The same complaints, amma!
How do you expect dad to not eat your pudding?
Just keep the sweet stuff out of the fridge.
Do I need to come to Trivandrum to deal with this?
And please, for God's sake, don't put my picture on the Whatsapp group.
Aunty fried my brains for a good half hour today.
"You're looking so beautiful. Are you seeing someone?"
Jaya!
Hi!
Come... come.
Mum, I'll call you later. Bye!
I'm so excited!
Congratulations!
Thank you!
How lovely you're looking!
God! Can you imagine?
This is happening!
I am actually getting married.
I know... I know.
Who'd have thought I'd find a husband on Tinder?
So cute, isn't he?
Especially in this suit.
I know.
Ronnie... come here.
You remember, I told you about that college senior whose husband died...
I'm so sorry.
No, no... It's okay. It's alright.
He was in the Army.
I'm so sorw. - It's okay. It's been 10 years now.
It's alright.
♪ My near and clear ones are far away. I
♪ Make my own cuppa. I
♪ Do my own shopping. I
♪ Compliment myself. I
♪ Lonesome on my ownsome! ♪
♪ Chat with myself. I
♪ Keep myself busy, running pillar to post. I
♪ Take myself on long drives. I
♪ Lonesome on my ownsome! ♪
♪ Day and night, I
♪ mosquitoes, I snare. ♪
♪ No one to meet me! I
♪ My near and clear ones are far away. I
Are you eating well?
Just because there's no one to chase after you...
Bro, chill.
And what's this act about being sick?
Just admit it sis, that you're missing me. And that's why you're in my room.
Oh, please!
Get lost, kid!
I've finally got my freedom. - Yeah, right!
I have the whole house to myself.
♪ I'd like to drive someone crazy, too. I
♪ I'd like to be the reason for desire, too. I
♪ Stay up talking through the night. I
I' In this big of' world, I'
♪ I've no one to call my own, dammit. I
♪ Lights out on romance! I
♪ It's me... It's me... lonesome on my ownsome! I
♪ Cloaked in the blues. I
♪ Lonesome on my ownsome! ♪
♪ The broken pieces of my heart! I
'Just About Single'
Good morning!
Mukesh, the report... in an hour.
Listina.
Scan every page in this file.
Yes, ma'am.
Er... ma'am... - Right now!
Your brother was around all this while.
Eventually your friends' kids will leave the nest too.
And Komal's cat...
What's her name?
Zinky?
Zinky.
She'll pop it in a few years, too.
I'm just calculating. How many more excuses?
You need action, woman.
If you turn virgin again?
What?
I'm telling you...
the gates can grow back, girl!
What gatesm?
That guy, Saurabh. Remember?
He's still single.
Meet him, will you?
He wants to remain single.
There's a new girl on his profile picture every week.
Oh, you've already stalked him?
Who's asking you to fall in love with him?
Just get some 'extracurriculafl action.
Now the house is empty, too.
But, the diary is chock-a-block.
Yes, of course.
What a blemish on your record!
Two years without a single day off.
Go ahead, spend your whole life insuring others' lives.
Forget about some fun in your own!
Okay... let's do this.
Name... Jaya Shashidharan.
Jaya Kumaari?
Jayashree TK... yes!
Age...
Come on.
Work...
Health sector.
Web development.
Cooking.
No.
Sculpture.
Literature.
Sky-diving.
Oh!
Bloody!
- Exciting eyes, can I see some more?
- This is Abkar.
- A Masters? Will you teach me a thing or two?
Ass!
- Babes, wanna get a good workout?
- Do you wear Indian or western clothes?
- Are you from the upper castes, madam?
- Hobbies... sculpture?
- Do erotic poses interest you?
Good evening, Ms. Jayashree.
Your profile is very different from the others.
If possible, I'd like to meet you.
If you find my profile acceptable, let me know.
We can give a coffee shop some business.
Yogi.
Chemical Engineer. Never married.
Hobbies... poetry... poetry... poetry.
Hello, Mr.Yogi.
Where would you like to meet?
Meena!
Hi! ~ Hi!
I have to attend an event.
Didn't you recommend a hair treatment?
- Hey, Jaya!
Hi! ~ Hi!
Weren't you here last week, too?
Yes.
What's cooking?
You seem to be visiting the salon a lot.
Some important office meeting?
No. I'm just learning a thing or two from you, Mrs. Saluja.
Aw... so sweet!
Meena... - Yes, ma'am.
My eyebrows and upper lip as well.
But, didn't you do your upper lip just last week?
Fast growth?
Yes.
In Mumbai?
About 12 years.
My brother's studying at Princeton.
Of course... I love partying.
Who doesn't?
I have a lot of friends.
Yeah... yeah... of course.
Just the most amazing friends.
Komal, I'm so sorry.
I won't be able to baby-sit today.
Don't worry. I'll take them shopping tomorrow.
Ms. Jayashree.
This is so mean of you.
The others get turned off looking at me.
You were leaving without even seeing me.
You are?
I'm Yogi from abtaksingllesom.
Didn't you recognize me?
I recognized you from your eyes. Come... come.
These limbs have worked out a lot today.
Please.
Let's go in.
Come.
Here?
This table, please?
You made me run an extra 50 meters today.
Do you go for a run everyday?
Yes, ma'am.
I take one round of Carter road everyday.
Training for the marathon.
Marathon? - Yes.
But, Carter road is barely two kilometers.
Who wants to run the whole marathon, Ms. Jayashree?
I've not been punished.
I'll run a little.
After that, back home.
Then watch the results on TV.
Find out who that person is who ran so much!
Please come, mate.
What will you have to eat?
I'll have a latte. - Latte?
Get us two lattes.
That's two mugs of lattes, but don't mug us.
You are a chemical engineer?
Yes, people would say that.
What do you mean?
I've studied cylinders and pipes,
but, I don't work with them.
So, what do you do?
I don't do anything.
Something I've just written...
To their chosen profession, people are tortured slaves.
If I may recite, with your permission. - Excuse me?
To their chosen profession, people are tortured slaves.
But lovers like me, to verse are willing slaves.
Kudos to me!
Oh. I thought poetry was just a hobby.
My first girlfriend would call me Sir Poet, Ms. Jayashree.
I go by the pseudonym of Viyogi.
I have published six books.
Really? - Yes.
Self published.
Oh. - Not one sold.
I gave them for free to friends.
Idiots didn't read a leaf.
It's the age of the internet. Who reads these days?
Poets like me are thirsting for praise.
This same couplet on Facebook,
would've got you thousands of likes.
Each like amounts to a lot of praise.
I'm not much for Facebook,
but you get one big like!
Tell me, Ms. Jayashree TK.
How's a lady like you still single?
Were you busy with work or was it heartbreak?
No, I was...
I was married.
I'm a widow.
Thank you, mate.
Thank you.
Online dating for the first time?
Yeah.
There aren't many worth meeting.
There was an assault of cheap messages last night.
Really? - Yes.
Let's have a look!
No... that's fine.
Come on. Open your account on the phone.
I'll set these men straight.
No, Mr. Yogi. It's fine.
Why is it fine?
I'd like to see how low men can get.
I'd like to know.
Come on.
Your voice is hesitant,
but your fingers are expressive.
Will you please look there.
Why? What's there?
Oh!
"Exciting eyes, can I see a picture of your lips, too."
What's this other guy saying?
I'll show you.
"Let's go to a disco and grind our hips."
I'd like a look.
Mr. Yogi... - I'll sort him out.
Can I have my phone back. Please...
What are you doing?
Your eyes are very exciting, too.
Just a sec!
Would you please write? I'm slow.
Your eyes are exciting, too.
Vashi station... 9.30 am... tomorrow... phone booth.
I'll be waiting. Muah!
Just type that... okay?
Are you serious?
And we'll send the hip grinder even further!
I don't want to go, Mr. Yogi. I'm not interested in meeting them.
You don't have to meet them. They'll come to meet you.
They'll say hello to someone with pretty eyes.
They may get slapped. What fun!
Come on. Get those fingers to work.
I really don't think that is necessary.
Has the doctor forbidden you from having fun?
What do you have to lose?
They'll come and wait.
This means I'm going to have to delete my profile.
So, where would you like to go for dinner?
Huh?
Er... no...
I know a very...
Don't stop those fingers.
Call the hip grinder to Khandala at 11.
Told him? - Yeah.
What are your feelings towards char grilled lamb?
Very negative feelings. I'm a vegetarian.
So sorry to hear that.
Shall we have a sandwich here?
Sandwich for dinner?
How about some poison instead?
There's a great restaurant, it's Friday night.
There's great food, great music.
How did you get here? By cab or rickshaw?
No, I have my car.
Great! Follow me, then.
Mr. Yogi...
Mate! Money for the lattes.
It's gonna be a fun night.
Ready? - Ready. Yes.
Come. - I'm coming.
I'm in a fix. Shit!
There should be a helpline on this dating website.
You think there is?
I'll just check.
Go... go.
What?
Speed... Ms. Jayashree, hurry.
I'm just coming... I'm coming.
Ready... one, two, three... come... come.
Follow closely... come.
I am... coming.
Some paan?
No, thanks.
So, same old hangout tomorrow? Or someplace new?
Would you message me this on 'abtaksinglle'?
We'll chat and figure.
Let me do that right away. You reply.
Huh?
Battery's gone.
Give me yours.
Excuse me? - Give me your phone.
Why?
I'll call my driver. How else will I get home?
Oh... sure.
Here.
Is there a problem with the touchscreen?
No... it's okay.
Dillu, mate...
It's your boss.
Waiting with your food at the gate. Come, come!
Here you go. Thank you!
Hello?
Ms. Jayashree, do you eat mangoes?
What?
Mango... mangoes.
How did you get my number?
From Dillu.
This is his phone.
What variety of mangoes do you prefer?
What?!
Some varieties, you squeeze and slurp.
And some others, eaten in pieces.
But, mangoes when squeezed and slurped, it's divine!
Please! I don't slurp my food.
Mangoes were made to slurp, Ms. Jayashree TK.
You've missed out on one of the best things in life!
This man is nuts!
Enjoying thejog, Dillu?
Won't stop driving now, will you?
No.
Will you become a rickshaw driver?
Not at all.
Won't leave me, will you?
Never... never.
This way.
Turn right here, mate.
Now you can return. - What's this?
The good life!
These are from our orchards.
For you... slurping practice.
Oh God.
I've ordered two mugs of latte.
Ha! Time to get mugged, then.
And have those two apes replied?
I haven't checked.
Why?
Just asking.
He said, "Sorry".
And deactivated his account.
Did you do something?!
Your mug of latte.
Are you one of those stalker types?
No, I'm not.
I can't stand people being disrespectful to women, Ms. Jayashree.
He'll forever have nightmares about dating sites.
My second girlfriend...
she'd say, "Viyogi, there are barely a few honourable men left."
"Soon, they'll be banned, too." She was right!
Okay. I'm sorry.
You are right... it's this face... I look like a stalker.
Who's Manav?
How do you know?
You saw my password?
Was he your husband?
This is the problem with you Indian ladies.
What is?
Get married. Spend your whole life with him or his memory!
Earlier, you'd attach them to your name. Now, they're stuck as your passwords.
You're one to talk!
You keep talking about your ex-girlfriends.
Who knows how many you've had!
Just three.
Been in love three times.
And all three... mad, crazy love.
Historic! Epic tragedy!
None of them have been able to forget me.
They still pine for me.
Are you in touch with them?
No... not in touch...
Then, how do you know they pine for you?
I'm sure of it.
Pining for years may exist in poetry, not in real life, Mr. Yogi.
People move on.
What would you know about the madness of love?
The fortunate ones commit suicide.
Unfortunate ones like me, commit poetry.
The 'arranged marriage' types... they might move on.
If you're so confident, contact them. Message them.
You'll know how many tears they've shed.
It was an era of love letters, Ms. Jayashree.
A Whatsapp message? Nah!
Then go, meet them.
No.
Left all three in pools of tears.
They'll see me now and fall apart again.
Who are you really worried about? Them or yourself?
Let's say, I go.
Would you... like to come along?
Sorry?
If I go alone, how will their families react?
So?
So, you come along!
Are you serious?
Don't worry about the expenses.
I have a lot of money.
I'll take care of it.
You may be loaded,
but I'll take care of my own expenses. Thank you very much!
What a wonderful feminist thing to say!
I like it!
We'll split everything, then.
I'll take care of the tickets, food and cabs.
Hotels, you book.
Of course, we'll have to book two rooms.
You in yours, me in mine.
Okay'?
How will you introduce me to your exes?
We'll think of something.
That you are my Manager.
Manager? - 'f es.
A manager for your marathon practice?
You tell me then, what would you like to be.
I don't want to play any part here.
Oh shit!
Hello.
Yes, Vimmi.
Take your kids shopping? - Where are you off to?
Yes, be there in 15 minutes tops.
A change of scenery will do you good, Ms. Jayashree TK.
City life eats you alive.
How long will we have lattes and dinners?
What do you mean?
It'll be a holiday, too.
I got it.
Been to Jaipur?
Hrishikesh? - Where?
Hrishikesh... think about it.
Bye, Mr. Yogi.
Gangtok?
- Am I looking fat in this?
- No.
Perfect? - Yes.
I'll just try the other one.
- Kesha wore the exact same one! - Like you know!
Too loose? - No... no.
Hold it here.
Looks good.
It's mom. Shall I put it on speaker?
Yes.
- How's the shopping? - Hello, mummy.
These clothes are pricey.
- So what?
Buy whatever you feel like.
Borrow money from Errand Aunty.
I'll give it to her. No problem. She's my friend.
Errand Aunty is there, isn't she?
She's right here.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
- Mummy really knows how to embarrass us.
Ms. Jayashree, Dillu says hello.
'Hello' back to Dillu.
Wonder if I should tell you or not...
You get offended easily.
What is it?
Tell me.
- Aunty, how does this look?
Nice.
- Has anyone ever told you?
- Your nose shoots up in the air when you're angry?
- Just like in cartoons.
You think of me a cartoon character?
Thank you, aunty.
- I love cartoons.
- They remind me of myself.
I think...
I could pose as a cousin.
- Excuse me?
As your cousin.
On the trip.
Hello.
Do cousins pair up to go on holiday together?
Why not? Tell me if you want to go!
Do you want to go? - Hello.
Ice cream?
- Yes.
I'm going out of town for a few days.
Oh!
I'll be accessible on phone and email.
Okay, madam. - And Listina...
Yes, madam.
Don't waste your time on those useless dating websites.
Try and get work done.
Okay? - Okay, madam.
Your uncle in Gwalior?
He called yesterday.
He's getting married again.
W ow.
This uncle's quite a stud.
None of those genes in you?
The office is sending me on a trip, amma.
- A trip? - Yes.
- Why? - Er...
Because... I'm the best employee.
It's my reward.
A meditation retreat?
Yes.
In which you can't talk at all?
Yes, for 10 days.
Good thing.
I'll be spared your blabbering!
Switching on the saint mode, huh?
But why, sis? You're already a saint!
Shall I back out?
So many days with him.
Chatter, chatter, chatter.
Drives me nuts!
Shall I cancel?
Yes!
Ms. Jayashree!
Hello!
You're here.
Why are you yelling so loudly?
How does one yell softly?
You'll teach me?
Did you have to book Business for a two-hour flight?
We'll sit comfortably,
eat good food.
What's the use of being rich!
Yes? - Yes, sir.
If you love to throw away money,
you could have bought insurance policies from me.
- But, let's take a selfie first.
Were you always a miser?
- We look so hot.
Ms. Jayashree, you're here?
I was just looking at some books.
Let me gift you my book.
Mate! - Yes, sir.
You have 'The Wails of Viyogi'?
What's the name of the writer, sir?
Viyogi.
Let me just check, sir.
Not W. It's a V for Viyogi.
Sorry, sir.
The book's not in stock.
Just not right!
Madam really wanted the book.
I'm his cousin.
Madam...
us women... our problems never end.
Thank you.
Don't you understand?
I told you that you can't take it.
Don't you get it? - Sir, who can I kill with this?
But, you can't take it inside.
- It's not allowed. - Not allowed?
It won't scare a mouse!
Don't you get it?
Sir, please... - What's the problem?
I brought my keychain along by mistake, Ms. Jayashree.
So, what's wrong with taking a keychain?
No problem with this?
It's a gift from my second girlfriend.
So?
It's got sentimental value. I can't throw it.
It's a knife, Yogi. This is not allowed.
Look at it!
I'll put it in my check-in bag and be right back.
Okay'?
Putting it in my check-in bag. - Okay, sir.
Excuse me...
we're waiting for a passenger...
Ma'am.
Hello.
Where are you?
Well, Ms. Jayashree.
The bag took forever to come.
You carry on. I'll meet you at Dehradun airport.
What?
Madam, please put that on Airplane Mode.
Yes.
I need to get off the plane.
The plane is about to take off.
Please sit down.
Yes.
So stupid... so stupid!
Shit.
Has he planted something in my bag?
I hope not.
God, please!
I'm sorry, ma'am.
All flights to Mumbai are full today.
I' m really sorry.
There must be some option.
Via Delhi?
Via Kanpur?
Via anywhere?
No?
Via Nepal?
I'm sorry, ma'am.
All flights are full.
Here... I'm coming.
Till then, help yourself to some local snacks.
Go ahead, Listina. Ask!
- Ask what, ma'am?
You've called me.
You call me everyday.
There must be some problem today, too.
No problems today.
It's all clear.
Everything's clear.
You know everything? Rubbish!
Hi, Ashish!
What's your problem, bro?
You're asleep?
So early?
Can you stop being so weird, please?
I'm in Dehradun.
I was here last with Manav.
- Are you okay? - Hello, Ms. Jayashree!
You okay'?
My meditation guys are calling me.
Listen...
if you like someone there, cheat and speak to him.
Don't talk rubbish. Go to sleep. Bye!
- Don't be boring.
So, what did you eat in Business class?
Fruit salad.
No way.
That's throwing away money!
Once, I got such amazing biwani in Business class...
Mate, take this burden off us.
And the yoghurt dip with the biwani...
The biwani and the dip... they were like...
like two lovers in love!
Ms. Jayashree...
Yo!
I mean, YOLO.
And... check this out.
Nice. - Yes!
Making a good yoghurt dip,
is no less than rocket science.
Trust me!
I haven't told you yet, howl met Radha.
You hear me, Ms. Jayashree?
Radha was in the 10th grade. I was in the 12th grade.
We flew kites everyday,
just so we could look at each other.
And, the rest is history plus chemistry.
Ms. Jayashree.
Some water, please?
My throat is parched telling you my stories.
Please don't mind, I don't share my bottle with anyone.
I'm sorry.
Makes sense.
What if you have something contagious and I get it?
Mate, please give me your bottle.
Where's the water from?
The Ganges.
The Ganges? Perfect!
A spiritual retreat, Ms. Jayashree!
So?
Oh God!
What happened?
You could've booked us in a three star hotel.
It didn't have to be five star. We've enough money.
FYI, this place has a akumenang.com
Saints and seekers, what a pure place!
Good evening, O holy one. Only you can rescue me.
The pots of money that you have,
where does it come from?
Money comes on its own, Ms. Jayashree.
Money follows me.
I don't have to work for money. - Really?
You get money without working?
I give ideas to food companies.
The product works, I enjoy the royalty.
Really?
Tell me of one.
One just became a huge hit... raw mangifera flavoured cookies.
What flavour?
Raw mangifera.
Raw mangi...?
Raw mangifera... mangifera.
Mangfiera'?
Raw mangifera.
What's that?
Raw mango.
You and your mangoes.
You've not tried Chatori cookies?
No. I haven't.
Once we get our deliverance from here, I'll get you to taste it.
Provided we attain it.
Such a divine place.
Organic and natural food.
Tour the sights.
Enjoy the view of the Ganges.
Wake up at six and practice yoga.
Roosters are up for yoga at six!
Why should we wake up so early?
We're not here to join the milkman.
Come here, mate.
Here you go.
Can you swing some wine?
Mate?
No?
The Lord will be very upset with you.
Hey! How come you're here?
The same way that you are.
All okay? - Yes.
The family, the kids?
Hey, listen!
Listen...
Ms. Jayashree TK.
Practicing your yogic breathing?
Aren't you hungry?
Come for a dip in the Ganges.
Come, won't you?
One day I was reciting my poems to myself.
My father heard me.
He lost his cool.
He packed me off to the city.
"I don't want to see you here!"
It was tragic!
I promised Radha I'd be back and left.
These are good for the circulation.
How are your haemoglobin levels?
Try walking in them?
My haemoglobin levels are fine.
Thank you.
By the time I finished high school and got back,
Radha's atrocious father had got her engaged.
And he sweet-talked me into helping with the wedding.
I cried my eyes out!
Please eat.
And when it was time to leave, the way she cried...
She bawled her heart out!
Every girl cries when it's time to leave her father's home.
Those tears are different.
These were for me.
I'm very worried.
What if she breaks down again tomorrow?
Isn't she married?
How does that matter?
Let's say, things work out for us,
would you wipe out the memory of your husband?
They've started the prayers by the Ganges.
Shall we go?
Hello?
Hello, Ms. Jayashree.
Yes?
Are you scared of ghosts?
Huh?
Why?
Bodies are being cremated all around where you've brought us.
If a stray spirit shows up to say hello, you won't be scared, right?
Just asking.
I've befriended ghosts now.
Are you calling me a ghost?
Ghosts like me aren't easy to get rid off.
You need to kick us really hard, Ms. Jayashree.
Jaya.
What?
Just Jaya.
There's no 'shree'.
Why not?
Jayashree was cooked up for the 'abtaksinglle' profile.
Such a small lie!
That's so you.
The internet's very weird.
Can't tell what's true and what's not.
Without the internet, the world will come to a standstill, Mr. Yogi.
That's how important it is!
The virtual world is a public record.
Security is an issue for sure, but...
In fact, it's so crucial these days...
Hello?
Mr. Yogi?
Can't believe this guy.
So annoying!
So... so annoying!
Lucky Radha, she got away!
Namaste!
I'm looking for Radha.
Who are you?
Sir Poet!
Chatori cookie!
Is this Radha?
See what I mean?
Sir Poet!
It's been ages!
You haven't changed a bit.
The same, skin and bones.
You were like me once, remember?
He must have you in splits often, isn't it?
No, I... I'm not...
Didn't you recognize her? Jaya!
You remember Nirmala aunty from Bareilly?
Her older daughter.
The one that got kicked twice by the buffalo?
No... that was Usha aunty, right?
Forget the aunts.
Tell me how you've been?
On top of the world, Sir Poet.
On top of the world! - Great.
Told you.
Guddu, Chandu, Krish!
Who're they?
My kids. - Wow!
Come here.
Look who's come from my village.
Village? I've come from a mega city.
Take blessings from my brother.
Hello, uncle.
Bless you!
Hello, aunty. - No... no, please don't.
Guys, come on.
Get tea ready, hurry.
Rad ha, we' ll leave.
We have some stuff to do.
Rubbish!
No way you're leaving!
If you leave without meeting my husband, Shekhawat, I'm dead meat.
Mr. Brother-in-law!
Who's shouting?
My husband, Shekhawat.
Oh, he's come.
Mr. Brother-in-law...
Meet the famous poet from my village.
He looks the part.
He does a lot of charity work there.
Really?
Whenever someone comes from the village, I'm overjoyed.
But you, I feel like kissing.
Shall I, Radha?
MY QOOdness!
Have a seat.
Radha, feed him some halwa.
He looks so delicate.
Bro, the sign of a healthy man are curves.
Yes?
There should be curves either here... or here.
You have neither.
You have them, that's enough.
You wrestle?
No, no.
Radha likes muscular men.
That's why.
We have two small companies.
One travel company.
And Radha's Adventure Company.
Radha's Adventures!
Radha, shall we take him for 'that'?
Yes... yes, great fun. - What?
Come, it'll be fantastic.
Can't this thing go slower?
Park at the corner there.
We'll take a cab and go.
Oh my God, Yogi!
Ms. Jaya, help!
Uncle, You won't drown. You have a life jacket on.
What jacket?
Come, Sir Poet.
Don't be scared.
A hot oil massage at home and you'll feel great.
No, no.
We have some work.
We'll get off at the next turn.
What? Not so fast.
We still have 'that' to do in the evening.
What's left now?
I think we're done.
What's it called, Krish?
Bonfire.
Yes, a bonfire.
WOW!
Sir Poet, please sing something.
No... no. - Please.
I remember how often you'd sing your favourite song.
No... no.
You loved singing it.
Come on, please.
Uncle, go for it.
Yes... yes, please.
Which was your favourite song?
Favourite...
♪ They're beautiful... I
♪ This earth. I
♪ This river. I
♪ This night. I
And?
♪ And, you! I
WOW!
♪ We're so close, I
♪ how far these stars. I
♪ Does the heart dream them up? I
♪ But, they're real. I
♪ This earth. I
♪ This river. I
♪ This night. I
♪ And, you! I
Seems like Radha never really forgot you.
Yes, did you see how she held my lips?
Yes. So sweet.
Something she always did.
But, she shouldn't have called you her brother.
Right?
In small towns they often do that.
I didn't mind it.
I'm glad you didn't.
And I'm glad that she didn't bawl her heart out either.
Maybe she's crying now?
After I left.
You think?
A Chatori cookie to celebrate?
WOW!
Kudos to the maker.
We are different, like day and night.
The sun rises with you, the stars twinkle for me.
That's from my poem. - Yes.
I finally found your poem on a blog.
There's a blog on me on the internet?
It's on the poet Ghalib, the blogger has quoted you.
Mr. Yogi, why aren't your books on the internet?
Where's the joy in reading poetry on the net?
The scent of paper... if you can't touch it,
you can't feel the pain.
Oh, please!
So many people can access your poetry on the net.
Millions!
That's the benefit of the internet.
You can reach anywhere in the world.
Africa, Australia, Japan.
Anywhere you want to.
Your self published books won't cross the oceans...
Mr. Yogi?
Hello?
This should help in spiritual growth...
♪ They're beautiful... I
♪ This earth. I
♪ This river. I
♪ This night. I
And?
Sing on...
What?
Please sing on.
And?
Oh my God!
Get out of here!
Sorry... sorry.
I'm going.
Go! Out!
Not there! - I'm going.
Turn around.
Son'?-
Not here.
Out of here!
Go straight now!
Why did you come to my room?
Close the door!
Shut the damn door!
Me?
Who else?
I'm closing it. - Close your eyes, Mr. Yogi!
Not that side... the other side.
My eyes are closed, I can't see.
I've shut it.
How dare you!
Ass!
I should've never come with you.
Don't you ever talk to me!
My God...
Excuse me? - Yes, sir.
A cool drink to cool my cousin down?
Ma'am, can I get you a raw mango drink?
No, just some water, please.
Alright, sure.
Oh, sorry.
You don't share bottles.
May I put this treasure chest up?
Sit comfortably. No one's running away with it.
Won't you please let go your anger?
I didn't know you sang so well.
While listening, I leaned on the door.
And it bloody opened.
I don't know who left the door open.
But, who opened the door?
I could've had a heart attack.
It was scam.
Must be a ghost.
There were ghosts where you booked us, I'm sure!
That motel.
Was it a motel?
No, it was a spiritual retreat.
There's a surprise for you in Delhi.
"Really? What surprise?"
If I told you, it wouldn't remain a surprise, would it?
Did I ask you what the surprise was?
No, you didn't. But, it's so fabulous that you'll be super happy.
You'll enjoy it so...
♪ Come, dear sleep, come. I
It's an 1855 steam engine, did you know that?
It's in the Guinness Book of World Records!
Really?
Go ahead, do-the-Google.
Why Google when you're here?
Step in. - Here?
I got it, thanks.
Hello.
W ow.
This is so sweet.
This train was in the museum for many years.
Then it thought, why not tour the tracks?
Hang out with the exes.
Thank you.
I love the way you laugh.
There.
Can I take that? Have a seat.
What a surprise!
It's so...
I really like it.
The train's making you so happy,
shall we buy it?
Perhaps, buy something to eat?
Great!
I thought you'd never ask.
I'll get you something awesome.
0K3'!-
Sir, we have a set menu.
That's not cool, mate.
Cold cucumber sandwiches with hot tea?
That's not done.
Get some hot fritters going, mate.
Sorry, sir. It's a set menu.
Not everything is set in life.
There's the answer!
Give me some of those, mate.
Are these freshly made?
Absolutely, sir.
One plate.
No, make it two.
What's that?
Kebabs!
I could hug you, mate. I'm tired of veggies!
Pack some kebabs, too?
Don't even think about it!
Thank you.
It's the whistle! Time to leave.
Hurry up, mate.
Some of those, too.
How much? - 70 rupees.
Here.
And for the kebabs, too.
But, you didn't buy any, sir.
Keep it, mate.
Excuse me, please...
ls the Fairy Queen luxury section ahead?
It's gone. There she goes.
Pull the emergency chain.
Go ahead.
Broke it?
Hello.
Are you on the train?
Yes.
But, not on ours. On another one.
What?
Yogi!
Pull the chain.
I did. It broke.
The Indian Railways for you!
Jump, Yogi. Jump.
Okay, I'll jump-
Ms. Jaya, should Ijump?
Yes, jump-
Jump off?
Obviously.
Alright.
I can't.
The train's moving, Ms.Jaya.
It's slow, Yogi.
Just jump-
Yours maybe slow. Mine's not!
Just jump, dammit.
What if I break my leg?
Get off quickly, ass!
What's that?
Why did you leave the train?
I went to get us fritters, Ms. Jaya.
The height of foolishness, Yogi!
Nothing we can do now.
Sorry, Ms. Jaya.
A gentleman had ordered fritters.
Leave it here.
Shit!
Oh God.
It's not chess. Don't take so long.
Go ahead, play.
Ms. Jaya, everything's sorted.
Is my laptop bag with you?
Yes.
What about it?
Please keep it carefully.
Don't worry.
It's kept close to my heart.
Have you gotten off the train?
No. Old Delhi is 15 minutes away.
I'll get off and figure out transport.
I'll get there when you will.
Buddy, stop seeing my cards.
Can't you figure it out now?
There's an internet dongle in my laptop bag.
Get on the net, please.
Net? Okay.
Is the password the same or changed ?
What?
Your turn. - Your turn.
Hello. - Hello.
Hello, Yogi.
Buddy, it's your turn.
Here you go.
Who are you?
Thief! - Wrong number.
Wrong number. - Thief!
Is it stolen?
Hello.
- Sis, where's your laptop?
- You've lost it, haven't you?
- It's stolen, right?
No, it's with me.
Don't lie.
Show me. Where is it?
Ashish, I can't hear you.
Ashish, I'm losing network. - I can hear you!
- What's wrong with you?
The thief!
Top class idiot!
♪ How I wish I could kill you! I
I've played. It's your turn.
♪ Take my life, will you? I
♪ And HI take yours. I
♪ Gently, HI squeeze your neck. I
Tell him that I've jumped off the train.
Madam says that she's jumped off the train.
Bye.
The train to Alwar is tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow?
Hurry! To Alwar.
So far? In a rickshaw?
Will you go to Alwar?
Of course! Wherever you say, sire.
You'll have to step on the gas.
Absolutely. Will do.
Like an airplane.
I'll fly like a rocket, sire.
I'm from Old Delhi.
We have a saying,
"Hands off the wheel, but feet never off the pedal."
♪ Don't you get it? I
♪ Are you stupid? I
♪ I ask for a squirrel, I
♪ you come with a buffalo. I
♪ Which school has churned you out? I
♪ Just one way out of this, I
♪ kick you out, goodbye! I
♪ Neither are you king, nor I, queen. I
♪ This is no fairy tale. I
♪ Neither are you king, nor I, queen. I
♪ This is no fairy tale. I
Ma'am, I understand you won't go for the wildlife safari?
It's part of the Fairy Queen package.
It's already paid for.
Mademoiselle, may I help you with this?
Mere“.!
If it's paid for, I'm going.
Of course, I'll go.
Excuse me.
Please tell my cousin...
- All lines in this route are busy.
♪ Should I shed tears? I
♪ Should I shed tears for you? I
♪ Or laugh at you? I
♪ How do I get you to understand? I
♪ You're an illiterate fool. I
♪ Did you knock yourself out? I
♪ O looney lady, spare me this nightmare! I
I I might be the one to squeeze your neck! I
♪ Take my life, will you? I
♪ And HI take yours. I
♪ Why bother this much? I
♪ Let's just say goodbye! I
♪ Neither are you king, nor I, queen. I
♪ This is no fairy tale. I
♪ Take my life, will you? I
♪ And HI take yours. I
Should I slow down, sire?
Don't you slow down!
Where's she gone?
The wildlife safari.
Must be on her way back.
0K3'!-
And why are you waiting alone?
Come along.
I didn't think we'd get to see so much.
Yes, it was wonderful.
Oh, hi!
A friend of yours?
Just someone I know.
Namaste!
Just one minute.
Thank you so much for such a lovely evening.
I had a wonderful time.
So lovely meeting you.
See you soon. Goodnight!
Thank you.
When did you get here?
Eight hours too late.
It's been eight hours?
I didn't realize.
Any wild animals on the safari?
Nilgai? Jackal?
Actually, we saw a Bengal tigress.
Wow! - It was amazing.
Would you like a sanitizer?
So, what's your plan?
Shall we move on?
I was thinking of returning to Mumbai.
There's a ton of work piling up.
Non-stop calls. - Baby-sitting kids...
or taking someone shopping?
You know what else?
We should meet other people.
Go out...
Go out on dates with others?
Yeah. Yeah.
Right.
Should I find you a dashing prince on the same site?
You still on it?
Why? Shouldn't I be?
It doesn't matter to me.
You can do what you want.
But, I've heard there are rules to online dating.
Are there?
What may they be?
Well, if you're getting to know someone,
you're supposed to deactivate your account.
But, didn't you just mention dating other people?
Yeah, of course.
You know what you want.
It doesn't make a difference to me.
I don't care.
Ms. Jaya, there's one difference between us.
Just one?
A lot of small ones but, one big one.
What?
Let it be.
No, please tell me.
What is it?
I speak my heart out.
I do what my heart desires.
But, you...
Whatever!
Sire, when will cousin-ma'am be here?
Mate, no one in the world has the answer to that.
Let's wait some more.
As He wishes.
In this cab.
So what did they feed you on the Fairy Queen?
Fritters.
That rascal got you fritters?!
The wounds remained a lifetime,
and I was distraught with time.
Distraught with time?
Why did my fingers freeze as they wrote your name?
Fantastic, sire!
As the performance was over,
a gorgeous woman wearing stilettos and along kurta,
walked up to me and softly said,
"Why do you write such sad poetw?"
And what did you say, sire?
"Because I hadn't found you yet."
Oh, man! You just killed it, sire.
Too much!
How can I forget such a romance, mate?
I'll be meeting her after 14 years.
Never!
Such a love is once in a lifetime.
Well...
I got lucky twice over.
And then, a third time.
Barely love, almost like the local train.
Miss one, hop on to the other!
Those who've had an arranged marriage can barely claim to know love.
Stop the car.
Why get upset at every little thing?
Stop the car!
Where are you going?
This isn't the brand I asked for.
It's fantastic, madam.
It's new.
I pop four-five myself every night.
The best sleep ever!
Never heard of it.
You take sleeping pills, Ms. Jaya?
Good Lord!
The worst habit ever!
Your other habits like not sharing water are still okay...
Meditate.
Stare at the fan.
Count backwards...
We have Anjali's party to go to.
Anything else?
Thank you.
That's 87 rupees and 95 paise, sir.
I want exact change back.
Right now!
You bought the Fairy Queen...
Beautiful!
I'll just go to the pantry.
Oh shit!
You're going to get us killed.
I've locked all the doors, sire.
Central locked.
Check it again.
Checked, sire.
What pills are these!
Ms. Jaya, please sleep for a bit.
Here's a pillow.
Are you crazy?
She doesn't share anything with others.
There's something I'd like to ask you...
Why did you stop after the third one?
Why not a fourth or a fifth?
Manav's asking.
Is Mr. Manav sitting in the back with you?
No.
Right there in front of me.
How are you talking to Mr. Manav?
Do you have a special data plan?
An exclusive one!
Digitally encoded.
Fiber optic sharpness.
Adirect line.
Hey, didn't you go to Old Delhi to fry fritters?
Where are they?
The fritters?
They're being fried.
They are?
Are they? - Yes, they are.
Still being fried?
How else will they be ready to eat?
Why is everything so slow on the Fairy Queen?
I'm hungry-
Give me the fritters.
They'll be ready soon.
Mate, how long to get there?
We're almost there, sire.
Hurry up, mate.
Mr. and Mrs?
Shashidharan.
Sir, please make it two separate rooms.
We're quarrelling.
Which couple doesn't, Mr. Shashidharan?
Yes.
I'll give you adjacent rooms.
There will be hope for a truce.
Thanks.
Here?
Hello!
- Taking revenge?
No.
- I never made you wait so much.
Your memory fails you.
Even owls would go back to sleep and I'd be up waiting.
- It is revenge then! - No.
Let's meet tomorrow.
We're still on our way... - No... absolutely not!
Hi! - Oh, no!
We're in your city, Ms. Number Two.
Hey...
Where should we come?
Hello... hello?
Please ignore that.
The party must have wrapped up.
We'll meet tomorrow? - No way!
- What's happening there?
A procession's passing by. - What?
- Hello...
- We must meet today!
What's up?
Shall I make it one room, then?
One room?
No. We want two.
MY respects!
Anjali.
Viyogi!
God.
Hi, I'm Anjali.
WOW!
Hats off to you, Sir Poet.
S he's real poetry!
- Mr. Shashidharan...
Shall I get you the suite?
What room?
The suite room.
Unbelievable!
Anjali's turned into Angelina Jolie.
Where have the long kurtas gone?
Somewhere in the back of the closet.
One word from you and I'll pull it out.
Don't take the effort.
They're kept well?
Absolutely.
One is especially safe.
The maroon one?
That's the one.
Viyogi, you haven't changed at all.
You're just the same.
Vagabond.
Good thing you didn't get rich.
Money ruins the best of them.
Tell her that you are rich.
What? - Tell her...
Yes... I'll tell her.
Did you leave the party midway?
What?
Same ol' party.
Same ol' people.
Same ol' conversations.
And you've come from so farjust to meet me.
Anjali, you're sizzling hot!
What?
So much steam!
What?
Excuse me?
Too many sleeping pills.
Without you...
If I may recite, with your permission?
Please do.
Do l...?
Please, please do.
Shall I?
Please.
Where you don't exist,
there exist just ruins.
'Cause wherever you stand,
that's where the party begins!
How was that?
Wonderful!
Did you say she's your cousin?
Yes. - His aunt Nirmala's daughter.
The same one that the buffalo kicked?
Amma, I tell you.
A nut case!
You...
Wasn't that her pen knife?
Where is it? - What?
In this pocket...
Jaya, what are you doing?
Where is it?
Is everything okay?
Here... this pocket. - What are you...
Got it!
No... don't...
Here!
This blade still cuts apart the beats of his heart.
Wow. Now give it back.
Viyogi, you've still kept it safely?
Of course!
He believes... that you still miss him.
No... I mean...
Tell her you're rich.
Tell her!
I will... I will... - Tell her right now.
I will.
NOW!
0K3'!-
She's a bit woozy.
One too many sleeping pills.
Are you done?
Good seeing you.
I'll walk her to the door.
Please wait in the car.
- Cousin-mafam, this way.
Awfully quiet for a party.
Is it over?
No.
The last few would be on the terrace.
They'll star gaze all night.
And sing the same old songs.
The same ol'... same ol'...
So you feel I didn't forget about you?
What was the party for?
My wedding anniversary.
And you came to meet me?
I just left the anniversary party,
not the marriage.
I never forgot what you said.
What?
"You are leaving a poet,
but, his poetry will always stay with you."
You chose well.
My poetry doesn't buy me a bag of chips!
Ma'am, where you...?
Still have the scooter?
No, sold it.
But, I've saved its mirror.
So, is she packing her bags?
Are you going to steal her away?
Steal her?
It's very late now, Ms. Jaya.
I'll come back for her in the morning.
What?
Why did you need to hide?
Isn't she the love of your life?
Isn't she?
We would have closed our eyes. You could've had fun in the car.
You would've had to shut your ears too.
Did you kiss her?
No.
You kissed her? - No, I didn't.
She kissed me.
Just once.
What now?
What? It's done now.
An affair with a married woman, Mr. Viyogi?
Your second one will become your fourth?
Why are you stuck on the numbers?
Let it be.
The driver is waiting.
There's no one else to take us back.
This city's a maze. We'll get stuck.
Asleep, Ms. Jaya?
You rascal!
You were right, a 100 percent!
Mr. Yoginder... aka whatever...
That's right.
I don't give a damn about your pseudonym!
There's one difference between us.
What difference?
A lot of small ones,
but, one massive one. - A massive one.
I don't cheat on anyone.
You're absolutely right!
Slime ball!
Oh my...
Go to the love of your life.
I have Manav. My love.
But, he's not around.
He passed away many years ago.
Come along.
What happened?
Ms. Jaya.
Where are you?
Oh God.
You are dead!
Jaya...
Asleep?
Yogi.
Mr. Yogi.
Hello.
Whafre you doing in my room?
Hello.
What are you doing in my room?
Well...
you're in my room.
What are you doing here?
Yeah... so, why did you bring me here?
What do you think?
How would I know?
It's your room. What do you think?
You brought me to this room.
Forcibly!
Forced you? - Yes.
Are you saying that in my drunken state,
I forced you?
That's not possible.
That's what happened.
Just not possible!
You don't know what you're capable of.
What was meant to, happened.
What do we do now?
It's not possible.
You carried me here yesterday.
Did you?
Touch my arm.
Touch it. - Why?
Doesn't it feel different from before?
Why?
I carried you all the way, now I have muscles here.
I carried you.
Didn't steal you away.
You have muscles now?
Ms. Jaya...
You had passed out under the moon and stars,
on a carpet of green grass.
Wasn't it a full moon night?
Ms. Jaya.
Mr. Yogi.
I still see a full moon.
Take the call.
Why aren't you answering it?
What?
Answer the phone.
And, shall I leave?
If you want some privacy.
If you want...
I'll answer it.
What's the rush?
Perhaps she wants more?
What do you think?
A question for a question?
Good idea.
Tell me, what do I think?
What I think? What you think?
What she thinks?
Who knows?
You tell me what you think.
Take the call.
- What the hell!
- I've been calling since so long.
- Why don't you answer?
Give it a rest, Anjali.
Let me sleep a bit.
- It's an old habit.
- Won't die easy.
- Your scent took me back in time.
- By the way...
- I pulled out that maroon kurta from the closet.
- Will you come over to see it?
Huh?
- What happened?
- Cat caught your tongue?
- Mr. Viyogi.
- Forgotten the art of repartee?
- You remember?
- I used to be Nirmala aunty's daughter once upon a time.
- Listen... she's a keeper!
- Keep her close.
Sire.
Sire, I tried writing last night.
Not sure if it's a poem or a song.
Very well.
Sire!
Right back at you!
Excuse me.
My laptop-
The way the light's falling on your face,
it's as if an artist has painted it.
Liquid gold dripping off your nose.
FYI! Like your third ex...
my ex-boyfriend stays in Gangtok, too.
And I've come on this trip to meet him.
Not to meet your exes.
You had a boyfriend?
Yes.
You mean an authentic, legitimate boyfriend?
What do you mean authentic?
I mean a proper boyfriend?
Obviously, authentic!
Is there another kind?
Were you'll in kindergarten then?
In college!
Don't think I can have a boyfriend?
Of course, you can.
Could've been many.
You're saintly enough to have stopped atone.
Sikkim's most famous face.
Do-the-Google.
Sidkong Sharma.
Brilliant entrepreneur.
And he's really looking forward to seeing me.
Ding Dong Sharma?
Never heard of him before.
He was a guest faculty at our college.
A brilliant man.
Who did you say you were coming with?
How did you plan to introduce me?
How does that matter?
Have you lied to him like you lied to me?
Sire, to the airport, right?
Goodbye, ma'am. - Thank you.
Oh, we didn't hear your poetry.
Another time, sire.
Okay. Good bye!
Sire, something I wanted to tell you.
Yes?
It's the first rule of driving.
Eyes on the road, always!
Straight ahead.
Of course the rear view is important.
But, to turnaround and go back a 100 kilometers is a waste of time.
But you know best. You are wise.
You've spoken such wise words!
You were a great guide.
Until later.
Jaya!
You must've come for a conference, I'm sure.
Such a coincidence.
My friend from the salon.
Hi.
She has great taste in clothes.
Really?
We have a hen party.
Next weekend.
And you must design our kaftans.
An off-shoulder for me, please.
She'll do it.
Our problem is solved, isn't it?
Now, Jaya will style us.
She had a yellow kaftan.
So beautiful, I almost died.
Mrs. Saluja, I haven't come here for a conference.
I'm travelling with a date.
You know.
Very nice.
Yes. But, it didn't click with this date.
So, I'm off to Sikkim,
to meet an ex-boyfriend.
I'm very sorry.
I won't be able to organise your kaftans.
But, have a good party, okay?
0K3'!-
Bye.
- Bye.
She's rocking it.
Really!
Yes, I'm on my way.
Of course.
Why else would I come to Gangtok?
There's a cousin coming with me.
Yes.
What?
Helicopter? From Bagdogra?
Sounds nice!
When you're done with your fingers, you can borrow mine.
Don't worry. It'll be okay.
Ours isn't a till-death-do-us-apart love stow.
I've booked my return ticket.
I'll leave for the airport after meeting my ex.
Enjoy the mountains with Mr. Sharma.
If you feel like it, call me when you get back.
We can give a coffee shop some business.
What does Ms. Number Three do?
Gauri teaches contemporary dance.
Happily married to her dance and music.
Is Mr. Sharma coming here to meet you?
To pick me up.
He'll take me home.
To introduce you to the family.
He's single, too.
Is he properly single or single like you and me?
When it was about your exes, Yogi,
you took me on a world tour.
Now that it's my turn, you're leaving?
You've booked your return ticket?
WOW!
Everything is just about you!
Everything!
Yours... your exes.
You r poetry.
Your...
Your keychain.
Where's that keychain?
You still have it, right?
It's all about you!
Your fritters,
your Chatori cookies, your snores!
Your damn snores!
And the nonstop jabbering!
Everything is about you!
I don't...
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to give some business to a coffee shop with you.
Do you know why?
Do you know why, Yogi?
Because there's no room for anyone else in your life.
Does yours have room for someone else?
You're looking stunning!
Vimmi.
You gave me the perfect name.
Errand aunw.
No, no. Don't worry.
It's fine.
Next time, call when you need a friend. Okay?
Not a babysitter.
Komal, your cat spends more time with me than you do.
Frankly, I don't like cats.
Listina, I'm in Sikkim on a pleasure trip.
Please don't call me.
And, listen...
If you meet someone through a dating website,
just take it slow. Okay?
Don't rush.
It's so good to see you.
So good to see you.
Pink saree... pink lilies!
Still nursing hopes of marrying me?
It's been 14 years.
Stop dreaming now.
Just stop.
0K3'!-
No more dreaming.
0K3'!-
Let's go.
♪ That which was a dream, I
♪ should we let it go? I
♪ The little that we have, I
♪ shall we let it go? I
♪ That which was a dream, I
♪ should we let it go? I
♪ The little that we have, I
♪ shall we let it go? I
♪ Shall we take a moment, look within, I
♪ or perhaps, let it go. ♪
♪ Out of habit, you'd wonder, if it worked out, how'd it be? I
♪ But no, let it go. ♪
♪ That which was a dream, I
♪ should we let it go? I
♪ The little that we have, I
♪ shall we let it go? I
♪ The past, why doesn't it ever pass? I
♪ Oh, why not? I
♪ It finds its way back into the present. I
♪ I didn't think about you, I
♪ yet, your memory found its way hack into my heart. I
♪ If you'd have questions for me, I'd have plenty of answers. I
♪ But no, let it go. ♪
♪ Out of habit, you'd wonder, if it worked out, how'd it be? I
♪ But no, let it go. ♪
♪ That which was a dream, I
♪ should we let it go? I
♪ The little that we have, I
♪ shall we let it go? I
"In The Words of a Yogi"
- Hey sis, what's up?
How can I help you?
Hey, you!
Where's my sister?
She's gone out.
Who are you?
Yogi.
What's the full name?
What name do you go by on Facebook?
And how do you know my sister?
Met her at that godforsaken retreat?
Mate, let's not go down that road.
My name is Yogendra Kumar Devendranath Prajapati aka Viyogi.
I did have a Facebook profile but I've deleted it.
I'm not interested in the other sites.
And I'm not sure where I stand.
You study at an Ivy league university.
Brother of Ms. Jaya Shashidharan...
haven't you figured out that I'm no thief!
Are you her boyfriend?
- Hey, don't break her heart!
Mate, the famous Mr. Kong Sharma,
where does he live?
Yogi!
Yogi.
I miss the damn ride every time.
Not this time!
Mr. Yogi.
Yes, Ms. Jaya.
May I ask you something?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes, I am.
Share this with me?
♪ Soaring in the skies, like a bird I glide, I
♪ following your lead, wherever you go. I
♪ As your co-travellen I
♪ HI walk hand in hand with you. I