1 00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:05,421 - Please make sure your seatbelt is fastened. 2 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:06,588 We ask that you keep your seatbelt fastened 3 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,881 while seated in case we encounter 4 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:08,507 some unexpected turbulence. 5 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,512 - Excuse me. Excuse me. 6 00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,096 Hey. [whistles] 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,309 You've lit the spark. Might as well keep 8 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,395 the fire burning. - Ma'am, I've just served you. 9 00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,272 - I don't need anything complicated--just another 10 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,858 one of these teeny tiny bottles of bourbon--two. 11 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:29,570 Mm--three? 12 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,488 - I'll catch you on the way back. 13 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:43,000 [mischievous string music] 14 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,419 - I used to be afraid of flying. 15 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,504 I couldn't help but think of how this big metal tube 16 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,798 was probably gonna crash right back to Earth. 17 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,009 I still think about how the plane might crash. 18 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,470 In fact, this one actually will, 19 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,514 and I just don't care anymore. 20 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,850 My name's Allison Pyke-- at least, that's my name now. 21 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,811 And I'm already dead, so I could crash all the damn day, 22 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,021 and I don't care at all. 23 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,024 [plane rattles, passengers gasp and chatter] 24 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,692 [tense, discordant music] 25 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,361 ♪ 26 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,405 There's a gremlin on the wing. 27 00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:16,033 Kidding. The engine's on fire. 28 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,285 [flames boom, passengers scream] 29 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:20,079 - This is your captain speaking. 30 00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:21,455 We're having some slight engine trouble, 31 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:24,124 and we'll be returning to the airport shortly. 32 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,001 - What's happening? - I don't know. 33 00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,836 - Baby. Baby, can you hear me? 34 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,380 Are you there? Hello? 35 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,133 - Hey, any luck on that bourbon? 36 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,927 I'm an angel now. 37 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,429 Yup, seriously. 38 00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,014 But being an angel isn't a reward. 39 00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:41,350 It's a punishment. 40 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,101 Like, when you're an all-around great person, 41 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,560 you die, you go up there. 42 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,854 When you're like a B, B-minus person, you become an angel 43 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,606 and get a sentence on Earth, 44 00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,817 and that sentence is a number of points, 45 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,652 and you get points when you perform a miracle. 46 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,654 It's a little like a prison with time off 47 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:54,988 for good behavior. 48 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,156 You know, but it could be worse. 49 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,284 I never flew first class when I was alive. 50 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,286 Hell, I never got out of Nebraska. 51 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,663 [doo-wop Christmas music] 52 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,541 The second I'm old enough, I'm getting the hell out 53 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,210 of Nebraska. - What's better than Nebraska? 54 00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,962 - This is my best friend, Patrick. 55 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,131 New York. 56 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,299 And this is me. Yep, I used to be 57 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:15,676 a white girl with a uni-brow. 58 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,970 - I'd like to go to New York and see the giant piano 59 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,763 from "Big." - Fine. 60 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,517 Come. Here. Open it. 61 00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:26,603 - ♪ That our love was all wrong ♪ 62 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,815 - Wow. This is a truly terrible gift. 63 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:30,858 Something worse for you. 64 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,276 ♪ 65 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:35,404 - ♪ This Christmas - Wow! 66 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,280 These are the kind truckers pee in. 67 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:36,780 I'm gonna go see if they work. 68 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,785 - So I was a weird white girl with a uni-brow, 69 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,329 and somehow, I had no idea Patrick had a major crush 70 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,789 on me...until a few Christmases later. 71 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,292 [Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] 72 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,711 I'm sorry I'm late. 73 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,672 It's a commemorative porcelain plate 74 00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,299 featuring the portraits of the members 75 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:55,757 of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. 76 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,010 ♪ 77 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:58,719 - Can I kiss you? 78 00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:03,307 - In case you were wondering, he got me a pair 79 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,643 of talking parrot earrings and a case of iguana food. 80 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,229 I found my soul mate when I was 15. 81 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,106 We were excited to spend 82 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,357 the rest of our lives together, 83 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:15,027 which turned out to be way shorter for me 84 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:18,155 than for Patrick. 85 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,323 But back to our story. 86 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,617 - We lost both the engines! 87 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,369 We're gonna make an emergency landing! 88 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,496 - Here's a good travel tip: 89 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,623 they don't charge for sandwiches on flights 90 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,751 if everyone thinks they're gonna die. 91 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,336 - I love you so much. 92 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,379 I'll see you in heaven, my angel. 93 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:35,505 - If only it were that easy. 94 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,717 [sighs] 95 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,136 Oh! Here we go. - Brace for impact. 96 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,888 - We're gonna die. 97 00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,431 - [scoffs] I wish. 98 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,934 [playful, thrilling music] 99 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,062 ♪ 100 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,146 Hi, guys. Sorry about this. 101 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:54,608 I'm taking over. 102 00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,485 - It is truly a miracle on the river. 103 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:59,363 - The hero pilot who saved hundreds of lives 104 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,489 all by himself... 105 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,784 - So I landed in the river. Sue me. 106 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:07,329 I'm not a professional pilot. But they needed me. 107 00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:08,497 They needed someone who could get things done 108 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,916 and didn't care if they lived or died... 109 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,084 'cause you can't die twice. 110 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,503 [phone chimes] 111 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,053 [sighs pleasantly] 112 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,554 This was 2008, right after I had died. 113 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,724 40,000 down, 10,000 to go. 114 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:28,558 I was on my way out of here in no time. 115 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,811 [festive jingling music] 116 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:35,357 But since then, my miracles have slowed down...a lot. 117 00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:36,608 Excuse me. [scoffs] Excuse me. 118 00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,319 The sidewalk is not wide. You move your feet 119 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,612 to make it work. One foot in front of the other. 120 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,991 You've done it your whole life. Oh! 121 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,369 Here you are, sir. 122 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:50,455 Two points? What are these papers? 123 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,374 Permits to demolish an orphanage? 124 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:54,418 [phone chimes] - ♪ Red and yellow 125 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,628 ♪ And blue and green - Ugh, come on. 126 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:59,089 In the past nine years, I've barely gained 127 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,632 any points at all. 128 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,385 Jason, my angel advisor, thinks it's because 129 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,678 I have a bad attitude. Other angels call me 130 00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,513 a one-miracle wonder behind my back. 131 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,682 You know, but I say screw them. 132 00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:12,144 It's not my fault. The Universe is against me. 133 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,354 Screw the Universe too. 134 00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,814 - ♪ Christmas is waiting for you ♪ 135 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,483 - And I just lost 15 points for saying that. 136 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,484 Who knew the Universe was so sensitive? 137 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:24,156 ♪ 138 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,908 - I know it's a bummer you have to work Christmas, 139 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,744 but there's going to be big tips, so, you know, 140 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,494 there's that, okay? 141 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,752 - [whispering] I don't ask for much. 142 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,296 You know, just that you start work on time. 143 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,756 - Well, Connie, I told you, with my schedule, 144 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,258 I need a floating 15-minute window. 145 00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,760 - Yeah, but you're two hours late. 146 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,094 - Well, from my perspective, 147 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,764 it's an hour 45. 148 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,308 It's kind of a raw deal being an angel. 149 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,559 I mean, we're charged with performing 150 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:53,810 these important miracles on earth, 151 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,145 but we still need food and shelter 152 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:59,232 and all that crap, and so we have to have jobs too. 153 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,609 I mean, you'd think someone in the afterlife 154 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:01,818 could at least pay my credit card bills. 155 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,653 Ugh. 156 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,821 This music is total garbage. 157 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,741 [pop-rock music playing] - Oh, my God, 158 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:08,825 what are you doing? I like that song. 159 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,078 What are you, Scrooge in skinny jeans? 160 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,829 - [scoffs] They're just all so stupid. 161 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,331 And the worst one is "12 Days of Christmas." 162 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,957 - Well, I guess I'm an idiot then, 163 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,086 because my grandma and I would sing it together every December 164 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,545 up until she died, and it's really the only thing 165 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,590 that I have left of her. - Okay, can we just start over? 166 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,883 - Oh, sure. How about you take 167 00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,386 that coffee pot, go over to your favorite regulars, 168 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:28,887 give them a little coffee-coffee? 169 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:32,891 - ♪ I don't wanna be on my own tonight ♪ 170 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,684 - Hey. How are you guys doing? 171 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,019 - I like your shirt. 172 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,523 - I never got attention like this in my old body. 173 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,900 [orchestral easy listening music] 174 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:48,657 ♪ 175 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,119 Excuse me. 176 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,662 Where am I? 177 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,256 - Hi, Megan. 178 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,216 - Yeah, that's me. 179 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,427 Where the hell am I? Am I... 180 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,014 - [mouthing word] both: Dead. 181 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,099 - Yes, dead. You're very dead. 182 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:16,017 Sorry. Bummer. 183 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,018 Now, if you will follow me, 184 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,562 we have got a lot of work to do. 185 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,022 [chuckles, clicks tongue] Gloria. 186 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,150 - I recognize you, right? 187 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,443 Did you go to school with my uncle Don? 188 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,861 - No. 189 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,904 No, I'm, uh... 190 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,615 I'm Jason Biggs. [chuckles] 191 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,076 I did that big teen movie in the late '90s. 192 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,663 - It's not ringing any bells. - Really? 193 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,999 Okay, well, I did many other movies. 194 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,084 Also some TV shows... 195 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,503 uh, Broadway-- a couple of times. 196 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:46,339 Also off-Broadway. Off-off-Broadway once, but... 197 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,591 some modeling when I was a kid. 198 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,510 Nothing? Huh. 199 00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:52,429 I usually bat 1,000 with dead Americans 18 to 49. 200 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,391 - And you died when I died? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 201 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:58,685 I died many years ago at the ripe old age 202 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,146 of 96 in Ukraine. Yeah, I didn't start acting 203 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,898 until I came back to Earth as an angel. 204 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,858 - You're an angel? - Yeah. 205 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,943 Most celebrities are actually angels in disguise. 206 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,487 Yeah, it, uh-- you know, it helps-- 207 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,864 thanks, Brenda. It helps with access 208 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,158 and, you know, gets us into places mortals cannot. 209 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,745 Sign there and there. Yep. 210 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,497 Drake is an angel. - Mm. 211 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,790 Sandy--Bullock. You know her? 212 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,166 She's an angel. She's a good one. 213 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,502 RuPaul. 214 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,171 - Ooh, is that a trial? - Yep. 215 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,465 That's angel court. 216 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,174 - Like "Judge Judy"? 'Cause, you know, 217 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,009 I always imagined God 218 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,011 like an all-knowing Judge Judy. 219 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,721 - It is nothing like "Judge Judy." 220 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:38,099 No, angel court is more like "Judge Joe Brown." 221 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:41,228 Mm-hmm. Okeydokey, 222 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,104 who's ready to get their new body? 223 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,232 [chuckles] 224 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,735 That's a rhetorical question. The answer is you. 225 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,363 So after we die, our souls change bodies. 226 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,281 I got this one--lucky me-- and you're about 227 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,867 to get a new one of your own. 228 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,286 Just enter that changing room, close the curtain, 229 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:01,122 and press three random buttons. 230 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,791 Now, I know you must have a lot of questions 231 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,668 about how it all works... - I have a million questions. 232 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,335 - But we don't have time. 233 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,420 I'm being interviewed 234 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,255 by Kelly Ripa in, like, an hour, 235 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,965 so, if you would... 236 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,092 Yep, just... 237 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,343 Uh-huh. yeah. 238 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,179 Seriously, it's, like, in a half hour now. 239 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,057 [machine humming strangely] 240 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,142 See the buttons? - Yes. 241 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:21,643 - Great. Hit three of them. 242 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,022 [buttons clicking] 243 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,190 Great. 244 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,817 [machinery clicks] 245 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,110 [sighs] Son of a... 246 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,820 Oh, come on! 247 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:35,282 I've asked the Universe, like, a dozen times to fix this. 248 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,200 Okay. 249 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,327 [grunts, sighs] 250 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,413 [groaning] Oh, God! All right. 251 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,790 Whoo! 252 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,626 Unnecessary, you guys. 253 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,337 All right, now... 254 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,255 I'm just warning you, you might be in 255 00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,007 for a bit of a shock. 256 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,425 I knew someone who went from a short, 257 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:57,220 hunched, bald doctor in Kiev... 258 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,263 to a New Jersey heartthrob. 259 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,267 - Oh, my God. 260 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,352 [pleasant piano melody] 261 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,062 ♪ 262 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,189 - [chuckling] 263 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,568 - [gasps] Man! 264 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,403 How many sit-ups does this girl do a day? 265 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,322 - Well, this girl is you. 266 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,324 How many sit-ups do you do a day? 267 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,619 - So...this is...heaven? 268 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,912 - [stammering] 269 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,373 No--oh, no, no, no. No, Heaven... 270 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,668 Heaven is right over there. 271 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,129 [quirky string music] 272 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:34,799 - Heaven is...clouds? 273 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,635 - It's behind the-- it's behind the clouds. 274 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,887 - Well, I don't see anything. 275 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,847 - I wasn't expecting it to be so overcast. 276 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,183 It's a little...little gray. But it's there. 277 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:48,688 Imagine a place with no sadness, with no struggle, 278 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,150 where everything you could want... 279 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,485 is right at your fingertips. 280 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,153 Hmm? 281 00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,571 - So it's like Olive Garden. 282 00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,614 - What? 283 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,909 - [exhales] I'm ready. 284 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,620 - [laughs sharply] You're cute. No, we're not-- 285 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,622 you're not ready right now. You're not--you're-- 286 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,415 you don't actually get to go there--not yet. 287 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,249 You know, you lived a good life, 288 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,086 but not that good. 289 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,671 The Universe still thinks you have some work to do. 290 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,965 So...chop-chop. 291 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,676 [poppy Christmas music] 292 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,304 - So chop-chop I did, knocking out miracles in New York City, 293 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,891 but all work and no play makes for a dull angel, 294 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,852 so I found myself a playmate. 295 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,646 Hey, sexy. - You know what today is, Pyke? 296 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,065 - Uh, Tuesday? 297 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,608 - No, it's Saturday--the 23rd. 298 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,527 [bell dings] 299 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,069 I've been working here for a year, 300 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,696 which means... 301 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,364 we've been hanging out for a year. 302 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,366 - Has it been a year? 303 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,493 Happy sexual-versary. 304 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,911 What is the official gift for one year 305 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:45,745 of emotion-free sex? - Traditionally, 306 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,331 it's a wink and a thumbs-up, 307 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,040 but I went ahead and broke convention... 308 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,251 I got you a high five. 309 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,335 - I got you the same thing. [both chuckle] 310 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,753 Now let's celebrate with dinner. 311 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,755 I'm free tomorrow night. - Really? On Christmas Eve? 312 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,425 That would be great, 'cause-- - Ooh, I have to cancel. 313 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,677 Sorry, Barker. 314 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:01,761 - That's kind of weird, 'cause you just said 315 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,138 you were free, and-- - Yeah, I know, 316 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,807 but Christmas Eve dinner feels very couple-y, and... 317 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,350 - Yeah. - We're not a couple, so... 318 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,643 best not to confuse things. 319 00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:09,811 - Got it. Yeah. 320 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,105 - ♪ Suzie wants a sleigh 321 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,815 - Do you ever want more from this? 322 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,276 - I don't know, Barker. Tell me. 323 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,819 What more do you want from me? 324 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,655 A quickie in the storage closet? 325 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:21,823 - Okay, I see what you're doing here. 326 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,827 You're trying to avoid intimacy through sex, 327 00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:28,747 and I'm actually at my job, so-- 328 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,040 [phone chimes] - Mm-hmm-hmm--mm-hmm... 329 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,626 Oh! I have to go. 330 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,170 - Weird, 'cause I was gonna reject you anyway. 331 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,297 You know, we're at work during business hours. 332 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,174 The last five times, I swore... 333 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,801 I would never do that again. 334 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,511 - Connie, I need to take off the rest of the day. 335 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:44,596 - But that would imply you worked some of the day. 336 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,889 - Sorry, but it's life or death. 337 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,348 - Who's gonna die if you finish your shift? 338 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,725 - A guy at Madison and 22nd. 339 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,851 - [stammers, sighs] 340 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,562 ♪ 341 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:53,897 - [grunts] Excuse me. 342 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,649 - Oh, come on, Leonard. Let me have this one. 343 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,942 - Ah, Heaven likes those who hustle. 344 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,154 Got to go! - [sighs] 345 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,323 - [in sing-song] Sorry...coming up... 346 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,950 - [panting] 347 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:09,662 - All right, here we go. - [wheezing] 348 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,664 - [laughs] Are-are-- are you serious? 349 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:12,999 That was, like, 200 feet, if that. 350 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,418 - I haven't run in years. I mean, no need to get 351 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,962 into shape when your body just always magically stays 352 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,881 the same shape. [mysterious chiming music] 353 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,382 - See, that's your problem. 354 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,259 You don't take this job seriously. 355 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,385 You want to get up there, you got to be ready 356 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,762 for any miracle that comes your way, 357 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:26,930 and that means you got to be strong. 358 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:27,722 - Well, how's this for strong? 359 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:31,726 [grunting] 360 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,728 [straining] - Okay. 361 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,314 Pyke, stop. You're touching me. 362 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,024 Look, you have 10,000 points to go. 363 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,901 This isn't gonna make a dent for you. 364 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,319 I, on the other hand, am almost back up there. 365 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,072 [phone beeps, man screams] Oh--all right, move out-- 366 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,198 - Leonard, dibs. - Move out of my way. 367 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,282 [man screaming] - [grunts] 368 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,078 - It's all right. You're safe now. 369 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,955 Have a good day, sir. 370 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:52,705 [phone chimes] 371 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,669 [building pop-rock music] 372 00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,964 Did he just check his pockets to see if I stole his wallet? 373 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,050 - Yep. - Tough out here, 374 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,844 being a black angel. - Mm-hmm. 375 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,512 - ♪ Bright lights are shining ♪ 376 00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:10,056 - Hey, when you said you were almost back up there, 377 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,141 what'd you mean? I mean, 378 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,226 you've been there already? - What, you really 379 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,143 don't remember me telling you this? 380 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,062 - No. - Everything was perfect 381 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,856 until I got kicked out. - Wait, 382 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,482 I didn't know angels got kicked out. 383 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,900 - Yeah, about 10% of all the angels on Earth 384 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,151 got kicked out of Heaven. Don't you read 385 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,778 my angel union emails? - There's just so many. 386 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,947 They're like the LinkedIn invite of the afterlife. 387 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,616 Hi, can I get a large, triple-shot caramel mocha, 388 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,159 extra whip, and go crazy on the drizzle. 389 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,787 - And I'll just get a black coffee. 390 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,163 Keep the change. Really? 391 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,833 - I can eat whatever I want without gaining weight. 392 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,209 What part of that do you not understand? 393 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,712 - [laughing] Okay, just because you can do something 394 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,213 doesn't mean you should. - Yeah, I disagree 395 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,965 with every part of that advice. 396 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,925 - Mm... - So what did you think 397 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,844 of Heaven? - Oh, my gosh--Heaven, it's-- 398 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,221 it was a perfect paradise, and then... 399 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,265 after a century, I just got bored. 400 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:55,518 I started to act out. I stole Gandhi's Ferrari, I-- 401 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,895 - Wait. Gandhi has a Ferrari? 402 00:14:56,938 --> 00:15:01,107 - Oh, baby, Gandhi is super materialistic up there. 403 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,233 But he left the keys in the ignition--like, 404 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,276 what was I supposed to do? - I get it. 405 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,486 - Right? - I get it. 406 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,279 - Gandhi, Lincoln--FYI, they run Heaven. 407 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:08,364 - Oh, well, tell me more. 408 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,283 - I don't know. I messed up. 409 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,577 I took all of that perfection for granted, 410 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,287 and it wasn't until I came back down here 411 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,788 that I realized how good I had it up there. 412 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,957 - Leonard? - Yes. 413 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,001 - Your order's up. - Thank you so much. 414 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:20,919 - Do you think I'll ever get up there? 415 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,295 - Not a chance. 416 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,422 I'm-I'm just saying. Hey, you-- 417 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:25,715 I've seen a lot of angels get to Heaven, 418 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,258 and the ones that get up there 419 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,135 are the ones who really want to. 420 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,345 - [scoffs sharply] What does that mean? 421 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,639 I mean, of course I want to get up there. 422 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,015 I'm really bad at my job... - [laughs] 423 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,558 I've kept distance from everyone. 424 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,977 No real relationships, no real friends-- 425 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,979 Well, except you... I guess. 426 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,439 - "I guess"? 427 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,441 Look, you don't show initiative. 428 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,817 That's your problem. You don't! 429 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,361 Okay, tell me: when's the last time 430 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:49,948 you did a miracle on your own, without the app? 431 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,241 Uh-huh. See? 432 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,451 Stuff like that gets noticed. 433 00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,662 The Universe, the guys upstairs, 434 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,414 they're looking for you to prove something. 435 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,959 And you'd know this if you attended any of the meetings. 436 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,087 - There are meetings? - Pyke, you're so bad at this. 437 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:15,139 ♪ 438 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,308 [indistinct voice over PA] 439 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,018 - 11th Street Station. 440 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,688 Transfers available for the J, M, and Z lines. 441 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,527 - Oh! Ma'am! 442 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,277 - Oh-- - I think you dropped this. 443 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,570 - Thank you so much. 444 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,572 - Aw, you're welcome. 445 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,740 I find it's the little gestures like this 446 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:33,700 that really add up in the end. 447 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,911 - You're a real angel. - [laughs] 448 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:37,704 - Two points? 449 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,915 Ugh, damn it. 450 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,543 [AlunaGeorge's "Turn Up The Love"] 451 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,168 Hey, Barker. What are you up to? 452 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,712 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 453 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,089 Really? 454 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,173 Listen, I'm just gonna interrupt you 455 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:49,716 and get to the point: I'm coming over. 456 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,593 See you in 30. 457 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,720 - ♪ What's up on the other side? ♪ 458 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,138 ♪ Is it greener? Is it better? ♪ 459 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,306 - Thanks. - [exhales] 460 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,642 I needed that. I kind of had a tough day. 461 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,644 It feels good to hang out with a friend. 462 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,229 - [chuckles] Oh, yeah? Is that what we are? 463 00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,981 'Cause your last ten texts to me just say, "you up?" 464 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,567 - [chuckles] Look, I care about you in a non-romantic way. 465 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,860 That's what I'd call a friend. 466 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:09,777 - All right. Let me ask you a question. 467 00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:12,947 - Mm. - What's my first name? 468 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:13,781 - ♪ Some new stakes, some new stones ♪ 469 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:17,785 - I want to say...Colton. 470 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,370 - Mm, nope. It's James. 471 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,330 - Oh. Okay then, James. 472 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,541 Ah, nope. It's weird. 473 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:27,336 Barker, you, uh... you mind if I stay over? 474 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,337 It's coming down pretty hard out there. 475 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,839 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 476 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,300 - Wow. Somebody finally wants 477 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,384 to sleep over. - Don't make a big deal 478 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,470 about it. And please, 479 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,555 do not spoon me. The last thing I need 480 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,723 is you draped over my back like a meat blanket. 481 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,558 - Nope, nothing romantic. 482 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,851 Just a couple friends sharing the same bed 483 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,687 that they just had sex in. Night, Pyke. 484 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,855 - Night, Barker. 485 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:48,941 ♪ 486 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,862 I know this afterlife thing seems like a pretty good deal. 487 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,905 I get to eat whatever I want, live in New York, 488 00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,533 have great sex, be hot. 489 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,410 You know, but it gets old after a while. 490 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,411 You know, I feel like I'm...stuck, 491 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,913 but stuck forever. 492 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,916 You know, I can't have a life, because I'm trying to leave, 493 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:05,917 and that can happen at any moment. 494 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,377 I also can't have a life because... 495 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,005 technically, I'm dead. 496 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,465 The rule is, you can't contact anyone 497 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:13,966 from your old life-- no one. 498 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,510 Parents, siblings, friends. 499 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:19,388 Like, I can't see them, I can't ask how they're doing. 500 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,390 They can't know about any of this. 501 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,268 If I contact anyone, I lose all of my points. 502 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:25,603 I can't see my husband. 503 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,856 I can't call Patrick and be like, "Don't be sad. 504 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,568 I have a waitress job and great hair, so I'm fine." 505 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,613 Like, I'm not supposed to, but I check up on Facebook. 506 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:39,033 Most angels aren't on Facebook, so I haven't gotten caught. 507 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,577 [touching piano music] 508 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:48,292 ♪ 509 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,773 [inhales deeply, sniffs] 510 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,831 Man, this girl likes a lot of soup. 511 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,249 - Huh? What soup? 512 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,342 [birds tweeting, dog barking] 513 00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:44,015 Aww, hey, sleepyhead. Time to wake up. 514 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:44,932 - [murmurs] - I made you 515 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,184 a little breakfast. 516 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,145 - Well, thank you. - Yeah. 517 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,188 Yeah, the eggs are totally organic-- 518 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,064 locally and ethically raised hens, 519 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,941 so, we're good. 520 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,194 - Oh, great. 521 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:59,447 Wow--never seen your bedroom in the daylight before. 522 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,616 What's with all this Parisian crap? 523 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,618 - Do you really want to know, or are you just 524 00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,286 gonna make fun of me? - No, we are having 525 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:05,953 a real conversation. I'm taking it seriously. 526 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,788 - Hm. Okay. 527 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:11,417 Well, it's always been a dream of mine to go to France. 528 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,294 - Why would I make fun of that? 529 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,213 Just because you share the same dream 530 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,757 as every basic 12-year-old girl. 531 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,635 [giggles] Do you also dream of holding hands 532 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,094 with Harry Styles and brushing your horse's mane? 533 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,846 - Oh, see, see, see? I knew it. 534 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,640 I knew you couldn't be nice to me for more than five seconds. 535 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:29,435 - Oh, I can be nicer to you for a lot longer than that. 536 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,520 - Nope. I gotta save my strength 537 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,481 for my morning run to Maspeth. 538 00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,191 - You are gonna leave me and this warm bed 539 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,193 to go running around 540 00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,194 some abandoned buildings in the snow? 541 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,820 - Yeah. I like to run 542 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,322 where I can have some space to think. 543 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:41,864 It's what I do. [phone chimes] 544 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,450 - Hmm... 545 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,993 oh, looks like I have to go too. 546 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:49,080 I'm trying this new strategy of showing some ambition at work. 547 00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,206 - Oh, that'll make Connie happy. 548 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,291 - Oh, God--not at the bistro. 549 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,626 You know, I told you-- at my other job--you know, 550 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,837 the one that's getting me closer to, uh...Nebraska. 551 00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:02,385 - Hey, so while you're swallowing 552 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,178 that breakfast whole like a duck, 553 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,222 there's something that I want to talk to you about. 554 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,099 - Mm-hmm. - I'm cooking 555 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,684 a little Christmas dinner tonight 556 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:10,434 for a few friends-- preparing everything fresh, 557 00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,687 even the eggnog. Now, 558 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,438 my homemade eggnog recipe is the best. 559 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:17,316 It's the perfect ratio of rum to nog. 560 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,860 - Mmm. - Anyway, 561 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,279 it would mean a lot to me if you were there. 562 00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:25,408 - Barker, this was delicious, but I told you before, 563 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,450 my schedule at this other job is very demanding. 564 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:29,412 It's a lot of work to get to Nebraska. 565 00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,454 I just--I can't make plans like that. 566 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:32,623 I'm sorry. - I think it wouldn't be 567 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,083 that hard to get to Nebraska. - Ugh, believe me, 568 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,243 it's nearly impossible. 569 00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:38,296 - Look, just promise me whenever you do leave, 570 00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:39,463 you'll talk to me first. - Promise. 571 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,508 Bye, Barker. 572 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,135 [door slams closed] 573 00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:47,471 [determined music] 574 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:54,270 ♪ 575 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:02,570 Hi--oh, my God, the memories. 576 00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:05,489 - What? - I lived in this exact room. 577 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:06,574 I didn't decorate it with quite 578 00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:09,869 as many old bowls of cereal, but... 579 00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,495 - Who are you? - I'm Allison, class of '99. 580 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:17,418 You look like a...smart guy. 581 00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:18,586 Are you perhaps working on an important project 582 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:21,589 on your computer? Something big, maybe? 583 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:22,631 Bigger than Facebook or Candy Crush? 584 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,800 Something the world desperately needs? 585 00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,635 - How did you know? 586 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,013 - You have that air about you. 587 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,598 [awkward string-plucking music] 588 00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:31,682 You know, when I was back in school, 589 00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:33,017 I accidentally fried my computer? 590 00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:37,021 You know, you really should get a surge protector. 591 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:38,105 Problem solved. 592 00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:45,363 Six points? 593 00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:46,280 I thought you said you were working on something 594 00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,990 that the world needed. 595 00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,701 - I am. It's a love song. 596 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,162 - I am so angry right now, 597 00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:54,080 I think I might throw up. 598 00:22:57,543 --> 00:23:00,086 - Yo, Pyke, what's good? [horn honks, carolers sing] 599 00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,420 Hey! Oh, no, you can't park here. 600 00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:04,006 You got to keep going. Thank you so much. 601 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,132 Merry Christmas. [horn honking] 602 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:06,717 The finger's not necessary. 603 00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:08,135 - Are you on a parking job? - Don't judge me. 604 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:09,637 I got to grind out these points somehow. 605 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,264 Mother of three needs a space in front of her pediatrician. 606 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,809 - Look, I need your advice on an unsanctioned love miracle. 607 00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:17,395 - Showing initiative. I like it. 608 00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:18,771 Hey, and Pyke, those points can be huge 609 00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:20,481 if the couples are well matched. 610 00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:22,775 - Unfortunately, I think this guy's one of a kind. 611 00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,527 - Well, it's not like I can help you anyway. 612 00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,737 Pyke, you know I'm not good with the emotional stuff. 613 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,782 My dad, he raised me old-school, okay? 614 00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:30,783 When he was on his deathbed, I said good-bye 615 00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:32,576 with a handshake. Good-bye! 616 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,787 - Look, can you just tell me how the other angels do it? 617 00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:37,248 - Yes. The ones who succeed-- 618 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,833 oh, my gosh. You are hilarious. 619 00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,335 There's cute spots down there. I promise. 620 00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:42,128 carolers: ♪ Bring us some figgy pudding ♪ 621 00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,338 Yes, the ones who succeed 622 00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,132 usually have a natural sense of compassion and empathy, 623 00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:47,341 so... [laughs] You're screwed. 624 00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:53,264 - [exhales forcefully] 625 00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,433 Okay, so tell me about this girl you like. 626 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,351 - Katie. 627 00:23:57,395 --> 00:24:00,980 She's this... this girl... I like. 628 00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:04,316 - Okay, well, does she like you? 629 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,776 - Oh, we've never actually spoken, 630 00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:09,029 but I spent the last two weeks writing her this song 631 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:10,906 for Christmas. 632 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:13,868 I'm a DJ--mostly ambient dub, 633 00:24:13,911 --> 00:24:16,495 but also a little Euro-trance. 634 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,622 [bubbly electronic music playing] 635 00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,333 ♪ 636 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,918 [to the tune of "O Holy Night"] ♪ Oh, Katie 637 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,628 ♪ Your star is brightly shining ♪ 638 00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,922 ♪ It is the night of our dear Katie's birth ♪ 639 00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:29,550 - Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie. 640 00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:32,136 Katie, Katie. - ♪ A thrill of hope 641 00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,304 - Katie. - ♪ My weary heart rejoices 642 00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:34,638 - That's--okay, yeah-- - ♪ Yonder breaks 643 00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:36,974 ♪ a new glorious... - That's good--thank you, 644 00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:38,976 Thank you. Um...so...question: 645 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:42,980 what inspired...this? 646 00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:46,442 - I see her every day, 647 00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:49,320 and it's like... she's the best. 648 00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:53,657 So this song is like my secret 649 00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:57,453 that I'm finally ready to share with her. 650 00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:58,996 - Where does this Katie live? 651 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,540 - 239, across the hall. 652 00:25:01,584 --> 00:25:05,961 - [inhales heavily] 653 00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:08,881 [sobs dramatically] 654 00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:11,050 [mischievous music] 655 00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:14,678 [sobbing softly] 656 00:25:14,722 --> 00:25:19,099 ♪ 657 00:25:19,143 --> 00:25:22,353 - [sobs] Katie, I've... I've left him. 658 00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:24,980 He's all yours. - Left who? 659 00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:27,024 - Jesse. My boyfriend Jesse. 660 00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:29,109 - Jesse? 661 00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:31,111 From down the hall? 662 00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:34,740 I've never even spoken to him. 663 00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:38,911 - I can feel the chemistry from here. 664 00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:41,205 Take good care of him. 665 00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:42,831 He knows how to make a girl feel really special. 666 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,042 Just enjoy it. 667 00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:47,169 [sniffs] 668 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:49,797 [sweet acoustic guitar music] 669 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,637 ♪ 670 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,932 Ugh.... 671 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:07,022 ♪ 672 00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,065 [phone chimes] 673 00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:13,904 What? 674 00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:15,948 What is happening? Oh, my God. 675 00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:20,244 ♪ 676 00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,203 Oh, my God, I did it. 677 00:26:26,627 --> 00:26:28,961 [children's choir singing "Ding Dong Merrily on High"] 678 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:31,630 - ♪ Glo-o-o-oria, glo-o-o-ria ♪ 679 00:26:31,674 --> 00:26:34,842 ♪ Glo-o-o-oria - ♪ Gloria, gloria 680 00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:38,512 ♪ Hosanna in the highest 681 00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:41,599 ♪ E'en so, here below, below ♪ 682 00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:43,142 - Pyke. - Oh, hi. 683 00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,227 - You did it. 684 00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:47,605 And it only took you nine years-- 685 00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:48,981 one of my longest projects ever, 686 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:50,399 so they sent me to congratulate you personally, 687 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:54,069 which was a bit of a hassle, since I was on set, but... 688 00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:55,654 - Oh, that's cool. Like a local commercial? 689 00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:57,573 - Like a television series 690 00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:01,160 that'll be seen by millions of people, but whatever. 691 00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:02,661 We don't have time for this. 692 00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:03,704 You have got to get to the Newark bus station 693 00:27:03,748 --> 00:27:06,415 and catch the 1:05 to Schenectady. 694 00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:08,584 - Wait, wait, wait. I'm taking a bus... 695 00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:10,544 to Heaven? In Jersey? 696 00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:11,712 - Yeah, I know we're supposed to say 697 00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:13,505 the Universe does everything for a reason, 698 00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:15,716 but sometimes I think they just make it up as they go along. 699 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,593 - [chuckles] - Oh, and you've got to be 700 00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:19,720 on that exact bus, 701 00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:22,097 or your points go back to zero. - Back to zero? 702 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,934 That's unnecessarily harsh. - Well, there's precedent. 703 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,353 St. Francis of Assisi went out drinking 704 00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:31,273 after he finished his project, got some girl pregnant. 705 00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:33,192 [chuckles] Frankie, no bueno! 706 00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,819 You can catch the C train just around the corner. 707 00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,738 It'll get you there on time-- if you hustle! 708 00:27:37,782 --> 00:27:39,782 - Okay. Ah--okay, well... 709 00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:42,242 I guess I'm out of here. - Go, please-- 710 00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:43,786 before they realize what a mistake they made. 711 00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:46,622 - I'll keep a pie warm for you. 712 00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:49,875 - I always knew you knew who I was! 713 00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:51,377 Hi. - Hey. 714 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:55,839 - Yeah, it's me. It's me. 715 00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:57,257 Sorry, nope. I got to get back to set. 716 00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:58,550 No pictures. 717 00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:05,224 ♪ 718 00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:06,392 - Excuse me--excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 719 00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:07,851 No, no. [gasps] I need one ticket 720 00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:09,728 for the 1:05 to Schenectady. 721 00:28:09,772 --> 00:28:11,897 - Okay, well, there's a 1:15. Should be here any minute. 722 00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:14,650 - No, no, no. I need the 1:05-- 723 00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:15,901 that exact bus. If I don't get on the 1:05 bus, 724 00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:17,903 I can't go. - In ten minutes, 725 00:28:17,947 --> 00:28:19,405 there's a bus to Schenectady. 726 00:28:19,448 --> 00:28:21,365 Get on it, and you'll go Schenectady. 727 00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:23,075 It's how buses work. - [stammers] 728 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,244 - I need the 1:05. - There is no 1:05. 729 00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:27,913 It's Christmas Eve. It's a holiday schedule. 730 00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:30,874 And the next 1:05 to Schenectady is on the 26th. 731 00:28:30,918 --> 00:28:33,293 Now, you can wait two days, 732 00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,963 or, you know, you can wait ten minutes for the 1:15. 733 00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:39,299 - Yeah, Merry Christmas. 734 00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:41,385 - You know what's funny? If we were filming 735 00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:43,971 a movie right now, this would just be water. 736 00:28:44,014 --> 00:28:45,931 [laughs] Isn't that crazy? Just a little 737 00:28:45,975 --> 00:28:46,432 inside of Hollywood for you. [phone ringing] 738 00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:49,226 Oh...huh. 739 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:50,561 Hi. What are you doing? Are you on the bus? 740 00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,979 - There is no 1:05 bus. 741 00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:54,273 There is a 1:15 bus because of Christmas. 742 00:28:54,316 --> 00:28:55,983 The 1:05 isn't until the 26th. 743 00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:58,777 - Okay, cool. So, uh... 744 00:28:58,821 --> 00:28:59,987 looks like you got a two-day extension. 745 00:29:00,030 --> 00:29:03,031 Enjoy it, and then get back there on the 26th. 746 00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,409 Margo, will you slice me off a little more of that headcheese? 747 00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:06,910 - Of course. - A little bit. 748 00:29:06,954 --> 00:29:08,036 Thanks. - What is headcheese? 749 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,663 - You can take the boy out of Ukraine... 750 00:29:09,707 --> 00:29:10,914 [laughing] Right? 751 00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:13,584 Mmm...mmm. 752 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:17,171 Mmm. Thank you. 753 00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:18,297 - How are you already with a woman? 754 00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:19,131 I left you less than an hour ago. 755 00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:20,048 - How? Pyke, 756 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,760 beautiful women all over 757 00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:24,052 this great country appreciate the body of work 758 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:27,931 that I've put out over the last 20, 25 years, okay? 759 00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:29,892 Plus, I let them put it on their social 760 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,310 if they promise not to tag me. 761 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:32,102 You're not gonna tag me, right? 762 00:29:32,146 --> 00:29:33,687 - No. - Okay. 763 00:29:33,731 --> 00:29:35,105 [clears throat] You know, Pyke, 764 00:29:35,149 --> 00:29:38,901 I will never understand why you got a job as a waitress 765 00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:40,110 instead of trying to become a celebrity. 766 00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:42,070 [laughs] What were you thinking? 767 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:45,532 - Well, I didn't plan on being here for nine years. 768 00:29:45,576 --> 00:29:47,493 Look, I lost everything when I died. 769 00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,577 Being an angel doesn't make me happy like you. 770 00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:51,205 - Yeah. 771 00:29:51,248 --> 00:29:56,001 Happy...like we were. 772 00:29:56,045 --> 00:29:59,296 [sighs] Like me. 773 00:29:59,340 --> 00:30:02,633 - Are you crying? - What? 774 00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:06,053 [clears throat] Stop, stop. I'm--no, I'm not crying. 775 00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:09,389 [clears throat] I just got a little... 776 00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:12,100 headcheese stuck-- no, listen, Pyke. 777 00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:14,019 Pyke, do not get in trouble, okay? 778 00:30:14,063 --> 00:30:16,188 You are still considered active. 779 00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:17,815 You can still lose points. Okay? 780 00:30:17,858 --> 00:30:20,234 - Look, I am not gonna do anything for the next two days. 781 00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:23,028 I am going to lock my doors, get into bed, 782 00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,696 and watch a "Real Housewife" or seven. 783 00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,865 - Great. 784 00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,910 [TOPS' "Cloudy Skies"] 785 00:30:29,954 --> 00:30:32,204 [alluring indie rock music] 786 00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:34,915 ♪ 787 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:38,043 - ♪ I'm looking at the cloudy skies ♪ 788 00:30:38,087 --> 00:30:40,254 ♪ I look ahead and see my sorrow ♪ 789 00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:44,299 ♪ 790 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:46,593 ♪ No choice but to live tomorrow ♪ 791 00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:50,180 ♪ 792 00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:52,307 ♪ Nothing else left to do 793 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,018 ♪ 794 00:30:55,062 --> 00:30:56,979 - Oh, crap. - "Crap"? 795 00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:58,856 "Oh, crap" what? 796 00:30:58,899 --> 00:31:00,315 - Patrick? - Who's Patrick? 797 00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:01,900 Wait, Patrick-- your husband Patrick? 798 00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:03,819 - Patrick. 799 00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:05,988 Patrick. 800 00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:08,031 - Yes? 801 00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:09,491 - Pyke? 802 00:31:09,535 --> 00:31:11,076 Wait. 803 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,704 [gentle ringing music] 804 00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:16,206 ♪ 805 00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,709 - I'm sorry, do I know you? 806 00:31:18,752 --> 00:31:20,377 - Hi, babe. Sorry I lost you 807 00:31:20,421 --> 00:31:23,005 for a minute there. I was just in the bathroom. 808 00:31:23,048 --> 00:31:25,382 There was this really nice lady sleeping on the floor, 809 00:31:25,426 --> 00:31:27,050 but I just wanted to make sure 810 00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:29,428 she wasn't exposing herself any longer. 811 00:31:29,471 --> 00:31:31,263 Who's this? 812 00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:33,432 - I don't know. Uh... 813 00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,183 I feel like I've seen you before. 814 00:31:39,106 --> 00:31:40,439 - We all know the rules--all angels. 815 00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,649 You cannot communicate with anyone from your old life. 816 00:31:42,693 --> 00:31:44,443 You know, it confuses the whole life and death thing 817 00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,737 and screws up the system. 818 00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:48,322 Like, if by any chance you run 819 00:31:48,365 --> 00:31:50,157 into someone from your old life, 820 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,242 you must turn around without saying a word, 821 00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:54,202 and so that is exactly what I'm gonna do. 822 00:31:57,666 --> 00:32:00,500 Hi, Patrick. I'm Allison Pyke. 823 00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:04,212 - How do you know my name? 824 00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:10,177 - I know because... I'm an angel. 825 00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,512 What I mean is, I'm a part of a New York City 826 00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:15,641 Christmas initiative for locals 827 00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:18,226 to help out-of-towners get around the city. 828 00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,853 I am here to help and show you the sights. 829 00:32:19,897 --> 00:32:22,731 - Hmm... 830 00:32:22,775 --> 00:32:24,566 [clears throat] 831 00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,693 [whispering] Patrick, remember what your dad 832 00:32:26,737 --> 00:32:28,570 showed us online about New York City scammers? 833 00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,030 She could be trying to get us into a van, 834 00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:32,616 take us to a secure location, steal our identities, 835 00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:34,034 charge a bunch of things on our credit cards, 836 00:32:34,078 --> 00:32:35,494 and then get us hooked on drugs. 837 00:32:35,537 --> 00:32:36,578 - Sweetie, I think you've been watching 838 00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:38,372 too many Liam Neeson movies. 839 00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:39,373 - Well, at least in a Liam Neeson movie, 840 00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:40,582 there'd be someone protecting us. 841 00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:43,543 Neither of our dads are in good enough shape 842 00:32:43,578 --> 00:32:46,171 to get revenge. - Uh, guys, just so you know, 843 00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:46,922 I can hear most of what you're saying. 844 00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,426 - See, this is exactly why I wanted 845 00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,636 to take a direct flight to JFK 846 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,262 instead of trying to save a buck 847 00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:55,681 on a cheap Internet bus deal. 848 00:32:55,724 --> 00:33:00,477 These bus stations are like magnets for con artists. 849 00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:02,312 - Guys, look, I'm not a con artist. 850 00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:03,730 I'm not even a regular artist. 851 00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:06,274 I'm just here to make sure you have a nice Christmas. 852 00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:08,026 That's my only job. 853 00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,862 [hopeful music] 854 00:33:10,906 --> 00:33:13,991 ♪ 855 00:33:14,034 --> 00:33:15,450 - I think it-- - We appreciate it-- 856 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,328 we really do--but we've been traveling all day, and anyway, 857 00:33:18,372 --> 00:33:20,706 we have the nice people at the Midtown Travel Suites 858 00:33:20,749 --> 00:33:23,166 to show us around just fine. Right? 859 00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:31,174 - Siri, call the Midtown Travel Suites. 860 00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:32,718 [swanky music] 861 00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:36,722 - I'm sorry, but it looks like your reservation was cancelled. 862 00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,182 - What? - What? 863 00:33:39,226 --> 00:33:40,559 - How can it be cancelled? We just got here. 864 00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:43,729 - Well, there's a note right here. 865 00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:46,189 You called, said you wouldn't be able to stay here 866 00:33:46,233 --> 00:33:48,525 because you had bedbugs, 867 00:33:48,569 --> 00:33:50,193 and the bedbugs are crawling all over your skin 868 00:33:50,237 --> 00:33:54,031 because you're a gross person who does gross things. 869 00:33:54,074 --> 00:33:55,157 - That does not sound like her. - No. 870 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,616 I never made that phone call, okay? 871 00:33:56,660 --> 00:34:00,203 I am not a gross person. I've never done gross things. 872 00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:04,207 I've never even passed gas in front of another human being. 873 00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:07,961 - Can you un-cancel it, please? Just find us a room. 874 00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:08,837 - We're all booked up. 875 00:34:08,881 --> 00:34:10,922 It's Christmas, you know? 876 00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:12,841 - Oh, my God. 877 00:34:12,885 --> 00:34:16,344 You two again? What an incredible coincidence. 878 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:20,307 - Oh, my God, the con artist. 879 00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:22,934 - Is everything okay? 880 00:34:22,978 --> 00:34:24,603 - They don't have a room for us. 881 00:34:24,646 --> 00:34:26,313 - I am so sorry. 882 00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,940 You happen to be in luck. I know an amazing Airbnb. 883 00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:32,652 My boss, Connie's, place-- Upper West Side. 884 00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:36,114 - Really? 'Cause that sounds amazing. 885 00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,283 - So how about it? 886 00:34:38,327 --> 00:34:39,743 - Uh, again, thanks so much, but I think it's best 887 00:34:39,787 --> 00:34:40,952 if we find our own way. 888 00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:43,997 - Honey, we don't have any other options. 889 00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:45,415 - You can trust me. 890 00:34:47,795 --> 00:34:48,919 - We can trust her. 891 00:34:48,962 --> 00:34:52,255 ♪ 892 00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:54,466 - It's Christmas Eve. 893 00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:55,717 Every hotel in the city is gonna be booked. 894 00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:58,303 You have nowhere to go, and here I am, 895 00:34:58,347 --> 00:35:00,680 willing to show you a place to stay. 896 00:35:00,724 --> 00:35:06,770 Or, you could find a dark, cold, feces-smeared alleyway 897 00:35:06,814 --> 00:35:08,396 and sleep on a bed of rat carcasses. 898 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,315 You know, your choice. 899 00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:11,483 - You hate feces. 900 00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:16,738 - Fine. - Ah, great! Luggage. 901 00:35:16,782 --> 00:35:19,282 Oh, heavy. You know, why don't you 902 00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:20,742 carry your own luggage? Patrick, there are a ton 903 00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:23,829 of places I know you'd love. - Oh, Jill actually wants 904 00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,038 to see the tree at Rockefeller Center first. 905 00:35:25,082 --> 00:35:27,749 - Oh, yeah. It's on my bucket list. 906 00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:29,042 I've wanted to see it since I was a little girl. 907 00:35:29,086 --> 00:35:29,960 - Want to know what's on my bucket list? 908 00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:30,627 Never see stupid crap. 909 00:35:36,176 --> 00:35:37,134 [sirens wailing] - Are we any closer 910 00:35:37,177 --> 00:35:39,177 to our place on the Upper West Side? 911 00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:40,470 - I mean, sure. You're... 912 00:35:40,514 --> 00:35:42,222 closer than you were yesterday. 913 00:35:42,266 --> 00:35:45,016 So here we have a special place 914 00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:47,477 in rock and roll history. Lou Reed wrote the song 915 00:35:47,521 --> 00:35:49,187 "Heroin" right here, immediately after he bought 916 00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,398 heroin from right over there. - No way. 917 00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:52,899 - Well, makes sense. - Pyke, thank you 918 00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:57,195 for this very detailed history of the music of New York. 919 00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,073 I mean, the stuff about the Stooges 920 00:36:00,117 --> 00:36:01,199 and Velvet Underground-- I was obsessed 921 00:36:01,243 --> 00:36:03,160 with them in college. - Yeah, I thought 922 00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:04,870 you might like it. 923 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:10,625 - Okay, maybe we should go back to a main road. 924 00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:14,713 I think we're close to the Empire State Building. 925 00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:19,009 - So, Patrick, what made you want to come to New York? 926 00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:21,261 - Well, I've been planning it 927 00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:24,181 for a long time-- since I was a teenager-- 928 00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:26,224 and...well, the timing was finally right. 929 00:36:29,146 --> 00:36:32,022 - The beard suits you. 930 00:36:32,065 --> 00:36:35,066 - Thank you? 931 00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:37,110 - Okay. Uh, we might be able to see 932 00:36:37,154 --> 00:36:39,779 the Statue of Liberty up here. - Do you want to see 933 00:36:39,823 --> 00:36:43,283 where Iggy Pop threw up on Andy Warhol's entourage? 934 00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:44,284 - Does David Bowie wear eyeshadow? 935 00:36:44,328 --> 00:36:45,911 [both laughing] 936 00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,622 ♪ 937 00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:49,331 - I am sorry that I had to cut the tour short 938 00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:52,751 because of my blisters, 939 00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:54,753 but I did not expect to have to walk 12 miles. 940 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:56,755 You know, I want to keep my feet fresh for ice-skating 941 00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:58,673 at Rockefeller Center. - Ah, New York has a way 942 00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:00,675 of finding out who's tough enough to handle it. 943 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,636 Plus, it gave us the perfect excuse to sit down 944 00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:04,346 and have a meal at one of the best places 945 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:05,388 in all of New York. The dumplings here 946 00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,225 are transcendent. - Dumplings? 947 00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:10,685 Wow. - Oh, don't worry, Jill. 948 00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:11,770 I ordered you soup. I know it's your favorite. 949 00:37:11,813 --> 00:37:13,313 - How do you know that I like soup? 950 00:37:13,357 --> 00:37:15,023 - Just based on that outfit. 951 00:37:15,067 --> 00:37:17,400 [phone buzzes] 952 00:37:20,656 --> 00:37:24,991 - Two order dumpling, one order chicken feet soup. 953 00:37:25,035 --> 00:37:27,077 - Mm. 954 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,328 - You don't have to eat that. 955 00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:29,454 We could share dumplings. - Nope. 956 00:37:29,498 --> 00:37:32,749 That's...that's okay. We are guests here, 957 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,292 and I do not want to insult our hosts. 958 00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:41,299 Okay, well, 959 00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:43,301 I think I'm just gonna go wash my hands. 960 00:37:43,345 --> 00:37:45,512 Where's the bathroom? - No bathroom. 961 00:37:45,555 --> 00:37:48,932 - Oh, there's a donut shop across the street. 962 00:37:48,976 --> 00:37:51,059 - Do you need me to go with you? 963 00:37:51,103 --> 00:37:52,644 - No, no, no. [clears throat] 964 00:37:52,688 --> 00:37:56,773 ♪ 965 00:37:56,817 --> 00:37:58,942 - I'm so excited to get to take you here. 966 00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:01,569 These are gonna be the best dumplings you've ever had. 967 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,321 - I've had a few dumplings in my life. 968 00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:04,990 - [laughs] Well, not these. 969 00:38:05,033 --> 00:38:05,699 - Here goes. - Ready? 970 00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:12,247 - Mmm--oh, my God. - Right? 971 00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:13,164 - You were so right. These are so good. 972 00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:16,293 - So good. [both laugh] 973 00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:18,920 - Mmm. - So, um...Patrick, 974 00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,589 why, um...why is, um... 975 00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:23,591 now the right time to visit New York? 976 00:38:28,140 --> 00:38:31,975 - I had a hard few years. 977 00:38:32,019 --> 00:38:33,601 - I'm sorry. 978 00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:37,188 - It's okay. You know? 979 00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:40,442 And...I always wanted to come to New York. 980 00:38:40,485 --> 00:38:41,651 I've been talking about it since I was a kid, 981 00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:44,029 and I met Jill a few years ago, 982 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:45,655 and she said she'd come with me. 983 00:38:45,699 --> 00:38:48,366 I thought it would help, you know? 984 00:38:48,410 --> 00:38:50,452 To make peace with some stuff. 985 00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:56,082 I feel like what we're doing today, 986 00:38:56,126 --> 00:38:57,417 it was the exact way I wanted to see the city. 987 00:38:57,461 --> 00:38:59,711 [chuckles] I mean, I could have kept going for hours. 988 00:38:59,755 --> 00:39:01,463 - [laughs] - I just-- 989 00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:04,132 there's stuff on Jill's list that she wants to see, 990 00:39:04,176 --> 00:39:05,717 and I want to make her happy. 991 00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:09,262 - Is she hard to make happy? - No. 992 00:39:09,306 --> 00:39:11,765 She's actually wonderful. 993 00:39:11,808 --> 00:39:15,185 Honestly, I don't know how I would have gotten through 994 00:39:15,228 --> 00:39:15,894 the last few years without her. 995 00:39:15,937 --> 00:39:17,729 [gentle music] 996 00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:21,399 She wants to get married. 997 00:39:21,443 --> 00:39:24,027 I want to marry her. I-I'd love to. 998 00:39:24,071 --> 00:39:25,779 I...I don't know if I can marry anyone. 999 00:39:25,822 --> 00:39:28,865 ♪ 1000 00:39:28,909 --> 00:39:33,787 I was married before, and... 1001 00:39:33,830 --> 00:39:36,081 - Um, what was she like? 1002 00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,791 Your wife. 1003 00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:41,795 - She was... [bell dings] 1004 00:39:41,838 --> 00:39:44,339 She was-- - Guys, so weird. 1005 00:39:44,383 --> 00:39:47,217 I just saw the guy who was in that movie, you know, 1006 00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:48,259 where all of his friends try to stop him 1007 00:39:48,303 --> 00:39:49,386 from marrying the wrong girl? 1008 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:53,848 Oh, he had that-- he had old sitcom on TV 1009 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,433 where he played a guy living in New York 1010 00:39:55,477 --> 00:39:57,852 with his three friends. - You literally just described 1011 00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:59,562 every old sitcom. 1012 00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:00,688 - She's talking about Jason Biggs. 1013 00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:01,856 - Yes! - Oh! 1014 00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:05,026 [bell dings] - There she is. 1015 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,528 Pyke. We need to talk. 1016 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:17,914 You can't do this. 1017 00:40:17,958 --> 00:40:20,625 - I'm not doing anything. 1018 00:40:20,669 --> 00:40:21,918 I ran into him, and I haven't lost any points. 1019 00:40:21,962 --> 00:40:24,295 I've been checking. - Yet. 1020 00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:25,422 But it's only a matter of time. 1021 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,340 No one is paying any attention today, 1022 00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:28,842 because most of the bigwigs are at a birthday party. 1023 00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:29,968 - Oh, right. Birthday. 1024 00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:32,637 Christmas. Yeah, that makes sense. 1025 00:40:32,681 --> 00:40:33,930 - Hi. Could you please wrap this up for me? 1026 00:40:33,974 --> 00:40:36,266 - Huh? Oh, no, no. 1027 00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:37,642 Not, um--not him. It's also 1028 00:40:37,686 --> 00:40:40,603 this angel Carl's birthday. He's a real sweetheart. 1029 00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:41,688 It's actually a laser tag party. 1030 00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:43,356 That's not the point. 1031 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,774 They are going to find out up there if you do not 1032 00:40:44,818 --> 00:40:46,025 get rid of them right now. 1033 00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:48,528 - I'm handling it. - You are not handling it. 1034 00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:49,988 You are the opposite of handling it. 1035 00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:53,741 - [whispering] That's Jason Biggs over there. 1036 00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:56,244 - If you say one word to either of them 1037 00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:59,205 about who you really are or what you do, 1038 00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:00,623 I'm authorized to take all your points away. 1039 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:05,712 - But you wouldn't do that... because we are friends. 1040 00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:08,756 - [sighs] Okay, look. 1041 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,759 When I was being directed by Woody...Allen... 1042 00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:15,305 - What other Woody could it be? - I was having trouble 1043 00:41:15,348 --> 00:41:16,222 on a scene. You know what he told me? 1044 00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:19,267 He said, "Jason. Jason... 1045 00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:22,061 "You are here to do a job, 1046 00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:24,939 "and all you have to remember 1047 00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:28,693 is to Do. That. Job." 1048 00:41:28,737 --> 00:41:31,863 Understand? 1049 00:41:31,907 --> 00:41:33,990 See them on their way. 1050 00:41:34,034 --> 00:41:37,243 If you don't... 1051 00:41:37,287 --> 00:41:38,912 I can't help you. 1052 00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:41,706 [somber music] 1053 00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:47,170 ♪ 1054 00:41:47,214 --> 00:41:48,713 - Okay, uh, change of plans. 1055 00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:53,176 I am sending you guys off to the Upper West Side. 1056 00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:55,512 - Really? Are you sure? I thought we-- 1057 00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:58,223 - Can we...can we get a picture with Mr. Biggs? 1058 00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,600 - Sure, of course. Yeah. 1059 00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:02,185 But, you know, why don't we take it outside? 1060 00:42:02,229 --> 00:42:03,394 The light's much better out there, 1061 00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,813 and that way I can hail you a cab. 1062 00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:09,275 - Okay. 1063 00:42:09,319 --> 00:42:10,193 - Say good-bye to your friends. 1064 00:42:10,237 --> 00:42:13,029 ♪ 1065 00:42:13,073 --> 00:42:15,114 - [clears throat] 1066 00:42:15,158 --> 00:42:16,824 Bye, Patrick. 1067 00:42:16,868 --> 00:42:18,993 ♪ 1068 00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:20,703 - Bye, Pyke. 1069 00:42:20,747 --> 00:42:22,914 [hopeful music] 1070 00:42:22,958 --> 00:42:25,583 - Bye, Jill. 1071 00:42:25,627 --> 00:42:28,002 - Okay, losing light. - Whoo-hoo! 1072 00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:31,631 ♪ 1073 00:42:31,675 --> 00:42:33,633 [phone chimes] 1074 00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:36,719 - [sighs] 1075 00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:39,681 - Hey, Pyke. If I sound happy right now, 1076 00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:41,015 it's because I've been sampling my homemade eggnog. 1077 00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:44,561 Don't tell anyone, but I added a secret ingredient: 1078 00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:46,312 Maple syrup. It's delicious. 1079 00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:48,398 We're drinking it tonight. You're missing out. 1080 00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:55,655 [stirring piano melody] 1081 00:42:55,699 --> 00:42:59,867 ♪ 1082 00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:02,370 - I got the cab to stop because I forgot my leftover soup. 1083 00:43:02,414 --> 00:43:04,581 Yeah. 1084 00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:08,251 You know, it really is quite good. 1085 00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:11,504 - Oh, hey, hon, maybe we ask Pyke. 1086 00:43:11,548 --> 00:43:12,297 Do you know the best place in New York 1087 00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:13,965 to get a glass of eggnog? 1088 00:43:14,009 --> 00:43:19,762 ♪ 1089 00:43:19,806 --> 00:43:21,723 - I actually know the perfect place. 1090 00:43:21,766 --> 00:43:25,226 How would you guys like to have a genuine Christmas dinner 1091 00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:27,812 with the best homemade eggnog 1092 00:43:27,856 --> 00:43:29,063 you have ever tasted? 1093 00:43:29,107 --> 00:43:29,647 It's got maple syrup in it. 1094 00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,029 - We'd love to. Thank you, yeah. 1095 00:43:36,072 --> 00:43:37,530 - Great. [sighs happily] 1096 00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,198 This is gonna be great. [laughs] 1097 00:43:43,538 --> 00:43:44,912 [Johnny Staton's "Ride On Santa"] 1098 00:43:44,956 --> 00:43:46,748 ♪ 1099 00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,876 - When you guys try this eggnog, you are going to flip. 1100 00:43:49,919 --> 00:43:51,461 - Are you sure that the host 1101 00:43:51,504 --> 00:43:53,963 didn't want us to bring anything? 1102 00:43:54,007 --> 00:43:55,506 - We did. Soup. 1103 00:43:55,550 --> 00:44:00,136 - ♪ Laid in my bed and I didn't say a word ♪ 1104 00:44:00,180 --> 00:44:01,679 Barker! Hey, Connie. - ♪ I just pretend 1105 00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:02,889 ♪ That you wasn't heard - Pyke? 1106 00:44:02,932 --> 00:44:04,182 I can't believe you actually came. 1107 00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:06,684 - We brought soup. She already ate half of it. 1108 00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:08,186 - Oh, soup. Hey. 1109 00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,772 Who'd you bring with you? 1110 00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,190 - These are two Christmas orphans I found. 1111 00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:15,652 This is Patrick. He is the best. 1112 00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:18,821 I totally vouch for him. And that's Jill. 1113 00:44:18,865 --> 00:44:20,239 - Great. The more, the merrier. 1114 00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:23,368 Well, I'll just get a few more chairs in here. 1115 00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,120 No problem at all. Guys, these are Pyke's friends. 1116 00:44:26,164 --> 00:44:27,997 - Yeah, let's go with friends. 1117 00:44:28,041 --> 00:44:29,457 - Guys. - And, of course, 1118 00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:31,501 Wendell, Gwendolyn. - Hi. 1119 00:44:31,544 --> 00:44:32,251 - You know Pyke. - Patrick, I promised 1120 00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:34,754 you eggnog. Hey, Connie. 1121 00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:36,255 - Hi, honey. - Oh, God, I hate this song. 1122 00:44:36,299 --> 00:44:38,508 - No! [dance music playing] 1123 00:44:38,551 --> 00:44:40,301 - Wow, Barker. You really went all out. 1124 00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:42,387 You cooked up a feast. - Oh, come on. 1125 00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:43,888 It was no big deal. [chuckles] 1126 00:44:43,932 --> 00:44:46,182 - I didn't realize you were like the male Martha Stewart. 1127 00:44:46,226 --> 00:44:48,184 - I prefer male Julia Child, 1128 00:44:48,228 --> 00:44:49,227 but there's a lot you don't know about me 1129 00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:50,603 besides my first name. 1130 00:44:50,647 --> 00:44:52,230 - Barker is better and you know it. 1131 00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:54,607 - Hey, so no big deal, 1132 00:44:54,651 --> 00:44:56,317 but...I got you a little something, 1133 00:44:56,361 --> 00:44:57,944 because I had a feeling you'd show up. 1134 00:44:57,987 --> 00:45:00,321 Merry Christmas. 1135 00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:03,241 - ♪ Ain't got no funny feeling ♪ 1136 00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:07,286 ♪ To be without you 1137 00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:09,163 - It's pretty special, right? 1138 00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:10,990 - I could use it now. 1139 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:16,087 ♪ 1140 00:45:16,131 --> 00:45:17,755 - Oh. You know, there's rum in that already. 1141 00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:19,340 - Not enough. 1142 00:45:19,384 --> 00:45:21,008 Merry Christmas, Barker. 1143 00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:23,970 - Okay. 1144 00:45:24,013 --> 00:45:25,054 - Yeah... - You are going to love it. 1145 00:45:25,098 --> 00:45:27,515 - Thank you. 1146 00:45:27,559 --> 00:45:28,433 - ♪ Ain't got no funny feeling ♪ 1147 00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:30,601 ♪ Ain't got no funny feeling 1148 00:45:30,645 --> 00:45:32,353 - I'll be right be back, okay? Cheers. 1149 00:45:32,397 --> 00:45:35,064 ♪ 1150 00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:38,234 Please tell me it's not gonna be that kind of night. 1151 00:45:38,278 --> 00:45:39,485 - Look, I am spinning a lot of plates right now, 1152 00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:40,445 and I spin better when I'm drunk. 1153 00:45:40,488 --> 00:45:43,156 - Yeah, but who saved who, really? 1154 00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:45,408 [both laugh] - Who are your new friends? 1155 00:45:45,452 --> 00:45:47,452 - Honestly, just some randos. 1156 00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:51,372 Jill--she does not seem good enough for Patrick, right? 1157 00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,457 - But it's nice. - Nothing that we've planned 1158 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:53,875 has happened today. [both laugh] 1159 00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:55,376 - Just spontaneity, you know? Spice of life, right? 1160 00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,628 - Oh, my God. 1161 00:45:57,672 --> 00:46:00,298 You like that guy. 1162 00:46:00,341 --> 00:46:02,425 And you brought him and his girlfriend 1163 00:46:02,469 --> 00:46:03,843 to Barker's party? - What? No. 1164 00:46:03,887 --> 00:46:06,804 Look, I just think there's something off about Jill. 1165 00:46:06,848 --> 00:46:08,514 I mean, look at her. - Nutmeg, I guess. 1166 00:46:08,558 --> 00:46:09,932 [both laugh] - Do you see what 1167 00:46:09,976 --> 00:46:11,267 I'm talking about? - You're not even playing 1168 00:46:11,311 --> 00:46:14,395 with fire right now, Pyke. You're already engulfed 1169 00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,522 in flames. Are you even listening to me? 1170 00:46:18,443 --> 00:46:22,028 ♪ 1171 00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,572 [all laughing] 1172 00:46:24,616 --> 00:46:26,324 - Cheers. - Merry Christmas. 1173 00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:30,077 - All right, everybody. I just want to say how grateful 1174 00:46:30,121 --> 00:46:32,622 I am to all of you--old friends and new friends alike-- 1175 00:46:32,665 --> 00:46:36,584 for spending your Christmas Eves at my place. 1176 00:46:36,628 --> 00:46:38,544 - Mm! - My family has a tradition 1177 00:46:38,588 --> 00:46:40,588 at Christmas. We go around the table, 1178 00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:42,673 and everybody says what they were grateful for 1179 00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:44,634 in the past year, 1180 00:46:44,677 --> 00:46:46,928 and what they are hopeful for in the new year. 1181 00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:48,346 - Then what do you do on Thanksgiving? 1182 00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:51,724 Exchange gifts under a tree? Boom! Barker family burn. 1183 00:46:51,768 --> 00:46:54,268 [snickering] 1184 00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:56,145 - Well, Pyke, since mine's about you, 1185 00:46:56,189 --> 00:46:59,690 I guess I'll go first. 1186 00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:04,654 You are challenging, secretive, and elusive, 1187 00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:08,032 but getting a chance to know you, 1188 00:47:08,076 --> 00:47:11,994 despite your best efforts, has...been the thing 1189 00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:14,497 that I am most grateful for this past year. 1190 00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:18,709 And what I'm most looking forward to in the new year 1191 00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:24,632 is what it brings for you...and for us. 1192 00:47:24,676 --> 00:47:28,052 - Oh, that is so cute, Barker. [laughs] 1193 00:47:28,096 --> 00:47:30,304 Okay! Me next? 1194 00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:34,100 It's not really my thing. Can we just...skip my turn? 1195 00:47:34,143 --> 00:47:36,477 [chuckles] - I'll go next. 1196 00:47:36,521 --> 00:47:38,312 - Mm. - Thank you, again, Barker, 1197 00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:42,859 for inviting me to this dinner. My family lives far away, 1198 00:47:42,902 --> 00:47:44,777 but I also like to think of some of you 1199 00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:47,780 as family--even you, Pyke. Well, on a good day. 1200 00:47:47,824 --> 00:47:49,824 That's it. 1201 00:47:49,868 --> 00:47:52,368 - Um... 1202 00:47:52,412 --> 00:47:54,412 I think I need another minute. 1203 00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:55,496 [all chuckling] Could you go? 1204 00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:57,456 - Okay. 1205 00:47:57,500 --> 00:48:00,459 Well... 1206 00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:04,839 three years ago, I was-- I was in a really bad place. 1207 00:48:04,883 --> 00:48:09,844 Um...and then I met this man... - [chuckles] 1208 00:48:09,888 --> 00:48:11,888 - In a grief support group... 1209 00:48:11,931 --> 00:48:15,224 because my fianc... 1210 00:48:15,268 --> 00:48:17,894 died in a car accident. 1211 00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,605 Stewart. 1212 00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:21,939 - Oh, honey. - No. 1213 00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,357 You can't start liking her. 1214 00:48:23,401 --> 00:48:24,901 That's what she wants us to do. 1215 00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,361 - So first, we got really close, 1216 00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,615 because, you know, we were both going through so much, 1217 00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:34,619 but then we... we really...fell in love. 1218 00:48:34,662 --> 00:48:39,206 I mean, he is so sweet and kind, 1219 00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,627 and he's always so excited about everything. 1220 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:44,921 And, um... 1221 00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:47,924 he taught me that life is for living. 1222 00:48:47,967 --> 00:48:52,261 So thank you, Pat. 1223 00:48:52,305 --> 00:48:54,388 [smooth piano version of "O Christmas Tree"] 1224 00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:56,974 ♪ 1225 00:48:57,018 --> 00:48:59,852 - I'm Pat. [chuckles] 1226 00:48:59,896 --> 00:49:00,978 Also one of the total strangers 1227 00:49:01,022 --> 00:49:03,981 who just walked in on Christmas Eve dinner. 1228 00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:04,982 [all chuckle] 1229 00:49:05,026 --> 00:49:07,193 Uh, but this isn't the weirdest 1230 00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:08,986 situation I've found myself in, 1231 00:49:09,030 --> 00:49:10,947 though, on Christmas Eve. I, uh... 1232 00:49:10,990 --> 00:49:14,241 I was married before. 1233 00:49:14,285 --> 00:49:16,827 I knew her my whole life. 1234 00:49:16,871 --> 00:49:19,205 I proposed by, um... [laughs] 1235 00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:21,707 I put a ring in a dumpling. 1236 00:49:25,088 --> 00:49:27,546 She swallowed it, naturally, 1237 00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:30,549 [all laughing] 1238 00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:33,761 And then, um... she made me swallow my ring 1239 00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:36,097 so we could be even. 1240 00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:38,182 Then we spent that Christmas Eve 1241 00:49:38,226 --> 00:49:41,102 in the emergency room. [all laugh] 1242 00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:44,480 It was never my dream to come to New York. 1243 00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:48,192 It was Megan's. 1244 00:49:48,236 --> 00:49:52,488 And I'm thankful to you, Jill... 1245 00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:56,409 and to you, Pyke, who I just met today... 1246 00:49:56,452 --> 00:50:00,037 for letting me have, today... 1247 00:50:00,081 --> 00:50:02,581 one-one last day for Megan. 1248 00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:04,583 Thank you all. 1249 00:50:04,627 --> 00:50:06,085 [phone vibrates] 1250 00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:14,218 - That was a really sad story about your wife who died. 1251 00:50:14,262 --> 00:50:18,305 She sounds cool. 1252 00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:19,306 I was married once before too. 1253 00:50:22,979 --> 00:50:26,480 I was happy. I loved someone. 1254 00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:30,568 I also knew him my whole life. 1255 00:50:30,611 --> 00:50:34,530 He liked "Dr. Who," especially those old episodes 1256 00:50:34,574 --> 00:50:37,283 where the sets were still made out cardboard. 1257 00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:42,371 He also loved Bowie and Iggy and the Beatles, 1258 00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:44,165 but his favorite Beatle was George, 1259 00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:47,543 because he didn't make a big deal about it. 1260 00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:49,211 We couldn't afford expensive Christmas gifts, 1261 00:50:49,255 --> 00:50:55,509 so...we would buy the worst gifts we could find... 1262 00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:58,345 [chuckling sadly] Like used orthopedic shoes, 1263 00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:01,307 or...cans of iguana food. 1264 00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,852 Bad stuff. 1265 00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:07,271 But we loved it. 1266 00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:10,733 We were happy. 1267 00:51:10,777 --> 00:51:13,027 You know, and I always said that I was gonna leave, 1268 00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:17,198 but...I never meant that I was gonna leave him. 1269 00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:18,783 Whenever I thought about leaving, you know, 1270 00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:21,410 I thought it was something we were gonna do together. 1271 00:51:21,454 --> 00:51:24,163 So it does suck. 1272 00:51:24,207 --> 00:51:27,083 And it's not fair. 1273 00:51:27,126 --> 00:51:28,417 I didn't want to go. 1274 00:51:31,297 --> 00:51:33,547 I don't want to be here. 1275 00:51:37,470 --> 00:51:39,386 - I'm sorry, uh, I just-- I need a minute. 1276 00:51:43,643 --> 00:51:44,183 - Excuse me. 1277 00:51:47,814 --> 00:51:48,479 - Let's clear the table. 1278 00:51:56,948 --> 00:51:59,532 Okay, look, I have tried to be understanding, 1279 00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,450 but what the hell is going on here? 1280 00:52:01,494 --> 00:52:04,411 You were married? You invite these people 1281 00:52:04,455 --> 00:52:06,455 to my place? - I wish I could tell you, 1282 00:52:06,499 --> 00:52:08,833 but you just wouldn't understand. 1283 00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,127 - Try me. All right? I meant what I said. 1284 00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:13,504 I need you to share with me. Please. 1285 00:52:13,548 --> 00:52:15,506 - Look, okay, I do have something to share. 1286 00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:18,134 I am leaving forever in a day and a half. 1287 00:52:20,888 --> 00:52:22,471 - Well, that's great, Pyke. 1288 00:52:22,515 --> 00:52:23,764 I'm glad. 1289 00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:24,557 Merry Christmas. 1290 00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,520 - How's he doing? - Um... 1291 00:52:29,564 --> 00:52:31,856 he just needs some time alone. 1292 00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:33,524 He...he can get like this. 1293 00:52:33,568 --> 00:52:36,068 You know, Christmas makes him emotional. 1294 00:52:36,112 --> 00:52:37,570 - Yeah, he's not the only one. 1295 00:52:37,613 --> 00:52:40,322 [phone vibrating rapidly] 1296 00:52:42,577 --> 00:52:43,909 [sighs] 1297 00:52:43,953 --> 00:52:46,412 [phone vibrating] 1298 00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:58,841 Hi. - Hi. 1299 00:52:58,885 --> 00:53:03,429 - [sighs] 1300 00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:08,809 I'm gonna get into so much trouble telling you this. 1301 00:53:08,853 --> 00:53:11,562 And I shouldn't. 1302 00:53:11,606 --> 00:53:13,647 I shouldn't be here. I should have... 1303 00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,232 I should have let you leave. I should have never 1304 00:53:15,276 --> 00:53:16,317 talked to you. 1305 00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:21,655 Why do you think I know everything about you? 1306 00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:24,575 - [scoffs] Yeah... 1307 00:53:24,619 --> 00:53:29,705 are you an identity thief or a...a genius hacker? 1308 00:53:29,749 --> 00:53:32,208 A con artist? - [snickers] 1309 00:53:32,251 --> 00:53:33,709 And what am I conning you out of? 1310 00:53:33,753 --> 00:53:36,128 Your credit card debt? Your sweet job 1311 00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:37,713 at your dad's tire store? 1312 00:53:37,757 --> 00:53:40,674 - How do you know that? Okay, just tell me 1313 00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:44,011 who you are, please. 1314 00:53:44,055 --> 00:53:44,637 - It's me. 1315 00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,433 It's Megan. 1316 00:53:55,483 --> 00:53:56,315 - Why are you doing this to me? 1317 00:53:59,278 --> 00:54:01,779 Megan's dead! - Look, I died, 1318 00:54:01,822 --> 00:54:05,574 but I came back in this body and this city, 1319 00:54:05,618 --> 00:54:08,494 and I've been stuck here ever since. 1320 00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:09,787 I've been trying to get up there for nine years, 1321 00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:13,791 but...now I'm screwing that up. 1322 00:54:13,834 --> 00:54:16,669 But I had to tell you. 1323 00:54:16,712 --> 00:54:19,129 Do you believe me? - No. This is insane. 1324 00:54:19,173 --> 00:54:20,381 - Patrick, it's me. 1325 00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:27,137 - If you're telling the truth-- and I feel like an idiot 1326 00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,848 for even contemplating it, but... 1327 00:54:29,892 --> 00:54:33,852 you were here the whole time? 1328 00:54:33,896 --> 00:54:36,230 I needed you. 1329 00:54:36,274 --> 00:54:39,233 - I couldn't see you. 1330 00:54:39,277 --> 00:54:41,652 Look, it's unfair, but the Universe has these rules. 1331 00:54:41,696 --> 00:54:43,404 - Megan never cared about the rules. 1332 00:54:43,447 --> 00:54:45,906 - Well, I'm breaking all of them now. 1333 00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,660 Patrick, it's me. It's Megan. 1334 00:54:49,704 --> 00:54:51,537 You know it's me. 1335 00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:57,918 - I came on this trip... 1336 00:54:57,962 --> 00:55:01,922 so I could move on. 1337 00:55:01,966 --> 00:55:03,549 So I could be happy with Jill. 1338 00:55:07,805 --> 00:55:10,389 But it's been so hard, because I love you. 1339 00:55:17,064 --> 00:55:19,481 Her. 1340 00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:35,706 - Pat... 1341 00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:36,373 - [gasps] 1342 00:55:41,213 --> 00:55:41,754 - Jill! Jill, wait! 1343 00:55:49,889 --> 00:55:51,972 [quirky ambient music] 1344 00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:58,854 ♪ 1345 00:56:04,445 --> 00:56:08,405 - Excuse me--um, do you know how long I've been here? 1346 00:56:08,449 --> 00:56:10,866 - You're in luck, 'cause I spend my Christmas morning 1347 00:56:10,910 --> 00:56:13,619 watching drunk, messed-up girls sleeping on the subway 1348 00:56:13,662 --> 00:56:18,540 with a stopwatch, just in case they need to know. 1349 00:56:18,584 --> 00:56:20,459 - A simple no would have been enough. 1350 00:56:20,503 --> 00:56:22,795 [indie rock rendition of "Jingle Bells"] 1351 00:56:22,838 --> 00:56:28,467 ♪ 1352 00:56:28,511 --> 00:56:31,804 - ♪ Dashing through the snow 1353 00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:34,431 - Oh, crap. 1354 00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:37,393 - ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 1355 00:56:37,436 --> 00:56:39,019 - ♪ Over the fields we go 1356 00:56:39,063 --> 00:56:41,563 [cell phone ringing] - Oh, sorry--will you-- 1357 00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:44,191 - ♪ Laughing all the way - Could you just excuse me? 1358 00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:45,609 Let's just take five. [clears throat] 1359 00:56:45,653 --> 00:56:48,987 Well, well, well. Look who's alive. 1360 00:56:49,031 --> 00:56:51,073 Merry Christmas from Hollywood-- 1361 00:56:51,117 --> 00:56:53,033 well, actually I'm in Vancouver, 1362 00:56:53,077 --> 00:56:53,742 hosting a Christmas Day telethon. 1363 00:56:53,786 --> 00:56:55,077 I'm wearing a mustache! 1364 00:56:55,121 --> 00:56:56,578 - Do you know what happened last night? 1365 00:56:56,622 --> 00:56:58,580 - Before you ruined everyone 1366 00:56:58,624 --> 00:56:59,915 who cares about you's life or after? 1367 00:56:59,959 --> 00:57:02,376 - After. 1368 00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:04,086 - You passed out, you got in a cab, 1369 00:57:04,130 --> 00:57:04,878 but then you threw up in that cab, 1370 00:57:04,922 --> 00:57:06,296 so you called another cab, 1371 00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:08,757 but then you kicked the driver in the shin and told him 1372 00:57:08,801 --> 00:57:10,342 he was an instrument of the patriarchy. 1373 00:57:10,386 --> 00:57:11,135 - Do you know I lost 5,000 points? 1374 00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:14,096 - Yeah, well, you're lucky 1375 00:57:14,140 --> 00:57:16,390 the powers that be didn't take away 1376 00:57:16,434 --> 00:57:18,559 all of your points, thanks to me. 1377 00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:20,811 - Thank you, Jason. - You're welcome. 1378 00:57:20,855 --> 00:57:24,606 Seriously, they wanted to take away every last point of yours 1379 00:57:24,650 --> 00:57:26,191 that you have earned this whole time. 1380 00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,694 I begged them not to. 1381 00:57:28,737 --> 00:57:32,281 So now you only have to make up 5,000 points by tomorrow. 1382 00:57:32,324 --> 00:57:33,782 I'm a hero. - Wait, it took me years 1383 00:57:33,826 --> 00:57:36,076 to get to 5,000; how am I supposed to do that in one day? 1384 00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,829 - I don't know. 1385 00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:41,498 It's Christmas, Pike. There's people everywhere. 1386 00:57:41,542 --> 00:57:43,208 Pick one. - Well, that's what I've been 1387 00:57:43,252 --> 00:57:45,377 trying to do for years. Any other ideas? 1388 00:57:45,421 --> 00:57:48,672 - Well, you know, you did make quite the mess last night. 1389 00:57:48,716 --> 00:57:51,258 I would imagine there are some points to be earned in, 1390 00:57:51,302 --> 00:57:53,510 you know, cleaning it all up. 1391 00:57:53,554 --> 00:57:57,014 - Yeah, but they all hate me now. 1392 00:57:57,057 --> 00:57:59,224 [sighs] I don't blame them. 1393 00:57:59,268 --> 00:58:02,728 How can I ever repair all that damage I've done? 1394 00:58:02,771 --> 00:58:06,356 - I don't know, but I know that you can try. 1395 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:07,274 - Do you really think I could do it? 1396 00:58:07,318 --> 00:58:09,610 - I really don't. Got to go. 1397 00:58:14,283 --> 00:58:15,866 [jazzy festive music] 1398 00:58:15,910 --> 00:58:18,368 ♪ 1399 00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:21,663 - ♪ Have yourself a holiday 1400 00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:24,082 ♪ A happy day 1401 00:58:24,126 --> 00:58:27,336 - Hey, Connie. 1402 00:58:27,379 --> 00:58:30,005 Was I really that bad last night? 1403 00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,340 - I don't like to judge people. 1404 00:58:31,383 --> 00:58:33,550 - Are you kidding? You love to judge people. 1405 00:58:33,594 --> 00:58:35,135 We love to judge people. It's why we're friends. 1406 00:58:35,179 --> 00:58:39,139 We invented that game-- "daughter or girlfriend?" 1407 00:58:39,183 --> 00:58:41,016 Table seven, daughter. 1408 00:58:41,060 --> 00:58:42,476 - Girlfriend. - Daughter. 1409 00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:43,352 - Definitely girlfriend. - [laughs] 1410 00:58:43,395 --> 00:58:45,687 It's always the girlfriend. 1411 00:58:45,731 --> 00:58:48,148 The truth is, you were awful last night-- 1412 00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:50,442 the worst I've ever seen. 1413 00:58:50,486 --> 00:58:51,401 - I want to make it right. Look, is Barker here? 1414 00:58:51,445 --> 00:58:52,778 - No, he took today off. 1415 00:58:52,821 --> 00:58:56,907 You know, I really think that you should let him be. 1416 00:58:56,951 --> 00:58:59,451 You broke his heart last night. I warned him about you. 1417 00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,703 I said you were like a pet chimp. 1418 00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:03,247 You know, like cute at first, but eventually, 1419 00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:04,706 they're just gonna rip your face off, 1420 00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:06,833 like what happened to that woman in Florida. 1421 00:59:06,877 --> 00:59:09,294 - Thank you for that. 1422 00:59:09,338 --> 00:59:12,923 - You are a terrible waitress and a bad friend, 1423 00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:14,633 but I kept you on this whole time 1424 00:59:14,677 --> 00:59:17,010 because I thought you could change. 1425 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:19,471 - Connie, look, don't give up on me now. 1426 00:59:19,515 --> 00:59:23,308 Please? Look, I got you something, 1427 00:59:23,352 --> 00:59:25,143 but you have to come over the bar to get it. 1428 00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:27,187 Come on. You're gonna love it. 1429 00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:28,897 Get over here. [laughs] - No, I'm busy. 1430 00:59:28,941 --> 00:59:30,274 - Jake, turn up the Christmas carols! 1431 00:59:30,317 --> 00:59:33,527 [jazzy rendition of "12 Days of Christmas" playing] 1432 00:59:33,571 --> 00:59:36,780 ♪ 1433 00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:38,490 ♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪ 1434 00:59:38,534 --> 00:59:40,951 - Merry Christmas. It's a pear tree. 1435 00:59:40,995 --> 00:59:42,411 - ♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪ 1436 00:59:42,454 --> 00:59:45,664 - How did you track down a pear tree on Christmas Day? 1437 00:59:45,708 --> 00:59:48,875 - Through the miracle of Craigslist. 1438 00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:50,669 I thought you could use something to remind you 1439 00:59:50,713 --> 00:59:51,545 of your grandma. The tree should sprout 1440 00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:54,006 in about six to eight months, 1441 00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:56,717 so until then... they're organic. 1442 00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,552 - ♪ On the third day of Christmas ♪ 1443 00:59:58,596 --> 00:59:59,386 - There may be a half-eaten one in there. 1444 00:59:59,430 --> 01:00:02,055 - Wow. 1445 01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:03,223 Thank you, you little jerk-face. 1446 01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:05,225 - I'm sorry. - Oh, it's okay. 1447 01:00:05,269 --> 01:00:07,436 - ♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪ 1448 01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:09,354 - Look, I wish I could stay, but... 1449 01:00:09,398 --> 01:00:10,814 I have to make the next stop on my apology tour. 1450 01:00:10,858 --> 01:00:13,650 - Do you know where he is? - Barker only does one thing 1451 01:00:13,694 --> 01:00:15,193 on his mornings off. 1452 01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:18,030 [rock music] 1453 01:00:18,073 --> 01:00:23,619 ♪ 1454 01:00:23,662 --> 01:00:27,623 [panting] 1455 01:00:27,666 --> 01:00:30,917 - Fine. What? 1456 01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:33,086 - [panting] Well, I... was gonna do 1457 01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:34,463 this whole dramatic thing and jog with you 1458 01:00:34,506 --> 01:00:35,672 until you talked to me, but...I hate running 1459 01:00:35,716 --> 01:00:39,676 and you're fast. - What do you want, Pyke? 1460 01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:42,721 - I'm sorry. - Okay, cool. 1461 01:00:42,765 --> 01:00:45,515 - Wait, wait--please? Look, I want to make 1462 01:00:45,559 --> 01:00:47,684 things right. What do I need to do 1463 01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:49,770 to get you to forgive me? Anything, please. 1464 01:00:49,813 --> 01:00:51,605 - You think this is only about last night? 1465 01:00:51,649 --> 01:00:54,608 - I was always honest with you about what this was. 1466 01:00:54,652 --> 01:00:56,735 - Honesty from you just feels mean. 1467 01:00:56,779 --> 01:00:58,570 - Wait--Barker. I mean... [sighs] 1468 01:00:58,614 --> 01:01:02,532 you had a weird thing with a weird girl for a year. 1469 01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:03,742 Believe me, things could be worse. 1470 01:01:03,786 --> 01:01:06,578 - Not for me. - What are you talking about? 1471 01:01:09,667 --> 01:01:13,877 - A while back, I got accepted into a cooking school in Paris. 1472 01:01:13,921 --> 01:01:17,172 And then I met Allison Pyke. 1473 01:01:17,216 --> 01:01:18,715 - You can't put that all on me. - I only blame myself. 1474 01:01:18,759 --> 01:01:22,928 You were always very up front about how little you cared. 1475 01:01:22,971 --> 01:01:25,430 Let me ask you something, Pyke. 1476 01:01:25,474 --> 01:01:27,391 Have you ever done anything--anything at all-- 1477 01:01:27,434 --> 01:01:29,685 that was truly for someone else? 1478 01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:31,645 - Yes--that's actually the thing I do all the time. 1479 01:01:31,689 --> 01:01:33,146 - No, no, no, I mean just to be good, 1480 01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:35,399 not for any other reason. 1481 01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,650 Not because you expect something in return. 1482 01:01:36,694 --> 01:01:38,360 Just one selfless act. 1483 01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:46,868 - No. You're right. 1484 01:01:46,912 --> 01:01:48,954 You are absolutely right. 1485 01:01:48,997 --> 01:01:53,667 I'm...I'm...not a good person. 1486 01:01:53,711 --> 01:01:55,877 But maybe I can be. 1487 01:01:55,921 --> 01:01:57,671 - I don't think you can. 1488 01:01:57,715 --> 01:02:00,298 [melancholy piano music] 1489 01:02:00,342 --> 01:02:02,217 ♪ 1490 01:02:02,261 --> 01:02:03,885 [phone chimes] 1491 01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:06,847 [animated music] 1492 01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,099 ♪ 1493 01:02:09,143 --> 01:02:10,976 - [groans] 1494 01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:17,482 ♪ 1495 01:02:17,526 --> 01:02:19,943 - Leonard, this one's mine. - You are too out of shape 1496 01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:22,529 to be making a decision like that. 1497 01:02:22,573 --> 01:02:23,947 - Okay, no more running. Please, please. 1498 01:02:23,991 --> 01:02:26,491 [panting] Look, we still have a minute. 1499 01:02:26,535 --> 01:02:27,951 - Wait. Pyke, why are you even here? 1500 01:02:27,995 --> 01:02:29,786 It's not like you need the points. 1501 01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:31,580 [ethereal choral music] 1502 01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:35,917 Unless...you screwed it up? 1503 01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:38,420 - I screwed it up. 1504 01:02:38,464 --> 01:02:40,005 - Pyke. [sighs shortly] 1505 01:02:40,048 --> 01:02:43,550 Listen, I'm just 1,000 points away, 1506 01:02:43,594 --> 01:02:44,634 but I feel bad, 'cause I stole your last miracle. 1507 01:02:44,678 --> 01:02:46,803 ♪ 1508 01:02:46,847 --> 01:02:49,473 You can have this one. 1509 01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:53,518 - [stutters, sighs] No, look. I want you to have it. 1510 01:02:53,562 --> 01:02:55,896 It's like you said: just because angels have to 1511 01:02:55,939 --> 01:02:57,647 help the living doesn't mean we can't choose 1512 01:02:57,691 --> 01:03:00,025 to help each other. 1513 01:03:00,068 --> 01:03:02,569 - Are you quoting my angel union email? 1514 01:03:02,613 --> 01:03:06,490 - Yes, and for the record, you are a terrible writer. 1515 01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:10,744 But...I can't imagine a Heaven without you in it. 1516 01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:18,251 - You're sweet. - [laughs] 1517 01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:21,379 Wait, wait, are you actually being nice to me, 1518 01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:22,798 or are you just doing this because you think 1519 01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:24,132 it'll get you more points? - A little from column A, 1520 01:03:24,176 --> 01:03:26,343 a little from column B. - Mm-hmm. 1521 01:03:30,974 --> 01:03:33,266 Hey. 1522 01:03:33,310 --> 01:03:34,768 - Excuse me. I have somewhere to be. 1523 01:03:34,812 --> 01:03:37,646 [stirring instrumental version of "O Come All Ye Faithful"] 1524 01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:44,402 ♪ 1525 01:03:58,085 --> 01:04:01,837 - Ooh! 1526 01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,214 1,000 points. 1527 01:04:04,258 --> 01:04:07,133 - Stand clear of the closing doors. 1528 01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:08,218 - Hope I see you up there, Pyke. 1529 01:04:08,262 --> 01:04:10,345 - Maybe you will. 1530 01:04:10,389 --> 01:04:11,429 - Maybe I will. 1531 01:04:22,526 --> 01:04:25,402 [contemporary string rendition of "Carol of the Bells"] 1532 01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:31,741 ♪ 1533 01:04:31,785 --> 01:04:33,827 - ♪ Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells ♪ 1534 01:04:33,871 --> 01:04:35,704 ♪ All seem to say, "Throw cares away" ♪ 1535 01:04:35,747 --> 01:04:38,039 ♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer ♪ 1536 01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,583 ♪ To young and old, meek and the bold ♪ 1537 01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:40,292 - [sighs] - ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong 1538 01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:43,086 ♪ That is the song 1539 01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:44,337 ♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪ 1540 01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:47,173 ♪ One seems to hear words of good cheer ♪ 1541 01:04:47,217 --> 01:04:48,341 - ♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪ 1542 01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:52,345 - Oh. You. How did you find me? 1543 01:04:52,389 --> 01:04:55,473 - This is literally the only place I looked. 1544 01:04:55,517 --> 01:04:56,349 Look, can we talk? 1545 01:04:56,393 --> 01:04:58,268 - I'd rather be left alone. 1546 01:04:58,312 --> 01:05:02,397 - Look, I hear you, and I will totally leave you alone, 1547 01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:06,067 so I will walk... all the way over here 1548 01:05:06,111 --> 01:05:10,280 as I apologize to you. 1549 01:05:10,324 --> 01:05:13,491 Look, it wasn't Patrick's fault. It was my fault. 1550 01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:15,201 I kissed him. He didn't kiss me. 1551 01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:16,411 - I know it was your fault. 1552 01:05:16,455 --> 01:05:18,580 I never thought it was anybody else's fault. 1553 01:05:18,624 --> 01:05:22,959 You have been lying to me and Patrick this whole time. 1554 01:05:23,003 --> 01:05:26,338 Could you just be honest for a moment? 1555 01:05:26,381 --> 01:05:30,216 - I owe it to you to try. 1556 01:05:30,260 --> 01:05:32,427 We dated...a lifetime ago. 1557 01:05:32,471 --> 01:05:35,138 - ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 1558 01:05:35,182 --> 01:05:39,643 - So long ago that I look completely different now, 1559 01:05:39,686 --> 01:05:43,063 so he didn't recognize me. 1560 01:05:43,106 --> 01:05:44,481 Look, I didn't tell him who I was 1561 01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:48,026 because I didn't want to make things weird, 1562 01:05:48,070 --> 01:05:50,236 which clearly turned out great. 1563 01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,615 ["Silent Night" on bells] 1564 01:05:53,659 --> 01:05:56,534 - Do you...hate me for some reason? 1565 01:05:56,578 --> 01:05:59,871 - What? No. I like you. 1566 01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:01,998 I just--I didn't want to believe 1567 01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:04,584 that there was anyone else out there good enough for him, 1568 01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:07,253 and the fact that you are just made it worse. 1569 01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:12,509 Look, he loves you. 1570 01:06:12,552 --> 01:06:15,470 And he's always gonna love you, Jill. 1571 01:06:15,514 --> 01:06:19,391 - You clearly haven't been hanging around Patrick lately, 1572 01:06:19,434 --> 01:06:22,394 because the only person that he loves is Megan. 1573 01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:24,396 - No, he went after you last night. 1574 01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:28,191 Look, you're the one he wants, 1575 01:06:28,235 --> 01:06:31,403 and he can love more than one person. 1576 01:06:31,446 --> 01:06:35,323 I mean, you still love Stewart, right? 1577 01:06:35,367 --> 01:06:38,493 That's what brought you two together. 1578 01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,620 You both have big enough hearts for that. 1579 01:06:40,664 --> 01:06:43,248 ♪ 1580 01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:45,834 I'm really happy he found you. 1581 01:06:45,877 --> 01:06:52,590 ♪ 1582 01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:58,221 You were right. 1583 01:06:58,265 --> 01:07:00,098 This place is beautiful. 1584 01:07:00,142 --> 01:07:02,267 [music swelling] 1585 01:07:02,310 --> 01:07:05,478 - Do you think he'll ever be able to move on from her? 1586 01:07:05,522 --> 01:07:08,690 ♪ 1587 01:07:08,734 --> 01:07:09,566 - I think so. 1588 01:07:18,952 --> 01:07:25,665 ♪ 1589 01:07:27,919 --> 01:07:28,460 - [clears throat] 1590 01:07:32,007 --> 01:07:34,466 We need to talk about things. 1591 01:07:34,509 --> 01:07:35,717 - We do. 1592 01:07:42,601 --> 01:07:45,268 This is where they moved the giant piano from "Big." 1593 01:07:45,312 --> 01:07:50,732 - [chuckles] I know. It's why I came. 1594 01:07:50,776 --> 01:07:52,984 Where else would Patrick Dorsey from Hastings, Nebraska, 1595 01:07:53,028 --> 01:07:55,236 want to go? 1596 01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:58,448 - I figured you'd find me... 1597 01:07:58,492 --> 01:08:02,035 if you're really you. 1598 01:08:02,079 --> 01:08:04,412 - You believe me? 1599 01:08:04,456 --> 01:08:06,414 - I had a feeling at the beginning, 1600 01:08:06,458 --> 01:08:08,166 but--well, we're from Nebraska. 1601 01:08:08,210 --> 01:08:11,169 This stuff doesn't happen there, not even in Omaha. 1602 01:08:11,213 --> 01:08:13,296 - [chuckles] - I mean, Megan, you died, 1603 01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:16,800 and you came back in a whole new body. 1604 01:08:16,843 --> 01:08:20,095 - It's hard to keep living after you die. 1605 01:08:20,138 --> 01:08:23,890 I just...I just felt like I was stuck. 1606 01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:26,851 - So when you get to heaven, you can be happy. 1607 01:08:26,895 --> 01:08:28,478 - I already was happy. 1608 01:08:32,192 --> 01:08:33,274 - We were happy, huh? [chuckles] 1609 01:08:38,657 --> 01:08:41,407 - I want you to be happy again. Jill's great. 1610 01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:42,992 - What are you talking about? You can't stand her. 1611 01:08:43,036 --> 01:08:44,994 - No, of course I like her. 1612 01:08:45,038 --> 01:08:46,788 She ate the feet soup. [laughs] 1613 01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:57,382 - Jill does make me happy, 1614 01:08:57,425 --> 01:08:59,008 and for a long time, I didn't think 1615 01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:01,344 that was possible. 1616 01:09:01,388 --> 01:09:04,931 I'm gonna ask her to marry me. 1617 01:09:04,975 --> 01:09:08,560 - I'm glad. 1618 01:09:08,603 --> 01:09:09,435 [exhales] 1619 01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:14,774 Patrick... [sniffs] 1620 01:09:14,818 --> 01:09:16,901 this has to be the last time we see each other. 1621 01:09:16,945 --> 01:09:17,443 - I know. 1622 01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:24,117 I'll never totally get over you, Megan. 1623 01:09:24,161 --> 01:09:27,370 I carry you with me now, 1624 01:09:27,414 --> 01:09:30,790 and I think that's okay, as long as I just-- 1625 01:09:30,834 --> 01:09:34,502 I keep looking forward. 1626 01:09:34,546 --> 01:09:36,337 - I'm really happy to hear that. 1627 01:09:39,885 --> 01:09:41,509 - I got you something. 1628 01:09:41,553 --> 01:09:45,430 I mean, I buy you one every Christmas. 1629 01:09:45,473 --> 01:09:47,765 I just--I always see something. 1630 01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:51,978 - [crying] 1631 01:09:52,022 --> 01:09:53,563 - Open it. 1632 01:09:53,607 --> 01:09:54,689 [exhales] 1633 01:09:57,611 --> 01:09:59,861 - Here, give me that. - Okay. 1634 01:09:59,905 --> 01:10:02,614 - [crying softly] 1635 01:10:02,657 --> 01:10:05,033 This is, um... 1636 01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:07,285 this is truly awful. 1637 01:10:07,329 --> 01:10:09,579 - I know. It is, right? 1638 01:10:09,623 --> 01:10:11,915 - I'm sorry I didn't... [sniffs] 1639 01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,583 I didn't get you anything. 1640 01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:16,294 - You did. 1641 01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:41,527 - Pyke. 1642 01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:42,987 - How'd you get back from Vancouver already? 1643 01:10:43,031 --> 01:10:44,697 - Oh, uh, Drake. 1644 01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:45,698 He lets other angels use his private plane. 1645 01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:48,034 He's a real sweetheart like that. 1646 01:10:48,078 --> 01:10:49,702 Saw what you did. 1647 01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,788 You brought Jill and Patrick back together. 1648 01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:57,710 It was another love miracle, and it got you a ton of points. 1649 01:10:57,754 --> 01:11:03,007 You did it. You're going to Heaven. 1650 01:11:03,051 --> 01:11:05,760 [bittersweet chiming music] 1651 01:11:05,804 --> 01:11:07,887 How are you not jumping for joy right now? 1652 01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:09,764 You made it! 1653 01:11:09,808 --> 01:11:11,599 - Merry Christmas, Jason. 1654 01:11:15,063 --> 01:11:16,688 - Merry Christmas, Pyke. 1655 01:11:16,731 --> 01:11:23,444 ♪ 1656 01:11:26,491 --> 01:11:32,704 ♪ 1657 01:11:47,095 --> 01:11:49,846 - Pyke, what's happening? 1658 01:11:49,889 --> 01:11:52,515 Oh...are you miserable? 1659 01:11:52,559 --> 01:11:53,850 Or is this just your general sour face 1660 01:11:53,893 --> 01:11:57,186 that you always have? 1661 01:11:57,230 --> 01:11:58,938 - Do you think I was good enough? 1662 01:11:58,982 --> 01:12:01,482 I mean, do I deserve to go? 1663 01:12:01,526 --> 01:12:03,568 - I don't know. Who cares? I don't. 1664 01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:05,236 - Are you surprised that I got in? 1665 01:12:05,280 --> 01:12:07,780 - Yeah, a little bit. 1666 01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,907 But you didn't have to be the best ever on Earth. 1667 01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:13,369 Not everyone's a saint. Lord knows I wasn't. 1668 01:12:13,413 --> 01:12:14,787 You just have to leave people better off 1669 01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:15,413 than how you found them. 1670 01:12:19,419 --> 01:12:21,586 Uh, is that really the shirt you're wearing up to Heaven? 1671 01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:24,922 - [chuckles] Actually, it's a new gift 1672 01:12:24,966 --> 01:12:27,383 from an old friend. - Ah, okay. 1673 01:12:27,427 --> 01:12:29,802 You know, this bus actually comes with an attendant 1674 01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:32,972 who can bring you whatever you want, like a new wardrobe. 1675 01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:35,058 - Welcome. - Oh! 1676 01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:36,392 - Oh. - Thank you. 1677 01:12:36,436 --> 01:12:40,355 - Mm-hmm. 1678 01:12:40,398 --> 01:12:41,981 Mmm! 1679 01:12:42,025 --> 01:12:45,902 How I've missed Heaven. - [chuckles] 1680 01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:52,658 ♪ 1681 01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:58,039 [playful music] 1682 01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:01,542 This place is everything Leonard said it was-- 1683 01:13:01,586 --> 01:13:03,252 a paradise where you're able to get anything 1684 01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:05,588 you'll ever want, instantly. 1685 01:13:05,632 --> 01:13:06,672 For example, right now, I'd love a lemonade... 1686 01:13:09,969 --> 01:13:12,345 With a little booze... 1687 01:13:12,389 --> 01:13:14,097 and a splash of iced tea. 1688 01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:19,477 Perfection. You know, but now that 1689 01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:22,063 I'm here, I understand why Leonard took perfection 1690 01:13:22,107 --> 01:13:23,523 for granted: because he's an idiot. 1691 01:13:23,566 --> 01:13:26,150 Heaven is like the greatest club in the Universe. 1692 01:13:26,194 --> 01:13:29,237 It's never crowded. The people are amazing. 1693 01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:31,489 Thanks, Todd. Like right now, 1694 01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:33,241 I'm in the middle of kicking Mrs. Roosevelt's butt 1695 01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:33,866 in croquet. 1696 01:13:36,371 --> 01:13:38,162 - Oh! 1697 01:13:38,206 --> 01:13:41,249 - Sorry, it's how the game is played, Eleanor. 1698 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:43,543 Every waking moment here is fun. 1699 01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:45,920 Like instead of walking, we drive golf carts, 1700 01:13:45,964 --> 01:13:47,880 which apparently I'm great at, since I'm about 1701 01:13:47,924 --> 01:13:49,882 to win this race. [gasps] 1702 01:13:49,926 --> 01:13:52,343 - You did it! - Bingo! 1703 01:13:52,387 --> 01:13:55,513 - Sweet. If I was gonna make a list 1704 01:13:55,557 --> 01:13:56,889 of the best things about my first year in Heaven, 1705 01:13:56,933 --> 01:13:59,475 I would say they are... inter-dimensional Frisbee. 1706 01:13:59,519 --> 01:14:06,232 ♪ 1707 01:14:06,276 --> 01:14:08,317 [thrashing rock music] 1708 01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,236 A vibrant local punk scene! 1709 01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:12,822 Tanning for an eternity without burning. 1710 01:14:12,866 --> 01:14:14,907 Spritz. 1711 01:14:14,951 --> 01:14:17,702 ♪ 1712 01:14:17,745 --> 01:14:21,372 My morning breath now tastes amazing. 1713 01:14:21,416 --> 01:14:22,790 [smacks lips] Mmm, cucumber water. 1714 01:14:22,834 --> 01:14:24,709 ♪ 1715 01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:27,795 Best book club ever. 1716 01:14:27,839 --> 01:14:30,339 You know, I guess I'm not surprised that Bigfoot is real, 1717 01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,382 but I am surprised by the depth of alienation 1718 01:14:31,426 --> 01:14:32,967 that's present in his writing. 1719 01:14:33,011 --> 01:14:35,887 What do you think, Becky? 1720 01:14:35,930 --> 01:14:37,305 Maybe it's not fair to tell you 1721 01:14:37,348 --> 01:14:39,765 how good this hot tub feels, 1722 01:14:39,809 --> 01:14:41,642 because you have to deal with everyday Earth hot water, 1723 01:14:41,686 --> 01:14:44,061 which is basically like sitting in warm spit 1724 01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,855 compared to this thing. 1725 01:14:45,899 --> 01:14:48,441 Oh, man, it's like being hugged by a hot cloud. 1726 01:14:48,485 --> 01:14:51,444 - Breadsticks? - Oh, thank you. 1727 01:14:51,488 --> 01:14:54,363 - Breadsticks? - Nope, I'm good. 1728 01:14:54,407 --> 01:14:56,616 Pyke, enough with the breadsticks, okay? 1729 01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:58,367 You're getting crumbs all in the tub. 1730 01:14:58,411 --> 01:15:01,412 - Sorry, I can't help it. 1731 01:15:01,456 --> 01:15:02,205 It's just that I can't get over the fact 1732 01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,499 that the Olive Garden here 1733 01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:06,375 has literally unlimited breadsticks. 1734 01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:07,627 Like, I can have infinity breadsticks. 1735 01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:09,545 - [laughs] 1736 01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:11,923 Why? Why? Why do you still use the phone? 1737 01:15:11,966 --> 01:15:13,633 - Oh, it's just a habit. 1738 01:15:13,676 --> 01:15:15,593 I got pretty addicted to that angel app. 1739 01:15:15,637 --> 01:15:17,386 Ooh, a woman's about to get attacked 1740 01:15:17,430 --> 01:15:19,305 by a bird in Central Park. - Ooh, who cares? 1741 01:15:19,349 --> 01:15:21,599 Okay? Just sit back. Relax. 1742 01:15:21,643 --> 01:15:24,101 Life on Earth isn't our concern anymore. 1743 01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:25,686 - Someone just accepted the miracle. 1744 01:15:25,730 --> 01:15:26,437 - Put the phone away. 1745 01:15:26,481 --> 01:15:29,190 Please enjoy Heaven. 1746 01:15:29,234 --> 01:15:30,441 - But the Heaven Phone is so cool. 1747 01:15:30,485 --> 01:15:33,444 It's indestructible. 1748 01:15:33,488 --> 01:15:34,445 - Okay, yeah. I get it. 1749 01:15:34,489 --> 01:15:36,656 - [chuckles] - All right. 1750 01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:38,449 Yo, we should probably think about getting out of here soon. 1751 01:15:38,493 --> 01:15:40,201 - How long have we been in here? 1752 01:15:40,245 --> 01:15:42,495 - Two weeks. - Okay, look, 1753 01:15:42,539 --> 01:15:44,497 I say we soak for a couple more days, 1754 01:15:44,541 --> 01:15:45,540 and we should probably join Lincoln's game 1755 01:15:45,583 --> 01:15:46,499 of running charades. - I like that. 1756 01:15:46,543 --> 01:15:48,960 [both pop lips] 1757 01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:51,712 - Your boy's not even pruning. 1758 01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:53,714 - Aliens are real? 1759 01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:55,675 And they're tiny. 1760 01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:02,348 [phone chimes] 1761 01:16:02,392 --> 01:16:03,641 Hmm. 1762 01:16:12,026 --> 01:16:14,569 [gentle ringing music] 1763 01:16:14,612 --> 01:16:17,405 Maspeth? 1764 01:16:17,448 --> 01:16:20,283 Barker. 1765 01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:22,577 [quickening music] 1766 01:16:22,620 --> 01:16:24,954 Come on, come on. Someone take the miracle. 1767 01:16:24,998 --> 01:16:28,958 ♪ 1768 01:16:29,002 --> 01:16:31,168 Come on. 1769 01:16:34,048 --> 01:16:34,964 [phone ringing] 1770 01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,758 - Hi, hey! 1771 01:16:37,802 --> 01:16:38,926 How is it up there? You met John Lennon yet? 1772 01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:40,219 - Look, I need a favor. 1773 01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:42,513 - Ooh, what about the girl from "Poltergeist"? 1774 01:16:42,557 --> 01:16:44,223 If you do, have her say, "Carol Ann." 1775 01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:45,641 It's so creepy-cute. 1776 01:16:45,685 --> 01:16:48,227 It's like it's creepy but it's also really cute. 1777 01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,605 - Can you help me out with a miracle in New York? 1778 01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:52,231 Someone I care about-- he hates me, 1779 01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:55,526 but I still care about him-- - Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, 1780 01:16:55,570 --> 01:16:56,152 I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? 1781 01:16:56,195 --> 01:16:57,945 You have moved on. 1782 01:16:57,989 --> 01:17:00,239 You can no longer interfere with the lives of the living 1783 01:17:00,283 --> 01:17:02,867 once you are up there. 1784 01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:05,911 Besides, look around you. Isn't it awesome? 1785 01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,663 Why would you want to do that? 1786 01:17:07,707 --> 01:17:09,332 Remember, you drove through the gates, 1787 01:17:09,375 --> 01:17:11,250 and they closed behind you. 1788 01:17:11,294 --> 01:17:12,293 You're in there now. That's it. 1789 01:17:12,337 --> 01:17:14,337 You're done. Mazel. - No, I know. 1790 01:17:14,380 --> 01:17:15,796 I get that, but can you 1791 01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:18,341 maybe make an exception? 1792 01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:20,301 - [sighs] Well, you are asking so nicely. 1793 01:17:20,345 --> 01:17:23,763 No! Of course not. Are you kidding? 1794 01:17:23,806 --> 01:17:25,348 I am up to my neck in paperwork right now, 1795 01:17:25,391 --> 01:17:26,724 and it's pilot season. 1796 01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:30,353 Besides, afterworld traffic is so backed up right now. 1797 01:17:30,396 --> 01:17:32,021 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1798 01:17:32,065 --> 01:17:35,608 Pyke? Pyke? 1799 01:17:35,652 --> 01:17:37,985 [tranquil classical piano music] 1800 01:17:38,029 --> 01:17:40,029 ♪ 1801 01:17:40,073 --> 01:17:42,073 - Leonard! [whispering] Leonard. 1802 01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:44,367 ♪ 1803 01:17:44,410 --> 01:17:47,203 - What do you want? Okay, Michelangelo's 1804 01:17:47,246 --> 01:17:48,371 teaching this class. He does not like it 1805 01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,748 when we have visitors. - I need advice. 1806 01:17:50,792 --> 01:17:52,375 Someone I care about is in trouble down on Earth. 1807 01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:54,710 If I don't help him, he's gonna die. 1808 01:17:54,754 --> 01:17:55,670 - Pyke, I'm sure he lived a great life. 1809 01:17:55,713 --> 01:17:57,963 - No, he didn't. 1810 01:17:58,007 --> 01:17:59,382 He put off all of his dreams for a chance to be with me. 1811 01:17:59,425 --> 01:18:03,052 Now he's gonna die without ever realizing any of them. 1812 01:18:03,096 --> 01:18:04,387 - Let him die, okay? 1813 01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:06,347 What's about to happen now isn't your responsibility. 1814 01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:07,973 - It is. 1815 01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:10,559 He was right about me. 1816 01:18:10,603 --> 01:18:11,811 I don't know if I've ever done something good 1817 01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:13,979 that wasn't selfish. 1818 01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:16,440 But...maybe I still can. 1819 01:18:16,484 --> 01:18:18,359 - Look at me. Don't do anything stupid. 1820 01:18:18,403 --> 01:18:21,529 Gandhi's throwing one of his legendary house parties 1821 01:18:21,572 --> 01:18:22,822 tonight, and I'm gonna get funky. 1822 01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:24,490 - [sighing] Oh, God... 1823 01:18:24,534 --> 01:18:27,410 Gandhi. - Are we good here? 1824 01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,244 - Yeah-yeah-yeah, thank you. 1825 01:18:32,542 --> 01:18:34,834 Gandhi. 1826 01:18:34,877 --> 01:18:37,336 [percussive electronic music] 1827 01:18:37,380 --> 01:18:44,093 ♪ 1828 01:18:48,599 --> 01:18:52,560 - ♪ When I was younger, I was insane for fame ♪ 1829 01:18:52,603 --> 01:18:54,812 ♪ In the glitters of the lights ♪ 1830 01:18:54,856 --> 01:18:56,313 ♪ I could see my name 1831 01:18:56,357 --> 01:18:58,399 ♪ Since my mouth could move 1832 01:18:58,443 --> 01:18:59,859 ♪ I've had something to say 1833 01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:04,196 ♪ Now I'm a little older, but I remain the same ♪ 1834 01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:06,031 ♪ You can't cheat, you can't defeat ♪ 1835 01:19:06,075 --> 01:19:08,409 ♪ You can't beat me 1836 01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:10,161 ♪ What you do, I do it better ♪ 1837 01:19:10,204 --> 01:19:11,871 ♪ Don't compete with me 1838 01:19:11,914 --> 01:19:12,621 ♪ You can't cheat, you can't defeat ♪ 1839 01:19:12,665 --> 01:19:16,125 ♪ You can't beat me 1840 01:19:16,169 --> 01:19:18,294 ♪ The world is my stage 1841 01:19:18,337 --> 01:19:19,837 ♪ I've got it made 1842 01:19:19,881 --> 01:19:22,006 ♪ I want it 1843 01:19:22,049 --> 01:19:23,591 ♪ I own it 1844 01:19:23,634 --> 01:19:25,718 ♪ I want it 1845 01:19:25,762 --> 01:19:28,637 ♪ I've got it 1846 01:19:28,681 --> 01:19:31,557 ♪ I want it, I own it ♪ 1847 01:19:31,601 --> 01:19:33,601 ♪ I want it 1848 01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:38,522 ♪ 1849 01:19:38,566 --> 01:19:42,234 [door chimes] 1850 01:19:42,278 --> 01:19:44,320 - The Universe works in strange ways. 1851 01:19:44,363 --> 01:19:48,532 When you go to Heaven, it's on a Greyhound bus, 1852 01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:50,993 but when you return, it's on the Q train, 1853 01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:54,163 or the M train, or the R. 1854 01:19:54,207 --> 01:19:54,872 I still don't know why they have three trains 1855 01:19:54,916 --> 01:19:56,707 going in the same place. 1856 01:19:56,751 --> 01:19:58,417 [Electric Guest's "Back For Me"] 1857 01:19:58,461 --> 01:20:00,753 - ♪ Watched you drive away 1858 01:20:00,797 --> 01:20:03,088 ♪ You're back out on the road ♪ 1859 01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:06,091 - Maspeth, Queens. I'll give you a $50 tip. 1860 01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,635 Now drive like it's a life-or-death situation. 1861 01:20:07,678 --> 01:20:11,931 Go! - ♪ A second place for home 1862 01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:15,184 ♪ And I know we've got 1,000 ways to go ♪ 1863 01:20:15,228 --> 01:20:18,145 ♪ 1864 01:20:18,189 --> 01:20:20,022 - Thank you! - ♪ And there's not 1865 01:20:20,066 --> 01:20:23,400 ♪ Much more I know I can control ♪ 1866 01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:24,819 - [panting] Oh, God. 1867 01:20:24,862 --> 01:20:28,823 - ♪ Are you coming back 1868 01:20:28,866 --> 01:20:30,491 - Barker! - ♪ For me? 1869 01:20:30,535 --> 01:20:32,827 ♪ 1870 01:20:32,870 --> 01:20:36,413 ♪ Hope you're coming 1871 01:20:36,457 --> 01:20:38,541 - Barker! [wires hissing] 1872 01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:40,626 [quietly] James...James! [shrieking] James! 1873 01:20:40,670 --> 01:20:42,503 James! 1874 01:20:42,547 --> 01:20:44,839 ♪ 1875 01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:47,550 [pipe groans, crashes] 1876 01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:53,931 - [panting] - Are you okay? 1877 01:20:59,564 --> 01:21:02,022 I was so scared for you. You almost got crushed. 1878 01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:03,816 - I'm still a little shaken up. 1879 01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:06,485 - [chuckles] 1880 01:21:06,529 --> 01:21:08,696 Well, at least you're good now. 1881 01:21:08,739 --> 01:21:11,699 - Yeah...are you French? - [laughs] Yes. 1882 01:21:11,742 --> 01:21:14,285 I guess you can tell, right? - Yeah. [laughs] 1883 01:21:14,328 --> 01:21:16,954 Well, I think my run is officially over for the day. 1884 01:21:16,998 --> 01:21:19,331 - Yeah. [laughs] 1885 01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:20,583 - Would you maybe want to grab some coffee? 1886 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:22,918 - Oh, yes. I mean, sure. 1887 01:21:22,962 --> 01:21:24,461 Why not? - Yeah, I actually love France. 1888 01:21:24,505 --> 01:21:28,966 I've been dying to go. It's kind of a dream of mine. 1889 01:21:29,010 --> 01:21:32,469 - For once, the Universe gave me a miracle 1890 01:21:32,513 --> 01:21:34,471 I could get behind. I thought it was just about 1891 01:21:34,515 --> 01:21:37,016 saving Barker until I saw that jogger chick was French, 1892 01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:39,602 which--come on--seems pretty convenient to me. 1893 01:21:39,645 --> 01:21:46,191 Unless...the Universe does do everything for a reason. 1894 01:21:46,235 --> 01:21:48,193 Saving Barker was the real test, 1895 01:21:48,237 --> 01:21:51,655 not all those arbitrary points I collected. 1896 01:21:51,699 --> 01:21:54,366 I've finally proved that... 1897 01:21:54,410 --> 01:21:55,826 [mellow acoustic guitar music] 1898 01:21:55,870 --> 01:21:58,537 I belong up there. 1899 01:21:58,581 --> 01:22:03,459 When I was alive, I thought loving Patrick was enough. 1900 01:22:03,502 --> 01:22:06,420 I closed myself off to everyone else. 1901 01:22:06,464 --> 01:22:10,049 But now I realize the most important thing is... 1902 01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:11,508 - I'm gonna stop you right there, 1903 01:22:11,552 --> 01:22:13,135 because I've got a thousand more of these today, so... 1904 01:22:13,179 --> 01:22:15,721 - Wait, what? - Allison Pyke. 1905 01:22:15,765 --> 01:22:18,015 I find you guilty of theft of afterworld property 1906 01:22:18,059 --> 01:22:19,224 and banish you back to Earth. 1907 01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:21,101 Sentence is 100,000 points. 1908 01:22:21,145 --> 01:22:24,104 Next! [angels chattering] 1909 01:22:24,148 --> 01:22:26,482 - [whistles] 1910 01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:29,693 [chuckling] Well, that took a hard turn. 1911 01:22:29,737 --> 01:22:30,694 Are you okay? 1912 01:22:33,199 --> 01:22:34,740 - Yeah. 1913 01:22:34,784 --> 01:22:37,159 I am. 1914 01:22:37,203 --> 01:22:39,912 I mean, I've done it once. 1915 01:22:39,956 --> 01:22:40,412 I can do it again. 1916 01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:47,127 - [chuckles] 1917 01:22:47,171 --> 01:22:49,171 I am highly skeptical of that. 1918 01:22:49,215 --> 01:22:51,215 [anticipatory string music] 1919 01:22:51,258 --> 01:22:53,175 ♪ 1920 01:22:53,219 --> 01:22:55,803 [jet engines blazing, alarm blaring] 1921 01:22:55,846 --> 01:22:58,681 - Brace for impact. 1922 01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:00,307 - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God... 1923 01:23:00,351 --> 01:23:02,309 - We're all gonna die. 1924 01:23:02,353 --> 01:23:03,477 We're all gonna die. 1925 01:23:03,521 --> 01:23:05,229 [gripping music] 1926 01:23:05,272 --> 01:23:07,773 - Everyone, keep calm. 1927 01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:09,566 I've done this before. 1928 01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:16,740 [blippy electronic music] 1929 01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:17,992 - ♪ Katie, Katie, Katie 1930 01:23:18,035 --> 01:23:19,910 ♪ 1931 01:23:19,954 --> 01:23:21,578 ♪ Katie, Katie, Katie 1932 01:23:23,958 --> 01:23:27,001 ♪ 1933 01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:27,918 ♪ Katie, Katie, Katie 1934 01:23:27,962 --> 01:23:31,463 ♪ Katie, Katie, Katie ♪ 1935 01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:34,800 ♪ Katie, Katie 1936 01:23:34,844 --> 01:23:42,432 ♪ Katie