﻿1
When I saw you at the dig,
and then on the train,
I just knew I would see you again at the café.
Yeah, me too.
And the main thing is, it's like I know
everything that you're gonna say,
and I know you know everything that I'm gonna say
before either one of us has said it,
and I feel like nothing about this could have gone wrong.
Like every word we are saying to each other
and every gesture we make
has to be exactly just the way it is.
And I'll tell you the really freaky part.
Mm-hmm?
It doesn't feel like a matter of choice.
Hello?
Hello, Leonor.
Hello, Jake.
Jake?
What do you think?
Nice.
Jake?
I put a new mattress
on your bed.
Thanks.
Take care of your back.
Jake?
So what did you order?
Soup. Caldo verde.
Mmm. It's healthy.
Yes. I eat healthy. I exercise.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
How much?
I run four times a week. Quite a distance.
You don't take care of yourself?
No.
I, uh...
I eat anything.
Okay.
If it's not rude of me to ask,
how old are you?
Thirty-two.
How old are you?
Twenty-six.
Oh.
An older woman, younger man thing.
No, that's bullshit.
Yes, I agree.
Olá.
Man, I'll kick you in the head!
Hey!
What's up?
Buy me a drink.
- Buy me a drink. - Hey.
- I fucking know you. - Leave the girls alone.
Okay, okay, okay. All right.
You know me. You know me.
Buy me a drink.
Come on.
I don't live for my work.
I'll take any job that I can get.
I did farm work one time, which was exhausting.
So, you are not ambitious,
but what do you do when you are not working
or picking up older women?
Um...
I like to read.
I also like to go to clubs and listen to music.
Just the same...
stupid, boring stuff that everybody does.
Do you think your life's boring?
Well, I'm not going around Portugal
on a university-backed degree program.
Hmm.
Well,
it took me a while to get here.
I know people your age who have a better degree than mine.
Can I ask you about your last boyfriend?
Hey, boy. Hey, my boy. Hey.
Obrigado.
Come on. Come.
For my advanced archaeology degree,
I picked classics.
And my classics professor
happened to be on leave from Porto University
to the Sorbonne, where I was a student.
And we got together.
He wants to get married and have a family.
But freedom is important to me.
I understand.
I understand completely.
Please, keep touching me.
Do you feel like you know me?
Not yet.
Well, there's still time.
Time hasn't run out.
Yeah, right.
It's so stupid.
Uh, hi.
Hi.
Pleased to meet you. João.
Jake.
Give me that.
There's no light in the fridge.
So, will you join us for dinner?
Sure.
Good.
I hope you like tapas.
So...
how do you know each other?
Okay. Next question.
What do you do?
Jake was working on a dig site yesterday when we met.
Mmm.
The dig site.
I love dig sites.
And how do you end up here?
It doesn't matter.
Mati told me about you last night.
Hmm.
And what did she said?
Just that you exist.
Oh.
That's very flattering.
There was a little bit more to it than that.
Yeah. I guess so.
Hmm.
Sorry. Will you excuse me for a moment? Yeah?
Schmitt.
Anda.
Hey!
Hey.
Schmitty, anda.
I had a great time the other night.
Yeah.
Me too.
I tried to call you.
Yeah, I know.
I've been busy.
Come here.
No.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Stay. - Please.
Please let me go.
Wait. I don't understand.
It's like you're a different person, Mati.
Go home, okay?
I'll call you when I'm not busy.
- I promise. - When?
Come here, Mati.
- I really miss you. - Stop.
Do you understand? I really miss you.
Don't.
No. Stop!
Mati...
Mati?
Mati. Let me come in and talk to you.
- Go away! - Please?
Please?
You can go.
I don't have to stay here?
You want to stay here?
Go. And don't try to see her again.
She doesn't want to see you.
She said that?
That's it for now.
Madeleine, that's enough, I said.
Stop!
My love, go do your homework.
- What are you doing here? - I'm here for Madeleine, okay?
Pai!
I missed you.
I missed you too.
- Who was playing the violin? - Me.
And who has a present for you?
- You. - Wow!
Thank you, Daddy.
Mmm. Let's go play in your room.
This is for you. I hope you like it.
Respect the rules.
Fuck the rules, Mati, okay?
I was in the neighborhood. I want to see my daughter.
Yeah, you should have called me first.
Sorry. I forgot your number.
Whatever.
Yeah, whatever.
Come in.
How's Madeleine?
- She's well. - Hmm.
How about a glass of wine to relax?
Don't you have any coffee?
No, I'm out of coffee.
You won't find much in there. I mostly eat out these days.
Come on.
A little Bourgueil.
If I don't have a choice.
Thank you.
To you.
You should come more often.
No, I'm fine in Porto.
I have a nice life there.
I'm happy.
I mean it.
You don't look happy.
Mom? Do you still see men?
Yes.
The desire doesn't fade away?
I'm not talking about the need for sex,
but the need to be with someone.
Mmm.
Yes, it's always present.
We're often disappointed, and then...
you're lonely.
You don't demand much at my age.
The other day, in a café,
there were some gypsy musicians
who offered me champagne...
and invited me to a party,
and I ended up spending the night with one of them.
Mom, I don't need to know about that.
Why are you asking me these questions?
- What's the problem? - Nothing.
I need something new.
Listen, you'll be like me, alone,
and you'll regret it.
I'm surprised to see you here.
I didn't think you were gonna...
bring him.
I... told you about him.
I told you what he means in my life.
- I can't throw that away. - I know.
I just thought
we really shared something last night.
My father...
has been in the diplomatic service his whole life...
my whole life.
He was stationed in Lisbon
when my sister and I were in high school,
and... when my parents wanted to move again,
we just said no.
Why?
When my sister was in college, she was doing great.
But she fell for this Portuguese guy, her husband.
And my parents...
really put their foot down.
Because they knew it meant her
being here more or less for good.
Her husband wasn't gonna live anywhere else.
She'd be out of their control.
So they said,
"You can't marry this guy."
And she said, "Fuck you. I am gonna marry this guy."
And so there was this sort of breach,
and I had to make a choice and choose sides,
and I chose hers.
Good for you.
It wasn't...
too hard of a decision, really.
My parents' position was so shitty.
They were like...
like pissy children.
Hmm. But you're healthy.
You were doing pretty tough physical work this afternoon.
It's nothing compared to those boxes.
Oh. Yeah, it's true.
You know I've had that job for exactly two days?
Yeah. I've had a million jobs.
Thank you.
What I was saying was...
I don't really live for my work.
I'll take any job that I can get.
I've done office work, temp work, restaurant work.
I did farm work one time,
which was really exhausting.
So, you are not ambitious,
but what do you do when you are not working
or picking up older women?
Um...
I like to read.
I like Greek epigrams.
I also like to go to clubs and listen to music.
Just the same...
stupid, boring stuff that everybody does.
Do you think your life's boring?
Well, I'm not going around Portugal
on a university-backed degree program.
Hmm. Well,
it took me a while to get here.
I know people your age
who have a better degree than mine.
Why did it take you so long?
Because I was sick.
What was...
I was crazy for a while.
Tell me.
It's not so simple to say.
Try.
It's when you know there is something you must do,
and you also know, beyond any doubt,
that it's impossible for you to do those things.
You feel trapped.
Yeah, to put it mildly.
How did you escape?
I didn't exactly escape.
Hi.
Would you care to go somewhere with me?
I'm Mati. Mati Vargnier.
Jake... Kleeman.
Let's go.
Wait.
I'm crazy.
- What? - I don't do that.
- Well, we're doing it. - Yeah, you're right.
I don't know where we're going.
I live by the river.
Porto's... small.
Yeah.
Well, um, I'm moving into a new apartment.
Do you think you could help me to carry some boxes?
So, there are three in the trunk and two in the back seat.
Show me the heavy ones.
Oh, shit. Yeah, here.
Oh, Jesus. Fuck.
Excuse me.
Follow me over here.
What do you have in here, a dead body?
No, books and a few lamps.
Are you okay?
- Uh-huh. - Yeah?
How'd you find this place?
Uh, through the university.
- Still good? - Yeah.
Oh, do you want to rest and have a glass of water?
No, I want to finish.
I go until I'm stopped.
And I'm never stopped.
Okay.
You okay?
Yeah, gotta get through this.
Oh, I'm dead.
You killed me.
No.
Not yet.
Sorry.
No!
I never came like that.
- What do you mean? - So fast.
Like a guy.
How did you like it?
Mmm.
I never... didn't come like that.
What?
Wait.
- Are you close? - Yeah, fuck more.
Yeah.
Better?
Better than what? It was already better.
Oh.
I know. It's ridiculous, right?
I just... want to keep touching you.
Please...
keep touching me.
I want to kiss.
From the moment that I saw you at the dig,
there was something to this.
- Something different. - Yeah.
Oh, I have some wine. Do you prefer wine?
And then on the train.
First time was a complete accident.
Second time is coincidence.
And I knew I would see you at the café.
Santé.
It's bad luck to cheers with water.
Fuck the rules.
You're right. Fuck the rules.
And the main thing is,
it's like I know everything that you're gonna say,
and I know you know everything that I'm gonna say
before either one of us has said it,
and I feel like nothing about this could have gone wrong.
And that was true before it happened.
Like every word we are saying to each other,
and every gesture we make
has to be exactly just the way it is.
And I'll tell you the really freaky part.
Mm-hmm?
It doesn't feel like a matter of choice.
I agree.
I don't think that we can stop this
whether we wanted to or not.
The reason that this is so real...
is that we're not doing it.
This is happening to us.
We can choose to see it or not, deny it or not,
but now that we have seen it...
it's happening.
You're ready?
Tell me when.
You...
Now.
What is happening?
Do you think we're gonna die of this?
Does this scare you?
Yes, of course.
'Cause we don't know what it is.
What is it?
If I had a name for it...
Losing it.
Losing it?
Do you mean mentally?
Do you think we can drive ourselves crazy fucking?
Maybe.
But you could also, say, lose it, like, on a hike.
You know, lose this or lose that to travel lighter,
to go forward,
move towards what you were meant to.
Maybe.
But the thing is...
you never know if what you've lost is...
better than what you've gained.
- Yeah. - It's just...
There's no likely result.
But don't you see?
Of course.
There can't be a likely result.
There shouldn't be.
You're saying that it can't go on like this, right?
I don't know. Do you?
I have no idea.
Well, I have no idea about any of this.
Losing it is as good as having it.
What does that mean?
It's something I read in a book some time ago.
About the regular kind of loss.
I don't remember who wrote it,
but it was saying that
everything that is human is lost.
But at the same time,
some lost things can't be lost, are never lost.
Do you think this can't be lost?
Yes.
You're exhausted. You need to sleep.
I couldn't sleep right now if my life depended on it.
Which maybe it does.
I could eat though.
Well, all the late places around here
stop serving at 1:00, and it's almost 2:00.
- I know a place. - Yeah?
Yeah. I don't know if you'll like it, but they're open.
Where is it?
It's a secret.
Let's not take a cab home tonight.
Let's walk for a little bit.
I have something I want to say.
Please, speak.
I love you.
And I love you.
I'm serious.
I know. Me too.
I'm not even trying to love you.
I just... love you.
Do you believe me?
I must be really tired, because my heart
is beating so fast.
I feel like we're probably two of the most
tired people in the world.
You want to sit?
The reason this is real,
is the more real this is between us,
the more real this is.
Proust says somewhere that...
every lie lovers tell each other sooner or later becomes true.
I never read Proust.
Doesn't matter.
I... I probably never will.
Never say never.
I have to read him again, when I'm 50.
I was probably too young.
Never lie to me.
Never.
I don't think I could.
Which is weird.
Because, as a rule,
lying comes fairly easily to me.
Really?
Yeah, it's a form of self-defense.
When you're crazy,
you learn how to deal with the utter dishonesty
of the way people deal with crazy people.
Later you find that
you can't always get out of the habit.
I understand.
I don't like lying, but I guess I lie too.
But don't you know
it would be difficult for you to lie to me?
Impossible.
And I don't think I would ever have any reason to.
I think for the first time in my life,
I know what it feels like to be happy.
Tsk. Slap.
Let's do it like
a couple in their 80s...
who have been together for 40 years.
I like that.