﻿1
- [music begins] - [clapping, whistling]
♪♪
I have nothing to ask of you.
I'm not the wheel.
I want...
emotion.
The valley.
The architect.
I can't feel the ocean.
♪ Millions of people ♪
♪ Millions of people try ♪
♪ To see ♪
♪ The uncanny valley ♪
♪ I'm sorry ♪
♪ I have nothing to show to you ♪
♪ My heart ♪
♪ My wind ♪
♪ My ocean ♪
It's my agent. Hello?
I'm going to LA! They said they watched my tape.
They loved my performance, my song,
and they want me in LA on Monday.
You have to come with me.
This is like our moment, you know?
♪ Millions of people ♪
BECKS: I'm not an LA person.
Just keep saying that, and you'll fit right in.
BECKS: What am I gonna do for two weeks without you?
- I love you. - Bye, babe.
See you there!
♪ The uncanny valley ♪
BECKS: Hi, honey.
I broke the lease.
We are officially not getting our security deposit back.
The landlord was a dick.
But oh, well.
Um, I'm hitting the road.
I can't wait to see you. I miss you.
♪ My heart ♪
♪ My wind, my ocean ♪
LUCY: Hey, babe. The new apartment is ridiculous.
♪ You can't overthrow ♪
I can see the beach from our window.
- Love you. - ♪ Que sera, sera ♪
♪ Millions of people ♪
♪ Millions of people try ♪
♪ To see ♪
♪ The uncanny valley ♪
LUCY: Hold on.
Hey.
Hi. Oh, my God.
I thought you were coming tomorrow.
Well, I'm here. Surprise.
Is that the weed guy?
Oh, you're not the weed guy.
No, I'm not the weed guy.
I'm the girlfriend guy.
I'm the drove-across-the-fucking country-to-get-here guy.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
[arguing]
I just want you in my entire life.
- Don't fucking touch me. - No, okay, I didn't mean to.
I'm outta here. Oh, my God.
WOMAN ON RADIO: Financial assistance,
including the regions of the only assured IBF program, ARCH.
You do not need a referral to be seen regarding your...
WOMAN: Entertainment twin.
Earlier this morning we talked a lot about...
MAN: So do I, but I've been rejected so many times.
WOMAN: She fell in love with her first husband on set...
[car door closes]
I just... I quit my job, and I sold all my stuff,
and I drove all the way across the country
just because she wanted to be on a stupid singing competition.
Well, I never trusted her.
Too much eyeliner means she's hiding something, obviously,
and all that money from her parents...
Mom, you didn't like her because she was a "her."
ANN: Excuse me very much.
I'll have you know that I went to the Gay Festival this year.
- Gay Pride. - Gay Pride Festival,
and I wore a T-shirt with a rainbow,
and I danced with a lovely man in four-inch heels.
Hey, listen, I don't care if you want to date
a person who's a man or a woman
or a woman who wants to be a pans...
pan-gen-pansexual...
Okay, Mom, I get it. Don't hurt yourself.
I'm going to go crash.
Hey, hey, come here.
My baby girl, wait, wait, wait.
You are bright and talented and smart and beautiful,
and you deserve to have a loving and supportive woman.
Thank you, Mom.
♪♪ [guitar]
♪♪ ["Fur Elise"]
[TV playing game show]
Where have you been?
Walking with my women's group. You should join us sometime.
I think you and I have different definitions of "women's group."
Very funny.
Hello.
Okay, that's it.
Mom, it's the showcase showdown.
Honey, you have been sitting on this couch for two weeks.
I've done your laundry, I've made your food,
and if I hear that "Two Hands" song...
- "Both Hands." - "Both Hands" one more time,
- I'm gonna jump off a bridge. - Mom!
I'm not saying you have to pay rent.
Just get out of the house and do something with yourself.
And no more junk TV.
[sighs]
♪♪ [guitar]
♪♪ [vocalizing]
♪ You got caught ♪
♪ Now your hands are tied ♪
♪ Oh, you fought ♪
♪ How you fought ♪
♪ People, they got wise ♪
♪ Hear them whisper in the floor ♪
♪ If only you could see them ♪
♪ But you got caught ♪
MAN: Well, well, well. [laughs]
Look at what the sad gay cat dragged in.
Ah!
- Becks the Wreck. - Oh, fuck you, man.
I haven't been called that since I was 17.
How you doin', kiddo?
Well, I am single, and I'm broke,
and I'm back home living with my mom.
I'm sorry.
I'm a billionaire playboy
who sleeps on a bed of titties every night.
[laughs]
Yes, please.
Um, but you named your bar Perfectos?
Yes. That's what the Cards were called
before they were the Cards.
It's like St. Louis history. Hello.
It sounds like the shittiest taco truck in Sacramento.
Ohh...
I missed you.
I missed you too.
To success beyond our wildest dreams.
Gene, you need anything?
Eugene?
He's basically dead.
- You wanna, mm-hmm? - Yeah.
I don't know what I was thinking.
She was gonna be a big celebrity or something.
Ugh. She's an idiot.
A very hot idiot though.
- Best tits on earth. - Oh?
How best?
Like on a scale of Aniston to Upton.
A solid Johansson.
- Fuck! - Yeah.
Damn.
I should've known that my tiny high school dong
could never measure up to a pair of Johannsons.
- Scarlet Johannson? - Yeah, yeah.
Scarlet Johannson.
Oh, it had nothing to do with your dick, Dave,
and everything to do with my vagina.
My dick understands you. [chuckles]
It doesn't matter anyway.
The tits have moved on to a younger, hotter LA set of tits,
and I have officially become one of these people.
Oh, no.
- Yeah. - Oh, no.
I know.
Can I put one up in here?
I guess.
[laughing]
I mean, yeah.
- Why don't you play here? - Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, it ain't the Pageant, you know,
but we get a decent crowd on the weekends.
Yeah?
Okay, yeah.
♪♪ [guitar]
Wow. Look at this.
And I cleaned out the fridge, and I fixed the sink.
And check it out.
Um, I'll fix that later.
So how was your day?
Oh, okay, well, after church,
we had a girls' lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.
I got the salmon, which they say is a diet item,
but the portions are just ginormous.
Here. You can have it.
And, um, let's see, Donna had the roast chicken,
which I thought was a little dry.
And Sue also had the salmon.
Wow, Mom, what did everyone have to drink?
I think everyone had iced tea, but, uh...
Never mind.
Anyway, Sue Cunningham sends her regards.
- Who? - Mitchell Cunningham's mom.
You know, from high school.
- Mitch the Bitch? - Rebecca!
Ew!
I can still picture him threatening freshmen
from the front seat of his Jeep Wrangler.
Well, he's turned into a lovely young man.
Maybe we can all have dinner sometime.
- Yeah, that's not gonna happen. - Maybe you'll change your mind.
Oh, oh, oh, I almost forgot.
They have a sale at Aerosoles, and I like their comfort line,
so I got myself a pair, 40% off.
- That's great, Mom. - Do you want some money?
There was a cute one...
Thank you for the food. I'm starving.
I'm going to go eat this in my room, if you don't mind.
♪♪ [guitar]
Hey, you sure you don't want a mic or like a makeshift stage?
I'll put up some boxes.
Not if it's further from the bar.
How about this crowd, huh?
[laughs] Yeah.
What you got going on down there?
- Hey, Gene. - Hi.
Listen up, folks, we got some music for you tonight.
[Gene groans]
Be nice.
That's Gene.
He eats most of his meals here,
and he's usually drunk by 5:30.
Nice.
Nice. So you want a drink?
Ah, yes, please.
Something that'll make this feel less like this.
- Whiskey. - Yeah.
Uh, hey, everyone, I'm Becks.
I'm really good friends with Dave over here.
Actually, Dave was the first guy I ever slept with
and the last.
Anyway, it had nothing to do with Dave.
I'm sure he's a fantastic lay now.
I am.
But sometimes you just gotta taste the sausage
before you realize you're a vegan.
This is going really well, isn't it?
Oh, you are killing it.
Uh, Gene,
you look like you're the only person paying attention,
so this song is for you.
♪♪
♪ Your tattoo on my pillow ♪
♪ Your footsteps hold the beat ♪
♪ A scarlet letter sidewalk ♪
♪ A heartbreak on repeat ♪
♪ But she's going home ♪
♪ She's going home ♪
♪ She's leaving ♪
♪ Hear the traffic through the window ♪
♪ And two strangers on the street ♪
♪ A scarlet letter sidewalk ♪
♪ A heartbreak on repeat ♪
♪ But she's going home ♪
♪ She's going home ♪
♪ She's leaving ♪
- Yeah. - [Gene whistles]
- Yeah! - [applause]
DAVE: Come on! Come on!
Yeah!
Listen up. This is a tip jar.
Pass it around. Put some money in it.
Let her pay for her drinks, God forbid.
Thanks.
Damn, girl, you can really sing now.
Thanks, dude.
Hey, was that guy who came in, was that Mitch Cunningham?
Yes. He's cool now.
That asshole, he outted me at prom, remember?
He got on stage, he took the DJ mic
and he told everyone I was the vale-dyke-torian.
[laughs] Oh, yeah!
I remember that now.
And I was trying so hard to get in your panties all night.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't know.
But his mom and my mom are now friends.
This town is way too small.
Yeah, well, people change, okay?
You understand this concept...
- of people changing. - [laughs]
He's mellow now, man.
He put money into this place, so be chill.
Figures.
Mitch the Bitch is now Mitch the Rich.
Wow. If the singing doesn't work
you can write, like, really mean children's books.
Holy shit. There's like 35 bucks here.
Okay, Rain Man.
I'm used to getting paid in increments of jar.
It's a sad talent.
- Hey. - Oh, hey.
I moved those around the other day.
I found one of you in your habit.
- What a trip. - Remember this?
It's when we rented that cottage in the Ozarks.
You kids sang the entire way there.
It was so cute for the first 20 minutes.
You and Dad look so young.
Let me see.
Oh, that was right after we got married.
But we weren't so young. We were 28.
Well, I'm 34. What does that make me?
I don't remember Dad ever looking this healthy.
Yeah.
Look at this.
[laughs]
Ah, I must've been, I don't know, 22?
Now that was young.
Well, you were really pretty.
For a nun.
I was pretty, period.
Is that why you cheated on Jesus with Dad?
Maybe.
You been drinking all night?
What? It's not like that.
It's just sometimes, you know,
these things can be hereditary.
Mom, I'm responsible.
Okay, when it comes to drinking, at least.
Okay.
It's late.
Go to bed soon.
[door chime]
Nope.
Can I help you?
Oh, no, thanks.
I thought vintage would be more my price range,
but I guess it's still H&M for me.
Can't beat a $4 belt.
You know, I actually saw you perform the other night
at Perfectos.
Oh, right. You were there with Mitch the...
Mitch and I went to high school together.
You went to Maplewood?
Yeah. Let me guess.
Villa?
Mary I.
Ah, way off.
World of difference.
I'm Elyse.
- Becks. - Hi.
- It's nice to meet you. - You too.
Becks is an interesting name. Is it a stage name?
Uh, no, it's short for Rebecca.
Mary Rebecca, actually.
My sister's name is Mary Elizabeth,
in case you're wondering how Catholic my mom is.
I really enjoyed your music. Will you be playing again soon?
I sure as shit hope so. I'm so broke.
And I'm not just saying that as a negotiation tactic.
I'll give you 30 bucks for this.
That's 300.
300.
Used.
Does it come with $270 in the pocket?
[laughs] No, unfortunately.
- It's a really cool place. - Thank you.
Oh, hey, can I put a flyer up?
I promise if you send any students my way,
I'll come in, and I'll buy something really expensive.
Sure, of course.
I'll put it on the door, right where everyone can see it.
The door, right.
Thanks, dude!
You're welcome, dude.
Hmm.
[guitar tuning]
Hey, wow.
There's a lot more of you here tonight.
Thank you so much for coming out.
Now I know how Beyoncé feels.
Beyoncé still lives with her mom, right?
No? It's just me?
Um...
This song is called "Rabbit Hole."
♪♪
♪ Well, she talked a perfect game ♪
♪ Promised love and illusions of fame ♪
♪ But she just won't change ♪
♪ No, no, she'll never change ♪
♪ And you fool me once ♪
♪ And you fool me twice ♪
♪ And I fall down the rabbit hole again ♪
♪ I fell again ♪
♪ Well, she wants so badly to believe ♪
♪ But every time remains deceived ♪
♪ And she just won't change ♪
♪ No, no, she'll never change ♪
♪ And you fool me once ♪
♪ And you fool me twice ♪
♪ And I fall down the rabbit hole again ♪
♪ Oh, no, and you fool me once ♪
♪ And you fool me twice ♪
♪ And then I fall down the rabbit hole again ♪
Another respectable bounty.
I may have to start charging commission.
- Hey, give me that, give... - Ehh!
Hey, I think you got some groupies over there.
If by "groupies," you mean they came on a Groupon.
See, that's Mitch's wife. You know her?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I met her kinda randomly the other day.
Awesome. She's bringing in paying customers.
Do you want to say hi,
or do you want me to make up some rock star shit,
like you got a private chopper waiting around back?
She knows I can't afford a used shirt,
so I don't think she'll buy it.
I'm gonna leave this here. Don't touch it.
[applause]
Great show.
- Thank you. - Oh, my God, so great.
So real. You seemed so upset.
Thank you, I think.
Didn't know there were so many local fans of lesbian folk rock.
Oh, my God. That is too funny.
You know Richard's golf pro is a lesbian.
Um, Elyse, right?
Yeah, you remembered.
These are my friends: Maggie, Callie, and Mercede.
Mercede, like singular?
How else would it be?
So, uh, how do you guys know each other?
I'm getting like a sorority vibe.
No. High school.
Oh, right, Mary I.
That rich girl Catholic school.
It's not Catholic.
Then who's Mary?
Just some random chick named Mary?
[laughing]
You are so funny.
No, but seriously, nobody knows who Mary is.
Okay, cool. Well, it was nice to meet you guys.
- Do you want to join us? - Come on.
We never get to talk to a real-life rock star.
- Well, I met John Cusack once. - We know, Mercede.
Sit and have one drink. It's on me.
Why not?
It was a cabin in the woods, and I was completely topless.
- You were not topless. - I was.
Oh, please. Don't tell that story like you were topless.
I was topless.
I'm sorry, okay, listen, I don't want to be rude,
but you are the first real lesbian
we've ever hung out with.
That's not true. Rachel Rosenblatt was a lesbian.
Rachel wasn't gay. Her parents were just divorced.
She tried to kiss me at one of Chip's parties.
So? You made out with that swan pool toy once!
Three drinks, this one will make out with anything.
So how do you come up with the ideas for your songs?
You know, Elyse is a singer too.
No, no, karaoke is not singing.
Oh, come on! You took guitar.
ELYSE: That was forever ago.
I could give you lessons, if you want.
Totally! Elyse, you have to.
No. Thank you, but I cannot do what you do.
No, it's true, I need to have an empty stomach.
ANN: Rise and shine.
What... is happening?
It's Sunday morning. Church is happening.
- Jesus Christ! - That's right.
If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord
and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved.
I found this dress in your sister's old stuff
and had it dry-cleaned.
Here, it should fit you.
Oh. I'm Jewish now.
This dress made me Jewish.
Come on. You're living here rent-free.
The least you can do is accompany me to church.
- Upsy-daisy. - Mom, okay, going.
I'm going, but I'm not wearing this dress.
♪ But now I'm found ♪
♪ Was blind ♪
♪ But now I see ♪
Hey, where are you going?
We've been here for over an hour.
I think I've paid my rent.
Hello.
Hi. Is this Beck?
Uh, yeah.
It's Elyse from Fleur de Lis and the show.
Oh, hey, dude, what's up? How'd you get this number?
From your flyer.
Oh, right.
That's actually why I'm calling.
I thought about it, and, well, I have some time,
and I just thought that maybe...
Oh, yeah, you want to take guitar lessons?
I mean, if you don't want to, I completely...
No, yes, yes, awesome.
Absolutely.
♪♪
Huh.
Good for you.
A mortgage brochure.
Wow. This place is great.
Thanks. My mom decorated,
so it's kinda more her style than mine.
Well, it's a lot bigger and better than my no house.
I guess.
So this is where Mitch the Bitch lives.
Is that really what everyone called him?
Never to his face.
Wait. He's not here, is he?
- Oh, no, he's at work. - Oh.
What does he do that he can afford this place?
He works for my dad at Edward Jones.
Hmm. Well...
should we tune up?
Yeah, sure, yeah.
♪♪
♪ Jenny Jenkins ♪
- I told you I'd be rusty. - That's okay.
So you just wanna get your finger off the top string,
so the top string can ring out.
There you go.
Almost, almost.
You want it to sound like this.
♪♪
You make it look so easy.
Well, it's years of practice. Most people just give up.
I know.
- You want to try again? - Yeah.
Is a check okay?
Oh, cash would be so much better.
Oh, I don't have any on me. I'm sorry.
Next time?
Sure, yeah.
So how are you getting used to the Lou?
It must be weird after New York.
It's fine, you know.
It's a lot cheaper, so that's nice.
Is it hard to find other, you know...
Gay people?
No, not if you know where to look.
- But honestly, I am... - Hey, honey, I...
- Oh, hi. - Hey, you're home.
Yeah, your dad let me out early for once.
Hi. Oh, you remember Becks.
Of course. Becks the Wreck.
- Heh heh heh. - My mom said you were home.
- Yeah, it's been a long time. - Yeah, it's great to see you.
And I know Dave is psyched to have you back.
Becks and Dave were like the ultimate, alterna,
we're-too-cool-for-you couple.
ELYSE: Really?
- Yeah. - You and Dave?
Yeah. I was confused.
Hey, we're going to head to P.F. Chang's. You wanna join?
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't. I have another lesson.
Jupiter, Ceres, Eris, Makemake.
LIZZY: Why don't you go play with your brothers,
and you let Mommy talk to Grandma, okay?
He's really into space stuff right now.
ANN: Lizzy, they're getting too big.
You have to tell them to stop, okay?
Oh, Rebecca's here.
Honey, it's Lizzy, come here, come here.
Your sister wants to say hi real quick.
Hi, Becks!
- Hi, Lizzy. - Wow!
Look who ended up back home.
Uh, not ending up here. Just stopping by.
Well, I knew that Lucy was bad news.
When you come from money like that...
You know what? You are so right.
Lizzy, it was really nice to talk to you.
Text me when you have another kid!
ANN: Can't the two of you at least try to get along once?
Sisters never get along, Mom.
Well, are you gonna at least come and visit?
It's been over a year.
The kids are growing up. I'm missing everything.
I know, but would you want to get on a four-hour flight
with these maniacs?
Honey, Mommy is talking to Grandma.
Tell you what. As soon as the boys get a little bigger,
we will come out, okay?
Hey, Caleb, put that down! Don't...
Mom, I gotta go, I gotta go.
Do you want a time-out?
♪♪ [guitar]
♪ Oh, Daddy ♪
♪ Let me go ♪
♪ Up to the hills ♪
♪ Down to the shore ♪
♪ Nobody's crying around here but you ♪
♪ Let me go ♪
♪ For his love is true ♪
♪ He was wild one ♪
♪ He was a heartbreaking man ♪
♪ Oh, but I loved him ♪
♪ With all that I had ♪
♪ When we met one summer night ♪
♪ And started falling ♪
♪ Daddy, oh, daddy ♪
♪ Started calling ♪
♪ Will you wear white, oh, my dear, oh, my dear ♪
♪ Oh, will you wear white, Jenny Jenkins ♪
♪ No, I won't wear white, for the color's too bright ♪
♪ I'll buy me a foldy-roldy, tildy-toldy ♪
♪ Seek-a-double, use-a-cozza roll to find me ♪
♪ Roll ♪
♪ Jen... ♪
No, E, you got it.
♪ Jenny Jenkins ♪
Then to A.
♪ Roll ♪
Yeah! You got it!
I didn't realize how hard this was going to be.
My fingers are sore.
You can do some stretches for that, like this one.
Just pull it out like that.
- Oh, God, that does feel good. - It does, right?
Do this side. I'm gonna get some water.
So are you feeling a little bit more settled now?
It's been nice hanging with my mom.
I haven't seen her that much since my dad died.
But I'm not trying to settle in.
Once I get all my shit together, I'm going back to New York.
Oh, come on, it's not so bad here.
Well, it certainly beats LA.
You know, I actually saw a used Maxipad
on the street there once,
and it was somehow sadder and more disgusting
than anything I'd ever seen in New York City.
I don't know, maybe it's not about the place.
Maybe it's... gotta find the right people.
We're having a barbecue on Sunday. You should come.
I meant people more like...
Oh, like you?
Don't be such a snob. It'll be good for you.
[laughing]
♪ Come to my barbecue ♪
[laughs] All right.
I will absolutely come to your barbecue
if you play me a B7 chord.
- I know it's... - Hard.
♪♪ [upbeat]
Hey! I'm so glad you came.
Yeah. Oh, I don't know anything about wine,
but in Brooklyn, the less appealing the name,
the better the bottle.
"Rusty Jigsaw." That's great.
Here, come on.
So this is Lara and Rich and Melissa and Bobby.
She's pregnant. Basically, someone always is.
And you've already met these ladies.
Well, hello.
Now everyone back off. No autographs.
Elyse has gotten so into guitar since you have come around.
So into guitar. She's really into it.
- She won't put it down. - Like ever.
You want something to drink? Beer, wine?
Wine would be great.
I would have pegged you more for a beer girl.
Uh, um, no, it's fine. Wine is good.
So those the husbands?
Yeah, but if you don't follow the Cards or the Blues,
don't even bother.
BECKS: The Blues, that's hockey, right?
I know. No one cared about hockey till the Rams left.
I guess they needed something new to talk about.
Ah, thank you.
Becks, this is my friend Amy.
Amy and I are in figure-drawing class together.
- Hi. - Hey.
Great. I'm gonna go help Mitch. Have fun.
Oh, okay, good, everybody's going.
It's a great party.
Oh, yeah, like a 1960's astronaut farewell picnic.
[chuckles]
Does this happen to you a lot?
The super subtle lesbian setup? Yeah.
But at least you're cute.
You know, usually it's like, uh...
like some woman who looks like a fat mayor
from an old cartoon strip
or like Lauren with the backwards Kangol cap
who makes beer.
- I don't know. - But we're both lesbians,
so we obviously have to get married right away.
Yes, yes, oh, God.
I still hate that word though, "lesbian."
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, "gay" is no better.
I feel like "gay" is better.
"Gay" is better 'cause it's not like...
'cause "lesbian" sounds like a mad lizard or like a...
like a Hogwarts house that nobody wants to be in.
You know? "Lesbian."
You're right, you're right. "Gay" is a lot better.
So what are you doing?
Why would you ever in a million years be here?
- Well, I grew up here. - Oh, okay.
And then I went out to New York for a while, and I'm here again.
Oh, so you're back.
Yeah, back, but not for long.
Um, what's the scene like out here?
Eh, it's, you know, it's not bad.
There are actual gay people here.
It's not like you have to just sit around,
jacking off to all the L Word reruns
or anything like that.
- There's not shame in that. - No, I guess not.
- There's a couple places. - Yeah?
I mean, we can go right now, if you want to go.
- You wanna get outta here? - Fuck yeah.
- Oh, shit, okay. - Mm-hmm.
Fuck it.
Okay.
You good? You're done?
- I gotta pregame. - Let's go.
♪♪ [rock]
I'm a musician.
[groans]
Oh, gosh.
Wanna tell me where you were?
Out.
I called you three times. You couldn't pick up?
My phone died.
I didn't know whether to start calling hospitals or...
- Jesus, Mom, I'm fine. - Don't you dare Jesus me.
- Calm down. - Calm down?
You expect me to be here for you,
and you can't give me a flying phone call?
Okay, I'll call you next time. Are we done?
I couldn't sleep, wondering where you could possibly be.
Really, Mom? You can't imagine? Think really hard.
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper...
Mom, stop the scripture shit. I'm not Dad.
Well, I don't know how to talk to you.
- Then don't. - Look, I'm sorry
if that's not the first place my mind goes.
We didn't do that kind of stuff when we were your age.
No, you didn't do that kind of thing.
Everyone else did.
- Now you're just being mean. - I'm just telling the truth.
You and Dad didn't even sleep in the same room.
Don't you dare pretend to know anything about our marriage.
You have absolutely no idea.
What, that you literally nagged Dad to death?
Yeah, I have an idea. But you know what?
That's your shit. That's not my shit.
I have plenty of my own shit.
And having one night of ungodly behavior
doesn't even make my list of shit.
- It's a vacation from my shit. - Stop saying that word!
I am not like you. Jesus fucking Christ!
[retching]
[toilet flushing]
Good morning. I made breakfast. You want some?
So, uh, so I thought we could go have a girls' day,
maybe go shopping.
What do you think?
Mom, I was hungover. I had too much to drink.
Really? You're gonna use that excuse with me?
- I was tired. - I did not deserve that.
Look, you know how I get when I drink.
Could you at least respect me in my house enough
not to take the Lord's name in vain?
I'm sorry.
So, uh, so you gonna come with me or what?
[door chime]
ANN: Wow.
- Well, hello. - Hey, dude, what's up?
How are you?
Hey, Elyse, this is my mom Ann.
- Hi. - Mom, this is Elyse.
Oh, this is Mitch Cunningham's wife.
Oh, my gosh, hi.
So you're the one who's responsible for all this talent.
Yeah, she got it all from me.
I've heard so much about you from Sue.
It's nice to put a face to a name.
Oh, you know my mother-in-law.
Yeah, she's a friend.
- This is such a lovely shop. - Thank you.
It's my little piece of Paris right here in the Lou.
So what brings you two in today?
You here to walk around and not buy anything?
There's a bunch of new stuff in to not buy.
Oh, ha ha, but the joke's on you
'cause I'm buying my mom a whole new wardrobe
from this century.
I like my clothes. You're such a snob.
- Isn't she? - Yeah.
Hey, I didn't bring you here so you guys could gang up on me.
Are you sure? It's free. It's right in your budget.
- [laughing] - What?
372.24.
Oh, no, no, no. Rebecca, please.
- Let me help out, come on. - No, Mom, stop.
Please, let me. Consider it back rent.
Thank you.
Wait one second.
What, I spend some cash,
and you think I'm gonna buy the whole store?
It's on the house.
You don't charge enough for lessons anyway.
Hey, you know what? I don't.
- It looks good on you. - It's beautiful.
Thanks. Here's 300 and five, six...
I can't believe we got my mom into that miniskirt. Jesus.
I think that's the first time I've ever seen her knees.
I can't believe your mom was a nun.
Nuns feel like so from another era or something.
Shit.
My mom's a real C-U-Next-Tuesday.
Can't you just say "cunt?"
Can you say "cunt?"
Can you please say "cunt?"
Okay, fine.
Cunt.
[laughing]
So how does she feel about the whole gay thing?
Not great. You know, she's coming around,
just as long as I spare her the details.
- Hey. - Will there be anything else?
No, we're good, thank you.
So you and Amy left pretty fast the other day.
Oh, yeah, well, it's not like that.
She's really cool, but she's not...
- Not your type. - Ehh.
I like girlier, femmier girls. Whatever.
Got it. So does that mean
that you won't be getting back together
with Dave any time soon?
[laughs] That was high school.
I didn't really figure it out until college.
Do you want to know what happened?
Yeah.
Oh! All right.
Well, I was in love with this girl,
and I was in total denial about it,
so to get her out of my system,
I thought I would go to a frat party
and just fuck the first guy I saw.
And so I was in the bathroom,
and I was on my knees, giving this guy a blow job,
and I remember I had his dick in one hand
and his balls in the other,
and I didn't know what I was doing,
and he was like, "What the fuck are you doing?"
And I just remember I was crying,
and at that moment,
I knew that I was...
a hundred percent, you know, gay.
Wow. That's...
[phone beeping]
Sorry.
I should get going.
- Was it the ball fondling? - No, no.
Mitch is at home, and he works a lot.
Oh, yeah. I'll settle up.
Have a good night.
Bye.
What do I owe you?
Drinks are on the house.
Thanks, man.
You know that she's the wife of my good friend?
You're not one of those people who think that all lesbians
want to just fuck every woman in sight?
No, I'm not.
I just think that you want to fuck her specifically.
Come on, she's my student, and she's married,
and I don't live here, and she's really WASPY.
Well, it's good to know you haven't thought about it.
Dude...
Look, just know that your powers are a lot stronger
than you realize.
Thank you, Yoda,
but you've nothing to worry about, okay?
All right?
BECKS: A-one, a-two, a-three. [plays guitar]
♪ Will you wear rose, oh, my dear, oh, my dear ♪
♪ Oh, will you wear a rose, Jenny Jenkins ♪
♪ No, I won't wear a rose It's the color of my nose ♪
♪ I'll buy me a foldy-roldy, tildy-toldy ♪
♪ Seek-a-double, use-a-cozza to find a roll ♪
♪ Roll, Jenny Jenkins, roll ♪
Ah, hey!
Someone's been practicing.
Oh, God, I'm tone deaf. You are the singer.
Oh, you just need something to get it out of you, hmm?
You are gonna play with me at Perfecto's.
And you are going to get your head checked.
Come on, one song.
It's good to have deadlines and goals and shit,
so I've been told.
I would die. I would die on the stage.
You will be singing, and I will be dead.
Well, you don't have a choice.
It's now a mandatory part of the lesson plan.
Okay, fine, one song.
As long as no one I know is there.
Deal.
We have like 15 minutes left,
so we're gonna do this a couple times more, ready?
- Okay. - All right, here we go.
A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.
♪ Will you wear a rose, oh, my dear, oh, my dear ♪
♪ Oh, will you wear rose, Jenny Jenkins ♪
[line ringing]
Hey, it's Pete. Leave a message.
- I'll try to get back to you. - [beep]
Hey, it's me.
I am home.
[laughs]
And I thought...
I know you're out doing your thing that you do,
but I thought maybe you could give me a call,
and we could catch up.
Okay.
[engine starts]
♪♪ [guitar]
♪ Stand up straight with a crooked spine ♪
♪ Butterflies as far as I can tell ♪
♪ Hands too numb to grip, walk the straight line ♪
♪ There's something I don't get ♪
♪ No, nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I know ♪
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I know ♪
♪ There's a sweetness in the chase ♪
♪ I felt my heart beating the ceiling ♪
♪ But the light changed on your face ♪
♪ There's something I don't get ♪
♪ No, nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I know ♪
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I know ♪
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I ♪
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ The way I know ♪
[applause, cheers]
TV ANNOUNCER: KTVI, St. Louis.
Live, local, late-breaking.
LUCY: Are you kidding me? I am not wearing this.
What is it, like 1994?
KIMMY: The 90's are back, you dumb bitch.
ANNOUNCER: Will Lucy be forced to get jiggy
with Kimmy's fashion choices,
or will she get saved by the bell?
Let's hope these two can get their act together
before they get their "act" together.
You have to go on! The room is packed!
I have a visual processing disorder, okay?
ANNOUNCER: Will Kimmy put the brakes on Lucy's big break?
Find out on the series premiere of Rock or Walk,
only on the Rainbow Network.
[click]
♪♪ [piano]
♪ And you fool me once ♪
♪ And you fool me twice ♪
♪ And then I fall down the rabbit hole again ♪
[cheers, applause]
Thank you, thank you.
So tonight I'm gonna switch it up a bit
and bring on some new energy.
Elyse, come on up.
- Give her a round of applause. - [applause]
So I used to do duets all the time with my ex,
but I don't anymore on the count of that she sucks.
But I made an exception here, of course.
I just wrote this song, it's a new song,
and if you like what you hear,
maybe you'll sign up for some guitar lessons,
and if you don't like what you hear,
well, someone hasn't been practicing.
She's a great teacher.
- I'll slip you the 20 later. - [laughs]
Yeah. Are you ready?
Yeah.
One, two, three, four.
♪♪ [slow]
♪ It should've been easy ♪
♪ When I put it before me ♪
♪ But so many ways ♪
♪ For you to lose ♪
♪ A song I've forgotten ♪
♪ And the memory is broken ♪
♪ But time just stops ♪
♪ When I hear the tune ♪
♪ In the dead of night ♪
♪ I don't have to breathe ♪
♪ It's easy ♪
♪ The moment it holds me ♪
♪ Speck on the ocean ♪
♪ What is a fool supposed to do ♪
♪ In the dead of night ♪
♪ I don't have to breathe ♪
♪ It's easy ♪
[cheers, applause]
[laughing]
- That was awesome. - Yeah.
Oh, that was so awesome.
- You're incredible. - Yeah? Was I okay?
Yeah! You destroyed it. Did you hear that crowd?
I'm gonna have to find another bar to play at.
Dude, gimme five. Amazing.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[Elyse moans]
[laughs]
♪♪ [guitar]
[horn honks]
Oh, my fucking God!
Hey, sis!
Mom, Mom, get out here!
You piece of shit.
You can't return a phone call, but you just show up.
Oh, my gosh.
What are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood and, you know.
Ohh!
Why did you stop shaving?
I missed you too.
Well, how long are you staying? Can you stay?
- It depends. - Depends on what?
You're not gonna make me bring a jello salad
to a potluck or something, right?
- Dude, you made Mom crazy. - Excuse me.
For once, I actually have the two of you under the same roof.
- Yeah. - Ohh! I can't believe it.
Yeah, I was crashing with this chick in Venice Beach
until she finally kicked me out,
so I figured I'd head to Lauderdale for the fall,
bartend near the beach.
You're killing it at life.
I guarantee you, every dude with a mortgage
and a moderately hot wife in yoga pants
wishes he was me.
God, this room is like a time capsule.
I don't know what that says about Mom.
No, there's something kinda comforting about it.
Yeah, 'cause you get to revert.
So should we rock out some Backstreet Boys
- and pretend you're straight? - Fuck off.
Don't talk shit about Backstreet.
And Mom hasn't touched a thing.
There's probably still a bunch of Dad's bottles
hidden everywhere.
Speaking of...
Aha! Nice.
Dad never got the good stuff, so you are stepping it up.
I swiped it from Dave's bar.
Uh-huh, yup.
Oh, Hagstrom Super Swede.
How very Zappa of you.
You still play?
Only when I'm trying to score pussy.
Oh, God, that is so straight of you.
Why? If it weren't for pussy,
no guy would ever pick up a guitar.
Guitars are hard. You do it for the same reason.
No. I do it because the world needs music,
and it is a universal language that brings everyone together.
And the pussy.
Ooh, Mom's not gonna like that.
Oh, she's mellowing out.
Hey, what's with that? New look, new clothes.
I've taken her on as my project.
Can a former uptight nun be Joan Jett?
It's like backwards My Fair Lady.
I did that with a girl once.
[laughs]
So how long you planning on sticking around for?
[sighs] I don't know.
I thought it would just be a couple of weeks,
but I kinda like it.
Oh, come on. These are not our people.
I know, but I've met some cool ones.
- [gliss] - Ruh-roh.
What poor girl's life are you ruining now?
Oh, wouldn't you like to know.
- I would like to know. - [laughing]
Yeah.
Ugh.
Come here, give me the... Okay, so here.
This is great. I just had an idea.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna play,
but you're gonna play, and I'm gonna drink,
and we're gonna see what we can do. Ready?
- Yeah, okay. - Here we go. Are you ready?
- Yeah. - And...
♪♪
[laughing]
One more time. I'm sorry.
Wait, just wait. Let me take a sip.
Okay, now I'm gonna sound like I got whiskey voice.
- Are you ready? - Mm-hmm.
♪ Oh, baby, you're hungry ♪
♪ Running all over the town ♪
♪ I came all the way from this hot hellhole town ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ I got them old whiskey blues ♪
[laughs]
♪ Well, my mama don't know, but, honey ♪
♪ What she don't know ain't gonna hurt her ♪
- [Becks laughing] - This hurts my fingers.
Oh, you pussy. Fucking pussy, man.
[sighs]
This bed is so hard. Where did you get it?
It's the guest bedroom. We didn't exactly splurge.
If I bought a Serta and swapped it in,
you think Mitch would notice?
He didn't even notice when I cut my hair last year.
I would notice.
This isn't about him.
I'm just a boring housewife
who's bored with her boring life.
Such a cliché.
I'm sorry.
Am I boring you now?
No. God.
I was taking it easy 'cause you're a newbie,
but I got a pocketful of all kinds of weird shit.
- Shut up. - Nope, it's too late.
It's too late. Gotta step up my game.
Do you...
you...
have...
an old-timey washboard?
[giggling]
A fun house mirror?
[giggling]
And an oversized slingshot?
It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good.
[kissing]
[moaning]
♪♪ [guitar]
DAVE: Come over here. [laughs]
♪ In a minute I'm gonna tell you ♪
- You're my beard, man. - I'm your beard?
♪ The way I feel tonight ♪
[laughing]
♪ But I'm asking from the bottom ♪
♪ Just where the shadow ends ♪
- Breakfast, homies. - Honey, that's so thoughtful.
♪ I wanna hold you, babe ♪
♪ Still, I'm never gonna understand ♪
PETE: Morning.
You see that baby? Baby James Franco.
Eww. Maybe that was James Franco.
Maybe living like a baby is one of his new art projects.
[laughs] He is so good.
- Or not. - It's impossible to tell.
- Shit. - What?
Ehh, just a friend canceled a thing.
Mm, that is not a friend "shit."
Mm-hmm, you're right.
It's never gonna work out anyway.
Uh-oh, you fall for a straight girl again?
She's married.
To Mitch Cunningham.
Mitch...
Mitch the Bitch?
That fucking asshole?
Oh, man, if Mom ever found out...
Good thing she still considers suicide a mortal sin.
God, she's so hot.
She's all sweet and innocent in a sexy-as-fuck way.
I take back what I said about leaving.
You have to stay. This is too good.
I want constant updates on the drama.
Can you take something serious for once in your life?
Can you? I mean, she's married.
That's a lot of people to fuck with, Becks.
Well, she's unhappy.
I don't think it's gonna last.
Well, you know, who am I to judge?
If it feels like the right thing to do,
follow your heart and all that shit.
BECKS: You could always name a song.
You could put some wicked harmony on...
♪ All that shit ♪
Ah, gotta go.
What, the shit friend uncanceled?
Hey, are you gonna be home later?
I don't know. Why?
Wait, why?
Oh, no, you're not bringing her home.
- Hey, bye. - Eww.
Leave a sock on the door.
BECKS: How did I not know I was gay?
[laughing]
I feel like I'm having sex with a high schooler.
[laughing]
Well, I did have sex in here when I was a high school.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
Granted, there was a lot more dick involved.
[laughs]
What was Dave like in bed anyway?
It was fast and gross.
And it wasn't even him, you know?
I just... I don't know...
I just never felt comfortable.
It just didn't feel right.
Not like with you.
[sighs]
Hey.
What happened?
I don't know what I'm doing.
[sighs]
What?
Hey.
Tell me, what's up?
[sighs] You're gonna leave,
and I'm going to be right back to where I was.
- What if didn't leave? - Oh, please.
You've had one foot out the door since you got here.
I don't know.
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
If I stayed, would you want to be with me?
Hey.
Wanna try something?
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
From your secret pocket of lesbian tricks?
[laughing]
It'll be fun.
[gasps] Oh!
Mom!
Jesus Christ.
[Elyse crying]
♪♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Shadows on the windowsill ♪
♪ If I have to break your heart ♪
♪ Then I will ♪
No, I'm good, I'm good.
♪ Release me ♪
Oh, God.
♪ Release me ♪
I can have another drink.
Hi, this is Elyse. I'm not here right now,
but if you leave me a message, I'll call you back
as soon as I can. Thank you.
[beep]
Hey, Elyse, it's me.
Can we talk about this?
All right, call me back. Bye.
Are you gonna bail without saying goodbye?
You know I can't handle Mom drama.
You saw her?
I heard her crying in her room all night.
Fuck.
I told you, she's not ready for that kind of stuff.
All the new clothes in the world
are not gonna change the fact that she's still Mom.
I wasn't trying to do that, Pete.
I love you, Becks, I really do, and I love Mom,
but I'm telling you, she's better off here without us.
How the fuck would you know?
You left right after the funeral.
Are you gonna bring that up every time I see you?
All you ever do is run away.
Some families are just better off apart.
Where did you read that, Shitty Sons Weekly?
God. Bye.
[ding dong]
Oh, hey, Becks.
Hey, uh...
I'm sorry. Elyse isn't here.
Did you have a lesson today?
You know what? She's at the mall with her mom,
- but I can give her a call. - No, uh...
That's okay.
I got my schedule mixed up.
I think I forgot my guitar anyway.
You okay?
Yeah, just busy, I guess.
Mm. Nothing a beer can't fix.
- Come on in. - No, I gotta go.
Come on, I've been wanting to talk to you anyway,
so this is perfect, come on.
You follow the Cards?
A little.
No, not really.
Well, they're killing it this season.
Best team in baseball.
So yeah, I just wanted to take a chance
to thank you for giving Elyse these lessons.
She's like a different person now.
No problem.
I don't know how much she told you,
but we've been trying to have a kid like for a while now.
I don't want to get into all the medical stuff,
but it's been hard.
I didn't know.
Oh, yeah.
She's been down a lot lately.
She feels like, I don't know, a failure?
[scoffs]
Now she sings around the house all the time.
She practices guitar when I go to bed.
So I guess these lessons have been a nice,
I don't know, distraction, I guess.
Glad I could help.
Oh, do me a favor.
Don't tell her that I talked to you about any of this.
I don't want her to think I was talking about her,
you know, behind her back.
Yeah.
Hey, whatever it is you're doing, keep it up.
Hi, Mom.
[Ann sniffles]
Your brother left...
without saying goodbye.
He probably just went to go see some friends.
No. He took his stuff.
I already cleaned his room.
Are we gonna talk about this?
I think seeing it was quite enough.
I suppose you'll be wanting to head out soon.
[dish clatters]
[slam]
- Are you kicking me out? - I don't know.
I'm not sure this is the right place for you anymore.
I thought you liked having me here.
Yeah, I did, but I'm thinking maybe a little bit of distance
might be better for us.
I just can't have you disrespecting my house
like that.
You know what? I'm an adult.
Adults have sex.
I am so sorry you had to see that.
Believe me, it was fucked up for me too.
It was disgusting.
Disgusting?
You know, you can go to as many pride parades as you want,
but you're never gonna understand that being gay
means I fuck women.
I am sorry if that is too much for you to handle.
Get over yourself, Rebecca. I don't care who you fuck, okay?
You just seduced a confused woman
who happens to be married to my friend's son.
What am I supposed to say to her now?
- Do you not understand? - I'm in love with her.
You're in love with her?
Honey, you said two months ago you were in love with Lucy,
and now who's it gonna be next month?
What is wrong with you? I don't get it.
You have no consideration of anybody else's feelings.
Do you think being gay is an excuse for being selfish?
Is that what it is?
You know what?
Regardless of what you may think about me,
I had a pretty nice life here before you showed up.
And I'm not gonna let you take that away from me.
I'll leave in the morning.
Good.
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
Hey.
Did Mitch see you leave?
No. He fell asleep on the sofa.
Are you okay?
No.
I'm sorry.
[sobs]
Shh.
[continues sobbing]
It's okay.
Wait, wait, hey, wait.
Wait, wait.
I have to leave.
I have to go back to New York.
[sobbing]
Will you come? Come with me.
Oh, God.
Please. I mean it.
We can be so good together.
Please.
[sobbing]
What about Mitch?
You don't want him.
You want me.
Hey, I should go.
He's gonna be up soon.
Okay.
I'm just... I'm gonna go home and get my stuff, okay?
I'll be back in about an hour.
Yeah, okay.
Hey.
I love you.
I love you too.
♪♪ [guitar]
[car door closes]
[sighs]
♪ You thought you had it figured out this time ♪
♪ Ride to the sun ♪
♪ Where the lines, they break ♪
♪ But it set long ago ♪
MITCH: Hey, honey?
♪ The stars are dim ♪
♪ And the moon hangs low ♪
♪ Low, low, low ♪
♪ So you fight the good fight ♪
♪ But you got caught ♪
♪ Between what you had ♪
♪ And what you have lost ♪
♪ With no one left to hold ♪
♪ The day's so long ♪
♪ And the nights are cold ♪
♪ Cold, cold, cold now ♪
♪ And we all just wanna go home ♪
♪ You keep your feet moving ♪
♪ But it's getting late ♪
♪ Whoa, the cost, the cost, the cost ♪
♪ That keeps you awake ♪
♪ With no one left to hold ♪
♪ The stars are dim ♪
♪ And the moon hangs low ♪
♪ Low, low, low ♪
♪ And we all just wanna go home ♪
♪ Home, home, oh ♪
♪ Home, home, oh, home ♪
♪ And we all just wanna go home ♪
♪♪
♪ It should've been easy ♪
♪ When I put it before me ♪
♪ But so many ways for you to lose ♪
♪ A song I've forgotten ♪
♪ And the memory's broken ♪
♪ But time just stops when I hear the tune ♪
♪ In the dead of night ♪
♪ I don't have to breathe ♪
♪ It's easy ♪
♪ The moment it holds me ♪
♪ Speck on the ocean ♪
♪ What is a fool supposed to do ♪
♪ In the dead of night ♪
♪ I don't have to breathe ♪
♪ It's easy ♪
♪♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Shadows on the windowsill ♪
♪ If I have to break your heart ♪
♪ Then I will ♪
♪ Release me ♪
♪ I'll go back ♪
♪ To a friend of a friend ♪
♪ You had to break my heart ♪
♪ Again and again ♪
♪ Release me ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Release me ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Release me ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪