- Are you gettin' hungry?
Wanna a hot dog?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Right over here, sweetie.
Stay close to me.
Could I get just two hot dogs, whatever you do to it.
Stay here, okay?
Thank you.
All right, let's go across the street
and see that music guy.
Okay, let's go this way, get you some beads.
Over here, baby.
Do me a favor, I'm gonna see how much these are.
You hold this for me?
Thank you.
- Hi.
- You want one of my hot dogs?
- Well, that's very nice of you, I'll be okay.
- Will you?
- Charlie!
Charlie, I told you not to leave my sight!
- I was just talking to this man.
- No, don't look at that filth!
Come on, you know better than that.
Charlie!
- Hey, what's your name?
- It's been eight years.
It's been eight years since I last saw you.
I can still see myself in that parking garage,
looking through my rear view mirror,
watching you drive away with a family that isn't your own.
I've never stopped thinking about you, I never will.
In some ways I feel as though I never left
that damn parking garage
because that's where i left my heart.
But eventually I did leave and just started driving west
for no other reason than i didn't know where else to go.
I love you, grace, you hold my heart.
And I hope that one day when you read the pages
of this journal you could know that I always loved you
and I always wanted to be your dad and I'm sorry.
I'm so damn sorry.
Love, Jim.
Hey, excuse me.
- Can I help you with something?
- Yeah, do you guys sell journals here?
- At the end of the aisle.
- Um, which aisle?
- The one behind you.
- Uh,
they're all behind me, there's like a billion of 'em.
Which aisle is it?
- Are you serious?
- Oh, hey, what are you readin'?
Is that, uh, is that a book on customer service?
Yes, I'm serious, which aisle?
- That aisle.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Hey, you ready to check out?
- Yeah, hey, uh, this book was, uh, left
in the journal section.
- People are always doing this to me.
They're always putting things back where they don't belong,
moving things around without permission.
How would you like it if i came to your place of work
and I started putting things in different places?
"Oh, you alphabetize things?
"Let me put z with a, oh, b, b goes with d."
- Well, hey, that's why they pay you the big bucks.
- They don't pay me crap.
- 'Scuse me, I've been looking down that aisle you told me
and I simply cannot find that cookbook.
- I took you right to it, it's the third aisle on the right.
- I looked there, can you show me?
- I physically touched the book.
- I know, but then you walked away,
and I didn't see where you were pointing.
- I'll be right back.
It's over here.
- The ragamuffin gospel by Brennan Manning.
This book was written with a specific reading audience
in mind.
This book wasn't written for the super-spiritual
or for those who live only on the mountaintop
and have never visited the valley of desolation.
It's not for the complacent who hoist
over their shoulders a tote bag of honors, diplomas,
and good works, actually believing that they've made it.
It's not for legalists who would rather surrender control
of their souls to rules rather than run the risk
of living in union with Jesus.
This is a book for the bedraggled, beat up, and burnt out.
For the sorely burdened
who are still shifting the heavy suitcase
from one hand to another.
For the wobbly and weak-kneed
who know they don't have it all together
and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace.
For poor, weak, sinful men and women
with hereditary faults and limited talents.
This book is for the bent and bruised who feel
that their life is a grave disappointment to god.
Yes, sir?
- You okay, son?
- Yes, sir.
- You know you can't park here, right?
- Yes, I, what's wro--
sorry, sir, I'm just waking up, where do you,
where should I park?
- I really don't care, just not in the middle of my beach
middle of the night.
- Good morning, lifegate church.
- Yeah, is mark there?
- Pastor mark?
No, he's in San Diego.
- He's in San Diego?
- Uh, yes, sir, he goes out there every year
for an annual pastor's conference.
- That's right.
Hey, do you know where that's being held?
- I need you to go to office depot and get these laminated.
I put it in the to-do list and I need you
to follow the directions.
- Okay.
- This is a big moment for you, okay?
And I need you to be there-- - hi, there, is this
where the thing is?
- Oh, absolutely, hello, are you ready to check in?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay, well, it looks like
somebody just rolled outta bed.
- Somethin' like that.
- Oh, we're just jokin' with ya.
- Okay. - - All right.
- So, what church are you with, honey?
- Uh,
church?
- Yeah, if they didn't put you down by your church,
they would've put you down by your name,
so you could just tell us that.
Now, seriously, why are you just sittin' here?
I need you to be laminatin'.
We got two hundred n-- - this is me right here.
- Ryan brinson? - - Yup.
- I loved your books.
They have changed my life.
- Oh, well, I'm, uh, goo-- - we have a lanyard
for you-- - yeah.
- And you better get in
because the first session--
is about to fill up.
- Uh, thank you, hey, uh, quick question.
I've never been here before.
Is there a place I can grab a smoke real quick?
- Excuse me?
- Before the sess-- do i have time for a smoke?
All right, later.
Excuse me, are you Brennan Manning?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- You wrote this book, ragamuffin gospel?
- A long time, look, i, I'm, I'm busy.
I'm going over my notes, thank you very much, goodbye.
- Oh, I'm sorry, i just wanted to say
you got a cool-- - how many ways
do I have to tell you I'm busy?
I'm going over my notes!
- Sorry to bother you. - What are you, deaf?
- Tellin' ya you had a cool book.
- Thank you.
Welcome to the 2005 San Diego pastor's convention!
Ah, thank you,
give it up for the band.
He's dedicated his life to traveling the world
and preaching the love of god
as a vagabond evangelist.
Please welcome, Brennan Manning.
Brennan Manning.
- Hmm?
- You dropped this.
- Okay, let's try this one more time.
Brennan Manning.
Thank you.
- In the words of St. Francis of assisi
to brother Dominic on the way to umbria, "hi."
I'd like to speak to what response does god look for
from us in return for the gift of his love
that knows no boundary, limit, or breaking point.
In 1982, the movie of the year
that won the best Oscar was chariots of fire.
There was one scene in the film that really grabbed me.
The night before the race she goes to him,
in fact, she pleads with him to drop out of the race,
and he looks at her with eyes of great compassion
and in a gentle voice he says,
"but, Mary, god made me fast,
"and when I run i feel his pleasure.
"Do you understand Mary?
"When I run I feel his pleasure."
The splendor of the human heart
that trusts it is loved unconditionally
gives god more pleasure than the westminster cathedral,
Beethoven's ninth symphony, Van gogh's sunflowers,
the sight of ten thousand butterflies in flight,
or the scent of a million orchids in bloom.
Trust is our gift back to god that he finds it so enchanting
that Jesus died for love of it.
In 1932, there was a French philosopher.
He tried to interpret the Bible--
- thank you.
- What are you doin' here?
- Hey, mark, how you doin' man?
- I asked why you're here, man.
- I live here.
- I know, but here.
- I, uh,
I need your help, i need your help.
- I gotta catch a plane.
- No, no, no, look, come on, you know me.
You know if I had any other options,
I wouldn't be asking you, but i really need your help, man.
I really need your help, can you help me?
- I'm takin' Sarah and the kid across the street for lunch.
Meet me there and we'll talk.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Thank you, sir.
Hey, um, so, hey, so sorry to interrupt.
Uh, hey, man, I really enjoyed your, uh, sermon.
Uh, hey, this is maybe stupid but do you wanna, um,
wanna go grab a beer or something?
- That's not a good question
to ask a recovering alcoholic.
- I, uh, sorry, i-- - and besides,
I gotta get back to n'awlins.
- Oh, hey, that's where I'm from, New Orleans.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, if you're from n'awlins,
you don't say New Orleans.
You say n'awlins, or else they'll kill ya.
No, they will. - That's funny.
It's been a long time since I lived there, so.
Anyway, it was great to meet you, sir.
- Good.
- All right, take care, guys.
- Great job in there today.
- Oh, thank you very much, it was my pleasure.
- All right, listen,
I'm gonna go pull the car around.
- Okay, I'll wait here.
- All right.
- So, where do I sit?
- Oh, I thought you had a flight to catch.
- I'll catch a later one.
- But won't your wife be mad?
- Look, I'm a grumpy old man.
I don't wanna change my mind.
- Okay, okay, lemme clear out some stuff.
Uh, just I'll make some room for you, sir.
- Hey, don't go without this, guy.
Go ahead and grab that.
- Oh, thank you very much.
- You're welcome. - I appreciate that.
- Well, you might notice it's a little heavier.
I put some take homes in there and, oh, some snacks.
Do you, do you eat cheese?
We'll talk about it, listen, I'll go pull the car up?
- Oh, no, I, I have a ride.
- Oh, yeah. - Thank you very,
very much, I appreciate it. - Yeah, hey, yeah, yeah.
- Hey, I can take it, i can take it for you.
There you go, there you go,
just get you right in there, sir.
Watch your head, I'm a cop, no, just kidding.
This back door doesn't open,
so I'm just gonna go right over your head, there,
right over your head, sorry.
Again, sorry about this door,
just goin' right over your head, right over your head,
right over your head, sorry about that.
Okay, okay, and that.
All right.
Um,
I don't know where my keys are.
- Well, I don't like preachers, either.
- I mean that's not you.
Well, I mean what I saw in you is different.
- The god of many christians is too small for me.
A god who loves me when I'm good and hates me when I'm bad,
a very fickle god where everything depends on my behavior,
a god of moralism, a god of legalism,
a very heavy-handed god of authoritarianism,
and it's not the Jesus who said,
"make your home in me as I make mine in you."
- Yeah, Jesus, I, i have no problem with.
It's the christians that I can live without.
- Who hurt you?
- I've just had enough, that's all.
- How long have you been living in your car?
- I've been living in my car a little while,
I mean maybe eight months or so.
I have friends i stay at occasionally.
I've met, I've made some friends out here in San Diego,
and I've been able to crash on some couches and stuff and,
but I mean longer than it's comfortable,
you know what I mean?
Longer than it's comfortable.
Well, you know what I figure?
I figure it's better to be alone than to be hurting people.
- Do you believe god loves you as you are,
not as you should be?
Because none of us are as we should be.
- I'm trying to.
- Good, because here's the revelation,
bright as the evening star.
Jesus comes for sinners,
for those as outcast as tax collectors
and those caught up in squalid choices and failed dreams.
He comes for corporate executives, street people,
superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents,
aids victims, and even used-car salesmen.
Jesus not only talks with these people,
he dines with them, with sinners,
will raise the eyebrows of religious bureaucrats
who hold up the robes, an insignia
of their religious authority to justify their condemnation
of the truth and their rejection of the gospel of grace.
- You're still here.
- I'll be right back, Brennan.
So, where were you?
I was waiting for a couple of hours.
- Yeah, w-- - you said we'd meet
right over there.
- Yeah, we didn't have time
for lunch. - You didn't have time?
What are you talking about you didn't have time?
We were in the coffee shop. - No, well, we had to pack,
and then w-- - no, wait, wait, wait,
what do you mean you had to pack?
You said you were in a hurry for a flight.
- Hi. - Yeah, we are.
- And now, it's, this all sounds like cr--
- it's not crap, son,
we're in a hurry. - I'm Sarah.
- I'm sorry, Sarah. - Jim.
- This is Sarah's son--
- our son.
- Our son. - Yeah.
- I apologize. - That's okay, that's okay.
- It's our son, Jake.
You know what?
- We better get going. - - Okay.
- All right, so, uh, why don't you meet me in the car
and I'll be right with you, all right?
- Yeah, it was nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
- Come on, baby, come on.
- Don't you blame me for your ruined life.
You got no one to blame but yourself.
If you want my help, all you gotta do is come back
to New Orleans, come back to the church,
and apologize for what you did.
Or not.
It's all up to you, though.
- What was that?
- That was my dad.
You'd like him, he's a preacher.
- You didn't have to come in with me.
- Oh, I didn't mind.
- Well, sorry to have to rush off like this,
but you take care, man.
- Yeah, take care.
- Jim,
why did you want to speak with me today?
Now, honestly, I don't mean to offend you,
but you don't seem like the type
that would wanna chitchat about theology.
- I don't know, i just, need help.
Um, I think I'm just at a point in my life where I feel, um,
stuck, and, uh, I don't,
I don't know how to get unstuck.
- Well, then, that's what I'll pray for.
- Take care.
- 7 pm flight to New Orleans.
- I'm sorry, but all flights
out to New Orleans have been canceled due to weather.
- I was supposed to be on the 5 pm!
- And that was actually the last flight out.
- You don't understand, i have to be home!
There's nothing you can do?
- Sir, there's actually a large storm front
that's headed for the Gulf right now
and unfortunately, all flights
to that region have been canceled.
They're not gonna schedule anymore
until that weather passes.
- Can you get me a flight to another city
and then I can drive to New Orleans.
- Well, unfortunately any of the other cities
I could get you into tonight would actually be further
from New Orleans than here, so I'm sorry,
but I really think you'd get there faster
by driving than waiting for a flight out from here.
- An attendant will help you find your car outside.
- Hi.
- Oh, just one second.
Borrow-a-car-rent-a-car, this is Paul.
I told you you're not supposed to be calling me
at work anymore.
- Sir, I'm in a major hurry, I need to get home.
- Sir, I'm on a business call.
You're being very rude.
Go ahead, mom.
- I swear I'm in the twilight zone of idiots.
- Mom, I have to hang up now.
Okay, this old guy is gonna die on me.
All right, make it quick.
You know I love you, okay, bye.
How can I help you today?
- I need to rent a car.
- I was afraid you were gonna say that, we're out.
- Nothing?
- They cleaned us out because
of the cancellations back east.
The lady before you got the last one.
Have you actually tried, though,
going to the other rental places?
- I've tried everything!
- What's his problem?
Borrow-a-car-rent-a-car, this is--
no, I didn't hang up on you.
- Jim!
- Hey, kid, you got another sleeping bag?
- I do, but I'll be honest.
I have no idea where.
- I'm gonna be honest with you, I need help.
- What's up?
- My flight's been canceled, no rental cars,
and I've got to get back to n'awlins
as fast as humanly possible.
- Oh, man, why the rush?
- I'm tryin' to save my marriage.
- Well, then, that's what I'll pray for.
I'm just kiddin', get in, of course I'm take ya!
- New Orleans is a pretty far distance,
I hope you don't mind, kid.
- Oh, no, no, I'm headed there anyway.
- I know I said I'm in a hurry,
but you don't have to drive so fast.
- Oh, don't worry, I'm a safe driver.
- Brake lights!
Why ya driving like a maniac?
- Hey,
no one likes a backseat driver.
Oh, here's that sleeping bag.
Hey, we're actually not too far from Arizona, I think we're
making good time-- - good, I wanna get
an early start in the morning.
- Yeah.
Uh oh, one bed.
Sure hope my hand doesn't end up between two pillows.
Planes, trains and automobiles?
It's a movie?
- Why don't you run downstairs,
get us a couple of sandwiches?
Here, take this.
- Okay, sure.
- Yeah.
- Um,
yeah, I, uh,
I guess I'll, uh, just be right back, then.
- No, no, take your time.
I'd appreciate a few minutes alone.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that, of course.
- No sorries, just go!
- Okay, okay, going.
Was that enough time?
I'm kidding.
- It's gonna be a long car ride.
- Roslyn, it's me, say something.
- Where are you?
- Just outside of San Diego, my flight was canceled.
- Don't lie to me.
I'm not lying.
- I just went to pick you up.
Your flight was on time, you weren't on it.
- Oh, that was my original flight.
There was this kid that needed help, so I switched flights
and we needed to talk.
- When are you coming home?
- A few days.
- I'll see you then.
- Hey, I'm back, sorry it took me so long.
They didn't have any Mayo, so I'm like,
"hey, dude, I'm a Mayo guy."
- Thought I told you i wanted to be alone.
- You okay, man?
I, I'm--
- I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes.
- I thought you wanted me to get the sandwiches.
- Are you deaf or stupid?
I just wanna be alone!
- I'll, uh, I'll leave you alone.
Dear grace, I'm coming home.
I haven't spoken or seen anyone there in years,
not even my cousin Dave.
It's just been too painful,
because everything and everyone there
just reminds me of what I lost.
You.
I'm traveling there with this guy named Brennan
who's a preacher, you know, but not one like my father.
He doesn't play games, doesn't wear masks.
Yeah, he's rough around the edges, but you know what?
What you see is what you get and I like that.
No one is perfect, yet so many times I see so many people
pretending to be something they're not, especially folks
that call themselves christians, but not him.
He's not like that.
- Abba, I belong to you.
I belong to you, abba.
Forgive me, daddy.
I belong to you, abba.
Abba, ambush Jim
so he can feel the fury of your love.
Abba, I belong to you.
I belong to you, abba.
- Wake up, sleepyhead.
Got you some coffee.
- Morning, thank you.
Mm, nothing like motel coffee, right?
- I'm sorry about last night, I just, you know.
- Ah, it's okay, no sorries, remember?
- Hey, we gotta get an early start and get outta here.
I got a million stops to make, so I'll meet you downstairs.
- Where are we going?
Let me just finish my brown water first.
Not gonna do it, nope, no way.
- Take the right turn at the next corner.
- All, right, where are we goin'?
- A friend's.
Andrea!
Wow are you grown up, oh my.
- Oh, thank you for coming, he was asking for you.
- Oh, sure, and this is my friend, Jim.
- Hi, hi. - Hi, Andrea.
- Hi, I'm Jim.
- Come in, this way.
Uh, Jim, can I get you something to drink?
- Oh, no, that's nice of you, I'm okay.
- Oh.
- You have a very lovely place here.
- Thank you.
Uh, please, uh, have a seat.
- Hi, Joe.
- Padre, you came.
- I thought you were expecting me, I saw the empty chair.
- You were one of the best
of our parish, father,
so kind.
Always so kind with my familia.
I was always so sorry what happens to you.
Would you mind closing the door?
- The door's already closed, Joe.
- So, how do you know him?
How do you know father Manning?
- Oh, father mann-- i forget, yeah, that's right,
that's he's, he's a, was a priest, right?
- Well, a long time ago, when I was small,
you know, he was in my church in Brooklyn and--
- so he's not a priest anymore?
- Oh, it's a long story.
You have to ask him about it one day.
- Oh, if I remem--yeah, oh, i will do that, I'll do that.
- So, you guys are just
together now? - Yeah, uh,
I mean three days ago i never heard of the guy
and then I read his book and now I'm here, so.
- Three days ago, wow.
Well, that sounds like something he would do.
- How so?
- Oh, you know, he's, he's unpredictable.
You know, they say that people who follow the spirit,
they're, they're like the wind.
He's a vagabond, you never know where he's coming from
or where he's going.
- Mama, mama!
- Mindy!
This is mindy, this is Jim.
- Hi, mindy.
- Do you have any kids?
- Uh, no, I don't.
- You should,
it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
- I never say to anyone this, no even my daughter.
I have never known how to pray,
but one day,
a friend said to me,
"Joe, you put an empty chair in front of you
"and in faith you see Jesus in the chair
"and you talk to him and listen like you're doing
"with me right now."
I try
and I like it so much I'm doin' it
a couple hours every day.
But I'm careful.
If my daughter sees me talking
with an empty chair, she will send me to the loony bin.
- May I pray for you, Joe?
You've reached Brennan.
- And roslyn, leave a message after the beep.
- And we'll get back to you as--
- any luck?
- No, she must be at Sunday mass.
- So, you used to be a priest, right?
- Yes.
- But you're not anymore?
- No.
- What happened?
- I met a girl.
- What are you doin' here?
- Well, we were driving by and I remembered you were here
and I thought I'd stop by, say hello,
and introduce you to my friend, Jim.
- Hi, Jim English.
- Yeah, hi, Jim, Ryan brinson, how you doin'?
- Your name's Ryan brinson?
- Yeah.
What?
- Brennan, lemme ask you somethin'.
Why do you think there are so many
judgmental Christian assholes out there?
- Well, judgmental people
have never been broken themselves.
My wife roslyn,
she was married once before me.
When she got a divorce, her best friend, a devout Christian,
wouldn't talk to her.
Several years later, when she, herself, got a divorce,
she called roslyn and asked for forgiveness.
Christianity isn't a moral code.
It's a love affair.
- Nailed it.
- What's that?
- Pound it.
- Oh.
What brought you so many miles from home to San Diego?
- Guess I just didn't feel like it was home anymore.
- You mind if I take a nap?
- Oh, yeah, I forgot, old people need naps.
- What?
- I'm sorry, did I, are we not
to the point in our friendship
where we can joke with each other?
I didn't mean to offend you, I'm so sorry.
Get all the rest you can get.
I love naps, personally, i take them all the time.
In fact I had a, I had a big nap the other day, well I thi--
I slept so long it was like eight hours.
Well, then, technically it was called sleep,
- but I love naps. - - Jim, Jim!
Shh!
- Sorry.
- Shh!
- What, hey, what?
- You were snoring.
- I don't snore!
- Oh, baby, you snore.
Bad! - No, I don't sn--
I don't snore.
And I'm gonna show you I don't snore.
I don't snore, no, I don't. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
- I don't-- - no, no, no, no,
I hate to be tickled,
- you know that! - - I know.
- Stop it, stop it!
- I don't snore!
I don't snore, mwah!
- Nobody makes me laugh more than you do.
And nobody makes me more sad.
- Jim, give me one of those, please.
Stop at the next hotel or motel you see, okay?
- I thought you wanted to keep driving.
- I, I need to make a phone call.
And, and we need some rest, anyway.
You've reached Brennan.
- And roslyn, leave a message after the beep.
- And we'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
- Hello, roz, it's me.
I'm calling from someplace in new Mexico.
You can reach me at the hotel--
- no, uh, te-- give her my cell number.
- Uh, I miss you.
- Oh, baby, I miss you, too.
- Are you allowed to smoke in here?
- I have no idea.
- I love you.
- Do you wanna play some cards?
- No.
- I'm a big cards guy; My grandma, um,
she taught all us kids, all of us cousins,
to play cards when we were younger.
She was this big card shark.
Her, like, brothers taught her how to play.
Anyway, so when we were younger, we'd go to her house
and one of my favorite memories is we'd surround ourselves
around the kitchen table and she'd be there,
she'd be super-sweet, right?
And she'd be like, she'd be like,
"hey, you guys wanna play some cards?"
Right, and we're like, you know, tryin' to be nice, right?
Be like, "sure, grandma, we'd love to play cards."
And then all of a sudden she'd turn and go,
"good, all right, how much money you got on you, kid?"
That's my grandma.
So, cards?
- How many ways do i have to tell it to you?
I do not wish to play cards.
- I'll just watch some TV or something.
Oh, readings good.
Those gideons sure do make a good Bible, huh?
- Has anyone ever told you
that you don't pick up on social cues too well?
- Sorry, I was just tryin' to make chitchat.
- I don't wanna chitchat.
I don't wanna play cards.
I don't wanna hear you ramble on about random thoughts
that enter your feeble brain
because you don't have the ability to refrain,
or the competency to understand,
that nobody gives a damn about what you have to say!
- Look, I'll leave but you don't have
to make me feel stupid about it.
You're the one that invited me in.
- Well, now I'm uninviting you.
- For good?
- Yeah, for good, I'll find another way home.
- You better do that.
You've reached Brennan.
- And roslyn, leave a message after the beep.
Brennan, they took it,
they took my journal.
They took my journal.
They took it, they took my journal, Brennan,
they took my journal, it had my letters in it.
It had my letters in it.
It had my letters, it had my letters to Gracie in it.
It had my letters in it.
I had these letters.
I had all these letters.
They stole my letters.
They stole my letters to this girl.
They stole the letters to my girl.
They stole my letters.
It had everything in there.
But now she won't know.
Now she won't know that I loved her.
And I love her so much, i love her so much.
I love her so much, i think about her every day.
I think abou-- I can't stop thinkin' about her.
She's my girl.
I just think about her every day.
I think about her every day,
I just want her to know that i--
I just want her to know that I love her.
I want her to know that I love her so bad.
That's why I write to her every day.
I write to her every day.
And the days that I don't write to her I feel like cr-
I feel like I wanna die.
I don't care what anybody thinks about me!
I don't care what anybody thinks about me.
I just want my girl, I just want her to know I love her.
I just want her to know I love her.
And I can't, I can't go see her, I can't.
I wanna go see her so bad.
It's like people think that i don't wanna go see her
and it's like she's everything to me.
But I just can't do it.
I want her, I want her back.
And I know I'm crazy, i know I'm crazy.
I know it, I know it and i hate how I feel inside.
I hate how I, i don't like myself!
I hate myself for what I did.
I hate that I destroyed my, my life and everybody's life
that comes into contact with me, I don't like myself!
I hate, I wanna kill myself, I wanna kill myself.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
I don't wanna be here anymore without her, Brennan.
I don't wanna be here anymore without her.
I'd do anything to get her back and I can't.
- What was her name?
- Grace.
She's my daughter.
- Blackjack, you in?
- I mean I think in the beginning it was,
we wanted to do what was best for her
versus what was best for us.
But no one could've prepared me for the living hell
that it would be to wake up
and not have her in my life, you know?
And I wanna be her dad, i, I wish I was her dad,
and, and, and the reality is that I'll never be that.
I'll never be her dad and, and there's no goin' back,
you know what I mean?
- At least you are still in each other's lives,
so that's wonderful.
- You want another cup of coffee?
- Yeah.
- All right, I'll be right back.
Roslyn?
- This is Andrea.
I got this number from father Brennan.
- Oh, oh, this is Brennan.
- It's my father, he's gone.
- Oh, did,
did he seem to die in peace?
- Yes,
yes he did, but there was something strange.
- What?
- Just before he died, he was so strange.
I saw him there with his head
just resting on the chair.
Thank you for talking to me, i just thought you should know.
- Joe's dead.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
What are you doin'?
- Come on in, don't be a fuddy-duddy!
- I'm not gettin' in there,
we don't on-- - come on!
- We don't have on swimsuits!
- Come on, live a little!
No, scratch that, live a lot!
Life is short and getting shorter
and I'm gonna live every second of it!
- You're actin' like a little kid!
- That's the best compliment anybody's ever paid me!
- Brennan, you need to grow up, all right?
I'm not gettin' in there!
- Come on, Jim-- - no! You're a child!
- Come on! - You're a child, grow up!
- I said grow up, ah! - - Hey, yeah!
Atta-boy!
- Oh, it went up my nose!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on.
In late 19th century New Orleans,
they didn't use the term born again or saved.
They said you were seized by the power of great affection.
- Well, I was, uh, seven years old
when I went to this church camp
and that's where i decided to follow Jesus.
I remember it specifically
because that was also the same year
that I, um, wet my bunk bed.
And all the guys in the cabin told the whole camp, right?
So, they were torturing me all week.
Yes, it was the best of times
and the worst of times, as they say.
That's dickens.
- I know, tale of two cities.
- Well, I'm glad you know, I don't know how to read.
- Well, I can believe that.
- So, you were a monk?
- I guess you can say that, uh,
they were known as the little brothers of Jesus.
- Mm-hmm. - We lived in a
small town in France.
- Oh, wow, France? - Dedicated our lives
to live amongst the poor.
- That's cool, so, I gotta ask, why the potato sacks?
- Potato sacks?
- Yeah, that's what monks wear, right?
I mean I've never met a monk before.
That's what you guys wear, right, potato sacks?
- Jim, I have to ask you this.
Have you ever had an IQ test?
- I wanna tell you something I have,
I haven't told anybody yet.
I've never gone to see my daughter.
- Why not?
- Honestly, I don't even know how to answer that question.
- So you're punishing yourself?
- Yeah, you're damn right I am, I deserve it.
- So, where does this come from?
Is that what you meant by being stuck?
- I wanna be with her so bad.
She's my little girl, but I just,
I just,
I just can, I just can't.
- Look, stop the car.
- What?
- Stop the car and get out!
Out, out, get out.
Get over here!
If you could only comprehend a mere fraction
of the love of god for you.
Not in some vague way that he loves the whole human race,
but he loves you in such a way
that he'd rather die than be without you!
When you scorn yourself, then you scorn all those plans
of his, and all the hope he placed in you.
Do you get it, kid?
And when you're brave enough to let our god's reckless
and furious love run rampant and wreak havoc in your life,
you won't delay in going to see your kid.
Because your identity will be clothed in your father's love,
not in your past.
Got it, kid?
Look, I gotta get home, get in the car.
- You nervous?
- Hell yeah.
- All right then, what's your plan?
- To get my wife back.
You know, you're welcome to stay.
- Oh, no, no, no, I got a place.
Here, take your bag.
- Well, if you change your mind my door is always open.
- I appreciate that.
- You know, as my good friend rich mullins always said,
"be good, but you probably won't be.
"So be god's."
Ai-yi.
- Jeez, old people take forever.
- What do you want?
I don't know why I'm askin', i know what you want.
- Yeah, leave the bottle.
- Pretty sure they only do that in movies.
Westerns, I think.
Five nine bar and grill.
Yeah, he's here.
Brennan?
It's for you.
- This is Brennan.
- You broke my heart for the last time.
- Roslyn?
- I just called to say goodbye.
- No, no, no, wait, I'm on my way home.
- Why wouldn't you come here first?
- Well, thi-- this place was on my ride's way home.
We just stopped off for a second.
I'm on my way home,
don't go. - Are you lying to me?
- No, roz, just wait, i love you, I'm on my way.
- I've waited long enough.
- I'm sorry there's no room for you at the house,
but I'll give the church a call tomorrow and see
if we can fit you in somewhere, okay?
- Well, don't go out of your way.
- Lose the attitude.
You gonna apologize?
- I'm sorry.
- I'm just really proud of you,
for humblin' yourself, comin' back
and apologizin' to everybody.
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
I don't think I'm gonna do that anymore.
- You still don't know what's good for you, do you?
- Good for me or good for you?
- Oh, givin' away grace, that was good for you?
- It's been a long time since we talked, so, um,
I think I'll, I think I'll show you a little grace.
But let me remind you what I told you last time,
back when I still lived here.
I don't ever want you to talk about my daughter
in front of me.
If you weren't my dad, I swear,
I swear I'd beat the living hell out of you.
And I don't mean that as a joke.
I mean I would, i would destroy you.
- Do you, you think you're mad, what about me?
People in our family don't give away their kids.
So, why did you?
- You wanna know why I did it?
- Yes, I wanna know!
- All right, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you something, dad, that I never told anybody.
You wanna hear the real truth about why I gave away grace?
It's this: Because one day i was afraid I was gonna grow up
and I was gonna be like you,
and that I'd have her,
I'd have my kid, I'd have my little Gracie,
and one day I'd be you
and I didn't want her to grow up and have a dad like you,
a dad like that I had, because she deserv--
- you will not disrespect me in my house!
Yeah, I remember the day you gave away my granddaughter.
You told me you didn't want her to grow up
in a broken home like you did!
Well, as noble as that may sound,
there's just one problem for that.
You'll never be with anybody.
You wanna know why?
Because you want a woman of quality
and the problem with that is
a woman of quality will never want you.
And why would they?
You won't even go after your own daughter.
You just leave her there, abandoned.
You don't want her, you're just a loser.
That's all you are, a fucking coward.
Get outta my house.
- Hello, ragamuffin.
- How'd you find me?
- I just looked for the, uh, closest bar to your house.
- I need another shot.
- Hey, take it easy.
- Kid, they used to call me the funnel before I was 20.
You don't have to worry about me.
I'll have another drink.
Hey, give me one.
- How are you and roslyn?
- Roslyn.
I met her in
Morgan city, Louisiana.
I was on a speaking engagement and,
this bombshell brunette walks in.
She comes up to me and she says, "i don't know why I'm here.
"There's nothing wrong with me."
But there was.
With her, just like with me.
- That's how you met?
- Yeah.
We liked
walks,
ice cream, her two daughters.
I love my roz.
(Muffled blues music
give me another drink!
- No, no, no, you had enough.
You're done, Brennan.
- Hey, no more for him.
- No, no, he's, he's cut off.
- I want another drink!
- All right, Brennan, you know, you're done, all right?
- I want another drink!
Give me another drink!
- You need to keep your voice down.
- I want another drink!
- - Calm down.
- No, you didn't finish that. - - Calm down.
- Give me another drink!
- Hey, Brennan, calm down.
- I told you, that was-- - I want another drink--
- the last one that you got. - Give me another drink!
- Hey! - I want another drink!
- Get outta here-- - come on, let's go.
- Or I'm gonna have to call the cops, git!
- I just wanted a, a-- - you don't have
to call the cops. - I just wanted a, no--
- come on, we're getting out of here.
- I wanted anoth-- come on, Brennan, come on.
It's okay, Brennan.
- Yeah, i could walk on my own.
- I got you. - No, don't drop me.
- I'm not gonna drop you.
- No, don't drop me. - I'm not gon--
well, you're drunk anyway, you won't remember.
You had one hell of a life, haven't ya?
God, I know that
you and I haven't exactly been on speaking terms.
I'm sorry about that, I just, uh,
I think if I'm honest with you I just, uh,
I've been really angry at you, um,
I think I've just been mad that, um,
mad that I'm convinced you're real.
Um,
because, uh,
'cause I just don't like how, uh,
you know, I've been treated by, um,
some of these folks that call themselves christians and, uh,
it's just not a club i wanna be a part of.
At least that's how i feel most days and, uh,
and I guess I just have taken it out on you, I guess.
I don't know, I'm just, I'm just worried
about my friend Brennan, and, uh,
I'm really worried about him, and, um,
if I'm being honest,
I'm worried about me, too.
Better?
- Thanks.
- Hey, I, uh also got you this, too, just in case.
- Give me your hand.
You are filled with the compassion of our father, Jim.
I see it in you.
- I guess that's better than what you're filled with.
- Oh.
Roslyn's gone.
- All right, then, so what's your plan?
- Plan?
- Yeah, you're always talkin' about a plan
how you're gonna save your marriage.
- Yeah, then she left.
- So?
She's your wife, get her back, don't stop fighting for her.
- I've ruined everything.
- No, you haven't.
You're talkin' to a guy that's ruined everything.
I'll let you know when you do.
So, what's your plan?
Come on, Brennan, what's your plan?
- You wanna know what my plan is?
I'm gonna start drinking, and I'm gonna keep drinking,
and I'm gonna drink until i can't remember anything.
And I'm gonna drink until I forget
that I've lost one of the greatest gifts
that god has ever given me.
Plan.
- No, drinking doesn't make you forget the past.
You know what it does?
It makes you wanna take off your shirt, run around,
chant some African tribe mantra,
and try to make out with a monkey at the zoo.
I should know.
I went to college.
- You know, you're my only friend, Jim.
- Hey, sleep it off, Brennan.
You'll feel better in the morning, okay?
- I'm a drunk, Jim.
- Brennan, one night doesn't make you a drunk.
- If you only knew.
I'm a hypocrite.
- Hey, hey, no you're not.
- Yes, I am.
- Brennan, I want you to listen to me, okay?
You're not a drunk, you're not a hypocrite,
you're not a protestant, you're not a catholic.
You're not a franciscan priest, you're not an author.
You're not even Brennan Manning,
the vagabond evangelist, okay?
You wanna know who you are?
- Who am I?
- You're the one that Jesus loves.
- Good night, Jim.
- Good night.
I'll let you clean that up in the morning.
Hey, I got it, what do you say we get our mind off things,
go out, have some fun, maybe we could hit up
the French quarter, caf� du monde.
- You know, just because I'm divorced doesn't mean
I need a babysitter.
- Don't look at it like that, you'd be helping me out.
Seriously, I genuinely need some help.
I won't be a burden, if i could just crash on your couch
for a few days, I'd really appreciate it.
- What are you gonna do when you get back to San Diego?
I mean, what kind of work do you do?
- Yeah, I'm still tryin' to figure that out.
Um, ironically, i used to actually
wanna be a preacher like you.
Uh, but what I found is that it's pretty tough
to find a pastor job when you're a foul-mouthed,
chain-smoking guy who had a baby outta wedlock.
- Yeah, that's tough.
- So, do you really feel like you don't have any friends?
- I never said that.
- You said it, last night.
- Figures, no, I got plenty of friends.
I got, I have friends in all parts of the world.
Why, why, Paul, Paul is my best friend.
But then there's fil and Jim, butch,
Suzy, ed, James, got lots of frie--
oh, ray, did I ever tell you about ray?
- Mm mm.
- Ray Brennan?
- Oh, you guys have the same name?
- Well, my name wasn't always Brennan.
- I totally wanna hear this story,
but would you mind if I went outside
and grabbed a quick smoke?
- You know, you should really consider quitting smoking.
- You know, you should really consider quitting being old.
- No, no, no, I'm serious, this thing is gonna kill you.
- No, I'm serious, being old will kill you.
- Oh, Jesus.
I remember one fateful day in the foxhole.
We were sharing a bar of chocolate,
a live grenade came flying into the trench.
Ray looked at me, smiled, then threw himself on it.
Saved my life.
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.
I was born Richard Manning.
But when I decided to become a priest,
I took Ray's name.
- That's beautiful and intense.
So, do you guys always dress like this?
Well, the only thing i ever did for anybody,
was I made dinner for my buddy's girlfriend,
but I let my buddy pretend like he made it.
- Well, what about driving 27 hours taking me to Louisiana?
- Hey, I'll be right back.
April?
- Hey, mom?
- What's goin' on?
- Nothin'.
Dear grace, I wish I could change the past, but I can't and
even though we were making a choice
or trying to make a choice that was better for you,
versus better for us, it's still an impossible reality
to live with because it's a reality without you.
- You're writing to your daughter?
Don't you think she'd rather hear
what you have to say in person?
- I don't wanna talk about it with you, Brennan.
Isn't it obvious?
- Well, you don't have to, forget it.
- Okay, got a question for you.
Why are you a preacher?
- Do you remember the talk I gave awhile back?
About the movie, chariots of fire?
"When I run fast i feel god's pleasure."
Well, when I preach, when i talk, and when I rant,
and when I rave about god's love,
I feel god's pleasure.
What else do you wanna know?
- If you could be Batman of superman, who would you choose?
- No question, Batman!
- Brennan, I think you and I were destined
to become friends.
- You're a nut.
- Oh, you wanna go walk around the quarter?
Lemme finish this first.
No way, you spent six months in a jail, a Swiss jail?
- Yes, only the warden knew i wasn't a real inmate.
- You're lucky he didn't die.
You would've had a Shawshank redemption situation
on your hands.
- What's that?
- You really don't watch movies, do you?
Why, what's your favorite book?
- On being a Christian, hans kung, favorite movie?
- I'd say it's a tie between dead poet society
and good will hunting, although I will say
that I liked die hard so much as a kid,
I used to dress up in a tank top
and run around my, uh, front driveway barefoot,
pretending I was fighting terrorists.
I still do that now but people stare more.
- Excuse me, are you Brennan Manning?
- I've been told I am.
- Damn it, I owe him 20 dollars,
I thought you were Anthony Hopkins.
- Oh, I'm--
- Brennan, these are my friends, this is, uh, Randy--
- hi, Randy. - Good to meet you.
- P.C. And Justin. - Hi.
- How you doin', brother? - Two of our good buddies
wanted to be here tonight but they couldn't make it,
Sean chadwell and Kyle Jennings,
but I wanted them to meet you and you to meet them.
- Well, I have an idea, let's all get a drink.
- Yup!
- My kinda guy.
- I can hang out with these guys any time.
We've had a fun day-- - well, look--
- we've had a long day-- - here are my keys--
let's just go home.
- No, no, here are my keys, just a sec.
- No, no, look, if you're goin' in I'm coming with you.
- Look, I told you once before i don't need a babysitter.
- We're friends now, right?
- Uh huh.
- I can be honest with you?
- Be honest. - Be real with you?
- Okay. - Okay,
you're drinking yourself to death.
Okay, listen, you're drinking yourself to death,
and just, and doin' that is not gonna bring roslyn back.
- Okay, you don't wanna talk about your daughter, right?
Right, well, I don't wanna talk about my drinking,
so just leave it at that.
You wanna go home?
Go home, I'm going in for a drink!
- Brennan?
Brennan?
Oh my god, Brennan.
She's gone, she's gone, my roz is gone
and she's not coming back!
Roz is gone.
And it's my fault, it's all,
I wanted to tell her i love her and now I can't.
I can't, I'm a stupid drunk and I'm a liar,
I'm a hypocrite, I'm an imposter
and I don't wanna be a pastor anymore.
I don't wanna be a preacher, i don't wanna be anything!
I don't think i wanna live anymore.
Roz is gone, you understand?
- Roz is gone! - - I know.
- I don't wanna be a priest or, I don't wanna
be anything anymore, - you're just
- havin' a hard time. - - I, no, no, no,
- you're just havin'
- a hard time, Brennan. - - No, no, no, no!
- Yes!
- I can't accept,
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Why do I lie, why do I drink?
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me!
- Lies, what are you
talkin' about? - I'm just outta my mind!
She's gone, you understand that?
And she's not coming back, my roz is gone!
- What is this Thomas Jefferson's phone?
- What are you still doing here?
- I live here, what are you doing here?
- The whole neighborhood's being evacuated.
Get what you need and get out of here!
- Are, are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious, don't you watch the news?
Jessie, you and Brian check that house.
Get everyone outta here!
- Jim, get up, it's an emergency!
We gotta get out of here!
Come on, Jim!
- They are calling it hurricane Katrina
and experts are saying it is
quite possibly the third strongest hurricane
America has seen in the last hundred years.
This hurricane is hitting the Gulf shore
with the power of a nuclear explosion.
Estimated winds are set at 125 miles per hour
with expectations to increase overnight.
- Yeah, yeah, it's right across the street.
No.
Okay, see you in a second.
- Who is that?
- Hey, take it easy with that.
- You know what?
- But it's simply too dangerous
right now-- - I had it with your,
"enough's enough and take it easy."
You sound like a, a, a, a broken record.
Who's that?
- I'll get it.
- Jim?
- Yeah. - Paul.
- Hey, man, thanks for comin'.
- How are you, Brennan?
- I, I, I'm not good, I'm not good, I, it's--
- well, I brought the guys together.
- You brought the guys together?
- Yeah, they all wanna see you.
We're doing another one of our retreats.
- Hm?
Was that this weekend?
- Yeah, uh-- - oh.
- You and your friend Jim wanna come?
- Jim?
- I'm right here, yeah, I'd love to go.
- Yeah, okay.
- Great, let's go.
Yeah.
Okay.
- The search and rescue teams brought
more people-- - oh, boy.
You know what?
He kinda looks like a surprised fish
when he's drunk passed out, doesn't he?
- Um, you got
that answer, and we'll talk about it.
- Okay.
- Uh, Brennan, you know, this is not a retreat.
I, I, I think you know what's going on here, don't you?
Brennan, this is an intervention.
- Did you instigate this, Jim?
- Calm down, Brennan.
- Don't treat me like a child, Paul.
All right, get on with it, say what you're gonna say.
- You're drinking is outta control, Brennan.
- Brennan, I don't understand
why you don't return any of my calls.
- Man, we've been friends for a long time
but it feels like all you care about is just you.
- Brennan, I just can't believe how selfish you seem.
You're, you're, you're a hypocrite
and you just don't seem to care.
- Let's cut straight to the chase.
You manipulate everyone.
- And you're addicted to lying.
- Brennan, the truth is you've hurt all of us,
but you've been there for all of us, too.
- Brennan, I have learned more about compassion
and kindness from you than anyone I've ever been around.
- You're one of my closest friends.
- I don't know where my wife and I would be today,
Brennan, without you, you, you saved our marriage.
- And you're loved.
- I agree with Paul, you, you have hurt all of us
and your wife.
- And you need help.
- You know my story.
And you're the one that got me to love me.
Why can't you do that for yourself?
Why can't you love you the way you love everybody else?
- Finished, that's it?
You got anything to say?
Okay, I'm done.
- Let me go get your the trashcan so you--
- you know, you're stupid.
- Don't throw up
- all over all my stuff. - - You're just plain
stupid, yeah, you're stupid,
you're plain stupid!
- I was just trying to be your friend.
- Friend?
You're no friend of mine!
Ray was a friend of mine, ray!
He was truly my best friend in Chicago
and then he had to go die in a house fire, my friend, ray.
- What'd you just say?
- I said ray was my best friend.
- Before that, what did you say?
- I said he died in a house fire.
- That's what I thought you said, you lied to me.
- I never lied to you.
- You told me,
you told me that your friend died in Korea.
- I never said that!
- I'm not done!
You told me your friend died in Korea,
jumping on a grenade, saving your life.
That's the story! - I never said that!
- You never said that?
- No, I didn't.
- Did you lie to me about anything else?
- I ain't never lied to you about anything else.
- So you did lie!
- No, I didn't lie!
- I'm sick of guys like you--
- listen, I'm sick of you-- - coming into my life
tryin' to be-- - I am sick and tired of you!
Let me tell you something, you got a kid there
that you don't go and visit, you have nothing but sick,
pathetic excuses for a sick, pathetic little boy.
You gotta start caring about you
when you get it in here.
- Do you want me to throw you - that you care about you--
- across the room? - Because you don't know
what the hell life is all about.
- You listen to me,
listen to me-- - I'm sick and tired
of listening to you. - Listen to me.
Listen to me. - Just get out!
I've had it with you, get out!
- Don't you--
- we're done, out!
- Listen to me.
- Get out!
- Not until you--
- no, you get out! - Listen to me,
are you listening to me? - I'm sick and tired of you.
Listening to you.
Get out!
- Don't you talk about my kid.
- Get out, out! - I never want you
to talk about my kid before - out!
- In the wake of hurricane Katrina,
many parts of New Orleans are still underwater.
One encouraging sign, though, is that
that it's been two weeks
since the mayor has reopened the French quarter
and we have already seen a large amount
of business owners opening their doors.
- What can I get for ya?
- The ragamuffin's prayer to god be merciful to us.
What?
- You all right, man?
- I, I don't have enough.
I, I, I got more money in, in, in my motel room.
Save this for me, I, I, i really need it, I need it.
- Save what for you, man?
- Oh, and another thing.
Roslyn, please tell roslyn I miss her.
- Who's roslyn?
- Hi.
- You want one of my hot dogs?
- Well, that's very nice of you, I'll be okay.
- Will you?
- Charlie!
Charlie!
I told you not to leave my sight.
- I'm just talking to this man.
- No, don't look at that filth!
Come on, you know better than that.
Charlie!
- Hey, what's your name?
- I'm the one that Jesus loves.
- Stop playing games, just tell us the truth.
- Okay, fine, I hide bottles everywhere.
Everything from medicine cabinets to suitcases.
Maybe you should check the plank in your own eye
before you worry about the speck in mine.
- I have your wife on the phone.
If you're not willing to tell us the complete truth,
maybe she can help us.
- Look, I told you I drink.
What more do you want from me?
- Max, have you ever been unkind to any one your children
while you were drinking?
- No more or less than any other father.
- Shelley, I got you on speaker.
Shelley, has Max ever been unkind to any one
of your children while he was drinking?
- Yes.
- Come on, shelley, tell us.
Uh, one night,
Max was taking our daughter to go Christmas shopping,
he stopped at a bar for a quick drink.
Four hours later Max came back to the car.
They had to amputate her thumb from frostbite
and she lost her hearing.
- I'm sorry, shelley, thank you.
- Get out of here, Max, I'm not running rehab for liars!
Hey, Brennan, looking forward
to getting out of here tomorrow?
- I don't wanna lie to you, absolutely!
If I have to have another chicken-fried steak,
I think I'll take up drinking again
just as a matter of principle.
- Any preaching gigs lined up?
- No, I don't think I'm gonna do that anymore.
I'll do something else.
- What do you think about what Max shared today?
- I envied him.
- I like you, Brennan, but you're not fooling anyone.
You may be sober, but you're far from honest.
You don't wanna be transparent with me?
That's fine.
But I'm telling you, please,
you find someone you can be honest with, okay?
Start there.
- You shouldn't even be here.
- Just, just give me five minutes, roz.
- Oh. - Just five minutes.
I'm a liar and a drunk
and trust me when I tell you I'm worse than you know.
But the one thing I know
more than anything else--
- what?
- I'm sorry.
- Brennan, what all have you lied about?
- What scares me the most are not the lies I can remember
but those I can't.
- Well, it doesn't matter because you're not your sins.
You know that, right?
- Yes.
- You taught me that.
You know who you are, Brennan.
- Yes.
But knowing isn't the hard part.
I'm gonna let you go, roz.
- Where are you going?
Hello, ragamuffin.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm here to make amends.
- Jim, come on.
Jim's giving his testimony today.
- What are you doing here?
- Jim, you don't have to do this.
- No, Jim does have to do this.
We made a deal; I let him stay a few weeks,
he gives his testimony.
He earns enough money to go back to San Diego.
Get in the car, Jim.
- Jim, Jim!
- Get in the car, Jim.
- Jim, why are you doing this?
- I have to.
- You stay outta this, Manning.
Today's a great day, isn't it?
Today we have a special treat for you.
Well, more of a special treat for me.
You all remember Jim?
Well, the prodigal son has returned.
- Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, stab me in the face, kill me now.
- What'd you say?
- I said, "bless me now," I just wanna bathe
in a bathwater of blessing.
- Amen.
- You said it, sister,
- if y'all wouldn't mind,
Jim would like to come up and say a few words.
Come on up, Jim.
- Hi.
I don't know how you do it, um, this is
not as easy as it looks, I'll put it that way.
Oh, um, what specifically did you want me to say,
'cause you wanted me to come up here and--
- I think you know
what to say. - Oh, okay, yeah, um,
so my dad wanted me to come up here and talk to you about
how I had a, a baby once.
I'll be honest, I don't know that I can do this.
I know we, we talked about this and I was gonna do it.
- It's okay, relax, you'll be fine.
- Um,
well, I guess if there's one thing I know is true
that I could say, I'll say that I love that little girl
and there's not a moment that,
there's not a moment that goes by that
I don't wish I was her dad
and I just miss her every day.
- Go sit down, son, go, take a seat, go ahead.
Go, sit down.
- Who do you think you are?
- I'm the one that Jesus loves.
Put your ass in a seat.
- The single greatest cause of atheism today is christians.
Those who profess Jesus with their mouths,
yet deny him with their lifestyles.
That is what an unbelieving world, simply finds
unbelievable.
Now, you may think I'm referring to Jim, pastor mark's kid.
After all, he claims to be a Christian,
but just let's look at what he did.
He knocked up his girlfriend,
and then abandoned both her and the baby!
Now,
before Jim says a word,
if he chooses to,
I want to tell you about my initial encounter
with this broken, yet bold young man.
From the day we first met,
Jim shared with me
his gift of vulnerability.
There was no extinguishing his transparency.
Trust me, I tried.
But as a result of Jim, figuratively and almost literally,
crashing into my life, my heart has been ravished
by his scorching honesty and humble spirit.
I strongly sense that Jim's story will someday reveal
how moral failures often lead to spiritual transformation.
Yet, I understand that some of you are disgusted and angry
because of the heartache that Jim has caused you
and his dad, your pastor.
So, for that reason, my brother Jim was asked
to come here today to publicly apologize
for his moral failures and to ask your forgiveness.
But let's be honest.
He's here for a public stoning,
not the kind of stones that break your flesh and bones,
but the socially acceptable kind,
the type of stones that modern christians use
are rightly called shame, humiliation and hatred.
But please, folks, trust me, Jim's not as bad as you think.
He's much worse!
But I can also assure you, he's not worse than me!
So, let me ask you this,
what makes you lovable in the eyes of god?
What makes Brennan Manning lovable in the eyes of god?
Because 49 years ago i committed my life to Jesus?
Does god love me because I've given the last 42 years
of my life preaching the gospel of grace?
Does god love me because i tithe to the poor?
Does god love me because i spend two hours
every day in prayer?
Does god love me because i work with alcoholics,
addicts, and those suffering from aids?
If I believe that stuff, I'm a pharisee!
Brothers and sisters, the gospel of grace makes clear
the truth that god loves us as we are,
not as we should be,
because none of us are as we should be,
not me, not you, not Jim, not even pastor mark!
The idea that god loved me so deeply and unconditionally
used to sound like sheer madness to me.
And that's because it is!
He loves in a manner that defies human comprehension
and escapes human imitation.
And that's why I can stand here tonight
with rare theological certainty, and with the power
and authority of god's own words and proclaim
god loves you as you are, not as you should be,
because, again, none of us are as we should be!
So, do you believe god loves you?
Most christians say they do, but they don't.
They believe god loves them
in some vague, distant, abstract way,
but they would be hard-pressed to say the essence
of their life is a love affair,
and not a simple love affair,
but what g.K. Chesterton called a furious love affair.
Do you honestly believe that god loves you
beyond worthiness, and unworthiness,
beyond fidelity and infidelity,
that he loves you in the morning sun,
and in the evening rain?
Without caution, regret, boundary, limit,
breaking point, no matter what's gone down,
he can't stop loving you.
I believe it.
But I'm a bundle of paradoxes.
I trust god with all my heart,
but when I see three hundred thousand people wiped away
in a Tsunami in southeast Asia,
when I see a six-month-old baby ripped out
of his mother's arms in a hurricane named Katrina,
when I see a nine-year-old girl raped by a sex maniac,
or a four-year-old boy slaughtered by a drunken driver,
I wonder if god exists.
I trust him and get discouraged.
I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good.
I feel guilty if i don't feel guilty.
I'm wide open and I'm locked in.
I'm trusting and suspicious.
I'm honest and still play games.
Aristotle said, "I'm a rational animal."
I say I'm an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
Take me or leave me, but that's the real Brennan.
Do you remember how I said that I'm worse than Jim?
Not too long ago I woke up in alleyway, in an alcoholic fog.
If you had seen me that way, you might have said,
"don't look at that bum, all that is, is pure filth!"
Yet that filth
was Brennan Manning.
Yet, the abba of Jesus loved me as much that morning,
in that state of disgrace, as he does now
in my present state of grace
for his love is never, never, never based
on our performance, never conditioned
by our moods of elation or depression.
It knows no shadow, alteration, or change.
The love of god in Christ Jesus his son is reliable.
My friends this isn't something I read in a book
or heard in a sermon.
This is the Jesus of my own journey,
the son of compassion.
When I was ambushed by Jesus
in a small chapel in loreto, Pennsylvania,
in a community of the little brothers of Jesus
in the south of France, in a Swiss prison, in a cave
in the zaragota desert,
in the eyes of a small boy,
in eating ice cream,
in a smile,
in friendship.
Jim asked me, he said,
"Brennan, do you really believe
"that god loves you as you are, and not as you should be?
"Because none of us are as we should be."
The truth is no, but I'm trying.
My friends, this is not pious poetry.
Jesus not only knows what hurts us,
but knowing seeks us out whatever our poverty,
whatever our pain, his plea to his people right now,
his promise to us is, "come to me."
Not to church, not to a Bible study,
not to an annual conference, not to a movie,
but you come to me.
Come to me as you are whether you're celibate
or you're promiscuous, whether you're married
or whether you're single, whether you've had a baby
out of wedlock or whether you've judged a guy
that had a baby out of wedlock.
Don't wait 'til you got your head on straight,
until you get your act together, 'til you're free of sin,
selfishness, dishonesty, degraded love,
but come now, wounded, frightened, angry,
lonely, empty, depressed, tilting towards despair,
and I'll meet you where you live
'cause I'm gonna love you as you are,
not as you should be,
'cause none of us are as we should be.
As St. Francis of assisi said to brother Dominic
as he was leaving umbria,
"bye."
- Hey, Brennan, you in here?
- In here.
- Uh oh, is it someone's nap time?
- I'm not napping.
I'm resting.
- Brennan, we need to have a talk.
2 pm is way too early for bedtime.
At least wait 'til three.
- I'm not napping.
- So, I love what you have done with the place.
- Oh, thank you.
- So, what are you gonna do?
- Moving to Jersey with my sweetie pie sister Gerry,
and my brother-in-law, art.
- Oh, is that this guy here?
- Yeah.
- He looks a little like Jack Nicholson.
- He wishes.
Hey, if you're ever in Jersey, you look me up.
- Oh, yeah, I'd love that.
I actually have an uncle that lives there.
Uh, you may have heard of him, Tony soprano?
Not a TV guy, huh?
Well, hey, same goes for you.
If you're ever in San Diego, look me up.
- Yeah, I'll let you know so you won't have
to steal a name tag to sneak into the conference.
- Well, I guess I'll let you take a nap.
- Oh, shut up.
- Hey,
um,
I just wanted to thank you,
uh, for helpin' me get unstuck.
- Pound it.
- I'll see ya down the road.
- Bye, my friend.
A nap does sound good.
- I just wanted the extra pretzels, it's fine.
All right, not that cool, guys.
Someone's dippin' into my tip jar, tom.
Tom, stop actin' like you're passed out.
I know you're fakin' it, worst actor.
Hey, what are you doin' on Tuesday?
- Like this Tuesday?
- Next, next Tuesday.
- I don't, I don't know, I work here until 10.
- Do you wanna come to an improv, my improv show?
- You have an improv show?
- Yeah.
- I don't wanna go to an improv show, Jeremy.
- No, no, we're not doin' that.
Guess who's not gettin' their pretzels now.
- God.
- I ate all this butter.
Brennan.
Brennan, I ate all this butter, what do I do?
- We're, we're just really big fans.
We've read all your books.
- I, I might stare at you if that's all right.
- No, don't stare at me.
- I mean, it's good to see Brennan.
- Wait, you like Brennan Manning?
- You guys are idiots.
- Not your family or your friends, but you!
And so on and so on and so on and so on
and so on and so on and so on.
All right, kid, let's get going, I gotta get outta here.
- You've been looking old.
- Oh, at least i pee standing up.
- Ah, old man humor.
- What planet are you from?
How do you think that's gonna help?
- I'm sorry, are you, are you really asking me
what planet I'm from?
Um, it's earth.
- I have to go, mom, I think this old guy's gonna cry.
- Get in.
And that's how a scene goes in acting.
- That was great.
- That's gonna kill ya.
- So will being old.
- I'm still gonna drink it.
- Oh.
Cut.
In this pretend world.
Hey, Brennan.
- Yes?
- J.B. Is not amused by you.
- Was it, yeah?
- That was
- you got it?
- Yeah, we talked, we got to Gracie
- if you wanna do it again? - - All right, cool.
- Let's do it again?
- Right.
Good night, kid.
- Good night, Brennan.
I'm like thirty, why does he keep callin' me kid?
- I'm sorry, I cannot find the restroom.
Ooh, where is it again?
- Oh, you know what?
Um, I am so sorry
to be the one to have to tell you this,
but there is no hope for you in this life.
- Do I have time for a smoke?
- I'm gonna pretend that he didn't just say that.
- Listen, we're a sketch comedy team
called the color green
and we're sorta wondering if we could go
on the road with you.
- What do you think?
- I think I'm gonna cut this scene.
- 'Cause you know you're a ragamuffin.
You're not ashamed of being a ragamuffin.
You're the beloved of god.