0 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 1 00:00:02,891 --> 00:00:05,808 (distant rumbling) 2 00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:14,792 (water dripping) (metallic creaking) 3 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,350 (breath hissing) 4 00:00:47,051 --> 00:00:49,801 (fluid dripping) 5 00:00:58,919 --> 00:01:03,669 (splattering) (bubbling) 6 00:01:12,016 --> 00:01:14,266 (rattling) 7 00:01:20,336 --> 00:01:23,086 (dramatic music) 8 00:01:25,699 --> 00:01:28,662 - [Narrator] Global warning is upon us, 9 00:01:28,662 --> 00:01:30,579 the Earth is in crises. 10 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,207 It is a time in need of heroes, 11 00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:38,854 especially in one particular, horrible place. 12 00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:42,332 (slow sympathetic music) (sighing) 13 00:01:42,332 --> 00:01:43,165 - Ah. 14 00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,906 ♪ There's a ♪ (coughing) 15 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,906 (audience laughing) 16 00:01:56,626 --> 00:02:01,626 ♪ There's a place between heaven and hell ♪ 17 00:02:02,212 --> 00:02:07,212 ♪ Don't need no map, just follow the smell ♪ 18 00:02:08,608 --> 00:02:13,608 ♪ A place filled with filthy air ♪ 19 00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:19,088 ♪ A place full of dark despair ♪ 20 00:02:19,448 --> 00:02:23,320 ♪ A place you have no prayer ♪ 21 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,070 ♪ A place called ♪ 22 00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:31,265 (audience snickering) 23 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,810 ♪ New Jersey ♪ (dramatic music) 24 00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:41,034 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 25 00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:43,736 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 26 00:02:43,736 --> 00:02:46,120 ♪ The Garden State ♪ 27 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,370 (lively music) 28 00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,297 ♪ There's an exit called the 13B ♪ 29 00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:53,730 ♪ Right off the turnpike where it smells just like pee ♪ 30 00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:56,840 ♪ An exit no one dares get off ♪ 31 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,970 ♪ An exit where the children cough ♪ 32 00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:03,637 ♪ An exit called Tromaville ♪ 33 00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:09,120 (thunder crackling) ♪ Tromaville ♪ 34 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:14,120 ♪ If the pollution doesn't get you, the aroma will ♪ 35 00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:18,418 ♪ Who will save New Jersey? ♪ 36 00:03:18,418 --> 00:03:21,458 ♪ We're dying for some air ♪ 37 00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:24,669 ♪ There's no hope in New Jersey, Lord ♪ 38 00:03:24,669 --> 00:03:27,376 ♪ Does anybody care ♪ 39 00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:30,876 ♪ Lord, does anybody care ♪ 40 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,829 - Ladies and gentlemen, 41 00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:38,130 the story we're about to tell you is so disturbing, 42 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:41,626 we have stationed a registered nurse outside in the lobby. 43 00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:44,045 - She has doctor prescribed Valium to sedate 44 00:03:44,045 --> 00:03:45,651 the easily terrified! 45 00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:50,336 - She also has Prozac and ketamine she got off the internet. 46 00:03:50,336 --> 00:03:54,474 - And for the love of God, do not turn off your cell phones! 47 00:03:54,474 --> 00:03:56,965 - The next few hours are a part of your life 48 00:03:56,965 --> 00:03:59,784 you're never getting back! 49 00:03:59,784 --> 00:04:02,879 ♪ There's no hope in New Jersey ♪ 50 00:04:02,879 --> 00:04:05,685 ♪ We're hanging by a thread ♪ 51 00:04:05,685 --> 00:04:08,692 ♪ We're choking in New Jersey ♪ 52 00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:12,596 ♪ We might as well be dead ♪ 53 00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,944 ♪ Lord, we need a favor ♪ 54 00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:18,022 ♪ We need a soggy savior ♪ 55 00:04:18,022 --> 00:04:22,965 ♪ But who, who, who ♪ 56 00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:24,743 ♪ Who ♪ 57 00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:27,194 ♪ I will save New Jersey ♪ 58 00:04:27,194 --> 00:04:29,323 ♪ I'm Melvin Ferd III ♪ 59 00:04:29,323 --> 00:04:30,495 ♪ Not him, Lord ♪ 60 00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:33,259 ♪ I'm here for you, New Jersey ♪ 61 00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:36,762 ♪ On that you have my word ♪ 62 00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:39,442 ♪ There must be a solution ♪ 63 00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:42,444 ♪ To end this damn pollution ♪ 64 00:04:42,444 --> 00:04:47,444 ♪ It's time to start a global revolution ♪ 65 00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:51,868 ♪ Sister, look at what has infested our town ♪ 66 00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:54,931 ♪ What is that wretchedness ♪ 67 00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:57,721 ♪ It's waste, toxic waste ♪ 68 00:04:57,721 --> 00:05:00,979 ♪ The worst problem we ever faced ♪ 69 00:05:00,979 --> 00:05:03,468 ♪ It's sick, God, its sick ♪ 70 00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:07,196 ♪ Look what it did to my measuring stick ♪ 71 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:09,196 - But where did it come from? 72 00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:12,236 - Look there, across the Hudson River, what do you see? 73 00:05:12,236 --> 00:05:13,196 - Manhattan. 74 00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:15,606 - The beautiful, conceited people of Manhattan. 75 00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,497 Happy to use New Jersey as their toxic dumping ground! 76 00:05:18,497 --> 00:05:20,216 (energetic music) 77 00:05:20,216 --> 00:05:22,908 ♪ Now listen up Manhattan ♪ 78 00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:25,756 ♪ We know you're stinking rich ♪ 79 00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,782 ♪ Your bed sheets may be satin ♪ 80 00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:32,276 ♪ But Jersey's not your bitch ♪ 81 00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:35,828 ♪ Jersey's not your bitch ♪ 82 00:05:35,828 --> 00:05:36,812 - Bless you son! 83 00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:38,340 (audience chuckling) 84 00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,916 - And don't worry, Sister! 85 00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,516 I won't let anything stop me! 86 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,156 (bullies laughing) 87 00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:46,503 Oh, no, the town bullies! 88 00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:51,503 (dramatic music) (groaning) 89 00:05:52,283 --> 00:05:57,200 (hits thudding) (laughing) 90 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,773 Nuggie! (grunting) 91 00:06:05,773 --> 00:06:08,607 (audience chuckling) 92 00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,043 - [Both] Word! 93 00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:11,758 (bullies laughing (audience chuckling) 94 00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:14,341 (tender music) 95 00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:18,246 ♪ God I love New Jersey ♪ 96 00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:22,461 ♪ It's such a state of mind ♪ 97 00:06:22,461 --> 00:06:25,793 ♪ Why do I love Jersey ♪ 98 00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,833 ♪ Probably 'cause I'm blind ♪ 99 00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:29,862 (audience chuckling) 100 00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:32,094 - Hey, Sarah, it's me Melvin. 101 00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:33,732 Down here! - Huh? 102 00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:34,956 (grunting) (audience chuckling) 103 00:06:34,956 --> 00:06:36,632 Oh, hi Melvin. 104 00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:39,364 Hey have you noticed a new smell in town lately? 105 00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:41,817 - It's giant vats of toxic, nuclear waste! 106 00:06:41,817 --> 00:06:43,452 - Well that makes sense. 107 00:06:43,452 --> 00:06:46,992 Yesterday I turned on my kitchen faucet and fire came out! 108 00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:47,914 (audience chuckling) 109 00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:49,131 Oh gosh. 110 00:06:49,131 --> 00:06:52,182 ♪ Won't someone save New Jersey ♪ 111 00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:54,761 ♪ That's my greatest wish ♪ 112 00:06:54,761 --> 00:06:56,309 - Oh oh oh... (audience chuckling) 113 00:06:56,309 --> 00:06:59,010 ♪ I will save New Jersey ♪ 114 00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,485 ♪ From mutant strains of fish ♪ 115 00:07:01,485 --> 00:07:03,748 (lively music) - What fish? 116 00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:06,700 ♪ In Tromaville ♪ 117 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,738 ♪ In Tromaville ♪ 118 00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:14,738 ♪ If the pollution doesn't get you, the aroma will ♪ 119 00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:18,210 - Oh look, the first sun bird of spring! 120 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,148 (chirping) 121 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,490 (thumping) (audience laughing) 122 00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,402 - So, there you have it. 123 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,340 There will be one brief intermission! 124 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,590 This show is 18 hours long! 125 00:07:31,759 --> 00:07:34,340 ♪ Help us win, New Jersey ♪ 126 00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:37,399 ♪ And save us from this goo ♪ 127 00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,938 ♪ Crap, I just got scurvy ♪ 128 00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:43,848 ♪ Good God, what can we do ♪ 129 00:07:43,848 --> 00:07:46,292 ♪ Damn it, we're New Jersey ♪ 130 00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:49,508 ♪ We're drowning in the muck ♪ 131 00:07:49,508 --> 00:07:52,239 ♪ Say a prayer for Jersey ♪ 132 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:55,308 ♪ Or else we're good and fucked ♪ 133 00:07:55,308 --> 00:08:00,018 ♪ Good God, we're good and fucked ♪ 134 00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:02,873 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 135 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:06,268 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 136 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:09,522 ♪ Who will save ♪ 137 00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:14,178 ♪ Who will save ♪ 138 00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:18,527 ♪ Jersey, the Garden State ♪ 139 00:08:18,527 --> 00:08:21,463 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 140 00:08:21,463 --> 00:08:24,296 (energetic music) 141 00:08:32,319 --> 00:08:34,402 - 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26. 142 00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:39,420 (audience snickering) 143 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:56,879 (clicking) (audience snickering) 144 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,559 (clicking) 145 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:00,791 - Hi Sarah! 146 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,789 Gosh you look awfully pretty today. 147 00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:06,130 - Oh, Melvin you always say the nicest things to me! 148 00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,759 - Well you're like the greatest person in Tromaville. 149 00:09:08,759 --> 00:09:11,311 You're smart, and nice, and you spend your 150 00:09:11,311 --> 00:09:14,159 whole day helping people as our town librarian! 151 00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:16,210 And even though you have a handicap, 152 00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,330 you don't want any special treatment from anyone! 153 00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,709 - Excuse me! 154 00:09:20,709 --> 00:09:21,810 I'm wondering if you can help me. 155 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,199 I'm looking for a book on folk singing. 156 00:09:24,199 --> 00:09:27,829 (audience snickering) - No, sorry. 157 00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:28,662 I'm blind. 158 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:30,826 Okay bye. 159 00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:34,409 Melvin, Melvin I have a confession to make. 160 00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,010 I don't want to spend the rest of my days 161 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,380 helping people in this library! 162 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,770 What I really want to do is write a book, 163 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,919 a meaningful and important book that you can 164 00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:47,239 download on your iPhone! 165 00:09:47,239 --> 00:09:48,389 Hey have you figured out how you're gonna 166 00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,669 save New Jersey yet? 167 00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:50,876 (audience chuckling) - Well, I had this 168 00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:52,349 cockamamy idea! - Uh-hmm. 169 00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:54,547 - See, I've been examining all those vats, 170 00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:56,680 and there's the name of a corporation written on them. 171 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,106 And guess what it is? 172 00:09:58,106 --> 00:09:59,977 The Good Earth. 173 00:09:59,977 --> 00:10:02,310 - Oh no, not the Good Earth! 174 00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:05,537 - Yes, they're assaulting our planet and 175 00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:08,129 defaming a classic American Oprah-endorsed novel 176 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,068 all at the same time. 177 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,489 - Oprah. (audience snickering) 178 00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,583 - If only I could get to the bottom of it all! 179 00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:17,580 If only I could locate the official town records! 180 00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:20,289 - Melvin, the official town records are here, 181 00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:22,078 in the town library! 182 00:10:22,078 --> 00:10:24,066 Oh but I promised the mayor that I 183 00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:25,998 wouldn't show 'em to anyone. 184 00:10:25,998 --> 00:10:27,958 - Oh, I understand. 185 00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:31,620 - But, you're not just anyone are you? 186 00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:32,870 - I'm not? - No! 187 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:38,146 You are the sweetest kindest man I ever met. 188 00:10:38,146 --> 00:10:38,998 - Shut up! 189 00:10:38,998 --> 00:10:40,744 (audience chuckling) Really? 190 00:10:40,744 --> 00:10:42,964 - And Melvin, the records are in a box in the back, 191 00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:45,071 and I didn't want anyone to ever look inside 192 00:10:45,071 --> 00:10:47,985 so I labeled them important policy speeches 193 00:10:47,985 --> 00:10:52,402 of Ivanka Trump! (audience chuckling) 194 00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:57,516 - Sarah, I could just kiss you! 195 00:10:57,516 --> 00:10:58,740 Please? - Uh... 196 00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,649 (audience chuckling) Hey you know what I 197 00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:01,636 just realized? 198 00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,191 We've known each other a few months now, 199 00:11:03,191 --> 00:11:06,202 and I don't even know what you look like (chuckles). 200 00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:09,105 Could I um, well could I feel your face? 201 00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,238 - Oh, gee, I don't think that's such a good idea! 202 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,465 - Melvin, don't tell me you suffer from low self esteem? 203 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,073 - No I'm just unattractive. 204 00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:17,723 (audience chuckling) - Now silly everyone 205 00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,443 is beautiful in their own way! 206 00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:20,553 - But I'm not. - But you are! 207 00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:21,585 - But I'm not. - But you are! 208 00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:22,603 - But I'm not. - But you are! 209 00:11:22,603 --> 00:11:24,054 - But I'm not-- 210 00:11:24,054 --> 00:11:25,894 (audience chuckling) 211 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,727 - Let's have a look... 212 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,763 That is so greasy... 213 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,763 (audience laughing) 214 00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:47,298 Well, maybe you have a beautiful soul. 215 00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,403 (audience chuckling) 216 00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,771 - Uh, I should go and get the records. 217 00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,521 (dramatic music) 218 00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,427 - Hey! - Oh! 219 00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:01,190 - We need a book! - Any book! 220 00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:02,773 - Sorry, I'm blind! 221 00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,419 Okay bye! - Hey! 222 00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:08,797 You don't know who you're talking to do 'ya? 223 00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:11,277 - He's Sluggo, I'm Bozo! 224 00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:14,112 - And we're the stars of Tromaville High football team! 225 00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,819 - For the last seven years! 226 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,019 (grunting) 227 00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,974 - And coach says we gotta read a book now! 228 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,048 - Coach says our teachers are getting mad 229 00:12:23,048 --> 00:12:24,779 'cause we're elastic! 230 00:12:24,779 --> 00:12:26,657 - Illiterate! 231 00:12:26,657 --> 00:12:28,659 - Yeah! - And you know what, 232 00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:31,086 you're sort of pretty for a book lady! 233 00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:33,728 (laughing) - Oh yeah! 234 00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:35,906 (barking) - If you don't-don't, stop it! 235 00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,703 You get out of-- - Sarah I found it! 236 00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:40,115 Hey you get away from her or else! 237 00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:42,195 - Or else (gibbers) what? 238 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,797 (audience chuckling) - Or, or else, 239 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,093 maybe I'll hit you or something, maybe. 240 00:12:47,093 --> 00:12:50,263 - Melvin, violence is always wrong, 241 00:12:50,263 --> 00:12:52,475 even though it's often entertaining. 242 00:12:52,475 --> 00:12:54,164 - Oh yeah (giggles)? - Hey! 243 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,710 - Hey you leave her alone! 244 00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:59,043 - And what's she to you, butt-face? 245 00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:00,462 - Well, nothing. - Huh? 246 00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:01,521 - She's nothing. - Huh? 247 00:13:01,521 --> 00:13:02,604 - She's nothing. - Huh? 248 00:13:02,604 --> 00:13:06,974 - Dammit I love her! (audience chuckling) 249 00:13:06,974 --> 00:13:10,361 - I'm (mumbles), you, what... 250 00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:13,163 (laughing) 251 00:13:13,163 --> 00:13:16,003 - Come on, let's get out of here! 252 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,501 - Yep! 253 00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:18,970 Love makes me nervous. 254 00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:22,747 (audience chuckling) 255 00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,390 - Oh Sarah, I didn't mean that! 256 00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,315 - Uh, no, that's okay Melvin. 257 00:13:26,315 --> 00:13:28,051 - You mean you feel the same about me? 258 00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:30,822 - Oh no, I'm just uh, I'm just pretending like 259 00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,929 I didn't hear it... (audience chuckling) 260 00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:35,846 So what did you find in the the t-- 261 00:13:37,502 --> 00:13:39,710 Wha... (audience snickering) 262 00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,778 What uh, what did you find in the (mumbles)... 263 00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,920 So what did you find in the town files? 264 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,080 - Information so disturbing, it could topple 265 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,320 the powers that run our tiny metropolis. 266 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,702 - What, do you mean the mayor? 267 00:13:51,702 --> 00:13:54,550 Oh Melvin are you saying you're gonna fight the mayor? 268 00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:55,441 - Me? 269 00:13:55,441 --> 00:13:56,626 Oh don't be ridiculous! 270 00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,302 - Now don't tell me you're scared! 271 00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,491 - Oh, in fact I'm intimidated by any person 272 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:01,994 in any position of authority! 273 00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:04,600 - So you're just going to let the Good Earth turn 274 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,896 Tromaville into a, a cesspool of pollution and disease? 275 00:14:07,896 --> 00:14:09,581 - I hate any form of conflict! 276 00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:11,360 (smacking) Oh! 277 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,277 - Well then, someone has a dilemma, don't they? 278 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:20,165 One, two, three, four, five, six-- 279 00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:22,798 - Sarah did you really think I-- 280 00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:24,902 Do you really think I could-- - Melvin, 281 00:14:24,902 --> 00:14:29,307 may I touch your body's most exciting organ? 282 00:14:29,307 --> 00:14:30,140 - What... 283 00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:34,263 (tender music) 284 00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,568 - Hmm, I was right. 285 00:14:36,568 --> 00:14:38,985 You do have a beautiful soul. 286 00:14:41,324 --> 00:14:44,032 (mumbles), oh seven, seven, eight... 287 00:14:44,032 --> 00:14:48,907 ♪ I will save you Sarah ♪ 288 00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:53,907 ♪ I'll clean the air for you ♪ 289 00:14:55,077 --> 00:15:00,077 ♪ And if I save you Sarah ♪ 290 00:15:00,178 --> 00:15:03,928 ♪ Perhaps you'll love me too ♪ 291 00:15:07,549 --> 00:15:12,549 (sympathetic music) (audience applauding) 292 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:23,418 ♪ I'm the mayor of this crappy town ♪ 293 00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:28,418 ♪ So let me tell you how it's gonna go down ♪ 294 00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:33,203 ♪ Now I'm gonna star your toxic trash ♪ 295 00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:37,378 ♪ And you will pay me boatloads of cash ♪ 296 00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,557 ♪ Cash, cash ♪ 297 00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:43,381 ♪ I'm just a Jersey girl ♪ 298 00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:46,184 ♪ I'm gonna rule the world ♪ 299 00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:49,075 ♪ I was born to run this state ♪ 300 00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:50,998 ♪ She was born, she was born to run ♪ 301 00:15:50,998 --> 00:15:53,997 ♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪ 302 00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:56,045 ♪ So I'm gonna be the governor ♪ 303 00:15:56,045 --> 00:15:59,128 ♪ The on the take candidate ♪ 304 00:15:59,128 --> 00:16:01,088 ♪ On the take, she's on the take ♪ 305 00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:06,088 ♪ She's gonna be the next governor ♪ 306 00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:13,313 ♪ To run this state you must shake it down ♪ 307 00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:14,565 ♪ Tell us more ♪ 308 00:16:14,565 --> 00:16:18,437 ♪ You lie or cheat or you sleep around ♪ 309 00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,917 ♪ She's a whore ♪ 310 00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:24,546 ♪ I do things the Jersey way ♪ 311 00:16:24,546 --> 00:16:29,325 ♪ And there's only one thing to say ♪ 312 00:16:29,325 --> 00:16:32,076 ♪ I'm just a Jersey gal ♪ 313 00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,765 ♪ A feisty femme fatale ♪ 314 00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:37,672 ♪ I'll be living on a prayer ♪ 315 00:16:37,672 --> 00:16:39,566 ♪ She'll be living, living on a prayer ♪ 316 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,029 ♪ So watch me as I campaign ♪ 317 00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:44,642 ♪ Through snow and sleet and acid rain ♪ 318 00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,746 ♪ Can you feel the love in the Jersey air ♪ 319 00:16:47,746 --> 00:16:49,648 ♪ Feel the love, feel the love in the air ♪ 320 00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:52,181 ♪ She's just a Jersey dame ♪ 321 00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:53,508 (mumbling) ♪ Everybody's ♪ 322 00:16:53,508 --> 00:16:55,356 ♪ High school flame ♪ - Haven't I seen you somewhere 323 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:56,768 around my campaign ♪ She was born to run ♪ 324 00:16:56,768 --> 00:16:57,916 - trail? ♪ this state ♪ 325 00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,797 ♪ I was born, I was born to run ♪ 326 00:16:59,797 --> 00:17:02,316 ♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪ 327 00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:04,717 ♪ There's an angel from above in her ♪ 328 00:17:04,717 --> 00:17:09,717 ♪ Cause someday, I'm gonna be the governor ♪ 329 00:17:09,836 --> 00:17:12,717 ♪ You know what to do boys ♪ 330 00:17:12,717 --> 00:17:13,550 You! 331 00:17:18,597 --> 00:17:20,430 ♪ Ooh ♪ 332 00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:27,066 ♪ I'm gonna be ♪ ♪ She's gonna be ♪ 333 00:17:27,066 --> 00:17:31,678 ♪ A gorgeous, governor ♪ 334 00:17:31,678 --> 00:17:34,162 ♪ Oh oh ♪ 335 00:17:34,162 --> 00:17:39,162 ♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 336 00:17:40,431 --> 00:17:42,681 ♪ Governor ♪ 337 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,278 (audience applauding) 338 00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:56,871 - Excuse me. 339 00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:58,860 (audience snickering) 340 00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,860 - Okay boys. 341 00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,636 See you next week. 342 00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:10,828 Who are you and how the hell did you get in here? 343 00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,194 - Your secretary wasn't there. 344 00:18:12,194 --> 00:18:15,370 - Dammit, never hire your mother. 345 00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,605 - Madam Mayor, I am Melvin Ferd III, 346 00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:20,023 an aspiring Earth Scientist and you must listen to me! 347 00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:21,916 - Oh! - I know who owns the evil 348 00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:24,450 Good Earth Corporation that's been polluting our town! 349 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,276 - What, who? 350 00:18:26,276 --> 00:18:27,519 - You! - What? 351 00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:28,820 - You own the Good Earth Corporation. 352 00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,032 - I deny it. 353 00:18:30,032 --> 00:18:31,028 - Oh yeah? 354 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,827 In my hand I have the official town records! 355 00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:36,180 - What, but, I hid those records 356 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:39,701 in the town library, and I hired a blind librarian. 357 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,468 (audience chuckling) 358 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,178 - Madam Mayor, change your evil ways, 359 00:18:44,178 --> 00:18:46,439 or I'll be forced to take these records 360 00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:47,810 to the District Attorney! 361 00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,336 (thumping) Oh! 362 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,828 - You wouldn't! 363 00:18:50,828 --> 00:18:52,930 - Yesterday I wouldn't, but now, 364 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,468 the love of a woman has taught me to fight the power! 365 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,377 - Fuck! 366 00:18:57,377 --> 00:18:59,538 (audience chuckling) All right, all right. 367 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,679 Let me think, think think... 368 00:19:01,679 --> 00:19:03,346 All right, I got it. 369 00:19:04,479 --> 00:19:06,577 (sultry music) 370 00:19:06,577 --> 00:19:09,136 Melvin, there's really no need for you 371 00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:11,799 to go do the DA handsome. 372 00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:14,382 - There's not? - Nooo, 'cause... 373 00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:20,618 ♪ You're just a Jersey boy ♪ 374 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:24,079 ♪ Who I want to ♪ 375 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,862 (gagging) (audience snickering) 376 00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:28,148 ♪ Employ ♪ 377 00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:28,981 - Employ? 378 00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:33,079 ♪ I'll make you my deputy ♪ 379 00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:34,988 ♪ Deputy gonna be my deputy ♪ 380 00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:36,321 - Oh wow really? 381 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,308 ♪ How 'bout a badge for my chest ♪ 382 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,453 - Sure! 383 00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:42,788 ♪ Boy Sarah's gonna be impressed ♪ 384 00:19:42,788 --> 00:19:44,245 ♪ Who is Sarah ♪ - She's the blind libr-- 385 00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:47,198 ♪ Wait, I don't care ♪ 386 00:19:47,198 --> 00:19:51,932 ♪ I don't care I don't care I don't care ♪ 387 00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:54,529 ♪ Come back to tomorrow pop ♪ 388 00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,068 ♪ Now let's get all this cleaning up ♪ 389 00:19:57,068 --> 00:20:02,068 ♪ (mumbles) from this toxic nightmare ♪ 390 00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:04,150 ♪ Gee I'm gonna be a ♪ 391 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:08,150 ♪ Deputy ♪ - Oh my god, thank you! 392 00:20:11,641 --> 00:20:14,254 (tense music) 393 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,587 Sluggo! - Yeah, Auntie Mayor? 394 00:20:17,635 --> 00:20:19,843 - His name is Melvin (dramatic music) 395 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,632 Ferd (dramatic music) 396 00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:23,992 the third. (dramatic music) 397 00:20:23,992 --> 00:20:25,550 ♪ Spill his blood ♪ 398 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,931 ♪ Spill his guts ♪ 399 00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:28,992 ♪ He found me out, that little putz ♪ 400 00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:31,672 ♪ It's time for you to pray upon the weak ♪ 401 00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:32,905 ♪ Make him scream ♪ 402 00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:34,620 (grunting) ♪ Make him beg ♪ 403 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,554 ♪ Well, good luck, break a leg ♪ 404 00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,786 ♪ Get juiced and drug induced ♪ 405 00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,210 ♪ And get the geek ♪ (laughing) 406 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:46,210 ♪ Get the, get the geek ♪ 407 00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:52,216 ♪ Get the, get the geek ♪ 408 00:20:53,805 --> 00:20:56,765 ♪ All the scumbags I will nab ♪ 409 00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:59,776 ♪ With my badass deputy badge ♪ 410 00:20:59,776 --> 00:21:04,567 ♪ Melvin Ferd is on a winning streak ♪ 411 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:05,954 - What? 412 00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:08,816 ♪ There's a hero coming your way ♪ 413 00:21:08,816 --> 00:21:11,946 ♪ I'll get the girl and save the day ♪ 414 00:21:11,946 --> 00:21:16,946 ♪ And I won't be some circus freak ♪ 415 00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,274 ♪ Get the geek, get the geek ♪ 416 00:21:21,274 --> 00:21:26,274 ♪ Not (mumbles) ♪ 417 00:21:28,714 --> 00:21:31,789 ♪ Hello, hello geek ♪ 418 00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:34,742 - Uh-oh! (laughing) 419 00:21:34,742 --> 00:21:36,994 ♪ Goodbye ♪ 420 00:21:36,994 --> 00:21:38,491 ♪ Goodbye geek ♪ 421 00:21:38,491 --> 00:21:41,171 - Listen fellas, I'm on a vital mission to save Tromaville! 422 00:21:41,171 --> 00:21:46,171 ♪ Get the, get the geek ♪ 423 00:21:47,435 --> 00:21:50,406 ♪ Get ♪ 424 00:21:50,406 --> 00:21:53,577 ♪ The ♪ 425 00:21:53,577 --> 00:21:55,494 ♪ Geek ♪ 426 00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:00,950 (clanging) 427 00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,658 - [Melvin] Hey, hey fellas, this stuff could kill me! 428 00:22:03,658 --> 00:22:04,955 (laughing) 429 00:22:04,955 --> 00:22:06,355 - We ain't gonna kill 'ya! 430 00:22:06,355 --> 00:22:09,197 - No, we're just gonna dip in your nosey nose. 431 00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,898 (chuckling) - What have I done? 432 00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,728 - You've been boffing the mayor! 433 00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:14,707 - [Melvin] Oh, I won't bop her again, I promise! 434 00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:16,877 Please, please, just don't drop me! 435 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,805 - All right, the butt-face got the message. 436 00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:21,147 - Should we let him go. 437 00:22:21,147 --> 00:22:23,965 - Yeah, let him go (chuckles). 438 00:22:23,965 --> 00:22:28,447 (Melvin screaming) (squishing) 439 00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,493 (audience snickering) 440 00:22:30,493 --> 00:22:33,826 By let him go, I meant, let him go free! 441 00:22:37,237 --> 00:22:39,965 - Oh... (audience chuckling) 442 00:22:39,965 --> 00:22:42,397 I hate it when phrases have two meanings! 443 00:22:42,397 --> 00:22:45,925 (audience chuckling) 444 00:22:45,925 --> 00:22:48,614 - You think he's all right? 445 00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:50,237 - Butt-face? 446 00:22:50,237 --> 00:22:52,386 Hey butt-face! - Come on, 447 00:22:52,386 --> 00:22:54,160 let's get out of here. 448 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,239 (Sarah humming) 449 00:22:55,239 --> 00:23:00,096 ♪ New Jersey, such a state of mind ♪ 450 00:23:00,096 --> 00:23:01,529 - Wait a minute! 451 00:23:01,529 --> 00:23:03,532 Lookee here! ♪ Why do I ♪ 452 00:23:03,532 --> 00:23:06,128 - Hey hey hey! - Who's there? 453 00:23:06,128 --> 00:23:07,387 The two illiterates? 454 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,220 - That be right! 455 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,737 And we just took care of your boyfriend! 456 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:12,648 - Who? - The stupid guy. 457 00:23:12,648 --> 00:23:14,909 - Who? - That ugly guy. 458 00:23:14,909 --> 00:23:17,177 - Oh, Melvin... (audience snickering) 459 00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:19,222 No no no you see I'm totally focused on thinking of 460 00:23:19,222 --> 00:23:23,019 a brand new book idea, and then, I'm gonna send it to Oprah, 461 00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:25,688 because if you want to get anywhere in the book industry 462 00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:28,075 you have got to go through Oprah! 463 00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,027 - Hey! - So I just uh-- 464 00:23:29,027 --> 00:23:31,118 (sinister music) - Listen blindy, 465 00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,427 we taking you on a little date. 466 00:23:33,427 --> 00:23:36,262 - Oh, sorry, I don't date cretins. 467 00:23:36,262 --> 00:23:37,763 (audience snickering) - Nah, we're talking 468 00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:41,072 'bout a date right here, right now! 469 00:23:41,072 --> 00:23:43,145 - Hey, I need that! 470 00:23:43,145 --> 00:23:47,004 (aggressive music) ♪ Get the, get the chick ♪ 471 00:23:47,004 --> 00:23:48,123 (laughing) - Help, help! 472 00:23:48,123 --> 00:23:49,734 Help, the illiterates have me! 473 00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:53,335 ♪ Get the, get the chick ♪ (Sarah whimpering) 474 00:23:53,335 --> 00:23:57,752 - No, no please! ♪ Get the, get the-- ♪ 475 00:23:58,850 --> 00:24:02,265 (thunderous roaring) 476 00:24:02,265 --> 00:24:03,945 - What the hell was that? (audience laughing) 477 00:24:03,945 --> 00:24:06,155 - I-I-I don't really know! 478 00:24:06,155 --> 00:24:08,025 (thunderous roaring) 479 00:24:08,025 --> 00:24:10,775 (dramatic music) 480 00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,191 (audience applauding) 481 00:24:25,191 --> 00:24:27,241 - Son of a bitch that hurt! 482 00:24:27,241 --> 00:24:29,184 (perky resolute music) 483 00:24:29,184 --> 00:24:31,082 - Who the hell are you? 484 00:24:31,082 --> 00:24:31,999 - Who am I? 485 00:24:32,942 --> 00:24:35,182 ♪ All my life I've been a pacifist ♪ 486 00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,592 ♪ But right now, you really got me pissed ♪ 487 00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:42,352 ♪ That stuff didn't kill me, I don't know why ♪ 488 00:24:42,352 --> 00:24:44,744 ♪ There's a new Melvin in town ♪ 489 00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:47,082 ♪ And he's about to get on down ♪ 490 00:24:47,082 --> 00:24:51,983 ♪ It's gonna hurt like hell, and you're gonna die ♪ 491 00:24:51,983 --> 00:24:53,780 ♪ Maybe you better scram ♪ 492 00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:58,399 ♪ Or I'll cut you up like a holiday ham ♪ 493 00:24:58,399 --> 00:25:00,853 ♪ I'm gonna kick, kick, kick, kick, kick your ass ♪ 494 00:25:00,853 --> 00:25:03,104 ♪ I'm gonna kick, kick, kick, kick, kick your ass ♪ 495 00:25:03,104 --> 00:25:06,214 ♪ I'm gonna kick, kick, kick, kick, kick your ass ♪ 496 00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:10,157 ♪ It's gonna be a blast to kick ♪ 497 00:25:10,157 --> 00:25:11,688 ♪ your ass ♪ (grunting) 498 00:25:11,688 --> 00:25:14,726 ♪ Oh snap, let's go medieval on this freak ♪ 499 00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:15,583 (screaming martial arts cry) 500 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,715 (clunking) ♪ So you're here to try to ♪ 501 00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,267 ♪ Do me some harm ♪ 502 00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,670 ♪ While you try I'll just to rip off your arm ♪ 503 00:25:20,670 --> 00:25:25,529 ♪ It's nothing personal, I hope you understand ♪ 504 00:25:25,529 --> 00:25:27,878 ♪ Now, I don't mean to be mean ♪ 505 00:25:27,878 --> 00:25:29,088 ♪ But I'm about to remove ♪ 506 00:25:29,088 --> 00:25:30,317 (screaming) ♪ your spleen ♪ 507 00:25:30,317 --> 00:25:35,093 ♪ You got a problem with that, then talk to the hand ♪ 508 00:25:35,093 --> 00:25:36,904 ♪ You better pray to Billy Graham ♪ 509 00:25:36,904 --> 00:25:41,321 ♪ 'Cause I'm gonna show you who I am ♪ 510 00:25:48,656 --> 00:25:51,739 (audience chuckling) 511 00:25:53,439 --> 00:25:56,431 Oh it's your fucking arm man! 512 00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:57,848 - Help me please! 513 00:26:01,906 --> 00:26:05,696 Help me off the stage, pull me, pull! 514 00:26:05,696 --> 00:26:06,613 Pull, pull! 515 00:26:12,056 --> 00:26:14,410 ♪ So I kick, kick, kick, kick, kicked your ass ♪ 516 00:26:14,410 --> 00:26:17,202 (grunting) 517 00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:22,021 ♪ Rip, rip, rip, ripped off your arm ♪ 518 00:26:22,021 --> 00:26:23,011 ♪ Had, had, had ♪ 519 00:26:23,011 --> 00:26:27,091 ♪ Had me a blast ♪ (screaming) 520 00:26:27,091 --> 00:26:32,029 ♪ Oh man, oh man, hot damn ♪ 521 00:26:32,029 --> 00:26:37,029 ♪ That was a monster jam ♪ 522 00:26:37,139 --> 00:26:40,306 ♪ And that's who I am ♪ 523 00:26:41,478 --> 00:26:42,477 (clanking) 524 00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:46,159 (screaming) (groaning) 525 00:26:46,159 --> 00:26:47,829 (audience applauding) 526 00:26:47,829 --> 00:26:50,229 (audience chuckling) 527 00:26:50,229 --> 00:26:55,229 ♪ And I kicked your ♪ 528 00:26:58,781 --> 00:27:00,614 ♪ Ass ♪ 529 00:27:06,589 --> 00:27:11,589 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 530 00:27:15,826 --> 00:27:16,743 Sarah, hey, 531 00:27:18,266 --> 00:27:20,126 Sarah, are you all right? 532 00:27:20,126 --> 00:27:22,011 - (whimpers) Now who are you and how 533 00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:23,687 do you know my name? 534 00:27:23,687 --> 00:27:25,886 - Why it's me, Melvin! 535 00:27:25,886 --> 00:27:27,406 (screaming) 536 00:27:27,406 --> 00:27:29,231 Oh, what is going on? 537 00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:30,648 Oh god, oh god... 538 00:27:32,294 --> 00:27:34,627 (screaming) 539 00:27:38,625 --> 00:27:39,894 All right! 540 00:27:39,894 --> 00:27:41,362 (audience snickering) 541 00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:43,268 - What is happening? 542 00:27:43,268 --> 00:27:44,773 - Don't worry, those bullies will 543 00:27:44,773 --> 00:27:46,381 never bother you again! 544 00:27:46,381 --> 00:27:49,551 - What happened, you didn't hurt them did you? 545 00:27:49,551 --> 00:27:53,002 (tense music) - No... 546 00:27:53,002 --> 00:27:55,752 (poignant music) 547 00:27:58,839 --> 00:28:01,589 (Melvin roaring) 548 00:28:11,053 --> 00:28:12,543 (energetic music) 549 00:28:12,543 --> 00:28:14,559 - Hoo! (audience snickering) 550 00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:15,392 Wassa! 551 00:28:16,441 --> 00:28:18,780 Good god in high heaven! 552 00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,551 What kind of monster has done this! 553 00:28:21,551 --> 00:28:23,929 (hissing) - This is Sal the cop, 554 00:28:23,929 --> 00:28:28,852 Tromaville CSI, we got a DOA, I'm gonna need a ETD ASAP, 555 00:28:28,852 --> 00:28:30,352 so order me a BLT! 556 00:28:31,321 --> 00:28:34,151 We got us a nasty situation 557 00:28:34,151 --> 00:28:37,259 ♪ In Tromaville ♪ 558 00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:40,321 ♪ In Tromaville ♪ 559 00:28:40,321 --> 00:28:45,321 ♪ If the pollution doesn't get 'ya, the aroma will ♪ 560 00:28:46,899 --> 00:28:49,204 ♪ Something bad's going down ♪ 561 00:28:49,204 --> 00:28:50,350 (hissing) 562 00:28:50,350 --> 00:28:52,481 (audience chuckling) Okay, come on, 563 00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:53,714 we gotta get this mess cleaned up! 564 00:28:53,714 --> 00:28:55,761 - Okay! - Wait a minute! 565 00:28:55,761 --> 00:28:57,393 - [FBI] What? 566 00:28:57,393 --> 00:29:01,060 - Take a picture. (laughing) 567 00:29:03,003 --> 00:29:04,538 - Got it! - I got another one, here! 568 00:29:04,538 --> 00:29:08,131 Look, oh god he's got me, oh god (groans)! 569 00:29:08,131 --> 00:29:10,395 - Oh, oh, I got one! - Okay hurry, quick! 570 00:29:10,395 --> 00:29:13,723 (chuckling) Quick, go go go. 571 00:29:13,723 --> 00:29:15,312 (grunting) Oh that is good, 572 00:29:15,312 --> 00:29:16,644 that is good! (audience snickering) 573 00:29:16,644 --> 00:29:18,438 Got it! - Nice! 574 00:29:18,438 --> 00:29:21,021 (tender music) 575 00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:37,355 (Sarah snoring) - Sarah, Sarah! 576 00:29:39,487 --> 00:29:40,987 Are you all right? 577 00:29:42,644 --> 00:29:44,667 Hello? (Sarah snoring) 578 00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:47,417 (Melvin roaring) 579 00:29:50,369 --> 00:29:52,147 - Where am I? 580 00:29:52,147 --> 00:29:53,569 - You're at home! 581 00:29:53,569 --> 00:29:58,366 - Oh, (mumbles), what is that pungent smell? 582 00:29:58,366 --> 00:30:00,299 - I just came from the gym. 583 00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:02,689 (audience snickering) - And remind me, 584 00:30:02,689 --> 00:30:04,886 who you are again? 585 00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:07,649 - No one, just a concerned citizen. 586 00:30:07,649 --> 00:30:10,429 - Oh no wait, you're the man who saved me! 587 00:30:10,429 --> 00:30:12,959 You're my uh, my hero! 588 00:30:12,959 --> 00:30:16,321 (Melvin roaring) 589 00:30:16,321 --> 00:30:17,339 Why did you make that 590 00:30:17,339 --> 00:30:19,193 large sound? (audience chuckling) 591 00:30:19,193 --> 00:30:20,853 - I'm not really sure. 592 00:30:20,853 --> 00:30:22,123 I guess that's the noise I make when 593 00:30:22,123 --> 00:30:23,814 I'm happy now! 594 00:30:23,814 --> 00:30:26,382 Anyhoo, anyhoo, you're safe, I should leave 595 00:30:26,382 --> 00:30:28,054 it's been a really weird evening. 596 00:30:28,054 --> 00:30:31,491 - What, no no you haven't told me anything about you! 597 00:30:31,491 --> 00:30:34,824 - Oh, I'm just, really, really, average. 598 00:30:37,152 --> 00:30:40,150 - You are something else besides that! 599 00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:41,135 - I am? 600 00:30:41,135 --> 00:30:44,164 - Well, you're my hero! - Oh... 601 00:30:44,164 --> 00:30:46,982 - May I ask a favor, average, hero? 602 00:30:46,982 --> 00:30:49,114 - Oh anything, anything at all. 603 00:30:49,114 --> 00:30:51,846 - May I uh, may I feel your face? 604 00:30:51,846 --> 00:30:53,065 - Oh anything but that! 605 00:30:53,065 --> 00:30:54,054 - But Melvin... 606 00:30:54,054 --> 00:30:55,105 - What? - You remind me of 607 00:30:55,105 --> 00:30:56,934 my friend Melvin, he too suffers from 608 00:30:56,934 --> 00:30:58,249 tragic low self esteem. 609 00:30:58,249 --> 00:31:00,025 - No no no I have acne. 610 00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:02,075 - Oh it's okay to have acne on your face, 611 00:31:02,075 --> 00:31:04,966 it's the people who have acne in their souls, 612 00:31:04,966 --> 00:31:06,660 who, (grunts) are unattractive! 613 00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,974 - Oh, you're so, you're so noble! 614 00:31:08,974 --> 00:31:09,994 You're like Mother Theresa if only 615 00:31:09,994 --> 00:31:11,911 she were blind and hot! 616 00:31:13,054 --> 00:31:16,705 - You know, I get that a lot. (audience snickering) 617 00:31:16,705 --> 00:31:19,204 - If you like, you can touch my chest. 618 00:31:19,204 --> 00:31:22,621 - Well (sighs), I, um... 619 00:31:26,233 --> 00:31:29,571 (audience snickering) 620 00:31:29,571 --> 00:31:31,654 Um, oh well, hello daddy. 621 00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:35,665 (audience chuckling) 622 00:31:35,665 --> 00:31:36,809 - Anyway, I should get going, 623 00:31:36,809 --> 00:31:38,100 if I'm home late my mother worries. 624 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:40,583 - Oh a big strapping man like you lives at 625 00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,065 home with his mother? 626 00:31:42,065 --> 00:31:44,534 Are you as wonderful as you seem? 627 00:31:44,534 --> 00:31:46,603 (audience chuckling) 628 00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,038 - Sarah there's something I've got to tell you! 629 00:31:48,038 --> 00:31:49,288 - Yeah? - I'm... 630 00:31:51,353 --> 00:31:54,936 Toxic. (audience chuckling) 631 00:31:56,703 --> 00:31:57,536 - Toxic? 632 00:31:59,425 --> 00:32:00,258 - Yes! 633 00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:06,042 - Uh, well now, that is a funny name, is that French? 634 00:32:09,669 --> 00:32:12,097 - Oui. (audience chuckling) 635 00:32:12,097 --> 00:32:13,180 - Toxic, wow. 636 00:32:14,164 --> 00:32:16,100 No wonder you were embarrassed to tell me. 637 00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:18,937 Would you mind if I called you, Toxie? 638 00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:22,567 (Toxie roaring) Toxie are you free for 639 00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,576 brunch tomorrow, I'll make croissants, 640 00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:26,055 that is French for bagels. 641 00:32:26,055 --> 00:32:28,102 (audience chuckling) (Toxie roaring) 642 00:32:28,102 --> 00:32:30,425 And Toxie, I think it's wonderful that you 643 00:32:30,425 --> 00:32:31,675 didn't hurt those two boys, 644 00:32:31,675 --> 00:32:34,842 I find resistance to violence so sexy! 645 00:32:36,596 --> 00:32:38,522 (tender music) 646 00:32:38,522 --> 00:32:41,189 - Then I will never hurt a soul. 647 00:32:42,434 --> 00:32:43,267 - Really? 648 00:32:44,436 --> 00:32:47,769 No man has ever promised me that before. 649 00:32:51,735 --> 00:32:53,902 ♪ Promise ♪ 650 00:32:54,895 --> 00:32:55,728 No... 651 00:32:56,705 --> 00:32:59,216 ♪ I promise ♪ 652 00:32:59,216 --> 00:33:02,133 - Oh... ♪ I promise ♪ 653 00:33:04,596 --> 00:33:06,596 ♪ Sarah ♪ 654 00:33:09,522 --> 00:33:12,439 (mysterious music) 655 00:33:14,857 --> 00:33:18,024 (audience snickering) 656 00:33:23,216 --> 00:33:24,299 - Oh, my god! 657 00:33:26,567 --> 00:33:30,980 (giggles) Oh my god oh my god! 658 00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:33,148 Is this all a dream? 659 00:33:33,148 --> 00:33:34,981 A delusion, a fantasy? 660 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,465 I, I don't know (grunts). 661 00:33:40,465 --> 00:33:41,548 No. 662 00:33:41,548 --> 00:33:43,109 (pleasant music) 663 00:33:43,109 --> 00:33:47,567 ♪ Today I met him ♪ 664 00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:50,697 ♪ Can you hear the chimes ♪ 665 00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:54,548 (chimes ringing) (audience chuckling) 666 00:33:54,548 --> 00:33:57,028 ♪ And he comes from the country that ♪ 667 00:33:57,028 --> 00:34:00,778 ♪ Invented eclairs and mimes ♪ 668 00:34:04,855 --> 00:34:07,495 (slobbering) (perky music) 669 00:34:07,495 --> 00:34:11,216 ♪ He's strong and sweet and lives with his mother ♪ 670 00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:15,076 ♪ He saved my life so there is no other ♪ 671 00:34:15,076 --> 00:34:19,028 ♪ He's such a man and man is he macho ♪ 672 00:34:19,028 --> 00:34:22,617 ♪ He's spicy cool like a bowl of gaspacho ♪ 673 00:34:22,617 --> 00:34:27,617 ♪ Someday he's gonna be my big, my big French boyfriend ♪ 674 00:34:28,114 --> 00:34:32,268 I have to call my best friends in the whole world! 675 00:34:32,268 --> 00:34:36,100 ♪ Hey Shiniqua I met his fly man ♪ 676 00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:39,786 ♪ Shut up girlfriend gots to call Dianne ♪ 677 00:34:39,786 --> 00:34:43,624 ♪ Oh my god now he sounds so foxy ♪ 678 00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:47,266 ♪ Whats his name ♪ ♪ Well I call him Toxie ♪ 679 00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:52,266 ♪ And Toxie's gonna be my big, my big French boyfriend ♪ 680 00:34:52,355 --> 00:34:55,968 ♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪ ♪ My big French boyfriend ♪ 681 00:34:55,968 --> 00:34:58,967 ♪ Her BF BF ♪ 682 00:34:58,967 --> 00:35:00,698 ♪ He kinda smells ♪ 683 00:35:00,698 --> 00:35:02,363 ♪ But that's okay ♪ 684 00:35:02,363 --> 00:35:04,139 ♪ Ah ♪ ♪ He comes from France ♪ 685 00:35:04,139 --> 00:35:06,171 ♪ And they live that way ♪ 686 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:09,205 ♪ La la ♪ ♪ He's real polite but I got ♪ 687 00:35:09,205 --> 00:35:14,046 ♪ A hunch he's gonna jump my bones tomorrow at brunch ♪ 688 00:35:14,046 --> 00:35:17,758 ♪ He's gonna jump her bones tomorrow at brunch ♪ 689 00:35:17,758 --> 00:35:21,774 ♪ Come on and jump my bones tomorrow at brunch ♪ 690 00:35:21,774 --> 00:35:26,774 ♪ Oh my god shut up, oh my god shut up, oh my god shut ♪ 691 00:35:27,539 --> 00:35:29,404 ♪ Oh my god shut up ♪ 692 00:35:29,404 --> 00:35:31,187 ♪ I love this guy ♪ 693 00:35:31,187 --> 00:35:33,738 ♪ He sounds really hunky ♪ 694 00:35:33,738 --> 00:35:35,346 ♪ His chest is huge ♪ 695 00:35:35,346 --> 00:35:37,097 ♪ He's a love monkey ♪ 696 00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:40,907 ♪ We'll say I do in Atlantic City ♪ 697 00:35:40,907 --> 00:35:42,379 ♪ I bet our kids ♪ 698 00:35:42,379 --> 00:35:44,705 ♪ Are gonna be pretty ♪ 699 00:35:44,705 --> 00:35:47,328 ♪ I don't even mind the stench ♪ 700 00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:48,252 ♪ He's French ♪ 701 00:35:48,252 --> 00:35:51,105 ♪ He's a hero he's a savior he's a mench ♪ 702 00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:52,288 ♪ I'm verklempt ♪ 703 00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:54,872 ♪ I'll be his ever loving wench ♪ 704 00:35:54,872 --> 00:35:57,229 ♪ He's my big French boyfriend ♪ 705 00:35:57,229 --> 00:35:59,023 ♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪ 706 00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,948 ♪ My big French boyfriend ♪ 707 00:36:00,948 --> 00:36:05,948 ♪ Her BF BF ♪ 708 00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:08,847 ♪ My aaahhh... ♪ 709 00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:22,081 (audience snickering) 710 00:36:23,619 --> 00:36:26,699 Oh, (chuckles), (mumbles)... 711 00:36:26,699 --> 00:36:31,677 ♪ My big French boyfriend ♪ ♪ Boyfriend ♪ 712 00:36:31,677 --> 00:36:34,844 (audience applauding) 713 00:36:39,387 --> 00:36:42,137 (relaxing music) 714 00:36:52,419 --> 00:36:56,416 ♪ She is a flower full of ♪ 715 00:36:56,416 --> 00:37:01,416 ♪ Sweet perfume ♪ 716 00:37:02,936 --> 00:37:07,051 ♪ She steals my breath away when she ♪ 717 00:37:07,051 --> 00:37:12,051 ♪ Walks in the room ♪ 718 00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:17,893 ♪ A woman like that is so hard to find ♪ 719 00:37:21,579 --> 00:37:26,251 (sighing) ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 720 00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:31,251 ♪ Thank God she's blind ♪ (audience snickering) 721 00:37:33,748 --> 00:37:38,748 ♪ What would she do if she could see my face ♪ 722 00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,616 ♪ Would she love it tender ♪ 723 00:37:47,616 --> 00:37:52,616 ♪ Or spray it full of mace ♪ 724 00:37:55,224 --> 00:37:59,416 ♪ I wish I could get my eyeball ♪ 725 00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:04,416 ♪ Back in my eye ♪ 726 00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:10,655 ♪ When your face looks decayed ♪ 727 00:38:10,696 --> 00:38:15,638 ♪ It's hard to get laid ♪ 728 00:38:15,638 --> 00:38:20,638 ♪ But she thinks I'm one, beautiful guy ♪ 729 00:38:24,151 --> 00:38:28,234 ♪ I could give her this geranium ♪ 730 00:38:34,535 --> 00:38:37,718 ♪ And pray she doesn't touch ♪ 731 00:38:37,718 --> 00:38:42,718 ♪ My cranium ♪ (audience snickering) 732 00:38:44,746 --> 00:38:49,746 ♪ Love isn't loud at all, it's soft and kind ♪ 733 00:38:52,057 --> 00:38:54,156 ♪ Oh ♪ 734 00:38:54,156 --> 00:38:59,156 ♪ Oh, oh thank God she's blind ♪ 735 00:39:02,127 --> 00:39:07,127 ♪ Oh, oh thank God ♪ 736 00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:09,761 ♪ She's blind ♪ 737 00:39:22,874 --> 00:39:26,041 (audience applauding) 738 00:39:34,274 --> 00:39:36,144 (dog barking) 739 00:39:36,144 --> 00:39:38,474 - [Mom] Melvin, is that you Melvin? 740 00:39:38,474 --> 00:39:40,173 - Uh, go back to sleep Ma! 741 00:39:40,173 --> 00:39:42,459 - [Mom] You have any idea what time it is? 742 00:39:42,459 --> 00:39:43,688 - Ma don't come in here! 743 00:39:43,688 --> 00:39:45,803 - [Mom] I've been the whole night worrying, 744 00:39:45,803 --> 00:39:48,072 all I ever do is worry about you! 745 00:39:48,072 --> 00:39:50,632 - Ma, don't come in here don't! 746 00:39:50,632 --> 00:39:51,465 - Melvin! 747 00:39:52,712 --> 00:39:55,718 You're looking more and more like your father every day! 748 00:39:55,718 --> 00:39:56,787 (audience laughing) 749 00:39:56,787 --> 00:40:00,008 Now Melvin, what have you done to yourself now? 750 00:40:00,008 --> 00:40:01,533 - It's not my fault Ma! 751 00:40:01,533 --> 00:40:02,514 Some bullies threw me into a 752 00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:03,965 vat of toxic goo, and now I'm a 753 00:40:03,965 --> 00:40:05,691 - [Both] mutant with superhuman strength! 754 00:40:05,691 --> 00:40:08,310 - Oh a mother's dream! - Oh I'm sorry! 755 00:40:08,310 --> 00:40:09,755 - Could you at least put the left eyeball back 756 00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:10,755 where it belongs? 757 00:40:10,755 --> 00:40:11,588 - I tried, but 758 00:40:11,588 --> 00:40:12,421 it wont' stay in! - But all I ever 759 00:40:12,421 --> 00:40:13,733 asked for was a grandchild! 760 00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:14,899 - All right, but this - So do you want me to fix 761 00:40:14,899 --> 00:40:16,019 - isn't about you right now! - some breakfast or 762 00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:17,199 are you just gonna eat the dog? 763 00:40:17,199 --> 00:40:19,228 - Ma! (audience chuckling) 764 00:40:19,228 --> 00:40:20,728 You gotta help me! 765 00:40:21,777 --> 00:40:23,577 - That eyeball's gonna drive me crazy. 766 00:40:23,577 --> 00:40:25,815 (audience snickering) Melvin! 767 00:40:25,815 --> 00:40:27,087 (groaning) 768 00:40:27,087 --> 00:40:29,239 There's only one thing a mother can say to 769 00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:30,647 her son at a time like this. 770 00:40:30,647 --> 00:40:31,480 - Hmm? 771 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,339 (peppy music) ♪ You're such a ♪ 772 00:40:32,339 --> 00:40:34,870 ♪ Disappointment ♪ 773 00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:36,712 ♪ You heard it hear first ♪ 774 00:40:36,712 --> 00:40:38,548 - This isn't helping, Ma! 775 00:40:38,548 --> 00:40:40,876 ♪ Of all the stunts you pulled ♪ 776 00:40:40,876 --> 00:40:42,566 ♪ Son this is the worst ♪ 777 00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:43,921 - What are we gonna do Ma? 778 00:40:43,921 --> 00:40:46,765 ♪ I don't know, I'm still in shock ♪ 779 00:40:46,765 --> 00:40:48,120 ♪ So call the doc ♪ 780 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:51,412 ♪ He might have a wonder drug ♪ 781 00:40:51,412 --> 00:40:54,876 ♪ Oh, look at that ooze leaking onto your shoes ♪ 782 00:40:54,876 --> 00:40:57,868 ♪ I'm gonna have to clean this rug ♪ 783 00:40:57,868 --> 00:41:00,966 ♪ Such a disappointment, follow me ♪ 784 00:41:00,966 --> 00:41:05,841 ♪ My wandering disappointment, come on ♪ 785 00:41:05,841 --> 00:41:08,017 So doctor, what do you think? 786 00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:10,598 - This is the worst case of chicken pox I've ever seen! 787 00:41:10,598 --> 00:41:11,913 (audience snickering) (doctor laughing) 788 00:41:11,913 --> 00:41:14,855 - It's not chicken pox, he's a mutant freak! 789 00:41:14,855 --> 00:41:17,334 - In that case, wow! 790 00:41:17,334 --> 00:41:20,348 ♪ He's a disappointment ♪ 791 00:41:20,348 --> 00:41:24,188 ♪ The worst I've ever seen ♪ 792 00:41:24,188 --> 00:41:26,732 ♪ He's a mutant freak ♪ 793 00:41:26,732 --> 00:41:28,804 ♪ He's also very green ♪ 794 00:41:28,804 --> 00:41:30,304 - Yeah, I noticed. 795 00:41:31,326 --> 00:41:34,316 ♪ There ain't no pill, to fix his ill ♪ 796 00:41:34,316 --> 00:41:38,116 ♪ My brain is in a twist ♪ (audience chuckling) 797 00:41:38,116 --> 00:41:40,919 ♪ The only cure for this kind of boy ♪ 798 00:41:40,919 --> 00:41:43,948 ♪ Is to see a scientist ♪ 799 00:41:43,948 --> 00:41:45,565 ♪ Also try this ointment ♪ 800 00:41:45,565 --> 00:41:47,116 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 801 00:41:47,116 --> 00:41:48,937 ♪ But what a disappointment ♪ 802 00:41:48,937 --> 00:41:50,518 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 803 00:41:50,518 --> 00:41:52,693 ♪ Ooh brandy aged three years ♪ 804 00:41:52,693 --> 00:41:56,457 - I know the best scientific mind in Tromaville. 805 00:41:56,457 --> 00:41:59,802 Some say he's a genius, some say he's mad! 806 00:41:59,802 --> 00:42:01,689 - Oh! - All I know, 807 00:42:01,689 --> 00:42:04,327 is he is a wonderful dancer! 808 00:42:04,327 --> 00:42:06,070 (audience snickering) Yah. 809 00:42:06,070 --> 00:42:10,100 ♪ But, you're what a disappointment ♪ 810 00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:11,322 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 811 00:42:11,322 --> 00:42:14,459 - So, what's your prognosis professor? 812 00:42:14,459 --> 00:42:18,626 - Well after careful examination, I have to say... 813 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,108 ♪ He's a disappointment ♪ 814 00:42:23,108 --> 00:42:24,770 ♪ He's absolutely green ♪ 815 00:42:24,770 --> 00:42:26,498 ♪ A big green freak ♪ 816 00:42:26,498 --> 00:42:29,215 ♪ Never found happiness ♪ ♪ Oh happiness ♪ 817 00:42:29,215 --> 00:42:30,180 (screaming) ♪ His eyeball's ♪ 818 00:42:30,180 --> 00:42:31,373 on his cheek! 819 00:42:31,373 --> 00:42:32,790 - Ooh ooh, gross! 820 00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:37,100 ♪ A mutant son, ain't no fun ♪ 821 00:42:37,100 --> 00:42:39,260 ♪ You have my deep regret ♪ 822 00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:40,743 - He feels bad. 823 00:42:40,743 --> 00:42:43,598 ♪ As far as health, his pretty self ♪ 824 00:42:43,598 --> 00:42:46,765 ♪ There's only one fatal threat ♪ 825 00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:49,969 ♪ Fatal threat, fatal threat ♪ 826 00:42:49,969 --> 00:42:52,552 ♪ Fatal threat ♪ 827 00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:55,830 - Common, household bleach! 828 00:42:56,681 --> 00:42:59,375 (blubbering) It's the only thing 829 00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:01,221 that can kill a mutant! - Oh! 830 00:43:01,221 --> 00:43:02,179 - Oh! - Ah! 831 00:43:02,179 --> 00:43:03,012 - Oh god! 832 00:43:04,047 --> 00:43:07,464 ♪ Still a disappointment ♪ 833 00:43:08,886 --> 00:43:11,948 (audience applauding) 834 00:43:11,948 --> 00:43:14,448 (peppy music) 835 00:43:26,279 --> 00:43:29,362 - I got it, the idea for my new book! 836 00:43:30,479 --> 00:43:32,479 An inspirational memoir! 837 00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:36,350 A hot noble blind girl, oh, 838 00:43:37,711 --> 00:43:41,378 is saved by a large, mysterious, French man! 839 00:43:43,311 --> 00:43:44,609 Of course she falls in love with him 840 00:43:44,609 --> 00:43:47,567 because he's everything she ever dreamed of. 841 00:43:47,567 --> 00:43:51,484 Soulful, and he's sensitive, and all muscle-ee, 842 00:43:53,751 --> 00:43:56,431 and unlike any other man that she's ever dated 843 00:43:56,431 --> 00:43:59,111 there is absolutely nothing disturbing or 844 00:43:59,111 --> 00:44:00,639 freakish about him. 845 00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:02,164 (audience snickering) - Uh, Sarah! 846 00:44:02,164 --> 00:44:04,916 - Oh, Toxie, I thought that-- 847 00:44:04,916 --> 00:44:07,395 My, what is that smell? 848 00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:10,188 - Newark. (audience snickering) 849 00:44:10,188 --> 00:44:13,124 Sarah, I'm afraid I can only stay a little while. 850 00:44:13,124 --> 00:44:15,164 I'm on a mission. - A mission? 851 00:44:15,164 --> 00:44:16,942 - A mission to remove every vile vat of 852 00:44:16,942 --> 00:44:18,755 toxic goo from Tromaville! 853 00:44:18,755 --> 00:44:21,505 - Oh, you're so green, love that! 854 00:44:23,235 --> 00:44:25,364 But, do you at least have a little time for brunch 855 00:44:25,364 --> 00:44:28,434 before you go on your mission, I made a toast-a 856 00:44:28,434 --> 00:44:31,228 (speaking foreign language). 857 00:44:31,228 --> 00:44:34,311 (audience chuckling) 858 00:44:36,137 --> 00:44:37,767 - What? 859 00:44:37,767 --> 00:44:41,570 - Well it's, 'cause you're, it's French toast, (mumbles)... 860 00:44:41,570 --> 00:44:43,237 No, back in a flash! 861 00:44:47,743 --> 00:44:52,743 - Ah, I'm sure she won't mind if we take a little look. 862 00:44:52,979 --> 00:44:54,396 Ah, a French guy. 863 00:44:56,678 --> 00:44:58,694 (audience chuckling) I get it, 864 00:44:58,694 --> 00:45:00,861 she must think this is me. 865 00:45:02,990 --> 00:45:06,649 Okay, Oprah, so remember this 'cause it comes in later on. 866 00:45:06,649 --> 00:45:10,273 (audience chuckling) 867 00:45:10,273 --> 00:45:12,590 Come on, we've got to give it to the girl! 868 00:45:12,590 --> 00:45:14,748 For someone that can't see, the detail on these 869 00:45:14,748 --> 00:45:17,948 things is amazing! (audience chuckling) 870 00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:19,365 I'll put it back. 871 00:45:20,792 --> 00:45:23,716 (chuckling) 872 00:45:23,716 --> 00:45:25,799 Oh wow, Sarah you look... 873 00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:27,791 - Tea? 874 00:45:27,791 --> 00:45:29,449 - Uh sure let me give you a hand. 875 00:45:29,449 --> 00:45:32,616 - Uh, no it's okay... - It's all right. 876 00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:36,430 Here you go. - Thank you. 877 00:45:38,555 --> 00:45:42,305 Ow fuck. (audience chuckling) 878 00:45:43,256 --> 00:45:45,506 (grunting) 879 00:45:48,114 --> 00:45:48,947 - Oh! 880 00:45:51,657 --> 00:45:53,490 Oh yeah, ah, ah, ah... 881 00:45:55,867 --> 00:45:57,802 - You want sugar? 882 00:45:57,802 --> 00:45:59,364 - Sure. - Yeah? 883 00:45:59,364 --> 00:46:00,531 - Yeah. - Okay. 884 00:46:05,527 --> 00:46:07,932 Uh-huh? - Yeah yeah, that's enough. 885 00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:11,564 (cup ringing) (audience snickering) 886 00:46:11,564 --> 00:46:13,564 - Cheers. - Cheers, ah... 887 00:46:17,543 --> 00:46:19,793 (slurping) 888 00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:24,035 Ah, that's some good tea. 889 00:46:24,035 --> 00:46:26,264 - So Toxie, do you realize that this is 890 00:46:26,264 --> 00:46:28,264 our first date together? 891 00:46:29,755 --> 00:46:33,715 - Oh, Sarah, I've got something to tell you! 892 00:46:33,715 --> 00:46:36,465 I've never been on a date before. 893 00:46:37,552 --> 00:46:40,385 - Oh, Toxie are, are you a virgin? 894 00:46:43,744 --> 00:46:45,077 - I am, are you? 895 00:46:47,272 --> 00:46:49,656 - Well I... (audience snickering) 896 00:46:49,656 --> 00:46:52,875 I have been with other men (chuckles). 897 00:46:52,875 --> 00:46:55,075 - A lot of other men? 898 00:46:55,075 --> 00:46:58,742 - Um, I have a (mumbles)... 899 00:47:10,765 --> 00:47:14,614 Carry, carry the one... (audience snickering) 900 00:47:14,614 --> 00:47:16,752 But, define a lot? - 10? 901 00:47:16,752 --> 00:47:21,264 - Wow, yeah, a lot then (chuckles)! 902 00:47:21,264 --> 00:47:22,955 (high pitched laughing) 903 00:47:22,955 --> 00:47:24,904 Hey, you know what I want to ask you, 904 00:47:24,904 --> 00:47:27,668 how about you tell me a joke! 905 00:47:27,668 --> 00:47:29,198 I do so love a good joke! 906 00:47:29,198 --> 00:47:30,156 - Oh I don't know any! 907 00:47:30,156 --> 00:47:32,016 - Oh come on, everyone knows at least one joke! 908 00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:33,394 - Not me! - Now don't even think 909 00:47:33,394 --> 00:47:34,656 if it's funny or not! 910 00:47:34,656 --> 00:47:35,816 - I really don't know any! - Just say it! 911 00:47:35,816 --> 00:47:36,649 - No! - Just say it! 912 00:47:36,649 --> 00:47:37,482 - No! - Just say it! 913 00:47:37,482 --> 00:47:38,445 - No! - Just say it! 914 00:47:38,445 --> 00:47:40,982 - How did Stevie Wonder burn his hand? 915 00:47:40,982 --> 00:47:44,149 (audience snickering) 916 00:47:46,003 --> 00:47:47,503 I am so, so sorry! 917 00:47:50,171 --> 00:47:54,004 - No, now did he, try to read the waffle iron? 918 00:47:57,723 --> 00:48:00,923 - Yes! - That happened to me once! 919 00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:05,304 (relaxing music) (chuckling) 920 00:48:05,304 --> 00:48:08,054 Look (chuckles)! 921 00:48:09,278 --> 00:48:10,195 - Oh Sarah! 922 00:48:19,293 --> 00:48:24,293 ♪ I always dreamed I'd find someone ♪ 923 00:48:24,914 --> 00:48:29,914 ♪ But that was just some fantasy ♪ 924 00:48:33,274 --> 00:48:38,274 ♪ I'd meet a girl and she'd up and run ♪ 925 00:48:38,903 --> 00:48:43,903 ♪ Love wanted no part of me ♪ 926 00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:49,314 ♪ Then I met you ♪ 927 00:48:49,314 --> 00:48:52,338 ♪ Beautiful you ♪ - Me? 928 00:48:52,338 --> 00:48:57,338 ♪ A true scientific breakthrough ♪ 929 00:48:59,810 --> 00:49:02,850 ♪ Look deep inside ♪ 930 00:49:02,850 --> 00:49:06,267 ♪ I have nothing to hide ♪ 931 00:49:06,267 --> 00:49:09,869 ♪ You'll see the real me ♪ 932 00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:13,704 ♪ I'm yours honestly ♪ 933 00:49:13,704 --> 00:49:17,206 ♪ You make me combust ♪ 934 00:49:17,206 --> 00:49:20,557 ♪ With chemical lust ♪ 935 00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:24,113 ♪ I'm just so scared of ♪ - Wow, that is... 936 00:49:24,113 --> 00:49:28,113 ♪ Our hot toxic, hot toxic love ♪ 937 00:49:33,690 --> 00:49:36,652 (Sarah sighing) 938 00:49:36,652 --> 00:49:41,652 ♪ I spent my life in the dark ♪ 939 00:49:42,484 --> 00:49:45,221 ♪ Stuck in a long ♪ 940 00:49:45,221 --> 00:49:49,938 - Oh oh oh oh Sarah! ♪ Lonely night ♪ 941 00:49:49,938 --> 00:49:52,471 - There you go. ♪ You came along ♪ 942 00:49:52,471 --> 00:49:56,414 ♪ And lit a spark ♪ 943 00:49:56,414 --> 00:49:58,093 ♪ Now, finally ♪ 944 00:49:58,093 --> 00:50:03,093 - No, no, no, no no no! ♪ I see the light ♪ 945 00:50:03,611 --> 00:50:06,943 ♪ All 'cause of you ♪ 946 00:50:06,943 --> 00:50:10,413 ♪ Beautiful you ♪ 947 00:50:10,413 --> 00:50:14,580 ♪ A man who's too good to be true ♪ 948 00:50:15,562 --> 00:50:17,589 (audience chuckling) - Whoa! 949 00:50:17,589 --> 00:50:20,555 ♪ I see deep inside ♪ 950 00:50:20,555 --> 00:50:24,226 ♪ You have nothing to hide ♪ 951 00:50:24,226 --> 00:50:27,630 ♪ I know who you are ♪ 952 00:50:27,630 --> 00:50:31,259 ♪ You're my shining star ♪ 953 00:50:31,259 --> 00:50:34,887 ♪ You, you make my heart beat ♪ 954 00:50:34,887 --> 00:50:38,475 ♪ With nuclear heat ♪ 955 00:50:38,475 --> 00:50:42,138 ♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪ 956 00:50:42,138 --> 00:50:44,425 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 957 00:50:44,425 --> 00:50:49,425 ♪ Hot toxic love ♪ 958 00:50:50,554 --> 00:50:53,785 ♪ When you think of it ♪ 959 00:50:53,785 --> 00:50:57,345 ♪ We're a perfect fit ♪ 960 00:50:57,345 --> 00:51:02,345 ♪ Were both a little offbeat ♪ 961 00:51:04,254 --> 00:51:07,601 ♪ I'm what you'd call blind ♪ 962 00:51:07,601 --> 00:51:10,446 ♪ I'm more Frankenstein ♪ 963 00:51:10,446 --> 00:51:15,446 ♪ Yet, somehow you make me complete ♪ 964 00:51:16,743 --> 00:51:19,656 ♪ Look deep inside ♪ 965 00:51:19,656 --> 00:51:22,930 ♪ I have nothing to hide ♪ 966 00:51:22,930 --> 00:51:26,585 ♪ You'll see the real me ♪ 967 00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,746 ♪ I'm yours ♪ 968 00:51:27,746 --> 00:51:30,506 ♪ Honestly ♪ - No Sarah, Sarah, over here! 969 00:51:30,506 --> 00:51:32,649 ♪ You make me combust ♪ (audience chuckling) 970 00:51:32,649 --> 00:51:36,149 - Ow! ♪ With chemical lust ♪ 971 00:51:37,113 --> 00:51:40,534 ♪ Now don't be scared of ♪ 972 00:51:40,534 --> 00:51:42,822 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 973 00:51:42,822 --> 00:51:44,486 ♪ Hot toxic ♪ 974 00:51:44,486 --> 00:51:47,454 ♪ Look deep inside ♪ 975 00:51:47,454 --> 00:51:50,833 ♪ I have nothing to hide ♪ 976 00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:54,334 ♪ You'll see the real me ♪ 977 00:51:54,334 --> 00:51:57,969 ♪ I'm yours honestly ♪ 978 00:51:57,969 --> 00:52:01,763 ♪ You make me combust ♪ 979 00:52:01,763 --> 00:52:04,625 ♪ With chemical lust ♪ 980 00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:08,054 ♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪ 981 00:52:08,054 --> 00:52:10,334 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 982 00:52:10,334 --> 00:52:15,334 ♪ Hot toxic love ♪ 983 00:52:17,028 --> 00:52:20,797 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 984 00:52:20,797 --> 00:52:24,762 ♪ Ooh ♪ 985 00:52:24,762 --> 00:52:27,995 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 986 00:52:27,995 --> 00:52:31,865 ♪ Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh ♪ 987 00:52:31,865 --> 00:52:34,606 ♪ Ooh ♪ 988 00:52:34,606 --> 00:52:36,523 ♪ Love ♪ 989 00:52:44,364 --> 00:52:47,531 (audience applauding) 990 00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:52,744 - Oh Sarah I'm sorry I can't kiss you! 991 00:52:52,744 --> 00:52:55,180 (ship's horn blowing) 992 00:52:55,180 --> 00:52:57,275 Oh, Sarah I have to leave! 993 00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:00,163 I fear the next shipment is coming in. 994 00:53:00,163 --> 00:53:04,042 - Oh? (audience chuckling) 995 00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,792 Toxie, what shipment? 996 00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:16,833 T-Toxie, what, why you have (mumbles)... 997 00:53:16,833 --> 00:53:17,916 Motherfucker! 998 00:53:23,411 --> 00:53:26,578 (ship's horn blowing) 999 00:53:28,782 --> 00:53:31,155 - All right Chief, how's it going? 1000 00:53:31,155 --> 00:53:33,861 You almost done unloading that toxic waste? 1001 00:53:33,861 --> 00:53:36,050 - I can assure you Madam Mayor, 1002 00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:38,800 everything's fine, everything's fine (chuckles). 1003 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,717 - Good. (screaming) 1004 00:53:42,730 --> 00:53:45,509 (audience laughing) 1005 00:53:45,509 --> 00:53:48,509 - What kind of fiend, has done this? 1006 00:53:50,512 --> 00:53:52,512 Gee pet-pet, my brother! 1007 00:53:53,690 --> 00:53:58,690 In the name of our ancestors, I will avenge his death! 1008 00:53:58,938 --> 00:54:02,021 And blood, will spill upon the Earth, 1009 00:54:03,578 --> 00:54:08,411 with the red stench of e-- (Toxie roaring) 1010 00:54:09,741 --> 00:54:10,574 Adios! 1011 00:54:10,574 --> 00:54:13,157 Oh god! - What the hell is that? 1012 00:54:14,274 --> 00:54:16,222 - It's the monster you idiot! 1013 00:54:16,222 --> 00:54:17,874 Shoot to kill! 1014 00:54:17,874 --> 00:54:18,883 - No, no no no no! 1015 00:54:18,883 --> 00:54:20,866 (gun firing) (Mayor laughing) 1016 00:54:20,866 --> 00:54:23,485 (Toxie roaring) 1017 00:54:23,485 --> 00:54:24,818 - Okay, problem! 1018 00:54:25,975 --> 00:54:27,370 Bullet proof! 1019 00:54:27,370 --> 00:54:29,063 I'll see you later! 1020 00:54:29,063 --> 00:54:32,735 (screaming) (crying) 1021 00:54:32,735 --> 00:54:34,343 - All right Chewbacca, 1022 00:54:34,343 --> 00:54:36,709 who are you and what the hell do you want? 1023 00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:38,759 - You mean you don't recognize me? 1024 00:54:38,759 --> 00:54:40,759 Why I'm Melvin Ferd III. 1025 00:54:41,884 --> 00:54:44,935 - You, you're that scrawny kid? 1026 00:54:44,935 --> 00:54:47,133 - Your goons threw me into a vat of toxic goo, 1027 00:54:47,133 --> 00:54:48,903 and this is what I came out like! 1028 00:54:48,903 --> 00:54:49,736 - Ech! 1029 00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:52,486 - I should destroy you right now! 1030 00:54:54,613 --> 00:54:58,768 But no, not until I've exposed the evil you've done! 1031 00:54:58,768 --> 00:55:02,604 - Oh, all right, make me out to look like the bad guy here! 1032 00:55:02,604 --> 00:55:04,616 Don't think I don't know what you're up to! 1033 00:55:04,616 --> 00:55:08,449 Uh, killing polluters, acting outside the law, 1034 00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:13,047 you're trying to become a folk hero! 1035 00:55:13,047 --> 00:55:16,652 (audience chuckling) (perky folk music) 1036 00:55:16,652 --> 00:55:19,735 (audience tittering) 1037 00:55:20,678 --> 00:55:24,095 (audience clapping) 1038 00:55:24,095 --> 00:55:26,186 ♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪ 1039 00:55:26,186 --> 00:55:29,071 ♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪ 1040 00:55:29,071 --> 00:55:33,898 ♪ He killed a lot of folks and he made a love connection ♪ 1041 00:55:33,898 --> 00:55:37,802 ♪ By day, he had a girl who baked him homemade breads ♪ 1042 00:55:37,802 --> 00:55:39,807 - Oh, oh god (mumbles)... ♪ By night he ♪ 1043 00:55:39,807 --> 00:55:42,790 ♪ Roamed the streets and he ripped off people's heads ♪ 1044 00:55:42,790 --> 00:55:45,275 ♪ This is the legend ♪ 1045 00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:46,980 ♪ He's the legend ♪ 1046 00:55:46,980 --> 00:55:51,980 ♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪ 1047 00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:57,265 ♪ At first, the folks were sure he'd kill them all one day ♪ 1048 00:55:57,265 --> 00:55:58,350 - He'll kill us all! 1049 00:55:58,350 --> 00:56:01,820 ♪ But then their crime went down and the freak seemed okay ♪ 1050 00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:03,374 - Oh I like him now (giggles). 1051 00:56:03,374 --> 00:56:07,995 ♪ He proved more popular than Prince William and Kate ♪ 1052 00:56:07,995 --> 00:56:12,054 ♪ He put the garden back, in the Garden State ♪ 1053 00:56:12,054 --> 00:56:14,201 ♪ This is the legend ♪ 1054 00:56:14,201 --> 00:56:19,201 ♪ He's the legend, the legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪ 1055 00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:22,714 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 1056 00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:27,675 ♪ He cleaned up Tromaville by sealing all the vats ♪ 1057 00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:31,534 ♪ He won the children's love by saving all their cats ♪ 1058 00:56:31,534 --> 00:56:34,201 - Oh I love you Toxie, yeah, ah! 1059 00:56:36,278 --> 00:56:41,235 ♪ Toxie's a hero now, bigger than Superman ♪ 1060 00:56:41,235 --> 00:56:43,566 ♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪ 1061 00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,705 ♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪ 1062 00:56:45,705 --> 00:56:47,924 ♪ The man could really lay some whip-ass on ♪ 1063 00:56:47,924 --> 00:56:50,833 ♪ All the town's bad ♪ 1064 00:56:50,833 --> 00:56:52,810 ♪ And so the cops got scared ♪ 1065 00:56:52,810 --> 00:56:55,550 ♪ Some of them soiled their britches ♪ 1066 00:56:55,550 --> 00:57:00,455 ♪ The rest just ran away like freaked out little bitches ♪ 1067 00:57:00,455 --> 00:57:03,834 ♪ Now the mayor stands alone ♪ 1068 00:57:03,834 --> 00:57:08,834 ♪ It's her against the goon ♪ 1069 00:57:08,989 --> 00:57:13,256 ♪ She knows the time has come, soon gonna be high noon ♪ 1070 00:57:13,256 --> 00:57:14,770 (spring reverberating) (audience snickering) 1071 00:57:14,770 --> 00:57:16,962 ♪ Oh, he's the legend ♪ - What is this? 1072 00:57:16,962 --> 00:57:18,520 ♪ I'm the legend ♪ 1073 00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,240 ♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪ 1074 00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,290 (audience clapping) 1075 00:57:24,290 --> 00:57:26,789 ♪ Oh he's the legend ♪ 1076 00:57:26,789 --> 00:57:28,989 ♪ He's the legend ♪ 1077 00:57:28,989 --> 00:57:31,149 ♪ Oh he's the legend ♪ 1078 00:57:31,149 --> 00:57:33,615 ♪ Hot dang, the legend ♪ 1079 00:57:33,615 --> 00:57:38,301 ♪ Go tell your children about the legend ♪ 1080 00:57:38,301 --> 00:57:40,701 ♪ You tell your children's children ♪ 1081 00:57:40,701 --> 00:57:43,389 ♪ You tell your children's children's children ♪ 1082 00:57:43,389 --> 00:57:45,450 ♪ Have your children's tell their friends ♪ 1083 00:57:45,450 --> 00:57:47,845 ♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪ 1084 00:57:47,845 --> 00:57:50,154 ♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪ 1085 00:57:50,154 --> 00:57:52,715 ♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪ 1086 00:57:52,715 --> 00:57:56,109 ♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do MySpace, no on goes there ♪ 1087 00:57:56,109 --> 00:57:58,229 ♪ Na na na na, na na na na, ♪ 1088 00:57:58,229 --> 00:58:02,717 ♪ Na na na na na na oh oh ♪ 1089 00:58:02,717 --> 00:58:06,077 ♪ Clap with me, clap with me, clap with me ♪ 1090 00:58:06,077 --> 00:58:09,709 ♪ Take it, clap with me, clap with me ♪ 1091 00:58:09,709 --> 00:58:11,649 (audience clapping) 1092 00:58:11,649 --> 00:58:15,399 (screeching harmonica music) 1093 00:58:29,570 --> 00:58:31,653 - Just fucking finish it! 1094 00:58:37,239 --> 00:58:41,389 Fucking over-acting! (audience laughing) 1095 00:58:41,389 --> 00:58:46,389 (audience tittering) (audience applauding) 1096 00:59:04,614 --> 00:59:06,447 - Fucking over-acting. 1097 00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,930 (audience snickering) 1098 00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:27,250 The legend of the Toxic Avenger! 1099 00:59:27,250 --> 00:59:28,583 (dramatic music) 1100 00:59:28,583 --> 00:59:33,583 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1101 00:59:39,390 --> 00:59:40,421 (eerie bubbling) 1102 00:59:40,421 --> 00:59:42,754 (whistling) 1103 00:59:47,501 --> 00:59:49,260 - Oh! (audience chuckling) 1104 00:59:49,260 --> 00:59:50,694 - Hello Kennith! 1105 00:59:50,694 --> 00:59:53,759 - Dammit, what are you doing in my basement, woman? 1106 00:59:53,759 --> 00:59:55,711 Didn't you hear of knocking? 1107 00:59:55,711 --> 00:59:56,791 Ah! 1108 00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,071 - Not long ago you used to love it when I come 1109 00:59:59,071 --> 01:00:00,850 into your room without knocking. 1110 01:00:00,850 --> 01:00:04,250 Finding you asleep, having my way! 1111 01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,231 - Dammit that's true! 1112 01:00:06,231 --> 01:00:09,069 But it's the same story every time! 1113 01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:13,146 You seduce me, then you make me use science for evil! 1114 01:00:13,146 --> 01:00:16,301 - Kennith, the monster who's been terrorizing our town-- 1115 01:00:16,301 --> 01:00:19,309 - He's no monster, the people love him! 1116 01:00:19,309 --> 01:00:21,909 He's got higher poll numbers than you! 1117 01:00:21,909 --> 01:00:25,181 - No matter, I will soon capture him! 1118 01:00:25,181 --> 01:00:26,399 - How, woman? 1119 01:00:26,399 --> 01:00:28,429 No one knows where he's hiding! 1120 01:00:28,429 --> 01:00:30,145 - I'll find out! 1121 01:00:30,145 --> 01:00:32,260 I know his mother. 1122 01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:37,260 But first, tell me has he been in to see you, big boy? 1123 01:00:37,530 --> 01:00:38,613 - No, no, no! 1124 01:00:39,610 --> 01:00:41,269 - Oh really? 1125 01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:43,429 Than what's this? 1126 01:00:43,429 --> 01:00:46,179 (dramatic music) 1127 01:00:47,405 --> 01:00:49,655 - Foiled by my own laundry! 1128 01:00:50,709 --> 01:00:53,671 - I have to destroy him, tell me how! 1129 01:00:53,671 --> 01:00:56,109 - No woman! - Tell me Kennith! 1130 01:00:56,109 --> 01:00:58,330 - Dammit I said no! 1131 01:00:58,330 --> 01:00:59,911 - Oh yeah? 1132 01:00:59,911 --> 01:01:01,183 (dramatic music) 1133 01:01:01,183 --> 01:01:06,183 ♪ These two breasts can be yours ♪ 1134 01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:12,497 ♪ You can't buy them in stores ♪ 1135 01:01:13,682 --> 01:01:16,842 ♪ Go ahead take a bite ♪ 1136 01:01:16,842 --> 01:01:21,842 ♪ Just tell me, what's his kryptonite ♪ 1137 01:01:25,071 --> 01:01:30,071 ♪ I wont stand here and squeal ♪ 1138 01:01:31,671 --> 01:01:36,671 ♪ Though I would like a feel ♪ 1139 01:01:38,312 --> 01:01:41,352 ♪ Oh my brain's in a knot ♪ 1140 01:01:41,352 --> 01:01:46,352 ♪ Why is evil so hot ♪ 1141 01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:56,052 ♪ Evil is hot ♪ 1142 01:01:56,052 --> 01:02:00,093 ♪ Evil is hot ♪ 1143 01:02:00,093 --> 01:02:03,419 ♪ Don't tell me that it's not ♪ 1144 01:02:03,419 --> 01:02:08,419 ♪ 'Cause evil is hot ♪ 1145 01:02:10,054 --> 01:02:12,020 ♪ I am woman ♪ 1146 01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:17,020 ♪ And I am man ♪ 1147 01:02:17,134 --> 01:02:18,520 ♪ I am straight ♪ 1148 01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:23,520 ♪ And I am too except for that one time in college ♪ 1149 01:02:25,330 --> 01:02:30,330 ♪ So let's do the dance of the doomed ♪ 1150 01:02:30,952 --> 01:02:33,687 ♪ And get tanked up ♪ 1151 01:02:33,687 --> 01:02:36,104 ♪ On shrooms ♪ 1152 01:02:45,298 --> 01:02:50,077 ♪ Evil is hot ♪ 1153 01:02:50,077 --> 01:02:54,158 ♪ Evil is hot ♪ 1154 01:02:54,158 --> 01:02:57,397 ♪ Together we'll find that spot ♪ 1155 01:02:57,397 --> 01:03:00,397 ♪ Where evil is hot ♪ 1156 01:03:01,936 --> 01:03:06,853 (moaning) (hypnotic music) 1157 01:03:36,322 --> 01:03:39,751 (groaning) (audience clapping) 1158 01:03:39,751 --> 01:03:40,584 - Bleach! 1159 01:03:41,669 --> 01:03:42,502 - What? 1160 01:03:42,502 --> 01:03:44,886 - Throw bleach on him, oh jeez... 1161 01:03:44,886 --> 01:03:48,715 He'll melt faster than the wicked witch of the west. 1162 01:03:48,715 --> 01:03:51,065 (Mayor laughing) 1163 01:03:51,065 --> 01:03:52,595 - That's all? 1164 01:03:52,595 --> 01:03:54,588 Common household bleach? 1165 01:03:54,588 --> 01:03:56,915 - I've said it, now go! 1166 01:03:56,915 --> 01:03:58,998 Go do your evil, damn it! 1167 01:04:03,585 --> 01:04:08,129 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ha hot ♪ 1168 01:04:08,129 --> 01:04:12,073 ♪ Ho ho ho ho hot ♪ 1169 01:04:12,073 --> 01:04:15,643 ♪ What the hell has evil got ♪ 1170 01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:20,643 ♪ That makes it so hot ♪ 1171 01:04:21,254 --> 01:04:25,363 ♪ Damn it, it's hot ♪ 1172 01:04:25,363 --> 01:04:29,464 ♪ So freaking hot ♪ 1173 01:04:29,464 --> 01:04:32,624 ♪ Tonight we'll hit the jackpot ♪ 1174 01:04:32,624 --> 01:04:35,593 ♪ Where evil is hot ♪ 1175 01:04:35,593 --> 01:04:37,623 ♪ It's hot ♪ 1176 01:04:37,623 --> 01:04:39,358 ♪ It's hot ♪ 1177 01:04:39,358 --> 01:04:42,344 ♪ Evil is hot! ♪ 1178 01:04:42,344 --> 01:04:45,511 (audience applauding) 1179 01:04:48,315 --> 01:04:51,732 (perky percussion music) 1180 01:04:54,564 --> 01:04:57,397 (goofy chuckling) 1181 01:05:01,390 --> 01:05:03,950 ♪ Oh ♪ 1182 01:05:03,950 --> 01:05:06,910 ♪ Oh, oh, (grunts), ow ♪ 1183 01:05:06,910 --> 01:05:11,910 ♪ Uh, hey, uh ooh ♪ 1184 01:05:12,585 --> 01:05:15,419 ♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪ 1185 01:05:15,419 --> 01:05:18,200 ♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪ 1186 01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,739 ♪ It's a lot of hearsay ♪ 1187 01:05:20,739 --> 01:05:23,019 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 1188 01:05:23,019 --> 01:05:26,619 Hello boys (giggling) 1189 01:05:26,619 --> 01:05:29,502 ♪ New Jersey ♪ 1190 01:05:29,502 --> 01:05:30,335 Ha! 1191 01:05:32,038 --> 01:05:37,038 ♪ Ha, Jersey ♪ 1192 01:05:37,729 --> 01:05:39,156 ♪ The Garden State ♪ 1193 01:05:39,156 --> 01:05:40,518 ♪ Garden State ♪ 1194 01:05:40,518 --> 01:05:42,118 ♪ Garden State ♪ 1195 01:05:42,118 --> 01:05:44,368 (mumbling) 1196 01:05:47,156 --> 01:05:47,989 Wait! 1197 01:05:52,036 --> 01:05:54,296 Oh... (audience tittering) 1198 01:05:54,296 --> 01:05:55,129 Oh oh! 1199 01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,077 Hello poppy! 1200 01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,467 I seen you on Grindr! (audience chuckling) 1201 01:06:04,467 --> 01:06:08,217 Yes, you are looking for a power bottom, hmm? 1202 01:06:09,176 --> 01:06:10,009 That's me! 1203 01:06:11,555 --> 01:06:12,856 What's your name? 1204 01:06:12,856 --> 01:06:14,523 - Adrian. - Adrian... 1205 01:06:15,856 --> 01:06:20,227 Ooh it's like that film Rocky, you see, Adrian! 1206 01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:21,810 Oh, me I'm Lorenzo. 1207 01:06:23,945 --> 01:06:25,080 - Kiss the ring. - Of course you 1208 01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,973 kiss my ring, you're a good boy! 1209 01:06:27,973 --> 01:06:30,823 (audience snickering) Adrian, you remember 1210 01:06:30,823 --> 01:06:34,653 the name Lorenzo, you gonna be screaming it later! 1211 01:06:34,653 --> 01:06:36,201 (audience laughing) 1212 01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:38,284 Okay boys, I'm ready now! 1213 01:06:39,140 --> 01:06:41,640 (perky music) 1214 01:06:43,266 --> 01:06:48,266 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1215 01:06:49,492 --> 01:06:52,580 - Ah, you have children, you think they're 1216 01:06:52,580 --> 01:06:53,767 gonna bring you joy! 1217 01:06:53,767 --> 01:06:55,434 - Oh I know, I know. 1218 01:06:56,362 --> 01:06:58,605 - It's all pain, it's all heartache. 1219 01:06:58,605 --> 01:07:01,103 - Oh I know, I know... 1220 01:07:01,103 --> 01:07:04,478 - He was Ceasarean, trouble from day one. 1221 01:07:04,478 --> 01:07:07,250 - Senora Ferd, oh Senora Ferd! 1222 01:07:07,250 --> 01:07:08,739 - What is it Lorenzo? 1223 01:07:08,739 --> 01:07:10,750 - The mayor, she coming, 1224 01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:12,799 the mayor she coming! 1225 01:07:12,799 --> 01:07:14,450 - What, no. 1226 01:07:14,450 --> 01:07:15,620 - Jes! - No. 1227 01:07:15,620 --> 01:07:19,089 - Jes, and she say, she coming for you! 1228 01:07:19,089 --> 01:07:19,922 - What? 1229 01:07:19,922 --> 01:07:20,755 No! - Jes! 1230 01:07:20,755 --> 01:07:21,588 - No! - Jes! 1231 01:07:21,588 --> 01:07:22,688 - No! - Jes! 1232 01:07:22,688 --> 01:07:25,826 - You don't understand, we have history! 1233 01:07:25,826 --> 01:07:30,416 Bad history, her and I in the same room together! 1234 01:07:30,416 --> 01:07:31,749 It's impossible! 1235 01:07:32,618 --> 01:07:35,191 - Aww... - Santa Maria, no no no! 1236 01:07:35,191 --> 01:07:36,949 - Lorenzo, (mumbles) you must stop her! 1237 01:07:36,949 --> 01:07:39,426 - Oh no no no no no, we can't we can't we can't! 1238 01:07:39,426 --> 01:07:43,308 - Oh no I can't see her there's no way, no way! 1239 01:07:43,308 --> 01:07:45,407 Whoo, I'm going out the back door! 1240 01:07:45,407 --> 01:07:47,098 - Oh no, no! - Oh... 1241 01:07:47,098 --> 01:07:49,224 - [Lorenzo] That's the supply room! 1242 01:07:49,224 --> 01:07:50,557 - Santa Maria... 1243 01:07:52,401 --> 01:07:57,401 (audience tittering) - Oh, no, oh, no... 1244 01:07:57,525 --> 01:07:59,496 Oh hold it hold it hold it! 1245 01:07:59,496 --> 01:08:01,996 (humming) Ah! 1246 01:08:03,587 --> 01:08:05,790 Beautiful, you're so talented! - So are you (mumbling)... 1247 01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:07,241 - Oh my god, quick act natural! 1248 01:08:07,241 --> 01:08:09,935 - Oh, okay, I got (mumbles). - Act naturally! 1249 01:08:09,935 --> 01:08:11,374 (audience chuckling) 1250 01:08:11,374 --> 01:08:14,929 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1251 01:08:14,929 --> 01:08:17,263 - All right, I know she's here some where! 1252 01:08:17,263 --> 01:08:19,145 - Oh, Santa Maria! 1253 01:08:19,145 --> 01:08:20,985 - Fess up, where is she? 1254 01:08:20,985 --> 01:08:23,374 - Oh she not here-a! - Oh we no know! 1255 01:08:23,374 --> 01:08:25,624 - Oh she not here-a! - We no know! 1256 01:08:25,624 --> 01:08:29,701 - Listen you two people of indeterminate accents, 1257 01:08:29,701 --> 01:08:32,143 I saw her come into your little beauty shop. 1258 01:08:32,143 --> 01:08:34,705 But trust me, no amount of beauty treatment 1259 01:08:34,705 --> 01:08:36,585 can make that dame look good! 1260 01:08:36,585 --> 01:08:37,752 Oh snap score! 1261 01:08:40,071 --> 01:08:42,516 (sneezing) 1262 01:08:42,516 --> 01:08:45,495 - Bless you! - The supply room! 1263 01:08:45,495 --> 01:08:46,985 - Oh, oh! 1264 01:08:46,985 --> 01:08:48,318 Oh, Santa Maria! 1265 01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,903 - Naah! - Oh oh oh oh! 1266 01:08:51,903 --> 01:08:52,736 - No... 1267 01:08:54,058 --> 01:08:56,447 - Lorenzo, Lemiss, run run! 1268 01:08:56,447 --> 01:08:59,623 It's finally time her and I talked woman to woman, 1269 01:08:59,623 --> 01:09:01,357 and it ain't gonna be easy! 1270 01:09:01,357 --> 01:09:03,010 - Oh clippy come on let's go! (energetic music) 1271 01:09:03,010 --> 01:09:05,429 - Okay we going now bye! 1272 01:09:05,429 --> 01:09:08,319 - Peppy run with me please! - Oh! 1273 01:09:08,319 --> 01:09:10,930 - Eunice, come out where I can see you! 1274 01:09:10,930 --> 01:09:14,468 Sure I used my feminine ways to seduce, 1275 01:09:14,468 --> 01:09:17,108 bed, and destroy your husband, 1276 01:09:17,108 --> 01:09:18,677 but that's in the past! 1277 01:09:18,677 --> 01:09:22,177 The one I need to destroy now is your son! 1278 01:09:23,133 --> 01:09:25,431 Tell me where he is! 1279 01:09:25,431 --> 01:09:27,919 - I... (slapping) 1280 01:09:27,919 --> 01:09:29,919 - You will! - I, I won't! 1281 01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:32,599 (screaming) - You will! 1282 01:09:32,599 --> 01:09:33,849 Fuck me! - What? 1283 01:09:35,279 --> 01:09:36,112 - Nothing! 1284 01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:40,666 ♪ I hated you in grammar school ♪ 1285 01:09:40,666 --> 01:09:44,260 ♪ I hated you in high school ♪ 1286 01:09:44,260 --> 01:09:49,260 ♪ And if we went to college, I'd hate you there too ♪ 1287 01:09:50,714 --> 01:09:52,584 ♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪ 1288 01:09:52,584 --> 01:09:54,300 ♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪ 1289 01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:56,020 ♪ Did I leave something out ♪ 1290 01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:58,116 ♪ Let me think some more ♪ 1291 01:09:58,116 --> 01:10:00,090 ♪ You're a tart, you're a tramp ♪ 1292 01:10:00,090 --> 01:10:02,460 ♪ You're as cheap as Demi Moore ♪ 1293 01:10:02,460 --> 01:10:04,778 ♪ Guess who won this round ♪ 1294 01:10:04,778 --> 01:10:09,622 ♪ Snap, snap, score ♪ 1295 01:10:09,622 --> 01:10:14,622 ♪ Bitch, slut, liar, whore ♪ 1296 01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:20,298 ♪ Your sonny boy will soon go bust ♪ 1297 01:10:20,298 --> 01:10:23,909 ♪ Your sonny boy will eat my dust ♪ 1298 01:10:23,909 --> 01:10:26,370 ♪ You better tell me where he's at ♪ 1299 01:10:26,370 --> 01:10:30,410 ♪ And what's more ♪ 1300 01:10:30,410 --> 01:10:32,141 ♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪ 1301 01:10:32,141 --> 01:10:34,210 ♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪ 1302 01:10:34,210 --> 01:10:38,070 ♪ You're a petrified, fossilized old dinosaur ♪ 1303 01:10:38,070 --> 01:10:42,287 ♪ And when you're not hair dyed, you (mumbles) ♪ 1304 01:10:42,287 --> 01:10:44,551 ♪ Guess who won this round ♪ 1305 01:10:44,551 --> 01:10:49,551 ♪ Snap, snap, snap, (gibbers) score ♪ 1306 01:10:50,004 --> 01:10:53,004 Ah ha, so, he's been hiding in here! 1307 01:10:54,084 --> 01:10:55,124 (Eunice screaming) 1308 01:10:55,124 --> 01:10:57,535 - [Eunice] You stay away from my Melvin! 1309 01:10:57,535 --> 01:11:00,356 For the first time he's successful, 1310 01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:03,603 yet he's in love, even if it is in love 1311 01:11:03,603 --> 01:11:06,156 with a blind librarian! 1312 01:11:06,156 --> 01:11:07,924 - [Mayor] A blind librarian? 1313 01:11:07,924 --> 01:11:10,643 So, he's been hiding out with her! 1314 01:11:10,643 --> 01:11:13,795 (Eunice screaming) - You stay away from him! 1315 01:11:13,795 --> 01:11:15,563 - I will find him! - No! 1316 01:11:15,563 --> 01:11:18,636 - [Mayor] And I will destroy him, and until I do, 1317 01:11:18,636 --> 01:11:21,964 Tromaville is under martial law! 1318 01:11:21,964 --> 01:11:23,316 - [Eunice] Martial law? 1319 01:11:23,316 --> 01:11:25,230 You're a fascist! 1320 01:11:25,230 --> 01:11:28,356 Well, you know what you are! 1321 01:11:28,356 --> 01:11:29,893 ♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪ 1322 01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:31,716 ♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪ 1323 01:11:31,716 --> 01:11:33,580 ♪ You bitch, you slut ♪ 1324 01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:36,014 ♪ You liar, you whore ♪ 1325 01:11:36,014 --> 01:11:36,847 ♪ Bitch bitch ♪ 1326 01:11:36,847 --> 01:11:37,680 ♪ Slut slut ♪ 1327 01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:38,693 ♪ Liar liar ♪ 1328 01:11:38,693 --> 01:11:39,526 ♪ Whore whore ♪ 1329 01:11:39,526 --> 01:11:41,373 ♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪ 1330 01:11:41,373 --> 01:11:43,184 ♪ Liar liar, whore ♪ 1331 01:11:43,184 --> 01:11:45,021 ♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪ 1332 01:11:45,021 --> 01:11:46,909 ♪ Liar liar liar liar ♪ 1333 01:11:46,909 --> 01:11:48,542 ♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪ 1334 01:11:48,542 --> 01:11:52,144 ♪ Whore, whore, whore, whore, whore ♪ 1335 01:11:52,144 --> 01:11:54,984 ♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪ 1336 01:11:54,984 --> 01:11:57,317 ♪ You whore ♪ 1337 01:12:05,064 --> 01:12:10,064 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1338 01:12:10,872 --> 01:12:13,372 (perky music) 1339 01:12:14,213 --> 01:12:18,603 - [Narrator] So as the Mayor begins her cruel, toxic hunt, 1340 01:12:18,603 --> 01:12:20,643 deep in the heart of Tromaville, 1341 01:12:20,643 --> 01:12:25,022 one frustrated young woman dares to dream the dream 1342 01:12:25,022 --> 01:12:27,253 of the impossible. 1343 01:12:27,253 --> 01:12:29,836 (tender music) 1344 01:12:35,013 --> 01:12:40,013 - (mumbles) ever after. (audience tittering) 1345 01:12:41,123 --> 01:12:45,040 Here it is, after five hellish days of writing, 1346 01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,813 I finally finished my book! 1347 01:12:49,942 --> 01:12:51,654 And as luck would have it, 1348 01:12:51,654 --> 01:12:55,321 it is wonderful, so move over J. K. Rowling! 1349 01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:01,534 Ooh, get out of my way John Gresham! 1350 01:13:01,534 --> 01:13:05,532 Go screw yourself whoever wrote the Diary of Anne Frank! 1351 01:13:05,532 --> 01:13:09,341 (audience chuckling) 1352 01:13:09,341 --> 01:13:11,430 'Cause there's only one person I need 1353 01:13:11,430 --> 01:13:14,557 to make my dreams come true. 1354 01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,870 (tender music) 1355 01:13:16,870 --> 01:13:21,870 ♪ Some people say that you're divine ♪ 1356 01:13:23,161 --> 01:13:28,161 ♪ So won't you answer this prayer of mine ♪ 1357 01:13:28,825 --> 01:13:33,825 ♪ I'll vow my devotion unto thee ♪ 1358 01:13:36,070 --> 01:13:41,070 ♪ If you'll just put me on the TV-E ♪ 1359 01:13:45,761 --> 01:13:49,760 ♪ I'll go on one of your cable shows ♪ 1360 01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:53,350 ♪ Though what channel, nobody knows ♪ 1361 01:13:53,350 --> 01:13:57,100 ♪ Or be in your O, magazine ♪ 1362 01:13:57,100 --> 01:14:00,918 ♪ I'll be the hottest writer they've ever seen ♪ 1363 01:14:00,918 --> 01:14:04,529 ♪ The fricken hottest writer they've ever seen ♪ 1364 01:14:04,529 --> 01:14:06,230 ♪ Choose me, Oprah ♪ 1365 01:14:06,230 --> 01:14:08,230 ♪ Use me, Oprah ♪ 1366 01:14:08,230 --> 01:14:11,978 ♪ Make me a person people adore ♪ 1367 01:14:11,978 --> 01:14:13,898 ♪ Hug me, Oprah ♪ 1368 01:14:13,898 --> 01:14:15,973 ♪ Plug me, Oprah ♪ 1369 01:14:15,973 --> 01:14:18,905 ♪ I'll be your book selling whore ♪ 1370 01:14:18,905 --> 01:14:21,508 Time for a fantasy dream sequence! 1371 01:14:21,508 --> 01:14:24,025 ♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪ 1372 01:14:24,025 --> 01:14:28,209 ♪ Oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh Oprah ♪ 1373 01:14:28,209 --> 01:14:31,220 ♪ Oh oh, oh oh oh ♪ - Shiniquah, Dianne! 1374 01:14:31,220 --> 01:14:35,931 ♪ Oh oh oh, oh oh oh Oprah ♪ 1375 01:14:35,931 --> 01:14:39,422 ♪ I wrote a memoir of inspiration ♪ 1376 01:14:39,422 --> 01:14:43,084 ♪ It tells the truth with fabrication ♪ 1377 01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:46,467 ♪ My book will sell like Winnie the Pooh ♪ 1378 01:14:46,467 --> 01:14:49,506 ♪ I can even write Maya Angelou ♪ 1379 01:14:49,506 --> 01:14:50,521 ♪ Angelou! ♪ 1380 01:14:50,521 --> 01:14:54,134 ♪ I told the tale of a woman in charge ♪ 1381 01:14:54,134 --> 01:14:57,990 ♪ It ain't too long and the words ain't large ♪ 1382 01:14:57,990 --> 01:15:01,771 ♪ It's so much better than your usual crap ♪ 1383 01:15:01,771 --> 01:15:05,580 ♪ And I got a marketable handicap ♪ 1384 01:15:05,580 --> 01:15:10,580 ♪ She's got a marketable handicap ♪ 1385 01:15:11,001 --> 01:15:12,670 ♪ Pick me, Oprah ♪ 1386 01:15:12,670 --> 01:15:14,609 ♪ Lick me, Oprah ♪ 1387 01:15:14,609 --> 01:15:18,389 ♪ We can sell books from here to Guam ♪ 1388 01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:19,735 ♪ Shill me, Oprah ♪ 1389 01:15:19,735 --> 01:15:21,969 ♪ Dr. Phil me, Oprah ♪ 1390 01:15:21,969 --> 01:15:25,780 ♪ Let's kick butt on Amazon.com ♪ 1391 01:15:25,780 --> 01:15:29,369 ♪ Do me, Oprah, do me, Oprah ♪ 1392 01:15:29,369 --> 01:15:32,990 ♪ Show the world how much you care ♪ 1393 01:15:32,990 --> 01:15:37,083 ♪ Spank me, Oprah, you'll thank me, Oprah ♪ 1394 01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:40,916 ♪ I wanna be a ga-billionaire ♪ 1395 01:15:43,310 --> 01:15:45,915 (frenetic music) 1396 01:15:45,915 --> 01:15:48,801 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ Selling more and more ♪ 1397 01:15:48,801 --> 01:15:50,571 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ I'll be your ♪ 1398 01:15:50,571 --> 01:15:51,795 ♪ Book selling whore ♪ 1399 01:15:51,795 --> 01:15:54,457 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ Better than your usual crap ♪ 1400 01:15:54,457 --> 01:15:57,510 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ Marketable handicap ♪ 1401 01:15:57,510 --> 01:16:00,342 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ Show the world you care ♪ 1402 01:16:00,342 --> 01:16:03,422 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ ♪ Make me a ga-billion ♪ 1403 01:16:03,422 --> 01:16:07,255 ♪ Ga-zillion, ga-trillionaire ♪ 1404 01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:11,104 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ - Go get 'em girl! 1405 01:16:11,104 --> 01:16:13,929 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ 1406 01:16:13,929 --> 01:16:16,761 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ - Everybody gets a car! 1407 01:16:16,761 --> 01:16:21,261 ♪ I said, Oprah ♪ - You don't get a car! 1408 01:16:28,369 --> 01:16:30,536 ♪ O-Oprah ♪ 1409 01:16:34,161 --> 01:16:38,050 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1410 01:16:38,050 --> 01:16:39,725 ♪ Whoo ♪ 1411 01:16:39,725 --> 01:16:41,153 ♪ Whoo ♪ 1412 01:16:41,153 --> 01:16:44,903 ♪ Whoo, whoops, whoops, dang ♪ 1413 01:16:48,794 --> 01:16:51,627 (Sarah chuckling) 1414 01:16:55,046 --> 01:16:56,543 - [Toxie] Sarah I'm done in the shower! 1415 01:16:56,543 --> 01:16:59,626 - Oh! (Toxie sighing) 1416 01:17:02,114 --> 01:17:05,166 - (chuckles) Wow, are we going out tonight? 1417 01:17:05,166 --> 01:17:08,726 - Well uh, actually I thought we could just uh, 1418 01:17:08,726 --> 01:17:13,559 you know, stay in, and uh, uh, (yawns)... 1419 01:17:16,132 --> 01:17:18,554 - Sarah, you know I can't get physical with you! 1420 01:17:18,554 --> 01:17:19,628 - Get physical? 1421 01:17:19,628 --> 01:17:21,489 You won't even let me feel your face! 1422 01:17:21,489 --> 01:17:24,678 - I'm just not ready! - But it's been three weeks! 1423 01:17:24,678 --> 01:17:26,198 (audience snickering) 1424 01:17:26,198 --> 01:17:28,609 And I just finished my thinly disguised 1425 01:17:28,609 --> 01:17:30,945 memoir of our relationship! 1426 01:17:30,945 --> 01:17:32,588 Don't you find me attractive? 1427 01:17:32,588 --> 01:17:34,777 - You know I do! - Well then what is it? 1428 01:17:34,777 --> 01:17:36,162 (mumbling) 1429 01:17:36,162 --> 01:17:37,580 - It's my... - What? 1430 01:17:37,580 --> 01:17:39,830 (groaning) 1431 01:17:40,717 --> 01:17:44,472 Oh my gosh are you gay? (audience chuckling) 1432 01:17:44,472 --> 01:17:47,503 Of course, you know, if you are, 1433 01:17:47,503 --> 01:17:49,750 that is, that is totally fine! 1434 01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:52,969 We can just be best friends and, 1435 01:17:52,969 --> 01:17:56,580 and watch (mumbles) together (weeps). 1436 01:17:56,580 --> 01:17:58,180 - Sarah, there is nothing I want more 1437 01:17:58,180 --> 01:18:00,140 than to share my body with you but, 1438 01:18:00,140 --> 01:18:02,820 (sneezing) but, but... 1439 01:18:02,820 --> 01:18:04,653 - Blah blah blah look! 1440 01:18:05,689 --> 01:18:07,020 I'm gonna make lunch. 1441 01:18:07,020 --> 01:18:11,025 - [Mayor] Citizens of Tromaville, this is your mayor dammit! 1442 01:18:11,025 --> 01:18:13,963 We are now under martial law, and you are 1443 01:18:13,963 --> 01:18:15,980 hereby ordered to bring all of your 1444 01:18:15,980 --> 01:18:17,687 bleach down to city hall! 1445 01:18:17,687 --> 01:18:19,910 - Bleach? - This is a civic emergency! 1446 01:18:19,910 --> 01:18:21,580 - Oh god! - I repeat, 1447 01:18:21,580 --> 01:18:24,080 bring down you fucking bleach! 1448 01:18:26,127 --> 01:18:27,700 - That was a strange announcement. 1449 01:18:27,700 --> 01:18:29,310 (audience chuckling) - Sarah, I have to 1450 01:18:29,310 --> 01:18:33,063 leave right away! - No, but I made French fries! 1451 01:18:33,063 --> 01:18:34,401 - Oh! 1452 01:18:34,401 --> 01:18:37,310 No, I have to leave Tromaville, maybe forever! 1453 01:18:37,310 --> 01:18:38,961 - What, Toxie what's wrong? 1454 01:18:38,961 --> 01:18:40,270 - Oh I can't say. - Well then I'm 1455 01:18:40,270 --> 01:18:41,710 going with you! - You can't! 1456 01:18:41,710 --> 01:18:42,809 - I can! - You can't! 1457 01:18:42,809 --> 01:18:44,249 - I can! - It's too dangerous! 1458 01:18:44,249 --> 01:18:47,620 - I don't understand! - You're too beautiful! 1459 01:18:47,620 --> 01:18:49,486 - Oh, yeah okay. 1460 01:18:49,486 --> 01:18:51,836 (audience chuckling) 1461 01:18:51,836 --> 01:18:53,828 - Oh, I have to leave right now! 1462 01:18:53,828 --> 01:18:55,837 (siren wailing) - No, no Toxie wait! 1463 01:18:55,837 --> 01:18:58,356 The least you could do is give me a kiss! 1464 01:18:58,356 --> 01:19:01,106 Our first and last kiss together! 1465 01:19:02,836 --> 01:19:03,836 - I'm sorry! 1466 01:19:05,369 --> 01:19:06,702 - What, Toxie... 1467 01:19:07,985 --> 01:19:10,646 (rattling) 1468 01:19:10,646 --> 01:19:12,591 - [Sal] Door kick, bam! 1469 01:19:12,591 --> 01:19:14,236 - Woo, whoa! - Na-na-na na-na-na! 1470 01:19:14,236 --> 01:19:15,730 Sal the cop! 1471 01:19:15,730 --> 01:19:17,142 - What? (grunting) 1472 01:19:17,142 --> 01:19:20,590 - Fighting crime and he's gonna catch the bad guy! 1473 01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:23,892 (audience laughing) 1474 01:19:23,892 --> 01:19:27,059 (audience applauding) 1475 01:19:30,961 --> 01:19:32,461 - For fuck's sake. 1476 01:19:33,580 --> 01:19:36,047 All right, I know he's here somewhere! 1477 01:19:36,047 --> 01:19:37,625 - I-I'm sorry, who's there? 1478 01:19:37,625 --> 01:19:39,492 - Mayor Belgoody, thanks for your vote. 1479 01:19:39,492 --> 01:19:42,782 And we're looking for someone, someone dangerous. 1480 01:19:42,782 --> 01:19:44,172 Sal the cop? - Huh? 1481 01:19:44,172 --> 01:19:46,910 - Find the killer! (Sal snorting) 1482 01:19:46,910 --> 01:19:47,922 (audience snickering) 1483 01:19:47,922 --> 01:19:50,017 - No, hang on, there's a killer? 1484 01:19:50,017 --> 01:19:51,020 - That's right. 1485 01:19:51,020 --> 01:19:55,649 So tell me, has the sicko been to visit you lately? 1486 01:19:55,649 --> 01:19:59,707 - No, just my friend, Toxie, and he is not a killer! 1487 01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:02,838 - Oh, how naive are the handicapped. 1488 01:20:02,838 --> 01:20:04,366 - Oh you can say that... - The freak was seen 1489 01:20:04,366 --> 01:20:07,517 going into your house! - Toxie is no freak! 1490 01:20:07,517 --> 01:20:11,189 - Oh really, so tell me have you felt his face? 1491 01:20:11,189 --> 01:20:12,382 - Oh... - Oh. 1492 01:20:12,382 --> 01:20:13,840 - He's a little sensitive... - He's a little 1493 01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:15,761 sensitive... - Kitchen door kick, bam! 1494 01:20:15,761 --> 01:20:17,189 - No don't kick the door! (audience tittering) 1495 01:20:17,189 --> 01:20:19,246 - No sign of the killer freak in there! 1496 01:20:19,246 --> 01:20:22,251 - All right sister, you're off the hook, this time! 1497 01:20:22,251 --> 01:20:27,251 But rest assured, I will find and I will destroy the mutant! 1498 01:20:28,126 --> 01:20:29,579 - Yeah, okay, okay... 1499 01:20:29,579 --> 01:20:31,867 - Oh yeah, Sal the cop? 1500 01:20:31,867 --> 01:20:32,700 - Huh? 1501 01:20:32,700 --> 01:20:33,706 - Shoot something! 1502 01:20:33,706 --> 01:20:36,507 (Sal giggling) - No please don't, please! 1503 01:20:36,507 --> 01:20:38,906 (gun firing) 1504 01:20:38,906 --> 01:20:41,197 (audience chuckling) 1505 01:20:41,197 --> 01:20:44,364 (audience applauding) 1506 01:20:46,747 --> 01:20:48,187 Mutant? 1507 01:20:48,187 --> 01:20:49,736 No! 1508 01:20:49,736 --> 01:20:50,903 - Mutant, yes. 1509 01:20:51,929 --> 01:20:53,899 - Toxie, I thought you left? 1510 01:20:53,899 --> 01:20:56,187 - No, I just hid in the kitchen and pretended to be 1511 01:20:56,187 --> 01:20:58,771 a large ugly plant, Sarah listen we haven't got much time! 1512 01:20:58,771 --> 01:21:00,192 (audience chuckling) - Toxie tell me you're not 1513 01:21:00,192 --> 01:21:02,449 some freakish mutant killer! 1514 01:21:02,449 --> 01:21:04,699 - Uh, I have killed people. 1515 01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:08,021 - Oh... - But only evil doers, 1516 01:21:08,021 --> 01:21:10,400 who are polluting our planet! 1517 01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:14,567 And as for the mutant part, I am, well, different. 1518 01:21:16,322 --> 01:21:19,531 Oh but if I weren't I would ask you to marry me! 1519 01:21:19,531 --> 01:21:21,864 - Oh, Toxie, don't you know, 1520 01:21:23,192 --> 01:21:25,403 no difference of yours could ever change 1521 01:21:25,403 --> 01:21:27,486 the way I feel about you! 1522 01:21:31,176 --> 01:21:32,009 - Hey. 1523 01:21:35,029 --> 01:21:35,862 Hey! 1524 01:21:38,141 --> 01:21:40,224 Sarah, would you like t.. 1525 01:21:42,048 --> 01:21:44,766 Would you like to feel my face? 1526 01:21:44,766 --> 01:21:45,739 - Really? 1527 01:21:45,739 --> 01:21:47,601 - Only if you promise, no judgments! 1528 01:21:47,601 --> 01:21:50,526 - My darling Toxie, I promise! 1529 01:21:50,526 --> 01:21:51,953 (tender music) 1530 01:21:51,953 --> 01:21:53,536 No judgements ever. 1531 01:21:58,059 --> 01:22:03,059 ♪ You make me combust ♪ 1532 01:22:03,128 --> 01:22:07,797 ♪ With chemical lust ♪ 1533 01:22:07,797 --> 01:22:12,797 ♪ Now don't be scared of ♪ 1534 01:22:13,037 --> 01:22:16,016 ♪ My hot toxic ♪ 1535 01:22:16,016 --> 01:22:18,349 ♪ Hot toxic ♪ 1536 01:22:28,528 --> 01:22:29,361 - Ha... 1537 01:22:33,253 --> 01:22:35,170 - Uh, uh, uh, ah, ah... 1538 01:22:36,325 --> 01:22:38,203 - What is that right below your cheek? 1539 01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:39,316 - That would be me left eyeball! 1540 01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:40,983 - Oh, ooh, and this? 1541 01:22:42,517 --> 01:22:46,082 - I'm not really sure, just an oozing sort of something. 1542 01:22:46,082 --> 01:22:47,165 - Oh my gosh! 1543 01:22:48,237 --> 01:22:50,656 - Sarah, I was thrown into a vat of toxic goo 1544 01:22:50,656 --> 01:22:51,512 by the town bullies! 1545 01:22:51,512 --> 01:22:52,387 - Okay. - It was right before 1546 01:22:52,387 --> 01:22:53,803 they tried to attack you! - Right! 1547 01:22:53,803 --> 01:22:55,437 - And I'm not really Toxie! 1548 01:22:55,437 --> 01:22:57,523 I'm Melvin Ferd III! 1549 01:22:57,523 --> 01:22:58,523 - You are... 1550 01:23:00,243 --> 01:23:02,410 Melvin? - Me, Melvin, yeah. 1551 01:23:05,683 --> 01:23:08,147 - Oh. - Look, I know I should have 1552 01:23:08,147 --> 01:23:09,923 told you sooner but... 1553 01:23:09,923 --> 01:23:11,827 Oh Sarah, feel my heart! 1554 01:23:11,827 --> 01:23:13,221 It's a human heart and it loves you more 1555 01:23:13,221 --> 01:23:15,017 than any human heart has ever loved anyone. 1556 01:23:15,017 --> 01:23:16,281 - You know what? 1557 01:23:16,281 --> 01:23:17,745 You know what, maybe we should consider 1558 01:23:17,745 --> 01:23:19,842 spending some time apart. 1559 01:23:19,842 --> 01:23:21,711 - Are you breaking up with me? 1560 01:23:21,711 --> 01:23:24,673 - Well I'm just saying we should, you know, 1561 01:23:24,673 --> 01:23:27,696 take things slow and-- (Toxie roaring) 1562 01:23:27,696 --> 01:23:29,613 Oh, no I'm sorry Toxie! 1563 01:23:30,475 --> 01:23:33,454 Or Melvin, or whoever you are! 1564 01:23:33,454 --> 01:23:34,287 I can't! 1565 01:23:35,763 --> 01:23:37,625 I just can't. 1566 01:23:37,625 --> 01:23:40,375 (dramatic music) 1567 01:23:44,037 --> 01:23:47,482 ♪ Didn't you make a promise ♪ 1568 01:23:47,482 --> 01:23:51,580 ♪ To love me as I am ♪ 1569 01:23:51,580 --> 01:23:55,059 ♪ And didn't you make a promise ♪ 1570 01:23:55,059 --> 01:23:57,129 ♪ You wouldn't give a damn ♪ 1571 01:23:57,129 --> 01:23:58,899 - Yo, you dirty monster! 1572 01:23:58,899 --> 01:24:01,579 What? (Toxie roaring) 1573 01:24:01,579 --> 01:24:02,412 Gotta go! 1574 01:24:04,146 --> 01:24:06,387 ♪ I also made a promise ♪ 1575 01:24:06,387 --> 01:24:10,446 ♪ To never hurt a fly ♪ 1576 01:24:10,446 --> 01:24:12,870 ♪ But since you broke your promise ♪ 1577 01:24:12,870 --> 01:24:15,697 ♪ It's time that I broke mine ♪ 1578 01:24:15,697 --> 01:24:20,697 (bird chirping) (sweet music) 1579 01:24:21,350 --> 01:24:26,350 (dramatic music) (grunting) 1580 01:24:29,564 --> 01:24:31,814 (sniffing) 1581 01:24:35,554 --> 01:24:37,471 - Oh, hello there dear! 1582 01:24:39,247 --> 01:24:41,873 You must be that nice monster 1583 01:24:41,873 --> 01:24:44,500 I've heard so much talk about! 1584 01:24:44,500 --> 01:24:46,500 My name is Edna Ferbert. 1585 01:24:47,540 --> 01:24:50,490 Hey, I was wondering, would you mind 1586 01:24:50,490 --> 01:24:53,860 helping me sort my recyclables? 1587 01:24:53,860 --> 01:24:55,770 The recycling plant is just (sniffing) 1588 01:24:55,770 --> 01:24:59,311 so far away you see, I find these silos 1589 01:24:59,311 --> 01:25:02,450 of toxic goo, much more convenient! 1590 01:25:02,450 --> 01:25:05,117 (giggling) Whoo! 1591 01:25:07,118 --> 01:25:09,118 Well what have we got... 1592 01:25:10,330 --> 01:25:15,330 (dramatic music) (screaming) 1593 01:25:29,079 --> 01:25:31,868 (audience snickering) - Oh Janet, what shall we do 1594 01:25:31,868 --> 01:25:33,822 for our one month anniversary? 1595 01:25:33,822 --> 01:25:37,239 - Oh Brad, why don't we go see a musical? 1596 01:25:38,450 --> 01:25:40,119 A musical based on a movie that 1597 01:25:40,119 --> 01:25:42,250 most people watched when they were stoned. 1598 01:25:42,250 --> 01:25:45,457 (giggling) (audience chuckling) 1599 01:25:45,457 --> 01:25:47,330 Brad? - Janet! 1600 01:25:47,330 --> 01:25:48,256 - Brad! 1601 01:25:48,256 --> 01:25:49,297 - Janet! - Dammit! 1602 01:25:49,297 --> 01:25:50,330 - Janet! - Dammit! 1603 01:25:50,330 --> 01:25:51,163 - Janet... 1604 01:25:53,471 --> 01:25:57,198 - No no no no no no no no no no no no! 1605 01:25:57,198 --> 01:26:00,190 (grunting) 1606 01:26:00,190 --> 01:26:02,241 - Oh what have I done? 1607 01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,074 Leave! 1608 01:26:05,939 --> 01:26:07,796 I said leave! - Oh my god! 1609 01:26:07,796 --> 01:26:10,546 (dramatic music) 1610 01:26:12,593 --> 01:26:15,343 (poignant music) 1611 01:26:18,473 --> 01:26:22,015 ♪ You tore my heart out ♪ 1612 01:26:22,015 --> 01:26:26,055 ♪ My human heart out ♪ 1613 01:26:26,055 --> 01:26:31,055 ♪ You ripped it from the bone ♪ 1614 01:26:32,417 --> 01:26:36,026 ♪ You left a hole there ♪ 1615 01:26:36,026 --> 01:26:40,229 ♪ A burning hole there ♪ 1616 01:26:40,229 --> 01:26:43,812 ♪ An ache I've never known ♪ 1617 01:26:46,709 --> 01:26:50,640 ♪ I've torn some arms off ♪ (audience chuckling) 1618 01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,260 ♪ I've torn some heads off ♪ 1619 01:26:54,260 --> 01:26:59,260 ♪ I've behaved quite violently ♪ 1620 01:27:01,077 --> 01:27:04,768 ♪ But that despair now ♪ 1621 01:27:04,768 --> 01:27:08,868 ♪ Cannot compare now ♪ 1622 01:27:08,868 --> 01:27:13,868 ♪ To what you've done to me ♪ 1623 01:27:16,128 --> 01:27:21,128 ♪ You, you ♪ 1624 01:27:22,029 --> 01:27:27,029 ♪ Tore my heart out ♪ 1625 01:27:31,481 --> 01:27:36,481 ♪ I thought you could see ♪ 1626 01:27:37,735 --> 01:27:42,735 ♪ The simple person in me ♪ 1627 01:27:44,229 --> 01:27:49,229 ♪ I thought you saw my truth within ♪ 1628 01:27:50,357 --> 01:27:53,437 ♪ It's me against the world ♪ 1629 01:27:53,437 --> 01:27:58,437 ♪ And it looks like the world is gonna win ♪ 1630 01:28:02,928 --> 01:28:06,317 ♪ And so I end here ♪ 1631 01:28:06,317 --> 01:28:10,128 ♪ As I began here ♪ 1632 01:28:10,128 --> 01:28:15,128 ♪ A soul who's hard to love ♪ 1633 01:28:15,848 --> 01:28:19,107 ♪ It's kind of funny ♪ 1634 01:28:19,107 --> 01:28:22,197 ♪ But for a moment ♪ 1635 01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:27,197 ♪ I was the man who you dreamed of ♪ 1636 01:28:30,296 --> 01:28:35,296 ♪ Now that dream has died ♪ 1637 01:28:36,837 --> 01:28:41,837 ♪ So how can I stay ♪ 1638 01:28:42,952 --> 01:28:47,847 ♪ I guess I'll have to save the world ♪ 1639 01:28:47,847 --> 01:28:52,847 ♪ Some other way ♪ 1640 01:28:57,496 --> 01:29:01,528 ♪ I wish you well now ♪ 1641 01:29:01,528 --> 01:29:05,576 ♪ I understand now ♪ 1642 01:29:05,576 --> 01:29:10,576 ♪ You did what you had to ♪ 1643 01:29:12,376 --> 01:29:16,243 ♪ You tore my heart out ♪ 1644 01:29:16,243 --> 01:29:20,019 ♪ My human heart out ♪ 1645 01:29:20,019 --> 01:29:25,019 ♪ And that's the worst thing you could do ♪ 1646 01:29:29,488 --> 01:29:34,299 ♪ And that's the worst thing ♪ 1647 01:29:34,299 --> 01:29:36,882 ♪ You could do ♪ 1648 01:29:43,905 --> 01:29:48,905 (audience applauding) (audience cheering) 1649 01:29:54,214 --> 01:29:56,797 (tender music) 1650 01:29:59,559 --> 01:30:01,726 (weeping) 1651 01:30:06,930 --> 01:30:08,680 (audience tittering) 1652 01:30:08,680 --> 01:30:11,347 ♪ He tore her heart out ♪ 1653 01:30:11,347 --> 01:30:14,431 - Yeah he did. - That son of a bitch! 1654 01:30:14,431 --> 01:30:16,871 ♪ Tore her heart out ♪ 1655 01:30:16,871 --> 01:30:20,391 ♪ And now she wants to die ♪ 1656 01:30:20,391 --> 01:30:23,022 No more... - Mmm hmm mm... 1657 01:30:23,022 --> 01:30:25,881 - I knew he wasn't French! 1658 01:30:25,881 --> 01:30:28,707 I knew it, you know just the way you described him, 1659 01:30:28,707 --> 01:30:31,692 all big and burly (whinnies)! 1660 01:30:31,692 --> 01:30:33,125 - Eh, uh-uh. 1661 01:30:33,125 --> 01:30:33,958 - What? 1662 01:30:33,958 --> 01:30:35,738 Don't you go looking at me with those 1663 01:30:35,738 --> 01:30:38,658 Judge Judy eyes, Dianne, uh-hmm... 1664 01:30:38,658 --> 01:30:41,229 Go back to your lesbionic folk singing, 1665 01:30:41,229 --> 01:30:44,230 because I know, what I know! (audience chuckling) 1666 01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:46,389 And I don't care if he got super-strength, 1667 01:30:46,389 --> 01:30:49,429 when I see him, he gonna get a whuppin! 1668 01:30:49,429 --> 01:30:51,240 Telling you he's a freak! 1669 01:30:51,240 --> 01:30:54,490 Mmm child, we all got issues! 1670 01:30:54,490 --> 01:30:58,365 You know, I dated this Puerto Rican from Dominica once, 1671 01:30:58,365 --> 01:31:00,198 six toes on each foot! 1672 01:31:01,769 --> 01:31:04,289 We all got issues! (audience snickering) 1673 01:31:04,289 --> 01:31:05,122 Oh you want another 1674 01:31:05,122 --> 01:31:07,018 frap-a-mocha-pumpkin-chino? 1675 01:31:07,018 --> 01:31:08,085 Oh you're good. (Sarah weeping) 1676 01:31:08,085 --> 01:31:10,105 - Oh, um, excuse me! 1677 01:31:10,105 --> 01:31:14,360 Um, I'm Eunice Ferd, mother of Melvin Ferd? 1678 01:31:14,360 --> 01:31:18,642 Who I wanted to be a lawyer, but now he's a mutant freak? 1679 01:31:18,642 --> 01:31:21,416 You're the blind librarian my son's in love with aren't you? 1680 01:31:21,416 --> 01:31:22,787 - Uh, how did you find me? 1681 01:31:22,787 --> 01:31:26,922 - I got a call from your friend, Shinandadoa. 1682 01:31:26,922 --> 01:31:31,005 - Shiniqua! (audience snickering) 1683 01:31:32,962 --> 01:31:37,962 - Sweetheart, you have got to stop crying and man-up! 1684 01:31:38,210 --> 01:31:41,008 My son, he's on a rampage! 1685 01:31:41,008 --> 01:31:42,605 He killed a senior citizen! 1686 01:31:42,605 --> 01:31:43,438 - Who? - What? 1687 01:31:43,438 --> 01:31:45,538 - Senior citizen? 1688 01:31:45,538 --> 01:31:47,600 Was she almost dead anyway, hmm? 1689 01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:49,093 (audience chuckling) - No! 1690 01:31:49,093 --> 01:31:51,349 - Poor child! - Then it's all 1691 01:31:51,349 --> 01:31:52,790 because of me! 1692 01:31:52,790 --> 01:31:54,670 - And that's what I feared, and you're the 1693 01:31:54,670 --> 01:31:56,459 only one who can stop him! 1694 01:31:56,459 --> 01:31:58,630 - No, no I can't, I felt his face, and then 1695 01:31:58,630 --> 01:32:00,485 he told me that I-- - Honey, his father's face 1696 01:32:00,485 --> 01:32:03,583 wasn't much different and he wasn't even a mutant! 1697 01:32:03,583 --> 01:32:05,166 - Hmm, I hear that! 1698 01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:08,872 - Been there, been there! 1699 01:32:08,872 --> 01:32:11,955 (audience chuckling) 1700 01:32:14,271 --> 01:32:18,171 - But how can I love a man like Melvin? 1701 01:32:18,171 --> 01:32:19,254 - Oh my dear! 1702 01:32:20,373 --> 01:32:25,011 If blind people don't love ugly people, then who will? 1703 01:32:25,011 --> 01:32:26,108 (audience snickering) 1704 01:32:26,108 --> 01:32:29,191 (perky music) - What? 1705 01:32:31,124 --> 01:32:32,041 - Oh, here! 1706 01:32:33,116 --> 01:32:35,646 ♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪ 1707 01:32:35,646 --> 01:32:39,735 ♪ As she travels down life's road ♪ 1708 01:32:39,735 --> 01:32:42,618 ♪ She dreams of meeting a handsome prince ♪ 1709 01:32:42,618 --> 01:32:44,853 ♪ But all she meets are toads ♪ 1710 01:32:44,853 --> 01:32:46,696 ♪ They're all toads ♪ 1711 01:32:46,696 --> 01:32:49,072 ♪ It's been true since the dawn of time ♪ 1712 01:32:49,072 --> 01:32:52,880 ♪ From the Romans to the Greeks ♪ 1713 01:32:52,880 --> 01:32:57,393 ♪ Honey, face it, all men are freaks ♪ 1714 01:32:57,393 --> 01:32:59,403 (audience chuckling) Come on! 1715 01:32:59,403 --> 01:33:04,403 ♪ Sister, face it, all men are freaks ♪ 1716 01:33:06,564 --> 01:33:09,182 ♪ I've had my share of men before ♪ 1717 01:33:09,182 --> 01:33:12,199 ♪ Yeah I've been in many beds ♪ 1718 01:33:12,199 --> 01:33:13,440 ♪ Yours ♪ ♪ Hoo-hoo ♪ 1719 01:33:13,440 --> 01:33:15,932 ♪ I've felt their lumpy bodies girl ♪ 1720 01:33:15,932 --> 01:33:19,412 ♪ And I've rubbed all their bald heads ♪ 1721 01:33:19,412 --> 01:33:21,337 ♪ Me too ♪ ♪ They have things hanging ♪ 1722 01:33:21,337 --> 01:33:22,678 ♪ Off of them ♪ 1723 01:33:22,678 --> 01:33:26,641 ♪ They have hair on all their cheeks ♪ 1724 01:33:26,641 --> 01:33:31,141 ♪ Honey, grow up, all men are freaks ♪ 1725 01:33:32,397 --> 01:33:33,771 - Let's go find some. 1726 01:33:33,771 --> 01:33:36,452 ♪ Find kindness in your female heart ♪ 1727 01:33:36,452 --> 01:33:40,639 ♪ No need to act superior ♪ 1728 01:33:40,639 --> 01:33:43,339 ♪ Men need a lot of therapy ♪ 1729 01:33:43,339 --> 01:33:46,281 ♪ Because they were born inferior ♪ 1730 01:33:46,281 --> 01:33:49,763 ♪ Inferior ♪ ♪ So spread a little charity ♪ 1731 01:33:49,763 --> 01:33:54,184 ♪ For every Tom and Dick and Kenny ♪ 1732 01:33:54,184 --> 01:33:57,095 ♪ Somehow overlook the faults ♪ 1733 01:33:57,095 --> 01:34:02,095 ♪ Of which they all have many ♪ 1734 01:34:04,462 --> 01:34:07,011 ♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪ 1735 01:34:07,011 --> 01:34:09,761 ♪ Be she mother, wife, or friend ♪ 1736 01:34:09,761 --> 01:34:11,206 ♪ Mother, wife or friend ♪ 1737 01:34:11,206 --> 01:34:14,037 ♪ The man she loves is no big prize ♪ 1738 01:34:14,037 --> 01:34:18,062 ♪ But still she must pretend ♪ 1739 01:34:18,062 --> 01:34:21,016 ♪ She must feed his ego every day ♪ 1740 01:34:21,016 --> 01:34:23,888 ♪ And hear the babble he speaks ♪ 1741 01:34:23,888 --> 01:34:26,553 - Jibber-jabbar! ♪ Sisters, let's face it ♪ 1742 01:34:26,553 --> 01:34:28,435 ♪ All men are freaks ♪ 1743 01:34:28,435 --> 01:34:31,323 ♪ (mumbles) aching ass ♪ 1744 01:34:31,323 --> 01:34:35,281 ♪ Oh, gotta love your freak ♪ 1745 01:34:35,281 --> 01:34:38,241 ♪ I love my freaky freak ♪ 1746 01:34:38,241 --> 01:34:42,425 ♪ Oh, go find your freak ♪ 1747 01:34:42,425 --> 01:34:45,172 ♪ I would if I could only see ♪ 1748 01:34:45,172 --> 01:34:48,786 ♪ Ooo, ooo we'll go find your freak ♪ 1749 01:34:48,786 --> 01:34:51,950 ♪ Go find my find my freak ♪ 1750 01:34:51,950 --> 01:34:56,614 ♪ Oh, gonna save my ♪ 1751 01:34:56,614 --> 01:35:01,314 ♪ Oh, gotta save my ♪ 1752 01:35:01,314 --> 01:35:04,231 ♪ Oh, my beautiful ♪ 1753 01:35:13,569 --> 01:35:15,569 ♪ Freak ♪ 1754 01:35:19,219 --> 01:35:24,219 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1755 01:35:26,731 --> 01:35:29,981 - Okay... (tense music) 1756 01:35:31,798 --> 01:35:33,871 - [Narrator] And so, as the terrified 1757 01:35:33,871 --> 01:35:35,118 - Fuck! - public hides from the 1758 01:35:35,118 --> 01:35:37,097 - Oh, oh yeah! - rampaging monster, and 1759 01:35:37,097 --> 01:35:40,753 as the actors make a difficult costume change, 1760 01:35:40,753 --> 01:35:44,713 we focus on our mayor, who stands on her perch, 1761 01:35:44,713 --> 01:35:47,001 and gazes over all of you, 1762 01:35:47,001 --> 01:35:50,532 her simple-minded pathetic minions! 1763 01:35:50,532 --> 01:35:53,032 And then she lets out a laugh. 1764 01:35:54,143 --> 01:35:55,388 (laughing) 1765 01:35:55,388 --> 01:35:57,212 But it is a silent laugh 1766 01:35:57,212 --> 01:36:01,858 (audience chuckling) that no one else can hear. 1767 01:36:01,858 --> 01:36:04,161 And then, calling upon the two people 1768 01:36:04,161 --> 01:36:06,572 she loves most in the world, 1769 01:36:06,572 --> 01:36:10,905 Theresa May and Donald Trump, she reckons for blood! 1770 01:36:12,193 --> 01:36:16,443 - All right, listen to me all of you Tromovillians, 1771 01:36:18,353 --> 01:36:21,603 Tromofilites, Tromaviolins, oh fuck it. 1772 01:36:23,942 --> 01:36:26,241 People who live in Tromaville! 1773 01:36:26,241 --> 01:36:27,883 (shouting) - And we're 1774 01:36:27,883 --> 01:36:30,115 - We're a mob! - generic mob voices! 1775 01:36:30,115 --> 01:36:31,193 (grunting) (audience chuckling) 1776 01:36:31,193 --> 01:36:33,293 - Our worst nightmare has come true! 1777 01:36:33,293 --> 01:36:35,654 - Oh my god, we're getting another Starbucks! 1778 01:36:35,654 --> 01:36:36,884 (groaning) - No! 1779 01:36:36,884 --> 01:36:38,663 The monster is on a rampage, 1780 01:36:38,663 --> 01:36:40,484 he killed a senior citizen! 1781 01:36:40,484 --> 01:36:42,023 - Not a senior citizen! 1782 01:36:42,023 --> 01:36:43,865 - Was she almost dead anyway? 1783 01:36:43,865 --> 01:36:47,499 - You, no, so, citizens of Tromaville, 1784 01:36:47,499 --> 01:36:50,302 (patriotic music) we must form a lynch mob! 1785 01:36:50,302 --> 01:36:52,124 - Lynch mob! - Yay! 1786 01:36:52,124 --> 01:36:55,461 - A frenzied, blood thirsty lynch mob 1787 01:36:55,461 --> 01:36:58,331 that doesn't care about stupid things like laws! 1788 01:36:58,331 --> 01:37:00,353 - [Mob] No stupid laws, yay! 1789 01:37:00,353 --> 01:37:03,848 - A lynch mob hopped up on moral righteousness, 1790 01:37:03,848 --> 01:37:05,597 and malt liquor! 1791 01:37:05,597 --> 01:37:08,128 - Moral righteousness! - Malt liquor! 1792 01:37:08,128 --> 01:37:09,128 - [Mob] Yay! 1793 01:37:09,992 --> 01:37:11,627 ♪ Hunt him down like a squirrel ♪ 1794 01:37:11,627 --> 01:37:13,419 ♪ Be a man not a girl ♪ 1795 01:37:13,419 --> 01:37:15,008 ♪ There'll be blood, there'll be pain ♪ 1796 01:37:15,008 --> 01:37:16,392 ♪ This is war ♪ 1797 01:37:16,392 --> 01:37:17,784 (grunting) ♪ We haven't seen such ♪ 1798 01:37:17,784 --> 01:37:20,189 ♪ A magilla since Mothra met Godzilla ♪ 1799 01:37:20,189 --> 01:37:24,387 ♪ He's as green and crazy as a (mumbles) ♪ 1800 01:37:24,387 --> 01:37:26,691 ♪ Wake the town, go door to door ♪ 1801 01:37:26,691 --> 01:37:29,467 ♪ Get your neighbors out of bed ♪ 1802 01:37:29,467 --> 01:37:31,967 (mumbling) ♪ They'll be pissed ♪ 1803 01:37:31,967 --> 01:37:36,059 ♪ But persist, don't stop till the monster's dead ♪ 1804 01:37:36,059 --> 01:37:40,115 (mumbling) ♪ Till the monster is dead ♪ 1805 01:37:40,115 --> 01:37:42,490 ♪ We have the girlfriend set ♪ 1806 01:37:42,490 --> 01:37:45,701 ♪ Won't stop till the monster's dead ♪ 1807 01:37:45,701 --> 01:37:47,261 (grunting) 1808 01:37:47,261 --> 01:37:49,749 ♪ We'll thrust him down on the ground and we'll pound ♪ 1809 01:37:49,749 --> 01:37:53,162 ♪ And we'll pound, yes we'll go all the way ♪ 1810 01:37:53,162 --> 01:37:54,860 ♪ Sounded gay ♪ ♪ But I'm not ♪ 1811 01:37:54,860 --> 01:37:57,330 ♪ What the heck, we're as nutty as Glen Beck ♪ 1812 01:37:57,330 --> 01:38:01,595 ♪ And members of the NRA ♪ - Go USA! 1813 01:38:01,595 --> 01:38:04,020 ♪ Text you wife, you'll be home late ♪ 1814 01:38:04,020 --> 01:38:06,780 ♪ Oh I can't forget the bread ♪ 1815 01:38:06,780 --> 01:38:10,359 ♪ No, you're a man who's got a date ♪ 1816 01:38:10,359 --> 01:38:13,604 ♪ To kill that monster dead ♪ 1817 01:38:13,604 --> 01:38:14,442 ♪ Dead ♪ 1818 01:38:14,442 --> 01:38:17,192 (poignant music) 1819 01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:20,780 (audience chuckling) 1820 01:38:20,780 --> 01:38:23,738 ♪ Finally it's him or me ♪ 1821 01:38:23,738 --> 01:38:26,914 ♪ Glory calls my name ♪ 1822 01:38:26,914 --> 01:38:30,332 (gun firing) ♪ Could this be my destiny ♪ 1823 01:38:30,332 --> 01:38:33,422 ♪ To be God's favorite dame ♪ 1824 01:38:33,422 --> 01:38:36,622 ♪ It's a game for all the ages ♪ 1825 01:38:36,622 --> 01:38:39,727 ♪ Hear the angels softly weep ♪ 1826 01:38:39,727 --> 01:38:43,124 ♪ I got a mob to do the job ♪ 1827 01:38:43,124 --> 01:38:48,124 ♪ And in Jersey life is cheap ♪ 1828 01:38:48,183 --> 01:38:51,194 ♪ Get your pitchfork and hoes ♪ 1829 01:38:51,194 --> 01:38:54,503 ♪ No, hoes like these, not like those ♪ 1830 01:38:54,503 --> 01:38:55,589 (audience chuckling) - Oh I'm so sorry honey! 1831 01:38:55,589 --> 01:38:56,997 I'm sorry! ♪ Don't stop ♪ 1832 01:38:56,997 --> 01:38:57,998 ♪ Till he's dead ♪ 1833 01:38:57,998 --> 01:39:00,938 ♪ There she was, old and weak ♪ 1834 01:39:00,938 --> 01:39:04,168 ♪ And I killed her cold ♪ 1835 01:39:04,168 --> 01:39:09,168 ♪ I am but a mutant freak who cannot be controlled ♪ 1836 01:39:10,538 --> 01:39:13,818 ♪ Toxie run, they're on your trail ♪ 1837 01:39:13,818 --> 01:39:17,077 ♪ Please be fleet of foot ♪ 1838 01:39:17,077 --> 01:39:22,077 ♪ Tromaville is burning, it's about to go kapoot ♪ 1839 01:39:24,742 --> 01:39:28,453 ♪ Don't stop till he's dead ♪ 1840 01:39:28,453 --> 01:39:31,469 ♪ Till the monster's dead ♪ 1841 01:39:31,469 --> 01:39:34,829 ♪ To (mumbles) ♪ 1842 01:39:34,829 --> 01:39:36,928 ♪ Till he's dead ♪ 1843 01:39:36,928 --> 01:39:39,302 ♪ Tore my heart out ♪ ♪ Till he's dead ♪ 1844 01:39:39,302 --> 01:39:41,237 ♪ My human heart out ♪ 1845 01:39:41,237 --> 01:39:42,787 ♪ Till he's dead ♪ 1846 01:39:42,787 --> 01:39:45,037 (mumbling) 1847 01:39:48,093 --> 01:39:50,216 ♪ Won't stop till the monster's ♪ 1848 01:39:50,216 --> 01:39:51,706 ♪ Kill the monster ♪ 1849 01:39:51,706 --> 01:39:54,606 ♪ Till the monster's dead ♪ 1850 01:39:54,606 --> 01:39:58,689 (energetic music) - Toxie, Toxie! 1851 01:39:59,936 --> 01:40:02,603 (Toxie roaring) 1852 01:40:04,131 --> 01:40:06,881 - Kill the beast, kill the beast! 1853 01:40:13,016 --> 01:40:15,266 (cackling) 1854 01:40:19,176 --> 01:40:24,176 (cow mooing) (audience tittering) 1855 01:40:25,142 --> 01:40:26,309 - Toxie, Tox-- 1856 01:40:29,606 --> 01:40:33,437 (audience snickering) Ah, son of a bitch! 1857 01:40:33,437 --> 01:40:36,937 All right, okay, ah shit, right, ah, oh... 1858 01:40:39,083 --> 01:40:40,107 - [Toxie] Hey you all right? 1859 01:40:40,107 --> 01:40:40,955 - Yeah. - Here let me get your stick. 1860 01:40:40,955 --> 01:40:44,930 - No fine, no no no no no don't touch my stuff please! 1861 01:40:44,930 --> 01:40:45,860 (chuckling) 1862 01:40:45,860 --> 01:40:50,365 I'm sorry, sorry, I'm a self-sufficient person and I, 1863 01:40:50,365 --> 01:40:53,589 and I can uh, I can find my own shit, 1864 01:40:53,589 --> 01:40:54,757 I can find my own shit. - Okay. 1865 01:40:54,757 --> 01:40:55,738 (audience chuckling) 1866 01:40:55,738 --> 01:40:57,197 - [Sarah] It's okay, feel the floor (mumbles). 1867 01:40:57,197 --> 01:40:58,317 - Look you're not really close right now. 1868 01:40:58,317 --> 01:40:59,527 - Is she okay? - It's okay, she's all right, 1869 01:40:59,527 --> 01:41:00,469 she's fine, just fell over dropped 1870 01:41:00,469 --> 01:41:01,479 her stick again. - Sorry, sorry, I know, 1871 01:41:01,479 --> 01:41:02,589 - I'll be one second, - Is she all right? 1872 01:41:02,589 --> 01:41:03,561 - Yeah yeah she's fine. - we were, were on 1873 01:41:03,561 --> 01:41:05,479 (mumbling) (audience laughing) 1874 01:41:05,479 --> 01:41:07,768 - But more like, yeah, no stop stop stop stop stop, 1875 01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:10,208 you're closer now, no, now like back up a little bit. 1876 01:41:10,208 --> 01:41:13,040 - (mumbles), bend back a little bit? 1877 01:41:13,040 --> 01:41:13,873 - Shoot. 1878 01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:16,996 ♪ She's beauty and she's grace ♪ 1879 01:41:16,996 --> 01:41:21,996 (audience chuckling) (audience applauding) 1880 01:41:23,568 --> 01:41:27,182 - This is, this is my job (chuckles). 1881 01:41:27,182 --> 01:41:29,175 I have to do this eight times a week. 1882 01:41:29,175 --> 01:41:30,607 (audience chuckling) 1883 01:41:30,607 --> 01:41:32,146 Come to the west end they said, 1884 01:41:32,146 --> 01:41:34,781 you'll have fucking fun they said. 1885 01:41:34,781 --> 01:41:36,606 You'll get to roll around on the floor, 1886 01:41:36,606 --> 01:41:38,536 this was not in the contract. 1887 01:41:38,536 --> 01:41:43,536 - It's next to your right... (audience chuckling) 1888 01:41:44,367 --> 01:41:47,397 - Oh my god, thank god they're not filming. 1889 01:41:47,397 --> 01:41:49,095 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1890 01:41:49,095 --> 01:41:51,345 (mumbling) 1891 01:41:53,663 --> 01:41:55,644 (whistling) 1892 01:41:55,644 --> 01:41:57,635 Did someone just whistle my vagina? 1893 01:41:57,635 --> 01:42:00,191 (audience laughing) 1894 01:42:00,191 --> 01:42:01,716 - I think it did it itself. 1895 01:42:01,716 --> 01:42:05,546 (Sarah laughing) (audience applauding) 1896 01:42:05,546 --> 01:42:06,773 (whistling) Okay come on let's 1897 01:42:06,773 --> 01:42:08,376 get this going, come on team! 1898 01:42:08,376 --> 01:42:09,209 Let's go! 1899 01:42:09,209 --> 01:42:11,261 (shouting) Left hand (gibbers)! 1900 01:42:11,261 --> 01:42:12,094 Yes, yes! 1901 01:42:12,094 --> 01:42:14,656 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1902 01:42:14,656 --> 01:42:17,816 (energetic music) 1903 01:42:17,816 --> 01:42:22,081 ♪ When I (mumbles) I'm gonna get (mumbles) ♪ 1904 01:42:22,081 --> 01:42:27,081 ♪ Melvin, trouble from the day he was born, Melvin ♪ 1905 01:42:27,515 --> 01:42:30,265 (dramatic music) 1906 01:42:34,873 --> 01:42:35,706 - Sarah! 1907 01:42:44,077 --> 01:42:45,964 (cheerful folk music) (audience cheering) 1908 01:42:45,964 --> 01:42:47,294 ♪ And so the chase is on ♪ 1909 01:42:47,294 --> 01:42:49,594 ♪ But will they catch the freak ♪ 1910 01:42:49,594 --> 01:42:52,465 ♪ Looks like the big green guy could be up shit's creek ♪ 1911 01:42:52,465 --> 01:42:54,024 ♪ Will she catch him ♪ 1912 01:42:54,024 --> 01:42:56,018 ♪ No she won't catch him ♪ 1913 01:42:56,018 --> 01:42:57,643 ♪ Will she catch him ♪ 1914 01:42:57,643 --> 01:42:59,089 ♪ No she won't catch him ♪ - Toxie! 1915 01:42:59,089 --> 01:43:01,244 Toxie! ♪ By god she caught him ♪ 1916 01:43:01,244 --> 01:43:03,263 ♪ But she didn't catch him ♪ 1917 01:43:03,263 --> 01:43:04,113 ♪ Yes she did ♪ 1918 01:43:04,113 --> 01:43:05,258 ♪ No she didn't ♪ 1919 01:43:05,258 --> 01:43:06,091 ♪ Yes she did ♪ 1920 01:43:06,091 --> 01:43:06,924 ♪ No she didn't ♪ 1921 01:43:06,924 --> 01:43:08,505 ♪ You just missed him, come and get him ♪ 1922 01:43:08,505 --> 01:43:10,380 ♪ He's there now you can do it ♪ 1923 01:43:10,380 --> 01:43:12,041 ♪ If you want him, just believe in ♪ 1924 01:43:12,041 --> 01:43:13,930 ♪ Just believe it in your soul ♪ 1925 01:43:13,930 --> 01:43:15,772 ♪ You're the master of your own destiny ♪ 1926 01:43:15,772 --> 01:43:17,401 ♪ Tomorrow you can get it ♪ 1927 01:43:17,401 --> 01:43:18,710 ♪ We can reach the ♪ - Just, 1928 01:43:18,710 --> 01:43:20,825 (mumbling) finish it! 1929 01:43:20,825 --> 01:43:23,169 ♪ You can ♪ 1930 01:43:23,169 --> 01:43:26,336 (audience snickering) 1931 01:43:31,361 --> 01:43:35,194 - Bitch. (audience chuckling) 1932 01:43:40,201 --> 01:43:41,368 She caught it. 1933 01:43:48,580 --> 01:43:51,580 (audience cheering) 1934 01:43:53,590 --> 01:43:56,319 She caught the Toxic Avenger. 1935 01:43:56,319 --> 01:43:59,500 (dramatic music) 1936 01:43:59,500 --> 01:44:02,235 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1937 01:44:02,235 --> 01:44:04,830 - All right, say goodbye Sasquatch! 1938 01:44:04,830 --> 01:44:06,329 I got bleach! 1939 01:44:06,329 --> 01:44:09,318 - Go ahead, destroy me, my reason to live is gone! 1940 01:44:09,318 --> 01:44:11,849 (Mayor whining) But before I die, 1941 01:44:11,849 --> 01:44:13,769 this citizen of Tromaville must know who owns 1942 01:44:13,769 --> 01:44:14,953 the Good Earth Corporation. 1943 01:44:14,953 --> 01:44:16,430 - That's enough out of you! 1944 01:44:16,430 --> 01:44:19,430 - All right, drop the bleach, bitch! 1945 01:44:20,563 --> 01:44:21,917 - Sarah! - Stay out of this 1946 01:44:21,917 --> 01:44:24,427 you gullible handicapped person, 1947 01:44:24,427 --> 01:44:26,267 the creature must be destroyed! 1948 01:44:26,267 --> 01:44:28,299 - She's right, I killed an innocent old lady! 1949 01:44:28,299 --> 01:44:30,247 - No, no there must be some mistake! 1950 01:44:30,247 --> 01:44:32,008 - There's no mistake, I deserve to die! 1951 01:44:32,008 --> 01:44:33,677 (Sarah mumbling) 1952 01:44:33,677 --> 01:44:37,635 (audience snickering) 1953 01:44:37,635 --> 01:44:38,587 - Oh my god my pants! 1954 01:44:38,587 --> 01:44:39,420 - I agree! 1955 01:44:40,456 --> 01:44:43,685 - Well, you'll have to go through me first! 1956 01:44:43,685 --> 01:44:45,727 - Uh, that's not me sweetie! 1957 01:44:45,727 --> 01:44:47,115 - But feels real nice. 1958 01:44:47,115 --> 01:44:49,382 - Oh! - This is for Edna Ferbert! 1959 01:44:49,382 --> 01:44:50,705 - Wait! 1960 01:44:50,705 --> 01:44:52,294 Edna Ferbert? 1961 01:44:52,294 --> 01:44:55,134 You killed Edna Ferbert? - Whoo! 1962 01:44:55,134 --> 01:44:56,204 - Guilty. 1963 01:44:56,204 --> 01:44:58,825 - Well that is wonderful. 1964 01:44:58,825 --> 01:44:59,658 (gibbering) 1965 01:44:59,658 --> 01:45:00,849 - What? - What the hell 1966 01:45:00,849 --> 01:45:02,240 are you talking about? 1967 01:45:02,240 --> 01:45:03,520 - I used to live next door to her 1968 01:45:03,520 --> 01:45:05,392 and she was not innocent at all! 1969 01:45:05,392 --> 01:45:06,701 - Well of course she was, 1970 01:45:06,701 --> 01:45:09,880 she was a little old lady, and little old ladies 1971 01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:11,771 are innocent and adorable. 1972 01:45:11,771 --> 01:45:13,251 - Yes. - Aww... 1973 01:45:13,251 --> 01:45:14,496 - Oh yeah? 1974 01:45:14,496 --> 01:45:17,110 Well, she was going deaf right? 1975 01:45:17,110 --> 01:45:18,990 And you know how hard of hearing people talk 1976 01:45:18,990 --> 01:45:20,606 extra loud when they're on the phone? 1977 01:45:20,606 --> 01:45:21,740 - Oh! - Oh that's so annoying! 1978 01:45:21,740 --> 01:45:22,573 - Drives me crazy! - I hate that! 1979 01:45:22,573 --> 01:45:25,477 - I know, I know, so I used to hear her talk. 1980 01:45:25,477 --> 01:45:28,310 She ran Tromaville Escort Service, 1981 01:45:29,847 --> 01:45:33,605 a child prostitution ring that enslaved children 1982 01:45:33,605 --> 01:45:36,787 of all races, creeds, and religious backgrounds! 1983 01:45:36,787 --> 01:45:39,747 - What? - And that's not all! 1984 01:45:39,747 --> 01:45:41,786 'Cause she also downloaded songs 1985 01:45:41,786 --> 01:45:45,044 illegally off the internet, thereby depriving artists of 1986 01:45:45,044 --> 01:45:48,015 their rightful royalties! (dramatic music) 1987 01:45:48,015 --> 01:45:49,863 - For the love of god! (audience applauding) 1988 01:45:49,863 --> 01:45:52,205 (slow sympathetic music) - Oh Sarah! 1989 01:45:52,205 --> 01:45:56,607 ♪ You make me the ♪ - Stop singing! 1990 01:45:56,607 --> 01:45:59,442 The mutant must be exterminated! 1991 01:45:59,442 --> 01:46:04,442 - Oh he might be a mutant but he's my mutant, motherfucker! 1992 01:46:04,756 --> 01:46:07,173 (gun firing) 1993 01:46:08,626 --> 01:46:12,954 Wha, did, di-did I get her? (audience snickering) 1994 01:46:12,954 --> 01:46:14,037 - No, but ow! 1995 01:46:15,164 --> 01:46:16,823 - A little to the left sweetie! 1996 01:46:16,823 --> 01:46:18,531 (gun firing) (groaning) 1997 01:46:18,531 --> 01:46:19,364 - Oh... 1998 01:46:19,364 --> 01:46:20,447 Oh, oh, oh... 1999 01:46:22,775 --> 01:46:25,464 (ballet music) Oh... 2000 01:46:25,464 --> 01:46:30,464 (grunting) (audience snickering) 2001 01:46:32,014 --> 01:46:34,431 (whimpering) 2002 01:46:35,562 --> 01:46:37,812 (grunting) 2003 01:46:41,570 --> 01:46:44,591 Fuck, fuck... (audience chuckling) 2004 01:46:44,591 --> 01:46:47,008 (whimpering) 2005 01:46:53,370 --> 01:46:55,703 (screaming) 2006 01:46:59,530 --> 01:47:00,829 (gun firing) 2007 01:47:00,829 --> 01:47:05,829 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 2008 01:47:07,088 --> 01:47:08,671 - Yeah, yeah now... 2009 01:47:10,410 --> 01:47:13,386 Now I got her that time didn't I? 2010 01:47:13,386 --> 01:47:16,365 - Yeah, she got me (grunting). 2011 01:47:16,365 --> 01:47:17,818 (tragic music) - What? 2012 01:47:17,818 --> 01:47:18,898 Toxie? 2013 01:47:18,898 --> 01:47:19,731 No, Toxie! 2014 01:47:21,517 --> 01:47:25,267 - Sarah! (audience chuckling) 2015 01:47:26,483 --> 01:47:30,400 - Toxie, you're not hideous, you are beautiful. 2016 01:47:31,648 --> 01:47:33,629 Well I mean you could use a little moisturizer, 2017 01:47:33,629 --> 01:47:36,203 but you're beautiful (sobbing)! 2018 01:47:36,203 --> 01:47:37,383 - Oh Sarah! - Uh-huh? 2019 01:47:37,383 --> 01:47:39,589 - I think your love is enough to keep me alive. 2020 01:47:39,589 --> 01:47:40,808 - Really? - No... 2021 01:47:40,808 --> 01:47:44,724 - Oh... (audience chuckling) 2022 01:47:44,724 --> 01:47:47,497 - I see a bright white light! 2023 01:47:47,497 --> 01:47:50,649 - Oh sorry! (audience chuckling) 2024 01:47:50,649 --> 01:47:52,649 - Oh but I still see it! 2025 01:47:53,625 --> 01:47:55,122 Oh... - Toxie? 2026 01:47:55,122 --> 01:47:57,955 (sorrowful music) 2027 01:48:00,548 --> 01:48:04,412 ♪ Look deep inside ♪ 2028 01:48:04,412 --> 01:48:08,785 ♪ I have nothing to hide ♪ 2029 01:48:08,785 --> 01:48:13,785 ♪ Our love's meant to be for ♪ 2030 01:48:15,280 --> 01:48:18,092 ♪ Eternity ♪ 2031 01:48:18,092 --> 01:48:19,230 - [Toxie] Oh Sarah? 2032 01:48:19,230 --> 01:48:20,475 - Uh-huh? - Could you grant 2033 01:48:20,475 --> 01:48:23,326 me one last wish? - Yeah, yeah. 2034 01:48:23,326 --> 01:48:26,475 - Something I've never done. 2035 01:48:26,475 --> 01:48:29,038 - Oh yeah, you want me to put out? 2036 01:48:29,038 --> 01:48:29,937 I can do that. 2037 01:48:29,937 --> 01:48:34,627 (audience chuckling) - Oh, no, no, no, no... 2038 01:48:34,627 --> 01:48:36,294 - No? - Just kiss me. 2039 01:48:43,231 --> 01:48:48,231 (mysterious music) (audience cheering) 2040 01:48:50,903 --> 01:48:53,236 (whistling) 2041 01:48:55,770 --> 01:48:58,270 - Dammit, did I miss anything? 2042 01:48:59,353 --> 01:49:02,388 - You're too late Professor Kennith! 2043 01:49:02,388 --> 01:49:03,471 Toxie's dead! 2044 01:49:06,416 --> 01:49:08,057 (audience chuckling) 2045 01:49:08,057 --> 01:49:09,268 - But Professor, there must be 2046 01:49:09,268 --> 01:49:10,809 something you could do! 2047 01:49:10,809 --> 01:49:12,142 - I'm sorry, no, 2048 01:49:13,673 --> 01:49:16,307 there's nothing, nothing at all, 2049 01:49:16,307 --> 01:49:19,060 nothing in this world that could save this 2050 01:49:19,060 --> 01:49:21,700 poor, wretched creature. 2051 01:49:21,700 --> 01:49:22,533 - No! 2052 01:49:23,398 --> 01:49:25,065 No, no, you can't... 2053 01:49:27,108 --> 01:49:29,593 Oh my god (sobs). 2054 01:49:29,593 --> 01:49:30,676 - Okay, okay. 2055 01:49:33,561 --> 01:49:35,971 (sobbing) Come on. 2056 01:49:35,971 --> 01:49:37,756 - No please! - I'm so sorry. 2057 01:49:37,756 --> 01:49:39,528 - I can't! - I'm so sorry! 2058 01:49:39,528 --> 01:49:42,036 (sobbing) (sorrowful music) 2059 01:49:42,036 --> 01:49:43,453 (audience snickering) 2060 01:49:43,453 --> 01:49:44,869 - [Professor] Except! 2061 01:49:44,869 --> 01:49:46,402 - Oh fucking shit! 2062 01:49:46,402 --> 01:49:51,402 (audience chuckling) (audience applauding) 2063 01:49:58,597 --> 01:49:59,430 Except? 2064 01:49:59,430 --> 01:50:02,688 - Well, it's a one in 1000 shot, 2065 01:50:02,688 --> 01:50:04,744 but he'd have to drink the dirtiest, 2066 01:50:04,744 --> 01:50:08,139 most vile, most disgusting liquid imaginable! 2067 01:50:08,139 --> 01:50:10,754 - But where would we find something that foul? 2068 01:50:10,754 --> 01:50:11,744 - I got it! 2069 01:50:11,744 --> 01:50:15,453 A glass of water from the Thames, in London! 2070 01:50:15,453 --> 01:50:16,653 - [Sarah] Oh! 2071 01:50:16,653 --> 01:50:18,536 - Oh. - Thank you! 2072 01:50:18,536 --> 01:50:21,619 (audience chuckling) 2073 01:50:26,064 --> 01:50:28,231 (humming) 2074 01:50:30,394 --> 01:50:31,227 No, no! 2075 01:50:36,011 --> 01:50:38,184 (humming) 2076 01:50:38,184 --> 01:50:41,253 (audience snickering) 2077 01:50:41,253 --> 01:50:42,170 No, please! 2078 01:50:47,162 --> 01:50:49,474 (humming) 2079 01:50:49,474 --> 01:50:52,557 (audience chuckling) 2080 01:50:55,794 --> 01:50:56,627 He's gone. 2081 01:50:58,093 --> 01:50:59,260 - My baby, oh! 2082 01:51:02,362 --> 01:51:05,593 - Oh my, my big French boyfriend! 2083 01:51:05,593 --> 01:51:08,145 (sorrowful music) (sobbing) 2084 01:51:08,145 --> 01:51:11,562 I, I'm sorry, (mumbles). 2085 01:51:12,519 --> 01:51:14,686 (sobbing) 2086 01:51:26,330 --> 01:51:28,642 (dramatic music) 2087 01:51:28,642 --> 01:51:31,809 (audience applauding) 2088 01:51:33,715 --> 01:51:35,048 - [Toxie] Sarah! 2089 01:51:36,827 --> 01:51:38,120 - Toxie! 2090 01:51:38,120 --> 01:51:40,210 (audience chuckling) 2091 01:51:40,210 --> 01:51:41,698 - Sarah, whatever you just gave me 2092 01:51:41,698 --> 01:51:43,440 really tasted like shit! 2093 01:51:43,440 --> 01:51:46,190 - Oh, oh Toxie will you marry me? 2094 01:51:48,157 --> 01:51:52,173 ♪ Promise ♪ 2095 01:51:52,173 --> 01:51:55,789 ♪ I promise ♪ 2096 01:51:55,789 --> 01:51:59,717 ♪ I promise ♪ 2097 01:51:59,717 --> 01:52:01,717 ♪ Sarah ♪ 2098 01:52:04,768 --> 01:52:07,888 (Toxie roaring) 2099 01:52:07,888 --> 01:52:10,138 - That was a yes everybody! 2100 01:52:11,081 --> 01:52:12,156 (cheerful energetic music) 2101 01:52:12,156 --> 01:52:14,156 - Oh, my darling Melvin! 2102 01:52:15,214 --> 01:52:17,115 I almost lost you! 2103 01:52:17,115 --> 01:52:20,574 Oh and I promise to never criticize or nag you, 2104 01:52:20,574 --> 01:52:25,157 ever, ever again, as long as you give me grandchildren! 2105 01:52:26,675 --> 01:52:28,447 (squealing) (chuckling) 2106 01:52:28,447 --> 01:52:31,030 - Hey, listen to me, everybody! 2107 01:52:32,013 --> 01:52:34,934 Well, all four of you. (audience chuckling) 2108 01:52:34,934 --> 01:52:37,123 When I was dead, I heard a voice, 2109 01:52:37,123 --> 01:52:39,395 a voice that said unto me, 2110 01:52:39,395 --> 01:52:42,854 "Melvin Ferd III, you have been chosen to go to 2111 01:52:42,854 --> 01:52:46,332 "every politician and corporate executive on this Earth 2112 01:52:46,332 --> 01:52:48,403 "and see the good inside of them. 2113 01:52:48,403 --> 01:52:51,254 "And with compassion, and with hope, 2114 01:52:51,254 --> 01:52:53,750 "and with love, you must convince them 2115 01:52:53,750 --> 01:52:56,012 "to stop polluting our planet!" 2116 01:52:56,012 --> 01:52:58,132 - Yes! - "And fouling our air!" 2117 01:52:58,132 --> 01:53:01,315 - That's right! - "And to end global warming!" 2118 01:53:01,315 --> 01:53:02,318 (cheering) 2119 01:53:02,318 --> 01:53:05,067 - Wait but, what if they don't listen? 2120 01:53:05,067 --> 01:53:08,136 - "Then Melvin," the voice said unto me. 2121 01:53:08,136 --> 01:53:11,217 "You must rip their frickin' heads off!" 2122 01:53:11,217 --> 01:53:14,478 (cheering) (audience applauding) 2123 01:53:14,478 --> 01:53:16,536 (mumbling) - One more mum! 2124 01:53:16,536 --> 01:53:18,929 ♪ Come on ♪ 2125 01:53:18,929 --> 01:53:21,667 ♪ Double (mumbles) up her hair ♪ 2126 01:53:21,667 --> 01:53:23,993 ♪ The experts think we'll all be dead ♪ 2127 01:53:23,993 --> 01:53:28,993 ♪ But they don't know we're here to fight ♪ 2128 01:53:30,989 --> 01:53:33,798 ♪ Corporations are full of the beans ♪ 2129 01:53:33,798 --> 01:53:36,246 ♪ A hurricane wiped out New Orleans ♪ 2130 01:53:36,246 --> 01:53:41,246 ♪ And there's just one guy who can make things right ♪ 2131 01:53:43,259 --> 01:53:45,550 ♪ He used to be weak and shy ♪ 2132 01:53:45,550 --> 01:53:49,350 ♪ But now he takes command ♪ 2133 01:53:49,350 --> 01:53:54,350 ♪ Oh god how I love my macho monster man ♪ 2134 01:53:54,819 --> 01:53:57,870 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2135 01:53:57,870 --> 01:54:01,010 ♪ And there's new air in the sky ♪ 2136 01:54:01,010 --> 01:54:04,003 ♪ We can breath now in New Jersey ♪ 2137 01:54:04,003 --> 01:54:07,173 ♪ So you won't catch cancer and die ♪ 2138 01:54:07,173 --> 01:54:11,414 ♪ No you won't catch cancer and die ♪ 2139 01:54:11,414 --> 01:54:14,247 (patriotic music) 2140 01:54:20,357 --> 01:54:25,357 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 2141 01:54:31,222 --> 01:54:35,830 - Ladies and gentlemen, what a year it's been! 2142 01:54:35,830 --> 01:54:39,542 The voters of the greatest state in the world have spoken, 2143 01:54:39,542 --> 01:54:42,489 so please welcome your new First Lady, 2144 01:54:42,489 --> 01:54:46,339 and the author of the Oprah Book of the Month, 2145 01:54:46,339 --> 01:54:51,128 All Men are Freaks, and your new governor, my baby, 2146 01:54:51,128 --> 01:54:53,585 representing the Green Party, governor, 2147 01:54:53,585 --> 01:54:55,585 and Mrs. Toxie Ferd III! 2148 01:54:56,550 --> 01:54:57,485 (audience cheering) (energetic music) 2149 01:54:57,485 --> 01:55:00,410 ♪ The first bill that I plan to pass ♪ 2150 01:55:00,410 --> 01:55:02,600 ♪ Pollute the Earth, and I'll kick your ass ♪ 2151 01:55:02,600 --> 01:55:07,312 ♪ And that seems like a damn good place to start ♪ 2152 01:55:07,312 --> 01:55:09,440 ♪ Oh yeah, whooo ♪ 2153 01:55:09,440 --> 01:55:12,610 ♪ The second thing and this I mean ♪ 2154 01:55:12,610 --> 01:55:14,851 ♪ Love your brother, be he brown or green ♪ 2155 01:55:14,851 --> 01:55:19,255 ♪ Or I will rip your face apart ♪ 2156 01:55:19,255 --> 01:55:21,825 ♪ Right apart ♪ 2157 01:55:21,825 --> 01:55:26,825 ♪ Together we will turn this state into a promised land ♪ 2158 01:55:28,040 --> 01:55:33,040 ♪ And you and I will walk hand in slimy hand ♪ 2159 01:55:33,520 --> 01:55:36,528 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2160 01:55:36,528 --> 01:55:39,707 ♪ We got everything we want ♪ 2161 01:55:39,707 --> 01:55:42,830 ♪ No more garbage in New Jersey ♪ 2162 01:55:42,830 --> 01:55:45,920 ♪ Cause we dumped it in Vermont ♪ 2163 01:55:45,920 --> 01:55:49,728 ♪ Yeah, we dumped it in Vermont ♪ 2164 01:55:49,728 --> 01:55:51,627 - Fuck you Vermont! 2165 01:55:51,627 --> 01:55:53,996 (chattering) (audience applauding) 2166 01:55:53,996 --> 01:55:57,048 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2167 01:55:57,048 --> 01:56:00,358 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ (giggling) 2168 01:56:00,358 --> 01:56:03,206 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2169 01:56:03,206 --> 01:56:06,506 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2170 01:56:06,506 --> 01:56:09,653 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2171 01:56:09,653 --> 01:56:12,797 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2172 01:56:12,797 --> 01:56:15,888 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2173 01:56:15,888 --> 01:56:19,146 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2174 01:56:19,146 --> 01:56:22,311 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ (clapping) 2175 01:56:22,311 --> 01:56:25,537 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2176 01:56:25,537 --> 01:56:28,686 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2177 01:56:28,686 --> 01:56:32,057 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2178 01:56:32,057 --> 01:56:34,305 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2179 01:56:34,305 --> 01:56:37,434 ♪ A revolution ♪ ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2180 01:56:37,434 --> 01:56:41,476 ♪ Evolution ♪ ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2181 01:56:41,476 --> 01:56:44,846 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2182 01:56:44,846 --> 01:56:47,886 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ ♪ A revolution ♪ 2183 01:56:47,886 --> 01:56:51,124 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ ♪ Evolution ♪ 2184 01:56:51,124 --> 01:56:53,966 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2185 01:56:53,966 --> 01:56:58,383 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2186 01:57:01,025 --> 01:57:02,105 (audience applauding) 2187 01:57:02,105 --> 01:57:04,830 New Jersey! (dramatic music) 2188 01:57:04,830 --> 01:57:09,830 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 2189 01:57:11,797 --> 01:57:16,797 (energetic music) (audience applauding) 2190 01:57:49,094 --> 01:57:52,172 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ (clapping) 2191 01:57:52,172 --> 01:57:55,254 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2192 01:57:55,254 --> 01:57:58,393 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2193 01:57:58,393 --> 01:58:01,809 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2194 01:58:01,809 --> 01:58:04,945 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2195 01:58:04,945 --> 01:58:08,163 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2196 01:58:08,163 --> 01:58:11,305 ♪ It's a brand new day ♪ 2197 01:58:11,305 --> 01:58:15,722 ♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪ 2198 01:58:19,483 --> 01:58:22,394 Jersey! (dramatic music) 2199 01:58:22,394 --> 01:58:27,394 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 2200 01:58:44,085 --> 01:58:47,252 (folksy guitar music) 2201 01:58:53,562 --> 01:58:55,592 ♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪ 2202 01:58:55,592 --> 01:58:58,557 ♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪ 2203 01:58:58,557 --> 01:59:03,307 ♪ He killed a lot of folks and he made a love connection ♪ 2204 01:59:03,307 --> 01:59:08,307 ♪ By day, he had a girl who baked him homemade breads ♪ 2205 01:59:08,316 --> 01:59:10,056 ♪ By night, he roamed the streets ♪ 2206 01:59:10,056 --> 01:59:12,267 ♪ And ripped off people's heads ♪ 2207 01:59:12,267 --> 01:59:14,756 ♪ This is the legend ♪ 2208 01:59:14,756 --> 01:59:16,420 ♪ He's the legend ♪ 2209 01:59:16,420 --> 01:59:21,420 ♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪ 2210 01:59:23,075 --> 01:59:27,909 ♪ At first, the folks were sure he'd kill them all one day ♪ 2211 01:59:27,909 --> 01:59:32,719 ♪ But then their crime went down and the freak seemed okay ♪ 2212 01:59:32,719 --> 01:59:37,541 ♪ He proved more popular than Prince William and Kate ♪ 2213 01:59:37,541 --> 01:59:41,529 ♪ He put the garden back in the Garden State ♪ 2214 01:59:41,529 --> 01:59:43,768 ♪ This is the legend ♪ 2215 01:59:43,768 --> 01:59:45,615 ♪ He's the legend ♪ 2216 01:59:45,615 --> 01:59:50,615 ♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪ 2217 01:59:51,370 --> 01:59:53,781 ♪ Oh he's the legend ♪ 2218 01:59:53,781 --> 01:59:56,048 ♪ He's the legend ♪ 2219 01:59:56,048 --> 01:59:58,130 ♪ Oh he's the legend ♪ 2220 01:59:58,130 --> 02:00:00,690 ♪ Hot dang the legend ♪ 2221 02:00:00,690 --> 02:00:05,239 ♪ So tell your children about the legend ♪ 2222 02:00:05,239 --> 02:00:07,509 ♪ You tell your children's children ♪ 2223 02:00:07,509 --> 02:00:10,288 ♪ You tell your children's children chldren ♪ 2224 02:00:10,288 --> 02:00:12,621 ♪ Have your children tell their friends ♪ 2225 02:00:12,621 --> 02:00:14,758 ♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪ 2226 02:00:14,758 --> 02:00:17,097 ♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪ 2227 02:00:17,097 --> 02:00:19,707 ♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪ 2228 02:00:19,707 --> 02:00:23,118 ♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do MySpace, no one goes there ♪ 2229 02:00:23,118 --> 02:00:28,118 ♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na, oh oh ♪ 2230 02:00:29,633 --> 02:00:34,227 ♪ Clap with me, clap with me, clap with me, take it ♪ 2231 02:00:34,227 --> 02:00:38,591 ♪ Clap with me, clap with me ♪ 2232 02:00:38,591 --> 02:00:42,174 (screechy harmonica music) 2233 02:00:47,276 --> 02:00:50,526 (energetic folk music) 2234 02:00:56,452 --> 02:00:59,285 - [Mayor] Just fucking finish it!