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Most of life seems
pointless and absurd to me.
4
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:10,070
Yet there are
moments of clarity
in the chaos and noise
5
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:11,680
that seem to matter
and make sense.
6
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:16,859
Death is unavoidable.
7
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:22,604
Got 'em!
8
00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:26,651
Mort?
9
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,392
But then again,
10
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:29,437
so is life.
11
00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:38,533
Front door.
12
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,756
It's beautiful,
Mortimer.
13
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:48,499
Smile.
14
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:53,809
Yeah.
15
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,854
Do you think there's any way
we could get them to come down?
16
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:58,901
There's no inventory.
It's a seller's market.
17
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:01,077
And I know they have at least
one other offer on the table.
18
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,644
Baby, I need this house.
19
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,036
I know, sweetheart. I just--
20
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:06,169
This is a little
over our budget.
21
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,779
All right, guys, look.
22
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,651
I know the other offer's
from a developer.
23
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,000
The couple selling this place
24
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,002
has lived here over 20 years.
25
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,438
They don't wanna hand
their first child off
26
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:15,657
to some soulless speculator.
27
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,790
In fact, they told me
specifically
28
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:22,925
that they wanna get
a young couple
or a family in here.
29
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,709
I just don't even think
we'd get approved
for a mortgage
30
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,146
on a place like this.
31
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,148
Uh, what about your LDCs?
32
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,627
We haven't gotten ours yet.
33
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:30,367
Seriously?
34
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,762
You guys, LDCs
can be a huge help,
35
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,460
if not the deciding factor
towards getting your dream home.
36
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,114
Uh, I mean, yes,
credit is important,
37
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,116
but right next to that are LDCs.
38
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:41,509
Please, babe?
39
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:43,075
We talked about this already.
40
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,774
You might lose the house.
41
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:47,036
We just wanted to stick
42
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,169
with the whole natural thing.
43
00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:51,083
I thought you didn't wanna know.
44
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,215
I don't wanna know,
but if it'll help us
45
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:53,782
get the house...
46
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,044
I really want this house.
47
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,524
You know, this garden's great
48
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,047
for taking selfies.
49
00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,180
The flowers really match
your eyes.
50
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,799
Here at Valley Medical,
51
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,757
we have the answer.
52
00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,542
Life Day Count.
53
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:20,025
Ninety-seven point nine
percent accuracy.
54
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,942
Have you ever wondered
how much time you have left?
55
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:26,641
Now you can prepare you
and your loved ones
56
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,209
for your inevitable demise.
57
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,949
How do we do it?
58
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,125
It's science.
59
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,302
Okay, let's get started.
60
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:38,000
All of your tests have been
completed to get your LDCs,
61
00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,828
or your Life Day Count,
62
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,656
and to determine
your death date,
63
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,962
what we do is we take
the results of your LDC,
64
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,922
we add it to your test date.
It's a very simple math.
65
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,142
You know, two plus two
equals four type of...
66
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,623
- Yes.
- Excuse me, um, Doctor.
67
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:55,147
How spot on is this testing?
68
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,542
Statistically speaking,
it's 97.9% accurate
69
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,240
within a week of said date.
70
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,981
Now of course,
this estimate is based
71
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:06,594
on your body's natural decline
from age or disease, okay?
72
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:09,074
What we cannot do here
is predict death
73
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,861
based on murder or suicide
or accidents, for example.
74
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:17,257
Of course. Um, but how exactly
do you figure this out?
75
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,607
We just do. It's science.
76
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:25,177
All right, are you ready
for your results?
77
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,310
As ready as we'll ever be.
78
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,965
Mortimer.
79
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:34,317
Nicole. So, you can read
your results on your own,
80
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,712
but I'm required to stay here
and go over any questions
with you, okay?
81
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:40,671
Oh, my God.
82
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:44,501
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die.
83
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,157
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
84
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,767
It's okay, it's okay.
What does it say?
85
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:57,384
21,490!
86
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:03,738
Nicole, that's almost
60 years from now.
87
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,175
It just feels really close!
88
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:09,657
Everyone
does react differently.
89
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,354
It's understandable.
90
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:12,486
What does yours say, babe?
91
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,191
Three hundred and forty-five.
92
00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:29,633
Days?
93
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:33,985
That is not ideal.
94
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,729
No, it's not.
95
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:40,731
Young man, I am so sorry.
96
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:46,302
You know, though, anyone
who has less than a year,
97
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:52,177
they get a free Bible,
and I think I have one left.
98
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,441
And that was that,
you know? Just like that.
99
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,269
I mean, even after
all that mumbo jumbo
100
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,055
about being okay
with the results no matter what,
101
00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:05,103
boom, Nicole dropped me
like a hot potato.
102
00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,149
I know, I know. I...
103
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,977
I-I'm sure she's going
through a lot too.
104
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:11,371
I can't pretend to know
what it's like for her.
105
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:12,981
But it just sucks, you know?
106
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,811
But between you and I,
107
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:20,118
I kind of always knew
that she wasn't the one.
108
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:22,251
I mean, this definitely
proved it.
109
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:23,992
So maybe it was for the best.
110
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,648
Or maybe not, I don't know.
111
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,869
More importantly,
what do I do now, you know?
112
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,176
Do I start dating again?
113
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,831
It's not like I have much time
to build a future with someone,
114
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:39,399
even if I do find the one.
115
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:40,574
I don't know.
116
00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:46,449
You know what, Mr. Addison?
God, that is not your shade.
117
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:49,017
Hey, Mort!
118
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:52,237
Hey, man, your uncle's trying
to see you before you jet, bro.
119
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,023
Okay, Sid.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
120
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,938
All right. Hey, stop talking
121
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:58,940
to the dead people, all right?
That shit ain't healthy.
122
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,377
Ooh!
123
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:25,662
Uh-huh.
124
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:32,234
Oh, so, she...
she never had a chance
to parasail in life, yeah.
125
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,584
Uncle Barry,
you wanted to see me?
- Yeah, yeah, uh--
126
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:38,196
Are you-- are you going
to your mom's house
for dinner tonight? Oh.
127
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:42,810
Well, we can definitely
hang her from a parasail.
128
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:46,640
Oh, I am truly sorry
for your loss.
129
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:49,338
This must be devastating,
but we hope to help you
130
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,383
through this process.
131
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,298
Thank you.
132
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,344
Yeah, I'll be there.
133
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:58,303
Good, 'cause, uh,
I've got a big date tonight,
134
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,522
and she's a looker.
135
00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,611
I mean, I think.
136
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,701
Uh, it's hard to tell
from photos online.
137
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,574
- Online?
- Yeah, I've been doing
the online dating thing.
138
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:13,405
It's amazing. I mean,
it's so much cheaper
than prostitutes.
139
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,452
Okay, well, uh,
good luck on your date,
and I'll, I'll see you Monday.
140
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,280
See you Monday.
Oh!
141
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:21,370
Did you, um, say goodbye
to Mrs. Harrison?
142
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,416
She's going
on her final vacation.
Remember, we did the card.
143
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:25,766
- You signed the card, right?
- Yeah, I signed the card.
144
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:28,072
- Well, just say goodbye to her.
- Okay, I will.
145
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:35,993
Can I ask you something?
146
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,125
Yes, dear.
147
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:39,780
Are you still glad
that you know?
148
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,131
About my death date?
149
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,219
Mm.
150
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:49,180
I don't know if "glad"
would be the word I would use.
151
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,183
But I'm still okay with knowing.
152
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:58,102
When my husband died,
I figured, why not know?
153
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,845
Because when someone
you love is gone,
154
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:06,676
wouldn't you wanna know
how much longer it's going to be
155
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,157
before you get to be
with them again?
156
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,423
I made a conscious decision
to live the rest of my life
157
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:17,861
in the pursuit of what
and who makes me happy.
158
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:23,780
Mortimer? I want you
to promise me something.
159
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:30,221
I want you to promise me
that you won't live
160
00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:34,095
what time you have left
in a rut, or unhappy,
161
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,317
because you still have time
to find someone
162
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,538
you love...
163
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,802
...and enjoy life
until it's over.
164
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:48,675
I promise.
165
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:26,713
Hey, Mortimer. How's life
treating you nowadays?
166
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,715
It's good, Sid.
How about you?
167
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,326
Good, can't complain.
I could, but you know
168
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,110
they wouldn't listen.
That's what my daddy always say.
169
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:35,243
So what you finna get
into tonight, man?
170
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,723
You finna go
to your mom's house,
171
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,638
get your grub on,
something like that?
172
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,335
Yep, just another crazy night.
173
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:41,728
Oh, okay.
174
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:45,862
So how you doing, man?
175
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,039
What do you mean?
176
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:52,739
I mean, your Uncle Barry
told me about your girl
177
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,349
kicking you to the curb
on account of you
178
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,003
finding out your death date
and all of that.
179
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,745
I'm sorry, man. That sucks, bro.
180
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,225
I found out my death date too
when I was 18.
181
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,358
But I mean, you know,
the grim reaper
182
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,273
ain't exactly looking for me
for another 80 years.
183
00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:07,536
But if I found out that my date
was within a year,
184
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,451
that would suck balls, bro.
185
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,890
And then to have
my girlfriend leave me
on top of all of that?
186
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:17,502
Yeah, well, uh,
that's life, I guess.
187
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,591
Yeah, you right
about that, brother.
You right about that, bro.
188
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,726
So, anyway, me
and a couple of the boys
189
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,206
heading to the strip club
tonight, man.
190
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:28,688
You should definitely
come through.
191
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:32,430
My boy Hector's the manager.
Ain't no cover with that card.
192
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,650
There's women everywhere,
fly honeys everywhere.
193
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,087
We're talking about
ass ubiquitously,
you know what I mean?
194
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:40,569
And Hector hooks us up
with free drinks
195
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,789
when the owner's not around.
196
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,487
I don't know, Sid,
I-I'm not really...
197
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,229
I don't think strip clubs
are really my thing.
198
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,318
Bullshit, man.
Listen, unless you gay,
199
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:53,321
every man has a deep
biological urgency to see
200
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:57,020
hot, butt-naked women
wrapped around metal poles, bro.
201
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:59,327
That's science, bitch.
I ain't making this up.
202
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,938
But seriously though, man,
you look like you're way overdue
203
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:04,724
for some ass and titties
so, you know, you should...
204
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:05,942
You know, I'm just saying.
205
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:09,598
Maybe...
206
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,382
Maybe I'll come
one of these nights.
207
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:14,168
Okay. Okay, cool.
208
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,213
- Have a good one.
- A'ight. Later, Mortimer.
209
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,391
Would anyone like more wine?
210
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:08,570
No? Okay, great.
211
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408
So, um, Mortimer,
how's work, honey?
212
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,192
Work's great, Mom.
213
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:25,108
It's good? Good.
214
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,894
Morty, my friend
was telling me the other day
that when you die,
215
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,244
your fingernails
and your toenails
216
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,507
and your hair just keep growing.
217
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:35,292
Is that true?
It's fucking freaky.
218
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,729
No,
that's not true.
What happens
219
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,602
is that the dehydration
of the body after you die
220
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:43,823
causes the skin around
the nails and hair to recede,
221
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,607
making it looks like
it's continuing to grow.
222
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,696
No shit?
223
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,916
That's fucking disgusting.
224
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:53,093
- That's why I never went
into the family biz, babe.
- Mmm.
225
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,312
Honestly, I don't know
how you do it, bro.
226
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:59,360
If I had to put my hands
on a cold stiff every day,
227
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,579
I'd puke my guts out.
Okay.
228
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,800
You know what?
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey.
229
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:07,977
Can we change the conversation
for dinner tonight,
230
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:11,589
okay, and not talk
about these things,
these disgusting things?
231
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,722
- Death's a part of life, Mom.
- Oh, my God.
232
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,245
Mortimer, you sound
just like your father.
233
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:19,075
Jesus Christ, okay?
I get it, I know, it is.
234
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:22,383
Hey, Morty, remember when Dad
took us to the funeral home
for the first time?
235
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:25,386
Mrs. Harrison was downstairs
in the showroom
236
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,736
taking a nap
in one of the caskets,
237
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,956
and we thought she was dead,
238
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:33,481
and then when we walked up
to the casket, she woke up,
239
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:36,745
and she just, like...
screamed when she saw us.
240
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,834
Holy shit, right?
241
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:43,621
Morty didn't even flinch,
cool as a cucumber.
242
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:47,103
Man, I think I...
crapped my pants.
243
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:50,715
Why? Why are you
talking about this shit?
244
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,501
Crappy pants,
dead bodies.
245
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,025
You know how I feel
about that place.
You know how I feel!
246
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,419
Take it easy.
- You take it easy!
247
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:01,161
You little fucking whore.
Mom!
248
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:02,902
Why couldn't it be
something nice,
249
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,252
like an ice skating rink
or something?
250
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,689
Like an animal hospital?
251
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,386
Guys, it's the family business.
252
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,085
It's not
my family business, honey.
253
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,001
If it weren't
for your Uncle Barry,
254
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:18,178
the whole shebang would've been
shut up after your dad died.
255
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,615
Well, you're not gonna have
to hear me talk about it
much longer.
256
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,924
Not cool, man.
- Mom. I'm sorry, Mom.
257
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,230
Just don't!
258
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,711
I'm sorry, Mom.
259
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,887
Um, somebody's an asshole.
260
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,455
Morty, she's talking about you.
You're the asshole.
261
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:39,025
I'm-- I'm just
being honest, okay?
262
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:41,375
It's not gonna change anything,
whether we talk about it or not.
263
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,942
I don't see
what the big deal is.
264
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:45,727
Yeah, no, I'm like
so aware of that.
265
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:47,772
Thank you very much.
But you know how Mom
is about this.
266
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,385
Look, I'm the one
who's dying soon, okay?
267
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,865
Would you rather
I not tell you about it?
268
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:55,911
Well...
269
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,608
Thank you.
270
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,175
Hey, hey!
271
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,397
I got pie.
272
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,398
Ooh!
273
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,843
- What?
- Thought you had a hot date.
274
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:18,890
I did. We met at Corky's
on Van Nuys.
275
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:20,980
- And?
- And, uh...
276
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,547
we had a very pleasant
conversation.
277
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,897
I politely drank my coffee,
278
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:28,857
ate my slice of pie,
and got the hell out of there.
279
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:32,643
But good lord,
she had amazing legs.
280
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,558
Don't you think you're being
kind of judgmental?
281
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:37,083
Honey, I'm too desperate
to discriminate
282
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:39,955
against anyone willing to go
on a date with me.
283
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,828
- Where's your mother?
- Why don't you ask
your favorite nephew?
284
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,178
Did she start crying again?
285
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,748
Life is a very precious thing,
286
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,837
and when we lose
the ones we love,
287
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,883
it can be hardest
on those left behind.
288
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,364
Can we just leave it
at work, Uncle Barry?
289
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,801
Why don't you do
the online dating thing?
290
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,977
I mean, there are plenty
of ripe hotties out there.
291
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:04,588
Yeah, Barry, look at all
the dick you're getting.
292
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,983
Funny. No, I really think
you should think of it.
293
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,465
Yeah, well, we talked
about this, okay?
I don't see the point.
294
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,207
I remember hearing
about this dating service
295
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:17,514
that specializes in matching
people with early death dates.
296
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,429
That sounds depressing.
297
00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:21,301
You're gonna die soon,
I'm gonna die soon.
298
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,390
- Let's go on a date.
- She had this crazy fetish
299
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,957
for sleeping with guys
who were gonna die soon.
300
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,785
A glowing review.
301
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:29,309
Hey, where you going?
302
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:31,746
I'm gonna go home,
and I'm gonna go to bed.
303
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,357
You're gonna go to bed?
It's 7:30.
304
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,098
I'm aware of that. Good night.
305
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,367
Is your old roommate
still single, or...?
306
00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:47,805
Oh, shut up, Barry.
307
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:12,743
Look, I-I know this is
very difficult for you.
308
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,746
- I understand, I do.
- Barry, no you don't.
309
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,487
You don't.
310
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:18,967
That's a good point.
311
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,066
This is my karma
for killing my husband.
312
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,809
Oh, no, no, not this again.
Y-you didn't kill Rupert.
313
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:40,206
If I hadn't needed
a Humphrey's fix that night,
314
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,643
fucking froyo freak, pathetic.
315
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,080
- Elaine...
- He wouldn't have been killed.
316
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:46,864
Karma.
317
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:49,824
A drunk driver ran a red light.
318
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,957
That's what killed him.
319
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,743
It's tragic, but you had
nothing to do with it.
320
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:59,442
All right?
321
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,444
Life is like that sometimes.
It stinks.
322
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:11,715
I don't understand. I mean,
he's so young. He's so young.
323
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:14,240
It's just, you know,
you gotta look at it this way.
324
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:17,591
Mort was doomed
ever since he came out
325
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:20,159
of your, you know, vagina.
326
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,770
He was doomed. We all are.
327
00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:24,380
I mean, we all didn't
come out of your vagina,
328
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:27,035
but, like, we're all
doomed, we're mortal.
329
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,603
- That's just how it works.
- Barry,
330
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:33,259
you know something?
You're not helping at all.
331
00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:35,174
You're making it worse, actually.
332
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:36,914
I'm sorry, I'm not
much of a comforter
333
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,960
when I'm not on script,
334
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,788
and I'm sorry to bring up
your vagina.
335
00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:44,270
Then maybe get back on script,
say something nice.
336
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:47,664
Maybe something sympathetic.
Show some empathy, please.
337
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,407
Times like these, I...
338
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,845
I try to remember
to be philosophical,
339
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,282
and remember that...
340
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,677
life is unpredictable.
341
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,245
As much as we may try
to control the narrative,
342
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,421
the universe throws curveballs.
343
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,121
How was that?
344
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:14,256
Yeah.
345
00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:20,871
Now Mort
has nothing to fear,
346
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,700
nothing to lose.
347
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:27,704
He can do whatever he wants.
348
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,054
Maybe that's the silver lining
in the whole thing.
349
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:34,494
Right?
350
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:39,890
Yeah.
351
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,245
Do you wanna get some froyo?
352
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,597
Um, you and me?
353
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,599
Yeah, yeah.
354
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,775
- Together?
- Thanks.
355
00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:58,213
Well... [mumbles] It could be
like a date, right?
356
00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,258
- No.
- I mean--
357
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,172
- No, not at all.
- So...
358
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:05,916
- Oh.
- Froyo.
359
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:07,135
Is that code
for, like, hookup, or--
360
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,572
- No.
- Well, on the internet,
361
00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:11,748
- it means something different.
- Frozen yogurt?
362
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:13,272
On the internet,
it's butt sex.
363
00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:41,256
"Have you ever been
engaged or married?"
364
00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:42,388
Yes.
365
00:21:44,259 --> 00:21:46,261
"Do you enjoy social settings?"
366
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:49,308
No.
367
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,310
"Do you like anal?"
368
00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,225
Um...
369
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,192
Mortimer Mortenson?
370
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:07,108
- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Kate.
371
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,197
I'll be doing
your video interview.
372
00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:12,156
Oh, no, don't worry
about all that.
373
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,855
We can just go through it
in the interview,
if that's cool with you.
374
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:16,639
- Sure, yeah.
- Cool.
375
00:22:17,074 --> 00:22:19,816
Oh, but would you like
to pick out a background first?
376
00:22:19,990 --> 00:22:22,515
We have, er, city lights,
377
00:22:24,821 --> 00:22:28,695
autumn leaves,
mountainous landscape,
378
00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:33,656
some snowfall,
and my personal favorite,
379
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:34,657
lasers.
380
00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:38,792
Yeah, I think-- I think
I'll go with the lasers.
381
00:22:38,966 --> 00:22:40,010
- Good choice.
- Yeah.
382
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,276
Okay, Mortimer,
383
00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:49,106
we are just going to ask you
some questions about yourself.
384
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,065
- Cool?
- Cool.
385
00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:56,026
What is your username, age,
death date, and occupation?
386
00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:59,682
- My username is--
- Oh, just look
387
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:01,292
right through the camera, please.
388
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:04,687
My username
is MortInShermanOaks.
389
00:23:04,861 --> 00:23:06,210
I'm 25.
390
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,735
Uh, my death day
is September 21st,
391
00:23:08,909 --> 00:23:11,172
and I'm a mortician.
392
00:23:11,346 --> 00:23:14,784
Whoa, that's cool.
393
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:16,786
Wait, so are you around
dead people?
394
00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:20,486
Yeah, I'm around dead people.
395
00:23:20,660 --> 00:23:22,705
- And what year?
- What year what?
396
00:23:22,879 --> 00:23:23,880
What year is your death date?
397
00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:25,969
Oh, this year.
398
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,538
Like, this year this year?
399
00:23:30,278 --> 00:23:31,192
Mm-hmm.
400
00:23:33,281 --> 00:23:34,195
Oh.
401
00:23:35,718 --> 00:23:37,372
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.
402
00:23:37,807 --> 00:23:39,635
Oh, it's fine.
Thank you, though.
403
00:23:41,202 --> 00:23:42,029
So...
404
00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:46,816
How would your best friend
describe you?
405
00:23:46,990 --> 00:23:50,080
Right, um...
406
00:23:50,254 --> 00:23:53,127
I think she would describe me
as...
407
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:56,304
funny, kind, honest,
408
00:23:56,739 --> 00:23:59,046
a little bit boring,
maybe. Um...
409
00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:00,917
I have a good relationship
with my family
for the most part.
410
00:24:01,091 --> 00:24:03,006
I like dogs. You know.
411
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:08,142
Who is she? Your best friend?
412
00:24:08,316 --> 00:24:11,406
Uh, that would be my ex-fiancee.
413
00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:13,887
Mmm.
414
00:24:15,149 --> 00:24:17,020
I'll tell you what, Mortimer.
415
00:24:17,194 --> 00:24:19,196
Don't worry
about meeting anyone.
416
00:24:19,370 --> 00:24:23,157
Don't worry about saying
the right thing. Just relax.
417
00:24:23,331 --> 00:24:26,465
Pretend we're old friends
having a cup of coffee.
418
00:24:26,856 --> 00:24:27,553
Just be yourself.
419
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:30,556
- Okay, I'll try.
- Okay.
420
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:34,473
Wait, so you're
a mortician, huh?
421
00:24:34,908 --> 00:24:36,431
That's a very unusual job.
422
00:24:36,605 --> 00:24:38,215
Yeah, um, I actually
prefer the term,
423
00:24:38,389 --> 00:24:40,087
uh, post-mortem artist.
424
00:24:40,261 --> 00:24:42,393
I see. Why is that?
425
00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:45,222
Well, a few years ago,
I started reading about
426
00:24:45,396 --> 00:24:48,051
how in other countries, uh,
427
00:24:48,225 --> 00:24:50,489
they look at funerals
in a very different way.
428
00:24:50,663 --> 00:24:54,493
You know, instead
of the whole wake
and casket thing,
429
00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:56,582
they basically throw
the person a party.
430
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,933
Uh, you know, doing
something that they loved.
431
00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:01,412
Like what?
432
00:25:01,587 --> 00:25:03,719
Anything, really, uh...
433
00:25:04,154 --> 00:25:06,505
Riding a motorcycle
in the middle of the party,
434
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:09,116
uh, or sitting
in their favorite chair,
435
00:25:09,290 --> 00:25:11,248
leaning in the corner
with a drink in their hands.
436
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:13,424
Yeah, the possibilities
are endless.
437
00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:14,948
And it took some convincing,
438
00:25:15,122 --> 00:25:16,340
but I got my Uncle Barry
on board,
439
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,473
and we are now officially
440
00:25:18,647 --> 00:25:22,303
the only adventure
funeral parlor
441
00:25:22,477 --> 00:25:23,957
in Southern California.
442
00:25:24,131 --> 00:25:26,046
Wait, do you have pictures?
443
00:25:27,308 --> 00:25:28,004
Mm-hmm.
444
00:25:34,054 --> 00:25:35,142
Wow.
445
00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:38,232
Definitely zooming in on this.
446
00:25:38,406 --> 00:25:40,103
Wow, that is...
447
00:25:41,365 --> 00:25:45,500
That's the most beautiful
yet horrific thing
I've ever fucking seen.
448
00:25:45,674 --> 00:25:47,110
You do all of that?
449
00:25:47,284 --> 00:25:50,461
Yeah, I design, build,
450
00:25:50,636 --> 00:25:52,159
paint, do the makeup.
451
00:25:52,333 --> 00:25:54,204
I do the embalming, of course.
452
00:25:54,378 --> 00:25:58,382
You really love what you do.
That's rare.
453
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:02,125
Yeah, I mean, I think
it's a privilege to take care
of people after they die.
454
00:26:02,299 --> 00:26:06,260
I feel like I'm helping them
and their loved ones.
455
00:26:06,434 --> 00:26:08,567
I find it strange that people
are so afraid of death,
456
00:26:09,002 --> 00:26:11,221
because there's nothing
to be afraid of.
457
00:26:11,395 --> 00:26:14,181
The way I look at it,
before you were born,
458
00:26:14,355 --> 00:26:15,704
you were not alive,
459
00:26:15,878 --> 00:26:19,055
and after you die,
you're not alive, so...
460
00:26:20,404 --> 00:26:22,929
basically, it's just going back
to being not alive.
461
00:26:24,365 --> 00:26:26,541
That's a very thoughtful way
of looking at it.
462
00:26:26,715 --> 00:26:28,064
Do you like your job?
463
00:26:28,238 --> 00:26:29,109
Yeah.
464
00:26:30,153 --> 00:26:30,980
No.
465
00:26:32,199 --> 00:26:34,462
No, actually. I...
466
00:26:34,636 --> 00:26:37,421
started doing this as a temp gig
when I first moved out here,
467
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,685
and it's just slowly started
468
00:26:39,859 --> 00:26:43,602
becoming more of a usual thing, unfortunately.
469
00:26:45,473 --> 00:26:46,561
Why unfortunately?
470
00:26:46,735 --> 00:26:48,302
Enough about me.
471
00:26:51,087 --> 00:26:52,872
So what kind of gal
are you looking for?
472
00:26:57,485 --> 00:27:00,140
I'm Tilda Svensson,
and I like to start
473
00:27:00,314 --> 00:27:03,012
every meeting as I end it,
with love.
474
00:27:03,186 --> 00:27:05,536
What if someone has a death date
that's coming up
475
00:27:05,711 --> 00:27:07,887
soon, within the year?
476
00:27:08,322 --> 00:27:10,193
Do you think
you could find someone
with a similar death date?
477
00:27:10,367 --> 00:27:13,414
Absolutely, no worries.
Of course, yes,
478
00:27:13,588 --> 00:27:16,460
we do match people
based on their death dates,
but you, my friend,
479
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:19,333
I'm assuming it's you that's
going to kick it fairly soon?
480
00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:22,379
You're in the driver's seat,
because there are
those individuals
481
00:27:22,553 --> 00:27:24,686
with extended death dates
that don't want the commitment,
482
00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:26,296
so they're just gonna look
at somebody like you
483
00:27:26,470 --> 00:27:29,256
for, like, a nice little
boy toy, a little romp,
484
00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:32,128
and then you'll be gone
and they can move on.
485
00:27:32,302 --> 00:27:33,390
Isn't that exciting?
486
00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:37,568
I pride myself
on my matching abilities,
Mortimer,
487
00:27:37,743 --> 00:27:41,572
and I can just tell right now,
in this short conversation,
488
00:27:41,747 --> 00:27:44,445
that I have many people
who would make you
489
00:27:44,619 --> 00:27:47,448
very, very, very, very, very,
490
00:27:47,622 --> 00:27:49,624
very happy.
491
00:27:52,366 --> 00:27:54,760
All right? And we have
a money-back guarantee.
492
00:27:54,934 --> 00:27:56,675
Nothing that you will be able
to take advantage of,
because you'll be dead,
493
00:27:56,849 --> 00:28:00,983
but we can will it
to whomever you want,
494
00:28:01,157 --> 00:28:03,943
so there's only an upside,
no downside.
495
00:28:04,378 --> 00:28:06,336
Tell me you're in.
Come on, I wanna hear it.
496
00:28:08,599 --> 00:28:11,298
- I'm in.
- Are you in, really?
497
00:28:11,472 --> 00:28:12,952
- I'm in.
- Are you in?
498
00:28:13,387 --> 00:28:15,606
- I'm in.
- Come on. Are you feeling it?
499
00:28:16,738 --> 00:28:18,174
- I'm in.
- Can't work with you
500
00:28:18,348 --> 00:28:19,741
if I don't feel the confidence.
501
00:28:19,915 --> 00:28:21,830
I don't have a very loud voice,
but I'm in.
502
00:28:22,004 --> 00:28:23,484
You're in.
503
00:28:23,658 --> 00:28:26,922
It was really nice
meeting you, Mortimer.
504
00:28:27,357 --> 00:28:29,011
We'll finish
compiling your files
505
00:28:29,185 --> 00:28:31,710
and start working
on your matches right away.
506
00:28:31,884 --> 00:28:33,624
You should be hearing
from us soon.
507
00:28:35,539 --> 00:28:36,627
Thank you.
508
00:28:37,019 --> 00:28:38,847
Um... goodbye.
509
00:28:40,501 --> 00:28:41,632
So long.
510
00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:44,157
Farewell.
511
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:48,770
Au revoir.
512
00:29:58,448 --> 00:29:59,841
Come on, we're gonna
do this. Let's...
513
00:30:00,233 --> 00:30:01,669
Let's go, okay.
514
00:30:35,442 --> 00:30:38,314
- Hey, there.
- Thanks, but no thanks.
515
00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:40,751
- I'm not interested.
- Not interested?
516
00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:43,537
- Here, let me buy you a drink.
- Hey, I'm with someone.
517
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:45,844
Uh, who?
518
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:53,155
With him. This is my boyfriend.
519
00:30:53,329 --> 00:30:56,028
Um... uh, Mortimer.
520
00:30:58,813 --> 00:31:00,380
This is your boyfriend?
521
00:31:01,598 --> 00:31:04,297
Yes, so you better beat it
before he kicks your ass.
522
00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:08,736
Your loss.
523
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:11,826
Thanks.
524
00:31:12,783 --> 00:31:13,784
You're welcome.
525
00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:17,788
What can I get you, doll?
526
00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:20,226
The usual,
and whatever he's having.
527
00:31:21,531 --> 00:31:23,925
Uh, I'll have
a blueberry daiquiri, please.
528
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:26,580
Okey-dokey.
529
00:31:27,668 --> 00:31:28,669
Thanks, Larry.
530
00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:33,804
Dammit.
531
00:31:35,763 --> 00:31:37,547
Do you have a cigarette?
I am all out.
532
00:31:37,721 --> 00:31:41,290
Um, no, sorry. I don't smoke.
533
00:31:41,464 --> 00:31:42,161
Figures.
534
00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:47,122
Ah, there they are.
535
00:31:49,472 --> 00:31:51,213
- Here you go, sweet cheeks.
- Thank you.
536
00:31:52,301 --> 00:31:53,607
I was talking to her.
537
00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:55,391
Right.
538
00:31:55,565 --> 00:31:56,871
Yeah.
- Yeah. I got it.
539
00:32:05,967 --> 00:32:08,839
If you keep staring at them,
I'm gonna expect a tip.
540
00:32:09,014 --> 00:32:11,059
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to,
541
00:32:11,233 --> 00:32:13,670
you know--
I'm just joking.
542
00:32:13,844 --> 00:32:14,933
That's why I got them.
543
00:32:16,412 --> 00:32:17,109
Do you wanna feel 'em?
544
00:32:20,373 --> 00:32:21,156
Feel them?
545
00:32:22,549 --> 00:32:23,854
You're-- you're kidding?
546
00:32:24,290 --> 00:32:25,944
Nah, you seem like a nice guy,
547
00:32:26,118 --> 00:32:27,902
and not like most
of the douchebags around here,
548
00:32:28,294 --> 00:32:30,296
so... go ahead.
549
00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:34,474
Thanks but, uh, no thanks.
550
00:32:34,648 --> 00:32:36,519
What, you don't like them?
551
00:32:36,693 --> 00:32:39,261
That's... that's not it.
552
00:32:39,435 --> 00:32:40,828
Are you gay?
553
00:32:41,002 --> 00:32:41,742
I don't think so.
554
00:32:43,526 --> 00:32:47,617
Ah, okay, okay.
You're taken, I get it.
555
00:32:47,791 --> 00:32:51,665
No, I... I'm actually not, so...
556
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,625
Jesus, you trying to give me
a complex here?
557
00:32:55,799 --> 00:32:57,888
No, uh, sorry.
558
00:32:58,063 --> 00:33:00,543
I-I'm just in a weird
headspace, and...
559
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:04,417
But you know, if, if--
560
00:33:04,591 --> 00:33:06,636
if it would make you
feel better, I...
561
00:33:06,810 --> 00:33:07,811
I could.
562
00:33:08,899 --> 00:33:09,813
Yeah?
563
00:33:11,293 --> 00:33:11,990
Okay.
564
00:33:12,425 --> 00:33:13,687
- Okay, just...
- Yeah.
565
00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:20,520
Feel better?
566
00:33:21,738 --> 00:33:22,913
I do, actually.
567
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,307
They're magic.
568
00:33:25,481 --> 00:33:26,178
I agree.
569
00:33:27,527 --> 00:33:28,484
Do you wanna do it again?
570
00:33:30,269 --> 00:33:33,489
Why not? I guess, you know.
571
00:33:33,663 --> 00:33:36,927
Brother! What do you think
you're doing?
572
00:33:37,102 --> 00:33:38,538
- What kind of place
you think this is?
- I didn't--
573
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,889
She... [stammers] She...
574
00:33:42,063 --> 00:33:44,935
- Um...
- I'm just pulling your leg,
man. Carry on.
575
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,112
You're such
a fucking comedian, Larry.
576
00:33:47,286 --> 00:33:50,506
I am, Rita. Thank you.
577
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,467
Hey, do you wanna get
out of here?
578
00:33:54,641 --> 00:33:55,598
Sure, yeah.
579
00:33:57,731 --> 00:33:58,775
Okay, come on.
580
00:33:59,733 --> 00:34:01,387
Sorry, I'm just a little...
That was scary.
581
00:34:01,561 --> 00:34:03,128
I'm really kind of...
582
00:34:03,302 --> 00:34:04,999
- Mm.
- Heart's beating.
583
00:34:05,173 --> 00:34:06,783
- Larry wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Okay.
584
00:34:47,476 --> 00:34:48,869
Find anything
interesting?
585
00:34:49,043 --> 00:34:52,002
Um... Holy shit.
586
00:34:52,438 --> 00:34:53,830
Do you like my outfit?
587
00:34:55,615 --> 00:34:57,747
Yeah, um...
588
00:34:57,921 --> 00:35:01,229
Yeah, yeah. I... I do.
589
00:35:01,403 --> 00:35:03,753
Good. This is going to be fun.
590
00:35:03,927 --> 00:35:06,582
Okay.
591
00:35:06,756 --> 00:35:08,802
So are you paying me
with cash or credit?
592
00:35:10,630 --> 00:35:11,892
Come again?
593
00:35:12,066 --> 00:35:13,720
Are you paying me
with cash or credit?
594
00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:16,984
Oh.
595
00:35:20,030 --> 00:35:23,599
Oh, okay. I-- At the bar,
all that stuff, I just...
596
00:35:23,773 --> 00:35:25,862
I just thought
you kind of liked me.
597
00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:29,779
Oh, Mortimer,
you're very likable,
598
00:35:29,953 --> 00:35:31,085
but I'm a working girl.
599
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,524
Oh, hon. You really
didn't know, did you?
600
00:35:36,525 --> 00:35:38,048
This has never happened
to me before, um,
601
00:35:38,484 --> 00:35:40,138
because most guys
usually pick up on it
602
00:35:40,573 --> 00:35:41,704
when I let them cop a feel.
603
00:35:43,706 --> 00:35:46,492
No, yeah, uh,
I'm just an idiot.
604
00:35:46,666 --> 00:35:48,581
Uh, so, it was really nice
meeting you.
605
00:35:49,669 --> 00:35:52,889
Wait. I'm not supposed
to do this.
606
00:35:53,063 --> 00:35:56,980
You can't take it with you
anyway, so how about a freebie?
607
00:35:57,155 --> 00:36:00,680
Freebie? Um...
608
00:36:00,854 --> 00:36:05,641
I've just, uh, never had sex
with a prostitute before.
609
00:36:05,815 --> 00:36:07,643
- Professional escort.
- Sorry. I--
610
00:36:07,817 --> 00:36:10,733
I've never had sex with
a professional escort before.
611
00:36:10,907 --> 00:36:13,954
When I said freebie,
I meant a blow job.
612
00:36:18,132 --> 00:36:20,482
My hesitation has nothing
to do with you. Um...
613
00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:25,879
Okay. I...
614
00:36:26,053 --> 00:36:27,924
Yeah, let's... let's do that.
615
00:36:28,098 --> 00:36:29,099
Okay, then.
616
00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:32,712
Sit back, relax,
and enjoy the ride.
617
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:35,541
Let's lose the jacket.
618
00:36:45,812 --> 00:36:48,815
Wow, you really are
very professional.
619
00:37:01,088 --> 00:37:02,394
Wow, that's cold!
620
00:37:06,136 --> 00:37:07,834
Mmm. What's in here?
621
00:37:22,109 --> 00:37:23,153
Rita?
622
00:37:23,545 --> 00:37:24,198
Rita?
623
00:37:25,721 --> 00:37:27,245
Are... are you okay?
624
00:37:31,205 --> 00:37:32,119
Oh, God, oh God.
625
00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:37,690
Oh, oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!
626
00:37:43,173 --> 00:37:44,349
Oh, shit.
627
00:37:45,872 --> 00:37:47,134
Oh, shit.
628
00:37:57,187 --> 00:37:58,667
You got your LDC done.
629
00:38:00,582 --> 00:38:01,496
Today's the day.
630
00:38:03,368 --> 00:38:04,456
Why didn't you say anything?
631
00:38:08,677 --> 00:38:09,896
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
632
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:12,115
Shit!
633
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:13,769
Who the fuck are you?
634
00:38:15,205 --> 00:38:17,295
- Mortimer.
- What you doing up
in Rita's crib, Mortimer?
635
00:38:17,730 --> 00:38:20,298
She, uh, she invited me up here.
636
00:38:25,433 --> 00:38:27,174
I know, I'm just
fucking with you.
637
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:28,523
How was it? She do you right?
638
00:38:31,787 --> 00:38:34,660
Yeah, um, I just--
I do have to go, though.
639
00:38:34,834 --> 00:38:36,792
- I'm in kind of a hurry.
- Just hold up.
640
00:38:36,966 --> 00:38:39,491
Let me just check with Rita,
make sure it's copacetic.
641
00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:42,145
- What's taking so long, boo?
- Baby, I told you
to wait in the car.
642
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,973
I'm not waiting in no car
in this sketchy-ass hood.
643
00:38:44,147 --> 00:38:45,627
Can you just let me handle
my fucking business?
644
00:38:45,801 --> 00:38:47,412
Let me handle my business.
645
00:38:48,978 --> 00:38:49,588
Rita!
646
00:38:51,198 --> 00:38:52,199
Rita.
647
00:38:53,809 --> 00:38:54,723
She pass out on you?
648
00:38:56,203 --> 00:38:56,986
Is she okay?
649
00:38:59,641 --> 00:39:01,730
Rita, stop meditating.
Hey, wake up.
650
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,081
Wake up!
651
00:39:07,214 --> 00:39:08,346
Hey, Rita...
652
00:39:09,216 --> 00:39:10,913
Oh, shit.
653
00:39:11,087 --> 00:39:13,916
- Shit? Shit what?
- You're a dead, man!
654
00:39:14,090 --> 00:39:16,441
- Is she dead?
- You just let him leave?
655
00:39:16,615 --> 00:39:18,356
You said you was
handling business!
I didn't wanna interfere!
656
00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:20,183
Go get the shotgun
from the bedroom!
657
00:39:21,968 --> 00:39:22,577
Fuck!
658
00:39:29,454 --> 00:39:34,372
You shitbag killed
my bottom bitch! Shitbag!
659
00:39:34,546 --> 00:39:37,244
No, no, no, no, no! I, I--
I didn't do anything to her!
660
00:39:37,418 --> 00:39:40,769
She-she wanted to give me
a blow job, and then she died,
661
00:39:40,943 --> 00:39:43,119
and I-I checked her ID,
it was her death day.
662
00:39:43,293 --> 00:39:45,121
Look, I would never hurt anyone.
Just-just check her ID.
663
00:39:45,295 --> 00:39:46,427
You should check her ID.
664
00:39:48,647 --> 00:39:51,301
You know, you right
about that death date.
665
00:39:51,737 --> 00:39:54,087
That crazy bitch
was on her last legs.
666
00:39:54,261 --> 00:39:57,307
We should get her body,
put it in the trunk of your car,
and go dump it.
667
00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:00,006
I don't think
that's a good idea.
668
00:40:00,180 --> 00:40:02,661
Get the--
Get up. Get up.
669
00:40:04,532 --> 00:40:07,709
So are we... are we good here?
670
00:40:07,883 --> 00:40:11,539
No, no. You still owe me
for Rita's services.
671
00:40:11,713 --> 00:40:14,281
But... but she said
it was a freebie.
672
00:40:14,455 --> 00:40:17,240
This ain't Trader Joe's, bitch.
I ain't handing out
free pussy samples
673
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:19,591
to dudes off the street.
I'm running a professional
escort service.
674
00:40:20,026 --> 00:40:23,682
You get a hummer, you pay.
You owe me 500 bucks.
675
00:40:24,117 --> 00:40:26,293
- Five hundred dollars
for a blow job?
- Yeah.
676
00:40:26,467 --> 00:40:29,339
Sir, I... I can't afford that.
No, I'm sorry.
677
00:40:29,514 --> 00:40:33,343
I mean, I'm not trying
to be difficult,
but I don't have that money.
678
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:35,345
- Give me your keys.
- What? No, no!
679
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,827
Come on, give me
your fucking keys,
you little fuck!
680
00:40:39,001 --> 00:40:41,308
Now I got 'em.
Now your car's collateral
681
00:40:41,482 --> 00:40:43,484
till you pay me
what you fucking owe me.
682
00:40:43,658 --> 00:40:45,965
What? You can't do that!
683
00:40:46,139 --> 00:40:48,184
I just did, fucker.
684
00:40:48,358 --> 00:40:50,491
Do you know how hard it is
to run in heels?
685
00:40:50,665 --> 00:40:52,537
- Fuck, take the shotty.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you--
686
00:40:52,711 --> 00:40:54,843
Shit!
687
00:40:55,017 --> 00:40:57,759
Oops.
688
00:40:57,933 --> 00:40:59,369
Here, sweetie,
you forgot your jacket.
689
00:41:00,849 --> 00:41:02,024
Hold on, let me see here.
690
00:41:03,765 --> 00:41:05,375
Oh, look at this.
691
00:41:07,290 --> 00:41:08,857
That's a nice photo
of you. Look.
692
00:41:09,858 --> 00:41:11,947
Mortimer Mortenson,
Sherman Oaks.
693
00:41:13,732 --> 00:41:16,256
You better have my money.
Can we go already?
694
00:41:28,311 --> 00:41:30,488
911,
what's your emergency?
695
00:41:30,662 --> 00:41:33,926
Hi, I was just attacked
by a pimp who stole my car.
696
00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:37,190
Are you injured? Do you need
any medical services?
697
00:41:37,364 --> 00:41:39,279
No, I just really want
my car back.
698
00:41:39,453 --> 00:41:42,500
You said your attacker
was a pimp?
699
00:41:42,674 --> 00:41:45,111
Yeah, yeah, he runs
a professional escort service.
700
00:41:45,285 --> 00:41:47,026
They were less than
professional.
701
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,116
Uh, it's kind of complicated,
but the escort,
702
00:41:50,290 --> 00:41:53,162
you know, uh,
died of natural causes.
703
00:41:53,336 --> 00:41:55,382
It was her death date.
And then he showed up.
704
00:41:55,556 --> 00:41:57,340
He demanded money
that I didn't have,
and he got pissed off.
705
00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:02,781
Sir, you are aware
that soliciting a prostitute
is a crime, right?
706
00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:06,393
You know what? Um,
never mind, actually.
707
00:42:06,567 --> 00:42:09,004
Thank you so much for your time.
Have a-- have a nice evening.
708
00:43:00,403 --> 00:43:02,667
I don't know how I let you
sucker me into this, man.
709
00:43:02,841 --> 00:43:04,669
I'm a driver. I don't do this.
710
00:43:04,843 --> 00:43:07,367
I know, I know.
Just one more second.
711
00:43:07,541 --> 00:43:10,065
Just need to...
712
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:13,634
- Okay. It's good.
Yeah, she's secure.
- Let go?
713
00:43:13,808 --> 00:43:15,897
- All right. I can let go?
- Yeah.
714
00:43:16,071 --> 00:43:16,811
Okay.
715
00:43:17,943 --> 00:43:19,422
You know what we should do?
716
00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:21,294
We should tie some strings
to her, right,
717
00:43:21,468 --> 00:43:23,862
and then we should just,
like, reenact that video.
718
00:43:24,297 --> 00:43:26,386
You know what I mean?
When they were like...
719
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,214
- You know what I mean?
- We're not allowed to do that.
720
00:43:28,388 --> 00:43:31,652
Why not? She ain't gonna
tell nobody, look at her.
721
00:43:31,826 --> 00:43:33,349
Thank you, Sid.
I appreciate it a lot.
722
00:43:33,523 --> 00:43:34,394
Yeah, yeah.
723
00:43:35,482 --> 00:43:37,310
Got a black man
hanging a white woman.
724
00:43:37,484 --> 00:43:39,181
Boy, how the times have changed.
725
00:43:40,530 --> 00:43:42,968
Actually feels kind of good,
I ain't gonna lie.
726
00:43:43,142 --> 00:43:45,884
I feel good, deep
in my ancestrial spirit.
727
00:43:46,319 --> 00:43:49,322
I feel like a thousand slaves
are just patting me
on the back right now,
728
00:43:49,496 --> 00:43:50,540
you know what I'm saying?
729
00:43:50,932 --> 00:43:52,325
Whew!
730
00:43:52,499 --> 00:43:54,457
All right, so, gotcha, man.
731
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:55,937
- Thank you.
- No doubt.
732
00:43:56,982 --> 00:43:57,983
- Hey.
- What up, Barry?
733
00:44:00,115 --> 00:44:03,553
Mort.
734
00:44:03,989 --> 00:44:05,730
Oh, wow.
735
00:44:07,296 --> 00:44:08,210
You...
736
00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:18,133
You are an artist.
737
00:44:18,307 --> 00:44:19,526
Thank you.
738
00:44:19,961 --> 00:44:22,311
I really believe Mr. Telemacher
739
00:44:22,485 --> 00:44:25,053
is gonna love
seeing her off like this.
740
00:44:26,272 --> 00:44:27,534
Wow.
741
00:44:32,626 --> 00:44:34,584
She's sexy, right?
742
00:44:34,759 --> 00:44:36,369
Maybe that's just me.
743
00:44:38,414 --> 00:44:40,373
Hey, let me ask you. Um...
744
00:44:41,853 --> 00:44:44,377
I've been talking
to this new woman online,
745
00:44:44,551 --> 00:44:47,032
and it turns out
746
00:44:47,206 --> 00:44:50,165
she has a sister
who's also single.
747
00:44:52,385 --> 00:44:53,386
And?
748
00:44:54,343 --> 00:44:57,564
And, maybe we could do
some double dating.
749
00:44:57,738 --> 00:44:59,174
I don't know.
750
00:44:59,348 --> 00:45:00,654
What-what is she, like, 60?
751
00:45:01,089 --> 00:45:04,005
She's not 60.
752
00:45:04,179 --> 00:45:05,703
Well, she is the older sister.
753
00:45:07,269 --> 00:45:09,489
I really wish you'd get back
out there, Mort.
754
00:45:09,663 --> 00:45:11,491
I am, actually.
755
00:45:11,665 --> 00:45:13,319
I just joined
this dating service
756
00:45:13,493 --> 00:45:16,365
that matches you with people
based on death dates.
757
00:45:16,539 --> 00:45:18,454
I mean, I'm a little nervous,
but, uh, who knows?
758
00:45:18,628 --> 00:45:20,456
That is awesome.
759
00:45:20,630 --> 00:45:23,329
You're-- you're getting back
in the saddle.
760
00:45:23,503 --> 00:45:25,287
That's so great.
761
00:45:25,461 --> 00:45:28,769
After the way
Nicole humiliated you
762
00:45:28,943 --> 00:45:32,686
and started sleeping with
that really good-looking guy,
763
00:45:32,860 --> 00:45:36,821
I mean... I mean, believe me,
she was beautiful and, like,
764
00:45:36,995 --> 00:45:41,739
her body is really, really hot,
you know what I mean?
765
00:45:41,913 --> 00:45:45,351
And, you know, I remember
when I would see her at dinner,
766
00:45:45,525 --> 00:45:48,267
I'd be like, "Oh my God,
I'd love to do her."
767
00:45:48,441 --> 00:45:51,096
But, you know, I wouldn't,
because of you.
768
00:45:51,270 --> 00:45:54,055
Unless you were into it.
Like, you could've watched.
You know what I mean?
769
00:45:54,229 --> 00:45:56,449
Some people are into that.
Weirdos.
770
00:45:56,623 --> 00:45:58,451
Anyway, but now,
771
00:45:58,625 --> 00:46:00,670
you're going back out there,
and you're...
772
00:46:02,847 --> 00:46:03,848
I'm proud of you.
773
00:46:04,022 --> 00:46:05,327
Anyway, I'm proud of you.
774
00:46:15,947 --> 00:46:17,122
- Hello?
- Mortimer?
775
00:46:17,296 --> 00:46:18,253
Hi, this is he.
776
00:46:18,427 --> 00:46:19,777
Hi, it's Tilda Svensson
777
00:46:20,212 --> 00:46:21,387
from Till Death Do Us Part.
778
00:46:21,561 --> 00:46:22,649
Oh, hi.
779
00:46:23,084 --> 00:46:24,825
I've got some exciting news.
780
00:46:24,999 --> 00:46:26,914
Based on your video,
we've already gotten
781
00:46:27,088 --> 00:46:30,135
several requests for matches.
782
00:46:30,309 --> 00:46:31,179
Really?
783
00:46:32,093 --> 00:46:34,530
That's amazing,
I mean, that was so fast.
784
00:46:34,704 --> 00:46:37,011
Well, we are a professional
dating service, Mortimer.
785
00:46:37,446 --> 00:46:39,579
Check your email inbox
for all the details
786
00:46:39,753 --> 00:46:42,669
- regarding each match.
- Okay, uh, thank you.
787
00:46:42,843 --> 00:46:45,890
Congratulations, Mortimer.
I'm so happy for you.
788
00:46:46,064 --> 00:46:48,153
Happy dating! And remember,
789
00:46:48,327 --> 00:46:50,677
till death do you part!
790
00:46:50,851 --> 00:46:54,289
All right, love you--
Um, yeah, uh, thank you, bye.
791
00:47:19,271 --> 00:47:21,751
Yes.
- Please don't hurt me!
792
00:47:22,187 --> 00:47:25,103
Yo, relax, relax.
Just wanna talk.
793
00:47:26,234 --> 00:47:28,323
You surprised to see me?
You didn't think
794
00:47:28,497 --> 00:47:30,586
I'd track you down?
I told you I would.
795
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:32,675
Is that where you work
back there? What d'you do?
796
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:35,026
Prepare bodies
for final viewing.
797
00:47:35,461 --> 00:47:37,898
So you, like, prepare bodies
for final viewing
at, like, a funeral?
798
00:47:38,072 --> 00:47:39,813
You put makeup on dead people.
799
00:47:39,987 --> 00:47:42,033
That's a perfect job
for a freak like you.
800
00:47:42,468 --> 00:47:44,818
You ever get any cute
dead girls up in there?
801
00:47:46,167 --> 00:47:47,647
I don't know.
802
00:47:47,821 --> 00:47:48,604
You ever think about
fucking one of them
803
00:47:48,778 --> 00:47:50,650
hot dead girls?
804
00:47:50,824 --> 00:47:52,826
- No, that's disgusting!
- I'm just playing.
805
00:47:53,218 --> 00:47:55,220
Come on, hold up.
806
00:47:56,047 --> 00:47:59,528
Yeah, I'm playing.
But I do know some guys
who'd be into that shit.
807
00:47:59,702 --> 00:48:02,227
Could make a little money
on the side, if you want.
808
00:48:03,576 --> 00:48:05,317
So where's my money, man?
You got it?
809
00:48:05,970 --> 00:48:09,625
I get paid today, okay?
So after work,
I'll give you the $500,
810
00:48:09,799 --> 00:48:11,497
you give me the car back,
and we can move on
with our lives.
811
00:48:11,671 --> 00:48:14,065
Five hundred dollars?
It's $1,000, motherfucker.
812
00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:18,243
No, you said it was 500
for Rita's services.
813
00:48:18,417 --> 00:48:21,333
Yeah, but that was
if you would've paid me then.
But now it's 1,000.
814
00:48:22,682 --> 00:48:24,989
This is turning into
the most expensive blow job
in human history.
815
00:48:25,163 --> 00:48:26,773
And look,
I don't have that, okay?
816
00:48:26,947 --> 00:48:28,514
- I have to pay my rent!
- You think I'm fucking stupid?
817
00:48:28,688 --> 00:48:31,517
I've seen you, fucking
Mortenson Funeral Home.
818
00:48:31,691 --> 00:48:34,607
That's your name.
I know you're rolling in dough.
819
00:48:34,781 --> 00:48:37,871
No, it's my family's business,
okay? I just work there.
820
00:48:38,045 --> 00:48:39,742
Well, maybe I should go talk
to your family, tell them
821
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:40,918
- you're trying
to slip out paying...
- No!
822
00:48:41,353 --> 00:48:43,790
...for your professional
blow job, Morty.
823
00:48:43,964 --> 00:48:46,227
Okay, I'll give you $1,000.
Just please don't involve
my family in this.
824
00:48:46,662 --> 00:48:49,274
Can we go already?
I'm bored as fuck.
- Morty, I like you though, man.
825
00:48:49,448 --> 00:48:51,711
Shut the fuck up
for two minutes, bitch!
826
00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:53,408
Who the fuck
are you calling a bitch?
827
00:48:53,582 --> 00:48:55,628
I warned you about
calling me that.
828
00:48:55,802 --> 00:48:57,978
I'm gonna call Big Rey,
and he's gonna beat your ass.
829
00:48:58,152 --> 00:49:00,720
Hey, baby. Come on, man,
you know what I mean by that.
830
00:49:00,894 --> 00:49:02,940
You know I don't mean it
like that, baby.
831
00:49:04,767 --> 00:49:07,857
I'll come by your house later.
You better have it.
832
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:29,879
Mortimer?
833
00:49:31,316 --> 00:49:31,969
Nicole.
834
00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:37,104
Wow, what a crazy coincidence,
running into you here.
835
00:49:38,410 --> 00:49:42,980
Not really. I mean, we used
to shop here all the time
on Saturdays.
836
00:49:43,154 --> 00:49:46,244
It's a been a while.
Like, how long has it been?
837
00:49:48,550 --> 00:49:49,290
A month.
838
00:49:51,945 --> 00:49:55,427
Um, this is Nathaniel,
my fiance. This is Mortimer.
839
00:49:57,559 --> 00:49:58,865
Fiance.
840
00:49:59,866 --> 00:50:01,563
Well, we met right after
you and I broke up.
841
00:50:01,737 --> 00:50:03,304
It was kind of
love at first sight.
842
00:50:03,739 --> 00:50:05,828
- It's been a real whirlwind.
- Yes, it has.
843
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:09,615
Bro, Mortimer,
so glad to finally meet you.
844
00:50:09,789 --> 00:50:11,747
I'm so sorry about
your whole death day news.
845
00:50:11,921 --> 00:50:13,793
Oh, my God, yeah.
How are you doing?
846
00:50:13,967 --> 00:50:16,100
Are you in pain?
847
00:50:16,274 --> 00:50:18,711
Um, no, no, no.
I'm good, I feel fine.
848
00:50:18,885 --> 00:50:20,930
How are you feeling?
849
00:50:21,366 --> 00:50:23,585
I'm feeling fine. I feel fine.
850
00:50:25,283 --> 00:50:27,807
Good. How are you feeling?
851
00:50:27,981 --> 00:50:29,461
Like a stallion.
852
00:50:30,592 --> 00:50:32,377
Hey, babe, I'm gonna go
grab the tabouli.
853
00:50:32,551 --> 00:50:33,900
I'll meet you
at the checkout, okay?
854
00:50:34,335 --> 00:50:36,685
Mortimer, I'm just glad
we had a chance
855
00:50:36,859 --> 00:50:38,035
to finally meet before...
856
00:50:40,646 --> 00:50:42,126
You know.
857
00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:44,867
Be well, my friend. Godspeed.
858
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:48,306
Don't forget, LDC
can make great party events.
859
00:50:48,741 --> 00:50:49,959
Well, he seems, uh...
860
00:50:52,353 --> 00:50:54,834
Wow, engaged again already.
861
00:50:55,922 --> 00:50:57,793
Actually, we met here
in the Valley
at a dating service
862
00:50:57,967 --> 00:50:59,360
called Till Death Do Us Part.
863
00:50:59,534 --> 00:51:00,970
So Nathaniel and I
have a death day
864
00:51:01,145 --> 00:51:02,885
that's like two weeks
apart from each other.
865
00:51:03,712 --> 00:51:04,626
Um...
866
00:51:06,933 --> 00:51:08,456
How are you doing?
Have you met anyone?
867
00:51:10,937 --> 00:51:12,939
- Met anyone?
- You know, despite
what you might think,
868
00:51:13,418 --> 00:51:15,376
I want you to be happy,
Mortimer.
869
00:51:16,116 --> 00:51:19,511
I am happy, and, uh,
and, yeah, I met someone. Rita.
870
00:51:20,555 --> 00:51:21,556
Rita?
871
00:51:22,905 --> 00:51:24,255
What does Rita do?
872
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:28,041
She was in the service industry.
873
00:51:28,824 --> 00:51:30,783
Was?
874
00:51:30,957 --> 00:51:32,480
She's taking some time off.
875
00:51:32,654 --> 00:51:34,047
She has a master's in poetry.
876
00:51:34,221 --> 00:51:36,267
Um, she's really big
on words, so...
877
00:51:36,702 --> 00:51:41,968
Um, I'm happy that you met
someone that likes words.
878
00:51:42,142 --> 00:51:45,145
I'm really happy that you met
Mr. Tabouli Stallion.
879
00:51:48,714 --> 00:51:50,803
Well, I should go.
880
00:51:50,977 --> 00:51:53,110
It really was good to see you.
881
00:51:53,545 --> 00:51:54,894
I'm glad you're doing okay.
882
00:51:55,068 --> 00:51:56,504
Dying soon?
883
00:51:56,678 --> 00:51:58,637
Don't forget the chips and dip.
884
00:51:58,811 --> 00:52:01,074
Visit our funeral specials
in aisle seven,
885
00:52:01,248 --> 00:52:03,555
and check out these savings
before your LDC runs out.
886
00:52:09,082 --> 00:52:10,431
Three matches.
887
00:52:11,780 --> 00:52:12,694
Hmm.
888
00:52:13,956 --> 00:52:16,524
She seems nice.
889
00:52:21,877 --> 00:52:23,879
Who is it?
890
00:52:24,053 --> 00:52:25,664
Guess who.
891
00:52:26,317 --> 00:52:27,709
I want my 5,000 bucks.
892
00:52:27,883 --> 00:52:29,711
Open the door.
893
00:52:30,712 --> 00:52:34,412
Five thousand?
You said it was 1,000 for--
894
00:52:34,847 --> 00:52:36,457
Yeah, that was this morning,
then you made me wait
till tonight.
895
00:52:36,631 --> 00:52:38,938
You wasted a lot
of my time, Morty boy.
896
00:52:39,112 --> 00:52:41,070
I want my money. Open up.
897
00:52:41,462 --> 00:52:43,160
I-I don't have it.
898
00:52:43,334 --> 00:52:45,292
You're-you're just trying
to take advantage of me.
899
00:52:48,426 --> 00:52:49,644
I know you got paid today.
900
00:52:51,211 --> 00:52:52,256
Open the fucking door.
901
00:52:56,912 --> 00:52:58,044
You see this?
902
00:53:00,568 --> 00:53:01,439
Don't make me use it.
903
00:53:07,749 --> 00:53:10,317
Go on, then.
I don't even care.
904
00:53:10,491 --> 00:53:12,972
I-I've got a death date
that's due in less than a year,
905
00:53:13,146 --> 00:53:14,974
so I'm gonna die anyway.
906
00:53:15,148 --> 00:53:17,890
Fuck! Fuck!
907
00:53:18,064 --> 00:53:21,328
Motherfucker! Fuck! Fuck!
908
00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:26,507
I got your car, you idiot!
909
00:53:26,681 --> 00:53:27,726
Keep it.
910
00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:28,814
I'm not gonna need it anyway
911
00:53:28,988 --> 00:53:31,382
and, you know,
912
00:53:31,817 --> 00:53:33,079
I've actually learned
that I enjoy riding a bike
913
00:53:33,514 --> 00:53:34,820
instead of sitting
in LA traffic.
914
00:53:36,648 --> 00:53:38,040
You stupid dumbass!
915
00:53:38,215 --> 00:53:39,868
I'm gonna make you wish
you were dead!
916
00:53:40,042 --> 00:53:41,218
Fuck you!
917
00:53:49,791 --> 00:53:51,228
Yo.
918
00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:53,012
You got our money?
919
00:53:53,186 --> 00:53:55,449
Yeah, got our money, bitch?
920
00:53:57,016 --> 00:53:59,540
I didn't get it 'cause
he wouldn't open the door.
921
00:53:59,714 --> 00:54:00,976
Oh.
922
00:54:02,587 --> 00:54:04,371
Oh, you don't gotta get up.
923
00:54:04,545 --> 00:54:06,068
Rey, please,
don't-don't stand up.
924
00:54:11,204 --> 00:54:13,293
He wouldn't open the door?
925
00:54:15,121 --> 00:54:16,775
Then why didn't you
just break it in, then?
926
00:54:16,949 --> 00:54:20,518
Yeah, I tried, I tried,
but he had a club on it.
927
00:54:20,953 --> 00:54:23,608
- Looks like he had the club.
- What the fuck
was this for, then, huh?
928
00:54:23,782 --> 00:54:26,263
I was gonna, uh, well, uh...
929
00:54:26,437 --> 00:54:29,353
- Mm, no...
- Shut the fuck up!
930
00:54:31,311 --> 00:54:34,836
The time to pay up
is running out.
931
00:54:35,010 --> 00:54:38,536
Ticktock, motherfucker!
Ticktock.
932
00:54:40,886 --> 00:54:42,714
I tried to warn you.
933
00:54:42,888 --> 00:54:43,932
Tick tock, boo.
934
00:54:45,064 --> 00:54:46,108
Let's go.
935
00:54:52,898 --> 00:54:54,073
All right.
936
00:54:54,247 --> 00:54:55,770
Drive safe, drive safe.
937
00:54:57,381 --> 00:54:58,773
Yeah, it's crazy out there, Rey.
938
00:55:10,002 --> 00:55:11,264
Heard this place
939
00:55:11,699 --> 00:55:13,266
has the best gnocchi
in the Valley.
940
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,181
- Gnocchi?
- You look lovely.
941
00:55:15,355 --> 00:55:17,226
- Aw, thank you.
- Guh-notchy?
942
00:55:17,662 --> 00:55:20,273
Love the suit.
You know what they say.
943
00:55:20,447 --> 00:55:22,841
Black is the new black.
944
00:55:23,015 --> 00:55:24,364
Do you come here often?
945
00:55:24,538 --> 00:55:26,627
No, I-I never have, actually.
946
00:55:27,062 --> 00:55:28,542
But I saw on your profile
that you like food.
947
00:55:28,977 --> 00:55:31,719
You're really trying
to impress me, aren't you?
948
00:55:32,590 --> 00:55:34,679
I think we need some drinks.
949
00:55:34,853 --> 00:55:36,855
- I like drinks.
- Me too.
950
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:39,771
My death date is coming up.
951
00:55:39,945 --> 00:55:41,642
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
952
00:55:41,816 --> 00:55:43,340
I hate it when people
act sorry for me.
953
00:55:43,775 --> 00:55:45,254
- I don't even know you.
- Okay.
954
00:55:45,690 --> 00:55:48,997
- I'm cold.
- Here.
955
00:55:49,171 --> 00:55:51,522
Organic cotton?
I have to go to the bathroom.
956
00:55:54,655 --> 00:55:56,614
We just gotta keep our chins up
957
00:55:57,049 --> 00:55:58,746
and try to make the most
of the time we have left.
958
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,313
That's just asinine.
959
00:56:00,748 --> 00:56:02,924
There is no God, no heaven,
960
00:56:03,098 --> 00:56:05,405
- no justice.
- You guys ready to order?
961
00:56:05,579 --> 00:56:08,277
Eating is just
an elaborate farce
to prolong the inevitable.
962
00:56:08,452 --> 00:56:10,671
I prefer to let my body
waste away to dust.
963
00:56:10,845 --> 00:56:12,194
Yeah, I'll have
the vegan burger.
964
00:56:14,283 --> 00:56:15,720
- Do you dance salsa?
- Me?
965
00:56:15,894 --> 00:56:17,417
Uh... no.
966
00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:20,289
- Why not?
- It seems complicated.
967
00:56:20,464 --> 00:56:22,248
It's easy. It's just like sex.
968
00:56:22,683 --> 00:56:24,685
It's all about moving your hips.
969
00:56:26,165 --> 00:56:30,038
I'm not terrible at the whole
hip-moving thing.
970
00:56:30,212 --> 00:56:31,170
I bet not.
971
00:56:31,344 --> 00:56:33,607
Well, that was, um...
972
00:56:34,869 --> 00:56:35,696
interesting.
973
00:56:35,870 --> 00:56:36,828
You hate me.
974
00:56:37,002 --> 00:56:38,003
This date has been
975
00:56:38,177 --> 00:56:39,483
a total fucking disaster.
976
00:56:39,657 --> 00:56:42,094
I guess this is where
we say good night.
977
00:56:42,268 --> 00:56:42,964
Good night.
978
00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:45,837
Aren't you gonna give me
a good night kiss?
979
00:56:46,011 --> 00:56:48,405
Your continued refusal
to face reality
980
00:56:48,579 --> 00:56:49,841
irritates me to the bone.
981
00:56:50,755 --> 00:56:51,408
Uh...
982
00:56:52,365 --> 00:56:53,845
Yeah, sure.
983
00:56:57,849 --> 00:57:00,286
Well, on that pleasant note...
984
00:57:04,682 --> 00:57:06,118
I hope you have
a pleasant evening.
985
00:57:06,292 --> 00:57:08,599
- Is that okay to say?
- Fuck off.
986
00:57:09,034 --> 00:57:11,950
Excuse me. Uh,
have you seen the woman
that I came in here with?
987
00:57:12,124 --> 00:57:14,779
The one with the cool jacket?
I think she left.
988
00:57:16,650 --> 00:57:19,436
You know,
if you're not doing
anything on Saturday night,
989
00:57:19,610 --> 00:57:22,874
maybe we could go see a movie
at Hollywood Forever.
990
00:57:23,048 --> 00:57:25,311
I'd love to,
but, Mortimer,
991
00:57:25,746 --> 00:57:27,966
can I be totally
honest with you?
992
00:57:28,706 --> 00:57:31,448
I'm not really
into commitment right now.
993
00:57:31,883 --> 00:57:33,362
You kind of just left
the restaurant
994
00:57:33,537 --> 00:57:35,582
without saying anything.
Is everything all right?
995
00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:39,194
Yeah, no, um, I'm good,
I was just really tired,
996
00:57:39,368 --> 00:57:41,588
so... I bounced.
997
00:57:41,762 --> 00:57:44,069
That's why I only date guys
with early death dates.
998
00:57:44,243 --> 00:57:46,375
You know, there's just
less strings attached.
999
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:49,422
You left with my jacket
and my wallet's in the pocket,
1000
00:57:49,596 --> 00:57:51,685
so I'm gonna need
to get those back.
1001
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:55,036
Are you saying that I stole
your jacket and wallet?
1002
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:59,214
No, no, I'm not saying that.
I just want my stuff back.
1003
00:58:00,868 --> 00:58:01,956
Oh, huh.
1004
00:58:04,350 --> 00:58:06,918
Oh, don't be down on yourself.
You were wonderful.
1005
00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:08,397
I had such a great time.
1006
00:58:08,833 --> 00:58:11,226
Let's just start over, okay?
1007
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,577
You can keep the jacket.
I just need the wallet.
1008
00:58:13,751 --> 00:58:17,276
First, you try to give me
your jacket to, like,
make me like you,
1009
00:58:17,450 --> 00:58:19,800
and then you accuse me
of stealing it,
1010
00:58:20,235 --> 00:58:23,500
and now you're asking me
to meet you
in the middle of the night?
1011
00:58:23,674 --> 00:58:25,284
What am I, a lady of the night?
1012
00:58:25,458 --> 00:58:26,807
Just, please. Hello?
1013
00:58:28,287 --> 00:58:29,201
Hello?
1014
00:58:46,827 --> 00:58:49,177
Open up, you crooks!
I know you're in there!
1015
00:58:56,271 --> 00:58:57,446
Mortimer?
1016
00:58:58,317 --> 00:59:00,101
Hey.
1017
00:59:00,275 --> 00:59:02,582
- What are you doing here?
- Where's Tilda?
1018
00:59:02,756 --> 00:59:04,584
I need to speak to someone
in charge immediately.
1019
00:59:04,758 --> 00:59:06,325
No one's around.
We're closed on the weekends.
1020
00:59:06,499 --> 00:59:08,457
I just came by to grab
my check. What's up?
1021
00:59:08,632 --> 00:59:11,591
What's up is that
on this professional date,
1022
00:59:11,765 --> 00:59:15,464
my date took my wallet
and refuses to give it
back to me.
1023
00:59:15,639 --> 00:59:18,511
Oh, my God,
that's really fucked up.
1024
00:59:18,685 --> 00:59:20,861
I can't say I'm surprised.
1025
00:59:21,035 --> 00:59:23,081
Oh, oh, does this happen a lot
with you people?
1026
00:59:23,255 --> 00:59:25,605
- I, like--
- I'm sorry, okay? Really, I am.
1027
00:59:25,779 --> 00:59:28,347
You seem like a sweet,
gentle human being,
1028
00:59:28,521 --> 00:59:30,131
and you have every right
to be pissed off.
1029
00:59:30,305 --> 00:59:32,307
- You're darn right I do.
- And for the record,
1030
00:59:32,481 --> 00:59:34,222
I just shoot videos
for these dipwads.
1031
00:59:34,396 --> 00:59:35,963
I don't screen their clientele.
1032
00:59:42,448 --> 00:59:43,841
Are you okay?
1033
00:59:45,146 --> 00:59:46,060
Yeah.
1034
00:59:47,409 --> 00:59:51,283
Yeah, yeah, I, uh...
I'm just having a rough morning.
1035
00:59:51,457 --> 00:59:52,676
I've had a lot of those
lately, so...
1036
01:00:01,206 --> 01:00:03,382
It's gonna be okay,
I promise.
1037
01:00:06,820 --> 01:00:09,606
Hey, I have a brilliant idea.
1038
01:00:09,780 --> 01:00:11,303
Why don't you let me
take you to breakfast?
1039
01:00:11,477 --> 01:00:13,653
- You don't have to do that.
- No, I insist.
1040
01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:15,089
It's the least I could do
after all the bullshit
1041
01:00:15,263 --> 01:00:16,047
we put you through.
1042
01:00:18,397 --> 01:00:19,311
Okay.
1043
01:00:22,140 --> 01:00:22,880
Great.
1044
01:00:51,212 --> 01:00:53,214
I like your ride.
1045
01:00:53,388 --> 01:00:55,260
It's a little
on the she/her side, though.
1046
01:00:56,348 --> 01:00:58,698
Yeah, no, that's because
it's my ex's.
1047
01:00:58,872 --> 01:01:02,136
My car was stolen
by this crazy pimp named Simon
1048
01:01:02,310 --> 01:01:04,008
who thinks that I accepted
a freebie blow job
1049
01:01:04,182 --> 01:01:05,749
from one of his
professional escorts.
1050
01:01:05,923 --> 01:01:07,533
- Did you?
- Did I what?
1051
01:01:07,707 --> 01:01:11,363
Receive a freebie blow job
from a professional escort?
1052
01:01:11,537 --> 01:01:15,410
Oh, no, no, it was just a--
just a misunderstanding.
1053
01:01:15,584 --> 01:01:16,803
You've been through a lot.
1054
01:01:20,981 --> 01:01:22,548
Biking's great, isn't it?
1055
01:01:22,722 --> 01:01:24,376
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
1056
01:01:55,581 --> 01:01:58,279
Yeah, just drop it in
through the mail slot,
1057
01:01:58,453 --> 01:02:00,673
and then we won't have
to involve the authorities.
1058
01:02:01,108 --> 01:02:04,024
Yeah, okay, great.
Thank you so much.
1059
01:02:05,330 --> 01:02:09,073
Okay, psycho girl
is going to drop your wallet
1060
01:02:09,247 --> 01:02:10,204
in the next few hours.
1061
01:02:12,424 --> 01:02:14,426
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate
you helping me out.
1062
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:15,732
No worries.
1063
01:02:18,735 --> 01:02:19,736
This burrito is incredible.
1064
01:02:20,127 --> 01:02:20,998
I know, right?
1065
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:24,610
Once you go food truck,
you never go back.
1066
01:02:26,220 --> 01:02:27,482
Are you from LA?
1067
01:02:27,656 --> 01:02:29,267
No, upstate New York.
1068
01:02:30,790 --> 01:02:34,533
I came out here
to be a great director,
or great actor.
1069
01:02:35,839 --> 01:02:39,146
Or something, I don't know.
Something really great.
1070
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:43,063
That must be depressing.
1071
01:02:43,498 --> 01:02:46,371
Filming losers like me
instead of pursuing your dreams.
1072
01:02:46,545 --> 01:02:49,156
Maybe this is my dream.
I just haven't realized it yet.
1073
01:02:50,549 --> 01:02:53,813
And you're not a loser,
Mortimer. Okay?
1074
01:02:53,987 --> 01:02:56,120
You're just going through
a rough time.
1075
01:02:56,294 --> 01:02:57,599
There's no shame in that.
1076
01:02:59,471 --> 01:03:01,560
- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.
1077
01:03:01,734 --> 01:03:05,303
Do you have any things
you'd like to do
1078
01:03:05,477 --> 01:03:07,479
on your bucket list
before your death date hits?
1079
01:03:08,872 --> 01:03:12,571
I guess there's one thing
that's pretty random.
1080
01:03:12,745 --> 01:03:14,225
I don't know, you may laugh.
1081
01:03:15,139 --> 01:03:16,836
I promise.
I promise I won't laugh.
1082
01:03:17,010 --> 01:03:19,839
Unless it's, like,
running buck naked
1083
01:03:20,013 --> 01:03:21,798
through the LA Marathon
or something.
1084
01:03:25,627 --> 01:03:26,803
Okay, I've never told
anyone this,
1085
01:03:27,238 --> 01:03:30,110
but, uh, I want to climb
Mount Fuji.
1086
01:03:31,590 --> 01:03:32,199
Really?
1087
01:03:34,636 --> 01:03:35,768
Why? Why Mount Fuji?
1088
01:03:36,203 --> 01:03:38,597
That's the thing.
There's no real reason.
1089
01:03:38,771 --> 01:03:42,427
I just, uh, I mean,
it looks beautiful and serene
1090
01:03:42,601 --> 01:03:44,646
and, uh, you know,
I've read that you can have
1091
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:47,693
a spiritual experience
if you climb to the top.
1092
01:03:47,867 --> 01:03:50,696
I'm not religious
but, uh, it just seems
like a fun adventure.
1093
01:03:52,654 --> 01:03:55,222
- You should do it.
- It's too far.
1094
01:03:56,006 --> 01:03:57,703
Oh, well,
there's this new thing.
1095
01:03:57,877 --> 01:03:59,487
It's called an airplane.
1096
01:03:59,661 --> 01:04:02,882
Yeah, it can take you
to Japan in 12, 13 hours.
1097
01:04:03,056 --> 01:04:04,492
Yeah, I've heard of these...
1098
01:04:04,666 --> 01:04:06,190
These airplanes, um...
1099
01:04:25,513 --> 01:04:27,907
Here you go. Make sure
everything's in there first.
1100
01:04:29,256 --> 01:04:31,345
Yep, it's all here.
1101
01:04:31,519 --> 01:04:32,216
Good.
1102
01:04:34,348 --> 01:04:35,828
Hey, thanks again for breakfast.
1103
01:04:36,220 --> 01:04:37,264
No problem.
1104
01:04:39,701 --> 01:04:42,574
So anyway, I'm gonna go, but...
1105
01:04:42,748 --> 01:04:45,316
I'd love to hang out
with you again.
1106
01:04:45,490 --> 01:04:47,535
I'd love to hang out
with you too.
1107
01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:49,146
Great.
1108
01:04:50,582 --> 01:04:51,452
Goodbye.
1109
01:04:51,626 --> 01:04:53,193
So long.
1110
01:04:54,325 --> 01:04:55,848
Farewell.
1111
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:56,936
Au revoir.
1112
01:05:20,351 --> 01:05:22,396
Hello? Nicole?
1113
01:05:22,570 --> 01:05:24,616
Hi.
1114
01:05:24,790 --> 01:05:26,705
I just wanted to see
what you've been doing.
1115
01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:28,620
How was your day?
1116
01:05:28,794 --> 01:05:29,664
I'm doing fine.
1117
01:05:29,838 --> 01:05:31,449
Really?
1118
01:05:31,623 --> 01:05:32,363
Absolutely.
1119
01:05:33,668 --> 01:05:35,453
You still hanging out
with that Rita chick?
1120
01:05:35,627 --> 01:05:37,237
How are you guys doing?
1121
01:05:37,411 --> 01:05:38,021
Uh...
1122
01:05:40,066 --> 01:05:42,155
No, we broke up, actually.
1123
01:05:42,590 --> 01:05:45,419
Oh, I'm devastated
for you, babe.
1124
01:05:45,593 --> 01:05:47,073
Shit happens.
1125
01:05:47,247 --> 01:05:49,771
How are things
with Mr. Tabouli Stallion?
1126
01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:51,730
He's such a sweetheart,
1127
01:05:51,904 --> 01:05:55,473
but I was wondering
if...
1128
01:05:55,647 --> 01:05:57,301
...if you're doing
anything later today.
1129
01:05:58,824 --> 01:06:01,566
Uh, no, not really.
1130
01:06:01,740 --> 01:06:03,655
Can you come over?
1131
01:06:03,829 --> 01:06:05,962
There's something I wanted
to talk to you about.
1132
01:06:10,662 --> 01:06:11,402
Hi, sailor.
1133
01:06:12,881 --> 01:06:14,318
Hi.
1134
01:06:14,492 --> 01:06:16,320
How's the old gal treating you?
1135
01:06:18,409 --> 01:06:20,106
Oh, uh, the bike.
1136
01:06:21,325 --> 01:06:23,805
Pretty good, I've been
riding it all over
for the past couple weeks.
1137
01:06:24,893 --> 01:06:26,504
Good for you.
You look fantastic.
1138
01:06:27,853 --> 01:06:28,854
Thank you.
1139
01:06:30,508 --> 01:06:31,726
Come in. I'm by the pool.
1140
01:06:44,522 --> 01:06:45,697
Have a seat.
1141
01:06:47,003 --> 01:06:48,613
Do you want some wine?
1142
01:06:48,787 --> 01:06:50,963
Um, sure.
1143
01:06:51,137 --> 01:06:52,138
Cheers.
1144
01:06:59,189 --> 01:07:01,669
So, what did you
wanna talk about?
1145
01:07:04,933 --> 01:07:05,934
I have a confession.
1146
01:07:09,590 --> 01:07:11,070
I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.
1147
01:07:12,898 --> 01:07:13,768
I miss you.
1148
01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:17,555
You know, your timing sucks.
1149
01:07:17,729 --> 01:07:19,774
I know, and I'm sorry.
1150
01:07:19,948 --> 01:07:21,820
I abandoned you.
1151
01:07:21,994 --> 01:07:23,822
But I was scared
when we found out
your death date,
1152
01:07:23,996 --> 01:07:25,737
and it's only because
I'm so terrified
1153
01:07:25,911 --> 01:07:27,782
of going through losing you,
1154
01:07:27,956 --> 01:07:29,306
because I love you.
1155
01:07:31,395 --> 01:07:32,744
What about Nathaniel?
1156
01:07:33,919 --> 01:07:35,877
I mean, he's...
he's amazing,
1157
01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:39,838
but, you know, I had a dream
about us last night.
1158
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:43,407
- I came in my sleep.
- Nicole...
1159
01:07:43,581 --> 01:07:46,975
Don't you miss me?
I love you.
1160
01:07:47,150 --> 01:07:49,239
Honey, I'm home.
1161
01:07:50,849 --> 01:07:51,545
We're out here.
1162
01:07:52,851 --> 01:07:56,072
Hey, babe. Mort!
Buddy, how the hell are you?
1163
01:07:57,073 --> 01:08:00,250
I... am good.
1164
01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:02,991
Good.
1165
01:08:03,427 --> 01:08:04,993
We're just catching up.
1166
01:08:06,908 --> 01:08:07,648
Is that so?
1167
01:08:11,391 --> 01:08:13,132
You know, I... I actually--
1168
01:08:13,306 --> 01:08:14,786
- I have to go, so...
- No, no, no, no.
1169
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,788
Don't be silly. You--
1170
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:20,748
I'll be right back.
Where do you have to go?
1171
01:08:20,922 --> 01:08:22,359
Stay, enjoy.
1172
01:08:30,367 --> 01:08:33,326
Yep. Yep, I do,
I have to go, it's--
1173
01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:35,937
Have a seat, Mortimer.
1174
01:08:37,939 --> 01:08:39,724
Relax.
1175
01:08:41,900 --> 01:08:43,423
You look really tense.
1176
01:08:45,469 --> 01:08:47,775
Tense? No, I'm not...
1177
01:08:47,949 --> 01:08:50,822
Not tense. I'm, uh,
loose, if anything.
1178
01:08:54,260 --> 01:08:55,957
W-what are you--
what are you doing?
1179
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:57,568
I'm just trying to take away
that mountain of stress
1180
01:08:57,742 --> 01:08:58,917
that's been crushing you.
1181
01:09:00,440 --> 01:09:01,876
Poor guy, you're so wound up.
1182
01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,969
Relax.
1183
01:09:08,144 --> 01:09:09,841
Just go with it, okay?
1184
01:09:13,540 --> 01:09:15,151
Can I ask you
a personal question?
1185
01:09:15,542 --> 01:09:17,675
Why not? Why not?
1186
01:09:17,849 --> 01:09:19,067
When you and Nicole were dating,
1187
01:09:19,503 --> 01:09:21,853
did you guys ever try pegging?
1188
01:09:22,027 --> 01:09:24,812
Pegging? What is that,
like, cribbage?
1189
01:09:24,986 --> 01:09:28,120
Wait, oh, my God,
you don't know what pegging is?
1190
01:09:28,294 --> 01:09:33,299
Oh. Mortimer, pegging's
when a girl puts on a dildo
1191
01:09:33,473 --> 01:09:35,171
and bangs the shit out of a guy.
1192
01:09:36,650 --> 01:09:39,262
It's really something. Just--
1193
01:09:39,436 --> 01:09:42,656
Nicole, she...
she's a fucking natural.
1194
01:09:42,830 --> 01:09:45,006
Really knows
how to hit my G-spot.
1195
01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:46,530
Goddamn!
1196
01:09:50,055 --> 01:09:52,753
I'm gonna get into
some deep body work
and open up those chakras.
1197
01:09:52,927 --> 01:09:53,667
I... I gotta go.
1198
01:10:10,684 --> 01:10:12,033
Are you boys playing nice?
1199
01:10:33,054 --> 01:10:35,231
Hello?
1200
01:10:35,405 --> 01:10:37,755
Hello, Mortimer. It's Kate.
1201
01:10:37,929 --> 01:10:39,670
Kate, hi.
1202
01:10:39,844 --> 01:10:41,149
Are you free tomorrow?
1203
01:10:42,107 --> 01:10:43,717
Yes. Um...
1204
01:10:45,371 --> 01:10:46,677
I think so. Let me see.
1205
01:10:51,595 --> 01:10:53,292
Yes, I happen to be
free tomorrow.
1206
01:10:53,684 --> 01:10:57,078
Great. I was...
1207
01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:58,950
thinking that I could get you
out of the Valley.
1208
01:10:59,124 --> 01:11:01,213
Could do a little exploring.
How does that sound?
1209
01:11:02,301 --> 01:11:03,302
That sounds wonderful.
1210
01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:05,261
Awesome.
1211
01:11:05,696 --> 01:11:06,697
I'll see you tomorrow.
1212
01:11:06,871 --> 01:11:07,567
See you tomorrow.
1213
01:13:09,123 --> 01:13:11,952
Life is a very precious thing.
1214
01:13:13,954 --> 01:13:15,869
And when we lose
the ones we love,
1215
01:13:17,436 --> 01:13:20,265
it can be hardest
on those left behind.
1216
01:13:23,224 --> 01:13:27,011
I guess in times like these,
I try and be philosophical
1217
01:13:27,185 --> 01:13:28,273
and remember that...
1218
01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:30,928
life is unpredictable.
1219
01:13:33,452 --> 01:13:36,629
As much as we try
and control the narrative,
1220
01:13:39,153 --> 01:13:43,201
that universe keeps
throwing us curveballs.
1221
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:48,554
We might as well just treat it
like a roller coaster.
1222
01:13:48,728 --> 01:13:51,992
Buckle up and see
where the ride takes us.
1223
01:13:56,432 --> 01:13:57,476
She looks good.
1224
01:13:59,217 --> 01:14:00,131
Very good.
1225
01:14:13,884 --> 01:14:14,841
Coming.
1226
01:14:19,106 --> 01:14:21,805
- Hello there. Oh, hi.
- I'm looking
for Mort the pervert.
1227
01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:22,980
- What?
- Is he here?
1228
01:14:23,154 --> 01:14:25,461
No, sorry. Get out of my--
1229
01:14:25,635 --> 01:14:27,463
Shh.
1230
01:14:27,637 --> 01:14:30,378
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Or maybe I am, I don't know.
1231
01:14:30,553 --> 01:14:34,426
But this ain't about you.
It's about your lame-ass
man friend, Mortimer.
1232
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:37,429
You know he received
an unauthorized blow job
1233
01:14:37,603 --> 01:14:40,214
from one of my professional
escorts, and now
he's trying to screw me?
1234
01:14:40,388 --> 01:14:42,434
And that girl is gone.
She is gone.
1235
01:14:42,869 --> 01:14:44,436
She's gone to heaven.
1236
01:14:46,220 --> 01:14:50,137
Now, I want you to tell Mort
the next time you see him,
1237
01:14:50,311 --> 01:14:51,487
would you give him
a message for me?
1238
01:14:51,878 --> 01:14:52,792
Yeah.
1239
01:14:54,098 --> 01:14:56,317
You tell him Simon says
he better have my money in full
1240
01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:58,624
by midnight tomorrow,
or my next visit
1241
01:14:58,798 --> 01:15:00,670
ain't gonna be
so fucking pleasant.
1242
01:15:01,105 --> 01:15:03,237
You hear me, sweetheart? Okay?
1243
01:15:03,411 --> 01:15:06,327
- Yeah, yeah.
- You got it? Okay.
1244
01:15:10,506 --> 01:15:13,944
I like this.
You're really talented.
1245
01:15:14,118 --> 01:15:14,858
Have a nice day.
1246
01:15:43,190 --> 01:15:44,888
Hello? Kate?
1247
01:15:46,629 --> 01:15:49,501
Oh, God. Are you all right?
1248
01:15:49,675 --> 01:15:53,070
A guy named Simon came by.
He said to give you a message.
1249
01:15:53,244 --> 01:15:55,246
You have until tomorrow night
to pay him,
1250
01:15:55,420 --> 01:15:57,335
or he's going to hurt me.
1251
01:15:57,509 --> 01:15:59,293
Son of a bitch.
1252
01:15:59,467 --> 01:16:01,208
He strangled me.
1253
01:16:03,123 --> 01:16:05,125
I'm so sorry, Kate.
1254
01:16:05,299 --> 01:16:07,171
I had no idea
that he would do this.
1255
01:16:08,085 --> 01:16:11,915
He said you owed him
for an unauthorized blow job?
1256
01:16:12,089 --> 01:16:16,354
That was true?
Wait, you were serious?
1257
01:16:16,528 --> 01:16:20,401
I just thought you had,
like, a really fucked up
sense of humor.
1258
01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:23,056
No. I mean, not really.
1259
01:16:23,230 --> 01:16:24,492
Kind of.
1260
01:16:26,364 --> 01:16:28,061
I met this woman at a bar,
1261
01:16:28,235 --> 01:16:31,412
and she invited me back
to her place for a drink.
1262
01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:34,502
And turns out,
it was her death day,
that same day.
1263
01:16:34,677 --> 01:16:37,418
This pimp,
this shakedown artist arrives,
1264
01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:39,290
and he tells me that I owe him
all this money
1265
01:16:39,464 --> 01:16:42,293
for an unauthorized blow job
that I did not receive.
1266
01:16:42,467 --> 01:16:44,556
And so he took my car
as collateral,
1267
01:16:44,730 --> 01:16:47,603
and I've just been basically
avoiding him since then.
1268
01:16:47,777 --> 01:16:49,953
No, you need to call
the police, Mortimer.
1269
01:16:50,127 --> 01:16:51,911
- No, no, no, I can't.
- Mort, he's crazy!
1270
01:16:52,085 --> 01:16:55,219
He just attacked me!
He stole your car.
1271
01:16:55,393 --> 01:16:58,222
- I know, I know.
- Okay, then call the cops.
1272
01:16:58,396 --> 01:17:00,311
And then what?
He gets out on bail
1273
01:17:00,485 --> 01:17:03,401
and he comes after you again,
or my family?
1274
01:17:05,229 --> 01:17:07,971
I just have to pay him.
I need to finish this
once and for all.
1275
01:17:08,145 --> 01:17:10,321
You don't need to do that.
1276
01:17:10,495 --> 01:17:11,539
Yeah, I do.
1277
01:17:15,674 --> 01:17:18,503
You must think
I'm the biggest scumbag
in the world right now.
1278
01:17:25,423 --> 01:17:28,165
No, I... I don't.
1279
01:17:46,400 --> 01:17:48,098
All right, let's see
what we have here.
1280
01:17:54,582 --> 01:17:55,496
Mrs. Harrison.
1281
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,769
What's the matter, Mortimer?
1282
01:18:06,943 --> 01:18:08,379
You knew you were gonna
see me here sooner
1283
01:18:08,553 --> 01:18:09,815
rather than later.
1284
01:18:10,990 --> 01:18:14,124
Yeah, but it's still a shock.
1285
01:18:14,298 --> 01:18:16,909
Hm, that's life, Mortimer.
1286
01:18:18,737 --> 01:18:20,173
So what's the matter?
1287
01:18:20,347 --> 01:18:22,915
That crazy pimp
still getting you down?
1288
01:18:23,350 --> 01:18:24,612
Yeah, I have to go after work
to pay him off
1289
01:18:25,048 --> 01:18:26,223
so that he'll leave me and my...
1290
01:18:27,790 --> 01:18:29,139
My friend Kate alone.
1291
01:18:29,313 --> 01:18:31,619
I'm just so pissed right now.
1292
01:18:32,055 --> 01:18:34,753
Well, if you want my advice,
1293
01:18:34,927 --> 01:18:37,713
I would run off
with that nice girl
and do something fun,
1294
01:18:38,148 --> 01:18:40,759
like climb Mount Fuji.
1295
01:18:40,933 --> 01:18:44,154
I wish I could, but I have
to deal with this first.
1296
01:18:44,328 --> 01:18:46,243
My life has just been
so crazy recently.
1297
01:18:46,417 --> 01:18:48,071
I mean, between
the pimp situation,
1298
01:18:48,245 --> 01:18:50,290
and I finally meet a girl
that I really like.
1299
01:18:50,464 --> 01:18:52,728
It's called living, Mortimer.
1300
01:18:54,381 --> 01:18:57,167
Well, not for long.
My death date's coming up.
1301
01:18:57,341 --> 01:18:59,647
But how do you feel now?
1302
01:19:01,432 --> 01:19:03,739
I don't know. Angry, afraid,
1303
01:19:04,174 --> 01:19:07,264
happy, excited,
all at the same time.
1304
01:19:07,438 --> 01:19:11,834
I've just been
so emotional recently.
1305
01:19:12,008 --> 01:19:14,010
Like you've actually
started living?
1306
01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:17,622
Yeah.
1307
01:19:28,415 --> 01:19:32,376
Well,
let's get you ready.
1308
01:19:32,550 --> 01:19:34,334
Today's a big day.
There's a lot of people
coming to see you.
1309
01:20:39,356 --> 01:20:41,140
Goodbye, Mrs. Harrison.
1310
01:21:02,248 --> 01:21:04,947
Oh, look who it is.
Walking dead man.
1311
01:21:07,645 --> 01:21:09,690
Don't you ever disobey me again,
you hear me?
1312
01:21:11,388 --> 01:21:12,258
You got my money?
1313
01:21:13,433 --> 01:21:14,478
Show me.
1314
01:21:23,574 --> 01:21:25,141
How much is in there?
1315
01:21:25,576 --> 01:21:27,839
Six grand, way more
than you asked for,
1316
01:21:28,013 --> 01:21:29,885
'cause I knew you were gonna
ask for more anyway.
1317
01:21:30,059 --> 01:21:32,888
So there you go.
It's yours, have it, okay?
1318
01:21:33,323 --> 01:21:35,107
We're good here.
Just leave us alone.
1319
01:21:36,935 --> 01:21:39,329
- One more thing.
- Enough with this shit.
1320
01:21:39,503 --> 01:21:41,766
No, you're fucking done
when I say you're done.
1321
01:21:41,940 --> 01:21:43,594
And Simon says you're gonna
pay me a thousand dollars
1322
01:21:43,768 --> 01:21:45,639
every week from now on.
1323
01:21:45,813 --> 01:21:47,815
Yeah? Well, Mortimer says
1324
01:21:48,251 --> 01:21:49,600
go fuck yourself.
1325
01:21:50,862 --> 01:21:52,211
You--
1326
01:21:55,258 --> 01:21:56,563
You fucking...
1327
01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:06,138
Yeah, motherfucker!
1328
01:22:07,748 --> 01:22:09,837
Fuck! Fuck!
1329
01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:23,242
I think I'll go over
to your little girlfriend's
house, huh?
1330
01:22:23,416 --> 01:22:24,809
Give her what she really want.
1331
01:22:26,680 --> 01:22:28,726
You hear me, asshole?
1332
01:22:28,900 --> 01:22:30,075
What you think about that?
1333
01:22:37,691 --> 01:22:41,086
Fuck! Now you're really starting
to piss me off.
1334
01:22:50,704 --> 01:22:52,750
Morty. Hey, Mort!
1335
01:22:52,924 --> 01:22:54,099
Make me look good!
1336
01:23:18,776 --> 01:23:20,647
Oh, my God. Come here.
1337
01:23:26,349 --> 01:23:27,611
You hurt?
1338
01:23:27,785 --> 01:23:28,786
A little, yeah.
1339
01:23:29,961 --> 01:23:30,962
Come on.
1340
01:23:37,925 --> 01:23:39,449
Yeah, no, it's fine, Mom.
1341
01:23:39,623 --> 01:23:42,017
I'm just gonna be gone
for-for two weeks.
1342
01:23:42,452 --> 01:23:44,410
I'm sure Uncle Barry
will be fine without me.
1343
01:23:45,933 --> 01:23:47,935
Okay, yeah, no, I'll...
1344
01:23:48,110 --> 01:23:49,459
I'll be careful on the ascent.
1345
01:23:51,113 --> 01:23:53,724
Yeah, no, I--
I love you too.
1346
01:23:53,898 --> 01:23:55,160
Okay, bye.
1347
01:24:00,644 --> 01:24:02,124
Got you something.
1348
01:24:02,298 --> 01:24:03,429
- Got me something?
- Yeah.
1349
01:24:08,434 --> 01:24:09,392
What is this?
1350
01:24:10,306 --> 01:24:12,090
Just a little something
to help you pass the time
1351
01:24:12,264 --> 01:24:13,831
on the long flight to Tokyo.
1352
01:24:17,791 --> 01:24:19,967
- A box?
- Mmm.
1353
01:24:20,142 --> 01:24:21,795
Not just any box, my friend.
1354
01:24:21,969 --> 01:24:23,884
This is a Japanese puzzle box.
1355
01:24:24,059 --> 01:24:26,670
There's a secret inside,
but you can only get to it
1356
01:24:26,844 --> 01:24:29,020
by doing a series
of complex moves.
1357
01:24:29,499 --> 01:24:31,196
They say it takes hours
to solve.
1358
01:24:31,370 --> 01:24:33,111
Thank you so much.
This is great.
1359
01:24:40,423 --> 01:24:41,163
What's wrong?
1360
01:24:43,208 --> 01:24:44,383
Just wish I met you sooner.
1361
01:24:49,780 --> 01:24:51,477
It's better late
than never, right?
1362
01:24:52,696 --> 01:24:53,305
Yeah.
1363
01:24:55,655 --> 01:24:58,049
- How are we doing on time?
- We're good.
1364
01:24:58,223 --> 01:25:00,138
We have everything?
We have passports,
1365
01:25:00,530 --> 01:25:02,401
the cash, hotel info?
1366
01:25:02,575 --> 01:25:06,144
Relax. Everything's
all taken care of.
1367
01:25:06,318 --> 01:25:07,885
The tickets!
We forgot the tickets!
1368
01:25:08,059 --> 01:25:09,016
They're in your bag.
1369
01:25:16,023 --> 01:25:17,938
Shit.
1370
01:25:18,113 --> 01:25:19,766
Got 'em!
1371
01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:27,513
Mort?
1372
01:25:27,687 --> 01:25:29,124
Just hold on, okay?
1373
01:25:29,298 --> 01:25:32,518
Just stay still, okay?
Stay still.
1374
01:25:32,692 --> 01:25:34,433
We were so close.
1375
01:25:34,607 --> 01:25:35,739
This wasn't supposed to happen.
1376
01:25:35,913 --> 01:25:36,957
Okay, don't try to talk. Just...
1377
01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:38,045
Help is on the way.
1378
01:25:39,221 --> 01:25:40,657
Thank you for everything.
1379
01:25:40,831 --> 01:25:42,354
This has been the best time
of my life.
1380
01:25:44,008 --> 01:25:47,054
Me too, Mort. Me too.
1381
01:25:47,229 --> 01:25:51,276
Please, please just hang on.
Hang on.
1382
01:25:51,450 --> 01:25:52,843
We're going to climb
Mount Fuji, remember?
1383
01:25:53,017 --> 01:25:55,411
Kate, goodbye.
1384
01:25:56,803 --> 01:25:57,717
No!
1385
01:25:58,892 --> 01:25:59,719
Goodbye.
1386
01:26:02,983 --> 01:26:03,984
So long.
1387
01:26:05,638 --> 01:26:06,248
Farewell.
1388
01:26:07,814 --> 01:26:08,859
Au revoir.
1389
01:26:17,650 --> 01:26:19,391
If you could do it over,
1390
01:26:19,826 --> 01:26:22,220
would you still
wanna know your LDC?
1391
01:26:22,394 --> 01:26:24,614
Yeah, of course.
1392
01:26:24,788 --> 01:26:25,484
Why?
1393
01:26:26,964 --> 01:26:31,186
Well, knowing isn't easy.
1394
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:33,405
I lost someone I cared about,
and now I'm here.
1395
01:26:35,146 --> 01:26:37,453
It set me on a different path
than the one I was on,
1396
01:26:39,194 --> 01:26:40,020
for better or worse,
1397
01:26:41,326 --> 01:26:44,416
and it forces me to think
about not just my life,
1398
01:26:46,331 --> 01:26:47,724
but the meaning of life
in general.
1399
01:26:51,423 --> 01:26:54,209
Guess I'm around death so much,
I kind of forgot about living.
1400
01:26:57,081 --> 01:26:59,039
After finding out my death day,
1401
01:26:59,214 --> 01:27:01,433
every day seems to matter more.
1402
01:27:01,868 --> 01:27:03,348
Every encounter
seems more important.
1403
01:27:06,395 --> 01:27:09,528
I've only just begun to realize
how important it is to be loved
1404
01:27:09,702 --> 01:27:10,703
and to love others.
1405
01:27:13,184 --> 01:27:16,405
Not just the romantic
kind of love, but all love.
1406
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:19,016
I've started to notice
that people come into your life
1407
01:27:19,190 --> 01:27:20,974
for a reason.
1408
01:27:21,148 --> 01:27:24,587
They touch you in some way.
You touch them back.
1409
01:27:27,024 --> 01:27:29,461
It's strange, but...
1410
01:27:29,896 --> 01:27:31,550
it seems like everyone's
connected in some way,
1411
01:27:32,551 --> 01:27:35,685
like a tapestry
of personalities.
1412
01:27:37,774 --> 01:27:38,949
Death is unavoidable.
1413
01:27:41,299 --> 01:27:42,996
But then again, so is life.
1414
01:27:54,007 --> 01:27:56,749
Hey, my name's, uh,
Barnabas Mortenson.
1415
01:27:56,923 --> 01:28:00,623
Uh, my friends know me
as Barry. Uh, Hairy Barry.
1416
01:28:00,797 --> 01:28:02,973
I mean, I don't have
a lot of hair but, like,
1417
01:28:03,147 --> 01:28:04,583
that was just a nickname
in high school.
1418
01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:10,415
And I'm a freewheeling guy.
I have my own business
here in Sherman Oaks,
1419
01:28:10,589 --> 01:28:14,376
and I enjoy popcorn
and margaritas.
1420
01:30:46,223 --> 01:30:47,833
So long.
1421
01:30:48,007 --> 01:30:49,487
Farewell.
1422
01:30:49,879 --> 01:30:50,706
Au revoir.