- You look good. - No, I don't.
No, you do, really. All right? I mean it.
You look good.
That shirt-- i like that shirt.
Did you get that at h&m?
- Yes. - Yeah.
Yeah, it looks like an h&m-- i mean, it just--
it fits. I mean, you-- you--
you pull it off.
L-- dude, i-- i can't go to h&m.
I can't pull that off, seriously.
It looks good on you.
Is it soft?
I wouldn't buy it if it wasn't soft.
Here, feel it.
I'm sorry. I'm okay.
Of course you are. You're okay.
I'm gonna be okay.
- You're okay. - Yeah, yeah. I'm okay.
Look, I mean--
uh, i-- I know how it is right now.
I mean, lt-- lt-- lt's awful. It sucks.
You're--
you're lonely and-- and it'll pass.
- It doesn't feel that way. - Of course it doesn't.
I mean, look, man, i-- i-- i know it doesn't.
But I mean, right now, i mean, you--
you're feeling like "I'm never gonna dance again."
You know, like that George Michael song.
And one of these days you're gonna meet someone
and you're gonna want to dance again.
I think it was "blam".
What?
No, look, i-- no, lt-- lt--
- it's Michael. - No, I'm pretty sure--
I'm-- no, they're not called that.
Yeah, well, no, ln--
okay, first of all, you're wrong.
- And why are you-- - sorry.
- Dude. Seriously. - Sorry, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I didn't come to palm Springs
to interrupt other people's conversations.
I came to get away from New York,
the weather, my wife.
Soon to be ex-wife.
Well, to try to figure out this whole big life thing.
Also, maybe they're called "wham"?
It makes no sense.
Four one...
Huh.
I felt lost like that guy m the restaurant,
or, well, like my luggage.
It wasn't the greatest of starts.
I was going to stay for a week, but--
well, you'll see.
Hello?
Great.
Yes. Same address, yes.
No, that's in palm Springs.
Well, is there a--
do you think there's a time--
what am I supposed to do without my luggage until then?
Fine. Something else you can help me with?
No, I think your airline has done enough.
Thank you.
What else?
Oh.
Hello?
This is nice.
Hi! I hope I'm not late.
I saw your tweet a couple of minutes ago. It's great.
That will get a lot of buzz.
Oh, good.
Oh. Sorry.
Hey.
Yeah, I got-- i-- I got it.
I got your text. I just-- I can't--
no, I'm ln-- I'm in makeup.
Okay. Hang on. So sorry.
Hey, what's up?
O Kay.
All right, and you're just gonna do this now?
No. Bye.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
I'm so excited to interview you.
This is so exciting,
a story of friendship."
So sweet.
- Where are you from? - Uh, Los Angeles.
We would winter in palm Springs when it got too cold.
I'm from Chicago, then New York,
and New Jersey, across the river.
Horrible. Cold. Windy. The commute.
God, it was driving me nuts.
It's so hard to live there. I had to move.
I mean, you couldn't do the news there.
There were disasters. Everything was going wrong!
Uh, all right, let's talk about, um, you knovv, your mcvie.
Um-- "patriot girls..."
Fuck.
...with a celebrity you don't get to see very often.
Lilly Kent in an interview
on her role in the highly anticipated
"patriot girls, bff forever: A story of friendship,"
freezes mid interview.
You won't believe what happened next.
Okay, whoa. Whoa. Get up. Up!
Um, who the hell are you and why are you here?
Would you mind getting up? I'm a little claustrophobic.
- Do you mind? - I'm sorry.
It was just right there. Lt's-- oh, my god.
You stabbed me. Oh, my god.
- Really, I didn't stab you. - I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not bleeding.
Great.
So who-- who are you? One of tom's friends?
Tom? Uh, no, Fritz.
I rented the house for a-- for a week.
Well, for-- I'm here for a week.
Fritz? Well, what kind of name ls-- never mind.
You-- you-- you-- you have to-- to leave.
What-- what do you mean you rented the house?
Well, on the rental site online.
The, uh, air "brb". You know, I'm a writer.
You're a-- a-- a what?
- Hello? - Oh.
Don't bring up the book.
Don't say that. How can you say that?
You know I'm going through a hard time.
Fuck.
Ooh, not now. Not now.
Um, uh, here.
L-- I really shouldn't. I'm a pacifist.
- Um-- yeah! - Lilly?
L'm-- I'm coming!
- Uh, one sec. - Lil!
I gotta-- fuck.
Where were you? I called you, like, a--
who the fuck? You're not Lilly.
Oh, right, you're the--
don't-- don't write that down.
You know what? Don't.
I don't want to know. Where's Lilly?
Lilly? Lilly!
- Hey. - Hi.
Uh, so, you met, uh, Fritz?
I called you, like--
- Fritz? - Fritz?
He's a--
yeah?
- I'm staying... - He's my boyfriend.
- Here? - Yeah.
Yeah, so, uh, I'm going to get dressed.
Don't be long... sugar.
Well, let's all just get settled.
Yeah? And, um, I'm gonna--
I want to circle up, so--
you have no idea.
You like to cook?
Anna, come on!
Coming!
You smell nice.
I like that.
Hi. Honey?
- Yeah? - Babe.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
That's exciting.
- Well, circle up. - All right. Jesus.
I said I was coming.
- Circle up. - Mm-hmmm.
O Kay.
What did you say to her?
Nothing. She said I smell nice.
What do you mean you smell nice?
I don't know. I think she's hungry.
I don't think I smell nice. I smell like a flight,
and they lost my luggage.
Um, boyfriend?
Did you feel like at any point that you wanted
to ask me if I'm in a relationship with you,
because if that's the case, and, uh, you know,
vve're doing this thing, I have to check vvith my therapist,
and I don't feel bad about looking at your cleavage.
Okay, get your mind off my tits for, like, a second.
Checking in. Checking in.
Check in. Okay. Check in.
Okay, you came barging into my house.
I don't know who the hell you are.
What do you mean barging in? I rented this place.
I have the paper and the door was open.
And then I heard a cat suffocating or--
or being tortured.
-L was having a moment. - A-- a what?
Wait, that sound, that was you?
All right! It's how I cry.
- Can we get past that? - Yeah, sure.
What moment?
I was just having-- I'm supposed--
you know lt's-- okay, so it's not, um--
it's not a-- a moment necessarily.
It's-- I was-- I'm having a-- a crisis.
A crisis? What for?
What for? What-- what do you mean, what for?
Well, I mean, look at you. You're beautiful.
You've got a great body. The house is nice.
And you're obviously smart coming up vvith solutions like I'm your boyfriend.
Do you have any idea what it is like to be a woman?
No.
And do what I do?
Never mind. I-- i-- i know that--
that we didn't have a chance to talk through this.
No, we didn't.
Check in. I'm okay.
Feeling good.
That flight was pretty crap.
...who the hell you are.
What do you mean, barging in?
Well, no, I don't want to be negative.
It could have been worse. We could have flown coach.
Okay, I'm feeling pretty good about this weekend,
like it might be a turning point vvith my book and my vvoes.
So, pretty good. Pretty good.
I understand how that might be frustrating to you,
but if you can, for a second, not take things so personally.
Personally? Personally, I came from a crappy flight vvith a crappy airline
who charges you $5 to charge your phone,
and lost my luggage.
You nearly stabbed me in the kitchen.
I mean, who walks around with a kitchen knife?
Lt's-- it's dangerous and crazy.
Have you heard of the kitchen dravvers qr those magnets?
You make me faint, i wake up underneath you
barely able to breathe and in a relationship.
With no pants on!
Um, I'm a little nervous about asking the group about--
um, no.
Because it's family, and there is love.
There is love.
So I'm not gonna let that stop me.
Um, so I guess, determined.
Is that-- is that a good word?
Yeah. Okay, Anna? Check in.
- I'm good. - Okay. Uh, are you good?
Okay, great. Okay, let's touch our hearts.
Come back. Touch our hearts.
Touch our third eye.
Okay, bring it in.
Bring it in.
Okay, okay. That's enough.
O Kay.
...ln the wrong house, allegedly.
- It's my family's house. - Right, you said that.
Have you ever had a crisis?
Yes, I'd like to think so.
I'm 40, so there's that.
I mean, I'm-- I'm Jewish.
I'm half-Israeli. I'm constantly in conflict.
I'm the first generation in my family not to sigh.
Yes, I've had "crisises" before.
I'm having one now.
Crisises? Crises? It's just one e.
Crisises.
- No, you're right. - Crises.
- Crises with an e. - Thank you. Yes.
Are you ever not sure
what you say or why you say it?
Yes. Yes, words often sound flat or hollow.
Like all those idiots online
that have to tell their loved ones
how much they love them and how much they changed
your lives four years ago when she said yes.
Vvhat, you can't find her? She's sitting on the sofa right next to you.
How about a card?
If I saw someone posting a #memorable moment
about their orgasm on social media,
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
- Got it. - You know,
there's always something wrong.
And they're so angry, so fucking angry,
they have to post about it.
You know, protest. Revolution.
That's why no more social media for Fritz.
- I got it. - That's it.
You know, newspapers, yes.
News TV, no.
It's so exciting.
- Huh? - Exciting.
- What ls? - The beginnings. Passion.
I did it on a very public stage.
It's, like, all the words I've ever said
didn't mean anything.
And i-- I didn't know what I wanted to say.
It's all scripted. It didn't mean anything.
I felt alone.
Look, I know this doesn't make sense,
and I don't know why I said that,
but i-- i can't do this alone.
So, I'm just asking you...
Will you be my boyfriend for now, please?
What is that noise?
This is crazy.
Fine. Just don't-- stop, please.
How's-- how's your leg?
Um, it's fine, thank you.
What about pants?
Uh, we'll figure something out.
Well, they think I'm a psychopath
standing there like this with a knife.
No, I don't think that would surprise them much.
What does that mean?
Well, my previous relationships
haven't exactly been stellar.
So now I'm just one in a horrible line of--
even my fictitious relationships are doomed to fail.
Thank you.
And just to be clear,
there's no, uh, cat?
No, there's no cat.
Good. I'm allergic.
You know, they were probably going right at it
just when we walked in.
In the kitchen.
Oh, yeah. I like that.
Well, that's not attractive. We eat there.
Food prep?
Is that right?
We'll exchange these, yeah?
I'm gonna go return the knife.
Hey, um, so this ls-- uh, this might be--
- what size pants does-- - what's going on?
Um, you know, lt's-- never-- it's okay.
O Kay.
Weird.
Hon, I need a hand.
Hi!
It is so nice to meet you.
Em. Like Emily.
But, no.
Just em,
like the letter.
Uh, Fritz.
Have you settled in?
Ehh.
Are you going to the pool?
I'm going to be right back.
- O Kay. Okay. - O Kay. Okay.
- O Kay. - O Kay.
- What size, uh-- - shoes?
Pants.
Do you think this scene works?
- The... - Scene.
Do you think it works?
I'm trying to convey purgatory
with these characters.
They're trapped, knowing life is ending,
knowing they've put off for too long
the actual thought of action.
They've lost the active will to deal with it.
They talk about love that is betrayed long ago,
along with their memories.
I was trying to approach this whole part--
it's very fellini.
See, right now, it's here.
It needs to be here.
Follow? Here.
You see that?
Well, I just think life is meaningless,
so what's the point, you know?
Do you smoke cigars?
Cigars?
I hated that flight.
Tom, do my tits look weird like this?
- Horrible. - My tits?
No, the flight.
Maybe we should get some rest, yeah?
Yeah, I like that.
- Maybe we can-- - I don't think so.
- Oh, I bet I can-- - Anna, Anna, i have so much on my mind.
- Okay? - Tom, you need to relax.
Maybe I can give you a massage?
I'm just so nervous.
It's a great idea.
They're gonna love it.
You really think so?
Trust me.
Thanks, babe.
- You like that? - Mmm.
Yeah, you do.
- Hey, em. - Hi! Oh!
- How are you? - I'm good.
You know what?
You don't need to care about that
because you're safe here, okay?
Safe.
- Have you seen-- - I have! So nice.
He's in the living room with lohmann.
They're talking about the film.
Oh. Right, okay.
So, I think maybe an hour, hour and a half for dinner.
Okay. Um, you need help?
How about a glass of wine?
Doesn't that sound delightful?
Yes.
Um, I think there's some rose left.
I love rose.
We actually might need some more wine.
I'll go. Borrow your car?
Of course.
Little rose for me.
Maybe a little more.
Cut my bread. Cut my lettuce
drink my rose.
My first gig, I was hired to direct a commercial
for a Chinese company.
In China.
Sex toy company thing. Real kinky, follow?
Dildos, strap-cns, cock rings.
Wanted to do something with a butt plug.
I'm not exactly sure what.
Well, you know...
So what did you do?
I took their money and made an action movie.
A martial arts action movie.
Got over a million hits online.
The rest, as you know, is history.
The story goes like this.
She's royalty, you know.
Her grandfather on her mother's side vvas knighted.
1929, sir Arthur.
He made some bad investments in a Greek mining company.
Fucking Greek.
Horrible venture.
Lost most of their fortune.
Fell out of a speeding train.
1938...
Headed to Geneva...
Express.
Near toulon, France.
Is this, uh, part of the movie?
No. Em, my wife.
Oh.
I suspect foul play.
Hi, lohmann.
Lilly.
Do you mind if i-- I'm going to get some wine.
Good.
Cuban?
No, British. Her mother's side.
Oh, I meant the cigar, but thank you anyway.
Will you please stop?
No, not until you tell me what you did.
- What did you do? - I didn't do anything.
Is it mitt? The dog? What happened to mitt romney?
Babe, the dog is fine. Nothing happened to the dog.
Don't babe me, all right?
You're lying. Just tell me what you did!
There's nothing to tell.
Don't-- don't you dare lie to me.
We just had sex, it was great.
You didn't even want to use the porn machine.
You even did the finger in the butt thing.
- Did you like it? - Yeah, I liked that.
- Did you have an orgasm? - Yes, and that's the problem.
That's exactly the problem.
When it's this good, something's wrong.
You make me so angry sometimes.
I'm hungry. I need to eat.
Well, dinner's in an hour, so just cool it.
I know that.
I don't care. I want a "marf" bar now.
Hey, maybe there's a pants store around here
- that we can-- -wll_l_ you just leave it?
I do need-- okay?
I meant the knife.
Oh, huh. I thought you meant--
you can't smoke that in here.
Oh.
Can I keep it though?
"Alone" should be spelled differently, you know?
It should be two words. "A lone." Not together.
You ever think of words that way?
-Is everything okay? -| just-- ls that--
-i can't-- - it's like 40o feet away.
Well, that was close.
He's also in the left Lane.
Do you want to sit in the back?
- No. - All right then.
O Kay.
Oh, no. I don't know how to work her stupid car.
Sorry.
Quite a day so far.
Have you ever been up there?
Those mountains?
You take a tram.
I can't remember what it's called.
You can see the whole valley.
You okay?
Mmm, no.
I'm sorry. I'm not being fair.
It's not that.
What?
Is this going to work?
Ooh. We'll just have to see, you know? I mean--
well, I mean, i don't know them.
I'm not going to know what to say.
I know, they're-- my family ls--
they're a lot.
I mean, you saw a glimpse.
Yeah, by the way, that's nothing like fellini.
Okay, so what would make you feel better?
Well, for instance, how did we meet?
- You mean-- - it would make me feel better.
O Kay.
Maybe that's where we met.
- Where? - Up there. Up the mountain.
Yeah.
No, I don't--
no?
I get vertigo. It's terribly dizzy.
Horrible, really.
Can't stand up. I have to take these pills, but they knock me out.
Think of your worst drunk--
- got it. - Ten times worse.
I could sleep 16 hours a day.
Got it. Let me think.
I mean, Jesus Christ, I'm walking around your family
with no pants on and a knife.
Spanish classes?
I still have a hard time with English.
Beverly hills?
I'm from New York.
But maybe we had the same real estate agent or--
okay, what was his name?
- Mark. - Mark?
That's good.
I like mark.
- Mark what? - Arafat.
Arafat? Like--
did-- did you just make that up or--
no, that's really--
that's my real real estate agent's name.
- He's persian. - Persian?
No, I can't work with people who live in the past.
- What? - Persians.
I mean, it's iranians. The country's Iran.
Do I call myself Hebrew? No, I'm Israeli.
Okay, so you call it an iranian rug?
Well, no, but that's a rug.
Like a Roman ruin, but they're still Italian.
- Or a knish. - What?
Well, that's not a good example,
but he can't-- I can't -- he can't be per--
I mean, iranian.
Uh, you wanna help me out...
- Me? -...Here then?
- Me? - Yeah, this is a relationship.
You don't like my driving. You don't like my suggestions.
Well, it's not that I don't like your suggestions.
And you honk at everyone.
I'm just-- I'm warning them. I'm being careful.
- But I like your suggestions. - You don't like my suggestions.
Yeah, they're not very good.
O Kay.
How about a museum?
A museum?
Have you ever met anyone at a museum?
No.
All right then.
Uh, party? Cocktail party?
No, absolutely not. Those never work out.
You're right.
What about the dmv?
Go on.
I don't know, um--
I asked you what you thought 0f my picture?
I made you take it again.
You were there because you 0f your honking.
- What? - Nothing.
Because I had a book and you failed the test?
Yes, like, three times.
You were laughing at me.
Well, yes, but in a nice way,
until I realized--
I realized I could make a quick buck,
so I offered to sell you my book--
vvhich they hand out for free.
But you didn't know that.
And I vvas so desperate i said I vvould buy you a drink
if you gave it to me.
It was--
the last one.
- So? - Okay.
I feel better.
You ready?
Yeah.
O Kay.
Well, that was easy.
- What? - Nothing.
Nothing.
Hey, is there anyway that I can,
as your boyfriend, see your--
absolutely not.
Watch out for that guy.
By the way, are you an organ donor?
- Yes, why? - Well, just in case.
All those crazy drivers. Those maniacs, you know?
A kidney could fetch a few kip on the open market.
Shut up, Fritz. That is not funny.
So, your family, they're, uh--
this is a brother and sister?
This was an abandoned script written for truffaut.
A brother and sister involved in the act of lnter--
coitus... holds metaphorical symbolism.
Love has no logic.
Like life, there's irrationality,
and chaos, and passion.
Society places these rules
and binds us with what's right, wrong.
Sometimes it's imperative to defy those boundaries.
But they're fucking.
Maybe you should have left it abandoned.
Love... the things.
I'm going to kill him.
Be the rainbow that brings the rain.
It's a metaphor.
- You're fucking her. - What?
Hoffmeister. Her. She. Right there.
Right here.
No, don't write that down.
I am not fucking anybody. I am on a roll.
Please, please, just tell me what you did.
Okay, stop. Okay? Just-- it's okay. It's okay.
We just had wonderful sex,
and it's fine. It happens, okay?
- It happens. - No.
He writes self-help books.
Well, one.
Oh, which one?
"Bright sunny bubble gum"?
Oh, the truth through positivity.
You are like an Espresso bean.
An Espresso bean.
You grow and you become strong.
Arabic black, filled with flavor,
robust,
and then life begins.
The grind.
Uh-oh.
You become a powder.
Dust.
Fine and aromatic.
Shiny, like a speck of diamond.
The elements, they converge.
Humidity, it rains down.
Light, blinding.
The wind blowing.
Blowing who you once were, yes?
Then one day you find
that even under this immense pressure,
there you are, beautiful...
Ready to cream that cup.
Do you think that's too much?
"Cream that cup?"
"Cream that cup."
I'm trying to place, like, with the c's, you know?
Cream. Creme. Cup.
Hmm.
Did you read it?
Well, no. I generally don't trust happiness.
I also don't trust people who are too convincing
or sound like they know the answers.
Right.
You do know that that can sound a little paranoid?
Hmm, well, yes, but-- but even if you're paranoid,
it doesn't mean they're not chasing you.
All right.
Anyway, he's working on another one now.
Can I get some hand sanitizer?
I think I touched something in here.
Uh, he also calls a laptop
a porn machine.
Which one is Anna?
His wife likes her chocolates.
Yeah, I like that.
The other one is hoffmeister, his assistant.
I have a theory that together
they would make the perfect "thr-ouple."
I feel like he used to make an effort.
- But now it's all about-- - I just want to say--
you have to let me finish.
Continue please.
He used to love to leave work in the beginning.
He was like don Juan or Valentino.
We used to love watching silent movies together.
So, em is married to lohmann.
She's my cousin.
- So, it was the dmv? - Yeah, I think that's--
oh, you don't like that.
- Well, it's just the-- - all right, um...
We met in an acroyoga workshop
and we had to share a towel,
which obviously you decided to keep.
Lilly, please.
Okay, um, we met on meditation mountain
and you were stepping on my aura.
All right, you know what?
When you're serious, you let me know.
O Kay.
We just met on a dating site.
Like j-date.
I was looking for someone dark haired and Israeli,
but, you know, without the thick accent.
Israeli and cute.
Just like a hook-up site. I was drunk.
Vvhat about, you knovv, you vvere having a gluten reaction
at a restaurant and I injected you with Kale?
Hey, what's the name of the site again?
The dating site? Um, "let's get awesome"?
You realize no Jewish dating site
would ever have anything with "awesome."
- Hey. - Yeah?
Thank you.
You're being nice.
Awesome.
Well, you were applying
the full heimlich maneuver on me,
so, you know.
Do you want to take a walk?
Sure.
Okay. Get in.
I want to show you something.
It's my parents' house.
We do this every year for as long as I can remember.
It's nice.
Family. Special.
They're crazy. All of them.
Yes.
It used to be special when we were younger, you know?
The whole family.
It was before you could see your cousin's
handcrafted latte every four minutes on insta.
All of us.
- Are you here on vacation? - Palm Springs?
Yes. Well, divorce.
I'm actually-- i needed some time alone.
L'm-- I don't know.
Everything I was doing didn't seem like
it was working out or right,
so I took myself out of the equation.
Oh.
Is that why you said that even your fictitious relationships
were doomed to fail?
Yeah.
Long?
The marriage 0r the divorce?
- I'm sorry. - Don't be.
She's from a hippie family.
Her father did a lot of coke,
and her mom liked black guys and women.
Might be the other way around.
But do you know what growing up like that
will do to your marriage later on?
Well, here you are
with the perfect excuse to do this.
You see? Huh?
Like a Scottish pirate
with an incredible sense of guilt...
And circumcised.
Is that what your book is about?
It's, uh-- no.
I'm writing an oral history of the world,
but from a personal perspective.
So, like a diary.
Well, I guess you can say that.
I don't know.
But I had to take a break
until I get, well, get some--
pants.
Pants, perspective, confidence.
I suppose they work hand in hand.
This whole thing just rattled me.
You know I'm not wearing any pants still, right?
- Are you nervous? - Now?
No. This? This is, well,
this is my usual Friday nights. I'm used to this.
Having a rose m a brown paper bag.
You know, if the cops stopped us,
I'd probably get three to five years
just for gender confusion.
I haven't done something this stupid in a vvhile.
It feels good, i have to admit.
You don't know who I am, do you?
I'm an actress.
Oh, is that, uh-- do you like it?
Is that working out?
Um...
It did.
It used to.
But now I just--
I don't know if there's a point.
I was-- i was doing this junket
for this new film I'm doing,
and a minute before we were supposed to start,
my boyfriend called
and said he couldn't do it anymore.
Hit-ii us-
let's talk about "awesome Allie."
Wait.
You're playing a doll?
Okay, well, first of all, it's "patriot girl."
It's, like, the hottest selling doll.
It's in every mall.
And l..
I don't know, I wanted to challenge myself,
do something new.
Like, push-- shut up!
It was a three-picture deal.
- I'm sorry. - No, it's so--
it's so stupid, all of it.
It's just--
that's what I realized. It doesn't--
like, none of it means anything...
Because I didn't have anyone to...
Still got rose.
It's stupid.
Awesome Allie?
Yeah.
I just feel it. He's having an affair.
Not positive enough?
- No. - What do you mean?
Lt's-- it's not--
well, it's got Bruce... Gender.
Yeah, but not as a woman.
It's like you're--
you're showing me a caterpillar
and telling me that one day it will become a butterfly.
I'm not sure I follow.
I want to see the butterfly.
It's set in the middle of winter.
Here.
Mm-hmm.
First, I had to choose between my career and his.
You know, this.
God, I'm not getting younger.
I can't compete with her.
I color corrected everything to severe blue.
We invented that color in post.
The gray of his sword in the fight symbolizes ash,
and his jacket has "death" written in sanskrit on it.
You know, we try to not age, and look younger,
and meanwhile these idiots are just--
they act like babies.
When j.J. Saw it,
he added that flare of light from behind him.
Then Bruce's character smashes the glass breastplate.
I'm just going to end up having, like, seven procedures done.
What was that, honeybear?
I'll probably end up, like, shiny and tanned
on Ibiza or St. tropez.
Oh, I love "centro pais."
And we made it.
So, when did it happen?
Well, it's December, so two weeks ago?
The actual, you know.
The rest happened a long time ago.
She was a lawyer, so we would fight
and she would litigate both sides.
It was like taking on j.P. Mutual or--
so I packed up my records, my camera.
I don't even know why I bother with all that stuff,
I'm so outdated,
and, uh, I left.
Right.
-L like-- - you know--
- what? - No, you were going to--
- no, go ahead. - No, please.
- Tell me. - You.
What were you going to say?
Let's draw numbers. I'm thinking of a number--
all right.
What I was going to-- what wanted to say--
what...
I like talking to you.
- You do? - Yeah.
It's easy.
It's also demented, but still.
Maybe it's because i don't know you,
but I think this is the best relationship I've ever been in.
Well, I'm flattered.
It's not every day someone says,
"you're great, and don't take it personally."
I didn't mean it like that.
So, "let's get awesome?"
Now? You don't mind the--
- the dating site. - Right. Yeah.
It's probably the motion sensor.
I would like that.
O Kay.
Honey? Salt, please.
Em, this is really good.
What's for dessert?
Where are you from?
My mom-- texting me. She's worried.
Oh.
You know, you have a nice voice?
It's underrated.
Especially, with every film nowadays,
all that fucking goddamn whispering.
And no one blinks. You notice that?
You promise yourself you won't do those projects
and then you turn around and find yourself
sighing at the moon.
My film, the one I'm working on now,
I just can't put it together.
It's driving me crazy.
Haven't slept in weeks.
I just don't know if it's right.
I want this to be the defining one,
but then, am I posing? Pushing?
Is that art? Follow?
You don't care. Why should you?
You have youth.
What's she worried about?
When I was young, my mom carried an umbrella,
everywhere, all the time.
And we had a friend who asked her one day,
she said it might rain.
Life wasn't always kind to her,
and she can't get rid of that,
so she sees only that-- worry.
What do you think?
Things happen.
If it rains...
It rains.
I mean, I feel like i need structure, you know?
Like, I had too much structure and then no structure.
I like working really hard, and I can't help it.
Then he decides he wants me to take care of him,
and be like the light in his world.
He has that potential, but so do I.
I feel like I'm not, like--
like he's the one that can say,
why don't you build an app, or do, like, a social network?
And I mean, what is that about?
So, it's like this interesting thing,
but I'm like, "are you fucking crazy, when?"
I mean, he got an advance.
He's lucky, you know?
It's like...
I feel like i needed to transform.
I was like, "i need you to, like, you can't do this,
I need you to do this."
And I mean I wasn't, i didn't-- i--
I wasn't in the mood for any excuses,
because I don't want to be resentful, all right?
I didn't sign up for that.
I signed up for a relationship
that doesn't lean on this or that,
I've done that before.
So now--
so now, we're in this loving relationship,
not like all these, fucking people.
And I just-- I don't vvant to feel like he's alvvays gone.
And he feels he has to call or he has to write.
So now...
I need to focus this energy...
On me.
Now did you ever think that you might need to shift
to feel better?
Never.
L-ll.
I'm not advocating harming cheese or cows,
but with a vegetarian diet, it just seems enough.
- Hmm. - Vegan?
Oh, I have never looked back.
And there's cashews, soy, almonds.
Yeah, but that's pretty disgusting.
And you know, dehydrated tomatoes,
is that necessary?
We don't want to hear people--
no, I'm serious.
- I heard one guy-- - thank you.
Telling his--
friend about how he masturbated on a flight to tahitl twice.
Yeah, I mean, I hate to tell you this,
but lots of people masturbate on flights.
He was on his way to his honeymoon.
Hmm. So are these, like, the kinds of things
you talk to your therapist about?
No, these are things i think about
vvhen I'm lounging in my eames chair reading Nietzsche.
- Mm-hmm? - Mm-hmm.
What are you reading?
Oh, a recipe for vegan quiche.
It sounds so good.
Oh, yum.
Listen to this.
Seven or eight carrots.
A generous block of tofu.
Shaved brussel sprouts.
Oh, white blossom spinach.
Put all that in a bowl.
Add some unsalted soy cheese
and some organic almond flour.
Then you take all that and throw it in the trash
and grill up some steak.
I don't think that's cannabis, that that's linen.
Uh, listen, let's all circle up, hmm?
Check in.
- God, I can't. - Oh, nice.
Come on.
- What's going-- - I should have warned you.
Should I bring my drums?
Okay.
Okay, checking in.
Okay, who wants to go first?
- Em? - Yes.
All right.
Feeling...
So blessed...
This holiday season,
which is my favorite time of year,
as you might know.
But this year
really has been such a blessing
- all right. - No, just to my husband.
I just want to wish him
inspiration for his film,
and I know it can be trying--
- but sending-- - em.
Yes, done. Just positive--
- really? - Energy. That's it.
Okay, great, um, now so I will check in.
Feeling good.
Um, it's just so nice to have the family all--
including Fritz
including, yes, whatever.
I just wanted to say that I know
that through the years
we have all found different paths,
um, and vocations,
and I have found,
um, some fortune, uh--
for fuck sake, just say it.
My therapist thought it was a good idea
that he come over and talk to you guys
- and 00-- - group therapy.
You don't have to be a pussy about it, vve're all adults.
I don't think that that's the right word.
It is. Pussy.
You're what?
Tom?
Yeah, I just thought that we could all benefit from it.
Well, what does that mean?
That means I invited a therapist over.
- Here? - Here.
Tonight?
Well, yes, yeah.
Don't think I have time for therapists,
I still have my film.
Look, just-- he's gonna come over.
We're gonna introduce ourselves to him and him to us.
Tom, I think...
That is about...
The most amazing idea i have ever heard.
I mean, I think that's so thoughtful.
Well, I think it's the dumbest thing that I have ever heard,
so"
oh, my god. Too much.
Checking out.
- Nope. - I have to just--
Ross Cain, therapist.
"Cain is more than able."
Where are you going?
L-- I thought you thought it was a good idea.
- No! You-- tom! - But you--
you are so sensitive sometimes.
What do you want me to tell you?
It's like your cocaine phase.
It is nothing like my--
please do not call it a phase.
- Oh, yeah? Vvhat vvas it then? - It vvas an episode.
Oh, please, what are you, "star wars"?
Of course, of course.
He's, like, fucking mummified in narcissism.
Like all that fucking linen has just blocked the sensors to his brain.
Like, fucking rearrange my fucking chakras.
Like, it's so typical.
Vvill you stop? You're giving me motion sickness.
No, it's-- it's like, it's like having
a fucking stethoscope for a brother.
He's, like, constantly, like, gauging and checking everybody's pulse.
And lt's-- lt's-- it's his problem, you know?
It has-- it has nothing to do with anybody else.
Oh, Christ!
And lt's-- it is so fucking selfish.
It started with giving us books every year.
Every goddamn year.
Turn around.
You know, first it was-- it was "the power of now."
And then-- then it was "your spiritual calling."
"Find your purpose." "Your path to journeys."
"Social intelligence." Like-- like he's one up
on figuring out this whole fucking life thing.
And-- social intelligence, seriously?
Have you seen intelligence in society anywhere?
Well, I had high hopes for the French,
but I don't really speak the language.
Makes me so fucking mad.
Well, you coming?
- Uh, where? - The pool.
I'm gonna get a glass of wine and sit at the pool
with a glass of wine.
Okay, but--
no, I'm good.
Barstow?
No, i-- you were supposed to take the--
no, no, I said you take the-- the 101 to the 110
to the 10.
Yeah, to the 10. That's what I said.
What did you take?
Okay, look, okay.
I meant to say the 111, okay?
111.
1-1-1.
O Kay.
Well, where are you gonna--
1-1-1.
Can you hear me?
- Better? - Yeah.
Good.
So, what's he like?
What do you mean? You don't know.
What about his voice?
Have you talked to him?
What are you gonna do when you meet him?
I don't know.
I have a picture of him.
No?
Tell me about him.
Tell?
Close your eyes and tell me about him.
I don't think he's having an affair,
you don't?
No.
I'm just confused.
I kind of expected--
I'm supposed to know what to do.
Pretty soon I'll be 35, 40...
My career,
there's talk about kids.
Why do we have to choose?
I mean, it's like, I'm going to just be a vp
or a terrible parent.
- It's trying. - Trying?
It's fucking awful.
I just can't.
Between aging and--
I don't want to be a vp.
I want to be a p and have ambitions
- and-- - get it out.
I don't want to wear thongs anymore.
I just can't.
And I feel like i gained weight.
Oh, honey, you eat a lot of chocolate.
You ever think about L.A.?
Every winter pretty much.
I came out for a visit once in April,
my friend yelled at me on the phone,
"don't think it's summer."
It was 72 degrees
and his wife was wrapped in a fleece blanket.
Also, why does everyone wear a beanie all the time?
I don't know.
The people, the weather in New York,
are just real.
Every time I come in
staring at those silly buildings,
heading back ln-- lt's like magic.
Makes no sense.
I always feel like a guy
when I come back into New York City,
and she's like a mistress,
like an old fling that I'm excited to see.
- A guy? - Yeah.
Like we had this love affair
and I'm nervous
if she still finds me attractive.
He's tall.
Taller than me.
His hands are soft.
He's got this smile...
It's kind of crooked.
Nice.
Character?
And he's gentle, you know?
Like, the way he talks.
Yeah.
Does it hurt?
You're poking it.
Sorry.
This is nice.
So did you think of a name yet?
What, for my movie? Yeah, lots.
Bring it.
-"The kingdom of self." - Mmm, nice.
I have a title that I always thought would be good.
O Kay.
"The love of intrigue."
Hmm.
"Love thief."
Come on, that's already a title.
Nope.
Yeah, I've seen that movie.
I'm not kidding. I made that up.
"Becoming a stranger."
You okay?
Yeah.
The therapist took the 15 by mistake.
He made it almost all the way to barstow.
It's not funny.
Yes, it is.
People die in barstow.
I'm not having an affair.
I know.
- So then why do you-- - because I'm scared.
And sometimes I feel like I'm all alone.
Why don't you talk to me?
Hmm.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
- Tom. - No, that's-- that's not--
you said that to me.
-L mo? - Mm-hmm.
Yes you did.
Right before "bright sunny bubblegum,"
I was having a moment, and you said that to me.
I'm sorry I haven't been paying attention to you enough.
You're the most important thing in my life.
- Really? - Yeah.
I was so close.
Okay? Yeah.
Okay? I was so close.
Yeah.
Nietzsche.
- Is everything okay? - Everything is fine.
Thank you, my darling.
Hey.
Um, I'm sorry to bother you guys,
but do you think I can use the porn machine?
Yeah, yeah, hold on.
Here you go. You have fun.
Yeah. Come on!
You know, I think you're just being lazy
and if you stand up, that would be,
- you know easier. - Okay.
Huh, ah, there. So good.
Okay. Now that the debacle is over,
what do you think?
What?
The stain. Pants. Think that will come off?
- Hey, Fritz? - Yeah?
Hi. I just thought maybe we can talk.
I don't think we met on, "lets get awesome."
+10? - No.
I think we met like this.
Just like this.
So I'm running late and she calls,
"where are you?"
I'm so frustrated 'cause i can't find this place.
I shout out, "i can't find it.
I'm lost.
I can't find gay street."
Out of nowhere, these seven, like, big tight shirts
and trimmed beards come out and just want to help me.
I feel like I'm in a cross betvveen snovv vvhite and goldilocks.
Come on, you're making this up.
I'm telling you, look it up.
Gay street, west village,
tiny little alley, straight up.
Wow.
Well, that was it.
We had a couple of days and then--
it's funny, vvhen i came back to nevv York
it was the worst winter in 50 years,
which is appropriate,
because my wife was like a cold and frigid front.
But, um, plowing through like snow,
rolling like thunder,
something like that...
Lilly went back to theatre,
that's what she loved doing.
They did a sequel to "yentl"
called "rosh hashanah rising."
Big success.
And they're making a movie out of it.
Lohmann's directing, and she's playing Jewish.
So, you know, serious Oscar contender.
We texted a few times. Little things.
You know, music that she heard that reminded her of me.
A bottle of rose i was having.
I thought back to that time
and I was trying to figure out life
as this one big thing, you know?
And what I realized was it's not like that at all.
It's like epicurus' theory of physics.
Everything is just tiny atoms that collide
and get entangled with no plan or purpose.
He did add that there's a swerve,
and not everything is predestined.
It hit me that it's like life, random.
Maybe Lilly and I were just two atoms that collided
and became entangled.
Maybe that's the magic of life,
those little moments.
Maybe that's what makes it so special.
Like fainting or losing your pants,
and then spending the holidays
with a bunch of eccentric strangers
who want to do group therapy.
And a chance or faint hope for love.
You know...
I think it was a timing thing with Lilly and I.
I was coming out of a break up
and she with her existential crisis.
Well, my therapist--
well, she always says that these things come down
to-- excuse me?
- What? - What's going on?
Uh-- uh, a woman is having an allergic reaction to gluten.
I've never seen anything like it.
Vvell, yqu knovv, like i vvas saying, it's, uh--
have to be at the right place at the right, uh--
I'm sorry. I think they're gonna need my help.
Excuse me, can I get some Kale, please?