0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000


1
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,650
Well, ladies and gentlemen,

2
00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:54,875
this is your captain,
Rusty Griswold.

3
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,215
Hope you've enjoyed
your 18-minute flight

4
00:02:57,215 --> 00:02:58,711
from South Bend.

5
00:02:58,711 --> 00:02:59,977
We'll be touching down

6
00:02:59,977 --> 00:03:02,317
at Chicago's midway
very shortly.

7
00:03:02,355 --> 00:03:04,504
We'd like to thank you
for flying with us today

8
00:03:04,504 --> 00:03:06,536
because at Econo air,
we're working hard

9
00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:08,646
to win back your trust.

10
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,025
Harry, you mind takin' over
while I hit the Lav?

11
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,905
Sure thing, Rusty.

12
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,285
Thank you very much.

13
00:03:16,856 --> 00:03:18,160
Oh, and Rusty.

14
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,078
Mm-hmm. I wanna thank you

15
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:23,032
for goin' to bat for me
last week.

16
00:03:23,032 --> 00:03:24,873
I was happy to do it.

17
00:03:24,873 --> 00:03:26,561
You know, just 'cause corporate
says you're too old to fly,

18
00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:28,210
it doesn't make it true.

19
00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:30,397
If anything, you're more
qualified than us younger guys.

20
00:03:30,397 --> 00:03:31,970
Means a lot to me.

21
00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:33,082
Sure thing.

22
00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:34,578
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hmm.

23
00:03:34,578 --> 00:03:39,489
I wanna thank you for goin'
to bat for me last week.

24
00:03:39,489 --> 00:03:40,947
Yeah.

25
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:43,555
You bet.

26
00:03:44,706 --> 00:03:47,007
Dad, is that the pilot?

27
00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:48,350
It sure is.

28
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:50,268
He just came from the cockpit.

29
00:03:50,268 --> 00:03:52,531
Whoa!

30
00:03:54,411 --> 00:03:56,674
Hey there, little guy. Hi!

31
00:03:56,674 --> 00:03:58,017
Is this your first time
on a plane?

32
00:03:58,017 --> 00:03:59,820
We were planning on driving,

33
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,546
but Tyler here
has been beggin' us

34
00:04:01,546 --> 00:04:03,004
to go on his first airplane.

35
00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:04,730
Oh, is that right? Uh-huh.

36
00:04:04,730 --> 00:04:07,377
Do you think I can be a pilot
when I grow up?

37
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,487
Yeah, well, I don't see why not.

38
00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,175
You just have to study hard

39
00:04:11,175 --> 00:04:13,016
and listen
to your parents, all right?

40
00:04:13,016 --> 00:04:14,627
Whoa! Oh.

41
00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:16,622
O-Okay.

42
00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:17,773
Sorry about that.

43
00:04:17,773 --> 00:04:18,770
Little bit of rough air.

44
00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:19,767
It's okay. Right?

45
00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:21,110
Yeah. Yeah.

46
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:23,105
Uh, don't, uh,
don't worry about it.

47
00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:25,791
Hey. We call that "turbulence,"
all right?

48
00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:27,363
That's when the plane...

49
00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:28,514
Oh!

50
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,304
Oh, so sorry.

51
00:04:35,304 --> 00:04:37,951
Okay. You folks enjoy
the rest of your flight.

52
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,590
Let me give you a hand.

53
00:04:43,590 --> 00:04:47,042
Can you please
stay the fuck away from us?!

54
00:04:50,955 --> 00:04:53,296
Harry!
You took us up to 60,000 feet!

55
00:04:53,296 --> 00:04:54,600
What're you doing?!

56
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,058
Oh, Rusty.

57
00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:59,624
I wanna thank you for goin'
to bat for me last week.

58
00:05:13,319 --> 00:05:14,892
Or the time that pan continental

59
00:05:14,892 --> 00:05:17,309
put us up
at the Ritz in Barcelona.

60
00:05:17,309 --> 00:05:19,649
You know, I'll tell ya one thing
about the Spanish women...

61
00:05:19,649 --> 00:05:21,798
They, uh, they love them
some airline pilots.

62
00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:23,332
They do!

63
00:05:23,332 --> 00:05:25,557
I never took the uniform off
except when I did.

64
00:05:36,605 --> 00:05:37,871
Ladies.

65
00:05:42,436 --> 00:05:44,353
All full. You're gonna
have to wait for the next one.

66
00:05:44,353 --> 00:05:46,387
But I was... You were what?

67
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:50,070
I'll catch the next one.

68
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,489
See ya around, Econo air.

69
00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:10,784
It's the third time this month.
I know.

70
00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:12,166
You have to do something about him.
I will.

71
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:14,122
He's always picking on me.
I know he is.

72
00:06:14,122 --> 00:06:15,963
I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.

73
00:06:15,963 --> 00:06:17,382
Hey. Hi.

74
00:06:17,382 --> 00:06:18,764
What's going on here?
Oh, you'll see.

75
00:06:18,764 --> 00:06:21,104
Kevin! Get down here, please.

76
00:06:21,104 --> 00:06:22,869
Look what Kevin did
to my guitar.

77
00:06:22,869 --> 00:06:24,134
Aw. Not again.

78
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,820
God. You told Mom and Dad?

79
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,277
You have such a vagina.

80
00:06:28,277 --> 00:06:30,195
Okay, enough. Enough.

81
00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:31,307
Now, young man, we talked about

82
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,765
the bullying
of your older brother.

83
00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:34,606
That's right.
We don't make fun of someone

84
00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:35,873
just 'cause they're a little
different from us.

85
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:38,136
D... I don't have a vagina!

86
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,130
I'm just saying
that even if you did,

87
00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,701
it wouldn't be okay for Kevin
to tease you about your vagina.

88
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,156
No! Why are you making it sound
like I have a vagina?!

89
00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:48,033
I know you don't have a vagina.
I'm not doing that.

90
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,606
Kevin, apologize
to your brother, please.

91
00:06:49,606 --> 00:06:51,869
Fine. I'm sorry.

92
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,135
Now, go to your room.

93
00:06:53,135 --> 00:06:55,859
I was in my fucking room.

94
00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:58,391
Whoa. Hey, Kevin?
Get back down here.

95
00:07:01,076 --> 00:07:02,687
Now listen.

96
00:07:02,687 --> 00:07:05,181
There are a lot of boys
who are born with vaginas.

97
00:07:05,181 --> 00:07:06,561
It's very hard for them.

98
00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:07,598
Honey. Hmm?

99
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:08,633
W-why?

100
00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:10,014
It's a teachable Moment, hon.

101
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:11,587
Gender fluidity, right?

102
00:07:11,587 --> 00:07:12,737
It's a very serious issue.

103
00:07:12,737 --> 00:07:14,004
I'm not gender-fluid.

104
00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:15,499
It doesn't matter if you are.

105
00:07:15,499 --> 00:07:18,070
The point is,
your Mom and I would love you

106
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,295
even if you were
completely blank down there.

107
00:07:20,295 --> 00:07:21,829
Okay, that's not...
This is not the point.

108
00:07:21,829 --> 00:07:24,016
This... none... Kevin?
Just go to your room.

109
00:07:26,087 --> 00:07:28,466
Hey, James, don't get
your gender fluid on me.

110
00:07:28,466 --> 00:07:29,809
- Awesome.
- Stop!

111
00:07:29,809 --> 00:07:30,767
It's not a fluid!

112
00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:32,187
And what about my guitar?

113
00:07:32,187 --> 00:07:33,875
It... It's ruined.

114
00:07:33,875 --> 00:07:35,792
Let me have a look.

115
00:07:44,271 --> 00:07:45,766
Here ya go. That'll do for now.

116
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,263
Now get washed up.

117
00:07:47,263 --> 00:07:48,682
The Petersons are coming over
for dinner.

118
00:07:48,682 --> 00:07:49,795
Mwah.

119
00:07:49,795 --> 00:07:50,907
Okay, baby.

120
00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:53,707
Oh, gosh.

121
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,817
I'll get you a new guitar. Okay?

122
00:07:55,817 --> 00:07:57,658
Oh, use the vitamix.
Just grind it up.

123
00:07:57,658 --> 00:07:59,998
The dry bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

124
00:08:00,497 --> 00:08:02,454
Sheila.

125
00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:03,490
So do you have to work tomorrow?

126
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:05,139
So, um, S-Sheila.

127
00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:06,789
'Cause I want to go
to the movies with my friends.

128
00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:07,786
Sheila.

129
00:08:07,786 --> 00:08:08,860
What?

130
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,471
Do you like school this year?

131
00:08:10,471 --> 00:08:11,813
It's okay.

132
00:08:11,813 --> 00:08:14,538
"So, do you like school
this year?"

133
00:08:14,538 --> 00:08:15,957
That's seriously
what you sound like.

134
00:08:15,957 --> 00:08:17,107
Just shut up.

135
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:20,023
God, I'm tellin' you, Russ,

136
00:08:20,023 --> 00:08:21,097
you've gotta get

137
00:08:21,097 --> 00:08:22,939
one of these Go-Kart Kits.

138
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:23,974
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

139
00:08:23,974 --> 00:08:25,317
Gary and I spent

140
00:08:25,355 --> 00:08:27,196
the last two months
building this thing.

141
00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:29,805
We took her out this morning
for the first time.

142
00:08:29,805 --> 00:08:32,030
Holy moly.

143
00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:33,142
Fun?

144
00:08:33,142 --> 00:08:35,137
No, no, it was terrible.

145
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:37,171
Oh, yeah, it was fun!

146
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:38,743
Hot damn! It's a Go-Kart.

147
00:08:38,743 --> 00:08:41,160
G-Man, get over here.

148
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,347
G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

149
00:08:43,347 --> 00:08:44,689
Oh, my God, my G-Man.

150
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:46,031
I love him.

151
00:08:46,031 --> 00:08:47,566
Get in there.
What? Oh, I didn't...

152
00:08:47,566 --> 00:08:49,062
What? What? What?

153
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,290
Get in there.
Get in there. Get in there.

154
00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:52,591
Get in there. Blblblblbl!

155
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:55,123
Oh, man! I love you so much.

156
00:08:55,123 --> 00:08:58,422
Oh. Oh, tell Mr. Griswold
how dope our Go-Kart is.

157
00:08:58,422 --> 00:08:59,995
It's got a Zanardi chassis

158
00:08:59,995 --> 00:09:02,488
and a four-stroke
Briggs & Stratton engine.

159
00:09:02,488 --> 00:09:04,906
Wow. And you guys built this together?
Yep.

160
00:09:04,906 --> 00:09:06,708
We worked on it every day after
homework and toothbrushin'.

161
00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:08,703
I love... get over here.
Get over here, man.

162
00:09:08,703 --> 00:09:10,698
Aah! Aah!

163
00:09:10,698 --> 00:09:12,156
Work it, sugar Ray.

164
00:09:12,156 --> 00:09:13,651
Come on, sugar Ray.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

165
00:09:13,651 --> 00:09:14,956
He's workin' me over.

166
00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:17,565
I'm gonna eat your face!

167
00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:19,175
Kevin, James, get over here!

168
00:09:19,175 --> 00:09:21,055
No.

169
00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:22,321
Come on.

170
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,932
Oh! Oh! There you are!

171
00:09:23,932 --> 00:09:25,275
Ow. Ow.

172
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,656
Whoa-ho! Dad, stop.

173
00:09:26,656 --> 00:09:28,191
Come on, man.
What are you doing?

174
00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:29,380
Come on. We're sparring.
We do this all the time.

175
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,068
- No. We never do this.
- Come on.

176
00:09:31,068 --> 00:09:33,178
Mnh. Ow. Hey!
Don't... don't hit your old man.

177
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:34,252
I don't wanna be a part of this.

178
00:09:34,252 --> 00:09:35,364
Whoa!

179
00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:39,929
D... what are you doing?
Aah! Aah! Aah!

180
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:40,926
This is how accidents happen.
Sacrifice!

181
00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:42,461
Aah! Dad!

182
00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:44,954
Let go of me. Stop!
Why did you do that?

183
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,525
I'm sorry, man.

184
00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:49,251
Come on.
I was just foolin' around.

185
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:50,861
That wasn't fun.
Like we always do.

186
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,550
We never do that. Hey.

187
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,851
What do you say you and I build
a Go-Kart together?

188
00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:57,345
If we have to.

189
00:09:57,345 --> 00:09:58,841
Yeah! All right!

190
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:01,105
G-Man! Get outta here.

191
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,447
Get outta here, G-Man!

192
00:10:03,789 --> 00:10:06,629
D-Did you just steal
my son's nickname?

193
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,418
I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot.

194
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:14,876
Oh. Dang it.

195
00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:16,794
Wow. Your ring
is getting loose, there, Deb.

196
00:10:16,794 --> 00:10:18,366
Mm. Yeah. Are you losin' weight?

197
00:10:18,405 --> 00:10:20,554
Yeah. I am.
You know what I've been doing?

198
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,049
Spinning.

199
00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:24,236
Yeah. It's a...
It's a great stress reliever.

200
00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:26,883
Now, I'm gonna tell you what's
an even greater stress reliever.

201
00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:28,993
And that is a week in Paris.

202
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:31,678
Oh, my gosh!
I saw that on Instagram.

203
00:10:31,678 --> 00:10:33,251
All your pictures were so great.

204
00:10:33,251 --> 00:10:34,747
Oh, so you did see 'em. Yeah!

205
00:10:34,747 --> 00:10:36,588
Well, that's funny
'cause I was gonna ask

206
00:10:36,588 --> 00:10:38,200
how come you didn't like
any of 'em.

207
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,964
What do you mean?
I just said I did.

208
00:10:39,964 --> 00:10:41,383
Well, no, all my other friends,

209
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,263
uh, who saw my Paris pics,
they clicked "like."

210
00:10:43,263 --> 00:10:44,912
You were the only one
who didn't click "like."

211
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,101
Oh.

212
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:47,790
I guess I just didn't get around

213
00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:50,053
to actually
clicking "like" on them.

214
00:10:50,053 --> 00:10:51,127
Okay, 'cause look at this one.

215
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:52,508
Now, in this one,

216
00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:55,347
we have Sheila and Gary
wearin' berets.

217
00:10:55,347 --> 00:10:56,497
I know. Right? Bonjour.

218
00:10:56,497 --> 00:10:57,879
I know. I like that one so much.

219
00:10:57,879 --> 00:10:59,068
It's so cute.
But you didn't "like" it.

220
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,602
Okay.

221
00:11:00,602 --> 00:11:02,827
Now, here are the four of us
at the Arc De Triomphe.

222
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,783
Didn't "like" that.
Didn't "like" my children.

223
00:11:04,822 --> 00:11:06,663
Didn't "like" my man
kissin' on me.

224
00:11:06,663 --> 00:11:08,773
I-I-I promise you,
the second you guys leave,

225
00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:10,729
I am gonna go upstairs online,

226
00:11:10,729 --> 00:11:13,338
and I am gonna click "like"
on every single one of them.

227
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,910
Honestly, honey,
it really... I promise.

228
00:11:14,910 --> 00:11:17,174
It makes no difference to me.

229
00:11:18,785 --> 00:11:21,816
So, are you guys going anywhere
special this summer?

230
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:23,657
Oh, I wish. Yeah. No.

231
00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:25,958
We're... we are renting
the same cabin

232
00:11:25,958 --> 00:11:27,340
that we've been renting
for 10 years

233
00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,335
in Cheboygan, Michigan. Wow.

234
00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:31,828
The boys call it
"Che-boring," Michigan.

235
00:11:32,327 --> 00:11:33,631
Isn't that funny?

236
00:11:33,631 --> 00:11:35,127
Why don't you
just go someplace else?

237
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,697
Oh, no. We can't.
Rusty loves it so much.

238
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,807
I would break his heart
if I told him that we hate the cabin.

239
00:11:39,807 --> 00:11:40,920
Oh, boy. Yeah.

240
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:43,988
I understand. I understand.

241
00:11:43,988 --> 00:11:46,098
Yeah. Well, you know
what the good news is?

242
00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,518
Hmm?

243
00:11:47,518 --> 00:11:49,781
Honestly, even if you go there

244
00:11:49,781 --> 00:11:51,661
and you don't have
a great time, baby,

245
00:11:51,661 --> 00:11:53,080
at least you know

246
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,806
that I will click "like"
on all your photos.

247
00:11:54,806 --> 00:11:56,648
Oh, Jesus Christ, Nancy.

248
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:58,987
Look! Look!

249
00:12:00,522 --> 00:12:02,440
What the fuck is this?

250
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,013
- Louie!
- Yes, sir.

251
00:12:04,013 --> 00:12:07,197
Oh, you're back there! Get out!

252
00:12:15,329 --> 00:12:17,171
What the fuck is this?!

253
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:20,201
Hey, madam. How much capellini
are you throwing away?

254
00:12:21,505 --> 00:12:23,615
What are you doing, Melinda?

255
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:27,144
What are you doing?

256
00:12:27,144 --> 00:12:29,600
- You're making me mad!
- Yes, chef.

257
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,904
So fucking mad! Yes, chef.

258
00:12:30,904 --> 00:12:32,592
- Joseph!
- Yes, chef.

259
00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:02,207
Guys, I have exciting news.

260
00:13:02,207 --> 00:13:03,550
James has aids?!

261
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,660
What? No! That's horrible.

262
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,999
I'd be excited.
Well, what is it? What is it?

263
00:13:07,999 --> 00:13:09,649
The four of us are gonna take
a little trip.

264
00:13:09,649 --> 00:13:10,876
Paris.

265
00:13:10,876 --> 00:13:12,909
Hmm? No. Much better.

266
00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:16,362
We're driving to Walley World.

267
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:17,321
What?

268
00:13:17,321 --> 00:13:18,664
This family's in a rut.

269
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:19,737
We gotta shake things up. Right?

270
00:13:19,737 --> 00:13:21,119
Spend a little quality time.

271
00:13:21,119 --> 00:13:22,806
And of course, it wouldn't hurt

272
00:13:22,806 --> 00:13:24,916
for the boys to learn
to get along a little better.

273
00:13:24,916 --> 00:13:27,525
Uh, by locking them
in a car together? Yeah.

274
00:13:27,525 --> 00:13:29,251
This is some bullshit
right here!

275
00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:30,977
Hey! Language! Well, it is!

276
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,317
I'm gonna miss the first week
of wrestling practice!

277
00:13:33,317 --> 00:13:35,619
We'll find a wrestling range
along the way.

278
00:13:35,619 --> 00:13:37,192
That's not even a thing!

279
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,611
And, Dad, no offense,

280
00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:40,184
but I just don't wanna do
my first big road trip

281
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:42,218
to some corporate theme park,
you know?

282
00:13:42,218 --> 00:13:44,289
I'd like to explore
the real America,

283
00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:47,703
like, uh, Jack Kerouac
or the Merry Pranksters.

284
00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:48,815
Ow.

285
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:50,772
Don't say weird shit! Ow!

286
00:13:50,772 --> 00:13:52,920
Kevin! Bullying! Guys, come on.

287
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,378
My trip to Walley World
when I was a kid

288
00:13:54,378 --> 00:13:55,912
was the best time I ever had.

289
00:13:55,912 --> 00:14:00,362
So you just wanna redo
your vacation from 30 years ago?

290
00:14:00,362 --> 00:14:02,587
Don't you think that's gonna be
kind of a letdown?

291
00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:04,735
No, no, no, no.
We're not redoing anything.

292
00:14:04,735 --> 00:14:06,538
This will be
completely different.

293
00:14:06,538 --> 00:14:08,725
For one thing, the original
vacation had a boy and a girl.

294
00:14:08,725 --> 00:14:10,605
This one has two boys.

295
00:14:10,643 --> 00:14:14,556
And I'm sure that there will be
lots of other differences.

296
00:14:14,556 --> 00:14:16,474
I've never even heard
of the original vacation.

297
00:14:16,474 --> 00:14:17,816
Doesn't matter.

298
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,658
The new vacation
will stand on its own.

299
00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:20,847
Okay?

300
00:14:20,847 --> 00:14:22,305
Come on, honey.

301
00:14:22,305 --> 00:14:25,680
What do you say?
We can drive out and fly back.

302
00:14:25,719 --> 00:14:27,483
Oh, what the heck.

303
00:14:27,483 --> 00:14:30,130
It couldn't be as bad as that
stupid cabin, right, honey?

304
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,703
That's the spirit. All right.

305
00:14:31,703 --> 00:14:34,081
Fuck me.

306
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,961
Are we gonna drive all that way
in your little car, Dad?

307
00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:38,186
Not exactly.

308
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:51,996
- Come on, guys.
- What?

309
00:14:52,035 --> 00:14:53,530
How come you didn't follow me
just then?

310
00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:55,679
Oh. You wanted us to?

311
00:14:55,679 --> 00:14:57,558
Yeah. That's why
I dangled the key like that.

312
00:14:57,558 --> 00:14:59,630
Oh, well, I don't...
Why else would I...?

313
00:14:59,630 --> 00:15:02,085
You could have just said,
"come with me."

314
00:15:02,699 --> 00:15:04,310
Look what your Dad rented.

315
00:15:05,384 --> 00:15:06,458
What the hell is that?

316
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,031
Kevin.

317
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:10,524
That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.

318
00:15:10,524 --> 00:15:12,059
Did you say "Tartan," honey?
Yeah.

319
00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:13,517
Tartan's the Honda of Albania.

320
00:15:13,517 --> 00:15:15,588
Why'd you get
an Albanian car, Dad?

321
00:15:15,588 --> 00:15:17,928
Well, it turns out renting a family car
on Memorial Day weekend

322
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:19,271
doesn't leave you
with a lot of options.

323
00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:21,956
But this baby is pretty sweet.

324
00:15:21,956 --> 00:15:24,219
It's got all the latest
Albanian technology.

325
00:15:24,219 --> 00:15:25,601
Plug-in hybrid.

326
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:27,710
Oh, wow. Eco-friendly. Good.

327
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:31,162
So any time we run outta juice,
we can just pull right over,

328
00:15:31,201 --> 00:15:32,851
and... plug in.

329
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:34,845
I don't...
I don't know what that is.

330
00:15:34,845 --> 00:15:37,108
Never seen an outlet for that.

331
00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:38,528
Should it retract, or...

332
00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:39,794
You would think
it would retract.

333
00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:41,443
It just... Huh.

334
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:42,940
If it just...
No, it doesn't. It's... Yeah.

335
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:43,937
Cup holder?

336
00:15:43,937 --> 00:15:45,126
I think you coil it.

337
00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:46,584
I think you just coil it
like that.

338
00:15:46,584 --> 00:15:48,464
Right?
And then you close it right up.

339
00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:50,573
Doesn't matter.
We've still got two gas tanks.

340
00:15:50,573 --> 00:15:52,990
Why two?
Carry twice as much gas.

341
00:15:52,990 --> 00:15:55,292
Why not just have one big tank?

342
00:15:55,292 --> 00:15:56,750
It's twice the gas, buddy.

343
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:57,900
Actually the same volume.

344
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,934
Two small... Shh.

345
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:01,583
It has six ashtrays.

346
00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:03,079
Six. Wow.

347
00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:06,416
Hope you guys
like Smokin'! Right?

348
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:07,568
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

349
00:16:07,568 --> 00:16:08,910
What's with all the mirrors?

350
00:16:11,327 --> 00:16:12,401
Safer.

351
00:16:12,401 --> 00:16:14,319
But... Oh!

352
00:16:14,319 --> 00:16:15,623
And this is amazing.

353
00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:18,308
I can control the entire car
from the fob.

354
00:16:18,308 --> 00:16:19,920
What do all the buttons mean?

355
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,415
No clue.
But we'll figure it out.

356
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,717
Honey, is that...
Is that a swastika on there?

357
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,441
Yeah. We won't use that.

358
00:16:26,441 --> 00:16:27,745
This is my favorite part.

359
00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:31,620
Slam the door on my arm.

360
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,269
What? It has a sensor.

361
00:16:33,269 --> 00:16:35,993
It won't let you slam the door
on your arm or leg.

362
00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:37,412
Honey, I'm not doing that.

363
00:16:37,412 --> 00:16:38,985
The rental guy showed me.
Just do it.

364
00:16:38,985 --> 00:16:40,980
Okay. Do it!

365
00:16:41,786 --> 00:16:43,474
Do it. Kinda fun.

366
00:16:43,474 --> 00:16:45,430
Slam it. All right.

367
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:46,273
There ya go. Oh!

368
00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:47,616
Oh, my God! Oh!

369
00:16:47,616 --> 00:16:48,767
Oh, my gosh! Ohh.

370
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:50,148
God damn it! Oh, my God!

371
00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:51,491
Why did you have me do that?

372
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:54,521
Ohh.

373
00:16:54,521 --> 00:16:57,321
Oh. Oh, I didn't have
the sensor activated.

374
00:16:57,321 --> 00:16:58,588
Okay.

375
00:16:58,588 --> 00:17:00,314
I'm an idiot. Do it again.

376
00:17:00,314 --> 00:17:01,772
No! Absolutely not.

377
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,306
Come on. It'll be fine.
I just activated it.

378
00:17:03,306 --> 00:17:04,188
No, I'm not gonna do it!

379
00:17:04,188 --> 00:17:05,339
Don't be chicken.

380
00:17:05,339 --> 00:17:06,413
Fine!

381
00:17:06,413 --> 00:17:08,101
Aah! Ow! Aah!

382
00:17:08,101 --> 00:17:09,942
Shit!

383
00:17:09,942 --> 00:17:10,940
Why did you do that?

384
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:12,398
Really?

385
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,932
You're right. I'm sorry.

386
00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:16,119
Ohh. Nobody slam their arm
in the door, okay?

387
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,037
Can I slam it on James' balls?

388
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,261
So you admit I have balls?
Yeah, they hang outta your vagina.

389
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:22,141
Okay, you two stop that. Guys, come on.
There's plenty of time for that.

390
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,331
Please. Go on and get packed.

391
00:17:23,331 --> 00:17:24,328
We're hittin' the road today.

392
00:17:24,328 --> 00:17:25,593
Okay.

393
00:17:25,593 --> 00:17:26,975
Guess we're leaving today. Phew!

394
00:17:26,975 --> 00:17:28,777
All right. Let's go, guys.

395
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,992
Ah.

396
00:17:41,705 --> 00:17:43,623
Hey, honey. What's all that?

397
00:17:43,623 --> 00:17:46,116
Well, this is my dream journal,

398
00:17:46,116 --> 00:17:48,956
whimsy log, wish diary,

399
00:17:48,994 --> 00:17:50,183
my poems.

400
00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:52,561
And this bad boy is going to be

401
00:17:52,561 --> 00:17:55,362
a stream of consciousness
travel log, so...

402
00:17:55,362 --> 00:17:57,549
Yeah.

403
00:17:57,549 --> 00:17:59,811
Come on, honey,
every boy that age

404
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,576
has a stack of diaries.

405
00:18:01,576 --> 00:18:03,034
Okay, gang.

406
00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:06,678
Seat belts on!

407
00:18:06,678 --> 00:18:07,982
Two full tanks of gas!

408
00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:09,479
Honey, GPS check?

409
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,974
Yes. Yes. Roger that.

410
00:18:10,974 --> 00:18:12,816
Okay.

411
00:18:12,816 --> 00:18:16,038
Your destination
is 2,560 miles ahead.

412
00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:18,724
Walley world, here we come.

413
00:18:48,645 --> 00:18:50,448
Well, we're almost out of gas.

414
00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:52,789
What? How is that possible?

415
00:18:52,789 --> 00:18:54,476
We've been driving
for less than an hour.

416
00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:08,401
Hey, Dad, what's so special
about Walley World?

417
00:19:08,401 --> 00:19:10,741
I mean, we have plenty
of theme parks at home.

418
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,966
Well, walley world is home

419
00:19:12,966 --> 00:19:16,380
of the one and only
Velociraptor.

420
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,375
What the hell is that?

421
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,409
It's only the newest,
scariest roller coaster

422
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,598
in the country.

423
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:25,587
450 feet tall,
110 miles an hour,

424
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:28,042
triple corkscrew loop.

425
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,114
Yeah. Oh, hey! Look at this!

426
00:19:30,114 --> 00:19:32,914
Looks like we got ourselves
a little old convoy.

427
00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:34,448
Let's say "Hi."

428
00:19:35,791 --> 00:19:37,863
Oh, my goodness.
It has a CD Radio in it?

429
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:39,359
Yeah.
Comes standard in all prancers.

430
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:41,699
This way we can talk to truckers.
Okay.

431
00:19:41,699 --> 00:19:44,346
Now, guys, you just have
to speak their lingo.

432
00:19:44,346 --> 00:19:46,877
All right, I'm gonna ask him
if there's any police up ahead.

433
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,370
Breaker 1-9 to rubber ducky.

434
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:52,017
You got any smokey the bears
in your kitchen? Over.

435
00:19:53,552 --> 00:19:55,087
You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.

436
00:19:55,087 --> 00:19:57,311
He replied! I know!

437
00:19:57,311 --> 00:19:58,808
What did that even mean?

438
00:19:58,808 --> 00:20:00,803
I have no idea, but who cares?

439
00:20:00,803 --> 00:20:01,992
He seems nice.

440
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,025
He does seem nice, doesn't he?

441
00:20:04,025 --> 00:20:05,942
Copy that, good buddy. Over.

442
00:20:05,942 --> 00:20:07,055
Oh, can I try, Dad?

443
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:08,321
Yeah, course.

444
00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:10,201
When you finish talking,
say "over."

445
00:20:10,201 --> 00:20:11,812
Okay. Cool. Okay.

446
00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:13,615
Breaker 1-9,

447
00:20:13,615 --> 00:20:16,262
my friend Jessie says
all truck drivers are rapists.

448
00:20:16,262 --> 00:20:17,566
Are you a rapist? Kevin, no!

449
00:20:17,566 --> 00:20:18,870
No! Oh. Sorry.

450
00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,405
Over. No! No.

451
00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:21,901
What are you doing?

452
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:24,855
What? It's a question.
You're ruining it.

453
00:20:25,776 --> 00:20:28,269
Sorry about that there,
good buddy.

454
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,918
You know how little boys are
when their mouths get goin'.

455
00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:34,215
I don't...
Not to imply that you are...

456
00:20:34,215 --> 00:20:38,741
Fond of when little boys' mouths
get goin' in any way.

457
00:20:38,741 --> 00:20:40,391
I-I'm not suggesting

458
00:20:40,391 --> 00:20:42,770
that you are a sex offender
or a pedophile.

459
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,380
Okay, no! Yeah.

460
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:46,375
So that's the CD Radio, guys.

461
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,370
Neat, huh?

462
00:20:48,409 --> 00:20:49,521
Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile?

463
00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:51,132
Mm, well, Kevin,

464
00:20:51,132 --> 00:20:53,511
when a man and a boy love
each other very mu... No.

465
00:20:53,511 --> 00:20:55,428
No.

466
00:20:57,692 --> 00:21:00,032
I have to piss. Me, too.

467
00:21:00,032 --> 00:21:01,950
Okay, go with him, please,
and keep an eye on him.

468
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,829
Okay. Thank you.

469
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:08,049
Look at that.
The boys are bonding already.

470
00:21:08,088 --> 00:21:09,277
Mm-hmm.

471
00:21:09,277 --> 00:21:10,581
Isn't this the best?

472
00:21:10,581 --> 00:21:12,537
Yeah.

473
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,568
Do you remember,

474
00:21:15,568 --> 00:21:17,716
back when you were just getting
your pilot's license

475
00:21:17,716 --> 00:21:19,711
and you and I would sit there

476
00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:21,360
and we'd talk
about all those, like,

477
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,315
overseas trips we would take and stuff?
Oh.

478
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:26,041
Yeah, of course,
that's when I thought

479
00:21:26,041 --> 00:21:28,726
I was gonna fly
for one of the big guys.

480
00:21:28,726 --> 00:21:30,452
I know it's not
the most glamorous airline,

481
00:21:30,452 --> 00:21:33,253
but Econo air,
it's been pretty good to us.

482
00:21:33,253 --> 00:21:34,403
As far as I'm concerned,

483
00:21:34,403 --> 00:21:35,900
right here
with you and the boys,

484
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:38,125
this is paradise.

485
00:21:40,656 --> 00:21:42,459
There was a hole
in the side of my stall.

486
00:21:42,459 --> 00:21:43,955
Sounds like you found
yourself a glory hole. Russ?

487
00:21:43,955 --> 00:21:45,298
Hmm? No.

488
00:21:45,298 --> 00:21:47,369
All right. Let's hit the road.
Okay.

489
00:22:28,454 --> 00:22:30,640
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!

490
00:22:42,877 --> 00:22:44,911
What... What's wrong with you?!

491
00:22:44,911 --> 00:22:47,136
I just wanted to see how long
you could hold your breath

492
00:22:47,136 --> 00:22:48,479
before you black out.

493
00:22:48,479 --> 00:22:50,857
Don't do that!
I could have died.

494
00:22:50,857 --> 00:22:52,506
Whatever.

495
00:22:57,110 --> 00:22:59,258
Goddamn it. Kevin!

496
00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:14,411
Hey, honey,
why'd we get off the highway?

497
00:23:14,411 --> 00:23:15,984
Well, I thought it would be fun

498
00:23:15,984 --> 00:23:17,556
for the kids to see
where you went to college.

499
00:23:17,556 --> 00:23:20,893
Oh, God. Why would that
be fun for them, honey?

500
00:23:20,893 --> 00:23:22,351
Well, you could give us a tour.

501
00:23:22,351 --> 00:23:24,001
Maybe one of them
could study there one day.

502
00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:26,417
Oh, no. No way, man.

503
00:23:26,417 --> 00:23:27,722
I've got my sights set

504
00:23:27,722 --> 00:23:29,141
on something
a little more Ivy league.

505
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:30,331
Oh.

506
00:23:30,331 --> 00:23:31,674
Little fucker.

507
00:23:31,674 --> 00:23:33,323
What, Ma? I love you.

508
00:23:33,323 --> 00:23:34,742
That's what I said.

509
00:23:34,742 --> 00:23:36,200
Love you, too.
I said I love you.

510
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,156
Let's just see how far it is.

511
00:23:38,156 --> 00:23:40,573
You are 9.2 miles
from your destination.

512
00:23:40,573 --> 00:23:41,570
Oh. All right.

513
00:23:41,570 --> 00:23:43,718
Check the best route.

514
00:23:45,061 --> 00:23:47,286
Oh! I changed the language.

515
00:23:50,163 --> 00:23:51,467
That's not it.

516
00:23:52,925 --> 00:23:54,037
What is that?

517
00:23:54,037 --> 00:23:56,416
Uh, I don't know. I... Korean?

518
00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:58,718
Oh, God, it's horrible! Oh.

519
00:23:58,718 --> 00:24:00,520
Just please turn it off, Russ.

520
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,208
The menu's all in Korean now.
I don't know what to press.

521
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:04,433
Why is it so much angrier
than the other voices?

522
00:24:04,433 --> 00:24:06,390
Why don't we just...
Honey, it doesn't...

523
00:24:06,390 --> 00:24:08,193
It like when you touch it, okay?

524
00:24:08,193 --> 00:24:10,994
Just leave it alone.
Let it calm down.

525
00:24:22,156 --> 00:24:25,954
Wow. This place
has not changed a bit.

526
00:24:25,954 --> 00:24:27,565
Isn't that Sorority Row?

527
00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:28,831
Mm-hmm.

528
00:24:28,831 --> 00:24:30,174
Let's go check out your house.

529
00:24:30,174 --> 00:24:31,938
Oh, no, honey.

530
00:24:31,938 --> 00:24:33,588
Don't you... don't you think
we should get back on the road?

531
00:24:33,588 --> 00:24:35,851
No, come on. It'll be fun.

532
00:24:35,851 --> 00:24:38,191
It's... It's just a boring,
old house.

533
00:24:55,454 --> 00:24:57,525
Go! Go! Go! Go!

534
00:24:57,525 --> 00:24:59,137
Yeah! That's what's up!

535
00:24:59,137 --> 00:25:02,129
I cannot believe that
they are still doing this.

536
00:25:02,129 --> 00:25:03,970
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug

537
00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:05,120
what is it?

538
00:25:05,159 --> 00:25:08,496
Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug run.

539
00:25:08,496 --> 00:25:10,952
You have to chug
a big pitcher of beer

540
00:25:10,952 --> 00:25:13,406
and then you have to get through
the course as fast as you can.

541
00:25:13,406 --> 00:25:16,552
And you did this?
'Cause you hardly drink.

542
00:25:16,552 --> 00:25:17,818
No. Yeah.

543
00:25:17,818 --> 00:25:19,775
But, honey, it's for charity.
See?

544
00:25:21,654 --> 00:25:24,416
Hi. Would you like to donate
to assburgers?

545
00:25:24,454 --> 00:25:26,449
Oh, no. We're just stopping by.

546
00:25:26,449 --> 00:25:28,713
I was a Tri-Pi
a long time ago, so...

547
00:25:28,713 --> 00:25:31,436
In fact,
the Chug run was my idea.

548
00:25:31,436 --> 00:25:32,818
It was?

549
00:25:32,818 --> 00:25:34,582
Yeah.

550
00:25:34,582 --> 00:25:36,078
Wait. Are you Debbie Fletcher?

551
00:25:36,078 --> 00:25:37,114
Yeah.

552
00:25:37,114 --> 00:25:38,840
Oh, my shit.

553
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,065
Oh, my shit!
I can't believe it's you!

554
00:25:41,065 --> 00:25:43,481
Guys! Come here!
Bring over the book!

555
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,668
It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.

556
00:25:45,668 --> 00:25:47,970
- How do you know who I am?
- Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

557
00:25:47,970 --> 00:25:49,926
You're like a legend at Tri-Pi!

558
00:25:49,926 --> 00:25:51,614
You're Debbie do-anything!

559
00:25:51,614 --> 00:25:52,765
Uh, Debbie do-anything?

560
00:25:52,765 --> 00:25:53,839
Go play.

561
00:25:53,839 --> 00:25:55,949
Yeah, look! See?

562
00:25:55,949 --> 00:25:57,944
Huh? Oh, God.

563
00:25:57,944 --> 00:25:59,977
Is it true that you climbed
the clock tower naked?

564
00:26:00,015 --> 00:26:01,627
Of course not.

565
00:26:01,627 --> 00:26:03,468
Did you really show your tits
to anyone who asked?

566
00:26:03,468 --> 00:26:05,808
- Honey, we should go.
- Wha... Wha... hang... hang on.

567
00:26:05,808 --> 00:26:07,803
I heard that you stuck a finger
in the Dean's dick.

568
00:26:07,841 --> 00:26:09,836
Did you really burn down
the taco bell?

569
00:26:09,836 --> 00:26:11,638
I heard that you fucked
Anthony Hopkins.

570
00:26:11,638 --> 00:26:14,017
I heard that,
if people bop you on your head,

571
00:26:14,017 --> 00:26:16,127
gold coins
come out of your butt.

572
00:26:16,127 --> 00:26:18,045
Okay, ladies. Uh... What?!

573
00:26:19,157 --> 00:26:20,845
I think I know my wife
pretty well,

574
00:26:20,845 --> 00:26:22,955
and she wouldn't have done
any of those things.

575
00:26:22,955 --> 00:26:24,451
But you know what?

576
00:26:24,451 --> 00:26:26,216
What's important is
not whether I did them

577
00:26:26,216 --> 00:26:27,328
or I didn't do them.

578
00:26:27,328 --> 00:26:28,978
What's important is

579
00:26:28,978 --> 00:26:31,049
that you guys are idolizing
very bad behavior here.

580
00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:32,430
Uh, Ew.

581
00:26:32,430 --> 00:26:33,888
You don't sound like
Debbie do-anything.

582
00:26:33,888 --> 00:26:35,499
I had a feeling
she was all hype.

583
00:26:35,499 --> 00:26:37,916
Bet she didn't even come up
with the Chug run.

584
00:26:37,916 --> 00:26:39,604
Hey! Wait a min... Excuse me.

585
00:26:39,604 --> 00:26:43,018
I did come up with the Chug run,
all right?

586
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:44,246
And I ran it.

587
00:26:44,246 --> 00:26:45,626
Sure you did. No, I did.

588
00:26:45,626 --> 00:26:47,583
In 16 seconds, okay? Okay, hon.

589
00:26:47,583 --> 00:26:49,002
Prove it.

590
00:26:49,002 --> 00:26:50,728
She can't do it now. She's old.

591
00:26:50,728 --> 00:26:51,956
Excuse me, girl?

592
00:26:51,956 --> 00:26:53,414
I didn't mean it like that.

593
00:26:53,414 --> 00:26:55,677
I just mean... You're old.

594
00:26:57,019 --> 00:27:00,396
Oh, oh, yeah!

595
00:27:00,396 --> 00:27:03,080
Never heard that laugh before.
I don't like it.

596
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,270
Hold my bag. Unh-Unh.

597
00:27:04,270 --> 00:27:06,265
Why? I'm not... You're not...

598
00:27:06,265 --> 00:27:07,761
You're not actually going on this thing.
Yes, I am.

599
00:27:07,761 --> 00:27:09,487
This Chug run raised

600
00:27:09,525 --> 00:27:11,520
thousands of dollars
for charity, all right?

601
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,937
Now, I might not have gotten
good grades while I was here.

602
00:27:13,937 --> 00:27:16,431
But at least I did something.
Yeah, it sounds like you did a lot.

603
00:27:16,431 --> 00:27:17,658
You stuck your finger
in the Dean's penis.

604
00:27:17,658 --> 00:27:19,500
You know, honey,
it's not important

605
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:20,535
what I stuck my finger in and
what I burnt down, all right?

606
00:27:20,535 --> 00:27:22,146
What is important right now

607
00:27:22,146 --> 00:27:23,796
is that these Fuckin' bitches
are disrespecting me,

608
00:27:23,796 --> 00:27:25,828
and that ain't right, okay?
"Bitches"?

609
00:27:26,749 --> 00:27:28,169
Bring it on.

610
00:27:29,588 --> 00:27:31,928
No one's calling me old.
Fuck you.

611
00:27:31,928 --> 00:27:33,194
All right, boobs, pitcher!
Let's go.

612
00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:34,844
Come on, come on, come on.

613
00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,245
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!

614
00:27:57,860 --> 00:27:59,855
Oh, Jesus Christ.

615
00:28:08,563 --> 00:28:11,018
Three! Two! One!

616
00:28:17,731 --> 00:28:19,419
Oh, honey.

617
00:28:32,731 --> 00:28:34,188
What's Mom doing?

618
00:28:34,188 --> 00:28:37,065
She's, uh, teaching
these bitches a-a lesson.

619
00:28:48,228 --> 00:28:51,413
This is the best thing
I've ever seen.

620
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:57,051
Go! Go! Go!

621
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:03,572
Why is she puking so much?

622
00:29:03,572 --> 00:29:05,376
It's for assburgers.

623
00:29:18,572 --> 00:29:21,565
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!

624
00:29:34,415 --> 00:29:36,909
Mom, you should try
and stay hydrated.

625
00:29:38,289 --> 00:29:41,167
What? What are you doing?

626
00:29:43,277 --> 00:29:44,696
How 'bout some tunes?

627
00:29:47,803 --> 00:29:49,874
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

628
00:29:49,874 --> 00:29:51,831
I love this song!

629
00:29:51,831 --> 00:29:54,708
Guys, it's seal!

630
00:29:54,708 --> 00:29:57,432
Everybody sing it with me.

631
00:30:02,879 --> 00:30:04,030
Come on, guys.

632
00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:10,781
Deb?

633
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,111
Guys? No?

634
00:30:21,791 --> 00:30:23,901
Is this a man
or a woman singing?

635
00:30:26,164 --> 00:30:28,696
And the coolest man ever!
He overcame lupus!

636
00:30:39,667 --> 00:30:41,279
"Batman forever"?

637
00:30:53,170 --> 00:30:54,552
He's come back to kill us.

638
00:30:56,623 --> 00:30:58,618
Gun it, Russ! Gunning it!

639
00:31:01,265 --> 00:31:03,643
You gotta go faster, Dad!
Go faster!

640
00:31:03,643 --> 00:31:04,832
The Prancer doesn't go
any faster!

641
00:31:04,832 --> 00:31:06,405
Okay, well,
what are we gonna do?!

642
00:31:06,405 --> 00:31:08,169
Let me see... maybe if I press
this rabbit button,

643
00:31:08,169 --> 00:31:09,090
it'll, like, give it
a boost or something.

644
00:31:09,090 --> 00:31:10,203
Yes. Try it!

645
00:31:13,962 --> 00:31:15,650
Why would there be a button
for that?

646
00:31:15,650 --> 00:31:16,648
And why is it a rabbit?!

647
00:31:16,648 --> 00:31:18,450
Okay. Um... Rocket!

648
00:31:18,450 --> 00:31:20,023
Rocket. Here you go. Try that!
Yes.

649
00:31:20,023 --> 00:31:21,864
- What?
- What?

650
00:31:21,864 --> 00:31:22,861
- What's happening?
- Why am I swiveling? I'm swiveling!

651
00:31:22,861 --> 00:31:24,128
I don't know! I don't know!

652
00:31:24,128 --> 00:31:25,969
Grab the wheel! Grab the wheel!

653
00:31:25,969 --> 00:31:29,000
- Hit the brake! Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
- Okay, I'm...

654
00:31:31,110 --> 00:31:32,912
I don't wanna die!

655
00:31:36,634 --> 00:31:39,894
Okay, I got the wheel!
I got the wheel! Okay! Okay!

656
00:31:39,894 --> 00:31:42,004
Okay, what are we gonna do?

657
00:31:42,004 --> 00:31:44,305
I have an idea. What?

658
00:31:44,305 --> 00:31:45,955
Handbrake turn. What?

659
00:31:45,955 --> 00:31:47,682
I pull the wheel to the left,
yank the handbrake,

660
00:31:47,682 --> 00:31:49,945
we do a 180, cross the median,
drive right past him.

661
00:31:49,945 --> 00:31:51,172
You know how to do that, Dad?

662
00:31:51,172 --> 00:31:52,783
If Vin Diesel can do it,
so can I.

663
00:31:52,783 --> 00:31:54,317
Why are you as good
as Vin Diesel?

664
00:31:54,317 --> 00:31:55,890
Hang on!

665
00:32:06,670 --> 00:32:09,048
That's not
what I was trying to do.

666
00:32:09,048 --> 00:32:11,542
Everybody okay? Oh, shit!

667
00:32:21,707 --> 00:32:22,820
Go, Dad! Dad! Dad! Go! Go!

668
00:32:22,820 --> 00:32:24,777
Oh, my God. Oh, God!

669
00:32:35,556 --> 00:32:37,052
Whoa!

670
00:32:44,033 --> 00:32:45,760
Oh, shit!

671
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,141
Goddamn it.

672
00:32:55,887 --> 00:32:58,573
All right, boys. This is you.

673
00:32:58,573 --> 00:32:59,570
I call both beds!

674
00:32:59,570 --> 00:33:01,296
You get one bed.

675
00:33:01,296 --> 00:33:03,598
If you guys need anything,
Mom and I are right next door.

676
00:33:03,598 --> 00:33:05,325
Oh, I think I saw a hot tub,
Dad.

677
00:33:05,362 --> 00:33:06,820
Is it okay if I take a soak?

678
00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:09,276
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

679
00:33:09,276 --> 00:33:11,769
But if anyone tries
to shove you in their car,

680
00:33:11,769 --> 00:33:13,879
you give 'em a good scratch
like I showed ya.

681
00:33:13,879 --> 00:33:15,567
I will. All right. Attaboy.

682
00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:17,829
Thanks.

683
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:20,784
So... How come you never told me

684
00:33:20,784 --> 00:33:24,390
about the whole
Debbie do-anything thing?

685
00:33:24,390 --> 00:33:26,652
Come on, that was so long ago.

686
00:33:26,652 --> 00:33:29,223
Yeah, but it's part
of who you are and...

687
00:33:29,223 --> 00:33:31,064
I wanna know all about you.

688
00:33:31,064 --> 00:33:34,555
All right. Well, that's fair.
What do you wanna know?

689
00:33:34,555 --> 00:33:38,353
How many guys did you sleep with before me?
Oh, no-no-no-no-no.

690
00:33:38,353 --> 00:33:40,310
No-no-no-no-no. Ah, come on.

691
00:33:40,310 --> 00:33:42,381
Come on. That's not important.

692
00:33:42,381 --> 00:33:44,030
Well, no, I know.
But I'm just...

693
00:33:44,030 --> 00:33:45,066
You really need to know?

694
00:33:45,066 --> 00:33:46,255
It just...

695
00:33:46,255 --> 00:33:47,790
Oh, okay. I'm just curious.

696
00:33:47,790 --> 00:33:48,864
Okay, okay.

697
00:33:48,864 --> 00:33:51,741
Um... let's see.

698
00:33:52,930 --> 00:33:55,040
Hmm.

699
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,799
And then... um...

700
00:33:58,799 --> 00:34:00,372
Kinda takin' you a little while.

701
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:03,863
Okay, so, uh, around... th...

702
00:34:03,863 --> 00:34:05,820
Three. Three.

703
00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:07,852
That's actually reassuring,

704
00:34:07,852 --> 00:34:09,387
'cause it's the same as me.

705
00:34:09,387 --> 00:34:12,226
No. Didn't say three.

706
00:34:12,226 --> 00:34:14,681
13. 13?

707
00:34:14,681 --> 00:34:15,832
Nope.

708
00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:16,983
And it's not three?

709
00:34:16,983 --> 00:34:18,402
It's around... It's around 30.

710
00:34:18,402 --> 00:34:20,397
30! Hoo!

711
00:34:20,397 --> 00:34:21,740
Wow! Holy cow.

712
00:34:21,740 --> 00:34:24,693
See, now I feel like
you're judging me.

713
00:34:24,732 --> 00:34:26,918
I'm judging me.

714
00:34:26,918 --> 00:34:29,911
Your number
is so much higher than mine.

715
00:34:29,911 --> 00:34:32,212
Yes, it is a big number,
but that doesn't matter.

716
00:34:32,212 --> 00:34:33,325
Honey, it doesn't matter.

717
00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:34,360
You're... you're so cool.

718
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,278
I-I-I-I feel like a loser.

719
00:34:36,278 --> 00:34:37,544
You are not a loser.

720
00:34:37,544 --> 00:34:38,925
Okay? Yeah?

721
00:34:38,925 --> 00:34:41,380
'Cause, uh,
I had to work pretty hard

722
00:34:41,380 --> 00:34:42,915
just to get those three.

723
00:34:44,257 --> 00:34:45,677
Had to take care
of Jenny's grandfather

724
00:34:45,677 --> 00:34:47,787
for months
before she slept with me.

725
00:34:47,787 --> 00:34:49,360
And he was racist.

726
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:50,587
Please don't base it on me.

727
00:34:50,587 --> 00:34:52,274
I was, like, crazy back then.

728
00:34:52,274 --> 00:34:55,919
I was completely immature
and acting out

729
00:34:55,919 --> 00:34:58,835
and just really, like,
free with my body,

730
00:34:58,872 --> 00:35:00,523
and that's just not
who I am anymore.

731
00:35:00,523 --> 00:35:02,709
That's not who we are.

732
00:35:02,709 --> 00:35:05,432
Well... we're pretty free
with our bodies.

733
00:35:05,432 --> 00:35:10,074
But, y-you have to admit
I-I feel like we've gotten...

734
00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:14,486
Like, less free with our bodies.

735
00:35:14,486 --> 00:35:16,865
But we have sex every week
with our bodies.

736
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:21,621
We do. But, I mean, it's gotten
a little routine, babe.

737
00:35:21,621 --> 00:35:23,117
You know, you always

738
00:35:23,117 --> 00:35:24,613
are lighting
that same yankee candle...

739
00:35:24,613 --> 00:35:26,071
and everything.

740
00:35:26,071 --> 00:35:27,145
And I don't know,

741
00:35:27,145 --> 00:35:28,602
it might be nice

742
00:35:28,602 --> 00:35:31,403
to mix it up a little bit
every once in a while.

743
00:35:31,442 --> 00:35:32,746
Okay? No big deal.

744
00:35:32,746 --> 00:35:34,778
I-I-I'm gonna go take a shower.

745
00:35:34,778 --> 00:35:36,851
Okay?
I'm gonna take one with you.

746
00:35:36,851 --> 00:35:38,423
Hmm?

747
00:35:38,423 --> 00:35:40,840
Uh... We'll have sex in it.

748
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,604
Yeah. In the shower.

749
00:35:42,604 --> 00:35:45,558
How's that for Gettin' free
with our bodies,

750
00:35:45,558 --> 00:35:46,824
Debbie do-anything?

751
00:35:46,824 --> 00:35:48,588
I like that. Yeah.

752
00:35:48,588 --> 00:35:50,698
Oh, Russ.

753
00:35:52,732 --> 00:35:54,649
Just be careful
not to drop the soap.

754
00:35:54,649 --> 00:35:56,107
Oh, I won't.

755
00:35:58,486 --> 00:35:59,982
What?

756
00:35:59,982 --> 00:36:01,938
This is fun and different.

757
00:36:01,938 --> 00:36:03,741
I know. It is.

758
00:36:03,741 --> 00:36:06,235
You are so cute when you get
excited about stuff.

759
00:36:06,235 --> 00:36:10,378
Mm. Mm.
You're, like, so cute always.

760
00:36:10,378 --> 00:36:12,066
Aww. Honey.

761
00:36:12,066 --> 00:36:13,983
Oh.

762
00:36:15,058 --> 00:36:16,439
Aah! Oh, my... holy shit!

763
00:36:16,439 --> 00:36:17,935
Are those mushrooms?!

764
00:36:17,935 --> 00:36:19,776
It looks like somebody
blew their head off in there.

765
00:36:19,776 --> 00:36:21,080
Oh, God.

766
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,078
God.

767
00:36:22,078 --> 00:36:23,651
So, should we, uh...

768
00:36:23,651 --> 00:36:25,569
Should we get in or...

769
00:36:26,489 --> 00:36:28,484
No, right?

770
00:36:28,484 --> 00:36:31,055
Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's
somethin' to clean that with.

771
00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:32,320
Mm.

772
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,584
Maybe the housekeeping left a...

773
00:36:34,584 --> 00:36:37,422
Oh. Well, here's a brillo pad.

774
00:36:37,422 --> 00:36:39,110
I'll just...

775
00:36:39,110 --> 00:36:40,760
Russ. Yeah.

776
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:41,987
That's not a brillo pad.

777
00:36:41,987 --> 00:36:43,522
It's a ball of pubic hair.

778
00:36:43,522 --> 00:36:45,938
Oh! Aah!

779
00:36:45,938 --> 00:36:47,742
Oh, my gosh.
There's so much of it.

780
00:36:47,742 --> 00:36:51,309
Who has that much pubic hair?!
It's not even possible.

781
00:36:51,309 --> 00:36:53,688
No, not one person.
That's all different colors.

782
00:36:55,529 --> 00:36:57,984
That's from, like,
30 different guys.

783
00:36:58,023 --> 00:36:59,403
Oh, shut up, Russ.

784
00:36:59,403 --> 00:37:02,012
No. I-I'm sorry.

785
00:37:27,867 --> 00:37:30,169
You're pretty good. Oh!

786
00:37:30,207 --> 00:37:31,819
Geez!

787
00:37:31,819 --> 00:37:33,929
Sorry.

788
00:37:33,929 --> 00:37:36,307
I, uh
I didn't mean to scare you.

789
00:37:37,802 --> 00:37:38,800
Hi.

790
00:37:38,838 --> 00:37:39,797
Hi.

791
00:37:39,836 --> 00:37:40,872
You were in the Jeep.

792
00:37:40,872 --> 00:37:43,250
And you were
in that plastic bag.

793
00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:46,050
That was my stupid brother.

794
00:37:46,050 --> 00:37:48,198
Gotcha. Big brothers suck.

795
00:37:48,198 --> 00:37:51,881
Oh, no. Yeah, big.

796
00:37:51,881 --> 00:37:53,070
I'm Adena.

797
00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:54,988
James.

798
00:37:54,988 --> 00:37:57,060
- I have a penis.
- What?

799
00:37:57,098 --> 00:37:58,824
It's on your guitar.

800
00:37:58,824 --> 00:38:00,167
Oh.

801
00:38:00,167 --> 00:38:01,356
Same brother.

802
00:38:01,356 --> 00:38:03,236
- What an asshole.
- Yeah.

803
00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:05,500
You wanna go in?

804
00:38:05,537 --> 00:38:08,338
Absolutely.

805
00:38:08,338 --> 00:38:10,372
Well, what have we here?

806
00:38:10,372 --> 00:38:12,711
Little Romeo and Juliet
situation?

807
00:38:14,284 --> 00:38:17,046
My name's Russ.
Pleased to meet you both.

808
00:38:17,046 --> 00:38:21,726
I'm just a stranger,
passin' through town.

809
00:38:21,726 --> 00:38:23,184
But I couldn't help noticing

810
00:38:23,184 --> 00:38:24,603
how incredibly handsome
this young man is.

811
00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:27,365
What's your story?
You got a girlfriend?

812
00:38:27,365 --> 00:38:29,513
- No.
- What?

813
00:38:29,513 --> 00:38:31,738
No girlfriend?

814
00:38:31,738 --> 00:38:34,117
Cute boy like that?
Somebody's gonna snatch you up.

815
00:38:34,117 --> 00:38:36,073
- Do you want me to call the cops?
- No.

816
00:38:36,112 --> 00:38:39,909
And he plays guitar? Dream boy!

817
00:38:39,909 --> 00:38:41,175
- Make a muscle.
- I'd...

818
00:38:41,175 --> 00:38:42,479
- Do it!
- Rather not.

819
00:38:42,479 --> 00:38:44,359
Take your shirt off.
Make a muscle.

820
00:38:44,359 --> 00:38:46,315
- I really don't want to.
- Don't be shy.

821
00:38:46,315 --> 00:38:48,271
- Show us what you're workin' with.
- All right.

822
00:38:48,271 --> 00:38:51,072
Um, I should go.

823
00:38:51,072 --> 00:38:52,760
Um...

824
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,410
Are you sure
that you'll be okay?

825
00:38:54,410 --> 00:38:56,136
I think so.

826
00:38:56,136 --> 00:38:58,437
Okay.

827
00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,120
Bye.

828
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:03,387
Dang it.

829
00:39:03,387 --> 00:39:05,995
Dad, why would you do that?

830
00:39:05,995 --> 00:39:08,257
Saw ya talkin' to her.
Figured you could use a Wingman.

831
00:39:08,257 --> 00:39:10,022
I didn't need a Wingman.

832
00:39:10,022 --> 00:39:11,442
Well...

833
00:39:11,442 --> 00:39:13,245
Looks like ya did. She left.

834
00:39:13,245 --> 00:39:14,818
That's 'cause you were approaching...
You know, James,

835
00:39:14,818 --> 00:39:17,388
when I was your age,
Grandpa Clark sat me down,

836
00:39:17,388 --> 00:39:19,766
and we had a little chat.

837
00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:22,720
Seeing you with that girl
made me realize

838
00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,137
that we haven't
had that chat yet.

839
00:39:25,137 --> 00:39:26,978
- We don't need that chat.
- Yeah?

840
00:39:26,978 --> 00:39:28,934
No. Come on.
I know it's embarrassing.

841
00:39:28,934 --> 00:39:30,929
But it'd be a lot
more embarrassing

842
00:39:30,929 --> 00:39:32,809
if you found yourself
Tummy to Tummy

843
00:39:32,809 --> 00:39:34,152
with a lady friend,

844
00:39:34,152 --> 00:39:35,341
and you didn't know
what goes where.

845
00:39:35,341 --> 00:39:36,645
- I know what goes where.
- You do?

846
00:39:36,645 --> 00:39:37,642
- Uh-huh.
- Ya sure?

847
00:39:37,642 --> 00:39:39,139
Yep.

848
00:39:39,177 --> 00:39:41,249
All right. All right.

849
00:39:41,249 --> 00:39:42,783
Well, I just want you to know

850
00:39:42,783 --> 00:39:44,432
I'm here to answer any questions

851
00:39:44,432 --> 00:39:46,273
you might have about that stuff,

852
00:39:46,273 --> 00:39:49,035
no matter how uncomfortable
it seems.

853
00:39:50,954 --> 00:39:52,527
Yeah, okay.

854
00:39:52,527 --> 00:39:54,176
- Yeah, right. Here it comes.
- Yeah. All right.

855
00:39:54,176 --> 00:39:56,324
Okay.

856
00:39:56,324 --> 00:39:58,664
Uh, there were
some kids at school

857
00:39:58,664 --> 00:40:01,733
who were talking about rim jobs.

858
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,575
- Mm.
- So, what's that?

859
00:40:03,575 --> 00:40:05,455
What's a rim job?

860
00:40:05,455 --> 00:40:07,487
- Rim jobs.
- Yeah.

861
00:40:07,487 --> 00:40:09,636
Hmm. Is that R-I-M?

862
00:40:09,636 --> 00:40:10,901
Mm-hmm.

863
00:40:11,937 --> 00:40:13,318
Rim job. Country of origin.

864
00:40:13,318 --> 00:40:14,623
I don't know.

865
00:40:14,623 --> 00:40:16,349
Um, America.

866
00:40:16,349 --> 00:40:19,150
Can I hear it in a sentence?

867
00:40:19,150 --> 00:40:20,569
"What's a rim job, Dad?"

868
00:40:20,569 --> 00:40:21,988
Oh.

869
00:40:22,985 --> 00:40:25,441
Well, rim job.

870
00:40:25,441 --> 00:40:26,783
I would guess a rim job is

871
00:40:26,783 --> 00:40:29,123
when you kiss someone
with your mouth closed.

872
00:40:29,123 --> 00:40:32,307
Right? So you're only using
the rim of your mouth.

873
00:40:32,307 --> 00:40:34,110
- That's it?
- Sure.

874
00:40:34,110 --> 00:40:37,256
It... It felt like
it was something way dirtier.

875
00:40:37,256 --> 00:40:40,133
No, I mean,
what else could it be?

876
00:40:40,133 --> 00:40:41,398
Any other questions?

877
00:40:41,398 --> 00:40:43,163
I guess not.

878
00:40:43,163 --> 00:40:46,309
Good talk, James.

879
00:40:46,309 --> 00:40:48,917
Now, I hope you're not too old

880
00:40:48,917 --> 00:40:52,523
to let your Dad give you
a good-night rim job.

881
00:42:06,675 --> 00:42:09,322
Looks like we might get
to aunt Audrey's before dinner.

882
00:42:09,322 --> 00:42:11,163
Oh, will uncle Stone be there?

883
00:42:11,163 --> 00:42:12,775
Yeah, I suppose he will.

884
00:42:12,775 --> 00:42:14,155
Uncle Stone is cool.

885
00:42:14,155 --> 00:42:16,687
You have to be cool
to be a celebrity.

886
00:42:17,301 --> 00:42:19,334
He's not exactly a celebrity.

887
00:42:19,334 --> 00:42:21,367
I mean, he's a local weatherman.
That's all.

888
00:42:21,406 --> 00:42:23,247
A-Actually, Audrey said

889
00:42:23,247 --> 00:42:24,666
that the networks
are interested in him.

890
00:42:24,666 --> 00:42:25,855
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

891
00:42:25,855 --> 00:42:27,160
All right. Well, good for him.

892
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,580
Mom, do you think uncle Stone

893
00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:29,845
will let me ride his horse?

894
00:42:29,845 --> 00:42:31,572
I don't see why not.

895
00:42:31,572 --> 00:42:33,183
- Do you think I can shoot his guns?
- No, you cannot.

896
00:42:33,183 --> 00:42:34,717
Too bad.

897
00:42:34,717 --> 00:42:37,555
I would've shot you
right off that fuckin' horse.

898
00:42:39,550 --> 00:42:41,085
You know, I never
would've imagined my sister

899
00:42:41,085 --> 00:42:42,811
marrying such a conservative.

900
00:42:42,811 --> 00:42:44,269
Oh, yeah, but just because.

901
00:42:44,269 --> 00:42:46,494
Stone's political beliefs
are different than ours

902
00:42:46,494 --> 00:42:47,606
doesn't mean
he's not good-looking.

903
00:42:47,606 --> 00:42:51,481
I... um... A good person.

904
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:53,975
Ya said it!

905
00:42:53,975 --> 00:42:55,700
- Uh, honey...
- Hey, look at that!

906
00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:58,923
Hot Springs up ahead.
We've always wanted to do that.

907
00:42:58,923 --> 00:43:00,764
Oh, honey, we don't
wanna be late to Audrey's.

908
00:43:00,764 --> 00:43:03,373
So we're a few minutes late.

909
00:43:03,373 --> 00:43:05,023
We're on vacation. Right?

910
00:43:05,023 --> 00:43:07,363
Come on. Let's have some fun.

911
00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:08,935
Okay.

912
00:43:16,262 --> 00:43:18,794
- Oh, look at the line.
- This is gonna take forever.

913
00:43:18,794 --> 00:43:20,175
Come on, guys.

914
00:43:20,175 --> 00:43:22,169
How often do we get to soak
in hot water?

915
00:43:22,247 --> 00:43:24,049
Every time we take a bath.

916
00:43:24,049 --> 00:43:26,811
No. This is different.
'Kay, this is natural.

917
00:43:26,811 --> 00:43:29,266
This water was heated
in mother nature's bowels.

918
00:43:29,266 --> 00:43:31,108
Oh, gross.

919
00:43:31,108 --> 00:43:33,947
There's gotta be another way in.

920
00:43:33,947 --> 00:43:35,442
I'm gonna ask this gentleman.

921
00:43:35,442 --> 00:43:37,092
I bet he'd know.

922
00:43:37,092 --> 00:43:38,473
Excuse me, sir.

923
00:43:38,473 --> 00:43:39,892
- Hi there.
- Hey. Hi.

924
00:43:39,892 --> 00:43:41,696
Hey, we were wondering.

925
00:43:41,696 --> 00:43:44,304
Is there another entrance
to the hot Springs?

926
00:43:44,304 --> 00:43:46,721
Like, a secret entrance
the locals use?

927
00:43:46,759 --> 00:43:48,792
Line can get pretty long
this time of year, huh?

928
00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:50,749
Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.

929
00:43:50,749 --> 00:43:52,475
Yeah, I'll tell you
what y'all do.

930
00:43:52,475 --> 00:43:55,160
Uh, can you see that dirt road?
That path there on the left?

931
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:56,580
Yeah.

932
00:43:56,580 --> 00:43:58,958
If you just follow that
all the way up,

933
00:43:58,958 --> 00:44:00,531
that'll take you
to the hot Springs.

934
00:44:00,531 --> 00:44:02,756
All right. Perfect. Thank you.

935
00:44:02,756 --> 00:44:04,136
Oh, no, no. You bet.

936
00:44:04,136 --> 00:44:05,748
Y'all have a good time.

937
00:44:05,748 --> 00:44:07,091
Oh, will do!

938
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,622
Hey, what's your pet rat's name?

939
00:44:09,622 --> 00:44:11,003
Is my pet what?

940
00:44:11,003 --> 00:44:12,154
The...

941
00:44:12,154 --> 00:44:13,420
What the fuck?

942
00:44:13,420 --> 00:44:14,379
- Oh!
- What the fuck?!

943
00:44:14,379 --> 00:44:15,530
What the fuck?

944
00:44:15,530 --> 00:44:16,949
I don't know him.

945
00:44:27,460 --> 00:44:28,841
Honey, are you sure about this?

946
00:44:28,841 --> 00:44:31,297
I mean, nobody else
is going this way.

947
00:44:31,297 --> 00:44:36,437
Yeah, well, most people
think inside the box.

948
00:44:36,437 --> 00:44:38,738
But you know who thinks
outside the box?

949
00:44:38,738 --> 00:44:40,809
Uncle Stone?

950
00:44:40,809 --> 00:44:43,649
Me. Your father.

951
00:44:48,137 --> 00:44:51,513
Um, honey,
I don't see any hot Springs.

952
00:44:51,513 --> 00:44:53,009
Well, the guy said

953
00:44:53,009 --> 00:44:54,428
it was right at the end
of this road, so...

954
00:44:54,428 --> 00:44:55,809
Well, the guy also did not know

955
00:44:55,809 --> 00:44:57,113
he had a rat on his shoulder,

956
00:44:57,113 --> 00:44:58,916
so there's that.

957
00:44:58,916 --> 00:45:00,028
Hold on.

958
00:45:08,737 --> 00:45:11,422
Wow. Honey. This is beautiful.

959
00:45:11,422 --> 00:45:13,801
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.

960
00:45:15,143 --> 00:45:16,639
All right, everyone.

961
00:45:16,639 --> 00:45:18,864
In your bathing suits. Now!

962
00:45:20,667 --> 00:45:25,155
Looks like we found
our own private hot spring.

963
00:45:25,155 --> 00:45:27,611
I say we call it
"Griswold Springs."

964
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,449
Oh! The water's perfect.

965
00:45:30,449 --> 00:45:32,405
Oh, my God. It's so nice.

966
00:45:32,405 --> 00:45:34,400
Why does it smell like
rotten eggs?

967
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:35,628
Oh, that's the sulfur, buddy.

968
00:45:35,628 --> 00:45:37,009
- Yeah.
- It's natural.

969
00:45:37,086 --> 00:45:39,311
Yeah. And it's really good
for you, too.

970
00:45:39,311 --> 00:45:42,341
Actually, the minerals
that are in this mud here,

971
00:45:42,341 --> 00:45:44,220
they draw toxins
out of your body.

972
00:45:44,220 --> 00:45:45,870
- Ah.
- Can you believe that?

973
00:45:45,870 --> 00:45:47,366
Cool, right?

974
00:45:51,317 --> 00:45:53,082
Oh, wow.

975
00:45:53,082 --> 00:45:54,885
Mm.

976
00:45:54,885 --> 00:45:57,072
This is perfect.

977
00:45:57,072 --> 00:45:58,798
It's exactly what we needed.

978
00:45:58,798 --> 00:46:01,176
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.

979
00:46:03,017 --> 00:46:06,010
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

980
00:46:06,010 --> 00:46:07,391
Oh, yeah. That's it.

981
00:46:07,391 --> 00:46:08,657
That's it.

982
00:46:08,657 --> 00:46:11,073
I can feel my body detoxifying.

983
00:46:16,137 --> 00:46:19,129
You know...
It tastes a little shitty,

984
00:46:19,129 --> 00:46:20,894
but I think that's part of it.

985
00:46:20,894 --> 00:46:21,853
- Yeah.
- That's okay.

986
00:46:21,853 --> 00:46:23,886
This is wonderful.

987
00:46:28,336 --> 00:46:30,829
That is the stuff!

988
00:46:30,829 --> 00:46:31,980
Oh.

989
00:46:31,980 --> 00:46:33,438
What is that, honey?
On your ear.

990
00:46:33,438 --> 00:46:35,279
What's on your ear?

991
00:46:35,279 --> 00:46:36,967
What is that?

992
00:46:36,967 --> 00:46:38,387
Oh, it's an ear!

993
00:46:38,387 --> 00:46:39,384
Oh!

994
00:46:41,110 --> 00:46:43,220
Look, James. Found a dart.

995
00:46:43,220 --> 00:46:44,716
Are you crazy?!

996
00:46:44,716 --> 00:46:47,440
Oh, my God! Everybody out
of Griswold Springs!

997
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:48,820
- Get out of the poop!
- That was nasty!

998
00:46:48,820 --> 00:46:51,775
All over me!

999
00:46:51,775 --> 00:46:54,191
I don't like Griswold Springs.

1000
00:46:54,229 --> 00:46:56,532
Is that our car alarm?

1001
00:46:58,411 --> 00:47:00,406
What?!

1002
00:47:00,406 --> 00:47:02,554
How come that local guy
didn't tell us

1003
00:47:02,554 --> 00:47:04,664
there are thieves
in these woods?

1004
00:47:05,776 --> 00:47:07,042
Oh, right.

1005
00:47:07,886 --> 00:47:09,497
He took my guitar.

1006
00:47:09,497 --> 00:47:11,531
Oh, my God.
He took all our money, Russ.

1007
00:47:11,531 --> 00:47:13,448
All right.
Not a best-case scenario.

1008
00:47:13,448 --> 00:47:16,594
But, hey. He left your book.

1009
00:47:16,594 --> 00:47:20,123
So, I guess
we get the last laugh.

1010
00:47:20,123 --> 00:47:21,427
Oh, really, honey?

1011
00:47:21,427 --> 00:47:23,883
We're naked
and covered in human waste.

1012
00:47:23,883 --> 00:47:26,414
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
We don't know that it's human.

1013
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:35,737
This is so embarrassing.

1014
00:47:35,737 --> 00:47:37,232
I feel like
your cousin Eddie's family.

1015
00:47:37,232 --> 00:47:38,882
It's no big deal.

1016
00:47:38,882 --> 00:47:41,183
We'll just tell Stone and Audrey
what happened.

1017
00:47:41,222 --> 00:47:43,025
Kids, remember what happened?

1018
00:47:43,025 --> 00:47:45,557
We pulled over to rescue a baby
from a burning car

1019
00:47:45,557 --> 00:47:48,434
and somebody stole all of our
stuff while we were distracted.

1020
00:47:48,434 --> 00:47:51,234
And why are we naked
and covered in feces?

1021
00:47:51,234 --> 00:47:53,267
I don't remember.

1022
00:47:53,267 --> 00:47:55,645
That's right. We don't remember.

1023
00:48:13,829 --> 00:48:14,942
Oh, my God.

1024
00:48:14,979 --> 00:48:16,744
Hmm?

1025
00:48:16,783 --> 00:48:18,278
Oh, come on.

1026
00:48:21,501 --> 00:48:23,112
- What're we gonna do?
- Can you gimme a hand with this?

1027
00:48:23,112 --> 00:48:24,569
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Please?

1028
00:48:24,608 --> 00:48:27,294
Just... yeah.

1029
00:48:27,294 --> 00:48:29,250
Oh, gosh.

1030
00:48:29,250 --> 00:48:31,014
I-I can't.
I can't... I can't get it off.

1031
00:48:31,053 --> 00:48:32,818
- Use your spit.
- Oh, okay.

1032
00:48:34,467 --> 00:48:35,925
Focus on the balls.

1033
00:48:35,925 --> 00:48:38,111
If you guys wanna stop,
that'd be good, too.

1034
00:48:39,876 --> 00:48:42,331
Stay on the balls.
I've got the shaft.

1035
00:48:42,331 --> 00:48:44,901
Hi, y'all!

1036
00:48:44,901 --> 00:48:46,780
Hey! Oh, my goodness. Hi!

1037
00:48:46,780 --> 00:48:48,354
- Hi.
- What happened?

1038
00:48:48,354 --> 00:48:52,228
Well, that's a...
It's a crazy story, um...

1039
00:48:52,228 --> 00:48:54,069
Dad got scammed
by a guy at a park.

1040
00:48:54,069 --> 00:48:56,524
- Kevin!
- Same old Rusty.

1041
00:48:56,524 --> 00:48:58,404
You'd buy water from a faucet.

1042
00:49:01,588 --> 00:49:04,427
Anyway,
you guys look disgusting.

1043
00:49:04,427 --> 00:49:06,077
So, um, I have some clothes

1044
00:49:06,077 --> 00:49:07,534
that I was gonna give
to the church

1045
00:49:07,534 --> 00:49:09,069
if you guys wanna borrow
some of those.

1046
00:49:09,069 --> 00:49:10,450
Great. Thank you, Audrey.

1047
00:49:10,450 --> 00:49:11,601
- Come on inside.
- Thanks.

1048
00:49:11,601 --> 00:49:12,943
All right.

1049
00:49:12,943 --> 00:49:14,631
Boy, y'all stink.

1050
00:49:18,314 --> 00:49:20,807
Oh, I don't like that.

1051
00:49:20,807 --> 00:49:23,684
Man, this place makes our house
look like shit.

1052
00:49:23,684 --> 00:49:25,717
Well, Kevin,

1053
00:49:25,717 --> 00:49:28,211
that's only 'cause a dollar
goes much further out here

1054
00:49:28,211 --> 00:49:30,551
than it does in Chicago.

1055
00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:32,584
Especially when you make
a lot more of 'em.

1056
00:49:32,584 --> 00:49:34,156
Ha.

1057
00:49:34,156 --> 00:49:36,151
Just messin' with ya. Shoot!

1058
00:49:36,151 --> 00:49:38,837
You boys are growin' faster
than a weed under a faucet.

1059
00:49:38,837 --> 00:49:40,141
You still wrasslin', son?

1060
00:49:40,180 --> 00:49:41,790
- Uh-huh.
- Oh? Well, come on.

1061
00:49:41,790 --> 00:49:43,670
Show me what ya got.

1062
00:49:47,429 --> 00:49:49,463
Hey, Kevin.
Get off your brother, please.

1063
00:49:49,463 --> 00:49:51,343
They're just havin' themselves
a wrassle.

1064
00:49:51,343 --> 00:49:52,455
It's what brothers do.

1065
00:49:52,455 --> 00:49:54,948
Hey, ooh, look at you guys.

1066
00:49:54,948 --> 00:49:56,675
Hot damn. Debbie Griswold.

1067
00:49:56,675 --> 00:49:58,209
You just keep Gettin' prettier.

1068
00:49:58,247 --> 00:50:00,664
- Oh, stop.
- No, I mean it.

1069
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:04,040
You could make hot water
come out of the cold faucet.

1070
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,646
That's... that's very sweet.

1071
00:50:07,684 --> 00:50:10,293
You know, I remember the night
you first wore that dress.

1072
00:50:10,293 --> 00:50:12,978
- You remember that night?
- Yeah, I remember that night.

1073
00:50:12,978 --> 00:50:15,817
- I'll never forget that night.
- Neither will I, baby.

1074
00:50:15,817 --> 00:50:17,313
You're my Fuckin' husband.

1075
00:50:17,313 --> 00:50:19,730
Oh, betcha I am.
I'm your caveman.

1076
00:50:20,958 --> 00:50:22,799
I'll rip you in half.

1077
00:50:22,799 --> 00:50:23,950
Ooh.

1078
00:50:23,950 --> 00:50:25,714
I wanna have all your babies.

1079
00:50:25,714 --> 00:50:26,941
Ooh. Ooh, baby.

1080
00:50:30,509 --> 00:50:32,504
I hit the Fuckin' jackpot
with you.

1081
00:50:32,504 --> 00:50:34,614
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.

1082
00:50:36,109 --> 00:50:38,565
Who wants to see
Stone's man cave?

1083
00:50:39,792 --> 00:50:41,711
- Uh...
- Yeah.

1084
00:50:41,711 --> 00:50:43,360
Is this Charlton Heston?

1085
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,508
Yep. Chuck was a good friend.

1086
00:50:45,508 --> 00:50:47,695
I can't tell ya
how many nights we spent

1087
00:50:47,695 --> 00:50:49,191
drinkin' bourbon together

1088
00:50:49,191 --> 00:50:50,994
and cryin' about the state
of this country.

1089
00:50:50,994 --> 00:50:54,676
It's true. They did.
They literally cried together.

1090
00:50:54,676 --> 00:50:56,978
Somehow I don't see you crying,
though, Stone.

1091
00:50:56,978 --> 00:50:58,781
Yeah, that's, uh,

1092
00:50:58,781 --> 00:51:00,622
that's kind of embarrassing.
Right?

1093
00:51:00,622 --> 00:51:03,155
Not embarrassing to me.

1094
00:51:03,155 --> 00:51:06,491
Even the strongest faucet
sometimes lets out a few drops.

1095
00:51:06,491 --> 00:51:08,755
What is with these faucets?

1096
00:51:08,755 --> 00:51:10,290
Hey, everyone thought
that F-4 twister

1097
00:51:10,290 --> 00:51:11,978
was gonna bypass Harris County.

1098
00:51:11,978 --> 00:51:13,358
Not my Stone.

1099
00:51:13,358 --> 00:51:15,852
I had a feelin' that
that low-pressure system

1100
00:51:15,852 --> 00:51:17,962
was gonna make a beeline
for mission bend.

1101
00:51:18,039 --> 00:51:20,033
Thanks to my report,

1102
00:51:20,033 --> 00:51:22,757
those people had
an extra 15 minutes to evacuate.

1103
00:51:22,757 --> 00:51:24,867
Governor Perry said

1104
00:51:24,867 --> 00:51:26,325
he saved 2,000 lives.

1105
00:51:26,325 --> 00:51:29,470
That's how many we lost
at Pearl Harbor,

1106
00:51:29,470 --> 00:51:32,577
so basically,
he stopped Pearl Harbor.

1107
00:51:32,577 --> 00:51:34,342
That's when
the national news called.

1108
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:35,646
Now, between us...

1109
00:51:35,646 --> 00:51:36,912
It's lookin' good.
Ain't it, honey?

1110
00:51:36,912 --> 00:51:38,408
Mm-hmm.

1111
00:51:38,408 --> 00:51:40,595
'Course none of that
would've been possible

1112
00:51:40,595 --> 00:51:43,165
without my sugar mama, here,

1113
00:51:43,165 --> 00:51:44,507
workin' day and night

1114
00:51:44,507 --> 00:51:45,659
to put me
through meteorology school.

1115
00:51:45,659 --> 00:51:47,385
I liked workin', baby.

1116
00:51:47,385 --> 00:51:49,341
I didn't mind it one bit.

1117
00:51:49,341 --> 00:51:51,259
Well, you never have
to do it again, darlin'.

1118
00:51:51,259 --> 00:51:52,985
Um, but it kinda
gave me purpose.

1119
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:54,788
Nope, never again.
That is a promise.

1120
00:51:56,783 --> 00:51:59,161
Wow. Uncle Stone, I may not
agree with your politics

1121
00:51:59,238 --> 00:52:00,964
but that doesn't mean
I don't admire you.

1122
00:52:01,003 --> 00:52:02,384
Well, thank you, James.

1123
00:52:02,384 --> 00:52:04,724
But the man
you should admire the most

1124
00:52:04,724 --> 00:52:06,565
is sittin' right next to you.

1125
00:52:07,025 --> 00:52:08,905
But there's nobody there.

1126
00:52:08,905 --> 00:52:11,245
Oh, I don't mean that chair.
I mean your Pa right here.

1127
00:52:11,245 --> 00:52:12,703
Okay.

1128
00:52:12,703 --> 00:52:13,853
He doesn't save anybody's life.

1129
00:52:13,853 --> 00:52:14,851
Oh, doesn't he?

1130
00:52:16,386 --> 00:52:17,651
Well, every time he flies
that little plane of his,

1131
00:52:17,690 --> 00:52:19,608
he's savin' lives
by not crashin'.

1132
00:52:19,608 --> 00:52:22,754
And in my book...
That makes him a hero.

1133
00:52:22,754 --> 00:52:24,403
Thank you.

1134
00:52:24,403 --> 00:52:25,899
You know,
a lot of people actually...

1135
00:52:25,899 --> 00:52:28,163
Not to mention,
he also snagged himself

1136
00:52:28,163 --> 00:52:30,425
one sweet slice of foxy pie
in your Mama there.

1137
00:52:30,425 --> 00:52:32,689
You gotta stop that today.

1138
00:52:32,689 --> 00:52:34,454
Stop it.

1139
00:52:34,454 --> 00:52:37,753
You know what I always
wanted to know was...

1140
00:52:37,753 --> 00:52:40,975
When did you first know
the weather?

1141
00:52:40,975 --> 00:52:42,203
Well...

1142
00:52:42,203 --> 00:52:44,389
- You all right, Deb?
- What? What?

1143
00:52:44,389 --> 00:52:46,039
Hey! There's a cow!

1144
00:52:46,691 --> 00:52:48,801
Oh, not a cow. That's a steer.

1145
00:52:48,801 --> 00:52:52,790
That there is $6000 worth
of juicy, Purebred Angus beef.

1146
00:52:54,133 --> 00:52:55,974
It's Stone's new passion,
raising cattle.

1147
00:52:55,974 --> 00:52:57,585
He's even named them.

1148
00:52:57,585 --> 00:52:58,928
Uh-huh.

1149
00:52:58,928 --> 00:53:01,153
Old Sebastian here
loves him some ribs.

1150
00:53:01,153 --> 00:53:02,956
Here ya go, boy.

1151
00:53:02,956 --> 00:53:04,912
Here. Oh, that's it.

1152
00:53:07,061 --> 00:53:08,403
Dad, isn't that...

1153
00:53:08,403 --> 00:53:10,245
Cannibalism? Yeah.

1154
00:53:10,245 --> 00:53:11,933
Say, if you boys
wanna get up early tomorrow,

1155
00:53:11,933 --> 00:53:14,272
you can watch me herd
these suckers into the corral.

1156
00:53:14,272 --> 00:53:16,267
- Oh.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

1157
00:53:16,267 --> 00:53:17,801
You herd them yourself?

1158
00:53:17,801 --> 00:53:19,604
I'm a man, aren't I?

1159
00:53:19,604 --> 00:53:20,756
Yes.

1160
00:53:21,983 --> 00:53:23,633
Uh, hey, Stone,

1161
00:53:23,633 --> 00:53:25,781
not sure if you need a hand
out there, but I'd love to help.

1162
00:53:25,781 --> 00:53:27,430
Yeah, sure thing, Russ,
if you're up for it.

1163
00:53:27,430 --> 00:53:29,233
I can always use
an extra set of hands.

1164
00:53:29,233 --> 00:53:32,916
Well, I was born
with an extra set of hands.

1165
00:53:32,916 --> 00:53:35,601
That's an odd thing to say.

1166
00:53:35,678 --> 00:53:36,905
But you know, I-I-I reckon

1167
00:53:36,905 --> 00:53:38,862
this'll be the highlight
of your trip.

1168
00:53:38,862 --> 00:53:40,473
Well, the real highlight,
of course,

1169
00:53:40,473 --> 00:53:42,621
will be when we get
to walley world

1170
00:53:42,621 --> 00:53:46,496
and I take my family on
the Velociraptor.

1171
00:53:46,496 --> 00:53:48,261
I think it is so weird.

1172
00:53:48,261 --> 00:53:50,485
I don't know why you want to go
back to Walley World

1173
00:53:50,485 --> 00:53:51,943
after Dad flipped out there.

1174
00:53:51,943 --> 00:53:54,743
Audrey, Dad flipped out
because he loved us

1175
00:53:54,743 --> 00:53:56,239
and wanted us to be close.

1176
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:57,774
And we were.

1177
00:53:57,774 --> 00:53:59,922
And that's all I want
for my family.

1178
00:53:59,922 --> 00:54:02,569
You're such a clown.

1179
00:54:02,569 --> 00:54:04,103
You're a clown.

1180
00:54:04,103 --> 00:54:06,328
Babe, baby,
I-I think Rusty's right.

1181
00:54:06,328 --> 00:54:10,816
You know, family is the most
important thing there is.

1182
00:54:10,816 --> 00:54:12,619
Little somethin'.

1183
00:54:15,420 --> 00:54:17,837
You know, maybe we'll take baby
Cooper on a trip this summer.

1184
00:54:17,837 --> 00:54:20,138
- Yeah, not to walley world.
- Oh, God, no.

1185
00:54:20,138 --> 00:54:22,325
- 'Cause that'd be stupid.
- That'd be stupid.

1186
00:54:22,325 --> 00:54:23,476
How 'bout Paris?

1187
00:54:23,476 --> 00:54:24,665
Oui!

1188
00:54:24,665 --> 00:54:26,468
Oui, Oui, Oui!

1189
00:54:26,468 --> 00:54:29,307
And then, when we get back,
I can maybe get a part-time job?

1190
00:54:29,307 --> 00:54:31,455
Well, not while there's
breath in my body, sweetheart.

1191
00:54:37,171 --> 00:54:38,514
You know, honey, I am...

1192
00:54:38,514 --> 00:54:39,818
I'm really happy
for your sister.

1193
00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:41,083
- Yeah?
- Seriously.

1194
00:54:41,122 --> 00:54:42,733
She and Stone seem
really in love.

1195
00:54:42,733 --> 00:54:44,038
It's nice.

1196
00:54:44,038 --> 00:54:45,533
These pants Stone gave me

1197
00:54:45,533 --> 00:54:47,528
are really stretched out
in the crotch, though.

1198
00:54:47,528 --> 00:54:49,446
That's weird. Why would they
be stretched out in the...

1199
00:54:49,446 --> 00:54:51,326
- God, I don't know.
- Oh, shit.

1200
00:54:51,326 --> 00:54:53,819
How much you think they paid
for this house?

1201
00:54:54,395 --> 00:54:55,469
Whoa.

1202
00:54:56,466 --> 00:54:57,617
Oh, okay.

1203
00:54:57,617 --> 00:54:59,189
Whoa. Oh!

1204
00:54:59,189 --> 00:55:00,801
Should I see if Audrey has
a yankee candle?

1205
00:55:00,801 --> 00:55:03,372
Fuck the yankee candle.
I wanna do this now.

1206
00:55:04,713 --> 00:55:06,632
- Oh, God, you're so sexy.
- Oh, what has gotten into you?

1207
00:55:06,632 --> 00:55:08,013
Oh, my God.

1208
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:10,506
What? What, what, what?

1209
00:55:10,506 --> 00:55:12,962
This is because of him,
isn't it?

1210
00:55:12,962 --> 00:55:14,457
What? Who?

1211
00:55:14,457 --> 00:55:17,028
Because of who?

1212
00:55:17,028 --> 00:55:18,179
Because of Stone.

1213
00:55:18,179 --> 00:55:19,368
What?!

1214
00:55:19,368 --> 00:55:20,749
That's why
you're jumping my bones!

1215
00:55:20,749 --> 00:55:21,823
You're just thinking of him!

1216
00:55:21,823 --> 00:55:23,932
That's ridiculous.

1217
00:55:23,932 --> 00:55:25,467
Then how come the one night
we're hangin' around with him,

1218
00:55:25,467 --> 00:55:27,424
you turn into some kind
of sexual character?

1219
00:55:27,424 --> 00:55:29,265
I don't know
where you're going with this,

1220
00:55:29,265 --> 00:55:31,144
but I can tell you right...
Where's your wedding ring?

1221
00:55:31,144 --> 00:55:32,871
Oh. Oh, my God.

1222
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:35,134
Before we got here,
you took off your wedding ring?

1223
00:55:35,134 --> 00:55:37,129
No, I didn't.
Rusty, it was loose.

1224
00:55:37,168 --> 00:55:38,970
You remember how loose it was?

1225
00:55:38,970 --> 00:55:41,080
And... and I-I m-must've
just dropped it somewhere.

1226
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:42,768
What was the plan, Deb?

1227
00:55:42,768 --> 00:55:44,264
Show up without a ring,
and he'll think you're single?

1228
00:55:44,264 --> 00:55:45,645
How's he gonna think
that I'm single

1229
00:55:45,645 --> 00:55:46,988
if I'm here with my husband
and my two children?

1230
00:55:47,026 --> 00:55:48,292
I don't know. It was your plan.

1231
00:55:48,292 --> 00:55:50,670
It was not my pl... Okay.

1232
00:55:52,397 --> 00:55:53,509
Yes.

1233
00:55:53,509 --> 00:55:57,767
Stone is an impressive man,
okay?

1234
00:55:57,767 --> 00:55:59,647
But I married you, Rusty.

1235
00:55:59,647 --> 00:56:01,987
And I am so sorry
that I lost my ring,

1236
00:56:01,987 --> 00:56:06,092
but I would never, ever,
ever take it off on purpose.

1237
00:56:08,776 --> 00:56:09,928
I know. I know.

1238
00:56:09,928 --> 00:56:12,843
I just...

1239
00:56:12,843 --> 00:56:14,646
I freaked out. I'm sorry.

1240
00:56:14,646 --> 00:56:17,025
I just...

1241
00:56:17,025 --> 00:56:18,482
We'll get you another ring.

1242
00:56:18,482 --> 00:56:20,400
I liked that one.

1243
00:56:22,625 --> 00:56:24,544
Hey. Y'all decent?

1244
00:56:24,544 --> 00:56:25,579
- Yes. Hi.
- Hey.

1245
00:56:25,579 --> 00:56:27,152
Okay. Just wanted to make sure

1246
00:56:27,152 --> 00:56:30,566
y'all had everything you needed
for the night.

1247
00:56:30,566 --> 00:56:32,599
Yep.

1248
00:56:32,599 --> 00:56:34,671
All right.

1249
00:56:34,671 --> 00:56:38,123
Man, it sure is beautiful here
this time of year, ain't it?

1250
00:56:38,123 --> 00:56:40,003
And quiet.

1251
00:56:40,003 --> 00:56:41,883
Listen.

1252
00:56:41,883 --> 00:56:44,146
You hear that?

1253
00:56:45,565 --> 00:56:47,023
- No.
- Exactly.

1254
00:56:47,023 --> 00:56:48,672
- It's perfect silence.
- Mm.

1255
00:56:48,672 --> 00:56:51,012
Ah. Yeah.

1256
00:56:51,012 --> 00:56:52,278
Yeah.

1257
00:56:52,278 --> 00:56:56,575
Well, uh, TV remote.
Okay, let me show ya.

1258
00:56:56,575 --> 00:57:00,487
We've got channels...
And the volume.

1259
00:57:00,487 --> 00:57:01,676
On. Off.

1260
00:57:01,676 --> 00:57:04,208
- Pretty straightforward.
- Yeah.

1261
00:57:04,208 --> 00:57:05,973
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

1262
00:57:05,973 --> 00:57:07,738
Okay. All right.

1263
00:57:07,776 --> 00:57:09,273
Well, uh, if you get thirsty,

1264
00:57:09,273 --> 00:57:11,689
there's, uh,
fresh milk in the fridge

1265
00:57:11,689 --> 00:57:14,949
and, uh, have yourselves
a good night.

1266
00:57:14,949 --> 00:57:17,174
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

1267
00:57:17,174 --> 00:57:19,553
- Night, Stone.
- Good night, St-Stone.

1268
00:57:19,553 --> 00:57:22,622
Man.

1269
00:57:22,622 --> 00:57:24,578
Yeah.

1270
00:57:26,074 --> 00:57:29,028
Okay.

1271
00:57:30,601 --> 00:57:32,519
He totally just came in here

1272
00:57:32,519 --> 00:57:34,514
to show off his six-pack.

1273
00:57:38,158 --> 00:57:39,884
Hey, mornin'!

1274
00:57:39,884 --> 00:57:42,186
Barely.

1275
00:57:42,186 --> 00:57:44,104
How come you gotta do this
at 6 A.M.?

1276
00:57:44,104 --> 00:57:46,290
Well, I gotta be
at the station by 7:30

1277
00:57:46,290 --> 00:57:49,590
for Stone Crandall's
accuweather report.

1278
00:57:49,590 --> 00:57:52,198
Hey, you ever ride
one of these things?

1279
00:57:52,198 --> 00:57:54,154
Mm, no. Never have.

1280
00:57:54,154 --> 00:57:56,418
But, uh, can't imagine

1281
00:57:56,418 --> 00:57:59,026
it's more complicated
than an Airbus A318.

1282
00:57:59,026 --> 00:58:01,942
Yeah, well, that's the spirit.

1283
00:58:01,942 --> 00:58:03,438
Now, the key here

1284
00:58:03,438 --> 00:58:05,241
is to move back and forth
along the edge of the herd.

1285
00:58:05,241 --> 00:58:07,811
You keep your distance, though.
We don't want to spook 'em.

1286
00:58:07,811 --> 00:58:09,959
Got it.

1287
00:58:12,568 --> 00:58:13,910
Are there helmets?

1288
00:58:13,910 --> 00:58:16,634
Yeah, I keep them
with the tampons.

1289
00:58:16,634 --> 00:58:19,396
Just basic safety.

1290
00:58:19,396 --> 00:58:21,659
Aah! Whoa!

1291
00:58:25,879 --> 00:58:27,529
This is exciting!

1292
00:58:27,529 --> 00:58:30,828
It's my favorite way
to start the day!

1293
00:58:30,828 --> 00:58:32,516
This, and makin' love
to your sister.

1294
00:58:32,516 --> 00:58:34,511
Thank you for that.

1295
00:58:37,963 --> 00:58:41,262
Come on, let's go!

1296
00:58:41,262 --> 00:58:43,602
Well, it looks like
we got us a couple of mavericks.

1297
00:58:43,602 --> 00:58:46,786
You take the one on the left.
I'll take the one on the right.

1298
00:58:46,786 --> 00:58:48,627
Unless you need my help
with yours.

1299
00:58:48,627 --> 00:58:50,238
No, I think I got it.

1300
00:58:50,238 --> 00:58:52,425
Last one to the corral's
a rotten cowpoke!

1301
00:58:52,425 --> 00:58:54,343
Yee-Hoo-Hoo!

1302
00:58:54,343 --> 00:58:56,837
Whoo-Hoo! Whoo-Hoo!

1303
00:58:58,448 --> 00:58:59,944
Go on over there!

1304
00:58:59,944 --> 00:59:02,246
Go! Get up! Get up! Get up!
Let's go!

1305
00:59:03,780 --> 00:59:05,276
Whoa!

1306
00:59:05,276 --> 00:59:07,424
Oh!

1307
00:59:12,258 --> 00:59:13,600
Hi!

1308
00:59:15,326 --> 00:59:16,324
Holy shit!

1309
00:59:17,973 --> 00:59:19,086
Oh, my gosh!

1310
00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:27,947
Is the cow okay?

1311
00:59:27,947 --> 00:59:30,211
No, the cow's not okay, Russ.
You drove plumb through him.

1312
00:59:31,285 --> 00:59:32,973
Oh, no, Sebastian.

1313
00:59:35,121 --> 00:59:36,770
Gross.

1314
00:59:50,619 --> 00:59:55,183
Hey, gang. Uh, maybe for lunch,
we could find a burger place.

1315
00:59:55,183 --> 00:59:57,677
You know, like a, uh...

1316
00:59:57,677 --> 01:00:00,324
Like a drive-through
burger place.

1317
01:00:02,012 --> 01:00:03,662
I don't know, Dad.

1318
01:00:03,662 --> 01:00:07,037
I think we should, uh,
steer clear of that.

1319
01:00:07,037 --> 01:00:09,953
- Good one, James.
- All right, enough, you guys.

1320
01:00:09,991 --> 01:00:13,443
Dad hit a cow, okay?
Let's just moo-ve on.

1321
01:00:15,055 --> 01:00:16,973
- Oh, I got one.
- Yeah? Let's hear it.

1322
01:00:16,973 --> 01:00:19,581
- James is a piece of shit.
- Oh.

1323
01:00:19,581 --> 01:00:22,036
You kinda missed
the point, there, buddy.

1324
01:00:46,549 --> 01:00:49,848
But you can get back home,
you can get back down

1325
01:00:58,824 --> 01:01:00,551
hey. Hey.

1326
01:01:00,551 --> 01:01:01,893
What? What is it? What's wrong?

1327
01:01:01,893 --> 01:01:03,505
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1328
01:01:03,505 --> 01:01:04,733
No, no, no. No. No, nothing's wrong.
Nothing's wrong.

1329
01:01:04,733 --> 01:01:05,730
Okay. Well, what?

1330
01:01:05,730 --> 01:01:07,379
- I have an idea.
- Mm-hmm.

1331
01:01:07,379 --> 01:01:10,218
And it's gonna sound crazy,
but hear me out, okay?

1332
01:01:10,218 --> 01:01:12,711
- Mm-Kay.
- Okay.

1333
01:01:12,711 --> 01:01:15,051
We're right near
the four corners monument...

1334
01:01:15,051 --> 01:01:16,548
Mm-hmm.

1335
01:01:16,548 --> 01:01:18,197
Which is where four states
come together in one spot.

1336
01:01:18,197 --> 01:01:20,882
- So?
- Let's go have sex on it.

1337
01:01:20,882 --> 01:01:22,685
What?

1338
01:01:23,874 --> 01:01:25,447
Yeah, that way we can make love

1339
01:01:25,447 --> 01:01:27,518
in four states at the same time.

1340
01:01:27,518 --> 01:01:31,163
Wait. You're serious?

1341
01:01:31,163 --> 01:01:32,736
Well, yeah.

1342
01:01:32,736 --> 01:01:34,577
I mean, you're the one who said
we should mix it up.

1343
01:01:34,577 --> 01:01:37,761
Yeah. What's more mixed up
than sex on a public monument?

1344
01:01:38,950 --> 01:01:40,983
I'm pretty sure
Debbie do-anything would do it.

1345
01:01:40,983 --> 01:01:43,323
Okay, well, Debbie do-anything
was a dumbass, so...

1346
01:01:43,323 --> 01:01:48,540
Maybe that's what we need.
To be dumbasses together.

1347
01:01:48,540 --> 01:01:50,804
What about the kids?

1348
01:01:50,804 --> 01:01:52,684
Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass.

1349
01:01:52,684 --> 01:01:56,213
No, no, honey.
What are we gonna do about them?

1350
01:01:56,251 --> 01:01:58,745
They're fine.
They're fast asleep.

1351
01:01:58,745 --> 01:02:01,814
We'll be back
before they know we're gone.

1352
01:02:01,814 --> 01:02:02,964
Okay.

1353
01:02:02,964 --> 01:02:04,844
- Yeah?
- All right, let's do it.

1354
01:02:21,224 --> 01:02:22,413
Mom?

1355
01:02:23,334 --> 01:02:25,060
Dad?

1356
01:02:29,894 --> 01:02:31,774
- James?
- Mom?

1357
01:02:33,385 --> 01:02:34,766
Adena?

1358
01:02:34,766 --> 01:02:36,683
Are you, like,
stalking me or something?

1359
01:02:36,683 --> 01:02:38,947
No. What? No.

1360
01:02:38,947 --> 01:02:42,169
I'm kidding. Relax.

1361
01:02:44,893 --> 01:02:47,003
Hey, what happened
with that perv

1362
01:02:47,003 --> 01:02:49,496
who was hitting on you
in Arkansas?

1363
01:02:50,609 --> 01:02:53,256
That was actually my Dad.

1364
01:02:53,256 --> 01:02:55,557
He was trying to be my Wingman.

1365
01:02:55,557 --> 01:02:58,741
Oh, my God.

1366
01:02:58,741 --> 01:03:01,848
He's a really shitty Wingman.

1367
01:03:04,227 --> 01:03:07,219
So, no guitar tonight?

1368
01:03:07,219 --> 01:03:09,406
It got stolen.

1369
01:03:09,406 --> 01:03:11,899
That sucks.

1370
01:03:11,899 --> 01:03:13,357
I really liked hearing you play.

1371
01:03:13,357 --> 01:03:16,273
You... you did?

1372
01:03:16,273 --> 01:03:19,072
Yeah, I've always
had a thing for musicians.

1373
01:03:21,604 --> 01:03:23,906
Well, good...

1374
01:03:23,906 --> 01:03:27,512
Because I've always
had a thing for...

1375
01:03:27,512 --> 01:03:29,852
Pretty girls.

1376
01:03:32,077 --> 01:03:33,534
Well played.

1377
01:03:35,529 --> 01:03:37,946
See? You don't need a Wingman.

1378
01:03:46,309 --> 01:03:47,767
Here it is.

1379
01:03:47,767 --> 01:03:49,148
Oh, my God.

1380
01:03:49,148 --> 01:03:50,337
This is so illegal.

1381
01:03:50,337 --> 01:03:52,179
I know. It's so hot, right?

1382
01:03:52,179 --> 01:03:54,556
Yeah.
I am hard as a faucet right now.

1383
01:03:55,554 --> 01:03:56,590
Oh!

1384
01:03:56,590 --> 01:03:57,971
I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1385
01:03:57,971 --> 01:03:59,122
No. I like it.

1386
01:03:59,122 --> 01:04:00,119
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1387
01:04:00,119 --> 01:04:01,347
- Yeah?
- I do.

1388
01:04:01,347 --> 01:04:02,421
You like it
when I slap that ass?

1389
01:04:02,459 --> 01:04:04,262
I do! I do!

1390
01:04:04,262 --> 01:04:06,141
Good, 'cause I'm gonna beat
the shit out of your ass.

1391
01:04:06,141 --> 01:04:07,945
Whoa! Russ!

1392
01:04:07,945 --> 01:04:10,131
Okay, right here?

1393
01:04:14,696 --> 01:04:15,924
We're about to have sex outside!

1394
01:04:15,924 --> 01:04:17,650
I know. I know.

1395
01:04:17,650 --> 01:04:19,299
Do you want me
to put a finger in?

1396
01:04:19,299 --> 01:04:20,488
In what?

1397
01:04:20,488 --> 01:04:21,640
- Never mind. Never mind.
- Okay, okay.

1398
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,020
Y'all wanna keep it down?

1399
01:04:23,020 --> 01:04:24,593
- Aah!
- Yeah! Yeah!

1400
01:04:24,593 --> 01:04:26,281
Hey, watch it, man!

1401
01:04:26,281 --> 01:04:28,928
- Get your leg off of me!
- You're so slippery and sweaty!

1402
01:04:28,928 --> 01:04:31,115
If y'all are here to have sex
on the corners, we're next.

1403
01:04:31,115 --> 01:04:32,112
Get in line.

1404
01:04:32,112 --> 01:04:33,761
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God.

1405
01:04:33,761 --> 01:04:35,756
Oh, God.

1406
01:04:35,756 --> 01:04:37,406
- Aah!
- Oh!

1407
01:04:37,406 --> 01:04:39,822
- Oh, God!
- Ew!

1408
01:04:39,822 --> 01:04:42,316
Oh, God! They're in every state!

1409
01:04:42,316 --> 01:04:43,927
So many boobies out here!

1410
01:04:43,927 --> 01:04:45,194
You two! Freeze!

1411
01:04:45,194 --> 01:04:46,996
Go, go, go, go, go!

1412
01:04:47,035 --> 01:04:48,071
Hands up!

1413
01:04:48,071 --> 01:04:50,218
Run! Honey, run!

1414
01:04:50,218 --> 01:04:51,522
Drop the flashlight!

1415
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,477
You do know public indecency

1416
01:04:54,477 --> 01:04:56,663
is a crime in the state of Utah?

1417
01:04:56,663 --> 01:04:58,083
Yes. Sorry, officer.

1418
01:04:58,083 --> 01:04:59,693
See, we're married,
and we wanted to just...

1419
01:04:59,693 --> 01:05:01,075
You know what?
Save it for the judge.

1420
01:05:01,075 --> 01:05:03,185
It makes me sick
how you deviants show up

1421
01:05:03,185 --> 01:05:05,525
and desecrate this holy place
every night.

1422
01:05:05,525 --> 01:05:07,366
Turn around!
Hands behind your back.

1423
01:05:07,366 --> 01:05:08,363
What?

1424
01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:10,128
Not so fast, Tommy!

1425
01:05:10,128 --> 01:05:11,432
Shoot for sherbet!

1426
01:05:11,432 --> 01:05:12,890
What are you doin' here, Kyle?

1427
01:05:12,890 --> 01:05:14,923
These people are clearly
in the state of Colorado.

1428
01:05:14,961 --> 01:05:16,458
That's my jurisdiction.

1429
01:05:16,458 --> 01:05:18,299
Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.

1430
01:05:18,299 --> 01:05:21,291
Look at her left foot.
Smack-dab in Arizona.

1431
01:05:21,291 --> 01:05:24,206
You weed-legalizing,
mile-high piece of shit.

1432
01:05:24,206 --> 01:05:25,894
Hey, there's no reason
for that language.

1433
01:05:25,894 --> 01:05:27,505
Oh, I'm sorry, officer mormon.

1434
01:05:27,505 --> 01:05:29,385
You don't like that?
I have an idea.

1435
01:05:29,385 --> 01:05:31,610
Why don't you plug up your ears
with mitt romney's dick?

1436
01:05:31,610 --> 01:05:32,722
Hey!

1437
01:05:32,722 --> 01:05:35,062
Oh, looks like New Mexico

1438
01:05:35,062 --> 01:05:36,866
decided to wake up
from his siesta.

1439
01:05:36,866 --> 01:05:38,246
What seems to be the trouble?

1440
01:05:38,246 --> 01:05:39,858
Tell you what the trouble is,
dreamcatcher.

1441
01:05:39,858 --> 01:05:42,159
You are wearing entirely
too much goddamn turquoise.

1442
01:05:42,159 --> 01:05:43,540
Hey, we can do this

1443
01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:44,959
without disrespecting
each other's traditions.

1444
01:05:44,959 --> 01:05:47,492
Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy.

1445
01:05:47,492 --> 01:05:49,026
See, this is what
I'm telling you guys.

1446
01:05:49,026 --> 01:05:50,292
Every night we do this.

1447
01:05:50,330 --> 01:05:52,095
You know what
this border represents?

1448
01:05:52,095 --> 01:05:54,166
It's just an idea.
That's all I'm saying.

1449
01:05:54,166 --> 01:05:55,394
All right, well,
if it's just an idea,

1450
01:05:55,394 --> 01:05:56,506
then I'll just get the perp...

1451
01:05:56,506 --> 01:05:57,887
- My house!
- Oh!

1452
01:05:57,887 --> 01:05:59,384
- Hey!
- Stay out of my state, buddy.

1453
01:05:59,384 --> 01:06:01,033
Oh, yeah?
What are you gonna do now?

1454
01:06:01,033 --> 01:06:02,184
- Get your feet off of my state!
- Hey, come on, now.

1455
01:06:02,184 --> 01:06:03,680
You wanna stomp on my foot?

1456
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,176
- You back... you back...
- Is that what you want?

1457
01:06:05,176 --> 01:06:06,557
- Stay out of this.
- Hey, I wasn't even in it!

1458
01:06:06,557 --> 01:06:08,245
Whoa! Don't you kick in here!

1459
01:06:08,245 --> 01:06:09,702
- Don't start...
- You wanna do that again?

1460
01:06:09,702 --> 01:06:10,777
How about this, then? Huh? Huh?

1461
01:06:10,777 --> 01:06:12,196
- Oh!
- Oh, we got a live wire!

1462
01:06:12,196 --> 01:06:14,421
- Oh, shit! Aw, shit!
- We got a live weapon!

1463
01:06:14,421 --> 01:06:15,802
Ooh. Ooh.
You think I'm afraid of that shit?

1464
01:06:15,802 --> 01:06:17,529
I'm not afraid of you!

1465
01:06:17,529 --> 01:06:19,561
- How about that, huh? Huh?
- Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?

1466
01:06:19,561 --> 01:06:21,632
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

1467
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,203
Are we gonna...
I don't want it in my mouth.

1468
01:06:24,203 --> 01:06:25,239
Let's not do that, okay?

1469
01:06:25,239 --> 01:06:27,234
I'll take that all in, dude!

1470
01:06:27,234 --> 01:06:29,036
- That's enough! Everyone get down!
- Get down on the ground!

1471
01:06:29,036 --> 01:06:30,609
Everyone down on the ground!
Get down!

1472
01:06:30,609 --> 01:06:32,028
- Get down on the ground!
- You get down!

1473
01:06:32,028 --> 01:06:33,180
- Get down!
- I'm cooperating!

1474
01:06:33,180 --> 01:06:34,675
I'm the one who's cooperating!

1475
01:06:34,675 --> 01:06:36,248
You get down, too.
You get down, too.

1476
01:06:36,248 --> 01:06:37,706
Get down on the ground!

1477
01:06:37,706 --> 01:06:39,356
- Hands where?
- Hands on your right side!

1478
01:06:39,356 --> 01:06:40,890
- By the sides or in front?
- Side to side. Side to side.

1479
01:06:40,890 --> 01:06:42,578
- Let's do this.
- Everyone down?

1480
01:06:42,578 --> 01:06:44,803
Okay. I think I'm done.

1481
01:06:49,752 --> 01:06:53,127
You can really see
all the stars out here.

1482
01:06:53,127 --> 01:06:54,624
Yeah.

1483
01:06:56,695 --> 01:06:59,572
So...
What do you feel like doing?

1484
01:06:59,611 --> 01:07:02,756
I don't know.

1485
01:07:07,282 --> 01:07:09,623
Ca...

1486
01:07:09,661 --> 01:07:11,809
Can I give you a rim job?

1487
01:07:14,034 --> 01:07:15,300
- Whoa!
- No.

1488
01:07:15,300 --> 01:07:17,755
Uh, what?!

1489
01:07:17,755 --> 01:07:19,289
- I don't know.
- What's wrong with you?

1490
01:07:19,289 --> 01:07:20,901
I don't know. I'm sorry.

1491
01:07:20,901 --> 01:07:22,818
What did...
What did you wanna do?

1492
01:07:22,818 --> 01:07:24,276
I don't know.

1493
01:07:24,276 --> 01:07:27,653
I thought maybe we could
kiss or something?

1494
01:07:27,653 --> 01:07:29,915
Well, yeah,
that's what I thought I...

1495
01:07:29,915 --> 01:07:31,871
Yeah. Okay.

1496
01:07:35,939 --> 01:07:37,511
Ow!

1497
01:07:37,549 --> 01:07:39,199
Where's Mom and Dad, dork?

1498
01:07:39,199 --> 01:07:41,309
I don't know, Kevin.
Just go back inside the thing.

1499
01:07:41,309 --> 01:07:43,572
You were about to let
that dingus kiss you?

1500
01:07:43,572 --> 01:07:45,413
Shut up, Kevin.

1501
01:07:45,413 --> 01:07:48,175
- Who is that?
- My stupid little brother.

1502
01:07:48,175 --> 01:07:50,592
I thought you said
he was your big brother.

1503
01:07:50,631 --> 01:07:51,666
I... damn it!

1504
01:07:51,666 --> 01:07:52,970
Dingus.

1505
01:07:52,970 --> 01:07:54,658
Why do you take that from him?

1506
01:07:54,658 --> 01:07:56,231
What am I supposed to do,
hit him back?

1507
01:07:56,231 --> 01:07:58,303
- He's a little kid.
- He's a little shit.

1508
01:07:58,303 --> 01:07:59,799
You don't have to let him
push you around.

1509
01:07:59,799 --> 01:08:03,174
I kinda thought I was taking
the high road.

1510
01:08:03,174 --> 01:08:06,167
Yeah, that seems
to be working out for you.

1511
01:08:07,893 --> 01:08:08,890
You know what?

1512
01:08:11,997 --> 01:08:13,954
Fuck it.

1513
01:08:14,990 --> 01:08:17,521
Okay, so you wanna do this now?

1514
01:08:17,521 --> 01:08:19,516
Bring it, bitch.

1515
01:08:20,667 --> 01:08:22,470
Wait, what?!

1516
01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:23,774
No, no, no.

1517
01:08:24,771 --> 01:08:26,114
Wow. This is so easy.

1518
01:08:26,114 --> 01:08:28,378
You are such a little boy.

1519
01:08:29,989 --> 01:08:31,600
There's gonna be a few changes,
Kevin, all right?

1520
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:32,674
No more bullying.

1521
01:08:32,674 --> 01:08:34,515
Stop it! I'm telling Mom.

1522
01:08:34,515 --> 01:08:36,510
Shut your mouth.
You gonna stop bullying?

1523
01:08:36,510 --> 01:08:38,237
You're hurting my tummy!

1524
01:08:38,237 --> 01:08:41,727
Say you're gonna stop,
you little piece of... ass.

1525
01:08:41,727 --> 01:08:43,952
Wait, what? "Piece of ass"?

1526
01:08:43,952 --> 01:08:45,372
You know what I mean, okay?

1527
01:08:45,372 --> 01:08:47,673
What... what are you doing
to my face?

1528
01:08:47,673 --> 01:08:49,285
- This hurts, doesn't it?
- Dude!

1529
01:08:49,285 --> 01:08:51,241
How do you like your ears
Gettin' messed up with?

1530
01:08:51,241 --> 01:08:52,814
It's really not that bad.

1531
01:08:52,814 --> 01:08:54,425
I'mma tap you
right on the forehead.

1532
01:08:54,425 --> 01:08:56,228
That's not even
how you beat someone up!

1533
01:08:56,228 --> 01:08:57,724
Very dehumanizing.

1534
01:08:57,762 --> 01:08:59,757
Your forehead's
gonna be so sore.

1535
01:08:59,757 --> 01:09:01,944
- Blblbl! Blblbl!
- Stop it! What are you doing?!

1536
01:09:01,944 --> 01:09:03,708
How do you like your lips
getting tickled?

1537
01:09:03,708 --> 01:09:05,319
This is really weird.

1538
01:09:05,319 --> 01:09:07,237
Just smush your cheeks.

1539
01:09:07,237 --> 01:09:09,769
- You gonna stop bullying?
- Fine. I'll stop bullying.

1540
01:09:09,808 --> 01:09:11,227
Just stop doing this.

1541
01:09:13,490 --> 01:09:14,795
Thank you, Adena.

1542
01:09:14,795 --> 01:09:16,406
This has been...

1543
01:09:16,406 --> 01:09:18,017
The best night of my life.

1544
01:09:23,733 --> 01:09:25,957
Weird fucking family.

1545
01:09:27,876 --> 01:09:30,216
Well, that was awful.

1546
01:09:32,556 --> 01:09:35,318
At least the kids never woke up.

1547
01:09:44,179 --> 01:09:46,404
Uh, passengers on
the left side of the prancer

1548
01:09:46,404 --> 01:09:49,588
will notice the Grand Canyon
out the window.

1549
01:09:49,588 --> 01:09:53,003
That's right.
Last stop before walley world.

1550
01:10:04,357 --> 01:10:06,122
So, guys,

1551
01:10:06,122 --> 01:10:09,190
when we visited the Grand Canyon
when I was a kid,

1552
01:10:09,190 --> 01:10:11,224
we barely had a chance
to look at it.

1553
01:10:11,224 --> 01:10:13,487
This time...

1554
01:10:13,487 --> 01:10:15,981
We're gonna do
a whole lot more than look.

1555
01:10:15,981 --> 01:10:19,586
- Oh, cool.
- Sweet!

1556
01:10:23,039 --> 01:10:24,689
Hi, folks!

1557
01:10:24,689 --> 01:10:26,299
Hi!

1558
01:10:26,299 --> 01:10:28,333
All right, let's see,
who do we got here?

1559
01:10:28,333 --> 01:10:31,708
You must be the fung family!

1560
01:10:31,708 --> 01:10:32,782
Huh?

1561
01:10:34,010 --> 01:10:35,007
I'm just messing!

1562
01:10:35,007 --> 01:10:36,197
You're the Griswolds, right?

1563
01:10:36,197 --> 01:10:37,732
Yes, that's right.

1564
01:10:37,732 --> 01:10:39,266
Right.

1565
01:10:39,266 --> 01:10:41,720
The little guy's face was like,
"fungs? Huh?!"

1566
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:46,018
Anyway, I'm Chad.
I'm gonna be your guide.

1567
01:10:46,055 --> 01:10:47,513
- Okay. Hi, Chad.
- All right.

1568
01:10:47,513 --> 01:10:49,547
Well you couldn't have come
on a better day.

1569
01:10:49,547 --> 01:10:51,042
I'm gonna get you all geared up.

1570
01:10:51,042 --> 01:10:53,037
And, guess what,
the river's running way high,

1571
01:10:53,076 --> 01:10:55,339
so I think we're in for
a pretty sweet ride, guys.

1572
01:10:55,339 --> 01:10:57,180
- Let's roll.
- All right.

1573
01:10:57,180 --> 01:10:58,791
Let's do this.

1574
01:10:58,791 --> 01:11:00,671
Okay, gang, joke time is over.

1575
01:11:00,671 --> 01:11:01,899
All right,
let's get serious for a second.

1576
01:11:01,899 --> 01:11:03,318
Let's go over a couple
safety procedures

1577
01:11:03,318 --> 01:11:04,814
before we hit the water.

1578
01:11:04,814 --> 01:11:06,656
First off...
Do any of you know this river?

1579
01:11:06,656 --> 01:11:08,688
'Cause this is actually
my first time.

1580
01:11:10,261 --> 01:11:11,259
I'm kidding.

1581
01:11:12,793 --> 01:11:14,711
Been doing this
about three and a half years.

1582
01:11:14,749 --> 01:11:16,399
Know the river inside and out,
okay?

1583
01:11:16,399 --> 01:11:18,893
Uh, got my guide certificate
from a cracker Jack box.

1584
01:11:20,235 --> 01:11:22,000
That's a joke.
Guys, it's a joke.

1585
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,417
See the little kid's face?
He's all, "a cracker Jack box?"

1586
01:11:24,417 --> 01:11:27,217
A what?!"

1587
01:11:27,217 --> 01:11:29,097
All you gotta do is follow
my instructions out there.

1588
01:11:29,097 --> 01:11:31,475
And we got a 50-50 chance
of coming back alive.

1589
01:11:33,048 --> 01:11:34,697
I'm kidding, guys.

1590
01:11:34,697 --> 01:11:36,193
See the little kid's face,
he's all,

1591
01:11:36,193 --> 01:11:38,917
"I'm coming back alive!
I don't wanna die!"

1592
01:11:40,259 --> 01:11:42,062
Uh, sorry, hang on a second.

1593
01:11:42,062 --> 01:11:43,444
I-I'm getting a call
from my fiancée here.

1594
01:11:43,444 --> 01:11:45,093
Actually, just got engaged
two weeks ago,

1595
01:11:45,093 --> 01:11:46,743
so I think I'm gonna take this

1596
01:11:46,743 --> 01:11:48,623
or the river's not gonna be
the only hot water I'm in today.

1597
01:11:48,623 --> 01:11:52,075
River's actually very cold.

1598
01:11:52,075 --> 01:11:53,149
Hey, boo.

1599
01:11:54,108 --> 01:11:55,105
Wow.

1600
01:11:55,105 --> 01:11:56,103
This is awesome.

1601
01:11:56,103 --> 01:11:57,561
We're about to set sail

1602
01:11:57,561 --> 01:12:00,169
through one of America's
greatest aquatic treasures.

1603
01:12:00,169 --> 01:12:02,470
- Kevin, don't hit your brother.
- I didn't.

1604
01:12:03,775 --> 01:12:05,117
You heard what he said about

1605
01:12:05,117 --> 01:12:06,844
the aquatic treasures
and everything, right?

1606
01:12:06,844 --> 01:12:09,146
- Yeah.
- And you didn't wanna hit him?

1607
01:12:11,256 --> 01:12:13,135
- Hmm, well, that's progress.
- Wow.

1608
01:12:13,135 --> 01:12:16,895
I don't understand, though.
Like, what are you even saying?

1609
01:12:16,895 --> 01:12:18,390
But j-just like that?!

1610
01:12:18,390 --> 01:12:20,884
I-I love you! You love me!

1611
01:12:20,884 --> 01:12:22,456
Tanya, please!

1612
01:12:22,456 --> 01:12:24,375
Please, just let's think
about this for a second, honey.

1613
01:12:24,375 --> 01:12:25,564
You're all that I have
in this world!

1614
01:12:25,564 --> 01:12:28,901
Tanya, no, babe. No, Tanya! No!

1615
01:12:28,901 --> 01:12:31,472
Please don't hang up!
No! No! Goddamn it!

1616
01:12:51,765 --> 01:12:53,798
Who's ready to go on the river?

1617
01:12:53,798 --> 01:12:56,752
Um, are you okay, Chad?

1618
01:12:56,752 --> 01:12:58,478
Oh, yeah!

1619
01:12:58,478 --> 01:13:00,818
Turns out,
I'm not engaged anymore.

1620
01:13:00,818 --> 01:13:02,161
So...

1621
01:13:03,886 --> 01:13:05,651
All aboard.

1622
01:13:06,879 --> 01:13:08,413
I don't know about this, Russ.

1623
01:13:08,413 --> 01:13:12,020
Oh, come on. He's kidding.

1624
01:14:52,756 --> 01:14:54,098
What?

1625
01:14:54,098 --> 01:14:56,208
We're a day away
from walley world.

1626
01:14:56,208 --> 01:14:59,085
Dad, I don't think any of us
really care about Walley World.

1627
01:14:59,085 --> 01:15:00,389
The boys are right, Russ.

1628
01:15:00,389 --> 01:15:02,231
I mean,
we almost died back there.

1629
01:15:02,231 --> 01:15:04,686
I mean, isn't it time
that we just cut our losses?

1630
01:15:04,686 --> 01:15:07,908
I cannot believe
what I'm hearing.

1631
01:15:07,908 --> 01:15:09,826
I... oh. Oh, my God!

1632
01:15:10,939 --> 01:15:12,204
Huh? All right.

1633
01:15:12,204 --> 01:15:13,509
That has to be a sign, right?

1634
01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:15,235
We were meant
to finish this trip.

1635
01:15:15,235 --> 01:15:17,690
Come on, guys,
everybody sing it with me.

1636
01:15:25,669 --> 01:15:27,011
- We're losing the station, Russ.
- We're not losing anything.

1637
01:15:27,011 --> 01:15:28,354
Yes, we are, just...

1638
01:15:28,354 --> 01:15:30,848
We just have to listen
a little harder!

1639
01:15:33,993 --> 01:15:34,991
Okay, no, no, no.

1640
01:15:34,991 --> 01:15:35,949
It's gone. It's gone.

1641
01:15:35,949 --> 01:15:37,407
- Just let it go!
- Fine!

1642
01:15:37,407 --> 01:15:39,748
Just thought
we could all sing seal together

1643
01:15:39,748 --> 01:15:41,014
like normal families do.

1644
01:15:41,014 --> 01:15:43,123
Ah, crap!

1645
01:15:43,123 --> 01:15:44,198
Now what?

1646
01:15:44,198 --> 01:15:45,233
We're almost out of gas.

1647
01:15:45,233 --> 01:15:47,535
Oh, my God.

1648
01:15:47,535 --> 01:15:49,185
It's all right.

1649
01:15:49,185 --> 01:15:51,448
I'm sure we will find
a place to fill up around here

1650
01:15:51,448 --> 01:15:52,675
before we run out.

1651
01:15:54,171 --> 01:15:58,353
Ugh. Man. No signal at all.

1652
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:02,150
Wonder if the prancer
has roadside assistance.

1653
01:16:02,150 --> 01:16:05,181
How would we even call them?

1654
01:16:05,181 --> 01:16:06,677
Maybe it's one of the buttons
on the fob.

1655
01:16:06,677 --> 01:16:08,710
Seriously? You're gonna keep
pressing buttons?

1656
01:16:08,710 --> 01:16:10,513
Well,
we never tried the top hat.

1657
01:16:10,513 --> 01:16:11,894
Oh, geez.

1658
01:16:12,892 --> 01:16:14,043
Oh, my God!

1659
01:16:15,692 --> 01:16:17,303
Well, now we know
what the top hat does.

1660
01:16:18,569 --> 01:16:20,257
I'm not gonna do the swastika.

1661
01:16:20,257 --> 01:16:22,942
All that's left is the muffin.

1662
01:16:24,745 --> 01:16:26,088
Come on, muffin.

1663
01:16:28,812 --> 01:16:30,001
- What?
- It started!

1664
01:16:30,001 --> 01:16:31,497
- Yes!
- All right!

1665
01:16:31,497 --> 01:16:34,029
Oh! Must be the extra gas tank.

1666
01:16:34,029 --> 01:16:35,333
- Right?
- Oh! The muffin!

1667
01:16:35,333 --> 01:16:37,174
Dad to the rescue!

1668
01:16:37,174 --> 01:16:38,823
- Thank God.
- Wait, where's it going?

1669
01:16:38,823 --> 01:16:40,166
Wait! Wait a minute!

1670
01:16:40,166 --> 01:16:42,085
Make it... Make it stop!

1671
01:16:42,085 --> 01:16:44,463
I don't know how!
I'll hit the muffin again!

1672
01:17:04,948 --> 01:17:06,405
All right. We can handle this.

1673
01:17:06,405 --> 01:17:08,400
Oh, no, no, no.
Please don't say that.

1674
01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:11,200
Do not say that we can
handle this, Russ.

1675
01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:12,389
- Okay?
- We can.

1676
01:17:12,389 --> 01:17:14,499
No, we can't! We can't!

1677
01:17:14,499 --> 01:17:17,108
From the moment we left
for this trip,

1678
01:17:17,108 --> 01:17:18,604
nothing has gone right.

1679
01:17:18,604 --> 01:17:21,021
Can you please just admit
that this was a mistake?

1680
01:17:22,670 --> 01:17:24,397
But it wasn't. Right?

1681
01:17:24,397 --> 01:17:25,432
We all wanted to go.

1682
01:17:25,432 --> 01:17:26,506
- I didn't.
- Me neither.

1683
01:17:26,506 --> 01:17:27,811
No. Me neither.

1684
01:17:27,811 --> 01:17:28,924
You wanted to go.

1685
01:17:28,924 --> 01:17:30,265
All right, I think tempers

1686
01:17:30,304 --> 01:17:32,030
are getting a little hot
right now.

1687
01:17:32,030 --> 01:17:33,143
We just have to, uh...

1688
01:17:34,255 --> 01:17:36,327
We just all have to...

1689
01:17:38,744 --> 01:17:40,355
Fuck me!

1690
01:17:40,355 --> 01:17:41,774
I give up!

1691
01:17:41,774 --> 01:17:43,462
All I wanted to do
was take my fuckin' family

1692
01:17:43,462 --> 01:17:45,265
on a fuckin' trip
to walley world

1693
01:17:45,265 --> 01:17:47,106
and ride
the fucking velociraptor!

1694
01:17:47,106 --> 01:17:50,290
Ow! There's a rock in that.

1695
01:17:52,209 --> 01:17:53,743
I guess I'm the asshole

1696
01:17:53,743 --> 01:17:55,584
for trying to bring my family
closer together, right?

1697
01:17:55,584 --> 01:17:56,812
What do I get?

1698
01:17:56,812 --> 01:17:58,039
Kids who don't wanna be with me,

1699
01:17:58,039 --> 01:17:59,190
and a wife who's miserable.

1700
01:17:59,190 --> 01:18:00,955
- Russ.
- Oh, come on, Debbie.

1701
01:18:00,955 --> 01:18:03,141
You know it's true.
You think you settled for me.

1702
01:18:03,141 --> 01:18:05,443
You think I'm a loser
regional pilot.

1703
01:18:05,443 --> 01:18:07,016
Well, guess what?

1704
01:18:07,016 --> 01:18:09,739
I get offers from international
carriers all the time,

1705
01:18:09,739 --> 01:18:10,928
and I turn them down.

1706
01:18:10,928 --> 01:18:12,080
Why?

1707
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:13,422
Because I don't wanna be away

1708
01:18:13,422 --> 01:18:14,879
from you and the kids that long.

1709
01:18:14,879 --> 01:18:16,452
I'm an idiot!

1710
01:18:16,452 --> 01:18:18,601
I should take one of those jobs

1711
01:18:18,601 --> 01:18:21,171
and fly off
to the Pyramids of Zambezi

1712
01:18:21,171 --> 01:18:24,853
and the lost gardens
of wherever the fuck!

1713
01:18:24,853 --> 01:18:26,772
Just forget it.

1714
01:18:26,772 --> 01:18:30,071
Forget this whole, stupid trip.

1715
01:18:30,071 --> 01:18:31,759
You people are on your own.

1716
01:18:31,759 --> 01:18:34,176
I'm sure you'll find
a better husband and father.

1717
01:18:34,176 --> 01:18:37,359
A cowboy with a huge six-pack

1718
01:18:37,359 --> 01:18:42,462
who will take you to Paris
and wrestling and... to books.

1719
01:18:42,462 --> 01:18:44,034
What...

1720
01:18:45,146 --> 01:18:46,259
Wait, where are you going?

1721
01:18:46,259 --> 01:18:48,790
Fuck if I know!

1722
01:18:48,790 --> 01:18:51,246
Ow! God!

1723
01:18:51,284 --> 01:18:54,353
These tumbleweeds are all filled
with things that are hard!

1724
01:19:02,754 --> 01:19:03,790
What the...

1725
01:19:11,155 --> 01:19:13,189
Oh, no.

1726
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:16,258
Help.

1727
01:19:16,258 --> 01:19:18,022
Help!

1728
01:19:18,022 --> 01:19:19,595
Help!

1729
01:19:19,595 --> 01:19:21,589
Help!

1730
01:19:21,589 --> 01:19:22,625
Stop!

1731
01:19:22,625 --> 01:19:24,351
Come on. Go, go, go!

1732
01:19:24,812 --> 01:19:26,423
Help!

1733
01:19:28,533 --> 01:19:31,026
No!

1734
01:19:31,026 --> 01:19:33,519
Help!

1735
01:19:44,184 --> 01:19:46,371
Don't you kill him! Dad!

1736
01:19:46,371 --> 01:19:47,713
I'm so sorry.

1737
01:19:47,713 --> 01:19:50,130
When I called you a pedophile,
I was...

1738
01:19:50,130 --> 01:19:51,511
No! No, no, no, no!

1739
01:19:51,511 --> 01:19:55,194
No! Not...
Not in front of my family!

1740
01:19:55,194 --> 01:19:57,803
Your wife left this
in a truck stop in Missouri.

1741
01:19:57,803 --> 01:20:00,219
Thought you might want it back.

1742
01:20:00,219 --> 01:20:02,060
Oh, my God.

1743
01:20:02,060 --> 01:20:03,710
Wait! Wait!

1744
01:20:03,710 --> 01:20:07,200
Is that my ring?

1745
01:20:07,200 --> 01:20:09,771
This man's been trying to
return it to us the whole time.

1746
01:20:11,190 --> 01:20:13,300
I don't know
how I could ever thank you.

1747
01:20:13,300 --> 01:20:15,142
No thanks necessary.

1748
01:20:15,142 --> 01:20:16,753
It was on my way.

1749
01:20:16,753 --> 01:20:18,824
So you're not a rapist?

1750
01:20:23,389 --> 01:20:26,266
Looks like your car's
pretty messed up.

1751
01:20:26,266 --> 01:20:27,877
Where you headed?

1752
01:20:27,877 --> 01:20:31,906
Um...

1753
01:20:31,906 --> 01:20:33,516
Home, I guess.

1754
01:20:33,516 --> 01:20:36,048
Well, I can take you
as far as San Francisco.

1755
01:20:36,048 --> 01:20:37,506
Will that help?

1756
01:20:38,734 --> 01:20:41,841
Yeah. Yeah, th-that'll work.

1757
01:20:41,841 --> 01:20:44,411
Thank you.
All right, come on, guys.

1758
01:20:44,411 --> 01:20:45,485
Thank you.

1759
01:20:49,130 --> 01:20:50,242
He still didn't answer me.

1760
01:20:50,242 --> 01:20:52,429
Oh, Kevin.

1761
01:21:07,619 --> 01:21:10,381
Well, thanks for the ride.
Really appreciate it.

1762
01:21:10,381 --> 01:21:12,261
Hey, you know, you never told us

1763
01:21:12,261 --> 01:21:13,527
why you keep that Teddy bear
on the front of your truck.

1764
01:21:13,527 --> 01:21:15,023
Oh, yeah.

1765
01:21:15,023 --> 01:21:16,787
Oh, it makes the kids
feel more comfortable.

1766
01:21:16,787 --> 01:21:18,476
Oh, yeah? You... you have kids?

1767
01:21:18,476 --> 01:21:20,547
Nope.

1768
01:21:20,547 --> 01:21:21,544
Right. Take care.

1769
01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:29,908
Well, I guess that's that.

1770
01:21:29,908 --> 01:21:31,097
Yeah.

1771
01:21:31,097 --> 01:21:32,785
We'll get a flight home
tomorrow.

1772
01:21:32,785 --> 01:21:34,395
Do not stay here!

1773
01:21:34,395 --> 01:21:36,084
It's the worst bed and breakfast
we've ever been to!

1774
01:21:36,084 --> 01:21:37,771
They oughta
shut this place down!

1775
01:21:37,771 --> 01:21:39,881
The owner is a lunatic!

1776
01:21:39,881 --> 01:21:42,221
You all come back now, ya hear?

1777
01:21:42,221 --> 01:21:44,485
Hey!

1778
01:21:44,485 --> 01:21:46,134
Look who made it!

1779
01:21:46,134 --> 01:21:47,284
Ellen!

1780
01:21:47,284 --> 01:21:48,282
Oh, there you are. They're here!

1781
01:21:48,282 --> 01:21:49,433
Hi, Dad.

1782
01:21:49,433 --> 01:21:51,696
We were so happy
to get that call.

1783
01:21:51,696 --> 01:21:53,115
How was your trip?

1784
01:21:53,115 --> 01:21:55,648
- Well, it's a long story.
- Give me a hug.

1785
01:21:55,648 --> 01:21:57,987
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Come here, you two.

1786
01:21:57,987 --> 01:21:59,407
Oh, my gosh!

1787
01:21:59,407 --> 01:22:00,519
You're Gettin' so big!

1788
01:22:00,519 --> 01:22:02,131
Hey, come on, let's go inside.

1789
01:22:02,169 --> 01:22:04,547
- Grandpa, you don't have to.
- No, I can do it. Really.

1790
01:22:04,547 --> 01:22:05,851
- Oh, Russ.
- Clark.

1791
01:22:05,851 --> 01:22:07,424
Oh, no. I got this.

1792
01:22:07,424 --> 01:22:08,613
I'm fine.

1793
01:22:08,613 --> 01:22:11,145
Ow. This really hurts.

1794
01:22:11,145 --> 01:22:13,064
And that's when
the muffin made the car explode.

1795
01:22:13,064 --> 01:22:14,483
But it didn't really matter

1796
01:22:14,483 --> 01:22:15,787
because our luggage
and all of our stuff

1797
01:22:15,787 --> 01:22:17,168
had already been stolen

1798
01:22:17,168 --> 01:22:18,434
by the guy with the rat
on his shoulder.

1799
01:22:18,434 --> 01:22:20,122
They even took my guitar.

1800
01:22:20,122 --> 01:22:22,117
Oh, James, that's terrible.

1801
01:22:22,117 --> 01:22:23,612
A musician without
his instrument

1802
01:22:23,612 --> 01:22:27,794
is as bad as a shoemaker
without a toilet seat.

1803
01:22:27,794 --> 01:22:30,019
I may have something for you.

1804
01:22:42,026 --> 01:22:43,446
It's very fragile. Look.

1805
01:22:43,446 --> 01:22:45,747
- You take care of that.
- Wow, Grandpa.

1806
01:22:45,747 --> 01:22:47,588
Thank you so much.

1807
01:22:47,588 --> 01:22:49,276
- Cool!
- Yeah!

1808
01:22:49,276 --> 01:22:50,465
Doesn't look like much,

1809
01:22:50,465 --> 01:22:52,268
but that's
a very special guitar.

1810
01:22:52,268 --> 01:22:54,109
It was given to me
by Bob Dillon.

1811
01:22:54,109 --> 01:22:55,337
The Bob Dylan?

1812
01:22:55,337 --> 01:22:57,140
No. A Bob Dillon.

1813
01:22:57,140 --> 01:22:58,406
D-I-L-L-O-N.

1814
01:22:58,406 --> 01:23:01,245
An accountant friend of mine.

1815
01:23:01,245 --> 01:23:03,469
But it was given to him
by Jimmy Hendricks.

1816
01:23:03,469 --> 01:23:05,042
The Jimi Hendrix?

1817
01:23:05,042 --> 01:23:06,846
No.

1818
01:23:06,846 --> 01:23:08,764
So how's
the b-and-b business going?

1819
01:23:08,764 --> 01:23:11,411
We love it, are you kidding?
It's a great fit for us.

1820
01:23:11,411 --> 01:23:12,638
We love visitors.

1821
01:23:12,638 --> 01:23:15,132
We love having people around
to care for.

1822
01:23:15,132 --> 01:23:16,436
We're people people.

1823
01:23:16,436 --> 01:23:17,625
Hey, guys.
You mind if we join you?

1824
01:23:17,625 --> 01:23:19,582
We're occupied right now.
Beat it.

1825
01:23:22,266 --> 01:23:23,955
Hmm. All right, guys,
it's gettin' late.

1826
01:23:23,955 --> 01:23:25,450
Why don't you go to bed, okay?

1827
01:23:25,450 --> 01:23:26,908
- Okay, Mom.
- Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.

1828
01:23:26,908 --> 01:23:28,059
Good night, Grandma and Grandpa.

1829
01:23:28,059 --> 01:23:29,517
- Nighty-night.
- Thank you.

1830
01:23:29,517 --> 01:23:32,125
Sleep tight.

1831
01:23:32,164 --> 01:23:34,581
Well, you've certainly
had an adventure.

1832
01:23:34,581 --> 01:23:35,924
Well, yes.

1833
01:23:35,924 --> 01:23:37,880
"Adventure"
is one way to put it.

1834
01:23:38,608 --> 01:23:39,606
How's Audrey?

1835
01:23:39,606 --> 01:23:41,140
Oh, she's great.

1836
01:23:41,179 --> 01:23:43,902
Yeah, she and Stone,
they seem to be very happy.

1837
01:23:43,902 --> 01:23:45,322
Key word there is "seem."

1838
01:23:45,322 --> 01:23:46,434
What do you mean?

1839
01:23:46,434 --> 01:23:48,007
Their marriage is a sham.

1840
01:23:48,007 --> 01:23:49,350
What?

1841
01:23:49,350 --> 01:23:50,692
Well, they sleep around
on each other.

1842
01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:52,073
Been doin' it for years.

1843
01:23:52,073 --> 01:23:53,685
Oh, my gosh.

1844
01:23:53,685 --> 01:23:57,060
I just wish Audrey had found
a more solid marriage

1845
01:23:57,060 --> 01:23:58,557
like you and Rusty.

1846
01:24:12,980 --> 01:24:14,744
Hey, Russ, can we talk?

1847
01:24:16,970 --> 01:24:19,808
I knew we had some problems.

1848
01:24:19,808 --> 01:24:21,305
Is it this bad?

1849
01:24:21,305 --> 01:24:23,952
Is our marriage dying?

1850
01:24:23,952 --> 01:24:25,409
No.

1851
01:24:25,409 --> 01:24:28,478
No, a marriage only dies
when you stop trying.

1852
01:24:28,478 --> 01:24:32,122
And you have never
stopped trying.

1853
01:24:32,122 --> 01:24:35,000
I just think maybe I did.

1854
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:37,262
What do you mean?

1855
01:24:37,262 --> 01:24:39,487
I've only been thinking
about myself, you know?

1856
01:24:39,487 --> 01:24:41,060
I wanted to change the routine,

1857
01:24:41,060 --> 01:24:42,978
and I want to go on
exotic trips and...

1858
01:24:42,978 --> 01:24:46,968
Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with that.

1859
01:24:46,968 --> 01:24:49,308
I was crazy to think
I could make us closer

1860
01:24:49,308 --> 01:24:51,187
by locking us in a car
for a week.

1861
01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:53,528
No, but you were doing that
for us.

1862
01:24:53,528 --> 01:24:55,522
You have been trying so hard

1863
01:24:55,561 --> 01:24:58,668
to make this trip memorable
for me and the kids, and...

1864
01:24:58,668 --> 01:25:00,164
And I didn't appreciate that.

1865
01:25:00,164 --> 01:25:01,622
But why would you?

1866
01:25:01,622 --> 01:25:05,228
I mean, I've put you
through some serious shit.

1867
01:25:05,228 --> 01:25:07,759
Literally,
a pool of shit in Arkansas.

1868
01:25:10,521 --> 01:25:12,670
You deserve better.

1869
01:25:12,670 --> 01:25:15,815
What, better than you?

1870
01:25:15,815 --> 01:25:18,386
How many men
would sacrifice their careers

1871
01:25:18,386 --> 01:25:20,342
for their family like you have?

1872
01:25:20,342 --> 01:25:23,334
Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything.

1873
01:25:23,334 --> 01:25:25,828
I have everything
I've ever wanted.

1874
01:25:38,103 --> 01:25:39,446
Debbie.

1875
01:25:39,446 --> 01:25:40,712
Yeah?

1876
01:25:40,712 --> 01:25:43,359
Will you continue to be my wife?

1877
01:25:43,359 --> 01:25:45,391
I was wondering when you were
gonna give that back to me.

1878
01:25:45,391 --> 01:25:47,808
I was wondering
if you still wanted it.

1879
01:25:47,808 --> 01:25:50,111
I do.

1880
01:25:56,900 --> 01:25:58,128
Wait a minute.

1881
01:25:58,128 --> 01:25:59,547
Are we gonna do this?

1882
01:25:59,547 --> 01:26:00,774
Oh, yeah.

1883
01:26:00,774 --> 01:26:02,079
I'm gonna pound the shit
out of you.

1884
01:26:02,079 --> 01:26:03,230
- Russ!
- What?

1885
01:26:03,230 --> 01:26:05,033
Lock the door.

1886
01:26:05,033 --> 01:26:07,871
I'm gonna lock the shit
out of that door.

1887
01:26:10,442 --> 01:26:11,899
Hey, Dad.

1888
01:26:11,899 --> 01:26:13,702
Morning, Rusty.

1889
01:26:13,702 --> 01:26:16,310
You think you could drive us
to the airport this afternoon?

1890
01:26:16,310 --> 01:26:18,267
There's a flight
back to Chicago at 4:00.

1891
01:26:18,267 --> 01:26:19,610
Chicago?

1892
01:26:19,610 --> 01:26:21,182
What about Walley World?

1893
01:26:21,182 --> 01:26:24,750
Oh, no.
We, uh... we've had enough.

1894
01:26:24,750 --> 01:26:26,208
This trip's been a nightmare.

1895
01:26:26,208 --> 01:26:28,740
Well, that's what
family vacations are.

1896
01:26:28,740 --> 01:26:30,696
But you can't give up, Russ.

1897
01:26:30,696 --> 01:26:32,154
Well, why not?

1898
01:26:32,154 --> 01:26:34,877
I mean, they always say
"it's not the destination,

1899
01:26:34,877 --> 01:26:36,412
"it's the journey," right?

1900
01:26:36,412 --> 01:26:38,061
The journey sucks.

1901
01:26:38,061 --> 01:26:40,785
That's what makes you
appreciate the destination.

1902
01:26:40,785 --> 01:26:43,278
You had a dream to take
your family to walley world.

1903
01:26:43,278 --> 01:26:45,235
Never let that go.

1904
01:26:45,235 --> 01:26:47,268
I know I didn't.

1905
01:26:50,874 --> 01:26:53,214
Well, how would
we even get to Walley World?

1906
01:26:53,214 --> 01:26:54,289
We don't have a car.

1907
01:26:54,289 --> 01:26:57,127
Hey, come on.

1908
01:26:57,127 --> 01:26:59,390
You leave that to me.

1909
01:27:09,978 --> 01:27:12,126
Oops. Wrong door.

1910
01:27:26,627 --> 01:27:29,197
Could I, uh, take the Nissan?

1911
01:27:29,197 --> 01:27:31,652
No. No.

1912
01:27:43,121 --> 01:27:45,615
Wait, Dad, I thought
we were going to the airport.

1913
01:27:45,615 --> 01:27:47,341
Boys, when your father
makes you a promise,

1914
01:27:47,341 --> 01:27:48,608
he keeps it.

1915
01:27:48,608 --> 01:27:50,679
- That's not right.
- This sucks.

1916
01:28:10,473 --> 01:28:11,624
Wow.

1917
01:28:11,624 --> 01:28:14,194
This place is huge.

1918
01:28:14,194 --> 01:28:15,997
This is dope as fuck.

1919
01:28:15,997 --> 01:28:17,302
- Kevin.
- Kevin.

1920
01:28:17,302 --> 01:28:20,255
Told you you guys
would love it, right?

1921
01:28:20,294 --> 01:28:22,710
Hey, Dad.

1922
01:28:22,710 --> 01:28:24,705
It really is dope as fuck.

1923
01:28:24,705 --> 01:28:25,779
I know, right?

1924
01:28:25,779 --> 01:28:27,391
- Guys!
- Oh, wait!

1925
01:28:32,301 --> 01:28:35,715
There she is. The Velociraptor.

1926
01:28:35,715 --> 01:28:37,518
I can't believe
we actually made it.

1927
01:28:37,518 --> 01:28:38,515
I know.

1928
01:28:38,515 --> 01:28:39,896
Mwah!

1929
01:28:39,896 --> 01:28:40,932
You guys ready
for the ride of your life?

1930
01:28:40,971 --> 01:28:42,390
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, hells yeah.

1931
01:28:42,390 --> 01:28:44,537
If I'm being honest,
it looks a little daunting.

1932
01:28:44,537 --> 01:28:47,184
Come on. Race you to the ride.

1933
01:28:47,184 --> 01:28:49,525
Yeah, go, go! Faster! Come on!

1934
01:29:02,721 --> 01:29:05,751
Two more hours, guys.

1935
01:29:09,396 --> 01:29:11,659
Oh, my gosh.

1936
01:29:11,659 --> 01:29:13,500
All right, guys. Get psyched!

1937
01:29:13,539 --> 01:29:14,920
Yes!

1938
01:29:14,920 --> 01:29:16,953
This is it! This is why we came
all this way.

1939
01:29:21,211 --> 01:29:23,436
Excuse us.

1940
01:29:24,357 --> 01:29:25,584
What was that?

1941
01:29:25,584 --> 01:29:27,195
Last ride tonight.
Park's closin'.

1942
01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:30,226
- No, we were next.
- What?

1943
01:29:30,226 --> 01:29:31,530
Oh, no, no. That's not okay.

1944
01:29:31,530 --> 01:29:32,949
- That's not...
- This is ridiculous.

1945
01:29:32,949 --> 01:29:34,906
Hey. Excuse me.

1946
01:29:34,906 --> 01:29:36,517
You just cut in front of us.

1947
01:29:36,517 --> 01:29:38,435
No, see,
we bought the platinum pass

1948
01:29:38,473 --> 01:29:40,047
so we get to skip the lines.

1949
01:29:40,084 --> 01:29:41,696
Fifth time today on this one.

1950
01:29:41,696 --> 01:29:46,069
Right, well, w-w-we just drove
2,500 miles to ride this ride

1951
01:29:46,069 --> 01:29:48,793
so you can't just take our spot.

1952
01:29:48,793 --> 01:29:51,286
Wait a minute, you...

1953
01:29:51,286 --> 01:29:52,744
Econo air.

1954
01:29:52,744 --> 01:29:53,857
Yeah?

1955
01:29:53,857 --> 01:29:55,391
Good to see ya.

1956
01:29:55,391 --> 01:29:57,079
All right, I'll tell you what.

1957
01:29:57,079 --> 01:30:00,685
Why don't you and your family
go fuck yourselves.

1958
01:30:05,479 --> 01:30:07,474
I'm sorry, guys.

1959
01:30:09,316 --> 01:30:10,774
Oh, my God!

1960
01:30:13,267 --> 01:30:14,801
Okay.

1961
01:30:14,801 --> 01:30:17,142
You're a dead man.

1962
01:30:24,660 --> 01:30:25,734
Get off!

1963
01:30:25,734 --> 01:30:27,307
Oh, it's on.

1964
01:30:27,307 --> 01:30:28,381
Kevin, no!

1965
01:30:31,872 --> 01:30:33,866
Wait, James.
No, you're not gonna fight.

1966
01:30:33,866 --> 01:30:35,248
I'm not gonna stand here
like a little bitch.

1967
01:30:35,248 --> 01:30:36,897
What?!

1968
01:30:36,897 --> 01:30:38,969
Oh, shit!

1969
01:31:12,074 --> 01:31:14,184
No, Kevin. Kevin, no.

1970
01:31:14,184 --> 01:31:15,796
Kevin, come on.

1971
01:31:17,100 --> 01:31:19,785
You people are fucking crazy!

1972
01:31:19,785 --> 01:31:21,472
What kind of a family are you?

1973
01:31:21,472 --> 01:31:23,276
We're the Griswolds!

1974
01:31:23,276 --> 01:31:27,726
See you around you piece of ass!

1975
01:31:27,726 --> 01:31:29,414
- Let's do this.
- All right.

1976
01:31:29,414 --> 01:31:31,216
Oh, man. I haven't been
in a fight like that for years.

1977
01:31:31,216 --> 01:31:34,017
First car, all right!

1978
01:31:34,017 --> 01:31:36,395
Man, our family
fucked that family up.

1979
01:31:36,395 --> 01:31:37,968
We did.

1980
01:31:37,968 --> 01:31:39,771
Did you see how I scratched
that girl's arm?

1981
01:31:39,771 --> 01:31:41,919
Oh, I saw it, honey.
You gave her a good scratch.

1982
01:31:41,919 --> 01:31:43,377
Yeah, my fingers
still hurt a little,

1983
01:31:43,416 --> 01:31:44,374
but I think I'll be okay.

1984
01:31:44,413 --> 01:31:46,063
Oh, boy. Here we go!

1985
01:31:46,063 --> 01:31:47,750
- Hold on.
- Oh, gosh!

1986
01:33:08,423 --> 01:33:09,497
Russ?

1987
01:33:09,497 --> 01:33:11,032
Yeah-huh?

1988
01:33:11,032 --> 01:33:14,101
Is it supposed to
stay upside-down like this?

1989
01:33:14,101 --> 01:33:15,942
Yeah. I don't think so.

1990
01:33:15,942 --> 01:33:16,940
Oh.

1991
01:33:16,940 --> 01:33:19,318
Dad, are we stuck?

1992
01:33:19,318 --> 01:33:21,312
Looks that way, pal.

1993
01:33:21,312 --> 01:33:23,538
My eyes,
they're starting to bulge.

1994
01:33:23,538 --> 01:33:26,108
I'm sure
they'll have us down any minute.

1995
01:33:32,130 --> 01:33:35,698
Well, guys, what'd you think
of walley world?

1996
01:33:38,000 --> 01:33:39,726
Yeah.

1997
01:33:40,685 --> 01:33:42,181
Listen, boys.

1998
01:33:42,181 --> 01:33:43,601
I can't tell you how much
it's meant to me

1999
01:33:43,601 --> 01:33:44,981
to spend all this time with you.

2000
01:33:44,981 --> 01:33:48,242
I love you
more than anything in the world.

2001
01:33:48,242 --> 01:33:52,040
And if I could, I'd spend
every single day with you.

2002
01:33:52,040 --> 01:33:54,073
So, we'll see you in a week.

2003
01:33:54,073 --> 01:33:55,531
Wait, what's going on?

2004
01:33:55,531 --> 01:33:57,296
Petersons are gonna pick you up
at O'Hare,

2005
01:33:57,296 --> 01:33:58,331
and you'll stay with them.

2006
01:33:58,331 --> 01:34:00,517
Where are we going?

2007
01:34:00,517 --> 01:34:03,702
Someplace I shoulda taken you
a long time ago.

2008
01:34:03,702 --> 01:34:06,157
How did you get
free tickets to Paris?

2009
01:34:06,157 --> 01:34:08,305
I used my connections
as a pilot.

2010
01:34:08,305 --> 01:34:10,991
Oh, you're amazing.

2011
01:34:10,991 --> 01:34:13,330
Well, you are my queen,

2012
01:34:13,330 --> 01:34:15,133
and you deserve
to be treated like one.

2013
01:34:20,734 --> 01:34:24,493
I know
it's not exactly first-class

2014
01:34:24,493 --> 01:34:25,644
or coach.

2015
01:34:25,644 --> 01:34:28,100
Honey, it's perfect.

2016
01:34:28,100 --> 01:34:29,634
Yeah?

2017
01:34:39,646 --> 01:34:42,562
So how long is the flight?

2018
01:34:42,562 --> 01:34:43,597
12 hours.

2019
01:34:45,400 --> 01:34:47,011
Perfect.