
to knock that off.

1195
00:56:00,032 --> 00:56:03,492
You're gonna mess around and put
a hole in the back of your neck.

1196
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:05,038
- So you're just
telling me stuff, huh?

1197
00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:06,128
You told me?

1198
00:56:06,163 --> 00:56:07,062
-Yeah, I told you.

1199
00:56:07,098 --> 00:56:07,930
-You told me?

1200
00:56:07,965 --> 00:56:08,965
-Yes.

1201
00:56:09,967 --> 00:56:10,967
-Okay.

1202
00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:13,268
- Jose:
Oh, that's it, Ron Ron.

1203
00:56:13,304 --> 00:56:14,812
Wear those pants, brother.

1204
00:56:14,847 --> 00:56:17,047
That way it'll tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.

1205
00:56:19,535 --> 00:56:21,168
- You know something?
Watch this. Ahem!

1206
00:56:21,203 --> 00:56:22,878
Keko, check this out.

1207
00:56:22,913 --> 00:56:27,374
I'm in this contest where I
keep my hand on this damn car,

1208
00:56:27,409 --> 00:56:28,241
so I can win it for the family.

1209
00:56:28,277 --> 00:56:30,610
I'm a little thirsty now.

1210
00:56:30,646 --> 00:56:32,057
I want you to go get me
one of those beers,

1211
00:56:32,081 --> 00:56:33,313
open the top,

1212
00:56:33,348 --> 00:56:35,215
and put the beer on my lips

1213
00:56:35,250 --> 00:56:35,882
and pour it in my mouth.

1214
00:56:35,918 --> 00:56:38,085
Now!

1215
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:39,653
-Keko: Bullshit!

1216
00:56:39,688 --> 00:56:42,689
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,

1217
00:56:42,725 --> 00:56:44,758
put it on your lips and
pour it down your throat?

1218
00:56:47,162 --> 00:56:48,328
-Never mind, baby.

1219
00:56:48,363 --> 00:56:50,063
-Wow! What a beautiful thing.

1220
00:56:50,099 --> 00:56:51,331
I mean, look.

1221
00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:55,368
Every creed, race, and creed

1222
00:56:55,404 --> 00:56:57,771
just hanging loose.
It's...

1223
00:57:00,242 --> 00:57:01,242
I wanna give a speech.

1224
00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:09,674
-Uh...

1225
00:57:09,710 --> 00:57:12,544
So, you gonna make that
speech, hopper, or what?

1226
00:57:12,579 --> 00:57:14,259
- Well, I gotta write
something down first.

1227
00:57:16,349 --> 00:57:17,182
- That man is out of his mind.

1228
00:57:17,217 --> 00:57:18,983
-He's a lunatic, man.

1229
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:20,118
(snoring)

1230
00:57:20,153 --> 00:57:22,153
-What's up, guys?

1231
00:57:22,189 --> 00:57:24,389
-What's up, Charlie?

1232
00:57:24,424 --> 00:57:25,704
- You smell what
I'm stepping in?

1233
00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:27,425
- Jose: You smell
of something, brother.

1234
00:57:27,461 --> 00:57:29,527
- Yeah, the kids
used to say that.

1235
00:57:29,563 --> 00:57:31,441
- What kids used to say that?
I don't...

1236
00:57:31,465 --> 00:57:33,298
- I heard a couple
of kids say it.

1237
00:57:33,333 --> 00:57:35,108
-Jose: Oh, hey Charlie, man.

1238
00:57:35,144 --> 00:57:37,984
I see your hybrid's got all the latest
gadgets, man, that's pretty cool.

1239
00:57:39,473 --> 00:57:39,938
It's like...
It's like "Star Trek."

1240
00:57:39,973 --> 00:57:40,814
-What?

1241
00:57:40,849 --> 00:57:43,167
- Yeah, yeah. You got one of
those special force fields.

1242
00:57:43,202 --> 00:57:45,069
What do they call it?

1243
00:57:45,104 --> 00:57:46,003
Pussy Deflector.

1244
00:57:46,038 --> 00:57:47,237
(both laugh)

1245
00:57:47,273 --> 00:57:49,406
-Charlie, where were you?

1246
00:57:49,442 --> 00:57:50,652
- I was in the lake, washing up.

1247
00:57:50,676 --> 00:57:52,743
- Oh, yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?

1248
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:55,800
♪ Did you wash
behind your ears? ♪

1249
00:58:00,319 --> 00:58:02,553
-♪ Wash behind the ears ♪

1250
00:58:02,588 --> 00:58:06,623
- ♪ Why don't you shut
The fuck up? ♪

1251
00:58:06,659 --> 00:58:07,524
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.

1252
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,527
I mean, even your tent
has skid marks.

1253
00:58:10,563 --> 00:58:12,971
And don't be stingy
with the Lever 2000.

1254
00:58:13,006 --> 00:58:16,433
Maybe you should call them and
see if they got a Lever 10000.

1255
00:58:16,469 --> 00:58:17,512
- What are you
talking about, man?

1256
00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,269
That's pheromones.
The chicks dig that.

1257
00:58:19,305 --> 00:58:20,345
-Ron Ron: Jose does smell.

1258
00:58:22,208 --> 00:58:23,307
You got that right.

1259
00:58:23,342 --> 00:58:24,900
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.

1260
00:58:24,935 --> 00:58:25,935
What?

1261
00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,173
Hey, y'all. (laughs)

1262
00:58:31,208 --> 00:58:34,476
Jose BO smell so bad,

1263
00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:35,977
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.

1264
00:58:36,013 --> 00:58:37,988
(laughing)

1265
00:58:38,023 --> 00:58:41,650
You get it? 'Cause it's the Right
Guard, that's what it's called.

1266
00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:43,652
And he smells, so he
needs both sides of it,

1267
00:58:43,687 --> 00:58:44,906
'cause it's the left...
- Man: Yeah, they got it.

1268
00:58:44,930 --> 00:58:47,965
They didn't like that one? Okay,
I got another one for you.

1269
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:52,803
What is the flattest surface
that you could iron anything on?

1270
00:58:55,399 --> 00:58:58,100
A white girl's ass.
(laughing)

1271
00:58:58,135 --> 00:59:00,001
-Hey! Bullshit!

1272
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:02,471
Bullshit!

1273
00:59:02,506 --> 00:59:05,006
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.

1274
00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:06,266
-Oh, yeah.

1275
00:59:06,301 --> 00:59:08,368
(men exclaim appreciatively)

1276
00:59:08,403 --> 00:59:09,647
- Mind if I do a little tucking?

1277
00:59:09,671 --> 00:59:12,672
- Jose: I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.

1278
00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:14,452
Although, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.

1279
00:59:14,476 --> 00:59:14,850
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You check it out.

1280
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:17,285
- We got a challenger on the
plane, ladies and gentlemen.

1281
00:59:19,081 --> 00:59:19,788
Yeah, my bad.

1282
00:59:19,823 --> 00:59:22,248
I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.

1283
00:59:22,284 --> 00:59:24,017
Oh, I got one, I got one.

1284
00:59:24,052 --> 00:59:24,793
Right, uh...

1285
00:59:24,828 --> 00:59:29,122
Okay, y'all. What's nine
inches long and white? Huh?

1286
00:59:29,157 --> 00:59:32,125
Anybody? Anybody?

1287
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:33,993
Not a damn thing!

1288
00:59:34,029 --> 00:59:35,029
(laughter)

1289
00:59:37,065 --> 00:59:38,231
-Oh, really?

1290
00:59:38,266 --> 00:59:40,100
Really? I call bullshit.

1291
00:59:40,135 --> 00:59:41,568
-Jose: Oh, yeah?

1292
00:59:41,603 --> 00:59:44,070
- Check out this masterpiece
of dickery.

1293
00:59:44,106 --> 00:59:47,533
(all groaning)

1294
00:59:47,568 --> 00:59:48,100
- All right, all right.
Fine, fine, fine.

1295
00:59:48,135 --> 00:59:49,101
Give me that horn.

1296
00:59:49,136 --> 00:59:50,977
Give me that horn.

1297
00:59:51,012 --> 00:59:54,373
- And now Charlie has taken the
bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen.

1298
00:59:54,408 --> 00:59:55,207
This competition is heating up.

1299
00:59:55,242 --> 00:59:56,242
Let's see what he's got.

1300
00:59:58,646 --> 01:00:00,424
- Did you hear about
the black and Mexican guy

1301
01:00:00,448 --> 01:00:02,014
that opened
a restaurant together?

1302
01:00:02,049 --> 01:00:03,515
-Woman: No.

1303
01:00:03,551 --> 01:00:05,759
- It's called "Nacho Mama."
- (laughing)

1304
01:00:05,794 --> 01:00:08,120
- Oh, hey, what happens when
a white guy with a boner

1305
01:00:08,155 --> 01:00:10,022
walks into a wall?

1306
01:00:10,057 --> 01:00:11,156
-All: What?

1307
01:00:11,192 --> 01:00:12,024
-He breaks his nose.

1308
01:00:12,059 --> 01:00:13,759
-(laughing)

1309
01:00:17,531 --> 01:00:19,009
- Man: Franklin,
he takes the bullhorn.

1310
01:00:19,033 --> 01:00:21,366
All right.

1311
01:00:21,402 --> 01:00:24,203
Why do white people love hockey?

1312
01:00:24,238 --> 01:00:26,338
- Why?
- Why is that?

1313
01:00:26,373 --> 01:00:26,846
-Because if they ain't a cop,

1314
01:00:26,882 --> 01:00:28,977
that's the only chance they
get to beat something black.

1315
01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:32,102
-Ooh, ooh.

1316
01:00:32,137 --> 01:00:35,505
-Oh, in your face!

1317
01:00:35,541 --> 01:00:38,208
- What do you call
a black man in a suit?

1318
01:00:38,243 --> 01:00:40,010
- What?
- The defendant.

1319
01:00:40,045 --> 01:00:42,746
-(laughing)

1320
01:00:43,858 --> 01:00:47,718
- I got one, I got one, you
guys, wait for this. Ready?

1321
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,364
- Oh, ladies and gentleman,
looks like the pole dancer

1322
01:00:49,388 --> 01:00:51,621
wants to enter the competition.

1323
01:00:51,657 --> 01:00:53,368
She's teeing it up,
let's see what she's got.

1324
01:00:53,392 --> 01:00:55,959
- What do you call a black...

1325
01:00:55,994 --> 01:00:58,462
wait...

1326
01:00:58,497 --> 01:01:01,331
- Ooh, and Daisy Duke's
got nothing.

1327
01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:03,842
- (laughing)
- Fuck this shit.

1328
01:01:03,878 --> 01:01:06,603
- All right. Well, there's
some good news and bad news.

1329
01:01:06,638 --> 01:01:09,606
While she had
the bullhorn, ratings spiked,

1330
01:01:09,641 --> 01:01:12,000
but the bad news
is everybody's IQ went down.

1331
01:01:12,035 --> 01:01:13,735
-(laughing)

1332
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:18,673
-(snoring)

1333
01:01:18,709 --> 01:01:20,675
- Okay, all right, all right.
I got one for you.

1334
01:01:20,711 --> 01:01:23,178
Uh... hey! What do white
women make for dinner?

1335
01:01:23,213 --> 01:01:25,013
- What?
- Reservations.

1336
01:01:25,048 --> 01:01:29,451
-(laughing)

1337
01:01:29,486 --> 01:01:30,839
- Oh, no, and ladies
and gentlemen,

1338
01:01:30,863 --> 01:01:34,489
the park rangers are getting
involved in the competition.

1339
01:01:34,524 --> 01:01:36,591
And either
this brother is color blind

1340
01:01:36,626 --> 01:01:38,426
or he is flat-out
helping the wrong family.

1341
01:01:38,462 --> 01:01:42,130
- (laughing)
- You sure about that?

1342
01:01:42,165 --> 01:01:43,698
-They'll love it.

1343
01:01:43,734 --> 01:01:46,367
- Charlie: When a black
and a Mexican are in a car,

1344
01:01:46,403 --> 01:01:48,002
who's driving?
- Everyone: Who?

1345
01:01:48,038 --> 01:01:50,004
-The cop.

1346
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:51,040
(laughter)

1347
01:01:53,977 --> 01:01:57,603
- Yeah, okay, brother, don't...
check on out. okay, thank you.

1348
01:01:57,639 --> 01:02:00,440
Yeah, you can go on
and clock out. Thank you.

1349
01:02:00,475 --> 01:02:03,676
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.

1350
01:02:03,712 --> 01:02:06,079
Let's see if he can pull
one out for his team.

1351
01:02:06,114 --> 01:02:07,447
All right, uh...

1352
01:02:07,482 --> 01:02:09,082
why do white folks
have so many pets?

1353
01:02:09,117 --> 01:02:10,483
-Everyone: Why?

1354
01:02:10,518 --> 01:02:12,038
- 'Cause they can't
own people anymore.

1355
01:02:14,589 --> 01:02:16,233
Boom! Drop the bull horn.
That's right.

1356
01:02:16,257 --> 01:02:18,124
-(upbeat music playing)

1357
01:02:18,159 --> 01:02:19,892
-Hey! Ya, ya, ya!

1358
01:02:19,928 --> 01:02:22,095
-Ya!

1359
01:02:22,130 --> 01:02:25,298
-Hey, hey, hey!

1360
01:02:25,333 --> 01:02:27,300
What's going on, everybody?

1361
01:02:27,335 --> 01:02:28,434
My name is Johnny Jon-John.

1362
01:02:28,470 --> 01:02:30,303
I'll be running
the intervention.

1363
01:02:30,338 --> 01:02:31,637
And it is for Charlie Jones,

1364
01:02:31,673 --> 01:02:33,150
is there a a Charlie Jones?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1365
01:02:33,174 --> 01:02:34,199
-No, no, not now.

1366
01:02:34,234 --> 01:02:35,808
-An intervention for me?

1367
01:02:35,844 --> 01:02:40,012
- No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.

1368
01:02:40,048 --> 01:02:44,509
- I should have seen you a mile away.
Yes, sir, let's get right to it.

1369
01:02:44,545 --> 01:02:46,145
Anyone want to speak
up about this joker?

1370
01:02:48,082 --> 01:02:50,515
Okay. I'll go.

1371
01:02:50,551 --> 01:02:53,452
All right, uh...
this is an intervention.

1372
01:02:53,487 --> 01:02:55,194
10th one's free.
Another joke we do.

1373
01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:58,075
I like to lighten the mood a little bit
when someone is heading into the grave.

1374
01:02:58,099 --> 01:03:02,594
Your family put together a list of
things you've done while... drunk.

1375
01:03:02,629 --> 01:03:04,596
- They put together a list?
- Yeah, that's...

1376
01:03:04,631 --> 01:03:07,566
that's how it works.
- Give us the short list.

1377
01:03:07,601 --> 01:03:10,335
- Let's see, boo...
you burned down a farm,

1378
01:03:10,370 --> 01:03:14,539
with a barn and three cows?

1379
01:03:14,575 --> 01:03:16,077
- They were goats.
- Oh, they were goats.

1380
01:03:16,101 --> 01:03:18,435
Only goats, oh.

1381
01:03:18,470 --> 01:03:20,303
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.

1382
01:03:20,338 --> 01:03:22,505
(singing) For he's a jolly...

1383
01:03:22,541 --> 01:03:23,760
No, you're horrible.
I'm kidding again.

1384
01:03:23,784 --> 01:03:26,576
Oh, it keeps going. You
got drunk at a carnival

1385
01:03:26,611 --> 01:03:28,745
and you shot a fireman?
- He was off duty.

1386
01:03:30,282 --> 01:03:32,582
And a bit shifty.
- Oh.

1387
01:03:32,617 --> 01:03:35,452
Okay, off duty and shifty.
- He was shifty.

1388
01:03:35,487 --> 01:03:37,095
- Sounds to me
like you're enabling.

1389
01:03:37,131 --> 01:03:40,457
- Oh, that's a pretty big word for
something that I'm... not really doing.

1390
01:03:40,492 --> 01:03:42,559
- You unbolted
the Ferris wheel too?

1391
01:03:42,594 --> 01:03:46,596
- Yeah, it's a wheel,
so it could roam away.

1392
01:03:46,631 --> 01:03:48,465
- To give it a head start
for the next town.

1393
01:03:48,500 --> 01:03:50,233
- Hello?
- Shaved a librarian's head?

1394
01:03:50,268 --> 01:03:51,910
-She may have had lice.

1395
01:03:51,945 --> 01:03:55,305
- All right, and you pushed your
cousin Bobby down some stairs.

1396
01:03:55,340 --> 01:03:57,407
- Both:
He had lice, right.

1397
01:03:57,442 --> 01:03:59,333
He's got the RID and the comb.

1398
01:03:59,369 --> 01:03:59,876
All right, you did him a favor.

1399
01:03:59,911 --> 01:04:05,640
Uh, did you shoot 72 bottle
rockets at your old high school?

1400
01:04:05,675 --> 01:04:07,286
- Let's just say
that I enhanced its curb appeal.

1401
01:04:07,310 --> 01:04:09,143
And most of them were duds.

1402
01:04:09,179 --> 01:04:11,412
- Over 50%?
- Duh.

1403
01:04:11,448 --> 01:04:13,214
- Holy shit,
what am I doing here?

1404
01:04:13,249 --> 01:04:15,483
What a waste of my time.

1405
01:04:15,518 --> 01:04:15,917
This guy seems fine
to me. You single?

1406
01:04:15,952 --> 01:04:20,421
-Uh...

1407
01:04:20,457 --> 01:04:23,324
I am, but now
that you mention it,

1408
01:04:23,359 --> 01:04:26,427
I was... but a few hours ago,

1409
01:04:26,463 --> 01:04:28,763
I'm... now I'm not...
Not... no.

1410
01:04:30,366 --> 01:04:31,808
- Final answer?
- Final answer.

1411
01:04:31,843 --> 01:04:35,069
- I wasn't even talking to you.
I was talking to her.

1412
01:04:35,105 --> 01:04:37,538
-Me? Holy God.

1413
01:04:37,574 --> 01:04:39,399
- Sounds like a no, um...
- You know what?

1414
01:04:39,435 --> 01:04:41,368
This, this, this, whole event...

1415
01:04:41,403 --> 01:04:44,538
can, can, can "mange" my taint.

1416
01:04:44,573 --> 01:04:46,473
I don't need this,
this, this intervention.

1417
01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:48,475
- Well, I fucking
don't need it either.

1418
01:04:48,510 --> 01:04:50,477
All right, I'm outy
like five thouty.

1419
01:04:50,512 --> 01:04:52,412
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.

1420
01:04:52,448 --> 01:04:55,549
It's nice out here!
I'm joking.

1421
01:04:55,584 --> 01:04:57,918
This place is fun
if I was the Zika virus.

1422
01:04:57,953 --> 01:04:58,953
Uber!

1423
01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:02,322
- What the hell
was that all about?

1424
01:05:02,357 --> 01:05:03,924
-Look, son, we didn't mean to.

1425
01:05:03,959 --> 01:05:06,259
-Shit.

1426
01:05:06,295 --> 01:05:08,695
Took my hand off the car.

1427
01:05:08,731 --> 01:05:12,599
- Oh, yeah, so now it's
just me and Mr. Jonas.

1428
01:05:12,634 --> 01:05:14,434
- Jose: Oh, no,
Papi's going to swat the fly.

1429
01:05:14,470 --> 01:05:16,036
- (groans)
- Papi, Papi, Papi, wait!

1430
01:05:16,071 --> 01:05:18,472
-(exclaims)

1431
01:05:18,507 --> 01:05:21,266
- Dad.
- You let go of the door, Pops.

1432
01:05:21,301 --> 01:05:23,134
-I won! I won! I won, I won!

1433
01:05:23,170 --> 01:05:25,070
We won! Oh, my Gosh!

1434
01:05:25,105 --> 01:05:27,080
-Well, we won...

1435
01:05:27,116 --> 01:05:29,861
But it was kind of fun the way it
turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay?

1436
01:05:29,885 --> 01:05:33,211
- I agree! Let's just everybody
stay and enjoy the weekend.

1437
01:05:33,246 --> 01:05:34,888
-All right, we'll stay.

1438
01:05:34,923 --> 01:05:38,283
But you gotta be able to keep
a leash on your son Charlie.

1439
01:05:38,318 --> 01:05:40,418
- What!
- Wait, wait, wait...

1440
01:05:40,454 --> 01:05:41,828
What the hell
did that just mean?

1441
01:05:41,864 --> 01:05:47,525
- Madonna, some pendejo tried
to pin a mosq on my shirt...

1442
01:05:47,561 --> 01:05:51,696
with a blonde hair,
the whites cheated.

1443
01:05:51,732 --> 01:05:53,652
- Hey, I mean, come on, now...
the whites cheated

1444
01:05:54,601 --> 01:05:56,079
and now Charlie
is after my son Franklin.

1445
01:05:56,103 --> 01:05:58,436
- What?
- What?

1446
01:05:58,472 --> 01:06:00,238
- Pop, what are you
talking about?

1447
01:06:00,273 --> 01:06:01,740
-Come on, now, Franklin.

1448
01:06:01,742 --> 01:06:02,819
I mean, you should have
told me that you were gay.

1449
01:06:02,843 --> 01:06:07,403
I mean, is that why you...
don't want to run for Mayor?

1450
01:06:07,439 --> 01:06:08,791
- Are you kidding...
I'm not gay.

1451
01:06:08,815 --> 01:06:11,307
And if I was gay, I could get
way better than Charlie.

1452
01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:13,309
-You think I'm after Franklin?

1453
01:06:13,344 --> 01:06:15,578
- And a drunk!
- Okay, okay...

1454
01:06:15,613 --> 01:06:17,613
you might have me
on the drunk thing but...

1455
01:06:17,649 --> 01:06:19,360
you're out of your mind.
Everybody knows that

1456
01:06:19,384 --> 01:06:21,050
Franklin's in love with Felipa.

1457
01:06:21,086 --> 01:06:22,051
- What?
- What?

1458
01:06:22,087 --> 01:06:24,028
-Oh, Charlie.

1459
01:06:24,064 --> 01:06:28,491
- Even me, the huge drunk could
tell 14 seconds after I got here.

1460
01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:31,060
And you still don't see it?
- Felipa?

1461
01:06:31,096 --> 01:06:34,464
Es la verdad?

1462
01:06:34,499 --> 01:06:35,998
- Papi, I've been
meaning to tell you.

1463
01:06:36,034 --> 01:06:38,668
Yes, okay?

1464
01:06:38,703 --> 01:06:40,081
Franklin and I have been
dating for over a year.

1465
01:06:40,105 --> 01:06:41,780
- What?
- What?

1466
01:06:41,815 --> 01:06:43,973
- You need to keep your son
away from my daughter.

1467
01:06:44,008 --> 01:06:48,236
- Aye, no, no. You ain't calling
no shots in my family, El Chapo.

1468
01:06:48,272 --> 01:06:49,705
-Oh, well, Pop, calm down.

1469
01:06:49,707 --> 01:06:51,759
- No, no, no, no, and you, I
can't believe this, son.

1470
01:06:51,783 --> 01:06:55,077
You've been sneaking around
with her behind my back,

1471
01:06:55,112 --> 01:06:57,579
and lying and...

1472
01:06:57,614 --> 01:07:00,415
standing up Shantaysia
who is hot to trot.

1473
01:07:00,451 --> 01:07:03,018
- Wow, hot to trot
isn't accurate.

1474
01:07:03,053 --> 01:07:04,319
-Okay, fine.

1475
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:06,221
I came up here because we all

1476
01:07:06,256 --> 01:07:08,356
needed to get together.

1477
01:07:08,392 --> 01:07:11,293
I love Felipa.
That is my girl.

1478
01:07:11,328 --> 01:07:12,661
That is why we are all here.

1479
01:07:12,696 --> 01:07:14,474
I don't know where the
white family came from,

1480
01:07:14,498 --> 01:07:16,531
but that's why
our families are here.

1481
01:07:16,567 --> 01:07:18,233
We planned it.
But you know what I hate?

1482
01:07:18,268 --> 01:07:20,569
Camping is what I hate.

1483
01:07:20,604 --> 01:07:21,889
- I knew it, I knew it,
I fucking knew it.

1484
01:07:21,913 --> 01:07:25,307
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.

1485
01:07:25,342 --> 01:07:27,167
♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪

1486
01:07:27,202 --> 01:07:28,234
♪ He is a dumbass ♪

1487
01:07:28,270 --> 01:07:30,203
♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪

1488
01:07:30,238 --> 01:07:31,404
♪ I fucking knew it ♪

1489
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:33,406
♪ And I thought
he was gay too ♪

1490
01:07:33,442 --> 01:07:35,817
- This camping
can jump up my ass.

1491
01:07:35,853 --> 01:07:38,278
These "Jurassic Park"
mosquitoes can jump up my ass.

1492
01:07:38,313 --> 01:07:40,547
Sleeping in my car at night,

1493
01:07:40,582 --> 01:07:41,181
waiting for somebody
to come and kill me...

1494
01:07:41,216 --> 01:07:43,149
-Can jump up your ass.

1495
01:07:43,185 --> 01:07:44,317
- Exactly.
- Right.

1496
01:07:44,352 --> 01:07:46,261
-All this can jump up my ass.

1497
01:07:46,296 --> 01:07:49,267
- Well, if you're going to act that way,
then why did we say we'd like to stay?

1498
01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:50,256
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

1499
01:07:50,292 --> 01:07:52,158
Let us stay?
- (arguing)

1500
01:07:52,194 --> 01:07:53,802
-The whites cheated.

1501
01:07:53,837 --> 01:07:57,530
And we're going to win this
contest and kick you out.

1502
01:07:57,566 --> 01:07:59,399
- Yeah, man, the hell
with all you guys.

1503
01:07:59,434 --> 01:08:02,469
Final contest.
Winner or go home.

1504
01:08:02,504 --> 01:08:04,495
- Let's get it on.
- Let's get it on.

1505
01:08:04,531 --> 01:08:06,239
- (indistinct chatter)
- Let's vamos.

1506
01:08:06,274 --> 01:08:07,373
- Let's do this.
- Huh.

1507
01:08:07,409 --> 01:08:09,100
- Go this way.
- It's game over,

1508
01:08:09,135 --> 01:08:10,135
tacos and Schlitz.

1509
01:08:14,883 --> 01:08:19,343
- Hey, hey, gather around here,
I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm...

1510
01:08:19,379 --> 01:08:20,678
one of the original spectators,

1511
01:08:20,714 --> 01:08:22,391
so I think I'm probably
most qualified to describe

1512
01:08:22,415 --> 01:08:25,249
what we're about
to witness here.

1513
01:08:25,285 --> 01:08:27,652
This obstacle course race

1514
01:08:27,687 --> 01:08:30,388
is two miles total,
give or take a mile or two.

1515
01:08:30,423 --> 01:08:32,457
And, uh, it's through the woods,

1516
01:08:32,492 --> 01:08:34,726
and then you gotta
get past that lake

1517
01:08:34,728 --> 01:08:37,562
and then make it up to
that clearing way up there

1518
01:08:37,597 --> 01:08:39,630
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.

1519
01:08:39,666 --> 01:08:41,277
So, what do you say
we all just sit back here,

1520
01:08:41,301 --> 01:08:44,469
and let's enjoy the show.

1521
01:08:44,504 --> 01:08:45,069
- Y'all ready for this?
Let's do this!

1522
01:08:45,105 --> 01:08:46,204
Let's do this.

1523
01:08:46,239 --> 01:08:48,506
-(indistinct chatter)

1524
01:08:48,541 --> 01:08:49,107
- Okay, everybody,
here are the rules.

1525
01:08:49,142 --> 01:08:51,233
- Rules?
- Yeah.

1526
01:08:51,269 --> 01:08:52,168
No rules!
Ready set, go!

1527
01:08:52,203 --> 01:08:54,537
-(indistinct chatter)

1528
01:08:54,572 --> 01:08:56,016
- Franklin: Hey!
You got dirt on my shoes.

1529
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:57,740
-(cheering)

1530
01:08:59,243 --> 01:09:01,977
- (panting)
- (laughing)

1531
01:09:02,013 --> 01:09:03,746
-(grunts)

1532
01:09:11,122 --> 01:09:11,796
-I want to stay.

1533
01:09:11,831 --> 01:09:14,423
- Yeah, why do parents always
have to ruin everything?

1534
01:09:14,459 --> 01:09:17,193
I don't want to go.
- Me either.

1535
01:09:17,228 --> 01:09:19,361
-Wait, I have an idea.

1536
01:09:19,397 --> 01:09:20,474
Rolie, you still have that map?

1537
01:09:20,498 --> 01:09:23,265
- Does the bear shit
in the woods?

1538
01:09:23,301 --> 01:09:24,900
-Yes, young man, it does.

1539
01:09:24,936 --> 01:09:27,503
-Ew!

1540
01:09:27,538 --> 01:09:29,091
- He's gross.
- He smokes too much weed.

1541
01:09:29,115 --> 01:09:33,435
One time he got so baked, he tried
to take his pants off over his head.

1542
01:09:33,470 --> 01:09:35,403
- What?
- It's an old Woody Allen joke.

1543
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,439
- Okay, so you
see this ridge here.

1544
01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:39,574
It horseshoes
around this mountain.

1545
01:09:39,609 --> 01:09:41,917
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.

1546
01:09:41,953 --> 01:09:44,323
- The plan only works if we can
get to the finish line first.

1547
01:09:44,347 --> 01:09:46,448
-Think we can get there first?

1548
01:09:46,483 --> 01:09:47,415
- Hell, yeah, first
is my middle name.

1549
01:09:47,451 --> 01:09:49,517
- It is?
- No, sweetie, it's Olivia.

1550
01:09:49,553 --> 01:09:51,230
- All right, let's do this.
On three...

1551
01:09:51,254 --> 01:09:52,987
One, two, three, break!

1552
01:09:53,023 --> 01:09:55,423
-Let's go!

1553
01:09:55,459 --> 01:09:58,760
- And the black...
is in the lead.

1554
01:10:02,733 --> 01:10:04,343
- You're killing it, Dad.
- Get your arms down there.

1555
01:10:04,367 --> 01:10:06,768
- Get away from me!
- (groans)

1556
01:10:09,847 --> 01:10:12,273
- (panting) Look, Pop, I
just want to say I'm sorry.

1557
01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:13,733
-No talking, just winning.

1558
01:10:15,503 --> 01:10:17,023
- I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.

1559
01:10:23,511 --> 01:10:25,278
- You can't keep up, can ya?
- Look...

1560
01:10:25,313 --> 01:10:26,579
you're the one out of shape.

1561
01:10:26,614 --> 01:10:28,025
- I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.

1562
01:10:28,049 --> 01:10:30,049
-(muttering)

1563
01:10:30,085 --> 01:10:34,253
-Hey. Wait...

1564
01:10:34,289 --> 01:10:36,055
Is that a snake?
- Where?

1565
01:10:36,091 --> 01:10:39,025
-Right there.

1566
01:10:39,060 --> 01:10:41,761
-(screaming)

1567
01:10:49,971 --> 01:10:50,971
-Oh...

1568
01:10:52,507 --> 01:10:53,918
Oh, shit, that ain't
no damn snake.

1569
01:10:53,942 --> 01:10:55,499
Oh.

1570
01:10:55,535 --> 01:10:59,103
- You know your scream
was kind of a...

1571
01:10:59,138 --> 01:11:01,305
hoo hoo, you know.

1572
01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:03,074
You need to man up, you know.

1573
01:11:03,109 --> 01:11:04,742
-Man up on this!

1574
01:11:07,513 --> 01:11:08,866
- Felipa: I should
have told my family.

1575
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:11,482
Well, I don't know what happened.
We just... fell in love.

1576
01:11:11,517 --> 01:11:14,585
- Cheyenne: Yeah.
- My dad's so furious.

1577
01:11:14,620 --> 01:11:16,198
- Well, girl, your dad
be overreacting, okay,

1578
01:11:16,222 --> 01:11:18,322
if you ask me.
- Yep.

1579
01:11:18,357 --> 01:11:20,458
-I mean, it's not a bad thing,

1580
01:11:20,493 --> 01:11:21,225
it's kind of a good thing.
- Really?

1581
01:11:21,260 --> 01:11:23,160
-I mean, I was in shock.

1582
01:11:23,196 --> 01:11:24,662
I was like, "What?"

1583
01:11:24,697 --> 01:11:26,475
I was clutching my purse
like I was watching

1584
01:11:26,499 --> 01:11:28,599
"Days of Our Lives"
or something.

1585
01:11:28,634 --> 01:11:30,434
I was like, "What?"
Did not see that coming!

1586
01:11:30,470 --> 01:11:33,504
But... it's a good thing.
- Yeah.

1587
01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:35,740
- Y'all might make
some little Obamas,

1588
01:11:35,742 --> 01:11:38,008
or something, little Baracks
up in here. (laughing)

1589
01:11:38,044 --> 01:11:42,012
Girl, all I can say is I think your
dad's acting like a big old kid.

1590
01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:46,276
- Right. Surprise, surprise, all
the men are acting like children.

1591
01:11:46,311 --> 01:11:46,784
-And speaking of children...

1592
01:11:46,819 --> 01:11:49,412
I cannot hear mine. It's like...
- Yeah, that is weird.

1593
01:11:49,448 --> 01:11:51,648
- They real quiet,
like when I put

1594
01:11:51,683 --> 01:11:53,428
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.

1595
01:11:53,452 --> 01:11:54,772
You know they get
real quiet then.

1596
01:11:56,796 --> 01:12:00,423
What? I wouldn't really drug
my babies, that's a joke.

1597
01:12:00,459 --> 01:12:03,460
- Okay, okay, I was like...
(laughs)

1598
01:12:03,495 --> 01:12:05,128
- Just a little bit,
for a minute.

1599
01:12:05,163 --> 01:12:06,963
Kids!
- Chuckie!

1600
01:12:06,998 --> 01:12:08,364
-Rolie!

1601
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:09,332
- Chuckie!
- They're not there.

1602
01:12:09,367 --> 01:12:11,367
We should go.
- Let's go see.

1603
01:12:11,403 --> 01:12:12,769
- Let's try to parent.
- Hey!

1604
01:12:17,209 --> 01:12:21,202
-Sharni: Oh, my God!

1605
01:12:21,237 --> 01:12:23,004
-(country music playing)

1606
01:12:23,039 --> 01:12:26,140
-(cheering)

1607
01:12:26,176 --> 01:12:27,909
-Really? Seriously?

1608
01:12:27,944 --> 01:12:30,120
-What?

1609
01:12:30,155 --> 01:12:33,314
- You think they're going to shoot
dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun?

1610
01:12:33,349 --> 01:12:35,550
-No, this is a public service.

1611
01:12:35,585 --> 01:12:37,985
I do this for charity.
Not dollar bills.

1612
01:12:38,021 --> 01:12:40,021
You drunk!

1613
01:12:40,056 --> 01:12:42,031
-(cheering)

1614
01:12:42,067 --> 01:12:44,537
- All right, nothing to see here.
Head down the trail, down the trail.

1615
01:12:44,561 --> 01:12:46,594
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see here.

1616
01:12:46,629 --> 01:12:47,428
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.

1617
01:12:47,464 --> 01:12:49,764
Okay, I'm open.
Come on, let's go.

1618
01:12:51,267 --> 01:12:53,634
Come on!
- Wait for me.

1619
01:12:53,670 --> 01:12:59,307
♪ And the bombs of war
will make you bleed ♪

1620
01:12:59,342 --> 01:13:04,170
♪ When the hugs of love ♪

1621
01:13:04,205 --> 01:13:08,541
♪ Are all you need ♪

1622
01:13:08,576 --> 01:13:12,511
Hello, buddy!
You want to sing the chorus?

1623
01:13:12,547 --> 01:13:17,183
♪ The hugs of love
Are all you need ♪

1624
01:13:17,218 --> 01:13:19,218
♪ The hugs of love ♪

1625
01:13:19,253 --> 01:13:21,020
- (spraying)
- (shrieks)

1626
01:13:21,055 --> 01:13:23,155
-(screaming)

1627
01:13:23,191 --> 01:13:25,257
-I'm gonna get you!

1628
01:13:25,293 --> 01:13:27,760
You slimy little bastard!

1629
01:13:30,264 --> 01:13:32,765
-(upbeat music playing)

1630
01:13:37,238 --> 01:13:39,538
-Do you see them yet?

1631
01:13:39,574 --> 01:13:41,240
- Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.

1632
01:13:41,275 --> 01:13:44,101
- (coughing)
- (panting)

1633
01:13:44,136 --> 01:13:46,336
-Hold on! Hold on!

1634
01:13:46,372 --> 01:13:48,739
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
- What?

1635
01:13:50,276 --> 01:13:52,009
- What?
- Do you hear that?

1636
01:13:52,044 --> 01:13:54,378
-Hear what?

1637
01:13:54,413 --> 01:13:56,756
- What is that sound?
- Oh, shit!

1638
01:13:56,791 --> 01:14:01,452
Well, maybe it's a bear
or, or even worse, a monster!

1639
01:14:01,487 --> 01:14:02,927
Oh, damn, what's
behind those bushes?

1640
01:14:04,490 --> 01:14:06,523
Oh, what beast
is coming towards us!

1641
01:14:06,559 --> 01:14:08,270
Who are you! What are you!
- (crackling)

1642
01:14:08,294 --> 01:14:09,359
Show yourself! (exclaims)

1643
01:14:09,395 --> 01:14:12,162
Oh, shit, worse than I thought.

1644
01:14:12,198 --> 01:14:14,565
Just kidding, baby.

1645
01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:14,774
- We're looking
for the kids, they ran off.

1646
01:14:14,809 --> 01:14:18,335
- Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?

1647
01:14:18,370 --> 01:14:19,448
-Oh, really, I'm just curious,

1648
01:14:19,472 --> 01:14:21,638
on what planet
might that be true?

1649
01:14:21,674 --> 01:14:23,177
- Oh, I don't even know
how you got in the lead.

1650
01:14:23,201 --> 01:14:25,435
-No, really, uh, uh...

1651
01:14:25,470 --> 01:14:27,030
Shan... Shantay... what?
- Shantaysia.

1652
01:14:28,473 --> 01:14:29,338
- Oh, Shantaysia.
- Can't get it right?

1653
01:14:29,374 --> 01:14:31,174
-No, I thought it was Shantay...

1654
01:14:31,209 --> 01:14:34,077
-(indistinct chatter)

1655
01:14:34,112 --> 01:14:37,380
-Anyway, she...

1656
01:14:37,415 --> 01:14:38,114
said something about the kids...

1657
01:14:38,149 --> 01:14:40,349
and a finish line.

1658
01:14:40,385 --> 01:14:43,052
- Wow! Is that a bat?
- Really?

1659
01:14:43,088 --> 01:14:45,188
-Oh, Charlie.

1660
01:14:45,223 --> 01:14:47,423
-Is that another bat?

1661
01:14:47,459 --> 01:14:48,324
- I thought you
were going to quit.

1662
01:14:48,359 --> 01:14:51,160
-No, no, no, wait, it that...

1663
01:14:51,196 --> 01:14:52,695
Is that three bats?

1664
01:14:52,731 --> 01:14:54,408
- I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.

1665
01:14:54,432 --> 01:14:56,766
- No, no, no,
no booze, no bottle.

1666
01:14:59,370 --> 01:15:01,704
Five, five, five... five bats.

1667
01:15:01,740 --> 01:15:05,232
- Oh, my God. Seriously!
- No, no, no, I'm serious.

1668
01:15:05,268 --> 01:15:06,901
-(sinister music playing)

1669
01:15:06,936 --> 01:15:08,002
-Bats!

1670
01:15:08,037 --> 01:15:09,737
-(screaming)

1671
01:15:21,826 --> 01:15:25,286
- We can't stop. They say
bats get stuck in your hair.

1672
01:15:25,321 --> 01:15:27,154
-No, no, no. That's a myth.

1673
01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:29,123
Total urban legend.

1674
01:15:29,158 --> 01:15:31,225
- Oh, shit.
- Oh!

1675
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:32,260
- (exclaiming)
- What?

1676
01:15:33,596 --> 01:15:34,673
- There's a... there's
a bat on your head.

1677
01:15:34,697 --> 01:15:38,432
- Guys, guys, guys, come
on, I'm not a moron.

1678
01:15:38,468 --> 01:15:40,434
Clearly there's
no bat on my head.

1679
01:15:40,470 --> 01:15:41,736
- How drunk are you?
- Irrelevant.

1680
01:15:41,738 --> 01:15:44,638
- I promise you, son, there's
a bat in your hair.

1681
01:15:44,674 --> 01:15:46,018
- Jose: Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?

1682
01:15:46,042 --> 01:15:50,202
-(shrieks)

1683
01:15:50,237 --> 01:15:53,672
-Get it off! Get it off!

1684
01:15:53,708 --> 01:15:55,185
- Throw rocks at it,
everybody, throw rocks at it.

1685
01:15:55,209 --> 01:15:57,009
-(indistinct chatter)

1686
01:15:57,044 --> 01:16:01,280
-(groaning)

1687
01:16:01,315 --> 01:16:02,281
-Enough with the damn rocks.

1688
01:16:02,316 --> 01:16:04,316
-Hit it with the bug racket!

1689
01:16:04,351 --> 01:16:04,983
- Yeah!
- (everyone exclaiming)

1690
01:16:05,019 --> 01:16:06,752
-(groans)

1691
01:16:12,293 --> 01:16:13,092
-Not my head, not my head!

1692
01:16:13,127 --> 01:16:15,461
-Look, the kids!

1693
01:16:15,496 --> 01:16:17,763
- The finish line!
- (all exclaiming)

1694
01:16:20,334 --> 01:16:22,367
-Oh, hey, thanks everybody!

1695
01:16:22,403 --> 01:16:25,003
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's all good.

1696
01:16:25,039 --> 01:16:26,638
-(grunts)

1697
01:16:26,674 --> 01:16:29,734
- There was nothing
about that... that I liked!

1698
01:16:36,076 --> 01:16:37,742
-(exclaiming)

1699
01:16:39,245 --> 01:16:40,745
-(intense music playing)

1700
01:16:53,126 --> 01:16:55,760
(all exclaiming)

1701
01:17:03,737 --> 01:17:06,879
- You kids did this?
- Yeah! We don't want to go home.

1702
01:17:06,914 --> 01:17:09,774
- Us kids get along, how come
you adults can't get along?

1703
01:17:12,036 --> 01:17:13,745
-Well, wow.

1704
01:17:13,780 --> 01:17:16,881
This is some muddy bullshit.
But I'm damn impressed.

1705
01:17:16,916 --> 01:17:19,086
- Franklin: Yeah, but who's
going to get a whooping first?

1706
01:17:19,110 --> 01:17:20,643
-Kids! Not bad.

1707
01:17:20,678 --> 01:17:24,280
You dug a hole, you
filled it with mud and...

1708
01:17:24,315 --> 01:17:26,682
made it look like the trail.

1709
01:17:26,718 --> 01:17:29,185
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.

1710
01:17:29,220 --> 01:17:31,420
You know what's funny?

1711
01:17:31,456 --> 01:17:34,423
Everyone covered
in mud like this,

1712
01:17:34,459 --> 01:17:36,258
you just can't
tell anybody apart.

1713
01:17:36,294 --> 01:17:38,360
There's a lesson in that.

1714
01:17:38,396 --> 01:17:41,964
A big obvious, freaking lesson.

1715
01:17:41,999 --> 01:17:45,701
-Preach!

1716
01:17:45,737 --> 01:17:49,271
- So, being that you can't
tell anybody apart...

1717
01:17:49,307 --> 01:17:52,232
the bottom line is this...

1718
01:17:52,268 --> 01:17:53,734
are you an asshole or not?

1719
01:17:56,972 --> 01:17:59,573
-Uh-mmm.

1720
01:17:59,608 --> 01:18:01,186
- Choose wisely.
- So, let's not be assholes.

1721
01:18:01,210 --> 01:18:03,977
And let's all just...

1722
01:18:04,013 --> 01:18:06,447
get along.

1723
01:18:06,482 --> 01:18:07,981
- In the words
of Rodney King, girl.

1724
01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:10,718
-La raza!

1725
01:18:10,720 --> 01:18:12,953
- What does that mean, baby?
- Just a Latin bonding.

1726
01:18:12,988 --> 01:18:13,863
-Got it.

1727
01:18:13,898 --> 01:18:19,159
- Hey, that was a really
really nice speech, Fake Mom.

1728
01:18:19,195 --> 01:18:21,662
-Oh, well, that's...

1729
01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,008
still doing the Fake Mom
stuff right after the...

1730
01:18:23,032 --> 01:18:26,266
-Cheyenne.

1731
01:18:26,302 --> 01:18:29,036
-You called me by my name!

1732
01:18:29,071 --> 01:18:30,237
Sweetheart!

1733
01:18:30,272 --> 01:18:32,573
I'm so touched by the...

1734
01:18:32,608 --> 01:18:34,599
You know, I've always
felt that we had...

1735
01:18:34,635 --> 01:18:37,169
Okay, don't hit on 16,
got it, don't hit on 16.

1736
01:18:37,204 --> 01:18:39,780
-(children shrieking)

1737
01:18:39,815 --> 01:18:43,408
- They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.

1738
01:18:43,444 --> 01:18:45,277
- (ice cream truck
music playing)

1739
01:18:45,312 --> 01:18:47,479
-I hear the ice cream truck!

1740
01:18:47,514 --> 01:18:48,413
- Franklin: Oh,
that's beautiful, Gravy.

1741
01:18:48,449 --> 01:18:50,415
- Hold up, hold up.
Hey, hey, hey.

1742
01:18:50,451 --> 01:18:52,551
- Something's wrong
with my knee.

1743
01:18:52,586 --> 01:18:54,130
- (groans)
- Look, you're my brother, okay?

1744
01:18:54,154 --> 01:18:55,420
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1745
01:18:55,456 --> 01:18:56,816
- Listen to me,
I'm talking to you.

1746
01:18:57,458 --> 01:18:58,818
- Yes!
- Okay, and I love you, man.

1747
01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,494
And someday you are going
to be married, bro.

1748
01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:04,062
Because if anybody
can do it, you can.

1749
01:19:04,098 --> 01:19:05,697
-You think so?

1750
01:19:05,733 --> 01:19:07,510
- I think what he's trying
to say, Pop, is that...

1751
01:19:07,534 --> 01:19:09,201
(clears throat)
It's time to propose.

1752
01:19:09,236 --> 01:19:10,001
You know, to Charlie.

1753
01:19:10,037 --> 01:19:11,770
(laughter)

1754
01:19:13,574 --> 01:19:15,466
♪ Felipa's going
to get proposed to ♪

1755
01:19:15,501 --> 01:19:17,101
♪ Felipa's going to get
proposed to ♪

1756
01:19:17,136 --> 01:19:19,503
-MAN: You're next!

1757
01:19:19,539 --> 01:19:22,506
- Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,

1758
01:19:22,542 --> 01:19:24,408
I think you better
handle your business.

1759
01:19:24,444 --> 01:19:27,445
- Felipa... just
follow your heart.

1760
01:19:27,480 --> 01:19:28,979
- What is this...
are you'll for real?

1761
01:19:29,015 --> 01:19:31,282
-Oh... oh!

1762
01:19:31,317 --> 01:19:33,117
- Do it, Franklin.
- Wow!

1763
01:19:33,152 --> 01:19:34,752
-Do it, Franklin.

1764
01:19:42,361 --> 01:19:44,361
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.

1765
01:19:44,397 --> 01:19:46,030
- You will?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!

1766
01:19:46,065 --> 01:19:49,767
-(cheering)

1767
01:19:52,071 --> 01:19:53,938
- Oh!
- Yes!

1768
01:19:53,973 --> 01:19:56,732
[♪ ♪]

1769
01:20:18,222 --> 01:20:21,190
-Felipa! We need help!

1770
01:20:21,225 --> 01:20:25,227
-I got you! I got you!

1771
01:20:25,262 --> 01:20:26,762
-We're getting married!

1772
01:20:31,569 --> 01:20:33,089
- (indistinct chatter)
- (dogs barking)

1773
01:20:41,403 --> 01:20:43,403
- Excuse me. Hello.
- Hi. Hi. Hi.

1774
01:20:43,439 --> 01:20:46,173
- Everybody.
- I just want to say...

1775
01:20:46,208 --> 01:20:47,916
another 4th of July...

1776
01:20:47,952 --> 01:20:51,144
here we are again, I'm just so
happy that we can all make it.

1777
01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:52,112
- Yes.
- (whooping)

1778
01:20:52,147 --> 01:20:54,481
-All right. Yeah!

1779
01:20:54,516 --> 01:20:57,084
- Yay! Too bad Gravy
couldn't make it.

1780
01:20:57,119 --> 01:20:59,486
-(all laughing)

1781
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:00,565
- What? Am I supposed
to be somewhere?

1782
01:21:00,589 --> 01:21:04,191
- Just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.

1783
01:21:04,226 --> 01:21:05,559
-We're joking, Gravy.

1784
01:21:05,594 --> 01:21:08,128
- Um, hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.

1785
01:21:08,163 --> 01:21:09,229
-All: Hi, Charlie.

1786
01:21:09,264 --> 01:21:11,098
-I'm sorry, wrong group.

1787
01:21:11,133 --> 01:21:13,333
-(all laughing)

1788
01:21:13,368 --> 01:21:15,135
- Oh, check out this bad boy.

1789
01:21:15,170 --> 01:21:17,237
-Six months sober.

1790
01:21:17,272 --> 01:21:18,572
-(all exclaiming in awe)

1791
01:21:18,607 --> 01:21:21,634
- Look who the good
influence is over here.

1792
01:21:21,669 --> 01:21:24,236
- It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.

1793
01:21:24,272 --> 01:21:26,672
-Looks like a blue condom.

1794
01:21:26,708 --> 01:21:29,442
- Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD.
That's what that is.

1795
01:21:29,477 --> 01:21:31,544
- Oh, gosh,
I hope you washed it, man.

1796
01:21:31,579 --> 01:21:32,078
- Baby, no, no, no.
It's just an onion ring.

1797
01:21:32,113 --> 01:21:33,754
-An onion ring?

1798
01:21:33,789 --> 01:21:36,716
- Yeah. You know, like from Mars.
You know, Mars has...

1799
01:21:36,718 --> 01:21:39,418
- Mars? -Did you hear about
the restaurant on Mars?

1800
01:21:39,454 --> 01:21:41,020
- What? -Good food,
no atmosphere.

1801
01:21:41,055 --> 01:21:42,763
-(all laugh)

1802
01:21:42,798 --> 01:21:45,324
- Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.

1803
01:21:45,359 --> 01:21:47,426
-I have a sobriety chip, too.

1804
01:21:47,462 --> 01:21:49,836
- Oh, there we go.
- See this? Yup.

1805
01:21:49,872 --> 01:21:54,500
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change

1806
01:21:54,535 --> 01:21:57,503
and the courage
to change what I can,

1807
01:21:57,538 --> 01:21:59,018
and the wisdom
to know the difference.

1808
01:22:00,274 --> 01:22:03,275
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.

1809
01:22:03,311 --> 01:22:06,281
- Maybe he could grant you the ability to
change a light bulb in the house, right?

1810
01:22:06,305 --> 01:22:08,072
Or put the toilet seat down?

1811
01:22:08,107 --> 01:22:09,640
-Go, Trophy Mom.

1812
01:22:09,675 --> 01:22:12,643
- Mmm-hmm. I know exactly
what you talking about.

1813
01:22:12,678 --> 01:22:14,645
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee

1814
01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:16,391
and then it's like
you've fallen into a hammock.

1815
01:22:16,415 --> 01:22:18,157
Booty and everything, all wet.

1816
01:22:18,192 --> 01:22:22,962
- Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks
like the attitudes are heating up.

1817
01:22:22,997 --> 01:22:27,291
Bring out the bullhorns, it is
time to go at it one more time.

1818
01:22:27,326 --> 01:22:28,759
Round two, one year later.

1819
01:22:32,565 --> 01:22:35,265
- Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.

1820
01:22:35,301 --> 01:22:37,401
- Oh, yes, it's so heavy.

1821
01:22:37,436 --> 01:22:38,936
- (clears throat)
- (exclaiming)

1822
01:22:38,971 --> 01:22:40,771
-Damn!

1823
01:22:42,508 --> 01:22:44,066
- Sorry.
- Okay, hun. Well, you know...

1824
01:22:44,101 --> 01:22:45,809
-Very nice. Hey!

1825
01:22:45,845 --> 01:22:49,337
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.

1826
01:22:49,373 --> 01:22:51,306
Go ahead, Franny, show 'em.

1827
01:22:51,341 --> 01:22:53,117
- (all exclaim)
- Very nice.

1828
01:22:53,152 --> 01:22:54,830
- Hey, when I become a millionaire,
that thing's gonna be huge, all right?

1829
01:22:54,854 --> 01:22:59,056
- "A millionaire"? I'd be happy
if you were a hundredaire.

1830
01:22:59,091 --> 01:23:03,719
- This idiot brother puts an air foil
on the back of my plumbing van.

1831
01:23:03,721 --> 01:23:05,140
- Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.

1832
01:23:05,164 --> 01:23:09,558
- Hey, Jose, could you shove that
antennae back into your love handle,

1833
01:23:09,593 --> 01:23:11,426
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.

1834
01:23:11,462 --> 01:23:12,936
- Oh, ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, I can do that.

1835
01:23:12,972 --> 01:23:15,175
You know, but I charge 14 bucks
for the premium channels, fool.

1836
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:16,199
-(children playing)

1837
01:23:17,735 --> 01:23:20,435
- Hey, y'all kids, keep it
down over there! Okay?

1838
01:23:20,471 --> 01:23:22,404
This is not a library!
- Chuckie!

1839
01:23:22,439 --> 01:23:24,999
Quit hitting your sister Sara.

1840
01:23:25,034 --> 01:23:26,500
Don't! Stop!

1841
01:23:26,536 --> 01:23:28,180
- Can I hit you, Dad?
- Can I hit the dogs?

1842
01:23:28,204 --> 01:23:29,503
-Can I hit a cupcake?

1843
01:23:29,539 --> 01:23:31,116
- Me, too!
- I want to hit one of those...

1844
01:23:31,140 --> 01:23:32,740
-(kids clamoring)

1845
01:23:34,644 --> 01:23:37,311
- All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.

1846
01:23:37,346 --> 01:23:39,213
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yes?

1847
01:23:39,248 --> 01:23:40,748
- I have a toast.
- Ah!

1848
01:23:43,519 --> 01:23:44,919
- All that I've ever
wanted to be...

1849
01:23:46,222 --> 01:23:47,154
is whom I'm becoming.

1850
01:23:47,190 --> 01:23:48,756
- Nice.
- Hear, hear.

1851
01:23:50,226 --> 01:23:51,759
- Cheers.
- Hear, hear.

1852
01:24:02,138 --> 01:24:04,105
- Uh-oh.
- Hey!

1853
01:24:04,140 --> 01:24:06,707
Hey, Gunga Din.

1854
01:24:06,743 --> 01:24:08,743
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.

1855
01:24:09,270 --> 01:24:10,502
- No way!
We have site 16.

1856
01:24:10,538 --> 01:24:13,672
- Oh, are you going
to build a 7/11 here?

1857
01:24:13,708 --> 01:24:15,285
- Yeah, right next to your nail salon.
- Oh, yeah.

1858
01:24:15,309 --> 01:24:17,376
-Oh, snap! Y'all hear that?

1859
01:24:17,411 --> 01:24:18,422
- What are you
people doing here?

1860
01:24:18,446 --> 01:24:20,921
Finish up the gardening and go.

1861
01:24:20,957 --> 01:24:23,982
- Hey, things are heating up down there.
I got one. I got one.

1862
01:24:24,018 --> 01:24:24,792
(feedback)

1863
01:24:24,827 --> 01:24:27,986
How do you know a Chinese
guy broke into your house?

1864
01:24:28,022 --> 01:24:30,164
-All: How?

1865
01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:33,258
Your homework's all done and he takes
an hour to pull out of your driveway.

1866
01:24:33,294 --> 01:24:35,327
Get it?
- (all laughing)

1867
01:24:35,362 --> 01:24:37,463
- Come on, man.
It's funny.

1868
01:24:37,498 --> 01:24:39,431
- Did he just say that?
- Yeah, he did.

1869
01:24:39,467 --> 01:24:40,827
- Let me see that.
Let me see that.

1870
01:24:42,737 --> 01:24:44,047
- What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?

1871
01:24:44,071 --> 01:24:45,404
-All: What?

1872
01:24:45,439 --> 01:24:47,106
- "Hey, Jesus,
your cab's here."

1873
01:24:47,141 --> 01:24:49,266
-(all laughing)

1874
01:24:49,301 --> 01:24:50,378
-That was funnier than that.

1875
01:24:50,402 --> 01:24:52,502
- Okay, that's messed up.
- Yeah.

1876
01:24:52,538 --> 01:24:55,639
- Hey, you guys still want
campsite 16?

1877
01:24:55,674 --> 01:24:57,085
- Oh, I think we need to have
a little contest.

1878
01:24:57,109 --> 01:24:58,109
-(all cheering)

1879
01:24:59,411 --> 01:25:00,744
- Contest?
- What kind of contest?

1880
01:25:02,114 --> 01:25:04,247
-It's over now!

1881
01:25:04,283 --> 01:25:07,517
-No math contest and no...

1882
01:25:07,553 --> 01:25:09,419
- Yeah, no math
and no science questions.

1883
01:25:09,455 --> 01:25:11,354
- Yeah.
- (indistinct conversations)

1884
01:25:11,390 --> 01:25:12,756
-(upbeat country music playing)

1885
01:25:52,222 --> 01:25:53,755
-(blues music playing)

1886
01:27:06,246 --> 01:27:07,746
-(upbeat piano playing)

1887
01:27:27,201 --> 01:27:35,023
-(crickets chirping)