0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000


1
00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:08,283
(THUNDERING)
(BATS SQUEAKING)

2
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,656
(EMBERS CRACKLING)

3
00:00:21,128 --> 00:00:24,332
(FIREWORKS BOOMING)

4
00:00:32,473 --> 00:00:35,076
(MYSTICAL MUSIC)

5
00:00:46,052 --> 00:00:48,756
(TECHNO MUSIC)

6
00:02:01,851 --> 00:02:06,851
Subtitles by explosiveskull

7
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,537
(COUGHING)

8
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:14,472
Okay, what the fuck is going
on?

9
00:02:14,474 --> 00:02:16,574
Who are you people?

10
00:02:16,576 --> 00:02:17,775
Why are you covered in blood?

11
00:02:17,777 --> 00:02:19,610
Why do you have my gun?

12
00:02:19,612 --> 00:02:22,180
Why does my neck hurt, who tased
me?

13
00:02:22,182 --> 00:02:24,849
Kris, I fuckin' knew you killed
that kid.

14
00:02:24,851 --> 00:02:26,217
I knew you were crazy like that.

15
00:02:26,219 --> 00:02:27,953
I need answers and I need 'em
now!

16
00:02:27,955 --> 00:02:30,658
Shut the fuck up, sit down and
listen!

17
00:02:33,559 --> 00:02:35,894
(SQUEALING)

18
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:39,097
Oh, my God, did you see
the look on Santa's face?

19
00:02:39,099 --> 00:02:41,265
I do think we made Santa's
naughty list.

20
00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:44,202
That's because your
guys' outfits are amazing.

21
00:02:44,204 --> 00:02:46,204
SADIE: I should send
this Santa picture to Brian.

22
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:47,639
No, don't even think about it!

23
00:02:47,641 --> 00:02:48,973
That ass clown hasn't called you
in weeks!

24
00:02:48,975 --> 00:02:49,807
We're so putting these up on
our

25
00:02:49,809 --> 00:02:51,710
fucking website for the world to
see.

26
00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:54,179
Okay, so I got the box,
Dahlia you got the wreath.

27
00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:55,482
What'd you get, Alexi?

28
00:02:56,717 --> 00:03:01,720
I totally chickened out, but
I bought green nail polish.

29
00:03:01,722 --> 00:03:02,686
Boring!

30
00:03:02,688 --> 00:03:04,055
Why are you the enemy of fun?

31
00:03:04,057 --> 00:03:05,924
I should just take all of
your Christmas presents

32
00:03:05,926 --> 00:03:07,925
and return them and wrap
you some coal instead.

33
00:03:07,927 --> 00:03:10,762
You know better than to
mess with me on Christmas.

34
00:03:10,764 --> 00:03:11,930
Oh, wait a sec.

35
00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:14,833
Um, is tomorrow the holiday
you've been talking about

36
00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:16,935
every fucking day since
Thanksgiving?

37
00:03:16,937 --> 00:03:19,037
Sure, tease me and then leave
me.

38
00:03:19,039 --> 00:03:20,871
It's bad enough that I have
to go to work right now.

39
00:03:20,873 --> 00:03:21,573
Work?

40
00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:23,073
Somebody's gotta pay the rent,

41
00:03:23,075 --> 00:03:24,910
unless your dad wants to cover
me?

42
00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:27,111
Well, what if I told
you rent was covered?

43
00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:28,913
And so's your shift.

44
00:03:28,915 --> 00:03:30,080
What?

45
00:03:30,082 --> 00:03:30,948
The only puppies you're gonna

46
00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:33,150
have to worry about today are
these.

47
00:03:33,152 --> 00:03:34,818
You're coming with us on an
adventure.

48
00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:35,654
Alright?

49
00:03:35,656 --> 00:03:36,591
Merry Christmas, bitch!

50
00:03:37,557 --> 00:03:39,056
You're crazy, you know that?

51
00:03:39,058 --> 00:03:42,192
Correction, we're fucking
crazy!

52
00:03:42,194 --> 00:03:44,596
(WHOOPING)

53
00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:46,868
(WHOOSHING)

54
00:03:49,937 --> 00:03:54,305
Hello, devoted fans,
Sadie here and Dahlia.

55
00:03:54,307 --> 00:03:57,709
With our dear friend, Alexi.

56
00:03:57,711 --> 00:03:58,577
Hello!

57
00:03:58,579 --> 00:04:00,311
It's Christmas fucking Eve and
we're

58
00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:02,347
on our way to what might
be the most exciting

59
00:04:02,349 --> 00:04:04,682
urban exploring adventure in
history.

60
00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:07,818
So be sure to log on tomorrow
for the full official video.

61
00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:10,788
And you never know what dirty
things will come your way.

62
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:13,157
(WHOOSHING)

63
00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:15,829
(TECHNO MUSIC)

64
00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:27,542
Man.

65
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:38,984
SADIE: There you go.

66
00:04:38,986 --> 00:04:40,951
What is it you guys do
exactly when you're out there?

67
00:04:40,953 --> 00:04:43,121
You're telling me
you've never seen a single

68
00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:45,026
one of the Adventure Girls
videocasts?

69
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,059
I did once, yeah.

70
00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:50,695
Okay, then, which adventure
was it?

71
00:04:50,697 --> 00:04:53,301
Uh, it was um, it was the
factory one.

72
00:04:55,635 --> 00:04:56,801
Abandoned water park?

73
00:04:56,803 --> 00:04:57,936
I know, I'm a terrible friend.

74
00:04:57,938 --> 00:04:59,203
I haven't watched any of them.

75
00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:00,071
What do you guys do?

76
00:05:00,073 --> 00:05:01,806
Well, I know you go break into
weird

77
00:05:01,808 --> 00:05:03,811
places and you film yourselves.

78
00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:07,979
But what is it that urban
explorers actually do?

79
00:05:07,981 --> 00:05:09,948
I mean, we just go to awesome
places,

80
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:11,316
people don't dare go to.

81
00:05:11,318 --> 00:05:13,284
And film ourselves running
around.

82
00:05:13,286 --> 00:05:15,220
And then there's the
treasures.

83
00:05:15,222 --> 00:05:18,922
Yeah, we collect one keepsake
from each place we explore.

84
00:05:18,924 --> 00:05:21,960
Oh, so it's kind of like, um,
stealing?

85
00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:23,962
It's not stealing if it
doesn't belong to anyone.

86
00:05:23,964 --> 00:05:25,864
These places have been closed
forever.

87
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:28,799
I hope Santa Land has some
amazing swag!

88
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:30,068
So, while you guys are doing
all

89
00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:32,037
that awesome stuff, what am I
gonna do?

90
00:05:32,039 --> 00:05:34,239
Have the best fucking
Christmas ever!

91
00:05:34,241 --> 00:05:35,109
Woo!

92
00:05:39,779 --> 00:05:42,380
This is what I have to
do, I have to fucking pee.

93
00:05:42,382 --> 00:05:45,319
(TIRES SCREECHING)

94
00:05:53,726 --> 00:05:55,693
Well, it's 12:03, I guess it's

95
00:05:55,695 --> 00:05:57,397
socially acceptable to start
drinking.

96
00:06:02,101 --> 00:06:03,203
Classy joint!

97
00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:18,183
Hi, Merry Christmas!

98
00:06:18,185 --> 00:06:20,251
Oh, fuck Christmas!

99
00:06:20,253 --> 00:06:21,352
Isn't that right, Cherry?

100
00:06:21,354 --> 00:06:22,986
You heard him, girls.

101
00:06:22,988 --> 00:06:24,856
Fuck Christmas!

102
00:06:24,858 --> 00:06:25,724
What?

103
00:06:25,726 --> 00:06:26,961
Christmas is awesome!

104
00:06:29,428 --> 00:06:31,832
(STAMPING)

105
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:39,503
What'll it be?

106
00:06:39,505 --> 00:06:42,443
(GLASS SHATTERING)

107
00:06:45,311 --> 00:06:47,145
Merry Christmas, bitches!

108
00:06:47,147 --> 00:06:47,946
Oh, shit.

109
00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:49,780
Come on, all this shit you
just

110
00:06:49,782 --> 00:06:52,150
buy into with Christmas, it's
just that.

111
00:06:52,152 --> 00:06:53,820
It's bullshit!

112
00:06:55,488 --> 00:06:57,789
This how you welcome
out-of-towners, Cherry?

113
00:06:57,791 --> 00:06:59,758
Can't be good for business.

114
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:00,424
You know what?

115
00:07:00,426 --> 00:07:01,359
I think we better just go.

116
00:07:01,361 --> 00:07:03,994
Oh no, you're staying here
now, honey.

117
00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:05,763
Looks like you just made a
friend.

118
00:07:05,765 --> 00:07:07,832
You joining 'em for drinks,
Sean?

119
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:08,999
I'm on the clock.

120
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:09,936
Where's Jerry?

121
00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:13,772
For Christ's sake, Jerry!

122
00:07:13,774 --> 00:07:15,472
You've got to be kidding me!

123
00:07:15,474 --> 00:07:18,475
Jerry, you know your parole
officer said no costumes!

124
00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:19,779
What is this?

125
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,049
So what'll it be, girls?

126
00:07:24,084 --> 00:07:26,987
Um, I think I'll have an
eggnog, please.

127
00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:37,130
JERRY: Oh, yeah!

128
00:07:39,099 --> 00:07:39,965
You know what?

129
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:41,398
I think we're just gonna down
these

130
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,302
and get the hell out of here,
okay?

131
00:07:43,537 --> 00:07:45,236
Man, I didn't touch any
fucking kids!

132
00:07:45,238 --> 00:07:46,871
I know, I know, okay.

133
00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:48,539
They just want me to take
you in for some questioning.

134
00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:50,140
Now, are you gonna cooperate or
are

135
00:07:50,142 --> 00:07:51,542
you gonna give me a hard time?

136
00:07:51,544 --> 00:07:54,445
Hey, he's been drunk
in my bar for two days.

137
00:07:54,447 --> 00:07:57,816
Only gets up to make a
mess in the bathroom.

138
00:07:57,818 --> 00:07:58,684
Some shit's been going down,

139
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:01,219
so we're asking the usual
suspects.

140
00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:02,520
Pedophiles and such.

141
00:08:02,522 --> 00:08:03,987
I'm right fucking here, man!

142
00:08:03,989 --> 00:08:05,556
Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry.

143
00:08:05,558 --> 00:08:06,991
Sex offenders.

144
00:08:06,993 --> 00:08:10,460
Don't chase him out,
it's my one customer.

145
00:08:10,462 --> 00:08:11,799
That tips!

146
00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:15,034
(BLOWING)

147
00:08:17,871 --> 00:08:19,837
I'm sorry to butt in,

148
00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:22,073
but you said some shit was going
down.

149
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:23,277
Anything interesting?

150
00:08:24,344 --> 00:08:27,378
Uh, yeah, just some bear
attacks

151
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:30,013
and some odd things around town.

152
00:08:30,015 --> 00:08:32,318
Ooh, bears, production value?

153
00:08:33,953 --> 00:08:36,156
Honestly, odd isn't the right
word.

154
00:08:37,057 --> 00:08:39,157
Look, I don't mean to
cause an alarm or anything,

155
00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:42,426
but some kids have been
murdered.

156
00:08:42,428 --> 00:08:43,927
SADIE: Oh, my goodness!

157
00:08:43,929 --> 00:08:47,165
Hey, are you a ranger or a
cop?

158
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:51,138
Well, yeah, I'm no cop,
but uh, I am packing.

159
00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:57,041
Shouldn't you be chasing
forest fires, not felons?

160
00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:58,012
Dahlia, shut up.

161
00:08:59,045 --> 00:09:01,378
Anyway, with everything
going on around town

162
00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:02,946
and it being Christmas and all,

163
00:09:02,948 --> 00:09:04,648
the police station's a little
understaffed

164
00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:07,384
and I know this forest
like the back of my hand.

165
00:09:07,386 --> 00:09:08,987
Sorry, we didn't mean to waste
your time

166
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:11,122
or ask you all those silly
questions.

167
00:09:11,124 --> 00:09:12,389
No bother, ladies.

168
00:09:12,391 --> 00:09:14,325
I'd rather talk to you
than hunt down bears,

169
00:09:14,327 --> 00:09:16,628
but if you need anything
when you're in town

170
00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,967
or see anything suspicious,
don't hesitate to call me.

171
00:09:25,605 --> 00:09:26,604
Ooh, call me!

172
00:09:26,606 --> 00:09:27,604
Shut up!

173
00:09:27,606 --> 00:09:28,505
(LAUGHS)

174
00:09:28,507 --> 00:09:31,411
Okay, but seriously, kids
murdered?

175
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:33,277
Maybe we should leave.

176
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:35,079
Oh no, no, no, no, I
missed work for this.

177
00:09:35,081 --> 00:09:37,451
We are going on my first
Adventure Girls mission.

178
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:39,919
Cheers.

179
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:43,186
Hey, yes!

180
00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:45,023
That one is on me!

181
00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,026
Now, 20 bucks for the rest.

182
00:09:48,227 --> 00:09:51,195
(TIRES SCREECHING)

183
00:09:51,197 --> 00:09:53,967
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

184
00:10:09,582 --> 00:10:11,585
It's not as Christmassy as I
expected.

185
00:10:13,218 --> 00:10:14,551
Looks creepy, though.

186
00:10:14,553 --> 00:10:16,356
Well, let's get started.

187
00:10:17,222 --> 00:10:19,293
(LAUGHS)

188
00:10:28,467 --> 00:10:31,104
(CREEPY MUSIC)

189
00:10:41,648 --> 00:10:43,580
So you ready for your
first big adventure?

190
00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:46,249
As ready as I'll ever be, yes!

191
00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:47,618
SADIE: Wait, hold up,
soldier!

192
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,286
What?

193
00:10:48,288 --> 00:10:49,487
We're gonna do this, right?

194
00:10:49,489 --> 00:10:53,023
Oh yeah, we're gonna do
this, but you're not ready yet.

195
00:10:53,025 --> 00:10:54,359
Shut up, of course, I am.

196
00:10:54,361 --> 00:10:55,325
I'm gonna have fun, come on!

197
00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:58,231
You're not ready yet, until...

198
00:11:03,035 --> 00:11:04,768
You put on your Christmas
uniform!

199
00:11:04,770 --> 00:11:06,336
Oh, my God!

200
00:11:06,338 --> 00:11:10,374
This is kind of hot looking,
but yeah, okay, okay.

201
00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:12,378
Yeah, it's better than being
an elf.

202
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:16,482
I think it's cute.

203
00:11:17,717 --> 00:11:20,784
(TECHNO MUSIC)

204
00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:21,654
Yellow?

205
00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:29,529
White and purple?

206
00:11:34,634 --> 00:11:37,100
I like the blue one best.

207
00:11:37,102 --> 00:11:39,005
I think you're right, blue.

208
00:11:44,044 --> 00:11:46,710
Sadie, our little snowflake
is gonna have a meltdown

209
00:11:46,712 --> 00:11:49,312
when she sees what's inside
Santa Land.

210
00:11:49,314 --> 00:11:50,181
(GASPING)

211
00:11:50,183 --> 00:11:52,550
And, what do you think of my hot
elfness?

212
00:11:52,552 --> 00:11:54,484
Tomorrow when you go online to
see

213
00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:55,485
the full length video don't
forget

214
00:11:55,487 --> 00:11:57,687
to check out our pics
and like them if you do.

215
00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:59,623
And, I hope you do.

216
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:00,494
Later!

217
00:12:01,827 --> 00:12:03,427
Did I get it right this time?

218
00:12:03,429 --> 00:12:04,698
Yeah, you're a natural.

219
00:12:05,597 --> 00:12:06,797
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

220
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:09,233
Maybe I should call Brian and
let him know where we are.

221
00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:10,104
DAHLIA AND ALEXI: No!

222
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:16,106
It's Christmas Eve, what if he

223
00:12:16,108 --> 00:12:17,207
tries to get in touch with me?

224
00:12:17,209 --> 00:12:18,276
He hasn't called you in
forever.

225
00:12:18,278 --> 00:12:19,676
Why would you call him now?

226
00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:20,744
He doesn't deserve you!

227
00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:21,612
But...

228
00:12:21,614 --> 00:12:23,250
Ho, ho, ho, let's go!

229
00:12:32,424 --> 00:12:34,660
(THUDDING)

230
00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,331
Awesome!

231
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:42,800
Merry fucking Christmas!

232
00:12:42,802 --> 00:12:43,667
Wow.

233
00:12:43,669 --> 00:12:45,302
You know, I thought this place
would be

234
00:12:45,304 --> 00:12:47,271
a lot more old and decrepit
looking for

235
00:12:47,273 --> 00:12:49,276
the amount of years it's been
abandoned.

236
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:53,210
Don't get me wrong, I
still wanna check it out.

237
00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:55,213
Don't run, you can't outrun
it.

238
00:12:55,215 --> 00:12:57,581
If it's too late to back
away, grab a weapon,

239
00:12:57,583 --> 00:12:58,816
any weapon, to protect yourself.

240
00:12:58,818 --> 00:13:02,652
If without weapons or pepper
spray, curl up and play dead.

241
00:13:02,654 --> 00:13:04,721
Just reading off things to
do in case of a bear attack.

242
00:13:04,723 --> 00:13:06,423
Is that your idea of fun,

243
00:13:06,425 --> 00:13:07,657
trying to scare the crap out of
us?

244
00:13:07,659 --> 00:13:09,730
I am just being the voice of
reason.

245
00:13:11,563 --> 00:13:14,798
Meet my taser, my voice of
reason.

246
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,803
On that note, I think we're
ready.

247
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:24,441
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

248
00:13:24,443 --> 00:13:25,909
Whoo!

249
00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:27,814
Welcome to Santa Land!

250
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:32,419
(ROCK "JINGLE BELLS" MUSIC)

251
00:13:38,757 --> 00:13:43,129
Cool, the most magical
Christmas Eve land of all.

252
00:13:44,429 --> 00:13:47,101
And the Adventure Girls
are gonna explore it!

253
00:13:53,606 --> 00:13:55,342
Dahlia, go Dahlia!

254
00:13:56,409 --> 00:13:58,611
(GRUNTING)

255
00:14:01,447 --> 00:14:03,781
You're not gonna make it on
heels.

256
00:14:03,783 --> 00:14:08,789
Oh wait, watch out, watch out.

257
00:14:20,866 --> 00:14:22,800
What do I know about Santa
Land?

258
00:14:22,802 --> 00:14:24,201
SADIE: Yeah, tell
me something about it.

259
00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:26,436
Well, it's been closed for 20
years.

260
00:14:26,438 --> 00:14:28,572
I heard kids died here.

261
00:14:28,574 --> 00:14:29,540
The only people that come here
now

262
00:14:29,542 --> 00:14:31,242
are crack heads and meth heads.

263
00:14:31,244 --> 00:14:32,542
Oh, my God, what's this?

264
00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:33,677
Oh, awesome!

265
00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:37,885
I wanna eat this mushroom
and then get twice as big.

266
00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:40,817
Don't let me fall.

267
00:14:40,819 --> 00:14:42,987
Let's go find something else.

268
00:14:42,989 --> 00:14:44,888
Oh, my God, you guys!

269
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,724
(CHATTERING)

270
00:14:46,726 --> 00:14:48,428
Would you like some tea?

271
00:14:50,862 --> 00:14:53,232
(LAUGHING)

272
00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:02,873
Someone's gotta tell her
to stop humping things.

273
00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:03,844
It's not sexy.

274
00:15:05,911 --> 00:15:07,011
(BANGING)

275
00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:09,013
Oh no, I'm a naughty girl!

276
00:15:09,015 --> 00:15:10,417
Don't try this at home.

277
00:15:13,318 --> 00:15:16,890
(TECHNO "NUTCRACKER" MUSIC)

278
00:16:04,303 --> 00:16:05,304
Hello?

279
00:16:06,905 --> 00:16:08,806
Any bears in here?

280
00:16:08,808 --> 00:16:10,010
Werewolves?

281
00:16:10,909 --> 00:16:11,978
Unicorns?

282
00:16:13,913 --> 00:16:14,781
Al Qaeda?

283
00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:19,383
No, but other things live in

284
00:16:19,385 --> 00:16:21,722
the forest like birds and
squirrels.

285
00:16:23,755 --> 00:16:26,525
And bears, child-eating bears.

286
00:16:32,398 --> 00:16:35,402
(BRANCHES CRACKING)

287
00:16:39,105 --> 00:16:41,339
Okay.

288
00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:43,909
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

289
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,456
(HUMMING)

290
00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:02,529
SADIE: Welcome to candy cane
land!

291
00:17:05,931 --> 00:17:07,764
Don't you feel like we're
being watched?

292
00:17:07,766 --> 00:17:08,765
Are we?

293
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:11,034
Yeah, I kind of do feel
like I'm being watched.

294
00:17:11,036 --> 00:17:12,102
(BANJO MUSIC)

295
00:17:12,104 --> 00:17:13,704
Is that your new ringtone,
sicko?

296
00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:15,438
- Yes.
- Oh, my God!

297
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,940
We'll see who's laughing when
you're

298
00:17:16,942 --> 00:17:18,975
hog-tied and squealing for my
help.

299
00:17:18,977 --> 00:17:20,945
Ooh, you've gotta problem now!

300
00:17:20,947 --> 00:17:23,483
Stop it, you're gonna
fuck up my makeup, geez!

301
00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:27,688
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

302
00:17:31,990 --> 00:17:34,760
At this point I don't think
it makes any difference.

303
00:17:35,961 --> 00:17:36,862
I found Jerry.

304
00:17:37,996 --> 00:17:40,534
He was getting wasted at
Cherry's just like Sean said.

305
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:44,502
Neil, what the hell are you
doing?

306
00:17:44,504 --> 00:17:46,936
There is no way in hell that
this guy could have done it!

307
00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:48,742
Now, cut him loose!

308
00:17:49,941 --> 00:17:51,708
Come on, Jerry.

309
00:17:51,710 --> 00:17:52,778
Sorry about this.

310
00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:54,811
Merry Christmas.

311
00:17:54,813 --> 00:17:55,678
Get out of here.

312
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:56,813
Fuck you, Jerry.

313
00:17:56,815 --> 00:17:58,017
NEIL: See you at poker.

314
00:18:03,121 --> 00:18:04,655
(SIGHS)

315
00:18:04,657 --> 00:18:06,490
BRUCE: What is it?

316
00:18:06,492 --> 00:18:08,528
I was just thinking about the
Bernards.

317
00:18:09,562 --> 00:18:11,195
I mean, seeing her lying there
like that,

318
00:18:11,197 --> 00:18:14,098
in all that blood with
her heart ripped out.

319
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,770
(TECHNO MUSIC)

320
00:18:20,739 --> 00:18:21,605
It was...

321
00:18:21,607 --> 00:18:22,473
BRUCE: Disgusting.

322
00:18:22,475 --> 00:18:23,142
It was gross.

323
00:18:24,910 --> 00:18:27,445
What kind of monster could
do something like that?

324
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:29,649
Officer Green seems
to think it was a bear.

325
00:18:32,752 --> 00:18:34,087
A bear with a lot of anger.

326
00:18:35,053 --> 00:18:36,523
A lot of hurt feelings.

327
00:18:38,724 --> 00:18:41,061
You know, Neil, I'm a
little worried about you.

328
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,226
You hang in there, kid.

329
00:18:43,228 --> 00:18:44,797
Alright, good luck.

330
00:18:45,765 --> 00:18:47,566
BRUCE: Be back in a couple
hours.

331
00:18:50,602 --> 00:18:53,140
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

332
00:19:09,889 --> 00:19:12,426
Ugh, looks like someone
got slaughtered here.

333
00:19:14,494 --> 00:19:15,892
I am dreaming!

334
00:19:15,894 --> 00:19:17,561
SADIE: It's perfect!

335
00:19:17,563 --> 00:19:19,196
ALEXI: What, I can't see
anything.

336
00:19:19,198 --> 00:19:21,732
Our treasures, they're inside.

337
00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:24,100
(GRUNTING)

338
00:19:24,102 --> 00:19:24,968
(GASPS)

339
00:19:24,970 --> 00:19:26,072
Jackpot!

340
00:19:27,806 --> 00:19:29,138
Oh, I want this one!

341
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:30,009
Look!

342
00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:33,577
Here's your first treasure,
Lexi.

343
00:19:33,579 --> 00:19:34,744
Um, that's okay?

344
00:19:34,746 --> 00:19:35,980
You're saving it from a
bulldozer

345
00:19:35,982 --> 00:19:37,951
in a few months, of course, it's
okay.

346
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:42,119
Hey Adventure Girl people,
fans!

347
00:19:42,121 --> 00:19:43,786
Hey guys, look, we got our
shit.

348
00:19:43,788 --> 00:19:46,559
We gotta get the fuck out of
here before our luck runs out.

349
00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:49,930
Wait, hey guys, we didn't go
there yet.

350
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:57,169
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

351
00:20:07,746 --> 00:20:09,748
(SIGHS)

352
00:20:15,955 --> 00:20:19,092
Okay, point taken and rejected.

353
00:20:20,191 --> 00:20:22,261
(LAUGHS)

354
00:20:24,996 --> 00:20:28,834
(DOOR CREAKING AND SLAMMING)

355
00:20:31,137 --> 00:20:34,073
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

356
00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,983
(GROWLING)

357
00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:58,632
Oh, look! (LAUGHS)

358
00:21:07,974 --> 00:21:09,242
DAHLIA: Whoa.

359
00:21:17,182 --> 00:21:18,715
Ha, I dare you to eat this.

360
00:21:18,717 --> 00:21:20,016
Oh no, that's gross.

361
00:21:20,018 --> 00:21:22,988
Come on, the audience awaits.

362
00:21:28,761 --> 00:21:29,459
I dare you!

363
00:21:29,461 --> 00:21:31,294
I don't think so, it's nasty.

364
00:21:31,296 --> 00:21:32,830
SADIE: Nom, nom, nom.

365
00:21:32,832 --> 00:21:33,664
Uh-uh.

366
00:21:33,666 --> 00:21:34,999
What happened here?

367
00:21:35,001 --> 00:21:37,767
Ugh, a fucked up ice orgy?

368
00:21:37,769 --> 00:21:39,936
Oh, that's a good name for our
band.

369
00:21:39,938 --> 00:21:41,138
Oh!

370
00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:42,939
(GROWLING)

371
00:21:42,941 --> 00:21:44,742
(ALL GASPING)

372
00:21:44,744 --> 00:21:45,812
What is it?

373
00:21:57,890 --> 00:22:00,060
(PLOPPING)

374
00:22:11,736 --> 00:22:13,003
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

375
00:22:13,005 --> 00:22:16,072
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)

376
00:22:16,074 --> 00:22:19,009
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

377
00:22:19,011 --> 00:22:21,878
(ROARING)

378
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,150
(SCREAMING)

379
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,255
(BANGING)

380
00:22:30,790 --> 00:22:32,926
(ROARING)

381
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,702
SANTA: Krampus!

382
00:22:46,037 --> 00:22:47,337
What the fuck is it?

383
00:22:47,339 --> 00:22:49,943
Get the hell outta here now!

384
00:22:55,113 --> 00:22:58,348
(COUNTRY MUSIC)

385
00:22:58,350 --> 00:22:59,218
Fuck!

386
00:23:00,719 --> 00:23:04,790
(CHOKING) In the cottage, now!

387
00:23:07,059 --> 00:23:09,262
(GRUNTING)

388
00:23:12,098 --> 00:23:13,030
What the hell do we do now?

389
00:23:13,032 --> 00:23:14,300
Good idea, call 911!

390
00:23:16,034 --> 00:23:17,134
It's me.

391
00:23:17,136 --> 00:23:18,836
What, what does she mean it's
me?

392
00:23:18,838 --> 00:23:19,637
Who the hell are you calling?

393
00:23:19,639 --> 00:23:21,370
SADIE: Brian, we're in
danger!

394
00:23:21,372 --> 00:23:22,238
Brian?

395
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,108
- Gimme that!
- No!

396
00:23:29,014 --> 00:23:30,347
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

397
00:23:30,349 --> 00:23:31,184
Hello?

398
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:33,018
He hung up.

399
00:23:33,986 --> 00:23:35,284
It's been like this all day.

400
00:23:35,286 --> 00:23:36,422
Get out of...

401
00:23:39,190 --> 00:23:40,791
911, what's your emergency?

402
00:23:40,793 --> 00:23:42,861
Hi, yeah, I think we're being
attacked!

403
00:23:44,496 --> 00:23:46,265
Oh God, another one.

404
00:23:48,467 --> 00:23:49,532
Okay, stay calm.

405
00:23:49,534 --> 00:23:51,167
Where are you located?

406
00:23:51,169 --> 00:23:52,138
Santa Land.

407
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:58,074
Santa Land, off the 56, but
that was shut down years ago.

408
00:23:58,076 --> 00:24:00,077
Yes, yes, that one.

409
00:24:00,079 --> 00:24:02,282
(GROWLING)

410
00:24:03,849 --> 00:24:05,851
Alright, and who's attacking
you?

411
00:24:07,186 --> 00:24:11,288
I don't know, some big, hairy
thing!

412
00:24:11,290 --> 00:24:13,726
(GROWLING)

413
00:24:17,028 --> 00:24:18,462
A bear or something!

414
00:24:18,464 --> 00:24:21,999
And a man, I think he's the
owner.

415
00:24:22,001 --> 00:24:23,266
Let me get this straight.

416
00:24:23,268 --> 00:24:27,804
You're in Santa Land,
so you are trespassing.

417
00:24:27,806 --> 00:24:30,307
No, no, we're just...

418
00:24:30,309 --> 00:24:32,975
SADIE: I smell gingerbread!

419
00:24:32,977 --> 00:24:34,077
Hurry!

420
00:24:34,079 --> 00:24:35,512
Is this some kind of practical
joke?

421
00:24:35,514 --> 00:24:36,980
No, no, we're...

422
00:24:36,982 --> 00:24:40,317
Is anybody actually
injured or in danger?

423
00:24:40,319 --> 00:24:42,019
No, we're fine!

424
00:24:42,021 --> 00:24:44,924
But that is only because we're
barricaded in his cottage!

425
00:24:47,059 --> 00:24:49,025
A bear sent you into his
cottage?

426
00:24:49,027 --> 00:24:51,093
Listen, who do you think you
are?

427
00:24:51,095 --> 00:24:53,996
You're trying to pull
some kind of shit on me

428
00:24:53,998 --> 00:24:55,933
and you should be ashamed
of yourself, okay,

429
00:24:55,935 --> 00:24:59,069
because tonight it's Jesus'
birthday, so goodbye!

430
00:24:59,071 --> 00:25:00,904
(PHONE CLICKING)

431
00:25:00,906 --> 00:25:01,571
Asshole!

432
00:25:01,573 --> 00:25:03,607
Hung up on me!

433
00:25:03,609 --> 00:25:06,577
Oh, we're fucking fucked.

434
00:25:06,579 --> 00:25:07,813
We're fucking fucked.

435
00:25:12,016 --> 00:25:14,984
(GROWLING)

436
00:25:14,986 --> 00:25:16,019
(BANGING DOOR)

437
00:25:16,021 --> 00:25:18,291
(SCREAMING)

438
00:25:20,592 --> 00:25:22,094
Sadie, help us!

439
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,100
Now, let's try to arm
ourselves, okay?

440
00:25:31,102 --> 00:25:32,002
Yeah.

441
00:25:32,004 --> 00:25:32,871
Okay.

442
00:25:34,372 --> 00:25:36,874
(CELL PHONE DIALING)

443
00:25:36,876 --> 00:25:38,609
Hi, please don't hang up!

444
00:25:38,611 --> 00:25:41,878
Okay, we're trapped inside Santa
Land.

445
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,485
Our van got towed and we have
no way of getting out of here!

446
00:25:46,552 --> 00:25:49,222
This is 911, not a car
service.

447
00:25:51,990 --> 00:25:54,359
Why do they keep doing that?

448
00:26:03,435 --> 00:26:05,569
(ROOF CREAKING)

449
00:26:05,571 --> 00:26:07,907
(GASPING)

450
00:26:09,007 --> 00:26:11,210
(CLOMPING)

451
00:26:18,550 --> 00:26:21,020
(WHOOSHING)

452
00:26:27,559 --> 00:26:30,029
(SCREAMING)

453
00:26:31,030 --> 00:26:33,199
(PUNCHING)

454
00:26:34,099 --> 00:26:35,098
Stop it, now!

455
00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:37,033
Come on, would you stop it now?

456
00:26:37,035 --> 00:26:37,937
Stop it.

457
00:26:39,271 --> 00:26:40,704
(YELLING)

458
00:26:40,706 --> 00:26:42,039
(PUNCHING)

459
00:26:42,041 --> 00:26:42,974
Ow!

460
00:26:42,976 --> 00:26:44,974
What are you gonna do you fat
fuck, huh?

461
00:26:44,976 --> 00:26:46,510
I'm not fat, you're fat.

462
00:26:46,512 --> 00:26:49,215
(GIRLS YELLING)

463
00:26:52,284 --> 00:26:56,656
(ZAPPING)
(THUDDING)

464
00:27:01,459 --> 00:27:03,359
Now, that's enough!

465
00:27:03,361 --> 00:27:04,229
Sit.

466
00:27:11,269 --> 00:27:13,637
That should keep him out for
now.

467
00:27:13,639 --> 00:27:14,671
What the hell was that?

468
00:27:14,673 --> 00:27:17,174
You know, I'm very
disappointed in you girls.

469
00:27:17,176 --> 00:27:19,376
All of you have bee very
naughty.

470
00:27:19,378 --> 00:27:21,378
You've been trespassing on my
property

471
00:27:21,380 --> 00:27:23,045
and you're fucking my shit up!

472
00:27:23,047 --> 00:27:24,583
That's our motto!

473
00:27:25,717 --> 00:27:27,617
We weren't trespassing on your
property,

474
00:27:27,619 --> 00:27:29,252
we were just exploring.

475
00:27:29,254 --> 00:27:31,088
Oh, enough of this
bullshit, I don't care.

476
00:27:31,090 --> 00:27:33,389
You guys gotta get out of here.

477
00:27:33,391 --> 00:27:36,659
Go in to town, take my
bike, and get your van.

478
00:27:36,661 --> 00:27:37,627
Fuck that!

479
00:27:37,629 --> 00:27:39,061
There's some Bigfoot out there

480
00:27:39,063 --> 00:27:40,696
and we're not calling the
police?

481
00:27:40,698 --> 00:27:43,002
Yeah, forget it, I'm calling
Sean.

482
00:27:46,138 --> 00:27:47,540
This is not for the police.

483
00:27:49,173 --> 00:27:51,041
Hillbillies are crazy!

484
00:27:51,043 --> 00:27:53,079
I'm not a hillbilly, you're a
hillbilly.

485
00:27:54,580 --> 00:27:56,013
I don't know who's crazier,

486
00:27:56,015 --> 00:27:58,314
this magician, or that
wildebeest.

487
00:27:58,316 --> 00:28:01,752
But, I am reporting your ass
to the ASPCA, just so you know.

488
00:28:01,754 --> 00:28:04,290
Okay, hold on, just
hold on for a second.

489
00:28:06,158 --> 00:28:07,126
I need to explain.

490
00:28:12,096 --> 00:28:14,196
I don't know how to say this.

491
00:28:14,198 --> 00:28:16,132
I never thought I'd have to say
this.

492
00:28:16,134 --> 00:28:18,267
Spit it out, already!

493
00:28:18,269 --> 00:28:19,471
Would you listen!

494
00:28:20,773 --> 00:28:22,175
This is my property

495
00:28:24,476 --> 00:28:25,578
and I'm Santa.

496
00:28:27,246 --> 00:28:29,381
Hence, Santa Land.

497
00:28:30,681 --> 00:28:34,083
I'm the real fucking deal,
Santa.

498
00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:37,723
And that thing out
there, that is no animal.

499
00:28:40,092 --> 00:28:41,259
That's Krampus.

500
00:28:45,831 --> 00:28:46,698
Krampus?

501
00:28:48,499 --> 00:28:49,368
Krampus.

502
00:28:50,334 --> 00:28:51,203
Krampus!

503
00:28:52,504 --> 00:28:55,539
Oh, goddamn it, I'm
Santa and that's Krampus!

504
00:28:55,541 --> 00:28:57,043
The devil of Christmas!

505
00:29:02,081 --> 00:29:02,782
Krampus!

506
00:29:07,252 --> 00:29:09,718
And I'm the fucking tooth
fairy.

507
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,620
Oh yeah, that's really
adorable.

508
00:29:11,622 --> 00:29:13,657
Oh, if you only knew.

509
00:29:13,659 --> 00:29:16,062
(GRUNTING)

510
00:29:20,698 --> 00:29:22,034
Want a cookie?

511
00:29:27,105 --> 00:29:28,370
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

512
00:29:28,372 --> 00:29:29,438
BRUCE: Come on!

513
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,809
911, what's your emergency?

514
00:29:32,244 --> 00:29:33,111
Where?

515
00:29:33,812 --> 00:29:35,111
Hold on, hold on, hold on.

516
00:29:35,113 --> 00:29:35,980
BRUCE: Come on.

517
00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:37,080
You've gotta speak slower I
can't...

518
00:29:37,082 --> 00:29:41,584
- Where did you find the body?
- Sit down, sit down!

519
00:29:41,586 --> 00:29:43,653
Another damn body, Bruce!

520
00:29:43,655 --> 00:29:46,523
Missing kids, prank calls!

521
00:29:46,525 --> 00:29:48,724
I just can't take this anymore.
(CRYING)

522
00:29:48,726 --> 00:29:51,628
Yes, honey, I'm here, I'm still
here.

523
00:29:51,630 --> 00:29:53,463
- We'll send you somebody...
- Son of a bitch!

524
00:29:53,465 --> 00:29:56,265
OPERATOR: Right away,
just give us the address.

525
00:29:56,267 --> 00:29:59,072
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

526
00:30:03,876 --> 00:30:06,245
(GROWLING)

527
00:30:15,219 --> 00:30:19,725
(SQUISHING)
(SLURPING)

528
00:30:44,582 --> 00:30:46,785
(DRIPPING)

529
00:31:25,890 --> 00:31:28,294
(WHISTLES)

530
00:31:31,929 --> 00:31:34,266
Oh, he's a beast, alright.

531
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,333
If you only knew.

532
00:31:37,335 --> 00:31:39,671
He's also part man and part
devil.

533
00:31:40,938 --> 00:31:42,742
Krampus is a killer!

534
00:31:44,543 --> 00:31:45,911
He's also my fucking partner.

535
00:31:46,812 --> 00:31:47,811
Can Santa say fuck?

536
00:31:47,813 --> 00:31:49,846
No, that is what
redneck freaks say before

537
00:31:49,848 --> 00:31:52,618
they hang you on meat hooks as
decoration.

538
00:31:53,986 --> 00:31:56,719
Okay, Santa Claus, we're gonna
leave you

539
00:31:56,721 --> 00:31:58,521
and your killer Wookie here
alone

540
00:31:58,523 --> 00:32:00,756
and we're gonna get the hell out
of here.

541
00:32:00,758 --> 00:32:04,628
Alexi, did you not see that
little spectacle over there?

542
00:32:04,630 --> 00:32:07,265
Did you not see my magic cane?

543
00:32:07,999 --> 00:32:10,669
Santa doesn't walk around with
a cane.

544
00:32:11,736 --> 00:32:14,337
The cane comes with me,
not that your folklore

545
00:32:14,339 --> 00:32:18,007
ever covers that because no
one's ever seen me in action.

546
00:32:18,009 --> 00:32:19,243
Did you just call me Alexi?

547
00:32:19,245 --> 00:32:24,417
Yes, you are Alexi and you
are Dahlia and you are Sadie.

548
00:32:28,519 --> 00:32:31,788
He's some stalker fan, I knew
it.

549
00:32:31,790 --> 00:32:34,424
Wait, have you been creeping
on us this whole time?

550
00:32:34,426 --> 00:32:36,493
Ever since you were born.

551
00:32:36,495 --> 00:32:37,494
SADIE: Gross!

552
00:32:37,496 --> 00:32:40,429
Oh, come on stop it,
you're wasting my time!

553
00:32:40,431 --> 00:32:42,701
I've been in all your houses at
Christmas!

554
00:32:44,436 --> 00:32:47,670
What is it gonna take,
huh, for you to believe me?

555
00:32:47,672 --> 00:32:50,407
Do I have to take flight,
presents magically appear?

556
00:32:50,409 --> 00:32:51,907
What do you want, what do you
want?

557
00:32:51,909 --> 00:32:53,042
What do you want?

558
00:32:53,044 --> 00:32:57,446
Well, if you're really
Santa you'd know what I want.

559
00:32:57,448 --> 00:32:59,916
(SIGHS) Fine!

560
00:32:59,918 --> 00:33:02,255
(ZAPPING)

561
00:33:03,588 --> 00:33:04,490
Oh, my God, yay!

562
00:33:09,727 --> 00:33:12,497
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

563
00:33:28,913 --> 00:33:33,518
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)

564
00:33:36,388 --> 00:33:37,055
So.

565
00:33:38,090 --> 00:33:40,893
(CAMERA BEEPING)

566
00:33:42,727 --> 00:33:45,664
Santa, how do you fit down the
chimney?

567
00:33:47,599 --> 00:33:48,734
Magic, of course.

568
00:33:50,901 --> 00:33:52,836
Krampus also uses the chimney,

569
00:33:52,838 --> 00:33:54,840
that's why I blocked mine just
in case.

570
00:33:55,841 --> 00:33:57,540
Ha, ha, I know what you're
thinking.

571
00:33:57,542 --> 00:34:00,476
What about the houses without
chimneys?

572
00:34:00,478 --> 00:34:02,678
I've got other ways of getting
in.

573
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,914
I'm telling you not everyone is

574
00:34:04,916 --> 00:34:08,016
so pleased to see me pay a
visit.

575
00:34:08,018 --> 00:34:09,919
Here, look at this.

576
00:34:09,921 --> 00:34:10,820
(GIRLS GASPING)

577
00:34:10,822 --> 00:34:11,687
Yeah.

578
00:34:11,689 --> 00:34:13,055
DAHLIA: Nice!

579
00:34:13,057 --> 00:34:14,090
How do you get to everybody

580
00:34:14,092 --> 00:34:16,760
in the world in just one night?

581
00:34:16,762 --> 00:34:18,495
More magic.

582
00:34:18,497 --> 00:34:20,562
You see, he only gets the bad
ones.

583
00:34:20,564 --> 00:34:23,535
And I'm talking, the really bad
children.

584
00:34:24,970 --> 00:34:27,604
How do you make those reindeer
fly?

585
00:34:27,606 --> 00:34:29,075
(SIGHS) Magic!

586
00:34:31,843 --> 00:34:32,975
Wait a second!

587
00:34:32,977 --> 00:34:34,943
Where are your reindeer?

588
00:34:34,945 --> 00:34:37,914
And where's Mrs. Claus
and where are your elves?

589
00:34:37,916 --> 00:34:40,619
Why don't you tell me how
you walk in those heels?

590
00:34:42,787 --> 00:34:43,919
Magic.

591
00:34:43,921 --> 00:34:45,055
Right.

592
00:34:45,057 --> 00:34:47,557
See now that's all you really
need to know about that.

593
00:34:47,559 --> 00:34:48,758
Yeah, yeah, we get it.

594
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,595
He's bad news, ooh!

595
00:34:58,936 --> 00:35:02,905
My personal story is just not
as

596
00:35:02,907 --> 00:35:05,076
charming as the one that you
know of.

597
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,950
(WHOOSHING)

598
00:35:14,452 --> 00:35:17,055
There's no such thing as
a naughty or nice list.

599
00:35:18,490 --> 00:35:22,727
I bring you presents, but
Krampy shreds your ass.

600
00:35:24,061 --> 00:35:26,528
(SIREN BLARING)

601
00:35:26,530 --> 00:35:30,503
In the '40s your culture banned
Krampus.

602
00:35:31,470 --> 00:35:33,870
God forbid they should scare a

603
00:35:33,872 --> 00:35:36,039
little morality into the
children.

604
00:35:36,041 --> 00:35:39,008
Krampus was out of the
picture in society's eyes.

605
00:35:39,010 --> 00:35:43,646
And you know, quite honestly,
they didn't need me anymore.

606
00:35:43,648 --> 00:35:46,015
Toys were made in factories.

607
00:35:46,017 --> 00:35:50,423
Presents bought, Santa's sit
on their fat asses in malls.

608
00:35:51,555 --> 00:35:54,126
A tough decision, but I
wasn't needed anymore.

609
00:35:55,894 --> 00:35:59,028
So I started this place
so that I could see

610
00:35:59,030 --> 00:36:01,731
the joy in the children's eyes
once again.

611
00:36:01,733 --> 00:36:03,769
I had very high hopes for it,
but...

612
00:36:05,003 --> 00:36:05,869
I've been fighting a losing
battle

613
00:36:05,871 --> 00:36:07,937
to hold on to this land mainly
because

614
00:36:07,939 --> 00:36:09,972
I've got Krampus frozen out
there.

615
00:36:09,974 --> 00:36:12,844
Had, had Krampus frozen out
there.

616
00:36:13,945 --> 00:36:16,215
(WHOOSHING)

617
00:36:18,782 --> 00:36:22,086
Now, you can take Santa out of
Christmas,

618
00:36:24,122 --> 00:36:26,559
but you can't take the
Christmas out of Santa.

619
00:36:32,030 --> 00:36:32,932
And how?

620
00:36:34,733 --> 00:36:36,265
Well, I got him without his
magic switch

621
00:36:36,267 --> 00:36:39,234
and I put him on ice and I left

622
00:36:39,236 --> 00:36:41,474
the North Pole and I never
looked behind.

623
00:36:46,144 --> 00:36:47,713
He's my responsibility.

624
00:36:49,648 --> 00:36:51,015
More like my curse.

625
00:36:52,249 --> 00:36:53,916
I don't know how he got his
switch

626
00:36:53,918 --> 00:36:55,952
or how he got out of that ice,

627
00:36:55,954 --> 00:36:58,791
but one thing's for sure;
Krampus is out of retirement.

628
00:37:01,626 --> 00:37:04,196
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

629
00:37:08,566 --> 00:37:10,099
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

630
00:37:10,101 --> 00:37:12,037
911, what's your emergency?

631
00:37:12,970 --> 00:37:14,803
Okay, calm down.

632
00:37:14,805 --> 00:37:15,773
Are they breathing?

633
00:37:17,275 --> 00:37:18,142
Mutilated?

634
00:37:19,878 --> 00:37:20,646
The kids, too?

635
00:37:23,081 --> 00:37:27,283
Bruce, they found more kids,
dead.

636
00:37:27,285 --> 00:37:30,687
I mean really, really, really
dead.

637
00:37:30,689 --> 00:37:33,158
(TECHNO MUSIC)

638
00:37:37,095 --> 00:37:37,963
Damn it!

639
00:37:38,762 --> 00:37:40,900
The team's tied up on Lake
Drive.

640
00:37:41,932 --> 00:37:43,869
Dispatch Officer Green and Sean.

641
00:37:57,048 --> 00:37:58,146
Come on, everybody.

642
00:37:58,148 --> 00:37:59,015
Come on, think.

643
00:37:59,017 --> 00:37:59,883
Come on, think, think!

644
00:37:59,885 --> 00:38:01,249
We need to come up with a plan
here.

645
00:38:01,251 --> 00:38:02,117
Yeah, I've got one!

646
00:38:02,119 --> 00:38:02,919
How about we go to the police
and tell

647
00:38:02,921 --> 00:38:04,954
them about your fucking
boyfriend?

648
00:38:04,956 --> 00:38:06,789
No, you can't do that!

649
00:38:06,791 --> 00:38:09,725
What are you gonna do,
tell them I'm Santa Claus?

650
00:38:09,727 --> 00:38:12,731
No, no, plus they'll
kill Krampus on sight.

651
00:38:13,764 --> 00:38:15,898
I can't have that, he cannot be
killed.

652
00:38:15,900 --> 00:38:16,765
What?

653
00:38:16,767 --> 00:38:17,669
I can't have that.

654
00:38:19,104 --> 00:38:21,674
(STAMMERING)

655
00:38:23,907 --> 00:38:25,675
Krampus cannot be killed!

656
00:38:25,677 --> 00:38:26,611
We're connected...

657
00:38:27,613 --> 00:38:30,812
It's just, it would just
be very bad, very bad.

658
00:38:30,814 --> 00:38:32,347
Yeah, well, I think human
lives are a little bit

659
00:38:32,349 --> 00:38:33,582
more important than blowing your
cover.

660
00:38:33,584 --> 00:38:36,722
You'll just have to trust
me, there's more at stake here.

661
00:38:37,956 --> 00:38:40,088
After being trapped all of these
years

662
00:38:40,090 --> 00:38:42,260
I can just imagine how hungry he
is.

663
00:38:44,262 --> 00:38:45,662
Well, what does he eat?

664
00:38:45,664 --> 00:38:47,666
Uh, that's not what I mean.

665
00:38:48,432 --> 00:38:50,034
Krampus kills children.

666
00:38:51,102 --> 00:38:54,303
He puts them in that basket
and then he takes them to hell.

667
00:38:54,305 --> 00:38:56,238
Wait, wait, wait, I saw that
basket.

668
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:57,374
I saw it when we were in the
freezer.

669
00:38:57,376 --> 00:39:00,376
He was taking these slimy
hairballs from the basket

670
00:39:00,378 --> 00:39:02,711
and putting them into the
Christmas boxes.

671
00:39:02,713 --> 00:39:03,979
No, you're wrong, he takes
them to hell.

672
00:39:03,981 --> 00:39:05,914
No, I know what we saw.

673
00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:08,950
We were spying on him until he
noticed us

674
00:39:08,952 --> 00:39:10,952
and I swear he was taking
those little hairballs,

675
00:39:10,954 --> 00:39:14,023
those disgusting little hairballs
and putting them in boxes.

676
00:39:14,025 --> 00:39:16,959
All those kids the
ranger was talking about.

677
00:39:16,961 --> 00:39:19,128
No, no, no, those hairballs,

678
00:39:19,130 --> 00:39:21,963
as you call them, they go to
hell!

679
00:39:21,965 --> 00:39:22,867
Not here!

680
00:39:24,869 --> 00:39:27,070
Why, why is he taking all these

681
00:39:27,072 --> 00:39:29,907
children now, before Christmas?

682
00:39:31,376 --> 00:39:32,811
They can't all be naughty.

683
00:39:36,213 --> 00:39:37,081
What is he up to?

684
00:39:43,287 --> 00:39:46,257
Speaking of naughty,
I think I have a plan.

685
00:39:49,494 --> 00:39:52,997
(MUSIC FAST FORWARDING)

686
00:39:55,499 --> 00:39:58,501
Where's my milk and cookies?

687
00:39:58,503 --> 00:40:00,369
Oh, come on, Mom!

688
00:40:00,371 --> 00:40:01,939
That's the best part.

689
00:40:03,441 --> 00:40:06,975
Oh, I know sweetie, but it's
late

690
00:40:06,977 --> 00:40:09,081
and that stuff always
gives you nightmares.

691
00:40:09,981 --> 00:40:10,979
Bed wetter.

692
00:40:10,981 --> 00:40:12,448
Hey, I'm not a bed wetter!

693
00:40:12,450 --> 00:40:14,249
I'm not a bed wetter.

694
00:40:14,251 --> 00:40:16,218
Just that one time.

695
00:40:16,220 --> 00:40:17,986
TEENAGER: You're such a baby.

696
00:40:17,988 --> 00:40:22,457
Can you please stop
picking on your brother?

697
00:40:22,459 --> 00:40:23,825
Quit picking on your brother.

698
00:40:23,827 --> 00:40:25,797
I'm so over this place!

699
00:40:26,798 --> 00:40:28,530
Alright then, just go to bed.

700
00:40:28,532 --> 00:40:29,899
Gladly.

701
00:40:29,901 --> 00:40:30,803
Sleep tight.

702
00:40:31,803 --> 00:40:33,939
Don't let the homeless
little hillbillies bite.

703
00:40:34,805 --> 00:40:36,004
Don't worry, mom.

704
00:40:36,006 --> 00:40:38,975
I can protect you from those
homeless little hillbillies.

705
00:40:38,977 --> 00:40:40,876
(LAUGHS)

706
00:40:40,878 --> 00:40:41,746
Goodnight.

707
00:40:43,148 --> 00:40:44,079
Goodnight, sweetie.

708
00:40:44,081 --> 00:40:45,180
I love you.

709
00:40:45,182 --> 00:40:47,186
BOY: I love you, too.

710
00:41:04,501 --> 00:41:06,904
(GROWLING)

711
00:41:12,209 --> 00:41:17,215
(SCREAMING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)

712
00:41:17,881 --> 00:41:20,485
(CHILLING MUSIC)

713
00:41:38,001 --> 00:41:39,836
(SCREAMING)

714
00:41:39,838 --> 00:41:41,974
(ROARING)

715
00:41:47,177 --> 00:41:48,311
Here.

716
00:41:48,313 --> 00:41:49,180
Here.

717
00:41:53,284 --> 00:41:55,852
Once we get him now,
we've gotta trap him till

718
00:41:55,854 --> 00:41:58,019
after midnight and then we're
home free.

719
00:41:58,021 --> 00:41:59,856
Well, until I freeze him up
again.

720
00:41:59,858 --> 00:42:00,557
DAHLIA: Why midnight?

721
00:42:00,559 --> 00:42:02,158
ALEXI: Well, it's Christmas.

722
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,559
Yeah, and if he takes off
without me

723
00:42:04,561 --> 00:42:07,031
the whole world is going to
hell.

724
00:42:08,265 --> 00:42:10,399
(GROWLING)

725
00:42:10,401 --> 00:42:12,200
Even more than killing children

726
00:42:12,202 --> 00:42:15,037
he loves women, especially
the naughty ones.

727
00:42:15,039 --> 00:42:17,539
He'll sniff you three out in no
time.

728
00:42:17,541 --> 00:42:19,377
Let's get naughty!

729
00:42:21,912 --> 00:42:24,015
(ROARING)

730
00:42:30,188 --> 00:42:31,055
Goddamn it!

731
00:42:34,626 --> 00:42:36,425
(SPRAYING)

732
00:42:36,427 --> 00:42:37,959
Krampus!

733
00:42:37,961 --> 00:42:39,327
Goddamn!

734
00:42:39,329 --> 00:42:40,528
Piss!

735
00:42:40,530 --> 00:42:41,463
Shit!

736
00:42:41,465 --> 00:42:46,838
Motherfuckin' phooey!
(GLASS SHATTERING)

737
00:42:47,505 --> 00:42:49,972
Goddamn, piss, shit,
motherfuckin' phooey!

738
00:42:49,974 --> 00:42:52,941
Goddamn, piss, shit,
motherfuckin' phooey!

739
00:42:52,943 --> 00:42:55,044
Goddamn, piss, shit,
motherfuckin' phooey!

740
00:42:55,046 --> 00:42:57,445
Goddamn, piss, shit,
motherfuckin' phooey!

741
00:42:57,447 --> 00:43:00,216
Goddamn, piss, shit,
motherfuckin' phooey!

742
00:43:00,218 --> 00:43:01,450
(ROARING)

743
00:43:01,452 --> 00:43:06,091
(THUDDING)
(SCREAMING)

744
00:43:07,659 --> 00:43:09,591
Get the fuck off me!

745
00:43:09,593 --> 00:43:12,063
(SCREAMING)

746
00:43:16,367 --> 00:43:19,100
(SLOBBERING)

747
00:43:19,102 --> 00:43:21,403
(THUDDING)

748
00:43:21,405 --> 00:43:24,141
(TASER BUZZING)

749
00:43:25,142 --> 00:43:29,280
I've never been so happy
to see your fucking face!

750
00:43:31,448 --> 00:43:33,517
(CRYING)

751
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,459
(GUN FIRING)

752
00:43:44,461 --> 00:43:46,664
(VOMITING)

753
00:43:50,233 --> 00:43:51,535
Jesus, Sean.

754
00:43:54,671 --> 00:43:56,171
What's going on, buddy?

755
00:43:56,173 --> 00:43:57,441
It's bad, Sean.

756
00:43:59,209 --> 00:44:00,742
It got both of them.

757
00:44:00,744 --> 00:44:02,345
Both of Harrison's girls?

758
00:44:02,347 --> 00:44:04,079
Yeah, both.

759
00:44:04,081 --> 00:44:07,350
Never seen anything
like it in all my life.

760
00:44:07,352 --> 00:44:09,688
We're gonna have to call in
the big guns, that's all.

761
00:44:11,021 --> 00:44:12,988
I can't write this report.

762
00:44:12,990 --> 00:44:14,226
Oh, the hell you can't!

763
00:44:18,628 --> 00:44:19,495
I don't get it.

764
00:44:19,497 --> 00:44:22,263
Why do we need the FBI on a bear
attack?

765
00:44:22,265 --> 00:44:25,767
Look, man, the entire yard
is enclosed, it's gated in.

766
00:44:25,769 --> 00:44:28,771
We couldn't find a single
break in the gate anywhere.

767
00:44:28,773 --> 00:44:30,138
Not one.

768
00:44:30,140 --> 00:44:32,043
What are you saying?

769
00:44:33,177 --> 00:44:37,046
Their little hearts were
ripped out.

770
00:44:37,048 --> 00:44:39,718
Sean, this ain't no bear.

771
00:44:49,193 --> 00:44:53,361
This fucking guy is not
gonna ruin my favorite holiday.

772
00:44:53,363 --> 00:44:54,262
How did Santa get here?

773
00:44:54,264 --> 00:44:56,334
I don't know, he was right
behind us.

774
00:45:00,037 --> 00:45:02,238
Santa?

775
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:04,205
Some lookout he is!

776
00:45:04,207 --> 00:45:06,108
Shit, is he dead?

777
00:45:06,110 --> 00:45:07,575
(SNORING)

778
00:45:07,577 --> 00:45:08,646
No, he's breathing.

779
00:45:10,648 --> 00:45:13,082
Old man's not dead, just
useless.

780
00:45:13,084 --> 00:45:14,086
Alright, yeah.

781
00:45:15,052 --> 00:45:15,753
Oh, shit.

782
00:45:17,722 --> 00:45:19,454
Yummy, yummy!

783
00:45:19,456 --> 00:45:20,756
(SNIFFING)

784
00:45:20,758 --> 00:45:22,390
(GROWLING)

785
00:45:22,392 --> 00:45:24,463
We've gotta tie him up.

786
00:45:27,298 --> 00:45:30,435
ALEXI: Can you get this over
there?

787
00:45:40,410 --> 00:45:42,713
He's seriously down for the
count, guys.

788
00:45:43,648 --> 00:45:44,713
Picture time?

789
00:45:44,715 --> 00:45:45,584
Yeah!

790
00:45:46,617 --> 00:45:49,254
(TECHNO MUSIC)

791
00:46:02,566 --> 00:46:04,265
Hello!

792
00:46:04,267 --> 00:46:05,533
- Hi.
- Hello.

793
00:46:05,535 --> 00:46:06,501
One at a time.

794
00:46:06,503 --> 00:46:08,771
Krampus, ho, ho, ho.

795
00:46:08,773 --> 00:46:10,738
Not so tough now, are you?

796
00:46:10,740 --> 00:46:13,744
He looks like some sort of
fucked up reindeer, doesn't he?

797
00:46:15,613 --> 00:46:18,213
Look at this little puppy.

798
00:46:18,215 --> 00:46:19,849
I'm the Krampus, oh.

799
00:46:19,851 --> 00:46:21,182
Count of three.

800
00:46:21,184 --> 00:46:22,486
BOTH: One, two, three,
Krampus!

801
00:46:23,653 --> 00:46:26,457
(BELLS JINGLING)

802
00:46:27,858 --> 00:46:28,791
BRUCE: It's me.

803
00:46:28,793 --> 00:46:30,327
Listen, listen to me.

804
00:46:32,262 --> 00:46:33,495
This is the Sheriff.

805
00:46:33,497 --> 00:46:37,635
Look, I want you to get out
to Santa Land and I mean now.

806
00:46:38,535 --> 00:46:40,169
You got that?

807
00:46:40,171 --> 00:46:41,073
Go, get on it.

808
00:46:44,307 --> 00:46:45,874
(SNORING)

809
00:46:45,876 --> 00:46:48,376
DAHLIA: Ha, ha, we got you!

810
00:46:48,378 --> 00:46:49,778
Let's clean you up and then
maybe

811
00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:51,146
we'll get home in time for
Christmas.

812
00:46:51,148 --> 00:46:52,148
Okay, let's go.

813
00:46:52,150 --> 00:46:52,814
Okay.

814
00:46:52,816 --> 00:46:54,649
Dahlia, you on board?

815
00:46:54,651 --> 00:46:56,220
Yeah, he'll be fine.

816
00:46:59,289 --> 00:47:01,256
(GROWLING)

817
00:47:01,258 --> 00:47:03,258
(ROARING)

818
00:47:03,260 --> 00:47:04,128
No!

819
00:47:05,229 --> 00:47:07,262
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)

820
00:47:07,264 --> 00:47:08,132
Krampus!

821
00:47:11,235 --> 00:47:13,171
Krampus, that's enough!

822
00:47:16,773 --> 00:47:19,143
(GROANING)

823
00:47:28,251 --> 00:47:29,121
Wow!

824
00:47:30,287 --> 00:47:31,155
Go!

825
00:47:33,890 --> 00:47:34,758
Go!

826
00:47:36,827 --> 00:47:38,760
(ROARING)

827
00:47:38,762 --> 00:47:43,601
Hi-ya! (THUDDING)

828
00:47:46,970 --> 00:47:50,338
(KRAMPUS WHIMPERING)

829
00:47:50,340 --> 00:47:52,276
I think I wet myself.

830
00:48:17,901 --> 00:48:19,403
BRIAN: Sadie!

831
00:48:23,807 --> 00:48:25,307
Sadie!

832
00:48:25,309 --> 00:48:27,609
Does Krampus talk?

833
00:48:27,611 --> 00:48:28,479
Never.

834
00:48:29,447 --> 00:48:30,282
Sadie!

835
00:48:32,650 --> 00:48:34,383
Sadie!

836
00:48:34,385 --> 00:48:35,253
- Sadie, oh, my God!
- Brian!

837
00:48:36,354 --> 00:48:37,622
You came for me!

838
00:48:38,889 --> 00:48:40,888
BRIAN: Of course I did,
I was worried about you.

839
00:48:40,890 --> 00:48:41,990
You were?

840
00:48:41,992 --> 00:48:43,258
Of course, I was.

841
00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:44,728
What the hell is going on here?

842
00:48:45,829 --> 00:48:48,896
What weird shit has Dahlia
gotten you into this time?

843
00:48:48,898 --> 00:48:50,467
It's a long story.

844
00:48:52,470 --> 00:48:55,207
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

845
00:49:05,448 --> 00:49:09,285
In a nutshell, we're trying
to help the real-life Santa.

846
00:49:09,287 --> 00:49:09,921
'Sup?

847
00:49:11,289 --> 00:49:12,657
Fight the evil Krampus.

848
00:49:14,724 --> 00:49:16,927
Great, my girlfriend's on
drugs.

849
00:49:19,563 --> 00:49:20,664
I'm your girlfriend?

850
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,300
(CRUNCHING)

851
00:49:24,302 --> 00:49:26,501
(SCREAMING)

852
00:49:26,503 --> 00:49:28,772
(SQUIRTING)

853
00:49:29,740 --> 00:49:31,876
(ROARING)

854
00:49:39,883 --> 00:49:41,352
What the shit?

855
00:49:46,691 --> 00:49:47,559
Sean!

856
00:49:48,892 --> 00:49:49,760
Sean?

857
00:49:52,662 --> 00:49:54,298
Answer, goddamn it!

858
00:49:55,832 --> 00:49:57,599
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

859
00:49:57,601 --> 00:49:59,003
SANTA: Krampus!

860
00:50:02,006 --> 00:50:04,707
(ZAPPING)

861
00:50:04,709 --> 00:50:06,911
(THUDDING)

862
00:50:12,416 --> 00:50:13,615
SADIE: No!

863
00:50:13,617 --> 00:50:14,816
No!

864
00:50:14,818 --> 00:50:19,823
Brian, no! (SOBBING)

865
00:50:20,457 --> 00:50:23,959
(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING)

866
00:50:23,961 --> 00:50:26,363
(GRUNTING)

867
00:50:33,537 --> 00:50:35,774
(PUNCHING)

868
00:50:37,775 --> 00:50:39,807
(SCREAMING)

869
00:50:39,809 --> 00:50:41,510
What the fuck is going on?

870
00:50:41,512 --> 00:50:43,812
(GIRLS YELLING)

871
00:50:43,814 --> 00:50:45,012
We've gotta get out of here!

872
00:50:45,014 --> 00:50:45,981
SADIE: He killed Brian!

873
00:50:45,983 --> 00:50:47,115
Are you okay?

874
00:50:47,117 --> 00:50:48,916
SADIE: He killed my Brian!

875
00:50:48,918 --> 00:50:49,785
SEAN: Who?

876
00:50:49,787 --> 00:50:50,651
He killed Brian!

877
00:50:50,653 --> 00:50:51,519
SEAN: Who?

878
00:50:51,521 --> 00:50:52,787
He killed him!

879
00:50:52,789 --> 00:50:54,555
SANTA: Krampus!

880
00:50:54,557 --> 00:50:55,423
Oh, shit.

881
00:50:55,425 --> 00:50:56,858
Put the weapon down now!

882
00:50:56,860 --> 00:50:58,160
Hey, you, put that down!

883
00:50:58,162 --> 00:51:00,899
(TASER ZAPPING)

884
00:51:03,700 --> 00:51:05,733
Come on, over there, you know
the drill.

885
00:51:05,735 --> 00:51:07,102
Go on, go on.

886
00:51:07,104 --> 00:51:09,771
Officer Green just
called in and said Sean

887
00:51:09,773 --> 00:51:11,709
is not responding to his radio.

888
00:51:12,675 --> 00:51:13,908
Have you heard from him?

889
00:51:13,910 --> 00:51:15,611
As a matter of fact, I have.

890
00:51:15,613 --> 00:51:20,481
They had a report of a strange
truck at old man Kris's.

891
00:51:20,483 --> 00:51:22,617
He went up there to investigate.

892
00:51:22,619 --> 00:51:25,586
You mean, Santa Land?

893
00:51:25,588 --> 00:51:26,457
BRUCE: Yeah.

894
00:51:28,592 --> 00:51:30,758
Shit, I need a cigarette!

895
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:32,494
BRUCE: What?

896
00:51:32,496 --> 00:51:33,798
Oh, look at you.

897
00:51:35,599 --> 00:51:36,698
What are you doing?

898
00:51:36,700 --> 00:51:37,899
OPERATOR: Alright.

899
00:51:37,901 --> 00:51:38,767
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

900
00:51:38,769 --> 00:51:39,334
BRUCE: Whose gonna answer the
phone?

901
00:51:39,336 --> 00:51:41,035
OPERATOR: You are.

902
00:51:41,037 --> 00:51:42,706
Police department, hello?

903
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:44,708
Hello?

904
00:51:46,075 --> 00:51:48,109
I don't know how to work it!

905
00:51:48,111 --> 00:51:49,477
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

906
00:51:49,479 --> 00:51:50,615
Get off the cookies!

907
00:51:58,088 --> 00:52:00,492
(COUGHING)

908
00:52:02,459 --> 00:52:05,494
Okay, what the fuck is going
on?

909
00:52:05,496 --> 00:52:07,528
Who are you people?

910
00:52:07,530 --> 00:52:08,763
Why are you covered in blood?

911
00:52:08,765 --> 00:52:10,599
Why do you have my gun?

912
00:52:10,601 --> 00:52:13,167
Why does my neck hurt, who tased
me?

913
00:52:13,169 --> 00:52:15,838
Kris, I fucking knew you killed
that kid!

914
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,205
I knew you were crazy like that!

915
00:52:17,207 --> 00:52:18,941
I need answers and I need 'em
now!

916
00:52:18,943 --> 00:52:21,713
Shut the fuck up, sit down and
listen!

917
00:52:23,079 --> 00:52:24,646
You have to help us.

918
00:52:24,648 --> 00:52:26,048
We need your help.

919
00:52:26,050 --> 00:52:28,617
He killed Brian, he's gonna kill
everyone.

920
00:52:28,619 --> 00:52:29,718
That's the thing.

921
00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:32,053
It all seems really
crazy, but he didn't do it.

922
00:52:32,055 --> 00:52:33,722
He didn't kill Brian.

923
00:52:33,724 --> 00:52:35,490
The real killer's out there!

924
00:52:35,492 --> 00:52:36,527
He's Santa.

925
00:52:39,063 --> 00:52:41,530
You picked a hell of a day to
do this.

926
00:52:41,532 --> 00:52:43,601
(LAUGHS)

927
00:52:44,635 --> 00:52:46,905
Look, he's Santa Claus!

928
00:52:48,706 --> 00:52:51,106
Why are all the hot ones
crazy?

929
00:52:51,108 --> 00:52:53,941
Look, this is old man Kris.

930
00:52:53,943 --> 00:52:55,676
Everyone knows Kris.

931
00:52:55,678 --> 00:52:57,111
He used to run Santa Land back
in the day,

932
00:52:57,113 --> 00:52:59,046
but now he's just an old hermit.

933
00:52:59,048 --> 00:53:00,015
Excuse me?

934
00:53:00,017 --> 00:53:03,017
And he's going to jail
for a very long time

935
00:53:03,019 --> 00:53:05,120
just like you and you and you.

936
00:53:05,122 --> 00:53:06,457
The hell we are!

937
00:53:07,124 --> 00:53:09,894
(GIRLS YELLING)

938
00:53:13,030 --> 00:53:14,229
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

939
00:53:14,231 --> 00:53:15,564
One at a time, one at a time!

940
00:53:15,566 --> 00:53:16,398
You!

941
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:17,633
So there's this creature,
right?

942
00:53:17,635 --> 00:53:22,604
He's like this big, hairy animal
with these horns, you know?

943
00:53:22,606 --> 00:53:23,238
Um...

944
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:24,106
Krampus!

945
00:53:24,108 --> 00:53:25,807
Yeah.

946
00:53:25,809 --> 00:53:28,075
Look, I've seen enough mangled
kids

947
00:53:28,077 --> 00:53:29,947
in the past week to last a
lifetime.

948
00:53:30,914 --> 00:53:33,148
Given the day I've had, I'm not
sure if

949
00:53:33,150 --> 00:53:36,119
I trust my gut or what you're
telling me.

950
00:53:37,086 --> 00:53:39,687
The thing is that he's not the
killer.

951
00:53:39,689 --> 00:53:40,988
He didn't do it, he's Santa.

952
00:53:40,990 --> 00:53:42,925
Yeah, he's Kris.

953
00:53:42,927 --> 00:53:45,961
Kris Kringle, you know, like,
Santa Claus?

954
00:53:45,963 --> 00:53:47,863
Ho, ho, ho!

955
00:53:47,865 --> 00:53:49,231
Santa Claus.

956
00:53:49,233 --> 00:53:51,600
Anyway, the thing is we have
to save

957
00:53:51,602 --> 00:53:53,968
the world from that monster out
there!

958
00:53:53,970 --> 00:53:54,870
The world?

959
00:53:54,872 --> 00:53:55,704
Yes!

960
00:53:55,706 --> 00:53:56,905
Sean, do you trust me?

961
00:53:56,907 --> 00:53:58,140
No!

962
00:53:58,142 --> 00:53:59,073
Santa?

963
00:53:59,075 --> 00:53:59,941
SANTA: Hmm?

964
00:53:59,943 --> 00:54:01,142
Show him your thing.

965
00:54:01,144 --> 00:54:03,280
(ZAPPING)

966
00:54:06,650 --> 00:54:07,519
Holy shit.

967
00:54:09,119 --> 00:54:10,218
(LAUGHS)

968
00:54:10,220 --> 00:54:11,186
Wow.

969
00:54:11,188 --> 00:54:12,287
(ROARING)

970
00:54:12,289 --> 00:54:15,293
Gimme the fucking gun, give it
here.

971
00:54:17,327 --> 00:54:18,794
What's it called?

972
00:54:18,796 --> 00:54:20,198
SANTA: Krampus!

973
00:54:22,365 --> 00:54:24,099
(GROWLING)

974
00:54:24,101 --> 00:54:27,104
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

975
00:54:40,050 --> 00:54:41,986
This is unbelievable.

976
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:45,822
Let's say I do believe you.

977
00:54:47,791 --> 00:54:50,825
When I was a kid and you opened
this place

978
00:54:50,827 --> 00:54:52,894
I really thought you were Santa.

979
00:54:52,896 --> 00:54:55,863
It was the only thing this
boring town had going for it.

980
00:54:55,865 --> 00:54:56,833
Christmas all year round.

981
00:54:58,135 --> 00:55:00,202
I thought I was the
luckiest kid in the world.

982
00:55:00,204 --> 00:55:01,906
Well, goody fucking gum drops.

983
00:55:02,872 --> 00:55:03,671
I'm glad you had your fun.

984
00:55:03,673 --> 00:55:05,640
- Here, have a cookie.
- Thank you.

985
00:55:05,642 --> 00:55:06,608
But we don't have much time.

986
00:55:06,610 --> 00:55:08,679
You see, we gotta trap
him before midnight!

987
00:55:09,979 --> 00:55:12,013
Yeah, no one knows this forest

988
00:55:12,015 --> 00:55:14,182
like I do, not even you, Kris.

989
00:55:14,184 --> 00:55:17,218
Let's get this Krampus
and take back Christmas!

990
00:55:17,220 --> 00:55:20,122
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

991
00:55:20,124 --> 00:55:22,957
Okay, Dahlia, you're gonna be
our eyes

992
00:55:22,959 --> 00:55:25,394
on the south end in car two
of the bumblebee coaster.

993
00:55:25,396 --> 00:55:26,264
Got it!

994
00:55:28,264 --> 00:55:29,997
Sadie, you have your compact?

995
00:55:29,999 --> 00:55:31,899
Great, you're gonna flash
it if you see anything.

996
00:55:31,901 --> 00:55:33,771
You're gonna be in the bumblebee
hive.

997
00:55:35,805 --> 00:55:39,010
I'm gonna be perched right
here on top of the north tower.

998
00:55:42,311 --> 00:55:45,881
Sean, you'll be with me in the
tower.

999
00:55:45,883 --> 00:55:47,314
Your wish is my command.

1000
00:55:47,316 --> 00:55:48,182
(GUN CLICKING)

1001
00:55:48,184 --> 00:55:49,117
- Santa?
- Hmm?

1002
00:55:49,119 --> 00:55:50,119
You're gonna be at the house
of mirrors

1003
00:55:50,121 --> 00:55:51,787
and you are gonna have
your cane at the ready.

1004
00:55:51,789 --> 00:55:53,055
I'm there.

1005
00:55:53,057 --> 00:55:56,091
(CRUNCHING)

1006
00:55:56,093 --> 00:55:57,758
- Yeah!
- Ha!

1007
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:00,729
(SLAPPING)

1008
00:56:00,731 --> 00:56:01,963
(YELLING)

1009
00:56:01,965 --> 00:56:04,968
Santa Claus is coming to town,
bitches!

1010
00:56:06,003 --> 00:56:07,903
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

1011
00:56:07,905 --> 00:56:09,137
Okay.

1012
00:56:09,139 --> 00:56:11,939
(CAMERA CLICKING)

1013
00:56:11,941 --> 00:56:13,441
Oh, no, it was blurry.

1014
00:56:13,443 --> 00:56:16,079
(ALL GROANING)

1015
00:56:18,715 --> 00:56:21,718
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

1016
00:56:41,505 --> 00:56:43,907
(GROWLING)

1017
00:56:48,512 --> 00:56:51,445
(CREAKING)

1018
00:56:51,447 --> 00:56:52,446
Shit!

1019
00:56:52,448 --> 00:56:55,283
I don't think it's working.

1020
00:56:55,285 --> 00:56:56,484
What do we do now?

1021
00:56:56,486 --> 00:56:57,954
Good question.

1022
00:57:04,827 --> 00:57:07,030
(GROWLING)

1023
00:57:13,871 --> 00:57:14,570
It's okay.

1024
00:57:14,572 --> 00:57:15,970
- Okay.
- It's just a noise.

1025
00:57:15,972 --> 00:57:18,774
(MOANING)

1026
00:57:18,776 --> 00:57:20,978
(GROWLING)

1027
00:57:27,885 --> 00:57:29,117
(SCREAMING)

1028
00:57:29,119 --> 00:57:30,785
- Okay.
- Come on!

1029
00:57:30,787 --> 00:57:32,854
Fuck you! (BANGING)

1030
00:57:32,856 --> 00:57:33,725
Fuck you!

1031
00:57:37,794 --> 00:57:38,463
Fuck you!

1032
00:57:40,296 --> 00:57:44,769
(YELLING)
(SLICING)

1033
00:57:47,336 --> 00:57:48,870
(SCREAMING)

1034
00:57:48,872 --> 00:57:53,073
SADIE: Hi-ya! (thudding)

1035
00:57:53,075 --> 00:57:54,910
SANTA: This way, Sadie!

1036
00:57:54,912 --> 00:57:57,445
(ROARING)

1037
00:57:57,447 --> 00:57:58,579
(PUNCHING)

1038
00:57:58,581 --> 00:57:59,916
SEAN: Nice!

1039
00:58:01,418 --> 00:58:02,486
Motherfucker!

1040
00:58:04,253 --> 00:58:05,122
Come on!

1041
00:58:06,088 --> 00:58:08,925
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

1042
00:58:10,126 --> 00:58:11,827
Fucking asshole!

1043
00:58:11,829 --> 00:58:14,097
(SCREAMING)

1044
00:58:23,539 --> 00:58:26,343
(ENGINE REVVING)

1045
00:58:32,416 --> 00:58:34,082
Stop!

1046
00:58:34,084 --> 00:58:35,182
Cherry?

1047
00:58:35,184 --> 00:58:36,417
What the hell is she doing
here?

1048
00:58:36,419 --> 00:58:38,055
Get those girls to safety.

1049
00:58:39,456 --> 00:58:41,492
I'll take care of these guys.

1050
00:58:43,894 --> 00:58:45,994
Who the fuck called
the fucking bartender?

1051
00:58:45,996 --> 00:58:47,495
I got this.

1052
00:58:47,497 --> 00:58:50,034
I am the wifey, after all.

1053
00:58:52,635 --> 00:58:55,336
Ain't that right, honey?

1054
00:58:55,338 --> 00:58:58,441
Baby, I missed you so much.

1055
00:58:59,309 --> 00:59:02,077
(ENGINE REVVING)

1056
00:59:02,079 --> 00:59:04,345
How is she gonna capture
Krampus?

1057
00:59:04,347 --> 00:59:06,349
Well, she's his crazy ex,
right?

1058
00:59:07,416 --> 00:59:09,019
That must make her Mrs. Claus!

1059
00:59:10,119 --> 00:59:11,021
Come on!

1060
00:59:12,488 --> 00:59:16,457
Of all nights, you chose
tonight

1061
00:59:16,459 --> 00:59:19,260
to call in some bitches for fun?

1062
00:59:19,262 --> 00:59:20,262
No, no, no, no...

1063
00:59:20,264 --> 00:59:22,129
- Big surprise!
- It's not what it looks like.

1064
00:59:22,131 --> 00:59:24,131
You whimpering fool!

1065
00:59:24,133 --> 00:59:25,503
You failed me again!

1066
00:59:27,271 --> 00:59:31,439
I always stuck by you even
when your business failed

1067
00:59:31,441 --> 00:59:32,941
and we had to eat the reindeer.

1068
00:59:32,943 --> 00:59:35,142
Did I ever complain?

1069
00:59:35,144 --> 00:59:36,012
Never.

1070
00:59:38,514 --> 00:59:43,017
Don't you know what I've been
up to?

1071
00:59:43,019 --> 00:59:46,157
(LAUGHING MENACINGLY)

1072
00:59:56,099 --> 00:59:58,700
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

1073
00:59:58,702 --> 01:00:00,602
Margaret, he's just drunk.

1074
01:00:00,604 --> 01:00:02,269
He's gonna be fine tomorrow,
don't...

1075
01:00:02,271 --> 01:00:06,640
Look, Margaret, I gotta,
hang on a second I got...

1076
01:00:06,642 --> 01:00:08,276
Goddamn it!

1077
01:00:08,278 --> 01:00:09,513
No, not you, Margaret.

1078
01:00:11,014 --> 01:00:11,883
Hold on.

1079
01:00:14,017 --> 01:00:16,450
Green, this is the sheriff.

1080
01:00:16,452 --> 01:00:19,354
Look, we haven't heard
from Sean in a while.

1081
01:00:19,356 --> 01:00:20,555
He went out to Santa Land.

1082
01:00:20,557 --> 01:00:22,524
I need you guys to get out
there, I'm a little bit worried.

1083
01:00:22,526 --> 01:00:24,191
Find out what the heck is going
on.

1084
01:00:24,193 --> 01:00:24,825
GREEN: Jesus Christ, Sean!

1085
01:00:24,827 --> 01:00:26,528
Get out there right now.

1086
01:00:26,530 --> 01:00:27,394
GREEN: Okay.

1087
01:00:27,396 --> 01:00:28,662
Good, thank you.

1088
01:00:28,664 --> 01:00:30,432
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

1089
01:00:30,434 --> 01:00:31,302
Jesus.

1090
01:00:32,535 --> 01:00:35,370
Margaret, hello?

1091
01:00:35,372 --> 01:00:36,271
(ALL PANTING AND CRYING)

1092
01:00:36,273 --> 01:00:37,140
SEAN: Come on!

1093
01:00:41,177 --> 01:00:43,546
ALEXI: What is this place?

1094
01:00:52,155 --> 01:00:56,994
(DOOR CLOSING)
(GASPING)

1095
01:00:59,095 --> 01:01:00,327
(SIREN BLARING)

1096
01:01:00,329 --> 01:01:03,034
(COUNTRY MUSIC)

1097
01:01:06,369 --> 01:01:07,736
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

1098
01:01:07,738 --> 01:01:08,606
Krampus!

1099
01:01:10,374 --> 01:01:13,177
(CHAIN RATTLING)

1100
01:01:18,180 --> 01:01:20,414
(ZAPPING)

1101
01:01:20,416 --> 01:01:21,517
Cherry, what have you done?

1102
01:01:23,153 --> 01:01:28,159
I was nobody to you and
nobody to the entire world.

1103
01:01:28,657 --> 01:01:30,758
You saw the way they portrayed
me.

1104
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:35,763
Always at your side with a
plate of cookies to serve you.

1105
01:01:35,765 --> 01:01:36,633
Uh-uh-uh.

1106
01:01:38,135 --> 01:01:43,140
I was portrayed as fat, ugly and
old.

1107
01:01:44,206 --> 01:01:49,145
When we both know that I am
fucking hot!

1108
01:01:52,349 --> 01:01:55,082
I am cleansing the world of all

1109
01:01:55,084 --> 01:01:58,318
the little shits, naughty or
nice!

1110
01:01:58,320 --> 01:01:59,187
And guess what?

1111
01:01:59,189 --> 01:01:59,887
You can't do this!

1112
01:01:59,889 --> 01:02:03,291
They'll all think it was you!

1113
01:02:03,293 --> 01:02:06,030
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

1114
01:02:10,834 --> 01:02:12,466
SADIE: What's that noise?

1115
01:02:12,468 --> 01:02:14,468
It's, uh, rats.

1116
01:02:14,470 --> 01:02:15,169
It's probably just rats.

1117
01:02:15,171 --> 01:02:17,305
Big fucking rats or something.

1118
01:02:17,307 --> 01:02:18,372
Oh, my God, gross.

1119
01:02:18,374 --> 01:02:22,479
After everything we went
through rats are gross?

1120
01:02:25,849 --> 01:02:28,082
(THUMPING)

1121
01:02:28,084 --> 01:02:30,387
(SQUEAKING)

1122
01:02:31,822 --> 01:02:32,687
(SCREAMING)

1123
01:02:32,689 --> 01:02:34,457
SEAN: Hairy balls!

1124
01:02:37,093 --> 01:02:39,630
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

1125
01:02:42,666 --> 01:02:44,399
Why are you doing this?

1126
01:02:44,401 --> 01:02:48,602
To rewrite history my
way with a little help

1127
01:02:48,604 --> 01:02:52,575
from my (SNARLING) hairy
boyfriend.

1128
01:02:55,244 --> 01:02:56,644
(GROWLING)

1129
01:02:56,646 --> 01:02:59,050
(LAUGHING)

1130
01:03:02,119 --> 01:03:02,820
Oh, baby!

1131
01:03:03,854 --> 01:03:08,759
You were too busy spreading
love to the world.

1132
01:03:09,659 --> 01:03:12,396
(SANTA GAGGING)

1133
01:03:13,463 --> 01:03:16,801
Krampus, go get our sleigh.

1134
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:21,401
We have work to do tonight.

1135
01:03:21,403 --> 01:03:23,606
(LAUGHING)

1136
01:03:27,244 --> 01:03:29,512
(SQUEAKING)

1137
01:03:32,148 --> 01:03:34,417
(SCREAMING)

1138
01:03:36,619 --> 01:03:38,855
(SNAPPING)

1139
01:03:41,224 --> 01:03:43,494
SEAN: Killer hairy balls!

1140
01:03:46,595 --> 01:03:48,731
(CHEWING)

1141
01:03:50,499 --> 01:03:52,769
(SQUEAKING)

1142
01:03:58,874 --> 01:04:01,277
(SNAPPING)

1143
01:04:02,211 --> 01:04:04,514
(SCREAMING)

1144
01:04:19,496 --> 01:04:21,865
(GUN FIRING)

1145
01:04:27,470 --> 01:04:28,736
(LAUGHING)

1146
01:04:28,738 --> 01:04:31,308
Sounds like it's feeding time.

1147
01:04:34,843 --> 01:04:39,914
Krampus!

1148
01:04:39,916 --> 01:04:42,318
(GRUNTING)

1149
01:04:45,889 --> 01:04:48,291
(GROWLING)

1150
01:05:10,780 --> 01:05:12,780
(SCREAMING)

1151
01:05:12,782 --> 01:05:15,285
(GUN FIRING)

1152
01:05:29,365 --> 01:05:30,633
We have to stop them.

1153
01:05:40,343 --> 01:05:40,978
Hurry!

1154
01:05:42,412 --> 01:05:43,680
She has my cane.

1155
01:05:45,548 --> 01:05:46,417
Mazel tov!

1156
01:05:56,059 --> 01:06:00,731
(WHOOSHING)
(THUDDING)

1157
01:06:02,965 --> 01:06:06,300
Get her off my sleigh,
she's not magical!

1158
01:06:06,302 --> 01:06:06,936
Go, go, go!

1159
01:06:07,871 --> 01:06:12,476
(WHACKING)
(LAUGHING)

1160
01:06:15,878 --> 01:06:16,846
Go, go, go!

1161
01:06:17,780 --> 01:06:18,715
Go, go, go!

1162
01:06:20,550 --> 01:06:22,686
(ROARING)

1163
01:06:28,758 --> 01:06:29,627
Yes!

1164
01:06:37,666 --> 01:06:39,533
(GUN FIRING)

1165
01:06:39,535 --> 01:06:41,671
(ROARING)

1166
01:06:53,782 --> 01:06:54,651
I'm so sorry.

1167
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:57,921
But you're all connected.

1168
01:07:04,827 --> 01:07:06,929
(SLICING)

1169
01:07:07,896 --> 01:07:10,131
(THUDDING)

1170
01:07:10,133 --> 01:07:12,636
(SQUIRTING)

1171
01:07:15,537 --> 01:07:19,106
(CHERRY SCREAMING)

1172
01:07:19,108 --> 01:07:21,577
(EXPLODING)

1173
01:07:25,081 --> 01:07:27,818
(SIREN BLARING)

1174
01:07:32,555 --> 01:07:34,858
Sean, this way, come on!

1175
01:07:35,791 --> 01:07:36,659
Sean!

1176
01:07:38,128 --> 01:07:39,093
Sean!

1177
01:07:39,095 --> 01:07:40,698
Sean, are you alright?

1178
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:44,535
What happened?

1179
01:07:47,403 --> 01:07:49,637
You wouldn't believe me if I
told you.

1180
01:07:49,639 --> 01:07:52,075
(GIRLS CRYING)

1181
01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,883
(TINKLING)

1182
01:08:02,818 --> 01:08:04,852
(GROWLING)

1183
01:08:04,854 --> 01:08:08,092
(SPOOKY JINGLING MUSIC)

1184
01:08:18,067 --> 01:08:21,405
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

1185
01:09:27,070 --> 01:09:29,005
Merry Christmas, bitches!

1186
01:09:29,938 --> 01:09:32,073
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

1187
01:09:32,075 --> 01:09:36,479
(FAST ROCK "DECK THE HALLS"
MUSIC)

1188
01:09:36,481 --> 01:09:41,481
Subtitles by explosiveskull

1189
01:09:53,830 --> 01:09:56,564
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of
holly ♪

1190
01:09:56,566 --> 01:09:59,166
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1191
01:09:59,168 --> 01:10:02,035
♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪

1192
01:10:02,037 --> 01:10:04,939
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1193
01:10:04,941 --> 01:10:07,842
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

1194
01:10:07,844 --> 01:10:10,711
♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la ♪

1195
01:10:10,713 --> 01:10:13,547
♪ Troll the ancient Yule tide
carol ♪

1196
01:10:13,549 --> 01:10:17,220
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1197
01:10:28,063 --> 01:10:30,765
♪ See the blazing Yule before us
♪

1198
01:10:30,767 --> 01:10:33,633
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1199
01:10:33,635 --> 01:10:36,303
♪ Strike the harp and join the
chorus ♪

1200
01:10:36,305 --> 01:10:39,140
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1201
01:10:39,142 --> 01:10:42,043
♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪

1202
01:10:42,045 --> 01:10:45,011
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1203
01:10:45,013 --> 01:10:47,847
♪ While I tell of Yule tide
treasure ♪

1204
01:10:47,849 --> 01:10:52,856
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1205
01:10:53,755 --> 01:10:58,762
♪ Fa la la la la ♪

1206
01:10:59,195 --> 01:11:02,363
♪ Fa la la la la ♪

1207
01:11:02,365 --> 01:11:04,966
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of
holly ♪

1208
01:11:04,968 --> 01:11:07,834
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1209
01:11:07,836 --> 01:11:10,738
♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪

1210
01:11:10,740 --> 01:11:13,673
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1211
01:11:13,675 --> 01:11:16,276
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

1212
01:11:16,278 --> 01:11:19,145
♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la ♪

1213
01:11:19,147 --> 01:11:22,048
♪ Troll the ancient Yule tide
carol ♪

1214
01:11:22,050 --> 01:11:25,955
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

1215
01:11:48,044 --> 01:11:52,747
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of
holly ♪

1216
01:11:52,749 --> 01:11:55,986
(CHILLING TECHNO MUSIC)

1217
01:15:21,490 --> 01:15:24,260
(FAST RAP MUSIC)

1218
01:15:46,448 --> 01:15:49,119
(TECHNO MUSIC)

1219
01:16:54,383 --> 01:16:56,653
(WHOOSHING)