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Benjamin.
Your mother and I have been talking,
and we know that things have been difficult.
But it's been some time,
and we really think that you need to start seeing a doctor.
Hmm. Okay.
Um...
Well, I mean...
I'm definitely open to the idea.
- You are? - Ah!
No, it's something I've been thinking about too.
- Benjamin, I'm so pleased to hear this. - Yeah.
- I mean, I'm definitely open to it-- - And there she is. Okay.
Who?
So...
- Do you need something? - No, it's a Triscuit. Sorry.
So, uh, can you tell me a little bit about your practice, Dr. Plotnik?
- I'm not used to, you know-- But yeah. - Rachel. That's what people call me.
Dr. Rachel, okay. What type of practice do you run?
Is it psychoanalysis or cognitive behavioral?
No. That's not me.
- I'm not a doctor like that. - Sorry?
Uh, I can-- Do you wanna touch my face?
Hmm?
Touch my face.
Just put your hand on my face.
- Go ahead, Benjamin. - Just touch my cheek.
Press it in, but with the fingers on... So you can really feel it.
So switch, flip it, flip it.
Okay, now take it away.
Do you see what's happening? Did you see that?
What? I don't see anything.
- It didn't move. - Incredible.
- Hmm? - Incredible.
It didn't move. It didn't move at all, my face.
- That's my work. I planned that. - Uh-huh.
- I wanted that, and I executed it. - Okay.
Dr. Plotnik's one of Zocdoc's top-ten facial cosmetic surgeons
in the entire Tri-State area.
Okay, yes, I see. That kind of doctor.
Um...
- It's still a real doctor. - I know. No, no, absolutely. I just...
Do you think I need work done?
- No, Benjamin. No. - It's always an option.
No, Dr. Plotnik is unattached.
Unattached.
- It's been a long time. - Right.
And coincidentally, she's free tonight.
I can make other plans, but I am free.
I mean, I am free. I put on the pants and the hoops.
- But-- - These crackers.
Dr. Plotnik, can I talk to my moms privately for a second?
- I'm so bad at introductions. - Yeah.
Well, I think it's important to work on yourself.
- Yeah. Of course. - Um...
May I just...? Can I...?
I'm gonna put my hand on your face.
Do the same thing that you did to me.
They're witnesses, so nothing crazy's gonna happen.
Ben, do you cry a lot?
Shabbat shalom.
Tonight, of course, is a very special Shabbat service
because it will be led by our very own Cantor Ben.
Who, as you know, has been absent, uh,
and we are thrilled to have him back after a very long sabbatical.
So let us start with the Kabbalat Shabbat service.
Page 636, "Yedid Nefesh." Page 636.
It's okay. Go on. Go.
I think it's nerves.
- What is he doing? - Oh, my God. Is he okay?
What's happening?
Benjamin!
Fuck!
Hello, Cantor Benji. It's Ruth.
You probably noticed I didn't make it to shul.
I've been fucking killing myself, trying to make this ending work.
And I looked up and it was sundown.
It's always later than you think, you know?
But I will make it up to you tonight, I promise.
I'm just taking one of my little walks to clear my head.
I'm a little slippery.
I bet you looked so hot on the bimah.
Your Hebrew warbling makes me vibrate.
Yedid Nefesh, baby.
Beloved of my soul, I'll see you soon.
Message saved.
Come on!
Keep going!
Keep going, please.
Keep going!
Thanks for the ride.
Crowded in here.
Yeah, it's Friday. What can I get you?
What do you have?
We have everything.
Mmm, not sure.
- Mmm. - Yeah, I know what you want.
♪ I've never been me ♪
♪ Might never be... ♪
What channel is this?
Oh, it's karaoke night in the back if you wanna sing.
♪ But they wouldn't do... ♪
I think he's the saddest.
Oh, he is definitely the saddest motherfucker here.
♪ Gave me a thrill... ♪
Another mudslide?
Yeah. Friday night drinks.
Stuff him in my pocket and take him home.
Do you think he knit that himself?
Ten bucks. Walk over. Buy him a drink.
You laughing at me?
- Huh? - Never mind.
Go give him some company. Go say hi.
- Just give him a big old smooch. - What are you looking at?
Nothing.
He's really... He's kind of, like, looking our way.
- That's what I thought. - Like, come on over.
Oh, God, he's coming over.
Hey. Question.
You calling me nothing?
I'm not over there anymore. I'm over here.
Are you saying that I'm nothing?
- 'Cause you're looking over here. - I'm living inside a joke.
Are you looking at something else, or looking at me and I'm the nothing?
Why don't you leave us alone?
It's fine. Go back to your date. Sit down. You have a beautiful sweater.
Had a few tonight. Few too many mudslides, yeah.
A few too many mudslides? Hm?
Here, have peanuts. Have everything of mine.
Must be a wonderful date. If I was on a date with her--
- Oh, my God. - Had to open your mouth, huh?
- Oh, my God, let's just go. - Let's go. Let's go.
Ow...
Hey. Hey, guy.
Are you okay?
Can you help me?
Maybe.
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand. Come on.
Okay. Come on. Come on.
Okay. Now, dude, let's just, you know, hop up there and sit down, okay?
- Get your tushy on there. - Thank you.
I'm gonna sit next to you, okay?
- Do I know you? - Thank you.
Uh, I don't think so.
Let's see, what is that you're drinking?
- It's-- - A mudslide. It's chocolatey.
Can I have two whiskeys, rocks, and a glass of ice on the side, please?
All right.
You're a good-looking guy, you know that?
Thanks.
You're welcome.
- Your whiskeys. Your ice. - Yeah, about time.
Lehayim, health and happiness.
This is for the eye, okay?
- Uh-oh. May I? - Mm-hmm.
Boom. That's okay?
It's-- It's...
Thank you.
What do you want?
You're Jewish, right?
All right, coming up.
How could you tell?
That was a joke. Come on, now.
- You're not deaf and dumb, are you? - I'm sorry. I was joking too. I got hit.
- On the floor. - Yeah. You did that.
You got punched in the face.
Yeah.
I work down at, uh, the Temple Sinai.
- Oh. - I'm a cantor. Um...
You're a Cancer. So interesting 'cause I'm an Aquarius.
- We're opposite-- - Cantor. I'm a cantor.
- Cantor? Mmm. - I sing at the services.
- A cantor. - That is a really good gig.
I guess.
Did you know that I taught music for 42 years
until they kicked me out of there last summer, fuckers!
Forty-two years.
Mrs. O'Connor.
- Wait, do I know you? - Ben. Ben Gottlieb.
Benjamin Gottlieb. Little Benny? Uh, Coolidge Elementary.
You were my music teacher. Little Benny.
Little Benny.
What are you doing?
I'm just trying to... I'm trying to see you. Little Benny.
You always gave me A's.
It was music class. Everybody got A's.
I'm sorry. I don't remember your face.
- You got a good face, but I'm not sure. - Yeah.
- You know, don't take it personally, okay? - Okay.
- Another one for my friend. - Coming up.
I got a car right here. Let me give you a lift.
Oh, no, no. I'm a walker. I like to walk.
So let's walk to the car.
You wanna take a look? It's a cool car. Uh-oh.
- Ben. Ben. - Nice.
- Yeah. I don't-- - That's it. In the car.
Watch your head. Watch your head. Watch your head.
- There you go. - Hey.
- Hey, that's great. - It's nice.
Isn't it nice? That's what I was saying.
- Let's get those feeties in there. - Nice.
- Just lie down. - Nice car, yeah.
Oh, my God. Ben?
- Huh? - Where do you live?
I live in the world.
Okay.
Let's see if we can find a little more specifically where you live.
Benny.
That smile. Little Benny!
Okay. We're gonna get going.
- Buckle up. - Gotta buckle up.
- Here we go. - Gotta be safe. Seat belt.
Oh!
Hello.
Hey, we're home.
Morning!
You okay?
- You want me to help you get in your--? - Where are we?
What? Home.
Let's go.
Want me to help you out?
I don't live here anymore.
Huh? What do you mean?
My wife did.
Your wife did.
- Well, I thought this was your address. - Not a good way to go.
I'm sorry.
- You want me to help you get in your ho--? - I don't live here!
What? Ben.
What's going on?
I don't live here anymore.
Really?
Well...
I'm drunk.
Where do you live?
With my moms.
You live with your mommy?
Hi.
- Hi. Let's just go slowly. - I got it.
- You gonna be okay? - I got it.
- No, no, no. Are you sure? - Yeah, I got it.
- Got it? - I got it.
Okay. Careful.
Bye-bye.
- Okay? - Got it. Thank you.
...trying, but he's not making it really easy for me, you know?
It's not his job to make it easy. It's our job.
- He's 40. - Well, so what?
- He's not a child. - Yes, he is. He's my child.
Of course.
Don't criticize him. He's doing the best he can.
Wait, was that the door?
Oh, Benny.
- Hi, moms. Hmm? - Are you okay?
- You okay? - Your mother was worried sick.
I was not worried. No, I wasn't worried.
You're my little voodoo doll. When you hurt, I hurt.
We've been calling you all night. Your voicemail's full again.
- What happened to you? - I was celebrating and I got lost.
You got lost? In the town where you've been living for 40 years?
- That's how I knew I was lost. - What happened to your face?
Yeah, right here, sweetie.
What are you doing with your tallit?
Don't yell at him. Okay. It's okay.
You get some rest. You're not hungry, are you?
- I wanna go to bed. - Okay.
- Night, hon. - Night-night.
The door's doing the thing again!
I'm gonna call somebody. We'll get it fixed.
How come nothing works in a brand-new house?
I know. Isn't that funny?
- Good night. - I know. Good night.
Okay. I've got it.
- Get some rest. - I can't.
Oh, God.
He's home. He's home.
Ben.
Hey, Rabbi Bruce.
What are you doing?
It's, uh, not supposed to snow.
You never know.
The purpose of a cantor is to sing.
- That's correct. - Which I'm currently unable to do.
Uh, also correct.
You should probably fire me. I would fire me.
We're not gonna do that, Ben.
'Cause my moms are both big donors to the temple?
That is not a small consideration.
You've had a very difficult year.
And I can handle the singing.
Um, truth be told, I rather enjoy it.
Shit. Ben.
How are you doing?
Me?
- How are you doing? - I feel like I'm hanging.
What's going on?
I think I'm gonna sneeze.
I feel like I'm hanging in there.
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the emotions.
- Motions. - Right.
Started Googling "Ben Gottlieb." You ever do that?
- Have I ever Googled your name? - No, no.
Look up other people with your name just to see who else is out there?
Excuse me. Uh...
No, Ben.
There's 12,000 Ben Gottliebs. There's an accountant in Tucson.
There's a lawyer in Jacksonville.
Oh, look at that.
By the way, if anyone walks in, this is a non-kosher shofar.
Meanwhile, you don't get to this Ben Gottlieb until page 7.
That's with typing in several pertinent key words.
- Damn it. - Ben.
Even my name is in the past tense.
Fuck.
You know, my daughter Gabby has had a very rough time of it this year as well.
How's she get through it?
She hasn't. She's a mess.
We'll help you get through this.
Oh, hell, yeah.
The synagogue's here for you, Ben.
- Do you mind getting those? - Yeah.
Right behind the chair there.
Is that how it's supposed to sound?
That was nice.
- What does it mean? - Um...
Does anyone know what it means when we say "neighbor"?
- Anyone? - I'm so late.
- A person who lives next to you. - A person who lives next to you.
- Your dentist? - Your dentist.
- But two dentists. - Two dentists.
- A horse? - A horse?
You know what, yes, a horse can be a neighbor.
But I'm trying to figure out just like why do you have to love the dentist,
the horse?
Anyone have an idea? You.
- The person sitting next to you. - You, I meant.
Okay, so to be a good Jew, you've gotta really-- Simon?
Is he asleep?
Would someone nudge him? Wake him up.
Is he asleep? Let him sleep. I don't care.
- Hi. - Mrs. O'Connor, hi.
- Carla, please. - Carla. Um...
Everyone, this is Carla.
Say, "Shalom, Carla."
- Shalom, Carla. - Shalom, Carla.
Shalom, everybody.
Carla was my music teacher when I was younger, so...
- Yeah. - ...if not for her,
I might not even be standing here in front of you.
- Carry on. - Are you picking someone up?
- Nope. Just-- I'm here for me. - Okay.
This is a bat mitzvah class, right?
- I saw it on the website. - B'nai Mitzvah.
Hmm?
Bar and bat mitzvah. Boys and girls.
That is very modern.
Where were we? Oh, right.
- Uh, Cantor Ben? - Yeah?
It's 4:00 p.m.
Technically, class should be over by now, right?
Yeah, but who's counting, huh? Okay. Get out of here.
I'm sorry. I missed the whole class.
Simon, get some sleep.
- I get it. Thanks, Simon. - Bye.
- Thanks, Cantor Ben. - One more week, right?
- You wanna stay and hear my story? - What's happening here?
I had car trouble, that's all.
- I mean, more generally. - Okay. Listen to this.
What's going on?
The first bat mitzvah was in 1922, which is exactly 100 years ago.
I Googled it.
And it was performed by a guy named Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan,
and he performed it for his own daughter.
At home, right at home.
Did you even know? I didn't know you could do it somewhere besides a temple.
So, uh, I feel like maybe...
it might be my time to go ahead with it, 'cause I always wanted to do it, I did.
So you wanna have a bat mitzvah?
Jeez, Benny, you're a sharp one.
- Oh, I just-- I didn't-- - Always were.
Yeah. I didn't know you were Jewish, Mrs. O'Connor.
Oh, that's my married name. But my...
- He's dead, my husband, long dead. - I'm sorry to hear that.
But my maiden name is Kessler. Carla Kessler.
- That Jewish enough for you? - That's pretty good.
Ceramics, Zumba,
mystery book club, walking, animals.
- I see. - These are all wonderful things.
I'm not asking the temple to fulfill everything in my life, but--
- Right. But I don't think-- - I think this is a good new start.
- I understand. - My husband.
- I get it. - You know, he just--
He didn't believe in it. But now I'm just me.
Now I can do it. I would really, really like it in my life.
Carla, I understand that you'd like to have a bat mitzvah, for many reasons.
Friends.
It's a great anti-loneliness, connecting thing.
- Heritage. - I taught you for four years.
- Now you teach me. - But we can't.
No. I'm not gonna hear this, that you can't help me.
- 'Cause I know you can. - I'm gonna step out on a ledge here.
- May I? - Okay. Step out, but don't fall off.
No, I wanna say, I've gone through some of these things myself,
but a bat mitzvah, you're beyond it.
- I'm too old, is what you think. - No.
You think I'm too old to learn. I lost my brains. Is that right?
Yes, I think you got old and lost your brains.
- Should I go play bingo... - You really think that?
- ...or mahjong? - No. Carla. I can't help you.
- Carla. - No, don't "Carla" me.
Listen, I didn't survive three minor strokes last year for you to say no.
I don't even know why you're sitting at this desk.
Get your balls back!
You know that Little Benny, he had the big balls.
He was a Little Benny with big balls.
I just feel sorry for you. This is a job where people have to care.
Hey! Hey, Benny!
Hey, you! You can't just run out on me that way!
- I'm not running. I'm walking. - Okay.
Ben! Ben!
What is this?
Everything's fine, Rabbi Bruce.
I'm working something out with a new congregant here.
No, I don't know about that, Benny,
because I do not feel welcome in this temple.
No, no, no. All are welcome at Temple Sinai.
I'm Rabbi Bruce.
Rabbi Bruce. Good to meet you.
I wanna have my bat mitzvah lessons specifically--
- Whoa! - Oh! Specifically with Cantor Benny here.
Now, that can be accommodated, can't it?
- I don't see why not. - Ha!
You see that? Now, that wasn't so tough, was it?
I guess I'll see you next week, Benny!
Can you back--? You know what, I'll back up.
Welcome, Pilgrim.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
I'll be right with you.
- Hello, brother. How can I help you today? - Hmph!
Hi, how are you?
- I'm fine, thank you. - Um...
What brought you in today?
I was just walking.
Never been inside. Wanted to see inside.
I'm curious about, do you have a favorite holiday?
Mm.
- Maybe Easter. Because it's getting warm. - Really? Right.
The question I wanna ask, what happens after?
Can I ask you, are you baptized?
Yes, in my religion. I was bar mitzvah'd. I'm Jewish.
- Mmm. - So, no.
- Are you not allowed to talk to me? - No, of course I can talk to you.
I'm actually having a hard time lately.
Do you ever not believe?
- We'll all have those moments. - How do you know what you believe in?
In the Church, we call it discernment.
You're led by the spirit.
Is there a ghost there?
- Hmm. - Do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in the Holy Ghost.
Ultimately, it's the will of God that we're all saved.
From what?
The ultimate thing you wanna be saved from is hell.
- Can you have hell without heaven? - One does not exist without the other.
What about just doing good for the time that you're here,
- and not really worrying about... - Hmph. Well--
...later?
Do you believe there is no later?
I believe...
- Well, I-- My wife died. - I'm sorry.
My question is, um...
See, in Judaism, we don't have heaven or hell.
We just have, you know, Upstate New York.
If I were to believe in heaven, could I grandfather her in?
I think that's more of a Mormon thing.
But I would have to get back to you on that.
Okay.
As humans...
we have a special talent for self-deception
and we think that our time is our own.
But our time is to be used according to God's will.
You're always welcome here.
This is usually how it goes.
We'll set your bat mitzvah for the next available slot,
- which I believe is next March. - What?
Thirteen months from now.
That's how long the process takes to properly learn the Hebrew
and the meaning behind it.
What's gonna happen on the day? You'll chant your Torah portion.
Then you'll read from an essay,
which you will write about your Torah portion
and what you think it means.
And then you party, right? Wonderful.
Then it's a bat mitzvah.
Your Torah portion, you don't choose.
It chooses you, based on the date.
And so, for you, 13 months from now,
would make your Torah portion...
Kedoshim, which was my Torah portion, actually.
From Leviticus, which is like we have the same birthday almost.
- Any questions? - Oh.
'Cause I think that pretty much sums it up.
You know what I got for my 13th birthday?
- What? - You don't know, right?
Well, when I was in the eighth grade,
I went to some bar mitzvahs of kids in my class.
David Daublebaum and, uh, Tim Rosenthal.
I loved the sound of the words and the music.
Chanting.
But I couldn't understand anything because I didn't learn the Torah.
I didn't.
- Ben, you listening? - Mmm.
My parents were, uh, communists.
You know, they were Jewish communists.
That made me what's called a red diaper baby,
and even if they would've, you know, my parents would've let me do it,
the temple sure as hell wouldn't let me do it.
You understand?
I couldn't get one.
You know what I did get for my 13th birthday?
I got my fucking period, exactly on the date. Ha-ha.
The worst part of becoming a woman.
- Are you listening, Ben? - Yes.
- You're listening? - Yes, I'm listening.
Please say it back to me.
- What? - You say it.
Repeat it back to me, what I said.
Like the listening exercises we used to do in school,
so I'd know if you were listening to me.
Say it.
Say it back to me.
What's going on? Say it back to me so I know.
- When you were 13. - When I was 13.
- Right, when you were-- - When I was 13.
When I was 13, do you know what I got for my birthday?
I was in eighth grade,
and I went to these kids' bar mitzvahs, and--
What were their names?
David Delbaum and...
- Scott-- - It's okay. That's very close.
I used to love going to those things.
I didn't...
understand the words, but I loved the music.
And I loved the way it sounded.
But, yeah, I didn't know it because no one taught me.
I wasn't taught Torah, because my parents...
were Russian commies.
Communists, you know?
- Jewish communists. - From Russia.
- Austrian. - Communists.
Which made me a red diaper baby.
So even if I wanted to, no temple would've allowed me.
This is the mid '60s.
This is 40 years after the first bat mitzvah.
I couldn't even get one.
But you know what I got? My fucking period.
Yeah, on the day.
The worst part of becoming a woman.
Thank you, Ben. You got it.
You're a funny lady, you know that?
If I'm so funny, how come you don't laugh at my jokes?
It's a different kind of funny.
Oh, yeah?
Here you go, Carla, my dear.
Good sir. Two Mildred specials.
- This looks nice. - Okay.
You must be Mildred, right?
- I'm not Mildred when the lights are on. - Oh, my God.
- Keep in touch. - Thank you.
Yeah, wow, this looks great.
- Doesn't just look great, it tastes great. - This just-- Right on the money.
Mmm.
Hmm.
What?
- Oh, this is good. - What'd I tell you?
- It's really nice. - I wouldn't lie to you, would I?
I don't know. Mmm.
I caught you smiling.
- Can I ask you a question? - Mmm.
How did your...?
Your husband die?
- If you don't mind me asking. - No, I don't mind.
Oh...
He smoked, uh, two packs of cigarettes a day for 15 years,
and then died of lung cancer, you know.
I didn't know that.
It's not pretty. Not a good way to go.
Hmm.
My wife was walking home drunk,
and she slipped on the ice and hit her head on the sidewalk.
Her brain bled.
I'm sorry to hear that, Ben.
Mmm. This burger.
It really is so good.
- Very unique. - Mm-hmm.
- I told you! I told you. - Why does this meat taste so good
- in my mouth? - I'm so happy.
What's going on with this meat? It's like gooey-ooey deliciousness.
- I'm gonna tell you. - We've gotta do another one.
You wanna know the secret?
It is...
You're eating the cheeseburger, but the cheese is inside the burger.
That's the genius.
With the cheese inside, I don't know why it's so much better that way.
- What are you--? Wait a minute. - Are you kidding me?
- What? - There's cheese in this meat?
- Yeah. - There's cheese in this meat?
Yes. So what?
Can't eat meat and dairy at the same time.
You're lactose intolerant?
- You can't be, because I saw you drink-- - Carla, I'm kosher. I'm kosher.
You cannot have dairy and meat at the same time.
- I know you didn't do it on purpose. - Everything all right?
- Hello. - Cooked enough?
Cooked perfectly.
The problem is that I can't eat meat and dairy at the same time.
It's not kosher. I can have, like, a carrot and cheese.
- Uh... - But not a beef and cheese.
You learn something new every day.
That's ridiculous. Those two things, they go together so well.
That's not kosher.
You don't know that that's why Jewish homes have two sinks?
- One for meat, one dairy. - I'm sorry. We didn't have that.
- One for the meat. One for the dairy. - Did you know about the two sinks?
I could use a second sink. I'm sorry.
- Don't be. - Not your fault.
I was in the service.
- We had a couple of fellas from the tribe. - I didn't know.
- I'm a big fan of your people. - Thanks, Mildred. I'm okay.
- Keep in touch. - Thank you for your service.
But really, now, seriously, how do you feel, feel?
I felt great before I felt terrible.
Why? What's the worst that can happen? You gonna get struck down by lightning?
I saw it. You ate the whole thing and you loved it.
That's how you really feel. You feel great! Mmm!
It's nice.
- We can do like a bake-off. - Get the kids involved too.
- Yes. - Since this is a fundraiser
for a Holocaust Torah, what would be nice is for that week,
before the bake-off, we focus on the Holocaust.
- Won't that be a dampener if--? - Dampener?
Won't that be a little sad for the kids? It's a bake-off.
Well, not the youngest kids, but by age 8.
They're still at the age where they love to bake.
- Perfect. - It's a sweet spot.
- Great, great. - Holocaust and baking.
- Ben. - Yes?
I'm Leah. I'm here for our JDate.
Excuse me?
Oh, uh, your message said to meet you here.
I didn't make a pro--
Oh, Judith.
Okay, yeah. I could use a drink.
So, yeah, I don't think I've experienced real anxiety, you know?
Wild.
Well, l'chaim.
L'chaim.
Okay. So can I make a confession?
I hate to begin things with a lie.
Mm. Sure. Go ahead.
I'm actually... Protestant. A hundred percent Protestant.
Hmm.
JDate is for Jews. That's why there's a J.
No, no, I know that.
I just, um...
I guess you can say I hate the way foreskin feels.
- Mm. Okay. - I've heard this one before.
It's great to hear of your support for our people.
- Yeah, thank you. Ah, it's so soft. - Uh...
Tell me when to stop. Where were we?
I see it right up here.
- Ben! - Sorry.
- I'll need a nine iron. - Okay.
All right? Or an eight. Or a five. Just bring the bag.
Thank you. How we doing there?
I'll get you.
Found it right here. I was right. You got the nine?
- Nine? - Yes.
- That's all I need. There we go. - Yes, sir.
See, it was right here. Thank you.
Things have been going pretty well with my adult student, Carla.
- Oh, very nice. That's what you want. - Yes.
- Jews in the pews. - Right.
Who's Carla again?
She's the woman who, uh, is retired, but she was a teacher.
She was my teacher when I was--
My daughter is coming into town very shortly. Gabby.
Uh-huh.
- The one I told you about. The mess. - Yes.
Maybe you and her would...
You know, you might find some common, uh, experience.
- Okay. - Ready for this?
Uh...
I'm watching.
- Look at that. Look at you. - Quick study.
- Yes! - Just like I said, right?
- I'm right? - Yeah. [chuckles] That's remarkable.
- Great work. It's very natural to you. - Really?
The vowels are the trickiest parts and they seem like you just know them.
Again, I don't wanna nitpick, but you could shorten it a little.
Adonai.
- Not as long. Adonai. - Adonai.
Throw it away. Adonai.
- Adonai. - Just throw it away.
- Can you say it one time? - Adonai. Adonai.
- Are you saying Yiddish? - It sounds Australian when I'm saying it.
Kidding, it's Adonai.
It's only one of the most important things we say.
But you throw it away because you've said it so much, it's so natural.
- Adonai. Adonai. - It will be-- Yeah, exactly.
- Adonai. - That "ch" sound?
It's almost like I would, you know-- Don't overdo it.
You know when you have popcorn stuck in your throat?
- Yes. - Yes?
How do you get it out? Let me hear you get it out.
Yeah. Ugh. Great.
More popcorn.
Put some butter on the popcorn.
Yeah.
- Butter flavor. - Do I look fat?
- Seriously. - Are you kidding me?
Did I gain weight since you were little?
No.
- Really? - Yeah.
I wanna learn the music of it, because-- I don't understand the rhythm of it.
I wanna get the meaning, the music. I wanna put them together. I think I--
- Absolutely. - So your turn to shine.
Your turn to be the teacher. I'm just gonna learn.
Please sing it for me.
- Now? Me? - Throw it away.
What's the matter? Have you got a sore throat?
No, no, no. Goes a little deeper than that.
- Huh? - I think it--
Could you just, like, run through it once so I've got it in my mind?
- Because I don't-- - Okay.
- I mean, I've seen it, but I don't-- - Okay.
I can't sing.
You can sing. I heard you sing like--
No, I know. I can sing, but I can't sing.
- What do you mean? - I don't want to. I can't.
- Why not? - I'm not going to.
But I heard you singing like a turtledove for years.
Here's what we'll do. You can lie down on the table.
- Let's keep you down in your chair. - We'll do belly breathing, okay?
You get some air in there,
and that voice is just gonna come out, Cantor Ben.
It's nap time, let's get on the table. No big deal.
You lie down, close your eyes.
But don't, you know-- Get your tushy over so you don't fall off.
- Wait, can you grab my yarmulke? - I'll hold your head. Don't worry.
- Be like a bobble doll. Hold that. - All right.
Relax.
Benny. Okay, close your eyes.
How's that belt? Is that belt loose enough, because--
- It's-- All right. - Close your eyes.
Remember what this was called? Belly breathing.
And every time I said belly breathing,
the whole class would just crack up like I said something dirty.
- You used to say, "You belly believe it." - You belly belie-- How do you remember?
The belly breathing, it's not in the chest, right?
It's in the belly. The belly breathe.
- I understand. - I'll show you on mine.
- Feel my belly? Okay, now watch this. - Mm-hmm.
- See how it goes out? - Yeah.
Stick it out.
Come on. You can do better than that.
That's right. That's laughing.
It's good, you know, because that's relaxed, okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hey, hey, yeah. - No, no, no. Come on, you can do it.
Hey.
Hear that? Hear that voice?
Come on, you got a big voice in there. I remember.
I'm knocked over by the wind! I'm knocked over!
You got that. That's the voice. That's the voice!
Benny.
- Do you have a VCR? - Of course. Who doesn't?
- Is it you, Benny? - No, I'm not.
It's gotta be you, right? Thank you.
There's no one perfect for that, right?
- Home! - You just leave your door unlocked?
Yeah. Well, I don't have much to steal, as you can see.
This is my, uh, castle.
- This piano? - Yeah?
Found this on the street.
- What do you think? - Nice. Great.
- Hi. - Oh, here's Alice.
- Hi. I'm Ben. - Nice to meet you.
- I told you about Ben. - Yes, you did.
My dear friend Alice, works in the garden.
- Garden. - Cool.
I'm making a brew. You want a cup?
- Tea? I would like it - Coffee would be great.
No, it's tea. Is that okay? It'll be good for his vocal cords.
A tea? I'm not... If you already made it, I don't wanna...
- Garden... - Okay, sure.
- I don't wanna put you out. - Two. I'm not being put out.
- Thank you so much. - I insist.
- She's my friend. - All these books. Biographies.
- I know. - Tons of biographies.
Love biographies.
I feel like each one is like a little life lesson, you know?
They sort of all end the same way, though, don't you think?
- Excuse me. Here you are. - Wow.
Alice makes the best.
- Thank you. - You're welcome. Enjoy.
- Thank you, Alice. Cheers. - Cheers.
- Mmm! - Oh...
- Every time it's perfect. - Wow. That is really tea.
Is this, uh...?
That's Nat. That's my boy. Really smart.
He's got his dad's scientific brain.
He used to have a lot of fights in school or something?
- What's he up to now? - He's a shrink.
- Perfect. - Big brain.
- Showtime! - I don't wanna watch this.
- Couldn't think of anything I'd like less. - Oh, sorry.
- Play. - Really good.
If you want, you can just borrow it. This is delicious tea.
Mmm.
Oh, my God.
Oh! Look at you. Little Benny.
You don't really grin like that anymore, do you?
This part's helpful.
God, you're gonna be so much better than that.
- Great. - You think? Thank you, Ben.
I'm beginning to see why people take three months.
You okay?
Look there. Look at him.
It's not easy, but you did it, so I can do it.
You got it.
I remember me!
- You said it. - I remember me.
I remember you too.
- Mmm. - You okay, Benny?
What, you think I fell off the mountain?
- What's going--? What is it? - Whoa, mama.
What do you do here?
I sure enjoyed feeling your belly.
Ben, don't be bad.
What?
Ms. O'Connor, I could do a backflip into your heart.
- What? - Look at you.
Were you nervous?
What?
The truth is, you went on to do some good.
- Look at him smiling. - He's over there, right?
Look at him. Little Benny.
- Handsome little tyke. - Yeah.
- How are you? - I'm doing good. How are you?
- Good. Long time no see. -"Long time no see" is right.
Look who came to visit us, fucking piece of shit.
- Oh, don't talk to him like that. - Oh...
He's making fun of me, aren't you?
- Okay. - You wanna take my kippah?
Don't look at that.
- You trying to take my kippah? - A kippah.
This.
Come on, Little Benny, let's see if you still got it.
- Pull up a chair, Benny. - Pull up a chair.
- Little Benny. Hmm? - Hey! Uh-oh.
- What are you doing? - What? Uh-oh.
Get over here! Little Benny, that's my kippah!
What?
Get back here. I got yours now.
I got yours!
Ben? Hi. I'm sorry.
I think Alice made us the wrong kind of tea.
- Oh, thank you. - You okay?
Look what I got you.
I got you-- These are my son's pajamas.
- These are so nice. - What do you think? Nice?
- Oh, you tell me. - I think they'll-- Let me see.
Perfecto.
- You like it? - I love them.
How about you just sit down again?
And we'll put these over your feet.
- Okay. - Comfy, cozy. Comfy, cozy.
- My pants? - You think you'll be able to sleep?
Yeah. But I don't sleep so well, anyhow.
I'm not a good sleeper either.
- Mm. Okay. - Okay.
If you need me, I'll be right downstairs.
- Okay. - If you need anything.
- I'll be here. - I'll be right downstairs.
- Night-night. - Night-night.
Oh...
- Night. - Night.
Maybe we could do our lessons here from now on.
- Would you be open to that? Yeah. - Seriously?
I mean, for me, it's so convenient.
I think it's beautiful.
You can see everything, it's a great environment. It's just--
I love it.
It's unorthodox.
I got you.
I had lots of that tea, and I've never slept that well before.
Uh-oh.
- Just kidding. - It's coffee. I promise.
Thank you so much for coming, you guys.
And then my friend couldn't go to the circumcision,
so her friend stops talking to her.
You always look good.
- She expects my friend to collect money... - Nice to see you.
- How have you been? - I've been great.
We're always happy to give money for a good cause.
Yeah. Thank you. Enjoy.
We'll start the bidding.
Doesn't that guy look like Jon Snow? There.
Oh!
Yeah. Kit Harrington.
My dad probably told you I was supposed to get married.
I heard about that. I am so sorry. He's an asshole.
Yeah.
- You know, Benjamin's a cantor. - Yeah.
- Yes. - I knew that.
Do you wanna meet him? I'll introduce you to him.
- He's a really good boy. - Oh, I'm sure.
Have you had anything to eat? You should try the cheese.
It's really good. Let me get you a cracker.
Okay.
- Here you go. - Thanks.
- Yeah. Let me hold that for you. - Thanks.
Yeah, I know how it can be.
We tend to forget to eat, and that's normal. It's okay.
I'm gonna introduce you to Benjamin.
- Benjamin. - Yes?
- Come over here. - Yes.
Where'd she go? Oh, here. Uh, this is Gabby.
- Gabby, Benjamin. - Gabby.
- Hi. - Nice to meet you.
- Rabbi Bruce's daughter. - That's what I thought.
- You're the middle one on the tie. - That's me.
Did you know that she used to live in New York?
- This is New York. - New York, New York.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Gabby is an accomplished actress.
- Really? - Yes.
- What kind of acting? - Like, little plays.
Right.
I kept auditioning for Jewish parts that went to shiksa actors, so--
You're a very believable Jew, as far as I'm concerned.
- I am one. - Have you seen her do impressions?
No. We just met.
Do your impression, the one you told me about earlier. Go.
Um...
My, she's yar... fast.
Oh, no, that-- Okay, let me try again.
- Um... - It's okay.
My, she's yar. Everything a boat should be.
- She's so good! - Cool. No, it's good.
- She's so good, right? - Really good. Yes.
You gonna tell me who it is, or I have to...?
- This is embarrassing. - You're doing great.
- You're doing really great. Isn't she? - Yeah. Great. Yeah.
It's Katharine Hepburn from Philadelphia Story.
I knew that. I knew that.
You guys get back to talking. It was nice to meet you.
- Excuse me. - Yes!
Really nice to meet you. You'll be around?
- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.
Katharine Hepburn? Yeah, yeah.
The agent in Tel Aviv was like, there's no work here--
Best friend is there. I've never visited Israel.
I want to go so badly.
...I have a wonderful number two.
At 7:35, I make a perfect number two.
Like Mount Saint Helens erupting.
First guy says, "What are you complaining about?"
Third guy says, "I don't get out of bed 'til 9."
All right.
I think that's the perfect segue into bidding for the Holocaust Torah.
Uh, that was more gross than dirty.
All right.
You're all in a good mood now.
We welcome our wonderful congregant, Judith Gottlieb.
Yes!
Thank you, Rabbi Bruce. Uh...
They always make these things too tall.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- I'll just do this. Hi. - That's very good.
Hi. Thank you so much.
I'd just like to formally welcome everyone
to the Holocaust Torah Scroll Restoration fundraiser!
Thank you. And thank you for that really funny joke, Rabbi Bruce.
And, yes, I am Judith Gottlieb, from the Temple Sinai Board of Directors.
- Yes. - That's my mom.
And, um, I was born in Manila.
I am just so happy to be living here
in Sedgewick, New York, with all of you.
And with the love of my life.
That's my mom.
But my heart lives in Jerusalem.
- Yes. - Amen.
Thank you.
Let's start the bidding.
Everybody bid.
It sounds great.
This is your-- You're kind of up here, right?
Sing-- That's...
Is that what you were doing? Okay.
And then, um...
It's that...
It's the same note.
I see what you're saying.
- Here's a little secret. - Okay.
Did you know that I actually recorded an album?
- Really? - For real.
When I was young-- I mean, I was very young.
- I recorded a professional album. - Okay.
And?
And it did not go over as well as I had hoped.
- Wow. - 1972.
It was a limited edition of 1000, and I have 900.
- Come on. - Yes.
-"You'll Live"? - I never made another one.
- 'Cause I had a family. I had Nat. - Get out of here.
- And can you tell that's me? - Carla Kessler.
Yes, I can tell that's you.
She was so pretty, but I didn't know it.
- When you say she, you mean you? - Yeah.
- You wanna hear it? - Yes.
- You know how to play a phonograph? - Oh. May I?
Please do. If it works. I hope it works.
I haven't listened to anything on that 'cause I listen on my...
On my cell phone.
- I'm gonna hit "play." - Okay.
♪ When I was a single girl... ♪
That's nice.
Glad that we have that in common, the music.
♪ Wish I was a single girl again ♪
♪ When I was a single girl ♪
♪ Had shoes of the very best kind ♪
♪ Now that I'm a married girl ♪
♪ Go barefoot all the time ♪
♪ Wish I was a single girl... ♪
You have to be nice.
Be surprised when you see her. Give a big hug.
- That's a good idea. - I love Grandma.
- We love Grandma. - They love Grandma.
- It's pretty obvious. - You'll learn.
Do us a favor, be excited for Grandma.
- You're excited, right, guys? - No one's excited for Grandma.
I want to prepare us for what this will be.
- Surprise! - Surprise!
- Guys! - Surprise, Mom.
I didn't know you were-- Darcy! Let me see my girls.
Oh, my God. Are you about 28 now?
- You're 8 feet tall each now, right? - Hi, Mom.
- Oh! Honey, I didn't know you were-- - Hi, I know.
- Look at you. Hello. - Hope you don't mind us dropping in.
- It's okay. God, I'm so excited. - Hey.
Who are you?
- I'm Ben. You must be Nat. - This is Ben.
- We went to Coolidge together. Mm. - I don't remember you.
- He's my room renter. You know how I do-- - Why are you in my pajamas?
Because I slept here last night.
Ben slept here because I'm renting him a room.
Why did he sleep here last night?
- Well, I-- - I rent my rooms. You know that.
I need people here and I have to do that.
- Okay. - Ben.
- Hi. Darcy. Nice to meet you. - Hello. Hi.
- Ben Gottlieb. - Hello, Ben.
- The girls. - My beautiful girls.
- Hi there. All right. - Gorgeous girls.
Look at them, how polite.
- Okay, here's my idea. - Um...
Let's go out to dinner tonight, with Ben.
- Wouldn't that be nice? Fancy dinner? - Mom, I--
Fancy, fancy. What do you think?
- Have a suit I could borrow? - We're here to see you.
Okay. You're seeing me. You see me, and you see Benny.
And we're all seeing each other. Isn't that cool?
- It'll be nice. - Shotgun!
It'll be nice.
Mom!
Meira? Meira? Mom!
Mom!
- What? - Meira!
What's wrong?
Just--
Oh, you look so nice.
But then you always look so nice.
Dad's old tie.
- But... is this my suit? - Mm-hmm.
Well, looks good.
Fits you.
You haven't been home a couple of nights recently.
You knew that?
I know a lot of things.
You sleeping with someone?
Well, I guess you could say that.
Look at you.
I know you can get so sad, Benny, I'm sorry.
That's from me.
It's in our blood.
I want you to be happy.
It's just, sometimes, I don't always know how to do it.
You need to eat something. I can tell, your blood sugar's low.
- Oh, look, Mom's boyfriend is here. - Nat, please.
- Hey. - How are you?
- You're wearing a pantsuit? - Uh, yeah, it's my mom's.
- Can you just slide in? - Girls, sit down.
Girls, you remember my friend Ben.
- Hello. - Yes.
- Ben. - Yes?
I've been wanting to tell you that I am the biggest fan of your wife's book.
- Oh, thank you. - It was just so amazing.
- Good evening. - What book?
Can we get you started with some drinks?
Yes, you can. I'll do a Laphroaig, neat.
She'll do the house white, and milk for the girls, yeah?
Uh, I'm gonna have a vodka on the rocks with--
Mom, no vodka. No vodka.
Let's just do a sparkling water.
- And you're good? - Yeah, you've got me on these--
- Mudslide. - Mudslides.
Yeah, so, Ben, can you bring us up to speed?
What's--? You know, what's going on between you and my mom?
- Nat. - What? It's a good question.
You invited him to family dinner, so we're gonna talk.
- Are you sick or something, or...? - Uh, listen.
I guess I've been doing a lot of thinking and searching lately.
- That is healthy. I support that. - Thank you.
The other thing is,
I'm aware of your feelings about this kind of thing.
- Mom. Mom, Mom, what is going on? - And I-- It's just--
What are you--? Can you just tell me?
What exactly do you do, Ben?
- I work at Temple Sinai. - Temple Cyanide?
- Sinai. I'm a cantor. - He's the cantor there.
I'm a cantor. It's a synagogue.
Oh, okay.
Mom, what are you doing there?
- Me or you? Who would you...? - Would you mind?
Your mother has decided to have her bat mitzvah,
and I'll give it to her.
- Wait, no, no, no. - Yeah, yeah. It's exciting.
- Yeah. No, I know, it's-- I know. - No.
Are you--? This is hilarious.
This is classic Carla.
- This is hilarious, Mom. - Why is it hilarious?
First of all, she's not 13 years old.
- More importantly, she's not Jewish. - That's not accurate.
- Mom, only Grandpa was Jewish. Right? - That's not--
By your rules, doesn't that mean she's not Jewish?
- That's still open for debate. - That isn't open for debate.
Her mother was Episcopalian, and my father is Catholic.
- Menus, anyone? - Uh, yeah.
Here.
This is a... menu for the...
Girls, do you want...? Maybe-- Should I just order for you?
Okay.
Did I read that book?
I don't think so, and you would love it.
I appreciate that very much.
You're a quarter Jewish,
so if you wanna have a bar mitzvah, we can talk about that too.
- See, that could be good for us. - Okay.
Would you like to hear about the specials today?
- No. - Okay, very good.
Listen, I don't want you to think I'm antisemitic or anything.
I would say I'm anti-antisemitic.
Me too.
But I do wanna tell you that I am a devout atheist.
I just have no interest in organized religion of any kind.
So if that's something you wanna waste your time with, Mom,
that is, like, your business, and something I can't be involved with.
Right. It's my business.
Yeah. I respect that, truly. You have no idea.
Typically, the family is involved in the ceremony in some way.
It's quite important.
All due respect, I don't want my girls, you know, exposed to that kind of thing.
- What exactly would we do? - Darcy!
I'm curious.
Typically, you would say a blessing over the Torah.
Isn't that nice?
- That would be so fun, wouldn't it? - Mom.
And considering, in Carla's position, it's a little different,
so you could fulfill some of the roles that the parents would.
- You could say the Shehecheyanu blessing. - The what?
It's a thanks to God and expressing your devotion.
- Great. Thank you, God. - Being grateful for being alive.
- Great for God. - You could present her with the tallit.
- It's a prayer shawl. - Seems easy.
You could give her candy.
Candy!
- Fun, right? - What do you like? Fruit or chocolatey?
Okay. Mom. Mom, what do you think Dad would think of this?
Well, I don't really know, honey,
because your father has been dead for a long time.
Have we made some choices?
- No. No, please just give us a minute. - Yeah, very good.
Okay, listen.
Ben, you'll have to excuse us.
We're gonna need to have an O'Connor-only night.
You just got here. You're gonna leave?
Oh. I get it.
Um...
Carla.
I really-- I apologize, Ben.
- I'm so sorry. - There's nothing to apologize for.
- No. No, I do. I apologize. - I understand.
- I mean, do you mind? - I'm sorry, Ben.
Ah!
Nat, you are so lucky to have Carla as your mother and in your family.
She really embodies what Judaism's all about.
Bye. Sorry.
- Good night. - Yeah, I just--
He's-- I don't--
You can visit the office anytime.
- When do you plan to go back? - To the city?
- Yeah. - Um...
- Oh, well... Uh... - Ooh. Ooh!
- Look who's here. - Hey.
- Hello. - Welcome home, Benjamin.
- Hi, Ben. - You look nice.
- Thank you. - Gabby and I were talking about
some possible employment opportunities at Back to Realty.
- Right? - Yeah.
Just while she's waiting for, you know, some roles to come along.
Yeah. Great idea, right?
- Yeah, it's very great. - Yeah.
Why don't you join us?
You'll be in town for a little while, or...?
You know what? I don't wanna meddle.
I'll leave you two to catch up.
- Okay? - Okay. Thank you.
- Good night. - Good night.
You're always welcome in our home, okay?
- That's so sweet. - Good night.
- You'll be here for a while...?
Uh, yeah. Well, I was, uh--
- I was... - You go back, or...?
You know what? Sorry, do you want?
- Oh. - One of these?
- Would you like one of these? - Yeah, okay.
Thanks.
Mmm!
Oh! Um...
So I was engaged.
- Yeah. Everything was booked. - Yeah.
- I lost all the deposits. - Your father, Rabbi Bruce, told me.
- Yeah. - Very sorry to hear that.
- Yeah. So... - My wife died.
It was a year ago.
Well, more than.
I know. Judith told me, actually.
Oh, she did. That's good.
I'm so sorry.
She was a writer, right?
She was an alcoholic novelist.
- Judith said she was really accomplished. - That's right, yep.
Um, so there's a book back there. Shoot. It's up--
You don't have to get it. I'll get it if you wanna see it.
- Can I? - You could look.
- Third shelf, next to that yellow book. - Okay.
- Next to that-- - Is it...?
Yeah. That's the one.
Publishers Weekly called it a intimate and revealing portrait
of contemporary fiction.
- She was so beautiful. - Yeah.
She was actually 600 pages into a new book
about a cantor living in a small northeastern town,
but she didn't finish it before she died.
Can I borrow it?
I'll give it back.
Keep it.
Really?
I read it.
Okay.
So, uh, how long you here for, in town?
Carla, uh, it was really nice meeting your family tonight. Um...
Thank you for inviting me. While we're talking about that,
I was thinking that we should meet at the temple for our next class,
at least while your family's in town.
Uh, I wanna make sure we have the space we need.
Yeah, this is Cantor Ben, by the way, and, uh...
Carla!
Carla.
- Hi! - Is Katharine Hepburn there?
- I'm just kidding. Hi, this is Cantor Ben. - Uh-huh.
Would you wanna hang out sometime?
Outside of a Holocaust Torah Scroll fundraiser?
Yeah. Um, I'd love to.
I was actually waiting for you to call.
Mmm.
What are you doing, like, now?
Well, right now I'm gonna go hang out at the Temple Israel Cemetery.
Cool! I'll meet you there.
Are you--? No, no, no. Well, I was thinking--
Yeah, I've been meaning to see my bubbe. So I will come find you.
Hi!
I haven't been here forever.
I come a lot, actually.
I finished Ruth's book.
Can I give you an honest opinion?
Yeah, sure.
It made me excited.
Sexually.
Well, she was good at that.
Was she, uh... like that in real life?
She used to take these long walks.
You know, to think about her book, writing,
and she would leave me these voice messages.
Dirty voice messages.
- Do you still have them? - All of them.
You never deleted any of them?
No. I just paid for a bigger storage plan.
Can I listen to one?
I'm a fan of her work.
- You have 762 saved messages. - Can't believe I'm doing this.
Saved message.
You're with her right now, aren't you?
I'm gonna sit in the corner and watch what she does to you.
She pushes you down onto the bed, undoes your pants,
takes out your cock.
She looks at it, I look at her looking at it.
She puts the head in her mouth,
but she doesn't put her lips around it,
so you feel her breath on your cock.
- She reached-- - Message saved. You have--
Pretty good.
- I shouldn't have had you listen to that. - No, no. I, uh...
I liked it.
Can I have the phone?
No.
You have 762 saved messages.
Saved message.
- You're with her right now... - You're with her right now, aren't you?
I'm gonna sit in the corner and watch what she does to you.
She pushes you down onto the bed,
undoes your pants...
She puts the head--
...takes out your cock.
She's looking at it.
I look at her looking at it.
She takes the head in her mouth,
but she doesn't put her lips around it.
So you can feel her breath on your cock.
Unbuckle your belt.
Someone got a ride.
- Gossip is the greatest sin in Judaism. - I know.
Hmph. Very good.
Ugh!
Fix this door!
Carla?
- Is this Ben? - Yes.
This is Dr. Palant at Mount Sinai Hospital.
Okay.
Carla's had an accident. She asked us to call her son Ben.
Is she okay?
She had an attack and fell. We think it was--
- Ben. Carla. Hi. - Ben. Benny?
- Benny. Okay. - No, sit down.
Benny. Nat didn't answer. But you came here.
Of course I did.
I-- This hasn't happened to me in a long time.
Do you ever feel like... your brain is just having a heart attack?
All the time.
You do?
I don't know what that is.
Let's go straight up here to your room there.
Thank you.
Go on. Nice and easy.
Oh, boy.
Surprise!
Oh, my God.
What'd you get me?
Have a look.
- Oh, no. - Two house specials. One kosher.
I want to go through with it.
But a year is too long.
- Ha-ha. Yeah, it's too long. - Mm-hmm.
So can we have a shotgun bat mitzvah?
Mmm. I can look into it.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God. This is so good.
This is pretty amazing.
- Every time I eat this, it's a surprise. - Yes. I know.
- Every time, it's like brand-new. - Oh, no.
Mmm. Never fails.
- Never fails. Just-- What? - You have the kosher one.
Oh, no, no. Here, here, here.
- It's okay. I'm fine. - Here, here.
Rabbi.
- Rabbi Bruce. - Ben.
- Hello. How are you? - How are you? I have something for you.
You left it in my car.
Your yarmulke.
You left it there.
I wanted to talk to you about my adult bat-mitzvah student, Carla Kessler.
- Sure. Go ahead. - She's been making tremendous progress.
- Wonderful. - And I don't think we need the extra year.
I'd like to move her up from next year into this weekend because she's ready.
And we gotta do it now--
- This weekend? - This weekend.
So we can keep the portion the same.
You want her to move the whole thing up a year?
She's ready. She's ready to pop right now.
I don't know, Ben.
That's an accelerated timeline for a bat mitzvah.
I understand, but I think it'd be a great story.
It's inspiring and it's wonderful.
There are reasons the bat mitzvah is a year studying.
It's inspiring.
She did mention that she was considering making a sizable donation.
Very excited about that.
She's a teacher, right?
She was my teacher.
One could see why she might be able to handle this.
- Yes. Rabbi... - Someone of that ilk.
- If anyone might be able to do this... - Can do it.
- If anyone can do it, it will be her. - Okay.
Well, listen, this synagogue is nothing if not flexible.
And I've been carrying the ball, singing, and we're managing.
The Myerson family, uh...
- We have Rachel Myerson booked that week. - That's right.
- And-- - She's not ready.
And forgive me, that's a reflection of me.
- Let me talk to-- - Rachel Myerson, could she do it? Yes.
Is it gonna be great?
She's not doing the homework. I've tried.
- This is a big room, a big space to fill. - Of course.
- She's shy. She doesn't have the thing. - She is shy.
Okay. I could talk to the Myersons.
- May I suggest co-headlining? - Yeah?
I would like to have Carla Kessler open for Rachel.
If we could have another reason for people to be there--
- Other than Rachel. - Yes.
Maybe this would be a relief for them. Let me talk to the Myersons, and...
I think we can make this happen.
- Okay. - Okay.
Thank you.
- Rabbi Bruce said yes. - I'm so happy. I feel like I could cry.
- I know. Me too. - My God. I can't--
- Hey. - Yeah?
The night before the ceremony, why don't you come to our Shabbat dinner?
- You can meet my family. - You have to wait.
May I cut in?
A dance with my son? Of course.
I'm not feeling any of your pain right now.
Mmm. Right. Exactly.
What a nice surprise.
Maybe this weekend I could pose for one of your paintings?
Really?
Okay, hurry up, get to temple on time. I got to finish cooking.
- We'll meet you at shul, okay? - Okay.
- You okay there? - I can't find the garlic thing.
I'll do it by hand.
I'd like to bring a guest to dinner tonight, if possible.
- Who is it? - My bat mitzvah student.
- You're inviting a child? - She's a little older.
Ceremony's tomorrow. I thought it'd be a nice gesture.
Make her feel part of the community.
Okay. Oh, I think that's a lovely idea. Of course she's welcome.
- Great. - Okay.
- One more place setting. - What's that?
Stop it. We'll be there soon.
What did I do with that garlic thing?
- Why did you say yes to that? - Why wouldn't I?
It's with our family and Rabbi Bruce's family.
- Tonight's all about Gabby and Benjamin. - Why don't you tell him? I'm sorry.
Can't do that. You said yes. You can't take it back.
- Look at all the food we have. - Yeah.
Shabbat shalom.
Cantor Ben and I are delighted
to welcome you all to our Friday night service.
Great to see some new faces here. Keep it coming.
The shul welcomes everyone, regardless of appearance, orientation,
uh, creed, or all of it.
Um...
Let us begin our Friday night service with Kabbalat Shabbat.
We will start with "Yedid Nefesh."
"Yedid Nefesh."
Page 636 in your prayer books.
You should sing.
They're here.
- I'll get it. - I'll get it. Come on, Benjamin. Come.
- I'll leave those there. - Judith had that.
I got you. Might be my student. I got it.
- Hi. Welcome. - Hi.
Good Shabbat.
- Hello. How are you? - Hi! Good. Yeah.
- How you been? - Good.
We're all together.
- Thank you so much, Cindy. - Can I take your coat?
- Ben, take care of their coats? - Thank you.
- Beautiful jacket. - Let me put this...
- I can just bring it. - No, I got it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah. No, bring it down with you.
- All right. There they go. - Okay. Thank you, Rabbi.
That door. We're gonna get it fixed. How you been?
You know, fine.
- You good? - Yeah. Great.
- Yeah. Oh. - Great.
You forgot this.
- Right. - You can have this back.
No, it... You can just--
Excuse me.
Yes. Coming. I'll get it!
I'll get it, Judith. That's for me. I'll get it!
- Hi. - Yes, how can I help you?
- Hey. - Yes. Benny invited me for your dinner.
This is Carla. This is Judith.
- Your bat mitzvah student. - This is Carla.
I know I'm a little older than you're thinking.
- No. Please come in. - This is my mother Judith.
Thank you for the flowers.
- So generous of you to... - Here. Follow me. Yes.
Please have a seat. I'll just put these in water.
- You know... - The rabbi is here.
- Rabbi Bruce. - Hi, rabbi.
- Cindy. - This is such an honor.
- Tomorrow's her big ceremony. - And your beautiful wife?
This is Cindy, yes.
- And my mom, Meira. - My God, look at you.
- Look at that painting. - I know.
- This is the artist. There she is. - You painted that?
- That's the artist. Yes. - So nice to meet-- Oh, thank you.
- May I? - Of course.
- Welcome. - I want to just thank you.
You invited me, and I thank you so much.
Well, of course.
What a gorgeous house, and it smells so good.
- Yes. - So good.
- You look so familiar to me. - Oh, you know why?
- Why? - Well...
I was Benny's music teacher when he was Little Benny.
- Oh, my God. - At school.
- Mrs. O'Connor. - Hello. It's very nice to see you again.
- Thank you for having me. - Get everybody a drink.
- It smells so good. - Dinner will be ready in a minute.
This is Gabbi, the Rabbi's daughter.
- Gabby. - Gabbi.
- Nice to meet you. Oh, Gabby. - Gabby, Gabby.
Oh, my God. What a beautiful daughter you are.
Oh, that's so sweet that you... Music. Oh, thank you.
- Very chic. - Can I take your jacket?
Yes, please.
I'm gonna take this downstairs. Okay, I'll take this.
Yeah, why don't we have a seat right over here?
- Ben, hurry 'cause the food. - This is so nice.
- Come on. - Ben gave you the tour?
That's written by King Solomon, extolling the Jewish woman.
All her hard work that she puts into building a very beautiful and loving home.
Beautiful.
Thank you.
♪ Amen ♪
- Excuse me. I'm sorry. - It's okay. It's okay.
We'll have white with dinner, if anybody prefers that, but for now...
- Yeah. - I like the red.
- Say when. - You like the red better?
I don't know about the tradition, but I like the red.
L'chaim.
- Shabbat. - Did you do that one?
Yes. All of these are my paintings. That's oil.
That was my early work. Oil and palette knife.
One, two...
Just take my napkin. It's fine.
Smells good.
Okay.
Look at that.
- Do I just take a piece? - Yeah, pass it around.
- I love it. - Here, you guys.
- I know everybody's hungry. - Nice and warm.
Oh, wait! Before everybody starts, I just wanna take a picture.
- We're not allowed to do that. - God will forgive us. Stand over there.
I'm gonna get everybody together. Stand around there.
Carla is here too.
- Stand on the other side of that. - Maybe we all just sort of like...
Should I be in it?
We should all be not leaning, but just skyscrapers.
- We'll say, "Shabbat shalom!" - I'll be in the back.
- Shabbat shalom. - Yes!
- Okay, bon appétit, everyone. - Bon appétit.
Oh, wait, I'd like to welcome the rabbi, and his beautiful wife,
and especially Gabby to our family.
L'chaim.
L'chaim, and thank you for inviting me.
Oh, it's our pleasure. Okay, dig in.
This is a vinaigrette, and then there's a ranch dressing.
- Oh, thank you. - It's gorgeous.
What a dinner.
- I'll pass around the challah. - It's so good.
- Is the meat too cooked? - Delicious.
- It's good? Okay. - Perfectly done.
- I make a really good kugel. - You do?
Yeah, but noodle kugel.
- What is your--? - It's my Aunt Cecil's recipe.
- Better than this? - Yeah, it's sweet.
- Judith. Gab-- - No!
- Judith. - Don't.
- She makes a kugel as well. - She does?
But it's a sweet one, so it's no competition.
- You never cooked when you were home. - What are you talking about?
- And you've tasted her kugel? - I was 16.
I haven't tasted it.
- You should make one for Ben. - Yeah.
I'll eat it.
- Oh, it sounds good. - My mother taught me.
It's just by osmosis.
My son, my very own son, hated my cooking.
- This is the ranch. - Already talking about kugel.
- Are you okay? - Just thinking about something.
- I'd like to propose a toast. - Please.
I'd like to propose this toast to Gabby
for, you know, bringing such joy in into our home,
into our lives.
Isn't it wonderful when someone new comes into our little world
- and just makes it so radiant? - Yes.
- To Gabby. - Anybody want challah? Grab it.
- I wanna say, Judith? - Yes, Benjamin?
I think that you are such a great, um...
You know, letting me live here for a while.
- And, uh, yeah, just very... - Letting you live here?
- This is your home. You're welcome here. - Wherever I am is your home.
This is also your home.
P.S. P.S. Thank you to Carla.
You know, more than anything,
uh, she, you know, just taught me that, uh, it's okay to be loud,
and to make a mess,
and to be sloppy,
- and that music is the sound you make. - Yes.
And everyone makes their own sound, and every bird has their own sound.
And, uh, I could just jump into your heart and live in there,
if that'd be okay, if they let me move out of here.
- Yeah. - Oh, my God. Thank you. Oh, my God.
Benny was a very devoted teacher. He really cared.
You were devoted to me. I'm devoted to you.
Teachers always love their students, right?
- Anybody else? - I'm so grateful to you.
- Congratulations. - Yes.
To your bat mitzvah. You have a big day tomorrow.
- Thank you. - So eat up.
- Don't talk about it. - You'll do beautifully.
- You think? - I don't remember my bat mitzvah.
Oh, mine was in April 1st, 2006. Yeah.
- After I converted. Right, Meira? - She was magnificent.
- Thank you. - Tell you the truth, I'm nervous.
You know it. She knows it. She's got you and you feel it.
How long have you been studying with Benjamin?
Well, three weeks?
- Mmm, yeah. - Oh, it's young.
When is one allowed to study for three weeks and have a bat mitzvah?
'Cause, you know, during my time, I studied for a year.
Yeah. This was a different arrangement, yeah.
Oh.
- You said she's ready. - She is ready.
- He is a man of integrity. - Good boy there. You got a good one.
There is a rule that you need to go through a year of study.
Is that a rule? I didn't know anything about a rule.
Judith is very comforted by rules.
Rules are important to keep your life organized. Rabbi?
I have to say I told him I'm a fast study.
We'll talk about it later. It's an arrangement.
- I guess he's a great teacher. - He's very confident.
- There are rules and customs. - Yeah, that's true.
- Customs and rules. - A fast learner.
You have a very intelligent adult--
I was an adult when I had my bat mitzvah. I was 35.
I've seen her do stuff in the last three weeks.
- Donation. - It's interesting the way the brain works.
Maybe it's because you are so inclined to learning and to teaching,
- and it goes hand in hand. - What a great observation.
- May I say that this is such a-- - Do you want me to hold it?
- Beautiful home you have here. - Thank you.
It's huge. It's so big!
We can give you a little tour later, if you'd like.
Gabby already got the tour.
I don't think Ben would lie to me if he didn't think I was ready.
- He-- - Oh, I'm sure.
So where do you live? Do you live in an apartment or a house or--?
I live in a house. Little house in the arts district.
- The arts district. - Arts district. That's so far.
That's really out there.
You know, I work in real estate. I can help you find a place closer to downtown.
Well, I love it there.
- You do? - Yeah, I really love it there.
- It's peaceful out there. - You've been to her house?
Yeah. For the-- For our-- We do many-- We'll do lessons out there sometimes.
- We've done a lot of work there. - Is that normal?
- They have to concentrate, right? - Yeah, it's just a different thing.
- Yeah. - It's accelerated.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- That's hardly conventional.
When I was shopping for this, do you know that they make
- gluten-free challah? - Um...
No, I wasn't gonna make a toast.
I just wanna loosen it up. Can we play a game of Telephone?
- Telephone? - I say a thing.
Then we get back here and see if it's the same--
- So we whisper it? - What's the prize?
- Yes. - We have prizes we can give out.
- There's no prizes. - Let's play!
I'm gonna whisper it to you.
Assuming the reward is knowing that, as a team,
you consistently said the message and--
- Surely. - That's the reward.
Yeah. Rabbi Bruce.
- Okay. - Who's starting?
I'll...
- Wait, say it one more time. - Mm-mm.
No, you can't. You can't.
Mm-hmm.
- Only can hear it one time. - Talk among yourselves.
- I hope I did the right thing. - A green bean is an odd thing.
The beans are inside.
Who needs something?
- Hit me. - Okay.
Close. Okay. Ready?
Okay. All right, tell us what she said and what the original was.
Okay.
I love you, ice cream cones.
- Yes. That's what I said. - Yeah, that's what I heard.
- Very close. Very close. - What was it?
- We got it? - No, no, that's not what I said.
What was the original?
- We need the original. - "I love you, ice cream cones"?
I said, "I love you, Carla Kessler, ice cream cones."
So, what did you hear?
I didn't think that was part of the whisper.
I thought, "I love you, ice cream cones."
I guess I was the--
- Is that what I said? - A whole section got dropped.
- You do love ice cream cones. - It's fun, though.
I guess we hear what we wanna hear, anyway.
- It's just a game. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
- Does anybody need any wine? - I'm sorry?
It's a kid's game.
I love you, Carla Kessler, ice cream cone.
Benjamin, when you were really little,
the rabbi was talking to the kids.
It was at the children's service, about gossip,
and how dangerous gossip is, and he took out a tube of toothpaste,
and he had a paper up on the bimah,
and he squeezed out the whole tube of toothpaste.
He had all the little kids come up and say:
"Put the toothpaste back in the tube."
And you can't. And that's what he said about gossip.
There's another parable that's very similar
that involves feathers in a pillow.
- They blow everywhere. - Exactly.
That's the difference. So in a way--
I wanna thank the rabbi, big Bruce, for helping me-- Yeah.
- Little Ben. - Little Ben and Big Bruce.
That's right. I think you've got a great daughter.
- Thank you. - And, uh...
And I wanna also say, um...
It is extremely rare to find someone...
um...
who gives your life meaning.
Who restores faith that you thought was way gone.
To see the world through someone else's eyes.
- Listen to him. - You know, new eyes.
Stop, stop.
And, uh...
I never...
thought I could feel this...
love for you, Carla. I-- I love you.
What are you doing, Benjamin? What are you doing?
- Benny. - I'm in love with Carla. I love you.
- What does that mean? - It means I love her.
Are you fucking kidding me?
What does this mean, that you--?
What do you--? What do we mean?
Do you love him? Is that it? You're in love with each other?
- Judith... - Who wants babka?
We haven't had dessert. To teachers and students.
Carla, did you put him up to this?
Excuse me? Now, you were his teacher.
- Excuse me-- - So that means you groomed him?
- What? - Oh, my God.
- Excuse me? - She groomed you in school.
And now you're in love with her?
So this is some kind of plan?
He's been a lover since he was a little boy.
It's just he's got a big heart. He always--
I don't know what he's talking about.
- You're happy? - I'm happy!
- He's happy. - I'm happy!
- Yes, we know. - It's amazing.
- It's okay. - Are you okay?
No, I'm-- I'm so fine! I'm so happy for you.
You're laughing.
Are you laughing or crying?
- What's happening? Are you laughing? - Don't embarrass her more.
- Just leave her alone. - She had a hard year.
- I had a hard year. - Is she laughing 'cause...
I'm not so-- I'm totally fine. I'm totally... okay.
- I'm so disappointed in you, Benjamin. - Okay.
- So wrong. - Thank you.
Anyone is entitled to love anyone,
but not while pretending
and giving other people the impression that he loves someone else.
What are you--? Nothing happened.
- Nothing happened. It's fine. - He has been leading you on.
We had no idea.
- He has such a big heart. - Okay. All right. All right.
A person loves who they love.
- Are you in love with him? - Oh, God. I--
- You don't have to answer. - You just confessed something,
- and she can't answer? - Professed. I professed.
- Excuse me. - I didn't confess, I professed.
- Then she has to profess. What? - I...
I am sorry. I need a minute to think about--
More than a minute. I should go.
Benny?
Thanks for inviting me.
So handsome.
- Does anybody need any--? - I love you.
Well, I love you, Benny, but I'm confused.
- Are you--? - Jesus Christ.
- What the hell are you doing? - We should talk about this.
- You're not serious. - Oh, God. I think I'm gonna be sick.
- You know what? - Are you serious?
That's who my Benny is. A man--
- Wait. - I'm gonna--
- This is time for me to leave. - I meant, he's a lover of life.
Tomorrow is her bat mitzvah!
- I don't know about that. - What do you mean?
- Thank you for coming, I guess. - We'll talk about it.
Why is everyone acting like they're crazy. Oh, my God!
- Stop. - We were gonna have such a nice--
Carla.
Shabbos meal with the rabbi and his family.
- Meira. - Carla!
Carla!
Carla! Carla. Carla.
Somebody should walk her to the door.
- I'm sorry. - Meira, Meira, sit.
Oh, rabbi, you're gonna still do the bat mitzvah, aren't you?
How? Seriously--
Carla!
The door isn't working! Carla!
- Benny, it's your mother. - Now it closes?
Carla, I love you! I love you!
- Mom! - I love you too, sweetie.
- Benjamin, open the door. - I can't!
We have an ax, right? What if we break it down?
Think about someone other than yourself.
Go get her, Ben.
Oh!
You're okay.
I've been thinking.
We really need to do my bat mitzvah today.
I don't think...
we're gonna be welcome at the temple anymore.
Well, you know, the first bat mitzvah was done at home.
I told you that.
This is your home.
- Just follow me. But do not trip. - Okay.
Be careful.
- It's kind of steep. - Yeah.
- You with me? - Yeah, I'm with you.
So beautiful.
Oh, my God. Look how beautiful. Huh?
I thought just over there, right?
- Here? - Yeah.
Carla...
welcome to the next part of your life.
From here on out,
what you do, who you are,
it's up to you and only you.
Amen.
Thank you, Ben.
Amen.
So... Hmm!
Well, what should we do now?
Traditionally, we'd have a party.
Oh, a party.
Let's have a party.
Okay.
♪ Give me your hand And I'll give you mine ♪
♪ Follow me and my bottle of wine ♪
♪ And we'll dance 'neath the stars Dance 'neath the stars ♪
♪ Haven't got a care Breathing country air ♪
♪ Holding hands with you This is a memory we'll share ♪
♪ Tell me secrets And tell me your dreams ♪
♪ I'll tell stories Of my various schemes ♪
♪ I love clowning around Clowning around ♪
♪ I have my whole life long I'll keep it going on ♪
♪ Every day I make Someone laugh so hard ♪
♪ That they cry out tears And their stomachs scarred ♪
♪ As I dance with you I'll make you laugh too ♪
♪ And you'll finally see I make you happy ♪
♪ This is a fantasy, it's true ♪
♪ Let us giggle and look at the lake ♪
♪ Hope I'll see that you're smiling fake ♪
♪ Life is a dream, life is a dream ♪
♪ Nothing can go wrong Nothing can go wrong ♪
♪ We'll catch frogs and sit on logs And our night will last long ♪
♪ Every day I make Someone laugh so hard ♪
♪ That they cry out tears And their stomachs scarred ♪
♪ As I dance with you I'll make you laugh too ♪
♪ And you'll finally see I make you happy ♪
♪ This is a fantasy, it's true ♪
♪ Give me your hand And I'll give you mine ♪
♪ Follow me and my bottle of wine ♪
♪ And we'll dance 'neath the stars Dance 'neath the stars ♪
♪ Haven't got a care Breathing country air ♪
♪ Holding hands with you This is a memory we'll share ♪